Speaker 1: Welcome to Dad's on day clok. Parental discussion is advised
Speaker 1: mature content beyond this.
Speaker 2: Point, boys, how do you make a waterbed more bouncy?
Speaker 1: Piss it?
Speaker 2: No, you've spring water?
Speaker 3: Mmm mm hmmmm.
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, I wanted to fill a
Speaker 1: water bed with yello. I was never allowed to do it, though.
Speaker 3: I'm not entirely sure how that would.
Speaker 4: Feel.
Speaker 3: I feel like it would just feel like a waterbed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you think maybe a little more firm.
Speaker 4: Maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 2: How would you set it up.
Speaker 1: Like you would?
Speaker 2: You set it up in the fridge and then put
Speaker 2: it in there, or throw it all in there, and
Speaker 2: then throw the bed in the fridge and then take
Speaker 2: the bed out and put it on the bed.
Speaker 3: This is the way, I you know, how when you
Speaker 3: hit jello and it ripples, That's what it looks like
Speaker 3: inside a waterbed. I guarantee it, you think, Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 3: unless it's Chris Watts's waterbed.
Speaker 1: It's electrifying, that's for sure. I don't know. I would
Speaker 1: probably just put all the jello inside the bed and
Speaker 1: then turn my ac down really really low.
Speaker 3: Wait wait wait, wait, hold on, clothes, you throw the
Speaker 3: packet in throw the packet in and then the water,
Speaker 3: and then shake your bed up quick before it.
Speaker 1: And then I would close every event in my house
Speaker 1: except for that one room. And then I would turn
Speaker 1: the A C down to like forty and just let
Speaker 1: all the air blow into that room. So what I
Speaker 1: would do, for sure it would work.
Speaker 2: Another news, Jew was found locked in a home and
Speaker 2: froze to death next to a frozen jellow bed. It's
Speaker 2: us to say they wanted to taste the flavor and
Speaker 2: it was golded.
Speaker 4: Fuck.
Speaker 3: I was just gonna say, if Jew's made jello, who
Speaker 3: would the flavors be?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Lime be lime, mosball, soup ball, soup cheeses, fucking the
Speaker 1: body of Christ.
Speaker 2: Then try your new flavor accidents.
Speaker 3: Tastes like a poppy sea bagel and pennies, smoked salmon, some.
Speaker 2: Locks, some rocks.
Speaker 1: Try the new summer fan favorite lots Mere cream cheese.
Speaker 1: Oh god, that'd be so disgusting. Some fucking some cream
Speaker 1: cheese jello.
Speaker 2: Like you look at you look at the ingredients and
Speaker 2: it says fish sauce, fish sauce.
Speaker 1: He's so terrible, God.
Speaker 3: Cool, but it's good. Episode. Yeah, last week was Murderer.
Speaker 1: This week's would have been a great episode for fuck
Speaker 1: Face to come on eighty eight Michael Irving.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I bitched.
Speaker 1: I bitched out. I couldn't do it.
Speaker 3: How des bryant of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very true. Do you see see Lamb getting laid
Speaker 1: out by that ref?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sh yeah, I just got laid out.
Speaker 1: He was celebrating on the sideline and he was like
Speaker 1: halfway on the fucking white section where the refs get
Speaker 1: to run up and down. I got dumb ass, and
Speaker 1: he just got gets laid out.
Speaker 2: I swear to God, like it almost looked like it
Speaker 2: was planned because he was like turning right. Probably could
Speaker 2: have seen him in the perperal and then just like
Speaker 2: turned around and was like and.
Speaker 1: Then definitely just that stupid. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The other day, the kicker from the Jaguars made a
Speaker 3: seventy yard field goal and Dome text me about it.
Speaker 3: So I immediately this is how lazy I was that day.
Speaker 3: I hop on my phone, pull up jagged kicker, you
Speaker 3: know whatever, pulls up click on to watch the videos.
Speaker 3: I have a fourteen second ad. I was like, I
Speaker 3: don't even want to watch this. I closed it out
Speaker 3: and put my phone down. Text Dome and I said,
Speaker 3: I don't have fourteen seconds to wait and watch this
Speaker 3: stupid fucking video. I'm sure it's a seven yeardfield goal. Whooped,
Speaker 3: you fucking dude. So the dome finds it on like TikTok,
Speaker 3: cuts it and then sends it to me, goes here
Speaker 3: you go add free. So then I watched it and
Speaker 3: literally this second it got through the uprights. I closed
Speaker 3: the video.
Speaker 4: It was good.
Speaker 3: It was a good kick, dude, I mean, oh fucking
Speaker 3: a legit.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think they should give him the record even
Speaker 1: though it's preseason.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they should give shd Sanders the league MVP.
Speaker 1: Oh dear god, no, how did you see his stupid dude?
Speaker 1: He sounds like an absolute fucking retard in that interview
Speaker 1: that he did after the game.
Speaker 3: He's got about the same IQ as Dion has.
Speaker 2: Tough baby, So.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to watch that crash and burn. And
Speaker 3: I love that people are hyping him up like, oh,
Speaker 3: the Brown's gotta steal blah blah blah. Dude, it was
Speaker 3: one drive in pre season.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You know there's quarterbacks that don't even play preseason. Yeah,
Speaker 3: they're usually the top five quarterbacks in the NFL.
Speaker 1: I can honestly say, I don't know if I've ever
Speaker 1: rooted against someone coming out of college more than I
Speaker 1: am rooting against him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sure, Dom. How's your weekend?
Speaker 1: It's been. It's been rough, man. I'm working like a dog.
Speaker 1: I am on day ten of ten in a row
Speaker 1: out here in Fallon, Nevada, and I'm ready to go home.
Speaker 1: I get to go home tomorrow, so I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1: Did get to go to Carson City for the first
Speaker 1: time ever in my life, and I got to see
Speaker 1: b Word. Thank you sir, because he took me to
Speaker 1: a nice little restaurant. We had a sweet date. It
Speaker 1: was pretty awesome. We had candlelight dinner. Had had a
Speaker 1: really good salmon. So here in Fallin there's really no
Speaker 1: like actual food. It's it's all American type food or
Speaker 1: fast food type shit. There's a few places that try
Speaker 1: and do stuff, but they suck. So he took me
Speaker 1: this place called the Fox Restaurant, which is like a
Speaker 1: microbrewery and a real genuine wet restaurant. I had this
Speaker 1: whiskey glazed salmon, some vegetables and rice. It was phenomenal.
Speaker 1: Beer was pretty good. And then he took me for
Speaker 1: a tour around the town, which was it's It's like,
Speaker 1: Carson City is actually really pretty down. It's really nice.
Speaker 4: It's quaint.
Speaker 1: No, because he was driving and there really wasn't a
Speaker 1: lot of room between the steering wheel. Like, he's lost
Speaker 1: a lot of weight. I gotta give him a lot
Speaker 1: of propes. I got to give him a lot of props.
Speaker 1: He's lost a lot of weight. But he's also he
Speaker 1: seems pretty serious about this girl that he's dating. So
Speaker 1: I didn't want to suck it up.
Speaker 3: Maybe next time, Well you didn't have to fucking swallow.
Speaker 1: No, But I don't know what she's into yet. I'll
Speaker 1: find out next weekend because there's a jazz festival in
Speaker 1: Carson City. So next weekend when I come back here
Speaker 1: on Saturday, I'm gonna go down there for a few
Speaker 1: hours after work, hang out and jazz it up.
Speaker 4: With him.
Speaker 3: It's cool, that'll be fun.
Speaker 4: I'm excited. Nice.
Speaker 1: So go there.
Speaker 3: You're the only white person that shows up, I mean,
Speaker 3: I'll be one of two.
Speaker 1: Because I don't know what his girlfriend looks like yet.
Speaker 1: So he didn't show me a picture.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she went, she was, she got.
Speaker 4: So I was.
Speaker 3: I'll go I'll go next. Yeah, it was. It was
Speaker 3: good long saga that was finally ended. I won't go
Speaker 3: in a super long length detail. I reserved these this
Speaker 3: time slot for the stoned. But my mom, I'm just
Speaker 3: gonna blame her because we fucking know it was her.
Speaker 3: I know it was her misplaced. My grandma passed away
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. She said that my son
Speaker 3: can have her vehicle, right, So my grandma is very
Speaker 3: meticulous at organization. And I've never laid eyes on this title,
Speaker 3: and uh, and the last people to see it was
Speaker 3: AJ and my mom and the only other person that's
Speaker 3: had eyes on it was AJ's mom. And uh tore
Speaker 3: this fucking house apart in the last like all of
Speaker 3: us except for my mom because she hasn't been out yet,
Speaker 3: and nobody can find this fucking title. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm convinced my mom took it back to Montana. She's
Speaker 3: tore apart her safe and blah blah blah, and she
Speaker 3: was like, your dad was ready to kick your ass.
