Speaker 1: Oh, we used to break things intentionally and.
Speaker 2: In the east. Oh this is this is an ancient press.
Speaker 1: I don't think they ever did that. I think they
were like trying to find.
Speaker 2: Food or something. I'm not talking about how hundreds of
years ago. Like tell a kid in darfour like, hey,
what'd you do today?
Speaker 1: It's like, well, I tried to hunt a snake to
eat something this week, but I might just eat.
Speaker 2: A wicked impression of a kid from Dark You know me,
I had to just snake trying to get something to eat. Yeah,
and then he goes in rocket power from Dark for well,
what did you do?
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I took a mug and I smashed
it with a hammer.
Speaker 2: I'm going to spend the next two hours gluing. Okay,
we have to move on. Hello and welcome to another
brand stack of new episode of Bad TV. I'm Dylan.
That is path great to be here. Kaylen is here
as well, and Ruby Ruby is joining us from across
the country. What is up, Papa, Doug, Girl?
Speaker 3: How are you guys? Hello Dylan, Hello, Pat, Hello, Kaylen.
Speaker 2: I'm doing great. It's Buzzball Friday. It's Buzzball Friday.
Speaker 1: Dylan marks wait for the buzzballs Lime Lime Marita.
Speaker 2: Also known as Chernobyl Green.
Speaker 1: Now he mocks this brand. It is exclusively female owned.
How do I know that? It says it on the ball.
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck if it's female owned. I'm
an ally, that is what I'm saying. Listen.
Speaker 1: He wouldn't know a female created this product because it God,
it looks like a magnet for trash.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, real alcoholics, Hay, perfect way of describing it.
Perfect one the way flies flocked to shit. You flocked
to buzzballs.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you're a listener, h we're happy
to take you on as an advertiser if you'd like to.
Speaker 2: What do you mean, oh, oh, buzzballs? Yeah? I thought
you meant broadly any listener, Sorry, definitely not Yeah, why
would you you? Yeah? Why would you?
Speaker 1: I'll sell anything for money, that's on me.
Speaker 2: I got a Starbucks delivered to an office today. It
was delivered by a robot. This robot is in I'm
in an office in Hollywood and there are tons of
these little robots. What was its name? Her name?
Speaker 1: They're usually pretty cute names.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a cute name.
Speaker 1: I can't remember, like call it like tic Tac or something.
You don't want to take a baseball bat. Like most people,
all the degenerates in Hollywood walking around, they like to
beat and break stuff. But you can't beat something that's
named tic tac.
Speaker 2: If I think its name is like Amber or something
like that.
Speaker 3: But you know what, yeah what, No homeless people take
none ever.
Speaker 2: You need a code to unlock Amber. Don't put it
past them for trying.
Speaker 3: Oh like, just take Amber, don't take the food. Take
it well.
Speaker 2: Amber's a hefty bitch. She weighs a lot, but she
looks like R two D two. Yeah. And I got
to say, when you're driving around Los Angeles and you
see these things, it scares me that these fucks have
anthropomorphized them and made them cute. I mean, they're essentially
Pixar characters and they are completely helpless. They are bing
bonging into things. They get really scared when runners come
past them. It's like I want to protect it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I've seen one fall down and that a
bunch of people, vagrants, helped it up.
Speaker 2: That is crazy. We can't help them. But the best
thing about them you don't have to tip like that.
I don't need to tip a row. But they don't
have feelings. Okay, so you know who does have feelings?
The Real Housewives of Orange County?
Speaker 1: Which one.
Speaker 2: All of them? Can I say? Join us? Patreon dot
com slash of the podcast network for Salt Lake City.
I hate Uh what was I going to say?
Speaker 1: You hate gout balls?
Speaker 2: Well, goutballs, but but you can listen to gout balls
and us talk about goutballs and Patreon. But oh, I
was gonna get my tits? Can I get I've been
talking a bunch. You sure you want to give your tits? RBS?
Can I get my tits?
Speaker 3: Give your tits?
Speaker 2: I mean, come on with this, what do we have it?
We're seeing a fucking kid have a fucking stroke on
TV and then Tamers quitting the show for the fifth time,
eightieth time. I mean, miss me with the fucking bullshit.
I'm gonna give this episode one tit. I really did
not like this episode. One tit. Yeah. Wow, that's a
low tit score. That's yeah, it's tremendous.
Speaker 3: M I'll go ruby, Okay, I will at least give
it a I'm not going to give it one. I
will give it a pair. I agree. I didn't you know?
There was less talk about Kid today, but I still
see way too much Kid. And if we're going to
do Kid, where is Daria? You know, probably vagranting now
because she went to Hollywood, to that expensive school. But although, okay,
I will say this was this was like a quiet
brilliance from camera where Balie when she quit, when she
says you will never see my face again and runs
off in the blue dress. This when she's quick wattle
right because the ground is wet. She You know, it
was a good it was smart this one have a
good season. I'm oh god, it was just it would
no parachute all right? One set of not good meat
yore tits.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, we have to people have those.
Speaker 2: Most of us have mediocre tits. Me I have mediocre tits.
I have great ones.
Speaker 3: You know, Todd has mediocre tits. Todd, I give it
Todd's tits.
