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Speaker 1: In the Mirror by Valery Bryusov. I have loved mirrors

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from my very earliest years. As an infant, I wept

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and trembled as I looked into their transparently truthful depths.

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My favorite game as a child was to walk up

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and down the room or the garden, holding a mirror

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in front of me, gazing into its abyss, walking over

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the edge at every step, and breathless with giddiness and terror.

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Even as a girl, I began to put mirrors all

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over my room, large and small, ones, true and slightly

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distorted ones, some precise and others a little dull. I

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got into the habit of spending whole hours, whole days

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in the midst of intercrossing worlds which ran one into

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the other, trembled, vanished, and then reappeared again. It became

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a singular passion of mine to give my body to

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these soundless distances, these echoless perspectives, these separate universes cutting

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across our own and existing despite our consciousness in the

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same place and at the same time with it. This

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protracted actuality, separated from us by the smooth surface of glass,

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drew me towards itself by a kind of intangible touch

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dragged me forward as to an abyss a mystery. I

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was drawn towards the apparition which always rose up before

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me when I came near a mirror, and which strangely

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doubled my being. I strove to guess how this other

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woman was differentiated from myself, how it was possible that

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my right hand should be her left, and that all

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the fingers of this hand should change places, though certainly

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on one of them was my wedding ring. My thoughts

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were confused when I attempted to probe this enigma, to

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solve it. In this world where everybody could be touched,

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where voices were heard, I lived actually in that reflected

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world which it was only possible to contemplate. Was she phantasmally?

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She was almost as myself, and yet not at all myself.

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She repeated all my movements, but not one of these

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movements exactly coincided with those I made. She that other

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knew something I could not divine. She held a secret

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eternally hidden from my understanding. But I noticed that each

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mirror had its own separate and special world. Put two

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mirrors in the very same place, one after the other,

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and there will arise two different universes, and in different

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mirrors there rose up before me different apparitions, all of

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them like me, but never exactly like one another. In

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my small hand mirror lived a naive little girl with

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clear eyes, reminding me of my early youth. In my

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circular boudoor mirror was hidden a woman who knew all

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the diverse sweetness of caresses, shameless, free, beautiful, daring. In

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the oblong mirrors of the wardrobe door there always appeared

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a stern figure, imperious, cold, inexorable. I knew still other

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doubles of myself in my dressing glass, in my folding

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gold framed triptych, in a hanging mirror, in the oaken frame,

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in the little neck mirror, and in many other mirrors,

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which I treasured to all the beings hiding themselves in

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these mirrors, I gave the possibility and the pretext to

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develop according to the strange conditions of their world. They

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must take the form of the person who stands before

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the glass, But under this borrowed exterior they preserved their

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own personal characteristics. There were some worlds of mirrors which

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I loved, others which I hated, and some of them

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I loved to walk up and down for whole hours,

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losing myself in their attractive expense. Others I fled from

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in my secret heart. I did not love all my doubles.

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I knew that they were all hostile toward me, if

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only for the fact that they were forced to clothe

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themselves in my hated likeness. But some of these mirror

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women I pitied, I forgave their hate, and felt almost

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friendly to them. There were some whom I despised, and

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I loved to laugh at their powerless fury. There were

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some whom I mocked by my own and daeans, and

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tortured by my power over them. There were others, on

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the other hand, of whom I was afraid, who were

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too strong for me, and who dared, in their turn

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to mock at me, to command me. I hastened to

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get rid of the mirrors where these women lived. I

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would not look in them. I hid them, gave them away,

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even broke some in pieces. But every time I destroyed

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a mirror, I wept for whole days after, conscious of

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the fact that I had broken to pieces. A distinct

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universe and reproachful faces stared at me from the broken

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fragments of the world. I had destroyed the mirror with

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which my fate was to become linked. I bought one

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autumn at a sale of some sort. It was a

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large peer glass swinging on screws. I was struck by

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the unusual clarity of its reflection. The phantasmal actuality in

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it was changed by the slightest inclination of the glass,

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but it was independent and vital to the edges. When

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I examined this peer glass at the sale, the woman

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who reflected me in it it looked me in the

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eyes with a kind of haughty challenge. I did not

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wish to give in to her, to show that she

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had frightened me, So I bought the glass and ordered

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it to be placed in my boudoir. As soon as

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I was alone in the room, I immediately went up

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to the new mirror and fixed my eyes upon my rival.

