Speaker 1: Let me finish.
Speaker 2: This is the first time I committed a hate crime.
Speaker 1: Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it, you know,
Speaker 1: like something like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath, you are present my.
Speaker 3: Shit put any trash shin.
Speaker 1: You're worst Friend? Do want to know why you're all
Speaker 1: fucked up? Just look at the fucking problems to hang
Speaker 1: around with.
Speaker 2: So the final time you're listening to Your Worst Friend
Speaker 2: with Shane and Matt, I'm Matt and I'm joined today
Speaker 2: by my friend and co host, my best friend in
Speaker 2: the whole wide world, Shane Joe uh Hey hit them
Speaker 2: with one of the classics, what's up all you?
Speaker 1: Oh? What's up you skank birds? Okay, all right, that's good.
Speaker 2: Uh Today is the recording of the last episode of
Speaker 2: Your Worst Friend. I have come to grips with it
Speaker 2: over time. I was a little upset at the beginning,
Speaker 2: not upset angry we talked about before. I was just
Speaker 2: like sad, not.
Speaker 1: Angry, vitriolic rage, Phil.
Speaker 2: There's there's what you know I want it to because
Speaker 2: I kind of went through the list of emotions I
Speaker 2: want it to be, like, oh so now I can't
Speaker 2: be I really can't be you know. Obviously we'll touch
Speaker 2: on it more, but uh, you have given me something
Speaker 2: as a co host that I literally have. I mean,
Speaker 2: I've been trying to do this for years now. I've
Speaker 2: never been able to find somebody who is consistent and
Speaker 2: shows up and understands the vibe and just gets it.
Speaker 2: So not to start the show off with that, but
Speaker 2: I just want to say I've always very much appreciated that,
Speaker 2: and I've always appreciated the work you've put in.
Speaker 1: For the show. So thank you for that, my friend.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you're welcome. I appreciate how much work I've
Speaker 1: done as well. Oh I mean no, yeah, you did everything.
Speaker 1: I got the rage on on it's coming back. I'm
Speaker 1: getting no, no, no, no, okay, no, I mean I'll piggyback
Speaker 1: off of that. Yeah, this whole show has been a
Speaker 1: learning experience for me as far as like just being
Speaker 1: more aware of my persona, my presence, all that, how
Speaker 1: I want to present myself thinking on the go. It's
Speaker 1: been a lot of positivity that's come out of it.
Speaker 1: So it's not like I'm leaving, you know, like on
Speaker 1: bad terms or because I hate it or something like that.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, it's it's it's all positivity for me, at
Speaker 1: least in my end. But yeah, I hate to leave
Speaker 1: you high and dry and angry and rage and too furious.
Speaker 2: Well no, I just I'm just glad the way I've
Speaker 2: put it in my head, I'm just I go, I'm glad.
Speaker 1: I won't be held back anymore.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: That was my big thing?
Speaker 3: There you go?
Speaker 2: That was I was just like, Oh, finally take the
Speaker 2: shackles off of me. So I can I can do
Speaker 2: the stuff I really want to do? Can I real quick?
Speaker 2: Can I can I play a video for you that
Speaker 2: I really like. I think it's a great greeting for
Speaker 2: today's ship.
Speaker 1: Tapussy fart queens.
Speaker 2: So I got my blood results back and it looks
Speaker 2: like I have a small type of diabetes.
Speaker 3: So wish me luck. It's it's reversible. Don't worry. Bye,
Speaker 3: I love you.
Speaker 1: It looks like uh, Doris, what's her name? That the
Speaker 1: bitch who played bass and Smashing Pumpkins twenty five years ago?
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know who that is. I know who's
Speaker 2: the hot girl.
Speaker 1: From Slashing Pumpkins? Yeah, the one who played bass twenty
Speaker 1: five years ago?
Speaker 2: Oh she got fat?
Speaker 1: That's a bummer. Yeah, yeah, she looks for real bad
Speaker 1: these days.
Speaker 2: I found this girl on Instagram. See this is a
Speaker 2: bummer that were wrapping it because my algorithm is on
Speaker 2: fucking fire. I am getting people with like three thousand,
Speaker 2: four thousand followers like no one, I'm getting beastline here,
Speaker 2: and then they're starting to blow up. I found the
Speaker 2: the fucking piss guy.
Speaker 1: He was awesome. Remember he's got a contract now, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's got any Yeah, he's the newest Disney star.
Speaker 2: Did you see the one of him where he makes
Speaker 2: shit air?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: What do you do? Do you just put shit in
Speaker 1: the air?
Speaker 2: No? Come on, man, He's a little fucking classier than that.
Speaker 2: I mean, can you just can you just have a
Speaker 2: little respect for fellow artists.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly where I was going with it.
Speaker 2: Uh, this is our boy.
Speaker 1: I don't know his name. What is his name? His queen?
Speaker 1: I don't know. You're not sharing, I'm about to Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not sharing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't play anything yet. I'm setting it up
Speaker 2: a little.
Speaker 1: Bit of radio there. Oh dude, this is Potters today.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be teaching you how to make ship air.
Speaker 4: So basically, what you're gonna need some Doodoo stains on
Speaker 4: your wall like I do. And you're also gonna need
Speaker 4: a fan. And so basically what you're gonna want to
Speaker 4: is put the film behind the Dodos things, and then
Speaker 4: the Dodos things will create the Doo Doo vortext. And
Speaker 4: so basically the Doodo vortext will go all around your
Speaker 4: room and then you'll get some beautiful ship air. And
Speaker 4: so that's how you make ship air.
Speaker 1: What this guy has, like he's got the best lighting ever,
Speaker 1: like better than well, yeah, I mean, but it's like
Speaker 1: it's it is better than your studio. I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 1: but this light scheme where it's just like this like
Speaker 1: sixty five watt semi white bulb suspended from the ceiling
Speaker 1: is the most poverty ass light ever. Like, if you
Speaker 1: don't have a lamp in your house, you are your
Speaker 1: dirt poor. You know.
Speaker 2: I have to be honest, though I agree with you,
Speaker 2: but I also would go the inverse. I think you
Speaker 2: need a mix of lights. You yeah to have some
Speaker 2: kind of overhead I know, yeah.
Speaker 1: You've got to have one, but it's not enough.
Speaker 2: My mother's living room has no overhead light.
Speaker 1: It's all, yeah, that's a bitch.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Then if you then you've got then every room looks
Speaker 1: like a den, yes, you know, and that that's like
Speaker 1: it's not as poor looking, but it is. It makes
Speaker 1: you sad because it feels like an old per person's home,
Speaker 1: like they're just waiting to die, you know.
Speaker 2: See. I see it as more like sinister a little
Speaker 2: with everything yeah dark, Yeah, like we're sitting around planning,
Speaker 2: like which Middle Eastern country are we going to go
Speaker 2: into next or fucking whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You're like at a relative's house and they're just waiting
Speaker 1: for one of the family members to go into the
Speaker 1: darkest corner of the house so that way the other
Speaker 1: worldly spirit that lives there can eat them and get
Speaker 1: your family member off the hook until next spring.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: The funny thing is most of the time my family
Speaker 2: just sits around in the den talking about how to
Speaker 2: make the best shit air.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I remember many conversations by the Yule log
Speaker 1: we talked about the shit air.
Speaker 2: Uh, all right, let me stop sharing this because I
Speaker 2: have anything else. I was okay, I go to Walmart yesterday, right,
Speaker 2: and this being the last episode, I will have to
Speaker 2: say I am officially going to change who I am
Speaker 2: as a human being. I will no longer attempt to
Speaker 2: be middle America cis white, male, thirty seven years old,
Speaker 2: friendly to people, because it just doesn't pay off, and
Speaker 2: I just look like a fucking asshole every time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you look like a dummy.
Speaker 2: So I'm going into Walmart yesterday and I have typical
Speaker 2: fat guy winter clothing. Right, big sweatshirt on. Well it's
Speaker 2: almost teacher's dirty big sweatshirt on, sleeves rolled all the
Speaker 2: way up.
Speaker 1: Okay, short, all right, yeah, that's whenever I see. Actually,
Speaker 1: I just went to my wife's Christmas party for Christmas,
Speaker 1: I guess it was a holiday party. Actually, think about it.
Speaker 1: I just one of my wife's holiday party, which, by
Speaker 1: the way, I know that all these fucking health reps
Speaker 1: are supposed to be super sinister and stuff, but it
Speaker 1: was really cool hearing them. They didn't really talk about
Speaker 1: money at all when they were giving speeches. It was
Speaker 1: just all about like how many how many units didn't fail,
Speaker 1: And it was like, we wanted less than a quarter
Speaker 1: of a percent of these health implants to fail, and
Speaker 1: it was an eighth of a percent, So we exceeded
Speaker 1: our goal and It's like, Okay, that's seems like these
Speaker 1: guys actually care about something. It's nice. And then they
Speaker 1: served me undercooked I'm sorry, overcooked RIBI. I asked for
Speaker 1: a medium rare. It was definitely medium. It wasn't bad,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't great. Wasn't it wasn't good? You know,
Speaker 1: it wasn't bad anyway. Yeah, there's this woman that I
Speaker 1: haven't seen in forever. She had gastric bypass surgery. She's
Speaker 1: lost so yeah, I know she's lost a ton of weight,
Speaker 1: but she's still still a little big. But she's still
Speaker 1: in fat person mindset. Because we went to the Christmas party.
Speaker 1: I'm in like a sweater and then I got like
Speaker 1: a collared shirt and a tie on underneath and slacks
Speaker 1: and like long wool socks. I'm like freezing my ass
Speaker 1: off and I'm all buttoned up, you know, and she's
Speaker 1: in there with like a sleeveless shirt and khaki pants.
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, are you out of your fucking mind?
Speaker 1: It's typical fat person clothes, right, It's just like stuff
Speaker 1: you can slip in and out of. She's lost some weight,
Speaker 1: she could buy a new dress, but yeah, she's still
Speaker 1: in that fat person mindset.
