Speaker 1: Okay, relive, how this is William Ramsey. Welcome to William
Speaker 1: Ramsey Investigates on today's show of a very special guest.
Speaker 1: Her name is Renee Marino and she has just written
Speaker 1: a book or writing a book which will be published
Speaker 1: in early twenty twenty two, and the title of the
Speaker 1: book is Becoming a Master Communicator, Beginning New School Technology,
Speaker 1: Balancing new school technology with old school simplicity. Sorry that
Speaker 1: was a wrong time. Anyway, she is a professional communication
Speaker 1: coach and she's going to talk more about her book. So, Renee,
Speaker 1: are you there.
Speaker 2: I am here. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks
Speaker 2: for having me, well, thanks.
Speaker 1: For gring for the interview. For people may not have
Speaker 1: heard your background. Can you talk about your background and
Speaker 1: what led you to write this book Becoming a Master Communicator.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, for over sixteen years of my life, I was
Speaker 2: a professional actor, singer, dancer on Broadway, in film, television,
Speaker 2: and I've always been obsessed with William with communication and
Speaker 2: I think it comes from my background. I grew up
Speaker 2: in an Italian American family, so it was very common
Speaker 2: for us to be sitting around the kitchen table talking, eating, laughing,
Speaker 2: arguing sometimes but nonetheless communicating and connecting. And because of that,
Speaker 2: all throughout my life, I was always intrigued with the
Speaker 2: way people communicated and why, and the years that I
Speaker 2: was recording music, I even created a song called Communicate
Speaker 2: Go Figure. And then in twenty seventeen, I started doing
Speaker 2: my most recent Broadway show, which was Pretty Woman, the musical,
Speaker 2: just like the movie, and I had this idea to
Speaker 2: write a book. I've always been a writer since five
Speaker 2: years old. It was one of my other passions. And
Speaker 2: after talking to my girlfriends in the dressing room about
Speaker 2: who's dating who and if they're bringing up conversations that
Speaker 2: are on their minds, and just all this talk about communication,
Speaker 2: I said to myself, there's a book in this and
Speaker 2: especially nowadays, as you mentioned my title, balancing new school
Speaker 2: technology with old school simplicity, that subtitle is really about
Speaker 2: the fact that we are now in this digital age. Right,
Speaker 2: everyone's with a smartphone, We're all connecting virtually, and it's
Speaker 2: such a beautiful gift, but if we don't learn to
Speaker 2: balance it with those more personal channels of communication, like
Speaker 2: face to face, picking up an actual phone to your
Speaker 2: ear to have a conversation, or handwritten letters. Right, remember
Speaker 2: those if we don't balance that, then we're in for problems.
Speaker 2: And I've faced it in my own life. I've witnessed
Speaker 2: it in my clients, in my friend's family. When we
Speaker 2: rely so heavily on technology, so many misperceptions happen miscommunication.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure you know as well as I. In
Speaker 2: life everything starts with communication, business, personal lives. So that's
Speaker 2: really where the book developed from, right.
Speaker 1: So, I mean all this stuff is very important, and
Speaker 1: you're right, like this technology, there's so many you cite
Speaker 1: so many examples of miscommunications with texts and miscommunications with technology.
Speaker 1: There are dangers, and I've had those experiences myself, like
Speaker 1: what's this person doing? Where are they? Are they angry
Speaker 1: at me? I've spent days like that like that. Yes,
Speaker 1: so maybe we can talk about the hazards of this
Speaker 1: new technological age we're in as far as it's effect
Speaker 1: upon communication.
Speaker 2: Sure, when it comes to communicating virtually, we love it
Speaker 2: because it's convenient.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: If I need to shoot you a text real quick, William,
Speaker 2: you're gonna get in four seconds. Great. But we have
Speaker 2: to create boundaries for ourselves, and that is within the book.
Speaker 2: I have two chapters that are full of practices that
Speaker 2: you can implement today to help you get more comfortable
Speaker 2: with this. So, for example, if you and I are
Speaker 2: going back and forth. We're really great friends, and we're
Speaker 2: going back and forth texting one another. When it gets
Speaker 2: to the point that you're texting paragraphs to someone and
Speaker 2: the subject matter is serious or something that really needs
Speaker 2: to be dealt with in person, or where you can
Speaker 2: hear the tone of someone's voice, that's a sure sign
Speaker 2: to say, Okay, this texting needs to stop. I'm going
Speaker 2: to pick up the phone, or I'm going to say, William,
Speaker 2: how about we meet for a coffee today. I'll meet
Speaker 2: you over lunch and we can talk about it. Then
Speaker 2: the problems really start when we continue the text messages,
Speaker 2: We continue the email threads when they've gone far beyond
Speaker 2: the time that they should when we are discussing matters
Speaker 2: that shouldn't be connect You shouldn't be connecting over these matters.
