WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:01.639 What have you been up to? Miss lady? 2 00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:04.639 Hello, and thank you for having me here. I haven't 3 00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:08.320 seen you in so long. How many years has it been? 4 00:00:08.759 --> 00:00:10.679 I mean I have to throw out at least two, 5 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:13.240 but I feel like even prior to that, because you know, 6 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:17.120 I hadn't really shot anything in quite some time, and 7 00:00:17.320 --> 00:00:19.120 really the only time we really saw stuff was that 8 00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:23.640 at conventions, and then you stopped doing conventions, and. 9 00:00:22.839 --> 00:00:25.399 I don't really know, yeah, because then I did. 10 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:27.559 I did go to your house You're, which was really 11 00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:30.679 cool because Lexi, but you weren't there, which I thought 12 00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:32.119 was so I kind of felt like I saw you, 13 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:35.320 but I didn't really see you physically. But yeah, it 14 00:00:35.399 --> 00:00:37.320 was beautiful place. It was really cool. It is like 15 00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:40.280 a you're it's so you. I will say that, it's 16 00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:43.119 like very I was trying to describe it earlier. I 17 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:45.119 was like, it's like you're like a fairy tale princess 18 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:47.719 in your own fairy tale, which is cool to have 19 00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:51.079 that and preserve that like rareness and specialness. I think 20 00:00:51.159 --> 00:00:53.039 is like, you know, really kind of you take detail 21 00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:54.960 to a lot of things that people don't really kind 22 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:55.200 of see. 23 00:00:55.240 --> 00:00:56.880 So I think it's cool to see you. Thanks for 24 00:00:56.960 --> 00:00:59.560 coming there. I forgot about that. That's so cool. 25 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:02.560 Yeah, So what inspired you to do even like your 26 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:05.359 house that way? I mean like as far as like 27 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:07.079 you know, like I said, it's like the cottage style, 28 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:10.319 Like you're like, did it come from you know, like 29 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:12.319 your mom does design and stuff like that. Did you 30 00:01:12.359 --> 00:01:14.799 have like inspiration from her? Did you always want like 31 00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:16.519 that fairy tale kind of look or did just kind 32 00:01:16.519 --> 00:01:18.640 of like overtime just you just added your little touches 33 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:21.840 here and it became this magical place because it is 34 00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:22.599 quite magical. 35 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:24.280 It is magical. Yeah. 36 00:01:24.359 --> 00:01:28.799 I grew up in a house that was not as whimsical, 37 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:31.760 but definitely like a cottage vibe. So when I saw 38 00:01:31.799 --> 00:01:34.920 that house, I was like, oh, reminds me of my childhood. 39 00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:35.840 And so. 40 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:40.200 I actually originally got it just because the yard was 41 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:43.079 big enough to house my pot bellied pigs. 42 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:43.680 That you met. 43 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:47.079 And uh, then it needed quite a bit of just 44 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:50.840 like maintenance and work, and we wiited it all out 45 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:52.959 and then I just kind of got carried. 46 00:01:52.640 --> 00:01:55.319 Away with the fairy tale theme. 47 00:01:55.799 --> 00:01:58.359 Carried away, I like how you tell on yourself. Da, 48 00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:00.879 But okay, awareness is here, Tasha, I. 49 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:03.480 Laughed, Yeah, I mean it is themed, like I love 50 00:02:03.480 --> 00:02:05.640 a good theme, which I feel like makes sense because 51 00:02:06.359 --> 00:02:08.479 I love themes im porn too, but. 52 00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:11.759 Yeah, I know talking about that too. I can't wait. 53 00:02:12.039 --> 00:02:14.319 Yeah no, But I moved. 54 00:02:14.039 --> 00:02:17.120 Out of that house after I had moved in to 55 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:20.800 live with an ex boyfriend, and then I started airbnbing 56 00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:24.159 it out, and that's kind of when I was like, Oh, 57 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.759 it should be a theme. People will come here just 58 00:02:26.879 --> 00:02:29.560 to like be in a themed environment. 