1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,240 Speaker 1: I don't like spiders. I don't like it when they 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,320 bunched themselves up so their legs look like tangled wires. 3 00:00:08,919 --> 00:00:11,039 I don't like it when they spread themselves out like 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,919 the radial spokes on a wheel. It was bad luck 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,079 that when I met my wife, we discovered we were 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,239 both scared of them. As the man, I just kind 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:26,879 of wound up taking over spider killing dooty. At first, 8 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,640 this meant squealing or trying to lab asshure at one 9 00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:33,439 of them from a distance. But as the ears went on, 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,679 I kind of just got tired of the stress and anxiety. 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:44,159 Fear is exhausting, so is the pageantry of it, jumping 12 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:48,359 up and shouting in lots of running around. Over time, 13 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,439 I found myself having less and less of a fear 14 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:55,799 reaction to them. Don't get me wrong, I don't want 15 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,920 one crawling on my face, but it wasn't like they 16 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:03,920 had me running away in fear every time. Lily was 17 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,959 never great with them, either, but it wasn't what I 18 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,280 call worthy of therapy. For the first ten years I 19 00:01:11,359 --> 00:01:13,879 knew her, she was a fairly run of the mill, 20 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:18,280 a rachnophobe. Things only got bad after this one night 21 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,439 when we'd just come back in from an evening with friends. 22 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:27,000 There'd been a storm outside, windy as hell. I remember 23 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:29,359 putting the keys down on the table by the door, 24 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,599 and when I looked back, she was pulling down the 25 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,439 hood of her coat. She let out a sigh, ran 26 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,079 her hands through her hair, and she looked a little 27 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:43,599 puzzled by what she felt. When she lifted her hand away, 28 00:01:44,599 --> 00:01:49,640 there were thin black legs poking out from between her fingers. 29 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,519 It took a second for her to react to what 30 00:01:52,719 --> 00:01:56,280 was all bunched up inside a cupped hand. Then she 31 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,840 screamed and threw it on to the ground. I saw 32 00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:05,040 it for only a second, it was so fast. Then 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,759 it was off under the nearest door, and my number 34 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,199 one concern became comforting my wife, who was having a 35 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,520 full blown panic attack. Get it off, Get it off, 36 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,319 Get it off, she screamed, while slapping at her neck 37 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:24,039 and hair. I hugged her, tight checked her hair, and 38 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,479 then checked it again when she asked me to. Then 39 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,919 she stripped the top off to make sure nothing else 40 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,919 was clinging to her clothes before I took her into 41 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,479 the kitchen and we had a cup of tea while 42 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,680 she kept scratching at the back of her head. Little asshole. 43 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,439 She half cried, half laughed. I can't believe it. Did 44 00:02:44,479 --> 00:02:48,599 you see it? It was huge, one of the biggest yet, 45 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:54,120 I said, truthfully, I only had half glimpse memories of 46 00:02:54,159 --> 00:02:59,120 it scuttling away, But it had been big, large enough 47 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:02,960 that a pine glass wouldn't have fit over its darting legs. 48 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:07,560 Just seeing it had left me feeling anxious, but at 49 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:12,400 the time I ignored my own discomfort. After all, I'd 50 00:03:12,439 --> 00:03:17,759 hardly been the real victim and it got away. She cringed. 51 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,199 Oh God, it's still in this house somewhere, isn't it. 52 00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:29,400 I wanted to lie, but thought better of it. Somewhere, yeah, 53 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,280 I said, But we'll spider prove the bedroom tonight and 54 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:39,719 i'll go looking in the morning. Thank you, She smiled mournfully. Geez, 55 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,639 I just know I'm going to have a hard time 56 00:03:41,719 --> 00:03:47,680 sleeping tonight. She made me strip the bed before she 57 00:03:47,719 --> 00:03:50,960 got in, and all night she kept flicking at a 58 00:03:51,039 --> 00:03:53,520 fringe and the hair on the back of her neck. 59 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,039 I felt so bad for her. If that had been me, 60 00:03:58,719 --> 00:04:02,360 I can't say I would have reacted much better. Neither 61 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,199 of us slept that well, but I was mostly just 62 00:04:05,319 --> 00:04:10,439 worried about her. When you love someone, it's tough to 63 00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:14,759 see them suffer. But it wasn't just that one night. 64 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:21,079 The second one was much the same, the third, fourth, 65 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,279 and so on. It petered out a little in the 66 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,560 second week. Then she saw a spider on some TV 67 00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:34,519 show and the anxiety came back full force. Every night 68 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,000 was the same. I had to strip the bed of everything, 69 00:04:38,439 --> 00:04:41,879 lift the mattress, and check for spiders. She even got 70 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,480 rid of a bedside table so they'd be less hiding 71 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:49,879 places for one. In the meantime, I was on hunting duty. 72 00:04:50,959 --> 00:04:53,480 In her own words, I had to find the monster 73 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:58,360 or she'd never feel safe in that house again. It's funny, 74 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:02,279 but in hindsight, I can't really say what I saw 75 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:06,120 ghost scuttling under that doorway that first night, but I 76 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,319 do know I didn't try all that hard to find it. 77 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,160 I remember finding some webs under the living room sofa 78 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,959 that were real odd, like the fakes that they bring 79 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,800 out on Halloween, and I had to peel them off 80 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:22,600 the carpet like velcrow. I found a couple of these 81 00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:27,680 nests throughout the house, but I never mentioned them. One 82 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,480 of them hid in a hole in the floor. That 83 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,279 really should have alarmed me, but I just ignored it. 84 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,160 I ignored a lot. Actually, I found dead mice spun 85 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,040 up in cocoons, and something bore a hole through one 86 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,319 of the kitchen cupboards and filled it with silk. Nothing 87 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,639 normal about that, but I covered it up with some 88 00:05:48,759 --> 00:05:52,879 cans and moved on, a behavior I find hard to 89 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:59,439 explain in hindsight. Maybe my attention was elsewhere. Lily wasn't 90 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,759 in a great pace, and she was slowly getting worse. 