Speaker 3: I'm like, for what, It's not my fucking fault that
Speaker 3: I didn't. I'm literally the only person has a touch
Speaker 3: this title, right, And so it's like, I, you know, anyway,
Speaker 3: we're back up in Vegas at my grandma's house. And uh,
Speaker 3: this is also I can register the fucking car, right,
Speaker 3: so I can put the title in my name and
Speaker 3: register it in the state of Arizona. And uh, I'm
Speaker 3: standing in the kitchen of my wife comes around the corner.
Speaker 3: She goes, I think I found it. I was like, no,
Speaker 3: you didn't, Like, I have zero faith, like w NBA
Speaker 3: games are more exciting to me that that's a less
Speaker 3: faith I have right now? And uh, sure shit, she
Speaker 3: like shows it and on the front it says Honda
Speaker 3: CRV and it's this whole folder. Sure is fucking shit,
Speaker 3: Like first or second paper in there out of the
Speaker 3: stack of papers is the title. And so the steps
Speaker 3: I would have had to take aren't horrible, but I
Speaker 3: would actually a no no because according to my d
Speaker 3: m V that when I asked, they had said no,
Speaker 3: you literally because of the length that she's been deceased.
Speaker 3: You bring the title in, you sign it into your name,
Speaker 3: and that's it. So now I can finally do that. So, uh,
Speaker 3: that's the plan. So I can get that car registered,
Speaker 3: my son can start driving it. Yeah, so he's scheduled
Speaker 3: his actual driver's test this week.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, that'll be exciting. Has he driven some more?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, he hasn't lately since I got the truck. Sorry,
Speaker 3: we've driven the car, the grandma's car, but we just
Speaker 3: drive it in our neighborhood, so that way we're not
Speaker 3: going out of the neighborhood. Yeah. So he's still driving
Speaker 3: because we've done that every weekend for the past couple
Speaker 3: of weekends. But he's gonna have to he's gonna have
Speaker 3: to use my truck for the test because it has
Speaker 3: to be a licensed, registered vehicle. And so unless I
Speaker 3: can register that vehicle sometime this week and have some
Speaker 3: kind of form that I could use, I'm just like,
Speaker 3: just use my truck.
Speaker 1: That's fine, I'll be okay. Yeah, yeah, a little well
Speaker 1: her longer turn, that's it.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One one small funny story from this week. So we
Speaker 3: had this orange orange cream frozen yogurt right, tastes like
Speaker 3: an orange cream suckle. And so I had poured portabowl
Speaker 3: for her, scooped a bowl for my daughter, my four
Speaker 3: year old daughter, and then I had another bowl that
Speaker 3: was empty because I hadn't put anything in it. So
Speaker 3: I quickly snuck a spoon in my mouth, and then
Speaker 3: I looked at Ellie and looked at the bowl, and
Speaker 3: then I scooped like I was, you know, like Peter
Speaker 3: pan right and hook, and then I opened my mouth
Speaker 3: so she could see ice cream, and her eyes went
Speaker 3: fucking wide. She was like, how'd you do that? Imagine?
Speaker 3: And I was like, I can't tell you. And then,
Speaker 3: in her normal form, she slammed her spoon on the
Speaker 3: table and got pissed off. I was like, I'm not sure.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure which parent that was, because we are
Speaker 3: both absolutely.
Speaker 1: She gets it. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't throw the
Speaker 1: spoon at you.
Speaker 3: To be honest, No, No, There's been close times though
Speaker 3: with other ship and I'm like, I literally, for the
Speaker 3: fear of God, I'm like, don't you do it, because
Speaker 3: I'm afraid she's gonna do it. But then there's also
Speaker 3: a streak of her my daughter, my four year old daughter.
Speaker 3: She has that mentality of like not only fuck around
Speaker 3: and find out mentality, but also the you're what is it?
Speaker 3: Intrusive thoughts? She lets her intrusive thoughts winnin time. That's
Speaker 3: a dangerous common because you could see her she lives.
Speaker 3: You can see her thinking first and then say fuck
Speaker 3: it and I'm gonna do.
Speaker 2: It's just that that impulse. Yeah, she's got that impulse.
Speaker 4: Bug.
Speaker 1: I think I think that comes from I think that
Speaker 1: comes from your wife. Yeah, i'd say so, just a
Speaker 1: just a touch more. Yeah, the willingness, the intrusive thoughts
Speaker 1: for sure. The willingness to follow through is you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: I'll die.
Speaker 4: That's facts.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Stone, how was your week, buddy?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 2: We've been battling fucking ants and this guy, damn, and
Speaker 2: it's it's been a pain in the ass. So I've
Speaker 2: been catching them here and there like normal. You know,
Speaker 2: it's hot outside and they're looking for food and they're
Speaker 2: looking for cool place like normal. I thought they would
Speaker 2: just coming out of the drains and stuff, and you know,
Speaker 2: whenever I caught him, ode just squash and whatnot. And
Speaker 2: I already sprayed inside and outside once we first moved in,
Speaker 2: and so I didn't really think anything of it. I
Speaker 2: made some pasta on Tuesday, and then we went over
Speaker 2: to Alyssa's brother soccer game to watch him play soccer,
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, we'll just do the you
Speaker 2: know the dishes when we get home, and so, you know,
Speaker 2: we put the dishes in the sink, and on top
Speaker 2: was the cutting board and I had cut sausage on it, right,
Speaker 2: so I had some like sausage on it. And when
Speaker 2: we got home, I turned on the light and I
Speaker 2: looked at the cutting board and I was like, there's
Speaker 2: a lot more stuff on there than when we left.
Speaker 2: Got closer to it, and it was moving, and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh.
Speaker 4: Fuck.
Speaker 2: And I get closer to it and there's like three
Speaker 2: hundred ants on this fucking cutting board.
Speaker 3: Are they tiny?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: A tiny little black fucking hard to get yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: And they there's like three hundred and the cutting board
Speaker 2: and there's another one hundred and fifty surrounding the sink
Speaker 2: and on the counter and they're venturing out and I.
Speaker 4: Was like.
Speaker 3: Fuck.
Speaker 4: And I was so mad.
Speaker 2: I was like, God damn it. And so and like
Speaker 2: we had like just boughted. We just bought some ice
Speaker 2: cream too, and I was like, let's about the ice
Speaker 2: cream in the freezer. We got to deal with the
Speaker 2: shit first. And we dealt with it, and I got
Speaker 2: all of them and I took everything off the counter
Speaker 2: to make sure that we got all of them, and
Speaker 2: then every time I kept coming back, like every ten minutes,
Speaker 2: all of a sudden there was like another two of them.
Speaker 2: And I was like, Okay, they're getting in. They're not
Speaker 2: getting in from the sink because they're like on the counter.
Speaker 2: They're getting in somewhere on the counter. And then I
Speaker 2: finally found it in the in the cock where the
Speaker 2: granite on the wall meets the granite on the on
Speaker 2: the counter, there's like like a strip of a cock
Speaker 2: that's missing. And so I was like, it's got to
Speaker 2: be that hole right there that they're coming from. And
Speaker 2: so I filled my cock in it pretty good, and
Speaker 2: I filled the shit out of that hole of my
Speaker 2: cock and just cock the fucking dickens out of it,
Speaker 2: man like, real good. And got my finger in there too,
Speaker 2: so I could both work at the cock and the finger,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, that little move, you know,
Speaker 2: little you know, God damn. And then when it set
Speaker 2: in and firmed up real nice, and I was looking
Speaker 2: at that firm cock and I was like, Jesus, nice,
Speaker 2: good looking fucking cock right there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, color's been cocking around.
Speaker 2: Blue it's dead. So we went into the bathroom the
Speaker 2: next day right, and the cock worked. No fucking ants
Speaker 2: were coming in from that point, and we're good. The
Speaker 2: next day, I go in the bathroom and from the
Speaker 2: shower I see like forty ants and I was like, God,
Speaker 2: fucking damn it. So I open up the thing and
Speaker 2: I see him in there, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: they might come through the drain. So I grabbed the
Speaker 2: spray and I sprayed in all the drains and stuff,
Speaker 2: and then I followed the trail and sure, shit, they're
Speaker 2: coming from the wall. There's like the part where the
Speaker 2: tile meets the wall the drywall, and there's like a
Speaker 2: big enough crack and they're just coming right through. And
Speaker 2: I was like, fuck, I gotta shove my cock into
Speaker 2: more cracks, Jesus. So I'm in there shoving my cock
Speaker 2: on the crack again, you know, having a good time
Speaker 2: working it, working at the fucking finger, and I'm saying,
Speaker 2: doing a good job doing the Lord work, you know.
