1
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,439
Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. It's good friend Clayton here live

2
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,480
in Hell with is Hi.

3
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,640
Speaker 2: I'm Chris and I'm Debt and my eternal punishment is

4
00:00:14,679 --> 00:00:18,239
to record this podcast where we interview everyone.

5
00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,079
Speaker 1: In the afterlife.

6
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,839
Speaker 2: And I have to say, Clayton, Yeah, the upgrades you

7
00:00:21,879 --> 00:00:24,600
made to this recording studio are pretty cool.

8
00:00:24,879 --> 00:00:27,120
Speaker 1: You like those? You like that? Chris? Yeah, I got

9
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,719
some new furniture, doing some remodeling, doing some renovations, and yeah,

10
00:00:30,719 --> 00:00:32,679
I wanted to surprise you. I think you're gonna like that.

11
00:00:32,679 --> 00:00:36,240
That new chair specifically, this chair is really cool. It's

12
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,439
almost like a metallic throne. Yeah. Man, thank you fit

13
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,799
for a king? Yeah?

14
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, are you just getting into like a DIOI kind

15
00:00:43,719 --> 00:00:44,039
of things.

16
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:46,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been working so hard and I just figured

17
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,960
that you need a nice reward. So I just got

18
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,079
you this like cool chair. And I saw that and

19
00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:52,240
I was like, that is so Chris. I'm gonna get

20
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,840
that for Chris. I don't know when your birthday is,

21
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,920
I don't fucking care, but let's just consider this your

22
00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:00,000
birthday gift. Huh, well, thank you? Whoa. It vibrates, It vibrates.

23
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,479
Speaker 2: It's not super cool, like a cool little vibrating massage

24
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,719
chair a heat function as well.

25
00:01:05,719 --> 00:01:07,280
Speaker 1: If you press some of the buttons you could probably

26
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,319
heat it up. It's not hot enough in here, right,

27
00:01:09,439 --> 00:01:13,799
Oh that is hot. Yeah, it's almost like a breathy yeah. Yeah.

28
00:01:13,879 --> 00:01:14,079
Speaker 2: Yeah.

29
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:16,239
Speaker 1: Well you gotta be careful to watch your sperm count

30
00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,840
those heating chairs, those zapper balls, But that's fine. You

31
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,280
don't need to worry about those anyways. Don't even know

32
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,640
if you have yours anymore, do you? No? Oh, that's right,

33
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,159
that's what I play pickleball with. Yep. It's funny too

34
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,560
because instead of a pickleball racket you just use a penis. Yeah,

35
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,239
definitely not yours though, wasn't that big.

36
00:01:30,599 --> 00:01:33,319
Speaker 2: But it's full circle, you know. It's like yeah, and honestly,

37
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:34,400
it's a pretty fun sport.

38
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,040
Speaker 1: Pickleball. Yeah you experienced? Do you like it? You played it?

39
00:01:37,079 --> 00:01:37,280
You know?

40
00:01:37,359 --> 00:01:39,079
Speaker 2: I've been trying to get out a little more. And

41
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,560
there's Hell's pickleball league that I've been playing in.

42
00:01:41,719 --> 00:01:43,959
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Any people that I might know

43
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,359
that are playing with you, oh Jay Simpson, Oh yeah,

44
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,799
the juice, Yeah, yeah, we pickleball sometimes. Oh that's fun.

45
00:01:49,879 --> 00:01:53,439
Yeah he kills yeah, he does, he does yeah, well,

46
00:01:53,519 --> 00:01:56,840
whoa is the chair doing something? Now? It's really vibrating. Yeah,

47
00:01:56,879 --> 00:01:59,280
it's a massage share, it's just doing his thing. Not really.

48
00:02:06,879 --> 00:02:08,759
We got you, Chris, We got you.

49
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,199
Speaker 3: Here's a tiny man inside me.

50
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,080
Speaker 1: This is our guest for the week. Whose tiny ass

51
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,080
is this my chair? I am not a chair?

52
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,159
Speaker 3: Get off? God? Your bones are so small? Yeah and brittle?

53
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,199
Speaker 1: Yeah? So are you like a cybord?

54
00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:31,759
Speaker 3: No, I am an autobot from Cybertron. And what are

55
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,479
you some kind of elf?

56
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 1: He's a dipshit from fuck face to Tron. This is Chris.

57
00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:39,520
I'm Clayton by the way. Nice to meet you, everybody.

58
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:40,520
This is Optimist Prime.

59
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,759
Speaker 3: Wow, thank you, Thank you.

60
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,520
Speaker 1: Like the cartoon or the movies, yeah, all of them.

61
00:02:45,759 --> 00:02:48,240
Speaker 3: Where are we? Where is the show taking place?

62
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,800
Speaker 1: Well, Optimist, you're in hell? What? Yeah? I don't know

63
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,120
how recently you got here, but I definitely have a

64
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,360
list of reasons for why you're down here. But you're

65
00:02:56,439 --> 00:02:58,960
like everybody's hero. I don't know if you knew this,

66
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,960
but yeah, they made like shows in movies and films

67
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,159
about you and your escapades. You're just so cool, Optimist.

68
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,599
Speaker 3: I do know that I am a hero Escapades I

69
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,159
think you're thinking of escalades. That's usually what I would

70
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,719
transform into when I would park in handicap parking spots.

71
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 2: Oh oh okay, why would you turn into and escalate

72
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,400
specifically for handicap spots.

73
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,479
Speaker 3: That's usually the type of vehicle that I'd see parking

74
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,400
in these spots. Oh, so I figured to blend in

75
00:03:26,599 --> 00:03:29,639
on Earth to better protect the humans. I had better

76
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,919
park like they do, disregard accessibility to the extent that

77
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:34,680
humans do.

78
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,199
Speaker 1: Now, to help humans, you mimic them.

79
00:03:37,479 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 3: To help humans, you have to hurt them. That's what

80
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:40,960
I've learned.

81
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 1: That makes sense from my experience knowing you so far.

82
00:03:44,039 --> 00:03:44,520
Speaker 3: Indeed.

83
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,039
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's your leg doing, Chris? Is it gonna grow back?