59 00:02:29.759 --> 00:02:31.400 How did that happen? Yes? 60 00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:34.599 And it was like really cool and lucrative. And then 61 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:37.039 when I moved back in, I was like, well, I'm 62 00:02:37.039 --> 00:02:37.960 living in this now. 63 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:41.680 So was it just as much like excitement for you 64 00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:44.919 to have other people experiment or experience that excitement too, 65 00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:46.919 because it seems like that's like the whole part of 66 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:49.520 your theme. Like you know, you're doing Airbnb, they're reviewing it. 67 00:02:49.560 --> 00:02:51.400 Do you do you get that as much excitement from 68 00:02:51.400 --> 00:02:52.199 the other side as well? 69 00:02:52.759 --> 00:02:52.960 Yeah. 70 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:56.039 I really loved when people came to stay at the 71 00:02:56.039 --> 00:03:01.639 house and enjoyed themselves. And I still do like photo shoots. 72 00:03:01.639 --> 00:03:03.960 There somebody shooting a music video on Monday, which I'm 73 00:03:03.960 --> 00:03:07.400 excited about. I love other people being in a space 74 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:09.439 that I created and enjoying themselves. 75 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:12.560 So yeah, so you said themes and porn. What kind 76 00:03:12.599 --> 00:03:15.680 of porn themes do you like? And have you done 77 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:17.439 for I'm sure you're only fans. 78 00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:19.800 What I feel like? 79 00:03:19.800 --> 00:03:22.479 I really just stop at my only fans game. I'm 80 00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:25.240 not gonna lie to you. It's like a lot of amateur. 81 00:03:25.039 --> 00:03:30.240 No no themes showing here at Antasha Rains. 82 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:34.400 I mean, oh my god, where you talking about themes? 83 00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:36.400 Were you talking about more like the parody side of 84 00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:38.560 porn or just like what kind of theme? 85 00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:42.039 So like, are you speaking out? I don't like I 86 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:46.000 don't like parodies personally. I don't know why. 87 00:03:46.039 --> 00:03:47.879 That was that because you played a bad character the 88 00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:50.080 one and got like a really bad wig, because I've 89 00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:52.800 had that happened to me. I had to play it 90 00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:56.199 was a Fraser parody and I was a Fraser's ex wife, 91 00:03:56.199 --> 00:03:57.919 which I don't even know, but like Phyllis or something 92 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:00.520 like that. With the she gave me this crazy black hair, 93 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:03.360 curly hair wig that was so awful that I was like, 94 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:05.879 please don't ever hire me for something that I have 95 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:08.360 to wear these Like No, I don't want to be 96 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:10.719 painted blue. I don't want to do any of those things. 97 00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:12.240 So I didn't do a lot of. 98 00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:13.719 I didn't do a lot of parodies. I feel like 99 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:16.279 I kind of doshed in a way. I mean I 100 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:17.199 did feel like he said. 101 00:04:17.560 --> 00:04:19.240 I mean I did the generic ones, like I was 102 00:04:19.319 --> 00:04:22.199 Kelly from nine oh two one O parity. I did 103 00:04:22.639 --> 00:04:24.519 an office thing, but I was just like an office chick. 104 00:04:24.600 --> 00:04:26.839 I wasn't like everything was like the basic chick. I 105 00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:29.800 could do those things. I just didn't like doing those things. 106 00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:33.759 I think I was in some maybe like AI movie 107 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:36.319 for Wicked at one point, but my role was very minor, 108 00:04:36.439 --> 00:04:37.879 was more sex driven, you know what I mean. So 109 00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:39.639 I didn't really have to do all that stuff. It 110 00:04:39.720 --> 00:04:42.199 was maybe a motorcycle thing again, a sexual like they 111 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:43.959 knew what I was good at. They kept with what 112 00:04:44.120 --> 00:04:46.199 was going on. There was a pattern here, and I'm 113 00:04:46.199 --> 00:04:48.439 okay with it. Like I didn't really think, you know, 114 00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:50.439 I didn't. I didn't care so much about the acting. 115 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:51.879 I just wanted to get straight down to the point. 116 00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:54.360 And oh having that, Yeah, that makes sense. 