WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:04.719 You can arrive however you are. There is no correct 2 00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:10.320 way to be here in this moment, no perfect posture, 3 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:16.079 no right way to breathe. If you are sitting in 4 00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:20.679 a quiet room with your eyes closed, that is enough. 5 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:25.920 If you are lying down with the afternoon light falling 6 00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:32.240 across your floor, that is enough. If you are listening 7 00:00:32.439 --> 00:00:36.079 while driving in your car pulled over to the side 8 00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:42.200 of a quiet road, you are welcome here too. This 9 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:47.439 space is not about doing anything correctly. It is simply 10 00:00:47.520 --> 00:00:52.960 about being present, about allowing yourself this small pocket of 11 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:58.320 time where nothing is required of you except to be 12 00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:02.600 exactly where you are. You do not need to have 13 00:01:02.679 --> 00:01:06.719 your life in order. You do not need to feel 14 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:13.040 peaceful or calm or ready. You can arrive however you are, 15 00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:18.359 and that arrival itself is the beginning of what we 16 00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:22.200 are here to practice together. So let us begin with 17 00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:27.239 a breath. Not because the breath is constated, the body 18 00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:33.040 knows it is always here. It has never left you. 19 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:39.959 Even in the moments when you feel most scattered, most overwhelmed, 20 00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:45.319 most lost in the noise of the day, the breath 21 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:52.040 continues its quiet work, rising and falling without your having 22 00:01:52.079 --> 00:01:56.359 to ask it to there is something profound in that 23 00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:03.680 constancy in the bodies, in assistance on continuing even when 24 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:11.120 everything else feels uncertain. Simply notice it. Notice the air 25 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:19.560 entering through your nostrils popal protectively, more peaceful, or deeper, 26 00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:28.159 or more peaceful. Simply notice it. Notice the air entering 27 00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:35.280 through your nostrils cooler perhaps than you expect it. Notice 28 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:40.800 the gentle expansion of the breath cage, the slight slift 29 00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:47.039 of the belly on the antle. Notice the air entering 30 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:52.400 through your nostrils couple, perhaps than you expect it. The 31 00:02:52.439 --> 00:02:58.000 title of this quiet moment together is the quiet practice 32 00:02:58.199 --> 00:03:02.159 of listening to yourself. And I want to talk to 33 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:06.439 you about what it means to listen to yourself, why 34 00:03:06.520 --> 00:03:09.919 it matters so much in a world that rarely stops talking, 35 00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.120 and how you might begin to find your way back 36 00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:17.919 to the voice that has been speaking to you all along, 37 00:03:19.479 --> 00:03:22.479 the voice that never really stopped trying to be heard. 38 00:03:24.439 --> 00:03:30.000 Listening to yourself is different from imagining about yourself. It 39 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:35.080 is different from analyzing your feelings or judging your reactions, 40 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:39.599 or trying to figure out what you should do next. 41 00:03:41.159 --> 00:03:48.039 Listening is softer than that. Listening is open. It is curious. 42 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:54.159 It is curious is the willingness to hear what is 43 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:59.919 actually there, rather than what you wish were there or 44 00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:05.120 what you fear might be there. When you listen to yourself, 45 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:10.919 you are not trying to solve anything. You are not 46 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:15.840 trying to fix anything. You are simply making room for 47 00:04:15.919 --> 00:04:19.279 the truth of what you are experiencing in this moment, 48 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:25.000 to be known, to be witnessed, to be held in 49 00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:28.279 your own awareness. And this is harder than it sounds, 50 00:04:28.439 --> 00:04:32.720 because the world is very loud. The world has become 51 00:04:32.920 --> 00:04:38.680 self loud, with its messages, its notifications, its endless stream 52 00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:45.279 of unformation and opinion and suggestion. There are voices coming 53 00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:49.759 at you from every direction, telling you who to be, 54 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:55.319 what to want, how to live, what to buy, what 55 00:04:55.439 --> 00:05:01.160 to fear, what to hope for. Most of these voices 56 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:06.199 are not malicious. Most of them are simply noise, the 57 00:05:06.319 --> 00:05:11.160 unavoidable background hum of modern existence. It is not that 58 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:16.120 the voice goes away. This is not laziness. This is 59 00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:19.879 simply what happens when the signal gets too weak and 60 00:05:19.959 --> 00:05:23.920 the static gets too strong. It is what happens to 61 00:05:23.959 --> 00:05:27.600 a voice when no one is listening, when the listening 62 00:05:27.639 --> 00:05:36.000 stops pressed down, diminished until it becomes almost imperceptible. A 63 00:05:36.000 --> 00:05:42.240 whisper in a stadium, a single candle in a hurricane. 