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But she did the same to me, and standing opposite

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one another, we began to transfix each other with our glance,

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as if we had been snakes. In the pupils of

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her eyes was my reflection in mine hers. My heart

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sank and my head swam from her intent gaze. But

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at length. By an effort of will, I tore my

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eyes away from those other eyes, tipped the mirror with

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my foot so that it began to swing, rocking the

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image of my rival pitifully to and fro, and went

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out of the room. From that hour our strife began.

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In the evening of the first day of our meeting,

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I did not dare to go near the new peer glass.

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I went to the theater with my husband, laughed exaggeratedly,

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and was apparently light hearted. On the march, in the

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clear light of a September day, I went boldly into

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my boudoir alone and designedly sat down directly in front

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of the mirror. At the same moment she, the other woman,

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also came in at the door to meet me, crossed

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the room, and then she too sat down opposite me.

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Our eyes met in hers. I read hatred towards myself.

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In mine, she read hatred towards her. Our second duel

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began a duel of eyes. Two unyielding glances, commanding, threatening, hypnotizing.

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Each of us strove to conquer the other's will, to

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break down her resistance, to force her to submit to

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another's desire. It would have been a painful scene for

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an onlooker to witness two women sitting opposite each other

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without moving, joined together by the magnetic attraction of each

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other's gaze, and almost losing consciousness under the psychical stream.

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Suddenly someone called me. The infatuation vanished. I got up

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and left the room. After this, our duels were renewed

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every day. I realized that this adventuress had purposely forced

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herself into my home to destroy me and take my

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place in this world. But I had not sufficient strength

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to deny myself this struggle. In this rivalry, there was

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a kind of secret intoxication. The very possibility of defeat

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had hidden in it a sort of sweet seduction. Sometimes

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I forced myself for whole days to keep away from

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the peer glass. I occupied myself with business, with amusements.

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But in the depths of my soul was always hidden

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the memory of the rival, who, in patience and self reliance,

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awaited my return. I would go back to her, and

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she would step forth in front of me, more triumphantly

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than ever, piercing me with her victorious gaze and fixing

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me in my place before her. My heart would stop beating,

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and I, with a powerless fury would feel myself under

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the authority of this gaze. So the days and weeks

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went by, our struggle continued, but the preponderance showed itself

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more more definitely to be on the side of my rival.

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And suddenly one day I realized that my will was

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in subjection to her will, that she was already stronger

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than I. I was overcome with terror. My first impulse

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was to flee from my home and go to another town.

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But I saw at once that this would be useless.

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I should, all the same be overcome by the attractive

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force of this hostile will, and be obliged to return

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to this room, to this mirror. Then there came a

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second thought. To shatter the mirror, reduce my enemy to nothingness.

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But to conquer her by brutal strength would mean that

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I acknowledged her superiority over myself. This would be humiliating.

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I preferred to remain and continue the struggle to the end,

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even though I were threatened with defeat. Soon there could

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be no doubt that my rival would triumph. At every meeting,

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there was concentrated in her gaze still greater and greater

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power over me. Little by little, I lost the possibility

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of letting a day pass without once going to my mirror.

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She ordered me to spend several hours daily in front

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of her. She directed my will as a hypnotist directs

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the will of a sleep walker. She arranged my life

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as a mistress arranges the life of a slave. I

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began to fulfill her demands. I became an automaton to

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her wordless orders. I knew that, deliberately, cautiously, she would

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lead me by an unavoidable path to destruction, and I

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already made no resistance. I divined her secret plan to

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cast me into the mirror world and to come forth

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herself into our world. But I had no strength to

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hinder her. My husband and my relatives, seeing me spend

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whole hours, whole days and nights in front of my mirror,

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thought me demented and wanted to cure me. But I

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dared not reveal the truth to them. I was forbidden

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to tell them all, the dreadful truth, all the horror

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towards which I was moving. One of the December days

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before the holidays turned out to be the day of

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my destruction. I remember everything, clearly, precisely, circumstantially. Nothing in

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my remembrance is confused. As usual, I went into my

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boudoir early, at the first beginnings of the winter dawn twilight.