91 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,959 She cried a lot, and any little thing that touched 92 00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:11,079 the skin would result in lots of panicked yelling. She 93 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,279 could ne eat a meal without slapping her arms and 94 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:18,600 neck every few seconds. Things got real bad when I 95 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,319 came back one night to find a shaving a head. 96 00:06:22,399 --> 00:06:24,720 She told me she got tired of mistaking the feeling 97 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,439 of her own hair for a spider. So this was 98 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:32,240 the simplest way to feel clean and safe. If you've 99 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,360 ever lived with anyone who's had a break down, there's 100 00:06:35,439 --> 00:06:38,720 usually this moment where your heart sinks as you realize 101 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:43,199 that what you're dealing with has trescended the norm. It's 102 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:47,000 quite frightening, actually, reminded me of when my mom found 103 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:52,040 a lump. It's a very isolating sort of fear. I 104 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,199 remember lying awake in bed that night and just thinking 105 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,639 about how I'd found Lily bent over the bath shaver 106 00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:02,240 in hand with a head like that dull from toy story. 107 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,879 When she looked over her shoulder at me and smiled, 108 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,319 and her eyes were so wide, I felt like I 109 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:16,279 wasn't looking at my wife anymore. Have you ever missed 110 00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:19,560 someone while you still live with them, made them coffee 111 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,879 and breakfast and chatted about your day, but it's like 112 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:28,439 nobody's there. Every day was the same. I'd tell her 113 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,879 about work, and she'd tell me about how she scrubbed 114 00:07:31,879 --> 00:07:35,439 the bedroom topp to bottom looking for spiders, or started 115 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,240 pulling up the bathroom tiles to check the nest. At 116 00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:42,160 one point, I realized she'd taken a lot of time 117 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,279 off work, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer, 118 00:07:46,079 --> 00:07:49,759 so I had to call her office. They wouldn't even 119 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,040 answer my calls. We're I had to take as a 120 00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:59,720 pretty bad sign. It came as a relief when she 121 00:07:59,759 --> 00:08:05,720 got sectioned. Everything came out all at once. She tried 122 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,079 putting a hammer to one of the walls to find 123 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,319 what was behind it, not realizing that it was just 124 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,879 a neighbor's living room on the other side. I was 125 00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:19,199 at work during all this, but things clearly escalated pretty quickly, 126 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,319 and the police arrived to find a partially bold woman 127 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,920 screaming about spiders in the walls. By the time I 128 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,680 got home, they'd already taken her to be assessed at 129 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:34,120 the local hospital. I rushed the visitor, but in the 130 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,879 meantime I had to call her parents. And it was 131 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:43,840 well because I wasn't alone anymore. Other people knew what 132 00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:47,240 was going on, and that made it a little easier 133 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,240 for me to navigate. Until then, I'd been afraid to 134 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,279 mention it to anyone. I guess I was a little embarrassed, 135 00:08:55,919 --> 00:08:58,480 or maybe just not sure what the etiquette was for 136 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:04,480 discussing someone else's mental health. She was only gone about 137 00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:09,080 a night, not even twelve hours. Really. The neighbors agreed 138 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,480 not to breast charges if I paid for all the 139 00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:16,320 repairs and Lily got therapy. Lily's parents are quite well off, 140 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,320 so they helped us out with that. They found this 141 00:09:20,399 --> 00:09:22,720 clinic that she stayed at for a couple of weeks. 142 00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:27,720 It specialized in exposure therapy, which really just means getting 143 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:32,360 a person used to their phobia. Don't like water, spend 144 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:36,600 hours every day in a pool, don't like maths, step 145 00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:42,039 into a room with thousands of them. This is over simplification, 146 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:46,960 of course. It's a special program that involves gradual increases 147 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:50,840 in the nature of the exposure. First night, she called 148 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,720 me and told me they'd had a looking at pictures 149 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,960 of a spider while talking about her experience. They were 150 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,840 literally just cartoony drawings, but she told me she found 151 00:10:01,879 --> 00:10:08,159 it hard anyway. She cried, and I cried too. She 152 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,200 was only a few hours drive away, but I didn't 153 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,960 want to be away from her, and everything had happened 154 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:18,080 so suddenly. It was only six weeks between that night 155 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,799 with the storm and her ending up in that clinic. 