Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. It's good friend Clayton here live
in Hell with is Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Chris and I'm Debt and my eternal punishment is
to record this podcast where we interview everyone.
Speaker 1: In the afterlife.
Speaker 2: And I have to say, Clayton, Yeah, the upgrades you
made to this recording studio are pretty cool.
Speaker 1: You like those? You like that? Chris? Yeah, I got
some new furniture, doing some remodeling, doing some renovations, and yeah,
I wanted to surprise you. I think you're gonna like that.
That new chair specifically, this chair is really cool. It's
almost like a metallic throne. Yeah. Man, thank you fit
for a king? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, are you just getting into like a DIOI kind
of things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been working so hard and I just figured
that you need a nice reward. So I just got
you this like cool chair. And I saw that and
I was like, that is so Chris. I'm gonna get
that for Chris. I don't know when your birthday is,
I don't fucking care, but let's just consider this your
birthday gift. Huh, well, thank you? Whoa. It vibrates, It vibrates.
Speaker 2: It's not super cool, like a cool little vibrating massage
chair a heat function as well.
Speaker 1: If you press some of the buttons you could probably
heat it up. It's not hot enough in here, right,
Oh that is hot. Yeah, it's almost like a breathy yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well you gotta be careful to watch your sperm count
those heating chairs, those zapper balls, But that's fine. You
don't need to worry about those anyways. Don't even know
if you have yours anymore, do you? No? Oh, that's right,
that's what I play pickleball with. Yep. It's funny too
because instead of a pickleball racket you just use a penis. Yeah,
definitely not yours though, wasn't that big.
Speaker 2: But it's full circle, you know. It's like yeah, and honestly,
it's a pretty fun sport.
Speaker 1: Pickleball. Yeah you experienced? Do you like it? You played it?
You know?
Speaker 2: I've been trying to get out a little more. And
there's Hell's pickleball league that I've been playing in.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Any people that I might know
that are playing with you, oh Jay Simpson, Oh yeah,
the juice, Yeah, yeah, we pickleball sometimes. Oh that's fun.
Yeah he kills yeah, he does, he does yeah, well,
whoa is the chair doing something? Now? It's really vibrating. Yeah,
it's a massage share, it's just doing his thing. Not really.
We got you, Chris, We got you.
Speaker 3: Here's a tiny man inside me.
Speaker 1: This is our guest for the week. Whose tiny ass
is this my chair? I am not a chair?
Speaker 3: Get off? God? Your bones are so small? Yeah and brittle?
Speaker 1: Yeah? So are you like a cybord?
Speaker 3: No, I am an autobot from Cybertron. And what are
you some kind of elf?
Speaker 1: He's a dipshit from fuck face to Tron. This is Chris.
I'm Clayton by the way. Nice to meet you, everybody.
This is Optimist Prime.
Speaker 3: Wow, thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1: Like the cartoon or the movies, yeah, all of them.
Speaker 3: Where are we? Where is the show taking place?
Speaker 1: Well, Optimist, you're in hell? What? Yeah? I don't know
how recently you got here, but I definitely have a
list of reasons for why you're down here. But you're
like everybody's hero. I don't know if you knew this,
but yeah, they made like shows in movies and films
about you and your escapades. You're just so cool, Optimist.
Speaker 3: I do know that I am a hero Escapades I
think you're thinking of escalades. That's usually what I would
transform into when I would park in handicap parking spots.
Speaker 2: Oh oh okay, why would you turn into and escalate
specifically for handicap spots.
Speaker 3: That's usually the type of vehicle that I'd see parking
in these spots. Oh, so I figured to blend in
on Earth to better protect the humans. I had better
park like they do, disregard accessibility to the extent that
humans do.
Speaker 1: Now, to help humans, you mimic them.
Speaker 3: To help humans, you have to hurt them. That's what
I've learned.
Speaker 1: That makes sense from my experience knowing you so far.
Speaker 3: Indeed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's your leg doing, Chris? Is it gonna grow back?
It looks like you guy it chopped off there? Yeah,
give it an hour. Actually, optimist, I think you cut
off the leg at the thigh. Could you like shit
that out? I don't know where it is mixed within
your inner workings machinery.