Speaker 2: Todd has gout tits.
Speaker 1: Okay, this episode, no Kate Katie for the third episode.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a robot name.
Speaker 1: I guess we'll see Katie, uh for a second when
she meets with tam Rat next episode to download all
her intel.
Speaker 2: You can't trust that Katie character. No, like two of
them is just disgusting, fucking pieces of vermin sitting down
for coffee with each other.
Speaker 1: Now, I want to talk about the person.
Speaker 2: Was that too like? Ss language was too intense? Okay?
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the persons that are taking
a lot of heat. Uh, And it's not to their
fault at all. And that is the Timmins family from
ninety eight degrees.
Speaker 2: Oh okay.
Speaker 1: He's been married to his wife since ty eleven. They
have two children. And now on this episode, I think
his name, although blurred out, we all know it's Jeff
Timmins from ninety eight degrees is accused of banging tam Rat.
Tam Rat says in the episode, I could have banged
him if I wanted to, right, right, right, and uh, I.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, it's important to advocate for the Timmins family
and and it's I see the shit out of Bravo.
Speaker 1: You think I would, I'd be like, I'm married.
Speaker 2: I don't think you could win that case. Your public
they bleep, They've done everything to protect your identity. They
can't help the sleuths.
Speaker 1: There's only four of them, though, what do you mean
four ninety eight degrees. Oh yeah, and we already know
Nicholas Sha wouldn't go near there.
Speaker 2: Nope, do we he likes drunks.
Speaker 1: I don't know anyway, I thought it was an okay episode.
Speaker 2: The higher caliber of drunk that he that sikes.
Speaker 1: Though this episode wasn't good. I think I miss Katie well.
I think she's a horrible person. She's great TV, especially
when she gets caught in one of her many lies.
Speaker 2: This entire show needs to be fairly gutted.
Speaker 1: Tam Rat wants to come back for season twenty, which
is next year.
Speaker 2: I believe Andy's gonna let her too. It's crazy. Wait,
I don't think.
Speaker 1: Don't put it past Andy to go. No, I'm not
giving you that.
Speaker 2: He already said.
Speaker 1: Jenshaw ain't coming back when.
Speaker 2: She gets out of the Pokey this year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, I'll give it four tits.
Speaker 2: You know, in my mind, it's like, you know, when
we've discussed this where baby Baby Gorgeous is a little
you know, alarmed that somebody would compare her to Genshaw.
And while Tamar and Genshaw are kind of nowhere near
each other in terms of just like criminality, even though
I know what Jenshaw, did I think I hate Tamara more?
It's God, It's got great.
Speaker 1: She builds the elderly out of their retirement money, and
tam Rat's just Tamra.
Speaker 2: Tam Rat's just way worse. Though. I will say this
last time.
Speaker 1: One of the more hilarious things is how upset Tamrat
is about people openly telling her they can't trust her
with information.
Speaker 2: I mean that is, there's nothing there there. Tamra doesn't
do anything of interest. There is nothing entertaining about her.
Nothing piques anyone when they're watching her. She's just a
cloud of convoluted and meaningless fucking bullshit.
Speaker 1: And she's she's a catfish. She keeps everyone on their toes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess, but to what ended? Right? Like Lisa
Barlow keeps people on their toes in an entertaining way.
Mary Cosby keeps people on their toes. She's a wild
call call call.
Speaker 3: That's okay, Here's what I'll say. All of them are
like Okay, Mary Cosby, cult leader. The potential people are
dying and disappearing allegedly horrible, that horrible person, Lisa Barlow.
I don't need to go into why horrible, horrible person.
I love you, I would die for you. Awful person. Tamra.
For some reason, it's different. I don't know how, I
don't know why.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, and I think it's I think it's the
entertainment factor. I mean, think about what we as a
species will put up with if you entertain us. I mean,
look at Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1: Well you know, you know you won't know fuck those kids.
Speaker 2: Come on, I mean, that's that's way worse. That's way
worse than Tamra.
Speaker 3: But he was so good.
Speaker 2: But he's so good.
Speaker 1: That's right, you guys. You didn't question me, Jet said
around the world with five year old boars.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's get let's get into the show. We begin
at well, well one, you know, guys, I need some
more definition to this, especially the beginning of these shows,
Like what kind of fucking experimental indie group is this production?
Like the first two episodes of Real Housewives of Salt Lake,
we just don't have the taglines. And then this is
this weird blend of last week and this week. It's like,
can we start the show please?
Speaker 1: It's like, come on, yeah, I think they're changing format
to kind of draw you in. You think you're like
in the middle of an episode and then you're like,
what the hell is this?
Speaker 2: And before you know it, right watch What Happens Live
is playing on the same playlist, and you're like, oh,
I hate this.
Speaker 1: Ye.
Speaker 3: So what they're doing to us is what Apple did
when they just put you two in our phones. That's
what they're doing to us here and hear us now
stop it propo.
Speaker 2: You don't need a different kind of chord. It's fun.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. This is when I knew
culture and society was going off a cliff when you young
people got pissed that you two gave you a fucking
free record.