Speaker 2: I killed all of them. And then I went to
Speaker 2: go do the laundry and there was a stack of
Speaker 2: towels that was like two feet to the right of
Speaker 2: that hole, and like forty of them just scurried out
Speaker 2: all over my feet and I was like, ah, get
Speaker 2: this out of me, oh man, And then I killed
Speaker 2: them all. And then today we were making food and
Speaker 2: we went and we opened the microwave put some leftovers
Speaker 2: in there, and when we were taking the leftovers out,
Speaker 2: there was like eight ants in the microwave that were
Speaker 2: just scattering, and they were like freaking out. First off, damn,
Speaker 2: like insects really are nuclear proof because they did not
Speaker 2: get nuked in that song. Bitch, so fnukes go off,
Speaker 2: We're all dead, but them focks are still alive.
Speaker 1: Two, how the.
Speaker 2: Fuck did they get in there? I'm like, Jesus, where
Speaker 2: are they coming from? And then I opened up the
Speaker 2: cupboard and I see one little fucking scurrying ant coke
Speaker 2: going over the one of the one of the fucking spices.
Speaker 2: And I was like, dude, I swear to God, I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna burn this place down. At this point, I'm
Speaker 2: fucking done. I'm done with it. Dumble the ants. I've
Speaker 2: done the only shiit.
Speaker 3: I just pictured the fuckers for some reason, that one
Speaker 3: ant that you just said. He takes a little piece
Speaker 3: of seasoning and he grabs like cayenne and takes it
Speaker 3: back to the fucking hill and he goes up to
Speaker 3: his buddy and he's like, hey, smell my cayenne.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, man, I found some basil. This tasil's good man.
Speaker 2: I didn't find any basel, but this ship looked like
Speaker 2: basil from the fucking closet. And is there two of
Speaker 2: you right now? Anyways, smell cayenne I ship.
Speaker 3: There's one telling dad jokes in there, like what took
Speaker 3: you so long?
Speaker 5: Ah?
Speaker 3: I was, I couldn't find the time.
Speaker 2: I couldn't find the time. O peppered them with that one.
Speaker 1: Half and go pour it down a fucking ant hill.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go. Let's fucking go. I have been curious
Speaker 2: about what honey tastes like if bees collect the nectar
Speaker 2: from a weed plant.
Speaker 1: I'm really cures there's a bee in Africa.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're about to tell the most dumbest
Speaker 3: bullshit thing that's half assed research.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go ahead, there's a bee somewhere. There's always somewhere
Speaker 1: in Africa where the honey is a medicinal honey, and
Speaker 1: then the African bee a medicinal honey. But it fucking
Speaker 1: makes you hallucinate, and if you eat too much of
Speaker 1: it you will die, like you'll just you go into
Speaker 1: such a terrible fucking hallucination that you got. I'll do
Speaker 1: the rest of the research next show. I'll say this now,
Speaker 1: but I'll forget next show.
Speaker 3: I'll talk about it absolutely because I'll call you back
Speaker 3: on it and be like, huh, what.
Speaker 2: Are you talking about? I know, I know there's the
Speaker 2: honey that's in like the Amazon things like that. I
Speaker 2: don't know what it's from, but yeah, that show will
Speaker 2: make you. It's like fucking taking mushrooms and LSDH. It's
Speaker 2: like crazy wild, you know. Bringing it right along here
Speaker 2: into the episode today to talk about food with you gentlemen.
Speaker 2: You know, everybody knows all two listeners that we love
Speaker 2: talking about food on this show, and I wanted to
Speaker 2: get some questions answer this's on my mind, you know,
Speaker 2: for you gentlemen. And the first question I wanted to
Speaker 2: go over in detail here with you guys is what
Speaker 2: is your least favorite dish? You know, it could be
Speaker 2: a side dish, a main dish, even a part of
Speaker 2: the dish that you don't think should be there.
Speaker 4: Dom.
Speaker 2: I wanted to start with you versus curry.
Speaker 6: Curry, Wait, can we can we really all kurry like
Speaker 6: across the board. Yeah, like, like we're talking Indian, Tai, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.
Speaker 6: Who's the knees below the knees.
Speaker 1: Specifically, I guess Indian, Okay, really on the same curry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hate it. I understand, like, I get it, I
Speaker 1: get that the combination is supposed to work, but I
Speaker 1: just don't, Like, I have no fucking need for it.
Speaker 1: I have no desire for it. It doesn't smell good
Speaker 1: to me, it doesn't taste good to me, And nine
Speaker 1: times out of ten, it's extremely fucking spicy, like so
Speaker 1: spicy that it's unnecessary. So fuck it, Like it's just
Speaker 1: it's pointless. It's a pointless fucking dish, and it makes
Speaker 1: you shit. It's guaranteed, Like it's more guaranteed that you're
Speaker 1: gonna have diarrhea after curry than it is taco bell
Speaker 1: mm hmm.
Speaker 2: So no, Now I know that some people have the
Speaker 2: notion that all like Indian dishes are like that. Is
Speaker 2: that the same way with you? Or like you tried
Speaker 2: or like you were gonna try to the ones on
Speaker 2: the side of the curry and you were like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna try butter chicken or korma or any
Speaker 2: of those other ones, because am I making or is
Speaker 2: it just specifically it's just.
Speaker 1: Curry, because I actually like I like buttered chicken. I
Speaker 1: think buttered chicken is really good. But just curry curry
Speaker 1: as a whole, it's it's a weird fucking dish, Like
Speaker 1: is it soup?
Speaker 4: Is it not soup?
Speaker 1: Are you supposed to put rice in it? Do you
Speaker 1: not put rice in? It's just dumb. This is dumb,
Speaker 1: And again I don't I just don't like the combination.
Speaker 1: I understand that the combination of flavors are supposed to work,
Speaker 1: but I just don't like them.
Speaker 2: I get you, I get you. It definitely can be
Speaker 2: very very earthy, like super earthy.
Speaker 1: En stay in the earth. It's more than welcome to
Speaker 1: stay right in the fucking earth, the earth.
Speaker 2: I like that take. That's a good take, you know.
Speaker 2: I think it's it's super honest.
Speaker 4: I like it. I like it.
Speaker 3: No, how about you, baby, You know I'm a little
Speaker 3: bit pissed off because that was one of my answers.
Speaker 3: But not curry, not curry, just Indian food food. But
Speaker 3: but I'll give you a different one. Since there's a
Speaker 3: specific food, there's only one dish that I've had that
Speaker 3: I like it in, and for some reason I can't
Speaker 3: taste it in this dish, which is awkward, but peace.
Speaker 3: I fucking hate peas, not all kinds of peas, just
Speaker 3: green peas, Like I don't know. It reminds me of
Speaker 3: being a kid and having food that you don't want
Speaker 3: to eat and you get those mixed vegetables with the corn,
Speaker 3: the carrots and the peas, and they're all uber out
Speaker 3: of a can. Disgusting. I just don't like peas.
Speaker 2: Do you remember when they used to give a school
Speaker 2: lunch and instead of the mixed vegetables, it was just
Speaker 2: one like just peas, like a scoop of peas, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like I understand from a nutrient point of view, it's
Speaker 2: a fucking jackpop. Yeah, But from a taste point of view,
Speaker 2: you don't taste like anything. It tastes like they got this,
Speaker 2: they just got this weird, Like it's got a weird flavor. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's got a real weird flavor. But the combination of
Speaker 2: the texture, the combo with the weird texture is like
Speaker 2: just a double shotgun blast of the face.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I love that things like if you
Speaker 1: put if you put a pee in a dish, whether
Speaker 1: it's a pasta dish or chicken pop pie or whatever.
Speaker 1: I like peas in something. I'm not a fan of peace.
Speaker 3: I changed my answer. Chicken pop pies give fucked fucking
Speaker 3: hate and I can't get behind that.
Speaker 2: Man, I get that you are on your I will
Speaker 2: die on that island.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Fucking volleyball. Yeah, and Tom Hanks here lies no hater
Speaker 3: of pot pies. Fucking I haven't met a pop pie that.
Speaker 4: I have liked. Ever.
Speaker 2: What is it about the pop pie you don't like?
Speaker 3: It reminds me of chicken little soup, but it it's
Speaker 3: rooting a pie crust, and I don't like that. There's
Speaker 3: nothing about a chicken pot pie that is. They just
Speaker 3: don't like it. I don't like the taste. I don't
Speaker 3: like the flavor. I've had homemade ones. I've had like
Speaker 3: the world's best chicken pop pie. I just don't like them.
Speaker 2: Now, do you like chicken and dumplings? Because it's pretty
Speaker 2: damn close. It's it's like almost the same in some ways.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's close, and chicken and dumplings is just okay
Speaker 3: to me. It's just Okay, okay, like there's I would
Speaker 3: never order it. If somebody made it, I'd eat it.
Speaker 3: But I you know, impartial. It's not the greatest thing
Speaker 3: about bus.
