Speaker 1: It's Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ Boston's news radio.
Speaker 2: Dad is off this Greek Gary tangway back in along
Speaker 2: with you here on WBZ Boston's news radio. We got
Speaker 2: a great ChIL lined up for you tonight here on
Speaker 2: night Side. We're gonna touch all the bases, touch all
Speaker 2: the basis, parenting, politics, comedy, television, attitudes, you name it,
Speaker 2: We've got you covered here on WBC. Coming up on
Speaker 2: the show tonight, and our first guest we're going to
Speaker 2: join momentarily over parenting. I'm really hot on this ship.
Speaker 2: I am really This is a thing near and dear
Speaker 2: to my heart, probably because I've been guilty of it
Speaker 2: from time to time, but I think it's really it
Speaker 2: is the problem for our young people. And also, you know,
Speaker 2: Kamala Harris is running for president. Everybody points out how
Speaker 2: bad she's been as a vice president, but somebody's been
Speaker 2: a bad vice president. No one knows, come on, they're
Speaker 2: a figurehead. We don't know. She made a poor campaign originally,
Speaker 2: but there are instances where we have had people become
Speaker 2: presidents who have surprised us. Harry Truman, for one, did
Speaker 2: anybody know Barack Obama would be as successful as he
Speaker 2: was Bill Clinton. My wife said, oh, I knew Bill
Speaker 2: Clinton was going to be a great president. I said, no,
Speaker 2: you did, not, nat She said, yes I did, And
Speaker 2: I said, yes, none. You're right. So we'll talk to
Speaker 2: Alan Lickman, who's been a guest on the show before,
Speaker 2: professor of history from American University, on that The Righteous
Speaker 2: gem Stones, one of the great comedies on television. We'll
Speaker 2: go into the writer's room coming up at nine o'clock
Speaker 2: on that. So that's all coming up here on WBC.
Speaker 2: But first up, since kids are going back to college,
Speaker 2: and if you were driving around Boston this weekend, the
Speaker 2: students were back. Yep, we saw it. Cars, trucks, U
Speaker 2: haul trucks, mattresses on top of the car. It doesn't change.
Speaker 2: It's the same old thing. Nervous parents dropping off freshman
Speaker 2: at BU or bcor U, Mass or Brandee or wherever.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing every year. Then you see the
Speaker 2: seniors they come waltzing in, they have their own cars,
Speaker 2: they drive in, they've got it all figured out. They're
Speaker 2: ready to go. And joining us right now is professional
Speaker 2: counselor Michelle Dean, and we are going to talk about overparenting,
Speaker 2: and you know, Michelle, I have real First of all,
Speaker 2: thank you for joining us here on the night side.
Speaker 3: Thanks Arry for telling me.
Speaker 2: Okay, I can tell you that when it comes to
Speaker 2: the college scene, that's where I see the overparenting really
Speaker 2: out of control, probably because that's what's been going on
Speaker 2: in my house lately, right I mean, I have a
Speaker 2: twenty two year old who just graduated from college, I
Speaker 2: have a nineteen year old who I just talked to
Speaker 2: on the phone who's at college, and I have a
Speaker 2: thirteen year old who's in eighth grade. So I've got
Speaker 2: a little bit of a break there. But do you
Speaker 2: feel that that's the case or is that just because
Speaker 2: that's the world I'm in right now?
Speaker 3: Could be just the world you're in right now, but
Speaker 3: also could also be the case. I've seen a lot
Speaker 3: with the kids that i've worked with college age, even
Speaker 3: like high school. It really depends on the parents sometimes
Speaker 3: that they are helping them a little bit more in
Speaker 3: times of transition. But then on the other side, you
Speaker 3: see parents who really haven't been there supporting their kids.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's economic, because when I see what
Speaker 2: I see is I see single income households where one
Speaker 2: partner does not have to work. And I'm not going
Speaker 2: to be sexist enough to say that it's always the mom,
Speaker 2: because I'm the stay at home dad that comes in
Speaker 2: and plays ready at night from time to time. Okay,
Speaker 2: So do you think it's parents who have too much
Speaker 2: time on their hands. They're economically fortunate, they were successful themselves,
Speaker 2: and they have the time to drive their kid crazy
Speaker 2: when it comes to getting into college.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's a really good point that sometimes, yeah,
Speaker 3: this is the case. You're even seeing now where parents
Speaker 3: will hire a kind of like the coach, like a
Speaker 3: college coach that helps them.
Speaker 2: Director, Michelle, I got to stop you. It is it
Speaker 2: is assumed. It is assumed. I cannot tell you what
Speaker 2: we paid for it. And Michelle, Oh, oh my god. Yeah, listen, Michelle,
Speaker 2: can we talk? Can we talk here? Michelle?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2: Now, I went to the University of Maine and I
Speaker 2: wanted and I come from a small town in Maine,
Speaker 2: and I wanted to go to Emerson. Interestingly enough, I've
Speaker 2: been teaching there lately, which is great. I wanted to
Speaker 2: go to Emerson. I want to go to bu It
Speaker 2: just wasn't gonna happen for a lot of reasons. So
Speaker 2: I went to the University of Maine and I had
Speaker 2: two colleges. I had the University of Southern Maine and
Speaker 2: University of me My daughter had like twelve. I mean,
Speaker 2: are are admission fees? Not even in mission fees, application fees.
