Speaker 1: Why have we as a society decided that we're going
Speaker 1: to post like a lot of pictures on Instagram and
Speaker 1: call it posting a dump.
Speaker 2: I hate that. I hate that so much photo dump.
Speaker 1: I heard posting a dump three times and look, I'm disgusting. Fine,
Speaker 1: I'll accept that accusation.
Speaker 2: You take that ship to Twitter, not on Instagram.
Speaker 1: When you say posting a dump, I think I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be looking at a toilet, Like that's where my brain goes,
Speaker 1: you know, like.
Speaker 3: There's a there's a corner of the of the Internet
Speaker 3: that is just for you, my friend. Yea, if that
Speaker 3: is what you are into, no shade, but like, be
Speaker 3: be real.
Speaker 2: If you're gonna say post.
Speaker 4: The dump, yeah, post the dump, not.
Speaker 2: Posting photos of yourself and.
Speaker 4: No, no post that dump.
Speaker 2: Post that dump truck. I want to see your ass
Speaker 2: ass in them. Thanks.
Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Paul in America and this is that aged well.
Speaker 2: Yesterday's pop culture today.
Speaker 1: And we are at the end of July Erica. It
Speaker 1: is the final Monday in July. Superhero July the straightest,
Speaker 1: the straightest of genres.
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely the most masculine of genres.
Speaker 1: Yes, and there is nothing gay about the film that
Speaker 1: we were talking about today. It is straight as an arrow.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it is straight as a Catholic boarding school.
Speaker 1: Before we get to this non homosexual film Erica, we
Speaker 1: do have some five star Apple podcast reviews.
Speaker 4: Shall we read the first one?
Speaker 2: Yes? Please?
Speaker 1: Okay, this is from Locutis Borg. I wonder if this
Speaker 1: is a Star Trek reference. I'm not getting the Borg
Speaker 1: is a Star Trek thing, isn't it it is? They write,
Speaker 1: We've had to apologize to our kids so many times.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1: I'm in Locutis Borg writes, this is just a great
Speaker 1: podcast idea. My wife and I have also gone back
Speaker 1: and watched some old childhood favorites and been horrified at
Speaker 1: what we thought was funny or acceptable behavior. These two
Speaker 1: hosts cracked me up and continuously point out some great
Speaker 1: observations that I didn't even notice. No notes. I humbly
Speaker 1: request that you review Revenge of the Nerds. This is
Speaker 1: a white whale for this podcast. I've never seen it.
Speaker 1: From what I've heard, it is rife with sexual assault,
Speaker 1: but that's really all I know about it. Yeah, Lakutisborg
Speaker 1: goes on. We watched it with our two college aged
Speaker 1: kids recently and had to apologize so many times.
Speaker 3: College age kids are the worst. They're so judge, they're
Speaker 3: so judging learning about the world.
Speaker 2: They're better than us, and they actually are better than us.
Speaker 4: I think they know better. Yeah, that's the.
Speaker 2: Problem is they know it and you're like, ah, shit,
Speaker 2: they are better than us.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: They finished the review with I think it would be
Speaker 1: a great watch for the both of you. You know what, Lakudisborg.
Speaker 1: Good for you for having the wherewithal to apologize to
Speaker 1: your kids. Don't defend being defensible. Just didn't you know what?
Speaker 1: It was a different time.
Speaker 2: It was funny when we were kids. Okay, what can
Speaker 2: I say?
Speaker 1: How about rather than judging me, you understand that this
Speaker 1: is what I have conquered.
Speaker 4: How about that? How about that? Finn and Heather?
Speaker 2: Okay, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 3: Look, maybe I didn't notice this was terrible when I
Speaker 3: was fourteen, but now I do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, look there, look at me growing.
Speaker 3: Our next review comes from TC Manga and they write,
Speaker 3: love you guys. I'm so grateful to have found this podcast.
Speaker 3: The friendship is obviously beautiful, and I love the reviews
Speaker 3: of films I grew up loving. I mean my wedding
Speaker 3: song was it had to be You from when Harry
Speaker 3: met Sally. It's wonderful heart emoji.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't.
Speaker 4: Feel like I've ever heard someone like it had to
Speaker 4: be You.
Speaker 1: I've heard as a wedding song, but it never heard
Speaker 1: it referenced as from when Harry met Sally.
Speaker 3: I'll admit a lot of my love of that era
Speaker 3: of music comes from the or efron like sutrack catalog.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, all right, lookudesborg TC Magna. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for these reviews. We so appreciate them. If you
Speaker 1: would like, Hey, that Agebel tope bag, you know what
Speaker 1: to do? You can email us that Ageble at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. You can contact us on social media Instagram.
Speaker 1: DM is totally fine. Let us know this is you
Speaker 1: say you want your tote bag and I will send
Speaker 1: it off for you. Erica, what is this bastion of
Speaker 1: straight culture that we are talking about today?
Speaker 2: Today's Republican nightmare is the nineteen ninety seven super hero
Speaker 2: film Batman and Robin.
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin was requested by Chris, by Sophie, by Tony,
Speaker 1: by Jan, by Marcus, by Austin, and by our patrons.
Speaker 1: We polled Batman and Robin against Supergirl, and the two
Speaker 1: of us were very split, like we didn't know which
Speaker 1: one we wanted to win.
Speaker 4: We wanted both to win. We want to do both
Speaker 4: of them. That's what always happens with these polls.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what if there was more time, What if
Speaker 1: we had more time, What if there were more mondays?
Speaker 3: What if we changed this podcast to superheroes and just
Speaker 3: did superhero movies for six months?
Speaker 1: Then maybe I would get to talk about the X
Speaker 1: Men at some point and really torture you for hours
Speaker 1: on end.
Speaker 3: I have to say, the movies we got is partially
Speaker 3: our fault, is not your fault, listeners, but we picked
Speaker 3: some dumpster fires.
Speaker 2: He did this genre dirty.
Speaker 1: But the patrons voted and Batman and Robin won sixty
Speaker 1: four percent to thirty six percent. So Supergirl and Faye
Speaker 1: Dunaway as an evil enchantress will have to wait for
Speaker 1: another time.
Speaker 4: It'll be another time.
Speaker 2: Hey, done away month?
Speaker 4: Say done Away month?
Speaker 1: Sure, Bonnie and Clyde Chinatown, Supergirl and just Mommy Dearest again,
Speaker 1: because why not?
Speaker 4: That's for funzies.
Speaker 1: So Batman and Robin was written by Akiva Goldsman. It
Speaker 1: was based on DC Comics characters created by Bill Finger
Speaker 1: and Bob Kine. It is the fourth and final film
Speaker 1: in Warner Brothers original Batman series, and the only one
Speaker 1: in the series with no involvement from Tim Burton.
Speaker 2: Boy, you really needed Tim Burton.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there was an essential component missing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you really needed his input. You needed him to
Speaker 2: come in and be like, uh no.
Speaker 1: So it was directed by Joel Schumacher and it stars
Speaker 1: George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, and Alicia Silverstone.
Speaker 3: Batman and Robin was so poorly received that it fucking
Speaker 3: killed the franchise. It calls Warner Brothers to cancel plans
Speaker 3: for Shoemacher led sequel Batman Unchained.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine how gay that one would have been?
Speaker 4: Now ringing in chains? Oh my god, let's do this thing.
Speaker 3: Schumacher, Goldsman, and Clooney have all publicly apologized for their
Speaker 3: roles in the films. Honestly, there's no reason to apology. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you tried something and it didn't.
Speaker 4: Really, it didn't work.
Speaker 3: It's not bad because it's like it didn't try, you know,
Speaker 3: And it's not bad because it's offensive.
Speaker 2: It just fails.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it just fails.
Speaker 2: That's all people. You're allowed to fail. It happens. Shoemacher's
Speaker 2: insisted that the lion's share of the blame should fall
Speaker 2: to him. Well, yeah, you are the director.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He also pointed out the studio's insistence on making the
Speaker 2: film more quote unquote toy edic.
Speaker 1: So they wanted to have more toys. So they needed
Speaker 1: more gadgets. They need more things that they could make
Speaker 1: in plastic and sell.
Speaker 2: To kids, like a dildo, like a like a batmobile
Speaker 2: dildo for children, babies, first dilto Oh, is that what
Speaker 2: they wanted to sell to children?
Speaker 1: How many people in the nineties of appropriate age discovered
Speaker 1: themselves using a Batman toy?
Speaker 4: That's the question.
Speaker 3: How many Batman toys did some poor er surgeons have
Speaker 3: to remove from someone's rectum.
Speaker 1: From some suburban father's rectum. He was just trying something.
Speaker 2: The answer is not zero, not zero.
Speaker 3: No, the amount of rectal extractions that surgeons have had
Speaker 3: to do over the years with Batman to these Batmobile
Speaker 3: toys in the nineties, it is a dick with wings Man.
Speaker 3: They show it in the movie. I'm like, that is
Speaker 3: a fuck. That's a Dick with wings. I swear to
Speaker 3: god it has a vein down the middle.
Speaker 4: Kevin Feikey has called the film the most important comic
Speaker 4: book movie ever made because it's franchise killing failure forced
Speaker 4: film studios to rethink how to make comic book movies,
Speaker 4: leading to Spider Man and X Men franchises in the
Speaker 4: early two thousands that were far more successful.
Speaker 3: That actually does make a lot of sense, because I
Speaker 3: here's the thing is, we are used to We have
Speaker 3: now come of age in a world where superhero films
Speaker 3: are taken extremely seriously. Yeah, but like you forget, and
Speaker 3: well I'd forgotten until we started doing this month of
Speaker 3: like eighties and nineties crops of superhero movies. They were
Speaker 3: all goofy as fuck. No one took them seriously. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and this one.
Speaker 2: Was so unseerious that it broke the franchise.
Speaker 4: It broke the system.
Speaker 1: This is also, this is what the comic books were
Speaker 1: like in the sixties.
Speaker 4: Like it was, it was silly.
Speaker 1: I mean, all of my references are Marvel, but like
Speaker 1: Magneto flying up in the air and declaiming like I'm
Speaker 1: the mutant master of Magnetism and I'm going to take
Speaker 1: over the like they weren't like nuanced in any way,
Speaker 1: and like the medium has just grown a great deal
Speaker 1: and now it's like they're talking about ideas and there's
Speaker 1: actual metaphors and allegories and all of that stuff. Like
Speaker 1: that's not what this movie is trying to be. This
Speaker 1: movie's trying to be a silly, fun, good time, and
Speaker 1: boy does it succeed.
Speaker 2: I have to say, it really does succeed at that.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you one thing. I had a great time.
Speaker 3: I did feel bad for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Anytime he's on screen.
Speaker 3: All I could think of is the makeup job they
Speaker 3: had to do for him to get in that dumb
Speaker 3: fucking costume that doesn't fit that he can barely move
Speaker 3: in and say the dumbest lines ever committed to film history.
Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, I'm glad you got
Speaker 3: to be governor of California.
Speaker 2: You earned it. Yeah, you earned it.
Speaker 4: That Okay.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about this because allegedly there are
Speaker 1: twenty seven ice punds throughout the movie, and I found
Speaker 1: myself essentially disappointed in all of them, and I came
Speaker 1: up with like a bunch more. But how about this.
Speaker 1: Why after freezing someone did mister Freeze, never say ice,
Speaker 1: ice baby, because I.
Speaker 2: Would have thrown by TV through the window.
Speaker 4: That's right, but come on, nineteen ninety seven, that's right now.
Speaker 2: That probably got cut. Even Schumacher was like, no, I can't.
Speaker 1: At the beginning of a battle with Batman, he should
Speaker 1: have said, you know what, my favorite game is freeze tag.
Speaker 4: Come on?
Speaker 2: He's like, how.
Speaker 3: About how about we reference an obscure Eugene O'Neill play first.
Speaker 2: How about we do that in this movie four Children?
Speaker 4: That was my favorite one. Actually I was in it.
Speaker 4: I was like, that's great. I enjoyed that. Okay, how
Speaker 4: come every time after he'd throw out a bomb he
Speaker 4: didn't say that's a freezer burn. Come on?
Speaker 1: Every time it would have gotten funny year, and then
Speaker 1: it would have gotten unfunny and stupid, and then it
Speaker 1: would have circled all the way back around to funny
Speaker 1: by the end of the movie.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Paul, would you believe if I told you that
Speaker 3: Batman and Robin has an eleven percent critical reading on
Speaker 3: Rotten Tomatoes and a sixteen percent.
Speaker 4: Audience score, I would believe that.
Speaker 3: I would believe that entirely. Yeah, forty percent on cherry Picks.
Speaker 2: You know, women were not perfect. We're not We're not.
Speaker 3: We make mistakes, We're not. I we like to like
Speaker 3: tell like the female of the species being the better
Speaker 3: of the two genders, the two sexes, and we're right
Speaker 3: most of the time. This is the one time where
Speaker 3: ladies have just hit them like stepped on a rake
Speaker 3: and hit themselves in the face.
Speaker 4: I have Okay, So I was thinking about this.
Speaker 1: This is my Let me present a theory to you
Speaker 1: as to why this is because I agree with you,
Speaker 1: like forty percent. This is not a forty percent good
Speaker 1: movie on any.
Speaker 2: Level, on any level.
Speaker 1: But in nineteen ninety seven a the best performance in
Speaker 1: the movie Uma Thurman.
Speaker 4: By four light years.
Speaker 2: She's killing it.
Speaker 1: She is killing this movie like it's and and she's
Speaker 1: fun and she's memorable. She's making all these stupid puns
Speaker 1: work like yeah, great. And then the admittedly deeply stupid
Speaker 1: kind of feminist shit they make. Alicia Silverstone try to
Speaker 1: say throughout this whole movie, like I wonder if in
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety seven Batgirl was a step forward for the genre.
Speaker 4: You won't accept it.
Speaker 2: Even if that's true.
Speaker 4: I think it might be that doesn't make this a
Speaker 4: good movie. No, no, it does it. It does not
Speaker 4: like you can't just be like.
Speaker 3: It had two female characters and they talk to each other.
Speaker 3: Therefore it passes the Bechdel test, so forty percent good.
Speaker 2: No, women can be wrong too, they can be This
Speaker 2: is a really great example of that.
Speaker 4: All right, Erica, When did you first see Batman and Robin.
Speaker 2: Have an insane story about that?
Speaker 4: Oh? Good?
Speaker 3: My friends and I were driving to the movie theater
Speaker 3: to go see this film Saturday afternoon. We were late,
Speaker 3: the movie starting in like ten minutes. It was going
Speaker 3: to take us twenty minutes to get to the theater.
Speaker 3: So my friend who's driving, I'm in the passenger seat,
Speaker 3: she's booking it. The car in front of us doesn't
Speaker 3: like a really sudden stop, okay, not opposed to, and
Speaker 3: it just does a really sudden stop kind of out
Speaker 3: of nowhere to make a turn because I guess they
Speaker 3: missed their turn.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: My friend panics, hits the brakes really hard, her car
Speaker 3: starts to fish tail across a three lanes like highways dramatic.
Speaker 3: We end up like fish tailing across the highway. Luckily
Speaker 3: you haven't hit any cars. But there's cars are creening
Speaker 3: out of the way to get like out of our way,
Speaker 3: and the car that we're in, there's like a one
Speaker 3: eighty yeah, ends up in the.
Speaker 2: Third lane over. We were in the first lane.
Speaker 3: Now we're in the third lane over facing the direction
Speaker 3: of the oncoming traffic, and a car hits us like
Speaker 3: from front. And luckily that car had like had hit
Speaker 3: the brakes enough that it was not a big hit.
Speaker 2: No one was injured. Ok, everyone was fine, but like
Speaker 2: both cars had damage. It was a whole thing. It was.
Speaker 3: It's the only car accident I've really ever been in
Speaker 3: my life. It was so fucking scary. I saw my
Speaker 3: life flash before my eyes. Yeah, and it was all
Speaker 3: because we were ten minutes late to cut to us
Speaker 3: actually going to the theater to watch that movie.
Speaker 2: I don't know. A week later, probably we go to
Speaker 2: see this movie.
Speaker 3: Imagine imagine are appointment, Paul.
Speaker 2: We realized that we almost died to see this nonsense.
Speaker 1: Young Erica had film opinions too. I bet you were
Speaker 1: on a war path. You would have docked Joel Schumacher
Speaker 1: in a second if you had an edibility.
Speaker 3: Was That's my experience I have. I always saw it one.
Speaker 2: Time in the theater after almost dying to see it. Paul,
Speaker 2: when did you first see this film?
Speaker 1: I also saw this in the theater. I don't remember
Speaker 1: getting there, so I don't think I almost gotten to it,
Speaker 1: I almost killed myself or anything like that on the way.
Speaker 4: I remember thinking it was terrible.
Speaker 1: I do remember even back then being like Uma Thurman, Yes,
Speaker 1: if this is the movie you're going to do, that
Speaker 1: is the performance you need from everybody, Like everyone needs
Speaker 1: to be at that level to be fair.
Speaker 2: I think Schwarzenegger is doing his best.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we've talked about how funny Arnold Schwarzenegger can be.
Speaker 1: But you do kind of have to write to him
Speaker 1: because half of the humor is in the accent and
Speaker 1: the kind of wooden delivery, and like this guy is
Speaker 1: is is mallifluous in his language a little bit like
Speaker 1: like he's supposed to be like a tragic hero, a
Speaker 1: tragic villain, right, like he has this tragic backstory and everything,
Speaker 1: and like it was probably a miscasting. But I don't
Speaker 1: think Arnold Schwartzneker is not trying to fulfill the brief
Speaker 1: like he's trying. It's just it's it's not his bag.
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you clock any of the gay I'm gonna
Speaker 2: call it subject, Sure it's not. But did you clock
Speaker 2: any of that when you were watching it?
Speaker 1: I don't think I did. I don't remember that being
Speaker 1: the takeaway. I mean I was not out at this time, and.
Speaker 2: But you were alive and breathing.
Speaker 4: I was alive in breathing.
Speaker 1: But I suspect that this was something that I had
Speaker 1: repressed far enough down that I, even if I had
Speaker 1: noticed it, I was not going to acknowledge noticing it
Speaker 1: because now watching him, like, well, how can you not notice?
Speaker 1: Like when like Chris o'donald is a perfect spin in
Speaker 1: the air and his ass is perfectly lit for like
Speaker 1: a second and you're like, well that was just that.
Speaker 1: That was on purpose and unnecessary, Like we're good.
Speaker 3: You know, this movie really does George Clooney a solid
Speaker 3: because I don't think he is known for his ass,
Speaker 3: and they make his ass look spectacular.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's got a BBL in this movie. Yeah, all right, Erica.
Speaker 1: The tagline of this movie was Heroes, Villains triple Threat.
Speaker 2: I don't even get it.
Speaker 1: I think it's supposed to because there's three main heroes
Speaker 1: and three main villains, even though Bain isn't on the poster.
Speaker 4: I think that's what they're going for.
Speaker 3: I forget, literally, I saw this movie two nights ago
Speaker 3: for the like the second time ever. Uh huh, and
Speaker 3: I forgot Baine was in it already. The Iceman comes
Speaker 3: really should have been the tagline.
Speaker 4: Yeah it is clearly yeah, yeah, Like why.
Speaker 2: If we're gonna use it anyway?
Speaker 4: Come on, all right, so the iTunes synopsis Shall I
Speaker 4: read for you?
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: George Clooney stars as the mysterious Caped Crusader in this
Speaker 1: fourth installment of the blockbuster Batman saga. This time he's
Speaker 1: up against the cold blooded mister Freeze Arnold Schwarzenegger, who
Speaker 1: has joined forces with theem fatal Poison Ivy Academy Award
Speaker 1: nominee and Golden Globe winner Uma Thurman Kill Bill Volumes
Speaker 1: One and two and the producers to wait a deadly
Speaker 1: crime spree against the citizens of Gotham City. Armed with
Speaker 1: a new array of high tech fighting gear, Batman enlists
Speaker 1: the help of his Daredevil partner Robin Golden Globe nomine
Speaker 1: Chris O'Donnell Scent of a Woman, Batman Forever and their
Speaker 1: newest secret weapon, Batgirl, Golden Globe nominee Alicia Silverstone, Clueless
Speaker 1: plast from the Past. It's an action packed thrill ride
Speaker 1: as the forces of good and evil clashed in the
Speaker 1: most spectacular Batman ever produced, also featuring Vivika Fox and
Speaker 1: supermodels Vendela and El McPherson, directed by Joel Schumacher, Phantom
Speaker 1: of the Opera, Phone Booth, Good fucking Board.
