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Speaker 3: Last week, Sapphire's mother moved in with the Kingfish. However,
the Kingfish got an unexpected break. Judge Quigley of the
Domestic Relations Court ordered that the mother in law stop
interfering in their domestic quarrels.
Speaker 1: The judge rule the quote in all arguments.
Speaker 3: Between husband and wife, the mother in law shall remain
silent at all times. Naturally, the kingfish is taking full
advantage of the situation.
Speaker 5: George Stevens, I don't care what the court ordered, You're
gonna have to stop picking on Mama.
Speaker 4: Oh listen, I got that big mouth of hers and
pry doc and that's where I don't stay. I'll tell you,
when you finally get a tiger locked up in the kids,
you don't go in there and dance to Tennessee walls
with him. That old gal has been making trouble for
me for twenty two years.
Speaker 5: George, I don't see how you can say that. In
our whole married life, Mama has never interfered.
Speaker 4: Never interfered. She was all set the butt end from
the day we were married. She e would come to
church looking for trouble.
Speaker 5: Why, George, did I web? Mama was nothing but sweetness
and light.
Speaker 4: And how come she was carrying that lead pipe in
a prayer book?
Speaker 6: Now, George did it?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 8: Wait a minute, here comes Mama. Good evening, surpher, good evening.
Speaker 1: George, listen.
Speaker 4: I didn't like the tune of that.
Speaker 7: Voice there, but all I said was good evening.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, I detected the sneer in it, and I
think in the future you best just cutsy when you
come into the room.
Speaker 7: I just come in to find out what you wanted
for supper tonight.
Speaker 4: Well, I'd like to have some nice lamb chops.
Speaker 8: I thought, you can grow cat, this would be nice.
Speaker 4: Uh no, sir, I don't want them camouflage foods. You
never know what you was at. Tell the indigestion hit you, George.
Speaker 8: We is having chicken crow cats and that's final.
Speaker 4: We is gonna have lamb chops.
Speaker 8: I said, crow cats, and that's final.
Speaker 4: We is going to have lamb chops, I said, crow cat.
See here, Now I know your mama again.
Speaker 9: She's in the ferring, George.
Speaker 8: Mama just clad hot throat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well she done. Cleare it and you'll favor I thought,
I'm going in the bedroom and get washed.
Speaker 1: Up for supper.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry Mama about the way George has been acting
towards you, but there ain't nothing we can do about it.
Speaker 7: Don't be too sure, daughter, I'll tell you about it later.
Speaker 6: But I think I.
Speaker 8: Got a way to take the breeze out of.
Speaker 6: That old whim jam.
Speaker 2: Good morning, high kingfish Hire, feeling this morning?
Speaker 4: Oh not too well? And chicken croquettes don't agree with
me too good. Say how you doing with your mom
in law? You still got a muzzle on the old
hound dog. There we giving each other the silent treatment now,
but it ain't working as well as I.
Speaker 1: Thunk it would.
Speaker 4: She just don't say nothing, but that old Gail can
sit still nested and anyone I don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well tell me it's Kingfish. You don't think you
is overdoing this, do you? After all, your momon law
is a human being in the broader sense of the word.
Speaker 4: Listen, That whole family hers has always been obnoxious. They
ain't one of them that's had the decency. They'll showed
me a least bit of Notchingess, Yeah, I guess you
has got a pretty nasty cropper in laws, Kingfish, Yeah,
running through him. In my mind, I think the Nassis
of the lot of Sophire, sister Hortense. She's the one
that beat her husband to death with his own wooden leg.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I remember her. And take that brother
in law yours, Leroy. He ain't exactly know Freddie Bartholomew neither.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: LeRoy's wheler something all right, and he's a regular dracula
with horn rim glasses. I never told it us Ander,
but Leroy don't helped me. One of the cruelest bluers
of all. He was responsible for me getting hitched up
with Sophire.
Speaker 1: You know, well that is really hitting below the bell.
How's it happened?
Speaker 4: Well, it was a pretty sneaky way done it.
