Speaker 1: Bertie's Christmas Eve by Sarki. It was Christmas Eve, and
Speaker 1: the family circle of Luke Stephink Esquire was a glow
Speaker 1: with the amiability and random mirth which the occasion demanded.
Speaker 1: A long and lavish dinner had been partaken of, weights
Speaker 1: had been round and sung carols. The house party had
Speaker 1: regaled itself with more caroling on its own account, and
Speaker 1: there had been romping, which even in a pulpit reference
Speaker 1: could not have been condemned as ragging. In the midst
Speaker 1: of the general glow, however, there was one black, unkindled cinder.
Speaker 1: Bertie Stephink, nephew of the aforementioned Luke, had early in
Speaker 1: life adopted the profession of ne'er do well. His father
Speaker 1: had been something of the kind before him. At the
Speaker 1: age of eighteen, Bertie had commenced that round of visit
Speaker 1: to our colonial possessions, so seemly and desirable in the
Speaker 1: case of a prince of the blood, so suggestive of
Speaker 1: insincerity in a young man of the middle class. He
Speaker 1: had gone to grow tea in Ceylon and fruit in
Speaker 1: British Columbia, and to help sheep to grow wool in Australia.
Speaker 1: At the age of twenty. He had just returned from
Speaker 1: some similar errand in Canada, from which it may be
Speaker 1: gathered that the trial he gave to these various experiments
Speaker 1: was of the summary drumhead nature. Luke Stepphink, who fulfilled
Speaker 1: the troubled role of guardian and deputy parent to Bertie,
Speaker 1: deplored the persistent manifestation of the homing instinct on his
Speaker 1: nephew's part, and his solemn thanks earlier in the day
Speaker 1: for the blessing of reporting a united family had no
Speaker 1: reference to bertie return. Arrangements had been promptly made for
Speaker 1: packing the youth off to a distant corner of Rhodesia.
Speaker 1: Whence return would be a difficult matter. The journey to
Speaker 1: this uninviting destination was imminent. In fact, a more careful
Speaker 1: and willing traveler would have already begun to think about
Speaker 1: his packing. Hence, Bertie was in no mood to share
Speaker 1: in the festive spirit which displayed itself around him, and
Speaker 1: resentment smoldered within him at the eager, self absorbed discussion
Speaker 1: of social plans for the coming months, which he heard
Speaker 1: on all sides. Beyond depressing his uncle and the family
Speaker 1: circle generally by singing say au revoir and not good bye.
Speaker 1: He had taken no part in the evening's conviviality. Eleven
Speaker 1: o'clock had struck some half hour ago, and the elder
Speaker 1: Stephink's began to throw out suggestions leading up to that process,
Speaker 1: which they called retiring for the night. Come tell me
Speaker 1: it's time you were in your little bed, you know,
Speaker 1: said Luke Stephfink to his thirteen year old son. That's
Speaker 1: where we all ought to be, said missus Stepfhink. Now
Speaker 1: wouldn't be room, said Bertie. The remark was considered to
Speaker 1: border on the scandalous. Everybody ate raisins and almonds with
Speaker 1: the nervous industry of sheep feeding during threatening weather in Russia.
Speaker 1: Said Horace Bordenby, who was staying in the house as
Speaker 1: a Christmas guest. I've read that the peasants believe that
Speaker 1: if you go into a cow house or stable at
Speaker 1: midnight on Christmas Eve, you will hear the animals talk.
Speaker 1: They're supposed to have the gift of speech at that
Speaker 1: one moment of the Oh do let all go down
Speaker 1: to the cow house and listen to what they've got
Speaker 1: to say? Exclaimed Beryl to whom anything was thrilling and
Speaker 1: amusing if you did it in a troupe. Missus Stephink
Speaker 1: made a laughing protest, but gave a virtual consent by
Speaker 1: saying we must all wrap up well. Then the idea
Speaker 1: seemed a scatter brained one to her, and almost heathenish,
Speaker 1: but it afforded an opportunity for throwing the young people together,
Speaker 1: and as such she welcomed it. Mister Horace Bordenby was
Speaker 1: a young man with quite substantial prospects, and he had
Speaker 1: danced with Beryl at a local subscription ball a sufficient
Speaker 1: number of times to warrant the authorized inquiry on the
Speaker 1: part of the neighbors whether there was anything in it.
