Speaker 1: Good Morning from Hell. I'm Chris and I died a
while ago, and my eternal punishment is to do this
podcast where we interview everyone in hell with my co host,
the younger brother of Satan Clayton.
Speaker 2: Guys, I thought, you want know what I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Look at my new car.
Speaker 1: Wow, Cyberchruck.
Speaker 4: Oh all right, check out my new ride.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Cyberchuck. Huh, I'm a muskrat.
Speaker 4: That's right. Gotta steal on this pretty girl?
Speaker 1: Who you stole it?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 4: Actually, surprisingly I did not steal it.
Speaker 3: Come to find out, I had thousands of dollars saved
up from all the ad revenue in merch sales from
the previous one hundred episodes a Good Morning from Hell,
So I just put all that in and then I
traded in fourteen pt cruisers for down payment. Also pet cruisers,
they don't retain resell value. Just a heads up, just
a pro tip. Still got about, you know, seventy five
thousand dollars to pay off.
Speaker 4: We didn't make a lot of money on the first
runt of the show, but uh wow.
Speaker 1: Amazing, amazing deal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's such a steal. Plus get to support
my good buddy.
Speaker 1: Elon the'se a metal paneling. Are they supposed to come off?
Speaker 3: Well, no, that's that's that's like a bug. But they're
going to patch that, I think in the firmware update
with some glue.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, you know it's hot down here, so the glue
melts and stuff. It's fine, don't You're getting too caught
up in the in the minutia of the thing. You know,
this thing, it's the future. These things are gonna be
ripping and tearing down the streets of hell, right through
the walls, blasting through school children, exploding at litter sections.
Speaker 4: I mean, the future's bright as can be.
Speaker 1: Chris, Yeah, they are reflective.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 1: You said you spend all of our money.
Speaker 3: All three thousand, four hundred and fifty two dollars and
sixty one cents.
Speaker 4: That's how much we made from our first season.
Speaker 1: That was three hundred, three hundred what not three thousand?
Speaker 4: Oh I'm sorry, I carried the decimal.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, we did not make a lot of money. Uh uh,
But hey, this is okay because now we're back to
being underdogs.
Speaker 3: Were back at net zero, so that means that you know,
we can only go up.
Speaker 1: Well, how much are we in de Oh oh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, actually, so I guess well, I want to say,
seventy five.
Speaker 1: Thousand dollars I still go to elon so net minus
seventy five thousand ish for keeping track, which we are.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you think about the underdog story, Chris.
Speaker 3: Now we get to make dollar money back from all
the all of our supporters out of Hatreon.
Speaker 1: Good, good segue. Do you want to be a supporter
of our Hatreon?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: And we need it. We got up this cyber truck
payoff that we have to do.
Speaker 3: Are you talking to the audience, Yeah, yeah, No, it's
pay six dollars and sixty six cents. This is a
huge deal. You know, everybody's doing discord. So I was like,
where are the people really at Where's where's the real platform?
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna become a LinkedIn influencer and if you.
Speaker 3: Follow us on Hatreon, then I will befriend you on
LinkedIn and then I'll you know, say you got some
qualifications on like Microsoft word, I'll be like approved, this
guy does it proved, Excel, proved, PowerPoint approved, you know,
and like my word goes a long way. I'm a
I'm kind of an influencer on LinkedIn, I'm writing articles.
Speaker 1: Uh huh yeah, like what the other.
Speaker 4: Day, I wrote an article about leadership.
Speaker 3: Oh five step five E six five easy steps to leadership.
Speaker 4: But I'm not gonna spoil it.
Speaker 3: That's that's that's hey, that's that's Hatreon LinkedIn exclusive content.
I mean, technically it's not exclusive because I think anybody
can find me on the LinkedIn.
Speaker 4: We'll need to work with the privacy settings.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, so if someone signs up for Hatreon,
they get to how is that enforced? Like dot is
it a way to track?
Speaker 3: Well, there is no way to track because LinkedIn is
the worst social media. As you know, when people check
you out on LinkedIn, you get a notification. So if
I know that Jerry from Utah is looking at my
LinkedIn but he's not following us on Hatreon, do the math,
I'll cross reference the spreadsheets.
Speaker 4: I'll kill him.