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely the same fucking thing as chicken dumplings.
Speaker 3: No, it's not just you just knowstitute and I wish
Speaker 3: your killed in substitute right now, right now. That's all
Speaker 3: chicken chickens call it.
Speaker 1: I'll call it right here.
Speaker 3: Listeners, listener, listener, B word, B word, tell us what
Speaker 3: you think. No, there's nothing biscuits and gravy. It's you
Speaker 3: know what, though, I will give you this. I will
Speaker 3: give you this if you do make biscuits and gravy
Speaker 3: like out of the crap packet, or if you get
Speaker 3: like the camp biscuits and gravy that does have that
Speaker 3: same taste of a of a pop pie. This weird taste,
Speaker 3: so but homemade biscuits and gravy.
Speaker 1: I haven't had biscuits and gravy in so long, I know.
Speaker 1: And I think the last fucking eggs benedict that I
Speaker 1: had was with you. Yeah, the last one I can
Speaker 1: remember was Anyway, I love that ship.
Speaker 3: My Mom's gonna be in Vegas in a couple of
Speaker 3: weeks and I'm gonna be there for a whole day
Speaker 3: and then the next day my wife and kids are
Speaker 3: gonna come. So I'm excited for it. Like we'll get
Speaker 3: up for breakfast and go get go, get breakfast somewhere.
Speaker 1: I'll meet you.
Speaker 3: So I'll probably take her to that place down there.
Speaker 3: I know you know you're not a big fan of it, AJ,
Speaker 3: but the one that Dom and I went to, we
Speaker 3: all went to it with Lebar. Also, I'm telling you,
Speaker 3: squeeze in eggs, Benny's baby eggs. Ben's there.
Speaker 2: That's right next to Colony where Colony used to be. Yeah,
Speaker 2: right there that like hands down, I'll put their Bennies
Speaker 2: against anybody, like even Perkins, Like I'll put them against
Speaker 2: anybody like they're fucking good and you can choose.
Speaker 3: Did you just vouch for Perkins eggs, Benedict. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't say it's a fire. I've never had it,
Speaker 3: so I can't chime in. That just seems like an
Speaker 3: odd place to be, like the siler.
Speaker 1: Of breakfast, Perkins.
Speaker 2: Perkins is like the staple, Like what Denny should have
Speaker 2: then is what Perkins is. It's a staple dinner.
Speaker 3: I feel like what Denny's, what Denny's became is No,
Speaker 3: I feel like Denny's when Dome and I were kids,
Speaker 3: Denny's back in that day.
Speaker 1: Dude, that's what you wanted, you want and then.
Speaker 3: They super sold out. Yeah yeah, I but I I'm impartial.
Speaker 3: I've had Perkins, I've just never had their.
Speaker 1: But that Perkins is the fucking Sizzler of breakfast.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you mean that in a good
Speaker 3: way or a bad way, because it's you, and you
Speaker 3: say it with conviction, like you're in a good way,
Speaker 3: and I'm not sure a good way, not in a
Speaker 3: good way.
Speaker 2: I think he's saying that, not.
Speaker 4: In a good way.
Speaker 3: Okay, just that last time, your eyes kind of lit up,
Speaker 3: like you said Sizzler and like, well maybe you like
Speaker 3: well just because.
Speaker 1: Like there are moments where you're like, oh, I really
Speaker 1: want Sizzler, right, Like, like there are moments throughout your
Speaker 1: life where you're like, I could dig some Sizzler because
Speaker 1: it's not terrible, it's palatable, right, And at one point,
Speaker 1: at one point in time, Sizzler was the ship. Yeah, Perkins,
Speaker 1: at one point time was the ship.
Speaker 3: Okay, not so much.
Speaker 1: I feel like we have better options.
Speaker 3: You know what I don't like about Perkins is the
Speaker 3: potatoes because they're clearly like microwave bagged potato.
Speaker 1: Ben Stiller owns Perkins.
Speaker 2: Maybe I just haven't had well. No, I had the
Speaker 2: Perkins in Minnesota and we eat there fucking a lot,
Speaker 2: and I does it's fucking slapped. So maybe it was
Speaker 2: just the Maybe it's just the one on the West coast.
Speaker 2: Just maybe they're maybe they're not getting the same supplier food,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe it's just not.
Speaker 1: A restaurants are region. Don't like that where in certain
Speaker 1: regions of the United States they are better than others.
Speaker 2: M Yeah, churches.
Speaker 1: Churches and Popeyes are both well known for that too,
Speaker 1: both like in certain areas of the United States they're
Speaker 1: fire and others they're trash.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like every time someone sits here and complains about
Speaker 2: a Popeye's biscuit, I'm like, have you had the Popeye's
Speaker 2: biscuits here and poppies? Because they are not dry? Like
Speaker 2: the biscuits here are not dry at all. They're moist
Speaker 2: as shit.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I think the reason because I would
Speaker 3: say domes in the same boat. We don't get Popeyes
Speaker 3: because the only Popeyes is downtown. Yeah, it's out of
Speaker 3: and it's it's inconvenient to get to unless you were
Speaker 3: gonna get it coming into town. And it's also part
Speaker 3: of a gas station. It's still good, but it's not
Speaker 3: as good as it could be.
Speaker 7: No.
Speaker 3: No, Like, there's a standalone Popeyes in Bullhead, and when
Speaker 3: I was still working there, i'd go there because Popeye'
Speaker 3: chicken sandwich is fucking so good, slash fucking But but
Speaker 3: I do judge. I one of my critiques on breakfast
Speaker 3: places is their potatoes, hash browns or home fries. If
Speaker 3: your hash browns are home fries, it doesn't matter if
Speaker 3: you serve both or if you only serve one. If
Speaker 3: it's not very good, if it doesn't have that crisp
Speaker 3: skillet flavor crunch taste, I don't want it.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 2: Do you guys prefer shredded potatoes or do you prefer
Speaker 2: like cubed.
Speaker 3: Or I'm happy to see.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say my shredded hat.
Speaker 3: I would lean to home fries.
Speaker 1: Shredded hash browns need to be crispier than.
Speaker 2: Not for me, agree same, Yeah, it can't be like
Speaker 2: it's crispy on the outside and then the inner side
Speaker 2: is just like mashed potato, right.
Speaker 3: Because it's a fine line with the crispyness too. Sometimes
Speaker 3: you know, it's that golden brown versus burnt. And I
Speaker 3: think that's why I'd lean more towards home fries is
Speaker 3: home fries are a little bit You're less likely to
Speaker 3: fuck them.
Speaker 4: Up for error.
Speaker 1: Margin for error is smaller, for sure, because because if
Speaker 1: you get if you get those shredded hash browns and
Speaker 1: they're not crispy the way you want them, you're immediately
Speaker 1: disappointed and usually you don't finish them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that kind of sets the tone forward for
Speaker 3: the whole breakfast. I'm like, man, potatoes just down because
Speaker 3: to me, like an egg's an egg. But now when
Speaker 3: it comes to eggs, Bendict, I will fight. I will
Speaker 3: agree with aj like it's all about this, It's all
Speaker 3: about the sauce. It's all about the sauce. It could
Speaker 3: be just why like ass muffin. It could be a
Speaker 3: thin slice of ham, it doesn't matter. It could be
Speaker 3: they could be not cooked correctly. But if the sauce
Speaker 3: is off, now I'm out.
Speaker 1: I will I will say, you can do too much
Speaker 1: with an egg's Benedict. Some people do like the trying
Speaker 1: and get fancy.
Speaker 2: With like yeah tomato avocados Okay sometimes but it depends
Speaker 2: and I.
Speaker 1: Like it on the side. I don't want the avocado
Speaker 1: hidden in the middle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they have it on this I took in control.
Speaker 2: How much is there? Yeah, because sometimes it could really
Speaker 2: overpower it, which like squeeze in. They have different types
Speaker 2: of Bennies that you can get, and one of them
Speaker 2: is like a Chriso, so it has like instead of ham,
Speaker 2: it's toriso, and then it has a Chipotle Benedict sauce.
Speaker 2: So what I do is I do a traditional, but
Speaker 2: I swapped the sauce for Chipotle sauce. It probably wouldn't
Speaker 2: be up your alley though, because you're not a Chipotle fan,
Speaker 2: but I know you're Toarriso fans. You might like the
Speaker 2: Terrisa if you do traditional. But if I'm in there
Speaker 2: your first time, I would just stick with traditional.
Speaker 3: If I did, I would actually be one hundred percent
Speaker 3: down to try the Todieso with the Chipotle sauce. I
Speaker 3: think that would be amazing.
Speaker 2: Can you say it again? It was broken up a
Speaker 2: little bit there.
Speaker 3: Ah, I said, I'd be hundred percent down to try
Speaker 3: the chodiso.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's like cho diesel. Yeah, it's a good time, dude.