Speaker 2: It was a mortgage payment, so freaking more, it was
Speaker 2: a freaking mortgage payment. And then and then I said,
Speaker 2: we have to hire a consultant. And here's the thing
Speaker 2: that scares me about the college system right now, and
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get off on it. You probably have experienced
Speaker 2: with this is it's all about playing games. We were
Speaker 2: at a Labor Day function today Labor Day, you know,
Speaker 2: barbecue type thing in a pool, and one of the
Speaker 2: parents said, well, uh, because in the town I live
Speaker 2: in in Massachusetts, there's a lot of kids that go
Speaker 2: to one particular school and that particular school is the
Speaker 2: University of South Carolina. And the discussion was, well, you know,
Speaker 2: he or she should not apply to the University of
Speaker 2: South Carolina because they already have too many kids from
Speaker 2: this town there. And that's that's how involved parents have
Speaker 2: become with these counselors, where I know we had a
Speaker 2: consultant for our daughter that and for our son that said, well,
Speaker 2: if you apply to this school, they like kids from
Speaker 2: the Northeast, or they like kids from the market backgrounds,
Speaker 2: or they like kids from certain ethnic backgrounds, or you
Speaker 2: have to check certain boxes. Like it's crazy, it's crazy,
Speaker 2: And then that drives the parents crazy.
Speaker 3: Well it starts even younger now too, with how much
Speaker 3: the schools are pushing the kids to the side, you know,
Speaker 3: even what track they want to do right and that depends,
Speaker 3: you know on then that's what track they go to
Speaker 3: high school and they're not equipped to know what they
Speaker 3: want to do right now.
Speaker 2: It drives me crazy.
Speaker 3: Almost yeah, I think schools would almost be would be
Speaker 3: a lot better off preparing them, to help them apply
Speaker 3: for schools and help them, you know, get jobs resumes.
Speaker 3: I wonder if some of that comes from the schools
Speaker 3: also pushing college and deciding what you're going to do
Speaker 3: so early on.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, look, like I said, I teach at Emerson.
Speaker 2: I think it's a great school. I think the kids
Speaker 2: that go to Emerson it's a very specialized school. They
Speaker 2: know what they want to do. But I will tell
Speaker 2: you that post secondary education is a huge business, and
Speaker 2: the prices have to come down. I mean, I mean
Speaker 2: that's another topic. I mean, you know what Syracuse is
Speaker 2: ninety grand. I mean, it's crazy. People can't afford it.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just it's out of control. This is
Speaker 2: no way right. And then when you get out of school,
Speaker 2: if you have loans, if you're not fortunate enough to
Speaker 2: have your parents pay for them, then you've got to
Speaker 2: figure out how am I going to pay all this back?
Speaker 2: And that's another thing. Parents look at the investment and
Speaker 2: when they look at the situation for college. Excuse me,
Speaker 2: is that they go, look, I'm paying four hundred grand.
Speaker 2: I want to be involved. And when they're too involved,
Speaker 2: that just screws up the kid. Yeah, go ahead, I'm sorry, Oh,
Speaker 2: go go for it.
Speaker 3: I was going to say, I see a lot where
Speaker 3: there's a delay in the ability to want to take
Speaker 3: responsibility for making a decision, where kids like are coming
Speaker 3: in and saying, now, will my parents have helped me
Speaker 3: make a decision on what career, what path I should take? Now?
Speaker 3: I'm not happy. Now I don't know what to do
Speaker 3: three four years and I don't know who I am,
Speaker 3: which age appropriately, Yeah, that makes sense. Of them not
Speaker 3: really understanding who they are, what they value. But if
Speaker 3: their parents aren't helping them really figure out those things
Speaker 3: and saying asking them questions, helping them with credible thinking,
Speaker 3: what's the point in helping them with their resume or
Speaker 3: helping them get into college if they can't get them
Speaker 3: to think for themselves.
Speaker 2: Michelle, you and I are on the same page. And
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you something else that really pisses
Speaker 2: me off, and that's coming up next. Michelle Dean joins us.
Speaker 2: We're talking about how we pairent our kids. We need
Speaker 2: to chill out more coming up on WBZ.
Speaker 1: Now back to Dan Ray Live from the Window World
Speaker 1: Night Side Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2: Parents, How we screw up? That's the topic here. Gary
Speaker 2: Tangley a night side for thinking for Dan. Who's off
Speaker 2: this week so you get you know who for the
Speaker 2: next five days. Our friend Michelle Dean joins us, she's
Speaker 2: a professional counselor deals with this sort of thing. Sorry,
Speaker 2: had to clear the throat there, Okay, Michelle, what I
Speaker 2: was telling you before the break what really pisses me off?
Speaker 2: And I've seen parents do it, and I keep my
Speaker 2: mouth shut because it's none of my business and it's
Speaker 2: not my kid, but they'll go, you know, there's a
Speaker 2: real opportunity in this field, or there's a real opportunity
Speaker 2: doing that. For example, I had a conversation the other
Speaker 2: day with this gentleman who's in his seventies who's retired
Speaker 2: now made a ton of money, very Wealthy's fine, he
Speaker 2: was a dentist, worked all the time, and he did
Speaker 2: very well. But I remember, you know, I've had a
Speaker 2: number of people that are dentists and lawyers that have
Speaker 2: told me their parents directed them into that field. I
Speaker 2: know one lawyer who's happy to be a lawyer one
Speaker 2: and I know like thirty of them. And dental school.