Speaker 3: I also forgot Vivica Fox was in this until you
Speaker 3: read that, like, and she's in my notes, I wrote
Speaker 3: Vivika Fox and then she she's like literally in one
Speaker 3: scene and she doesn't that's it.
Speaker 1: I really expected her to come back. I thought in
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety seven, Vivica A. Fox was Vivica A. Fox,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I guess not.
Speaker 2: Oh fucking a Greed. I was like, wait, why aren't
Speaker 2: you back? What the that's it? That's all you're here for?
Speaker 3: Good gravy, Paul, do you have an actual synopsis for
Speaker 3: this hot mess?
Speaker 1: The actual synopsis for Batman and Robin is there's such
Speaker 1: a fine line between superhero suit and fetish gear.
Speaker 3: I mean, finally a superhero film for the Leather Daddy's
Speaker 3: out there.
Speaker 1: Finally a superhero film where I can really picture these
Speaker 1: superheroes in a fox sling without having to change the
Speaker 1: outfits at all.
Speaker 2: There was a foxling in the movie, though, right I
Speaker 2: think I saw one.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think there was, but I remember
Speaker 1: it too. It's almost like it's incepted into you while
Speaker 1: you watch this movie.
Speaker 2: Was it in the bath house that's in this movie?
Speaker 2: There is a fucking bath house in the film.
Speaker 4: Not a bathouse, a bath house.
Speaker 2: Maath house.
Speaker 4: There's a bath houseuse this.
Speaker 3: One is like Borderline in DCE. This is for children.
Speaker 3: This is for children. This genuinely is a Republican nightmare.
Speaker 3: Like this will turn your kids gay. Don't let them
Speaker 3: watch it?
Speaker 1: All right, everyone, stick around. We are going to play
Speaker 1: a couple of mars here. If you don't want to
Speaker 1: listen to commercials, you can go to our patreon, patreon,
Speaker 1: dot com slash that age wel podcast. You can sign
Speaker 1: up for any paid tear and you will get ad
Speaker 1: free episodes delivered to your feet every Monday and more.
Speaker 1: You can always get more on the patreon. If you
Speaker 1: don't want to do that, stick around. You'll listen to
Speaker 1: some commercials and then we will be right back to
Speaker 1: take you through Batman and Robin.
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, We're back.
Speaker 4: We're bat Oh, there it is there, It is all right.
Speaker 1: We open with, of course close ups on nipples, asses
Speaker 1: and codpieces swathed in rubber and or leather.
Speaker 2: Okay, like ended me.
Speaker 3: In the years since this film has come out, I actually,
Speaker 3: weirdly enough, also did not clock any of the gay
Speaker 3: shit the first time, or if I did, I forgot,
Speaker 3: Like I just I was beat seething with anger that
Speaker 3: I almost died to see this movie. And in the
Speaker 3: years since that, and like, no, I've heard this is
Speaker 3: like the quote unquote gay Batman film, and I was like,
Speaker 3: people can be so like they probably mean that pejoratively.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: It's not pejorative. It's accurate. From the beginning, from the.
Speaker 3: First second of the movie, it is a close up
Speaker 3: of cod pieces and like leather bound asses.
Speaker 2: I'm not not into this.
Speaker 1: And they look they are not beating the gay accusations
Speaker 1: because when they had like it's as if they they're
Speaker 1: pulling up their pants right so they they it's at
Speaker 1: the last second, so they're fully covered like the rubbers
Speaker 1: already over their asses.
Speaker 4: But then there's a little jiggle.
Speaker 3: Joel Schumacher said, I'm going to make the most fetishistic
Speaker 3: children's movie of all time, watch me do it.
Speaker 4: And he succeeded to be fair.
Speaker 1: In the nineties when they were saying it was pejorative,
Speaker 1: but it was also true.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean, accurate.
Speaker 3: Now I'm celebrating it. I'm celebrating it. This is the
Speaker 3: gayest fucking movie.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: These two leather rubber bound heroes, our titicular heroes would
Speaker 1: nipples are of course Batman aka Bruce Wayne, played by
Speaker 1: George Clooney.
Speaker 2: So so deeply, deeply, deeply miscast.
Speaker 3: I love George Clooney. If nothing against the man, he's
Speaker 3: a good actor. This is so I cannot believe they
Speaker 3: cast him as Batman. It is so insane to me.
Speaker 1: But I think he's good as Bruce Wayne. He's just
Speaker 1: terrible as Batman.
Speaker 2: Yes, but that's a little bit important.
Speaker 1: No, No, absolutely that you have to be able to
Speaker 1: do both to be fair. But like, he's actually very
Speaker 1: good as Bruce Wayne. There was actually a scene in
Speaker 1: this where I was like, oh, that actually almost affected
Speaker 1: me emotionally, which is not explaining this movie.
Speaker 3: Imagine Bruce Campbell. Sure it would have worked so well.
Speaker 3: George Clooney is like Carrie Grant sexy, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, Like, it's the wrong kind of section.
Speaker 4: He's dignified.
Speaker 1: And so it's also Robin aka Dick Grayson played by
Speaker 1: Chris O'Donnell. This is a rough go for mister O'Donnell.
Speaker 1: I have enjoyed him in the past. I also think
Speaker 1: part of the problem is that we were in a
Speaker 1: Selma Blair and Real Intention situation where he is twenty
Speaker 1: seven and the movie wants him to be like twenty yeah.
Speaker 3: I think the movie wants him to be like eighteen yeah.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, that's an adult.
Speaker 4: Yeshir, that's a full grown man.
Speaker 2: That's a person with a mortgage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a person who can rent a car. It's
Speaker 1: the rerural cortex is fully formed.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And he's tasked with saying things like you just
Speaker 2: you just want it for yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: He's supposed to play this like petulant kid, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: you look dumb man.
Speaker 1: They must have to shave their entire bodies to get
Speaker 1: into those suits. They are waxed for the gods to
Speaker 1: get waxed and lubed up like a pig at the
Speaker 1: county fair.
Speaker 2: Because these suits.
Speaker 3: Look cheap enough to me that I don't think it
Speaker 3: feels like they're made of like not rubber rubber, but
Speaker 3: like that thick, foamy rubber whatever whatever.
Speaker 4: The rubber equivalent of plether is, yeah, like fake rubber.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I bet you they're actually like snug as
Speaker 2: a bug.
Speaker 1: All right, So these two get suited up and go
Speaker 1: out to fucking a sling, I mean, fight crime.
Speaker 4: They're gonna fight crime. Batman gets into the Batmobile.
Speaker 1: He heads out as Alfred Michael Goff implores him, do
Speaker 1: try to bring this one back in one pieza, and
Speaker 1: Robin hops onto his robin cycle.
Speaker 4: I don't know what that's called, and he follows.
Speaker 1: He tells Alfred not to wait up, and Alfred says
Speaker 1: that he'll cancel the pizza, and the hero speed off
Speaker 1: and Alfred gets a distressed, almost pained expression on his face.
Speaker 4: Oh no, what's wrong with Alfred.
Speaker 1: My favorite part of the scene, outside of the ass jiggling,
Speaker 1: which I did enjoy, is when they first they do
Speaker 1: this long pan up like the Batmobile appears the Dickmobile
Speaker 1: as you correctly pointed.
Speaker 2: Out looks so much like a penis.
Speaker 1: They pan up to Chris O'Donnell and George Clintony's faces,
Speaker 1: and both of them look like they know a mistake
Speaker 1: is being made, Like both of them look like oops.
Speaker 2: Here's some like really pained dialogue of the beginning of
Speaker 2: the movie where.
Speaker 4: And also the middle and the end of the movie
Speaker 4: to be fair, like we're.
Speaker 3: Like where Robin's like, I want my own car, and
Speaker 3: Batman's like, this is why works alone, And you just
Speaker 3: see waves of regret over George Cleaney's face, handsome, beautiful
Speaker 3: face as he's like, oh, this is this is terrible,
Speaker 3: but I need to quit. I can't do that, like
Speaker 3: why did I agree to this? So Batman and Robin
Speaker 3: head to the Gotham Museum of Art as they've been
Speaker 3: alerted by Commissioner Gordon pat Hindele that there's a new
Speaker 3: villain in town, mister Freeze. M We cut to the
Speaker 3: museum where mister Freeze aka Victor Freeze played by Arnold Schwartzenega,
Speaker 3: freezes security guards and blocks of ice and announces the
Speaker 3: Iceman Cometh, which.
Speaker 1: Is somehow the least gay thing that's happened in this
Speaker 1: movie so far he is shooting people with a penis
Speaker 1: shaped gun, saying the iceman cometh and it's not that gay.
Speaker 3: He's also like they painted him like like remember a Goldfinger,
Speaker 3: it's the silver version of that where it looks like
Speaker 3: it's pixie dust and diamond dust all over his body.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So mister Freeze spots his target, which is an enormous
Speaker 3: diamond in the Museum of Art, you know what?
Speaker 2: Moving on? Moving on, I can't.
Speaker 1: They say it's the Museum of Art, but it's so
Speaker 1: clearly a natural history museum because a large Brontosaurus model
Speaker 1: like features into this movie as well.
Speaker 2: It's the natural history museum.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he blasts the case apart with his freeze gun.
Speaker 3: Not an euphemism, Nope, has he in tones?
Speaker 2: In this universe?
Speaker 6: There is only one absolute everything, please.
Speaker 2: To which Erica goes. Not vodka. No, it's true, vodka
Speaker 2: doesn't freeze. You put it in your freezer forever. It's
Speaker 2: not gonna freeze.
Speaker 4: What if?
Speaker 1: What if instead he had said he gotten it's time
Speaker 1: to roll the ice, and he had like which rolled
Speaker 1: the diamond across the floor.
Speaker 2: Honestly, you should have written this movie you love a.
Speaker 4: Pun I do, I really do.
Speaker 2: This is your wheelhouse, my friend.
Speaker 1: So Batman appears by crashing through the skylight and Batman,
Speaker 1: enough damage has been done to the museum already. You
Speaker 1: didn't need to crash this go He's with the front door.
Speaker 3: Is the front door not open? Is there not a
Speaker 3: freight elevator you could have taken?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean to be fair, he's gonna pay for all
Speaker 1: the repairs anyway. As Bruce Wayne, so I guess he's
Speaker 1: like whatever I have so much. He's the only reason
Speaker 1: Gotham City works. He is like Mayor Bloomberg in New
Speaker 1: York City. Remember how when Mayor Bloomberg was the billionaire
Speaker 1: mayor and everything just kind of worked because he just
Speaker 1: made short work because hedn't want stink on his name.
Speaker 1: He has a billion dollars. That's Bruce Wayne and got
Speaker 1: them good.
Speaker 2: You know what, Bruce Wayne for Mary.
Speaker 1: He confronts mister Freeze, who assures him that you're not
Speaker 1: sending me to the koola.
Speaker 4: Some excellent, truly.
Speaker 1: Terrible fight choreography ensues. I mean I'm talking about like
Speaker 1: this movie. Watched Goldfinger and said hold my beer on
Speaker 1: the fight choreography I can, I can do you one better.
Speaker 3: Arnold Schwarzenegger is never one who moves with the grease
Speaker 3: Yeah of a barishna CoV beginning with certainly not but
Speaker 3: the amount he cannot move in the outfit they have
Speaker 3: put him in, and the amount that George Clooney also
Speaker 3: not move. Did you notice Batman can't turn his head?
Speaker 1: That's my favorite part about these movies. He moves like
Speaker 1: me after a bad night of sleep. Like his shoulders
Speaker 1: in his head are one one fused piece.
Speaker 3: So all the fights look so because it's two men,
Speaker 3: two middle aged men in outfits they physically cannot occer.
Speaker 1: So mister Freeze loses his freeze gun in the melee,
Speaker 1: and he summons his ice hockey themed henchmen who are
Speaker 1: all on ice but are wearing roller blades, and they
Speaker 1: have like plastic skull cod pieces.
Speaker 2: The cod pieces.
Speaker 4: I wish everyone could see your face.
Speaker 2: Eric is so upset the skull cod pieces.
Speaker 4: Yeah, uh huh?
Speaker 2: Upset or horny?
Speaker 4: I don't know both.
Speaker 2: They don't know both.
Speaker 4: I'm horny and I'm upset about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm upset that I'm horny.
Speaker 3: He reminded me so much of what's that movie we
Speaker 3: watch with the kids in the like the desert ice skins.
Speaker 4: Oh, solar babies.
Speaker 2: So this was so out of solar babies. Everything is.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is Shoel Schumacher saw solar babies
Speaker 3: the night before, like creating the vision board for these characters.
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Uh, Mister Free shouts at his hockey henchmen to kill
Speaker 1: the heeroes, Batman and Robin activate their boots skates by
Speaker 1: clicking their heels together like Dorothy at the end.
Speaker 3: Okay, no, we gotta talk to this. I'm sorry, I can't.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I keep interrupting the ball off for every
Speaker 3: sentence he says. But like picture chryst O'Donnell and George
Speaker 3: Clooney lying on their backs.
Speaker 4: They've been knocked over by the hockey henchmen.
Speaker 2: Who cares why, Paul.
Speaker 4: They're on their backs and their legs are spread no reason.
Speaker 3: Because Joel Schumacher needed them on their backs so he
Speaker 3: could point a camera right up their taints. And George
Speaker 3: Clooney turns to Crystal Donald's like now. Then they lift
Speaker 3: their legs up and click their heels like Dorothy and
Speaker 3: Wizard of Oz so that the ice skates can come.
Speaker 2: Out their shoes.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like what, I don't know what so.
Speaker 3: Overtly homosexual iconography in this movie. I was just like, like,
Speaker 3: this is in the first five minutes still and I'm
Speaker 3: blown away. I like watching it on my teeth on
Speaker 3: my couch, going like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they look like a gay couple that hired a
Speaker 1: sex worker over to fuck both of them.
Speaker 4: And they're looking at each other holding hands and me like,
Speaker 4: who do you think he's gonna choose first?
Speaker 2: It's so that though, And I'm not angry at it.
Speaker 4: I don't I'm I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: I'm just surprised.
Speaker 3: What I'm feeling right now is just shocked that this
Speaker 3: made it through the studio system without anyone being like,
Speaker 3: are we sure we want to do without George Clooney
Speaker 3: being like, by all accounts a very intelligent person being like,
Speaker 3: I'm not saying no, I'm just saying, is this this
Speaker 3: genre that we want to we want to put this.
Speaker 4: In right, all right?
Speaker 1: So Batman and Robin get on their feet and they
Speaker 1: engage the hockey henchman in ice hockey melee, giving mister
Speaker 1: Freeze time to beat on a lot of security guards
Speaker 1: and retrieve his freeze gun. Our heroes recover the diamond,
Speaker 1: but mister free shouts what killed the dinosaurs the ice
Speaker 1: age and freezes the enormous Brontosaurus model in the middle
Speaker 1: of the room, which collapses under its own weight and
Speaker 1: causes more chaos.
Speaker 3: I mean, really a meteor did but I guess yeah,
Speaker 3: it prompted the ice age.
Speaker 4: Then sure, okay, fine, we'll let this one go. We'll
Speaker 4: let this one go, let this one go.
Speaker 2: Like I'm like, you're a doctor, you're a scientist. Soft
Speaker 2: for Freeze. He should know about it.
Speaker 1: Canonically, a Nobel Prize winning molecular biologist.
Speaker 2: The Hockey Henchman get the diamond back.
Speaker 3: They slap it like a puck to mister Freeze, who
Speaker 3: gets it into his I don't know, freeze tank whatever.
Speaker 2: And he's preparing to leave.
Speaker 3: Batman leaps in to confront him, but mister Freeze knocks
Speaker 3: him back and freezes him to the wall. Okay, uh, huh,
Speaker 3: the freeze tank is actually an escape hatch. We're gonna
Speaker 3: find out in a minute. That's like a rock ship
Speaker 3: to the moon.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 2: Fucking don't worry about it. So he he like freezes
Speaker 2: Batman to the wall like like has his hostage and
Speaker 2: it's so sexy right like like Batman's hands are over
Speaker 2: his head and he's.
Speaker 4: Like, oh no, no, wall.
Speaker 2: Paul and I are both doing it at each other
Speaker 2: like dancing.
Speaker 3: Oh no, my nipples are hard, get through my rubber
Speaker 3: suits here. Oh, so the freeze tank becomes the rocket
Speaker 3: fires into the air. Robin Bear we had time to
Speaker 3: leap onto the outside of the rocket for a ride.
Speaker 3: Now we have Crystal O'Donnell straddling a rocket that's also
Speaker 3: shaped like a penis.
Speaker 2: To be here, this one, it should be shaped like
Speaker 2: a penis. It's a rocket.
Speaker 4: Rockets are phallic.
Speaker 3: Has no excuse for the Batmobile. But this literally but
Speaker 3: it's very like, it's very that.
Speaker 2: It's very ambiguously gay duo.
Speaker 3: Mister Freeze tells Batman that he'll freeze to death once
Speaker 3: the rocket hits thirty thousand feet He, mister Freeze, injects
Speaker 3: himself out into the air. He's still holding them to
Speaker 3: the diamonds he needs right, Robin manages to get his
Speaker 3: way into the rocket to free Batman at like.
Speaker 2: Twenty thousand feet up. Yeah, how Robin hasn't passed out
Speaker 2: and fall into his untimely desck.
Speaker 4: Don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: Don't fuck worry about it.
Speaker 3: Robin manages to use like a laser beam to like
Speaker 3: unfreeze Batman's arms from the wall, and the two of
Speaker 3: them escape the rocket.
Speaker 1: Unlike go Ahead, Erica tell the audience what happens next.
Speaker 3: The two of them use the doors of the rocket
Speaker 3: that have come off that once they come off, are
Speaker 3: in the exact size and shape of surfboards to surf
Speaker 3: their way back down to Earth from space. From literal
Speaker 3: walking space, these two are now air surfing.
Speaker 1: This billionaire and a circus performer. That is their qualifications
Speaker 1: for one is a billionaire, the other one is a
Speaker 1: circus performer, and.
Speaker 3: They're surfing air surfing back down to Earth as the
Speaker 3: rest of the rocket ship explodes behind them.
Speaker 1: So Batman attacks mister Freeze midair, who's also on his
Speaker 1: way back down to Earth because he had some like
Speaker 1: butterfly wings come out of his suit. He shakes the
Speaker 1: diamond loose again, Robin grabs it and all three lands
Speaker 1: safely back on the ground. Because physics has absolutely no
Speaker 1: meaning in this in this in this universe, no, no,
Speaker 1: the heroes start chasing mister Freeze through the sewers, and
Speaker 1: eventually mister Freeze hits Robin with his freeze ray, stating stay.
Speaker 4: Cool, bird boy.
Speaker 1: He takes the diamond out of Robin's iced upped hand,
Speaker 1: and Batman has no choice but to thaw Robin out
Speaker 1: because mister free says he only has eleven minutes before
Speaker 1: Robin bites it. For the eleven minutes thing is kind
Speaker 1: of like it's held throughout the movie, but it has
Speaker 1: no meaning. If you were encased in ice like this,
Speaker 1: you would be dead as soon as you suffocated, which
Speaker 1: would not take eleven minutes, and he lets mister Freeze
Speaker 1: escape ape with the diamond. Batman picks up Robin, who's
Speaker 1: frozen a full grown man in body armor in case
Speaker 1: de ice as if he weighs approximately forty pounds.