84
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:49,120
It looks like you guy it chopped off there? Yeah,

85
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,240
give it an hour. Actually, optimist, I think you cut

86
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,560
off the leg at the thigh. Could you like shit

87
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,680
that out? I don't know where it is mixed within

88
00:03:56,719 --> 00:03:58,560
your inner workings machinery.

89
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,479
Speaker 3: I can feel it in there. You're gonna have to

90
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,159
reach in, Uh find it, Okay, Chris, go ahead and

91
00:04:04,159 --> 00:04:07,479
reach Chris. How long is your arm reach into his chest?

92
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:07,879
Speaker 1: Chris?

93
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, you must reach into my chest.

94
00:04:10,639 --> 00:04:12,759
Speaker 2: Oh, it's your chest. Okay, I thought I was reaching

95
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,120
into another spot.

96
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:19,399
Speaker 3: Oh wait, hold on, let me transform a little bit. Okay,

97
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,439
never mind, not the chest. It is indeed just above

98
00:04:22,519 --> 00:04:24,079
the prostate, Chris.

99
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,199
Speaker 1: Chris, he's got a space there. You just open it

100
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,279
up for you. It's like an exhaust port.

101
00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:31,920
Speaker 3: The exhaust pie. Be careful. There's a big button in there.

102
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:32,879
You don't want to hit.

103
00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:35,920
Speaker 1: It's a lot of hot exhaust coming from this.

104
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,160
Speaker 3: You're almost there.

105
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,879
Speaker 1: Find it? Did you get it? Chris? Reach? Oh, I

106
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:45,000
feel something that's not it. That's it, but it's not it. Maybe, like,

107
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,920
go on, give it a yank. Maybe if I helped poll,

108
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:51,000
like I'm three, we can try to poll. I've got something. Yeah,

109
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:59,360
give it a yank, Chris, one two three? What's this

110
00:04:59,439 --> 00:05:03,079
other of exhaust that's coming out here? You're chewing oil

111
00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:05,720
all over the table. I can't tell that's oil or

112
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:08,360
windshield wipe or fluid or it's coming out in squirts.

113
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:13,360
Speaker 3: It's neither. You found my autobot seed jambed in there

114
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:14,319
for so long?

115
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,879
Speaker 1: Okay, this is going well, so far? Well, Chris, you

116
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,639
got your leg back to stop your complaining. Thanks, Yeah,

117
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,959
optimis you mentioned it before, but you're here to like

118
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:24,680
save the humans, Like, can you elaborate on that? Is?

119
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,000
He had a mission or something.

120
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:31,639
Speaker 3: We had to flee our planet Cybertron from my former acquaintance,

121
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,120
and we came here where we decided to hang out

122
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,639
with all these cute little ape people.

123
00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,759
Speaker 1: You had to flee from who your acquaintance? What exactly?

124
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,920
Speaker 3: He's kind of like my step brother Megatron.

125
00:05:44,199 --> 00:05:46,920
Speaker 1: That's a cool name. What's the origins of your beef

126
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,839
with Megatron? What actually went down there? Well?

127
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:54,639
Speaker 3: He wanted us to have free healthcare on Cybertron. What

128
00:05:54,759 --> 00:05:58,199
And I said, autobots, we can't allow that, and they

129
00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,439
chased us out of town.

130
00:06:00,199 --> 00:06:01,079
Speaker 1: Free healthcare.

131
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,040
Speaker 3: That's pretty dastardly, the most evil thing anyone can do.

132
00:06:05,319 --> 00:06:08,000
Speaker 1: What other kind of hair brained ideas was this Megatron

133
00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:10,120
pitching to the people of Cybertron.

134
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:14,600
Speaker 3: He wanted to sell cruelty free soaps and deodorants, okay,

135
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,720
And I said, no, animals are only for having sex

136
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,439
with whoa, oh, only my decree as an autobot leader.

137
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,439
Speaker 1: That's a heck of us dance. Wow. So as autobot leader,

138
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,680
was this like an elected position? Like how did you

139
00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:33,279
get to that level of power? How big are the autobots.

140
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:36,319
Speaker 3: No, we were definitely a minority. How we came to

141
00:06:36,399 --> 00:06:37,959
power as completely a mystery?

142
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:38,600
Speaker 1: Interesting?

143
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,720
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, luckily we found a planet suitable for our politics.

144
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,000
Speaker 1: I want to go back to this animal think. I'd

145
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,959
love to use animals for sex.

146
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,639
Speaker 3: Indeed, Wow, they're cyber animals. These are a little bit

147
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:55,439
different on Cybertron, like beast war people. Right, yes, okay,

148
00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,399
but we only lay with them when they transform into

149
00:06:58,399 --> 00:06:59,519
gorillas and birds.

150
00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:02,720
Speaker 1: But when they're in there, other creature transformers form their

151
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:03,480
robot form.

152
00:07:03,759 --> 00:07:09,439
Speaker 3: Never robot on robot copulation is illegal under my purview.

153
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,959
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm learning so much some weird politics. If

154
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:18,480
it's even politics, I don't know if it's politics it is, Okay.

155
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,519
Speaker 3: It's on the ballots.

156
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,480
Speaker 1: How many votes did you get? How many autobots are there?

157
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,720
Because you know, I'm familiar with Bumblebee Bumblebee? Yeah, what's

158
00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:30,360
up with Bumblebee? An iron hide? Bumblebee was the most

159
00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:33,560
of your rile of all the autobots, was he. I

160
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,800
would see him constantly running around looking for a mate.

161
00:07:37,839 --> 00:07:41,160
That's why his colors are so bright. Oh oh, that's

162
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:41,519
a thing.

163
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,839
Speaker 3: Pecking, peacocking, exactly.

164
00:07:43,879 --> 00:07:45,519
Speaker 1: Oh wait, would he do it with peacocks?

165
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:50,160
Speaker 3: No iron hide? He liked the peacocks. Bumblebee likes gorillas

166
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,720
in chimpanzees.

167
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,720
Speaker 1: Man, you put the weird guest.