Speaker 2: Oh well, we're Americans. We don't like being tread on,
all right. So the one thing that I want to
I pretty actually upset that I have to say is
that Rugby is a beautiful and cute name for a dog.
I just hate that it belongs I don't want to
say beautiful. It's a cute name for a dog, all right.
So Tamra says she's talking to Eddie or gay husband.
Speaker 1: You're going to skip over Gretchen catching up with Jen
and basically talking about my band.
Speaker 2: I don't know where I am in the show right now,
and it's not my fault. That's there, all right.
Speaker 1: I think this needs addressing. Okay, Tamrat, as awful as
she is, Gretchen is certainly not doing herself any favors
with the Bravo audience, with this whole boy band. I
know she pretended to be mad at Slade, but that
was absolutely planned on that FaceTime call saying that they
somehow left the record button on and started banging. That
is so stupid and it's beneath all of us, and
Gretchen that is making me hate you more than Tamrat.
And that's a that's quite a task.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is Gretchen, Katie. I mean, it's Gretchen, just Katie.
Speaker 3: No, she's not that smart. I think she just is
so excited that she's been waiting in the wings, like
she's been an study for thirty four years and finally
this is her shot. I think she's just really trying
to dance her heart out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was like, you know, one of the last
like Japanese soldiers in the forest or like the war
has been over.
Speaker 1: Yeah for her for like thirty years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just eating rats for thirty years. All right.
So back to tam Rat's house, she's talking to her
guy as ben Eddie, who is disappointed in Gretchen thinks
she's a disgusting person. But the thing that I would
like to discuss is Shannon and Tamra's relationship being mended
via a correspondence from Stormsbador. So she reached out and
she said, you know, I've been thinking about Teddy. This
is a good option for her, I think, And Tamra
looked at that as an olive branch. My question is,
and I don't want to be, you know, not sensitive
to what Teddy's going through. Obviously it's really sad. Is
tamar really that involved in her treatment? Like does she
not have family? This is another story that drives me nuts.
Why are you tethered to her illness right now? Emotionally
that you basically she's said in hospice, she's a friend
who's really really.
Speaker 1: Rich, and you're also doing a podcast weekly with each other. Yeah,
And I don't think Tamarrat cares about anybody but herself.
And I think this is driving the audience nuts, the
fact that she uses this as a repellent to any
judgment of her, Like I'm going through this now you're not.
Speaker 2: And if you think about I understand that Jenshaw went
to a federal prison, but like think about the spiritual
decay and the motivation behind if this is actually true.
Is defrauding the elderly is bad, but spiritually using your
friend's disease as social currency is like kind of close
to that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So so I used to do this bit when
we were recapping The Bachelor. There's always a dinner with
a one on one where the person either gets the
rose or they get sent home, and my play was
always when you feel like you're going to get dumped
during dinner, say you just learned that your grandmother died,
and that person will look evil if they don't pick
up that rose and hand it to you, and you'll
get to stay another day. Tamrad is doing a version
of that with these people, trying to fight off them,
saying that she's a horrible person, but she is.
Speaker 2: But yeah, Rubes, go ahead. Because the infrastructure around Teddy,
I would think that she does not need Tamra to
send her cancer treatment stuff.
Speaker 3: Anyways, a doctor referral, I'll say a few things. One
I agree with everything Pat said. I do not think
Tamra is capable of caring about maybe her children if
God forbid, God forbid something ever happened to them. But
I honestly and this is bad. I'm not sure even
I don't know, so I as awful as it is.
When she said at the end of the episode, I'm
going through the topest time in my life. I had
to look up on like reality blurb. I didn't know
if like her something was happening like with her home.
I didn't know even in my brain that she could
possibly be referring to Teddy, because that would be like
like if if your kid was applying to elementary school
pat and and didn't get in and then had to
go to the other elementary school and I cried about it,
that would be Yeah, that's what that would be. That'd
be a lie and insane. Okay, so Teddy, what I'll say,
her dad is a witch.
Speaker 1: Her dad, John Mellencampus.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he like let her know. I believe like one
of the first times he saw her after she was
like officially very very very ill, that the plot for
her was all set like he's he's a despicable person.
I believe that Teddy and Tim are actually quite close,
and I do think that she weirdly because I also
think Teddy's like really fucking sick. So I think it's
kind of in like not an experimental phase, but I
think they may be in like a if you think
it'll work, let's try. And Shannon is like ant Lynn
Krinsky just connected in the world. So I do think
this was an olive branch and very very nice for her.
Speaker 1: A couple things about John Mellencamp. First off, Teddy Mellencamp
is in a music video. You want to see a
cute Teddy Mellencamp at six years old, She's in the
I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus music video. Teddy is
so goddamn cute. Really yeah. The second thing is, uh,
I don't think John Mellencamp has ever not been seen
with a cigarette in his mouth. And third, if you
want to see a funny video during his live performances,
now he spends about forty five minutes talking about politics
and then he fights with the audience.
Speaker 2: It's pretty Is he like John Voight kind of politics?
Oh no, no, no, no, he hates old trumpy he does. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I played a video where someone was like fucking play
I saw man.
Speaker 2: He's like, shut up anyway.