Speaker 3: I can feel it in there. You're gonna have to
reach in, Uh find it, Okay, Chris, go ahead and
reach Chris. How long is your arm reach into his chest?
Speaker 1: Chris?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you must reach into my chest.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's your chest. Okay, I thought I was reaching
into another spot.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, hold on, let me transform a little bit. Okay,
never mind, not the chest. It is indeed just above
the prostate, Chris.
Speaker 1: Chris, he's got a space there. You just open it
up for you. It's like an exhaust port.
Speaker 3: The exhaust pie. Be careful. There's a big button in there.
You don't want to hit.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of hot exhaust coming from this.
Speaker 3: You're almost there.
Speaker 1: Find it? Did you get it? Chris? Reach? Oh, I
feel something that's not it. That's it, but it's not it. Maybe, like,
go on, give it a yank. Maybe if I helped poll,
like I'm three, we can try to poll. I've got something. Yeah,
give it a yank, Chris, one two three? What's this
other of exhaust that's coming out here? You're chewing oil
all over the table. I can't tell that's oil or
windshield wipe or fluid or it's coming out in squirts.
Speaker 3: It's neither. You found my autobot seed jambed in there
for so long?
Speaker 1: Okay, this is going well, so far? Well, Chris, you
got your leg back to stop your complaining. Thanks, Yeah,
optimis you mentioned it before, but you're here to like
save the humans, Like, can you elaborate on that? Is?
He had a mission or something.
Speaker 3: We had to flee our planet Cybertron from my former acquaintance,
and we came here where we decided to hang out
with all these cute little ape people.
Speaker 1: You had to flee from who your acquaintance? What exactly?
Speaker 3: He's kind of like my step brother Megatron.
Speaker 1: That's a cool name. What's the origins of your beef
with Megatron? What actually went down there? Well?
Speaker 3: He wanted us to have free healthcare on Cybertron. What
And I said, autobots, we can't allow that, and they
chased us out of town.
Speaker 1: Free healthcare.
Speaker 3: That's pretty dastardly, the most evil thing anyone can do.
Speaker 1: What other kind of hair brained ideas was this Megatron
pitching to the people of Cybertron.
Speaker 3: He wanted to sell cruelty free soaps and deodorants, okay,
And I said, no, animals are only for having sex
with whoa, oh, only my decree as an autobot leader.
Speaker 1: That's a heck of us dance. Wow. So as autobot leader,
was this like an elected position? Like how did you
get to that level of power? How big are the autobots.
Speaker 3: No, we were definitely a minority. How we came to
power as completely a mystery?
Speaker 1: Interesting?
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, luckily we found a planet suitable for our politics.
Speaker 1: I want to go back to this animal think. I'd
love to use animals for sex.
Speaker 3: Indeed, Wow, they're cyber animals. These are a little bit
different on Cybertron, like beast war people. Right, yes, okay,
but we only lay with them when they transform into
gorillas and birds.
Speaker 1: But when they're in there, other creature transformers form their
robot form.
Speaker 3: Never robot on robot copulation is illegal under my purview.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm learning so much some weird politics. If
it's even politics, I don't know if it's politics it is, Okay.
Speaker 3: It's on the ballots.
Speaker 1: How many votes did you get? How many autobots are there?
Because you know, I'm familiar with Bumblebee Bumblebee? Yeah, what's
up with Bumblebee? An iron hide? Bumblebee was the most
of your rile of all the autobots, was he. I
would see him constantly running around looking for a mate.
That's why his colors are so bright. Oh oh, that's
a thing.
Speaker 3: Pecking, peacocking, exactly.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, would he do it with peacocks?
Speaker 3: No iron hide? He liked the peacocks. Bumblebee likes gorillas
in chimpanzees.
Speaker 1: Man, you put the weird guest.
Speaker 3: I didn't know this was the thing that was going
to be the main topic of discussion. But I'm an
open book Chris.
Speaker 1: To be honest, Chris, I didn't do a lot of
research because I just I saw Optimus Prime and I
was like, yeah, fuck, yeah, that's it. That's a hole
in one.
Speaker 3: But autobots also like to do their own research, Oh okay,
and encourage all to do the same for the good
of humanity.
