WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:03.399 Okay, relive, how this is William Ramsey. Welcome to William 2 00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:05.919 Ramsey Investigates on today's show of a very special guest. 3 00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:10.519 Her name is Renee Marino and she has just written 4 00:00:10.519 --> 00:00:12.679 a book or writing a book which will be published 5 00:00:12.679 --> 00:00:15.720 in early twenty twenty two, and the title of the 6 00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:21.399 book is Becoming a Master Communicator, Beginning New School Technology, 7 00:00:21.480 --> 00:00:24.760 Balancing new school technology with old school simplicity. Sorry that 8 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:29.359 was a wrong time. Anyway, she is a professional communication 9 00:00:29.480 --> 00:00:32.039 coach and she's going to talk more about her book. So, Renee, 10 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:32.640 are you there. 11 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:35.399 I am here. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks 12 00:00:35.399 --> 00:00:36.840 for having me, well, thanks. 13 00:00:36.679 --> 00:00:38.240 For gring for the interview. For people may not have 14 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:40.640 heard your background. Can you talk about your background and 15 00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:43.399 what led you to write this book Becoming a Master Communicator. 16 00:00:43.799 --> 00:00:47.799 Absolutely, for over sixteen years of my life, I was 17 00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:52.640 a professional actor, singer, dancer on Broadway, in film, television, 18 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:57.159 and I've always been obsessed with William with communication and 19 00:00:57.200 --> 00:00:59.920 I think it comes from my background. I grew up 20 00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:03.520 in an Italian American family, so it was very common 21 00:01:03.560 --> 00:01:08.200 for us to be sitting around the kitchen table talking, eating, laughing, 22 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:13.599 arguing sometimes but nonetheless communicating and connecting. And because of that, 23 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.400 all throughout my life, I was always intrigued with the 24 00:01:16.439 --> 00:01:20.359 way people communicated and why, and the years that I 25 00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:24.920 was recording music, I even created a song called Communicate 26 00:01:25.000 --> 00:01:30.120 Go Figure. And then in twenty seventeen, I started doing 27 00:01:30.200 --> 00:01:33.000 my most recent Broadway show, which was Pretty Woman, the musical, 28 00:01:33.560 --> 00:01:36.920 just like the movie, and I had this idea to 29 00:01:36.959 --> 00:01:39.680 write a book. I've always been a writer since five 30 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:42.519 years old. It was one of my other passions. And 31 00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:47.680 after talking to my girlfriends in the dressing room about 32 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:52.359 who's dating who and if they're bringing up conversations that 33 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:57.159 are on their minds, and just all this talk about communication, 34 00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.280 I said to myself, there's a book in this and 35 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:04.480 especially nowadays, as you mentioned my title, balancing new school 36 00:02:04.519 --> 00:02:09.919 technology with old school simplicity, that subtitle is really about 37 00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:12.759 the fact that we are now in this digital age. Right, 38 00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:16.479 everyone's with a smartphone, We're all connecting virtually, and it's 39 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:19.080 such a beautiful gift, but if we don't learn to 40 00:02:19.319 --> 00:02:23.400 balance it with those more personal channels of communication, like 41 00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:27.080 face to face, picking up an actual phone to your 42 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:31.319 ear to have a conversation, or handwritten letters. Right, remember 43 00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:37.319 those if we don't balance that, then we're in for problems. 44 00:02:37.400 --> 00:02:39.800 And I've faced it in my own life. I've witnessed 45 00:02:39.800 --> 00:02:42.840 it in my clients, in my friend's family. When we 46 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:48.879 rely so heavily on technology, so many misperceptions happen miscommunication. 47 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:51.759 And I'm sure you know as well as I. In 48 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:58.240 life everything starts with communication, business, personal lives. So that's 49 00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:01.159 really where the book developed from, right. 50 00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:02.599 So, I mean all this stuff is very important, and 51 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:06.360 you're right, like this technology, there's so many you cite 52 00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:11.719 so many examples of miscommunications with texts and miscommunications with technology. 53 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:14.680 There are dangers, and I've had those experiences myself, like 54 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:17.800 what's this person doing? Where are they? Are they angry 55 00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:19.800 at me? I've spent days like that like that. Yes, 56 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:23.400 so maybe we can talk about the hazards of this 57 00:03:23.719 --> 00:03:27.560 new technological age we're in as far as it's effect 58 00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:28.479 upon communication. 