Speaker 1: Today we're going to be talking about interpersonal attraction. So
Speaker 1: attraction is shaped by several things, one of them being proximity, similarity, reciprocity,
Speaker 1: physical attractiveness, and evolutionary fitness cues are some of the
Speaker 1: areas that we'll be looking at today in regards to attraction.
Speaker 1: So let's see what psychology says about attraction.
Speaker 2: First.
Speaker 1: I'll also be talking about actually, before we get to that,
Speaker 1: we'll be talking about attachment styles, relationship dynamics, relationship conflict,
Speaker 1: and attachment history. So people don't connect a random relationships
Speaker 1: form deep unravel based on layered patterns. Some are obvious
Speaker 1: and some are not, and some are operating on the
Speaker 1: unconscious level and some are biological. But now let's look
Speaker 1: at the five different factors influencing attraction. So the first
Speaker 1: one is proximity. The more we're exposed to someone, the
Speaker 1: more likely attraction develops.
Speaker 2: A phenomenon called a mere exposure effect, which you've seen
Speaker 2: in a lot of movies.
Speaker 1: Right, somebody who's working with somebody grows fond of them.
Speaker 1: Living near someone also increases the chances for contact, shared experiences,
Speaker 1: and perceived similarity or familiarity. Clinically, that's going to help
Speaker 1: explain why relationships form, and group therapy, residential treatments, or
Speaker 1: institutional settings.
Speaker 2: As explains why people date people they work with. Number
Speaker 2: two is similarity.
Speaker 1: We gravitate towards those who show our values, our interests,
Speaker 1: our attitudes, backgrounds. This is why you don't see This
Speaker 1: is why I think interracial marriages are about ten percent
Speaker 1: out there, because most people still date within their backgrounds.
Speaker 1: So shared world views is going to be a big
Speaker 1: one here that reduce conflict.
Speaker 2: When they have.
Speaker 1: Shared world views, they validate identity and enhance predictability opposites
Speaker 1: attract is actually the exception and not the rule.
Speaker 2: We've seen some studies on this already and maybe novel at.
Speaker 1: First, but it doesn't seem to do well with long
Speaker 1: term relationships. Number three is reciprocity. We like people who
Speaker 1: like us. Perceived interests boost self esteem and increases openness,
Speaker 1: especially potent in early stages of attraction or therapy. Number
Speaker 1: four is physical Attractiveness universally valued to some degree, but
Speaker 1: what's attractive is shaped by a culture and context we
Speaker 1: call the halo effect.
Speaker 2: Which is a bias.
Speaker 1: It's attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, kind, and competent.
Speaker 1: Many studies have shown this. Studies are shown babies tend
Speaker 1: to be more attracted to people who are attractive. So
Speaker 1: what is attractive really well, some studies have shown that
Speaker 1: it's actually symmetry in the face, symmetry in the body
Speaker 1: that seems to be highly represented and universal when it
Speaker 1: comes to attraction. Is symmetry, distance between the eyes, between
Speaker 1: the eyes and the nose, distance between the nose and
Speaker 1: the mouth, the shape.
Speaker 2: Of the face.
Speaker 1: A lot of these factors can contribute to physical attractiveness.
Speaker 1: In clinical work, appearance bias can unconsciously affect therapist expectations.
Speaker 1: If the client is attractive, they can expect more out
Speaker 1: of that client, believing they're more resilient, which sometimes can
Speaker 1: have a positive effect and sometimes not vice versa as well.
Speaker 1: Number five is evolutionary perspectives. From this lens attractions tied
Speaker 1: to cues of reproductive fitness, symmetry, and health for instance,
Speaker 1: and investment potential. Men prioritize youth and fertility cues in
Speaker 1: a heterosexual relationship, while women may seek signs of stability
Speaker 1: and resources, and this can explain sometimes or a lot
Speaker 1: of times why women tend to date older men. Critically,
Speaker 1: these tendencies are modulated by individual, cultural, and environmental factors,
Speaker 1: and they're not deterministic. It's look over adult detachment styles.
Speaker 1: This is rooted to a theory by Bowlby and expanded
Speaker 1: by Insworth Strange situation studies. The first attachment styles secure,
Speaker 1: comfortable with intimacy and autonomy, trust others, communicates needs and
Speaker 1: recovers from conflict, and therapy generally engages well, forms strong alliances,
Speaker 1: and uses treatment effectively. The anxious or preoccupied attachment style
Speaker 1: craves closeness but fears abandonment, hypervigilanto signs of rejection, and
Speaker 1: seeks reassurance in relationships. May appear needy, jealous, or emotionally
Speaker 1: reactive in therapy, strong transfermence, fears therapist's disconnection or may
Speaker 1: test boundaries.
Speaker 2: We'll see this with borderline personality disorders.
Speaker 1: They'll have this kind of craving closeness but fear of abandonment.
Speaker 1: Dismissive or avoidant attachment style values independence and downplays intimacy.