Speaker 3: Okay, So yeah, he's got he's gonna have to follow
me on on on Hatreon to get my LinkedIn goods.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just one of the mini benefits of supporting us
on Hatreon.
Speaker 3: So much exclusive content that I can't even list it
all out, and I'm pretty sure our audience is tired
of us advertising to them.
Speaker 4: So let's how are you been?
Speaker 1: Well, it's been a bit of an adjustment period, you know,
because I got really used to heaven where everything's smelled
like cookies, and here the airs just sulfur, rotting corpses.
Everything burns, my eyes, my ears, just everything burns. So
yet not the greatest how are you?
Speaker 3: You know, just hadn't talked to people in so long?
So this morning I ate a lot of peanut butter
to really lubricate the throat.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just really just stuffed teaspoon after teaspoon, so
I got good hawkable loogies. It's really good. It makes
for excellent audio quality too.
Speaker 1: So what's our plan for the episode today?
Speaker 4: Well, Chris, it's a little bit of a holiday.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 3: Uh, you might have learned about it in grade school.
You might have been misinformed about a few things, but
that's okay.
Speaker 4: That was us doing. That is Columbus Day.
Speaker 1: Chris, Columbus Day. Yeah, do they even do Christopher Columbus
Day anymore?
Speaker 4: Well, they actually do Indigenous People's Day, which is probably better.
Speaker 3: I think that they finally found out after hundreds of
years of celebrating a terrible person that they shouldn't do
that and should probably celebrate people who actually need celebration.
But besides all that, we love Columbus. We love Columbus Day.
So we're gonna celebrate him the best way we know
how here on.
Speaker 1: Good Morning from Hell, by having him on the podcast.
Speaker 4: Or having him on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so where is he?
Speaker 4: Well, he should be sailing in here soon.
Speaker 3: Vibe Columbus to Columbus.
Speaker 4: What is this thing that you're doing? You put you're
pinching all your fingers.
Speaker 1: Oh, mama me, I'm an Italian guy.
Speaker 4: You are?
Speaker 5: Tell you Christopher Club is the Columbus. I actually discovered this.
Speaker 4: You discovered the hand gesture? Yeah, Chris, did you know that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: No, I'm Chris. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh man, Christopher clumb is great to have you on.
What have you been up to these days?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 5: I don't know if you're aware, but many people found
out about my true nature.
Speaker 2: True nature you tell us more? Yeah, just being a
bad guy. Yeah yeah, yeah, which is really.
Speaker 5: Not worked out for me. So I'm trying to rebrand.
It's kind of like, you know, I can't you see
how I came in.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The problem is everyone found out I'm awful.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And here's the thing.
Speaker 5: Hundreds of years nobody saw through it. I thought I
got away with it. You got it, And now it
is Indigenous People's Day, right right.
Speaker 4: You see you're less enthusiastic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get a little bummed out when I start
talking about it. Oh, you know, I try to be.
Speaker 5: Now that I've rebranded since being in Hell, I'm trying
to grow my brand down here and kind.
Speaker 2: And we do celebrate Columbus Day down here, which is good.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 4: We celebrated only though the only way Hell knows how to.
That's right.
Speaker 1: How do we celebrate?
Speaker 5: The thing about Columbus Day in America was people got
day off of school, and people got day off of
a post office, and people got day off of bank.
And in Hell, on Columbus Day, everyone get day off
of everything.
Speaker 2: To beat me up. Beat me up, just bad style.
Speaker 4: I just beat the ever living shit out of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, remind you of all the failures, Remind you of
all the things that you fucked up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know how, Chris, Yeah, this is a
Chris to Chris conversation. C to see right here, uh
huh uh huh huh.
Speaker 4: I'll see my way out.
Speaker 5: Wait your see. Also, this is a C to C
two see conversation. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, all seas here
and we see eye to eye. You know how in
hell a day can feel like an eternity. Oh, yes,
that's how Columbus Day feels every time it comes around.
And it really feels like it's not a set thing
on the calendar, but more of a thing that I
have to ironically discover when it is I would say
every year, but it feels like every three or four days.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2: So Columbus Day rough fro Columbus.
Speaker 3: It's actually funny that you mentioned that, because you know
Columbus Day up on Earth. From my understanding, Chris, you
guys got days off from school, I think. So that's
perfectly designed because you don't want them to learn right
that you were terrible, So it just kind of works
into your advantage.
