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Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.

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Speaker 2: I'm Chris and I died recently, and my eternal punishment

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is to a podcast where I have to interview everyone

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in Hell with my co host, the Clayton.

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Speaker 3: Don't say it, you're gonna say move my co host,

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the brother is seeking speaking.

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Speaker 1: No, I was gonna say the vice president of Hell.

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Speaker 2: Oh, okay, we'll proceed say that then with my co

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host Clayton, the vice president of Hell.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. That's where we should.

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Speaker 3: Play the no, no, okay. All right, Well, this episode

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is gonna be a little bit different. You see a

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lot of people are out of Hell. It's my it's

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my brother's birthday, so they went on an intergalactic cruise.

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It's actually the one time in Hell where they just

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let everybody celebrate and let them off the hook for

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the day. So they're out crising in the in the universe.

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Speaker 1: Hell is empty. Yeah, Hell's empty except for you and me.

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Speaker 3: I've been doing a billion of them, so I didn't

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I didn't give a ship, so I stayed here at home.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I would have liked to have gone. Oh yeah, yeah, No,

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you're not missing much.

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Speaker 3: They're just they're going like through meteor showers and they're

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like seeing different planets and like having space sex with

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space aliens.

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Speaker 1: It's so lame. It's you're you're missing nothing. Well, I'm

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glad I could stay here and do this with you. Yeah,

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me too.

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Speaker 3: So we're gonna mix it up today. We're not even

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gonna even have any ad reids either. Yeah, yeah, yeah no,

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because you know, our our sales team shout out, uh,

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they're doing great, and that's exactly what we want easier

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for the viewers to listen to.

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Speaker 1: We don't make any money, so like we're just having fun.

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Uh huh. We're just doing it for the pain, doing

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what we loved making, making passionate work. Yeah, the passion

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of the Antichrist. Yep.

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Speaker 3: So well, let's segue into a new segment that I

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like to.

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Speaker 1: Call branking Heaven. Was that a jingle? There was a jingle?

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You like that? Yeah? Yeah, I'm kind of I'm I'm

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an experiment.

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Speaker 3: I'm up, I'm up the production value since we don't

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have any money, but you know, I'm super passionate about.

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Speaker 2: Doing this project. Yeah, well I liked it. Yeah, I

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think so we're gonna prank call Heaven.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I got I.

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Speaker 3: Got a couple of bits. You're gonna l M A

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O so hard. Okay, you're ready?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, all right? Stars?

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Speaker 4: Hello?

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Speaker 1: Hello? Is this is this Saint Luke?

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Speaker 4: Yes, it is so Who is this.

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Speaker 1: Hey Luke?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I am your father. God no, no, it's I

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am your father.

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Speaker 4: Jesus, no, no.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a Darth Vader reference like Star Wars?

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Speaker 4: What's star Wars?

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Speaker 1: Have you not seen star Wars?

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Speaker 4: I died in the year thirteen? Oh? Fuck?

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Speaker 1: Hung up? Oh? I got him so good? Do you

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believe that? Chris? Wow? What a prank? I bet, I

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bet he's up there, like what just happened to me?

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He's like, he's so befuddled right now, He's like there

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are movies. Yeah he didn't even know.

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Speaker 3: Oh man, Oh, just should have skyped him in because

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then I could have seen a stupid face.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we got him so good. Pranked? What else you got?

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Let me see you?

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Speaker 5: Hold on?

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Speaker 4: All right?

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Speaker 1: All right, all right, here we go, Here we go?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, this is Mark.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, Mark, Hey, Hey, it's me Jesus.

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Speaker 4: Oh Hey, what's up? Man?

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Speaker 5: Hey?

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Speaker 3: I I'm I'm on the toilet and I'm out of

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toilet paper. I need to give me some toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: You're on the what on the toilet? I'm pooping? I

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need toilet paper.

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Speaker 4: We don't poop in heaven.

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Speaker 1: Did you hear that? I got him so good?

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Speaker 4: Wow?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't poop in heaven. I mean, I don't know,

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I guess not.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Wow huh.

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Speaker 3: They must have make a huge savings on toilet paper. Yeah, wow, toilets.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know about you.

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Speaker 3: I've heard that pooping can be an enjoyable thing for

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most people.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it could be.