Speaker 2: When people dress up for things, though, I think they're
Speaker 2: kind of like retarded, is the thing that's my view
Speaker 2: on it. It's like, this guy sees you, not you,
Speaker 2: not you. In general, I understand I am in the
Speaker 2: minority on this one. Okay, that I think dressing up
Speaker 2: is gay. This guy sees you, and he knows or
Speaker 2: is has the distinct possibility in his mind, this guy's
Speaker 2: a scumbag. And he walks up and he goes, what
Speaker 2: the tie on this guy? Hmm? Maybe all of my
Speaker 2: preconceived notions of his scumbaggery were incorrect. And then they need, Yeah,
Speaker 2: they meet me and talk to me, and they go, oh,
Speaker 2: he is a scumbag. Never mind, never mind, I was
Speaker 2: fooled by the tie. Hey, I need to just go
Speaker 2: in and present who I am. Funny enough, one time
Speaker 2: I started working at my job and the CEO was there,
Speaker 2: and it was like a month in and it was
Speaker 2: football season, and it was like Friday, everyone can wear
Speaker 2: their jersey. If you have a football jersey where it
Speaker 2: to work.
Speaker 1: It has to be football.
Speaker 2: So I extended that from September, late September, maybe October
Speaker 2: probably at that point, uh huh, into February Super Bowl.
Speaker 2: I was wearing a jersey every Friday, the only person
Speaker 2: in the entire professional work office wearing a jersey every Friday.
Speaker 2: Just pretend like, oh, I didn't hear that, Like I didn't,
Speaker 2: I didn't hear what. I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: So it's funny because it's going to tie into my
Speaker 2: Walmart story real quick. It was a Cults jersey. I'd
Speaker 2: wear an Indianapolis Cults jersey, and the CEO during one meeting,
Speaker 2: stands up and he's given a speech. He goes, you know,
Speaker 2: I've given speeches to foreign dignitary. I've talked to other
Speaker 2: business leaders throughout the world. I've even interviewed I've even
Speaker 2: talked to a president in the past. But one thing
Speaker 2: I have never given a speech in front of is
Speaker 2: an all defense or an all pro defensive end from
Speaker 2: the Indianapolis Colts.
Speaker 1: And that was my jersey. Like oh my god.
Speaker 2: And he goes, go on, stand up, stand up, holy
Speaker 2: shit up and I just go like, hey, hey, because
Speaker 2: what the fuck am I gonna do? And he goes, ah, okay,
Speaker 2: that's good. Yeah, we like football spirit. Soon as I
Speaker 2: came back upstairs, my manager goes, hey, you can't wear
Speaker 2: jerseys on Fridays. That was that was the worst thing
Speaker 2: that I've seen at this office.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, all right, that was the
Speaker 1: most fucking Marine Corps shit I've heard from inside your
Speaker 1: corporate office world. That's that's badass. That's the kind of
Speaker 1: shit you you see in the Marines all the time,
Speaker 1: where it's like there'll be some marine who's fucked up
Speaker 1: and somehow like he passes through through the formation in
Speaker 1: the morning. So then there's like a CEO, like a
Speaker 1: major or something up there giving a speech before the weekend,
Speaker 1: like telling everybody to be safe and stuff. And then
Speaker 1: there's like some dirt bag marine with with you know,
Speaker 1: like half a day's worth of whiskers on his fucking
Speaker 1: chin and stuff, and it's already, you know, it's eight am,
Speaker 1: you know, and then he'll be like, stand up, devil dog,
Speaker 1: let me have a look at that. And then he'll
Speaker 1: have a look at his his face. You know, he's
Speaker 1: a major. He's not he's not a drill instructor. He's
Speaker 1: an officer. He's got an he's he's a nice guy.
Speaker 1: He'd be like, oh, next, next, next time you're gonna
Speaker 1: be in a formation before an officer. How about you
Speaker 1: just uh you do a little better shave there, devil dog.
Speaker 1: All right, have a seat, and then the marine will
Speaker 1: sit down, and the whole time the major is giving
Speaker 1: the safety brief all the like, the staff sergeants, gunnery sergeants,
Speaker 1: first sergeants, every single one of them from every platoon
Speaker 1: is behind this kid, just like eyes fixated, like like
Speaker 1: like homing missiles, you know. And it's like as soon
Speaker 1: as that brief is over, as soon as the major's
Speaker 1: like all right, well, you know, get to work or whatever,
Speaker 1: get to work and then enjoy the weekend, you hear
Speaker 1: like like seven motherfuckers like D's Copple Jones, get your
Speaker 1: fucking ass over here, you know.
Speaker 2: Oyeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah that sounds like what happened to you. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great. It was, uh, it was it was.
Speaker 2: What eventually happened was they started calling for casual fridays,
Speaker 2: so I would wear jeans and AE and they would
Speaker 2: be like T shirt jersey. Then something happened they were
Speaker 2: like yeah a suresy, they were a mess. Uh. Something
Speaker 2: happened where they were like we're going business casual. So
Speaker 2: I just kept wearing a T shirt every day like
Speaker 2: the next six years.
Speaker 1: I just wore a T shirt every day, and that's dope.
Speaker 2: So I'm going into Walmart full fat guy attire, okay,
Speaker 2: a nice cheap rebuck sweatshirt on and some shorts.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Uh, And I see in Okay, I saw, I see
Speaker 2: a black guy. I will tell you why. I hesitated
Speaker 2: on that for a second. Oh yes, son.
Speaker 1: You heard him talk and he sounded like me, No,
Speaker 1: You're exactly right, but not the end. Oh okay, okay.
Speaker 2: So I see him and he's wearing one of those
Speaker 2: bright yellow like road crew type vests, you know, and
Speaker 2: a bright yellow which I've never seen before, road crew
Speaker 2: Indianapolis Colts hat. And I go, mom, I owe, hey,
Speaker 2: excuse me, sir hey, And he goes eh, And I go,
Speaker 2: we must be the only Colts fans in New Jersey. Huh,
Speaker 2: just trying to be friendly. I just got out of
Speaker 2: my car. I'm next to this guy. He goes, I
Speaker 2: don't know what you are saying.
Speaker 1: I got it in a refugee camp.
Speaker 2: I go, your hat the Indianapolis Colts. Do you like
Speaker 2: the Colts? And he goes, I get this from my
Speaker 2: work and I just went have a nice day, and
Speaker 2: I turned and I fucking left. Never again. Never again,
Speaker 2: Am I gonna try and be friendly and reach out
Speaker 2: and just you know, just the casual like, hey, lift
Speaker 2: your day, you know, Hey, buddy, good to see you here.
Speaker 2: Good colts at.
Speaker 1: His work is a blood diamond can Yeah?
Speaker 2: Really I got it because I kept getting blood on
Speaker 2: my head from breaking children's ankles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was the best ankle breaker they had.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I just don't do it anymore. Man, I'm just
Speaker 2: not gonna do it.
Speaker 1: I've never been that kind of guy, honestly. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like maybe maybe a little bit when I was younger,
Speaker 1: like maybe eighteen nineteen, but I feel like right right
Speaker 1: around the time I got married, like a little after that,
Speaker 1: maybe I think all of that died in me. I
Speaker 1: just became the kind of person who who Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: it was like I just didn't want to have a
Speaker 1: moment like that in front of my chick and then
Speaker 1: looked like a fucking total weasel.
Speaker 2: You know, I get that, But.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you, how many scars do you show
Speaker 2: your chick in your personality?
Speaker 1: Oh? I thought you meant on my body. I was
Speaker 1: like I can't really hide. Yeah, she's never seen me
Speaker 1: below the waist.
Speaker 2: We've talked about we don't. Yeah, we talk is out.
Speaker 2: You don't discuss it. You never like I just really
Speaker 2: took a big ship and it hurt.
Speaker 1: But oh yeah, yeah, No, we don't talk about that.
Speaker 1: That's just not allowed because then I'd have to leave
Speaker 1: and never come back. I'd have to eternal sunshine myself.
Speaker 2: Do you all right? But but there, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you were joking or you serious. You don't want
Speaker 2: to look like a fool saying that to an African
Speaker 2: guy and having to be like, I don't know what
Speaker 2: you were talking about.
Speaker 1: Right, So I'm I'm at a point now where I'm
Speaker 1: actually more okay with being but with looking silly in public, right,
Speaker 1: you know, or whatever it's. You know, I think it
Speaker 1: comes with that guy. As you get older and you
Speaker 1: get more secure and you become more comfortable with yourself,
Speaker 1: like all that stuff seems to matter less. But I'm
Speaker 1: still not a social person. I'll you know, I'll say that,
Speaker 1: like I kind of like I kind of just wait
Speaker 1: for other people to give me things to react to.
Speaker 1: I kind of yeah, I think that's really what it
Speaker 1: is I don't like to show my cards first. I
Speaker 1: really like to hold my cards like close to my
Speaker 1: chest until the last possible second. I like to try
Speaker 1: and know everybody else in a situation before I give
Speaker 1: them pieces of me. And yeah, so I can control
Speaker 1: what is known about me.
Speaker 2: I guess in that instance, the only thing that would
Speaker 2: be known about you would be a you know, this
Speaker 2: guy is a cults fan or possibly likes the Blue Horseshoe, doesn't.
Speaker 1: Well, that might be a big deal. Like in the
Speaker 1: refugee camp, if you you know they have they had
Speaker 1: two bocks a hat show up. One of them landed
Speaker 1: in the the Refuku camp and the other one landed
Speaker 1: in the raffikie camp. And you know, the yellow hats
Speaker 1: signify Refuku and the bright orange ones are Raffiki. Of course,
Speaker 1: you don't really confused that.
Speaker 2: Road crews full of refugees are just going at it
Speaker 2: fighting all day long. Someone put the jackhammer into I
Speaker 2: almost said Kyle's face.