Speaker 2: If there's no tone right email text, there's no tone,
Speaker 2: Like you said, how many times I'm sure all of
Speaker 2: the listeners can agree. Have you sat there with your
Speaker 2: smartphone and someone texts you and they put an emoji
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, why they use that emoji, like,
Speaker 2: what's said about? Are they upset with me? Maybe it's
Speaker 2: because I said this, you know, And two hours goes
Speaker 2: by and you have wasted time energy on what an
Speaker 2: emoji meant. In the book, I call this the three
Speaker 2: act play, which is the drama that we put ourselves
Speaker 2: through the rumination that we put our minds through in
Speaker 2: asking ourselves what could it be and why? Instead of
Speaker 2: having that direct communication and just saying, hey, William, when
Speaker 2: you text me that emoji, what do you mean by that?
Speaker 2: More often than not, the response is usually oh, I
Speaker 2: was kidding around, or I don't know, didn't even realize
Speaker 2: I put it there. And then you realize, oh my goodness,
Speaker 2: I've wasted hours of my life. I've wasted so much energy.
Speaker 2: I could have written another book, and here I was
Speaker 2: stressing out about something that didn't even matter, right, And I.
Speaker 1: Mean, that's so important. The effective communication is so important
Speaker 1: because a face to face personal communication you also get
Speaker 1: nonverbal clues that you cannot yet through the modern technology,
Speaker 1: so like, and that's a significant proportion element of these
Speaker 1: communications in any circumstance, family, loved one, business relationship, anything
Speaker 1: like that. Being face to face, so I think you
Speaker 1: make great points about getting off of these like text
Speaker 1: and emails and things like that. You talk also kind
Speaker 1: of about the technology affecting really old classic skills that
Speaker 1: we've lost, which is just basic writing or expression, just
Speaker 1: simple expression that we take for granted. One hundred years ago,
Speaker 1: the writing was so much better than now. Can you
Speaker 1: expand on that?
Speaker 2: Yes, it actually breaks my heart, William. I'm not kidding
Speaker 2: when I say this that many schools don't even teach
Speaker 2: handwriting anymore. Like that was, of course my favorite subject.
Speaker 2: I love like learning script I can remember doing that
Speaker 2: all through my school years. And my sister in law
Speaker 2: is a guidance counselor. She's been one for about ten
Speaker 2: years now in the high school, and I give an
Speaker 2: example in the book about how she said to me, Renee,
Speaker 2: it is such a lost art. And not only that,
Speaker 2: the kids in school don't know how to take proper
Speaker 2: notes because of that. Right when we were in school,
Speaker 2: I'm going to speak for the both of us, you
Speaker 2: kind of knew how to take notes because writing was
Speaker 2: a part of the curriculum. But now not only is
Speaker 2: it not part of the curriculum, but with smartphones and
Speaker 2: the notifications going off and the distraction. It pulls the
Speaker 2: kids right out of what they were even trying to
Speaker 2: take notes on. And my sister in law has said,
Speaker 2: this is such a problem. It's such a problem for
Speaker 2: so many of their students, and I hear it all
Speaker 2: the time. I spoke to so many parents teachers in
Speaker 2: researching for my book, and I'm telling you it was
Speaker 2: like ninety eight percent of them agreed that children now
Speaker 2: day's children, young adults, they have lost the art of
Speaker 2: being able to write a complete sentence. And many people
Speaker 2: nowadays could say, well, it's no big deal, right, I
Speaker 2: have grammarly, I can just figure it out online. But
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, don't you want to
Speaker 2: know that if you had to for a job interview
Speaker 2: write a paragraph about why you're the best person for
Speaker 2: the job, you want to be able to do that
Speaker 2: because what we write is a representation of us. When
Speaker 2: I write you a handwritten letter, William, that's a representation
Speaker 2: of my feelings towards you. Right, it's a very personal
Speaker 2: it's a very personal skill. And the fact that it's
Speaker 2: becoming a lost art it breaks my heart, it really does.
Speaker 1: It really is. It's really a loss. And you don't
Speaker 1: see it that often in these young kids writing in
Speaker 1: a very effective way into loved ones, family members, business people,
Speaker 1: expressing themselves effectively. It's a lot of it's choppy and
Speaker 1: they rely upon texting instead of kind of this classic element.