64 00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:46.439 You may have selfed the drift, making decisions based on 65 00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:52.279 what others expected or what seemed logical. A whisper in 66 00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:58.120 a stadium, a single candle in a hurricane. You may 67 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:02.680 have noticed this in your own life. You may have 68 00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:08.279 had moments, perhaps many moments. There are reasons why this happened, 69 00:06:09.639 --> 00:06:15.279 reasons why the listening stopped with compassion rather than judgment. 70 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:20.279 One of the main reasons we stopped listening to ourselves 71 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:25.319 is that we learned early on that the inner voice 72 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:29.639 was not always safe to follow. Perhaps you were a 73 00:06:29.720 --> 00:06:33.240 child who was told that your feelings were wrong, that 74 00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:37.120 you were being too sensitive, that you did not know 75 00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:40.959 what was best for you. Perhaps you were a child 76 00:06:41.079 --> 00:06:44.600 who was told that your feelings were wrong, that you 77 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:48.279 were being too sensitive, that you did not know what 78 00:06:48.439 --> 00:06:53.040 was best for you. Perhaps you were praised for being quiet, 79 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:58.600 for being agreeable, for going along with what others wanted, 80 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:04.040 and so you learn to silence them, to push them down, 81 00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:07.920 to pretend they were not. But the cost of that 82 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:13.319 adaptation is that you lost touch with a vital part 83 00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:19.439 of yourself, the part that knows what you want, what 84 00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:25.639 you need, what feels true and right for you. Another 85 00:07:25.720 --> 00:07:33.680 reason the listening stopped is that the world became faster, louder, 86 00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:43.240 more demanding. You are expected to produce, to perform, to 87 00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:48.800 keep up, to know what is coming next so that 88 00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:54.920 you can prepare for it. In such a world, there 89 00:07:55.000 --> 00:08:02.519 is no time for stillness, no space for uncertain no 90 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:06.879 permission to wait until you know what you actually consider 91 00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:13.600 before you speak or act. The culture does not wait 92 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:19.920 for you to consult yourself. The culture moves fast and 93 00:08:20.040 --> 00:08:25.720 not trusting what it is telling you. The treasure is 94 00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:29.879 still less and not trusting what it is telling you. 95 00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:36.720 The reason you feel lost sometimes is not that you 96 00:08:36.799 --> 00:08:40.639 have no compass, but that you have been looking at 97 00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:44.279 the compass and not trusting what it is telling you 98 00:08:47.600 --> 00:08:56.320 surface Spotter Prinson. The rivity that you have been looking 99 00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:00.120 at the compass and not trusting what it is telling you. 100 00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:04.679 What gets in the way of listening to yourself is 101 00:09:04.720 --> 00:09:10.200 not only the external noise, though the external noise is 102 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:15.799 certainly a formidable obstacle. What gets in the way is 103 00:09:15.879 --> 00:09:21.879 also the internal noise. The cacophony of competing voices inside you, 104 00:09:22.919 --> 00:09:28.240 the judgments and fears, and shoulds and oughts that fill 105 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:33.200 the space where the quiet voice tries to speak. You 106 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:35.840 may have noticed this if you have ever tried to 107 00:09:35.879 --> 00:09:40.000 sit in silence and notice what is happening inside you. 108 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:45.559 Instead of finding stillness, you find a kind of chaos, 109 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:52.120 a constant churning of mental activity, a stream of commentary 110 00:09:52.679 --> 00:09:56.600 that does not seem to have any clear origin or destination. 