156 00:10:21,879 --> 00:10:25,200 But in that short period of time, I felt like 157 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:33,600 the ground had fallen from beneath my feet. Two weeks 158 00:10:33,639 --> 00:10:38,120 she was in there, I don't remember them well. There 159 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:41,159 were phone calls every night. She was getting better, she 160 00:10:41,279 --> 00:10:45,919 told me, and the doctor confirmed as much. Hard going 161 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,840 for sure. There to Sedata the day she graduated from 162 00:10:49,879 --> 00:10:54,919 cartoons to actual photos of spiders. Apparently she scratched an 163 00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:59,960 orderly up, real bad. My time in the house was lonely, 164 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,679 little weird too, if I'm honest. I woke up at 165 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,320 one point with cobwebs in my hair, and at some 166 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,320 point I realized that I hadn't seen a spider in 167 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,799 my home for a long time, not even a little 168 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:18,159 money spider. I briefly wondered about what the hell had 169 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:22,120 been leaving cobwebs around the place, but never followed up 170 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,440 on it. It's hard to get my thoughts straight. I 171 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,159 do remember finding more dead mice, all webbed up in 172 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,679 the back of that kitchen cupboard. One morning, I came 173 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,440 down to find a starling cocooned on the outside of 174 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:39,320 the kitchen window. No sign of what did it though. 175 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,080 I just stared at it and sipped my coffee. Then 176 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:48,200 I left for work, and when I came back, it 177 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:54,080 was gone. Probably not a good time to tell you. 178 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,080 I was diagnosed with a kind of dementia some time ago. 179 00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:01,120 I guess that's supposed to help me make sense of things, right, 180 00:12:02,399 --> 00:12:05,559 I don't know. Doesn't feel like it makes sense to me. 181 00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:09,960 It's not like Alzheimer's runs in the family. They say 182 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,600 the neurons of a human brain with Alzheimer's look like 183 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,360 a cobweb that has hole spoked in it. That's a 184 00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:18,840 good way to describe how my mind feels to live 185 00:12:18,879 --> 00:12:23,320 in thoughts travel along a given route and then just 186 00:12:24,799 --> 00:12:31,840 drop off. Lily's therapy progressed nicely, though I remember that 187 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,200 quite clearly. The phone calls and the sound of a 188 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:40,440 voice real, vivid. Jeez. I missed this so bad during 189 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:45,600 this time. I hate being overly sentimental, but it had 190 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:49,120 been a tough and lonely six weeks, and hearing us 191 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,720 sound increasingly happy and confident with each new phone call 192 00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:57,240 was like a shot of pure happiness right into my veins. 193 00:12:58,399 --> 00:13:02,120 I missed her and I want her back. And when 194 00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:05,399 she told me, giggling with joy, that she held a 195 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,840 spider on day ten, I burst out crying right with her. 196 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,600 I felt pride at her accomplishment, and I felt relief 197 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,399 that things might be getting back on track for us, 198 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:23,440 like the nightmare was finally going to be over. It 199 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:27,159 wasn't so simple. When I saw her in person, she 200 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:31,360 came back looking like the war wounded. I should say 201 00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:36,120 she looked beautiful, but I want to be honest. I 202 00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:38,960 smiled when I saw her, but it didn't reach my 203 00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:42,720 eyes because the woman who got into the car looked 204 00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:45,639 like a lifetime apart from the woman who'd been living 205 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:49,759 with me just a few months ago. She was thin 206 00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:53,440 as a rake, with ashy, pallid skin and a shaved 207 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:57,600 head that made her look like a matchstick, and her eyes, 208 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,360 the look in them wasn't right, but she was smiling, 209 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,200 So I swallowed the funny feeling I had in my 210 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:13,039 stomach and pretended everything was okay. There was no work 211 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,559 for her to go back to, and I managed to 212 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,240 get some time off after speaking to my boss. It 213 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,919 was just us, and that can be a weird feeling 214 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:26,039 for a couple used to working nine to five. I 215 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:30,720 was on edge, didn't know what to expect. She smiled 216 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,039 a lot, tried her best to reassure me, and I 217 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,120 asked a lot about what therapy was like, and she 218 00:14:37,279 --> 00:14:41,200 told me it was fantastic. Showed me photos of her 219 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,759 sitting next to big house spiders, some as wide as 220 00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:48,000 a palm. Had to fight back my own fear while 221 00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:51,720 looking at them. She told me that was day thirteen, 222 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,960 but when I asked what happened on day fourteen, she 223 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,879 said it was mostly packing up and saying good bye. 224 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,759 There was a dark and uncomfortable truth to relationships, and 225 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:10,440 it's that time only flows in one direction. My wife 226 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,879 hadn't done anything wrong, and I didn't really feel any 227 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,960 ill will towards her, but a distance had been placed 228 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,200 between us. All the best will in the world couldn't 229 00:15:22,279 --> 00:15:29,759 undo it. She changed, being changed, I guess at the time, 230 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,799 I didn't know how to understand any of it, but 231 00:15:32,919 --> 00:15:36,679 I wasn't sure how to treat her. When I kissed her, 232 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,919 it was on the cheek. When I held her, it 233 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,000 was like hugging a female coworker. I didn't know what 234 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,840 my own feelings were, and I wouldn't until I found 235 00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:50,720 her one morning in the kitchen, tapping away at a 236 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,240 pint glass and giggling like a toddler. It wasn't the 237 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,960 light and airy laughter of a woman I was used to. 238 00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:01,200 It was more like the last after a bunch of kids, 239 00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:06,440 egging on a fight or cheering on her nasty bully. 240 00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:09,720 She didn't speak when she looked at me. She just 241 00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:14,480 turned back to the glass and kept laughing, flicking it 242 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,639 gently with her fingers. When I walked around the table 243 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:24,320 and saw it under there, a very large house spider. 