Speaker 1: This is pod popular podcast for the people, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debates. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate,
Speaker 1: It's a great love to Hi, get everyone, It's Brian
Speaker 1: how he welcomed to the Great Love Debate, the world's
Speaker 1: number one dating a relationship podcast since twenty and fifteen.
Speaker 1: I'm here in the very fine studios of Pod Populi
Speaker 1: Podcasts for the People. I'm back at the one, uh
Speaker 1: after a bit. I've been here a while with the
Speaker 1: one in Boca Ratone, Florida, and uh bocratone translates to
Speaker 1: mouth of the rat. You think about it, but it
Speaker 1: really should translate to mouth of the lizard, because this
Speaker 1: place is absolutely crawling with creepy critters. And I'm not
Speaker 1: just talking about the old dudes on the golf course,
Speaker 1: and there are a lot of those. Anyway, I was
Speaker 1: gonna talk about something fairly broad today. I was going
Speaker 1: to have two guests in here, but they are stuck
Speaker 1: in traffic. Uh so you get just me. Sorry, But
Speaker 1: because I gotta catch a flight, so I gotta do
Speaker 1: this now. But I really want to talk about what
Speaker 1: I want to talk about, because I just overheard a
Speaker 1: question from another podcaster who's in the studio a minute
Speaker 1: ago and she was talking to her guest in like
Speaker 1: the waiting area, and both the question and the answer,
Speaker 1: it just drove me nuts. So one of them asked
Speaker 1: about She's like, are you single? What's your dating status?
Speaker 1: You know, because that is idle chit chat for I
Speaker 1: suppose men and women in their thirties and forties. That's
Speaker 1: what they asked, like, what is your dating status? And
Speaker 1: the first woman or the second woman said as she
Speaker 1: was having trouble and it was frustrating and blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: So the first woman who asked the question said, well,
Speaker 1: what exactly are you looking for? And when I heard
Speaker 1: that question, and every time I hear that question because
Speaker 1: people do ask that question, my hair feels like it's
Speaker 1: on fire because I absolutely hate it. And it's just
Speaker 1: maddening to me. And you might be thinking, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with that question? I've asked that question. I've been asked
Speaker 1: that question, Like you might think that's a reasonable question.
Speaker 1: What is wrong with it? What exactly are you looking for?
Speaker 1: And what are you looking for? Is bad enough, but
Speaker 1: what exactly are you looking for? Is It's the absolute worst.
Speaker 1: That word exactly you talk about trying to hit the
Speaker 1: smallest possible bullseye. You can't even draw that bullseye because
Speaker 1: there's no exact in life, the relationship you're looking for,
Speaker 1: the person you're looking for, the scenario you're looking for,
Speaker 1: you cannot ever quite totally land that plane, not in
Speaker 1: your mind and not in reality. There's no exact in life.
Speaker 1: There's no exact in love, and there is certainly no
Speaker 1: exact in your search, or there shouldn't be. So. The
Speaker 1: big picture angle, which people have gotten on my case
Speaker 1: about before, is that all of you have absolutely no
Speaker 1: idea what you're looking for. You heard me to death say,
Speaker 1: get rid of the words not my type. If you
Speaker 1: are over thirty and you are still single, you have
Speaker 1: no type. Your type is not working out for you.
Speaker 1: Because if you did know exactly what you were looking for,
Speaker 1: and if exactly what you're looking for was right there,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't let all the numerous opportunities that are right
Speaker 1: in front of you and all around you walk through
Speaker 1: and out the door every single day. And you might
Speaker 1: be like, what does that even mean? What about the
Speaker 1: times I hear I met the girl of my dreams?
Speaker 1: Trust me, his dreams are not about that girl, at
Speaker 1: least not without a whole lot of revisionist history wrapped
Speaker 1: around it. He isn't dreaming about her. He never dreamt
Speaker 1: about her specifically exactly. He dreamt about a feeling of her,
Speaker 1: a scenario of her situation with her, a position with her,
Speaker 1: maryl But none of those are exact, or do they
Speaker 1: involve the concept of exact. You've heard me saying on
Speaker 1: this podcast on more than one occasion, and if you've
Speaker 1: been to one of our live tour stops, the question
Speaker 1: invariably comes up. People have always said to me, will
Speaker 1: Brian tell us what do you look for in a girl?
