WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.040 --> 00:00:05.960 Hey, I'm just grabbing us a table on the pat 2 00:00:05.960 --> 00:00:08.519 ear should I order your usual? Even though I was 3 00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:10.640 already half way through the front doors of Jack's phone 4 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:12.720 pressed to my ear, I heard the line go silent, 5 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:15.080 then click, call failed, or maybe she just ignored it. 6 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:17.359 Me usually picked up on the first ring when I 7 00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:19.679 called on Trivia Knights, unless she was running from the 8 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:21.960 tea or squeezing in a last second call for work. 9 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:24.640 By the time I reached our crew, Nathan and candas 10 00:00:24.679 --> 00:00:27.600 taking over our regular high tops, Mug's already half drained 11 00:00:27.679 --> 00:00:30.559 my own half of the conversation At Gunsdale me is 12 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:33.560 on her way. Candace asked, her curly hair bobbing above 13 00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:37.320 a yellow scarf, a hopeful smile pressed into her cheeks. Nathan, 14 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:39.600 already thumbing through the paper menus, even though we never 15 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:43.119 ordered anything different, didn't glance up. Yes, she supposed to be, 16 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:45.960 unless I just imagine that, I said, dropping my bag 17 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:47.640 next to the batted bars till I'd staked out a 18 00:00:47.719 --> 00:00:50.679 hundred times since moving into the neighborhood, I'm not sure 19 00:00:50.679 --> 00:00:53.079 if she's in mission control mode after all, something about 20 00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.840 aboard dinner. I fished in my jacket for my phone, 21 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:57.560 hoping if I played it cool, i'd get a call 22 00:00:57.640 --> 00:01:02.560 or text nothing and to snorted, Wow, a real sorry, 23 00:01:02.719 --> 00:01:05.000 urgent thing came up. She did text me a couple 24 00:01:05.079 --> 00:01:07.599 minutes ago. I put her message on the table so 25 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:09.640 everyone could see the neat row of dots. Sorry you 26 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:12.799 can't make it. Board member dinner urgent glowing blue on 27 00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:16.400 the log screen. Nathan arch won brow. Did she get 28 00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:19.280 a promotion and forget to tell us? He teased to 29 00:01:19.400 --> 00:01:22.040 Night was our team. Knight always had been, through relationships, 30 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:25.680 jobs and flights home for weddings. Trivial was our thing, 31 00:01:25.719 --> 00:01:28.040 which meant by a kind of silent contract skipping. It 32 00:01:28.159 --> 00:01:32.280 was reserved for funerals. The flu or devline meltdowns probably 33 00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:35.239 just donors from that arts council, she keeps, mentioning, I 34 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:38.840 could tell my voice was drifting upward. Sounds overly bright. Wow, 35 00:01:39.079 --> 00:01:41.200 Canna said after a pause. She's missed a lot of 36 00:01:41.239 --> 00:01:45.599 these lately. She seemed genuinely sympathetic. Can't remember the last 37 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:48.799 time she actually won bonus round for us, I shrugged, 38 00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:53.000 fiddling with my napkin. Yeah, nonprofit stuff kicks up sometimes, 39 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:56.000 and of via grants and frondraising. You know the words 40 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:58.480 felt strangely scripted as I spoke them, like I borrowed 41 00:01:58.519 --> 00:02:02.159 them from me his own explanations. Nathan leaned in, but 42 00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:04.319 do you two even see each other half the week anymore? 43 00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:07.599 Nathan always did this needling, not malicious, but honest, in 44 00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:10.120 the way of people who don't edit for embarrassment. It 45 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:12.639 landed differently to night, maybe because his blue eyes fled 46 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:14.560 down at the empty chame he I always took beside me. 47 00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:17.400 She's just busy, I said, broke her in a laugh 48 00:02:18.039 --> 00:02:21.360 between donor things events all that anyway, Did we agree 49 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:23.360 on quizzically incline for the team name? Or are we 50 00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:27.800 quizzically inclined? Was vidoth last week? Good try? Though cand 51 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:31.039 has flashed a smile, gentle and apologetic crossed the bar. 52 00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:33.000 Someone cheered maybe at the game, may be at our 53 00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:35.599 name de bait. It was all blowed together. I let 54 00:02:35.599 --> 00:02:38.000 it fold round me, the familiar rhythm of jokes, pints, 55 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:41.240 everyone's shoes kick messy beneath our table. I should have 56 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:44.039 felt at home, but I was half waiting for another bosocol. 