244 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,360 I don't know what is normal for people around the world, 245 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,120 but a UK house spider is big if its legs 246 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,519 are wider than the palm of your hand. This thing 247 00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:40,000 was even bigger, with legs bundled up against the side 248 00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:44,320 of the glass like spools of segmented wool, and seeing 249 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:48,879 it made me jump way back. I realized I hadn't 250 00:16:48,919 --> 00:16:52,559 seen another spider since the night of the storm, and 251 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,159 that thing all called up with legs as thick as hairpins, 252 00:16:56,759 --> 00:17:00,360 was a real shock to my system. I cried out, 253 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:07,200 and my wife she started howling with laughter. I mean, 254 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:10,799 it was like a toddler discovering cartoons for the first time, 255 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:16,400 manic and weird and just so damn happy. But in 256 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,240 a way, there was a little alien because I didn't 257 00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:22,599 understand the thoughts and feelings that went into the ear 258 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:28,759 splitting cackle, and it was all wrong coming from her. 259 00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:33,039 I waited for her to say something, but she didn't. 260 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:37,720 She just laughed until something in her got tired and 261 00:17:37,799 --> 00:17:42,000 she slowly stopped giggling, but she still didn't say anything 262 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:47,480 even after she'd gone quiet. In the end, it was 263 00:17:47,559 --> 00:17:51,160 me who broke the silence. I didn't have a clue 264 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,559 what to say. The whole time she was staring at 265 00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:58,319 me with a patchy hair and gleeful, teary eyes, and 266 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,319 I got so desperate to break the stand off that 267 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:09,559 I stammered out the words He's a big one, ain't he. 268 00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:13,920 Her face relaxed, her shoulders slumped. She slipped out of 269 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,720 the crazy like it was only ever an outfit. They'll 270 00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:23,640 get bigger, she said, and then she lifted the glass, 271 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:29,119 snatched the spider up, and stuffed it into her mouth. 272 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,759 I didn't see it, not fully, but I stood frozen 273 00:18:35,839 --> 00:18:39,000 in terror and watched the muscles in a boldly shaved 274 00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:43,680 head tense and relaxed as a jaw worked away crushing 275 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,200 those hardened legs. Jeez, the sounds were bad enough. But 276 00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:52,160 when she was done, she looked over a shoulder at 277 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,400 me and smiled, and her teeth was smeared green and black, 278 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,480 with little bits of legs and kiting that still stuck 279 00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:07,680 between the gums. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, 280 00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,119 but now I knew why I had felt so different 281 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:14,200 around her since she'd come back. I was afraid of her, 282 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,799 like a kid around an abusive parent. I just didn't 283 00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:21,880 know what I was going to get. There was always 284 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,240 this energy in the room that had me on edge. 285 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,400 I'd sit there watching TV, but I wasn't really watching. 286 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,440 Couldn't have told you what was on half the time. Instead, 287 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:38,799 every ounce of my being was focused on her, every breath, 288 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,440 every motion. When she got up to use that toilet, 289 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,799 I watched her intensely to see what she was going 290 00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:49,559 to do, the fact that she rarely did anything except 291 00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:53,319 carry on as normal was all the more unsettling, because 292 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,759 I knew something was wrong, and I couldn't stop remembering 293 00:19:56,799 --> 00:20:02,559 the way she laughed with that thing under the glass. 294 00:20:03,279 --> 00:20:06,640 Nights were bad. A lot of the time. I'd wake 295 00:20:06,759 --> 00:20:09,359 up and get the feelings she'd just been watching me, 296 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,799 but she was usually fast asleep, or at least that's 297 00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:18,079 how it looked. Sometimes there were furtive movements, like she 298 00:20:18,279 --> 00:20:22,599 just rolled over. I got used to it, thought it 299 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,160 was probably just in my head. But then one night 300 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,599 I woke up and she was right there, face inches 301 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:35,359 away from mine. I cried out. I couldn't help it, 302 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,359 shuffled backwards while trying to avoid touching her, and wound 303 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,680 up falling off the bed. When I looked up from 304 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:47,880 the floor, She had a completely blank expression. She was 305 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,000 just looking at me, like a cat watching her fly. 306 00:20:52,839 --> 00:20:56,319 What are you doing, I cried out, unable to stop 307 00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:03,759 the irritation from bleeding into my voice. She shrugged, just watching. 308 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:12,079 Then she rolled over like nothing had happened. That night, 309 00:21:12,759 --> 00:21:17,759 I slept on the sofa. She didn't ask why, didn't 310 00:21:17,799 --> 00:21:19,960 say a word as I grabbed my things and left 311 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,440 the room. I wasn't sure I would manage to fall 312 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:28,480 asleep after that, but I did, and when I woke 313 00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:36,039 up I had cobwebs in my hair. I was lucky 314 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,279 if I slept more than a few hours a night. 315 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:43,400 After that, it came fitfully, if at all. Oh, I 316 00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:46,200 got too many times to the feeling of something tickling 317 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,960 my face and chest, a sensation like someone running a 318 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,079 feather over me. Every time I'd come to in a panic, 319 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,400 But I never found anything except nearly invisible silk clinging 320 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:04,160 to my skin. In life without sleep was difficult. Then 321 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,839 I struggled to hide my dislike for Lily. Over time, 322 00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:13,960 our hybits and routines diverged even further apart. I stopped 323 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:19,799 going upstairs almost entirely, just didn't need to. I had work, 324 00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:23,440 and the sofa and the kitchen, and the days when 325 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,200 I came back and barely saw Lily at all were 326 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:31,839 fine by me. I preferred being away from her, something 327 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:36,160 that kind of broke my heart, if I'm honest. There 328 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,440 were times I wanted to reach out, but looking at 329 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,559 her gave me the funniest feeling in my stomach. I 330 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,200 didn't want to change things, didn't want to get closer. 