Speaker 2: Not forty pounds, by asshole. We picked him up like
Speaker 2: a bag of groceries.
Speaker 3: We cut to a lab in Brazil, which I'm learning
Speaker 3: in real time is Brazil. It's poorly lake with a
Speaker 3: greenish glow, filled with vines and plants, snakes and spiders.
Speaker 2: It's my worst nightmare. Yeah, and we meet the mousey
Speaker 2: doctor Pamela Issley played by the great Uma Thurman.
Speaker 4: No notes on Uma Thurman in this movie.
Speaker 1: She is so much better than this film has any
Speaker 1: right to ask her to be.
Speaker 2: So she's speaking her notes into a recorder and we
Speaker 2: hear the following line, Drats, My experiment to make the
Speaker 2: dendronium or kid with the South American rattlesnake have failed again.
Speaker 2: But I still have high hopes for the animal plant
Speaker 2: cross breedings. If only I can find the correct dose
Speaker 2: of venom, these plants will be able to fight back
Speaker 2: like animals. I will have given Flora a chance to
Speaker 2: fight against the thoughtless ravages of man.
Speaker 4: I mean, take a seat.
Speaker 1: He was in the Amazon with my mom when she
Speaker 1: was researching spiders just before she died. This is camp,
Speaker 1: this is campus, and she is playing it to the hilt.
Speaker 1: I mean, like the angry mad scientist trying to figure
Speaker 1: it out, trying to understand. She's not even a mad scientist.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's a little bit mad scientist at this point,
Speaker 1: but she's gonna get way more mad scientists.
Speaker 4: In like twenty minutes.
Speaker 3: We hear a scream, not from her lab, from like
Speaker 3: an adjacent lab, and she goes on to complain that
Speaker 3: doctor Woodrw is taking her venom samples back to the
Speaker 3: Gilgamesh wing of the laboratory. Okay, okay, okay, there's more
Speaker 3: wings here. Yeah, And she's like, what is he doing
Speaker 3: back there with venom that's making grown men scream all
Speaker 3: the time?
Speaker 1: What is is this like a we work for mad scientist?
Speaker 1: Like what is this space that they're in? That's like
Speaker 1: it's like half abandoned, like it's it's all very confusing.
Speaker 2: But that's exactly it. It's like it's a we work
Speaker 2: for magnet.
Speaker 1: Doctor Esley can't take the suspense anymore, Erica, she has
Speaker 1: to know, she has to know what's going on in
Speaker 1: the Gilgamesh Wing. So she pushes through the large door
Speaker 1: and she sneaks into the lab and she sees doctor
Speaker 1: Jason Woodrew John Glover also no notes on John Glover
Speaker 1: fucking incredible in this movie. He's doing a demonstration to
Speaker 1: a group he refers to as the Ununited Nations, a
Speaker 1: group that I was briefly concerned would be the only
Speaker 1: people of color in the whole movie.
Speaker 4: Good news, they're.
Speaker 2: Not bad news.
Speaker 3: If you haven't seen the film, just imagine a panel
Speaker 3: of people. Uh, there's a delegate from let's say Asia. Yep,
Speaker 3: there's a delegate from let's say Africa. Imagine there's a
Speaker 3: delegate let's say from South America.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 2: Imagine the broad stereotypes can for all those demographics. You did,
Speaker 2: you done it.
Speaker 1: He announces, And this very much confused me. He announces
Speaker 1: the last surviving quote unquote volunteer, a small man who
Speaker 1: is a serial killer in prison for life. This volunteer
Speaker 1: is strapped to the table. A mask is pulled over
Speaker 1: his head as doctor Woodrew administers his super Soldier serum
Speaker 1: code named venom. Okay, if he is the last surviving volunteer,
Speaker 1: we just heard someone screaming. Just heard it, yeah, which
Speaker 1: implies that the second to the penultimate surviving volunteer has
Speaker 1: just met his or her maker. Sounded like a man's scream.
Speaker 1: I would I would guess it was a man that
Speaker 1: was dying in there. But now you're demonstrating this product
Speaker 1: for all of these people, And do you know that
Speaker 1: it's gonna work?
Speaker 2: That implies that he was gonna get on the call.
Speaker 3: He's dialing into the zoom yeah, yeah, and he's about
Speaker 3: to hit the password for Zoom and he's like, you
Speaker 3: know what, let me try this one last time.
Speaker 2: Make sure, make sure this one's gonna stick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And the guy dies and he's like, oh no,
Speaker 3: and like the zoom is like is like all your
Speaker 3: other callers are on the zoom and you're like, fuck.
Speaker 4: They're waiting to be let in.
Speaker 2: Everyone else is in this meeting. What do I do?
Speaker 2: And then he like starts the meeting and he's like, so.
Speaker 4: Strits to vamp a little bit. He's like, hey, so
Speaker 4: where do y'all come from? To like how is your flight?
Speaker 4: Did you get a good hotel?
Speaker 2: Let's do some icebreakers? What emoji do you use most
Speaker 2: off on your phone? Mine is the fire? What's what's yours?
Speaker 4: What's yours?
Speaker 1: So he administers this to the to the last surviving volunteer.
Speaker 1: The man screams as his body swells into an enormous,
Speaker 1: muscle bound new form. Doctor Woodrew gloats about his quote
Speaker 1: unquote ideal killing machine, who he calls Baane.
Speaker 3: So the man that they use is the volunteer is
Speaker 3: a serial killer from Mexico.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: And he's got it like a Hispanic name. And at
Speaker 3: first I was a little annoyed by that.
Speaker 2: I was like boo. I was like, why are we
Speaker 2: making the serial killer Hispanic? I don't like it? But
Speaker 2: then the bean mask looks like a Luta mask from
Speaker 2: like Mexican wrestling, and I was like, actually, I love it.
Speaker 4: Okay, around, I.
Speaker 2: Don't think this is offensive.
Speaker 4: I kind of think it's fun.
Speaker 3: Bain starts to rage and rip through the chains holding
Speaker 3: him down and the chaos. Doctor Woodrew is like, ooh,
Speaker 3: doctor Isley, are you in here watching my super secret
Speaker 3: conference call with all the with the world's most evil people.
Speaker 2: He quickly hurries her out of the room.
Speaker 3: He's like, I need to sell my work because the
Speaker 3: original sponsor for all of our labs mine and yours included,
Speaker 3: have cut the funding.
Speaker 2: YEP, I can't imagine why.
Speaker 3: And doctor Woodrew says to doctor Eisley that without your
Speaker 3: research he could never have gotten as far as he
Speaker 3: has gotten. He's like, in fact, we should join forces
Speaker 3: and since all of our funding is cut, and like,
Speaker 3: use the profits of Bain to continue both of our work.
Speaker 3: And then she does the thing that all all hapless
Speaker 3: victims in these movies do, and instead of saying, yes,
Speaker 3: you're right, we should in fact, I'm going to go
Speaker 3: out right now and get some papers and pens to
Speaker 3: write down.
Speaker 2: All of our plans.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to go get a whiteboard and a
Speaker 4: dry erase board. Is it? What else do you do?
Speaker 4: You want me to pick up lunch.
Speaker 2: I'm going to go drive to staples.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going to get in my car and I
Speaker 3: will absolutely be back in fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2: Do not worry.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm going to get.
Speaker 1: I am going to get so many of those alligator
Speaker 1: clips so we can clip clip our plans together and properly.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna get a filing cabinet. We need a filing cabinet.
Speaker 2: Well, we need a murder board. Let's do a murder board.
Speaker 4: Is there is there a place I can get red
Speaker 4: string around here?
Speaker 2: Let's do that.
Speaker 4: Let's do that.
Speaker 2: If I'm not back in four hours, don't worry. I
Speaker 2: really didn't go to the airport, yeah and fly back
Speaker 2: home immediately.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just probably had to go to a couple of
Speaker 1: different staples to get all the supplies we need for
Speaker 1: all of our really good plans.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because they don't really have good, well stocked staples
Speaker 3: in this region of the Amazon forest.
Speaker 2: That we're both in for some reason.
Speaker 1: I'm also I just want to let you know I
Speaker 1: did notice I am short on beakers, so I'm going
Speaker 1: to make a quick trip to the chemistry lab supply store, which,
Speaker 1: as you know, is on the opposite side of town
Speaker 1: from this store.
Speaker 3: And the ladies bathroom is needing in need of tampons.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna also go run by the pharma seat pick
Speaker 3: up some tampons.
Speaker 4: Do you need anything?
Speaker 2: Do you need anything like some sads for your research?
Speaker 4: No, we're good, We're good.
Speaker 2: But that's not what Doctor Eisley says. That you are
Speaker 2: a monster. When I'm through with you, you won't be
Speaker 2: able to get a job teaching high school chemistry, to
Speaker 2: which Erica was like, he really shouldn't be teaching high school.
Speaker 4: Anything, that's true anything.
Speaker 3: So she basically calls him a psycho, and doctor Woodry
Speaker 3: is like, well, I can respect your opinion of me
Speaker 3: and my work. Sadly, i am not good at rejection,
Speaker 3: for I am a man, and I'm afraid.
Speaker 2: You will have to die.
Speaker 3: So he shoves her over a table in the lab
Speaker 3: and buries her in all of her specimens. The floor
Speaker 3: collapses beneath her, as it like disintegrates under all these talk,
Speaker 3: and doctor Woodrew watches and says, yes, yes, let the
Speaker 3: poison and toxins burn a gray for you deep into
Speaker 3: the earth you.
Speaker 2: Love so much.
Speaker 3: Bye bye, dear, And then he turns around and says,
Speaker 3: fellow maniacs, bidding begins.
Speaker 1: I wish the entire film had been this. This scene
Speaker 1: between the two of them is so much fun.
Speaker 2: These two the villains.
Speaker 1: So we cut to the bat cave where the team
Speaker 1: is out of costume and doing some research on mister Freeze.
Speaker 1: So this is just a complete exposition dump. It turns
Speaker 1: out that mister Freeze was once a Nobel Prize winner
Speaker 1: in molecular biology. Like we said before, he was researching
Speaker 1: away to cryogenically freeze his wife who was ill with
Speaker 1: quote unquote MacGregor syndrome while he searched for a cure. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: he wound up falling in one of those pesky tanks
Speaker 1: of chemicals that always seemed to be lying around in
Speaker 1: these situations. Erica, very unfortunate.
Speaker 2: How many times are they going to go to this well?
Speaker 4: I can't imagine how many.
Speaker 3: Times went to it with I poison ivy. That's the
Speaker 3: Joker origin story like, stop going to.
Speaker 1: This well, stop going to chemical factories, future supervillains, and
Speaker 1: everything will go much better.
Speaker 3: This poisonous green gunky well yeah, and then later in
Speaker 3: the movie.
Speaker 2: Uh huh uh huh yep, later in the fucking movie,
Speaker 2: Robin is going to fall into one of these uh huh,
Speaker 2: and there are no consequences. And there are no consequences.
Speaker 1: You know what, when we get there, I'm gonna explain
Speaker 1: to you what happened. I'm gonna explain to you what happened.
Speaker 2: I dare you to try.
Speaker 4: So.
Speaker 1: Now, mister Freeze, after being submerging, these chemicals can't live
Speaker 1: in a normal temperature. He must wear a special cryogenic
Speaker 1: suit that is powered by diamonds to survive. Right, his
Speaker 1: body temperature must be kept at absolute zero at all times.
Speaker 1: So that's what these diamonds are powering.
Speaker 3: So Bruce and Dick, who I forget Robin's name isn't Robin?
Speaker 3: Every time they call every oh my god, every time.
Speaker 2: Every time Alfred says master Dick, my heart grows like
Speaker 2: the gurge.
Speaker 4: Yes, mastered, Dick.
Speaker 2: Bruce musta Dick.
Speaker 1: That is so weird that, like I understand the relationship
Speaker 1: that they are portraying, but like that that people who
Speaker 1: were employees, paid employees used to have to call the
Speaker 1: people who paid the master.
Speaker 4: Thank god Alfred's a white man. Thank god he's being
Speaker 4: played by a white man.
Speaker 2: And when Alisa Silverstone shows up, she has a breath
Speaker 2: of fresh goddamn.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's like, this is fucking weird.
Speaker 2: Like they're all like, no, it's not. It's so normal.
Speaker 3: It's so normal for this old old man to still
Speaker 3: be cleaning everything in this house. Yeah, it appears that
Speaker 3: Wayne Manor has exactly one employee, and that is a
Speaker 3: ninety five year old man with McGregor's.
Speaker 4: Syndrome spoiler alert, Erica, who needs.
Speaker 2: To fucking clean the entire house every day.
Speaker 4: The entire house is so ugly, it's all marble that
Speaker 4: reflects dirt.
Speaker 3: Yes, who is doing all the work. Who's ironing their underwear?
Speaker 3: Is that Alfred too?
Speaker 1: The one time we see Alfred laid up in the
Speaker 1: in a matter of days, there's just.
Speaker 4: Clothes, goes gardens everywhere.
Speaker 2: Immediately, everything goes great gardens.
Speaker 3: When Alfred is there's three able bodied superheroes in the
Speaker 3: the time like living there and they're just like, I
Speaker 3: can't be bothered to put the rest of this leftover
Speaker 3: pizza in the refrigerator.
Speaker 1: Bruce doesn't know how to do laundry. He just buys
Speaker 1: new clothes every time. He every time, every time he
Speaker 1: shots in a pair of underwear, he's like, well, these
Speaker 1: go into the garbage. Now, I guess I'll get another
Speaker 1: one to be fair.
Speaker 2: Every time I shirt a pair, they also in the garbage.
Speaker 4: That's true. If you shart in a pair of underwear,
Speaker 4: let it go, but let it go, let it go?
Speaker 3: Yeah, fine, I mean unless you I don't spend a
Speaker 3: lot of money on underwear, so I can't I have
Speaker 3: that luxury.
Speaker 2: But if you don't buy fancy where is what we're saying?
Speaker 4: Really so?
Speaker 2: Bruce and Dick, whose name is not actually Robin, although
Speaker 2: in my brain is just Robin that's his name. What
Speaker 2: if his name?
Speaker 3: What if his like superhero name was his real name
Speaker 3: and it was like Batman and Dick.
Speaker 4: The movie becomes less ambiguously gay every every adjustment we
Speaker 4: make to it. Dick Man, dick Man, dick boy, Oh,
Speaker 4: dick boy. No, No, can't do dick boy.
Speaker 2: He's a bick boy. Sorry. That's what's the rule of Paul,
Speaker 2: I don't know what to tell you. He's underage.
Speaker 3: He is dick boy, dick boy, dick lad, dick Lad,
Speaker 3: dick lad.
Speaker 4: Sounds like a like a like a like a like
Speaker 4: a movie star from the.
Speaker 2: Thirties and a porn star from the eighties.
Speaker 4: Yeah, both both. Yeah, So the two.
Speaker 3: Of them, Batman and Robin, because I refuse to call
Speaker 3: him dick anymore, set a chap for mister Freeze using
Speaker 3: the diamonds that are part of the Weien fortune, because
Speaker 3: of course they.
Speaker 1: Are, no doubt they were acquired through absolutely above board means.
Speaker 4: They don't belong to anyone else.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, these are not blood diamonds. It's fine,
Speaker 2: don't worry about it.
Speaker 4: We'll learn later.
Speaker 1: They're called the Heart of Isis, which has no Egyptian
Speaker 1: overtones whatsoever.
Speaker 3: They get into a pissing match about Robin taking too
Speaker 3: many risks during battle. Yeah, he's like, Dick, you have
Speaker 3: to protect yourself. You're very sensitive, Dick.
Speaker 1: You have to get into the condom before you go
Speaker 1: into battle. What if you may dick into a full
Speaker 1: body condom?
Speaker 2: Dick, You're very sensitive. You go off very easily. You're
Speaker 2: a young Dick. You don't know any better, Dick.
Speaker 4: Dick, you're primed to blow at any moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're way too much of a hot head, Dick.
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you're a hard headed dick.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, once you get hard, you blow. And sometimes
Speaker 3: a little restraint is what's needed, Dick.
Speaker 2: Lay back and think of England.
Speaker 4: Dick, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: Bruce is like, you need to train more instead of
Speaker 2: just like throwing yourself into these dangerous situations, which is
Speaker 2: such reasonable advice that Dick will and just throw in
Speaker 2: his face and be like, it's your fault because you
Speaker 2: don't know how to trust anyone, because you don't.
Speaker 3: Know how to love, because you're just some stupid orphan.
Speaker 3: And then he like stomps off, and I'm like, you're
Speaker 3: also a stupid orphan. A and b he's your employer.
Speaker 2: He keeps saying things like that's not how you treat
Speaker 2: a partner, and I'm like, what planet are you his partner?
Speaker 2: He's your employer.
Speaker 3: Alfred for some reason, takes the kid's side and he's like,
Speaker 3: perhaps Master Dick has a point. Bruce says, look, I
Speaker 3: trust you, Alfred, so I obviously do know how to trust.
Speaker 2: And then Alfred's like, but I won't to be around forever,
Speaker 2: and then.
Speaker 4: He casts into a handkerchief and shows the blood to
Speaker 4: the camera like Nicole, and he's.
Speaker 3: Like, I won't be around forever, and Bruce is like,
Speaker 3: you sure you will. You're gonna live to be a thousand.
Speaker 4: I'm sure who wills? A I gonna be able to
Speaker 4: hire to clean this fucking place.
Speaker 5: At this point, the movie decides to treat us to
Speaker 5: like a Bruce Wayne fever dream flash like memory sequence
Speaker 5: where he sees himself as a little boy who falls
Speaker 5: and scrapes his knee and Alfred comes to help him
Speaker 5: because again his parents died.
Speaker 2: Uh huh, and yet left no one in.
Speaker 3: Charge of their kid, correct except for their butler. That
Speaker 3: is unfair butler.
Speaker 4: So we cut back to Brazil.
Speaker 1: Doctor Woodrew has made his seal and is quite happy
Speaker 1: with how the whole evening has gone. Unfortunately, Erica, things
Speaker 1: take a turn for the worse when a rumbling sounds
Speaker 1: and the hole where doctor Eisley disappeared glows purple, and
Speaker 1: doctor Isley reappears, rising up like Venus on the half shell,
Speaker 1: her mousey glasses, her gone, her fire engine red wig
Speaker 1: is in place. She's wrapped in vines and stretching like
Speaker 1: a femme fatale. She's no longer Pamela Issley. She is
Speaker 1: poison ivy. And she draws doctor Woodrew close to her
Speaker 1: and she kisses him as she coos at her lips
Speaker 1: have been filled with then um and doctor Woodrew dies
Speaker 1: from her kiss, and Uma Thurman starts to metaphorically to
Speaker 1: the scenery as she goes about destroying the lab. She
Speaker 1: definitely winds up Eartha kit Or like May West, but
Speaker 1: in this scene she's like Betty Davis, like she hasn't
Speaker 1: quite found it yet.
Speaker 4: In this scene, I feel like she's.
Speaker 3: Going through all of them. Honestly, I think it's a
Speaker 3: choice that she is making to like throughout the movie
Speaker 3: reference because there's a full Marlena Dietrich moment like that
Speaker 3: is meant to be a Marlene Dietrick moment later in
Speaker 3: the movie, and I'm like, oh, maybe she's doing like
Speaker 3: a Golden Age of Hollywood divas thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's cycling through because this is I feel like,
Speaker 1: this scene is Betty Davis.
Speaker 2: I agree with you. I fully agree with you. Like
Speaker 2: I do think that's the choice she's making, and it's
Speaker 2: excellent excellent.
Speaker 1: She lights the lab on fire, and as she does,
Speaker 1: she notices the name on one.
Speaker 4: Of the Beaker's Wayne enterprises.
Speaker 1: And she hears Bain roaring in the other room, presumptively
Speaker 1: having murdered all of the Ununited Nations people who didn't
Speaker 1: purchase his services. I don't know what happened in there.
Speaker 1: And she says, come along, Bain, dear, because for some
Speaker 1: reason she has.