57 00:02:44.680 --> 00:02:46.879 It was true that me miss triviy sometimes, but it 58 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:48.879 was always for something like a last minute press release 59 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:51.360 or a crisis level, showing up bladen sweatpants after some 60 00:02:51.439 --> 00:02:54.680 event over Anne. Never a text, Never something so brief. 61 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.319 Cann has caught my hesitation. You okay, I've forced a smile, 62 00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:02.680 just hungry. I think, what's the first round of questions 63 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:06.960 to night? But inside a tiness hourness blooned. I squashed it. 64 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:11.360 She's busy, you know her. She gets determined and loses track. 65 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.240 Nothing to be dramatic about. Don't be one of those guys. 66 00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:18.280 I pulled my focus to the trivic cards, letting everyone 67 00:03:18.280 --> 00:03:21.319 else's voices carry me along. But the place beside me 68 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:23.520 stayed empty, and the acdo did in fade, even when 69 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:25.759 Nathan stumbled over the final answer and the rest of 70 00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:29.080 us laughed too hard, pretending everything was as usual. In 71 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.759 every relationship, there are the stories you develop unconsciously, the 72 00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:34.599 routines inside jokes, the lines you volley back and forth 73 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:37.360 until they become code for how you fit together. Mia 74 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:39.599 and I met at an architect's gallery opening downtown. I 75 00:03:39.639 --> 00:03:41.719 was just out of Kurad's skull, trying to net work. 76 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:44.000 She was three years into her nonprofit job and actually 77 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:46.560 knew about half the people in the room that night. 78 00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:49.520 She'd been in a navy dress, laughing loudly, absolutely comfortable 79 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:51.960 in her skin, while I fumbled introducing myself as a 80 00:03:51.960 --> 00:03:55.800 designer who is between projects. Somehow we gravitated toward each 81 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:57.879 other at the after party, neither of us quite sure 82 00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:00.360 if it was work chatter or floating. She told me, 83 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:02.159 you're a little self important, but at least you have 84 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:04.599 the decency to look nervous about it. I bought her 85 00:04:04.599 --> 00:04:06.560 a drink and told her architects could be fine, but 86 00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:09.400 only after midnight. She called me on and we left 87 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:12.319 the bar together, stumbling over hotel lobbies and city lights. 88 00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:16.360 Our futures suddenly tangled up impossibility. Five years later, the 89 00:04:16.360 --> 00:04:18.879 city has become our mutual project, the neighborhood bar, our 90 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:22.600 official living room. Weakness marked by trivia weekends, by dinner parties, 91 00:04:22.680 --> 00:04:25.199 or gallery shore she discovered through her non profit circles. 92 00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:28.240 We learned the hard way how to blend ambition and affection. 93 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:30.399 Me as I will swing wildly half the time, she 94 00:04:30.439 --> 00:04:32.920 flies into a rage over miss deadlines. Half the time, 95 00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:35.519 she's a paragone of calm, while I whine about clients. 