Speaker 1: I think, God, they give them. Yeah, it's easier, it's
Speaker 1: easier than their names. Your name is Kyle. Now, I
Speaker 1: was just thinking of these two fucking road crews, you know,
Speaker 1: warring it out with their hats and they're they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we can't tell each other apart make sure you put
Speaker 1: the hats on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I mean, it's funny, but it's literally what
Speaker 2: happens in Chicago, right, It's literally what happened. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean it's which one are you? What color hat? Are you?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: I'll kill you?
Speaker 1: Now? Great? I mean I guess it happens in countries too, right.
Speaker 1: Wasn't that that's civil war faught along blue in a
Speaker 1: gray line?
Speaker 2: Uh? This one our civil war that was about just
Speaker 2: property rights? I think, Yeah, what's the argument people make
Speaker 2: for that one? They're like, actually it was just property.
Speaker 1: Oh, state's rights, states rights, right, the states rights, stone slaves,
Speaker 1: that's all.
Speaker 2: Sure, the property name was people, but it was property rights.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't remember any other right that those states
Speaker 1: were fighting about from that war. I mean, there might
Speaker 1: be some other rights they were concerned about, but I
Speaker 1: just don't remember what they were.
Speaker 2: I would assume only because it's been in every government
Speaker 2: fight everyone, you know, since the formation of the country.
Speaker 2: I assume there was some sort of tax policy they
Speaker 2: didn't like with it as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there weren't any more taxes to be collected because
Speaker 1: there were no slaves.
Speaker 2: Did all right? I got a question. Did you hear
Speaker 2: about So we're recording this on Monday? Did you hear
Speaker 2: about that shooting in Wisconsin?
Speaker 1: We happened in Wisconsin someone shot up a cheese and
Speaker 1: invented Swiss cheese.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, k through twelve.
Speaker 1: School shooter.
Speaker 2: They're saying a girl, but the picture the person is
Speaker 2: a guy. So it's very strange.
Speaker 1: Okay, take me through that though. Is it is? It?
Speaker 1: Is it? Okay? What did it start? As? We don't know?
Speaker 2: They say girl, the picture is a guy. Do you
Speaker 2: want to see what I would refer to as the
Speaker 2: largest fumble anyone has ever had in their life in
Speaker 2: an instance like this? Okay, okay, so let me share
Speaker 2: this with you. It's not a video, but I just want.
Speaker 1: To share good Okay, idiot.
Speaker 2: This is the person's last post.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is a picture of the
Speaker 2: person or what. But they came out and said it was,
Speaker 2: in fact a what's it called? The sheriff said it
Speaker 2: was a woman. There was confusion at the beginning.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what, dude. I will
Speaker 1: tell you, man. The confusion is real. I me and
Speaker 1: my wife are on a dating app right now called Hinge,
Speaker 1: and it's like for weird situations. So we're like trying
Speaker 1: to find a girlfriend, and we had like we've had
Speaker 1: I think we've been on there like a week or
Speaker 1: two and we've had several or very few matches. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: So it's like it works like kind of like one
Speaker 1: of those swipe things where it's like you have to
Speaker 1: you have to both click yes on each other to
Speaker 1: even be able to message each other or anything like that.
Speaker 1: And the first time we had a match, my wife
Speaker 1: sent me a picture and I looked at the person
Speaker 1: and is like, I texted our backers like, so she's
Speaker 1: a boy or what is that?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: Because I couldn't tell even I couldn't tell where the
Speaker 1: line was. It was like the it was a person
Speaker 1: with like asiany eyes and a chubby face and hairy
Speaker 1: legs and like like a thin Chinese mustache, and it
Speaker 1: looked very much like a man. But we have like
Speaker 1: a setup where it's like you only get matched with women.
Speaker 1: So I was like, what the fuck's going on with that?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: But that is a woman? Yeah, I apparently I told
Speaker 1: her I was like, just block that bitch.
Speaker 2: You can just freak out of my You're just you're
Speaker 2: totally tolerant or whatever. And then it comes to your doorstep.
Speaker 2: Now tell the monster to kill itself.
Speaker 1: Not today.
Speaker 2: So this thing posted the okay, yeah, well I don't
Speaker 2: know what it is. If it was like a blow
Speaker 2: the well, but it's yeah, but at one point it
Speaker 2: was white supremacist. For a long time, it was just okay.
Speaker 2: It could also be the thing below your waist to
Speaker 2: get to hit him in the right.
Speaker 1: That's I thought, Oh yeah, that's that's what I'm referring
Speaker 1: to as the butthole.
Speaker 2: Oh okay.
Speaker 1: I always thought like, when you look down at that
Speaker 1: hole below the waist, you're looking at the person's butthole. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, that is what I thought.
Speaker 2: Well, this person posted this the hand just before the
Speaker 2: shooting along with their manifesto.
Speaker 1: Right, what's in there? So I'm sure really wise stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm sure intelligence stuff about healthcare and the state of
Speaker 1: the country and all sorts of great amazing shit that's
Speaker 1: going to spark at debate. Han Finn fix the world, right,
Speaker 1: oh sweetie.
Speaker 2: What happens is when people write these manifestos and post
Speaker 2: them on Google docs.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: They normally don't include a password access required.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Literally, they posted their manifesto publicly trying to you know,
Speaker 2: and by the way, this person is dead. They killed
Speaker 2: a teacher, a student, and then themselves and I think
Speaker 2: twelve other people are injured, hopefully no more, you know,
Speaker 2: yea dead from that butt. Yeah, they posted their manifesto.
Speaker 2: I assume they hit send, sent that picture of the hand,
Speaker 2: and then went ran out of the bathroom stall firing.
Speaker 2: And what they didn't realize is, yes, no one will
Speaker 2: ever be able to read this because man is locked behind.
Speaker 2: You have to request access here.
Speaker 1: Let's request access to.
Speaker 2: Talk about you killing yourself on my podcast. It's the
Speaker 2: last episode, so if you could please get back to
Speaker 2: me soon, I'd appreciate it. Thanks exclamation point Matt, h
Speaker 2: WF the last message I'll ever send.
Speaker 1: That's poetic justice though, huh. Like they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: the whole world's going to read this and not a
Speaker 1: soul will ever gaze upon it.
Speaker 2: It really speaks to people who go like, I am
Speaker 2: so we've talked about zeros and ones and negative ones
Speaker 2: and whatever, and they go, I just don't want to
Speaker 2: be a fucking zero anymore. I don't care if I'm
Speaker 2: infamous for it. I just want to be known for something.
Speaker 2: I'm tired of being a zero. It's very, very sad.
Speaker 2: But the problem is what leads people to being a
Speaker 2: zero are a lack of attention to details, like setting
Speaker 2: your manifesto to private. That's not yeah, that's not the way.
Speaker 2: Now I'll tell you what. I'll make this person a
Speaker 2: super genius if in these posts somewhere there's only two
Speaker 2: of them or three.
Speaker 1: Of them or something. If in these posts somewhere is
Speaker 1: this the password? Yeah, that would be so breaking bad
Speaker 1: this Yeah, okay. So you go through and you take
Speaker 1: like the second letter of every post, or it's like
Speaker 1: the first letter the first post, the second letter of
Speaker 1: the second post, and then you put it together it's
Speaker 1: the password, and it's like, holy shit, she's Vince Gilligan.
Speaker 2: M Well, these person just wrote hustle hard and smell
Speaker 2: good and then the rest of the post is just
Speaker 2: videos and stuff.
Speaker 1: Hut hard and take your hormones.
Speaker 2: Let's see what they mindful magic. They responded to something
Speaker 2: I don't know anyway. This guy's a guy, lady. Whatever
Speaker 2: it is, fucking loser, and uh, they killed themselves, so
Speaker 2: you know the problem solved.
Speaker 1: Why didn't they stay alive so they could take part
Speaker 1: in the lively debate. They're gonna stir up.
Speaker 2: It's crazy to me, it is crazy. Yeah, really, I
Speaker 2: hope it's all about some healthcare thing that would rule.
Speaker 1: That would be funny.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tag it on with the Luigi fucking whatever thing.
Speaker 2: And it just didn't work, Bud, it didn't work. Typical dude,
Speaker 2: always fucking typical chick, always fucking something up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, typical chick doesn't know computers.
Speaker 2: Let me uh, let me play for you the beginning
Speaker 2: of the first show we ever did, so you can
Speaker 2: hear how the microphone vol quality has improved since then.
Speaker 1: For the bucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, it wasn't great. For all the people who
Speaker 2: are like you guys, son me ship, well, don't worry.
Speaker 2: You don't have to sweat that anymore. But two, we don't.
Speaker 2: And let me play. This actually has our old intro too, interestingly.
Speaker 1: What's our old intro? I'll play it.
Speaker 6: Uh, oh, oh my god, it is.
Speaker 7: Much bang.
Speaker 1: You're right, this is hell yeah side for a long intro.
Speaker 2: This is the episode of your worst friend with Shane
Speaker 2: Mat I'm Matt. That's Shane. I pointed at the camera
Speaker 2: and uh, and I received it. Yeah, we're just boring
Speaker 2: as fuck. We should have done this.
Speaker 1: Years ago.
Speaker 2: We might have been able to make something more out
Speaker 2: of it, but you know, this is what we're working
Speaker 2: with now. Umsine.
Speaker 1: I made it, and I think the coronavirus like inspired
Speaker 1: us to do it, because now I'm like inside with
Speaker 1: everybody else like you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh man, you sound so dumb.
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm not smart. No, you're you're smart.
Speaker 2: You just sounded like you were talking through a fucking
Speaker 2: tin can.
Speaker 1: I was. Remember, we had to rig it up to
Speaker 1: my headphones. What did we do? We rigged up a
Speaker 1: tin can to headphones. We plugged it.
Speaker 2: Into my wire Nevada to New Jersey. Oh, we plugged
Speaker 2: it into your wire. Okay, good, my wire.