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Speaker 2: Having ship in your body is not enjoyable, and so

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getting rid of it the only good thing about it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the mess and the stuff afterwards isn't

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isn't great, But.

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Speaker 1: Like the act is kind of fun.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they have something like similar to poop, but it's

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just great, you know, like instead of stinky stuff coming

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out there, but it's just like sparkles and it feels great.

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Speaker 3: What if it's like like Plato, Like it's like it's

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same texture but like different colors, and sometimes if you

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pay more, it's scented.

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Speaker 1: You have that? I mean you hung up on him

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before we got a chance to ask.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we'll have to call him back some other

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time because I'm kind of I'm I want to look

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more ato this pooping.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a really funny prank call. It's super funny.

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I got one, can I do?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? It is Saint Peter in there, Saint Peter. Okay, yeah,

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I gotta good. I got a good one. Here we go,

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Here we go?

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Speaker 4: All right, alright, Parley Gates, Saint Peter speaking, Hi, Saint Peter.

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Speaker 1: I'm in Hell and I was wondering if there's any

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way to get into heaven.

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Speaker 4: What do you What do you mean you're in hell? Son?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm calling from Hell and I'm trying to get

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into heaven. What would I need to do to do that?

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Speaker 1: What's a joke? Just just going?

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Speaker 4: Okay, well, all you have to do is repeat this

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phrase exactly.

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Speaker 1: Okay, wait no, no, ma Chasis, give me, give me that phone,

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give me that phone. Wait no, wait, wait, wait? What

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the fuck? Chris? You didn't even get to the punchline.

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Speaker 3: There was no punch on. You're trying to get out

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of hell. I know what you're doing. You think you

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think you're gonna pull a fast one on me? Now,

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it's just awkward. We we haven't even been recorded for

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like ten minutes, and we still got a whole rest

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of the episode to fill out.

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Speaker 1: When we got this going on.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I was just prank calling you, and that was

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the prank call, Chris. It's the inception of a prank call. Yeah,

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you got me good?

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Speaker 3: Okay? All right, Well he was talking about forgiveness. Hey,

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all's forgiven. That's pretty funny.

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Speaker 1: All right, that was a good one. Well that was fun.

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Speaker 3: If you enjoyed that, listener, I'm talking to you in

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your ear holes, let us know and you might do

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it again. Now time for an old segment with a

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new intro that I like to call.

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Speaker 1: Questions for Clayton.

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Speaker 3: Wow, Yeah, I got I know, I got a voice.

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I've never wanted to do it before, but you know

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it's good.

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Speaker 1: I like it. I'm a good singer, don't. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We have a hot mail account that's right, good morning

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from hell at Hotmail. We also have a Twitter which

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is at good morning from Helen at Hale Clayton sixty nine.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and i'd stay on top of that thing.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I'm constantly tweeting out on it.

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Speaker 2: I'm really on I'm really on top of that account.

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I have a question from Dayser.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, that's a cool name.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, I have a question from Darren. He says, I

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teach at a daycare and are we allowed tours around Hell?

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And what kind of forms do we have to sign?

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Speaker 1: What is it Dayser?

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Speaker 4: Darren?

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Speaker 1: Darren? Why'd you say Dayser? That's his email?

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Speaker 3: Well, Dayser's way cooler. So I'm gonna answer this to Daser,

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not Darn. Okay, well Dayser, Yeah, I mean we we do.

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We do h field trips here all the time.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh. Yeah, it's really easy.

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Speaker 3: You can just we have a piece of paper that

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you just fill out and get the parents consent.

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Speaker 1: You bring them on down and yeah, we.

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Speaker 3: Take you on a tour through the river Dicks. Kids

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get to take a souvenir from the from the river. Okay, yeah,

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we do. We do a we do a barbecue, yeah,

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because I mean everywhere is a barbecue.

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Speaker 1: P Yeah, yeah, so hot.

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Speaker 3: We do it.

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Speaker 1: We do a big tour in our tour bus.

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Speaker 3: It's not really tour bus, it's a it's just a

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really long pig Ta cruiser.

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Speaker 1: Huh. But we we put all the kids in there.

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We we tour them around.