Speaker 2: It's a fucking and then as well, you can get there.
Speaker 2: I get there their spuds, which is there like red
Speaker 2: russet or whatever, like golden but it's like cubed up,
Speaker 2: and get them fully loaded, which is like caramelized onions
Speaker 2: and cheddar jack cheese melted on it.
Speaker 1: Fucking mom.
Speaker 2: That's my goaty right there.
Speaker 1: Water cheesy potato castrole that I haven't made in a while.
Speaker 1: It's basically just diced potatoes with like an entire block
Speaker 1: of velvet to cheese mixed in.
Speaker 3: It's like Montana potatoes and it sounds seasoning specific season.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta fry the potatoes up a little first,
Speaker 1: and then you throw the cheese in and you get
Speaker 1: the cheese nice and crispy in some areas and then
Speaker 1: moist and wet and gooey and the others.
Speaker 4: God m.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I gotta other questions here, but we're definitely moving
Speaker 2: in this episode. Maybe table some of them for the
Speaker 2: next time.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask one more because I'm
Speaker 2: curious about what's your biggest hot take? About food in general.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start this one out. America really has nothing
Speaker 2: of its own in terms of food originality except for
Speaker 2: maybe barbecue. Okay, everything else is I don't really agree
Speaker 2: with that at all. I've said that for America is
Speaker 2: a melting pot. Everybody's from everywhere else. Now, barbecue does
Speaker 2: exist in the world, but not like in the United States,
Speaker 2: like our barbecues vascin we have.
Speaker 3: We have maybe taken barbecue to another level and created
Speaker 3: created it into our own things.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna I'm gonna caveat I think American I
Speaker 1: think America has its own style of food, but that
Speaker 1: the style of food is a ripoff from every other country.
Speaker 1: So that being said, American style food is taking other
Speaker 1: countries' foods and changing it. Do you see what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: Did I say that right? Did I explain that right?
Speaker 4: I get?
Speaker 1: I mean so so like with Chinese, with certain Chinese foods,
Speaker 1: it's it's that.
Speaker 3: You can't tell me, like there's you know, Hamburger, hamburg Germany.
Speaker 3: Ain't no other fucking place on earth make Hamburgers like
Speaker 3: the fucking United States. True, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 3: Like there might be one place you know that's it's
Speaker 3: good or like they're exotic something or other, but they
Speaker 3: they're probably from America.
Speaker 1: Even even to the point of like sushi, right, like
Speaker 1: we've taken sushi in America to a whole nother fucking degree.
Speaker 1: Wef we have sloped around and found out what you
Speaker 1: can do with sushi. You know, there are some things
Speaker 1: that you can't really do too much with, like seafood, right,
Speaker 1: or a hot dog. But yet here we are fucking
Speaker 1: around and putting a ton of toppings on hot dogs, right,
Speaker 1: like we're making pole.
Speaker 2: Sh and just dump the whole fridge.
Speaker 1: So I would I would disagree, just just just for
Speaker 1: the sake of argument, right, that America does have its
Speaker 1: own style of food, and that style is to take
Speaker 1: other countries and attempt to make it better.
Speaker 2: Or I didn't say style, I said like a like
Speaker 2: original even like like originality to it.
Speaker 1: I mean nobody does. I mean nobody does. If you're
Speaker 1: really going to go that far. Food is food, right,
Speaker 1: Like there's inspirations from Chinese food from France, African food
Speaker 1: from India, they all come together at some point.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, but that's a bullshit answer, you know, it's
Speaker 2: kind of like it's it's kind of like saying like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're all from the universe. Everything comes from somewhere because
Speaker 2: it's within that universe. It's like, yeah, I give your
Speaker 2: your answer on it, but it's kind of like it's dismissive,
Speaker 2: it's not good for the conversation.
Speaker 1: And came from China. It's true, true, but everybody seems.
Speaker 2: To a lot of stuff did originally in China because
Speaker 2: China is like one of the fucking starts of the Earth.
Speaker 1: I'm saying so like, you can't. You can't say that
Speaker 1: one culture has its own identity for food.
Speaker 2: But then again, I've ever seen chicken marsala come from Brazil.
Speaker 1: You're getting too specific. I'm sure it came from somewhere else.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it was somewhere else.
Speaker 2: Don't what's your hot take on food?
Speaker 1: Hold on my kids calling.
Speaker 2: His time hot take?
Speaker 3: You know, I will say just a quick quick statement
Speaker 3: to the American thing, right, because I was trying to
Speaker 3: sit here and think about this as we were talking,
Speaker 3: and it's like, so it's Allian food, right, goes around
Speaker 3: the world as Italian food.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: You think pasta, you think pizza is now pizza in
Speaker 3: America is completely different than pizza, you know, Italian, yeah, right,
Speaker 3: but you think of you think Italian food, you think
Speaker 3: hardy Pasta's, marinera stuff like that, right, yeah, Chinese food,
Speaker 3: Indian food, all this stuff. When you think of America,
Speaker 3: we do have a food that has made it national
Speaker 3: all over the place that did start in America, which
Speaker 3: is McDonald's being a hamburger and French fries.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: And it's odd that the name's French fries because they
Speaker 3: didn't originate in France. They originated in Belgium, of all places.
Speaker 3: But so I guess I don't know that that's the
Speaker 3: only thing I could really think of him, like, because
Speaker 3: you don't think of it, like what else from America
Speaker 3: is everywhere else in the world food wise?
Speaker 2: Raisin canes apparently it's in Kuwait a right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: My brother said he was at the Kuwait airport and
Speaker 2: they had a fucking raisin canes there. I was like,
Speaker 2: holy shit, in the middle of the fucking sandbox over there,
Speaker 2: you thought a fucking raising gates. It's a goddamn labrador
Speaker 2: over there.
Speaker 3: But think about it, if you really break it down
Speaker 3: this way, why would America have anything original America is
Speaker 3: one of the last really established countries. Yeah, we came
Speaker 3: late to the game, you know what I'm saying, Right,
Speaker 3: Like even South America was established, Canada was was fairly established,
Speaker 3: but and and America had the Indians, but they were
Speaker 3: so spread wide off this land and it was so
Speaker 3: small scale that you know what I mean. But it's
Speaker 3: like America's laid to the game. So why would we
Speaker 3: have anything original?
Speaker 2: Because everybody because it because America is built on pride,
Speaker 2: and so when you when you do anything to stab
Speaker 2: that pride, that's when the fireworks go off.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: But yeah, if you if you think, if you get
Speaker 3: somebody that isn't really quick on the feet and you're
Speaker 3: like America has zero American foods, and they're like that's
Speaker 3: not true. And it's like, just go ahead, bit it out,
Speaker 3: spit out whatever you want because it came from somewhere.
Speaker 3: About what about me?
Speaker 1: Could we consider elk any kind of like elk jerky
Speaker 1: what you know, elk burgers.
Speaker 2: I don't see. I don't see like somebody in like
Speaker 2: Europe turning out like try this, like you know, like
Speaker 2: elk that's like straight from America, you know, like like
Speaker 2: going around the world and you're like, oh, like where
Speaker 2: is this place cooking from. They're like, oh, they really
Speaker 2: like this other country's food, and so they really love
Speaker 2: doing it here. But they have like their own, you know.
Speaker 2: And when you think about it in terms of America,
Speaker 2: it's like what other country around it is really taking
Speaker 2: like an original American food and like running with it,
Speaker 2: and there's not much of it right, you know, Like
Speaker 2: if I would say, like one for the for the
Speaker 2: running is like if you know there was like a brisket,
Speaker 2: you know, like a like a Texas style brisket, or
Speaker 2: if there was like you know, Memphis style barbecue, North
Speaker 2: Carolina's barbecue, you know, because that's not really a thing
Speaker 2: around the world. Fried chicken another thing, no, because fried
Speaker 2: chicken is definitely done in a ton of places, Korean
Speaker 2: fried chicken. Japan has their own fried chicken first. I'm
Speaker 2: pretty good.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's a Chinese thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I think one thing that we have going for
Speaker 2: us that could be very original is chopped cheese or
Speaker 2: Philly cheese steak maybe, but the cheese steak, it's too
Speaker 2: simple of a sandwich for other people not to have
Speaker 2: made it. But the chop cheese has a shipload of
Speaker 2: stuff in it that's like very specific to a culture.
Speaker 3: Shit right, you guys, get ready to get your ship rocked.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it wasn't Japan, it wasn't China. It was Scottish
Speaker 3: and West African. That was the origination of fried chicken.
Speaker 2: Exactly, fucking Scott's baby, let's go. We thought they were
Speaker 2: over here making hagis. Nah, they're making fucking fried chicken.
Speaker 1: Some bitch.
Speaker 2: I can't say them.
Speaker 4: There we go.