168
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,399
Speaker 3: I didn't know this was the thing that was going

169
00:07:56,439 --> 00:07:59,319
to be the main topic of discussion. But I'm an

170
00:07:59,319 --> 00:08:00,560
open book Chris.

171
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 1: To be honest, Chris, I didn't do a lot of

172
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,120
research because I just I saw Optimus Prime and I

173
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,600
was like, yeah, fuck, yeah, that's it. That's a hole

174
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:05,959
in one.

175
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:10,600
Speaker 3: But autobots also like to do their own research, Oh okay,

176
00:08:10,839 --> 00:08:13,600
and encourage all to do the same for the good

177
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,319
of humanity.

178
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,360
Speaker 1: What kind of research have you done, Optimists Prime?

179
00:08:17,439 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 3: Mostly reading Wikipedia pages. Perhaps you've heard of those in

180
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:22,399
this realm.

181
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

182
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,399
Speaker 3: Usually that's enough to gain information about any subject. Diseases,

183
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:33,039
medical breakthroughs, laws, anything you need to know you can

184
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,440
find on Wikipedia and become an instant.

185
00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:40,080
Speaker 1: Expert on Okay, So, Optimists, let's talk about your name.

186
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,879
It's a very cool name, and so is something like Megatron.

187
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,759
You guys just name yourselves because I have a list

188
00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:49,279
here of interestingly named transformers that I'm just I'm so

189
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,200
curious with the origins.

190
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,320
Speaker 3: It's a great name I used to be Uh. The

191
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,279
only Wikipedia article I didn't read was my own, so

192
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,039
I don't remember what I used to be called. Anyway,

193
00:09:03,799 --> 00:09:06,960
I had a bunch of friends and enemies with sick names.

194
00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:08,320
I'd love to hear them.

195
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's like Rodomus Prime. Is that like a brother

196
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,919
of yours? I don't know. That's one of the dumber ones,

197
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:14,720
I say.

198
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:20,120
Speaker 2: Actually, okay, yeah, you don't really associate with Prime.

199
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,720
Speaker 1: There was a krunk Thrust. Wait, these are real thrust

200
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,200
grapple rapple, these are actions, these are verbs. Thrust is

201
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:34,679
indeed in action. One of my favorites bone Crusher. Bone

202
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,200
Crusher's bad news. He's on a list. You don't want

203
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,679
to go near bone Crusher. Okay, all right.

204
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,000
Speaker 3: The Decepticons like bone Crusher.

205
00:09:44,159 --> 00:09:47,480
Speaker 1: And then there's Starscream, who's another fan favorite popular one.

206
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,200
Speaker 3: Uh star Scream very sexy. That's star Scream.

207
00:09:52,519 --> 00:09:53,559
Speaker 1: So what are you?

208
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,960
Speaker 3: I am an autobot from cyber Truck.

209
00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:59,240
Speaker 1: Sorry, what makes an autobot sexy to you? Like, that's

210
00:09:59,279 --> 00:10:01,559
a great question. Yeah, what qualities?

211
00:10:02,279 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 3: I'd say the ability to transform into sexual implements.

212
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:07,919
Speaker 1: Oh oh, okay.

213
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,000
Speaker 3: For example, Chris, what you were sitting on before. Was

214
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,200
not even a massage chair. It's what you humans what

215
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,559
call a sybian.

216
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,000
Speaker 2: Oh that's why I thought it was so familiar, right,

217
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:23,799
that's interesting.

218
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,360
Speaker 1: It's almost more like a saddle. Yes, yeah, yeah, it

219
00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:28,279
didn't have like a back or anything like that. You

220
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,159
just kind of, yeah, as all the parts you need

221
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,279
to sit securely in one place. You humans have these

222
00:10:35,639 --> 00:10:39,799
cool devices things you can buy on Amazon that are

223
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:47,159
called vibrating wands and bad dragons. Are those actually secretly

224
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,039
transformers just much smaller?

225
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:53,039
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, you see. Transformers are not defined by their

226
00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:56,600
size and scale. They can be small or big, as

227
00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:57,879
big as you want them to be.

228
00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:01,080
Speaker 1: There's a lot of these little transformers then.

229
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, small, very small and ribbed.

230
00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:08,080
Speaker 1: Yes. Are they all autonomous? Like they all can talk

231
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,279
if they want to.

232
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,000
Speaker 3: They don't need to talk sometimes, they just like to

233
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:17,080
be there, Okay, nestled inside whatever cavity they've been inserted into.

234
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,840
Speaker 2: Okay, you talked a lot about like improving mankind, but

235
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,159
it sounds like you're very focused on autobot completion.

236
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,919
Speaker 3: Great choice of words, Chris. You see a happier race

237
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,279
of humans is one that gets their rocks off. Oh

238
00:11:33,639 --> 00:11:38,000
oh Okay, an entire civilization built on post not clarity.

239
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,279
Speaker 1: It sounds utopian.

240
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,840
Speaker 3: Cybertron used to be such a place. Huh, excuse me.

241
00:11:44,519 --> 00:11:48,279
Speaker 1: That's okay, more exhaust I understand. But then Megatron changed that.

242
00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:51,080
It was really just the animal thing. Oh that was

243
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,559
the biggest hang up for Megatron. That was a deal breaker. Yeah,

244
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,080
I could see that. So there's a transformer that I

245
00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:59,639
know of. His name is sound Wave, and he is

246
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,000
like equal size to you, optimist, but pretty big. He

247
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,240
like can transform into like a cassette tape player. How

248
00:12:06,279 --> 00:12:08,440
does that work? Like? Physics wise?

249
00:12:08,799 --> 00:12:13,120
Speaker 3: It's incredibly painful. Oh, to go from such a big

250
00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:16,480
guy crabbing it all into a tiny little device from

251
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,399
the eighties and nineties, and then people try to put

252
00:12:19,399 --> 00:12:22,000
things in you. But I thought you liked that. Yeah,

253
00:12:22,399 --> 00:12:25,759
just think for a second, Clayton. Imagine you're just a

254
00:12:25,799 --> 00:12:29,600
little guy sitting there minding your own business, and then

255
00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:33,039
somebody comes and tries to cram a cookie in your ass. Okay,

256
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,879
that's exactly what it feels like to be a Transformer.