Speaker 1: And I think that goes to another point you make
Speaker 1: in your book, which is the loss of ability to focus,
Speaker 1: but also another point of communication, which is actually listening. Right.
Speaker 2: Listening is I think the most crucial part of being
Speaker 2: a master communicator. So often, especially nowadays, I mean, we
Speaker 2: see it everywhere. We're not listening. And Stephen steven Kobe
Speaker 2: absolutely he talks about how so often we listen with
Speaker 2: the intent to reply and not the intent to understand.
Speaker 2: And that is such a common problem nowadays because we
Speaker 2: are all used to things happening fast quick. I'm talking
Speaker 2: to you, I hear notification go off. My focus has switched.
Speaker 2: We're tasks switched, switching all day long. So when it
Speaker 2: comes to fully listening in a conversation, it's becoming less
Speaker 2: and less the more technology gets advanced, because our brains
Speaker 2: are now programmed. I say the book, I say, we
Speaker 2: are like Pavlo's dogs, right conditioned to tune out the
Speaker 2: minute we hear a notification go off, the minute a
Speaker 2: new ad pops up on a on a link bar,
Speaker 2: and this is causing us to become much less, much
Speaker 2: less apt to listen. And it's very much a problem because,
Speaker 2: as you said, that is such a crucial part of communication.
Speaker 2: When I can sit here and fully listen to you
Speaker 2: and take in what you're saying to me, without thinking,
Speaker 2: without focusing on myself, right, not thinking about what I'm
Speaker 2: going to say, how I'm gonna respond, but fully absorbing
Speaker 2: what you are sharing with me. It's a gift on
Speaker 2: both parties, right. I give you the gift for this
Speaker 2: open platform to be heard, and I give a gift
Speaker 2: to myself to possibly learn something, to experience a new perspective.
Speaker 2: And we lose these gifts when we are so consumed
Speaker 2: with ourselves, we're consumed with winning the argument, or we're
Speaker 2: consumed with sharing our opinion. I don't care about what
Speaker 2: you have to say, but let me tell you what
Speaker 2: I know. And we can see it, right. I think
Speaker 2: we can see it in the world right now. We
Speaker 2: see it in the news, we see it everywhere. No
Speaker 2: one is actually having a conversation. And I really believe William.
Speaker 2: I believe it in my heart that this book is
Speaker 2: going to help so many people because breathing is very
Speaker 2: much I'm sorry, Communicating is very much like breathing. We
Speaker 2: don't often think about it until things go awry. You
Speaker 2: don't think about how you're breathing until you can't breathe
Speaker 2: and you're having an anxiety attack and you're like, can't
Speaker 2: catch my breath. The same thing happens with communication. You
Speaker 2: go about your day communicating in the way that is
Speaker 2: most natural to you, and then you come across a block,
Speaker 2: whether it's a miscommunication through a text, or your boss
Speaker 2: actually didn't get your email and is now having, you know,
Speaker 2: telling you that, oh, I feel like you're not working effectively,
Speaker 2: and meanwhile you sent the email but it went to spam.
Speaker 2: So we aren't conscious of how we're communicating in our relationships,
Speaker 2: personal and professional until something goes wrong. So my hope
Speaker 2: with this book is that it's going to bring awareness
Speaker 2: to all of us to say, Wow, well do I
Speaker 2: do that? You know, do I check in on the
Speaker 2: phone after I've texted a friend for hours and check
Speaker 2: in and just be like, hey, are we good? Did
Speaker 2: you understand what I was saying when I text that
Speaker 2: if we're not aware of that, then that is where
Speaker 2: you know, we can experience a lot of heartache and
Speaker 2: a lot of miscommunication.
Speaker 1: Right. And I think that even the technology you make
Speaker 1: a point to in the book that because you're on tech,
Speaker 1: you're missing the opportunity to properly communicate. Can you talk
Speaker 1: about how technology has inhibited people? I mean the types
Speaker 1: of communication for me and my family. Somebody's on the phone,
Speaker 1: you might as well be talking to a wall about
Speaker 1: something even important.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, it's and it's such a double edged sword, right.
Speaker 2: I know my husband and I we go through this
Speaker 2: all the time, especially the both of us are working
Speaker 2: from home. I have my own business. He is doing
Speaker 2: ten different things at once, and a lot of that
Speaker 2: business is done through technology. So I'm on my phone,
Speaker 2: he's on his phone, and it takes a lot of
Speaker 2: conscious effort for us to be like, okay, that's it,
Speaker 2: phones away, I need to like really hone into you.