117 00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:57.399 So for me, it's I feel like a much deeper 118 00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:01.279 issue with parodies, like I okay, So I feel like 119 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:06.480 parodies it's almost like you're making fun of either, Like 120 00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:10.920 what it is you're portraying or even of yourself, and 121 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:13.920 it's like this kind of comedy routine that's involved. Even 122 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:17.639 if the parody isn't funny, it's supposed to kind of be. Yeah, 123 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:21.000 and I just like, I'm not a comedian, but we're acting. 124 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:23.839 It's like, you know, it's porn. It's not all real there. 125 00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:26.160 You know you've been one hundred and second when you're 126 00:05:26.199 --> 00:05:29.920 watching movies in mainstream, it's not really it's portrayed as no. 127 00:05:29.959 --> 00:05:31.959 One hundred percent. But I actually think about this all 128 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:34.279 the time. I'm always like, I wish there was another 129 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:36.279 word for I've been performer. 130 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:37.800 I feel like it's like a legit word. 131 00:05:37.839 --> 00:05:40.680 I like that, like there's not a lot of kind 132 00:05:40.759 --> 00:05:44.839 of stigma associated with the word performer. But I just 133 00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:46.800 feel like when when I think of porn that I 134 00:05:46.920 --> 00:05:49.360 like to do, it's just a little bit more not 135 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:54.199 even vanilla, but just like just not comedy porn. 136 00:05:54.279 --> 00:05:56.560 It's just not what I like. So what do you like? 137 00:05:56.720 --> 00:05:59.680 Tell tell private talk? Which you like? Hmmm, Like what 138 00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:01.879 kind of porn I like to be in? Yeah? 139 00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:06.079 Oh okay, So I'm most comfortable in porn where it's pretty, 140 00:06:07.959 --> 00:06:12.040 you know, a pretty mainstream. I don't want to say vanilla, 141 00:06:12.079 --> 00:06:14.079 because I do like a little bit of S and M. 142 00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:17.639 But I like to feel glamorous and pretty and just 143 00:06:17.839 --> 00:06:22.879 kind of not pushing myself too much to too many extremes, 144 00:06:22.920 --> 00:06:26.199 like out of my comfort zone. So just kind of 145 00:06:26.279 --> 00:06:27.959 I guess it is kind of vanilla porn. 146 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:28.680 I do enjoy that. 147 00:06:28.759 --> 00:06:30.439 I feel like I know what to expect. It's the 148 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:32.480 same thing. You look pretty, you have sex. 149 00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:35.439 I like that. But when somebody paints you blue as 150 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:38.120 an alien, you're like, I mean, I totally get. 151 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:40.079 Like I said, I have never been painted blue ever 152 00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:42.399 I have You're wicked. 153 00:06:42.600 --> 00:06:45.600 No, Yeah, I was blue. It looked good. But was 154 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:48.759 your vagina blue? You know what I could be? 155 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:50.959 It could have just been my lips that were blue. 156 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:53.720 And I'm thinking my whole alpha and my whole outpha was. 157 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:56.600 How do you go from your whole body to your lips, Sashia, 158 00:06:56.720 --> 00:06:57.519 I just felt. 159 00:06:57.319 --> 00:06:59.839 Like it was going on here. You're right now. 160 00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:02.399 I know that there's no rose in you because you 161 00:07:02.519 --> 00:07:05.680 got a baby and oven over there, and so I 162 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:08.439 know that you can't go from I was paying a 163 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:09.519 completely blue to wait. 164 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:11.639 It might have been just my lips and what lips 165 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:12.759 are you talking about? 166 00:07:14.079 --> 00:07:16.439 Could you imagine you just get blue lips on the set, 167 00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:18.600 because blue lips are not fun for anybody. 