Speaker 1: You know the wire that every house comes with. It
Speaker 1: just comes out of the floor. You plug everything in
Speaker 1: the house into into the one wire.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
Speaker 2: Fucking I had hold on. Uh so here's what I
Speaker 2: wrote down. Smashshooter fumbles, the manifesto, Molested as a kid, drones.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, let's talk about these drones.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do the drones first.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the deal?
Speaker 2: So it's so crazy. I'm seeing people going like a
Speaker 2: just so you know they're not aliens. I think everyone
Speaker 2: understands we get not aliens.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, we didn't just get id Ford. You know,
Speaker 1: it's just no.
Speaker 2: Yes, we're aware these are not extraterrestrial life forms. What
Speaker 2: we'd like to know is what they are and who
Speaker 2: they're from.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I will say this about the drones first,
Speaker 1: I will say this. I think for the Luigi Mangione thing,
Speaker 1: I think you said there was talk it was a
Speaker 1: ghost gun, and I said, no, it wasn't, and that
Speaker 1: was because I didn't know what you meant by ghost gun.
Speaker 2: I did not say that. I said it was a
Speaker 2: vet gun as one report I read early.
Speaker 1: But go ahead, okay, sorry, yeah, well yeah, I thought
Speaker 1: you were referring to like this special ops pistol that
Speaker 1: is has a built in silencer and it is lever action.
Speaker 1: So I described it on the episode. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a ghost gun. It was three D printed, and
Speaker 1: I was saying, no, it's a regular, regular ass gun.
Speaker 1: So a ghost gun is basically like a regular gun.
Speaker 1: It's except that it's plastic, right, it's not metal. So
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say that. I I remember, I
Speaker 1: remember you saying it was some sort of gun, and
Speaker 1: I was correcting you because it was clear it wasn't
Speaker 1: this like special ops weapon that I heard mentioned. But
Speaker 1: if you meant it was a ghost gun, yeah, you
Speaker 1: were right about that apparently. But either way, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: The reports early on said it was a like real
Speaker 2: early said it was like a VET gun that they
Speaker 2: use for something. I don't even remember. I don't even
Speaker 2: think they said it. They said there's possibility it could
Speaker 2: be a VET gun, and we talked about it too.
Speaker 1: At first.
Speaker 2: News reports were like, oh god, look how confident this
Speaker 2: kid is clearing the jam and whatever. He must be
Speaker 2: a professional. I don't know. I think he just got lucky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he got lucky. And yeah, and I
Speaker 1: stand by all that other stuff. Piece of shit has
Speaker 1: has no real concern. I don't care about his back problem,
Speaker 1: don't care about any of that. He killed somebody who
Speaker 1: didn't do anything to him. You know, he just killed somebody.
Speaker 1: He just wanted to kill somebody. That It's plain and
Speaker 1: simple case clothes. Fuck that guy anyway, Moving on to
Speaker 1: these drones. I will say it's a little maybe I'm
Speaker 1: actually I'm giving too much credit to that argument for myself.
Speaker 1: But I will say I understand why regular people are like, hey,
Speaker 1: why isn't the government doing anything? Why aren't they telling
Speaker 1: us anything? Why are they just like brushing us off?
Speaker 1: I get why that's frustrating. If if I was the government,
Speaker 1: if I was the monolith that is the whole government,
Speaker 1: and I was just speaking for everything, I would point out, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's ridiculous that this is aliens. Right, we can agree
Speaker 1: on that. Let's kind of agree on how ridiculous it
Speaker 1: is for it to be another government. Right. We would
Speaker 1: blow them out of the sky, right, we would. We would,
Speaker 1: We would see them from very far away. We would
Speaker 1: have probably intelligence reports from other countries telling us about it,
Speaker 1: from our our own guys who are implanted as spies
Speaker 1: telling us about it. We would know if this was
Speaker 1: a coordinated military effort, And the fact that we're not
Speaker 1: seeing these things get blasted out of the sky constantly
Speaker 1: is probably a good sign for our safety. Like it
Speaker 1: leads me to believe it's probably pranks. It's probably people
Speaker 1: who are amateur drone operators who are fucking with you
Speaker 1: by flying these things over your homes and your highways
Speaker 1: and military bases and stuff. I am I'm totally fine
Speaker 1: with the government investigating, like doing whatever. But I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure it's probably like kids or like in cells from
Speaker 1: a four Chan subreddit or something like that, who are
Speaker 1: gathering together to just fuck with people on.
Speaker 2: Mass So the only thing I would that was I
Speaker 2: figured similar. But I would say, just to counter that,
Speaker 2: we let that balloon float across the whole country for
Speaker 2: a long time and we didn't shoot it down because
Speaker 2: there's and the way they explained at the time, there's
Speaker 2: a lot of logistics into shooting these things down.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, I mean sure, but it's what was that balloon?
Speaker 1: I mean, what would be easier? Moving? Whatever? Is really like,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's just silly. What would the government keep?
Speaker 1: What secret stuff would they just keep hidden out in
Speaker 1: plane sight? Right?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense. So it's like the balloon thing,
Speaker 1: why even shoot it down? Anyway? They've got satellites which
Speaker 1: can probably resolve images just as clearly as that giant balloon.
Speaker 2: Well, but the idea was to capture the payload on
Speaker 2: it and figure out what information they are gathering. So
Speaker 2: I think with this, if you were like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it doesn't matter. I think the government knows, like, oh,
Speaker 1: just don't leave our special toys out for them to see,
Speaker 1: you know, see.
Speaker 2: And the only other you know, because I thought too
Speaker 2: all right, they would have shot it down if it
Speaker 2: was foreign government, and if it was their own, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't have things like the air force or shutting down
Speaker 2: those air Force bases. Like if it was stuff, you know,
Speaker 2: they would back channel and say, hey, don't worry about that.
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, and they would express that.
Speaker 2: The only thing is if you say it's an individual person,
Speaker 2: right or somebody's drown. Sure, sure, I think it would
Speaker 2: have to be probably a ship of people, right. Some
Speaker 2: of these are like six feet big and thousands and
Speaker 2: thousands and thousands of dollars. And then once they start
Speaker 2: doing again, this was in the news for weeks, a
Speaker 2: few weeks. Maybe it didn't hit national, but it was
Speaker 2: in the news for a few weeks. Once the governor
Speaker 2: comes out, Once they shut down two airports, sorry it
Speaker 2: wasn't air force bases. They shut down two airports. Right,
Speaker 2: Once you do something I really feel like at that point,
Speaker 2: and there's crazy people. We just talked about one who
Speaker 2: fucking shot up a school. But at that point, I
Speaker 2: think the normal person goes, hey, I could I really
Speaker 2: need to not fuck with this anymore, because now it's
Speaker 2: getting serious.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, and that's the thing. That's why it could
Speaker 1: be like it could be. Here's like a plausible sounding
Speaker 1: scenario where it's like these people got more attention than
Speaker 1: they thought they would get, and now they're pushing it
Speaker 1: as far as they can push it, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: let's let's find a way to anonymize this thing so
Speaker 1: if it does get shot down or something, they can't
Speaker 1: even trace it back to us. And then he pushing
Speaker 1: the limits to where they can get away with flying it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe I think I think people are a little
Speaker 2: annoyed with the rush off responses.
Speaker 1: I saw one yesterday. I get that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, whoever, that Kirby guy is some military guy, I think,
Speaker 2: But he gives some talks like the the Black Woman
Speaker 2: does the Kareem John Pierre, So I don't know if
Speaker 2: he's like the head of Jack Kirby. Now I don't
Speaker 2: know that's Jack Kirby. It's someone Kirby. I thought, I
Speaker 2: think he's a I think Marshmallow.
Speaker 1: That he Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Kirby Nintendo Kirby.
Speaker 2: He came out and he said, what it most likely
Speaker 2: is is that they lifted the ban on flying drones
Speaker 2: at night, so you're probably just seeing more of them.
Speaker 2: The problem that Yeah, that band was lifted in September
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three. I mean it's not it's a year
Speaker 2: later though.
Speaker 1: I Mean that's the kind of thing, dude, where it's
Speaker 1: like people are just paying attention more now. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like autism, right, it may be.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: My wife came at me with the other day. She's like,
Speaker 1: listen to some podcasts and we're talking about how there's
Speaker 1: there's more women of power who who commit abuse or whatever,
Speaker 1: And I was like, think about that for a second.
Speaker 1: There's just more women in power.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 1: It's not about women in power committing abuse more now
Speaker 1: than before. It's just now there's more women with power
Speaker 1: than there were before. You know, it's like we're just
Speaker 1: noticing it more because now there are more women in
Speaker 1: these positions.
Speaker 2: Yes, but this is a drastic jump from maybe like
Speaker 2: one a month these reports are to what fifty of
Speaker 2: them a night, some people are saying, and then numbers
Speaker 2: aren't as high ast but you know, one guy sees
Speaker 2: the same or twenty guys see the same drone, they say, oh,
Speaker 2: it's twenty drones.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: I get that it's not, but it is.
Speaker 1: I don't. It doesn't feel hobby to me.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not saying it's specific.
Speaker 1: It's prankster, you know.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean, though the hobby. I feel like
Speaker 2: maybe maybe I'll be wrong.
Speaker 1: We don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't see some foreign I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like that you don't. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: I think if it.
Speaker 2: Was us, they would have back channeled to say, like,
Speaker 2: everything's safe, everything should Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's US at all. I think go ahead. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like I said, I think it's pranksters or something.
Speaker 2: Did I hear did you hear about the uh the
Speaker 2: dirty bomb sniffing drone theory?
Speaker 1: I heard that word.
Speaker 2: But some guy broke down what model drone it was
Speaker 2: that he was able to get on video, and it
Speaker 2: specifically was one that I think Obama ble in twenty
Speaker 2: ten that they've been saving for a while, and what
Speaker 2: it can do, and this guy broke down all the
Speaker 2: model numbers and blah blah blah like it was again
Speaker 2: who knows, could be totally wrong. I'm just saying what
Speaker 2: I read, and it's been given some credence by people.