59 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:33.879 Sure, when it comes to communicating virtually, we love it 60 00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:34.879 because it's convenient. 61 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:35.199 Right. 62 00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:37.759 If I need to shoot you a text real quick, William, 63 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:41.039 you're gonna get in four seconds. Great. But we have 64 00:03:41.159 --> 00:03:45.479 to create boundaries for ourselves, and that is within the book. 65 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:48.639 I have two chapters that are full of practices that 66 00:03:48.719 --> 00:03:52.360 you can implement today to help you get more comfortable 67 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:55.439 with this. So, for example, if you and I are 68 00:03:55.439 --> 00:03:57.840 going back and forth. We're really great friends, and we're 69 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:02.280 going back and forth texting one another. When it gets 70 00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:06.439 to the point that you're texting paragraphs to someone and 71 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:10.159 the subject matter is serious or something that really needs 72 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:13.960 to be dealt with in person, or where you can 73 00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:16.560 hear the tone of someone's voice, that's a sure sign 74 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:19.639 to say, Okay, this texting needs to stop. I'm going 75 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:22.279 to pick up the phone, or I'm going to say, William, 76 00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:24.639 how about we meet for a coffee today. I'll meet 77 00:04:24.680 --> 00:04:26.720 you over lunch and we can talk about it. Then 78 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:32.480 the problems really start when we continue the text messages, 79 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:36.240 We continue the email threads when they've gone far beyond 80 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:41.399 the time that they should when we are discussing matters 81 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:47.199 that shouldn't be connect You shouldn't be connecting over these matters. 82 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:51.319 If there's no tone right email text, there's no tone, 83 00:04:51.399 --> 00:04:53.720 Like you said, how many times I'm sure all of 84 00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:56.399 the listeners can agree. Have you sat there with your 85 00:04:56.439 --> 00:04:59.319 smartphone and someone texts you and they put an emoji 86 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:02.120 and you're like, oh, why they use that emoji, like, 87 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:04.480 what's said about? Are they upset with me? Maybe it's 88 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:07.879 because I said this, you know, And two hours goes 89 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:11.439 by and you have wasted time energy on what an 90 00:05:11.480 --> 00:05:14.720 emoji meant. In the book, I call this the three 91 00:05:14.839 --> 00:05:19.399 act play, which is the drama that we put ourselves 92 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:24.360 through the rumination that we put our minds through in 93 00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:28.000 asking ourselves what could it be and why? Instead of 94 00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:32.639 having that direct communication and just saying, hey, William, when 95 00:05:32.680 --> 00:05:34.800 you text me that emoji, what do you mean by that? 96 00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:38.160 More often than not, the response is usually oh, I 97 00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:40.680 was kidding around, or I don't know, didn't even realize 98 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.800 I put it there. And then you realize, oh my goodness, 99 00:05:43.879 --> 00:05:48.079 I've wasted hours of my life. I've wasted so much energy. 100 00:05:48.120 --> 00:05:50.319 I could have written another book, and here I was 101 00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:54.319 stressing out about something that didn't even matter, right, And I. 102 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:58.279 Mean, that's so important. The effective communication is so important 103 00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:01.839 because a face to face personal communication you also get 104 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:05.639 nonverbal clues that you cannot yet through the modern technology, 105 00:06:05.800 --> 00:06:09.560 so like, and that's a significant proportion element of these 106 00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:14.240 communications in any circumstance, family, loved one, business relationship, anything 107 00:06:14.279 --> 00:06:16.120 like that. Being face to face, so I think you 108 00:06:16.199 --> 00:06:20.160 make great points about getting off of these like text 109 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:25.240 and emails and things like that. You talk also kind 110 00:06:25.279 --> 00:06:30.600 of about the technology affecting really old classic skills that 111 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:34.160 we've lost, which is just basic writing or expression, just 112 00:06:34.199 --> 00:06:36.439 simple expression that we take for granted. One hundred years ago, 113 00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:38.759 the writing was so much better than now. Can you 114 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:39.439 expand on that? 115 00:06:39.879 --> 00:06:43.399 Yes, it actually breaks my heart, William. I'm not kidding 116 00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:46.800 when I say this that many schools don't even teach 117 00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:49.879 handwriting anymore. Like that was, of course my favorite subject. 