168 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:20.879 I hope you know what that is. I think it 169 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:23.079 would be the opposite of a blue ball. There we go. 170 00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:26.439 Have you ever had that? Yes, it's the worst. I 171 00:07:26.439 --> 00:07:27.920 think I've had that too, Like. 172 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:30.279 Men suck at doing that because I feel like and 173 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:33.120 that's also why for me as a woman, and like 174 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:36.360 being more communicative or like being a better communicator with 175 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:38.839 my partner at the time, because like sometimes it'd be 176 00:07:38.839 --> 00:07:40.639 really great, but I wouldn't be saying like, oh, don't 177 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:42.480 stop or whatever, and then they tell them like, what's 178 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.079 wrong with you? I'm like, yeah, they can't really read 179 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:46.399 my mind either. So you've gotten better at being vocal 180 00:07:46.439 --> 00:07:49.519 and demanding, not demanding, but saying what I like and 181 00:07:50.360 --> 00:07:52.439 in a non like cause it's also weird too, like 182 00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:54.560 being your personal life where it's like I don't want 183 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:56.680 to be too porno. I'man like directing someone what to do. 184 00:07:56.680 --> 00:07:57.959 I don't want to teach you. I don't want to 185 00:07:57.959 --> 00:07:59.920 do anything. I just want it to be a great time. 186 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:01.519 Why can't we just show up and just know what 187 00:08:01.560 --> 00:08:04.439 we want so talking about a great time. 188 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:06.680 You definitely had a great time already. Care you had 189 00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:10.199 a good time, So tell us about this new adventure 190 00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:12.519 of yours. Oh, I'm so excited. 191 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:14.920 So I know it's been something you've been wanting for 192 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:17.439 a really long time. I followed, like, you know, like 193 00:08:17.560 --> 00:08:20.360 you said, your journey through everything that you've gone through, 194 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:23.279 and you know, I think that it was really cool 195 00:08:23.279 --> 00:08:25.399 of you as well to be so open and like 196 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:28.199 advocate for people like yourself, like you or adamant you 197 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:30.600 wanted to have a child, like in your last relationship, 198 00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:32.639 you know that wasn't something that worked out, but he 199 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:35.480 also was something that as an adult I thought was 200 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:37.840 really good communication. If that's not what he wanted, you wanted, 201 00:08:37.879 --> 00:08:40.399 and it's you know, setting boundaries and standards for yourself 202 00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:42.840 and you know, letting yourself know that. Look with this 203 00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:45.480 beautiful chapter Mint, you know, and everything happens for a reason. 204 00:08:45.759 --> 00:08:47.960 So I think it's really cool of you and very 205 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:50.279 honorable to see you kind of portray your life in 206 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:52.600 the limelight that you have it but also give your 207 00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:53.440 own voice to it. 208 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:56.000 And it's been a beautiful thing. Thank you. 209 00:08:56.679 --> 00:09:01.759 Yeah, the decision to like be so vocal on Instagram 210 00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:04.919 about my baby journey was like kind of difficult. I 211 00:09:04.960 --> 00:09:07.639 thought at first, like I'll just keep this private, and 212 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:09.960 then I'm like, you know what other people are struggling 213 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:12.759 with this and should know about like fertility and about 214 00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:15.200 procreation and all of this. And it was also just 215 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:17.279 like a nice way to kind of vent, almost like 216 00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:18.639 your journaling. 217 00:09:18.840 --> 00:09:20.519 About what I was going through. 218 00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:25.240 But yeah, and I really have wanted to have children 219 00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:28.279 for like literally a decade, and I just didn't really 220 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:30.960 feel like I was in either the right place or 221 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:33.320 I felt like I had to have like the right 222 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:38.240 partner honestly to have a family, and the partner I 223 00:09:38.279 --> 00:09:41.279 had just didn't want to have kids anytime soon, and 224 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:43.720 I felt like, oh my gosh, I can't imagine like 225 00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:47.080 being one minute older and having kids like I want 226 00:09:47.080 --> 00:09:49.559 them now. It's like it was this very like urgent 227 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:53.679 desire to do. So we broke up because of it, 228 00:09:53.799 --> 00:09:56.159 and I went to try to do. 229 00:09:57.639 --> 00:09:58.639 Ieis on my. 230 00:09:58.639 --> 00:10:02.679 Own, which is like this basically artificial insemination by myself 231 00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:06.200 and just become a mom. And it was like it 232 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:08.840 was very draining because you have to like do a 233 00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:12.120 bunch of drugs and like nothing fun just drugs that 234 00:10:12.159 --> 00:10:16.960 they've pumped into your uterus and it's just extremely emotionally tolling. 