Speaker 1: This specific model.
Speaker 2: Thing can pick up on gamma radiation or something, some
Speaker 2: kind of thing that would be associated with if there
Speaker 2: were nuclear materials in this area. What these things do
Speaker 2: is a sweep over the area to see if it
Speaker 2: can pick up on any of those materials or whatever
Speaker 2: it is. They said the best place to test it
Speaker 2: would be New Jersey because it's close to New York,
Speaker 2: it's density.
Speaker 1: I was literally just thinking, like, Okay, if you were
Speaker 1: going to use something like that, New Jersey, New York, well, Pennsylvania, Delaware,
Speaker 1: these are all great places.
Speaker 2: I would say, Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. I would say
Speaker 2: throwing it directly into New York wouldn't possibly cause a panic,
Speaker 2: So it makes sense to me to test it elsewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: apparently we had never had a real need to roll
Speaker 2: these things out before until Ukraine, and we have been
Speaker 2: using these according to the post I read who knows
Speaker 2: in Ukraine ever since the talk of Putin was like,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe we'll just use a fucking nuke.
Speaker 1: You know, I found out that that's actually more of
Speaker 1: a likely scenario than I once thought, but not in
Speaker 1: the way, not in a doomsday sort of way.
Speaker 2: There are controlled nukes, right, well, the tactical nukes, yes,
Speaker 2: so yeah, there are situations where using a nuke.
Speaker 1: In a conflict might actually be a decent option. So
Speaker 1: like one one, one one thing is like your your
Speaker 1: you have a strategic position, right, that is your territory,
Speaker 1: and it's about to be overrun. It might be smarter
Speaker 1: to evacuate your people and nuke your own territory rather
Speaker 1: than let it be completely taken by enemy forces. And
Speaker 1: that's just it's just like simple. You don't want to
Speaker 1: give the infrastructure, you don't want to give them the weapons.
Speaker 1: You can't give them the advantage or you even take it,
Speaker 1: or even just a path.
Speaker 2: Right, So nuke this area. Yes, I'm not there to
Speaker 2: defend it anymore, but I was about to lose it anyway,
Speaker 2: and now it's nuked, you're gonna have a real tough
Speaker 2: time getting.
Speaker 1: Through it, exactly exactly, Yeah, that makes sense. And then
Speaker 1: for naval strikes too out on the open ocean. If
Speaker 1: you have like an entire enemy fleet coming to you,
Speaker 1: like likely, if you're going to be invaded by two
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty naval warships and there's aircrafts aboard them
Speaker 1: and they have you know, one hundred millimeters artillery cannons
Speaker 1: and missile it like it might actually be smart to
Speaker 1: drop a nuke on them and just blow the entire
Speaker 1: fleet out of the water. It would make more sense
Speaker 1: for a fleet to spread out, like disperse immensely across
Speaker 1: the open ocean. But still, there are tactical reasons in
Speaker 1: times you would use a nuke, So I'm actually I'm
Speaker 1: actually open to the idea, Like okayu, the future of
Speaker 1: actual combat might include might include nukes. It's pretty scary,
Speaker 1: but yeah, Like if China invades Taiwan in twenty twenty seven,
Speaker 1: I think it's a definite possibility you could see nukes
Speaker 1: on the ocean, which is crazy, right, but I don't
Speaker 1: think they would go. It wouldn't be the doomsday scenario.
Speaker 1: Everyone thinks. It would be maybe one or two of them,
Speaker 1: But then there would be no there would be no
Speaker 1: tactical advantage to using any more of them because you
Speaker 1: would have destroyed each other's fleets.
Speaker 2: You know, I was going to play the Simpsons clip
Speaker 2: where he says, nuke the whales. I was talking about
Speaker 2: dropping it in the water.
Speaker 1: On nuke the whales.
Speaker 8: You don't really believe that, do you got a nuke something?
Speaker 1: Great point.
Speaker 2: But what I never noticed about the clip is do
Speaker 2: you see the other pictures on the way He's got
Speaker 2: to post it just as nuke the whales, But then
Speaker 2: he has one that says bomb the Arabs and take
Speaker 2: their oil, and another sign that says bomb the Indians
Speaker 2: and take their casinos.
Speaker 1: Man, the Simions went hard back in the day. He
Speaker 1: didn't realize get this.
Speaker 2: On DVD because they're about to pull it from Disney Plus.
Speaker 1: That is sure. I don't know. I mean no, they
Speaker 1: just put warnings on Disney Plus. It's cool. They even
Speaker 1: have the old cartoons. It's it's like they had that
Speaker 1: one whether where it's all those racist cows.
Speaker 2: I don't remember the racist cows. I think you're gonna
Speaker 2: say a crow in blackface.
Speaker 1: That one too. Yeah, yeah, that's the sequel. That's the
Speaker 1: sequel to racist cows. It's called racist crow.
Speaker 2: Oh nothing back from the school shooter yet. Fuck yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll say, well, we can go ahead.
Speaker 1: Old Disney cartoons. I watched a Neil Stevenson thing today
Speaker 1: where he's like giving a chat a talk, you know,
Speaker 1: like a Ted talk, but for nerds, not for fucking
Speaker 1: pretentious dick wads. And uh. He was saying how he
Speaker 1: watched this old cartoon and then he summarized the cartoon
Speaker 1: as like a metaphor or an analogy or something for uh,
Speaker 1: for cryptocurrency. And it was funny because when he introduces
Speaker 1: one of the characters who's like a you know, like
Speaker 1: a blackface cow basically, because all those characters were essentially
Speaker 1: just like imitation, racist imitations of people from all around
Speaker 1: the world. You know, it's like, oh, we'll make the
Speaker 1: cow a black guy, and we'll make the crow an
Speaker 1: even blacker guy, and we'll make we'll make the donkey
Speaker 1: a fucking Indian.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Like those cartoons were great.
Speaker 2: Sir, I do not want to be carrying I can't
Speaker 2: do accents.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to.
Speaker 2: I wanted the donkey to be carrying something heavy and
Speaker 2: he was middle he was Indian.
Speaker 1: It's a nuke. Were you talking, feather, No, I was talking.
Speaker 2: A donkey.
Speaker 1: I was talking genetic researcher. Oh okay, oh yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not alcoholic casino.
Speaker 2: All right, I am part native. I would ask you
Speaker 2: to refrain from the racist talk.
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, I hate to speaking generalizations.
Speaker 2: Did you see this dude get mad at his check
Speaker 2: for what I don't know, from being a bitch, I assume,
Speaker 2: I don't know, but.
Speaker 1: It looks like where where is this? But it looks
Speaker 1: like California.
Speaker 2: I could be it's I don't know where it is,
Speaker 2: but I.
Speaker 1: Thought this video was cool. Oh he's gonna die.
Speaker 2: That's his ex wife. He just punched her window. He's
Speaker 2: gonna die, and then left a huge thing of blood on.
Speaker 1: Them getting woozy. Oh my god, he's gonna die. Oh well,
Speaker 1: I think that's what you get when you punch like
Speaker 1: a fucking pussy. Did you see how he punched? He
Speaker 1: punched like with the side, He hammer fisted the fucking thing. Dude,
Speaker 1: that's not how you punch something, at least that's when
Speaker 1: it's standing up.
Speaker 2: Let's watch it again from the start. So he punched
Speaker 2: this woman's window and immediately slice his fucking armald He.
Speaker 1: He left a comical amount of blood on on the window.
Speaker 1: If I saw this in a movie, it'd be like,
Speaker 1: that's so unrealistic.
Speaker 2: All right, let's see it again, all the way through again.
Speaker 2: Like I said, he realizes pretty quickly, I've made a
Speaker 2: grave error.
Speaker 1: Here.
Speaker 9: Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: He's spraying blood all over the wall.
Speaker 1: Here, he's gonna who's gonna die. He needs a tourniquet
Speaker 1: right now, he needs a tourniquet. Now he needs please No,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Oh he's dead.
Speaker 2: He did live. He did live.
Speaker 3: He died.
Speaker 2: He did He didn't need emergency medical assistance instead his
Speaker 2: wife did.
Speaker 1: It's not him fire.
Speaker 2: Or streaming somewhere else, what else.
Speaker 1: He's dead. He didn't make it. Man, that's fucking gross.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a lot, that was.
Speaker 1: It was uh yeah, I don't know me about getting molested. Okay,
Speaker 1: Oh man, that was so gross. Oh I was okay,
Speaker 1: I was just looking at I watched a documentary over
Speaker 1: the weekend about the invasion of Iraq and it was
Speaker 1: told from the point of view of marines. It was
Speaker 1: it was all footage shot by one marine. It was
Speaker 1: called a severe Clear. I would highly recommend it. It was
Speaker 1: very good. It really a stunning picture. Of what it's
Speaker 1: like to be a marine. It's like, in the first
Speaker 1: couple of minutes, I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: they get like this is it, you know, like the
Speaker 1: humor that like they just like it just felt like
Speaker 1: being home, you know. The this is how dark and
Speaker 1: nasty these guys talk to each other, but they're just
Speaker 1: like laughing about it, like oh my god, They're like
Speaker 1: and the very first clip, it's like one dude has
Speaker 1: filmed the other guy, and the guy being filmed looks
Speaker 1: at the cameraman. He's like, what is this So if
Speaker 1: you get blown up? You can send it to your parents?
Speaker 1: You know, I give you're dead. You know, It's it's
Speaker 1: just dark. You know, it's just like ye there and
Speaker 1: they're just laughing, you know. I'm like, oh yeah, this
Speaker 1: this feels so good. And the uh anyway, the whole
Speaker 1: thing just got me feeling like super juiced about being
Speaker 1: a marine. And I was looking at my pictures from Iraq.