111 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:02.840 Part of this is the nervous system, the ancient alarm 112 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:08.879 system that is always saking of differention, the same mobilization 113 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:16.279 of energy, the same message that says, pay attention, be ready, 114 00:10:17.720 --> 00:10:22.120 something is wrong. And so the nervous system keeps you 115 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:27.039 in a state of low grade emergency, always un alert, 116 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:33.480 always prepared for the next thing. And this is profoundly 117 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:38.120 incompatible with the stillness that listening. There is also a 118 00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:42.679 fear that lives beneath the noise, a fear that is 119 00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:46.639 worth naming because it is so common and yet so 120 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:52.000 rarely spoken about. The fear is this that if you 121 00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:57.440 finally listen to yourself, really listen, you might not like 122 00:10:57.519 --> 00:11:01.120 what you hear. You might hear grief that you have 123 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:06.039 been avoiding You might hear anger that you have been suppressing. 124 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:10.399 You might hear a longing so deep and so old 125 00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:12.559 that you do not know what to do with it. 126 00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:18.000 You might hear the truth about a relationship, a job, 127 00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:22.919 a choice you made, and that truth might demand something 128 00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:25.279 of you that you are not sure you are ready 129 00:11:25.320 --> 00:11:29.080 to give. There is a reason that the inner voice 130 00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:33.840 gets quieter when it is not met with receptivity. There 131 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:38.480 is a reason that avoidance feels safer than inquiry. The 132 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:43.720 inner voice is not always gentle. Sometimes it says hard things. 133 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:48.559 Sometimes it says things that would require you to change, 134 00:11:49.279 --> 00:11:54.600 to grow, to leave behind something familiar, to step into 135 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:59.039 the unknown, and so the fear of hearing these things, 136 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:02.840 the fear of what you might discover if you finally 137 00:12:02.919 --> 00:12:08.399 stopped and listened, becomes another reason to keep moving, to 138 00:12:08.519 --> 00:12:12.960 keep filling the space with noise. The inner voice is 139 00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:19.440 not always gentle. Sometimes it says hard things. Sometimes it 140 00:12:19.559 --> 00:12:23.720 says things that would require you to change, to grow, 141 00:12:24.840 --> 00:12:29.919 to leave behind something familiar, to step into the unknown, 142 00:12:31.480 --> 00:12:34.360 and so the fear of hearing these things. There is 143 00:12:34.399 --> 00:12:38.799 also the fear of being wrong. You may have noticed 144 00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:41.360 that when you do have a sense of what you want, 145 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:46.159 or what you believe, or what feels right. There is 146 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:51.240 often a counter voice, a doubting voice. What if you 147 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:55.159 are making the wrong choice. What if you are fooling yourself. 148 00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:58.480 What if the thing that feels true to you is 149 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:03.879 actually just to react a pattern, a wound dressed up 150 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:09.519 in the clothing of wisdom. This doubting is not without value. 151 00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:14.960 Discernment is important. Not every impulse deserves to be followed. 152 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:20.159 But there is a difference between wise discernment and chronic 153 00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:26.039 self doubt, between listening carefully and listening with a verdict 154 00:13:26.159 --> 00:13:30.399 already in mind. The fear of being wrong can become 155 00:13:30.519 --> 00:13:36.720 so dominant that it paralyzes the listening entirely that you 156 00:13:36.840 --> 00:13:41.279 stop trusting anything you hear from yourself, because the doubt 157 00:13:41.320 --> 00:13:48.519 is always there, second guessing, undermining, insisting that someone else 158 00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:54.399 must know better that the external expert, the external approval, 159 00:13:55.519 --> 00:14:00.519 the external validation is the only reliable source of truth. 160 00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:06.039 The fear of being wrong can become so dominant that 161 00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:12.000 it paralyzes the listening entirely that you stop trusting anything 162 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:14.799 you hear from yourself. I want to offer you a 163 00:14:14.840 --> 00:14:19.879 different way of reflecting about this, a way that might 164 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:24.360 make the practice of listening to yourself feel less like 165 00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:31.159 a mountain to climb and more like a homecoming. And 166 00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:37.639 that way begins with the body. The body is always listening. 167 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:44.039 The body has never stopped listening. While you were busy 168 00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:49.039 ignoring your inner voice, while you were lost in reflection 169 00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:55.759 and distraction and the endless scroll of external input, the 170 00:14:55.799 --> 00:15:00.799 body was taking notes. The body noticed when you were 171 00:15:00.840 --> 00:15:07.720 tired and kept going anyway. The body noticed when a 172 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:13.759 certain conversation made your stomach titan. The body noticed when 173 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:17.360 you were in the presence of someone who felt safe 174 00:15:17.559 --> 00:15:22.519 and someone who did not. The body keeps its own counsel. 