118 00:06:49.959 --> 00:06:52.759 I love like learning script I can remember doing that 119 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:55.600 all through my school years. And my sister in law 120 00:06:55.680 --> 00:06:58.120 is a guidance counselor. She's been one for about ten 121 00:06:58.199 --> 00:07:01.040 years now in the high school, and I give an 122 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:06.199 example in the book about how she said to me, Renee, 123 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:10.279 it is such a lost art. And not only that, 124 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:15.079 the kids in school don't know how to take proper 125 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:18.560 notes because of that. Right when we were in school, 126 00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:20.360 I'm going to speak for the both of us, you 127 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:23.879 kind of knew how to take notes because writing was 128 00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:27.480 a part of the curriculum. But now not only is 129 00:07:27.519 --> 00:07:30.959 it not part of the curriculum, but with smartphones and 130 00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:35.680 the notifications going off and the distraction. It pulls the 131 00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:37.759 kids right out of what they were even trying to 132 00:07:37.800 --> 00:07:40.160 take notes on. And my sister in law has said, 133 00:07:40.199 --> 00:07:42.920 this is such a problem. It's such a problem for 134 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.000 so many of their students, and I hear it all 135 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:51.399 the time. I spoke to so many parents teachers in 136 00:07:51.480 --> 00:07:54.480 researching for my book, and I'm telling you it was 137 00:07:54.519 --> 00:07:59.920 like ninety eight percent of them agreed that children now 138 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:03.560 day's children, young adults, they have lost the art of 139 00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:07.000 being able to write a complete sentence. And many people 140 00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:09.839 nowadays could say, well, it's no big deal, right, I 141 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:13.000 have grammarly, I can just figure it out online. But 142 00:08:13.079 --> 00:08:15.920 at the end of the day, don't you want to 143 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:18.959 know that if you had to for a job interview 144 00:08:19.399 --> 00:08:22.439 write a paragraph about why you're the best person for 145 00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:24.959 the job, you want to be able to do that 146 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:29.199 because what we write is a representation of us. When 147 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:32.320 I write you a handwritten letter, William, that's a representation 148 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:36.600 of my feelings towards you. Right, it's a very personal 149 00:08:37.000 --> 00:08:39.759 it's a very personal skill. And the fact that it's 150 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:43.080 becoming a lost art it breaks my heart, it really does. 151 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:44.960 It really is. It's really a loss. And you don't 152 00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:47.120 see it that often in these young kids writing in 153 00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:51.159 a very effective way into loved ones, family members, business people, 154 00:08:51.399 --> 00:08:54.919 expressing themselves effectively. It's a lot of it's choppy and 155 00:08:55.000 --> 00:08:58.679 they rely upon texting instead of kind of this classic element. 156 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:00.679 And I think that goes to another point you make 157 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:04.960 in your book, which is the loss of ability to focus, 158 00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:08.159 but also another point of communication, which is actually listening. Right. 159 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:13.320 Listening is I think the most crucial part of being 160 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:17.960 a master communicator. So often, especially nowadays, I mean, we 161 00:09:18.039 --> 00:09:25.279 see it everywhere. We're not listening. And Stephen steven Kobe 162 00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:29.120 absolutely he talks about how so often we listen with 163 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:32.360 the intent to reply and not the intent to understand. 164 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:37.480 And that is such a common problem nowadays because we 165 00:09:37.559 --> 00:09:41.519 are all used to things happening fast quick. I'm talking 166 00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:44.200 to you, I hear notification go off. My focus has switched. 167 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:48.200 We're tasks switched, switching all day long. So when it 168 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:53.679 comes to fully listening in a conversation, it's becoming less 169 00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:57.600 and less the more technology gets advanced, because our brains 170 00:09:57.639 --> 00:10:01.080 are now programmed. I say the book, I say, we 171 00:10:01.159 --> 00:10:06.679 are like Pavlo's dogs, right conditioned to tune out the 172 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:09.840 minute we hear a notification go off, the minute a 173 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:12.879 new ad pops up on a on a link bar, 174 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:20.000 and this is causing us to become much less, much 175 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:24.720 less apt to listen. And it's very much a problem because, 176 00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:28.559 as you said, that is such a crucial part of communication. 