Speaker 1: What kind of research have you done, Optimists Prime?
Speaker 3: Mostly reading Wikipedia pages. Perhaps you've heard of those in
this realm.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Usually that's enough to gain information about any subject. Diseases,
medical breakthroughs, laws, anything you need to know you can
find on Wikipedia and become an instant.
Speaker 1: Expert on Okay, So, Optimists, let's talk about your name.
It's a very cool name, and so is something like Megatron.
You guys just name yourselves because I have a list
here of interestingly named transformers that I'm just I'm so
curious with the origins.
Speaker 3: It's a great name I used to be Uh. The
only Wikipedia article I didn't read was my own, so
I don't remember what I used to be called. Anyway,
I had a bunch of friends and enemies with sick names.
I'd love to hear them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's like Rodomus Prime. Is that like a brother
of yours? I don't know. That's one of the dumber ones,
I say.
Speaker 2: Actually, okay, yeah, you don't really associate with Prime.
Speaker 1: There was a krunk Thrust. Wait, these are real thrust
grapple rapple, these are actions, these are verbs. Thrust is
indeed in action. One of my favorites bone Crusher. Bone
Crusher's bad news. He's on a list. You don't want
to go near bone Crusher. Okay, all right.
Speaker 3: The Decepticons like bone Crusher.
Speaker 1: And then there's Starscream, who's another fan favorite popular one.
Speaker 3: Uh star Scream very sexy. That's star Scream.
Speaker 1: So what are you?
Speaker 3: I am an autobot from cyber Truck.
Speaker 1: Sorry, what makes an autobot sexy to you? Like, that's
a great question. Yeah, what qualities?
Speaker 3: I'd say the ability to transform into sexual implements.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, okay.
Speaker 3: For example, Chris, what you were sitting on before. Was
not even a massage chair. It's what you humans what
call a sybian.
Speaker 2: Oh that's why I thought it was so familiar, right,
that's interesting.
Speaker 1: It's almost more like a saddle. Yes, yeah, yeah, it
didn't have like a back or anything like that. You
just kind of, yeah, as all the parts you need
to sit securely in one place. You humans have these
cool devices things you can buy on Amazon that are
called vibrating wands and bad dragons. Are those actually secretly
transformers just much smaller?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, you see. Transformers are not defined by their
size and scale. They can be small or big, as
big as you want them to be.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of these little transformers then.
Speaker 3: Yeah, small, very small and ribbed.
Speaker 1: Yes. Are they all autonomous? Like they all can talk
if they want to.
Speaker 3: They don't need to talk sometimes, they just like to
be there, Okay, nestled inside whatever cavity they've been inserted into.
Speaker 2: Okay, you talked a lot about like improving mankind, but
it sounds like you're very focused on autobot completion.
Speaker 3: Great choice of words, Chris. You see a happier race
of humans is one that gets their rocks off. Oh
oh Okay, an entire civilization built on post not clarity.
Speaker 1: It sounds utopian.
Speaker 3: Cybertron used to be such a place. Huh, excuse me.
Speaker 1: That's okay, more exhaust I understand. But then Megatron changed that.
It was really just the animal thing. Oh that was
the biggest hang up for Megatron. That was a deal breaker. Yeah,
I could see that. So there's a transformer that I
know of. His name is sound Wave, and he is
like equal size to you, optimist, but pretty big. He
like can transform into like a cassette tape player. How
does that work? Like? Physics wise?
Speaker 3: It's incredibly painful. Oh, to go from such a big
guy crabbing it all into a tiny little device from
the eighties and nineties, and then people try to put
things in you. But I thought you liked that. Yeah,
just think for a second, Clayton. Imagine you're just a
little guy sitting there minding your own business, and then
somebody comes and tries to cram a cookie in your ass. Okay,
that's exactly what it feels like to be a Transformer.
Speaker 1: I do that to Chris often. So you know that,
you know, with putting things inside of you, you know
you kind of caught part of Chris's leg I see
here in your file. One of the reasons you're down
here is you've killed multiple humans, which.
Speaker 3: Is kind of where did you get that?
Speaker 1: We have files on everybody that's in hell? You know,
I'm a demon after all, but it kind of contradicts,
you know, your mission of protecting humanity. So, like, what's
with all these dead guys here? Oh?