Speaker 5: It's one day where I know they're not going to
see through, Yeah, and I know that they're not going
to ding ding discover what kind of guy I really am,
which is bad again, to be clear, to be clear,
bad guy.
Speaker 4: Bad, terrible guy, terrible guy, terrible guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know you mentioned earlier you've been out rebranding
and discovering and all these things.
Speaker 1: What are you?
Speaker 4: What are you discovering down here in hell?
Speaker 2: Well, here's what happened.
Speaker 5: Okay, I found out since I've been down here for
so long, they started naming other places after me.
Speaker 2: Oh uh huh yeah.
Speaker 5: Like Columbia, Main Columbus, Kansas, Columbus, Indiana, Columbus, New Mexico, Columbus,
New York, Columbiana, Ohio. Oh oh yeah, there's a bunch also,
Columbia the country named after yours truly. So the brand
is out there and it's just changed enough to not
make you go Columbus like the Christopher guy.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's kind of like Subway, right, how's it
like Subway? You just gotta get shack involved in your
good to go? Oh man, that's all I'm trying to do.
But really I got a more of a Papa John thing.
Speaker 2: Mmm.
Speaker 5: So it's really just hasn't been working out. That was
my first iteration. Was me and Papa John and we
were trying to figure out like.
Speaker 1: Oh, y'all teamed up.
Speaker 2: He said like, hey, me and you got all the
same ideas.
Speaker 1: And I said, is that right?
Speaker 5: And he said absolutely, And I said about pizza, and
he said no.
Speaker 1: And so because we're both where that.
Speaker 2: That not what he meant.
Speaker 5: Oh I found out so been working on rebranding. Uh huh,
and it's Columbia.
Speaker 4: Travels okay, oh okay.
Speaker 5: And so what I do I bring kind of tourists
down here, people who also are in Hell for all eternity.
Speaker 2: And I've been told this is a punishment to be
on my tours.
Speaker 3: Oh you know, maybe it's maybe you misheard and maybe
it's a punishment, you know, like oh well Christopher Clephom's no.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's all relative.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of punishments down here in Hell.
Speaker 3: Clayton, Yeah, you know, like ah ha, you're tickling me
until I pissed my pants.
Speaker 4: And then the piss is boiling. That's a punishment. There's giggles.
Speaker 2: Is that what you do with Chris?
Speaker 4: Sometimes? Yeah? Sometimes? Why why are you what's his judgmental
care for?
Speaker 5: No, No, there's no judgment. I'm just trying to cover
new places in Hell. Recently discovered there's a chilis in Hell.
Did you know that I discovered it?
Speaker 4: You just you discovered the chilies?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Mm hm, it was already.
Speaker 2: There though it was there, people were working in it,
people were uh huh eating in it. Yeah, uh Huhkay.
Speaker 5: So I walked in, pulled over my cyber truck. Yeah,
of course, standard issue. We jam like thirty or forty
people in the back of one of those.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it is, as I'm told, you can use
it as an actual truck, and that's kind of how
we do it.
Speaker 3: Well, that's past the way capacity though, so you probably
more less parts and more like slammed into.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: We slammed into the side of an Applebee's, which I
also discovered, Oh gotcha, and then went over went next door.
Speaker 2: And discovered the chilies, and I walked in. Oh and
I had a little flag that sat Columbia Travels boom
planted it, uh huh.
Speaker 4: Right near the bloomin onion.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I discovered the chilies.
Speaker 4: That's huh wow.
Speaker 1: So what did the people at Chili's think about that?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Now, I'll be honest, I have run into this before.
Speaker 4: Oh huh, not thrilled.
Speaker 1: I handed them all blankets. Nobody wanted it.
Speaker 2: It's very hot in hell. Yeah, it's so hot down here,
but I handed them I put blankets on all of them,
and now the Chilies is empty.
Speaker 1: Uh hah.
Speaker 5: So Columbia Travels Headquarters former chilis now Columbia Travels.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And that's yeah. And so I kind of took over.
It is in disrepair.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds like it would be. Congratulations though, thank
you so much.
Speaker 5: What happens is that it seemed like it was working
pretty well, and then I showed up and then I
started handing out these blankets and all it just started
falling apart. Everyone's leaving. No, it was happy with me.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Did you order any food while you were there?