235 00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:20.600 And eventually it actually it did work. I got pregnant. 236 00:10:20.600 --> 00:10:23.279 I was so excited, and I miscarried the pregnancy pretty 237 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:25.399 early on, and I was like, oh my god, I 238 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:30.919 have to keep going through this. And then magically my 239 00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:33.919 boyfriend stepped into my life and was like, oh, I 240 00:10:33.960 --> 00:10:34.879 want to have a family. 241 00:10:35.559 --> 00:10:36.840 So it just worked out. 242 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:39.840 And now I'm here and I'm almost six months pregnant, 243 00:10:39.879 --> 00:10:42.480 and I'm like, thank you. I'm like, how did this happen? 244 00:10:42.519 --> 00:10:45.399 Oh my gosh, It's like it feels like yesterday. So 245 00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:47.519 this definitely is my dream. 246 00:10:47.720 --> 00:10:49.840 That's awesome because I'm a believer of like you know, 247 00:10:49.879 --> 00:10:52.799 you manifesting and like speaking, eating things into existence, and 248 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:55.200 sometimes as women, you know, we hold on to things 249 00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:58.360 because you know, it's our own insecurities, are things that 250 00:10:58.399 --> 00:11:00.320 we wanted something and we see you know, the like 251 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:02.720 these red flags that come up in relationships that we 252 00:11:02.759 --> 00:11:04.639 want to make greens so bad because we want it 253 00:11:04.679 --> 00:11:07.320 to work. And it's like for you honoring yourself and 254 00:11:07.399 --> 00:11:09.799 just staying true on your path and finding again the 255 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:13.039 next partner after of like knowing, wanting the same things 256 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:15.279 with you, I feel like is the destiny of what 257 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:15.960 it should happen. 258 00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:18.759 Yeah, I think you're right. I think a lot of 259 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:21.360 I mean, sometimes it works out, like women and mental 260 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:24.960 stay relationships hoping that their partner will eventually kind of 261 00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:26.759 like compromise and do what they want to do. 262 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:28.279 That to me, I feel it is settling. And I 263 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:30.080 don't think that there's more people. And I feel like 264 00:11:30.120 --> 00:11:33.080 that's kind of why, especially we've been in this, you know, 265 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:35.200 the pandemic world, where a lot of people we've been 266 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:37.399 not woke for a long time because we didn't have 267 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:39.480 time and all these things that we just kind of 268 00:11:39.480 --> 00:11:42.000 like didn't think about because we were so busy. Everyone's 269 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:44.960 always so busy. Where when this came, the pandemic happened, 270 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:46.879 it's like we had time to sit in our thoughts 271 00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:48.919 and sit like and now we don't we want to 272 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.519 be woke, We want more and that shouldn't be a 273 00:11:51.559 --> 00:11:53.720 bad thing. I think people should more advocate for what 274 00:11:53.720 --> 00:11:56.080 their wants and needs are and not because somebody is 275 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:58.200 giving you because someone likes you as an attraction. Like, 276 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:00.519 really go down the list of what do you need 277 00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:02.799 as a former partner. What do you need somebody who 278 00:12:02.879 --> 00:12:05.039 wants to parent with you? You don't just want to co parent, 279 00:12:05.080 --> 00:12:06.720 you know, you want to do that journey together and 280 00:12:06.759 --> 00:12:08.440 do these things, you know, and there is a plan 281 00:12:08.759 --> 00:12:10.799 alter of course, it's life. We can't really you know, 282 00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:13.039 do some things different. But it's just cool to know 283 00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:15.639 that you're standing true to who you are and what 284 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.320 you really wanted. And you know, your blessing came and 285 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:19.840 you know now you have your baby. 286 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:21.919 Yes, yeah, so was it? 287 00:12:21.960 --> 00:12:23.519 And then the dating, like how you said your boyfriend 288 00:12:23.559 --> 00:12:25.639 just came into your life. Was it difficult because being 289 00:12:25.679 --> 00:12:29.000 in porn and being a performer, was that difficult to 290 00:12:29.480 --> 00:12:31.639 just date in general? Like how did that all come about? 