Speaker 2: How is your day, what's going on? You're feeling okay?
Speaker 2: And with technology, the way that it has inhibited us
Speaker 2: is it makes it really easy for us to escape ourselves.
Speaker 2: And I say this all the time because I believe
Speaker 2: it so strongly. The most important communication that we have
Speaker 2: is within ourselves, and that sets the tone for all
Speaker 2: of the communication we have in our ex sterior relationships.
Speaker 2: So if we are not having honest conversations with ourselves,
Speaker 2: how am I feeling today? Renee, what's going on? What's
Speaker 2: what's bothering you? Really and taking the time to write
Speaker 2: about it. Simply asking the question how am I feeling
Speaker 2: and then writing about it first thing in the morning
Speaker 2: can set your day off in such a positive way
Speaker 2: because you've now checked in with yourself first. And because
Speaker 2: of technology, what do many of us do? Eyes are open,
Speaker 2: grab for our phone, We scroll, we scroll, and Brendan Bouchard,
Speaker 2: who I love, talks about this. He talked about this
Speaker 2: in one of his podcast episodes. The danger in doing
Speaker 2: that is the minute we wake up, we're checking out
Speaker 2: of our lives and into someone else's. And what does
Speaker 2: that do? William? We go into comparison mode. We look
Speaker 2: at Oh they're doing this, man, I'm not doing well enough.
Speaker 2: They look so happy. I don't feel happy because we're
Speaker 2: comparing our real lives to this beautiful culmination of photos
Speaker 2: and videos that the other people have allowed us to.
Speaker 1: See, right, that sometimes aren't even a real disposition or
Speaker 1: prediction of their life either too. So o, that's a
Speaker 1: whole nother thing, like that's a false element of high
Speaker 1: tech communication too. It's like some of these Instagram models
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, these lifestyle people, they're not even
Speaker 1: living that real.
Speaker 2: Life for sure. Oh my goodness, it's so true, and
Speaker 2: you know it's so it's so ironic because we have
Speaker 2: to remember. I think it's so important for us to
Speaker 2: remember because so many people, I mean, the depression rate
Speaker 2: has elevated through all of this, because again, people are
Speaker 2: comparing themselves to what they think is real, and we
Speaker 2: have to remember, and I hope all the listeners remember this.
Speaker 2: No one's taking pictures or videos of when they have
Speaker 2: just argued with their husband or their wife, or when
Speaker 2: they're in their room crying by themselves because they feel
Speaker 2: lonely and they feel confused. Those aren't the pictures that
Speaker 2: are being put up in most cases, right, There are
Speaker 2: some incredibly authentic people influencers who make it a point
Speaker 2: to show that side, and I love that and I
Speaker 2: honor those people, but most of us are not doing that.
Speaker 2: So remember that the next time you compare yourself. When
Speaker 2: you start to feel a little crappy about yourself, take
Speaker 2: a pause and say, Okay, hold on, I'm gonna remember
Speaker 2: what Renee said. This is not all as it.
Speaker 1: Seems, right, And I mean, I think that's really important
Speaker 1: to see, like this new school technology is distorting reality,
Speaker 1: whereas the old school simplicity is all emphasizing what's really
Speaker 1: important family, loved ones, relationships, communication, authenticity. And I think
Speaker 1: you make that point, like I've seen you talk about
Speaker 1: going and eating three hour meals in Italy. I've seen
Speaker 1: really sad things were going out to dinner and everybody's
Speaker 1: got a phone or an iPad just break share. I'm like, a,
Speaker 1: oh man, this is terrible. This is really horrible. Maybe
Speaker 1: you can talk about some of the old school simplicity
Speaker 1: things of me forgotten in the high tech world.
Speaker 2: Yes, I want to first say this, William, because you
Speaker 2: just brought up a point that is so significant for me.
Speaker 2: This was one of I will never forget this day.
Speaker 2: This was one of the driving forces for me to
Speaker 2: write this book with this topic because communication can be
Speaker 2: so broad, right communication, what kind of communication? But for me,
Speaker 2: it was so important to hone it in to this
Speaker 2: balance of new school with old school. I was out
Speaker 2: to dinner one day with a dear friend of mine
Speaker 2: and the two of us are catching up, having a
Speaker 2: great conversation, and next to us it's a family of five.