Speaker 1: Back in Mary, out of Georgia.
Speaker 4: He was out on one of them summer picnics, and
me and Sophire got tied together in a three legged race,
and that was the longest time, uh, she'd ever gone
steady with anyone. When we crossed the finish line, Leroy
stuck out his hand. I shook hands with him. The
next thing I know, he was now's a our engagement?
Speaker 1: Well, why didn't you back out the thing? Kings listen?
Speaker 4: I done fought to sing all the week, But on
the day of the wedding, when the relatives started kneeling
the church doors shut, I knew what I was a goner.
Speaker 2: Then, boy, well, you know a funny thing. I has
always heard so much about Sapphire's relatives.
Speaker 1: Don't you have no relations yourself?
Speaker 4: Well, and uh, I didn't have a big family to
start with. And and uncle Harry fell in the jute
middle up the state pen where that stiffed the family
tree clean as a whistle, you see it. Matter of fact,
the only relative I knew was I had is my
cousin sitting there. But I ain't seed him since I
was five or six years old.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, if I was you, i'd go kind of easy
on that silent treatment with your mother in law.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like an old fire hawse. You're gonna
hold him back just so long.
Speaker 2: One of these days you're liable to be one of
them five alarm arguments and the old lady will go
but jerk.
Speaker 4: Well, don't worry about In the end, I got everything
under control. I sitting on top of that old elephant
like saboo. Oh boy, let me get into a portman.
I'm really gonna give my mother in law a.
Speaker 1: Rough time to Native.
Speaker 8: George.
Speaker 10: Is that you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's me, Jort.
Speaker 8: I got a big surprise for you.
Speaker 5: Since you've been giving Mama the silent treatment, she's been
lonely and she just felt she had to have somebody
to talk to.
Speaker 8: Look who just arrived this morning from Florida.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, brother in law, Dear holy mackerel, my coopier
brother in law Leroy Helophone has done broad us young Here.
Speaker 1: Good evening.
Speaker 2: This is your rex Al Family Druggist, with a welcome
from the ten thousand independent druggists who have made the
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Speaker 1: Try an A pack a na p AC.
Speaker 2: It's at rex Al drug stores everywhere.
Speaker 5: Well, it's so nice all of us setting down to
breakfast together.
Speaker 8: Oh and I am so happy.
Speaker 7: I got my little baby Levey here with me too.
Speaker 11: Yes, now I'm here with my dear sister, my dear
sweet mama holeo oh mama.
Speaker 4: See as folks is eaten, I'll get.
Speaker 8: Us some more coffee.
Speaker 11: Yes, and get me some more than the flapjack sapphire
in the wares of John Paul Jones, I have not
yet begun to eat.
Speaker 4: Ha ha ha, And in the words of Benjamin Franklin,
drop dead.
Speaker 5: Fine, no fights while I'm gone, Leroy, seeing is I ain't.
Speaker 7: Allowed to speak to him? Would you ask that button
head to sit next to you to pass the sugar?
Speaker 2: Of course?
Speaker 9: Would you please pass Mama the sugar?
Speaker 4: Mutton head, Hey, Leroy, would you inform that old walrus
next to you that she ain't supposed to be talking
to me?
Speaker 7: And would you inform that and income poop that I
ain't talking to him.
Speaker 9: She ain't talking to you and income Poop.
Speaker 4: In a minute, chill.
Speaker 7: And furthermore, he ain't having his way around here no more.
Speaker 11: And furthermore, you ain't having your way around here no more,
fat head.
Speaker 4: Now look, goofy, don't go jumping the gun onto himself.
Wait till the old gives them to me before you
live on me. Other No, you gonna get in trouble. Yeah,
the cool down ordered you not to speak to me.
Speaker 9: I ain't talking to you.
Speaker 7: I'm talking to Leroy, and from now LELEI is gonna
have to you.
Speaker 11: Oh boy, I'm gonna enjoy this visit more than usual.
Speaker 9: Go ahead, Mama, you ain't even got warmed up yet.