175 00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:28.080 It does not judge you for what it notices. It 176 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:34.279 simply records. It simply knows, and it waits for you 177 00:15:34.360 --> 00:15:38.759 to come back and ask. The body is the oldest 178 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:43.080 listener you have and it has never stopped. We are 179 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.320 waiting for you. You may have heard the phrase the 180 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:52.080 body knows. This is not a metaphor. This is a 181 00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:57.240 literal truth. The body knows things that the mind has 182 00:15:57.279 --> 00:16:03.480 forgotten or never learned. The body knows what it feels 183 00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:07.120 like to be in the presence of kindness and in 184 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:12.279 the presence of threat, even when the conscious mind cannot 185 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:18.000 articulate the difference. The body knows where you hold your tension, 186 00:16:19.480 --> 00:16:22.799 where you have been holding your breath without realizing it, 187 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:28.000 where you have been bracing against a danger that is 188 00:16:28.039 --> 00:16:32.799 no longer present. The body is not trying to trick 189 00:16:32.879 --> 00:16:38.120 you or mislead you. The body is not invested in 190 00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:43.080 the stories you tell yourself about who you are and 191 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:46.519 what you want. When you begin to listen to the body, 192 00:16:47.159 --> 00:16:51.360 you may notice things you have been ignoring. You may 193 00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:55.559 notice that your shoulders are raised almost to your ears, 194 00:16:56.360 --> 00:17:00.559 that you have been carrying tension in your jaw, that 195 00:17:00.679 --> 00:17:05.200 your breath is shallow and high in your chest. You 196 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:10.319 may notice areas of numbness, places where you have disconnected 197 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:16.039 from sensation because feeling was too painful. You may notice 198 00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:22.279 the opposite areas of heightened sensitivity, places where even the 199 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:27.160 brush of clothing feels like too much. You may notice 200 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:33.440 the opposite areas of heightened sensitivity, places where even the 201 00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:37.759 brush of clothing feels like too much. All of this 202 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:42.200 is information. All of this is the body trying to 203 00:17:42.279 --> 00:17:47.279 communicate with you, trying to say something important about the 204 00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:52.079 state you are in, about what you need, about what 205 00:17:52.119 --> 00:17:56.880 you have been through. The body never lies, but it 206 00:17:56.960 --> 00:18:01.240 does not judge either. Its simply presents you with the 207 00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:07.240 facts of your experience moment by moment, and waits to 208 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:11.079 see if you will pay attention. And so the invitation 209 00:18:11.319 --> 00:18:16.440 here is to become a student of the body, to 210 00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:21.559 approach it with curiosity rather than criticism. Now I want 211 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:26.519 to speak with you about the practice itself, about how 212 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:31.559 you actually listen to yourself in a way that is sustainable. 213 00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:38.119 It does not require special equipment or particular knowledge or 214 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:43.839 years of training. It requires only a willingness to be 215 00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:48.839 present with yourself, a willingness to sit with the discomfort 216 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:53.799 of not knowing, a willingness to hear what is there 217 00:18:53.960 --> 00:18:59.279 without immediately trying to change it or fix it or 218 00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:06.880 understand it intellectually. The practice is simply this. You find 219 00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:10.039 a place where you will not be disturbed for a 220 00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:14.440 few minutes. You sate a few breaths, and let the 221 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:21.480 body settle. It requires only a willingness to be present 222 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:26.839 with yourself, a willingness to sit with the discomfort of 223 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:31.359 not knowing, a willingness to hear what is to me 224 00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:36.799 in this moment. You might ask, what do I need 225 00:19:36.920 --> 00:19:41.119 right now? You might ask what is true for me 226 00:19:41.480 --> 00:19:46.559 in this moment? You might ask what feels alive in me? 227 00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:51.480 You might ask what does my body want me to know? 228 00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:56.759 And then you wait. You wait without rushing to fill 229 00:19:56.839 --> 00:20:03.400 the silence. You wait without just whatever arises youu late 230 