Speaker 1: They avoid vulnerability and emotionally distant in conflict. They intellectualize
Speaker 1: a lot in therapy and minimize distress and resist emotional exploration,
Speaker 1: and finally, it's fearful, avoidant or disorganized which desires clo
Speaker 1: but fear is getting hurt. Push pull dynamic may disassociate
Speaker 1: it shut down emotionally, often rooted in trauma or inconsistent
Speaker 1: care caregiving. It's a challenging alliance when it comes to therapy,
Speaker 1: and the ambivalents about attachment to the therapist is also present.
Speaker 1: Theories of relationship dynamics, we can look at social exchange theory,
Speaker 1: relationships or cost benefit analysis. So person stays when there's
Speaker 1: perceived rewards that outweigh the costs. They leave, though when
Speaker 1: the costs outweigh the rewards. So our client may remain
Speaker 1: in a high conflict marriage due to financial security and
Speaker 1: or children. Equity theory is satisfaction is highest when input
Speaker 1: the output ratios of balance. Both partners feel fee feel
Speaker 1: fairly treated in balance as breed resentment or guilt, and
Speaker 1: applies to emotional labor or household responsibilities. Number three is
Speaker 1: investment model by russ Bolt. Commitment is driven by satisfaction
Speaker 1: the reward level an investment, time, effort.
Speaker 2: Shared history.
Speaker 1: This could also fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy
Speaker 1: quality of alternatives.
Speaker 2: Real or perceived.
Speaker 1: That explains why people stay in dissatisfying relationships because of
Speaker 1: some costs so the time you've committed to it, or
Speaker 1: scarcity lack of better options out there. We've talked about
Speaker 1: scarcity in the previous podcast. Interdependence theory partners affect each
Speaker 1: other's outcomes focuses on mutual influence not just individual gain.
Speaker 1: More relevant to long term relational maintenance. Number five. As
Speaker 1: stages of relationship development initiation, experimentation, intensifying, integration, and then bonding.
Speaker 1: Then you have a potential decline with this differentiation, circumscribing, stagnation, avoidance,
Speaker 1: and intermination. So these are the stages of a relationship
Speaker 1: develop and write. The initiation, the experiment intensifies, the integrate
Speaker 1: and your bond, and then the potential difficult declines. When
Speaker 1: you differentiate, things are starting to get growing apart circumscribing, stagnant, avoidant,
Speaker 1: and then termination. One of the key things to focus
Speaker 1: on clinically is rekindling intimacy and stagnation or supporting MENI making.
Speaker 1: In dissolution, we move on to some of the challenges
Speaker 1: and we see relationships, We see conflict patterns, communication issues,
Speaker 1: and power dynamics conflict patterns. You can think of a
Speaker 1: demand and withdrawal, so one pursues the other retreats. We
Speaker 1: see these with two opposite attachment styles. You have criticism,
Speaker 1: defensive loops when it comes by gotman with your roads,
Speaker 1: intimacy the poor horsemen by got men right. Escalation often
Speaker 1: masks unspoken attachment needs, fear of abandonment, desire for validation.
Speaker 1: Another one is communication issues.
Speaker 2: This is the big one.
Speaker 1: Poor conflict resolution skills, indirect expression of needs or emotional flooding.
Speaker 1: Big words like use of you always or you never
Speaker 1: are big problems in communication styles. Also ambiguous terms things
Speaker 1: like I want the house clean. That has to be
Speaker 1: specific because that can mean two different things to the
Speaker 1: same to the couple.
Speaker 2: So the husband or the wife can look at have.
Speaker 1: Different meanings, but what they think the house means when
Speaker 1: the person says the house should be clean, I want
Speaker 1: the house clean.
Speaker 2: That could have a different.
Speaker 1: Definition for the husband compared to the wife or vice versa, so.
Speaker 2: It's really important to get specific.
Speaker 1: Sarcasm or emotional cutoffs are also poor communication styles. Lastly,
Speaker 1: as power dynamics can be used on gender roles, economic control,
Speaker 1: cultural expectations. There's a lot of power there, so this
Speaker 1: is something to be important for the therapist to pay
Speaker 1: attention to.
Speaker 2: Some of the things you can do.
Speaker 1: Clinically, a couple's therapy approaches is emotional focus therapy rooted
Speaker 1: in an attachment theory focused on underlying emotional needs gotman
Speaker 1: which targets specific conflict behaviors and builds with love maps,
Speaker 1: admirin and shared meaning behavior of couples therapy using skills training, communication, enhancement,
Speaker 1: relationship distress patterns often reflect unresolved in attachment wounds and
Speaker 1: rigid interaction styles, so here the clinician can use interaction loops,
Speaker 1: not just surface complaints attachment In the therapeutic relationship, clients
Speaker 1: unconsciously re enact patterns testing distancing over dependency, and therapists
Speaker 1: can model secure attachment consistent.
Speaker 2: Of tuned the non judgmental.
Speaker 1: This is where the therapist, when they're interacting with the comples,
Speaker 1: they can teach them how to respond and how to
Speaker 1: listen to what the other person is saying. Cultural scripts
Speaker 1: shape relationship roles, communication styles, and expressions of affection or commitment.
Speaker 1: Identity based stressed can amplify conflict or effect attachment security,
Speaker 1: and then finally, therapies must integrate intersectionality. So the next
Speaker 1: time we come back, we'll talk about cultural identity development
Speaker 1: and a culture Ancient Act