331 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,519 If anything, I wanted to run away. And I don't 332 00:22:52,519 --> 00:22:54,920 mean that I wanted to flee my life and adult 333 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,400 responsibilities in some abstract way. I mean I felt a 334 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,640 powerful urged to quite literally run away from her. It 335 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,039 was horrible feeling that way about my wife, and just 336 00:23:07,079 --> 00:23:10,400 trying to understand those emotions was enough to give me 337 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:16,839 a headache most days. I became real forgetful during this time, 338 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,559 and it was a long time before I realized I'd 339 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:24,240 forgotten to pay for the repairs to the wall. I 340 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,519 think it slipped my mind. Emphasis on think, because I 341 00:23:28,559 --> 00:23:32,559 don't remember what I have and haven't forgotten. I just 342 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:36,759 nailed to plywood over and left it. And three months later, 343 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,319 one day, out of the blue, it occurred to me 344 00:23:41,039 --> 00:23:45,119 I should probably have done something more about it. I 345 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,440 did find a tool kit in the kitchen that wasn't mine. 346 00:23:48,599 --> 00:23:51,400 I might have called someone out for a quote, I 347 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,160 don't know, But when I remembered that I'd never actually 348 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,640 fixed the hole, I was filled with this shame and embarrassment, 349 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,440 and I decided I did the best thing to do 350 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,759 was to face it head on and go apologize to 351 00:24:04,799 --> 00:24:09,359 my neighbor. I never knew a lot about the guy. 352 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,519 He was an older man who liked his football and 353 00:24:12,599 --> 00:24:16,079 had a nose like a tomato, and spent most nights 354 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:20,039 in the pub. I knew he lived alone, though, and 355 00:24:20,079 --> 00:24:22,240 when I knocked his door and there was no answer, 356 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,359 it wasn't too strange. At least, they didn't seem out 357 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,559 of the ordinary until I went back inside my house 358 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,839 and heard footsteps on the other side of the wall. 359 00:24:35,279 --> 00:24:37,799 So I went back and knocked a couple more times, 360 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:42,359 figuring maybe he hadn't heard me, but there was still 361 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:49,240 no answer. I found this weird. He didn't seem like 362 00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:51,119 the kind of guy who would avoid the neighbor. He 363 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,519 didn't like he'd just opened the door and tell you 364 00:24:54,599 --> 00:24:59,440 to get lost. I went back and looked, but couldn't 365 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,039 see anything through his windows, and all I could see 366 00:25:03,079 --> 00:25:06,119 looking through his letter box was a gray sheet across 367 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,920 the opening. When my fingers came away, covered in sticky thread, 368 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,519 I had this terrible feeling in my stomach. I couldn't 369 00:25:15,519 --> 00:25:19,000 have possibly explained how, but I was convinced that Lily 370 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,440 had done something. After all, it was him calling the 371 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,519 police who'd gotten her into trouble. But it wasn't like 372 00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:30,319 I could kick his door down to check, and I 373 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,960 wasn't going to go scrambling through any half open windows. Fortunately, 374 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,960 we shared a fence in the back garden. It was 375 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:43,279 easy enough to jump, and from there I checked the 376 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,000 windows on that side of the house. He left the 377 00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:51,720 kitchen blinds open, and at first what I saw baffled me. 378 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,000 For a moment, I wondered if he was decorating, because 379 00:25:57,079 --> 00:26:01,680 everything inside was covered by a thin, translucent sheet. But 380 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,440 I only had to pay close attention to realize that 381 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:10,319 didn't make sense. When painting a ceiling, you don't throw 382 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,559 tarp over half drunk cups of coffee and plates of 383 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,640 moldy food. And the material that covered everything was cloudy 384 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,680 and made of thread and obviously some kind of silk. 385 00:26:23,279 --> 00:26:25,319 It took a lot of effort to control the earths 386 00:26:25,319 --> 00:26:28,039 to just hop the fence back and pretend like I 387 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,599 never saw a damn thing. But if he needed some 388 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,759 kind of help, then I knew I had to at 389 00:26:34,839 --> 00:26:39,480 least try. I looked briefly at the stoop by the 390 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,759 back door. There was the lighter on the ground where 391 00:26:42,759 --> 00:26:47,319 someone had dropped it. It was strangely conspicuous. It made 392 00:26:47,319 --> 00:26:49,880 me think that whoever had left it there had done 393 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,440 so in a hurry. Didn't make sense that someone would 394 00:26:53,519 --> 00:26:57,279 drop it there and not notice, not unless they'd been 395 00:26:57,319 --> 00:27:03,079 otherwise occupied. I picked it up and winced when it 396 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:08,079 came from the floor with a sticky tearing sound. It 397 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:14,960 was covered in barely visible silk threads. God, I wanted 398 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,319 that back door to be locked. Couldn't think of anything 399 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,119 worse than having to push ahead. But I tried the 400 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:26,920 handle and he went down. The door popped open with 401 00:27:27,039 --> 00:27:29,759 barely any effort, and I got a good look at 402 00:27:29,799 --> 00:27:32,720 how every last inch of that place was covered in 403 00:27:32,799 --> 00:27:36,599 pale cobwebs. They got thicker and thicker as my eyes 404 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:41,079 drifted deeper inside the house. I couldn't help but wonder 405 00:27:41,279 --> 00:27:44,440 if they were strong enough to trap a person. Was 406 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:49,119 my neighbor in there somewhere, somebody was I knew that 407 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,279 much from the sounds I'd heard, but I couldn't see 408 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,240 him in the kitchen. I wanted to cry out for him, 409 00:27:56,799 --> 00:27:59,720 maybe even go marching into the house and look for myself, 410 00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:03,319 but the hallway out of the kitchen had been turned 411 00:28:03,319 --> 00:28:08,440 into a weblind tunnel, no straight lines, just the dark, 412 00:28:08,559 --> 00:28:13,440 silky womb, whose rounded funnel walls fluttered gently in the breeze. 