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<v Speaker 1>Hey, hey, Hey, I'm back.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanna talk to you today about shutting down. For

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people, shutting down is how they cope

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<v Speaker 2>with whatever problem they're facing. But I'm here to tell

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<v Speaker 2>you in your relationship, shutting down you may feel it's

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<v Speaker 2>a good thing for you because that's what you're used

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<v Speaker 2>to doing. Shutting down is not good for your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not even good for you. So I want you

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<v Speaker 2>to understand that if you want your relationship to work,

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<v Speaker 2>work is what you're gonna have to do.

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<v Speaker 1>Work is what you're gonna have to do. So many

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<v Speaker 1>people get into relationships and.

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<v Speaker 2>They do everything they possible to get into the relationship

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<v Speaker 2>to get the person. But once they get the person,

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<v Speaker 2>they don't realize the same thing it took to get

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<v Speaker 2>them it's the same thing that's gonna take to keep them.

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<v Speaker 2>But unfortunately, a lot of people get the person and

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<v Speaker 2>then they become so comfortable and complacent in their relationship

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<v Speaker 2>they start taking the person for granted. They stop doing

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<v Speaker 2>the things that they used to do, and when they're confronted,

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<v Speaker 2>they want to shut down.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't want to talk about it.

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<v Speaker 2>They want to run away, they want to walk away.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't want to have any communication that only sinks

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<v Speaker 2>your relationship either even.

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<v Speaker 1>Further, it takes away.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you want of those individuals who like shutting down,

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<v Speaker 2>I want you to understand that you're shutting your significant

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<v Speaker 2>other out.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's exactly how they feel.

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<v Speaker 2>They feel that you're shutting them out when you shut down,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's because a lot of people just haven't learned

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<v Speaker 2>how to communicate. Yes, we communicate in a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>different ways, but I'm speaking verbally.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a very, very very important part of any relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>Any If you don't know how to communicate, well, you're

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<v Speaker 3>gonna have problems. If shutting down is what you're used

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<v Speaker 3>to doing to protect yourself, you're gonna have problems.

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<v Speaker 2>Because it's not a good thing for you or the relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Individuals who say they love each other and they want

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<v Speaker 2>to be together must understand that communication is key. It

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<v Speaker 2>is very vital. It is super important. If you don't communicate,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you, your relationship is gonna fall by the wayside.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of people are in relationships not communicating. They

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<v Speaker 2>thought it was important to communicate when they first got together. Unfortunately,

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<v Speaker 2>some people communicate through sex, but when you're not verbally

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<v Speaker 2>communicating and the sex begin to get old. Oh my goodness,

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<v Speaker 2>you have problems because communication is key. You should have

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<v Speaker 2>been communicating from the start from the start, and if

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<v Speaker 2>you don't know how to communicate effectively. There are so

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<v Speaker 2>many resources out there about communication, but I feel personally

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<v Speaker 2>that communication starts with knowing and loving yourself. Many people,

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<v Speaker 2>people that you see every day, whether it's in person,

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<v Speaker 2>on TV, or whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>Many people you see every day.

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<v Speaker 2>Notice I didn't say that you know, but people that

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<v Speaker 2>you see every day, many of them do not love self.

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<v Speaker 1>Most people. I mean, I know that's.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, okay, Cherry, you going too far to say most people,

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<v Speaker 2>But I still sticking stay with that. Most people do

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<v Speaker 2>not love themselves because most people do not take the

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<v Speaker 2>time to get to know self. They don't take the

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<v Speaker 2>time to get to love self because they're too busy

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<v Speaker 2>seeking it in other people, in things. Because so many

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<v Speaker 2>people believe that possessions, you know, things that they have, money,

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<v Speaker 2>same fortune, all of those things. They believe that those

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<v Speaker 2>things will make them happy until they find out that

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<v Speaker 2>they don't. You have to love yourself, know yourself, and

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<v Speaker 2>when you do that, it changes how you see yourself

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<v Speaker 2>and how you see other people, how you communicate with

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<v Speaker 2>other people.

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<v Speaker 1>It starts with you. So learning how to communicate.

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<v Speaker 2>Is key, It really really is, because it not only

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<v Speaker 2>helps in your relationships, it helps.

