Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: I'm Chris and I died recently, and my eternal punishment
is to a podcast where I have to interview everyone
in Hell with my co host, the Clayton.
Speaker 3: Don't say it, you're gonna say move my co host,
the brother is seeking speaking.
Speaker 1: No, I was gonna say the vice president of Hell.
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, we'll proceed say that then with my co
host Clayton, the vice president of Hell.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. That's where we should.
Speaker 3: Play the no, no, okay. All right, Well, this episode
is gonna be a little bit different. You see a
lot of people are out of Hell. It's my it's
my brother's birthday, so they went on an intergalactic cruise.
It's actually the one time in Hell where they just
let everybody celebrate and let them off the hook for
the day. So they're out crising in the in the universe.
Speaker 1: Hell is empty. Yeah, Hell's empty except for you and me.
Speaker 3: I've been doing a billion of them, so I didn't
I didn't give a ship, so I stayed here at home.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would have liked to have gone. Oh yeah, yeah, No,
you're not missing much.
Speaker 3: They're just they're going like through meteor showers and they're
like seeing different planets and like having space sex with
space aliens.
Speaker 1: It's so lame. It's you're you're missing nothing. Well, I'm
glad I could stay here and do this with you. Yeah,
me too.
Speaker 3: So we're gonna mix it up today. We're not even
gonna even have any ad reids either. Yeah, yeah, yeah no,
because you know, our our sales team shout out, uh,
they're doing great, and that's exactly what we want easier
for the viewers to listen to.
Speaker 1: We don't make any money, so like we're just having fun.
Uh huh. We're just doing it for the pain, doing
what we loved making, making passionate work. Yeah, the passion
of the Antichrist. Yep.
Speaker 3: So well, let's segue into a new segment that I
like to.
Speaker 1: Call branking Heaven. Was that a jingle? There was a jingle?
You like that? Yeah? Yeah, I'm kind of I'm I'm
an experiment.
Speaker 3: I'm up, I'm up the production value since we don't
have any money, but you know, I'm super passionate about.
Speaker 2: Doing this project. Yeah, well I liked it. Yeah, I
think so we're gonna prank call Heaven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got I.
Speaker 3: Got a couple of bits. You're gonna l M A
O so hard. Okay, you're ready?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, all right? Stars?
Speaker 4: Hello?
Speaker 1: Hello? Is this is this Saint Luke?
Speaker 4: Yes, it is so Who is this.
Speaker 1: Hey Luke?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am your father. God no, no, it's I
am your father.
Speaker 4: Jesus, no, no.
Speaker 1: It's it's a Darth Vader reference like Star Wars?
Speaker 4: What's star Wars?
Speaker 1: Have you not seen star Wars?
Speaker 4: I died in the year thirteen? Oh? Fuck?
Speaker 1: Hung up? Oh? I got him so good? Do you
believe that? Chris? Wow? What a prank? I bet, I
bet he's up there, like what just happened to me?
He's like, he's so befuddled right now, He's like there
are movies. Yeah he didn't even know.
Speaker 3: Oh man, Oh, just should have skyped him in because
then I could have seen a stupid face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we got him so good. Pranked? What else you got?
Let me see you?
Speaker 5: Hold on?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 1: All right, all right, here we go, Here we go?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, this is Mark.
Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, Mark, Hey, Hey, it's me Jesus.
Speaker 4: Oh Hey, what's up? Man?
Speaker 5: Hey?
Speaker 3: I I'm I'm on the toilet and I'm out of
toilet paper. I need to give me some toilet paper.
Speaker 1: You're on the what on the toilet? I'm pooping? I
need toilet paper.
Speaker 4: We don't poop in heaven.
Speaker 1: Did you hear that? I got him so good?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't poop in heaven. I mean, I don't know,
I guess not.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: Wow huh.
Speaker 3: They must have make a huge savings on toilet paper. Yeah, wow, toilets.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know about you.
Speaker 3: I've heard that pooping can be an enjoyable thing for
most people.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it could be.