413 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,480 I stared intently into that darkness, try my best to 414 00:28:18,519 --> 00:28:21,119 see if there was the shape of a man's corpse 415 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:27,119 cocooned somewhere in that pale white silk. I leaned forward, 416 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,480 my head and shoulders, just moving past the door frame, 417 00:28:31,599 --> 00:28:36,720 when the blackness in the tunnel grew. Legs, dark carapace 418 00:28:37,079 --> 00:28:41,519 and segmented limbs exploded towards me so fast it was 419 00:28:41,519 --> 00:28:44,000 almost in the kitchen before my heart had time to 420 00:28:44,039 --> 00:28:48,240 skip a beat. And then it stopped half way into 421 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:53,279 the room, standing perfectly still and brazen in the fading daylight. 422 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:58,759 A bundle of legs the size of a horse, A 423 00:28:58,839 --> 00:29:07,559 real life monster. I didn't move, geez. It took me 424 00:29:07,599 --> 00:29:10,039 another minute for my brain just to process what I 425 00:29:10,119 --> 00:29:13,920 was looking at on a conscious level. My nervous system 426 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,920 was quicker. Sure, it was like a blanket of disgust 427 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,119 and terror was thrown over me. My stomach plunged to 428 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,480 the floor, my skin crawled, my heart felt like it 429 00:29:25,519 --> 00:29:32,200 was going to explode, But my actual mind was blank, white, noise, ecstatic. 430 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:38,000 The creature was huge, so big its legs could just 431 00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:41,519 about fit in the hallway behind it, but in the 432 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,119 kitchen with a little more room, those front limbs and 433 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,359 mouthy feelers spread out like tendrils and gripped the doorway. 434 00:29:50,559 --> 00:29:53,440 It was ready to pounce on whatever had sent disturbances 435 00:29:53,519 --> 00:29:58,400 throughout its web. I've read that spiders can be a 436 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:02,480 little like venus fly trap. They don't always pounce on 437 00:30:02,519 --> 00:30:07,440 a single trigger. They need multiple hits. When I looked 438 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,599 down at my feet, I saw that I'd taken just 439 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:14,359 one step inside, but that was all it needed to 440 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:19,920 be alerted. Now it approached the initial alarm, and half blind, 441 00:30:20,559 --> 00:30:23,880 it waited for another hint of something trapped inside its web. 442 00:30:25,759 --> 00:30:31,200 I had to wonder would lifting my shoe count. Did 443 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:36,119 I have a choice? I couldn't stay there looking how 444 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,119 the damn thing was bringing me closer and closer to 445 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:43,480 a full blown panic. With every passing second. I had 446 00:30:43,559 --> 00:30:45,839 to do something, and I had to do it with 447 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:53,079 some semblance of control. I slid my foot backwards. The 448 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,119 spider didn't move. As soon as both feet were outside, 449 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,839 I let go of the door handle and felt something 450 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:06,759 sticky detached from my palm. It feels like an exaggeration 451 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,799 to say that lightning moves slower. I'm not sure I 452 00:31:10,839 --> 00:31:14,319 have the worst to describe how fast it was. I'm 453 00:31:14,359 --> 00:31:16,720 sure most of you have seen a nature documentary with 454 00:31:16,799 --> 00:31:19,920 one of those fish, or maybe even a trapdoor spider. 455 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:26,440 Oh damn, that was quick. But this thing, maybe it 456 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,759 was just because it was coming right at me. I've 457 00:31:29,799 --> 00:31:33,480 never seen anything like it, except for when videos get edited. 458 00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:38,240 All of a sudden, it was just there, and before 459 00:31:38,279 --> 00:31:41,400 I knew it, thick wooly paps were pinning me to 460 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,400 the ground, and I was looking into a pink slit 461 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,000 of a mouth framed by fangs as long as my forearm. 462 00:31:49,839 --> 00:31:53,400 They moved independent of each other, and something about the 463 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,920 sight of all those wheel spoke legs and segmented joints 464 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:02,200 clumped together in its thorax, said my mind. I said, 465 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,359 at the beginning of this that a lifetime of exposure 466 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:12,839 had helped curb my ragnophobia, but there are limits. I 467 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:19,599 blacked out. When I woke up, it was dark all 468 00:32:19,599 --> 00:32:23,039 around me. I didn't know it at the time, but 469 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,759 the belly of the beast was my neighbour's former living room. 470 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,799 It wasn't actually pitch black, but it did take a 471 00:32:30,839 --> 00:32:33,440 few terrifying minutes for my eyes that were just well 472 00:32:33,559 --> 00:32:36,079 enough just to be able to see my own body 473 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:40,480 stuck and wriggling beneath me. I was wrapped up tight. 474 00:32:41,279 --> 00:32:44,160 And if you've ever heard the refrain that spider silk 475 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,240 is stronger than steel and doubted it, well, trust me 476 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,720 it's true. A few thin threads doesn't give you a 477 00:32:53,759 --> 00:32:57,119 proper sense of it. But I was wrapped in what 478 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,799 must have been half an inch of the stuff, and 479 00:33:00,039 --> 00:33:02,400 I felt like I was wearing ten layers of lycra 480 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,160 that was too small. There was a tiny bit of 481 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,920 give enough to let me move fingers or toes or 482 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:14,119 even bend aneach, just a fraction, but that was it. 483 00:33:16,319 --> 00:33:21,039 It was horrifying. I'm not exactly clostrophobic either, for what 484 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,799 it's worth, but given the circumstances I found myself panicking 485 00:33:26,039 --> 00:33:29,640 as I tried to get some purchase. I kept thinking, 486 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,440 if I could get a finger hugged into it, then 487 00:33:32,519 --> 00:33:37,240 maybe I could start tearing away. I was desperate, but 488 00:33:37,319 --> 00:33:42,079 the more I fought, the more I realized it was hopeless. 