00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.279 with the same patience you would offer a friend who 231 00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:11.599 was trying to find the words for something difficult. You 232 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:15.160 let the answer come in its own time, in its 233 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:20.359 own way. It may come as a word. It may 234 00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:24.640 come as an image. It may come as a sensation 235 00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:31.799 in the body, a tightness releasing, a warmth, spreading, a 236 00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:38.079 heaviness lifting. It may come as a memory. It may 237 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:42.319 come as a feeling of not knowing, which is itself 238 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:49.079 an answer? Which is itself important information? The key is 239 00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:52.200 that you stay present with the question. One of the 240 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:57.319 most important things to understand about this practice and being 241 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:03.480 obligated to act on every impult, every desire, every craving 242 00:21:03.559 --> 00:21:09.440 that arises the inner voice when you finally begin to 243 00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:12.920 hear it will not always tell you to do the 244 00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:18.519 easy thing or the comfortable thing. Sometimes it will tell 245 00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:26.720 you things that are inconvenient, frightening, seemingly impossible. Sometimes it 246 00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:29.440 will tell you to leave a situation. You are not 247 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:33.279 ready to leave or to speak a truth. You are 248 00:21:33.319 --> 00:21:37.599 afraid to speak or to stop doing something that has 249 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:42.640 become a habit or a comfort. And it is important 250 00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:46.359 to remember that hearing is not the same as obeying. 251 00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:53.039 Hearing is about receiving information obeying, and it is not 252 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:57.400 what the inner voice is asking of you. The practice 253 00:21:57.440 --> 00:22:02.519 of listening does not remove your agency. It adds to it. 254 00:22:02.519 --> 00:22:06.640 It gives you more information, It gives you a richer 255 00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:12.000 relationship with yourself. You can hear something and still choose 256 00:22:12.039 --> 00:22:15.799 not to act on it. You can hear something and 257 00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:19.920 still take your time. You can hear something and still 258 00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:25.359 take your time. You can hear something and still consult others, 259 00:22:26.359 --> 00:22:30.000 still make a deliberate choice that takes into account. There 260 00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:33.720 is also something important to say about the contradictions you 261 00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:37.559 may find within yourself. When you begin to listen more deeply, 262 00:22:39.400 --> 00:22:42.000 you may find that you are both drawn to change 263 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:46.440 and afraid of it, both hungry for connection and weary 264 00:22:46.519 --> 00:22:50.839 of it, both ready to rest and convinced that you 265 00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:54.880 should be doing more. This is not a sign that 266 00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:58.920 something is wrong with you. This is a sign that 267 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:03.880 you are a complex human being with many dimensions. Many needs, 268 00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:09.519 many histories. The practice of listening is not about resolving 269 00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:14.440 these contradictions into a single, clear direction. It is about 270 00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:19.720 holding them both, about making room for the complexity, about 271 00:23:19.799 --> 00:23:24.519 understanding that conflicting desires can coexist and that you do 272 00:23:24.599 --> 00:23:30.640 not have to choose between them prematurely. Sometimes there is 273 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:34.480 another aspect of listening that I want to speak with 274 00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:40.240 you about things that you have been distracting yourself from. 275 00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:46.519 Things that you have been distracting yourself from, things that 276 00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:51.200 you have been too busy to notice. These may be 277 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:58.079 old griefs, losses that were never fully mourned, relationships that 278 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:05.279 ended without closure, dreams that were abandoned, versions of yourself 279 00:24:05.400 --> 00:24:10.279 that you never got to become. These may be shames, 280 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:18.839 fears about the future, fears about being truly seen, Fears 281 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:23.920 about what would happen if you stopped performing and started being. 