Speaker 2: The same thing, like my father in law who said, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, I was either going to go to law
Speaker 2: school to dentist school, you know, because my parents thought
Speaker 2: that was like the right thing to do. And does
Speaker 2: that And that still happens in my household. And I
Speaker 2: don't know. Maybe my kids will be broke, who knows,
Speaker 2: but they're going to be happy. I said, you got
Speaker 2: to follow your passion. My dad worked in a mill
Speaker 2: for thirty five years in Rumford, Maine. Those days are over,
Speaker 2: it's not happening. No one works for one company now
Speaker 2: for longer than five years. There's no more gold Watch.
Speaker 2: So like, telling a kid what they should do for
Speaker 2: a living, to me, is a license for disaster for
Speaker 2: the kid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely agree with you there. If you're not
Speaker 3: letting your kid make their own decisions and giving them
Speaker 3: a safe place to fall when they do make their
Speaker 3: wrong decision and learn how to pick themselves back up,
Speaker 3: you're really that's going to be detrimental to the kid's
Speaker 3: success to be able to figure out things on their own.
Speaker 2: So, I mean, so, why is that? Why do you
Speaker 2: think a parent does.
Speaker 3: That anxiety fear that their kid isn't going to make
Speaker 3: the right decision. Maybe they don't trust their kids, maybe
Speaker 3: their kid has trouble making decisions. I think there could
Speaker 3: be so many circumstances where a parent makes a decision
Speaker 3: to push their kids a certain way. Maybe they didn't
Speaker 3: have someone like that, so then they're overcompensating the other way.
Speaker 3: And I think that it's it's really important for parents
Speaker 3: to be able to be aware that this is something
Speaker 3: that is happening and that's happened in the past. I'm
Speaker 3: not saying you know, my parents were perfect, but they
Speaker 3: sure wanted me to do what I wanted to do.
Speaker 3: Didn't talk to me about Okay, well, this career is
Speaker 3: got you know, you're gonna make this much, this much
Speaker 3: and this mchards. What are you interested in? And it's
Speaker 3: okay if it's not being a doctor. My dad comes
Speaker 3: from a uh the five siblings all doctors. It's a philosophy.
Speaker 3: The lawyer, and he his advice would have been to me,
Speaker 3: don't go to med school. But I think really honing
Speaker 3: in on well, what you want them to be able
Speaker 3: to make the mistakes while they're at home, but when
Speaker 3: they're off from college or where there's a lot harder
Speaker 3: place to fall, not home.
Speaker 2: I think people are so hung up on image in
Speaker 2: their own reputation amongst their friends or in their community,
Speaker 2: that what their child does, they feel reflects on them.
Speaker 2: That's what I think.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's another really good point. There's so
Speaker 3: many different ways that this could start happening within a family.
Speaker 2: So what is the what is the best way to
Speaker 2: handle supporting a kid? Because I know this is a
Speaker 2: big discussion, you know in our house. Now kids get
Speaker 2: out of college, they may have huge debt the parents
Speaker 2: have paid, so forth and so on. A lot of
Speaker 2: the tree level jobs when you get out of school
Speaker 2: do not pay great rents a high especially if you
Speaker 2: live in a place like Boston or if you live
Speaker 2: in New York. I don't know how they are down
Speaker 2: in your area. I believe I think you're in Texas, correct,
Speaker 2: that's correct? Yeah, you know, maybe Dallas and Houston probably
Speaker 2: expensive expensive, Yeah, yeah, So I was reading that the
Speaker 2: average parents spends fourteen hundred dollars a month supporting a
Speaker 2: kid that's over eighteen. When do you when do you
Speaker 2: cut off? When do you cut off the supply?
Speaker 3: I know I read the same thing so and I
Speaker 3: related a lot to this too, because I didn't know
Speaker 3: this going into graduate school, but become a counselor. Even
Speaker 3: after I was I had graduated from graduate school, I
Speaker 3: had to do three thousand hours worth of work in
Speaker 3: no less than eighteen months. So being paid the lowest
Speaker 3: as a they called a lot. Since professional counselor, it's
Speaker 3: an associate now, but you're not fully licensed, so you
Speaker 3: actually have to have a supervisor. That then mine was
Speaker 3: during this whole time, and you have to meet one
Speaker 3: hour per week and mine was one hundred dollars a week,
Speaker 3: so four hundred dollars a month. I mean, that's a
Speaker 3: lot of money. If my parents hadn't been able to
Speaker 3: help me out with that, Like I'm getting paid the
Speaker 3: lowest amount that I'm going to be paid, I had
Speaker 3: to pay for that plus living expenses. I really don't
Speaker 3: know how I would have done it. And I don't
Speaker 3: know a lot of people that have been even in
Speaker 3: my field, that didn't have somebody else that was supporting them,
Speaker 3: whether it was a spouse or that they took out
Speaker 3: more loans or that their parents helped them out. I
Speaker 3: really think it depends on the kid, because for me,
Speaker 3: I mean I went to my parents and said, this
Speaker 3: is kind of the situation. Are my options? And my
Speaker 3: parents said, okay, well we can help you out with
Speaker 3: X amounts per month, which was my fees for my supervisor.