Speaker 3: Those are all bad guys, real bad guys, all of them.
One moment, I need to consume my oil.
Speaker 1: Ah anyway, So what made them bad guys?
Speaker 3: Well, I'd like to park in alleyways and parks just
to have a little rest. Yeah, and these people would
come and lean against me and put their tents up
attached to my righ, and I wouldn't be okay with that.
I'd transform, and suddenly there's a guy in me. Oh,
you know how it is, Chris? Certainly, does you understand, Chris,
the plight of being an autobot? One day you're minding
your own business, and then suddenly a small guy is
in you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it sounds like those are just people who
are just resting or looking for a place to sleep.
Speaker 1: Like it didn't seem like I don't understand, like when
you're in car form, in someone's truck form trees form, sorry,
when you're in truck form and like someone's in like
the driver's seat, and then you transform into what you are. Now,
what happens to that guy that was in the driver's seat.
Is he like piloting a mech or.
Speaker 3: No, it's more like mincing onions.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, that's a little pile of goo, yeah, jammed
up in my gears and pistons. Do you like absorb
him or like what happens to him?
Speaker 3: The most comparable thing I'd say is some of you
humans have a device called up a day. The autobot
version of that is intensely more powerful. So I just
go and have a sit on that and do a
full flush of my internal autobot systems.
Speaker 1: Oh so, a human insight getting ground up in your
gears is the equivalent of like a messy shit, is
what you're saying.
Speaker 3: Yes, the last thing you ever want to encounter is
autobots swamp ass. It's bad.
Speaker 1: It's bad, Chris, Yeah, yeah, sure.
Speaker 3: The worst thing you've ever smelled or seen or tasted,
the worst assault on any of your senses, That is
what dwells in in autobots undercarriage when they're not properly cleansed.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, it's bad. I mean it sounds like you
do a lot of murder.
Speaker 3: Not on purpose, so it doesn't count.
Speaker 1: Voluntary manslaughter, is what you're saying.
Speaker 3: Man's laughter? Please?
Speaker 1: Yes, sorry?
Speaker 3: You humans love that stuff.
Speaker 1: Well, you know what humans don't love. It's freaking out
about their phone bill. Okay, it's already hot enough out
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and Thanksman Mobile. So how did you decide upon truck four?
Have you ever experimented with other vehicle forms before?
Speaker 3: I have tried a couple times, a couple different models
and makes. I tried being an Aztec once, but I
was too ugly and that wouldn't do a Ford Pinto
not for me.
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 3: Would you say that both of you have a favorite
autobot or to septicon? I know you humans love our kind. Chris,
name one off the top of your head.
Speaker 1: Of me auto auto quickly. I've always been partial to
like iron Hide. Yeah, iron highe is a good one.
Auto erotic afphixiation.
Speaker 3: That is a thing that we do too. Oh yeah,
we do choke each other a little bit.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you breathe? Breathe? What oxygen? You know? Things
a atmosphere or are you able to like go into water.
Autobots do have gills. We're kind of like mud skippers.
We actually dwell underwater, but can survive on land. It's
a very little known fact about our kind. Is rust
not a problem?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, rust, it's huge. You humans have an equivalent
to this, what was it? Crabs?
Speaker 1: Oh? Oh. Rust is less of a natural aging thing
for autobots. It's more of a sexually transmitted disease.
Speaker 3: When you're lying with your gorilla shaped friend, sometimes they
aren't waxed properly and they're all rusty, and suddenly you're
driving around, itching and burning gota, you hear little grinding
in the gears and you think, oh, no, I've got
rust again for the third time. Well, you did ask
me about how I transformed into a truck and how
that happened. Yes, yeah, yeah, But it wasn't until I
saw one of your human sports champions. What was his name?
I think you mentioned him earlier. He drove a Bronco.
Oh J Simpson, Yeah, oh J. Yes, one of the
finest specimens of humanity I think I've ever witnessed. Uh huh,
very good and naked gun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what he's remembered for. Athlete.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how I I knew I'd want to be
a truck forever to live up to my hero.
Speaker 1: Oh J.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I want to dig into that Optimus Prime.