257
00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:38,679
Speaker 1: I do that to Chris often. So you know that,

258
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,399
you know, with putting things inside of you, you know

259
00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:43,679
you kind of caught part of Chris's leg I see

260
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,960
here in your file. One of the reasons you're down

261
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,120
here is you've killed multiple humans, which.

262
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 3: Is kind of where did you get that?

263
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,399
Speaker 1: We have files on everybody that's in hell? You know,

264
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:53,840
I'm a demon after all, but it kind of contradicts,

265
00:12:53,879 --> 00:12:57,200
you know, your mission of protecting humanity. So, like, what's

266
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,159
with all these dead guys here? Oh?

267
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,559
Speaker 3: Those are all bad guys, real bad guys, all of them.

268
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,279
One moment, I need to consume my oil.

269
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 1: Ah anyway, So what made them bad guys?

270
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,279
Speaker 3: Well, I'd like to park in alleyways and parks just

271
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,159
to have a little rest. Yeah, and these people would

272
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,240
come and lean against me and put their tents up

273
00:13:22,399 --> 00:13:25,320
attached to my righ, and I wouldn't be okay with that.

274
00:13:25,399 --> 00:13:29,200
I'd transform, and suddenly there's a guy in me. Oh,

275
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:33,039
you know how it is, Chris? Certainly, does you understand, Chris,

276
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,960
the plight of being an autobot? One day you're minding

277
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,080
your own business, and then suddenly a small guy is

278
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:39,480
in you.

279
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it sounds like those are just people who

280
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,519
are just resting or looking for a place to sleep.

281
00:13:45,639 --> 00:13:48,120
Speaker 1: Like it didn't seem like I don't understand, like when

282
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:52,759
you're in car form, in someone's truck form trees form, sorry,

283
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,320
when you're in truck form and like someone's in like

284
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,679
the driver's seat, and then you transform into what you are. Now,

285
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,440
what happens to that guy that was in the driver's seat.

286
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,080
Is he like piloting a mech or.

287
00:14:03,399 --> 00:14:05,639
Speaker 3: No, it's more like mincing onions.

288
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:10,840
Speaker 1: Oh okay, that's a little pile of goo, yeah, jammed

289
00:14:10,919 --> 00:14:14,120
up in my gears and pistons. Do you like absorb

290
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,080
him or like what happens to him?

291
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,080
Speaker 3: The most comparable thing I'd say is some of you

292
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,120
humans have a device called up a day. The autobot

293
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:27,240
version of that is intensely more powerful. So I just

294
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,000
go and have a sit on that and do a

295
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:31,759
full flush of my internal autobot systems.

296
00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:34,639
Speaker 1: Oh so, a human insight getting ground up in your

297
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:37,080
gears is the equivalent of like a messy shit, is

298
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:37,679
what you're saying.

299
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,600
Speaker 3: Yes, the last thing you ever want to encounter is

300
00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:44,360
autobots swamp ass. It's bad.

301
00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:46,960
Speaker 1: It's bad, Chris, Yeah, yeah, sure.

302
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,200
Speaker 3: The worst thing you've ever smelled or seen or tasted,

303
00:14:50,399 --> 00:14:53,679
the worst assault on any of your senses, That is

304
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:58,240
what dwells in in autobots undercarriage when they're not properly cleansed.

305
00:14:58,519 --> 00:15:00,879
Speaker 1: Oh wow, it's bad. I mean it sounds like you

306
00:15:00,919 --> 00:15:02,080
do a lot of murder.

307
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,799
Speaker 3: Not on purpose, so it doesn't count.

308
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,960
Speaker 1: Voluntary manslaughter, is what you're saying.

309
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,960
Speaker 3: Man's laughter? Please?

310
00:15:08,279 --> 00:15:08,879
Speaker 1: Yes, sorry?

311
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,679
Speaker 3: You humans love that stuff.

312
00:15:10,759 --> 00:15:12,759
Speaker 1: Well, you know what humans don't love. It's freaking out

313
00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:15,559
about their phone bill. Okay, it's already hot enough out

314
00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:18,559
there as is. It's summertime wearing. Hell, Okay, I'm breaking

315
00:15:18,559 --> 00:15:20,600
a sweat already. I shouldn't be breaking a sweat about

316
00:15:20,639 --> 00:15:23,039
my phone bill. And that's why mit Mobile is fortunately

317
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,360
here to rescue me and you and help you say

318
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:27,720
by bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw dropping on

319
00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:30,120
the bills and unexpected overages. You know, with Mitmobile, all

320
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:32,600
plans come with high speed data and unlimited talking texts

321
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,879
delivered on the nation's largest five G network. You can

322
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,159
use your old phone on any Mint Mobile plan and

323
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,000
bring your phone number along with all of your existing

324
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,399
contacts as well. And you know, if there's limited time

325
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,679
to offer, you can ditch over price wirelessing at three

326
00:15:43,679 --> 00:15:46,559
months of unlimited service for mitt Mobile for fifteen bucks

327
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,919
a month. Uh you know us here, Good morning from hell.

328
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,080
We opened up a phone line, you know, a business

329
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,440
line because we're businessman with mint Mobile and we love it.

330
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,840
It's amazing service and it's very affordable. We love mint Mobile.

331
00:15:57,919 --> 00:16:00,120
So this year, skip breaking a sweat and break in

332
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,120
the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three

333
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,600
month unlimited wireless plan for just fifteen bucks a month

334
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:09,000
at mintmobile dot com slash GMFH that's mintmobile dot com

335
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,399
slash g m f H up for a payment of

336
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,919
forty five dollars required to couval into fifteen dollars a month.

337
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,200
Limited time new customer offer for first three months only.

338
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,759
Speeds may slowbo thirty five give you whites on unlimited plan,

339
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,960
taxes and fees extra cement Mobile for details. Hey, you

340
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,080
know what, It's summer, all right. I want to look shredded.

341
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,000
I want to look ripped. Okay, but I don't have

342
00:16:26,039 --> 00:16:28,120
a lot of time. All right, I'm busy making this podcast.