Speaker 4: And I've had enough of this. Ies getting out of here.
I'll fix you too.
Speaker 10: Oh oh, look, Mama, he fell over my foot and
hit his head against the trade editor.
Speaker 9: I do believe he's unconscious.
Speaker 7: Well let him lay that till I gets back from
the kitchen. Maybe she want to go through his pockets
estimate for syrup.
Speaker 4: Son, Tell you how I there's gotta go. I just
can't stand it.
Speaker 8: I wouldn't say that if there was your relatives.
Speaker 4: Now listen you under saying that, cause you knows the
only relative I has his cousin sidning he Now.
Speaker 5: John't you just have to put up with them they cause.
Speaker 8: They is stay?
Speaker 4: Honey, I say they gotta go. They is eating us
out of house and home. Why this morning your brother
tried to eat the light bulb of the dice box,
but it was a boiled potato. Tell whoon you is
my lawyer? Now, how in the world can I get
rid of my mother in law and her goof is son? Leroy?
Speaker 10: Well, don't the spare kingfish. They're stamped out yellow fever,
so we all to be able to do something about them.
Speaker 4: Two. Well, he'll tell you something stronger than that. The
mercure chronium to put a deaton demp two viruses. Wait
a minute, maybe in some way you.
Speaker 10: Could scare your mother in law into getting out of there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I don't know anything that was scared. That
monster would be too horrible to mess with you, see.
Speaker 10: Yeah, but that's the only way I think you're gonna
affect a successful routipy movement. Well, now.
Speaker 4: There's where the truck all right? Now, look here, I
gotta get them leeches off my back somehow. Yeah, wait
a minute, I'll get Andy to help me. I'll invite
him up for supper, and then while Sapphire is doing
the dishes, me and Andy will get a hold of
a mama in laud well Sapphire and Leroy doing the dishes,
and lets you me and Mama squad down in the
living room here.
Speaker 2: Thank you, King Faz and missus Smith. May I say
that it was charming to come up here and renew
our pleasant quaintanship of the band.
Speaker 4: I shud up, that's my mother in law for you,
always ready with a witty retort. By the way, miss Brown,
I ain't see the newspapers the day. Is there anything
new in the world today? Oh?
Speaker 2: Nothing much, Missus Stevens uh Man over one hundred and
thirty eighth Street got his nose caught in the gum
machine cover. More senators popped each other on the beezer.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, away, that fiendish mother law killer.
Speaker 1: Is on the loose again.
Speaker 4: You don't mean to tell me you ain't buying a chance.
Referring to the man who was knocked off eighteen mother
in laws in the last month. See notorious harpoon Harry.
Speaker 2: Haf the one, it seemed from the best reliable information.
This harpoon Harry used to work on a whaling ship.
M He come home from a voyage once and his
mother in law made trouble for him.
Speaker 1: He let her have it with the instrument of his trade,
and he'd been on the goal ever since.
Speaker 7: Wait a minute, you mean to say this man has
been going around killing mother laws.
Speaker 4: I beg your pardon, Mamma, I didn't know you was
eve dribbling on our conversation here.
Speaker 8: What is this about a mother in law killer?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 9: That that?
Speaker 4: Oh well, I didn't realize that you had overheard my
conversation with my friends here. Well, it seems that this
feeling he is referring to something like Jackie ripper only
he has developed a natural hit Fred for mother in laws.
Speaker 8: And you say he's an ex whaler.
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you think of it, it wasn't too big
a jump from gaffing whales the harpoon.
Speaker 1: And mother in laws.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he had been in Shishkabab and them old
ladies right and left.
Speaker 7: Well, George, Uh, not that I'm frightened at anything, But
does the newspaper say anything about where?
Speaker 8: Just feed his operator.
Speaker 4: Well, the last report he was pigsticking his way up
one hundred and thirty fourth Street.
Speaker 7: George wis on one hundred and thirty fifth Street.
Speaker 8: You don't think he's gonna come around here, do you?