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<v Speaker 1>You know wherever you go, whenever you're involved with people.

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<v Speaker 2>I cannot even begin to count the amount of people

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<v Speaker 2>I've ran into in my lifetime who do not know

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<v Speaker 2>how to communicate, who are so insecure, people that sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>you say anything, the slightest thing, they're offended. They're offended

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<v Speaker 2>because people don't know how to communicate because people don't

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<v Speaker 2>know themselves. So if you're one of those people who

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<v Speaker 2>are shutting down in your relationships, you gotta do better.

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<v Speaker 1>You must do better because shutting down is gonna get

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<v Speaker 1>you shut out.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you for your own good, of course, it's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna get you shut out. And if you really care

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<v Speaker 2>about the person that you're with, you have to care

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<v Speaker 2>about them enough to want to do better for the relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>But most of all, you must want to do better

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<v Speaker 2>for yourself. See a lot of people want to change

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<v Speaker 2>for other people, but when you do that, that change.

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<v Speaker 1>Is not lasting. You have to change for yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Be the best you can be for yourself, no one else,

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<v Speaker 2>because when you are the best you can be for yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>you're just that much better for someone else.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's truth, It is truth, But so many

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<v Speaker 1>people look outwards. We're in a new year.

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<v Speaker 2>It's time for a change.

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<v Speaker 1>It's time for a change people, because if.

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<v Speaker 2>You look around you, all around you, things are changing.

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<v Speaker 2>Everything is changing, but you, and I mean in the

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<v Speaker 2>positive because nothing negative over here. We're not embracing anything negative.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm speaking positivity. You have to want it for yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to be mindful and aware of who you are.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not talking about that fake person that imposters, because

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<v Speaker 2>most people live their lives that way, hiding, faking, pretending,

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<v Speaker 2>thinking they're doing whatever in secret, putting on a smile

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<v Speaker 2>but hurting inside.

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<v Speaker 1>No, you have to deal with all of that.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to allow healing to take place, whatever that

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<v Speaker 2>pain came from. You know. I tell my grandson, I say, listen,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna tell you what my mom told me, because

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<v Speaker 2>I believe it. No one is better than you, and

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<v Speaker 2>you're not better than anyone else. But you can whatever

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<v Speaker 2>you want to be in this world as long as

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<v Speaker 2>you have that positive mindset, love yourself no matter what,

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<v Speaker 2>no matter who, love yourself. When people do you wrong,

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<v Speaker 2>it's because they're hurt. It's no excuse. But what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>telling you is, don't let it hinder you. Don't let

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<v Speaker 2>it hinder your growth. Don't take on someone else's pain

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<v Speaker 2>and allow it to hinder your life. And you have

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<v Speaker 2>to be encouraging to yourself. Don't look for other people

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<v Speaker 2>to encourage you. I told him that, but I'm telling

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<v Speaker 2>you too. Don't look for other people to encourage you.

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<v Speaker 2>When you know you have an issue in your life,

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<v Speaker 2>like shutting down. When you know you have that as

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<v Speaker 2>a part of you who you are, you have to

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<v Speaker 2>willfully want to change because no one can do it

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<v Speaker 2>for you. You don't have to willfully want to be

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<v Speaker 2>better for yourself. So sometimes you have to encourage yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to encourage yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's great here in encouraging words from others, but

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<v Speaker 2>you have to believe in your self and you have

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<v Speaker 2>to motivate and encourage yourself because some people don't care.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't care about you. Hey, if you don't care,

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<v Speaker 2>they don't care. It's your life. So you have to

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<v Speaker 2>love yourself and encourage yourself. And it's so important when

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<v Speaker 2>you know that you have an issue, it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Crucial for you for your personal growth that you choose.

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<v Speaker 2>To deal with whatever it is that's inhibiting your growth.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I've told you many times, people get old, they

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<v Speaker 2>get old in their bodies, but they don't mature mentally.

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<v Speaker 1>And I mean people who.

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<v Speaker 2>Are well well, well well into age. They don't mature

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<v Speaker 2>mentally because people don't take the time for self People

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<v Speaker 2>don't take the time to self reflect. They're so busy

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<v Speaker 2>chasing after other people to love them, to give them

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<v Speaker 2>recognition and validation and things like that. When you love

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<v Speaker 2>yourself and you know who you are, you're not searching

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<v Speaker 2>and seeking things in other people.