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Speaker 3: They get to see all the big sights and centers. Yeah,

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it's it's really fun. It's great for all ages. Yeah, wow,

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I would not have imagined that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, one way, one way, one way though, one way, yeah,

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one way tour.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you come down here and then you stay.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well yeah, so Darren or Daser, if you if

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you want to bring the kids down.

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Speaker 1: Here, yeah, I guess they're welcome. Yeah, come on down.

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Speaker 3: Dayser a great time for all and I'm sure the

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parents would be super grateful that you took them off

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their hands.

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Speaker 1: Yes. Oh Christ. Can you imagine if.

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Speaker 3: I had a bunch of little little Dasers running around,

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a bunch of little Daser kids. Yeah, they'd be like

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a bunch of ewes, but like I wouldn't hate them.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh. Yeah, it'd be fun. We can run a

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daycare of our own. What would it be called, hate care,

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clay care, clay care? I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I'm spitballing clay care.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well we'll come back to that some other time. Okay,

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next question.

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Speaker 2: You got a question from a clumsy vorb Ooh hey,

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I was just wondering do you guys have helotons? They're

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like pelotons but in hell.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, absolutely. All our gems are filled out with helotons. Sorry,

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what I've been in Hell? What is a peloton?

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Speaker 3: Well, peloton's one of those really overly priced, expensive stationary

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bikes that like an abusive husband would give to his

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wife or vice versa, and they got a screen on

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him and you can tune in and you can like

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do like bike lessons or some bullshit. But ours are

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once you lock your feet in, you either have to

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cut off your own foot or just keep pedaling and

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till you die. Okay, your heart explodes. So it's a

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great fitness piece of equipment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess lose weight through feet. Yeah, we

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you know.

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Speaker 3: In our gyms are like we're getting up there. I

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pump a lot iron I'm a super strong guy. I

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don't know if you've ever seen my muscles, you feel give.

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Speaker 1: Him a feel?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hard as rock.

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Speaker 2: Yep, just the two of us and hell's my muscles.

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Muscles all right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it's weird too.

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Speaker 3: I can hear our echo throughout Hell because we're still live.

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Speaker 1: Streaming but to nobody. Yeah it's great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of a weird, like like we're haunting

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Hell or something.

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Speaker 2: I don't Yeah, it's kind of weird knowing that the

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entire universe this is it.

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Speaker 1: It's just me and Hugh.

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Speaker 3: Just in Hell, two buds hanging out sweating because it's hot. Yep,

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I'm gonna take off my shirt. You know, we're talking

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about muscles and stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's hot.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you would, oh man, after the podcast, we should

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just go like wander around, Hell, go out of the thing,

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do the things that we would normally want to do.

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Maybe do that daycareac to Huh, yeah we can. We

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could go ship in my brother's bet or something that'd

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be funny. Yeah, I'll make you do it. I might

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be one I'd want to sit out. Are there any

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other exercise equipment.

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Speaker 1: Anything that you see on TV?

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Speaker 3: So, like you know, like the blow flex or whatever

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the fuck it's called, that's in there. You know, all

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our gyms, all our gyms are actually modeled up to

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the like Planet Fitness, so they have a lunk alarms

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that are just constantly sounding no matter how hard you're working,

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it's it's constantly sounding.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, well gotta get into shape.

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Speaker 1: I get your pump on.

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Speaker 2: This is a question from Craig viz no Vec what

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kind of birds do you have in hell? Are those

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the source of the laughter sounds in the background.

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Speaker 3: Oh, you mean, like whenever it sounds like someone's like

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laughing at a really funny joke.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, those are. Oh there goes, there they go.

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Speaker 3: Now, you know, we have dinosaurs down here, so we've

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got you know, tear dactyls, hey spelled terodactyl pt. Great job,

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All right, there they are. Oh, they're they're cracking up.

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They're they're really loud.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so that the tarodactyls. But they're fun to

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have around.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes they'll swoop in and then they'll pick a piece

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of Chris's flush off. Yeah, you know, they're really cute,

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really cute.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Last question. This is a question from Adama Joseph. Hello friend,

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I am a banker. I want to transfer and abandon

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some of six point two million USD to your account.