Speaker 4: Power over Bain.
Speaker 2: This makes no sense.
Speaker 4: I think what the movie wants.
Speaker 1: It's like we will learn that that poison ivy has
Speaker 1: like pheromone powers to control men, and in the comics
Speaker 1: it's both men and women.
Speaker 4: It feels like it's only men in this movie. But
Speaker 4: not clear anyway.
Speaker 1: I think the implication is that she is dosing him
Speaker 1: with her pheromones and so he is, you know, enraptured
Speaker 1: by her at all times, but they never once show
Speaker 1: her actually doing that.
Speaker 2: Wait.
Speaker 3: Cut to mister Freeze's hideout in an abandoned ice cream factory.
Speaker 2: Freeze is trying to get his hockey henchmen to sing
Speaker 2: for him. Of all the henchmen, this is the worst
Speaker 2: henchman job, right.
Speaker 4: I have that exact note. This has gotta be the worst.
Speaker 3: This is the worst henchman job in Gotham. Like Joker,
Speaker 3: maybe's volatile and mean to his henchmen, absolutely, but nothing
Speaker 3: like the like the psychological torture that Freeze does to
Speaker 3: his men, who he forces to wear.
Speaker 2: First of all, he's.
Speaker 3: Like sexually confusing outfits, and he's trying to get them
Speaker 3: all to sing like the Mister Freeze song, the Freeze
Speaker 3: Meister song or whatever from like the from like I
Speaker 3: can't remember which cartoon is. I think it's I think
Speaker 3: it's Frost with a Snowman or something one of those,
Speaker 3: and like they're not doing it right and they're all
Speaker 3: literally freezing to death in this ice cold environment because
Speaker 3: they're not cold blooded.
Speaker 2: The way he is.
Speaker 3: There's not enough health insurance in the world make me
Speaker 3: take this gig.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say it right now. I don't think
Speaker 1: Freeze is providing health insurance. I don't think he is.
Speaker 2: Oh, I would like to think he is.
Speaker 4: You would like to think so, but I question that
Speaker 4: he comes from.
Speaker 3: Probably like a socialist leaning European country. He believes in
Speaker 3: universal health care. This is also when we meet his
Speaker 3: assistant that shows up in one scene never fucking again,
Speaker 3: Miss b Haven, I kind of love it.
Speaker 1: Actually, I just don't know why it isn't ice themed
Speaker 1: in some way.
Speaker 3: None of this makes any sense. She's played by Vivica
Speaker 3: A Fox. She is horney for doctor Freeze.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: She tries to get a little something going on with
Speaker 3: mister Freeze, but he's like, I only have eyes for
Speaker 3: my wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he says that, and I'm like, how do you
Speaker 1: not put a pun here? Do you want some Freeze
Speaker 1: with that shake to like like scare her off, you know,
Speaker 1: like something like that.
Speaker 2: Because that's not going to scare any woman off.
Speaker 4: Well, you gotta put the right spin on it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that, Like, yes, yes, sir, I would, Yes, chef.
Speaker 1: You're a tough hoe to snow something like that. But
Speaker 1: we shouldn't call it a fox a hoe?
Speaker 4: That's that?
Speaker 1: That that one flies, well.
Speaker 2: It's ninety seven.
Speaker 3: I don't I think a fox would be like you
Speaker 3: know what, a puns upon you, guys, mister Freeze. Then
Speaker 3: villain monologues about how he only needs one more gigantic
Speaker 3: diamond and then.
Speaker 2: He'll be able to hold Gotham ransom.
Speaker 3: His plan is to create an ice ray like that
Speaker 3: will freeze the city, or threaten to that the city
Speaker 3: will have no choice but to give him the money
Speaker 3: he needs to complete his research and find a cure
Speaker 3: for McGregor's syndrome and his wife who then he can.
Speaker 2: Unfreeze, and I guess in maybe the processes will find
Speaker 2: a cure for him. Wayne Industries would write so many
Speaker 2: grants to this.
Speaker 4: Man if he just asks, did you just ask Bruce Wayne?
Speaker 2: None? If this makes any sense?
Speaker 3: And also like again, this is all for actual science,
Speaker 3: Just do the science.
Speaker 2: He goes into this like secret alcove and he gazes
Speaker 2: as his wife who waits. In suspended animation.
Speaker 1: We cut to Wayne Manor and the doorbell rings and
Speaker 1: Dick rushes to get it. Outside, he finds Barbara Wilson
Speaker 1: played by Alicia Silverstone. She is Alfred's niece. Alfred is
Speaker 1: thrilled to see her. She is thrilled to see Alfred.
Speaker 1: She is in all the way from England. And before
Speaker 1: you ask Erica, no, Alicia Silverstone is not attempting a
Speaker 1: British accent on any level.
Speaker 2: What the fuck?
Speaker 4: Why not simply say she is my niece and she
Speaker 4: grew up in America?
Speaker 2: Why not he went to a boarding school in northern California, and.
Speaker 1: She's his sister's daughter, which is also I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't even understand how the aging is working here, because,
Speaker 1: as you said, Michael Goff is conservatively seventeen thousand years old.
Speaker 3: In this movie, they show and they show a picture
Speaker 3: of his sister, and the picture looks like.
Speaker 2: It was taken in nineteen forty.
Speaker 3: Yes, and when his sister was twenty years old in
Speaker 3: nineteen forty, which would make her also seventy five years
Speaker 3: old when this film comes out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Alasta Silverstone is supposed to be sixteen.
Speaker 4: Yes, the fuck?
Speaker 1: All right, So Barbara was orphaned five years ago and
Speaker 1: Alfred has been supporting her ever since from a distance
Speaker 1: because he can't take any time off from this mansion
Speaker 1: because we leave for one day, the entire thing falls
Speaker 1: down and Bruce and Dick won't eat.
Speaker 3: Do you think Alfred was cursed by a gypsy when
Speaker 3: he was young? And think part of the curse was
Speaker 3: at like any time an orphan just like goes in
Speaker 3: his path a vision, he has to support it for
Speaker 3: the rest of his life.
Speaker 4: They become his responsibility immediately, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, immediately, anyone who's an orphan, This man is bound
Speaker 3: to take care of you forever.
Speaker 1: So Dick is very into having a woman his own
Speaker 1: age around own age quote unquote, because look, in the
Speaker 1: parlance of the movie, they are age appropriate, and the
Speaker 1: two actors are age appropriate. They're just both playing significantly
Speaker 1: younger than they actually although actually a least's supposen is
Speaker 1: like twenty one. Here, I think she's not that much
Speaker 1: older than what she's supposed to be.
Speaker 2: It doesn't actually look that weird. Like, yeah, with the
Speaker 2: two of them flirting, it's fine, except that, like there's
Speaker 2: a brother sister vibe that I'm picking up off of
Speaker 2: these two that I'm not into.
Speaker 1: Well, there's no chemistry, there's no romantic chemistry at all.
Speaker 1: So they seem like brother and sister. And also she
Speaker 1: never once shows any interest in him. It's all coming
Speaker 1: from him.
Speaker 3: And canonically she is underage. She is a child, Like
Speaker 3: I get it. He's also supposed to be like eighteen
Speaker 3: maybe and she's seventeen, and it's not weird, yeah, but
Speaker 3: it's just fucking weird.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: It's decided that Barbara will stay with them while she
Speaker 1: she's in town, and Alfred's like, we do get so
Speaker 1: busy around him. Master Bruce, and Master Bruce doesn't pick.
Speaker 4: Up on any of the whole thing of like Alfred
Speaker 4: being like, I don't want my high school age niece
Speaker 4: around all of the super villains that will, no doubt
Speaker 4: be laying siege to this mansion within the week.
Speaker 1: And he's like, no, it's fine, Alfred, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about. It's fine. So now Barbara is staying there
Speaker 1: with them.
Speaker 3: We have plenty of rooms. Yeah, you don't mind cleaning
Speaker 3: another bedroom, right, Alfred?
Speaker 1: Oh you think he doesn't have to clean the empty
Speaker 1: bedrooms if no one's staying there. I think he has
Speaker 1: to clean them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know he rotates those sheets.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's new linen's at least at least twice a
Speaker 1: week in every room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at least.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he does a linen rotation every week. Otherwise the
Speaker 3: moms will get to them, Paul.
Speaker 4: Yeah, otherwise he'll get bored.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to keep you know what, as soon
Speaker 1: as someone retires, they often will pass away, So they
Speaker 1: got to keep Alfred busy, so he doesn't have time
Speaker 1: to die.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: The thing is part of the curse is that like
Speaker 3: every time a new orphan comes in his path, so
Speaker 3: he's afraid to leave that house, right.
Speaker 2: And so because as soon as he sees another orphan,
Speaker 2: he's like, oh.
Speaker 1: Shit, that's not damn even if you don't know it's
Speaker 1: an orphan, just passing one on the street.
Speaker 2: Oh know.
Speaker 3: They find him like the pied piper, like like a
Speaker 3: cat to a fish restaurant, walk up to him.
Speaker 1: He has a scent. Yeah, he smells like Turkish delight.
Speaker 1: At Christmas that night, Barbara finds Alfred trying to get
Speaker 1: in contact with his brother Wilfrid, who is part of
Speaker 1: quote unquote the Floating Court of Miran Japour.
Speaker 4: I have no idea. I didn't look into it, no idea.
Speaker 3: I bet it's totally a real thing. Yeah, he didn't
Speaker 3: make anything up at all.
Speaker 2: Don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: Hence, Wilfrid is very hard to find in contact because
Speaker 1: you never know where the court is. So she kisses
Speaker 1: her uncle. She says, I'm here to tuck you in.
Speaker 1: He's like, well, that's a change of pace, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: is it because she's been in England and you've been
Speaker 1: in Gotham presumptively her entire life.
Speaker 4: Whatever. She sneaks out of her room.
Speaker 1: She swipes one of the motorcycles in the garage and
Speaker 1: she heads out, So this is kind of an interesting thing.
Speaker 1: There were a lot more scenes with Barbara in the
Speaker 1: original draft of the script, and a lot of them
Speaker 1: got cut because the producers got mad that Alicia Silverstone
Speaker 1: gained weight and they made Joel Schumacher cut them.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, huh, that's so fucked that's so nineties though. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I know, the idea that that woman was quote unquote fat, right,
Speaker 3: that's so fucked up.
Speaker 2: So they just cut her scenes.
Speaker 1: Barbara will now disappear from the movie for like twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: You don't see her again.
Speaker 3: I thought it was just because it's already two hours
Speaker 3: plus and they have fifteen other characters they.
Speaker 4: Have to deal with possibly that as well, and.
Speaker 3: There's and they're like, Okay, we're just gonna cut Barbara
Speaker 3: and Dick the most, because like they're the frankly, the
Speaker 3: boring ones. Yeah, oh that sucks, fuck this movie.
Speaker 4: You're saying Dick was not uncut.
Speaker 2: I no, I don't think Dick was cutting up. I
Speaker 2: like my dick a little more cut.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you like a clean a clean cut.
Speaker 2: I like a clean cut Dick.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Feel like this Dick's a little messy. I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I don't like where I went with that.
Speaker 4: This Dick's little cut.
Speaker 2: We cut to my favorite person in the film, Poison
Speaker 2: Ivy in Gotham with Bain.
Speaker 3: She heads to the Gotham Observatory. So the Tim Burton
Speaker 3: and Batman films wet full gothic with Gotham. They introduced
Speaker 3: a lot of our deco into the into it's still
Speaker 3: Gothic and it's our deco.
Speaker 2: I'm not complaining. I actually love it. I think it's
Speaker 2: really cool.
Speaker 3: But like it seems like in this movie all of
Speaker 3: Gotham is held up by these like colossuses, Like these giant,
Speaker 3: very sexy statues of men are literally holding up all
Speaker 3: of Gotham. So you'll have like a highway that's that's
Speaker 3: like the pedestal of the highway is this giant colossus
Speaker 3: and the man's hand is holding the highway up, and
Speaker 3: like same with the observatory.
Speaker 2: It's it's super interesting.
Speaker 3: Uh so that the observatory, which is precariously perched in
Speaker 3: the giant colossus, is where Bruce Wayne is giving another
Speaker 3: done to Gossam City.
Speaker 2: And there's like a dedication for a new telescope. Through
Speaker 2: the use of this telescope plus several satellites that Wayne
Speaker 2: enterprises has set up around the Earth, they'll be able
Speaker 2: to see anywhere on Earth with the telescope and the satellites,
Speaker 2: so it's less for looking out at the stars and
Speaker 2: more for looking in. But the movie does not engage
Speaker 2: that at all.
Speaker 1: All of America's allies and enemies are thrilled with this telescope.
Speaker 4: They're all down with it.
Speaker 3: So Bruce Wayne is there and he's with his girlfriend
Speaker 3: Julie Madison played by Elle McPherson, who's just doesn't know
Speaker 3: what she's doing, a nosy reporter who claims to be
Speaker 3: Bruce's best friend.
Speaker 2: That woman will never get old. I put that woman
Speaker 2: in every scene in this movie.
Speaker 4: Gossip, Gurdie, gossip, Gerdy, gossip.
Speaker 3: Gerdie asks will you two be tying the not anytime soon,
Speaker 3: and Bruce's like, but I'm a confirmed bachelor.
Speaker 2: I live with a teenage boy.
Speaker 3: And Julie saves the day by like turning to the
Speaker 3: reporter and saying, we're madly in love.
Speaker 2: But that's good enough for us right now.
Speaker 1: Poison Ivy dressed in Pamela Isley drag approaches them over
Speaker 1: the protests of security and presents Bruce with a proposal
Speaker 1: of how Wayne Enterprises can immediately cease all actions.
Speaker 4: That hurt the environment.
Speaker 1: I have to admit at this point in the movie,
Speaker 1: I'm having a little bit of a Jade Fox reaction
Speaker 1: to poison IVM, Like, can anyone point to anything she's
Speaker 1: done wrong so far?
Speaker 2: That's another villain that like with a little bit, Like
Speaker 2: if she had just.
Speaker 3: Scaled back her proposal a tiny bit, and like he
Speaker 3: would have given her all the money in the world, all.
Speaker 4: The money, all of the money.
Speaker 1: Bruce tells her that millions of people would die due
Speaker 1: to her proposed overhaul of the existing systems, and she
Speaker 1: scoffs mammals, and she shouts that the plants and flowers
Speaker 1: that watched you grow from the primordial soup are coming
Speaker 1: to reclaim the planet. Okay, now we've gone a little
Speaker 1: too far. Now lost You've lost me, You've lost her.
Speaker 2: So with you, you have to work on your elevator pitch.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The crowd laughs at her, and Bruce says, hey, why
Speaker 1: don't you come to this gala that Batman and Robin
Speaker 1: are appearing at It's to save the rainforest and we're
Speaker 1: auctioning off a diamond. Oh remember they were gonna plant
Speaker 1: a trap for mister Freeze. Okay, so everyone's everything's coming
Speaker 1: together now. A poison heavy takes the invitation and she
Speaker 1: SLINKs away and she monologues to herself. She says, first
Speaker 1: I'll rid myself of the third and feathered pests, and
Speaker 1: then Gotham will be mine for the greening.
Speaker 2: Love.
Speaker 4: She's so great?
Speaker 2: What monster? What a satan? Nion?
Speaker 4: I don't I already know what you're gonna say?
Speaker 2: Designed for the Save the Rainforest.
Speaker 1: Ball, the Save the Rainforest ball, that invitation that used
Speaker 1: more paper than any other invitation in the history of time.
Speaker 1: It's practically a pop up book.
Speaker 3: Is a triple folded It's like those things you get
Speaker 3: for a Broadway show in the mail. The middle panel
Speaker 3: is like all the information you need Friday night, seven pm.
Speaker 2: That's nice.
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin are gonna be there with their nipples
Speaker 1: and their asses and their god pieces.
Speaker 4: Come and dance BYO Fox Ling BYO Fox Lane.
Speaker 3: Chicken will be served, And then the side panels instead
Speaker 3: of a photo of a beautiful.
Speaker 2: Rainforest thriving or a bird.
Speaker 3: It is just like the earth on flaming fire and
Speaker 3: a red face screaming at you. Like, the rainforests need
Speaker 3: to be saved. Not because they're slowly dying because of
Speaker 3: environmental toxins. They need to be saved because someone is
Speaker 3: literally holding a gun to their head. That's right, a
Speaker 3: volcano is being held to the rainforest head. And if
Speaker 3: you don't give us enough money by midnight, we're gonna
Speaker 3: fucking torch the rainforest. What is a ransom? Note this
Speaker 3: is not an invitation. We cut to the Save the
Speaker 3: Rainforest gala. Performers surround the main events while Batman and
Speaker 3: and present the Diamond on loan from Bruce Wayne, and
Speaker 3: no one's like, hey, we should Bruce Wayne be here. Yeah,
Speaker 3: there are women on stage and there is a like
Speaker 3: date auction happening right right. You see this a lot
Speaker 3: in movies, like this is this is you know so
Speaker 3: and so, and like, who's gonna bid five hundred dollars
Speaker 3: her like escort for the evening.
Speaker 2: Here's my actual problem with this. This is not how
Speaker 2: auctions work.
Speaker 3: No, the auctioneer is on stage and he's like, these
Speaker 3: are the five ladies behind me. They're all named after
Speaker 3: a flower. You want to do you want to go
Speaker 3: out with the orchid? Do you want to go out
Speaker 3: with the rose? Do you want to go out with
Speaker 3: the lily? Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: And then men are just shouting from the audience one
Speaker 2: thousand dollars for the lily, ten thousand dollars for the orchid,
Speaker 2: And I'm like, that's not how bidding.
Speaker 4: What did you catch what? They're actually bidding on a
Speaker 4: date with the lady. No, that's what I thought too.
Speaker 1: They are bidding on a chance to dance with them
Speaker 1: while they are wearing the diamond.
Speaker 4: That's on loan from Bruce.
Speaker 1: Just give money, Just give if you are willing to
Speaker 1: spend fifty thousand dollars on something this stupid, just give
Speaker 1: the money to the rainforest, you fuckers.
Speaker 3: What sexual deviancy I know was involved in that plan,
Speaker 3: Whereas like, I want to dance with a young new
Speaker 3: Bio woman, but only if she's wearing expensive shoes. It's
Speaker 3: my only fetish and I've never had a chance to
Speaker 3: fulfill it.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. I should we talk about the performers.
Speaker 3: I was trying to figure out because at first I
Speaker 3: was like, that music doesn't sound because in my head,
Speaker 3: because of where I grew up on this side of
Speaker 3: the earth, rainforest equals Brazil. Yes, So I was like,
Speaker 3: that's not Brazilian music at all. And then I realized, oh,
Speaker 3: it's African music. Okay, so they're talking about.
Speaker 2: Like an African rainforest. Sure, whatever. Then the movie just
Speaker 2: gets so racist so fast. Yeah, all right, so hay on.
Speaker 2: First of all, picture it the set design.
Speaker 3: It's like they're all dancing on like the skull of
Speaker 3: a giant, like a giant animal skull is what it
Speaker 3: looks like. And I think it's meant to evoke voodoo.
Speaker 3: So in a moment, there's.
Speaker 2: Gonna be two people coming out in gorilla costumes, and
Speaker 2: one of them is Poison Ivy and she's in the
Speaker 2: gorilla costume and it is an exact reference to a
Speaker 2: Marlena Dietrich film called Blonde Venus. Marlena Dietrich is a
Speaker 2: cabaret performer.
Speaker 3: In the film, she comes out dressed as a gorilla,
Speaker 3: and she slowly takes off one glove and slowly takes
Speaker 3: off another and then reveals herself to be this gorgeous
Speaker 3: blonde woman inside the gorilla costume. I kind of remembered
Speaker 3: that scene because it's a very famous scene in film history.
Speaker 3: So I rewatched it to this to be like, oh,
Speaker 3: they match the choreography and they do.
Speaker 2: That's cool. That's cool. Then I watched the rest of
Speaker 2: the scene.