Speaker 1: And I've always had the same answer for decades, and
Speaker 1: that is that I only look for one thing, and
Speaker 1: that she likes me. Everything else is negotiable. And you
Speaker 1: might be like, Oh, that's Quippi, that's cute. But my
Speaker 1: logic to that answer is that if she likes me
Speaker 1: and isn't afraid to show it, that builds an environment
Speaker 1: of confidence and communication where anything and everything is possible.
Speaker 1: But that answer, that jokey, fairly serious answer, that isn't
Speaker 1: really exact either. It's more theoretical, and I'm not even
Speaker 1: sure it's even accurate because even if she didn't like
Speaker 1: me at least at first, because trust me, back in
Speaker 1: the day, no matter how cute and charming I was,
Speaker 1: there are plenty of women with bad taste who just
Speaker 1: didn't like me right away. So even that answer that
Speaker 1: she likes me, it wasn't exact and it wasn't accurate
Speaker 1: because there was plenty of wiggle room for the plenty
Speaker 1: of women who didn't like me. There was a chance
Speaker 1: they eventually could or would. That's that's the wrong common me. Anyway,
Speaker 1: this is what I want to get into today. We
Speaker 1: have to take a quick break because we have to
Speaker 1: pay for things like South Florida pest control around here,
Speaker 1: but we will be back right after this. And we
Speaker 1: are back, and we were asking about my issues with
Speaker 1: the question what exactly are you looking for? So when
Speaker 1: you're when you're searching for someone or in this case
Speaker 1: something love, we'll just say love. I suppose, I hope,
Speaker 1: I hope that's what you're looking for. You got to
Speaker 1: cast out as big net as possible. And that's that's
Speaker 1: not just a net in terms of scope in numbers,
Speaker 1: it's a net in terms of possibilities and the possibilities
Speaker 1: we always believe around here that they're always out there everywhere,
Speaker 1: and those possibilities are born out of two things, hope
Speaker 1: and imagination. And the hope obviously comes from positivity and
Speaker 1: the confidence that someone or many ones will be out
Speaker 1: there that you can possibly fall in love with. You've
Speaker 1: heard me break down the stats that I shared in
Speaker 1: my book many many times, and I will go through
Speaker 1: them if you haven't heard me break down it before,
Speaker 1: because I think they matter. So years and years ago,
Speaker 1: this whole great love debate started because I wrote a
Speaker 1: book called How to Find Love and sixty Seconds. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying you should buy the book because a lot
Speaker 1: of things in the book I no longer believe because
Speaker 1: I've done the great love debate a million times and
Speaker 1: I've learned what was wrong, but one that was right,
Speaker 1: this concept of sixty seconds and the title is not
Speaker 1: about a quickie in the bathroom. The title references these
Speaker 1: short first of time, these windows of opportunities where if
Speaker 1: we can look up and get our head out of
Speaker 1: our apps apps, we could recognize, act on and not
Speaker 1: kill the opportunities. So let's talk about how many there
Speaker 1: are in a normal day, in a normal place. If
Speaker 1: you do normal things like leave your house. You have
Speaker 1: to leave your house unless you're only looking a date.
Speaker 1: Delivery drivers and there are actually plenty of those, but
Speaker 1: that's more of a fetish podcast, so maybe find one
Speaker 1: of those Amazon Prime. Erotic fiction is probably a thing,
Speaker 1: but it's not our thing anyway. If you go to work,
Speaker 1: or you go to gym, or you go to church,
Speaker 1: or you go to the store, if you just get
Speaker 1: out into the world in pretty much any city anywhere,
Speaker 1: you will find yourself within ten yards of one thousand
Speaker 1: people of the opposite sex every single day. One thousand
Speaker 1: people within thirty feet. That's a lot. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of people. You could never find a club with that
Speaker 1: many people or bar, and you could swipe on a
Speaker 1: bumble or tinder for hours and hours and hours and
Speaker 1: not get to one thousand people in an evening, but
Speaker 1: before you developed a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome. First, anyway,
Speaker 1: So I asked people because people always say, well, it's
Speaker 1: not a thousand cute guys, or it's not a thousand
Speaker 1: single women, or it's not a thousand in my age
Speaker 1: range or whatever, and you know that's fair, and to
Speaker 1: engage with you know, but if you engage with each
Speaker 1: one of those take the thousand people. If you engage
Speaker 1: with each one of those people, all thousand, you had
Speaker 1: the time to engage with each one of them for
Speaker 1: sixty seconds. That's what the love and sixty seconds the
Speaker 1: book refers to. If you could engage with each one
Speaker 1: of them for sixty seconds, how many of the thousand
Speaker 1: do you think you could connect with on a level
Speaker 1: where a spark might happen? And people overwhelmingly give me
Speaker 1: the answer like a few, fine or five, or they'll
Speaker 1: say maybe six, and that's good. I'm okay, that's totally fine.