Speaker 1: All right, so we'll continue here. All right, So this
is where Eddie and tamer let's get.
Speaker 2: To the fortieth second of the show. Oh yeah, and
this is my it's my bads, No, no, no, this
is my I love this.
Speaker 1: This this is my favorite part because she does say
that it was an olive branch with Shannon, butor but
she also adds referring to Gretchen, who both Eddie and
Tamara can't stand. She cannot go fuck a dog. I
believe fuck a duck, Archie.
Speaker 2: What's that?
Speaker 1: No, easy, Archie. Gretch is a drunk too. He wants
to live with Gretchen.
Speaker 2: Oh he does. Wow, what's that Archie?
Speaker 1: Oh he he doesn't think Gretchen will put him in
the car while she's blackout trying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, good to know. So quick question, did you
think that she said she can fuck a dog? She
didn't say that, or did you stretch that so you
could play the Archie sound effect She.
Speaker 1: Said she can go fuck a dog?
Speaker 2: Well, fucking duck is the saying, though, Oh, Archie's shame
on you, it is. Don't don't Largie get the ear
wax Let his complete and total buzzball brain chaos gaslight
you into thinking she didn't say what she said. This
is the one who said he wanted to be thrown
into a lions dead and then fight them off when
he had dementia, only to have his head cut off
and frozen and brought back in the year.
Speaker 1: I was able to take the tiger down.
Speaker 2: I was as human being.
Speaker 3: It was lions for that's but you have dementia in
the age that you think it's like you don't even.
Speaker 2: Know he has dementia now though I think.
Speaker 3: No, no, g GFB, he doesn't. But also not doing
the lions and I have the thing that we didn't
think about it you ball down and shallow as you are,
that they would maul the face. We would preserve a
mould version.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right.
Speaker 1: If you want to know what the hell we're talking about,
this is what you pay five dollars for him.
Speaker 2: And also he would say keep my ankles, they're hot,
that we would all right, meep on Emily. Nothing happens
in this section they talk about her banging Jeff Tims.
So we get to Heather sitting down with Shannabadoor and
then we do. Uh well, this is a bit of
a split screen, but I want to talk about this Kitsubushi,
our scar is making us beautiful and whatnot. But Heather's
big dilemma with the group right now is the lack
of support that she feels from them. Well, she's a comedian, Dylan, right,
and did you see her two.
Speaker 1: Episode arc on Malibu County Until It would be like
hilarious if I started to become Rastafari and you guys
were like, what's going on?
Speaker 2: And I would be like, you guys aren't supporting me
right now? That's the kind of level of delusion. Is
that about analogy? Well?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that was a little bits far. I
do have just a tad what.
Speaker 2: You man, I'm not saying I become a black person.
I'm just saying I like, get the dreads and stuff.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of people think I'm known for
a lot of things, right, a great dad, good hair,
But I don't think they know that really. Where my
heart is is playing the banjo.
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, that's better, better say that. Yeah, yeah, but
that's what I'm.
Speaker 1: Mainly knowing is my banjo playing.
Speaker 2: Can you for one fucking second, imagine being in an
improv one oh one class on Santa Monica and all
of a sudden, Heather to Bro walks in, and then
you're just doing the rest of that track with Heather dubro.
These are these are twenty two year old kids that
smoke a lot of pot and don't have any disposable income,
and then Heather de Bro walks in.
Speaker 1: This is a power move. I've heard stories. I forgot
what podcast it was. They took an acting class, like
a one oh one acting class in New York in
like nineteen eighty two, and Carrie Fisher, Princess Leiah is
in the class.
Speaker 2: Really, yes, what was she doing there?
Speaker 1: Rushing up on her acting? Or maybe find to find
a dealer?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, hey.
Speaker 2: Honey, I'm Princess Leah. Do you have any crack?
Speaker 1: Okay, she's dead, so yeah, yeah, she's dead.
Speaker 2: Go look up her autopsy. Pat, I mean, he's brought
this up seventy five times. He has a you know
what I think it is. I think that Pat is
betrayed by Carrie Fisher. I think that Star Wars meant
so much to him as a child and really molded
his naivete and his wonder. To find out that Carrie
Fisher perished with just every drug in her is a
little earth shattering here. I think that's why you're a
little old to be high on ecstasy, you know, but
that was in our body. It's like ridiculous, you're you took.
Speaker 1: Ecstasy, cocaine, booze, xanax and antidepressants.
Speaker 2: What did you need those for? Yeah, you're having a
good time, all right. Oh.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say this, this whole mug business here,
this is a new one.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: So kaylen, you didn't watch the show, did you know? Okay,
So they show up at this nice little boutique shop
and with a nice little uh hostess there, and they
take a coffee mug and they smash it with a hammer,
and what they're going to do is glue it back together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, POxy k yes. Uh, that's where we are. No, no, no,
that's where we came from.
Speaker 1: Oh, we used to break things intentionally and.
Speaker 2: In the east. Oh, this is this is an ancient press.
Speaker 1: I don't think they ever did that. I think they
were like trying fine.
Speaker 2: Food or something. I'm not talking about how hundreds of
years ago, Like tell a kid in darfour, like, hey,
what'd you do today?