Speaker 3: So I don't know how it is in every degree
Speaker 3: path that you choose, but I know that there's a
Speaker 3: lot of things that you're getting out. You're getting paid
Speaker 3: the lowest amount you're going to be paid, and the
Speaker 3: economy is not in a great position, So what does
Speaker 3: your kid need? I think that it really depends on
Speaker 3: the kid. It's a really fine line.
Speaker 2: Sy Yeah, and every every case is going to be different.
Speaker 2: But but I do think that for a kid to say,
Speaker 2: because let's face it, it's in some areas and maybe it's
Speaker 2: just of course my world. But my parents did not
Speaker 2: go to college, right, My parents did not. My mom
Speaker 2: was nurse, my dad worked in the mill. I went
Speaker 2: to college, My sister went to college. So we were
Speaker 2: the first ones to go to school. But in a
Speaker 2: lot of situations now it's just expected that you're going
Speaker 2: to go to college, where I go, Wait a minute,
Speaker 2: why Why If you take a look at the trade schools,
Speaker 2: if you take a look at various occupations, whether it
Speaker 2: be a one year program or a two year program,
Speaker 2: you don't have the educational cost, you don't have the debt.
Speaker 2: And I know that I can't screw in a light bulb,
Speaker 2: but I do know that I pay a lot of
Speaker 2: money to people that do. So what about this pressure
Speaker 2: that parenting that you have to go to college. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that you don't develop a skill or
Speaker 2: a trade, because I do think it's very difficult to
Speaker 2: make your way without some sort of skill or trade
Speaker 2: or degree. For advancement. But why when did that happen?
Speaker 2: You know when when it was? When was it a
Speaker 2: sin not to go to a four year program as
Speaker 2: opposed to taking a one year program in refrigeration?
Speaker 3: Right? I really don't know where when that started. I
Speaker 3: do know that even for me there was there wasn't
Speaker 3: a pressure like you had to go to school right then.
Speaker 3: I think to have a plan is a good idea
Speaker 3: to have. You know what you're going to look at,
Speaker 3: whether that's a trade school, whether that's working, whether that's
Speaker 3: going to college, whether that's going to a junior college.
Speaker 3: I really don't know why some of those things are
Speaker 3: ruled out because junior colleges are much less expensive too,
Speaker 3: or going to a trade school much less expensive to
Speaker 3: where you would be able to earn quite a good
Speaker 3: living and then be able to take on more of
Speaker 3: those extensives.
Speaker 2: Electricians and plumbers in my town are loaded. They're loaded,
Speaker 2: they're loaded. What about after college? Now, and this part,
Speaker 2: I couldn't believe you and I we were going over
Speaker 2: some of the same material, right, A parent joining a
Speaker 2: kid on a job interview? If first of all, first
Speaker 2: of all, it would never happen to me. I mean
Speaker 2: my parents wouldn't. I mean that wasn't My parents paid
Speaker 2: for half of my college and then you know, helped
Speaker 2: me with a car that cost six hundred bucks. It
Speaker 2: was a Chauvette, and then you know we were off
Speaker 2: and running. They did what they could. But I mean
Speaker 2: my dad like showing up at a job interview or
Speaker 2: my mom, you kid, if I showed up with my
Speaker 2: kid at a job interview, they would never speak to
Speaker 2: me again. What is it? People are crazy? Parents are
Speaker 2: out of their minds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that one is definitely acrossing the line.
Speaker 3: There's one thing, you know, a difference between looking over
Speaker 3: your kid's resume versus showing up to a job interview.
Speaker 3: Even when I was in high school, my parents would
Speaker 3: have never shown up to a job interview, nor when
Speaker 3: I have asked them to.
Speaker 2: It's crazy. I mean, I gave my this is my
Speaker 2: wife will kill me, but she doesn't listen to me
Speaker 2: so on the radio or at home. So it doesn't
Speaker 2: matter with my daughter. She she's my wife is an
Speaker 2: excellent writer. Excellent writer. And when my oldest was applying
Speaker 2: for colleges or she'd have to write something, my wife
Speaker 2: wouldn't help herself she would just jump in and fix
Speaker 2: it and correct it, and I'd be like, Okay, but
Speaker 2: I don't even know how important writing is anymore, which
Speaker 2: that in itself is a crime, but that might be
Speaker 2: a reality just the way technology is going, you know,
Speaker 2: That's just the way it is. Michelle. I want to
Speaker 2: keep you on if I could, If you could stand
Speaker 2: by from one more break, because we've we've focused on
Speaker 2: my life in the generation of my kids. I want
Speaker 2: to get to the younger kids, and I'd like to
Speaker 2: talk about that with you. Next right here on WBZ,
Speaker 2: Gary Tangling for Dan Ray. This is night Side over.
Speaker 2: Parenting as we go back to school is the topic.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Night Side, was Dan Ray on WBZ Boston's news Radio.
Speaker 2: Okay, solving all the parenthal problems out there. Gary Tangler
Speaker 2: hearing for Dan Ray on Nightside on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2: Coming up at nine o'clock, we'll be talking about presidential history.