Speaker 4: Well, now, that's hard to say. And Mama, dear, I
wouldn't want to alarm you or nothing. But if you
were sleeping in our guest room some night and wakes
up and there's a man standing over you in a
pea jacket hollering, there she blows. If I was you,
I'd get my blood out of there and hurt.
Speaker 8: Oh my goodness, le I come in here?
Speaker 1: Yes, mother Dade, we leaving right now.
Speaker 8: But Mama, what's the matter.
Speaker 5: I thought you was gonna stay for another month, No, sir,
we going.
Speaker 1: Back to Brooklyn.
Speaker 7: The only monster we got to worry about.
Speaker 6: It over there is Leon de Rosa.
Speaker 2: You know, Kingfish. Your apartmun hair is really peaceful and
quiet these days, I'll say that.
Speaker 4: Yes, And since I got Lee Rowiner's mama, Lord, oh
just please. Is like Madison Square Garden the day after
the Circle Sleeves. Yeah, Sapphires are.
Speaker 2: Shopping to Hey, look out the window, King Fish, ain't
of a beautiful day?
Speaker 1: Yeah, spring is.
Speaker 2: Really here, right, look at that beautiful Wait a minute,
wait a minute. Look down in the street there that
couple getting out of that cab, the ones with the
four suitcases in the parrot cage.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and look at the sport court. Look at the
sport code on that filler. He's got his hat turned
up there. He looked like a fella that once sold
me a green TUXI.
Speaker 2: And that gal with him is really something too. With
them Bobby socks. And that's the first plaid fur coat
I said in a long time. Look at that. Look
at that show is a big parrot they got in
the cage. Hey, look look they're coming up to your
apartment step show.
Speaker 4: Yeah, probably dropping in on someone else in the building
here as you're here to be the second of that
trio decens on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it takes all kinds of people to make
a world.
Speaker 1: Hey, kyfish, that's your doorbell. You don't think that them
people could be don't be silly anything.
Speaker 4: That's probably want to ask directions or something. Uh yeah,
well listen, how you signing?
Speaker 1: Park?
Speaker 12: Could you tell me where I could find the George Stevens.
Speaker 4: E liars, George Stevens bringing the bag, sending the shelf
the place?
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 4: Get your bags over of here?
Speaker 12: Don't you recognize me, Georgia? I'm your little cousin sitting
it me and the little woman doesn't come to visit
with you?
Speaker 1: Ain't with Lou Ellen.
Speaker 9: Well it ain't the world off joy, But.
Speaker 12: You know I knowed you wouldn't mind if we dropped
in on you for a couple of months, I says Lou.
We can always count on good old cousin Georgia. Oh
my le what did you think of George of Louiella?
Speaker 5: I can find but you didn't tell me the bold
man had been in an accident.
Speaker 4: Well, now wait a minute, Chow, you can't move in
on me late.
Speaker 9: Now, George dark, I want you to meet the baby
of the family.
Speaker 1: Right here in the cage. Say hello to.
Speaker 9: Cousin George Hyman.
Speaker 1: You do, Georgia, I'm starcked.
Speaker 8: You said, I.
Speaker 9: Well, he want water, fully wants water.
Speaker 2: And now here's your rex Al family druggist. What will
give me relief from acids stomach? I think that's a
question I'm ask more often than any other.
Speaker 9: And how do you answer it with just two words?
Speaker 1: Ma'am?
Speaker 13: Bisme rex bisme rex why what does it do well?
Speaker 2: Bismerex is Rexol's famous ant acid with a specially developed
formula that gives fast and prolonged relief. You see, the
ingredients in bismerex vary in the time it takes them
to dissolve in the stomach. Excess acidity is often neutralized
in less than one minute, but the other ingredients dissolving
more slowly ease gastric distress and leave a soothing, protective
covering on irritated stomach membranes.
Speaker 9: Mister, you've got yourself a customer. What did you call
it again?
Speaker 2: Bisme rex bis m a hyphen r e x dismal rex.
Ask for it at rex ol drug stars everywhere.