96 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:38.360 We exist on Google calendar, color coded for her events 97 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:41.399 by meetings our birthdays, our friends kid's birthday, though neither 98 00:04:41.399 --> 00:04:45.000 of us ever considered kids ourselves. Our bank accounts merged 99 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:46.959 by the end of year two, less for romance than 100 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:50.160 for convenience, like running a business with shared prucks, She'd said, 101 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:53.800 Competition became play. After everboard win or successful bird, we 102 00:04:53.920 --> 00:04:57.240 bet on dinner. Loser cooked, winner pick the menu. Sometimes 103 00:04:57.439 --> 00:04:59.639 on long walks, one or the other would joke about 104 00:04:59.639 --> 00:05:02.439 which of us would crack and get boring first. It 105 00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:04.839 was a point of pride. We weren't the couple to 106 00:05:04.920 --> 00:05:08.720 let routine greep in never that never secrets, that typo 107 00:05:08.839 --> 00:05:11.279 kept us shop, or maybe just anxious never to fall. 108 00:05:11.800 --> 00:05:13.439 We were proud of the way we made each other better. 109 00:05:13.480 --> 00:05:16.839 At least that's what we told our friends. But sometimes 110 00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:19.319 late at night, I'd wonder what would happen if ambition 111 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:23.079 and intimacy ever traded places. The next morning, waiting to 112 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:25.519 settle our brunch plans, a scroll through our joint credit 113 00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:27.839 card transactions on the bank ap something I did more 114 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:30.600 for curiosity than that of any habits of control. The 115 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:34.959 itemized list, almost always predictable, groceries, Martifair, Jax, the occasional 116 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:36.920 Yuber glowed back as I waited for me as half 117 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:39.959 asleep answer behind me. But two new charges stood out. 118 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:42.360 One a fancy restaurant on the north side. She'd never 119 00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:46.040 mentioned Elforno twenty for our cancelation policy. Another some high 120 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:49.279 end boutique had never heard her mention, Hey, what's this 121 00:05:49.319 --> 00:05:53.839 from Ilforno? I asked, voiced, casual, deliberately playful. She looked 122 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:57.439 up from her pilow hemas and laughed, Oh God, please 123 00:05:57.480 --> 00:05:59.759 don't audit me before coffee, she groaned, shoving away the 124 00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:03.319 foot work stuff. Nu dona prospect? Can I explain after 125 00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:05.720 a shower? I honestly can't think until after a shower 126 00:06:06.439 --> 00:06:09.319 she was already moving, shoving off breakfast, disappearing behind a 127 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:12.959 bathroom door before I could say anything else. Usually, money 128 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:15.639 was just another form of trivia to us who spent 129 00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:18.040 more on the last take up binge, who found the 130 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:20.519 best deal on wine? That was how we kept score 131 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:23.920 transparent teasing, never touch it, But for a split second, 132 00:06:23.959 --> 00:06:26.199 there was an unfamiliar tightness in away MEA's laugh court 133 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:29.319 attention under the surface. She didn't even turn to face 134 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:31.319 me when talking about it, just swept it away like 135 00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:34.480 a dirty towel. She used to explain every strange charge 136 00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:37.399 with a goofy anecdote or at least somewhat complaint. Not 137 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:40.600 this time. The water began to run behind a closed door. 138 00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:43.360 I stood there, phone in hand, the number on the 139 00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:45.879 screen shifting from weird to possibly meaningful, and tried to 140 00:06:45.879 --> 00:06:48.920 shrug it off. Maybe she just hadn't had coffee yet, 141 00:06:49.519 --> 00:06:53.399 merelyd de M could barely form sentences, let alone manufacture 142 00:06:53.399 --> 00:06:56.839 a cover story. Still my mind nagged, when did that 143 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:00.160 become something I had to factor in? I almost texted Kendies, 144 00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:03.480 but that seemed premature. Instead I dropped it, at least 145 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:06.199 for then. In relationships you learn that some thing's just 146 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:08.519 require trust, or at least the semblance of it, until 147 00:07:08.519 --> 00:07:10.920 it is certain there's a reason not to. That night, 148 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:13.079 as we were cleaning up from dinner left over pad 149 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:15.199 Thaie one glass of white left in the bottle may 150 00:07:15.279 --> 00:07:18.439 seem preoccupied her forem vibrating again and again, but always 151 00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:22.040 face down. She was less present than usual, rushing through tasks, 152 00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:25.879 glancing toward the clock, jumping slightly at each alert. At 153 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:28.600 one point I saw her glance over her notification, thumbed away, 154 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.279 and let out a barely repressed sigh. I tried to 155 00:07:31.319 --> 00:07:33.879 catch her gaze, but she ducked her head, scrubbing and stubborn, 156 00:07:33.879 --> 00:07:37.519 so or stained offerplay, So when's the next big donor dinner? 