Speaker 2: Having ship in your body is not enjoyable, and so
getting rid of it the only good thing about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the mess and the stuff afterwards isn't
isn't great, But.
Speaker 1: Like the act is kind of fun.
Speaker 2: Maybe they have something like similar to poop, but it's
just great, you know, like instead of stinky stuff coming
out there, but it's just like sparkles and it feels great.
Speaker 3: What if it's like like Plato, Like it's like it's
same texture but like different colors, and sometimes if you
pay more, it's scented.
Speaker 1: You have that? I mean you hung up on him
before we got a chance to ask.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we'll have to call him back some other
time because I'm kind of I'm I want to look
more ato this pooping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a really funny prank call. It's super funny.
I got one, can I do?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It is Saint Peter in there, Saint Peter. Okay, yeah,
I gotta good. I got a good one. Here we go,
Here we go?
Speaker 4: All right, alright, Parley Gates, Saint Peter speaking, Hi, Saint Peter.
Speaker 1: I'm in Hell and I was wondering if there's any
way to get into heaven.
Speaker 4: What do you What do you mean you're in hell? Son?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm calling from Hell and I'm trying to get
into heaven. What would I need to do to do that?
Speaker 1: What's a joke? Just just going?
Speaker 4: Okay, well, all you have to do is repeat this
phrase exactly.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait no, no, ma Chasis, give me, give me that phone,
give me that phone. Wait no, wait, wait, wait? What
the fuck? Chris? You didn't even get to the punchline.
Speaker 3: There was no punch on. You're trying to get out
of hell. I know what you're doing. You think you
think you're gonna pull a fast one on me? Now,
it's just awkward. We we haven't even been recorded for
like ten minutes, and we still got a whole rest
of the episode to fill out.
Speaker 1: When we got this going on.
Speaker 2: Maybe I was just prank calling you, and that was
the prank call, Chris. It's the inception of a prank call. Yeah,
you got me good?
Speaker 3: Okay? All right, Well he was talking about forgiveness. Hey,
all's forgiven. That's pretty funny.
Speaker 1: All right, that was a good one. Well that was fun.
Speaker 3: If you enjoyed that, listener, I'm talking to you in
your ear holes, let us know and you might do
it again. Now time for an old segment with a
new intro that I like to call.
Speaker 1: Questions for Clayton.
Speaker 3: Wow, Yeah, I got I know, I got a voice.
I've never wanted to do it before, but you know
it's good.
Speaker 1: I like it. I'm a good singer, don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We have a hot mail account that's right, good morning
from hell at Hotmail. We also have a Twitter which
is at good morning from Helen at Hale Clayton sixty nine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and i'd stay on top of that thing.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm constantly tweeting out on it.
Speaker 2: I'm really on I'm really on top of that account.
I have a question from Dayser.
Speaker 1: Uh oh, that's a cool name.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I have a question from Darren. He says, I
teach at a daycare and are we allowed tours around Hell?
And what kind of forms do we have to sign?
Speaker 1: What is it Dayser?
Speaker 4: Darren?
Speaker 1: Darren? Why'd you say Dayser? That's his email?
Speaker 3: Well, Dayser's way cooler. So I'm gonna answer this to Daser,
not Darn. Okay, well Dayser, Yeah, I mean we we do.
We do h field trips here all the time.
Speaker 1: Uh huh. Yeah, it's really easy.
Speaker 3: You can just we have a piece of paper that
you just fill out and get the parents consent.
Speaker 1: You bring them on down and yeah, we.
Speaker 3: Take you on a tour through the river Dicks. Kids
get to take a souvenir from the from the river. Okay, yeah,
we do. We do a we do a barbecue, yeah,
because I mean everywhere is a barbecue.
Speaker 1: P Yeah, yeah, so hot.
Speaker 3: We do it.
Speaker 1: We do a big tour in our tour bus.
Speaker 3: It's not really tour bus, it's a it's just a
really long pig Ta cruiser.
Speaker 1: Huh. But we we put all the kids in there.
We we tour them around.