Speaker 4: Paul, Okay, I don't.
Speaker 3: I really, I'm not recommending people watch it because it
Speaker 3: is triggering. It is the most racist thing you'll ever see.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, Okay, Bond.
Speaker 3: Venus scene is like a bunch of white women in
Speaker 3: dark face, like in black face, wearing blonde afros. The
Speaker 3: blonde afros have like arrows through them. It's I mean,
Speaker 3: it's so bad. It's so and that's what the costumes
Speaker 3: are evoking in this scene. Doing the costumes in the
Speaker 3: Blonde Venus scene, which were very like god like brass skirts,
Speaker 3: very first thought nineteen twenties of like what is an
Speaker 3: like what what do Africans look like when they're dancing?
Speaker 4: Got like genuinely and.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, this is so frizd. I
Speaker 3: want to love this movie, but meet me halfway. I
Speaker 3: guess they don't have any performers in blackface.
Speaker 4: I do not, that's true.
Speaker 3: So okay, So cut to that scene she pulls off
Speaker 3: the gorilla suit. She reveals herself in full Poison Ivy.
Speaker 3: Now we've see Poison ivy as as I'm guessing she
Speaker 3: appears in the comic books. Yeah, green, the tight green outfit,
Speaker 3: the red boufont on her head.
Speaker 2: She looks fucking incredible.
Speaker 1: Do you notice that the music changes for her strip tease?
Speaker 1: Does that imply she sends Baine to the DJ booth?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, okay, just checking.
Speaker 2: But it's the set. Do you think the gorillas were
Speaker 2: part of.
Speaker 4: The act and they're two unconscious performers backstage?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 4: Why?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: Why are Jennifer and Harvey like acting like this? That's
Speaker 1: not where the gorillas are supposed to be. They don't
Speaker 1: like they don't realize it.
Speaker 2: Who put the song Poison ivy?
Speaker 3: Like an acoustic version of Poison ivy?
Speaker 4: This is Kenny G doing Poison ivy? What is happening?
Speaker 2: Put the jazzy Poison Ivy over? Are weird fake African music? Yeah?
Speaker 3: So she comes out in full Poison Ivy regalia. She
Speaker 3: walks her pheromones into the crowd and everyone falls under
Speaker 3: her spell. So she's got these like pads on her
Speaker 3: hands that she blows and in the movie we see
Speaker 3: like a pink like mist going through the air that
Speaker 3: no one can see, but the audience and the idea
Speaker 3: is is she's wafting pheromones into the air so so
Speaker 3: strongly that anyone but especially men. But I think in
Speaker 3: this I think in this world it is women too,
Speaker 3: because otherwise white wouldn't the women in the room be like,
Speaker 3: what's happening?
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 4: Right? Good? Point?
Speaker 2: Everyone falls under her spell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So Poison Ivy does a little like kind of
Speaker 1: dance number. She SLINKs her way onto the stage with
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin, who of course are not reacting as
Speaker 1: they normally would to someone placing everyone under mind control
Speaker 1: because they're also under her mind control pheromones both of
Speaker 1: them right in the face, and she sets them against
Speaker 1: each other. She coos to Batman one ats in junior
Speaker 1: home early, I've got some wild oats to sew. So
Speaker 1: now she's she's like May West in the scene.
Speaker 2: Right, she's full May West.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so good, And then she purrs to Robin forget
Speaker 4: the geriatric bat. My garden needs tending. She takes the
Speaker 4: diamond and she puts it on and this enormous necklace.
Speaker 4: It's kind of ugly, frankly necklace.
Speaker 2: It looks like something Elizabeth Taylor would have been like
Speaker 2: too much.
Speaker 1: It looks like something that the Queen of Shiba would
Speaker 1: be like, do you have anything a little more modest?
Speaker 1: She asks, there are any bids for a night out
Speaker 1: with her and our you know, first the men in
Speaker 1: the audience start, but then our two main Jabronis start
Speaker 1: bidding against each other. Batman's like a million dollars, Robin's
Speaker 1: like two million dollars. Batman's like, you don't have that
Speaker 1: amount of money, three million dollars, and Robin's like, I'll
Speaker 1: borrow it from you four million dollars. And it's so stupid.
Speaker 2: Very loose word borrow up right there, very loose use
Speaker 2: of that word borrow implies you're gonna pay him back.
Speaker 1: Finally, Batman, and this is truly an idea of the movie,
Speaker 1: whips out his Batman Forever goth card, like.
Speaker 4: It like a fake credit card.
Speaker 1: He bids seven million dollars and says, never leave home without.
Speaker 2: It, MasterCard, Never leave home without it. My soul left
Speaker 2: my body.
Speaker 1: You know what actually think if you watch the movie
Speaker 1: closer you can see George Clooney soule leaving his body
Speaker 1: as at the same time.
Speaker 2: I'm glad George Clooney's career has done as well as
Speaker 2: it has. Yeah, Guly, I'm like, we owed him, We
Speaker 2: owe him.
Speaker 1: For this one, this entire movie. Every time he's in
Speaker 1: the batsuit, it feels like he's really upset. When he's
Speaker 1: Bruce Wayne, he looks like he's having like a like
Speaker 1: something of a good time.
Speaker 4: But the batsuit, no.
Speaker 2: The Freeze tank mercifully breaks through the door and distracts
Speaker 2: us from what just went on. Mister free says, all right,
Speaker 2: everyone chill.
Speaker 3: That is my favorite pun in the film, Batman and
Speaker 3: Robin take on the hockey Henchman. While mister Freeze makes
Speaker 3: his way to the stage to get the diamond off
Speaker 3: of poison ivy. She's like, well, hell oh, they're sailor,
Speaker 3: and she tries to pheromone him, and he says he
Speaker 3: smells it, he can smell it on her, and he.
Speaker 2: Goes m plant pheromones.
Speaker 3: Very clever girl, but I'm immune and it doesn't work
Speaker 3: on the cold blooded.
Speaker 2: So she's like more intrigued by him, She's not less.
Speaker 2: She's like ooh, a man, I can't seduce. He takes
Speaker 2: the necklace off of her, which she genuinely didn't care
Speaker 2: about the necklace. She was just there to fuck with everyone.
Speaker 2: And he climbs back into the freeze tank and heads out,
Speaker 2: and Batman and Robin start to chase after him, but
Speaker 2: not before poison Ivy catches Robin's eye one more time.
Speaker 4: Dick takes one last look.
Speaker 2: You know what happens when poison Ivy gets on Dick.
Speaker 1: Though, Yes, oh not pleasant. Yeah, I mean talk about
Speaker 1: talk about unsightly sores where you don't want them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Master Dick is in for a rough night.
Speaker 1: Master Dick is time to get back into the oatmeal bath.
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin are chasing after mister Freeze and his
Speaker 1: freeze tank. Poison Ivy leaves and she she walks past
Speaker 1: the Commissioner Gordon. He said, you've just met one of
Speaker 1: the most sinister men in Gotham, and she says, that's
Speaker 1: not a.
Speaker 4: Man, that is a god.
Speaker 1: During the chase, Batman becomes concerned that Dick isn't going
Speaker 1: to be able to make the leap. The hole is
Speaker 1: gonna be too big for Dick to get all the
Speaker 1: way across.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean. He's a beautiful dick.
Speaker 1: All dicks are beautiful in their own way, but this
Speaker 1: one's not going to be able to handle that hole.
Speaker 4: Let's put it that way. So Batman's like, Dick, pull out.
Speaker 1: He actually says pull back, But it's funny if I
Speaker 1: say pull out, given what we're doing here. And Dick's
Speaker 1: like no, And Batman overrides the controls on his little
Speaker 1: Robin cycle, which in this I found out it's called
Speaker 1: Redbird in the scene, but I'm calling it the Robin Cycle.
Speaker 1: He hits the brakes, Robin skids to a halt. He
Speaker 1: cannot continue the chaser mister Freeze. He screams his rage
Speaker 1: into the air as that batmobile flies across this hole
Speaker 1: and crashes into this other area where mister Freeze has landed.
Speaker 1: Mister Freeze sees the car coming. He says it's a
Speaker 1: cold town as he hits the car with a freeze right.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2: That one doesn't work.
Speaker 4: I don't even know what that's a fun on.
Speaker 1: The car freezes, but Batman injects out of the out
Speaker 1: of the driver's seat and he flies through the air,
Speaker 1: and mister free suddenly looks up after seeing the car crash.
Speaker 1: He goes oh, and Batman crashes through the window of
Speaker 1: the Freeze tank. He knocks mister Freeze unconscious. His cape
Speaker 1: like flies across the camera, and then we just see
Speaker 1: Batman standing above mister Freeze's unconscious body, having defeated him. Erica,
Speaker 1: that is about halfway through this movie.
Speaker 3: Shall we put on our pleasure pants and take a walk,
Speaker 3: take a constitutional?
Speaker 1: Shall I yank up my pants, get my ass to
Speaker 1: the little jiggle? Yeah, the butt rebound that everyone likes.
Speaker 3: Should I click my heels Judy Garland style and rollerskate
Speaker 3: my way out of here.
Speaker 1: There's no place like ads. We will be right back
Speaker 1: after these, and we're back back.
Speaker 2: At the bat Cave. Robin throws the Hissius of fits.
Speaker 3: Crystal Donald is being saddled with like just the most
Speaker 3: irritating person ever written.
Speaker 4: You want the Joker to come in and kill him.
Speaker 3: You want him to die, and then Alicia Silverstone to
Speaker 3: become like the new batsidekick and just be like, let's
Speaker 3: just do that.
Speaker 2: Let's just do that instead of this.
Speaker 3: So he's like, you're being overprotective and you're not letting
Speaker 3: me grow and you're not letting me grow into my
Speaker 3: potential and blah blah blah. And also you just are
Speaker 3: jealous of poison Ivy because she wanted me and not you.
Speaker 3: And Batman's like, listen, kid, I make the rules. And
Speaker 3: Robin's like, you're never gonna trust me, and then they start.
Speaker 2: To make out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and well, first Batman grabs Robin's face in his hands,
Speaker 3: he cradles his face and he says, damn it, Dick,
Speaker 3: don't you know why I stop you from hurting yourself?
Speaker 3: And Dick's like no, no, oh, Bruce, why and then
Speaker 3: they just gently gently kiss.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so romantic.
Speaker 1: It's so romantic. It's as romantic as two men in
Speaker 1: gimpsuits can be with each other.
Speaker 3: It's that's what makes it romantic, is it both in gimpsuits.
Speaker 3: And they're like, but they're being so tender.
Speaker 2: With each other.
Speaker 4: They embrace and you hear that squeaking of rubber on rubber.
Speaker 2: And Barbara comes in and she sees the scene and
Speaker 2: she goes, oh, this is what I'm into. Oh, and
Speaker 2: she just slowly walks out. She's like, I'm gonna give.
Speaker 4: Them their space and she runs. She runs to her room,
Speaker 4: and she masturbates herself into a fucking coma.
Speaker 1: Thinking about it, he clips her clip right off. All right,
Speaker 1: maybe that actually happened.
Speaker 4: You don't know. You don't know.
Speaker 3: You haven't seen the movie since sixteen ninety seven because
Speaker 3: it was terrible.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's in there, Maybe it's not.
Speaker 4: Maybe that's exactly what happened. Just believe us.
Speaker 1: So we cut to Alfred composing another message to his
Speaker 1: brother Wilfred. He's saying they have very little time. Bruce enters.
Speaker 1: He's just taking a shower, and he asks, Alfred, is
Speaker 1: it always my way or the highway?
Speaker 4: That's what Dick said because he wanted me to bottom
Speaker 4: this time.
Speaker 1: Alfred says, yes, Ever since your parents were killed, you
Speaker 1: do everything you can to control the world, but none
Speaker 1: of us can control death. So there are a few
Speaker 1: scenes with Alfred and Bruce in this movie that are
Speaker 1: genuinely like they hit the scene.
Speaker 2: Has no right right in this movie?
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: For the first time in a whole movie, someone says
Speaker 3: something that's actually poignant and meaningful, and I'm like, whoa,
Speaker 3: there's chemistry between these two actors. Yeah, yeah, I feel
Speaker 3: like an affection between Bruce and Alfred in this seat
Speaker 3: and like no, right, I dare you?
Speaker 1: And then Joel Schumacher, who I love but he cannot
Speaker 1: resist his worst instincts, takes this moment and has like
Speaker 1: George Cooley look up. It cuts to like a window frame,
Speaker 1: and then it cuts to like another one of those
Speaker 1: hallucinations where you see like Alfred leading Bruce to his
Speaker 1: parents' graves so he can put flowers on their girds.
Speaker 4: Like we got it, Joel. You didn't need to put this,
Speaker 4: You didn't need to ice this cake in this way.
Speaker 3: This is the fourth of these movies. We we know mythology,
Speaker 3: oh this character. We all know that Alfred was cursed
Speaker 3: as a young boy.
Speaker 1: How Alfred doesn't wind up a super villain in this
Speaker 1: story is a mystery to me.
Speaker 2: Mystery like because Julie the most justified supervillain origin story
Speaker 2: of all time, absolutely.
Speaker 4: Of all time.
Speaker 3: So we cut to the garage where Barbara is returning
Speaker 3: the motorcycle that she took. Dick finds her, Dick and
Speaker 3: babs that old duo. He startles her and she she's
Speaker 3: like ah, and she flips him over with a.
Speaker 4: Bit of judo, you know, like a teenager would exactly.
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, I'm so sorry, I you know. And
Speaker 2: he's like, why did you learn to do that?
Speaker 3: And she's like, well, you know, London's a rough town
Speaker 3: and I'm absolutely from London.
Speaker 2: She's like, listen, I just couldn't resist. Please don't tell
Speaker 2: Uncle Alfred, and I'll clean up everything in the morning.
Speaker 2: Thank you bybe and she kind of like runs away.
Speaker 1: We cut to Arkham Asylum. Mister Freeze is brought into
Speaker 1: his cell. Now the conception of this is that there
Speaker 1: is a cold zone in the cell, so like he's
Speaker 1: he's brought to the cell by these two asshole guards.
Speaker 1: They get in his face a little bit, he knocks
Speaker 1: them both down. He tries to escape, but he can't
Speaker 1: escape because remember his body has to stay at absolute zero,
Speaker 1: so he can't get out of the cell. But they
Speaker 1: have represented the cold zone with like a blue spotlight
Speaker 1: in the center of the center of the cell.
Speaker 4: It could not look more.
Speaker 1: Like Arnold Schwartznaker is about to burst into a cabaret song.
Speaker 1: I really can't stay all but baby, it's cold outside.
Speaker 2: I bost go away.
Speaker 4: This evening has been so very nice, I'll hold your
Speaker 4: hands there just like ice, and he like really hits
Speaker 4: all the ice things.
Speaker 2: Yes, do you think he does it as like one
Speaker 2: of those performers it does like a half man half woman.
Speaker 4: He does a jel Hyde thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
Speaker 3: Half his face is in full like like and then
Speaker 3: the other half is just mister Freeze. Yeah, and he's
Speaker 3: pretending to be a young a young maiden caught in
Speaker 3: mister Freeze's my sister will be soft Bishop. We cut
Speaker 3: to Poison Ivy, who has Bane break into an old
Speaker 3: Turkish bath house. I've said this before earlier, when I
Speaker 3: was like, there's a literal bath house.
Speaker 2: In this movie.
Speaker 3: Now, the movie doesn't go any further than having a
Speaker 3: bath house. And theoretically it makes some level of sense.
Speaker 3: A woman whose whole body is basically like exotic plants
Speaker 3: would seek a warm, like humid environment, so this all
Speaker 3: makes some level of sense. But again it's Unford. It's
Speaker 3: an unfortunate coincidence in a film that is so filled
Speaker 3: with like gay subtext. Yeah that like one of the
Speaker 3: villain's lairs is a literal bath house. So they break
Speaker 3: into the bath house. Inside there's a gang. They basically
Speaker 3: threatened poison Ivy, and she doesn't break a sweat. She's like, oh, darling,
Speaker 3: I'm a lover, not a fighter. However, my man servant Baine,
Speaker 3: and she sets Baine on all of them, and then
Speaker 3: once the two of them are alone, Ivy tells Baine,
Speaker 3: a certain gentleman with an icy demeanor has caught my eye.
Speaker 2: And she uses her abilities and she turns the entire
Speaker 2: building into like a vine swaddled evil lair.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Why doesn't she use this in battle?
Speaker 1: Because then there's no way for Batman, Robin and Backgirl
Speaker 1: to defeat her, because she's far outstrips all of them
Speaker 1: as far as abilities.
Speaker 2: It's like the whole movie.
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't fight. I let Baine fight my
Speaker 3: battles for me. And then she yah, however, I control
Speaker 3: all the plants on earth.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Correct, that's a real fucking superpower. Correct.
Speaker 1: We cut back to Julie and Bruce. I think they're
Speaker 1: in Wayne manner. She proposes marriage to Bruce. He turns
Speaker 1: her down flat.
Speaker 2: This scene does not need to be in this movie.
Speaker 2: Why the fuck does Bruce even have a girlfriend. What's
Speaker 2: the point.
Speaker 1: That's because they wanted to put more models in the
Speaker 1: movie that are gonna be under used or or just
Speaker 1: poorly used. Because el Mcherson can act, maybe Vandola can
Speaker 1: act either.
Speaker 4: I don't know. She asks him to think about it.
Speaker 4: He says no, and she's like, wait.
Speaker 2: She's never heard no before. She's like, wait, I don't
Speaker 2: know that word is.
Speaker 1: I don't understand me. Let me just I'll say what
Speaker 1: I said again and then you give me the right response.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She kisses him, and as she kisses him, he hallucinates
Speaker 1: poison Ivy is kissing him, and although we don't see this,
Speaker 1: he apparently calls her Ivy and she pulls back and
Speaker 1: she says, who's Ivy and he says, I wish I knew.
Speaker 1: So the scene now cuts, which means we are leaving
Speaker 1: this scene with this woman having asked her boyfriend to
Speaker 1: marry her, him saying no, then him calling her another
Speaker 1: woman's name, and then when she's like who is that,
Speaker 1: he's like, no, no, no, Ivy is what I call dick.
Speaker 4: Yeah, uh uh oops.
Speaker 2: It's just like she's like, oh, so you are having
Speaker 2: with the man who lives in your house?
Speaker 4: Yes, He's like, oh, absolutely, was that not clear?
Speaker 2: He's part of it.
Speaker 4: He's part of it for us, absolutely, he is part
Speaker 4: of this. Yes.
Speaker 2: Back down in the.
Speaker 3: Bat Cave, Dick is investigating poison IVY and he spots
Speaker 3: Barbara taking off again. He follows her to what is
Speaker 3: essentially a scene from.
Speaker 2: Greece but set in the world of the Warriors.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where you have thirty five year olds playing teenagers
Speaker 3: in weird outfits and they're all gangs. There's a whole
Speaker 3: gang that's just clockwork Orange, which is just a reference
Speaker 3: to another movie.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but why, but why?
Speaker 4: Though?
Speaker 3: Also there's women in the Clockwork Orange like a gang,
Speaker 3: which makes no sense. No woman would be in that,
Speaker 3: you know what, Moving on tighter explaining clockwork Orange to.
Speaker 1: People, we cannot start parsing Clockwork Orange two thirds of
Speaker 1: the way through Batman and Robin.
Speaker 2: So basically, we're here for a motorcycle race, yep.
Speaker 3: And Barbara apparently has been going every night to these motorcycles,
Speaker 3: these underground, secret motorcycle races, and she's been making side
Speaker 3: bets with the assholes. First all, she's winning them, and
Speaker 3: then she's making side bets like double her money.
Speaker 4: But who is she making the side bets with? Who?
Speaker 4: Who is she running all of her entrance fees through
Speaker 4: here Erica.
Speaker 3: One could say she has entered at Gangsta's Paradise. That's right,
Speaker 3: because she's made a side bet with Coolio.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So the motorcycle gang has decided to like undermine Barbara
Speaker 3: because they're tired of losing to a girl.