157 00:07:37.560 --> 00:07:39.360 Want me to come along and impress every one with 158 00:07:39.399 --> 00:07:42.720 my deep knowledge of structural engineering and affordable housing. I 159 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:44.720 dipped my force into a light joke, hoping for the 160 00:07:44.800 --> 00:07:48.199 kind of banter we navigated a hundred times. Mia laughed, 161 00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:50.959 but it was forced a little thin. No, trust me, 162 00:07:51.079 --> 00:07:53.480 it's exactly as glamorous as it sounds. You don't want 163 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:55.680 to be stuck there. I barely want to be stuck there. 164 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:58.279 She rinsed the plate, drying her hands with the towel. 165 00:07:58.839 --> 00:08:00.759 It's just a lot right now. I feel like I'm 166 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:03.399 always auditioning for another grant, or making the same speech 167 00:08:03.399 --> 00:08:05.720 in a different suit. You want to talk about it, 168 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:09.480 I asked, gentler. Now work pressure had always been part 169 00:08:09.480 --> 00:08:12.839 of her world. Instead of answering, she shrugged, not really, 170 00:08:12.920 --> 00:08:15.319 I just want to finish this, okay, Sorry, I'm not 171 00:08:15.399 --> 00:08:18.480 fun right now. She flinched, not meeting my eye, and 172 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:21.439 left the room. She didn't ask for hug. She didn't 173 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:23.720 suggest to show or offer to walk to the corner 174 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:26.120 for dessert, like she usually would after a long week. 175 00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:30.040 After she disappeared into the bedroom, I lingered awhile rinsing 176 00:08:30.079 --> 00:08:31.920 the glasses, trying to count up the costs of being 177 00:08:31.959 --> 00:08:34.799 partnered to someone whose job demanded so much social energy. 178 00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:37.480 But the more I tried to has a normal explanation, 179 00:08:37.639 --> 00:08:40.080 the more the morning's wordness settled deeper into my chest. 180 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:44.240 Sunday morning brought a new flavor of awkward. Over coffee 181 00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:46.879 and Bagel's. We compared calenders, like always blocking off the 182 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:49.240 following Thursday for an event at the museum. Friday for 183 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:51.480 a housewarming one of me as colleagues was thrawing, and 184 00:08:51.799 --> 00:08:54.879 as always trivia the next Tuesday or so, I thought, 185 00:08:55.559 --> 00:08:58.360 I might need to skip again next week, Mia said, 186 00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:01.720 checking her phone. Her lips pressed again, this is a possibility. 187 00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:03.639 I have to host a board dinners for the Capital 188 00:09:03.720 --> 00:09:05.600 campaign committee. You know how it is if everyone's on 189 00:09:05.639 --> 00:09:08.200 a different schedule, so I never know until the last minute. 190 00:09:08.759 --> 00:09:10.720 Is that the same group he had dinner with last Tuesday? 191 00:09:11.399 --> 00:09:16.799 I asked? She hesitated a microsecond, nearly imperceptible, but real, No, 192 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:19.360 that was a policy board. This is the fundraising board. 193 00:09:19.960 --> 00:09:22.639 She scrolled furiously on her phone. It's all a blur 194 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:25.639 right now. Well tell me if it changes. The team 195 00:09:25.639 --> 00:09:27.919 will survive without you for one night, I managed or 196 00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:30.720 where I was laying it on teeth thick, but not 197 00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:34.679 to you. She's mild tight. If they miss me, you'll 198 00:09:34.679 --> 00:09:36.879 just have to double them for both of us. She 199 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:39.200 squeezed my hand, and for a moment the distance melted, 200 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:41.360 as if she was remembering how we used to conspire 201 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:44.679 against our friends at Trevia, stacked little secrets just between us. 202 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:47.840 But the tenderness faded almost as quickly as it appeared. 