Speaker 3: So from Scottish, can you then.
Speaker 1: Say you ready?
Speaker 2: You ready for my Scottish?
Speaker 1: There's a fucking there's a list. There's a fucking there's
Speaker 1: a list. Are you ready for this list? When you
Speaker 1: type in Sdler's List, it's the food version of Schindler's List.
Speaker 1: What foods originated in America? Okay, buffalo wings, chocolate chip, cookies,
Speaker 1: lobster rolls, biscuits and gravy, hamburgers.
Speaker 3: Fucking biscuits and gravy, baby biscuits and grip.
Speaker 1: Hold up, dude, biscuits and gravy. It gets fucking deeper, dude.
Speaker 1: The California English California role was invented in America.
Speaker 3: Well, where do you think they could be invented in California, China.
Speaker 3: It says that was never that, the California role was never.
Speaker 2: What is it Mexican thing, Baja California.
Speaker 1: Peanut butter and jelly. Ah, the brownie, corn bread, cobb salad, chili, macaroni.
Speaker 1: There's a fucking laundry list of things, dude.
Speaker 2: Now corn bread I can believe because corn was a
Speaker 2: very specific thing to the Americas.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there ain't no way. There was never an apple
Speaker 3: pie made in tel America.
Speaker 2: This is what I'm saying is like this list is
Speaker 2: from like Wikipedia, and somebody went on there was exactly
Speaker 2: a dad Feud list.
Speaker 4: Baby.
Speaker 2: Actually, I gotta confess. I said I made this list,
Speaker 2: and I said it to him, and that's chili.
Speaker 1: Chili originated in Texas in the eighteen.
Speaker 4: Cheers.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, yeah, But I see what Stone's point
Speaker 3: is though, because when you think culturally right, truly, you
Speaker 3: never go over it. You're not gonna go on some
Speaker 3: trip to fucking Japan and find some fucking American food
Speaker 3: that is being raved about in Japan. Yeah, other than
Speaker 3: fast food, Like fast food's off. You're not going in like, hey,
Speaker 3: we gotta take you to this fucking fried chicken joint.
Speaker 3: It's just like down south in America. You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like, you're not fine, But in Americas you
Speaker 3: want Chinese food, you want Indian food? Do you want
Speaker 3: Mexican food?
Speaker 1: Most people, you know, people abroad and overseas, they they
Speaker 1: actually despise American food. They don't like it. They think
Speaker 1: it's disgusting.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They too fattening, Yeah, too much sugar, unhealthy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well fuck you, well fucking nuki like we did
Speaker 3: back in World War two. Fucking pussies. I agree with
Speaker 3: the barbecue statement. What's the next question?
Speaker 2: So we're gonna get into uh, we're getting into a
Speaker 2: little bit of improv here.
Speaker 4: Boys.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna describe a scenario and I want I want
Speaker 2: y'all to to act it out with me, a little improv.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Our first scenario here, Jordan is at a forty nine
Speaker 2: ers game, trying to get some food for his kids
Speaker 2: who just won't stop complaining. Josh is the new cash
Speaker 2: here who can't figure out, for the life of him
Speaker 2: how to work the point of sale machine. And I
Speaker 2: am one of those kids.
Speaker 4: Dad, I wanted some popcorn? What the fuck? What's the
Speaker 4: fucking hold up? Jesus, come on, I want to sit
Speaker 4: back down.
Speaker 3: God damn, I knew I should have gotten a DNA test.
Speaker 3: There's no way this black kid's mind.
Speaker 1: Goddamn.
Speaker 4: Oh shut the fuck up?
Speaker 1: Oh, sir, how many I help?
Speaker 4: I like it?
Speaker 3: Can I get three hot dogs and some fat?
Speaker 1: Sir? I can't hear you unless you turn your fucking
Speaker 1: brat kid off.
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't.
Speaker 3: You know you can't control them.
Speaker 4: What do you need?
Speaker 3: It's evident?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Dad, theys you think I brought to
Speaker 4: your want to brock young man?
Speaker 1: Let the adults do.
Speaker 3: Excuse me? I need three brats. Okay, we'll start with
Speaker 3: that extra mustard. I can tell you're a guy of
Speaker 3: fine taste. Extra mustard.
Speaker 4: Please, don't forget my toy.
Speaker 3: Do you guys have toys back there? Do you specifically
Speaker 3: choking hazard toys?
Speaker 4: Hey?
Speaker 3: Janelle, he chokes on it.
Speaker 1: And Janelle, Janelle, no wonder this line is still Janelle.
Speaker 1: I know you can fucking see me, Janelle. You can't
Speaker 1: find the button again? Where's the hot dog button? Janelle?
Speaker 4: Is it like a game boy? I could do it
Speaker 4: for you boys? Shut up?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's because you're loud.
Speaker 3: Are you gonna Are you gonna find the button we got?
Speaker 3: We want to get back and watch Brock pretty toss
Speaker 3: another touchdown? Gonna make it? Can we speed this up?
Speaker 4: Please?
Speaker 5: You?
Speaker 4: Sometimes she calls Daddy his name.
Speaker 1: So it's five ninety nine.
Speaker 3: No, no, I didn't say three sodas.
Speaker 1: I understand that I want a soda.
Speaker 3: I want to shut the funk up.
Speaker 1: You don't get okay?
Speaker 4: Fine?
Speaker 3: Fucking Do you got kool aid back there?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Of course I want kool aid? We know Levi Stadium.
Speaker 4: We have some kool aid.
Speaker 3: Please, we know a j Be quiet?
Speaker 4: Can you give me the big cop with the bendy straw?
Speaker 3: Don't you have broad worst? Didn't you say you're brought worst?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 4: Tell me?
Speaker 3: Can you look look behind you?
Speaker 4: Can you put my brought worst in the kool aid?
Speaker 1: Fine? I will cut a hole in the middle of
Speaker 1: the hot dog. We don't have brought worst. I will
Speaker 1: cut a hole in the middle of the hot dog
Speaker 1: for you, if you please just be quiet for five seconds.
Speaker 4: What do you mean you know?
Speaker 3: Security security on your incompetent ass. Don't they have like
Speaker 3: a walk up Kiosko?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's to your it's to your right.
Speaker 3: You see how this You see how this person taking
Speaker 3: our order son, how he's got this weird crack going
Speaker 3: right above his forehead. It makes it look like your ass.
Speaker 3: You you know where you ship, crook speani ship. We're
Speaker 3: going back to our seats. We're gonna go back to
Speaker 3: our seats, and we're just gonna flag down one of
Speaker 3: those guys selling hot dogs and peanuts and water sounds.
Speaker 3: This guy doesn't know a shop, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Can I get you too? Brought worst? Thank you?
Speaker 4: I like it all right.
Speaker 2: The next one here, Jordan is an over emotional funeral
Speaker 2: director showing different caskets. Josh and I are brothers who's evil, wicked.
Speaker 2: Step mom just passed away finally, and we're looking for
Speaker 2: a coffin to appease their father to put her in.
Speaker 2: But we can't hide our delight that she's gone. Oh buddy,
Speaker 2: the bitch is dead. She's dead. All we gonna do
Speaker 2: is put her in a box. And that's it.
Speaker 1: Doesn't that's it. She's gone. Can it just be a
Speaker 1: shoe box?
Speaker 2: I mean to be honest, we could just put her.
Speaker 2: Oh is this the place right here? I think it's
Speaker 2: the place this funeral. Yeah, okay, this is it.
Speaker 4: This is it.
Speaker 1: I wanted to take her to waste management.
Speaker 2: Well we should have called Taddy for that one. Excuse me, sir, sir, hi, hi,
Speaker 2: how are you? We're here for the the uh fucking tin?
Speaker 2: Can this Brod's gotta go in?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Uh?
Speaker 3: This is a crematorium only, Yeah, sure, whatever, whatever worse.
Speaker 4: We just we got.
Speaker 1: We got you know, you kill them and we grill thematorium.
Speaker 4: We don't.
Speaker 1: Did you take us a j did you take us
Speaker 1: to the fucking milk factory?
Speaker 2: Again?
Speaker 1: Who died?
Speaker 3: By the way, I get, I get really emotional when
Speaker 3: people die.
Speaker 2: Oh it was our step mom.
Speaker 3: It is my concern if if you're gonna if we're
Speaker 3: gonna grill him here.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, throw that bitch right in the fucking oven.
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna ask guy in the Hawaiian shirt, how
Speaker 3: did she die? Oh me, yeah, you look like you
Speaker 3: have a.
Speaker 1: Hawaiian suspicious suspicious causes. We were really not sure. We
Speaker 1: think it was just a heart attack. But it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: We're happy and we're excited that.
Speaker 2: She's what he means, it's natural cause heart attack.
Speaker 3: The guy in the Hawaiian shirt again. Aren't you guys sad?