Speaker 12: Well, cousin Fi, this looks like a wonderful supper. Wonderful supper,
don't it.
Speaker 1: Luella?
Speaker 5: You that my thank you?
Speaker 8: I bright eyes stakes in on the platter. Would you
have to sell and pass them along?
Speaker 9: Thank you, cousin Fi.
Speaker 12: Here, let me help your test thik Lluella you bet
take two the small These three will do me nicely.
Speaker 1: Now I passed the platter to you.
Speaker 4: Cousin George, if someone please pass me a piece of
prayers so I can sop up some of this gravy here.
Speaker 1: Well, that sounded like some supper you had last night.
Speaker 4: Oh, I tell you, I never seen nothing like it
in my whole life. You know, my cousin sitting in
his wife done and set a new low and ubnoxiousness.
Oh yeah, you ain't got no idea of the day
I put in with them yesterday.
Speaker 1: It was pretty bad, huh bad.
Speaker 4: I gonna tell you so, this is one of the
nastiest hunks of infiltrating I done ever see in my lego.
Speaker 1: I gonna tell you something.
Speaker 4: When I got home last night, he was making a
frontal attack on the ice box. She had established the
beach head in the bathroom, and when I went to
take refuge in my easy chair, I was attacked from
the rear by a man eating parrot.
Speaker 1: Well that is something, all right, I'll tell you.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But the crowning blow come in the middle of the night.
And is you ever gotten up at four am going
into the bathroom for some aspirin and got slapped in
the face by a wet camus hole.
Speaker 2: Oh smoke, Kingfish, This sounds like the worst invasion since
that Mongolian general took over Europe Jenga's corn.
Speaker 4: Listen, man, they gotta go. I going over now to
see my lawyer. I gonna tell him to consider everything
from a court order to mustard gas or you gotta
get up. I listen, Calhoun, you gotta do something for me.
Speaker 10: You just got it not taking it easy, Kingfish, Take
it easy. Just tell me what the problem is. Then
we'll get the solution. Because I have found that when
you get the solution first, you have an awful hard
time getting a problem to fit it.
Speaker 4: Got something there, but uh, listen to the to the problem.
And yet now the thing is to get the relatives.
Speaker 1: Oad of the house. Wait a minute, I thought you
already done got him out.
Speaker 4: Oh no, these anti seem relatives, this is a new basket.
Done showed up a little man. Yeah, they're moved in
on us.
Speaker 10: You know, Kingfish, when it comes to relatives, I think
you got a bad leak somewhere.
Speaker 4: Cal Whun you see these relatives is four times worse
than the other ones ever was?
Speaker 9: Can't Fish?
Speaker 1: I beg to different with you.
Speaker 10: I ain't see your mama in the law and that Liro,
and I can't tell that there ain't nobody on the
face of.
Speaker 1: The earth that could be worth today. Yeah, but Calhoun,
I hold.
Speaker 10: To my contention that that couldn't be no one more off,
not just, and more despicable than them two vultures.
Speaker 4: Now, who these new ones thore is my relatives?
Speaker 10: I concede the point hid me. The only thing you
got is a choice between the two evil What you mean, Calhoun?
Where now to get your relatives out? You has gotta
talk with Lero and his mama into coming back.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess you're Ray Calhoun. It is pretty bad,
But at least Lero ain't never nipped me on the.
Speaker 1: Ball spot with his beak.
Speaker 4: I gonna get a hold of Lero, and see if
I can't get him and his mama to go back
with us.
Speaker 10: You know, Kingfish, this mess you is in reminds me
of one of the most famous events in history, that
sad day when Julius Caesar was walking along the streets
and angine room. Suddenly, without groaning, a figure snug up
behind him and plunged the knife right between his shoulder blade,
piercing him to the heart. It was them, as he
laid it time that he undered them famous.
Speaker 1: Words A too poutet? What did that mean? Tell who?
Speaker 9: I didn't know?
Speaker 4: My mother in law was in town, e Roy, I
asked you over to the lodge hor here to have
a heart talk with you.