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I placed a comfortable armchair without a back in front

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of the mirror, sat down, and gave myself up to her.

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Without any delay, she appeared in answer to my summons.

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She too placed an armchair for herself. She too sat

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down and began to gaze at me. A dark foreboding

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oppressed my soul, but I was powerless to turn my

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face away, and I was forced to take to myself

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the insolent gaze of my rival. The hours went by,

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the shadows began to fall. Neither of us lighted a lamp.

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The glass of the mirror glimmered faintly in the darkness.

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The reflections had become scarcely visible, but the self reliant

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eyes gazed with their former strength. I felt neither terror

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nor ill will as on other days, but simply an

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intolerable anguish and a bitter consciousness that I was in

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the power of an other time swam away, and on

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its tide, I also swam into infinity, into a black

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expanse of powerlessness and lack of will. Suddenly, she that other.

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The reflected woman got up from her chair. I trembled

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all over at this insult, But something invincible, something forcing

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me from within, compelled me also to stand up. The

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woman in the mirror took a step forward. I did

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the same. The woman in the mirror stretched forth her arms.

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I did so too, looking straight at me with hypnotizing

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and commanding eyes. She moved forward, and I advanced to

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meet her. And it was strange. With all the horror

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of my position, with all my hate towards my rival,

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there fluttered somewhere in the depths of my soul, a

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painful consolation, a secret joy to enter at last into

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that mysterious world into which I had gazed from my childhood,

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and which up till now had remained inaccessible to me.

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At moment, I hardly knew which of us was drawing

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the other towards herself, she me or I her, whether

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she was eager to occupy my place, or whether I

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had devised all this struggle in order to displace her.

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But when moving forward my hands touched hers on the glass,

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I turned quite pale with repugnance, and she took my

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hand by force and drew me still nearer to herself.

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My hands were plunged into the mirror as into burning

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icy water. The cold of the glass penetrated into my

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body with a horrible pain, as if all the atoms

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of my being had changed their mutual relationship. In another moment,

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my face had touched the face of my rival. I

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saw her eyes right in front of my own. I

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was transfused into her with a monstrous kiss. Everything vanished

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from me in a torment of suffering unlike any other.

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And when I came to my senses after this swoon,

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I still saw in front of me my own boudoir,

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on which I gazed from out of the mirror. My

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rival stood before me and burst into laughter, And I,

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oh the cruelty of it. I, who was dying with

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humiliation into torture, was obliged to laugh too, to repeat

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all her grimaces in a triumphant, joyful laugh. I had

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not yet succeeded in considering my position when my rival

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suddenly turned round, walked towards the door, vanished from my sight,

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and I at once fell into torpor, into non existence.

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Then my life as a reflection began. It was a strange,

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half conscious, but mysteriously sweet life. There were many of

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us in this mirror, darkened soul and slumbering of consciousness.

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We could not speak to one another, but we felt

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each other's proximity and loved one another. We could see nothing,

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we heard nothing clearly, and our existence was like the

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enfeeblement that comes from being unable to breathe. Only when

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a being from the world of men approached the mirror, we,

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suddenly taking up his form, could look forward into the world,

242
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:05,559
could distinguish voices and breathe a full breath. I think

243
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,799
that the life of the dead is like that, a

244
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,559
dim consciousness of one's ego, a confused memory of the past,

245
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,120
and an oppressive desire to be incarnated in you, even

246
00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:18,720
if only for a moment, to see, to hear, to speak.

247
00:14:19,879 --> 00:14:22,480
And each of us cherished and concealed a secret dream

248
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,679
to free one's self, to find for one's self a

249
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,519
new body, to go out into the world of constancy

250
00:14:28,639 --> 00:14:34,200
and steadfastness. During the first days, I felt myself absolutely

251
00:14:34,279 --> 00:14:38,480
unhappy in my new position. I still knew nothing, understood nothing.

252
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,240
I took the form of my rival submissively and unthinkingly

253
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:44,679
when she came near the mirror and began to jeer

254
00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:48,440
at me, and she did this fairly often. It afforded

255
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,039
her great delight to flaunt her vitality before me her reality.