Speaker 4: Though?
Speaker 1: No, why would be your mom?
Speaker 2: We're sad she didn't go sooner, to be honest, asking
Speaker 2: the Hawaiian shirt guy, guy, why would we be.
Speaker 1: Sad when the wretch is finally gone? Listen, Yes, we
Speaker 1: inherited a fuck load of money. It doesn't matter that
Speaker 1: she's gone. She was a bitch and now my brother
Speaker 1: can finally marry his one true love, Prince Charming.
Speaker 2: Praise, Praise, hallelujah.
Speaker 3: Did you guys kill your step No?
Speaker 2: I wish we did, but uh gotta beat us to
Speaker 2: the punch to be honest.
Speaker 3: Did she get in an accident during an Eiffel Tower?
Speaker 1: No, she something that happened. There was a bull of
Speaker 1: apples on the table and she choked on one. Fuck happened.
Speaker 2: We heard that there was somebody there that might have
Speaker 2: known how to do the Heimlich, but by the time
Speaker 2: we found them, she was already like dead. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We thought she was playing charades because she was. We
Speaker 1: thought she was acting out a sign for a movie.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we thought she was acting out that she
Speaker 2: was like choking and we were like, oh, oh a
Speaker 2: choke jam.
Speaker 1: Fun By the time we realized going on her face.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't matter. You're you're getting stuck up on details.
Speaker 1: It don't matter to you because again, we just want
Speaker 1: to put her in a box. So we can put
Speaker 1: her in the ground and we can close this chapter.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you it blew our minds how blue
Speaker 2: she was? Aha, my man bunny joke. Huh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you got any deals? Uh, you know, and any deal's
Speaker 2: going on here, you know, like once burned too, and yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, like you stick two bodies in there, you
Speaker 2: don't know who's this who? And so you to knock
Speaker 2: off a little bit from the top, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean? Yeah, could do that. You could fucking throw
Speaker 2: it over there with whoever. You know, it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: to us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so if you get the wrong ashes, you won't
Speaker 3: be super upset about how.
Speaker 2: They all look the same.
Speaker 3: They don't.
Speaker 1: We'll taste it. We'll taste it.
Speaker 3: Yes, looks like a campfire, sir in the Hawaiian shirt. Again,
Speaker 3: what do you mean you'll taste it, you'll know it's hers.
Speaker 3: I don't understand what.
Speaker 1: I'm Jewish. We have a nose for these things.
Speaker 3: I have another question for you in the Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 3: You said you're Jewish? Is he not Jewish?
Speaker 1: Now it's a brother. It was a complicated relationship with
Speaker 1: our mother.
Speaker 3: Uh, your stepmother.
Speaker 2: We're half brothers.
Speaker 3: Should I call the cops? This is making me really uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Why would you call the cops?
Speaker 1: You guys are acting on You show us the oven
Speaker 1: that you guys cremate them in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that gets thrown in there? Can we tossing theselves?
Speaker 1: You open the door.
Speaker 3: It's not on site. It's not on site. What do
Speaker 3: you mean it's not on site a crematorium A it's
Speaker 3: a crematorium store.
Speaker 1: Guy's getting all suspicious. So let's make the sale final.
Speaker 2: How about you take us on the tour, just the
Speaker 2: three of us do this is?
Speaker 3: This is literally the store. It's this counter and and
Speaker 3: the boxes behind me.
Speaker 2: And that's but there's stuff in the back. There's gotta
Speaker 2: be stuff.
Speaker 3: We get sea literally you know those fireworks stands in
Speaker 3: Las Vegas.
Speaker 4: At the guy?
Speaker 2: Literally, yes, that's this this this store, and like a phantom,
Speaker 2: nobody will know we're here.
Speaker 3: Perfect.
Speaker 1: You get a lighter No, I don't smoke, it's a
Speaker 1: bad habit get light incense? Well, how come you don't
Speaker 1: have incense.
Speaker 3: In here, because this looks like a fucking Spenser's to you.
Speaker 2: It looks like a place that stinks.
Speaker 3: You get people coming in that killed people.
Speaker 1: Of course, he kills people. That's not what's so upsetting. No,
Speaker 1: I don't understand why.
Speaker 2: No, it doesn't happen in this town. Doesn't happened in
Speaker 2: three days. I mean, you know, three years something. The
Speaker 2: last murder was.
Speaker 3: Still alive.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he's thriving. He's in fucking Canada right now
Speaker 2: in a boy's trip.
Speaker 3: He's doing great, sir, in the non Hawaiian shirt. Can
Speaker 3: you describe what your dad looks like? Please?
Speaker 4: Six? Yeah, three.
Speaker 2: He's a black.
Speaker 3: I can really see the Colin Kaepernick.
Speaker 1: I saw him once.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, he meant our dad, not the stepmom.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I just said burnt. Sorry, yeah.
Speaker 2: Former. She was a former w NBA player. You might
Speaker 2: have known her name, can you guess it? I don't
Speaker 2: know any w just nobody knows his names.
Speaker 4: Nah.
Speaker 2: But uh yeah, is there any like discounts or anything
Speaker 2: that we can get, you know, or how about if
Speaker 2: we torture ourselves and then you come and do the
Speaker 2: rest of it, you know, Like, dude, we get half
Speaker 2: off or something like that.
Speaker 1: Or is that called the German special?
Speaker 3: Yea, the German special is called the squeeze.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 4: That was good.
Speaker 2: All right, we'll do we'll do the last one here, boys.
Speaker 2: All right, So Jordan and Josh, you guys are coaches
Speaker 2: for a little league team, and your little league team sucks,
Speaker 2: really sucks. I'm the new nerdy kid that's coming on
Speaker 2: the team and it's gonna make the team a lot worse.
Speaker 3: This is gonna be a short one, all right. I'm
Speaker 3: just gonna be the guy on third base to enhancements
Speaker 3: he can talking.
Speaker 2: Jordan's head is fill of acting for the day.
Speaker 4: A j.
Speaker 7: Yeah, coach, put me in.
Speaker 1: You're already in. You're up to bat.
Speaker 7: Okay? Can I take my erector set and hit the
Speaker 7: ball with it?
Speaker 1: Get the fuck off the field. You're done.
Speaker 7: No. My mom says, I'm supposed to be here. She
Speaker 7: has an apployment with her missus and they're supposed to
Speaker 7: be doing something all day long. I don't know what
Speaker 7: it is, but I'm here.
Speaker 1: Problem is it? Your mom is not good enough to Blue.
Speaker 3: We need time out, Blue, We need time out, getting
Speaker 3: the dug out.
Speaker 2: What Josh.
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, Josh, Josh, hold on. Little You
Speaker 3: see that little circle over there, the warm up circle.
Speaker 3: I want you to go stand at that circle. I
Speaker 3: want you to look at your mom.
Speaker 7: No, be quiet, Mom's not here.
Speaker 3: Be quite a little, buddy. I could see your mom.
Speaker 3: Her fat ass is sitting right in that chair over there.
Speaker 2: That's not my mom.
Speaker 3: Go stand in the circle for one second. I need
Speaker 3: you to just do a couple of practice swings while
Speaker 3: I talk to coach Josh over here.
Speaker 7: Okay, but did you want to make this My record.
Speaker 3: Said yes, yeah, Just give us a minute.
Speaker 7: Take your okay, I'll start swinging.
Speaker 3: Let the adults talk. Okay, Hey, get the fuck out.
Speaker 7: Of the circle. I'm supposed to be here, all right,
Speaker 7: I'm a swing.
Speaker 3: Isn't it crazy how the circle is twenty feet over
Speaker 3: there and it sounds like he's still right next to us.
Speaker 7: Swing.
Speaker 1: You should hear him war fucking his mom. She's not
Speaker 1: worth this, dude.
Speaker 4: Do what she like?
Speaker 3: What's she likes shaved? Does she shave all the way
Speaker 3: or is she have hair like her entire Oh my god,
Speaker 3: did she have like a seven inch lady?
Speaker 4: Though?
Speaker 1: Actually?
Speaker 2: Oh shit, couch Coach.
Speaker 7: Coach, I think I just hit the person that's in
Speaker 7: the field on the left side. I don't know what
Speaker 7: their name is, but I think I just hit him
Speaker 7: with my reter set and uh, oh god, oh no,
Speaker 7: they're bleeding.
Speaker 1: You're bleeding.
Speaker 7: I have a first day kid in my bag.
Speaker 2: So let's lock the fence.
Speaker 1: Let's lock the gate right now. We're gonna lock the
Speaker 1: gate right now so he cannot get back on the field. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna walk over and lock the gate right now. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: this kid.
Speaker 7: Don't you dare shut this gate on me? And how
Speaker 7: dare you muted me? You bastard?