343
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,000
I'm busy torturing Chris, so I don't have a lot

344
00:16:30,039 --> 00:16:32,120
of time to cook. That's why I like to use Factor,

345
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,399
all right. Factor helps me eat smart with tasty chef

346
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,039
prepped meals that are dieties prove and delivered right to

347
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,679
my door. And now with more than sixty five weekly

348
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,799
meals made for how I live and what I like

349
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,399
to eat, I've got even more ways to fit in

350
00:16:43,399 --> 00:16:45,399
real meals. You know, wherever the day takes me. You know,

351
00:16:45,399 --> 00:16:48,120
if I'm torturing Chris or pumping an iron in the gym,

352
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,480
now I've got time for that, and I don't have

353
00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:51,399
to worry about cooking for myself. A right, they got

354
00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,720
more variety, more meals. You can choose from a wide

355
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,759
selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices like

356
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,600
salmon and shrimp at no extra costs. And you can

357
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,240
support you're wellness goals. Enjoy even more GLP one friendly

358
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:06,519
meals and new Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and

359
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,920
good for you fats all right for the first time,

360
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:12,440
try Asian inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China,

361
00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:16,079
Thailand and more. You know, I personally like their chicken breast. Okay,

362
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:18,000
I'm a simple man with simple taste. I like the

363
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:21,039
chicken breast. And they got these little potatoes mouths of war,

364
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:24,240
And think about the potatoes those potatoes are good, hick,

365
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,920
you gotta eat smart. At Factor Meals dot Com, slash

366
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,839
gm FH fifty off and use code gm f H

367
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,640
fifty off to get fifty percent off your first box

368
00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:37,279
plus free breakfast for one year. That's code gm f

369
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:40,720
H fifty off. That's the number five zero at Factor

370
00:17:40,799 --> 00:17:43,519
Meals dot Com. For fifty percent off your first box

371
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,720
plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready meals

372
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:51,079
delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers

373
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:55,000
with code and qualifying Auto renewing subscription purchases. Thanks Factor

374
00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:59,920
and Thanksman Mobile. So how did you decide upon truck four?

375
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,640
Have you ever experimented with other vehicle forms before?

376
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,359
Speaker 3: I have tried a couple times, a couple different models

377
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,680
and makes. I tried being an Aztec once, but I

378
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:13,920
was too ugly and that wouldn't do a Ford Pinto

379
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:14,880
not for me.

380
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:15,559
Speaker 1: Huh?

381
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 3: Would you say that both of you have a favorite

382
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:24,200
autobot or to septicon? I know you humans love our kind. Chris,

383
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,759
name one off the top of your head.

384
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:31,400
Speaker 1: Of me auto auto quickly. I've always been partial to

385
00:18:31,559 --> 00:18:34,759
like iron Hide. Yeah, iron highe is a good one.

386
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:37,000
Auto erotic afphixiation.

387
00:18:38,759 --> 00:18:41,519
Speaker 3: That is a thing that we do too. Oh yeah,

388
00:18:41,559 --> 00:18:43,400
we do choke each other a little bit.

389
00:18:43,559 --> 00:18:47,279
Speaker 1: Okay, do you breathe? Breathe? What oxygen? You know? Things

390
00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:51,119
a atmosphere or are you able to like go into water.

391
00:18:51,519 --> 00:18:55,279
Autobots do have gills. We're kind of like mud skippers.

392
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,279
We actually dwell underwater, but can survive on land. It's

393
00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:02,599
a very little known fact about our kind. Is rust

394
00:19:02,759 --> 00:19:03,480
not a problem?

395
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:07,680
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, rust, it's huge. You humans have an equivalent

396
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,359
to this, what was it? Crabs?

397
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,680
Speaker 1: Oh? Oh. Rust is less of a natural aging thing

398
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,079
for autobots. It's more of a sexually transmitted disease.

399
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,920
Speaker 3: When you're lying with your gorilla shaped friend, sometimes they

400
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,839
aren't waxed properly and they're all rusty, and suddenly you're

401
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:29,240
driving around, itching and burning gota, you hear little grinding

402
00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:32,200
in the gears and you think, oh, no, I've got

403
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,359
rust again for the third time. Well, you did ask

404
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,200
me about how I transformed into a truck and how

405
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,440
that happened. Yes, yeah, yeah, But it wasn't until I

406
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,319
saw one of your human sports champions. What was his name?

407
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,880
I think you mentioned him earlier. He drove a Bronco.

408
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:51,240
Oh J Simpson, Yeah, oh J. Yes, one of the

409
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:54,880
finest specimens of humanity I think I've ever witnessed. Uh huh,

410
00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,400
very good and naked gun.

411
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what he's remembered for. Athlete.

412
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how I I knew I'd want to be

413
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,680
a truck forever to live up to my hero.

414
00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:04,400
Speaker 1: Oh J.

415
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 2: Okay, so I want to dig into that Optimus Prime.

416
00:20:07,519 --> 00:20:09,799
But real quick, we have a segment on our podcast

417
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,680
where we roast people who support us on our Patreon.

418
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:15,839
I get on from Hell dot com. I know this

419
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,799
may sound like gibberish to an autobot, but roasting, Yeah, and.

420
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: We wanted to go through a couple people's Yeah.

421
00:20:23,279 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 3: Interesting.

422
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:26,319
Speaker 1: So let me see this. First one we got up

423
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:30,319
is James Romans. James told us about himself. He says

424
00:20:30,319 --> 00:20:34,160
he's a longtime fan, first time visit to Hell haha, welcome, welcome,

425
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,960
and he's a pathetic horror nerd okay, all right. James

426
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,759
is a custodian at high school. They also build computers

427
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:45,079
and are a judge on a film festival. Well, I

428
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,319
actually think that this guy might be himself the subject

429
00:20:48,319 --> 00:20:50,599
of a horror movie. You know, He's like the high

430
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:53,640
school janitor that builds computers and that the kids all

431
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,559
stay away from and are scared of all.