291 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:33.039 As well? Yeah? 292 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:36.759 I feel like dating and porn for me has definitely 293 00:12:36.799 --> 00:12:40.080 been challenging. I think honestly, some of the challenge, I 294 00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:43.080 think is in my own head. It's like you have 295 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:45.720 this almost this vision of how other people see you, 296 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:48.440 and then you go and you project that onto them. 297 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:50.919 So I had to like really kind of come to terms. 298 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:53.000 With that and like natural though, you know, yeah, and 299 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:56.159 just like realize like okay, how I say, like it 300 00:12:56.279 --> 00:12:58.039 for me, it's like it's a me problem. I'm like, 301 00:12:58.440 --> 00:12:59.799 you may not know it all, but I'm like, I 302 00:12:59.799 --> 00:13:01.600 know it's me, but it still affects me that other 303 00:13:01.639 --> 00:13:03.039 people are around because you know, you're. 304 00:13:02.919 --> 00:13:05.519 Just a society type thing. Oh my thing is like. 305 00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:08.320 Integrating myself, like going to force as small as like 306 00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:10.039 going to a gym. I don't like to go because 307 00:13:10.039 --> 00:13:12.440 people are looking at me. Nobody's looking at me, but 308 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:14.039 for me, I'm like, ever go. It's like when that 309 00:13:14.120 --> 00:13:15.639 whole thing when they're like when you're nervous thinking of 310 00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:17.399 everyone naked, I'm like, no, everyone's just looking at me 311 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:18.440 like I'm naked and I'm not. 312 00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:20.320 But in my mind that's what I think. 313 00:13:20.679 --> 00:13:22.679 But the more times you go and you get familiar 314 00:13:22.759 --> 00:13:26.720 with getting uncomfortable, now, I'm like, nobody cares what you're doing, Lexis, 315 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:28.720 everyone's in their own workout, everyone's doing whatever. But it 316 00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:30.639 just little things like that I had to myself to 317 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:34.000 like integrate into like Okay, yeah, are these big problems 318 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:36.840 or what is like this is? But like what's right 319 00:13:36.919 --> 00:13:38.360 for me and I just you just have to keep 320 00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:39.519 pushing down those doors. 321 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:40.639 Oh my gosh. Yeah. 322 00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:43.919 No, it's like you're in a you're doing a vulnerable job. 323 00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:48.559 And then experiences happen where they change the lens you 324 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:50.519 look through. So then you go out in public and 325 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:53.559 you think everybody is looking at you, and maybe they are, 326 00:13:53.679 --> 00:13:55.600 maybe they aren't, whatever, but it's like you have to 327 00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:59.480 kind of like use psychological. 328 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:00.960 Tricks to navigate through that, and like that's why everybody's 329 00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:03.399 experience is different, and everybody's like, you know, trauma from 330 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:06.120 it or or lack thereof you know, yeah kind of thing. 331 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:08.799 So did you find dating from dating apps or was 332 00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:12.519 it like a person that like you got, uh met 333 00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:13.919 somebody with your friends. 334 00:14:13.639 --> 00:14:15.440 Or well, I wish I could just say it was 335 00:14:15.559 --> 00:14:17.559 organic and through my friends, because I feel like that's 336 00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:19.679 such a great way to meet people. But for me, 337 00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:23.679 I just you know, kept putting myself on dating apps 338 00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:24.279 and trying. 