Speaker 1: I think I even sent you one of me holding
Speaker 1: an AK forty seven and I back up to a
Speaker 1: hold now yeah, I wish I could, But I was
Speaker 1: looking at pictures and I was looking at my gear
Speaker 1: in like pictures of me on patrol and stuff, and
Speaker 1: I was looking at all the stuff and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, forgot Like I had an extra bag
Speaker 1: that the other marines, like in my squad, didn't have.
Speaker 1: I was the combat life saver, so I had a medbag.
Speaker 1: And then I had like a seat belt cutter in
Speaker 1: my flak jacket. I had just all this stuff that
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, in this, in this, And then
Speaker 1: I saw the tourniquit. You have, like like one of
Speaker 1: those police style tourniquets where it's like a velcro strap
Speaker 1: and it's got a little plastic twisty so you can
Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure and then you can sinch
Speaker 1: it down. And I was like, oh wow. I was
Speaker 1: like what I even remember how to use a tourniquit.
Speaker 1: And then watching that man spray blood all over the
Speaker 1: windows and walls, I was like, there's no way. There's
Speaker 1: no way. If I was there right now, you know,
Speaker 1: I would remember in an instant, like how to get
Speaker 1: it off my flak jacket, how to get it around,
Speaker 1: which way to sin shit, which way to twitch, Like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so glad I didn't have to
Speaker 1: deal with that shit I made.
Speaker 2: I told you this maybe a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 2: I really I need to promise to myself that the
Speaker 2: next time a family member like needs emergency medical assistance,
Speaker 2: I need to like step up and take care of
Speaker 2: whatever it is, blood, whatever it is them. I just
Speaker 2: after my brother when I just got so scared with him,
Speaker 2: like passed out and whatever. I was just like, I
Speaker 2: won't let this happen again. I don't you know, if
Speaker 2: someone's there and I can try and he was gone,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have helped it all.
Speaker 1: But you know, he would have probably gotten puke in
Speaker 1: your mouth.
Speaker 2: But no, he was he was gone. But I don't
Speaker 2: want to touch anyone else's blood that I don't know,
Speaker 2: like my chick, my mom, whatever.
Speaker 1: That's fine.
Speaker 2: But like I say that, and I say, like, I'll
Speaker 2: step up. I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do that for family,
Speaker 2: Like if some dude is bleeding on the side of
Speaker 2: the road, as I encountered one time when I pulled
Speaker 2: over because some dude was just laying in the gutter
Speaker 2: and I went to go check him out and a
Speaker 2: few other people did too. Then I noticed like blood
Speaker 2: on his arm. I was like, oh, okay, no, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'll just stay, I'll stand back here and call the police.
Speaker 2: That'll be great.
Speaker 1: You got to get over that in the military.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, No, I don't, I'm too well.
Speaker 1: It's just a thing like where I remember when we
Speaker 1: were doing that combat Lifesaver's course, we did like simulated
Speaker 1: IV sticking in like you know, so we did the
Speaker 1: actual IVS, but we were simulating combat. So we would
Speaker 1: have like you know, we would be in running like
Speaker 1: a drill where it's like we're on a patrol. Then
Speaker 1: we get shot or we get ambushed or something, and
Speaker 1: somebody is told in advance like, oh, yeah, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be injured, and Hines is going to be told to
Speaker 1: come and give you aid.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's and so there's like blanks being fired, and if
Speaker 1: you got a good actor on your hands, they'll like
Speaker 1: scream and squirm around while the person's trying to give
Speaker 1: them care to make it more difficult. But I remember
Speaker 1: somebody being like, oh, aren't we going to have gloves?
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, you know, you're not gonna have
Speaker 1: fucking gloves in a combat situation. You're not gonna have
Speaker 1: them here in training either, nobody has fucking aids, right, And.
Speaker 2: None of you better have aids right.
Speaker 1: Now, tell you no gloves.
Speaker 2: The only thing I would say that to push back
Speaker 2: on that a little bit though, is that becomes your family,
Speaker 2: right right. I understand you would jump on your buddy
Speaker 2: and oh that's the cool side of the family, or
Speaker 2: to the side that we don't talk to and more
Speaker 2: fun family. Yeah. But but again, by that same idea,
Speaker 2: you know, some guy in your squad gets a giant
Speaker 2: slash on his arm and you got to turn quit him. Yeah, sure, whatever,
Speaker 2: and you might get some of his blood on you.
Speaker 2: Some dude in some market gets his arm trapped in
Speaker 2: a door. They're like tournique at this and he is
Speaker 2: spraying blood all over and he has row goat meat
Speaker 2: on his hands, like.
Speaker 1: Gets his dick chopped off by the sliding glass in
Speaker 1: the fucking glory hole. No thank you, dude. You think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fucking resuscitate that fucking bleeding cock stump with
Speaker 1: my mouth? No way.
Speaker 2: So when I was like ten or eleven years old, okay,
Speaker 2: we weren't old enough. It might have even been a
Speaker 2: little bit younger, but we weren't old enough to stay
Speaker 2: home during the summertime. My mom had to work. My
Speaker 2: dad had to work, so I had my younger brother,
Speaker 2: he was probably six seven.
Speaker 1: What do you mean stay home during You couldn't stay
Speaker 1: at your home in the daytime right and be unwatched
Speaker 1: you know? Fuck that sucks.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, but again I was like ten or eleven
Speaker 2: and Pat was like six or seven, so I kind
Speaker 2: of get that.
Speaker 1: See I feel like my buddy Kevin, And I'll let
Speaker 1: you keep talking. I just want to say, like my
Speaker 1: buddy Kevin told me, he feels like jen X was
Speaker 1: the last of the latch latch key kids, which is
Speaker 1: like kids who have no supervision left at home all
Speaker 1: the time. And I truly feel like that was me
Speaker 1: and that was my generation to us, you know, because
Speaker 1: I was unsupervised at home, probably from the age of
Speaker 1: eight onward. Like I would walk home from school in
Speaker 1: third grade and I would be alone at the house.
Speaker 1: And I think my mom tried to keep up appearances.
Speaker 1: She tried to make me go to a neighbor's house
Speaker 1: and stay with them because there was like an older
Speaker 1: kid there, but he used to beat the shit out
Speaker 1: of me.
Speaker 2: You the neighbor was like, Shane wanted to leave, so
Speaker 2: it just led him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Shane's Shane's he's got his own free will. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's not a prisoner here. Yeah. So uh no, but
Speaker 1: I think that kid would like beat the shit out
Speaker 1: of me. So my mom was like, Okay, well just
Speaker 1: come home and eat a bunch of junk food and
Speaker 1: don't bother anybody, you know. So I did that from
Speaker 1: like eight onward. But I never realized, like eight to
Speaker 1: what you said twelve, that's a huge gap of time.
Speaker 1: So you missed out on a huge like what I
Speaker 1: would say is like for me, was like a huge
Speaker 1: developmental period. But now that I think about it is
Speaker 1: probably developmental stunting, you know, because I was just like
Speaker 1: fucking eating paint chips and trying to figure out what
Speaker 1: jerking off was.
Speaker 2: Well, see, here's the thing. By the time I hit
Speaker 2: like sixth grade, then I was.
Speaker 1: All right to like stay home and watch pat.
Speaker 2: We took the bus home, I got off a couple
Speaker 2: of blocks down the street, walked all the way down.
Speaker 2: That was totally fine. Now here's the thing, though, you
Speaker 2: you're right on the latch key thing. What you've said
Speaker 2: in the past. You don't let Deonta stay over at
Speaker 2: people's houses, right, we have actually we've actually loosened that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he uh he uh. I don't know if he
Speaker 1: just like put something in my wife's drink, or if
Speaker 1: he fucking hext her or if he like beat her
Speaker 1: up when I wasn't around. But one day he was
Speaker 1: like saying, can I please go and stay over it?
Speaker 1: You know Deandre's house at Deontay, his friend DeAndre, And
Speaker 1: my wife was finally like, should we? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you want to let him? Finally
Speaker 1: fucker let him, and she like relented. It was like
Speaker 1: a big thing. She's like, you better understand how big
Speaker 1: a deal this is. And then he went over there
Speaker 1: and he didn't get molested, at least according to him.
Speaker 1: And she asked, believe me, She asked, do you want
Speaker 1: to touch your penis? Did anyone molest Joe?
Speaker 2: No? One fucked your face?
Speaker 1: Right? Did they make you jerk them off?
Speaker 2: We just played PlayStation five, all right while you were
Speaker 2: jerking someone off?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Was it facebuck simulator?
Speaker 2: Oh see, I have to call this episode the end,
Speaker 2: otherwise I would call it please fu simulator.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, I'm sure somebody else has thought
Speaker 1: of face fox, and it's probably a real thing actually.
Speaker 2: So, uh, I'm a little kid, I would consider myself
Speaker 2: at this point, probably ten, but I was pounding off
Speaker 2: at this point, so dope. So you know, I knew,
Speaker 2: I knew what was up.
Speaker 1: Kind of okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we went to this woman's house. Her name
Speaker 2: was Suzanne, and she was the sister of my mother's coworker.
Speaker 2: So my mother worked with this lady. Her sister goes,
Speaker 2: you know, I stay home, my husband works, I watch kids,
Speaker 2: I take care of babies, I take it was a
Speaker 2: you know, it was what we did in the fucking
Speaker 2: nineties where it was like you got a friend. What
Speaker 2: we would do. She would send us with twenty dollars
Speaker 2: to watch us for the day in a bag of groceries.
Speaker 1: That was the rule.
Speaker 2: Twenty dollars a kid bag of groceries every week. And
Speaker 2: then that way she uses that those groceries to make
Speaker 2: food for all the kids.
Speaker 1: You know, my mom paid my babysitter when I was
Speaker 1: a little in crack Rock, all.
Speaker 2: Right, see, and that's why she was more comfortable leaving
Speaker 2: you at home.
Speaker 1: It was more like a red party barter system.
Speaker 2: You'll ever seen eyes wide shut, That's what it was like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, the second past.