432
00:20:55,599 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 3: I hear a pile of red flags, and I know

433
00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:02,240
that when you're in a you can't be driving past those.

434
00:21:02,559 --> 00:21:05,160
I'm a vehicle most of the time, so I understand.

435
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 1: Yes, they said any embarrassing stories. They support Gambo and

436
00:21:08,839 --> 00:21:11,559
believe that Chris should be released from hell to host

437
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:14,240
a reboot of On the Spot. Well, that's not a story.

438
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,759
Speaker 2: They're not great at following instructions, but I kind of

439
00:21:16,799 --> 00:21:19,039
agree with I think they made some solid points.

440
00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:20,759
Speaker 1: I don't know, this doesn't seem like the type of

441
00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:23,000
person that I would want judging my film if they

442
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,440
can't understand prompts.

443
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 3: I was with them until they mentioned on the Spot.

444
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 1: Okay, well, James Romans have fun and thank you for

445
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:33,359
your support.

446
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:36,759
Speaker 3: Yes, I will find you, James look out.

447
00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:40,279
Speaker 1: We also okay often actually, Optimus, this could be fun.

448
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,119
Based on the information you have about James. What would

449
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,200
their car of choice be if they were going to

450
00:21:45,279 --> 00:21:49,240
be a Transformer? Hmmm, I think they'd drive whatever that

451
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:54,519
van is that they have on Star Tours. Okay, all right,

452
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,599
I don't know why. We also got a submission from

453
00:21:57,759 --> 00:22:00,400
Nell or Nelly. I'm not sure which one is. I'm

454
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,079
so sorry.

455
00:22:00,799 --> 00:22:03,559
Speaker 3: Now neither Okay, preferably.

456
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just call them Nell. Nell is a certified

457
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,440
pastry arts chef. They're constantly thinking about what project they

458
00:22:09,519 --> 00:22:11,920
want to do next in the baking world. Well, I

459
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,279
don't think that there's many like revolutionary things that you

460
00:22:15,279 --> 00:22:16,720
can do in the baking world. I think it's all

461
00:22:16,799 --> 00:22:19,039
kind of been done. The cake I don't know. Yeah,

462
00:22:19,079 --> 00:22:22,160
biscuit throwing out ideas, pancake, I don't know.

463
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,279
Speaker 3: Baking is one of the greatest atrocities that humans have

464
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,960
ever committed. It is one of the first things I

465
00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:30,960
decided when I came to this planet Earth and I

466
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,799
saw your breads and yeasts, I decided that all who

467
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,880
partake and this heinous crime shall be imprisoned in a

468
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,400
Cybertronian gulag.

469
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 1: Oh, all right, is this the roasting that you spoke of? Yeah? Yeah,

470
00:22:45,559 --> 00:22:46,559
and then getting there? Yeah?

471
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 3: Is this how you do it?

472
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. For what they do for a living, they said

473
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,960
that they're a baker and cake decorator for work. Their

474
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,279
hobbies include baking, reading, cooking, dog walking. Do they do

475
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,839
some form of all of those combined where they cook

476
00:22:58,880 --> 00:22:59,319
their dog.

477
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,400
Speaker 3: Haha, dogs aren't for cooking.

478
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,039
Speaker 1: If you know what you would do with a dog,

479
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,200
let's lead the dog.

480
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,519
Speaker 3: Just to clarify, it would be a transformer who turned

481
00:23:09,519 --> 00:23:10,279
into a dog.

482
00:23:10,319 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: Okay, not an actor.

483
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 3: They're just the most attractive form of life.

484
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 1: Okay. As far as any embarrassing stories or confessions that

485
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,000
they'd like to share, they said, not that I can

486
00:23:19,039 --> 00:23:21,799
think of right now. Okay, thank you, nel. That gives

487
00:23:21,839 --> 00:23:23,519
us a lot to riff off of. Cool story.

488
00:23:23,799 --> 00:23:25,839
Speaker 3: Now, I know you're hiding something.

489
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: We'll find out, we'll figure out what it is, and

490
00:23:29,079 --> 00:23:31,920
then it'll be all over the news. Optimism. If you

491
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,160
had to give them a car designation, if they were

492
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,440
a transformer, what would it be.

493
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:40,319
Speaker 3: This person's definitely a Nissan Cube. One of the greatest crimes,

494
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,039
alongside baking, that humanity has ever committed.

495
00:23:43,559 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 1: Have you ever turned into like an oven? Can you

496
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:50,160
do that an oven? Yeah? Does an air friar count? Yeah? Sure?

497
00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:53,559
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, because yes, I have done that. But the

498
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:56,519
only things that people put in me are Brussels sprouts.

499
00:23:56,799 --> 00:23:59,519
Speaker 1: Oh so that's not baking. That's more like, I guess frying.

500
00:24:00,079 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 3: Hot air evolved. It's the same thing.

501
00:24:02,799 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 1: You're only against baking but not.

502
00:24:05,799 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 3: Okay, I don't understand what your issue with it is.

503
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,359
It's the same thing, but one of them's bad.

504
00:24:11,559 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 1: I gotcha. Glad we have that clarification. This begs the question,

505
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,880
if you've become an air fryer, what other interesting machines

506
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,559
have you transformed into? Optimists?

507
00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 3: Have you seen those devices at the Crispy Kream, the

508
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,720
big factory.

509
00:24:24,279 --> 00:24:26,599
Speaker 1: Thing, Yes, the donut machine.

510
00:24:26,279 --> 00:24:29,279
Speaker 3: The conveyor belt. Yes, yeah, I've been one of those.

511
00:24:29,279 --> 00:24:33,160
And that doesn't count as baking. That's an assembly line. Okay, okay,

512
00:24:33,319 --> 00:24:36,799
I'm not being a hypocrite about my prejudices. Get to know,

513
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,200
it's different principle.

514
00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 1: Have you ever confused a machine for an autobot all

515
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:44,759
the time?

516
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,519
Speaker 3: You know how many times I've tried to have a

517
00:24:47,599 --> 00:24:49,960
romantic exchange with a vending machine.

518
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: What ends up resulting from that? Walk us through that process.