Speaker 1: Is like, well, I tried to hunt a snake to
eat something this week, but I might just eat.
Speaker 2: A wicked impression of a kid from Dark You know me,
I had to just snake trying to get something to eat. Yeah,
and then he goes in rocket Power from Dark for
what did you do?
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I took a mug and I smashed
it with a hammer. I'm going to spend the next
two hours gluing.
Speaker 2: Okay, we have to move on Ruby.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine though, if you gave a kid from
Darfur mug but you smashed it first, and you were like,
I just gave you a gift, like here's your mug,
kid from Darfur and he was like bro.
Speaker 1: Like raight, yeah, yeah, Well you tell him you're going
to learn something from this when you live back together.
Speaker 2: All right, So let's watch a kid have a stroke.
Huh guys? Yeah, how good are we feeling?
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Thank you Lola for sponsoring the show. We get to
the tattoo shop and we talk about Dawson going to
the Marines, and this is really kind of heartbreaking because, uh,
he's going I don't know military jargon all that well,
but he's gonna be in a recon group. You gotta
get through boot camp first.
Speaker 1: Think I did not ful the carriage in front of
the horse, thank.
Speaker 2: You, because I think, again, I don't know how military works.
I think they'll figure out where to put him.
Speaker 1: No, you're gonna sit behind a desk, especially after we
saw that footage of you fainting a tattoo. But by
the way, RecA, I hope he's not up against a needle.
Speaker 2: You know, such a good point, what happens if you
get shot in the arm, just the arm. This is insensitive.
A ruby is horrified. Okay, but I want to bring
it back to the heart that we so often put
on display when we're doing this podcast, to have a
mother be worried that her baby is going to come
back from an experience quote unquote different. That's, you know,
a euphemism for traumatized shell shock PTSD. Your dad came
back fine?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, completely, Actually he's completely fine. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah,
even now in his seventies.
Speaker 2: What do you have seven guns around your bed when
you're sleeping? What do you mean? What kind of fucking question?
Is that.
Speaker 3: We couldn't wake him up when we were young because
he would choke us?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, no, we could. We could. We woke him
up all the time. So anyways, listen, it's it's really
really heartbreaking to see her go through this. With that
being said, it is a marvel that the other kids
turned out as well as they did. Because I'm not
saying that gen is how do we do this? Does
this need to be said? No? I don't think so.
I don't think I need.
Speaker 1: To say, Well, we can speak of her husband per gen,
which is he was essentially telling the kids that Ryan's
a douchebag.
Speaker 2: Yeah, did Jen cheat on her husband with Ryan? Yes,
okay I would, I might not do the same thing.
Speaker 1: But he ruined their family.
Speaker 2: The father is an asshole too, but go ahead.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: But so here's the thing is he actually didn't she did.
And I think it's really any parent doing anything, especially
if your kids are like of ages that aren't babies,
to say that about their their the fact that, I mean,
I don't believe that this is actually true, but in
a world where Ryan is like a good guy, that
he was like, listen, I don't care. I'll prove to
your kids that I'm a good guy. And he has
done that to the point that now they're like whatever,
He's fucking fine. I don't give a shit about him.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: I mean, okay, Ryan, you're going to jail soon. But wow.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean you could read between the lines when
Jen does ask her children what do you call Ryan?
And they said, and I call we call him the
guy you're engaged to, and on occasion, the money mule.
The money mule, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we call him that little guy with the cyberdruck.
Then siphons, chips up his ass and drives home from
Las Vegas. It's a long title.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're but I've never seen smelling salts very effective.
I never knew that's how that.
Speaker 2: Was that a smelling salt or was it just a
rag soaked in alcohol?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I thought it was a little packet of sas. So
crazy because okay, so smelling salts are are all the
rage now, you know, so, yeah, it was so weird,
Like when you when you watch football, there was this
story that came out that they were going to ban
smelling salts in the NFL, and then the players were like, no,
you're not, And we had never seen smelling salts. And
now every time you're watching football there's this slow motion
cut too of people doing smelling salts all the time.
Wait wait, yeah, it's nuts.
Speaker 3: Okay, hold, I thought that smelling salts was what like
like airplane pilots take when they're like fighter jets to
stay awake.
Speaker 2: You do, it's the same thing. Yeah, fighters take it
when they get knocked out. You can take it just
to hype yourself up on a Friday night.
Speaker 3: Oh, to get those Why are football players doing it
in a game?
Speaker 2: Just to get fucking hiphee. But the the so, so
Dawson sits down for uh a tattoo and it's gonna
say seven seven seven on his chest.
Speaker 1: I'm glad he went on the small side. I've seen
some people take up their entire chests with dumb stuff.
Speaker 2: For sure. Yeah and yeah, so he faints, but faints
in like a really scary kind of way. And I
think that fainting is always scary. But there's like kind
of the saw faint right where if you're like, you
don't want to be standing when that happens. But it's
it's very much like an I feel like I'm seeing
Audrey Hepburn kind of land in a sack of flower.
And then there's the is he having a seizure or
fainting kind of fainting and that was this and it
was like, that's scary. We put that on TV. I
guess we can all watch this. But whatever, it could
be worse.