Speaker 2: Of course, get into some Kamala Harris stuff with professor
Speaker 2: of history at American University Alan Lickman. Presidents who had
Speaker 2: thought were gonna be duds that turned out to be great.
Speaker 2: That will be the topic of our conversation right here
Speaker 2: on WBC. Now we're talking with Michelle Dean professional counselor,
Speaker 2: and overparenting and the kids are back in school. Man,
Speaker 2: we saw it. Everybody's back at BU and UMAs. And
Speaker 2: also finally, I know, as parents that have kids at
Speaker 2: home during the summer, the first day of school is
Speaker 2: like a holiday. So we talked about the college and
Speaker 2: the high school type of age. Michelle, Now let's get
Speaker 2: to the younger stage. First of all, I had a
Speaker 2: younger child that stayed home and was on Zoom during
Speaker 2: the pandemic. I mean, it's going to take twenty years, right,
Speaker 2: I mean for a generation not to be impacted by that,
Speaker 2: because there's no doubt they were. There's no way they
Speaker 2: couldn't have.
Speaker 1: Been, right.
Speaker 3: I think some of the scariest things I've seen is
Speaker 3: how much anxiety these kids have, whether it's over help,
Speaker 3: whether it's social, whether it's going back to school, or
Speaker 3: even some of it's manifested into like specific phobias. There's
Speaker 3: been a very big impact from even if they attended
Speaker 3: school online, if they were doing a hybrid course, whether
Speaker 3: they were just were in school yet. And we're younger
Speaker 3: seeing it all over the place and.
Speaker 2: That's simply a result that there was a virus that
Speaker 2: we thought was going to kill us all at the time.
Speaker 2: I mean, at the time, we didn't know what we're
Speaker 2: dealing with. Did I laugh at people who criticize how
Speaker 2: Fauci and everyone handled it. Nobody knew what they were doing.
Speaker 2: Nobody knew what was going on. I mean, come on,
Speaker 2: and I mean a hindesdby in twenty twenty. You know,
Speaker 2: I had friends of mine who their kids went to
Speaker 2: private school. They went back earlier, and they did better.
Speaker 2: I mean, they just did better because of the socialization.
Speaker 2: I mean, what we learned from that was how vital
Speaker 2: socialization is. So, if I'm hearing you right, because of
Speaker 2: the lack of socialization, these kids have a lot of
Speaker 2: problems with the anxiety because they don't go out, and
Speaker 2: they don't they haven't had a chance to experience fear
Speaker 2: and deal with fear or the unknown or making a
Speaker 2: friend and so forth, and that continues to impact them.
Speaker 2: That's what's causing the anxiety.
Speaker 3: Correct, That's correct. I mean a lot of it. Even
Speaker 3: it kind of manifested from what they heard from others,
Speaker 3: what they heard on the news. If they had somebody
Speaker 3: that was close to them, like a grandparent or even
Speaker 3: and uncle that died from it. Then there is this
Speaker 3: fear from their life. Somebody sneezes and they sneed or costs.
Speaker 3: They are going to worst case scenario.
Speaker 2: What is your advice? I should have even asked you.
Speaker 2: I don't even know. Are you a parent?
Speaker 3: No, I'm not.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's fine, No, whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not
Speaker 2: one of those. I'm not one of those. Just you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to get into the politics of this.
Speaker 2: That was an attempted humor. But what do you think
Speaker 2: at what point for young people like I always look
Speaker 2: at you know, when you're five, six, seven years old,
Speaker 2: in those younger stages, what mistakes? And when I say mistakes,
Speaker 2: that's a little harsh. But what have we learned that
Speaker 2: parents can do better with kids at that age or
Speaker 2: maybe pre K years.
Speaker 3: It's I'm the kid. I think treating every kid as
Speaker 3: an individual and attending to those individual needs and doing
Speaker 3: the best you can. I think that they're with social media,
Speaker 3: with the Internet, it has created this you have to
Speaker 3: be this perfect parent and it looks like X y Z,
Speaker 3: but that's not true. They don't give you a handbook
Speaker 3: when you have a kid at the hospital and say
Speaker 3: this is exactly how your parent, this kid, and even
Speaker 3: two kids in a household were brought up in the
Speaker 3: same way, only you're apart. Both have different needs and
Speaker 3: being able to see that and recognize that you might
Speaker 3: have to parent one kid a little bit different than
Speaker 3: the other and that's okay.
Speaker 2: You know, I've had this discussion with friends of mine,
Speaker 2: nature versus nurture. I don't know if you have an
Speaker 2: opinion on this, but after having three kids, it's nature.
Speaker 2: And in my house growing up, we would always say,
Speaker 2: as I come from a small town in Maine, very provincial,
Speaker 2: would say, oh, and you know, she's just like Uncle Jack,
Speaker 2: or she's just like you know, Grandma or you know
Speaker 2: Aunt Kim. They're not like my three kids are all different.