282 00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:30.400 These may be shames, the deep sense that there are 283 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:36.039 something fundamentally wrong with you, something that must be hidden, 284 00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:42.680 something that must be fixed before anyone can truly know you. 285 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:50.079 These may be angers, angers that were not safe to feel. 286 00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:56.839 Davor I've been keeping to see you. He feels math, 287 00:24:58.759 --> 00:25:04.279 something that must be hidden, something that must be fixed, 288 00:25:05.240 --> 00:25:10.720 the reasons that the noise becomes necessary, the reasons that 289 00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:13.319 we can offer to a child who was in pain. 290 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:19.079 They are waiting to be integrated, to become part of 291 00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:23.559 the whole story of who you are, rather than the 292 00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:29.079 exiled chapters that you keep trying to pretend do not exist. 293 00:25:29.319 --> 00:25:33.920 When these hard things arise in the listening, the invitation 294 00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:38.680 is not to fix them, or solve them, or understand them. 295 00:25:40.359 --> 00:25:45.240 The invitation is simply to let them be there, to 296 00:25:45.319 --> 00:25:50.799 say to yourself, I hear you, I know you are there. 297 00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:57.519 I am not going to run away anymore. This is 298 00:25:57.559 --> 00:26:02.599 a radical act of self presence, a declaration that you 299 00:26:02.640 --> 00:26:06.799 are willing to be with all of yourself, not just 300 00:26:06.839 --> 00:26:10.920 the parts that are palatable, not just the parts that 301 00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:16.920 are acceptable, but all of it. And it may take time. 302 00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:21.440 It may take many sessions of sitting with the question 303 00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:26.440 and waiting for the answer. There may be days when 304 00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:30.559 you listen and hear only silence. There is also the 305 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:34.920 listen to yourself. You may be surprised by what you find. 306 00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:38.880 You may find that there are things you love that 307 00:26:38.920 --> 00:26:43.000 you have been too embarrassed to admit. You may find 308 00:26:43.079 --> 00:26:46.880 that there are desires that are alive and meaningful, and 309 00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:51.680 alive and worth tending. You may find that there are 310 00:26:51.799 --> 00:26:57.039 desires that are alive and meaningful, and alive and worth tending. 311 00:26:58.519 --> 00:27:01.599 You may find that there are sires that are alive 312 00:27:02.119 --> 00:27:07.480 and meaningful, and alive and worth tending. You may find 313 00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:12.119 that you are more capable than you reflection, more resilient, 314 00:27:13.000 --> 00:27:19.279 more wise. These are not trivial discoveries. These are the 315 00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:23.680 things that make a life feel like your life, The 316 00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:26.599 things that remind you of who you are when you 317 00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:31.720 have been lost for so long in the exportations and 318 00:27:31.839 --> 00:27:36.480 demands of others, that what you really want is not 319 00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:43.279 more but different, not faster but deeper. These are not 320 00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:47.839 trivial discoveries. These are the things that make a life 321 00:27:47.960 --> 00:27:51.599 feel like your life, the things that remind you of 322 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:54.359 who you are when you have been lost for so 323 00:27:54.640 --> 00:28:00.519 long in the expectations and demands of others. So as 324 00:28:00.519 --> 00:28:05.119 you practice listening, make room for the good as well 325 00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:12.000 as the heart. Ask yourself, what brings me joy? What 326 00:28:12.119 --> 00:28:16.519 do I love about this life? The things that making 327 00:28:16.599 --> 00:28:21.319 it life feel like your life, The things that remind 328 00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:23.799 you of who you are when you have been lost 329 00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:28.680 for so long in the expectations and demands of others. Now, 330 00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:32.400 I want to speak with you about trusting what you hear, 331 00:28:33.400 --> 00:28:38.960 because this is where the practice becomes truly tensformative, and 332 00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:44.640 also where it becomes most challenging, and the immediate reaction, 333 00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:51.079 the habitual reaction, may be to doubt them, to question them, 334 00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:57.680 to seek external confirmation before you allow yourself to believe them. 335 00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:02.960 You may give attention to how do I know this 336 00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:07.200 is real? How do I know I am not making 337 00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:11.039 this up? How do I know this is not just 338 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:18.759 wishful considering or self deception. These are reasonable questions, and 339 00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:23.039 I do not want to dismiss them entirely. But I 340 00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:26.839 also want to say that the only way to build 341 00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:33.119 trust with yourself is to start where you are and practice. 