203 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:50.960 That afternoon, as I sat on the couch nursing a 204 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:53.480 second coffee, May dashed out for one errand and didn't 205 00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:56.159 return for almost three hours, arriving with a shopping bag 206 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.039 from a boutique. Neither of us had ever discussed on 207 00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:01.519 the faint, unfamiliar scent lingering on her coat. The perfume 208 00:10:01.559 --> 00:10:03.799 wasn't even the one she usually wore, a soft sitress 209 00:10:03.799 --> 00:10:05.840 and green tea. Nope, I couldn't quite name this one. 210 00:10:05.879 --> 00:10:09.919 But it was sharp, spicy, almost floral. She was uncharacteristically giddy, 211 00:10:10.039 --> 00:10:12.759 tossing the coat on the rack and disappearing into the bathroom, again, 212 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:15.919 humming as she went. I tried to spot the boutique 213 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:18.759 name on the bag, but she whisted away before I could. 214 00:10:18.759 --> 00:10:20.960 That evening, after she'd gone to bed, I sculled back 215 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:24.720 through a bank ap more oddities, another boutique charged seventy 216 00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:27.200 three dollars at cottail bar we'd sworn off after me's 217 00:10:27.200 --> 00:10:29.559 birthday last year, and a digital payment to an indigo 218 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:32.559 art's studio. I pressed a finger over the app, considering 219 00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:34.919 the story she told me about missing trivia a donor 220 00:10:34.919 --> 00:10:38.399 dinner board meeting. But this bar wasn't anywhere near her office, 221 00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:40.879 and as far as I knew, May never took out classes. 222 00:10:40.919 --> 00:10:43.480 Her own words, not mine. I love art, I hate 223 00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:46.919 making art. I told myself not to spiral. Maybe a 224 00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:48.960 surprise gift, maybe a tea mouting she didn't want to 225 00:10:49.000 --> 00:10:51.120 drag me to maybe a hundred things that weren't what 226 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:54.360 I suspected. But my mind reprised the scene from earlier, 227 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.559 the way she ducked my glance, the sharp perfume, the 228 00:10:56.600 --> 00:10:59.440 smile that vanished as soon as it appeared. On Monday, 229 00:10:59.559 --> 00:11:01.960 Mia left early, far earlier than she needed to given 230 00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:04.759 her usual start, but own a breakfast, then an old 231 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:06.600 day off site at the foundation. I may not be 232 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:08.759 home by dinner, she said, avoiding my eyes as she 233 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.159 juggled her keys and phone, sliding on a blazer i'd 234 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:14.440 never seen before, a deep emerald color striking, an expensive looking. 235 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:17.360 She didn't ask for a ride or even a token kiss. 236 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:19.840 Could by a quick smile and gone. I stood in 237 00:11:19.879 --> 00:11:22.720 our doorway holding my coffee, staring at the closing elevator 238 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:25.639 for a few seconds after she disappeared. That night, as 239 00:11:25.639 --> 00:11:28.200 I was settling into the quiet, she texted, might be late, 240 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:31.039 don't wait up. The message was clipped the void of 241 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:33.159 her usual emojis, or even the little joke she'd once 242 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:34.960 sent when she had to miss dinner. Try not to 243 00:11:34.960 --> 00:11:38.320 eat both our portions. I texted a simple quet, then waited, 244 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:41.480 scrolling half heartedly for a half dozen new sites. When 245 00:11:41.480 --> 00:11:44.399 midnight rolled around and she still wasn't home, I checked Instagram, 246 00:11:44.440 --> 00:11:46.200 though I never bothered with it unless she asked me 247 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:49.440 to double tap a what posed her foundation's official account 248 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:51.720 had tired her in an event two hours prior, Smiling over 249 00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:54.840 a microphone, hair pulled back, the emerald blazer now slightly 250 00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:58.519 askew over her shoulder. I commented, a nice blazer, looking sharp, 251 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:00.840 only for her to reply forty five five minutes later, 252 00:12:01.159 --> 00:12:04.519 long night. Thanks. By the time she finally arrived, it 253 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:07.840 was past one. She tiptoed and softly, thinking I was asleep. 