Speaker 1: Though Missus Stephink would not have put it in semin
Speaker 1: many words, she shared the idea of the Russian peasantry
Speaker 1: that on this night the beast might speak. The cow
Speaker 1: house stood at the junction of the garden with a
Speaker 1: small paddock, an isolated survival in a suburban neighborhood of
Speaker 1: what had once been a small farm. Luke Stepphink was
Speaker 1: complacently proud of his cow house and his two cows.
Speaker 1: He felt that they gave him a stamp of solidity
Speaker 1: which no number of Wyandots or Orpington's could impart. They
Speaker 1: even seemed to link him in a sort of inconsequent
Speaker 1: way with those patriarchs who derived importance from their floating
Speaker 1: capital of flocks and herds, heasses and chiasses. It had
Speaker 1: been an anxious and momentous occasion when he had had
Speaker 1: to decide definitely between the buyer and the ranch for
Speaker 1: the naming of his villa residence. A December midnight was
Speaker 1: hardly the moment he would have chosen for showing his
Speaker 1: farm building to visitors. But since it was a fine
Speaker 1: night and the young people were anxious for an excuse
Speaker 1: for a mild frolic, Luke consented to chaperone the expedition.
Speaker 1: The servants had long since gone to bed, so the
Speaker 1: house was left in charge of Bertie, who scornfully declined
Speaker 1: to stir out on the pretext of listening to bovine conversation.
Speaker 1: We must go quietly, said Luke as he headed the
Speaker 1: procession of giggling young folk, brought up in the rear
Speaker 1: by the showled and hooded figure of Missus Stephink. I
Speaker 1: have always laid stress on keeping this a quiet and
Speaker 1: orderly neighborhood. It was a few minutes to midnight when
Speaker 1: the party reached the car house and made its way
Speaker 1: in by the light of liane stable lantern. For a
Speaker 1: moment everyone stood in silence, almost with the feeling of
Speaker 1: being in church. Er Daisy, the one lying down is
Speaker 1: by a short horned bull out of a Guernsey cow,
Speaker 1: announced Luke in a hushed voice, which was in keeping
Speaker 1: with the foregoing impression. Is she asked Bordenby, rather as
Speaker 1: if he had expected her to be by Rembrandt. Myrtle
Speaker 1: is Myrtle's family history. Was cut short by a little
Speaker 1: scream from the women of the party. The cow house
Speaker 1: door had closed noiselessly behind them, and the key had
Speaker 1: turned gratingly in the lock. Then they heard Bertie's voice
Speaker 1: pleasantly wishing them good night, and his footsteps retreating along
Speaker 1: the garden path. Luke Stephinks strode to the window. It
Speaker 1: was a small square opening of the old fashioned sort,
Speaker 1: with iron bars let into the stone work. Unlock the door.
Speaker 1: This instant, he shouted, with as much air of menacing
Speaker 1: authority as a hen might assume when screaming through the
Speaker 1: bars of a coup at a marauding hawk. In reply
Speaker 1: to his summons, the hall door closed with a defiant bang.
Speaker 1: A neighboring clock struck the hour of midnight. If the
Speaker 1: cows had received the gift of human speech at that moment,
Speaker 1: they would not have been able to make themselves heard.
Speaker 1: Seven or eight other voices were engaged in describing Bertie's
Speaker 1: present conduct and his general character at a high pressure
Speaker 1: of excitement and indignation. In the course of half an
Speaker 1: hour or so, every thing that it was permissible to
Speaker 1: say about Bertie had been said, some dozens of times,
Speaker 1: and other topics began to come to the front, the
Speaker 1: extreme mustiness of the cow house, the possibility of it
Speaker 1: catching fire, and the probability of it being a routen
Speaker 1: house for the vagrant raps of the neighborhood. And still
Speaker 1: no sign of deliverance came to the unwilling vigil keepers.
Speaker 1: Towards one o'clock, the sound of rather boisterous and undisciplined
Speaker 1: carol singing approached rapidly and came to a sudden anchorage,
Speaker 1: apparently just outside the garden gate. A motor load of
Speaker 1: youthful bloods in a high state of conviviality had made
Speaker 1: a temporary halt for repairs. The stoppage, however, did not
Speaker 1: extend to the vocal efforts of the party, and the
Speaker 1: w in the cow shed were treated to a highly
Speaker 1: unauthorized rendering of good King Wence's Lass, in which the
Speaker 1: adjective good appeared to be very carelessly applied. The noise
Speaker 1: had the effect of bringing Bertie out into the garden,
Speaker 1: but he utterly ignored the pale, angry faces peering out
Speaker 1: at the cow house window and concentrated his attention on
Speaker 1: the revelers outside the gate. Wassail you, chaps, he shouted,
Speaker 1: wassail old sport. They shouted back, We jolly well drink
Speaker 1: your health, only we've nothing to drink it. In. Come
Speaker 1: and wassail inside, said Bertie hospitably. I'm all alone and
Speaker 1: there's heaps of wet. They were total strangers, but his
Speaker 1: touch of kindness made them instantly his kin. In another moment,
Speaker 1: the unauthorized version of King wenncessless, which, like many other scandals,
Speaker 1: grew worse on repetition. When echoing up the garden path,
Speaker 1: two of the revelers gave an impromptu performance on the
Speaker 1: way by executing the staircase waltz up the terraces of
Speaker 1: what Luke Steffink hitherto with some justification, called his rock garden.
