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<v Speaker 1>Today we're going to be talking about interpersonal attraction. So

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<v Speaker 1>attraction is shaped by several things, one of them being proximity, similarity, reciprocity,

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<v Speaker 1>physical attractiveness, and evolutionary fitness cues are some of the

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<v Speaker 1>areas that we'll be looking at today in regards to attraction.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's see what psychology says about attraction.

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<v Speaker 2>First.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll also be talking about actually, before we get to that,

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<v Speaker 1>we'll be talking about attachment styles, relationship dynamics, relationship conflict,

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<v Speaker 1>and attachment history. So people don't connect a random relationships

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<v Speaker 1>form deep unravel based on layered patterns. Some are obvious

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<v Speaker 1>and some are not, and some are operating on the

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<v Speaker 1>unconscious level and some are biological. But now let's look

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<v Speaker 1>at the five different factors influencing attraction. So the first

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<v Speaker 1>one is proximity. The more we're exposed to someone, the

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<v Speaker 1>more likely attraction develops.

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<v Speaker 2>A phenomenon called a mere exposure effect, which you've seen

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<v Speaker 2>in a lot of movies.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, somebody who's working with somebody grows fond of them.

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<v Speaker 1>Living near someone also increases the chances for contact, shared experiences,

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<v Speaker 1>and perceived similarity or familiarity. Clinically, that's going to help

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<v Speaker 1>explain why relationships form, and group therapy, residential treatments, or

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<v Speaker 1>institutional settings.

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<v Speaker 2>As explains why people date people they work with. Number

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<v Speaker 2>two is similarity.

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<v Speaker 1>We gravitate towards those who show our values, our interests,

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<v Speaker 1>our attitudes, backgrounds. This is why you don't see This

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<v Speaker 1>is why I think interracial marriages are about ten percent

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<v Speaker 1>out there, because most people still date within their backgrounds.

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<v Speaker 1>So shared world views is going to be a big

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<v Speaker 1>one here that reduce conflict.

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<v Speaker 2>When they have.

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<v Speaker 1>Shared world views, they validate identity and enhance predictability opposites

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<v Speaker 1>attract is actually the exception and not the rule.

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<v Speaker 2>We've seen some studies on this already and maybe novel at.

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<v Speaker 1>First, but it doesn't seem to do well with long

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<v Speaker 1>term relationships. Number three is reciprocity. We like people who

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<v Speaker 1>like us. Perceived interests boost self esteem and increases openness,

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<v Speaker 1>especially potent in early stages of attraction or therapy. Number

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<v Speaker 1>four is physical Attractiveness universally valued to some degree, but

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<v Speaker 1>what's attractive is shaped by a culture and context we

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<v Speaker 1>call the halo effect.

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<v Speaker 2>Which is a bias.

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<v Speaker 1>It's attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, kind, and competent.

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<v Speaker 1>Many studies have shown this. Studies are shown babies tend

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<v Speaker 1>to be more attracted to people who are attractive. So

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<v Speaker 1>what is attractive really well, some studies have shown that

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<v Speaker 1>it's actually symmetry in the face, symmetry in the body

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<v Speaker 1>that seems to be highly represented and universal when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to attraction. Is symmetry, distance between the eyes, between

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<v Speaker 1>the eyes and the nose, distance between the nose and

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<v Speaker 1>the mouth, the shape.

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<v Speaker 2>Of the face.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of these factors can contribute to physical attractiveness.

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<v Speaker 1>In clinical work, appearance bias can unconsciously affect therapist expectations.

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<v Speaker 1>If the client is attractive, they can expect more out

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<v Speaker 1>of that client, believing they're more resilient, which sometimes can

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<v Speaker 1>have a positive effect and sometimes not vice versa as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Number five is evolutionary perspectives. From this lens attractions tied

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<v Speaker 1>to cues of reproductive fitness, symmetry, and health for instance,

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<v Speaker 1>and investment potential. Men prioritize youth and fertility cues in

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<v Speaker 1>a heterosexual relationship, while women may seek signs of stability

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<v Speaker 1>and resources, and this can explain sometimes or a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of times why women tend to date older men. Critically,

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<v Speaker 1>these tendencies are modulated by individual, cultural, and environmental factors,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're not deterministic. It's look over adult detachment styles.

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<v Speaker 1>This is rooted to a theory by Bowlby and expanded

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<v Speaker 1>by Insworth Strange situation studies. The first attachment styles secure,

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<v Speaker 1>comfortable with intimacy and autonomy, trust others, communicates needs and

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<v Speaker 1>recovers from conflict, and therapy generally engages well, forms strong alliances,

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<v Speaker 1>and uses treatment effectively. The anxious or preoccupied attachment style

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<v Speaker 1>craves closeness but fears abandonment, hypervigilanto signs of rejection, and

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<v Speaker 1>seeks reassurance in relationships. May appear needy, jealous, or emotionally

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<v Speaker 1>reactive in therapy, strong transfermence, fears therapist's disconnection or may

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<v Speaker 1>test boundaries.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll see this with borderline personality disorders.

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<v Speaker 1>They'll have this kind of craving closeness but fear of abandonment.

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<v Speaker 1>Dismissive or avoidant attachment style values independence and downplays intimacy.

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<v Speaker 1>They avoid vulnerability and emotionally distant in conflict. They intellectualize

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<v Speaker 1>a lot in therapy and minimize distress and resist emotional exploration,

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<v Speaker 1>and finally, it's fearful, avoidant or disorganized which desires clo

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<v Speaker 1>but fear is getting hurt. Push pull dynamic may disassociate

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<v Speaker 1>it shut down emotionally, often rooted in trauma or inconsistent

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<v Speaker 1>care caregiving. It's a challenging alliance when it comes to therapy,

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<v Speaker 1>and the ambivalents about attachment to the therapist is also present.