339 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:26.200 To be super thorough about like. 340 00:14:27.639 --> 00:14:31.600 Kind of who I matched with and who I entertained 341 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:35.240 to talk to and what my profile looked like, and 342 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:37.600 just you know, I put myself out there, but I 343 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:40.679 was still like careful and thoughtful about who I matched with. 344 00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:43.000 So I met both of my. 345 00:14:44.000 --> 00:14:47.440 Well, my current partner and my ex on the Hinge app. 346 00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:48.720 Not promoting them. 347 00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:50.960 But they're a great app. I feel like they're legit, Like. 348 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:52.559 I mean, never had an issue with like people thinking 349 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:54.480 they're getting catfish because of who you are. 350 00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:59.159 So like, my profile that I put on there is 351 00:14:59.320 --> 00:15:03.559 like pretty mellow, like I don't use any photos me 352 00:15:03.600 --> 00:15:06.279 and I guess some of them are like can Yeah, sure, 353 00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:08.399 they're candid ones that I'll post on Instagram, but they're 354 00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:11.799 like they're not I feel like they're not very recognizable, 355 00:15:11.799 --> 00:15:14.320 Like they're very much like, yeah, but you have a. 356 00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.720 Face that's beautiful that people are gonna know who you are. 357 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:19.000 It's not like you look drastically different even if you 358 00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:20.000 wore no makeup or not. 359 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:22.039 Yeah. No, I think I think you're right. 360 00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:23.559 I think it's like kind of one of those weird 361 00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:26.799 predicaments where I was like, listen, I live in the 362 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:29.480 middle of nowhere. It feels like, and how am I 363 00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:33.080 gonna meet people? I feel like, la, people don't just come. 364 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:34.759 Up to you to ask you out, and if they 365 00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:36.159 do ask you out, you might not want to go out. 366 00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:38.279 I think in real life that happens. I think we're 367 00:15:38.360 --> 00:15:40.120 so conditioned to these fairy tales. 368 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:42.559 We're like, where is this man? 369 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:44.720 And we're like, oh, we're watching the movie. We're not 370 00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:47.240 outside to our life and exactly. 371 00:15:47.320 --> 00:15:49.480 So, I just I genuinely felt like I was like, 372 00:15:49.879 --> 00:15:52.600 where am I gonna meet my husband? 373 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:55.240 Like? Am I gonna meet them on set? Maybe? But 374 00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:58.960 I had it happens, don't go that right, cra that way, 375 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:02.879 do not do it? No, Yeah, I know. 376 00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:05.960 So basically, I just genuinely felt like there was nothing 377 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.480 else I could do and to do it. Yes, I 378 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:13.639 have like fear of meeting somebody and them being you know, 379 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:15.840 awkward and weird. And that's why I said. I was 380 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:18.720 like pretty thoughtful about the people I matched with. So, 381 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:24.279 my baby daddy is an artist himself. I consider myself 382 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:25.879 an artist, So I kind of felt. 383 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:28.000 Like, okay, is his say his profile say, looking to 384 00:16:28.039 --> 00:16:32.960 be a baby daddy now looking to you said looking 385 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:34.440 for my baby daddy. 386 00:16:35.159 --> 00:16:37.840 That would have been perfect instant match. 387 00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:40.000 No, but I just I figured out was like, Okay, 388 00:16:40.039 --> 00:16:43.320 this guy, he he does art, he lives in La 389 00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.480 you know he I don't know. 390 00:16:46.519 --> 00:16:49.799 I feel like he's gonna probably treat me like an artist. 391 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:51.759 You just got a good feeling about, a good vibe 392 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:52.360 about him. 393 00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:56.679 And then on our very first date, my job got 394 00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:01.279 brought up only because we had a mutual friend his friend. 395 00:17:01.879 --> 00:17:05.680 This friend is Yeah, it is a female who owns 396 00:17:05.720 --> 00:17:10.839 some company that like sells products basically from. 397 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:14.279 Like vibrators, loub what are we talking about. No, basically 398 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:22.279 she'll sell like lingerie lingerie from set. So she'll be like, 399 00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:24.759 you know, give me your lingerie from set, and then 400 00:17:24.799 --> 00:17:26.920 she'll like sell it to fans. That's weird. 401 00:17:27.119 --> 00:17:30.359