Speaker 2: It was two you know, parents, husband and wife, a teenager,
Speaker 2: and then two young children. And I kid you not,
Speaker 2: the entire meal, no one spoke. Each of them had
Speaker 2: their heads down in a digital device, and even when
Speaker 2: the food came, they kept it in their hands. And
Speaker 2: I'm not kidding when I say my heart broke, because, again,
Speaker 2: going back to my roots, what I'm used to, when
Speaker 2: you sit down at the table, that's when you communicate
Speaker 2: the most. You're talking, checking in with each other. And
Speaker 2: that's to me where I feel love. I feel community
Speaker 2: when I'm around the table and I can be eating
Speaker 2: with my friends and having that conversation. And there was
Speaker 2: none of that. And my friend and I we couldn't
Speaker 2: believe it. You couldn't help but be aware of it.
Speaker 2: I mean, they were sitting right next to us, and
Speaker 2: I was just like, what a waste of time, right,
Speaker 2: this precious time that we are given. Life is so short,
Speaker 2: no one ever knows, and we have this gift to
Speaker 2: be with our family members, and for two hours they
Speaker 2: couldn't put those digital devices down. And the sad reality
Speaker 2: is we're becoming addicted. We're addicted to picking up our
Speaker 2: phones even when we're totally unconscious. I've done it. This
Speaker 2: is why I can write about it. For four seconds,
Speaker 2: nothing's going on and I pick up my phone and
Speaker 2: I'm thinking, Renee, what are you doing? So seeing this
Speaker 2: family was really what propelled me to write this book.
Speaker 2: But going back to what you asked about, what old
Speaker 2: school simplicity qualities are we missing that we can still adopt.
Speaker 2: Number one is having the phone put away. Studies show
Speaker 2: that even just having a phone out, like your cell
Speaker 2: phone out on the table, if you and I are
Speaker 2: out to lunch, proves to be a distraction. Even if
Speaker 2: you're not touching the phone, it proves to be a
Speaker 2: distraction to the other person because you're aware of it
Speaker 2: right it's there. We know that at any second an
Speaker 2: alarm could go off, someone could be texting you, and
Speaker 2: it changes the fullness of the conversation. So I would say,
Speaker 2: first and foremost, having our phones put away when we
Speaker 2: know we're going to be meeting with a friend, a
Speaker 2: family member, take that time put the phone away. Also
Speaker 2: this element of slowing down right our nerve of his
Speaker 2: systems have sped up. And as you just mentioned in
Speaker 2: the book, I talk about when my husband and I
Speaker 2: took our beautiful vacation to Italy, I felt it like
Speaker 2: I literally felt a complete shift just from having my
Speaker 2: phone away, only out when I took a picture and
Speaker 2: then put it away, and sitting eating meals amongst the
Speaker 2: Italians who are so leisurely in how they eat, They
Speaker 2: take their time, there's no rush for the bill, and
Speaker 2: I felt like my days were tripled, the time of
Speaker 2: my days was tripled. And then I come back to
Speaker 2: the States, I go back to my regular life, and
Speaker 2: I'm thinking, you know, I'm on my computer all day,
Speaker 2: I'm on my phone, I'm here, I'm there, And at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, I always find myself saying,
Speaker 2: where did the day go? How did this day already
Speaker 2: pass us? And it's because it feels like technology causes
Speaker 2: us to press the fast forward button on our lives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that, but also it also is
Speaker 1: that communication that you're using on technology as meaningful as
Speaker 1: these other forms of communication. So you may spend I
Speaker 1: mean at least in my my situation, I'm on the
Speaker 1: computer all the time. More important things are talking about children, why,
Speaker 1: you know, things like wife and doing that, and you
Speaker 1: should you share that story of this eighty year old
Speaker 1: lady who remembers growing up with her family, you know,
Speaker 1: and their time is nothing like what it is today,
Speaker 1: no distractions, not even the TV. Dad's playing music, kids
Speaker 1: are dancing, and it just kind of like juxtaposed with
Speaker 1: our current day, like where you've gone down a road.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's it's it's that great. I mean,
Speaker 1: this whole technology and I.
Speaker 2: Mean, yeah, well it's such I know, I know, William.
Speaker 2: I was just I was just speaking to someone else
Speaker 2: about this and they were talking about how, you know,
Speaker 2: virtual reality and mixed reality, that that's that's coming right,
Speaker 2: It's it's already here. And just recently I was with
Speaker 2: one of my little cousins nine years old, and he
Speaker 2: had me put on these virtual glasses.
Speaker 1: Oculus or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that thing. And I'm not kidding you.
Speaker 2: It freaked me out so much. It was absolutely incredible.