Speaker 3: Robert Junior is doing drugs.
Speaker 2: So but what I was going to say, like pizza,
I feel like an unseized piece of chicken. Did he
did he say that? Or was that super racist? I
feel like he said that, but I'm not.
Speaker 3: Sure life like I think he said, like life feels
that way, I don't, okay, referred to himself.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you're not.
Speaker 3: You're not wrong completely. But but this was so what
we saw was that who won't be good in recon
is Jen because the moment that it starts to go awry,
she just it's and I would be worse than this.
It was one of the funny because we know that
he is okay. That was unbelievably hilarious to watch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank god, he's okay and very scary. Why do
we do that? So let's move on to Emily's house.
Speaker 1: More Luke eating.
Speaker 2: I love Luke because one of my favorite foods is
the microwavable white rice from Trader Joe's. It is amazing,
such a fucking game changer.
Speaker 1: It's in Quentin's lunch on occasion.
Speaker 2: It's so helpful to have.
Speaker 3: And can I just actually take a minute. They have
so many different varieties. I'm not I'm not joking in
any way, shape or form. The fact that you can
do like brown, but is madi white. It's and it's
all microwavable. It's absolutely fantastic. Thank you.
Speaker 2: It's the only staple of Trader Joe's. That is actually
like a food staple. You know. Everything else is their pizza.
But they're pizza. No, not a big not a big
frozen pizza guy.
Speaker 1: No, someone said I needed to buy their banana bread.
I got it. It wasn't that good.
Speaker 2: It was me and Ruby, Yeah, I wasn't that good.
Speaker 3: Okay, well you're did you get the right one? Did
you know?
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, do you favor just because you eat sandwiches
with sauce and lettuce? Don't talk about the fucking bread.
So all right, all right, let's so let's talk about Okay,
so we got basically what I didn't want to say
about Jen was that she was a horrible mother and
she's working on it.
Speaker 1: Okay, but now we can.
Speaker 2: Emily, Okay, Ruby, go ahead.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I just have to say it really quickly.
This is what I'll say. A big little, a big
big difference is as my mezcal is getting into my body,
it's clarifying things for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I shipped down. Go ahead, Rubies, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3: Pat Jen is maybe what she is as a mother,
but you can tell she loves her kids. I do
think she she has such deep love for them. She
may not know how what to do with them time,
that is the difference. I don't feel that from camera
immeasurably well do it.
Speaker 2: But also, Emily, we find out that Luke, and thank
you for clarifying and adding that little little Tilda to
the criticism of her, because it's an intense thing to hear. God,
you know, maybe she uh, you know, if she ever heard.
It's a horrible thing to hear about yourself, you know.
So anyways, Emily, though, I think we can not pull
punches that much.
Speaker 1: Because I think she knew what grade Luke was it.
Speaker 2: Okay, So she finds out that he's maybe not autistic,
but he's got learning disability, he's got ADHDS, just got
all this stuff. He can't spell.
Speaker 1: He can't I think I have I have the list here. Yeah,
he autistic, can't spell ADHD and eating disorder, and she
wants to maybe send him back to therapy. I'll tell
him what he needs a barber. Do you see that haircut?
Speaker 2: Okay? Their children though, so listen. The crazy thing though,
is that.
Speaker 3: Okay, I have a question.
Speaker 2: Didn't she didn't know that he couldn't read? That's right?
And he is in the fourth grade. Go ahead.
Speaker 3: When he comes home and he opens his backpack and
she's like, okay, everyone, we're all getting our homework out.
And the twin is doing his and the girl is
doing hers, and then he gets his out and actually,
like Charlie Day, he doesn't know what it is like
that is never observed. Yeah, whoa, that's kind of nuts.
Speaker 2: He thinks it's a door marked pirate. I'm glad, and
it's like he's in fourth grade.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad they left this in. Emily is an
absolute horrible person. She needs to be off this show.
This would be my advice, And I think this is
where Ruby was going because she was asking me as
a parent, she needs to stop looking for stuff. She
is looking for things to explain why she's a horrible parent,
Like I don't want to do fucking homework with Elliott
after I've worked all day and watch Real Housewives, but
I have to sit down there for fifteen minutes and
make sure this little demon knows how to fucking read right.
Speaker 2: Emily clearly is not.
Speaker 1: Doing that and is not completely involved, and now she
wants to keep blaming it on some diagnosis of why
everything's fucked out.
Speaker 2: Well and also, like my opinion, allegedly, I understand that
that you know, the twin wants a therapist too, right,
because Keller wants a therapist too, because his brother is
a therapist. It's fair, it's it's definitely a choice. But
it's also like, you know, I mean, when kids gets
a baseball club, you can get the other one a
baseball club. But therapist is not a baseball club. That's
a different thing. But who knows, I mean, maybe we
all need therapy. Let us have it.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you're offended by anything that any
of us said.
Speaker 2: About, yeah, please go ahead. All right, So let's get
to the photo shoot. What does bring flat party? Dude?
Oh well first, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, So okay, so
Gretchen's family photo shoot takes place on a road somewhere,
Yes it does.