254 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:10.360 But I lay still, eyes closed, but mind ticking. In 255 00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:12.279 the darkness. I could make out a faint woff again, 256 00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:15.759 that sharp floral perfume. When I shifted, she flinched, then 257 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:18.039 waited a beat before climbing into bed, careful not to 258 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.039 brush against me as she pulled the comforter over her. 259 00:12:20.600 --> 00:12:22.639 The next day, I tried to chase down the oddity 260 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:25.759 of it, all the misdnners, down familiar routines, the odd receipts. 261 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:29.600 At lunch, I texted me, want to meet up for sandwiches? 262 00:12:29.639 --> 00:12:32.840 I can come near your office. She replied, almost instantly, 263 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:35.759 not to day, Sorry, pack schedule all day maybe tomorrow. 264 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:38.480 No offer to meet half way. No, let's look at 265 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:42.360 the week, just a flat rehearse. No. I called Candace, 266 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:45.200 my voice as casual as I could manage. You haven't 267 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:49.080 heard from me lately, right, she's slammed with work. Candace paused. 268 00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:52.200 I tried last week, but she never texted back, is 269 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:56.639 everything okay? Her tone was gentle, but a little searching. Yeah, yeah, 270 00:12:56.799 --> 00:13:00.000 just her schedule is nuts board stuff. I found myself 271 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:02.039 refusing me at his words, as if by repeating them 272 00:13:02.039 --> 00:13:04.600 I could make them real. After lunch, I opened the 273 00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.600 bank cap again. Two new charges, the motel bar off 274 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:09.240 the highway in a part of town she'd never set 275 00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:11.440 a foot in, and a digital payment for another evening 276 00:13:11.559 --> 00:13:14.600 art class. I took a breath, scrolling the list again, 277 00:13:14.799 --> 00:13:17.639 now looking for patterns. If it was just work, dinners 278 00:13:17.720 --> 00:13:23.039 or donor events, why the motels, why art classes, whide boutiques? Anne? 279 00:13:23.039 --> 00:13:25.440 More presently, why was she withdrawing from our life together, 280 00:13:25.480 --> 00:13:29.080 missing trivia, pulling away from friends, pushing for space. How 281 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:30.799 could she snap and then act as if nothing was 282 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:33.679 amiss the next morning? That night, as I set about 283 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:36.279 making dinner for myself another left over night, MIA's text 284 00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:39.279 one she might not make it, I heard the dry buzzing. Mindless, 285 00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:40.799 I went to pull out MEA's work clothes so they 286 00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:43.759 wouldn't wrinkle. As I fished through her jacket pockets, a 287 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:46.480 slim business card slaid out and dropped onto the towers below. 288 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:50.799 It was thick, impossibly smooth embossed luxury. The cod read 289 00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:54.480 Nichols Fail Luxury travel broker. The ink was a deep 290 00:13:54.519 --> 00:13:57.559 blue offset by a tiny, ete golden compass. On the 291 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:00.679 back a hand scribbled number without any note. We never 292 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:02.799 traveled by broker. Our last trip to max Coal was 293 00:14:02.840 --> 00:14:06.200 budgeted to the decimal sure me dealt with affluent donors, 294 00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:08.799 but she'd never mentioned any travel brokers in her circle. 295 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:11.639 I turned the card over and over, considering whether Mere 296 00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:13.799 had given it to me and I'd just forgotten. But 297 00:14:13.879 --> 00:14:15.879 as I lined it up next to her foundation's business 298 00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:17.559 cards in the junk drawer, it stood out like a 299 00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:21.360 foreign object, expansive, impenetrable, out of place. That night, I 300 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:23.799 waited until we got home almost midnight again and showed 301 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:27.080 her the card, barely masking my annoyance. She peeled off 302 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:29.639 her shoes, barely looking at me, and said, oh, one 303 00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:31.519 of the donors handed it to me. He's planning a 304 00:14:31.559 --> 00:14:34.120 trip for the next campaign launch. Sorry, I meant to save. 305 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:37.279 He never mentioned travel for the foundation, I said, trying 306 00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:40.679 for neutral. She blinks, It's not for me, it's for 307 00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:43.039 the gale A Raffle. They giving away a vacation package. 