Speaker 5: Yeah, tried to get a triple dipper? The manager said
you need to leave?
Speaker 4: Uh huh?
Speaker 2: Shot him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Oh I'm not above it. I'll be honest, you know,
I again trying to rebrand. Is a friendly guy and everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shot him where he stood, you know, he he
approached me.
Speaker 5: I was standing my ground. You know, it's a castle
doctrine kind of thing where uh huh.
Speaker 2: I discovered the chilies he was managing.
Speaker 1: And then you stood your ground.
Speaker 2: So it's kind of like it was. Yeah, it was
like it was my home. And so he when he
approached me, I felt very threatened. He shot him, and
I shot him because as is my legal right, he
did have a flag.
Speaker 3: When you say you shot him, I'm imagining it's an
old you know, old timey blunderbust from the days of
old correct, is that what you used?
Speaker 5: No, I have like a nine millimeter. Oh, it's just
a regular standard issue like a glock. Yeah, just like
a regular nine millimeter you know what police have.
Speaker 1: I have that.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's comforting.
Speaker 5: I kind of see myself as kind of a policeman,
you know what I mean. Okay, Yeah, So I'm discovering
these places. I'm going to these places. I'm taking them over.
Don't approach me. You look threatening. Get on the ground,
Get on the ground, Get on the ground. Beg bank bang,
this is mine. Oh no, it all fell apart. Yeah,
that sort of keeps happening. This happened at a home
depot for me, which I discovered you discovered.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: Now this Chili's it's happening for me there.
Speaker 5: I'm thinking about discovering an Arco gas station for Columbia travels.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: My next question was about Columbine High School and if
you had your relation to that. But you know, given
all the gun talk. I think we'll just skip through
that one. You know a lot of famous things, you
know from up on earth, the city's asides. There's also
your like you got your own like mnemonic device so
that people remember remember your legacy. Yeah, yeah, what was it, Chris,
You probably learned it.
Speaker 1: Oh, in fourteen ninety two, Columbus sailed the Ocean's blue.
Speaker 4: That's right, that's fun.
Speaker 5: And if you had stopped there, we wouldn't be in
the situation. Yeah, And what happened was that everyone decided
to keep learning, which is unfortunate for me again to
reiterate a fortunate for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's a good little rhyme.
Speaker 4: Well, one hundred years later there was another one.
Speaker 2: There was there's new rhymes, you know about fifteen ninety two.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so Lucy right here it says in fifteen
ninety two Columbus ate a canister of glue.
Speaker 2: So I've been down here for a long time. Yeah,
and that is what they had me doing for ninety
one hundred again with days feel like an eternity. What's
a year, right, Yeah, when the only food you're fed
is it says, a canister of glue, which is funny.
Because it's the only thing I ate for ninety to
one hundred years. Again, it's could it could have been.
It could have been eighty five.
Speaker 1: It could have been one hundred and five. The swing.
Speaker 5: So you ate the canister glue, right, want to reiterate,
It wasn't just a canister, gotcha. It was so many
like it was like a never ending like the glue.
I would get to the bottom and then all.
Speaker 1: Of a sudden more glue.
Speaker 2: Oh, it fills up like Clayton you know, funny satan punishment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, punishments. Yeah, yeah, it's a refilling cancer.
Speaker 3: It couldn't fit that into the rhyme though, it's kind
of fuck it up, So we just simplified it to
a canisterer of glue.
Speaker 5: That's why Columbus Aal the Ocean Blue was so good
for me. Yeah, because it didn't say and then Landed
started handing out blankets. Get on the ground, Get on
the ground, get on the ground.
Speaker 2: None of that rhymes.
Speaker 4: So Missed India found you know, Bahamas killed a bunch
of people.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
Speaker 2: We can get into the rives. Okay, but I want
to come clean about something I didn't know what the
fuck I was doing okay before I was on the ship.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: I'm just a merchant in Venice.
Speaker 5: Right then King Spain, Hey, we gotta go discover new territories.
I figured that's my ticket out. I get all this
money and then I'll just sort of da da da da. Right,
here's the problem. Do you know what it is to
be a captain of three boats like that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: What time do we wake up? What time do we eat?
Speaker 1: What we go there?