342 00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:37.599 You practice hearing your inner voice, and then you practice 343 00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:42.400 believing it, not because it is always right, but because 344 00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:47.680 the relationship itself is what matters. You would not expect 345 00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:51.200 to trust a friend you never spend time with. You 346 00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:56.319 would not expect to understand a language you never practice. Oh, 347 00:29:56.359 --> 00:29:59.720 we could see. You may have made a choice that 348 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.079 felt true, even if it was difficult, And you may 349 00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:11.279 have discovered that you survived, that you grew, that you 350 00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:16.240 learn something valuable from the experience. The trust does not 351 00:30:16.440 --> 00:30:21.720 come all at once. It builds slowly, like a muscle, 352 00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:29.160 like a practice, like a relationship that deepens over time. 353 00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:35.119 There will be moments when you hear something and you 354 00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:39.200 do not act on it, and that is okay too. 355 00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:46.880 The inner voice is not an oracle, It is not infallible. 356 00:30:48.519 --> 00:30:52.559 It is simply yours. It is the voice of your 357 00:30:52.599 --> 00:31:00.039 own experience, your own wisdom, your own hard won knowledge 358 00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:03.759 of what it is like to be you in this 359 00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:11.599 particular body, in this particular life. And that voice deserves 360 00:31:11.640 --> 00:31:15.920 to be heard, deserves to be trusted. I am going 361 00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:20.519 to invite you now to a longer pause, a pause 362 00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:23.319 in which we let the body catch up with everything 363 00:31:23.400 --> 00:31:28.960 we have been exploring together. So far, we have been talking, 364 00:31:30.359 --> 00:31:33.000 and I hope that what I have offered has been helpful, 365 00:31:34.279 --> 00:31:37.039 has been a kind of companionship on this journey of 366 00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:41.920 learning to listen to yourself. But words can only take 367 00:31:41.960 --> 00:31:49.160 you so far. The real work, the real transformation, happens 368 00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:54.839 in the body, in the stillness, in the space where 369 00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:59.519 the imagining mind finally rests and something else has room 370 00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:03.880 to be known. So let us move into that space now. 371 00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:09.279 Let us move into a body led meditation, a long 372 00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:15.279 pause in which you simply breathe, you simply feel, you 373 00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:19.519 simply are. Let your attention come down from the thoughts 374 00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:23.759 and the words and the ideas, and let it come 375 00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:28.079 into the body. Let the body be where you are, 376 00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:34.480 Let the body be enough. Begin to notice the breath again, 377 00:32:36.119 --> 00:32:38.960 the breath that has been with you this entire time, 378 00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:44.759 the breath that does not require your attention, but welcomes 379 00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:50.680 it when it arrives. Let the breath be natural, Let 380 00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:54.759 it be easy. Do not try to control it or 381 00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:59.359 change it in any way. Simply let it flow in 382 00:32:59.880 --> 00:33:04.920 and out the way it knows how to do, the 383 00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:10.359 way it has always done. With each exhale, let there 384 00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:14.480 be a little more softening in the body. Let the 385 00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:19.960 arms hang loosely, or let them rest their sides. Let 386 00:33:19.960 --> 00:33:22.920 the body be held by the chair, or the floor, 387 00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:29.680 or the bed, whatever is beneath you. Let yourself be held. 388 00:33:30.039 --> 00:33:33.880 Now I want you to bring your attention to your hands. 389 00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:40.160 Notice your hands, These hands that have done so much, 390 00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:48.759 that have worked and touched and held and reached and gestured, 391 00:33:49.599 --> 00:33:55.079 and lack go These hands that have been clenched and open, 392 00:33:56.480 --> 00:34:01.279 that have held tools, and held people, and held yourselves 393 00:34:01.720 --> 00:34:06.480 in the dark. Notice if there is any tension in 394 00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:11.800 the hands. Notice if the fingers are curled or straight. 395 00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:18.840 Notice the temperature of the hands, the weight of them. 396 00:34:19.079 --> 00:34:24.000 And as you notice, let there be a small intentional release, 397 00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:28.880 a letting go of anything the hands have been holding onto. 398 00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:34.800 Let the shoulders soften, let them drop down the back, 399 00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:39.519 away from the ears. Let there be space in the 400 00:34:39.559 --> 00:34:45.360 neck space between the vertebrae space for the breath to 401 00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:51.000