Speaker 3: Hey, little ag, I need you to go talk to
Speaker 3: your mom. We're gonna convince Blue here. We're gonna start
Speaker 3: the game here just a minute, but coach Josh and
Speaker 3: I have to talk for just a minute.
Speaker 7: Come, my kids heard him there, he's bleeding.
Speaker 4: I'm not a first day yet.
Speaker 7: Oh wait, this is my chemistry said, how.
Speaker 3: About I be there, okay while he's away. What's it like?
Speaker 1: Does it taste No, it tastes phenomenal, It tastes like jolly?
Speaker 1: Did she keep it?
Speaker 4: Really?
Speaker 1: She shoves a mint like up in there before I
Speaker 1: get it before I get over to her house. So
Speaker 1: that's how I guess she tastes like fucking altoids.
Speaker 4: Dude.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but don't you think if we if we don't
Speaker 3: put this poison bag. Don't you think if we don't
Speaker 3: let little AJ play like, isn't that going to interfere?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: I don't want to keep it here anymore. I'm ready
Speaker 1: to kill myself.
Speaker 3: It's not that good.
Speaker 1: It's not It is not worth this fucking headache anymore.
Speaker 4: Dude?
Speaker 3: Is it as good as the girl that you were
Speaker 3: gaining during that podcast?
Speaker 4: There?
Speaker 3: That's the point, all right, all right, so we gotta
Speaker 3: bring him in and we're just gonna tell him to
Speaker 3: get hit by the pitch. Let's tell the other team
Speaker 3: to hit this kid at bat. That's there's only chance
Speaker 3: getting up.
Speaker 1: I'll talk to the picture. I would talk to the
Speaker 1: other coach. Actually, probably shouldn't talk to the.
Speaker 3: Kid, all right, you go talk to the other coach.
Speaker 3: I'll talk to a little AJ. Little AJ, come over here, coach,
Speaker 3: can't be honest with you. Yeah, go ahead, you got
Speaker 3: about twenty seconds and don't pull your normal bullshit. That
Speaker 3: turns into fifty five seconds. Twenty seconds.
Speaker 7: I don't think I'm cut out for this.
Speaker 3: No, you're not cut out for it. You brought a
Speaker 3: fucking erector set to baseball. Excuse my language, but you'd
Speaker 3: think you'd at least have cleats on. You have fucking
Speaker 3: crocs on, and you have them in sport mode. I
Speaker 3: heard you talking about them.
Speaker 7: Are they not supposed to be in smore mode? I
Speaker 7: can put them out, you know.
Speaker 3: I guess I think you'd want them around the back
Speaker 3: of your foot so they don't fall off every time.
Speaker 2: That's what.
Speaker 3: Your mom's retarded. She fucks Coach Josh. Okay, what I
Speaker 3: need you to do is when when Coach Josh comes back,
Speaker 3: he's gonna expect you to take some good hard swings
Speaker 3: in this box. I want you to swing as hard
Speaker 3: as you can at this ball, no matter where the
Speaker 3: ball is at, I want you to swing.
Speaker 7: Okay, Okay, I can do that.
Speaker 3: Coach Josh is coming back. He doesn't look too happy,
Speaker 3: all right, AJ.
Speaker 7: Coach Josh, did you find my chipsunk?
Speaker 4: He ran out of my back.
Speaker 1: The picture from the other team has your Chipmunk. And
Speaker 1: what we're gonna do is we're gonna play a game.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get in that rectangle over there that's next
Speaker 1: to the plate that's in the ground. Okay, the base,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's called why I immediately knew I fucked up.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a it's a it looks like a home,
Speaker 1: but upside down. Okay, you're gonna stand in the rectangle,
Speaker 1: the white rectangle that's over there, and the picture that
Speaker 1: that kid over there, he's called a picture.
Speaker 3: Josh, you know he's a foster kid.
Speaker 7: Rectangle. That's a pentagon.
Speaker 1: Where did you go to school next to the pentagon?
Speaker 7: Okay, obviously you're here. You're not in college teaching anything.
Speaker 1: You got two seconds to get your square?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 7: Sorry, did I speak out loud? My mom tells me
Speaker 7: sometimes I should just think things and not say them.
Speaker 7: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Your mom's a smart woman.
Speaker 3: All right, all I got, yeah, right? The pictures getting
Speaker 3: ready tangled? J what's your job?
Speaker 7: My job is to get hit by the ball.
Speaker 1: Throw you the squirrel, no, I said, swing, No matter
Speaker 1: what can throw the squirrel to you. Just catch the
Speaker 1: fucking squirrel is a squirrel.
Speaker 2: They're gonna go get it.
Speaker 1: We're done, he's already in the tree.
Speaker 3: Let's go back to the dog. We're what are her tits?
Speaker 1: They sit up or they sat they're phenomenally, they're perky.
Speaker 1: You think she's had there's just natural scars underneath.
Speaker 3: But that's hold on. The pitch is coming it? Oh? No,
Speaker 3: he missed, he missed, he missed, he missed the pitch. Okay,
Speaker 3: he swung though. I told him to swing hard, kid,
Speaker 3: I mean cot swung when he had.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to beat him, So I don't know if
Speaker 1: he's like making it look a little more realistic and
Speaker 1: throwing him a striker two first, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Speaking of Bean, what's your favorite position.
Speaker 1: With with her?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 1: Probably doggy style?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you like to look at her brown?
Speaker 1: No, she lets me eat M and m's off her ass.
Speaker 1: I just get to put a little pile right there, and.
Speaker 3: I just do you ever think about putting the brown one,
Speaker 3: just the brown one on there so it looks like
Speaker 3: a little spot of poop.
Speaker 1: I did, now.
Speaker 3: And then you just get in there and just get
Speaker 3: a little sniff. I guess she uses mince a pictures
Speaker 3: coming in. Oh fuck, Oh, you just got hid in
Speaker 3: the face.
Speaker 1: Okay, God, that's annoying.
Speaker 3: Walk it off, little aj you'll be fine. Just take
Speaker 3: first space, honey, Helliday says the like this off.
Speaker 1: It's bloody everywhere.
Speaker 3: Rumpire said it was a strike because he swung at it.
Speaker 1: We need to get this kid a first.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go.
Speaker 5: Home, a j go home, goodbye. Okay, he's gone.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 6: I wait the wrong way.
Speaker 3: I'd ask if she swallows, but clearly not because she's
Speaker 3: still having kids.
Speaker 1: Thank god, I'm snipped.
Speaker 2: What's her time at right now?
Speaker 3: It says an hour and ten minutes.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: I mean that we could cut out the first several
Speaker 3: minutes before the dad joke.
Speaker 4: But mm hmmm, uh.
Speaker 3: See, I can always a speed speed speed round and
Speaker 3: then call it.
Speaker 1: What were you thinking?
Speaker 2: It's up to you, guys, like we could do you
Speaker 2: know what we've been watching lately, or we can table
Speaker 2: it to the next one. Don't matter.
Speaker 3: We could table that any table Yeah, that's fine. Maybe
Speaker 3: what we've been watching will change. Maybe, Oh, speak of that, real, real,
Speaker 3: real fast. The end of golf today felt so bad.
Speaker 3: The guy who was leading most of the day, he
Speaker 3: has taken He's been top three, one hundred and forty
Speaker 3: three rounds of golf, professional PGA golf. He's been top
Speaker 3: three fifteen times and he's never won a tournament, and
Speaker 3: today on whole seventeen, tied for the lead, two other
Speaker 3: guys tied with him. He takes his putt, misses the
Speaker 3: par put. Now he's got a bogie, and the other
Speaker 3: guy birdies.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: The other guy pars to stay, and then him and
Speaker 3: another guy end up going for a three hole playoff,
Speaker 3: which was fucking wild, same hole four different times in
Speaker 3: a row because they played eighteen and then they got
Speaker 3: to the playoff, and then they played eighteen three more times.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It was good though, it was good, but felt bad
Speaker 3: for that one guy. Though one hundred and forty three
Speaker 3: times you've been top three fifteen times and you never won, that's.
Speaker 1: Still he still win a lot of money.
Speaker 3: Fuck yeah fuck yeah yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Anyway, yeah, I think I think it said his projection
Speaker 3: with his finish was because now they're in the playoff
Speaker 3: is he's like eighth, So he's ranked eighth out of
Speaker 3: the last fifty players, but yet he still has never
Speaker 3: won a d but because he always finishes around top ten. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so anyway, all right, let's wrap this bitch up with
Speaker 3: the bone. Yeah, one eighty eight. Michael Irving ain't great.
Speaker 3: Fuck you b word. Catch you next week.
Speaker 7: Later.
Speaker 1: I'm fucking tired.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how dark's your next joke?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: West African?
Speaker 4: Okay okay?
Speaker 1: Why do you pedophiles not win races? They like to
Speaker 1: come in a little behind.
Speaker 2: Damn