Speaker 2: So we would all, I mean, you would hang out
Speaker 2: in the neighborhood. You would ride bikes around, you'd go
Speaker 2: to the little like corner store. It was fucking you know,
Speaker 2: nineteen fifty two or something. It felt like there were
Speaker 2: no Jews everywhere.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: But so we would all hang out in the backyard
Speaker 2: or in the main living room. But she had a
Speaker 2: daughter named Katie, and Katie was sixteen at the time.
Speaker 2: I remember that because she had just got h yeah,
Speaker 2: she had just gotten like her permit or something like that.
Speaker 1: Tits. Yeah, oh, she had tits.
Speaker 2: So we were never allowed to go up in Katie's room. Obviously,
Speaker 2: we're kids. Whatever, we go, we go up there. One day,
Speaker 2: we get the invite, Hey do you kids, do you
Speaker 2: guys want to go watch Austin Powers. It was it
Speaker 2: just came out on VHS, right, and they're like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's not gonna put that on. She's not gonna put
Speaker 2: that on in the main living room with like the
Speaker 2: babies and shit like that. So they're like, Okay, if
Speaker 2: you want to go up to Katie's room, you guys
Speaker 2: can watch Austin Powers. Now, mind you. I I probably
Speaker 2: shouldn't be watching that either. I'm a little fucking kid,
Speaker 2: but whatever, my parents don't give a shit about that.
Speaker 1: My dad let me watch it alone in a hotel
Speaker 1: room in Vegas. Why he gambled down below.
Speaker 2: Well, there were a couple Easters where my brother and
Speaker 2: I waited at the at the rope so we could watch.
Speaker 1: My parents gamble. In Atlantic City, Why easter do they
Speaker 1: have like a special holiday buffet or something? What the cause?
Speaker 2: Honestly, I don't know, but I think they were just like,
Speaker 2: this is something to do.
Speaker 1: We'll go do something that's a good way to celebrate
Speaker 1: our lord.
Speaker 2: But that's like the time my mom took a fucking
Speaker 2: nine year old me and a five year old pat
Speaker 2: on a garden walk through Philadelphia. It was six hours
Speaker 2: looking at people's gardens, all gardens.
Speaker 1: Oh, it was fucking a trope.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they got to grow the fucking kratum and poppy somewhere.
Speaker 1: And they got to grow that trash somewhere.
Speaker 2: So we go up to Katie's room and we watch
Speaker 2: Awesome Powers. It's fun, it's whatever, it's me. It's a girl.
Speaker 2: We went to high school with. Okay, believe Devin, remember Devin.
Speaker 1: The one with the real fucked up face, no.
Speaker 2: Kind of a cute face, but eventually went on just
Speaker 2: to date black guys.
Speaker 1: Jada l Yes, okay, yeah, I thought she had a
Speaker 1: weird face. Okay, but I went to middle school with her,
Speaker 1: did you?
Speaker 2: Okay, well I went to summer camp with her. So yeah.
Speaker 1: I went to middle school with a lot of these
Speaker 1: bitches who When I think back, I was like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I like, I remember that there were all
Speaker 1: these popular girls, and I liked all the ones that
Speaker 1: had big hips and big butts. And I remember the
Speaker 1: remember that kid Ron.
Speaker 2: Yes, I saw him outside of home depot the other day.
Speaker 1: He worked. What was he doing? Oh what a piece
Speaker 1: of shit? Huh So I mean.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, good for him working, man. But he was
Speaker 2: a piece of shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, he was a dirt dirt bag. But
Speaker 1: I remember him being like, uh, do you remember a
Speaker 1: girl named Dana with the blonde hair, no big ass?
Speaker 1: Maybe no, she went to our high school. Not not Dana,
Speaker 1: the one who fucked suicide boy. Different Dana. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I remember him being like her ass is literally a bubble,
Speaker 1: and everybody laughed like it was super funny, and I.
Speaker 5: Was like, I think that's a bubble. But I think
Speaker 5: that's I think that's a good thing. Like I think
Speaker 5: that's supposed. I think that's I think that's all right
Speaker 5: with black people, you know, Like I don't see what
Speaker 5: the problem is. But yeah, Like, but Devin was like
Speaker 5: the one. Devon was like one of those chicks like
Speaker 5: in middle.
Speaker 1: School, like Ron and who else was Harrison? You know Harrison,
Speaker 1: all these like popular dudes. I thought Devin was like
Speaker 1: the hottest chick. And I was like, dude, she is
Speaker 1: literally a little girl because we're kids and and but
Speaker 1: like she didn't have any body or anything, and I
Speaker 1: always thought she was ugly. But yeah, I get it,
Speaker 1: Like I get why you're saying, like you thought she
Speaker 1: was hot. Everybody else seemed to like it was just me,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: It was more to make it even creepier, But it's
Speaker 2: using the clarification you made there. I thought she was
Speaker 2: cute when we were little kids together. You're right, she
Speaker 2: got She just didn't look mangled, is what I would say.
Speaker 1: She's fine, ye know, and she didn't look broken in yet.
Speaker 2: So it's me, it's Devin. I believe it's Katie and
Speaker 2: it's her cousin Mark. So Suzanne Arks watched yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: and we watched this Austin Powers movie, and I think
Speaker 2: Devin left, and I think another girl came up to
Speaker 2: hang out. I don't remember, but around the same age.
Speaker 2: So you have two probably ten year old. So you
Speaker 2: have Katie sixteen, and you have Mark who's probably fourteen.
Speaker 2: Mark is her blood cousin. Okay, so they start playing
Speaker 2: truth or dare. Oh god, ten years old.
Speaker 1: This ain't good. This is bad. Shouldn't be playing that
Speaker 1: till you're like twelve.
Speaker 2: Well, I see people want to know, like, why do
Speaker 2: you want to interview porn stars? It's because I'm broken, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm working human being, so I'm obviously highly Like I
Speaker 2: don't know as far as sex stuff even being mentioned
Speaker 2: or whatever. When I was little, I just got real
Speaker 2: awkward feeling about it, like embarrassed, like I don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about it with you, not you, but the
Speaker 2: person who's asking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I'm like, i'd not discuss it. I
Speaker 1: think that's a societal thing, you know, like more than
Speaker 1: more than anything. It's not to say like society is
Speaker 1: wrong or bad. It's just I think that society has
Speaker 1: done that where it's made. It's made those topics so
Speaker 1: ubiquitous in our art and are just the content we consume.
Speaker 1: But at the same time we're so moralistic and judgmental
Speaker 1: that it's like it's never comfortable to really bring up
Speaker 1: in any situation that's not overtly sexual, you know.
Speaker 2: Sure, and I would say it was religion, but we
Speaker 2: didn't really touch on anything sexual that young. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: just I was trying to like associate in my mind
Speaker 2: where I just I'd always I remember one time I
Speaker 2: was in the car with Pat, my brother, his scumbag friend,
Speaker 2: and his hot scumbag mother who was who had divorced
Speaker 2: her corrections officer her husband or broke up with him,
Speaker 2: maybe not even divorced, started fucking his brother and the
Speaker 2: son would refer to him as like uncle whatever his
Speaker 2: name was.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Yeah, that's so sad.
Speaker 2: I remember we were in the car one time and
Speaker 2: she put stern on and they were talking about Lois
Speaker 2: Lane having these big giant tits and blah blah blah
Speaker 2: blah blah and whatever. And I just was like so
Speaker 2: embarrassed that my brother was like being exposed to this.
Speaker 2: And he was like five or something, I mean little
Speaker 2: little Yeah. So I've always had that thing about me,
Speaker 2: even before like any of the religious shame or whatever
Speaker 2: and shit like that. So it starts getting weird. Yeah right,
Speaker 2: it's it's yeah. I mean, you break from that eventually,
Speaker 2: and then you really go overboard where I'll just tell
Speaker 2: anyone anything.
Speaker 1: I don't give a.
Speaker 2: A ship blood, oh ship blood, just a sexual thing though,
Speaker 2: don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: So so truth or dare starts going and it starts
Speaker 2: getting weird because it's starting to be like, oh, flash everybody,
Speaker 2: and then Katie flashes everybody.
Speaker 1: Oh who did that? There?
Speaker 2: I think her fucking cousin. It's a weird thing.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: It starts getting real weird. It's like, hey, Katie, I
Speaker 2: remember this too, because it fucking grossed me out and
Speaker 2: weird at me out. It's like, hey, take this cue
Speaker 2: tip and put it in your ass.
Speaker 1: And that she's a little strange.
Speaker 2: She did it right, Why would she do that? Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't know. At one point they measured her and Mark,
Speaker 2: two blood cousins. First cousins measured Mark's dick. They dared him.
Speaker 2: Someone measured him.
Speaker 1: I mean, what was the result, I think four and
Speaker 1: a half.
Speaker 2: Soft, which is impressive at that age. I think he
Speaker 2: was fourteen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well he might have just been a shower, you know,
Speaker 1: it could have just been four and a half hard to.
Speaker 2: It doesn't even grow that much, by the way, It
Speaker 2: just just pumps up.
Speaker 1: It just gets real thick.
Speaker 2: Hey, as a fellow grower, I'm not gonna cast dispersions
Speaker 2: upon anyone. So it gets to the point where it's like,
Speaker 2: I'm just doing truth every time, because what the fuck like,
Speaker 2: I'm in a total.
Speaker 1: You're into deep world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm in too deep here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're like all those fucking unnamed accomplices in
Speaker 1: the fucking Proud Boys indictment.
Speaker 2: Now I don't want to say gay, but there was
Speaker 2: a dare. Hey, Katie put your tits in Matt's face
Speaker 2: and I was.
Speaker 1: Like no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: And then Mark kind of held me down and she
Speaker 2: did it. Now look looking back, awesome, pretty cool, awesome.