256
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,559
She would sit down and force me also to sit down,

257
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,320
stand up and exult as she saw me stand, wave

258
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,039
her arms about dance, force me to repeat her movements

259
00:15:03,399 --> 00:15:05,840
and burst out laughing, and continue to laugh, so that

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I should have to laugh too. She would shriek insulting

261
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,120
words in my face, and I could make no answer

262
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,120
to them. She would threaten me with her fist and

263
00:15:15,159 --> 00:15:18,200
mock at my forced repetition of the gesture. She would

264
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:22,279
turn her back on me, and I, losing sight, losing features,

265
00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:25,320
would become conscious of the shame of the half existence

266
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:28,840
left to me. And then suddenly, with one blow, she

267
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,120
would whirl the mirror round on its axle, and with

268
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:36,840
the oscillation, throw me completely into non entity. Little by little, however,

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00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,759
the insults and humiliations awoke a consciousness in me. I

270
00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:44,120
realized that my rival was now living my life, wearing

271
00:15:44,159 --> 00:15:48,240
my dresses, being considered as my husband's wife, and occupying

272
00:15:48,279 --> 00:15:50,879
my place in the world. Then there grew up in

273
00:15:50,919 --> 00:15:53,519
my soul a feeling of hate and a thirst for vengeance.

274
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:57,720
Like two fiery flowers. I began bitterly to curse myself

275
00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,840
for having, by my weakness or my criminal curiosity, allowed

276
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:04,759
her to conquer me. I arrived at the conviction that

277
00:16:04,799 --> 00:16:07,759
this adventuress would never have triumphed over me if I

278
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,919
myself had not aided her in her wiles. And so

279
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,399
as I became more familiar with some of the conditions

280
00:16:13,399 --> 00:16:16,519
of my new existence, I resolved to continue with her

281
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,639
the same fight which she had carried on with me.

282
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,240
If she a shadow could occupy the place of a

283
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:25,480
real woman, was it possible that I, a human being,

284
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:29,000
and only temporarily a shadow, should not be stronger than

285
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,799
a phantom. I began from a very long way off.

286
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,919
At first, I pretended that the mockery of my rival

287
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,759
tormented me quite unbearably. I purposely afforded her all the

288
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:43,600
satisfaction of victory. I provoked in her the secret instinct

289
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:47,799
of the executioner throwing himself upon his helpless victim. She

290
00:16:47,879 --> 00:16:50,879
gave herself up to this bait. She was attracted by

291
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,519
this game with me. She put forth the wings of

292
00:16:53,559 --> 00:16:56,960
her imagination and thought out new trials for me. She

293
00:16:57,039 --> 00:16:59,840
invented thousands of whiles to show me over and over again,

294
00:17:00,159 --> 00:17:03,279
I was only a reflection that I had no life

295
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:06,319
of my own. Sometimes she played on the piano in

296
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:11,319
front of me, torturing me by the soundlessness of my world. Sometimes,

297
00:17:11,519 --> 00:17:14,079
seated before the mirror, she would drink in tiny SIPs

298
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,400
my favorite liqueurs, compelling me only to pretend that I

299
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,599
also was drinking them. Sometimes, at length, she would bring

300
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:24,880
into my boudoir people whom I hated, and before my face,

301
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,519
she would allow them to kiss her body, letting them

302
00:17:27,559 --> 00:17:30,640
think that they were kissing me. And afterwards, when we

303
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,839
were alone, she would burst into a malicious and triumphant laugh.

304
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:36,799
But this laugh did not wound me at all. There

305
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:43,279
was sweetness in its keenness, my expectation of revenge. Unnoticeably,

306
00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:46,039
in the hours of her insults to me, I would

307
00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:48,640
accustom my rival to look me in the eyes, and

308
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,279
I would gradually overpower her gaze. Soon, at my will,

309
00:17:52,319 --> 00:17:54,519
I could already force her to raise and lower her

310
00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:57,440
eyelids and make this and that movement of the face.

311
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,359
I had already begun to triumph. Though I hid my

312
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,599
feeling under a mask of suffering, strength of soul grew

313
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,920
up within me. And I began to dare to lay

314
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,920
commands upon my enemy. Today you shall do so, and

315
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,880
so to day you shall go to such and such

316
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,440
a place. Tomorrow you shall come to me at such

317
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,599
a time, and she would fulfill them. I entangled her

318
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,039
soul in the nuts of my desires, woven together with

319
00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:22,640
a strong thread in which I held her soul, and

320
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,920
I secretly rejoiced when I noticed my success. When one day,

321
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,559
in the hour of her laughter, she suddenly caught on

322
00:18:29,599 --> 00:18:32,599
my lips a victorious smile which I was unable to hide.