177 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.480 When I can sit here and fully listen to you 178 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:34.559 and take in what you're saying to me, without thinking, 179 00:10:34.919 --> 00:10:38.720 without focusing on myself, right, not thinking about what I'm 180 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:41.399 going to say, how I'm gonna respond, but fully absorbing 181 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:46.159 what you are sharing with me. It's a gift on 182 00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:48.600 both parties, right. I give you the gift for this 183 00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:51.600 open platform to be heard, and I give a gift 184 00:10:51.679 --> 00:10:57.399 to myself to possibly learn something, to experience a new perspective. 185 00:10:58.000 --> 00:11:01.399 And we lose these gifts when we are so consumed 186 00:11:01.399 --> 00:11:04.840 with ourselves, we're consumed with winning the argument, or we're 187 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:08.600 consumed with sharing our opinion. I don't care about what 188 00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:10.080 you have to say, but let me tell you what 189 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:13.120 I know. And we can see it, right. I think 190 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:15.080 we can see it in the world right now. We 191 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:17.679 see it in the news, we see it everywhere. No 192 00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:22.399 one is actually having a conversation. And I really believe William. 193 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:24.960 I believe it in my heart that this book is 194 00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:29.519 going to help so many people because breathing is very 195 00:11:29.559 --> 00:11:32.799 much I'm sorry, Communicating is very much like breathing. We 196 00:11:32.919 --> 00:11:36.279 don't often think about it until things go awry. You 197 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:38.480 don't think about how you're breathing until you can't breathe 198 00:11:38.519 --> 00:11:41.000 and you're having an anxiety attack and you're like, can't 199 00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:44.919 catch my breath. The same thing happens with communication. You 200 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:47.799 go about your day communicating in the way that is 201 00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:51.039 most natural to you, and then you come across a block, 202 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:56.039 whether it's a miscommunication through a text, or your boss 203 00:11:56.200 --> 00:11:59.960 actually didn't get your email and is now having, you know, 204 00:12:00.679 --> 00:12:04.039 telling you that, oh, I feel like you're not working effectively, 205 00:12:04.120 --> 00:12:07.399 and meanwhile you sent the email but it went to spam. 206 00:12:07.799 --> 00:12:12.159 So we aren't conscious of how we're communicating in our relationships, 207 00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:16.759 personal and professional until something goes wrong. So my hope 208 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:19.159 with this book is that it's going to bring awareness 209 00:12:19.159 --> 00:12:21.840 to all of us to say, Wow, well do I 210 00:12:21.960 --> 00:12:26.200 do that? You know, do I check in on the 211 00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:30.159 phone after I've texted a friend for hours and check 212 00:12:30.200 --> 00:12:32.080 in and just be like, hey, are we good? Did 213 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:34.679 you understand what I was saying when I text that 214 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:38.279 if we're not aware of that, then that is where 215 00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:42.399 you know, we can experience a lot of heartache and 216 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:44.399 a lot of miscommunication. 217 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.799 Right. And I think that even the technology you make 218 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:50.639 a point to in the book that because you're on tech, 219 00:12:50.679 --> 00:12:54.399 you're missing the opportunity to properly communicate. Can you talk 220 00:12:54.440 --> 00:12:59.159 about how technology has inhibited people? I mean the types 221 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:01.879 of communication for me and my family. Somebody's on the phone, 222 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:04.200 you might as well be talking to a wall about 223 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:05.399 something even important. 224 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:09.120 Yes, Oh, it's and it's such a double edged sword, right. 225 00:13:09.159 --> 00:13:10.679 I know my husband and I we go through this 226 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:12.919 all the time, especially the both of us are working 227 00:13:12.919 --> 00:13:16.399 from home. I have my own business. He is doing 228 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:19.679 ten different things at once, and a lot of that 229 00:13:19.799 --> 00:13:23.399 business is done through technology. So I'm on my phone, 230 00:13:23.559 --> 00:13:25.960 he's on his phone, and it takes a lot of 231 00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:29.000 conscious effort for us to be like, okay, that's it, 232 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:33.639 phones away, I need to like really hone into you. 233 00:13:33.799 --> 00:13:36.440 How is your day, what's going on? You're feeling okay? 234 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:41.000 And with technology, the way that it has inhibited us 235 00:13:41.240 --> 00:13:46.399 is it makes it really easy for us to escape ourselves. 