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<v Speaker 1>You're just not.

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<v Speaker 2>You're okay with yourself. You love yourself, you know who

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<v Speaker 2>you are.

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<v Speaker 1>But like I said, unfortunately a.

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<v Speaker 2>Lot of people so who you are. When you're that

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<v Speaker 2>person who have not dealt with whatever ails you, you're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna take those things into your relationships because it's a

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<v Speaker 2>part of who you are. It's a part of you

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<v Speaker 2>being that unhealed individual. So you're gonna take those things

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<v Speaker 2>into your relationships. You're gonna take those insecurities into your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's going to affect your relationship. When you don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how to communicate, it's going to affect your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>And shutting down is not the answer, But a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of people do it because they don't like confrontation. Hey,

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<v Speaker 2>there is nothing wrong with confrontation as long as it's positive.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't go through.

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<v Speaker 2>Life running from every situation because you don't want to.

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<v Speaker 1>Confront whatever the issues are.

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<v Speaker 2>You will never ever resolve anything that way. And as

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<v Speaker 2>I said earlier, if you love who you're with, you

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<v Speaker 2>have to want to do better in the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>And communication is key. It is.

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<v Speaker 2>It absolutely is key. With doubt it, the relationship will fail.

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<v Speaker 2>And I told you years ago, start out how you

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<v Speaker 2>can hold out. My mom told me that too, start out,

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<v Speaker 2>how you can hold out a lot of people get

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<v Speaker 2>into relationships the wrong way for the wrong reasons. Oh

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<v Speaker 2>she looked fine, He looked fine. I said it so

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<v Speaker 2>many times. Fine is not gonna make your relationship work.

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<v Speaker 2>Money is not gonna make your relationship work. Things are

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<v Speaker 2>not gonna make your relationship work. Your relationship works because

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<v Speaker 2>you put in the work. Your relationship works because you

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<v Speaker 2>are mature. She is mature. You are mature. As the man,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know yourself, she know herself. You love yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>she love herself, and most of all, the front.

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<v Speaker 1>The head God. And I know a lot of.

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<v Speaker 2>People don't believe, but if you don't believe in God,

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<v Speaker 2>at least believe in yourself, your life won't be the

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<v Speaker 2>best it can be. But it still can be pretty good,

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<v Speaker 2>but it won't be the best it can be without God.

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<v Speaker 2>That's my opinion. And you don't have to feel the

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<v Speaker 2>way I feel or believe what I believe, but I

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<v Speaker 2>do know that it's important to know and love yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of you get into relationships because you have gone

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<v Speaker 2>through things and you never felt love, so you're just

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<v Speaker 2>seeking love.

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<v Speaker 1>But you've been into so many.

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<v Speaker 2>Unhealthy relationships trying to find someone to love you.

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<v Speaker 1>Baby, you gotta love yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>You must love yourself first, because you'll be seeking high

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<v Speaker 2>and low all your life for love. Some of you

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<v Speaker 2>have children because you want to love something. You want

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<v Speaker 2>something to love you. You know you want that individual

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<v Speaker 2>to love you back. But it's really hard when you

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what love is, When you don't understand love,

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<v Speaker 2>when you don't love yourself, it's hard pouring into somebody else,

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<v Speaker 2>especially when they don't know how to love you either

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<v Speaker 2>because they don't love his or herself.

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<v Speaker 1>Some people say, oh, a child will make me better.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it does, but most times it's dun't.

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<v Speaker 2>Love start with you loving yourself, understanding yourself, knowing yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>believing in yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Despite of.

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<v Speaker 2>Despite of what you've gone through, despite of who you've.

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<v Speaker 1>Encountered in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>Because as long as you live, people are gonna bring

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<v Speaker 2>negativity to you. If you open yourself up to it,

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<v Speaker 2>they will bring it, they will dump it into your life.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's why you have to be strong. You have

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<v Speaker 2>to know yourself and love yourself to be that. Hey, whoa, whoa, You're.

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<v Speaker 1>Not going to do this to me.