Speaker 2: But here I am in a living room and then
Speaker 2: I put on these glasses and I'm in like Egypt
Speaker 2: and I am in Egypt, Like I am there, I'm
Speaker 2: feeling it. I can see everything, and I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my goodness, people are not going to want to
Speaker 2: be in reality because if the virtual reality is so
Speaker 2: much better, then what happens to that human connection?
Speaker 1: Right gone, Like you're in a matrix, like a perminent matrix.
Speaker 1: It's a disaster. It's a human disaster for humanity. And
Speaker 1: I think that's like a under you know, A subtext
Speaker 1: of your book is like we've got to get away
Speaker 1: from this technology and get back to the human things, writing, communicating, talking,
Speaker 1: Like we've lost even just to sit down and meal.
Speaker 1: So many fans Amilist don't even sit down and communicate
Speaker 1: over dinner. What she used to be very much of
Speaker 1: a tradition that I don't even know if it is anymore.
Speaker 1: People get fast food or don't even cook a meal.
Speaker 1: So that level of communication and interrelation is so important.
Speaker 2: It's so important. And here's the truth. If we want
Speaker 2: to keep up with the times, we need to keep
Speaker 2: up with the times. Right It's like, I have a
Speaker 2: friend of mine, she's amazing. I don't know how she
Speaker 2: does it, but she's not on Facebook. She's not on
Speaker 2: Instagram and let me tell you something. She's very happy.
Speaker 2: But the world's going there. So if we want to
Speaker 2: still be able to communicate in other ways besides in
Speaker 2: the old school ways, we do have to keep up
Speaker 2: on current events. If you will, we do have to,
Speaker 2: I think, learn how to use the internet. I talk
Speaker 2: in the book about generations before us who are still
Speaker 2: not used to technology. It's important for the younger generations
Speaker 2: to take that time. Sit down with your grandmother, your
Speaker 2: great grandmother, show them how a video call works, because
Speaker 2: it is important to understand how how it all works.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I keep going back to
Speaker 2: the balance. It's the balance. It's not all one or
Speaker 2: all the other. It's balance. Because I want to be
Speaker 2: just as good communicating with you in a room, William
Speaker 2: as I am behind this screen. I do. That's the goal,
Speaker 2: and that's actually what I teach, right. I have a
Speaker 2: Connecting on Camera course where I help people to bring
Speaker 2: their real selves to video, so that way, when they're
Speaker 2: speaking on camera, it's just like if they're speaking to
Speaker 2: someone in person. But if we don't understand how to
Speaker 2: really gauge both of these worlds, then we're in trouble
Speaker 2: because if we're either left behind because we're not involving
Speaker 2: ourselves in technology at all, or we're getting lost in
Speaker 2: the technology and we're allowing that technology to control us
Speaker 2: and to almost be the puppeteer with us as the puppet.
Speaker 1: Right. No, that's really important and some of that's design
Speaker 1: find that way you talk about Pavlov. I know people
Speaker 1: whose phone dings, like you know, ten times, you know,
Speaker 1: every hour, ding ding ding. It's almost just like a
Speaker 1: bell or something that's a circus or something where they
Speaker 1: just are all over the phone. I don't know how
Speaker 1: they do it. So I mean that's called the technology
Speaker 1: ruling over you. But it's also like I think the
Speaker 1: technology can become. You talk about it becoming. You can
Speaker 1: have a fake self or a mask. So if you
Speaker 1: have if you as a communicator are encouraging people to
Speaker 1: be authentic they have to also watch out for being
Speaker 1: inauthentic online. Would you agree with that? Yes?
Speaker 2: And you know, one of my favorite sections in the
Speaker 2: book is where I talk about what I call keyboard confidence.
Speaker 2: And keyboard confidence is that confidence that you have when
Speaker 2: you are behind a screen and using that keyboard. But
Speaker 2: the trick is to be a master communicator, right, And
Speaker 2: that's that's the theme of this book to help us
Speaker 2: all become master municators, which is very possible to do.
Speaker 2: If we want to become master communicators, we have to
Speaker 2: have the same confidence we have behind a screen and
Speaker 2: on a keyboard that we do in person. And what
Speaker 2: I see where I see the disconnect is people that
Speaker 2: I know on a very deep level. I will sometimes
Speaker 2: see a social media post of theirs and I have
Speaker 2: to look twice because I'm like, who wrote that? And
Speaker 2: what if they've done with my friend? Because I know
Speaker 2: they would never ever say that to someone in person.