Speaker 2: Where's the wing going? I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: But you can't say that they'll throw you overboard, So
d just keep heading west. You're just like, oh, which
way's the wind blowing? No turn? Turn sails west right?
Speaker 5: Fourteen degree You just keep saying fourteen degrees west like
that means anything. And then people go like, oh, yes,
ay I sir, And then you lent and then eventually
you see land. I got in a crow's nest all
land ho and.
Speaker 2: You go all, fucking it's India, probably yeah, because I
don't I don't.
Speaker 3: Know what it is doing circles from doing all the
fourteen degrees west over and over and over.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, the boats da da big and then eventually
land ho. I figured we were back home, No India,
and then come to find out.
Speaker 4: Not India, not India, not India, not India.
Speaker 2: No, hey, guys, here's the thing, not even fucking close.
Speaker 4: No, yeah, you did miss it by a few thousand miles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a different continent.
Speaker 5: Who would have known there's a whole land mass there.
We figured that it was just like Europe and then
India and then we'll just go and we're there. Yeah,
and that's not There's a lot in between. That is
what we came to discover.
Speaker 1: A lot of people thought that there was stuff there. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I didn't really think about it.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean it's fortunate that you didn't sail off
the side of the map, you know, with the flat earth.
Speaker 5: I didn't know if you guys wanted to get into that.
But I've seen the edge, you see you've been to
the edge the edge, Well, i've seen it. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah,
what's that like?
Speaker 1: What'd you see?
Speaker 2: You see the reflection from the glass dome?
Speaker 4: I knew it, oh, I knew it.
Speaker 1: So where was this in relation to your discovery of Yeah, India,
India and I used quotes there and Europe where was
the edge.
Speaker 2: Uh, just a little bit north of India, I think, okay,
or I guess what I thought was India?
Speaker 1: Gotcha?
Speaker 4: Have you been to India again?
Speaker 3: I no, no, okay, okay, I didn't think. So let's
keep going with these nermonic devices. So, you know, one
hundred years later, in sixteen ninety two, Columbus screamed, I'm
gonna goo?
Speaker 2: Was that? What's the opposite of edging?
Speaker 4: Gooing?
Speaker 1: Going?
Speaker 4: It's going?
Speaker 5: So for about one hundred years, it was just constant,
and you think, oh my god, that's got to feel
so good.
Speaker 4: No, earl hot and bothered. One hundred years of being
hot and bothered.
Speaker 1: It hurts ouch.
Speaker 5: When you don't stop, you're just shooting dust. Remember Bugs
Bunny cartoons where he would open a wallet and a
moth would fly out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it got to that point, like day I'm talking
day three.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm shooting moths. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And for one hundred years. Do you know the ironic
part about all that?
Speaker 1: What's that? And it's not?
Speaker 2: You know, I don't. I'm not happy to admit it,
but I'll tell you. I'll tell you I'm not above it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: They told me that the glue that I eight where
you think that came from. Oh, it wasn't.
Speaker 4: It wasn't glue. It wasn't glue.
Speaker 1: It wasn't.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, still very sticky, though I know that much.
I actually contributed to that bucket of glue. I didn't
want to say anything. I didn't want it out myself,
but some of that.
Speaker 5: Glue I knew. I knew something was familiar about it.
I know, I knew I couldn't came inside O. Cant
as sure that you ate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh huh, but let me tell you it was
on the tip of my tongue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew. I knew it was something. Uh huh.
Was it the little horns on the sperms that what
gave it away?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: They it hurt syphilis, Chris, which he also gave me
through that stings, and then for one hundred years shouting
I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Goo yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Well moving right along, Chris,
once you take this next one.
Speaker 1: In seventeen ninety two, Oh, Columbus took a two hundred
year old Pooh, So.
Speaker 5: What's that when you're filled with glue and goo? There's
no fiber in any of that, you know what I mean?
The glue finally comes out. Have you ever just shit
so big that it was like, I'm gonna have to
reach back and grab this thing. I made a pact
with God. I promise I'll be better. I promise I'll
be better. But he can't hear you down here.
Speaker 1: No he can't, not without a phone.
Speaker 5: No, you know again, I've been backed up for two
hundred years. I want to die, and again as a punishment,
I can't. No, because I'm down here.
