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<v Speaker 1>This is pod popular podcast for the people, the Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debates. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate,

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<v Speaker 1>It's a great love to Hi, get everyone, It's Brian

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<v Speaker 1>how he welcomed to the Great Love Debate, the world's

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<v Speaker 1>number one dating a relationship podcast since twenty and fifteen.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm here in the very fine studios of Pod Populi

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<v Speaker 1>Podcasts for the People. I'm back at the one, uh

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<v Speaker 1>after a bit. I've been here a while with the

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<v Speaker 1>one in Boca Ratone, Florida, and uh bocratone translates to

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<v Speaker 1>mouth of the rat. You think about it, but it

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<v Speaker 1>really should translate to mouth of the lizard, because this

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<v Speaker 1>place is absolutely crawling with creepy critters. And I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>just talking about the old dudes on the golf course,

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<v Speaker 1>and there are a lot of those. Anyway, I was

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<v Speaker 1>gonna talk about something fairly broad today. I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to have two guests in here, but they are stuck

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<v Speaker 1>in traffic. Uh so you get just me. Sorry, But

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<v Speaker 1>because I gotta catch a flight, so I gotta do

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<v Speaker 1>this now. But I really want to talk about what

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<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about, because I just overheard a

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<v Speaker 1>question from another podcaster who's in the studio a minute

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<v Speaker 1>ago and she was talking to her guest in like

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<v Speaker 1>the waiting area, and both the question and the answer,

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<v Speaker 1>it just drove me nuts. So one of them asked

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<v Speaker 1>about She's like, are you single? What's your dating status?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, because that is idle chit chat for I

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<v Speaker 1>suppose men and women in their thirties and forties. That's

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<v Speaker 1>what they asked, like, what is your dating status? And

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<v Speaker 1>the first woman or the second woman said as she

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<v Speaker 1>was having trouble and it was frustrating and blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 1>So the first woman who asked the question said, well,

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<v Speaker 1>what exactly are you looking for? And when I heard

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<v Speaker 1>that question, and every time I hear that question because

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<v Speaker 1>people do ask that question, my hair feels like it's

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<v Speaker 1>on fire because I absolutely hate it. And it's just

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<v Speaker 1>maddening to me. And you might be thinking, what's wrong

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<v Speaker 1>with that question? I've asked that question. I've been asked

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<v Speaker 1>that question, Like you might think that's a reasonable question.

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<v Speaker 1>What is wrong with it? What exactly are you looking for?

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<v Speaker 1>And what are you looking for? Is bad enough, but

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<v Speaker 1>what exactly are you looking for? Is It's the absolute worst.

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<v Speaker 1>That word exactly you talk about trying to hit the

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<v Speaker 1>smallest possible bullseye. You can't even draw that bullseye because

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<v Speaker 1>there's no exact in life, the relationship you're looking for,

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<v Speaker 1>the person you're looking for, the scenario you're looking for,

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<v Speaker 1>you cannot ever quite totally land that plane, not in

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<v Speaker 1>your mind and not in reality. There's no exact in life.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no exact in love, and there is certainly no

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<v Speaker 1>exact in your search, or there shouldn't be. So. The

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<v Speaker 1>big picture angle, which people have gotten on my case

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<v Speaker 1>about before, is that all of you have absolutely no

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<v Speaker 1>idea what you're looking for. You heard me to death say,

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<v Speaker 1>get rid of the words not my type. If you

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<v Speaker 1>are over thirty and you are still single, you have

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<v Speaker 1>no type. Your type is not working out for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Because if you did know exactly what you were looking for,

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<v Speaker 1>and if exactly what you're looking for was right there,

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<v Speaker 1>you wouldn't let all the numerous opportunities that are right

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<v Speaker 1>in front of you and all around you walk through

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<v Speaker 1>and out the door every single day. And you might

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<v Speaker 1>be like, what does that even mean? What about the

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<v Speaker 1>times I hear I met the girl of my dreams?

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<v Speaker 1>Trust me, his dreams are not about that girl, at

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<v Speaker 1>least not without a whole lot of revisionist history wrapped

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<v Speaker 1>around it. He isn't dreaming about her. He never dreamt

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<v Speaker 1>about her specifically exactly. He dreamt about a feeling of her,

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<v Speaker 1>a scenario of her situation with her, a position with her,

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<v Speaker 1>maryl But none of those are exact, or do they

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<v Speaker 1>involve the concept of exact. You've heard me saying on

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast on more than one occasion, and if you've

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<v Speaker 1>been to one of our live tour stops, the question

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<v Speaker 1>invariably comes up. People have always said to me, will

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<v Speaker 1>Brian tell us what do you look for in a girl?