Speaker 2: Just they're just all different. And I guess you could
Speaker 2: say each one has traits of my wife or me,
Speaker 2: but they're you know, they look like us kind of,
Speaker 2: you know, they are, we look like a family, but
Speaker 2: they're all different, you know, they just they just are
Speaker 2: And you're right, they're just they're just all different in
Speaker 2: that way. But you know, I I just remember as
Speaker 2: a kid where it was okay to get dirty and
Speaker 2: you know, you fell off your bike and you got
Speaker 2: back up, and you know if you got hurt. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying if you broke a limb, you don't
Speaker 2: go to the hospital, but you know, grub some dirt
Speaker 2: on it. As they say, that's another thing with parents now,
Speaker 2: parents aren't is and I get this honor relaxed when
Speaker 2: it comes to letting their kids play on supervise because
Speaker 2: of various threats.
Speaker 3: Were I think there's a very fine line between what
Speaker 3: we're calling right now over parenting versus active parenting, where
Speaker 3: there's we're not saying don't don't be there for your kids, right,
Speaker 3: just realize there's boundaries that your kid needs to learn,
Speaker 3: and that, especially when they're younger, if you don't set
Speaker 3: those boundaries for them, they don't learn how to set
Speaker 3: them for themselves. And so asking you to even come
Speaker 3: to an interview, uh or being okay with that is
Speaker 3: a reflection on maybe the boundaries lot set early on.
Speaker 2: Oh, there's no question, there's no there's no doubt about it.
Speaker 2: How do you feel because I've seen this a lot
Speaker 2: about parents blaming the school system as opposed to blames
Speaker 2: it tough for blaming the kid or have you know,
Speaker 2: holding the kid responsible.
Speaker 3: Oh, I could get our whole other subjects about this one,
Speaker 3: but I.
Speaker 2: Wish I had lead with that.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, schools also, there's been a lot of
Speaker 3: rules taken our schools, and then kids also taught that
Speaker 3: that they don't have to respect rules and that no
Speaker 3: matter what they do, there's going to be the same
Speaker 3: in results. Everyone wants boundaries and structure. You want them
Speaker 3: to at some point fight against some of that structure,
Speaker 3: but you want that to be in a healthy way.
Speaker 3: You want them, you know, to question things and understand
Speaker 3: how to deal with the consequences that their actions might have.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I just think that parents, at times, myself included,
Speaker 2: are too concerned with being liked by their kid, so
Speaker 2: they said, with their kid instead of the teacher.
Speaker 3: Right, It's very hard to walk the line of being
Speaker 3: a costoup versus a friend, versus a parent versus a
Speaker 3: teacher and really staying in that specific role that you're
Speaker 3: kids need because.
Speaker 2: And again I'll go, oh, bastard. When I grew up,
Speaker 2: I mean, it was the teacher's rule. There was no
Speaker 2: I had. I did not have a case to make
Speaker 2: you know, but it was her fault. It was missus
Speaker 2: Canower's fault. My dad, No, it wasn't. I don't care.
Speaker 2: It was not bottom line, you know. Now it's like
Speaker 2: I'll go talk to the teacher and my kids misunderstood
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah blah blah. I mean it's very
Speaker 2: hard on teachers today. I think it's extremely difficult on
Speaker 2: teachers because I think they get it from both sides.
Speaker 2: And I think administrators are concerned too, because there's legal situations,
Speaker 2: you know, be people are worried about getting sued or
Speaker 2: getting in trouble with the school board or it's definitely
Speaker 2: the teachers and the staffs. I don't think it enough support.
Speaker 2: Everybody's trying to be pro kid too much. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've run into that at all. So when
Speaker 2: in dealing with your situation, what would you say, is
Speaker 2: the number one and cause for depression? I'll start that
Speaker 2: first in our young people. Then the one cause for
Speaker 2: anxiety or is the cause one and the same?
Speaker 3: I think they can be one and the same, they
Speaker 3: can be different for different kids. Some of the depression
Speaker 3: I see is it really is just genetic? And then
Speaker 3: there's a lot of other things contributing to that. I
Speaker 3: would say one of the biggest things, and the things
Speaker 3: I continue to continue to be shocked about, is the
Speaker 3: amount of bullying that there is in school and the
Speaker 3: horrific things that kids say to each other. How much depression, anxiety,
Speaker 3: avoidance of wanting to go to school that that creates
Speaker 3: for younger kids, and it really has a big impact
Speaker 3: on their self esteem and how they view themselves.
Speaker 2: That's so disappointing to hear that there's still a lot
Speaker 2: of bullying. I mean, it's just it's such that's disappointing
Speaker 2: with my kids. I'm worried about the online bullying I'm
Speaker 2: early about. I'm worried about the Instagram where a young
Speaker 2: person looks at somebody else's Instagram post and thinks, I'm
Speaker 2: not as pretty as them, I'm not as athletic as them,
Speaker 2: I'm not as good as them. That's the type of
Speaker 2: bullying that I worry about. I thought that, and maybe
Speaker 2: I'm just out of touch. I thought we were beyond
Speaker 2: the actual bullying sort of thing. And sometimes I wonder
Speaker 2: if you know, I would not condone fighting in school,
Speaker 2: but sometimes you know, a kid needs to swing back
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I think of like two fights when I got in
Speaker 2: with guys. I know, one guy called my mom fat,
Speaker 2: you know, and I got a fight with him and
Speaker 2: then we got up, and you know, mister Wallace pulled
Speaker 2: us apart and said, you know, go sit in the
Speaker 2: corner for twenty minutes. And then it was fine. But
Speaker 2: you know, you can't do that anymore.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, as the online is a whole nother just
Speaker 3: monster in itself. The in person things they say, the
Speaker 3: things they say online they get nasterer and aft here.