Speaker 1: But the people when they give me that answer, they
Speaker 1: give it to me pessimistically. They always look at five
Speaker 1: or six out of a thousand is terrible odds. Those
Speaker 1: people are looking at it wrong. Five or six out
Speaker 1: of a thousand, Yeah, that sounds like terrible odds. That
Speaker 1: is point oh five point six percent. That feels like
Speaker 1: lottery odds, needle in a haystack odds. But that's where
Speaker 1: people get it wrong. They look at the denominator. Stop
Speaker 1: looking at the denominator, look at the numerator. Instead of
Speaker 1: saying five or six out of a thousand, get rid
Speaker 1: of the thousand and simply say five or six. You
Speaker 1: know the thousand are out there, how many could you
Speaker 1: if you engage with you could fall in love with
Speaker 1: five or six every day within ten yards. That means
Speaker 1: there are five or six people every day right near
Speaker 1: you that if you could engage with them, you would
Speaker 1: have a really good chance at love. So you multiply
Speaker 1: that by three hundred and sixty five days in the year,
Speaker 1: and you're talking about two thousand people each year within
Speaker 1: thirty feet of you that you could fall in love with.
Speaker 1: Back to the question, what exactly are you looking for?
Speaker 1: The answer is that exactly that the opportunities. Somebodys you
Speaker 1: say the I'm looking for the opportunities. Well, there you are,
Speaker 1: the possibilities, the hope, the chance. What exactly are you
Speaker 1: looking for? The one I haven't met yet? The end?
Speaker 1: That's it. And there's kind of this impish playfulness in
Speaker 1: the positivity or that answer. And if you stick to that,
Speaker 1: you what exactly you're looking for the one I haven't
Speaker 1: met yet? I think you will. I think if you
Speaker 1: stick to that, you will because it's the mindset. I
Speaker 1: think the exact answer will be right in front of you,
Speaker 1: and there's an exercise that you can do. I usually
Speaker 1: I used to end our live shows with this. I
Speaker 1: haven't done a live show in a while, but if
Speaker 1: I did one, maybe tease, I would end with this.
Speaker 1: I'll share with you guys on the podcast, because I
Speaker 1: don't think I've done in a while. Those of us
Speaker 1: over I don't know thirty five. When we were kids
Speaker 1: and we went on vacations, went on long car rides
Speaker 1: with our parents, we didn't have things like iPads to
Speaker 1: entertain us in the backseat. We had to do things
Speaker 1: like count blue cars. And a lot of you out
Speaker 1: there know what I'm talking about, like count blue cars.
Speaker 1: So if you do that as an exercise for killing time,
Speaker 1: that is fine. But if you go back to the
Speaker 1: thousand people around you every single day and you tried
Speaker 1: to count five or six people with blue eyes or
Speaker 1: brown eyes or green eyes, you would be forced to
Speaker 1: recognize them. You'd be forced in some way, at least visually,
Speaker 1: to engage with them, and then suddenly everyone around you
Speaker 1: will notice you back. If you start to notice the
Speaker 1: people around you and try to notice them with specific specificity,
Speaker 1: let me find the five people with green eyes not
Speaker 1: saying green Eyes is your type. I'm saying start there
Speaker 1: with the mindset. Not only will you recognize everybody around you,
Speaker 1: people will start to recognize you back. And when we
Speaker 1: start to do that, I think the possibilities are everywhere.
Speaker 1: So what exactly are you looking for that the possibilities
Speaker 1: you say that's very broad, it's actually really specific because
Speaker 1: it's a mindset. Anyway, shoot me an email Great Love
Speaker 1: Debate at gmail dot com if you've got thoughts, questions,
Speaker 1: a philosophy, or you disagree with me. I always say
Speaker 1: I don't give you advice around here. I give you opinion.
Speaker 1: That's opinion that's rooted in advice. Do with it whatever
Speaker 1: you like. Uh please. We are over five hundred episodes
Speaker 1: of this show. Like, share, follow, and review this podcast
Speaker 1: to this day. Your reviews mean a lot to me,
Speaker 1: and they mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem because,
Speaker 1: as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped
Speaker 1: making love. See you next time. The Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
Speaker 1: a Great Love Debate.