308 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:45.759 I didn't think he cared about the logistics. It was 309 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:49.120 a plausible enough explanation, but still I watched for a flicker, 310 00:14:49.159 --> 00:14:54.399 a microexpression, anything. Her face was blank, her voice distant. Then, James, 311 00:14:54.440 --> 00:14:56.399 can we not do this now? I am honestly too 312 00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:59.240 tired to play twenty questions. She dropped the card on 313 00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.720 the counter and left the room, The conversation over before 314 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:04.399 it really started. I wanted to believe her. God, I 315 00:15:04.440 --> 00:15:07.480 wanted to believe her. But now spishenstone ex silt in 316 00:15:07.480 --> 00:15:10.039 the river bed. I tried to push it away, told 317 00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:13.279 myself it was my own insecurity. The next day, another 318 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:15.320 friend to him from her office, tixted me a photo 319 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.159 of me at a local bar. Your girl's networking again. 320 00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:21.000 I think she's recruiting half the room. The time sound 321 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:22.600 matched and night she told me she'd be at a 322 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:25.720 restaurant funders attained blocks away. Maybe she was just a 323 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:28.080 never a quick drink after, I told myself, but the 324 00:15:28.120 --> 00:15:31.320 location made no sense. Our neighborhood was full of bars, 325 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.600 but not that one, not one we never went to together, 326 00:15:33.799 --> 00:15:38.159 not alone. I started noticing subtle shifts. Her phone, once 327 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:40.519 left casually on the table, now always lay faced down, 328 00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:44.080 even when it vibrated. She rarely left it unattended, always 329 00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:46.720 with an arm's reach, always pocketed if she left the room. 330 00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:49.240 She set up new Pasco to never mentioned it, but 331 00:15:49.240 --> 00:15:51.120 I spotted the new unlocked patant when she typed it 332 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:53.759 in with her hand cupped round the screen. At night, 333 00:15:53.879 --> 00:15:56.279 her routine changed. She showered soon as she got home 334 00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:58.720 instead of sinking into our couch, and left her phone 335 00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:01.879 in the locked bedroom. Whenever she did dinner together became rare. 336 00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:05.919 She habitually made excuses late work calls, urgent campaign updates, 337 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:09.720 board crosses, Meals were replaced with snacks. Even standing up 338 00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:12.559 ances short a monotone, the warmth draining out of her eyes. 339 00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:15.559 One Friday, I offered to drive her to from draising 340 00:16:15.559 --> 00:16:19.320 event across town. She snapped, it's not necessary. I'm sharing 341 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:21.000 a lift with one of the interns. We have to 342 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:23.120 pick up table centerpieces on the way. Just you your 343 00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:25.399 own thing to night. It was the first time I'd 344 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:28.240 been actively discouraged from joining her at anything work related. 345 00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:30.720 I watched her dress up in a new teal blouse, 346 00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:33.080 carefully doing her hair and makeup, even as she left 347 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:35.799 me out of her plans. She was vague when She 348 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:38.440 came home that night, blowing past my questions about how 349 00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:41.440 it had gone long night. Really too many little fires 350 00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.000 to put out, she said, pulling off her jewelry and 351 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:46.440 leaving it piled on the hall table. I caught a 352 00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:49.039 faint trace of that shops by Superfum again, stronger now 353 00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:51.159 enough to linger in the air after she walked away. 354 00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:54.080 The next Saturday, Maya and anunt she'd be traveling overnight 355 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:56.480 for a conference one not listed on the shad Giggle calendar. 