323
00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:35,680
It was already too late. She rushed out of the

324
00:18:35,759 --> 00:18:37,920
room in a fury. But as I fell into the

325
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,720
sleep of my nonentity, I knew that she would return.

326
00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:43,839
Knew that she would submit to me, and a rapture

327
00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:46,759
of victory gushed out over my involuntary lack of strength,

328
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,519
piercing with a rainbow shaft of light the gloom of

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00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:54,400
my seeming death. She did return. She came up to

330
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,920
me in anger, and a terror shrieked to me, threatened me.

331
00:18:58,759 --> 00:19:01,240
But I was commanding her to do it, and she

332
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,000
was obliged to submit. Then began the game of a

333
00:19:05,039 --> 00:19:07,640
cat with a mouse at any time, I could have

334
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,839
cast her back into the depths of the glass and

335
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,799
come forth myself again into sounding and hard actuality. But

336
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,559
I delayed to do this. It was sweet to me

337
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,079
to indulge in non existence. Sometimes it was sweet to

338
00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:24,519
me to intoxicate myself with the possibility. At last. This

339
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,559
is strange, is it not. There suddenly was aroused in

340
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,319
me a pity for my rival, for my enemy, for

341
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,839
my executioner. Everything in her was something of my own,

342
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,359
and it was dreadful for me to drag her forth

343
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,000
from the realities of life, and to turn her into

344
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,680
a phantom. I hesitated, and dare not do it. I

345
00:19:42,759 --> 00:19:45,119
put it off. From day to day I did not

346
00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:49,920
know myself what I wanted and what I dreaded. And suddenly,

347
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,759
on a clear spring day, men came into the boudoir

348
00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:55,759
with planks and axes. There was no life in me.

349
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,400
I lay in the voluptuousness of torpor, but without seeing

350
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,039
them I knew they were there. The men began to

351
00:20:02,079 --> 00:20:05,200
busy themselves near the mirror, which was my universe, and

352
00:20:05,319 --> 00:20:07,559
one after another the souls who lived in it with

353
00:20:07,599 --> 00:20:10,799
me were awakened and took transparent flesh in the form

354
00:20:10,839 --> 00:20:15,839
of reflections, A dreadful uneasiness agitated my slumbering soul with

355
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,160
a presentiment of horror, a presentiment even of irretrievable ruin.

356
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,720
I gathered together all the might of my will, what

357
00:20:23,799 --> 00:20:26,519
efforts it caused me to struggle against the lassitude of

358
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:30,440
half existence, So living people sometimes struggle with a nightmare,

359
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:36,240
tearing themselves from its suffocating bands towards actuality. I concentrated

360
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:39,640
all the force of my suggestion into a summons directed

361
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:44,400
towards her, towards my rival. Come hither. I hypnotized her,

362
00:20:44,799 --> 00:20:47,880
magnetized her with all the tension of my half slumbering will.

363
00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:52,119
There was little time. The mirror had already begun to swing.

364
00:20:52,839 --> 00:20:54,799
They were already preparing to nail it up in a

365
00:20:54,799 --> 00:20:57,960
wooden coffin, to take it away. Whither I knew not,

366
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,480
And with an almost more effort, I called again and

367
00:21:01,519 --> 00:21:05,279
again come, And I suddenly began to feel that I

368
00:21:05,319 --> 00:21:09,400
was coming to life. She, my enemy, opened the door,

369
00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:13,279
and came to meet me, pale, half dead, in answer

370
00:21:13,319 --> 00:21:16,599
to my call, with faltering steps as men go to punishment.

371
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,279
I fastened my eyes on hers, bound up my gaze

372
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:22,720
with hers, And when I had done this, I knew

373
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:26,640
already that I had gained the victory. I at once

374
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,599
compelled her to send the men out of the room.

375
00:21:29,599 --> 00:21:32,759
She submitted, without even making an attempt to oppose me.