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<v Speaker 1>And I've always had the same answer for decades, and

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<v Speaker 1>that is that I only look for one thing, and

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<v Speaker 1>that she likes me. Everything else is negotiable. And you

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<v Speaker 1>might be like, Oh, that's Quippi, that's cute. But my

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<v Speaker 1>logic to that answer is that if she likes me

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<v Speaker 1>and isn't afraid to show it, that builds an environment

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<v Speaker 1>of confidence and communication where anything and everything is possible.

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<v Speaker 1>But that answer, that jokey, fairly serious answer, that isn't

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<v Speaker 1>really exact either. It's more theoretical, and I'm not even

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<v Speaker 1>sure it's even accurate because even if she didn't like

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<v Speaker 1>me at least at first, because trust me, back in

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<v Speaker 1>the day, no matter how cute and charming I was,

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<v Speaker 1>there are plenty of women with bad taste who just

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<v Speaker 1>didn't like me right away. So even that answer that

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<v Speaker 1>she likes me, it wasn't exact and it wasn't accurate

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<v Speaker 1>because there was plenty of wiggle room for the plenty

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<v Speaker 1>of women who didn't like me. There was a chance

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<v Speaker 1>they eventually could or would. That's that's the wrong common me. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>this is what I want to get into today. We

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<v Speaker 1>have to take a quick break because we have to

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<v Speaker 1>pay for things like South Florida pest control around here,

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<v Speaker 1>but we will be back right after this. And we

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<v Speaker 1>are back, and we were asking about my issues with

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<v Speaker 1>the question what exactly are you looking for? So when

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<v Speaker 1>you're when you're searching for someone or in this case

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<v Speaker 1>something love, we'll just say love. I suppose, I hope,

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<v Speaker 1>I hope that's what you're looking for. You got to

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<v Speaker 1>cast out as big net as possible. And that's that's

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<v Speaker 1>not just a net in terms of scope in numbers,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a net in terms of possibilities and the possibilities

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<v Speaker 1>we always believe around here that they're always out there everywhere,

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<v Speaker 1>and those possibilities are born out of two things, hope

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<v Speaker 1>and imagination. And the hope obviously comes from positivity and

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<v Speaker 1>the confidence that someone or many ones will be out

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<v Speaker 1>there that you can possibly fall in love with. You've

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<v Speaker 1>heard me break down the stats that I shared in

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<v Speaker 1>my book many many times, and I will go through

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<v Speaker 1>them if you haven't heard me break down it before,

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<v Speaker 1>because I think they matter. So years and years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>this whole great love debate started because I wrote a

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<v Speaker 1>book called How to Find Love and sixty Seconds. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not saying you should buy the book because a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of things in the book I no longer believe because

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<v Speaker 1>I've done the great love debate a million times and

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<v Speaker 1>I've learned what was wrong, but one that was right,

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<v Speaker 1>this concept of sixty seconds and the title is not

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<v Speaker 1>about a quickie in the bathroom. The title references these

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<v Speaker 1>short first of time, these windows of opportunities where if

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<v Speaker 1>we can look up and get our head out of

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<v Speaker 1>our apps apps, we could recognize, act on and not

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<v Speaker 1>kill the opportunities. So let's talk about how many there

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<v Speaker 1>are in a normal day, in a normal place. If

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<v Speaker 1>you do normal things like leave your house. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to leave your house unless you're only looking a date.

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<v Speaker 1>Delivery drivers and there are actually plenty of those, but

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<v Speaker 1>that's more of a fetish podcast, so maybe find one

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<v Speaker 1>of those Amazon Prime. Erotic fiction is probably a thing,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's not our thing anyway. If you go to work,

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<v Speaker 1>or you go to gym, or you go to church,

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<v Speaker 1>or you go to the store, if you just get

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<v Speaker 1>out into the world in pretty much any city anywhere,

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<v Speaker 1>you will find yourself within ten yards of one thousand

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<v Speaker 1>people of the opposite sex every single day. One thousand

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<v Speaker 1>people within thirty feet. That's a lot. That's a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people. You could never find a club with that

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<v Speaker 1>many people or bar, and you could swipe on a

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<v Speaker 1>bumble or tinder for hours and hours and hours and

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<v Speaker 1>not get to one thousand people in an evening, but

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<v Speaker 1>before you developed a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome. First, anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>So I asked people because people always say, well, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a thousand cute guys, or it's not a thousand

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<v Speaker 1>single women, or it's not a thousand in my age

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<v Speaker 1>range or whatever, and you know that's fair, and to

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<v Speaker 1>engage with you know, but if you engage with each

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<v Speaker 1>one of those take the thousand people. If you engage

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<v Speaker 1>with each one of those people, all thousand, you had

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<v Speaker 1>the time to engage with each one of them for

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<v Speaker 1>sixty seconds. That's what the love and sixty seconds the

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<v Speaker 1>book refers to. If you could engage with each one

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<v Speaker 1>of them for sixty seconds, how many of the thousand

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<v Speaker 1>do you think you could connect with on a level

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<v Speaker 1>where a spark might happen? And people overwhelmingly give me

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<v Speaker 1>the answer like a few, fine or five, or they'll

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<v Speaker 1>say maybe six, and that's good. I'm okay, that's totally fine.