489 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,240 The silk was elastic and strong, and covered in a thick, 490 00:33:46,559 --> 00:33:50,680 stodgy glue that only further limited my movement, as everything 491 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,599 I did spread it around until it was gumbing my 492 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,359 legs and hands together was an until exhaustion caught up 493 00:33:58,359 --> 00:34:01,119 to me and I was forced to take a short break, 494 00:34:01,599 --> 00:34:07,759 and I realized I wasn't alone. There was another cocoon 495 00:34:07,839 --> 00:34:13,199 beside me. My neighbor had been a big man in life, 496 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,679 podgy with a large pot belly and a head like 497 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,760 a thumb, but in the dim light of that room, 498 00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:23,280 he looked like a skeleton wrapped in skin that had 499 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,599 been found half decayed in an ancient, forgotten tomb, so 500 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,679 thin and desiccated you could hug a finger under the 501 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,960 tendons in his neck and jaws. I nearly cried when 502 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,480 I realized I'd risked everything to save a dead man, 503 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,679 but that wasn't actually true. The error in my thinking 504 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:49,119 became apparent when He opened his eyes and glanced at 505 00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:55,360 me with pure, unbridled terror. He opened his mouth, and 506 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,360 I was convinced he was about to scream, when instead 507 00:35:00,159 --> 00:35:04,440 he coughed and gagged, and something wet and brown dribbled 508 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,760 out of his mouth. It flopped down his chin and 509 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,039 came to rest on the floor between us. It resembled 510 00:35:13,039 --> 00:35:16,519 a hair band encased in bile and vomit, and I 511 00:35:16,639 --> 00:35:20,719 was momentarily stumped until I saw a thin brown leg 512 00:35:21,199 --> 00:35:28,599 unfurl from the tangled mess. Hit okay, my neighbor's entire 513 00:35:28,639 --> 00:35:33,400 body relaxed, his face vacant and confused as Lily knelt 514 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:38,599 down beside me and stroked my head. Lily, you've got 515 00:35:38,639 --> 00:35:43,159 to get me, sh she said, pressing a single finger 516 00:35:43,199 --> 00:35:47,440 to my lips. HiT's okay, It's going to be okay. 517 00:35:50,559 --> 00:35:55,039 Behind her, a shadow appeared. It had legs as thick 518 00:35:55,079 --> 00:35:58,119 as my wrist, and they reached from the floor to 519 00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:03,280 the ceiling. It won't be much longer now, she added, 520 00:36:03,519 --> 00:36:07,599 as the darkness behind her grew. Probably best just to 521 00:36:07,679 --> 00:36:12,800 keep you here, Lily, What the help? I told you? 522 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,800 They get bigger, she said, nodding towards the spider. My 523 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:20,400 neighbor had just spat on to the floor. He won't 524 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:24,360 be any real help. She touched my neighbor's head, but 525 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:29,159 he barely responded. He just gazed vacantly as she rolled 526 00:36:29,199 --> 00:36:31,800 him over so that he was facing away from me. 527 00:36:33,559 --> 00:36:37,199 For such a clever animal, she added, as she parted 528 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:43,920 his hair, I'm always curious about just how much you miss. 529 00:36:44,599 --> 00:36:47,599 Something was clamped around the back of his head, a 530 00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,800 throbbing bulb of mottled brown skin and hair. It looked 531 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,880 like a spider without legs. That's what I thought it was, 532 00:36:55,159 --> 00:36:57,960 and to my wife ran a finger playfully along its back, 533 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:03,400 and my neighbor let out a gut wrench squill of pain. Slowly, 534 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,719 the shape seemed to wriggle and writhe, and a long, 535 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,599 thin leg emerged from beneath its body, and I realized 536 00:37:10,679 --> 00:37:13,679 I was looking at a spider rapped tight around his skull, 537 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,000 its legs buried beneath the skin and muscle of his scalp. 538 00:37:19,639 --> 00:37:22,320 For a moment, it playfully curled the leg in the 539 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:26,239 air before returning it to the incision and sliding it 540 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:31,400 back into place, every inch, disappearing with a gruesome wet sound. 541 00:37:32,599 --> 00:37:35,760 It displays muscle and hair, and when it came to rest, 542 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,280 I realized just how misshapen his skull had become from 543 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:45,079 all those legs wrapped tight around his head. What the hell, 544 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,360 I gasped, Do you ever find it weird that you 545 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,400 can't remember what it looked like? The thing that came 546 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:56,400 running out of her hand, she asked, before reaching over 547 00:37:56,519 --> 00:38:03,840 to stroke my head. Her hand came away covered in cobwebs. 548 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:08,480 Something about a touch revolted me. It sent strange shivers 549 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,480 coursing through my body. A deep, primordial need to get 550 00:38:12,519 --> 00:38:17,159 away came over me, that strange revulsion all over again, 551 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,920 the same one that had taunted me over and over 552 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:25,480 again over the last few weeks. Without even meaning to, 553 00:38:26,039 --> 00:38:29,639 I found myself convulsing and panicking, my body trying to 554 00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,719 thrash violently, but with every limb constricted by that silk, 555 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,199 I could do nothing except wrther a round on the floor. 556 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,960 I tried with everything I had to move my hands 557 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,920 to get some purchase on the silk and tear away 558 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,719 at it to free myself, but there was no use. 559 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,840 I could do nothing except glare at my wife and 560 00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:55,679 the enormous shadow behind her, the one that towered above us, 561 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:59,880 both its great legs clustering around the floor and ceiling. 562 00:39:03,519 --> 00:39:06,679 At some point I crabbed onto my trousers and clenched 563 00:39:06,679 --> 00:39:11,840 my fist and felt something small than hard, the lighter. 564 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,920 I knew there was a great risk in using it, 565 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,599 but I had no choice. I managed to worm my 566 00:39:19,679 --> 00:39:23,280 hand into my pocket and find it with my fumbling fingers. 567 00:39:24,199 --> 00:39:26,559 My wife seemed oddly aware of what I was doing, 568 00:39:27,119 --> 00:39:29,400 and she seemed a tilt her head like a curious 569 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,480 dog as I clenched my fist around the small object 570 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,719 and used every ounce of will power I had left 571 00:39:36,159 --> 00:39:39,079 to fight the violent seizures that racked my body. And 572 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:44,599 thumbed the trigger. The web went up in flames immediately. 573 00:39:46,079 --> 00:39:49,280 It must have been the glue, but the flames exploded 574 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,199 across the silk like they had been soaked in kerosene. 575 00:39:53,079 --> 00:39:55,519 Before I even realized that it had weakened enough for 576 00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:58,280 me to free one arm, the tongues of fire were 577 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,920 already spreading across the floor where they found my poor neighbor. 