Speaker 2: Columbia Travels, I.
Speaker 3: Remember, right long in eighteen ninety two, Columbus eight another
canister of glue.
Speaker 4: Dot dot, deja vu, deja vu, DejaVu. You ate another
canister glue?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And at that point I knew that it
wasn't glue, but you were still eating. Well, I didn't
have a choice.
Speaker 4: Oh, punishment, right right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was
a punishment.
Speaker 1: You discovered that it wasn't a canister of clue.
Speaker 2: But I discovered.
Speaker 5: You mean, I was taunted endlessly every day with a
bunch of little demons going.
Speaker 1: It's that glue.
Speaker 2: It's that glue, and then I have to keep eating
with it.
Speaker 4: It's like pudding, but like sticky, it's not good.
Speaker 2: Well, if you know all of those, that's definitely that's
the last one. There's no more rhymes, right.
Speaker 4: No, that got we got one more. Actually here there
was one hundred years later.
Speaker 2: We don't have to remember the last one.
Speaker 3: In nineteen ninety two, Columbus joined the lapd Blue. Wait
what happened in nineteen ninety two?
Speaker 2: There there was a little bit of a misunderstanding. Uh,
the thing about April twenty ninth, nineteen ninety two specifics. Wow, well,
it's a day that will live in infamy, much like
Columbus Day now, which is Indigenous People's Day October fourteenth.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'll just say I was the reason for
the la riots and that's not a big deal. And
that's just what it is.
Speaker 4: And that's just what it is.
Speaker 2: Everywhere that something is maybe like, oh did he know
about this? This is like a racial thing whatever, Columbus.
Speaker 4: Columbus, just be assured Columbus that I was there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were you're in hell eating glue. Yeah, And
they're like, Columbus, we got something for you to to say.
Speaker 2: Where do you think I got the glock?
Speaker 4: Chris piecing together? That's a callback right there. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you're welcome there you go.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't know if I'm thanking anybody for that,
but sing along with this one.
Speaker 3: Well, oh wow, Christopher Columbus, it has been yeah, yeah,
well yeah, this is what it is.
Speaker 5: To be hanging out with Christopher Columbus, going around discovering
what podcasts are. I've discovered this podcast, thank you very much.
Well it's brand new check out Good Morning from Hell,
a podcast I discovered.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll write that on all of our marketing materials.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Columbia Travel, don't put Christopher Columbus. If you put
Christopher Columbus, people don't. It's anti Italian discrimination, is what
it is.
Speaker 2: And you don't want that. Yeah, you don't want that.
And so don't put Chrisopher Columbus Columbia travels that you
put a little flags around it and everything.
Speaker 1: Ah huh.
Speaker 2: I discovered that that's better, better branding than me. Yes, Christopher,
so good having you on Columbus. That is Chris You're
always here. You're stuck here, You're never going anywhere. That's right,
you're stuck here.
Speaker 4: Ha ha yeah. Punishment. Yeah, so my secret mission does
not apploy here.
Speaker 1: But your secret mission? What secret mission, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: Were you also kind of sailing around the world trying
to find India?
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, that's what we'll say it is, you know,
speaking of sailing.
Speaker 3: Segue attention woo wooh, flashy flashy over here, look over here,
some some flashing over here.
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, we got you a gift, Chris, to
for Columbus.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 3: You know, in honor of your your old voyage back
in fourteen ninety two, when you sail the Ocean's blue.
Speaker 2: While you give me this gift, Chris, can you do
like alos like background music for.
Speaker 4: Me just underneath it, Yeah, to set the tone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So to commemorate that momentous day, we are going
to be giving you three ships.
Speaker 4: That whoa all right, if you walk out here, come
on out here to the dog let me see. Okay,
we got the iPad.
Speaker 3: Nano how the Nano, the Ford Pinto, and the Satan Maria.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, it's really a fort The second one's just really.
Speaker 4: It's a Ford Pinto. Yeah yeah, and then an iPod Nano.
Speaker 2: The iPod nano I.
Speaker 5: Guess I don't really know how I'm gonna sail the
iPod nano I guess I put the iPod Nano and
the Ford Pinto on the Satan Maria, right, which is great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you know, yeah, it's like a it's like
a three for one deal.
Speaker 1: That's all. Well, this is gonna this is great for
Columbia travels.