Speaker 2: There's a very long sequence that follows basically.
Speaker 1: I cannot decide if this is so stupid it's boring,
Speaker 1: or so boring. It's stupid, it's but it's one of them.
Speaker 2: It is so boring, it's stupid.
Speaker 4: Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3: So boring and stupid because again, like the two characters
Speaker 3: I just don't care about in this movie, I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh cool, it's Dick and Babs.
Speaker 4: Oh Dick and Babs.
Speaker 2: Can I get more poison ivy please?
Speaker 3: So, long story short, they sabotage her and they almost
Speaker 3: wind up killing her, and she ends up like falling
Speaker 3: over a cliff.
Speaker 2: Dick manages to save her just in time. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: then they cut so it's the two of them dangling
Speaker 2: from a cliff.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: And then they just cut to them at back at
Speaker 3: Wayne Manor Barbara and Dick like you're not gonna show
Speaker 3: me how he got her off that cliff or like,
Speaker 3: like to be clear, he has one hand on the
Speaker 3: cliff and one hand holding her and they are dangling,
Speaker 3: and then they just cut to the two of them
Speaker 3: cozy and safe at Wayne Manner.
Speaker 2: Fuck this movie.
Speaker 1: If I'm not mistaken, Erica, I think you're actually giving
Speaker 1: the movie more credit that deserves.
Speaker 4: I believe he is.
Speaker 1: He has hooked a foot over like a piece of
Speaker 1: rebar hanging out because it's like it's like a broken
Speaker 1: off bridge that they did like that. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: think he's holding on by a foot. And now remember, Erica,
Speaker 1: he is a circus acrobat who they can do anything.
Speaker 3: That's my point is, like, you have the money, this
Speaker 3: is Batman. They could have done something so cool. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and instead they were.
Speaker 4: Like just cut just they were as bored with Dick
Speaker 4: and Babs as we are.
Speaker 2: Fair enough, Apparently she's too fat to get off that mountain.
Speaker 2: How's he gonna or her up that bridge? She weighs
Speaker 2: one hundred pounds?
Speaker 1: All right, so now we get more of Babs's backstory.
Speaker 1: A backstory for Babs. She admits that she got kicked
Speaker 1: out of college for street racing. Although you say it's
Speaker 1: high schools I said college high school? You think its
Speaker 1: high school? Okay, she got kicked out of school, genuinely.
Speaker 2: What college kicks you off for street racing?
Speaker 4: Fair enough? You care?
Speaker 2: Not that's fair?
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: She says she's made enough money street racing now that
Speaker 1: she can take Alfred away from his dismal life of servitude.
Speaker 4: She doesn't know about the curse. She doesn't know that
Speaker 4: Alfred has no choice.
Speaker 1: And this is best case scenario because Bruce doesn't like
Speaker 1: actually physically abuse him, although he could.
Speaker 4: He could if he wanted to, if he wanted.
Speaker 2: To, Would I say he should?
Speaker 4: Yes, We're just saying he could if Alfred asked nicely
Speaker 4: the way Dick does.
Speaker 2: Like he could, like if if Bruce wanted to, Alfred
Speaker 2: could get a little side action exactly, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: You think Alfred has assless chaps up in his closet.
Speaker 4: One thousand percent.
Speaker 2: Alfred's a freak made with the finest calf's leather because
Speaker 2: he is a very hasty, classy gentleman, the.
Speaker 4: Calf that he slaughtered, skinned and tanned himself in the
Speaker 4: backyard of r manner.
Speaker 3: I was so happy when Barbara was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 3: taking my uncle by obviously sick and elderly uncle like
Speaker 3: and putting him in a place where he doesn't have
Speaker 3: to weight hand and foot on two assholes who don't
Speaker 3: seem to take him.
Speaker 2: I like, genuinely, this made me so happy. I was like, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: what else sees it too?
Speaker 3: I feel like this whole this whole series has been
Speaker 3: gaslighting me into believing that this is all great for Alfred.
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's not. It's not great for Alfred.
Speaker 1: They put a lot of lines in Babs's mouth about
Speaker 1: like almost of like nineteen ninety seven, commenting on the
Speaker 1: mythology of Batman to a certain extent, I don't really
Speaker 1: care about the Alfred relationship with Batman because it's from
Speaker 1: when did it start? Like I don't remember nineteen forty
Speaker 1: Batman appears like it's a different time and it's a holdover,
Speaker 1: and like the obvious say's not taking it.
Speaker 2: That seriously in the comic books, presumably.
Speaker 1: Exactly, and the obvious relationship is father son, right, So
Speaker 1: like it's all a metaphor whatever. I don't really care,
Speaker 1: but like they put these lines in Babs's mouth and
Speaker 1: you're like, and you're like, yes, thank you, and like
Speaker 1: later she'll have something about like, h men always have
Speaker 1: to do things the hard way, and I'm like, they're
Speaker 1: trying to make her like this this feminist icon, it's
Speaker 1: so weird.
Speaker 2: And then she slut shames Boison ivy lads and I'm
Speaker 2: like yes and no both.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a conversation.
Speaker 2: We need to have ladies. This is not This is
Speaker 2: not a fight scene. This should be a conbo Yeah.
Speaker 1: So Dick is like, what are you talking about a
Speaker 1: life of servitude. Alfred is with his family, he's happy.
Speaker 1: Barbara is like, are you fucking serious? My uncle is sick,
Speaker 1: you asshole, and she walks out. But Bruce has heard
Speaker 1: this and he fills in from another room. He's like,
Speaker 1: Alfred's not sick, he's dying. And then Dick, with all
Speaker 1: the emotion of someone in a friendly poker game who
Speaker 1: just lost twenty dollars when they had a full house, says.
Speaker 4: I can't believe it.
Speaker 1: It's really not good. I have put more spin on it.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. When I get a triple snumper
Speaker 1: in jeopardy, like, I can't believe it.
Speaker 5: I did it.
Speaker 4: It's so excited.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, mister Freeze gets a visitor in Arkham.
Speaker 4: It interrupts his rendition of a do you want to
Speaker 4: build a snow man?
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a snow man.
Speaker 4: You're frozen when your heart's not opened.
Speaker 2: Ice ice baby.
Speaker 6: He stops and he goes, oh my god, it's Queen.
Speaker 6: He stole the riff from queen. How did no one
Speaker 6: ever catch on?
Speaker 4: Did Queen get paid? This is an injustice?
Speaker 2: You know what? Forget my wife? I am, I am now,
Speaker 2: I am now defending Freddie Mercury.
Speaker 3: Poison Ivy breaks into his cell just as he finishes
Speaker 3: up his last the last bar of ISOs Baby. She
Speaker 3: pheromoones his guards. She gives them both the kiss of deaths,
Speaker 3: and then she proposes an alliance with mister Freeze. And
Speaker 3: Bain arrives with mister Freeze's cryogenic suit from Arkham's storage
Speaker 3: closet presumably mm hmm. They bust through the wall of
Speaker 3: his cell and mister Freeze tells Poison Ivy to get
Speaker 3: his wife while he gets more diamonds, and.
Speaker 2: She's like, you never told me I had a wife.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: I almost wish they'd given her if they're gonna do
Speaker 3: the may West thing, I have no complaints, to be clear,
Speaker 3: but if they're gonna do the may West thing, have
Speaker 3: give her some old like may West lines.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she does have a great line in the
Speaker 1: scene where he's like, I need the diamond from my
Speaker 1: hideout and she says, I'll help you grab your rocks.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 3: Later on, she's like flirting with Robin and he's like,
Speaker 3: I need a sign that you're not gonna kill me,
Speaker 3: and she goes slippery when wet and I'm like, yes,
Speaker 3: clutching my pearls.
Speaker 2: I was like, my goodness.
Speaker 3: So she's not pleased to hear that he has a wife,
Speaker 3: but she agrees. She's like, fine, I'll go save your
Speaker 3: stupid wife. He would, he would go to the wife first,
Speaker 3: but he needs the diamonds to survive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, his suit, his suit is losing power.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Back at Wayne Manor, Bruce asks Alfred about his health.
Speaker 1: He's like, now I know you're sick, Like, I can
Speaker 1: get you the best treatments. I can get you the
Speaker 1: best doctors, and Alfred is like, no, master way, I've
Speaker 1: already seen the best treatments. Look, you think you know
Speaker 1: the best doctors. I've been taking you to the best
Speaker 1: doctors for years, and Bruce wonders if he's ever regretted
Speaker 1: his life working for the Waynes, and Alfred says, of course,
Speaker 1: not to work for heroes, and Bruce says, not all
Speaker 1: heroes wear capes, but it really works.
Speaker 2: Really fucking works.
Speaker 4: Dick bursts in and he's like, Bruce, we gotta lub
Speaker 4: up and get those gimpsuits on. Mister Freeze has escaped,
Speaker 4: and they run off to jump into like the the
Speaker 4: that of ky jelly that they have before. They slide
Speaker 4: right into their.
Speaker 2: Batsuits absolutely so. Bevan and Robin head to mister Freeze's
Speaker 2: hide out and they're like, on their way to mister
Speaker 2: Freeze's hide out, they discuss how they realize now that
Speaker 2: poison Ivy is not a good guy.
Speaker 4: Mmm.
Speaker 3: They're like, basically the pheromone power that she has over
Speaker 3: them has worn off, so it takes days for this
Speaker 3: thing to wear off. They find the secret chamber that
Speaker 3: mister Freeze keeps his wife in, and Batman notes that
Speaker 3: Freeze has actually managed to find a cure for McGregor's
Speaker 3: syndrome in its early stages, but that the disease is
Speaker 3: too far advanced for Nora for for mister Freeze to
Speaker 3: save his wife, currently Yea. From underneath the room, Mister
Speaker 3: Freeze and Poison Ivy see the heroes like they're they're they're.
Speaker 4: They're in the basement of the ice cream factory.
Speaker 2: Cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah, not a euphemism, No, not at all.
Speaker 3: Mister Freeze goes to get his diamonds so he can
Speaker 3: power up and and Poison Ivy stays and she confronts
Speaker 3: Batman and Robin by herself. Her pheromones snake up through
Speaker 3: the grate, so they have They don't even know she's there,
Speaker 3: and she's already affecting them. These pheromones lead the two
Speaker 3: heroes to go down into the basement of the building.
Speaker 1: In the basement, the two encounter Baine, who easily like
Speaker 1: tosses Robin aside. So while Batman is fighting Baine like
Speaker 1: like a little ways away, Poison Ivy crouches down in
Speaker 1: front of Robin gives him a face full of pheromones.
Speaker 1: She tries to do the same to Batman when Batman
Speaker 1: lands close to her, but he is intelligent enough to
Speaker 1: not breathe in. After that failure, she lets Baine take
Speaker 1: on Batman again and returns to Robin blowing another set
Speaker 1: of pheromones in his face.
Speaker 2: She's gonna make this poor kid blow out his pants.
Speaker 4: He's gonna have a nocturnal emission mid battle.
Speaker 2: He is already a teenaged boy. Yeah, girl, you don't
Speaker 2: have to fight this hard.
Speaker 1: She almost manages to plant a kiss on Robin when
Speaker 1: Batman interrupts.
Speaker 4: He's like, hey, remember we heard about their arrival.
Speaker 1: We heard about these agents that were they died through
Speaker 1: poison introduced to their mouths. If she kisses you, she's
Speaker 1: trying to kill you. Her kiss is poison. So Batman
Speaker 1: has actually figured out some stuff here. Robin's like, why
Speaker 1: are you always stopping pretty ladies from kissing me? He's
Speaker 1: like covering the front of his crotch because it's bone
Speaker 1: is actually poked through the rubber.
Speaker 4: He's like, oh god, he destroyed that suit. His cock
Speaker 4: and Poulter out just punch right through. The two heroes
Speaker 4: get into a fight. Poison Ivy makes her way upstairs.
Speaker 1: So this is when Robin winds up in the vat
Speaker 1: of chemicals that you wanted something to happen for, And
Speaker 1: this is the explanation they are in the basement of
Speaker 1: an ice cream factory that is a pistachio ice cream
Speaker 1: base that he was tossed into.
Speaker 3: So, by the logic of this world, shouldn't that turn
Speaker 3: him into some kind of pistachio supervillain.
Speaker 1: Only if there's chemicals in the ice cream. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: an all natural ice cream.
Speaker 2: Could he be called mister mustachioed Pistachio I hope so,
Speaker 2: and turn green and have a long mustache, and his
Speaker 2: whole thing would be that he's a creamy delight.
Speaker 4: Bruce would love him even more like this.
Speaker 3: Bothered me so much that there is a of green
Speaker 3: goo in his factory that a character falls into and
Speaker 3: nothing happens.
Speaker 1: I had the exact same reaction the first time, because
Speaker 1: I didn't realize it was an ice cream factory. It
Speaker 1: wasn't until I was like, oh, it's an actual ice
Speaker 1: cream factory. Okay, I now can at least write a
Speaker 1: story in my head for what that is. It's not
Speaker 1: toxic waste or your venom or whatever it needs to
Speaker 1: be in this world. It's just it's just eggs, cream,
Speaker 1: pistachio flavoring, and sugar and touch the salt.
Speaker 3: Okay, what if he file into the mint that okay,
Speaker 3: but it's like that bad minut ice cream that's green
Speaker 3: instead of the good min.
Speaker 2: I say, yeah, that's white.
Speaker 4: His code name already got it. It's winter green, winter green.
Speaker 4: Ooh yeah.
Speaker 2: And he like he like subdues you with his sexy breath.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, he.
Speaker 2: Blows in your general direction and you're like, god, you
Speaker 2: smell good. And then it goes in for the punch.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What if you got flipped into a vat of moose tracks?
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh yeah, all of his appendages morphed into
Speaker 1: moose into moose hoofs.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Oh so it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be green then all right, well come on, now.
Speaker 4: We're opening up a whole world.
Speaker 3: Oh no, oh no, he falls into a vat of
Speaker 3: Neapolitan ice cream.
Speaker 2: Oh god, And and and he takes over Europe.
Speaker 1: He takes over, He takes over Europe. But he has
Speaker 1: three distinct personalities.
Speaker 2: In my brain, Neopolitan ice cream is based on Napoleon
Speaker 2: and not Naples.
Speaker 4: Okay, gotcha.
Speaker 2: I want everyone to know where my brain is going
Speaker 2: and why. I don't think that's true. I think it's
Speaker 2: supposed to be Naples and not Napoleon.
Speaker 3: But even as a kid, I was like this, this
Speaker 3: ice cream is named after Napoleon, and I refuse to
Speaker 3: change my opinion.
Speaker 1: It's just dig in your heels, absolutely fucking now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a fact.
Speaker 2: I have made it a fact. I don't know that
Speaker 2: it's true, and it very well could be that Napoleon.
Speaker 2: Neapolitan ice cream is named after Napoleon because he did
Speaker 2: wear like a tricolor hat.
Speaker 4: But well, I know that he I think the the
Speaker 4: Napoleon is actually for Napoleon, but.
Speaker 2: The Neapolitan ice cream is for nap I.
Speaker 4: Feel like that's I'm not positive though, I'm really.
Speaker 3: Not never been so sure that I'm wrong about something
Speaker 3: and yet refuse to change my opinion, my belief.
Speaker 2: It's not an opinion, it's a belief.
Speaker 3: But anyway, he falls into that of Neapolitan ice cream
Speaker 3: and then becomes Napoleon.
Speaker 4: Yeah, is what's happening. It's fantastic cosign.
Speaker 1: So anyway, while he's getting out of the that of
Speaker 1: chemicals and or pistachio ice cream based.
Speaker 2: Oh no, don't fall into the chunky monkey.
Speaker 4: Whatever you do, don't fall into the fish food.
Speaker 2: Oh no. Oh my god if it was a Ben
Speaker 2: and Jerry's factory.
Speaker 3: Honestly, no supervillains are made in a Ben and Jerry's factory.
Speaker 2: It's all just very mellow, chopy.
Speaker 1: Do you want to know what though, I'm now remembering
Speaker 1: when I was in college. It's the true story that
Speaker 1: my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor, which hasn't since been discontinued,
Speaker 1: it was pistachio ice cream with actual pistachios in it,
Speaker 1: and it was swirled together with chocolate ice cream with
Speaker 1: chocolate covered almonds in it. And it was called that
Speaker 1: of ice cream that you really don't want to fall
Speaker 1: into world nuts or swirled nut, swirled nuts. I should say,
Speaker 1: all right, all right? So anyway, Poison IVY like lets
Speaker 1: them fight amongst themselves. She goes upstairs into the room
Speaker 1: with Missus Freeze in it, and she disconnects the suspended
Speaker 1: animation chamber. She says, I don't like competition, right, so
Speaker 1: she is killing Missus Freeze.
Speaker 2: We cut to Poison IVS hide out.
Speaker 3: She and mister Freeze reconnect and she's like, I'm really
Speaker 3: sorry your wife's dead, and he's like, what what happened?
Speaker 3: And she goes Batman Batman killed your wife, he deactivated
Speaker 3: her chamber. He is enraged, So now his whole like
Speaker 3: reason for living has gone, So he's gonna.
Speaker 2: Have a new one, vengeance.
Speaker 3: No better reason exists, and Poison Ivy says there's no
Speaker 3: point in only punishing Batman and Robin and not punishing.
Speaker 2: The society that created them. Mister Freeze is like, I
Speaker 2: don't follow that logic.
Speaker 3: At all, but a mad so yes, yes, yes, and
Speaker 3: sure none of that made any kind of sense, but yes,
Speaker 3: Poison Ivy is fucking thrilled.
Speaker 2: She's like, yes, I have another She's basically another Bane
Speaker 2: at her Betman call. Once they murder all humans outside
Speaker 2: of themselves, of course, Yeah, her hybrid snake plants will
Speaker 2: take over the earth and she and mister Freeze will
Speaker 2: rule them. Why would someone whose whole thing is plants
Speaker 2: be like into someone whose whole thing is frost.
Speaker 4: Well, now we're thinking too hard Erica.
Speaker 2: The world he wants is not one that's compatible with plants.
Speaker 1: My favorite part about the scene is when she just
Speaker 1: mentions her her hybrid snake slash plants, which is the
Speaker 1: thing she was talking about in the first scene. Remember,
Speaker 1: but we haven't heard from them again. Then Bain hands
Speaker 1: her this little Audrey too puppet yeah from off screen,
Speaker 1: and she starts cooing at this plant. This plant will
Speaker 1: not appear again in the movie. It has not been
Speaker 1: referenced prior except that one time.
Speaker 4: In the scene.
Speaker 3: They could not have stolen this Audrey for like this
Speaker 3: plant more from Little Shopopa. Absolutely not, and it looks
Speaker 3: exactly which is probably a reference.
Speaker 2: Right This movie is already referencing a million other movies,
Speaker 2: so that's probably the reason I'll give it that pass.
Speaker 1: Back at Wayne Manor, the doctor reports that Alfred has
Speaker 1: stage one mcgregors syndrome and there's nothing that can be
Speaker 1: done for him except for everyone to just sit back
Speaker 1: and watch him die because we got nothing. Bruce and
Speaker 1: Dick remember that Freeze found a cure for the disease
Speaker 1: at the stage, but they don't know how he did it.
Speaker 1: They only know that mister Freeze has a cure. Then
Speaker 1: they get into another pointless fight. This is what should
Speaker 1: have been cut, all of these fights with like. It
Speaker 1: could have just been that like Dick wants more independence.
Speaker 1: No one loves a chained Dick. A cage Dick, I
Speaker 1: mean cage Dick is actually very popular in certain circles.
Speaker 1: Now that I think about it, I'm not quickly into it,
Speaker 1: but you know, I whatever floats your boat amongst consenting adults.