Speaker 3: They get to see all the big sights and centers. Yeah,
it's it's really fun. It's great for all ages. Yeah, wow,
I would not have imagined that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one way, one way, one way though, one way, yeah,
one way tour.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you come down here and then you stay.
Speaker 2: Okay, well yeah, so Darren or Daser, if you if
you want to bring the kids down.
Speaker 1: Here, yeah, I guess they're welcome. Yeah, come on down.
Speaker 3: Dayser a great time for all and I'm sure the
parents would be super grateful that you took them off
their hands.
Speaker 1: Yes. Oh Christ. Can you imagine if.
Speaker 3: I had a bunch of little little Dasers running around,
a bunch of little Daser kids. Yeah, they'd be like
a bunch of ewes, but like I wouldn't hate them.
Speaker 1: Uh huh. Yeah, it'd be fun. We can run a
daycare of our own. What would it be called, hate care,
clay care, clay care? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm spitballing clay care.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well we'll come back to that some other time. Okay,
next question.
Speaker 2: You got a question from a clumsy vorb Ooh hey,
I was just wondering do you guys have helotons? They're
like pelotons but in hell.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, absolutely. All our gems are filled out with helotons. Sorry,
what I've been in Hell? What is a peloton?
Speaker 3: Well, peloton's one of those really overly priced, expensive stationary
bikes that like an abusive husband would give to his
wife or vice versa, and they got a screen on
him and you can tune in and you can like
do like bike lessons or some bullshit. But ours are
once you lock your feet in, you either have to
cut off your own foot or just keep pedaling and
till you die. Okay, your heart explodes. So it's a
great fitness piece of equipment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess lose weight through feet. Yeah, we
you know.
Speaker 3: In our gyms are like we're getting up there. I
pump a lot iron I'm a super strong guy. I
don't know if you've ever seen my muscles, you feel give.
Speaker 1: Him a feel?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hard as rock.
Speaker 2: Yep, just the two of us and hell's my muscles.
Muscles all right.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's weird too.
Speaker 3: I can hear our echo throughout Hell because we're still live.
Speaker 1: Streaming but to nobody. Yeah it's great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of a weird, like like we're haunting
Hell or something.
Speaker 2: I don't Yeah, it's kind of weird knowing that the
entire universe this is it.
Speaker 1: It's just me and Hugh.
Speaker 3: Just in Hell, two buds hanging out sweating because it's hot. Yep,
I'm gonna take off my shirt. You know, we're talking
about muscles and stuff.
Speaker 1: It's hot.
Speaker 3: Yeah you would, oh man, after the podcast, we should
just go like wander around, Hell, go out of the thing,
do the things that we would normally want to do.
Maybe do that daycareac to Huh, yeah we can. We
could go ship in my brother's bet or something that'd
be funny. Yeah, I'll make you do it. I might
be one I'd want to sit out. Are there any
other exercise equipment.
Speaker 1: Anything that you see on TV?
Speaker 3: So, like you know, like the blow flex or whatever
the fuck it's called, that's in there. You know, all
our gyms, all our gyms are actually modeled up to
the like Planet Fitness, so they have a lunk alarms
that are just constantly sounding no matter how hard you're working,
it's it's constantly sounding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, well gotta get into shape.
Speaker 1: I get your pump on.
Speaker 2: This is a question from Craig viz no Vec what
kind of birds do you have in hell? Are those
the source of the laughter sounds in the background.
Speaker 3: Oh, you mean, like whenever it sounds like someone's like
laughing at a really funny joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are. Oh there goes, there they go.
Speaker 3: Now, you know, we have dinosaurs down here, so we've
got you know, tear dactyls, hey spelled terodactyl pt. Great job,
All right, there they are. Oh, they're they're cracking up.
They're they're really loud.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so that the tarodactyls. But they're fun to
have around.
Speaker 3: Sometimes they'll swoop in and then they'll pick a piece
of Chris's flush off. Yeah, you know, they're really cute,
really cute.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Last question. This is a question from Adama Joseph. Hello friend,
I am a banker. I want to transfer and abandon
some of six point two million USD to your account.