But real quick, we have a segment on our podcast
where we roast people who support us on our Patreon.
I get on from Hell dot com. I know this
may sound like gibberish to an autobot, but roasting, Yeah, and.
Speaker 1: We wanted to go through a couple people's Yeah.
Speaker 3: Interesting.
Speaker 1: So let me see this. First one we got up
is James Romans. James told us about himself. He says
he's a longtime fan, first time visit to Hell haha, welcome, welcome,
and he's a pathetic horror nerd okay, all right. James
is a custodian at high school. They also build computers
and are a judge on a film festival. Well, I
actually think that this guy might be himself the subject
of a horror movie. You know, He's like the high
school janitor that builds computers and that the kids all
stay away from and are scared of all.
Speaker 3: I hear a pile of red flags, and I know
that when you're in a you can't be driving past those.
I'm a vehicle most of the time, so I understand.
Speaker 1: Yes, they said any embarrassing stories. They support Gambo and
believe that Chris should be released from hell to host
a reboot of On the Spot. Well, that's not a story.
Speaker 2: They're not great at following instructions, but I kind of
agree with I think they made some solid points.
Speaker 1: I don't know, this doesn't seem like the type of
person that I would want judging my film if they
can't understand prompts.
Speaker 3: I was with them until they mentioned on the Spot.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, James Romans have fun and thank you for
your support.
Speaker 3: Yes, I will find you, James look out.
Speaker 1: We also okay often actually, Optimus, this could be fun.
Based on the information you have about James. What would
their car of choice be if they were going to
be a Transformer? Hmmm, I think they'd drive whatever that
van is that they have on Star Tours. Okay, all right,
I don't know why. We also got a submission from
Nell or Nelly. I'm not sure which one is. I'm
so sorry.
Speaker 3: Now neither Okay, preferably.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just call them Nell. Nell is a certified
pastry arts chef. They're constantly thinking about what project they
want to do next in the baking world. Well, I
don't think that there's many like revolutionary things that you
can do in the baking world. I think it's all
kind of been done. The cake I don't know. Yeah,
biscuit throwing out ideas, pancake, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Baking is one of the greatest atrocities that humans have
ever committed. It is one of the first things I
decided when I came to this planet Earth and I
saw your breads and yeasts, I decided that all who
partake and this heinous crime shall be imprisoned in a
Cybertronian gulag.
Speaker 1: Oh, all right, is this the roasting that you spoke of? Yeah? Yeah,
and then getting there? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Is this how you do it?
Speaker 1: Yeah. For what they do for a living, they said
that they're a baker and cake decorator for work. Their
hobbies include baking, reading, cooking, dog walking. Do they do
some form of all of those combined where they cook
their dog.
Speaker 3: Haha, dogs aren't for cooking.
Speaker 1: If you know what you would do with a dog,
let's lead the dog.
Speaker 3: Just to clarify, it would be a transformer who turned
into a dog.
Speaker 1: Okay, not an actor.
Speaker 3: They're just the most attractive form of life.
Speaker 1: Okay. As far as any embarrassing stories or confessions that
they'd like to share, they said, not that I can
think of right now. Okay, thank you, nel. That gives
us a lot to riff off of. Cool story.
Speaker 3: Now, I know you're hiding something.
Speaker 1: We'll find out, we'll figure out what it is, and
then it'll be all over the news. Optimism. If you
had to give them a car designation, if they were
a transformer, what would it be.
Speaker 3: This person's definitely a Nissan Cube. One of the greatest crimes,
alongside baking, that humanity has ever committed.
Speaker 1: Have you ever turned into like an oven? Can you
do that an oven? Yeah? Does an air friar count? Yeah? Sure?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, because yes, I have done that. But the
only things that people put in me are Brussels sprouts.
Speaker 1: Oh so that's not baking. That's more like, I guess frying.
Speaker 3: Hot air evolved. It's the same thing.
Speaker 1: You're only against baking but not.
Speaker 3: Okay, I don't understand what your issue with it is.
It's the same thing, but one of them's bad.
Speaker 1: I gotcha. Glad we have that clarification. This begs the question,
if you've become an air fryer, what other interesting machines
have you transformed into? Optimists?