Speaker 3: No, this was this was to me if I had
to describe, like, oh my god, I just woke up
and had the weirdest fucking dream. This is that dream
ah on that dirt road? Because what the fuck was this?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well? Well, also, do you see that big bunny.
I love that big bunny. Let me tell you something.
Non that big bunny should play the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about this on APS. I went
to the zoo last weekend and they have a new
exhibit for vultures. So I'm bringing Elliott and Quentin. They're like,
oh wow, new exhibit. They had two of those big
bunnies like that, and the vultures were tearing them apart.
Speaker 2: Okayez.
Speaker 1: My wife said the zoo should be uh uh because
there was a pink hot dogs across from the exhibit.
That's how we do it, and not like pink hot dogs.
They got a pink hot dogs in the zoo from
the vulture exhibit. My wife saidult watch animals eat animals
while you eat animals.
Speaker 3: We're all in the wild together. I like that chery.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you just you're eating a chili dog and you're like, hey, vulture,
I get you, mad, I get you, buddy.
Speaker 3: They should pigs should charge like forty eight dollars for
those specific ones from that cart and call them immersive dogs.
Speaker 2: They are forty eight dollars. Yeah for sure? Is it good?
Speaker 1: I don't eat hot dogs. I know that's such your
shame with the kids dead, I had that chili cheese fries.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Okay, the party, Yeah, let's get to
the party. Love that fat.
Speaker 3: Bunny though that pigs great bunny.
Speaker 2: Fat bunny, love him all right, So the cakes and
the floral party, and one of the most ironic moments
of all time. Any Emily heads over to the floral
thing and she comments on, God, damn, this is such
a bitchy thing, like I thought they all had a
good time. And then Emily goes to Tamar and she's
talking shit about Gretchen praying.
Speaker 1: Well, she said she's a God fearing woman, which is
kind of counter to how she's behaving lately.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmmm. Well, Tamra says, any woman that uses her
religion as a shield and then goes and starts rumors
is suspect.
Speaker 1: Isn't that funny because don't you remember Tamara in that
swimming pool being reborn as a Christian.
Speaker 2: Remember Tamra referred to Gretchen's behavior as using a Jesus curtain.
Tamara might be like legitimately psychotic, like completely untethered from
this world because to say that being who you are
is like just a wild amount of lack of self awareness.
Speaker 1: Now I want to ask Ruby's opinion on this Emily
sharing with basically admitting to tam Rat that I talked
a little shit about you and said I can't trust you.
Was that trying to get out in front of it
before she thought some of her cast members were going
to bring that up at the cake making party.
Speaker 3: I think it was two things. I think it was that,
and also it was Emily being like to the producers like, hey, hey, look, look, look,
I don't just of a sudden that's maybe a trace.
Look look look, hey I do my job ter pots.
And I think it was a bad display of all
of that at once.
Speaker 2: Well, Tamra does not receive this information well, even though
it's just factual information, it's not even like this is
my opinion. This is like two plus two equals no
one can trust you. But my big thing was that
the buttercream corner looks like such a beautiful place, and
that Tamara and Emily just kind of disrupted the piece
of this woman in her buttercream corner.
Speaker 1: Are you talking about Lisa the cake chef?
Speaker 2: The cake chef?
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's my problem with butter cream. You eat one
of those pieces of that, it's delicious, but somehow it
lives on your upper litters for days.
Speaker 2: It can top of the roof of your mouth too.
Speaker 1: I smell it like the next day, even if I
took a shower.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, that's because you eat dessert too aggressively.
You're a sweet boy.
Speaker 3: He's a little fat sweet boy. That's true. It gets in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he eats cake like a collie.
Speaker 1: That was so hurtful. I'm gonna dive into another buzzbon.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you have to pace yourself. We have
three shows to do. We're gonna do Traders too. We
don't have to, you said, and that we'll.
Speaker 1: Talk about it after all right. I'm gonna get a
white cloth.
Speaker 2: We're doing.
Speaker 3: Here's what I will say. This is the type of party.
Speaker 2: Do not. We have three shows? I do not have
another buzzball.
Speaker 3: I mean, don't come, do not. These are the types
of parties that are like cool in theory, but then
it's like, what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 2: What are we doing? What are we don't?
Speaker 3: I don't want it. I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to take what. I'm taking this in
the car with me home and my I'm throwing it
in the trash, which feels awful.
Speaker 2: I eat it. I hate it. I haven't had a
good piece of cake in a while. All right, So
meetball heads in and Tamar has a piece of paper.
We'll get to that, like, yeah, it's a print out
of it printer. Okay, so we find out that, oh Pat,
so Ruby's gonna head out in ten minutes and wrap
this up. Well this is important, right, but we're gonna
get to our sponsors. Yeah, well well yeah, we'll get
to them right now. So I was watching the show
last night, but I'm I was so tired that I
literally my fingers start moving. I got you covered, Thank you, buddy.
All right, So, uh, you know, who are these kids?
Who the fuck are these people with two children? How
do you do that? I don't want another child. I
want one child.
Speaker 3: It's too much, but you can't have I'm sorry, you
have to do at least.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I think we're done.
Speaker 1: My wife is so mad that she didn't have a
brother or sister. That's why we have.