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<v Speaker 2>Because we all know people do to us what we

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<v Speaker 2>allow them to do. Whatever you open yourself up to

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<v Speaker 2>is exactly what you're gonna get. So in your relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>if you really love who you are with, the only

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<v Speaker 2>way it's gonna work is you must love yourself first,

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<v Speaker 2>deal with all your issues, and be who you are

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<v Speaker 2>destined to be. I've heard people say, oh, I I

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<v Speaker 2>just did not see this coming. He is just not

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<v Speaker 2>the person that I thought he was, or she's not

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<v Speaker 2>the person I thought she was.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they are the people exactly who.

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<v Speaker 2>You involved yourself with. They showed you who they were.

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<v Speaker 2>You were just not in the mindset to see it.

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<v Speaker 2>You were not in the mindset to see it. Some

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<v Speaker 2>people think individuals just change. We got together and they

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<v Speaker 2>just changed. No, they are who they've always been.

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<v Speaker 1>You just missed it. That's why communication is key in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship. It really is.

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<v Speaker 2>You gotta get to know each other. You gotta ask

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<v Speaker 2>those hard questions you You can't be insecure and in

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<v Speaker 2>barns to communicate. That's how you get to know one another.

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<v Speaker 2>Sex is not gonna do it because when that gets old,

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<v Speaker 2>you have nothing else to fall back on. So many

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<v Speaker 2>people in this world are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>Many people are together and have been together for years

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<v Speaker 2>and years, but they're unhappy, totally unhappy. But they stay

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<v Speaker 2>because of their own insecurities. They make up all the

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<v Speaker 2>excuses in the world. I'm staying because of the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>The kids are grown, they're all grown.

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<v Speaker 2>No, you're staying for yourself because of your insecurity. You're

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<v Speaker 2>afraid to be alone. You're afraid to start over. That's

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<v Speaker 2>why you stay. You rather be somewhere miserable, unhappy, unloved,

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<v Speaker 2>untouched in all of those things versus being by yourself

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<v Speaker 2>because you don't like being alone, you don't like yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't love yourself because if you did, you could

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<v Speaker 2>be by yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of people can't.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's just the painful truth. It's the painful truth.

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<v Speaker 2>You can seek.

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<v Speaker 1>How and lowe so all you want.

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<v Speaker 2>It starts with you loving yourself, allowing healing to take

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<v Speaker 2>place in your life, developing confidence, self esteem. Don't look

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<v Speaker 2>for people to pour into you, pour into yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Learn to communicate is a very vital part of your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>You should be able to talk to your significant other

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<v Speaker 2>about anything anything and not worry about him or her

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<v Speaker 2>talking about you behind your back or telling someone what

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<v Speaker 2>you have told them. You should be able to be

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<v Speaker 2>comfortable and secure with who you're with, but a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of you are not because.

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<v Speaker 1>You haven't developed that type of relationship. It takes communication.

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<v Speaker 2>Shutting down is not the answer, and if you are

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<v Speaker 2>one of those people who do, then it's time for you.

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<v Speaker 1>To self reflect.

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<v Speaker 2>It's time for you to take a look at who

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<v Speaker 2>you are and why you have allowed yourself to be

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<v Speaker 2>that way for so long.

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<v Speaker 1>Because it is a problem.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a terrible feeling when you're trying to communicate and

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<v Speaker 2>the other person has shut down, walked away, left, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>completely left the conversation because they don't want to talk

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<v Speaker 2>about it because they shut down. That's not how you communicate,

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<v Speaker 2>that's not how you deal with any.

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<v Speaker 1>Situation in your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>So this is just some information I wanted to put

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<v Speaker 2>out because I know so many people are dealing with this.

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<v Speaker 2>I know so many people are dealing with relationships where

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<v Speaker 2>there's no communication taking place. It's hurtful, it's hurtful, but

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<v Speaker 2>so many people settle for it.

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<v Speaker 1>Because that's what they have.

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<v Speaker 2>And insecurities will keep you in unhealthy places. So that's it.

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<v Speaker 2>That's all I'm saying on this. Thank you for listening.

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<v Speaker 2>Much much love to you. You, you and you in

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<v Speaker 2>every episode the same. And I hope and I pray

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<v Speaker 2>please think about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to. I hope and I pray you

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<v Speaker 1>do it. Think on it.