578 00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:06,079 The burning sensation that crawled across my legs and chest 579 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:11,159 hurt like nothing I could imagine, but I was finally free. 580 00:40:12,639 --> 00:40:15,840 I rolled over and began to push myself up, already 581 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,119 desperately patting at my body to try put out the flames, 582 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,920 and when I looked around me, my wife and the 583 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:28,079 shape that followed her were gone. For a moment, I 584 00:40:28,199 --> 00:40:32,159 considered helping my neighbor, but his body thrush too violently, 585 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,239 and although his eyes were wide open, spiders were pouring 586 00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:39,280 from his mouth, and I could not summon the courage 587 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:43,320 to take another step towards him. All I could think 588 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:48,960 of was escape. The house was going up like a 589 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,679 tinder box. It wasn't far to the kitchen, but the 590 00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:56,840 fire had already beat me there. Smoke billowed upwards, and 591 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,280 trapped by the ceiling, started to fill the air with 592 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:04,000 a choking soot. The only escape was the back door, 593 00:41:04,519 --> 00:41:07,280 and I stumbled towards it, but was stopped at the 594 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,320 last moment by the side of my wife standing there. 595 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:16,159 You really are just a fascinating spit. I barrowed past her, 596 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:22,199 but to my surprise, she offered no resistance. I merely 597 00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:26,079 emerged into the open air, my lungs gasping desperately for 598 00:41:26,199 --> 00:41:30,000 clean air. As I collapsed onto the long, unkempt grass, 599 00:41:31,679 --> 00:41:34,519 I looked over my shoulder and saw orange tongues of 600 00:41:34,599 --> 00:41:37,760 fire were already leaping out the windows on the upper floor. 601 00:41:39,039 --> 00:41:42,800 Left uncontrolled, the fire would rage and consume the entire 602 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:47,000 row of terrace houses. I felt a moment of remorse, 603 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:50,880 but there were already sirens in the distance, so I 604 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:55,599 knew someone had noticed and done the right thing. But 605 00:41:57,119 --> 00:42:01,320 it was an over Lily was sitting on the fence. 606 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,480 I don't know how she got there, but she looked 607 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:11,159 completely undisturbed. I never once imagined that when the wind 608 00:42:11,199 --> 00:42:14,320 blew me into your home, i'd find such an interesting 609 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:18,400 pair of people, she said, What a fun mind to 610 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,480 sink my legs into. I really had no idea what 611 00:42:21,559 --> 00:42:25,639 I was going to find. Let her go, I gasped, 612 00:42:26,679 --> 00:42:31,079 I have, she said, with a shrug. I did months ago. 613 00:42:31,119 --> 00:42:35,519 As a matter of fact, there were some incompatibilities, and 614 00:42:35,599 --> 00:42:39,920 it just made sense to move homes. She pointed at 615 00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:44,239 me and smiled, I've enjoyed living inside your head quite 616 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:50,039 a bit. Struggling to make sense of her words, but 617 00:42:50,159 --> 00:42:54,920 still somehow aware of their terrifying implications, I placed one 618 00:42:54,960 --> 00:43:00,440 hand on the back of my neck and felt it her. 619 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,119 The mere touch was enough to fill my mouth with 620 00:43:04,199 --> 00:43:07,440 a coppery taste, while my vision blurred at the edges. 621 00:43:08,599 --> 00:43:12,000 Something beneath my skin shifted and I felt a terrible 622 00:43:12,079 --> 00:43:16,079 pressure behind my eyes. I had to get rid of her, 623 00:43:17,039 --> 00:43:22,840 and I only knew of one weakness. Oh well, she said, 624 00:43:23,079 --> 00:43:27,000 as she watched me fumble desperately for the lighter. Not 625 00:43:27,119 --> 00:43:33,760 every relationship has to last forever to be meaningful. I 626 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:38,639 lit my hair on fire. My last memories were of 627 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:43,679 the heat and the sudden release of pressure. I couldn't 628 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:49,280 possibly describe it, not really. Something slid out of my skull, 629 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,679 and Lily waved at me from the fence before she 630 00:43:52,719 --> 00:44:00,320 seemed to blink out of existence, and then nothing, not 631 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:08,079 even darkness, just total absence. I wouldn't regain a sense 632 00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:13,320 of self until the hospital several weeks later. There was 633 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:16,480 nothing left of either house, but they did manage to 634 00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:20,639 control the fire before it spread to the others. I'm 635 00:44:20,679 --> 00:44:23,960 sure there was still some damage, and to this day 636 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,039 I feel guilty about it. I think I was charged 637 00:44:28,039 --> 00:44:32,679 with arson, maybe more. I vague memories of being wheeled 638 00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,119 into a courtroom. The doctors have agonized over me for 639 00:44:36,159 --> 00:44:41,599 a long time, and one mentioned amateur trepanation. He said, 640 00:44:41,639 --> 00:44:44,519 I must have practiced it on my wife, at least 641 00:44:44,519 --> 00:44:46,679 based on the body they found in my neighbour's house. 642 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,960 But I can't really be sure of anything. I am 643 00:44:52,039 --> 00:44:56,599 forever dipping in and out of reality. Writing this down 644 00:44:56,639 --> 00:45:01,639 has been difficult. I'm entirely aware of where I am 645 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:05,719 right now. One doctor told me I might make some 646 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,039 kind of recovery if it was just normal brain damage, 647 00:45:09,639 --> 00:45:12,800 but he never seen anything like it, so he couldn't 648 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:16,840 be sure. Feels like it's a different doctor every time 649 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:21,760 I see them. Then again, I don't always recognize myself 650 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,360 when I look in the mirror. Of course, that could 651 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:29,199 just be the burns, but I reckon even then, I 652 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:34,119 still look a fair bit older than I should. There 653 00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:36,880 is one orderly who stuck around long enough to get 654 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,679 to know me. He knows me by name, smiles a 655 00:45:40,679 --> 00:45:43,280 lot when he sees me, talks to me about all 656 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:47,440 sorts of things. It seems genuinely interested in me, and 657 00:45:47,519 --> 00:45:51,079 what I remember. I called him in once to get 658 00:45:51,159 --> 00:45:53,280 rid of a spider that had spun a web on 659 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,800 the window outside, and he did so with a warm smile. 660 00:45:58,159 --> 00:46:01,320 I told him I was deathly afraid of them, and 661 00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,559 he said he already knew that, but I shouldn't be 662 00:46:04,599 --> 00:46:06,920 worried because he was going to keep an eye on 663 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:13,559 me and make sure nothing bad happened. I'm glad he's around. 664 00:46:14,119 --> 00:46:17,719 Ever since he started working here, I haven't seen many 665 00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:22,440 of the nasty little things hanging around my room. I 666 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,880 guess he's not that bothered by them, at least not 667 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:34,559 if the cobwebs in his hair is anything to go by.