376
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,359
We were alone together once more. To delay was no

377
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,759
longer possible, and I could not bring myself to forgive

378
00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:43,240
her craftiness in her place. In my time, I should

379
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,920
have acted otherwise. Now I ordered her, without pity, to

380
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,319
come to meet me. A moan of torture opened her lips,

381
00:21:50,599 --> 00:21:55,240
her eyes widened as before a phantom, But she came, trembling, falling.

382
00:21:55,759 --> 00:21:59,359
She came. I also went forward to meet her, lips

383
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:03,160
curving triumphantly, eyes wide open with joy, swaying in an

384
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,880
intoxicating rapture. Again, our hands touched each others. Again, our

385
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,960
lips came near together, and we fell each into the other,

386
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:15,720
burning with the indescribable pain of bodily exchange. In another moment,

387
00:22:15,759 --> 00:22:18,160
I was already in front of the mirror. My breast

388
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,519
filled itself with air. I cried out loudly and victoriously,

389
00:22:21,559 --> 00:22:24,200
and fell just here in front of the pure glass.

390
00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:29,559
Prone from exhaustion, My husband and the servants ran towards me.

391
00:22:30,039 --> 00:22:32,519
I could only tell them to fulfill my previous orders

392
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:35,680
and take the mirror away out of the house at once.

393
00:22:36,319 --> 00:22:40,119
That was wisely thought, wasn't it. You see? She that

394
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,079
other might have profited by my weakness in the first

395
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,240
minutes of my return to life, and by a desperate assault,

396
00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:48,640
might have tried to wrest the victory from my hands.

397
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,759
Sending the mirror out of the house, I could insure

398
00:22:51,799 --> 00:22:54,559
my own quietude for a long time as long as

399
00:22:54,599 --> 00:22:57,240
I liked. And my rival had earned such a punishment

400
00:22:57,279 --> 00:22:59,920
for her cunning, I defeated her with her own tool,

401
00:23:00,559 --> 00:23:03,079
with the blade which she herself had raised against me.

402
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,039
After having given this order, I lost consciousness. They laid

403
00:23:08,039 --> 00:23:10,920
me on my bed, A doctor was called in. I

404
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,839
was treated as suffering from a nervous fever. For a

405
00:23:13,839 --> 00:23:16,960
long while, my relatives had thought me ill and not normal.

406
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,400
In the first outburst of exultation, I told them all

407
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,359
that had happened to me. My stories only increased their suspicions.

408
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,119
They sent me to a home for the mentally afflicted.

409
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,359
And I am there now. All my being, I agree,

410
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,680
is profoundly shaken. But I do not want to stay here.

411
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,200
I am eager to return to the joys of life,

412
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,880
to all the countless pleasures which are accessible to a

413
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:44,720
living human being. I have been deprived of them too long. Besides,

414
00:23:45,039 --> 00:23:47,480
shall I say it, there is one thing which I

415
00:23:47,519 --> 00:23:50,240
am bound to do as soon as possible. I ought

416
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,000
to have no doubt that I am this. I, But

417
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,279
all the same, whenever I begin to think of her

418
00:23:55,319 --> 00:23:57,880
who is imprisoned in my mirror, I begin to be

419
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,480
seized by a strange hesitation. What if the real eye

420
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,559
is there? Then I myself who think this, I who

421
00:24:05,599 --> 00:24:10,160
write this. I am a shadow. I am a phantom.

422
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,720
I am a reflection. In me, are only the poured

423
00:24:14,759 --> 00:24:19,000
forth remembrances, thoughts, and feelings of that other, the real person,

424
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,680
And in reality I am thrown into the depths of

425
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,759
the mirror. In non entity, I am pining, exhausted, dying.

426
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,400
I know, I almost know that this is not true.

427
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,279
But in order to disperse the last clouds of doubt,

428
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:36,559
I ought again once more, for the last time, to

429
00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:39,480
see that mirror. I must look into it once more

430
00:24:39,559 --> 00:24:43,559
to be convinced that there is the impostor, my enemy,

431
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,880
she who played my part for some months. I shall

432
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,160
see this, and all the confusion of my soul will

433
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,200
pass away, and I shall again be free from care,

434
00:24:52,799 --> 00:24:57,680
bright happy. Where is this mirror? Where shall I find it?

435
00:24:58,079 --> 00:25:02,400
I must, I must once more look in to its depths.

436
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000
End of in the mirror,