356 00:16:57.080 --> 00:16:59.320 I't a pop up board training all last minute. Sorry, 357 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:02.600 I should have mention it sooner. She packed hurriedly, carefully 358 00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:05.279 folding clothes I had never seen before, sliding silky slip 359 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:08.359 dresses and new heels into her garment bag. I insisted 360 00:17:08.359 --> 00:17:11.559 on walking her to the lift. Safe travels, I said, 361 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:14.000 pecking her on the cheek, lingering a fraction too long, 362 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:16.000 searching for her scent, for her gaze to meet mine. 363 00:17:16.039 --> 00:17:19.200 Un reassure me. She gave a quick almost four smiles offter, 364 00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:22.240 then a frown but tight closed off. She texted late 365 00:17:22.279 --> 00:17:24.559 that night, all checked in Wi Fi is terrible. Have 366 00:17:24.599 --> 00:17:27.759 a good sleep. Instead of sleeping, I sat awake, combing 367 00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:31.079 through her public social media accounts, the foundation posted a 368 00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:33.359 shop from a happy hour at entirely different location that 369 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:36.559 afternoon in nit Mia was present, but in the background, 370 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:39.559 low angle, half hidden, her attention seemingly on someone standing 371 00:17:39.640 --> 00:17:42.359 just out of frame. She returned late the following evening, 372 00:17:42.440 --> 00:17:45.279 suit case in hand, smile, careful and thin. I moved 373 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:49.039 into Harkurr, but she twitched away. Sorry, exhausted, I still 374 00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:51.680 smell like airplane. I held up a bottle of her 375 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:56.119 favorite wine, trying hard for normalcy. Want to decompress, No, 376 00:17:56.519 --> 00:17:59.279 I just want to shower and sleep. She disappeared, leaving 377 00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:01.559 the scent of new per seemed different again. Bolder almost 378 00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:04.119 must be behind her in the hallway. Day's blood is 379 00:18:04.119 --> 00:18:07.720 autumn deepened. Miy grew increasingly guarded her aunt's de even 380 00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:11.480 basic question, short, mechanical. She started skipping our share trivia 381 00:18:11.559 --> 00:18:13.480 nights as a rule, then stopped inviting me to non 382 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:17.279 work dinners, blaming stressed donors busy season. When I pressed 383 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:20.720 her about it, she grew defensive, impatient. Look, I'm sorry, 384 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:23.160 and not all sunshine and rainbows right now. I'm trying 385 00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:25.440 to not have our entire foundation collapse under me. Can 386 00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:27.599 you just give me space to do my job. She 387 00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:29.920 never used to talk to me like that. Every disagreement 388 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:32.480 used to end and compromise, or at least a muttered apology. 389 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:35.480 Now the air in our apartment felt stretched, then electric, 390 00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.559 and waiting at our next trivia night, just me, Nathan 391 00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:42.160 and Candace, nobody bothered teasing me about May's absence. Cannus 392 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:44.920 tried to fill the silence, talking about work, about their kids, 393 00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:48.160 about anything. Nathan glanced at me a few times, hesitation 394 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:51.440 behind every word. I threw myself into work to escape, 395 00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:53.680 maybe or just to avoid staring at closed doors, and 396 00:18:53.720 --> 00:18:57.279 tried to rationalize everything away. Maybe the foundation really was 397 00:18:57.319 --> 00:19:00.559 in crisis. Maybe I was just in secure, jealous of 398 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:03.480 her successes, or threatened that she was building relationships with 399 00:19:03.559 --> 00:19:07.000 people I hadn't even met. Still, the clues accumulated, and 400 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:10.319 familiar beautique bags in the closet, new jewelry, strange receipts, 401 00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.680