Speaker 2: To It's too much. Huh, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: It's starting to get fun now, starting to get fun.
Speaker 3: Imagine if it was just you, Yeah, Kailin, you have two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's once they get older, then they can entertain themselves.
Speaker 1: That's when it really helps.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because imagine and Kaylen and Pat, if they didn't
have the entertainment, you would be the entertainment, right Like,
once they're older.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what about their imagination? They don't have one when.
Speaker 3: They're between ll they don't, don't be stupid. Also, when
they're seven, there's too many screens now, So no, you
have to have another kid because there's no imagination.
Speaker 1: Sorry, but I get you.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, she's going to have imagination. I can
fucking guarantee you that.
Speaker 3: And she'll have siblics.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Pat, So we get onto the well. Emily
makes small talk with Cake Lady Lisa and then me
and tam Ratt is really this is stuck in her
CROs She claims that she is the most loyal person ever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not. You're an amiba.
Speaker 3: She says she's never She says she's never lied. That
would be like me saying I've never curt right.
Speaker 1: Me, like magic trying to tell us that they've never
beaten off. I was like, okay, where's the lie detector?
Speaker 2: Ye? All right?
Speaker 1: Tam Rat tells the girls she could have banged Jeff
Timmins if she wanted to. That's the boy band guy.
I think that's completely disrespectful to him and his family.
And then that's when Jen Channon badoor in HD arrived next,
and then the ladies chat they discuss whether or not
Gretchen is a fucking liar, and then uh tam Rat
tells them that she plans on meeting with Katie the
sketchy Bitch. Sorry, not my words, hers, No, actually I
made that.
Speaker 2: I did say that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, we have.
Speaker 2: That's fine, girls, that'd be worry. Hey, I think everybody
thinks Katie is a sketchy bitch, even that big fat Bunnyay.
Speaker 1: Well, Emily pushes back because I think she really wants
Katie iced on the show. And she used the excuse
that Katie like had her daughter had you know, watched
those two kids and talked a little smack about Heather
debro Don't you remember that storyline from last year?
Speaker 2: You're speaking of Heather debroh of the comedian.
Speaker 1: The comedian, Yes, yes, clearly, who's.
Speaker 2: Funny or Heather debro or Tiffany Hattish, Tiffany Haddish. Yeah,
but Heather's that was bad of me, because I do
think Tiffany Hattish is actually pretty funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she wrote that book that my wife loved. She
had a tough life really.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, that's very good. Hey, Emily wants to ice
Katie off the show, right, because that's how you get
her off the show. You're like, don't do scenes with
these people.
Speaker 3: And so it's like, Emily, Emily, here's the thing. No,
here's the thing. You have to And also, Katie is
too pretty and I would like to see her again
on my screen.
Speaker 2: Yeah I agree. Yeah, but no, Emily is like kind
of mean streak in me today.
Speaker 3: You're like Tamra.
Speaker 2: You know that scene where the sketch where Chris Farley
is pissed off that about the French fries. No, no,
David Spade is taking some of Chris Farley's fries.
Speaker 1: Oh that's when they are they work at the Gap.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna do that impression of Emily. Oh
it's like, what the fuck? I got a real mean
streak in me. It's like crazy, you know what, I just.
Speaker 3: What I just decided, Tamra. Tamra is a buzzball.
Speaker 2: Ruby, that's what are you doing right now?
Speaker 3: I'm just putting my shoes on.
Speaker 2: Okay, she's got to go. Yeah, she's gotta gor So
let's wrap this up, right.
Speaker 1: So Heather de Burrough approaches tam Rat and it's contentious.
They both hurt each other with their words. Right, tam
Rat didn't stick up for Heather. To Bro, this is
a dumb storyline, by the way, she didn't stick up
for her when the rest of the cast were saying
they didn't understand that Heather Row had a pass as
a comedian.
Speaker 2: Does that really hurt her? And yeah?
Speaker 1: And then tam Rat's mad at Heather to Bro because
she didn't stick up for her when everyone said that
you couldn't trust her with information.
Speaker 2: Tamra is such a disgusting monster. She tells it's like
the worst kind of It's the worst attempt at gaslighting
I've ever seen, where she tells Debro that she came
at her very aggressively at that lunch, and then we
cut back to it and to Bro's like, you know,
I just think, listen, you know what you remind me?
What are you talking about? Tamarra? She departs down the
hallway and up the stairs, fake crying. It is incredible.
I think she said, I quit. When she she's on
the show next episode.
Speaker 3: I'm done. I'm done when done.
Speaker 2: When it is insane. It's so creepy when she cries
because she cannot. There's lots of different faces of comedy
and drama to her because there's no actual it's like
just so plasticked over, so the mouth moves and the
eyes move but nothing comes out ever, and it's also
fake and horrifying, and she reminds me of the Blair Witch.
Thanks for listening, everybody, get in the comments let us
know what you thought about the episode. We'll be back
next week to break down another episode of The Real
Housewlights of Orange County. If you want to hear Salt
Lake City, go to Patreon dot com, slash another podcast network,
leave us a review, five stars, kind words, and we
will see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, pat
say goodbye ye for dudes, Kalin al right, Ruby, bye
bye