Speaker 2: But I think it might have been a little too
Speaker 2: early for me to get exposed to shit like that,
Speaker 2: because I really do think it fucked with me from
Speaker 2: that point on. I remember the next day and for
Speaker 2: the next couple weeks going to like people like Mark
Speaker 2: or that other girl that was there and being like, oh, man,
Speaker 2: I hope we go up in Katie's room again. That
Speaker 2: was a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: He was that real pathetic when you're trying to recapture
Speaker 2: the moment. Oh yeah, I'm a kid, and it's an
Speaker 2: awesome moment in retrospect, so you know, I'm not crying
Speaker 2: about it, but at the time, yeah, I think it
Speaker 2: might have fucked me up a little bit.
Speaker 1: I was just watching this thing with these two doctors
Speaker 1: talking about well they're talking about a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1: But in in the case of like children developing, they
Speaker 1: all do it at their own pace. Right, So most
Speaker 1: people who say like, oh, my six year old, he's
Speaker 1: sow this, or he's so that, he's so ahead of
Speaker 1: the curve, he's a little genius, he's going to be
Speaker 1: a superstar, it's usually not that they are super advanced.
Speaker 1: It's just that they reached a certain level quicker. Because
Speaker 1: kids develop at different rates, and so that's why you
Speaker 1: can have like four year olds who are reading and
Speaker 1: writing and maybe even doing math and stuff. But then
Speaker 1: once they get to the second or the third or
Speaker 1: the fourth grade, they kind of plateau, they kind of
Speaker 1: fall in with everybody else. And it's it's like even
Speaker 1: accounting for controls, like you know, placement and opportunity and
Speaker 1: in all this stuff. Right, it's like the kid just
Speaker 1: reached a certain level of aptitude quicker. And I think
Speaker 1: that's true of like your emotions and all these other
Speaker 1: things of development. So it's like it would make sense
Speaker 1: that if you hit a certain place quicker, then you
Speaker 1: were intended right like it would linger and it would
Speaker 1: you know, cause like some sort of hang up because
Speaker 1: you weren't at that level of development, but you were
Speaker 1: then introduced to the concepts or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but now I can't comb unless someone puts a
Speaker 2: Q tip in their ass. So what is that about? Well,
Speaker 2: you know, I try to think I can't come unless
Speaker 2: I see sixteen year old tits.
Speaker 1: Well okay, well yeah, lets say that for the Patreon.
Speaker 1: But I try to like pin down some of my
Speaker 1: like I guess just like my fetitious dick thoughts and
Speaker 1: stuff were like, but I can't really pin it to
Speaker 1: any moment or any I just have like I am
Speaker 1: like attracted to concepts and things. So I don't know
Speaker 1: how we would relate in that regard, but I do.
Speaker 1: I do get the sense that lacking like a concrete
Speaker 1: example like shoving a Q tip in an ass and
Speaker 1: so you can come. I do feel like I just
Speaker 1: enjoy everything about like sex and eroticism and all that
Speaker 1: stuff way more when there's like a scenario or you know,
Speaker 1: like if I'm role playing with my wife or something,
Speaker 1: or it's pornography or something I'm there's like certain scenarios
Speaker 1: that have stuck with me from my young like from
Speaker 1: my adolescence till now, and I don't know where it
Speaker 1: comes from. I still like I don't, but it's like
Speaker 1: there's something about like these ideas, right, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: just use a piss fetish for example, just an easy example.
Speaker 1: There's just something about certain concepts, ideas fetishes where it's
Speaker 1: like I can I can concretely say like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's been like a part of my thinking for almost
Speaker 1: as long as I can remember, But I have no
Speaker 1: clue where it comes from. But when you just said
Speaker 1: the thing about that's why I want to do interviews
Speaker 1: because of how awkward these things these topics were and everything,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well, that kind of that kind
Speaker 1: of turned a little light bulb on for me. That
Speaker 1: kind of made it all make sense, Like that's why
Speaker 1: I do these porn star interviews. It's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is why you do them. Huh.
Speaker 2: Probably you know I always I like, you know me,
Speaker 2: I like talking to people who know their shit about
Speaker 2: any industry.
Speaker 1: I've said it about a dick.
Speaker 2: Like if you said, like, oh, the top ten best
Speaker 2: NASCAR drivers want to be interviewed by you, I'd sit
Speaker 2: down and do the research and give them a legitimate interview.
Speaker 2: I'd fold in my own.
Speaker 8: Stuff while you go drive so fast? See huh, Jeff,
Speaker 8: And that's so funny. Jen's dad rest in peace, big
Speaker 8: man whatever man. Jen always talks about how her dad
Speaker 8: was a huge Dale Earnhardt fan, and he used to
Speaker 8: call Jeff Gordon just a sissy faggot every chance he got.
Speaker 8: Look the sissy fag at Jeff Gordon.
Speaker 2: He's no Dale.
Speaker 1: That's better than what my my wife's step grandfather would
Speaker 1: call WHOOPI Goldberg.
Speaker 2: All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Do you
Speaker 2: have anything you would like to say?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 1: Yeah, before we wrap it up, I mean, oh you
Speaker 1: got something else? Are you gonna be okay. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm better than okay after that tits thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm great. I've been living my life with
Speaker 2: it so far.
Speaker 1: That's all. I just wanted it to hang there for
Speaker 1: a second. I just wanted everyone to let that sink,
Speaker 1: and yeah I did. I thought about it, like I
Speaker 1: thought to myself, Matt's probably gonna do this whole big
Speaker 1: fucking speech, and he's got a power point and he's
Speaker 1: gonna play that Vitamin C song graduation. I should probably
Speaker 1: write a best man speech. But then, in true best
Speaker 1: man fashion, I crumpled it up and threw it away
Speaker 1: right before we started, cause you know, I'm I'm an
Speaker 1: in the moment kind of guy for but yeah, for
Speaker 1: as far as what I'm going to say for the
Speaker 1: last episode, this has been like super fun. I got
Speaker 1: so much out of it, and I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: taking a lot with me on whatever I do next.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm I might actually be at a
Speaker 1: point where I'm ready to start like writing a book
Speaker 1: or writing short stories or something like putting a pen
Speaker 1: on a paper, and I'm going to use my time
Speaker 1: constructively and creatively. And I don't think I would be
Speaker 1: if I had not started the podcast, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: know that what the impetus would have been for me
Speaker 1: to want to pursue creation in my spare time were
Speaker 1: it not for doing the podcast, Because before the podcast,
Speaker 1: I was playing drums, that was a hobby, I was reading,
Speaker 1: but I didn't really create anything. And now I'm creating
Speaker 1: this with you, and I'm creating content with my wife,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, when I'm not doing this anymore,
Speaker 1: I'm going to want to create other things for me.
Speaker 1: And I think I am ready to start doing something,
Speaker 1: at least just for me. It's definitely not going to
Speaker 1: be the Internet and talking into a microphone, but I
Speaker 1: think I'm ready to just start like writing words on
Speaker 1: paper and see where it takes me. And I just
Speaker 1: feel like that would have been a pipe dream of
Speaker 1: mine had I not done.
Speaker 2: This kind of feel the same way. I kind of
Speaker 2: feel like for a long time I had big, grand
Speaker 2: ideas for different creative things and different projects, and what
Speaker 2: this show has shown me is any of that stuff
Speaker 2: is achievable. You know, there's a when you talk about success,
Speaker 2: there's luck that goes into that, there's marketing, there's this,
Speaker 2: and that I'm not talking about success I'm talking about
Speaker 2: just creating something and being happy with what you created.
Speaker 2: That is possible, and it is part of a larger
Speaker 2: point I'd like to make when you're done.
Speaker 1: Oh I made Okay, Well, just piggybacking off of that.
Speaker 1: I mean, you've seen those Buddhist monks where they create
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing of sand, like a picture out of sand,
Speaker 1: and then they destroy it a moment later. And I
Speaker 1: think I remember you saying like you thought that was like,
Speaker 1: I don't remember you thought it was somehow like arrogant.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't remember it what it was, but
Speaker 1: I kind of elucidated for you. It's like, the point
Speaker 1: is to an enjoy the act. You know, it's not
Speaker 1: about having something and just having it forever to have it.
Speaker 1: It's about creating something and you get the joy from
Speaker 1: the creation. And yeah, I like I tried to embody
Speaker 1: that with this, and I feel like you did too.
Speaker 2: So when we started this show, I didn't know if
Speaker 2: it would go past five episodes, but it was fun
Speaker 2: and this was my passion. And what I didn't realize
Speaker 2: is that this show would be so therapeutic for me.
Speaker 2: Getting on Zoom talking to my friend Shane brought me
Speaker 2: a comfort during the darkest points of my life. If
Speaker 2: you have a passion, here's what I'm saying to you,
Speaker 2: go after it. It might cost you money, it might
Speaker 2: cost you some time, but what you're buying is the
Speaker 2: ability to, at the end of your life look back
Speaker 2: and say I did something that mattered to me. I
Speaker 2: want to end this with my favorite Chuck Pallino quote.
Speaker 2: We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The
Speaker 2: goal is to create something that will. And the coolest
Speaker 2: thing in the world is the fact that we got
Speaker 2: to do that. So for your worst friend, I'm Matt,
Speaker 2: I'm Shane, and from the bottom of our hearts, thanks
Speaker 2: for listening.
Speaker 3: Something field up.
Speaker 7: My heart.
Speaker 3: Nothing someone told me not to cry.
Speaker 7: Now then.
Speaker 3: Older, my heart colder, and I can't see that.
Speaker 7: It's a.
Speaker 10: Children wake up, Oh god, a stack of.
Speaker 3: Bull durn the summer. Eight children don't glue up at
Speaker 3: s Get me up, Oh that twelve.
Speaker 7: W job.
Speaker 3: I'm the little guy till my dog done.
Speaker 7: I got diet.
Speaker 3: I'm done to.
Speaker 7: Joh ship time. You know.
Speaker 2: I don't want to sell queer enough, but I'm really
Speaker 2: gonna miss you guys. When the show's over.