Speaker 2: It's an ATV all terrain vehicle. Oh, this is fantastic.
See it can go anywhere.
Speaker 4: Sound.
Speaker 2: But here's the thing, guys, what what am I supposed
to do with these things?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 3: Hell is filled with lava oceans, you know. Oh, there's
some uncharted territory all around us, all around us.
Speaker 4: Christopher Columbus, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I talked to my big brother and he says, get
that guy out there, go get him to discover the
rest of Hell.
Speaker 4: So that's your mission.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, to explore the rest of Hell in the
Satan Maria with the Ford Pinto and iPod Nano.
Speaker 4: That's correct. So get on board.
Speaker 1: We're gonna.
Speaker 4: Hey, before we go, though, we got a.
Speaker 3: Christen this okay, Oh christ and the ship. Yeah yeah,
we gotta Christ in the ship.
Speaker 2: You know. Let me get on the Satan Maria.
Speaker 4: Hey, all right, Chris, did you did you did you
bring the champagne I.
Speaker 1: Did not know we were doing this. I did not
bring the champagne.
Speaker 3: What it's okay, because I was just it was all
a joke because I'm actually just gonna slame your cent.
Speaker 4: Let me take your head. Wait right, Oh that's fantastic.
Speaker 1: Is it supposed to break?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: No, no, like it's a different version of Christening, you know,
like we actually call it Christening because it's I'm slamming
your head instead of a bottle of champagne into the
ship out.
Speaker 4: That's fun.
Speaker 2: Oh, Clay, you said, that is what?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so big, it's just hey, it's hey, plank
for plank, just like the Santa Maria, except it's the
Saint Maria.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: It's got a car in it.
Speaker 4: It's got a car in it. Extra Weight does have
a car in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And in that iPod nano it's got a battery, a
lithium battery that's very flammable.
Speaker 2: It only plays one song and it's that Chelsea Dagger song.
Speaker 4: And yeah, and you think it's gonna beat you know,
it's it's close.
Speaker 2: It's a different that's fun. But all of Hell's oceans
are lama that's right.
Speaker 3: Hey, you know what with that being said, I'm gonna
I'm just gonna cut your anchor because you're not gonna
eat this bad boy.
Speaker 2: Oh no, okay, now I'm just kinda Now, I'm just
kinda sailed away from you, guys.
Speaker 4: You're sail away by Christopher.
Speaker 1: I'm also sinking a little bit.
Speaker 4: No, you got it, you got it. I'm saluting you, guys.
Speaker 2: The boat's sinking a little bit.
Speaker 1: That's just you getting further away. You seem smaller though.
Speaker 4: I think no, I'm going down.
Speaker 5: Also, I think the fire the lava might be eating
through the hull of the ship.
Speaker 4: Guys. No, it's fine, it's the Saint Maria. It's sound,
it's it's waterproof.
Speaker 1: It's the optical illusion of the sunset.
Speaker 4: You're going over the curvature of the earth. You're getting further.
Speaker 2: No, no, we already talking about how it's flat.
Speaker 1: Oh coat it.
Speaker 4: Oh he's he just went under the he's under the lava.
Oh wait, he just popped his thumb out. Oh wow,
Well I thought for.
Speaker 3: A second he's gonna do the terminator too. He's gonna
raise a thumb up. What an episode and we hit
a holiday.
Speaker 1: Wow. If you want to get Roasted in Hell. Consider
joining our patreon.
Speaker 4: Crisis our hatreon.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that's something that's another feature that I failed
to mention earlier. Yeah, if you want to get roasted,
you just follow us on Hatreon. You submit your name, boom,
you're among a list of amazing people who I can
shoot on live on the show.
Speaker 4: So that's that's gonna be pretty great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and happy Indigenous People's Day.
Speaker 4: That's right, Indigenous People's Day Day.
Speaker 3: Oh he's in the pinto now, yeah he is just
so he's just a smoking skeleton. Oh, he's just he's
driving further into the ocean. I don't know how it
drives in the ocean.
Speaker 4: Nothing, it's not the is a great vehicle.
Speaker 2: It's nothing like the Cybertrot, not at all.