Speaker 3: Have you seen those devices at the Crispy Kream, the
big factory.
Speaker 1: Thing, Yes, the donut machine.
Speaker 3: The conveyor belt. Yes, yeah, I've been one of those.
And that doesn't count as baking. That's an assembly line. Okay, okay,
I'm not being a hypocrite about my prejudices. Get to know,
it's different principle.
Speaker 1: Have you ever confused a machine for an autobot all
the time?
Speaker 3: You know how many times I've tried to have a
romantic exchange with a vending machine.
Speaker 1: What ends up resulting from that? Walk us through that process.
Speaker 3: Well, the first thing that happens is, for example, I
see a Tyson Chicken vending machine, h hot boxy with
a big open hole waiting for me. You can get
the leader of the autois.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: What follows after is one of the most disastrous and
messy experiences humans could ever witness. Shop vacs and hoses
are needed to remove the detritus and mess when an
autobot has mistaken an inanimate object for a lover.
Speaker 1: I actually just learned that Tyson actually does, in fact
have vending machines. This is news to me. Wow, you
could buy like grilled cheeses and things like that.
Speaker 3: It's a real thing. I've seen it. I've seen one
in real life. This is not a joke. Yeah, but
the rats got into it. Oh no, it was a
bad time for everybody at that high school.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like you got into it as well.
Speaker 3: I mean, once I found out there are rats inside.
Have you heard of rat Trap? One of my favorite
Transformer buddies and also the sexiest.
Speaker 1: I haven't heard of that one. He's real.
Speaker 3: He turns into a rat. I have to tell him
to shut the fuck up all the time.
Speaker 1: So optimis you know, being like a Transformer, you're like
a big robot guy like huge huge? Yes? Yes? Massive?
What do you feel towards like other similar kind of
robots like vultrons or mighty more from power Injurer type
things really like gundoms gundoms.
Speaker 3: Yes, they're almost as good. There's the bit of a
stink because with all those there are humans inside. Oh,
like a pit in an avocado or a cherry. You
don't want that. You want the juicy flesh on the outside.
You don't want that hard little nut lurking right in
the center. It's not quite the same, but it's almost
as good.
Speaker 1: Gotcha. So are you mad? Because it's like humans trying
to act like robots, and it's like it's like they're
like a mockery.
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you brought this up. This is very
important and I have a lot of feelings about this.
Cultural appropriation is not something exclusive to humanity. Even on Cybertron.
Cybertronians often have to deal with this misuse of our
hairt hitge and our cultural accomplishments. Humans trying to replicate
our journey throughout history with their mockery. I see the
Japanese need to be stopped. Oh oh, who specifically in
the Japanese?
Speaker 1: Okay, getting a lot of opinions on this episode that said, wow, okay,
speaking of red flags, do you want.
Speaker 3: Me to talk about having sex with gorillas?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, I think you've got plenty of that. Yes, yeah, okay,
so optimists, I think like back in the eighties that
was like peak Transformers times. You know, you guys were
like all the toy stores on all the TV. Like,
do you ever sometimes worry that you're like optimists past
your prime? Oh?
Speaker 3: Oh oh.
Speaker 1: You okay, just need a little leener, John, you've been
kind of getting the shakes and you've been drinking a
lot of energy on over there. Man.
Speaker 3: Yeah good, I don't have a problem.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I am just as strong and capable as I was
forty years ago. Okay, I can still transform into anything
they can fit anywhere.
Speaker 1: Okay, have you considered maybe like revamping your look or
there any vehicles that you're eying right now that you
might want to transform into.
Speaker 3: In all my time driving through her bank, I've seen
many cyber trucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Uh huh.
Speaker 3: I see that humanity has finally perfected the shape of
a vehicle.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: What you humans would call hideous, disgusting, structurally unsound is
actually what we would call beauty on Cybertron. Oh so
you see what you would call a horrible piece of
shit car? Yeah, and I see a gorgeous truck.
Speaker 1: I have a question. Do autobots ever ride in vehicles?
Speaker 2: Like back on what was your planet Cybertron? And Cybertron,
did y'all have I don't know, transportation devices?