Speaker 1: The rock part of it was still there when the
Speaker 1: waltz had been accorded its third encore. Luke, more than ever,
Speaker 1: like a cooped hen behind the car house bars, was
Speaker 1: in a position to realize the feelings of concert goers
Speaker 1: unable to countermand the call for an encore which they
Speaker 1: neither desire nor deserve. The hall door closed with a
Speaker 1: bang on Bertie's guests, and the sounds of merriment became
Speaker 1: faint and muffled to the weary watchers at the other
Speaker 1: end of the garden present, two ominous pops in quick
Speaker 1: succession made themselves distinctly heard. They've got it the Champagne,
Speaker 1: exclaimed Missus Stepfink. Perhaps it's the sparkling Moselle, said Luke.
Speaker 1: Hopefully three or four more pops were heard, the Champagne,
Speaker 1: and the sparkling Moselle, said Missus Stepphink. Luke uncorked an expletive, which,
Speaker 1: like brandy in a temperance household, was only used on
Speaker 1: rare emergencies. Mister Horace Bordenby had been making use of
Speaker 1: similar expressions under his breath for a considerable time past.
Speaker 1: The experiment of throwing the young people together had been
Speaker 1: prolonged beyond a point when it was likely to produce
Speaker 1: any romantic result. Some forty minutes later, the hall door
Speaker 1: opened and disgorged a crowd that had thrown off any
Speaker 1: restraint of shyness that might have influenced its earlier actions.
Speaker 1: Its vocal efforts in the direction of carol singing were
Speaker 1: now supplemented by instrumental music. A Christmas she that had
Speaker 1: been prepared for the children of the gardener and other
Speaker 1: household retainers had yielded a rich spoil of tin trumpets,
Speaker 1: rattles and drums. The life story of King Wenceslas had
Speaker 1: been dropped. Luke was thankful to notice, but it was
Speaker 1: intensely irritating for the chilled prisoners in the cow house
Speaker 1: to be told that it was a hot time in
Speaker 1: the old town to night, together with some accurate but
Speaker 1: entirely superfluous information as to the imminence of Christmas morning.
Speaker 1: Judging by the protests which began to be shouted from
Speaker 1: the upper windows of neighboring houses. The sentiments prevailing in
Speaker 1: the cow house were heartily echoed in other quarters. The
Speaker 1: revelers found their car, and, what was more remarkable, managed
Speaker 1: to drive off in it. With a parting fanfare of
Speaker 1: tin trumpets. The lively beat of a drum disclosed the
Speaker 1: fact that the master of the revels remained on the scene.
Speaker 1: Bety came in an angry, imploring chorus of shouts and
Speaker 1: screams from the cow house window. Hello, cried the owner
Speaker 1: of the name, turning his rather errant steps in the
Speaker 1: direction of the summons. Are you people still there? Must
Speaker 1: have heard everything Cow's got to say by this time.
Speaker 1: If you haven't no use waiting, After all, it's a
Speaker 1: Russian legend and Russian Christmas eve not do oh for
Speaker 1: another fortnight? Better come out. After one or two ineffectual attempts,
Speaker 1: he managed to pitch the key of the cow house
Speaker 1: door in through the window. Then, lifting his voice in
Speaker 1: the strains of I'm afraid to go home in the
Speaker 1: dark with a lusty drum accompaniment, he led the way
Speaker 1: back to the house. The hurried procession of the release
Speaker 1: that followed in his steps came in for a good
Speaker 1: deal of the adverse comment that his exuberant display had evoked.
Speaker 1: It was the happiest Christmas Eve he had ever spent.
Speaker 1: To quote his own words, he had a rotten Christmas.
Speaker 1: End of Bertie's Christmas Eve by Saki