236 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:50.960 And I say this all the time because I believe 237 00:13:51.000 --> 00:13:54.879 it so strongly. The most important communication that we have 238 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:58.360 is within ourselves, and that sets the tone for all 239 00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:01.200 of the communication we have in our ex sterior relationships. 240 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:05.360 So if we are not having honest conversations with ourselves, 241 00:14:05.600 --> 00:14:08.159 how am I feeling today? Renee, what's going on? What's 242 00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:11.519 what's bothering you? Really and taking the time to write 243 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:15.039 about it. Simply asking the question how am I feeling 244 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:17.240 and then writing about it first thing in the morning 245 00:14:17.720 --> 00:14:20.360 can set your day off in such a positive way 246 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:24.639 because you've now checked in with yourself first. And because 247 00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:28.080 of technology, what do many of us do? Eyes are open, 248 00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:32.600 grab for our phone, We scroll, we scroll, and Brendan Bouchard, 249 00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:35.480 who I love, talks about this. He talked about this 250 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:38.919 in one of his podcast episodes. The danger in doing 251 00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:42.159 that is the minute we wake up, we're checking out 252 00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:45.000 of our lives and into someone else's. And what does 253 00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:48.080 that do? William? We go into comparison mode. We look 254 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.759 at Oh they're doing this, man, I'm not doing well enough. 255 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:53.799 They look so happy. I don't feel happy because we're 256 00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:58.840 comparing our real lives to this beautiful culmination of photos 257 00:14:58.840 --> 00:15:02.480 and videos that the other people have allowed us to. 258 00:15:02.360 --> 00:15:06.679 See, right, that sometimes aren't even a real disposition or 259 00:15:06.759 --> 00:15:09.799 prediction of their life either too. So o, that's a 260 00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:12.279 whole nother thing, like that's a false element of high 261 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:16.159 tech communication too. It's like some of these Instagram models 262 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:18.519 and stuff like that, these lifestyle people, they're not even 263 00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:19.440 living that real. 264 00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:21.720 Life for sure. Oh my goodness, it's so true, and 265 00:15:21.759 --> 00:15:26.200 you know it's so it's so ironic because we have 266 00:15:26.279 --> 00:15:29.200 to remember. I think it's so important for us to 267 00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:32.879 remember because so many people, I mean, the depression rate 268 00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:37.159 has elevated through all of this, because again, people are 269 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:40.440 comparing themselves to what they think is real, and we 270 00:15:40.519 --> 00:15:42.799 have to remember, and I hope all the listeners remember this. 271 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:47.519 No one's taking pictures or videos of when they have 272 00:15:47.799 --> 00:15:51.240 just argued with their husband or their wife, or when 273 00:15:51.240 --> 00:15:54.320 they're in their room crying by themselves because they feel 274 00:15:54.360 --> 00:15:58.000 lonely and they feel confused. Those aren't the pictures that 275 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:00.679 are being put up in most cases, right, There are 276 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:04.960 some incredibly authentic people influencers who make it a point 277 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:07.120 to show that side, and I love that and I 278 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:11.039 honor those people, but most of us are not doing that. 279 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:14.240 So remember that the next time you compare yourself. When 280 00:16:14.279 --> 00:16:17.000 you start to feel a little crappy about yourself, take 281 00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:19.720 a pause and say, Okay, hold on, I'm gonna remember 282 00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:23.279 what Renee said. This is not all as it. 283 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:26.799 Seems, right, And I mean, I think that's really important 284 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:31.200 to see, like this new school technology is distorting reality, 285 00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:35.799 whereas the old school simplicity is all emphasizing what's really 286 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:41.879 important family, loved ones, relationships, communication, authenticity. And I think 287 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:44.120 you make that point, like I've seen you talk about 288 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.159 going and eating three hour meals in Italy. I've seen 289 00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:49.799 really sad things were going out to dinner and everybody's 290 00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:53.360 got a phone or an iPad just break share. I'm like, a, 291 00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:56.120 oh man, this is terrible. This is really horrible. Maybe 292 00:16:56.120 --> 00:16:59.279 you can talk about some of the old school simplicity 293 00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:02.200 things of me forgotten in the high tech world. 