Speaker 3: But even just the viewing of others and their highlight
Speaker 3: reel on social media does have a really big impact
Speaker 3: on kids. He is, they're comparing themselves, even if there's
Speaker 3: no bullying taking place, They're comparing themselves to someone else's highlights,
Speaker 3: not what the reality of their life is.
Speaker 2: So it's not so much physical bullying, it's it's the
Speaker 2: online thing.
Speaker 3: I think it's both. I think that it's so really
Speaker 3: present that we don't really realize how much. Because a
Speaker 3: lot of these kids are coming in and saying the
Speaker 3: kids said this to me, I'm like, wait, they said what?
Speaker 3: And I keep being more and more surprised by what's
Speaker 3: coming out some of the kids now, also what it's
Speaker 3: being said online. I still think that the in person
Speaker 3: is a really big problem.
Speaker 2: That is that. That's crushing to me. I thought I
Speaker 2: was hoping when we would beyond that. I really did.
Speaker 2: I mean, I I that's that's terrible. And thank you
Speaker 2: very well. I appreciate you coming on and thank you
Speaker 2: for addressing it. And the kids of fortunate to have
Speaker 2: somebody like you to help them through that, because bullies
Speaker 2: are just the worst. It's just it's just the worst.
Speaker 2: And we all know a bullying you know, they have
Speaker 2: anxiety too, and it's all their insecurity and so forth,
Speaker 2: and they're trying to make themselves feel better. But it's
Speaker 2: just it's hard when you have a kid that's on
Speaker 2: the other end of it. Michelle, thank you very much
Speaker 2: for joining us Likes Professional Counselor. We appreciate your time
Speaker 2: in discussing overparenting and we wish you luck and down
Speaker 2: the road, we'd love to have you on WBZ again.
Speaker 3: All Right, thank you so much. Gary, I appreciate you
Speaker 3: having me on the show tonight.
Speaker 2: Okay, Michelle, good talk overparenting. We need to chill out.
Speaker 2: Folks need to relax, especially when you get to the
Speaker 2: college age. The bullying thing buns me out. I mean,
Speaker 2: I was bullied, you know, I was. We all were.
Speaker 2: But I thought that I really thought that that was
Speaker 2: a thing of the past. The online stuff, I get.
Speaker 2: The online stuff's brutal, it's it's brutal, But the physical
Speaker 2: bullying in person, I think that was a thing anymore.
Speaker 2: But what did I know? And Michelle sent me straight
Speaker 2: and that's too bad. All right? Coming up at nine o'clock,
Speaker 2: Alan Lickman from American University, he's going to join us.
Speaker 2: And you've probably heard Alan before. He's had a lot
Speaker 2: of success in predicting the presidential elections. Nine of the
Speaker 2: last ten he has called. And the one that was
Speaker 2: a miss was the Gore Bush one, and that's debatable.
Speaker 2: We will talk to him about that, but I also
Speaker 2: want to talk to him about presidents that we didn't think.
Speaker 2: We're going to do a whole lot, like Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2: If she wins, she may she may surprise us in
Speaker 2: some ways. In some ways, Donald Trump surprised us good
Speaker 2: and bad. But there are those who support Trump that
Speaker 2: would say he was If you supported Donald Trump. I'm
Speaker 2: not getting into I'm not doing that. I'm not doing
Speaker 2: Trump bashing. I'm not doing harb doing that. I can't analize.
Speaker 2: You want to vote for who you vote for. That's fine.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna swear you either way. But there was
Speaker 2: someone that would say Trump surprised some people possibly. I mean,
Speaker 2: the economy was good, right again, when it comes to
Speaker 2: the well he now, I'm going down a rabbit hole.
Speaker 2: The whole Corona thing, he said, some dumb things he did.
Speaker 2: He can't argue with that. But who knows how she's
Speaker 2: gonna be. She hasn't been if she wins. She doesn't
Speaker 2: have a great track record, But there are successful presidents
Speaker 2: who have been in the same situation. We're going to
Speaker 2: talk about that coming up at nine o'clock right here
Speaker 2: on WBZ. Coming up next, I went to the movies
Speaker 2: and it wasn't good. I'll tell you what happened. Next
Speaker 2: to wz's night.
Speaker 1: Said, Now back to Dan ray Mine from the Window
Speaker 1: World night Side Studios on WBZ News.
Speaker 2: Radio, Gary tag Way for Dan Raates and I thank
Speaker 2: you for jodingus. You're gonna do would be busies nightside
Speaker 2: on Labor Day again Michelle Dideen joining us. We'd like
Speaker 2: to thank her for her time talking about overparenting. And
Speaker 2: I just think we need to chill out as parents.
Speaker 2: You know, you need to let go a little bit.
Speaker 2: I've got three. It's hard to do. I will be
Speaker 2: honest with you. You know, I may you may or made.