Speaker 14: Well, what can I do for your brother in law,
Dear Leroya, I has reconsidered my harsh actions, and I
want you and your sweet mother to move back in
with me and Sapphire, you.
Speaker 1: Know, move back in.
Speaker 9: Well, I don't know about that. I had the impression
that we wasn't exactly welcome there.
Speaker 10: Why Leroy, whatever give you that idea?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 9: I don't know, Kingfish, I guess it would.
Speaker 1: The little things?
Speaker 9: Will you hit him up?
Speaker 1: Or plate it? Meal times?
Speaker 9: And the broken glass you put in my bed every night.
Speaker 4: Oh, come now, Leroy, I think you was just being
super sensitive. That was just a little boy's pranks there.
You couldn't uh you you coming back door?
Speaker 15: Answer, Leroy, No, I ain't no loven't Leroy.
Speaker 4: If you and your mama will come back, I'll give
you one hundred dollars in cash money.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 11: Well, now that you put it on a sentimental basis,
well then I would be.
Speaker 1: The lightest move in with you brother.
Speaker 4: In law there. Well, and this so the Kingfish finally
got his cousin Sidney and his wife held the department.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, amos.
Speaker 2: While Sydney and his wife was tending the services this morning,
Kingfish rode their suitcases out on the street and snuck
Lee Roy and the.
Speaker 1: Old lady back in.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess when cousin Sidney got back, he didn't
want a tangle with Sapphire's mama.
Speaker 1: Huh oh No.
Speaker 2: According to the Kingfish, Sidney got a look at the
old lady, threw the peep hole in the front door,
and give up without a struggle. He cleared out of
their lockstock and parrot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, there.
Speaker 4: Was something more ray The Kingfish's cousin Sidney and his
wife showing up. Added the king Fish and Sydney hadn't
seen each other since there was kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, relatives are tricky things, all right. There is
just like radishes. When you think you was here the
last of them, there they is giving you trouble.
Speaker 11: Well, Mama, we is all set back here with George
and Sapphire again.
Speaker 7: That's the way I figured, Leroy. If I don't miss
my guess, we're good hit at least till Christmas.
Speaker 11: Yes, Mama's like old times, the way you had George
under your thumb again.
Speaker 9: I don't think he'll get out of line for a
long time.
Speaker 6: I say he won't.
Speaker 11: And you know I got a hand it to you, Mama.
That was a great scheme of yours to get us
back here.
Speaker 7: Sure we're finding it, but we must never let George
know that we got those two friends of ours from
Brooklyn to pose as his long lost cousin sitting there.
Speaker 2: Here's your ex All family Druggist, be on the lookout
for Rexall's full page ad in the current issues of Life,
Look Colliers, the Saturday Evening Post, and Country.
Speaker 1: Gentlemen.
Speaker 2: There are exactly sixty eight fine quality rex Al products
in this ad, ranging from exquisite Mother's Day gift ideas
to economical first aid needs, from writing supplies to medicine
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Speaker 1: Checked.
Speaker 2: Rex Al's full page ad in the current issues of
Life Look Colliers, Saturday Evening Post and Country Gentlemen.
Speaker 4: And don't forget ladies and gentlemen to be sure and
visit your friendly rex All drugstore.
Speaker 1: Good night, See you next Sunday.
Speaker 13: For the woman in ten with sensitive skin, there's Karenome
hand Cream.
Speaker 2: One woman in every ten has an extra sensitive, extra
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Speaker 13: That woman, there's Karenome hand Cream. Like all of Karenome
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Speaker 2: At rex Al drug stores everywhere.
Speaker 3: He is sure to be with us next Sunday at
the same time when your rex Al druggist will again
present The.
Speaker 1: Amos and Andy Show.
Speaker 3: The Amos Andy Show is written by Joe Connolly, Bob Moser,
and Bob Ross stay tuned for the Edgar Burgh and
Charlie McCarthy program, which follows immediately over most of these stations,
Ken Nile speaking, this is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System