Fifty percent will be for you, no risk involved. Contact
me for more details on my private email, Adama Joseph
po one at gmail dot com. Best regards, mister Adama Joseph, Chris.
Speaker 1: That's a great opportunity. We should do that. That's great. Wow,
that's so oh my.
Speaker 3: We don't even need a sales team because we got
an Adama here since what million dollars? Yeah, he even
knows that, I like sixes wow, wow, Okay, give me
all this information.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold on on. I'm gonna type in everything
I can get. Give what does he need?
Speaker 2: Like social Security and all that stuff? He said contact
him for details?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, well, you know, just to be preemptively,
I'm going to send him all of your information, my information.
Speaker 1: Uh huh net gain yeah. Wow. What do we have
to lose?
Speaker 2: Nothing, I mean nothing nothing, Yeah, yeah, mister Adam. And
it's so greatly, so generous because obviously he is not
too educated because of so many, so many typos in
this emails.
Speaker 1: I don't want to take advantage of the poor guy.
Speaker 3: But I mean, six million dollars, two million dollars, I'll
take you, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, definitely not a scam. Yeah no, it's not. No,
it's not. I mean, why would he do that. He's
he seems like a genuine guy. Yeah, thanks so much,
Dama Joseph, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3: All right, that's the end of that segment. Now we're
gonna move on to another segment, new one that I.
Speaker 1: Like to call Punching Chris. Wait, what out do you
like that one segment?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: I don't like that one. No, No, it's goods my favorite,
my favorite. I love this. I got like a.
Speaker 3: Soundboard, you know, like listen to all these like, oh
oh this is fun sounds.
Speaker 1: Isn't that fun? Yeah, that's great soundboard. Yeah, there's a
couple more. I'm Clay Durn. I'm Claye Durn. I'm clayd Durn.
I'm Clay Durn.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, you got a kazoo hey nice. So anyways,
was that a fart? No?
Speaker 1: That was real? Yeah? Oh man, yeah, oh you.
Speaker 3: Know it's like it's like great things like these that
I invest my own time and money into getting because
we do not have sponsorships pterodactyls again.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, Punching Chris not my favorite segment, but no,
I think that's gonna be a people people's choice favorite. Yeah. Yeah,
I guess we're gonna move on to our last segment. Yeah,
what is that I like to call the end of
the show. Do we really need a theme song for
the end of the show?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, they didn't know. Our audience is dumb. They need
to know, like they need like lights and sounds.
Speaker 2: And like people like Adema or Dema who aren't as
educated as some others. Yeah, I think I guess they
might need those things.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so it's for those viewers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we'll be back next week with a full episode.
In the meantime, you should go back and re listen
to all the previous episodes with friends and family in
the car friends while you're traveling.
Speaker 1: Actually, I have a challenge for everybody listening.
Speaker 3: If you have a pet at home, you just need
to go to like Apple or Spotify and then just
player podcasts on loop so that when you're away from home,
they're listening to the podcast and then we're like getting
tons and tons of numbers and they're getting educated. And
I guarantee you your pet's gonna have a better sense
of humor for missing to me and Chris. Yeah, so
player podcasts your pets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the number one podcast in Hell, number one also
for all pets. Yeah, that's that's what we're going for.
We were the one podcast and Hell number one podcast
for pets.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is a segment I like to call
Hill Clayton Special.
Speaker 2: Thanks to our producer Eric Badoor for in our special
guest and our special guest for voicing all of Heaven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no problem.
Speaker 5: I just want to give a quick shout out to sales,
and I also want to let everyone know, go listen
to face Jam, Go listen to the art podcast.
Speaker 1: What else I forget? Just go listen always open. Yeah, uh,
you can listen off topic. I don't think you don't
have to make a sixty four Uh yeah, you check
out makes it.
Speaker 5: They have a Twitch channel.
Speaker 1: Again, you can listen.
Speaker 5: You got to twitch dot tv slash make a sixty
four podcast and so you can watch them.
Speaker 1: Where can I follow you? You don't need to follow me.
Can I follow you? You don't have to follow me anywhere? Yeah,
you can follow him at morning from