519
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 3: Well, the first thing that happens is, for example, I

520
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:02,599
see a Tyson Chicken vending machine, h hot boxy with

521
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,839
a big open hole waiting for me. You can get

522
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,039
the leader of the autois.

523
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:07,599
Speaker 1: Yes.

524
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 3: What follows after is one of the most disastrous and

525
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:15,960
messy experiences humans could ever witness. Shop vacs and hoses

526
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,079
are needed to remove the detritus and mess when an

527
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:22,240
autobot has mistaken an inanimate object for a lover.

528
00:25:22,519 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: I actually just learned that Tyson actually does, in fact

529
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,400
have vending machines. This is news to me. Wow, you

530
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,359
could buy like grilled cheeses and things like that.

531
00:25:29,559 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 3: It's a real thing. I've seen it. I've seen one

532
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,680
in real life. This is not a joke. Yeah, but

533
00:25:34,759 --> 00:25:37,559
the rats got into it. Oh no, it was a

534
00:25:37,599 --> 00:25:39,960
bad time for everybody at that high school.

535
00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like you got into it as well.

536
00:25:42,319 --> 00:25:45,319
Speaker 3: I mean, once I found out there are rats inside.

537
00:25:45,519 --> 00:25:48,319
Have you heard of rat Trap? One of my favorite

538
00:25:48,319 --> 00:25:51,160
Transformer buddies and also the sexiest.

539
00:25:51,279 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 1: I haven't heard of that one. He's real.

540
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 3: He turns into a rat. I have to tell him

541
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,319
to shut the fuck up all the time.

542
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: So optimis you know, being like a Transformer, you're like

543
00:26:02,039 --> 00:26:06,720
a big robot guy like huge huge? Yes? Yes? Massive?

544
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,160
What do you feel towards like other similar kind of

545
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,440
robots like vultrons or mighty more from power Injurer type

546
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,440
things really like gundoms gundoms.

547
00:26:16,519 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 3: Yes, they're almost as good. There's the bit of a

548
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,480
stink because with all those there are humans inside. Oh,

549
00:26:24,039 --> 00:26:26,839
like a pit in an avocado or a cherry. You

550
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,200
don't want that. You want the juicy flesh on the outside.

551
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,200
You don't want that hard little nut lurking right in

552
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,319
the center. It's not quite the same, but it's almost

553
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:36,880
as good.

554
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,559
Speaker 1: Gotcha. So are you mad? Because it's like humans trying

555
00:26:40,559 --> 00:26:43,240
to act like robots, and it's like it's like they're

556
00:26:43,319 --> 00:26:44,559
like a mockery.

557
00:26:44,839 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you brought this up. This is very

558
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,799
important and I have a lot of feelings about this.

559
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:55,240
Cultural appropriation is not something exclusive to humanity. Even on Cybertron.

560
00:26:55,519 --> 00:26:59,519
Cybertronians often have to deal with this misuse of our

561
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:04,799
hairt hitge and our cultural accomplishments. Humans trying to replicate

562
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,000
our journey throughout history with their mockery. I see the

563
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:13,559
Japanese need to be stopped. Oh oh, who specifically in

564
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,319
the Japanese?

565
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: Okay, getting a lot of opinions on this episode that said, wow, okay,

566
00:27:19,079 --> 00:27:21,240
speaking of red flags, do you want.

567
00:27:21,039 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 3: Me to talk about having sex with gorillas?

568
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: No? No, no, I think you've got plenty of that. Yes, yeah, okay,

569
00:27:26,799 --> 00:27:29,799
so optimists, I think like back in the eighties that

570
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,680
was like peak Transformers times. You know, you guys were

571
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,599
like all the toy stores on all the TV. Like,

572
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,480
do you ever sometimes worry that you're like optimists past

573
00:27:37,519 --> 00:27:39,119
your prime? Oh?

574
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 3: Oh oh.

575
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: You okay, just need a little leener, John, you've been

576
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,920
kind of getting the shakes and you've been drinking a

577
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,359
lot of energy on over there. Man.

578
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,759
Speaker 3: Yeah good, I don't have a problem.

579
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:51,279
Speaker 1: Okay.

580
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 3: I am just as strong and capable as I was

581
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:59,319
forty years ago. Okay, I can still transform into anything

582
00:27:59,559 --> 00:28:00,720
they can fit anywhere.

583
00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: Okay, have you considered maybe like revamping your look or

584
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,759
there any vehicles that you're eying right now that you

585
00:28:05,799 --> 00:28:06,880
might want to transform into.

586
00:28:07,279 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 3: In all my time driving through her bank, I've seen

587
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,559
many cyber trucks.

588
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. Uh huh.

589
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,839
Speaker 3: I see that humanity has finally perfected the shape of

590
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:17,440
a vehicle.

591
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

592
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:24,279
Speaker 3: What you humans would call hideous, disgusting, structurally unsound is

593
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:28,400
actually what we would call beauty on Cybertron. Oh so

594
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,200
you see what you would call a horrible piece of

595
00:28:31,279 --> 00:28:34,880
shit car? Yeah, and I see a gorgeous truck.

596
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: I have a question. Do autobots ever ride in vehicles?

597
00:28:39,599 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 2: Like back on what was your planet Cybertron? And Cybertron,

598
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,480
did y'all have I don't know, transportation devices?

599
00:28:46,799 --> 00:28:50,279
Speaker 3: It's true, we did. We have forkliffs, we have trains

600
00:28:50,319 --> 00:28:54,000
and mono rails, but they're big to fit a transformer inside.

601
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,039
But are they also transformers? No, that doesn't make any sense.

602
00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 1: Okay, stupid, I'm so sorry. You're right.

603
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 3: Why would a vehicle turn into a guy?

604
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: I don't Yeah, I don't know. You have me there,

605
00:29:04,519 --> 00:29:04,960
I don't know.

606
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 3: That's probably one of the worst questions I've ever heard.

607
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Like I mentioned earlier, sound wave can

608
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,400
transform into like a cassette tape thing, and sometimes he

609
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,839
has like a little cassette guys inside of him. Have

610
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,960
you guys ever like Russian nest dulled into each other?