Speaker 2: There's a bar in Sandford, Cisco. I'm thinking of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's a pointless fight. Dick is like, you're
Speaker 1: jealous because Ivy wants me and not you, while Bruce,
Speaker 1: rather than punching the little shit in the throat, correctly
Speaker 1: points out that poison Ivy is using her abilities to
Speaker 1: make us fight with each other. Dick will hear none
Speaker 1: of it. She told me that I should get a
Speaker 1: Robin signal in the sky, and that's what I want.
Speaker 1: I want my own Robin signal. And he like stalks
Speaker 1: off in a huff.
Speaker 2: Truly an uphill battle with this carric.
Speaker 4: Really it's really not Chris O'Donnell's fault.
Speaker 3: Alfred is on his deathbed. He asks Barbara to take
Speaker 3: a message to his brother. It's like a DVD that's.
Speaker 4: Incased CD ROM. It's a CD ROM.
Speaker 3: It is one hundred percent of CD ROM in case
Speaker 3: and like a CD ROM case. And he's like, it's
Speaker 3: a it's a message that I made for my brother.
Speaker 3: I trust you because your family but I and I
Speaker 3: need you to deliver deliver this to him, but don't.
Speaker 2: Read the message or listen to the message. And she's like, absolutely,
Speaker 2: promise you, I will absolutely never read this message.
Speaker 1: We cut back to the Gotham Observatory, Bruce is scheduled
Speaker 1: to dedicate the telescope. Bewilderingly, Julie el McPherson is still
Speaker 1: with him. She's still making public appearances with him.
Speaker 4: I don't know why. There's no explanation.
Speaker 1: He is rich, fair enough and very hot and maybe
Speaker 1: you know, I could see him being good in bed?
Speaker 2: Oh you know he's good?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Okay, which of the Batman is best in bed?
Speaker 3: We have Keaton, we have Kilmer, we have Clooney, we
Speaker 3: have Bail. Have there been another bat I feel like
Speaker 3: there's another.
Speaker 4: One, Ben Affleck, Robert Pattinson.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. How many of these have they made?
Speaker 4: I think that's it for the modern day.
Speaker 2: We have to include Adams Adam West. It's not fair
Speaker 2: not to include Adam West.
Speaker 4: Okay, are we ranking them or we're just doing who's best?
Speaker 2: No, just who's bad? Because honestly, I didn't know two
Speaker 2: of those were Batman until you mentioned it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, I'm not super familiar with Adam West,
Speaker 1: so I am just gonna rule him out, not not
Speaker 1: because of anything about.
Speaker 4: Him, I just don't know him well enough. I'm gonna
Speaker 4: go with the more modern Batman.
Speaker 2: Honestly, Adam West is if Batman had dad. But it's
Speaker 2: not the worst thing in the world. But it's not
Speaker 2: it's not what you want.
Speaker 1: It's not what you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's absolutely
Speaker 1: not Christian Bell's Batman.
Speaker 4: He's way too He's too narcissistic.
Speaker 2: See, like I would like I feel like there's a
Speaker 2: darkness in that one. Yeah, there's a darkness in that
Speaker 2: Batman that you kind of want in the in the sheet.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want a darkness, but you don't want all darkness,
Speaker 4: which is why I'm leaning Keaton.
Speaker 1: Keaton got dark but also seemed like you could have fun.
Speaker 1: Keaton fucks eaton Fox exactly fucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like, here's my issue with Kilmer. He's too good looking. Hmm, No,
Speaker 3: one that good looking is good.
Speaker 4: It's interesting. I've never found Val Kilmer particularly attractive.
Speaker 1: I can recognize, like like a scientist studying a diorama
Speaker 1: in the Naturalistory Museum like that is a good looking man,
Speaker 1: but I do not find him sexy, understood.
Speaker 3: But I again, I think people who are that good
Speaker 3: looking are just not going to be as good at
Speaker 3: sex as some of our other.
Speaker 4: Can you know? I could see Pattinson kind of being
Speaker 4: a freak in the sheep.
Speaker 2: Oh you know, I'm gonna go with Clooney Batman. I
Speaker 2: think it's Batman because also this Batman is obviously fluid.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Clooney Batman is definitely the one that's gonna
Speaker 4: let you peg him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the Batman that's like yo, yes, and yeah.
Speaker 2: So you're going Keaton, I'm going Clooney, yep. I think
Speaker 2: Bail is the number two.
Speaker 1: Honestly, No, Bail is low on my list. I mean
Speaker 1: Clooney's my number two. Cloney and Keaton were my were my.
Speaker 4: Were my top two Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah they
Speaker 4: were my top ten my bottoms.
Speaker 2: Listeners, how would you get.
Speaker 4: Let us know, let us know. Okay.
Speaker 1: So meanwhile, while Bruce and Julie are at the observatory,
Speaker 1: poison Ivy is there as well. She's in She's back
Speaker 1: in doctor Issley Drag and she gets the keys to
Speaker 1: the police station from Commissioner Gordon using her pheromones, and
Speaker 1: she's like, where's the bat signal?
Speaker 4: I know you know where it is?
Speaker 1: And he's like, it's on It's on the roof of
Speaker 1: the police building. She's like great, she gets the keys,
Speaker 1: she heads to the roof with Baine. This is gets
Speaker 1: very confusing. Now it looks like she has Baine set
Speaker 1: off the bat signal. I think what actually happens is
Speaker 1: she has been ripped the bat signal off the roof
Speaker 1: of the police station, then carry it through Gotham somehow
Speaker 1: to the roof of the Turkish baths and then fashion
Speaker 1: a Robin icon so she can replace the bat signal
Speaker 1: with a Robin icon, and also somehow get a bunch
Speaker 1: of red light bulbs so she can reflect the red
Speaker 1: Robin signal into the sky and lead him to the
Speaker 1: Turkish bathouse that she has made her evil there.
Speaker 4: Because that's what happens in the movie.
Speaker 2: Are we sure she stole the og bat signal or
Speaker 2: did she just fashion a new one for Robin.
Speaker 1: If if she didn't steal it, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the purpose of the scene with Baine on the roof
Speaker 1: is because it's not like Bruce sees the bat signal
Speaker 1: and goes somewhere that that bat signal doesn't mean anything
Speaker 1: then unless there's a cut scene where like that's how
Speaker 1: she like lured him away from the observatory. But she
Speaker 1: does not know that Bruce Wayne is Batman. That wouldn't
Speaker 1: even be on her list of things to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, remember Barbara being like, I swear to you, my
Speaker 3: dam huncle, that I will never read this thing that
Speaker 3: you handed to me, and I will make sure it
Speaker 3: gets to your brother in India. She immediately ignores that
Speaker 3: and opens the message he left for his brother, and
Speaker 3: she managed it.
Speaker 2: There is a moving target with Barbara and how good
Speaker 2: she is at computers. Yeah, that is very funny.
Speaker 3: Because at the beginning of the movie she is like
Speaker 3: apparently her her top subject in school was computers computer science,
Speaker 3: and at the end of the movie she becomes a
Speaker 3: computer genius again yep, and like saves the day using
Speaker 3: her computer genius skills.
Speaker 4: But at this point, she puts.
Speaker 3: The CD wrong into her uncle's computer and there's a
Speaker 3: password and she she just puts in Alfred.
Speaker 2: She uses his name. Whose password is their name?
Speaker 4: I agree?
Speaker 1: But also the password winds up being peg peg her
Speaker 1: mother's name. Can you imagine a world where your password
Speaker 1: even could be three characters?
Speaker 2: Just three characters?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, first she types in her mother's full name, Margaret,
Speaker 2: and it's not it, and then she's like peg. I'm
Speaker 2: like it should have just been Margaret.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really easy password to decode. The woman's
Speaker 3: picture is next to his computer and it says look
Speaker 3: peg on it. So okay, So anyway, she figures it
Speaker 3: all out. She finds out who Batman is. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Bruce is in the bat Cave when a Robin signal
Speaker 1: is beamed into the air. Robin appears. He's already lubed
Speaker 1: up and gimped up. He's in his suit. He's convinced
Speaker 1: that poison ivy is summoning him. He got so many
Speaker 1: pheromones that last encounter that he is still completely under
Speaker 1: her spell. Bruce and him start arguing. Bruce gets to
Speaker 1: say the line, and this is, honestly kudos to Clooney,
Speaker 1: because again he's so good when he's Bruce. She wants
Speaker 1: to kill you, Dick, just the exact right amount of
Speaker 1: spin on dick there, and you want the right amount
Speaker 1: of spin on Dick too much not good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to you don't want to overtrque.
Speaker 1: Yeah, talk about world nuts. So Robin is convinced again
Speaker 1: that Bruce is just jealous. And Bruce like, this is
Speaker 1: like the story the movie wants to tell. He remembers
Speaker 1: that Alfred told him, you have to like remember your family.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be here forever. Like, so he implores him.
Speaker 1: Bruce says, as a friend, as a partner, as a brother,
Speaker 1: you have to trust me. She is a villain, right,
Speaker 1: And Robin stops and he looks at Bruce, and then
Speaker 1: we cut away.
Speaker 4: We don't know what he decided.
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, mister Freeze heads into the observatory, meaning to co
Speaker 3: opt it in order to power his freezing gun of
Speaker 3: Gotham City.
Speaker 2: Y'all catch up with me?
Speaker 4: Cool?
Speaker 3: He freezes the two scientists who are working on the
Speaker 3: on the whatever Ed proclaims tonight, hell freezes over.
Speaker 1: I just want to do one quick shout out to
Speaker 1: these two scientists. It's an Asian. It's an Asian man
Speaker 1: and a black woman, who are the two largest roles
Speaker 1: for people of color in this movie. But this this
Speaker 1: actor who's playing the Asian man. The Asian male actor
Speaker 1: is either making a choice or this is just his
Speaker 1: natural voice. I don't know which, but has given a
Speaker 1: thick New York accent. So when mister Freeze walks in,
Speaker 1: he goes, who is this nutball?
Speaker 2: So good?
Speaker 4: It's so good.
Speaker 3: He's you are doing the Lord's work because they're doing
Speaker 3: all the comic there's a comic relief of the movie.
Speaker 3: Funny to introduce the comic relief, like an hour and
Speaker 3: a half into a two hour movie. But he they are,
Speaker 3: and every time they nail it.
Speaker 4: So okay.
Speaker 2: So Barbara's gone through Alfred shit, she realizes who Bruce is.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: She finds the batcave, immediately trips the alarm yep and
Speaker 3: instead of the alarm like kicking her out or locking
Speaker 3: it down, Alfred shows up as Max headroom.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is Max bedroom. And he's like, well, hello, Barbara,
Speaker 2: I anticipated that this would happen. And I'm like, then,
Speaker 2: why didn't you just give her the what's with all
Speaker 2: this subtribuwe He's like, in fact, I knew that you
Speaker 2: would ignore what I told you.
Speaker 3: Do the thing anyway, find the batcave and become a
Speaker 3: hero in your own right.
Speaker 2: And therefore I have created. He did a super suit
Speaker 2: for you, made to your measurements. When did he get
Speaker 2: his niece's measurements? I don't want to know.
Speaker 3: So now she has a super suit and there's a
Speaker 3: bit there's a montage of Alicia Silverstone doing and like,
Speaker 3: you know what equal equal, Yep, it's equal. It's like
Speaker 3: the butt they do. Instead of a cod piece, they
Speaker 3: just do a full front toal.
Speaker 2: Of her coach.
Speaker 4: No nipples on her on her boobs though, which that.
Speaker 3: Would honestly have been so indecent that I would I
Speaker 3: genuinely would have been like, no, that is a teenage girl, No,
Speaker 3: stop sexualizing her.
Speaker 2: But like they do the butt jiggle with her and everything. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So Robin arrives at the source of the Robin signal, which,
Speaker 1: as we said before, is Poison Ivy's Turkish bath hideout.
Speaker 1: He heads inside, he finds Poison Ivy waiting for him.
Speaker 1: She's she's lounging in this enormous venus fly trap. So
Speaker 1: he approaches her. He walks all the way to her.
Speaker 1: He lies down in the mouth of this enormous venus
Speaker 1: fly trap with her and He says he wants to
Speaker 1: be with her, but he needs to know she's serious
Speaker 1: about turning over a new leaf. He needs a sign
Speaker 1: of trust. He says, tell me your plan, and she says,
Speaker 1: kiss me. This ends with her telling him that mister
Speaker 1: Freeze has turned the telescope at the observatory into a
Speaker 1: giant freeze gun and is about to turn Gotham into
Speaker 1: an ice cube. So Robin says, I have to go
Speaker 1: stop mister Freeze, and Poison Ivy says one kiss for luck,
Speaker 1: and she kisses him, and she says, bad luck, it's
Speaker 1: time to die.
Speaker 4: But no, Erica.
Speaker 1: It turns out Robin did trust Batman. He's wearing rubber
Speaker 1: over his lips, so he's just fine. Never has a
Speaker 1: dental dan been so heroic in all of cinema, ha
Speaker 1: ha ha.
Speaker 3: Poison Ivy shoves Robin into a pond and he's immediately
Speaker 3: tangled up in vines. Now he's stuck and he's maybe drowning.
Speaker 3: She runs into Batman, who's there to stop her. She
Speaker 3: tangles him up in vines because again she actually has
Speaker 3: a fucking superpower yep, and she heads out, and that's
Speaker 3: when that girl crashes through the Skylight and says, you're
Speaker 3: about to become compost.
Speaker 4: This is rough.
Speaker 1: This like it's not really her fault, but like she
Speaker 1: doesn't doesn't have the way with the quip of a
Speaker 1: Sarah Michelle Geller.
Speaker 2: But also like the fight cooreo is tragic.
Speaker 3: They little that they cared enough to try to make
Speaker 3: this fight look interesting is actually a little sexist.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So she fights Batgirl and winds up caught up in
Speaker 3: her own giant venus fly trap.
Speaker 2: But not before she's like.
Speaker 3: As I told missus Freeze before I killed her, I
Speaker 3: don't like when other women are in the picture. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and she's about to land what she thinks is like
Speaker 3: a devastating blow on back Girl, and then Backgirl like
Speaker 3: kicks her off and she lands into a venus fly trap.
Speaker 4: Look, I don't like that. Can I be?
Speaker 1: Can I just be a really big comic book nerd
Speaker 1: for one second? Yes, you're gonna be really annoyed in me,
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry advanced, No, I'm not.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not do it.
Speaker 1: Poison Ivy's power is that she controls plants. The Venus
Speaker 1: flytrap is under her control. That is the basis of
Speaker 1: her power set.
Speaker 2: That is so stupid. They gave this so little thought.
Speaker 1: Yes, just have back Girl kick her in the face
Speaker 1: and knock her out and then they they tie her up.
Speaker 2: Honestly though, like, have mister freeze over here.
Speaker 3: I know that's what's gonna happen later, but mac mister
Speaker 3: freeze over here that he killed that she killed his wife, and.
Speaker 2: Have him freeze her. Yeah, you know what plants can't survive?
Speaker 4: Is fucking frost yep?
Speaker 2: Or is it has to be one of the like heroes.
Speaker 2: Have them use weed killer on.
Speaker 1: Her, right, sure, have them get out a lawnmower, like
Speaker 1: what what if that? What if back Girl wrote it
Speaker 1: on like one of those little riding mowers or a
Speaker 1: weed whacker or or or like a leaf flower. Okay,
Speaker 1: So so back Girls on the lawnmower, Batman has a
Speaker 1: leaf blower and Robin has a weed whacker, and they're
Speaker 1: all going after points Ivy.
Speaker 2: It's a blood bass. It's a chloroform bath.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: So the three heroes like all meet and at at
Speaker 1: one point they make poor Alicia Silverstone be like, Bruce,
Speaker 1: it's me Barbara, as if he doesn't recognize her, and
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, you know our secret identities, and she's like,
Speaker 1: it's time to go stop mister Freeze, and they all
Speaker 1: like run off right. We cut to the observatory. Freeze
Speaker 1: and tones, let's kick some ice and starts to freeze
Speaker 1: the city.
Speaker 2: I'm starting to come around to these, but.
Speaker 4: It's just because we've been recording so long.
Speaker 2: When you say them, they're good, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Batman and company arrive and mister Freeze sees them coming,
Speaker 1: so he tells Bain to kill Robin and back girl,
Speaker 1: but leave the bat for me. Then Batman and his
Speaker 1: two friends arrive at like the control center for this telescope.
Speaker 1: Bain and mister Freeze are nowhere to be found. Suddenly
Speaker 1: don't know what happened with them. He sets some heaters
Speaker 1: on the two scientists, who have absolutely been encased in
Speaker 1: ice longer than the eleven minutes that this movie arbitrarily
Speaker 1: decided a human can survive this treatment.
Speaker 4: But whatever, they're fine. He unfreezes the two scientists.
Speaker 1: Despite unfreezing the two scientists, it's still the heroes that
Speaker 1: come up with the idea of using the satellites connected
Speaker 1: to the telescope to reflect the sunlight from the other
Speaker 1: side of the Earth.
Speaker 4: To thaw Gotham in eleven minutes.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, mister Freeze is tired of letting them just stand
Speaker 1: around and come up with ways to foil his plan,
Speaker 1: so he appears and he attacks. He knocks the two
Speaker 1: Beta heroes out the window and he takes on Batman.
Speaker 3: Batman grapples with mister Freeze, both of them trying to
Speaker 3: reset the telescope in time. Meanwhile, Baine attacks Robin and
Speaker 3: back Girl. They're struggling because Bain is superhuman. He can
Speaker 3: He's feet the strength of a thousand men and leads
Speaker 3: to our teenagers and they're like, oh, we're losing. And
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, Robin.
Speaker 2: Goes, hey, what about the hose? What about the hose
Speaker 2: in the back of his helmet tee?
Speaker 3: And one of them, I think is Batgirl, like kicks
Speaker 3: it out and literally, like an exhaust pipe just comes
Speaker 3: out like like nothing, huh, from the back of Bain's
Speaker 3: head and just starts to spew like exhaust in the air,
Speaker 3: and Bane.
Speaker 2: Deflates back to his original size.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this was so fucking stupid.
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, Batman manages to attach one of his heaters to
Speaker 3: Freeze's suit and knock him down, and then Batman resets
Speaker 3: the satellites and beams sunlight into Gotham.
Speaker 1: Batman's like, Haha, Freeze, I've got you now, but Freeze
Speaker 1: is like, like, hell you do. He sets off a
Speaker 1: series of bombs that he apparently set at some point,
Speaker 1: he destroys the telescope. The telescope falls out of the observatory.
Speaker 1: Those two scientists we talked about have been hanging on
Speaker 1: to the telescope for a while, providing comic relief. He
Speaker 1: saves the two scientists as the telescope crashes to the
Speaker 1: ground below.
Speaker 4: Robin and Batgirl join.
Speaker 1: Batman as they try to brainstorm away to thaw Gotham
Speaker 1: without the telescope. They could do it with just the satellites,
Speaker 1: but they need a computer genius. Luckily, in this scene,
Speaker 1: Barbara is one.
Speaker 2: Thank god those satellite computers don't have a pass code.
Speaker 2: Cut to her going Sun, Moon.
Speaker 4: Stars, planet light, NASA.
Speaker 2: NASA one, NASA one two, who NASA one two three
Speaker 2: password password It was password.
Speaker 1: So Barbara reprograms the satellites and thaws the city and
Speaker 1: Gotham is saved.
Speaker 3: Batman goes to collect mister Freeze and shows him a
Speaker 3: video a close up video a Poison Ivy confessing to
Speaker 3: the murder of Nora Freeze.
Speaker 2: That confession happened during her fight with Backgirl.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: What part of Backgirl's outfit is A is a body
Speaker 2: cam that he has access to. I don't like any
Speaker 2: of this. I don't like any of this for anyone.
Speaker 2: This is inappropriate.
Speaker 4: Thata girl, do not go to the bathroom while you're
Speaker 4: wearing that outfit.
Speaker 3: So okay, So anyway, Poison Ivy confesses to the murder
Speaker 3: missus Freese.
Speaker 2: Good news.
Speaker 3: Batman then tells mister Freeze, I saved your wife. We
Speaker 3: found her, we restored her to suspended animation, and we
Speaker 3: want to help you.