Speaker 2: And a practice which I share in the book but
Speaker 2: I want to give to you all now is the
Speaker 2: way to help this is to say to yourself, before
Speaker 2: you're going to post something on social media, ask yourself,
Speaker 2: would I have the confidence to say this same thing
Speaker 2: in person. If the answer is no, great, have a
Speaker 2: cathartic writing session, write it in your journal, put it away,
Speaker 2: and then just write the post how you would be
Speaker 2: comfortable saying it in person, because then you never have
Speaker 2: to worry about inauthenticity someone walking up to you and saying, oh,
Speaker 2: I saw that social media post, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2: And then you're like, oh right, not that that may
Speaker 2: never happen. But the point is, if you want to
Speaker 2: live your life the way I love to live my life,
Speaker 2: as an honest, authentic human being, you want to be
Speaker 2: the same person online that you are when someone meets
Speaker 2: you outside in your neighborhood, that you are when you're
Speaker 2: speaking on stages, that you are when you're sitting in
Speaker 2: a virtual meeting. It needs to all be the same person.
Speaker 2: And often in this day and age, what I'm seeing
Speaker 2: is a separation of identity, if you will, Yeah.
Speaker 1: For sure, No, I totally agree with that. And some
Speaker 1: people are a little different online than they would be
Speaker 1: in real life. Insults, things that could come back and
Speaker 1: haunt you, posts from a long time ago. So people
Speaker 1: really need that. I mean, that's definitely not being a
Speaker 1: master communicator if you say something online that lasts forever. Yes,
Speaker 1: so you've got to really be What else? What other
Speaker 1: themes would you like to cover in your book? Oh?
Speaker 2: There are just so many themes. As I said before,
Speaker 2: the first and foremost, actually, my first chapter is about
Speaker 2: discovering your communication home, because again, starting within, starting with yourself,
Speaker 2: is the way to develop into that master communicator, and
Speaker 2: you have to know why you are most comfortable communicating
Speaker 2: in the way you do. I give I have a
Speaker 2: list that you can choose from that helps you to
Speaker 2: really identify what kind of communicator am I. I'll use
Speaker 2: myself as an example. You already know I come from
Speaker 2: this loud Italian American family. So where I'm most comfortable
Speaker 2: communicating is direct verbal interaction. Again, I love texting and
Speaker 2: emailing just as much as the next person. But when
Speaker 2: push comes to shove, I am making an appointment to
Speaker 2: see you in person as fast as you can text
Speaker 2: the word high and again that's because of my upbringing.
Speaker 2: And all of us have our communication home, which is
Speaker 2: the way we're most comfortable communicating because of what we're
Speaker 2: accustomed to from our upbringing. It doesn't have to be
Speaker 2: just in your household, from your mom and dad. It
Speaker 2: could be if you were someone who was always around
Speaker 2: your friend's family, or if you happen to be a
Speaker 2: caretaker of your parents or grandparents. That all affects the
Speaker 2: way that you're comfortable communicating. And I talk about one
Speaker 2: of my amazing clients who grew up in a family,
Speaker 2: and she said this one day in our session William
Speaker 2: and I can talk about it because she gave me full,
Speaker 2: full reign permission to talk about this, and I write
Speaker 2: about it. In the book, she talks about how she
Speaker 2: grew up in a family that was communication phobic, and
Speaker 2: when she said this phrase, I was like, this is brilliant.
Speaker 2: It's brilliant because it's something that so many people face,
Speaker 2: but they haven't put words to it. And she went
Speaker 2: on to elaborate that growing up, her family never talked
Speaker 2: about feelings. They never talked about deep level things. Everything
Speaker 2: was very surface. How are you, how's your day great?
Speaker 1: That was it? That was it.
Speaker 2: So because of that, she feels the most comfortable communicating
Speaker 2: by avoiding. And this is why she started working with me,
Speaker 2: because she was avoiding all the communication in her life,
Speaker 2: from her husband to her business, and it was causing
Speaker 2: her a lot of stress. It was causing a lot
Speaker 2: of tension in her relationships, and in identifying this, we
Speaker 2: were able to flip the script in her brain and
Speaker 2: start to experience other styles of communication. And she was
Speaker 2: able to do that just through the awareness of realizing, like, Wow,
Speaker 2: I've lived my whole life avoiding so much, and here
Speaker 2: I am at this age now struggling and I understand why.
Speaker 2: So I think that that's a really really powerful chapter
Speaker 2: in the book, and it's actually chapter one because it's like,
Speaker 2: let's start out, let's be really transparent with ourselves, and
Speaker 2: in the book, I'm your guide, right, I'm here to
Speaker 2: let's call this out for ourselves because nothing is solved
Speaker 2: without first self awareness.
Speaker 1: Good point. And you do have those those sections where
Speaker 1: you can ask while you're reading along, you respond to questions.