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Fifty percent will be for you, no risk involved. Contact

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me for more details on my private email, Adama Joseph

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po one at gmail dot com. Best regards, mister Adama Joseph, Chris.

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Speaker 1: That's a great opportunity. We should do that. That's great. Wow,

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that's so oh my.

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Speaker 3: We don't even need a sales team because we got

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an Adama here since what million dollars? Yeah, he even

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knows that, I like sixes wow, wow, Okay, give me

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all this information.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold on on. I'm gonna type in everything

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I can get. Give what does he need?

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Speaker 2: Like social Security and all that stuff? He said contact

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him for details?

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Speaker 3: Okay, all right, well, you know, just to be preemptively,

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I'm going to send him all of your information, my information.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh net gain yeah. Wow. What do we have

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to lose?

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Speaker 2: Nothing, I mean nothing nothing, Yeah, yeah, mister Adam. And

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it's so greatly, so generous because obviously he is not

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too educated because of so many, so many typos in

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this emails.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to take advantage of the poor guy.

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Speaker 3: But I mean, six million dollars, two million dollars, I'll

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take you, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, definitely not a scam. Yeah no, it's not. No,

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it's not. I mean, why would he do that. He's

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he seems like a genuine guy. Yeah, thanks so much,

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Dama Joseph, Yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 3: All right, that's the end of that segment. Now we're

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gonna move on to another segment, new one that I.

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Speaker 1: Like to call Punching Chris. Wait, what out do you

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like that one segment?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: I don't like that one. No, No, it's goods my favorite,

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my favorite. I love this. I got like a.

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Speaker 3: Soundboard, you know, like listen to all these like, oh

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oh this is fun sounds.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that fun? Yeah, that's great soundboard. Yeah, there's a

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couple more. I'm Clay Durn. I'm Claye Durn. I'm clayd Durn.

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I'm Clay Durn.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, you got a kazoo hey nice. So anyways,

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was that a fart? No?

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Speaker 1: That was real? Yeah? Oh man, yeah, oh you.

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Speaker 3: Know it's like it's like great things like these that

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I invest my own time and money into getting because

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we do not have sponsorships pterodactyls again.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, Punching Chris not my favorite segment, but no,

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I think that's gonna be a people people's choice favorite. Yeah. Yeah,

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I guess we're gonna move on to our last segment. Yeah,

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what is that I like to call the end of

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the show. Do we really need a theme song for

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the end of the show?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they didn't know. Our audience is dumb. They need

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to know, like they need like lights and sounds.

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Speaker 2: And like people like Adema or Dema who aren't as

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educated as some others. Yeah, I think I guess they

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might need those things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so it's for those viewers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So we'll be back next week with a full episode.

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In the meantime, you should go back and re listen

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to all the previous episodes with friends and family in

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the car friends while you're traveling.

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Speaker 1: Actually, I have a challenge for everybody listening.

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Speaker 3: If you have a pet at home, you just need

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to go to like Apple or Spotify and then just

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player podcasts on loop so that when you're away from home,

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they're listening to the podcast and then we're like getting

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tons and tons of numbers and they're getting educated. And

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I guarantee you your pet's gonna have a better sense

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of humor for missing to me and Chris. Yeah, so

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player podcasts your pets.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the number one podcast in Hell, number one also

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for all pets. Yeah, that's that's what we're going for.

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We were the one podcast and Hell number one podcast

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for pets.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is a segment I like to call

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Hill Clayton Special.

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Speaker 2: Thanks to our producer Eric Badoor for in our special

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guest and our special guest for voicing all of Heaven.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no problem.

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Speaker 5: I just want to give a quick shout out to sales,

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and I also want to let everyone know, go listen

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to face Jam, Go listen to the art podcast.

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Speaker 1: What else I forget? Just go listen always open. Yeah, uh,

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you can listen off topic. I don't think you don't

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have to make a sixty four Uh yeah, you check

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out makes it.

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Speaker 5: They have a Twitch channel.

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Speaker 1: Again, you can listen.

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Speaker 5: You got to twitch dot tv slash make a sixty

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four podcast and so you can watch them.

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Speaker 1: Where can I follow you? You don't need to follow me.

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Can I follow you? You don't have to follow me anywhere? Yeah,

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you can follow him at morning from