Speaker 2: Save her your wife as well.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 3: Batman then asks Freeze to help him cure stage one
Speaker 3: of McGregor syndrome, and he's like, there's someone that I
Speaker 3: care about deeply who has the same illness and I
Speaker 3: need to save them.
Speaker 2: Please help me, And mister Freeze just carries it on
Speaker 2: his person apparently at all times.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's one of those medications that has to stay
Speaker 1: cold and the easiest way to do is.
Speaker 4: To keep it with him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the zempic he on him.
Speaker 3: He grabs two, like, I mean, it looks like canisters.
Speaker 3: Is like that icy blue gatorade?
Speaker 4: Yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 2: Why Bruce even thinks this is actually a cure and
Speaker 2: just gives it to Alfred, I will never.
Speaker 4: Know, but he does. We cut to Arkham.
Speaker 1: Poison Ivy has been imprisoned in the same cell as
Speaker 1: mister Freeze.
Speaker 4: He walks in.
Speaker 1: He's still in his cryo suit because Bruce said, we're
Speaker 1: gonna bring your wife to you. You can do all
Speaker 1: of your work in Arkham, and he's perfectly happy with that.
Speaker 1: That's all he wants to do. He promises to make
Speaker 1: her life a living hell Erica. Why did he not
Speaker 1: say you don't have a snowballs chance in cell?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Come on, come on, you really should write these movies.
Speaker 4: We cut to Wayne Manor.
Speaker 1: The team administers the cure to Alfred waits two days,
Speaker 1: absolutely trashes the place, doesn't do a dish, doesn't pick
Speaker 1: up a broom.
Speaker 3: That house must smell like a fucking pig side at
Speaker 3: the time. Alfred wakes up from his coma and it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: so you want me to clean all of this?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Cool, cool, You're cool.
Speaker 1: Alfred wakes up with a full recovery. Barbara officially joins
Speaker 1: the team, and Alfred says, we're going to need a
Speaker 1: bigger cave. That's the that's the that's the kicker. That's
Speaker 1: the line that we.
Speaker 4: Went out on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then guess what. High five everyone, We're making
Speaker 2: a fifth one of these.
Speaker 4: We nailed it.
Speaker 2: No fucking noise.
Speaker 4: That is the end of Batman and Robin. So everyone
Speaker 4: stick around.
Speaker 1: We will come right back after these messages with all
Speaker 1: of our random observations and final rankings.
Speaker 4: And we're back.
Speaker 2: Erica.
Speaker 4: I have just one question for you. Do you think
Speaker 4: when mister Freese has sex, he says, that's just the
Speaker 4: tip of the iceberg.
Speaker 2: Ha ha. You will feel numb at first, but he's normal.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about mister Freeze for sex.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, So the logic of mister Freeze, and I
Speaker 3: know looking for logic in this movie is a fool's errand,
Speaker 3: but I did it anyway.
Speaker 2: The logic of mister Freeze is he has to stay
Speaker 2: at ice cold temperatures at all times or else he dies.
Speaker 4: Correct.
Speaker 3: So when he goes back to his layer, which is
Speaker 3: in an ice cream factory, he takes off the suit
Speaker 3: that keeps him alive out in the world, and then
Speaker 3: as his outfit of choice, puts on a like thick
Speaker 3: quilted smoking jacket. Uh huh, with like a with like
Speaker 3: a cravat, I think, or Meg maybe making that part
Speaker 3: up because it's what I want. And fuzzy slippers, Paul,
Speaker 3: this is not the outfit of a man who has
Speaker 3: to stay cold.
Speaker 1: No, he should be bare ass naked, Arnold Schwartzenegger should
Speaker 1: be hanging down or in that suit period.
Speaker 4: End of story.
Speaker 3: He should be wearing a caftan from the Kathy Lee
Speaker 3: Gifford collection.
Speaker 1: Speaking of mister Freeze, I did cut out this one
Speaker 1: scene because it doesn't really matter to the plot. But
Speaker 1: there's one point where it cuts back to him and
Speaker 1: he's watching his wedding video and crying, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is too much, Like I don't need to feel
Speaker 1: bad for mister Freese.
Speaker 4: This is a lot a lot.
Speaker 2: Agree agreed, Like the movie went hard. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: we get it. He's not a bad bad guy. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: uh again with mister Freese.
Speaker 3: There's a scene. There's a few of these, but there's
Speaker 3: one there. It's really obvious he has frozen over. I
Speaker 3: think it's poison Ivy's layer. And the cops are being
Speaker 3: flung down a spiral staircase as they're being defeated by
Speaker 3: mister Freeze's henchman. All every single one of those extras
Speaker 3: hits the icicles on their way down, and you can
Speaker 3: see that these icicles.
Speaker 2: Are just like I don't even think they're made of rubber.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it bounces away from them and moves right back
Speaker 3: into space.
Speaker 2: Place like just could not look cheaper.
Speaker 4: It looked.
Speaker 1: They look like just cheap plastic, like something you would
Speaker 1: decorate your house with for Christmas that you got it
Speaker 1: like the local party city for no more than two
Speaker 1: dollars for no more.
Speaker 2: But I obviously think it's inflated because they the way they.
Speaker 3: Pop out and pop back into the spot. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you have so much money. This movie costs like two
Speaker 3: hundred million dollars.
Speaker 1: My favorite one of those is there at the end
Speaker 1: when they freeze all of Gotham. They freeze one of
Speaker 1: the police cars with the doors opened, and they like
Speaker 1: they come. I don't remember what happens, but they hit
Speaker 1: it and it's like they so easily could have just
Speaker 1: reshot the shot like it like nothing crucial was happening,
Speaker 1: like it just and it just looks like a like
Speaker 1: a saloon door.
Speaker 4: Swinging back and forth, Like that's not how Ice moves.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: We talked about where Batman and Rober are getting all
Speaker 1: their costumes. We talked a little bit about mister Freeze
Speaker 1: is getting his costumes. I want to circle back to
Speaker 1: our favorite character in the movie, Poison Ivy, whose main
Speaker 1: costume is kind of very generic green tights leotard with
Speaker 1: kind of a leaf motif on it, but she also
Speaker 1: has time to a constantly be getting her hair in
Speaker 1: larger and larger and larger buns on her head. She
Speaker 1: has a multiple different eyebrow like a mask pieces that
Speaker 1: are being switched out. But my favorite two things are
Speaker 1: when they take over the Turkish bath, she's wearing a long,
Speaker 1: flowing cowled cape that appeared from nowhere, and then when
Speaker 1: she walks in to see mister Freeze at her hideout
Speaker 1: and tell him that his wife is dead, she is
Speaker 1: wearing what I can only describe as a seventies pimp coat.
Speaker 2: Oh fuck, I missed it, it is, and then I
Speaker 2: want to see it.
Speaker 1: It's enormous. It looks like she skinned Fozzy bear dyed
Speaker 1: it green. And now that's the coat that she's wearing.
Speaker 2: Oh, I bet it looks fucking fabulous.
Speaker 4: Oh all, by the way, all of this is fabulous,
Speaker 4: all of it, all of it.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get into my Poison Ivy section of the
Speaker 3: of maruting observations because I have like, she's so goddamn good.
Speaker 3: There's there's a couple of lines that I love. There's
Speaker 3: one where she she she jumps on top of its
Speaker 3: either Batman or Robin, I'm not sure, and she's she
Speaker 3: like hers in his face and she says there's something
Speaker 3: about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in
Speaker 3: a girl's lips.
Speaker 4: Excellent, And I'm like, okay, so the movie.
Speaker 2: Knows what it's doing, just understands the anatomically correct part
Speaker 2: of the suit. Like it's so funny.
Speaker 1: Uh, speaking of lines, this is not from Poison IVY.
Speaker 1: It's about Poison Ivy. In that brief moment when both
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin are not affected by her pheromones and
Speaker 1: they're realizing she's a bad guy, They're like, we are
Speaker 1: absolutely one hundred percent over her moment of silence, and
Speaker 1: then George Clooney goes great stems though, and and crist
Speaker 1: o'naland goes buds too, and yeah those were nice.
Speaker 3: When you give these two like a little bit of
Speaker 3: a riff, they're not bad. I only have one more too,
Speaker 3: And speaking this this, this is one of those lines.
Speaker 3: It's supposed to be sexy.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what was just said?
Speaker 3: In this children's movie Robin goes up to goes up
Speaker 3: to a poison ivy when she's like in her layer
Speaker 3: at the end and he's like over her, he's not
Speaker 3: into her anymore, but he's he's trying to be sexy,
Speaker 3: I guess, and like goes.
Speaker 2: Is your thumb the only part of you that's green? What?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, what are you asking? What are you asking?
Speaker 4: Did this line? Walk?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 4: Is your pussy green? From Wicked Could Run?
Speaker 2: He's asking you for pussy? Is green?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: That's what he's asking. He's acting, is your pussy fertile?
Speaker 2: And is it second? Does it have a biodome?
Speaker 4: Yeah? What is that line?
Speaker 2: And like, how is that a line that made the
Speaker 2: final cut of this movie?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are not allowed to ask a woman of
Speaker 3: what color her pussy is You're just not I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: that's not cool Erica.
Speaker 4: How are we going to rank Batman and Robin.
Speaker 2: One to ten? Orphans that just flock to Alfred.
Speaker 4: Like like like stray cats to a fishmonger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like seagulls to a hot dog stand.
Speaker 4: One to ten Arnold Schwarzenegger cabaret numbers like like, she's
Speaker 4: cold as ice, willing to sacrifice your love, one.
Speaker 2: Two, three, she's a cold hearted snake.
Speaker 4: Oh look in the eyes. Oh she's been telling lies.
Speaker 2: That actually does apply to poisoner.
Speaker 4: Let it go, Let it go, can't hold it back
Speaker 4: any more. I bet he can hit that note of
Speaker 4: the oh completely.
Speaker 2: But the sky is a hazy shade off winter. The
Speaker 2: idea that anyone would do a cabaret to the song
Speaker 2: hazy shade of Winter.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's excellent and it means that somewhere someone did.
Speaker 2: Simon and Garfunkle doesn't scream cabaret to me to begin.
Speaker 4: With, but also like, like that song, you're gonna do
Speaker 4: the Bengals cover of it?
Speaker 2: Fair enough? Fair enough? How about one to ten ice
Speaker 2: cream based superheroes?
Speaker 1: Oh, oh, you don't want to tip into Rocky Road
Speaker 1: because then then then you become a seer and all
Speaker 1: you see are the bad things are going to happen
Speaker 1: to everybody in the future.
Speaker 4: That's bad.
Speaker 2: That's a rocky fucking road.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you do not want to fuck with strawberries and
Speaker 3: cream because they will give you a very light sunburn,
Speaker 3: not so much that you're actually in trouble, but just
Speaker 3: enough that your skin itches all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's it's an annoying thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't if you're Chris o'donald, you don't want to
Speaker 1: tip over into black raspberry, because then you're going to
Speaker 1: be in the blonde venus situation. Cultural appropriation of the
Speaker 1: highest order.
Speaker 4: Uh oh yeah, and.
Speaker 2: Then you're gonna run into cookie dough and they will
Speaker 2: just give you samonilla.
Speaker 4: Right uncooked cookie dough, which, to be clear, I've eaten
Speaker 4: my entire life and have never gotten salmonella from never
Speaker 4: got not yet once, not yet, not yet.
Speaker 2: Your move cookie out.
Speaker 4: How about one to ten queer subtexts and dom texts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, subtext is actually domb text.
Speaker 4: Uh huh huh.
Speaker 2: Joel Schumacher, you freak, you freaking freak.
Speaker 4: I love you, I love you, you freak, don't ever change.
Speaker 2: Let's do that one.
Speaker 3: Let's I feel like it celebrates the actual Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it celebrates the film.
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely? Do you want to go first? Or shall
Speaker 4: I go first?
Speaker 2: I'll go first on this one.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 3: Genuinely, I've never seen a movie before and been like,
Speaker 3: how much of this is intentional? And how much of
Speaker 3: this is like a collective subconscious coming out ye, like
Speaker 3: of a of a I don't know a Kiva Goldsmith's
Speaker 3: like or Goldsman's identity, I don't know what his preferences are,
Speaker 3: but like Joel Schumacher is a gay man, and like
Speaker 3: the production design, there's gotta been a lot of gay
Speaker 3: gay energy in the space when they were creating the film,
Speaker 3: and they were like, oh, but what if.
Speaker 2: We make it like Metropolis and then bring in blonde
Speaker 2: Venus like the brainstorm that turned into the biggest like
Speaker 2: queer baiting of all times. I'm not mad at it
Speaker 2: at all. It's just so interesting and also what if
Speaker 2: it's not? What if it is fully intentional?
Speaker 3: And and like Joel Schumacher's like, how about if I
Speaker 3: create a comic book world that's like sexy and like, yeah,
Speaker 3: but my interpretation of sexy, which is a gay man's
Speaker 3: interpretation of sexy, and like and like, yeah, it's for kids,
Speaker 3: and yeah, we're here to sell toys, but also like,
Speaker 3: let's make this adult. Batman Returns is so sexy, like
Speaker 3: all the Catwoman stuff is so so sexy. And so
Speaker 3: it was almost like Joel Schumacher's like, I want to
Speaker 3: go back to that and do like a sexy Batman.
Speaker 2: And then he was like, but how about we queer
Speaker 2: this up a bit. I want to believe that that
Speaker 2: was an intentional choice. And then it's fucking awesome and
Speaker 2: like subversive because it's so in your face, it's so there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: now this is a good movie, Paul.
Speaker 4: No, no, it's not even a little bit of a
Speaker 4: great it's an uma thermon of a good movie.
Speaker 3: It's an uma thermon of a good movie. Yeah, it's
Speaker 3: like it's entertaining, it's not boring at all. It's so
Speaker 3: fucking weird, so it's worth watching, but it's it's it's bad.
Speaker 3: And also it doesn't age super well because there is
Speaker 3: like some racism in the middle that there. It's like unintentional,
Speaker 3: like I think because they're referencing a movie.
Speaker 2: That's so racist. They accidentally like fell into it. I
Speaker 2: came around.
Speaker 3: I was fine with being being a Mexican like serial killer,
Speaker 3: like that might rub other people the wrong way, fair, sure,
Speaker 3: but and I but I came around.
Speaker 2: To it once they made him with luchato it and
Speaker 2: I was like why not. And there's not too many
Speaker 2: people of color in the film, especially given it's nineteen
Speaker 2: ninety seven, Like, yeah, you could do better. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: give it a three.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: Give it a three because unintentional or not, there's a
Speaker 3: lot of queer subjects in this movie and I'm always
Speaker 3: here for that, and I love that. And obviously you
Speaker 3: can talk far far more about that than I can.
Speaker 3: But like, yeah, it's it does fall flat on its
Speaker 3: face in other ways. Yeah, and like the one scene
Speaker 3: where the two women in the movie talk to each
Speaker 3: other is not fantastic.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'll give it a three. How about you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I think the big scene at the
Speaker 1: gala is it was the one surprising moment for me
Speaker 1: as far as like, oh, that doesn't age well at all.
Speaker 1: I did not get the the blonde Venus reference. I
Speaker 1: didn't know they were referencing something specific. The whole the
Speaker 1: whole smell of that scene was bad. I think the
Speaker 1: queer subtext is a lot of fun. I can't imagine
Speaker 1: that he didn't know at least somewhat of what he
Speaker 1: was doing, and I I don't think he ever talked
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 4: I read.
Speaker 1: I read a couple of different like quotes from him.
Speaker 1: He never was like I couldn't believe to the studio,
Speaker 1: let me get away with this. But like I could
Speaker 1: see him saying that and be like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was gonna put nipples in the batsuit. And then it
Speaker 1: came back and they didn't take the nipples off. So
Speaker 1: I was like, well, okay, like something like that I
Speaker 1: would have expected, But he never says anything like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I could find it.
Speaker 2: By the way, I'm googling to see what the val
Speaker 2: Kilmer one had nipples.
Speaker 4: Oh, good question, good question.
Speaker 2: Apparently the Kilmer one also had nipples.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is this, This is the second suit
Speaker 1: with nipples, maybe the first ass jiggling, and definitely the
Speaker 1: first Uma Thurman, who was the gayest thing in this movie.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like these like quote unquote feminist lines
Speaker 1: that they're putting in Alicia Silverstone's mouth are really clunky,
Speaker 1: they're really first thought. It feels a little bit like
Speaker 1: that that moment in the Marvel movies where they try
Speaker 1: to give like a go girl moment at the end,
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, but you haven't given any of
Speaker 1: these women any characters. Like they like they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: the women are gonna take over, and like none of
Speaker 1: them have led a movie, none of them are the
Speaker 1: main heroes. You haven't done anything to lift them up
Speaker 1: in there, You're you're it's like performative feminism, I guess,
Speaker 1: is what I would say, and it I don't know
Speaker 1: that it was performative.
Speaker 4: In nineteen ninety seven, but it has aged to.
Speaker 1: A point now where it feels performative because what she
Speaker 1: is saying is so basic. I'm going to agree with you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it a three. I'm gonna give it
Speaker 1: a three out of ten. Queer subtexts and dom texts.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed it more than a three. If you truly
Speaker 1: watching them with Therman in this movie is a good time,
Speaker 1: and the rest of the movie almost achieves camp. So
Speaker 1: if this is your thing, like, if it's something you
Speaker 1: want to like have a couple of drinks with some
Speaker 1: friends with and watch and laugh at Like it's pretty
Speaker 1: good for that, but I would say there are better
Speaker 1: camp movies for that.
Speaker 3: It's weird because I'm wondering if they were trying to
Speaker 3: achieve camp, and when you try to achieve camp, it
Speaker 3: doesn't work, right. Maybe that's what they were trying to do,
Speaker 3: because like the og like Adam West Batman, that's so camp,
Speaker 3: that's camp. Yeah, it's one thousand and I think they
Speaker 3: were trying to go back to that, but you can't
Speaker 3: force it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so maybe maybe my palate cleanser is a better
Speaker 4: is a better camp movie?
Speaker 2: Better camp movie? That Adam West Batman film from the
Speaker 2: sixties is so good and it's got all three of
Speaker 2: the major villains in it. It's got Robin and it's
Speaker 2: it's so cheesy and cheap and like it's so good.
Speaker 4: Yeah. My thought is, can't stop the music. That's a
Speaker 4: better camp, that's a better camp.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a great camp movie.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Rocky Horror Picture Show. Absolutely we want something and
Speaker 3: that's also kind of sexy.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: All right, Erica, that is the end of our show.
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Speaker 1: This is the time in the episode where we'd usually
Speaker 1: have a celebrity guest come in and thank one of
Speaker 1: our patrons. We don't have a thank you today, but
Speaker 1: this is your reminder that if we owe you a
Speaker 1: thank you, would love to give it. We'd we'd love
Speaker 1: to yell at someone you hate. We'd love to send
Speaker 1: a happy birthday wish to someone that you know.
Speaker 4: Anything you want, We're pretty much willing to say it,
Speaker 4: provided it's not like super racist or something.
Speaker 2: I would hope no one would ask for that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, fingers crossed given the premise of this podcast.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks, Yeah, someone who listens to us would be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's probably not appropriate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're probably not gonna do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, genuinely. Any any note you want to give to
Speaker 2: someone out in the world, Yeah, let us know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, Erica, any final thoughts on Batman and
Speaker 4: Robin ice cream? You scream, We all scream for ice cream.
Speaker 1: I actually thought you were going into she loves me
Speaker 1: ice cream? He bought me ice cream?
Speaker 4: Ice cream.
Speaker 2: Imagine that perfect song from Mister Freeze's cabaret.
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you know, little, little little you know what right I.
Speaker 4: Was gonna say something, So you're gonna say something so
Speaker 4: disgusting even you won't say it on this podcast.
Speaker 2: You know what, girl, Take it back, Take it it's
Speaker 2: we're recording this on a Sunday. It's the Lord's Day.