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<v Speaker 1>Theories of relationship dynamics, we can look at social exchange theory,

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<v Speaker 1>relationships or cost benefit analysis. So person stays when there's

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<v Speaker 1>perceived rewards that outweigh the costs. They leave, though when

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<v Speaker 1>the costs outweigh the rewards. So our client may remain

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<v Speaker 1>in a high conflict marriage due to financial security and

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<v Speaker 1>or children. Equity theory is satisfaction is highest when input

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<v Speaker 1>the output ratios of balance. Both partners feel fee feel

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<v Speaker 1>fairly treated in balance as breed resentment or guilt, and

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<v Speaker 1>applies to emotional labor or household responsibilities. Number three is

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<v Speaker 1>investment model by russ Bolt. Commitment is driven by satisfaction

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<v Speaker 1>the reward level an investment, time, effort.

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<v Speaker 2>Shared history.

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<v Speaker 1>This could also fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy

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<v Speaker 1>quality of alternatives.

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<v Speaker 2>Real or perceived.

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<v Speaker 1>That explains why people stay in dissatisfying relationships because of

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<v Speaker 1>some costs so the time you've committed to it, or

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<v Speaker 1>scarcity lack of better options out there. We've talked about

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<v Speaker 1>scarcity in the previous podcast. Interdependence theory partners affect each

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<v Speaker 1>other's outcomes focuses on mutual influence not just individual gain.

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<v Speaker 1>More relevant to long term relational maintenance. Number five. As

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<v Speaker 1>stages of relationship development initiation, experimentation, intensifying, integration, and then bonding.

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<v Speaker 1>Then you have a potential decline with this differentiation, circumscribing, stagnation, avoidance,

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<v Speaker 1>and intermination. So these are the stages of a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>develop and write. The initiation, the experiment intensifies, the integrate

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<v Speaker 1>and your bond, and then the potential difficult declines. When

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<v Speaker 1>you differentiate, things are starting to get growing apart circumscribing, stagnant, avoidant,

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<v Speaker 1>and then termination. One of the key things to focus

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<v Speaker 1>on clinically is rekindling intimacy and stagnation or supporting MENI making.

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<v Speaker 1>In dissolution, we move on to some of the challenges

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<v Speaker 1>and we see relationships, We see conflict patterns, communication issues,

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<v Speaker 1>and power dynamics conflict patterns. You can think of a

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<v Speaker 1>demand and withdrawal, so one pursues the other retreats. We

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<v Speaker 1>see these with two opposite attachment styles. You have criticism,

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<v Speaker 1>defensive loops when it comes by gotman with your roads,

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<v Speaker 1>intimacy the poor horsemen by got men right. Escalation often

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<v Speaker 1>masks unspoken attachment needs, fear of abandonment, desire for validation.

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<v Speaker 1>Another one is communication issues.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the big one.

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<v Speaker 1>Poor conflict resolution skills, indirect expression of needs or emotional flooding.

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<v Speaker 1>Big words like use of you always or you never

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<v Speaker 1>are big problems in communication styles. Also ambiguous terms things

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<v Speaker 1>like I want the house clean. That has to be

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<v Speaker 1>specific because that can mean two different things to the

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<v Speaker 1>same to the couple.

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<v Speaker 2>So the husband or the wife can look at have.

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<v Speaker 1>Different meanings, but what they think the house means when

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<v Speaker 1>the person says the house should be clean, I want

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<v Speaker 1>the house clean.

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<v Speaker 2>That could have a different.

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<v Speaker 1>Definition for the husband compared to the wife or vice versa, so.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really important to get specific.

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<v Speaker 1>Sarcasm or emotional cutoffs are also poor communication styles. Lastly,

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<v Speaker 1>as power dynamics can be used on gender roles, economic control,

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<v Speaker 1>cultural expectations. There's a lot of power there, so this

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<v Speaker 1>is something to be important for the therapist to pay

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<v Speaker 1>attention to.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of the things you can do.

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<v Speaker 1>Clinically, a couple's therapy approaches is emotional focus therapy rooted

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<v Speaker 1>in an attachment theory focused on underlying emotional needs gotman

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<v Speaker 1>which targets specific conflict behaviors and builds with love maps,

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<v Speaker 1>admirin and shared meaning behavior of couples therapy using skills training, communication, enhancement,

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<v Speaker 1>relationship distress patterns often reflect unresolved in attachment wounds and

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<v Speaker 1>rigid interaction styles, so here the clinician can use interaction loops,

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<v Speaker 1>not just surface complaints attachment In the therapeutic relationship, clients

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<v Speaker 1>unconsciously re enact patterns testing distancing over dependency, and therapists

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<v Speaker 1>can model secure attachment consistent.

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<v Speaker 2>Of tuned the non judgmental.

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<v Speaker 1>This is where the therapist, when they're interacting with the comples,

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<v Speaker 1>they can teach them how to respond and how to

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<v Speaker 1>listen to what the other person is saying. Cultural scripts

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<v Speaker 1>shape relationship roles, communication styles, and expressions of affection or commitment.

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<v Speaker 1>Identity based stressed can amplify conflict or effect attachment security,

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<v Speaker 1>and then finally, therapies must integrate intersectionality. So the next

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<v Speaker 1>time we come back, we'll talk about cultural identity development

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<v Speaker 1>and a culture Ancient Act