611
00:29:21,079 --> 00:29:22,599
Like have you ever been a part of that where

612
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,400
multiple transformers were within each other, within each other, within

613
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:25,799
each other?

614
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,279
Speaker 3: Oh, what happens all the time? Bumblebee's in me right now?

615
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:35,400
Oh say hello Bumblebee. Bumblebee says hello.

616
00:29:36,759 --> 00:29:38,599
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, hello Bumblebee.

617
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,759
Speaker 3: Okay, Wow, you got two guests for one? Yeah, isn't

618
00:29:41,759 --> 00:29:42,599
that cool.

619
00:29:42,559 --> 00:29:46,839
Speaker 2: Erry, Well, Optimist, it was an experience having you here. Yes,

620
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,519
we have our one year anniversary coming up of being

621
00:29:49,519 --> 00:29:52,200
independent for Good Morning from Hell, so we will probably

622
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,720
be doing some cool stuff in October, and I want

623
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,000
to thank everyone who supports us at Good Morning from

624
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:57,559
Hell dot Com.

625
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell us what kind of cool stuff we could expect. Chris,

626
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:04,720
we have so many plans. Yeah, tell me more, and

627
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,920
I don't want to spoil them all right now on

628
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,039
the show, but there's gonna be some cool stuff plans.

629
00:30:10,359 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 3: Wow.

630
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:17,079
Speaker 1: Thanks, Optimist. Do you have any final words for the audience? Optimists?

631
00:30:17,119 --> 00:30:20,799
Speaker 3: Well, usually before credits roll in a Michael Bay film, Huh,

632
00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:23,920
you'll hear me say something or other before Lincoln Park

633
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:24,680
plays you out.

634
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

635
00:30:25,279 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: I can try to do that if you wish.

636
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: It's like a cool, like rallying speech. Optimist.

637
00:30:30,559 --> 00:30:35,359
Speaker 3: Okay, here on Good Morning from Hell, we continue to

638
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:36,519
fight for humanity.

639
00:30:36,839 --> 00:30:37,519
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay.

640
00:30:37,599 --> 00:30:41,759
Speaker 3: Clayton and Chris continue to do their show knowing that

641
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,359
it's going to keep performing and getting those numbers they want,

642
00:30:46,039 --> 00:30:49,160
and people will continue to flock to them because Good

643
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,119
Morning from Hell gives.

644
00:30:50,839 --> 00:30:55,599
Speaker 1: Them hope what I've done. That's the part where Lincoln

645
00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:01,079
park plays. Okay, oh oh, you're singing this song the part? What? Yeah, okay, gotcha, Yeah,

646
00:31:01,079 --> 00:31:05,559
that's the part. And then yeah, so if you could

647
00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:07,319
actually you are quite large right now, so if you

648
00:31:07,319 --> 00:31:09,559
get like transform into something smaller, we got to push

649
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,279
you out through that door. No, oh okay, all right,

650
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,400
all right, well yeah that's the wall.

651
00:31:16,599 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 4: Wow.

652
00:31:17,039 --> 00:31:19,359
Speaker 1: Here he goes, went through the wall. He's walking out

653
00:31:19,359 --> 00:31:21,680
to that field. He's changing direction, he's going to a

654
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,079
parking lot. He sees a lot of people stepping on people.

655
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:28,880
He's throwing his hands up in the air like you

656
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,599
didn't mean to do this, But I think he's doing

657
00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:32,960
this intentionally, very intentional. He's aiming for them.

658
00:31:33,079 --> 00:31:37,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, Well thanks for listening, Hal Clayton. Huge

659
00:31:37,119 --> 00:31:40,559
thanks to Jacob Bulletin, our friend from many years.

660
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: Jacob. Tell people where you are, what you're doing, and

661
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:43,960
where they can find more of you.

662
00:31:44,039 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I could talk of a normal voice.

663
00:31:47,559 --> 00:31:50,559
Oh really, if you can find me and my friend's

664
00:31:50,599 --> 00:31:54,119
Patrick and Charlotte formerly from fun House on Astro Goblin

665
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,799
ourn YouTube channel that we've also had for about a year.

666
00:31:56,799 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 1: Hey how about that? Oh oh hey, what a coincidence.

667
00:31:59,279 --> 00:32:01,440
It's like we all started at around the same time.

668
00:32:01,599 --> 00:32:04,599
Speaker 4: Crazy interesting, but yeah, we've been doing that for about

669
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,359
a year. We upload funny videos on YouTube a couple

670
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,079
times a week, and we've got a whole bunch of

671
00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:13,240
stuff on our Patreon, including a Star Wars podcast about

672
00:32:13,319 --> 00:32:16,240
some of the worst Star Wars books we've ever read,

673
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,519
and that's available for everybody to listen to. We also

674
00:32:18,559 --> 00:32:21,599
got like some dramatic readings and other cool stuff on

675
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,559
Patreon as well.

676
00:32:22,799 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 3: Oh nice, that's where we've been at.

677
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: On Astrogoblin, what type of videos are you all making, Like,

678
00:32:27,519 --> 00:32:29,839
give an example similar flavor to what we did.

679
00:32:29,839 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 4: A fun house like it'll be like a game, or

680
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,599
sometimes we'll just be like applying for a job to

681
00:32:34,759 --> 00:32:39,880
RB's in Connecticut on Google Chrome. An audience member, what's

682
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:45,079
described it as anti algorithm? Oh okay, cool, which I

683
00:32:45,119 --> 00:32:46,599
think is a good way to describe it.

684
00:32:46,599 --> 00:32:47,279
Speaker 1: We have a lot of fun.

685
00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 4: We have some guests sometimes with some old pals, awesome fun. Yeah,

686
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,759
we've been doing that for about a year, so please

687
00:32:52,839 --> 00:32:53,279
check it out.

688
00:32:53,359 --> 00:32:56,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone go over to YouTube and subscribe now, and

689
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,319
we're gonna go record why We're going to Hell and

690
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,960
talk about what we've been up to and horrible sense.

691
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,799
That's right, so check that out next week. Bye bye

692
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:04,440
bye