Speaker 4: Doesn't come close. Doesn't come close. All right, thanks for
listening as usual, Hail Clayton.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Eric Badoor for returning to Good Morning from
Hell as a Christopher Columbus. Eric, tell us, what shows
are you working on?
Speaker 2: I got one hundred per Eat, which is formerly face
Jam and Regulation podcast which used to be fuck Face.
So you go subscribe to those patreons when you're done
subscribing to this Patreon, I guess, and yeah, I mean,
or you can just go listen to podcasts. I think
people forgot that you can just like listen to the Yeah,
I mean, you can just like listen to the shows.
Speaker 4: That is a form of support in itself.
Speaker 2: You don't have to go, Yeah, you don't have to
pay you have to pay money if you don't want to,
you can just like, oh, we like listen to the show.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It actually does like a lot for us across the board.
Speaker 5: Yeah, for all these shows just to like, yeah, just
to like download it and listen to it and be like,
oh that's good.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna be a listener of this show.
Speaker 1: That really helps or.
Speaker 3: Options it's free, Eric, they could complain about how many
Patreons there are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what we should do, guys, Now, I have an idea.
We should get all these together and we should just
make it under one company. And there's no way that
could possibly fail for a second time.
Speaker 4: All right, one hundred percent and regulation pod go follow them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we've been we've been friends for a long time.
I would say you were instrumental in helping this show
get started in the first place. I was back in
twenty nineteen for one hundred percent e if someone who
has not.
Speaker 4: Heard of it, Yeah, what is it?
Speaker 5: That would be crazy if you hadn't heard of it,
But that's fine it. We go to every fast food
place to let you know if we need it, or
to let you know if you need it. I guess
and you probably do.
Speaker 2: So we go and try like limited time fast food
stuff or just try different fast food places, eat and
rate them. It's so such a thin premise to get
people in the door together. It's most just us fucking around,
which is a lot of fun. And then Regulation Podcast
is myself, Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, Andrew Panton, Nick Schwartz,
and I don't know how to describe that.
Speaker 5: It's deep lore about nothing. We found out that the
average American eats seventy hot dogs a year. That number
seems out of whack. Yeah, like there's no like, what
was it like the last time you eat a hot dog?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: I can't remember last year.
Speaker 2: I've eaten one this year in New York, Yeah exactly.
Speaker 5: So yeah, so oh mama, Mi, So apparently seventy is
the average American number. So on Regulation Podcast, just to
give you an idea about what the show is we
started a hot dog count where we're all counting the
amount of hot dogs we eat in a year now,
and so from August first until August first and next
year we're starting to see how many hot dogs. But
all that's kind of doing is I've eaten more hot
dogs in the last twenty days than I have the
rest of the year.
Speaker 2: Is it a competition to see who can eat the most?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: I think it's just it's just collecting data. It's just
a tracker. It's just making hot dogs top of mind.
And that's really making you go, oh, I can eat
a hot dog and that's not good. Huh no, no traits, yeah, treats. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so that that's why question you check out regulation podcast? Yeah,
what's up?
Speaker 4: Hot dog?
Speaker 2: How broad is that term? Like a sausage?
Speaker 1: Does that count?
Speaker 5: I think hot dog is pretty hot dog in like
the spirit of what we're doing, you know what I mean? Yeah,
you can you can try to break down like, oh,
what about a broad and it's like if you want
that to count, I guess you can count.
Speaker 2: It seems like hot dog.
Speaker 5: It seems like you like we all know what a
hot dog is and you can try to game the
system here, But really it's just eating seventy hot dogs
and seeing if that's really how many you eat in
a year. It's not a lot, right, It doesn't seem
like it would be a lot unless you go to
like hot Dog Day at like Round Rock Express.
Speaker 4: It does, though. Seventy is a lot. That's that's at
least seventy meals.
Speaker 2: Well, you don't only eat one hot dog? Yeah you're
or I guess thirty five meals. Thirty five meals, Yeah,
you're eat two hot dogs. God, I could see how
this could feel like an hour just talking about unless
you go to Costco Costco hot Dog, Big hot Dog,
Ballpark hot Dogs, we hot Dog. So go check out
this podcast, Yeah, go check them out, and.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk some more about nonsense and about some
of the horrible things we've done in our lives and
our Patreon exclusive show Why We're going to Hell, So
tune in for that. Bye.
Speaker 4: Thanks,