Speaker 1: You have the reader respond to questions to get a
Speaker 1: better idea of where they're at, they're self understanding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in the book, my favorite part is in each
Speaker 2: chapter I have a reflection section and there are a
Speaker 2: set of questions related to what the topic is in
Speaker 2: the chapter, and it gives the reader a chance to
Speaker 2: fully absorb what was just read. I love reading, So
Speaker 2: for me, I love this. I love being able to
Speaker 2: kind of take the time to journal think about what
Speaker 2: I just read instead of just moving on to the
Speaker 2: next chapter. Because what happens we absorb about seven to
Speaker 2: ten percent of what we read. We finished the book,
Speaker 2: it goes on our shelf and then, as Tony Robbin says,
Speaker 2: it becomes shelf knowledge. But for me, I'm interested. I
Speaker 2: love personal development. I love the world of self help
Speaker 2: and doing whatever I can to expand myself and my
Speaker 2: understanding of the world. So by having that reflection section,
Speaker 2: it gives you a chance to take a second pause
Speaker 2: and really allow that information to be digested.
Speaker 1: Right And I mean I think, yeah, you've got to
Speaker 1: you have like your different styles to people and identify
Speaker 1: with it. Was a peacekeeper, passion player, or laid back,
Speaker 1: so you kind of typified other people's styles. Maybe when
Speaker 1: they read through your book they can get a better
Speaker 1: understanding of where they're aut in communication and right now,
Speaker 1: communicating is so important everywhere. Maybe one hundred two hundred
Speaker 1: years ago writing or you talk to your family and
Speaker 1: that might be it, but now you can talk to
Speaker 1: people all over the world. I've talked to people all
Speaker 1: over the world Israel, Europe, so very important to be
Speaker 1: a very skilled, if not master communicator. I definitely agree
Speaker 1: with that. Is there anything you'd like to add? Anything
Speaker 1: I missed before we wrap bard about thirty three minutes.
Speaker 2: I think we got it all, you know, as it's
Speaker 2: so funny. As we talk about the book, I get
Speaker 2: even more excited for my readers to read it. Like,
Speaker 2: I'm just so excited, William, because I put my heart
Speaker 2: and soul in this book. But I also know that,
Speaker 2: as you just said, this is such such a vital
Speaker 2: topic for us now. We need this now because technology
Speaker 2: is only advancing. If we don't get a grip on
Speaker 2: how we want to show up in our lives, how
Speaker 2: we want to show up in our interaction with one another,
Speaker 2: then we can so easily get pulled away. Right. We
Speaker 2: can become the most distracted creatures in the world if
Speaker 2: we don't take a second to ground ourselves and figure
Speaker 2: out what we want and how we want to connect
Speaker 2: in our personal relationships and our professional ones.
Speaker 1: Right, And that's the whole balancing, Like, you got to
Speaker 1: figure this out. We have a new technology, how we're
Speaker 1: going to balance all that stuff? And you have kind
Speaker 1: of a reference to website. You have a website. Do
Speaker 1: you want to promote that website now? Is it a
Speaker 1: free gift?
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Yes, yes, yes, Well the website I want to
Speaker 2: promote actually is for the pre order of the book,
Speaker 2: because the book is available to pre order. And the
Speaker 2: exciting thing, William is that when you pre order through
Speaker 2: Barnes and Noble through my link, becoming a Mastercommunicator dot com.
Speaker 2: You get two free incredible bonuses. The first one is
Speaker 2: twenty one ways to use communication to increase business opportunities,
Speaker 2: and the second one is an introspective video journaling tool.
Speaker 2: And this is a tool that I actually have in
Speaker 2: my book. But these two bonuses that you get are
Speaker 2: amazing because you can start to use them right away
Speaker 2: skyrocket your communication skills and then it'll get you excited
Speaker 2: for the book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's so much with that's in the book.
Speaker 1: There's many more chapters involved. We kind of just cover
Speaker 1: the first third maybe, but again, so the website is www.
Speaker 1: Becoming a Mastercommunicator dot com.
Speaker 2: Correct, absolutely, so the tail of the book, yep, www
Speaker 2: DPP Becoming Amastercommunicator dot com.
Speaker 1: And I will put that in the show notes. And
Speaker 1: again the title of the book by Renee Marino, which
Speaker 1: will be out in early twenty twenty two, is Becoming
Speaker 1: a Master Communicator balancing new school technology with old school simplicity.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Renee, thank you so much. Take care So
Speaker 1: hold on steadier. Okay, that was perfect.