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<v Speaker 1>But the people when they give me that answer, they

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<v Speaker 1>give it to me pessimistically. They always look at five

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<v Speaker 1>or six out of a thousand is terrible odds. Those

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<v Speaker 1>people are looking at it wrong. Five or six out

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<v Speaker 1>of a thousand, Yeah, that sounds like terrible odds. That

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<v Speaker 1>is point oh five point six percent. That feels like

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<v Speaker 1>lottery odds, needle in a haystack odds. But that's where

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<v Speaker 1>people get it wrong. They look at the denominator. Stop

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<v Speaker 1>looking at the denominator, look at the numerator. Instead of

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<v Speaker 1>saying five or six out of a thousand, get rid

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<v Speaker 1>of the thousand and simply say five or six. You

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<v Speaker 1>know the thousand are out there, how many could you

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<v Speaker 1>if you engage with you could fall in love with

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<v Speaker 1>five or six every day within ten yards. That means

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<v Speaker 1>there are five or six people every day right near

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<v Speaker 1>you that if you could engage with them, you would

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<v Speaker 1>have a really good chance at love. So you multiply

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<v Speaker 1>that by three hundred and sixty five days in the year,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're talking about two thousand people each year within

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<v Speaker 1>thirty feet of you that you could fall in love with.

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<v Speaker 1>Back to the question, what exactly are you looking for?

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<v Speaker 1>The answer is that exactly that the opportunities. Somebodys you

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<v Speaker 1>say the I'm looking for the opportunities. Well, there you are,

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<v Speaker 1>the possibilities, the hope, the chance. What exactly are you

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<v Speaker 1>looking for? The one I haven't met yet? The end?

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<v Speaker 1>That's it. And there's kind of this impish playfulness in

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<v Speaker 1>the positivity or that answer. And if you stick to that,

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<v Speaker 1>you what exactly you're looking for the one I haven't

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<v Speaker 1>met yet? I think you will. I think if you

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<v Speaker 1>stick to that, you will because it's the mindset. I

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<v Speaker 1>think the exact answer will be right in front of you,

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<v Speaker 1>and there's an exercise that you can do. I usually

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<v Speaker 1>I used to end our live shows with this. I

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<v Speaker 1>haven't done a live show in a while, but if

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<v Speaker 1>I did one, maybe tease, I would end with this.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll share with you guys on the podcast, because I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think I've done in a while. Those of us

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<v Speaker 1>over I don't know thirty five. When we were kids

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<v Speaker 1>and we went on vacations, went on long car rides

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<v Speaker 1>with our parents, we didn't have things like iPads to

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<v Speaker 1>entertain us in the backseat. We had to do things

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<v Speaker 1>like count blue cars. And a lot of you out

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<v Speaker 1>there know what I'm talking about, like count blue cars.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you do that as an exercise for killing time,

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<v Speaker 1>that is fine. But if you go back to the

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<v Speaker 1>thousand people around you every single day and you tried

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<v Speaker 1>to count five or six people with blue eyes or

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<v Speaker 1>brown eyes or green eyes, you would be forced to

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<v Speaker 1>recognize them. You'd be forced in some way, at least visually,

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<v Speaker 1>to engage with them, and then suddenly everyone around you

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<v Speaker 1>will notice you back. If you start to notice the

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<v Speaker 1>people around you and try to notice them with specific specificity,

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<v Speaker 1>let me find the five people with green eyes not

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<v Speaker 1>saying green Eyes is your type. I'm saying start there

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<v Speaker 1>with the mindset. Not only will you recognize everybody around you,

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<v Speaker 1>people will start to recognize you back. And when we

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<v Speaker 1>start to do that, I think the possibilities are everywhere.

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<v Speaker 1>So what exactly are you looking for that the possibilities

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<v Speaker 1>you say that's very broad, it's actually really specific because

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<v Speaker 1>it's a mindset. Anyway, shoot me an email Great Love

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<v Speaker 1>Debate at gmail dot com if you've got thoughts, questions,

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<v Speaker 1>a philosophy, or you disagree with me. I always say

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<v Speaker 1>I don't give you advice around here. I give you opinion.

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<v Speaker 1>That's opinion that's rooted in advice. Do with it whatever

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<v Speaker 1>you like. Uh please. We are over five hundred episodes

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<v Speaker 1>of this show. Like, share, follow, and review this podcast

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<v Speaker 1>to this day. Your reviews mean a lot to me,

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<v Speaker 1>and they mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem because,

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<v Speaker 1>as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped

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<v Speaker 1>making love. See you next time. The Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's

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<v Speaker 1>a Great Love Debate.