294 00:17:02.519 --> 00:17:04.640 Yes, I want to first say this, William, because you 295 00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:07.400 just brought up a point that is so significant for me. 296 00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:10.039 This was one of I will never forget this day. 297 00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:13.200 This was one of the driving forces for me to 298 00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:17.160 write this book with this topic because communication can be 299 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:20.400 so broad, right communication, what kind of communication? But for me, 300 00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:23.720 it was so important to hone it in to this 301 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:26.759 balance of new school with old school. I was out 302 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:28.759 to dinner one day with a dear friend of mine 303 00:17:29.440 --> 00:17:31.640 and the two of us are catching up, having a 304 00:17:31.640 --> 00:17:35.240 great conversation, and next to us it's a family of five. 305 00:17:35.319 --> 00:17:39.319 It was two you know, parents, husband and wife, a teenager, 306 00:17:39.319 --> 00:17:42.640 and then two young children. And I kid you not, 307 00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:48.519 the entire meal, no one spoke. Each of them had 308 00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:52.680 their heads down in a digital device, and even when 309 00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:55.319 the food came, they kept it in their hands. And 310 00:17:55.359 --> 00:17:59.839 I'm not kidding when I say my heart broke, because, again, 311 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:02.759 going back to my roots, what I'm used to, when 312 00:18:02.759 --> 00:18:04.880 you sit down at the table, that's when you communicate 313 00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:08.480 the most. You're talking, checking in with each other. And 314 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:11.799 that's to me where I feel love. I feel community 315 00:18:11.799 --> 00:18:13.759 when I'm around the table and I can be eating 316 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:16.759 with my friends and having that conversation. And there was 317 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:20.160 none of that. And my friend and I we couldn't 318 00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:22.200 believe it. You couldn't help but be aware of it. 319 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:24.559 I mean, they were sitting right next to us, and 320 00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:28.119 I was just like, what a waste of time, right, 321 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:31.960 this precious time that we are given. Life is so short, 322 00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:34.680 no one ever knows, and we have this gift to 323 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:38.200 be with our family members, and for two hours they 324 00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:42.039 couldn't put those digital devices down. And the sad reality 325 00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:48.359 is we're becoming addicted. We're addicted to picking up our 326 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:51.599 phones even when we're totally unconscious. I've done it. This 327 00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:54.079 is why I can write about it. For four seconds, 328 00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:55.960 nothing's going on and I pick up my phone and 329 00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:00.480 I'm thinking, Renee, what are you doing? So seeing this 330 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:04.920 family was really what propelled me to write this book. 331 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:09.119 But going back to what you asked about, what old 332 00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:13.480 school simplicity qualities are we missing that we can still adopt. 333 00:19:14.200 --> 00:19:20.359 Number one is having the phone put away. Studies show 334 00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:23.279 that even just having a phone out, like your cell 335 00:19:23.319 --> 00:19:26.119 phone out on the table, if you and I are 336 00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:30.000 out to lunch, proves to be a distraction. Even if 337 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:32.480 you're not touching the phone, it proves to be a 338 00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:34.880 distraction to the other person because you're aware of it 339 00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:37.599 right it's there. We know that at any second an 340 00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:41.359 alarm could go off, someone could be texting you, and 341 00:19:41.559 --> 00:19:47.079 it changes the fullness of the conversation. So I would say, 342 00:19:47.079 --> 00:19:49.519 first and foremost, having our phones put away when we 343 00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:51.359 know we're going to be