Speaker 3: It's true, we did. We have forkliffs, we have trains
and mono rails, but they're big to fit a transformer inside.
But are they also transformers? No, that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1: Okay, stupid, I'm so sorry. You're right.
Speaker 3: Why would a vehicle turn into a guy?
Speaker 1: I don't Yeah, I don't know. You have me there,
I don't know.
Speaker 3: That's probably one of the worst questions I've ever heard.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Like I mentioned earlier, sound wave can
transform into like a cassette tape thing, and sometimes he
has like a little cassette guys inside of him. Have
you guys ever like Russian nest dulled into each other?
Like have you ever been a part of that where
multiple transformers were within each other, within each other, within
each other?
Speaker 3: Oh, what happens all the time? Bumblebee's in me right now?
Oh say hello Bumblebee. Bumblebee says hello.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, hello Bumblebee.
Speaker 3: Okay, Wow, you got two guests for one? Yeah, isn't
that cool.
Speaker 2: Erry, Well, Optimist, it was an experience having you here. Yes,
we have our one year anniversary coming up of being
independent for Good Morning from Hell, so we will probably
be doing some cool stuff in October, and I want
to thank everyone who supports us at Good Morning from
Hell dot Com.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell us what kind of cool stuff we could expect. Chris,
we have so many plans. Yeah, tell me more, and
I don't want to spoil them all right now on
the show, but there's gonna be some cool stuff plans.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Thanks, Optimist. Do you have any final words for the audience? Optimists?
Speaker 3: Well, usually before credits roll in a Michael Bay film, Huh,
you'll hear me say something or other before Lincoln Park
plays you out.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I can try to do that if you wish.
Speaker 1: It's like a cool, like rallying speech. Optimist.
Speaker 3: Okay, here on Good Morning from Hell, we continue to
fight for humanity.
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay.
Speaker 3: Clayton and Chris continue to do their show knowing that
it's going to keep performing and getting those numbers they want,
and people will continue to flock to them because Good
Morning from Hell gives.
Speaker 1: Them hope what I've done. That's the part where Lincoln
park plays. Okay, oh oh, you're singing this song the part? What? Yeah, okay, gotcha, Yeah,
that's the part. And then yeah, so if you could
actually you are quite large right now, so if you
get like transform into something smaller, we got to push
you out through that door. No, oh okay, all right,
all right, well yeah that's the wall.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: Here he goes, went through the wall. He's walking out
to that field. He's changing direction, he's going to a
parking lot. He sees a lot of people stepping on people.
He's throwing his hands up in the air like you
didn't mean to do this, But I think he's doing
this intentionally, very intentional. He's aiming for them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, Well thanks for listening, Hal Clayton. Huge
thanks to Jacob Bulletin, our friend from many years.
Speaker 1: Jacob. Tell people where you are, what you're doing, and
where they can find more of you.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I could talk of a normal voice.
Oh really, if you can find me and my friend's
Patrick and Charlotte formerly from fun House on Astro Goblin
ourn YouTube channel that we've also had for about a year.
Speaker 1: Hey how about that? Oh oh hey, what a coincidence.
It's like we all started at around the same time.
Speaker 4: Crazy interesting, but yeah, we've been doing that for about
a year. We upload funny videos on YouTube a couple
times a week, and we've got a whole bunch of
stuff on our Patreon, including a Star Wars podcast about
some of the worst Star Wars books we've ever read,
and that's available for everybody to listen to. We also
got like some dramatic readings and other cool stuff on
Patreon as well.
Speaker 3: Oh nice, that's where we've been at.
Speaker 1: On Astrogoblin, what type of videos are you all making, Like,
give an example similar flavor to what we did.
Speaker 4: A fun house like it'll be like a game, or
sometimes we'll just be like applying for a job to
RB's in Connecticut on Google Chrome. An audience member, what's
described it as anti algorithm? Oh okay, cool, which I
think is a good way to describe it.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of fun.
Speaker 4: We have some guests sometimes with some old pals, awesome fun. Yeah,
we've been doing that for about a year, so please
check it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone go over to YouTube and subscribe now, and
we're gonna go record why We're going to Hell and
talk about what we've been up to and horrible sense.
That's right, so check that out next week. Bye bye
bye