Speaker 2: I know. I did television for years. I got laid
Speaker 2: off during the pandemic. I decided to become a stay
Speaker 2: at home dad. I was a little overbearing. I was
Speaker 2: a little neurotic, making sure the lunches were done, making
Speaker 2: sure everything got handed in, the physical forms had to
Speaker 2: be taken care of, the backpack had to be packed,
Speaker 2: the homework had to be done. And my kids and
Speaker 2: my wife said, you know, you gotta really relax. You
Speaker 2: got to kind of chill out. You had. The biggest
Speaker 2: problem that parents face, myself included, is allowing our kids
Speaker 2: to fail because we think it's a reflection on us.
Speaker 2: If my son or my daughter fails, it makes me
Speaker 2: look bad that I'm a bad parent. That I didn't
Speaker 2: teach him to be smart, I didn't teach him to
Speaker 2: be athletic, I didn't teach him to do this, to
Speaker 2: do that. It's a pout, and I have a cousin
Speaker 2: of amount. I've had this debate with my kids. Aren't me?
Speaker 2: Your kids aren't you? They're them, They're not they are
Speaker 2: not Your kids are not you. Your child is their own
Speaker 2: person period in the story. For some reason, when my
Speaker 2: kids turned eighteen they went to college. I was able
Speaker 2: to let go a little bit when my son. When
Speaker 2: my son went off after eighteen, I was kind of like, dude,
Speaker 2: there's nothing else I can do. I mean, you're on
Speaker 2: your own. If you screw up, you screw up. And
Speaker 2: he had his moments in high school believed me like
Speaker 2: we all did you know. Same thing with my daughter,
Speaker 2: I was like, it's kind of up to you, and
Speaker 2: I do believe you have to follow your passion. Now
Speaker 2: that made me. You're eating Ramen noodles for a while.
Speaker 2: But money doesn't make you happy. It just doesn't. It doesn't.
Speaker 2: It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't.
Speaker 2: You know then, I guess if you want to live
Speaker 2: a certain lifestyle, you have to live a certain lifestyle,
Speaker 2: and therefore you have to do something for a living
Speaker 2: that you don't really enjoy, but it ables you to
Speaker 2: enjoy your lifestyle. Then that's up to you. But I've
Speaker 2: told my kids there are no more thirty five year
Speaker 2: gold Watches, there are no more forty year four oh
Speaker 2: one k's that are going to get you a condo
Speaker 2: in Boca. So do it up, do what you want
Speaker 2: to do. Carpe DM I my poor wife. I love
Speaker 2: to go to the movies. I love movies, as you know.
Speaker 2: And we went and saw a Deadpool and Wolverine on Sunday.
Speaker 2: I love those actors. I love the franchise. I love
Speaker 2: the first Deadpool. I love it. It's so funny, it's
Speaker 2: so good. I think Ryan Reynolds is so talented. I
Speaker 2: got to see his wife's and movie Blake Lively. That's
Speaker 2: that's very controversial too, which I don't really want to
Speaker 2: get into because I'm not I'm not really an expert
Speaker 2: in that area, but it's it's it's that's controversial. But
Speaker 2: I love her as an actor, so i'd like I'd
Speaker 2: like to see that as well. But she says, all right,
Speaker 2: we'll go see you know, Wolverine and Deadpool. It was terrible.
Speaker 2: It was terrible. It was terrible. Love you Jackman, love them,
Speaker 2: love everybody in it, everybody in it was great love
Speaker 2: the actors, terrible story. Too much inside baseball, too many
Speaker 2: inside jokes, too many inside jokes, took you away from
Speaker 2: the script, took you out of the moment. It took
Speaker 2: you out of the moment when I'll never forget this.
Speaker 2: Robert de Niro, al Pacino, all those guys, they didn't
Speaker 2: want to do interviews, They did not want to be
Speaker 2: in because it made it more difficult for them to
Speaker 2: do their job and create the persona and make you
Speaker 2: believe that it's not Bob de Niro, or it's not
Speaker 2: Al Pacino. That well, it's the Godfather, you know, or
Speaker 2: the Bronx Tale. Or Jimmy and Goodfellas. That's not Bob
Speaker 2: de Niro, that's Jimmy and Goodfellas. Come on. But now
Speaker 2: with YouTube, it almost seems with movies it's like the
Speaker 2: behind the scenes, the bloopers, and the YouTube promos leading
Speaker 2: up to it are more important than the movie itself.
Speaker 2: That's what happened with Deadpool. At Deadpool and Wolverine, there
Speaker 2: was so much publicity about you Jackman and Ryan Reynolds
Speaker 2: and that their buddies and they love to give each
Speaker 2: other crap on Twitter and so forth. And Sean Levy,
Speaker 2: who was a great director, came on board. He was
Speaker 2: going to direct this. They forgot what it's about, and
Speaker 2: it's about creating a story. It's about creating a story
Speaker 2: in a world that we want to believe exists. For
Speaker 2: two hours and ten minutes, they kept taking us out
Speaker 2: of the moment with jokes mentioning the actor's real name.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's a there's a layer where the villain
Speaker 2: lives and it's Paul Rudd's helmet, you know, from ant Man,
Speaker 2: And even they didn't even have to say anything, just
Speaker 2: we know it's ant Man's helmet, and they didn't even
Speaker 2: have to mention Paul Rudd, but they did. I'm so
Speaker 2: bummed out, so bummed out. Remember it's all about the story.
Speaker 2: Folks coming up next, presidents who were great that we
Speaker 2: thought were going to suck on WBZ.