meeting with a friend, a 344 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:54.960 family member, take that time put the phone away. Also 345 00:19:55.440 --> 00:20:00.240 this element of slowing down right our nerve of his 346 00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:03.759 systems have sped up. And as you just mentioned in 347 00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:06.119 the book, I talk about when my husband and I 348 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:09.640 took our beautiful vacation to Italy, I felt it like 349 00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:14.880 I literally felt a complete shift just from having my 350 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:17.680 phone away, only out when I took a picture and 351 00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:21.720 then put it away, and sitting eating meals amongst the 352 00:20:21.799 --> 00:20:25.759 Italians who are so leisurely in how they eat, They 353 00:20:25.799 --> 00:20:29.799 take their time, there's no rush for the bill, and 354 00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:33.960 I felt like my days were tripled, the time of 355 00:20:34.039 --> 00:20:37.720 my days was tripled. And then I come back to 356 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:40.480 the States, I go back to my regular life, and 357 00:20:40.519 --> 00:20:43.440 I'm thinking, you know, I'm on my computer all day, 358 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.599 I'm on my phone, I'm here, I'm there, And at 359 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:47.720 the end of the day, I always find myself saying, 360 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.680 where did the day go? How did this day already 361 00:20:51.720 --> 00:20:56.880 pass us? And it's because it feels like technology causes 362 00:20:57.000 --> 00:20:59.640 us to press the fast forward button on our lives. 363 00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:03.480 Yeah, I agree with that, but also it also is 364 00:21:03.559 --> 00:21:09.000 that communication that you're using on technology as meaningful as 365 00:21:09.079 --> 00:21:11.799 these other forms of communication. So you may spend I 366 00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:14.440 mean at least in my my situation, I'm on the 367 00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:18.440 computer all the time. More important things are talking about children, why, 368 00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:20.119 you know, things like wife and doing that, and you 369 00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:23.079 should you share that story of this eighty year old 370 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:26.880 lady who remembers growing up with her family, you know, 371 00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.960 and their time is nothing like what it is today, 372 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.319 no distractions, not even the TV. Dad's playing music, kids 373 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:37.680 are dancing, and it just kind of like juxtaposed with 374 00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:40.480 our current day, like where you've gone down a road. 375 00:21:40.519 --> 00:21:44.200 I don't think it's it's it's that great. I mean, 376 00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:45.480 this whole technology and I. 377 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:48.960 Mean, yeah, well it's such I know, I know, William. 378 00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:51.920 I was just I was just speaking to someone else 379 00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:55.799 about this and they were talking about how, you know, 380 00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:00.000 virtual reality and mixed reality, that that's that's coming right, 381 00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:03.000 It's it's already here. And just recently I was with 382 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:05.440 one of my little cousins nine years old, and he 383 00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:08.599 had me put on these virtual glasses. 384 00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:09.440 Oculus or whatever. 385 00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that thing. And I'm not kidding you. 386 00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:16.839 It freaked me out so much. It was absolutely incredible. 387 00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:19.559 But here I am in a living room and then 388 00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:22.000 I put on these glasses and I'm in like Egypt 389 00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:25.839 and I am in Egypt, Like I am there, I'm 390 00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:29.000 feeling it. I can see everything, and I was like, 391 00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:32.480 oh my goodness, people are not going to want to 392 00:22:32.519 --> 00:22:36.119 be in reality because if the virtual reality is so 393 00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:39.759 much better, then what happens to that human connection? 394 00:22:40.519 --> 00:22:43.799 Right gone, Like you're in a matrix, like a perminent matrix. 395 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:47.079 It's a disaster. It's a human disaster for humanity. And 396 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:49.839 I think that's like a under you know, A subtext 397 00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:52.319 of your book is like we've got to get away 398 00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:56.839 from this technology and get back to the human things, writing, communicating, talking, 399 00:22:57.240 --> 00:22:59.160 Like we've lost even just to sit down and meal. 400 00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:01.880 So many fans Amilist don't even sit down and communicate 401 00:23:01.960 --> 00:23:04.359