Speaker 1: The cost of my infidelity. At the suggestion of my therapist,
Speaker 1: I've decided to write out and share what has transpired
Speaker 1: in my life over the last year. To get this
Speaker 1: to make any coherent sense took lots of edits and
Speaker 1: couple of rewrites. I used to be a fairly talented writer,
Speaker 1: but I fell out of practice years ago. This forum
Speaker 1: was recommended to me by a friend as a method
Speaker 1: of confession, penance and a warning to share with others.
Speaker 1: I did something truly horrible, for which the consequences were
Speaker 1: beyond even the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
Speaker 1: I am sharing this with the full knowledge many will
Speaker 1: despise me for what I did and the events that
Speaker 1: took place because of my betrayal. Reading my own words
Speaker 1: is rebolting, because I know, in a very real sense
Speaker 1: what I did is unforgivable. I understand far too well
Speaker 1: how needlessly tragic the events that transpired truly were. My
Speaker 1: hope is simply that my story can be shared with
Speaker 1: anyone in any relationship, and perhaps some future betrayal won't happen.
Speaker 1: More specifically, I hope someone who is currently cheating on
Speaker 1: their significant other or even thinking about it, might read this,
Speaker 1: and it makes them pause. Many might think my example
Speaker 1: of what can go wrong being unfaithful as an extreme
Speaker 1: rarity that seldom occurs. I've been told by people far
Speaker 1: more knowledgeable than I am that my situation is sadly
Speaker 1: far from unique. But I'm willing to take the hate
Speaker 1: I will receive by sharing this if it keeps even
Speaker 1: one person from breaking the heart of someone they love.
Speaker 1: I am a twenty eight year old female, and I
Speaker 1: was married to a wonderful man I will call William.
Speaker 1: Eight months ago, my husband confronted me with proof I
Speaker 1: had been both emotionally and physically unfaithful. A few days
Speaker 1: after he confronted me about my infidelity, my husband committed suicide.
Speaker 1: I realized just typing those words out has caused people,
Speaker 1: people I don't even know, to hate me. I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe I had the capability to do something that evil,
Speaker 1: to harm someone I'd loved since we were children, But
Speaker 1: I did it. If you'd asked either me or William
Speaker 1: if either of us would ever be unfaithful, we both
Speaker 1: would have laughed. But to my own shock and surprise,
Speaker 1: I allowed myself to lose focus and straight I knew
Speaker 1: it would destroy him if he ever found out. But
Speaker 1: I took the heart of the man I loved and
Speaker 1: crushed it so cruelly he couldn't endure the pain of
Speaker 1: this life anymore. Those of you thinking right now that
Speaker 1: I don't deserve to be breathing, I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I agree with you so much. I've attempted on two
Speaker 1: occasions to make that a reality. I'm assured there is
Speaker 1: a reason I'm still here for the moment. I've convinced
Speaker 1: myself that the longer I live, the more I suffer,
Speaker 1: and I don't deserve the mercy of a suicide if
Speaker 1: we're being honest. William and I grew up together. I
Speaker 1: can remember my very early youth, and at no time
Speaker 1: in my memory did I not know William. We were
Speaker 1: in the same Sunday school classes, public school classes, and
Speaker 1: our families had been friends long before he and I
Speaker 1: ever came along. He could always make me laugh. Kids
Speaker 1: can be mean, but William never was. I realized I
Speaker 1: thought he was cute in sixth grade. It wasn't an
Speaker 1: official crush until high school. William and I had been
Speaker 1: our one and only loves from early high school all
Speaker 1: the way through college together. We were best friends and
Speaker 1: cherished each other so much. After graduation, we took a
Speaker 1: year to get good stable jobs near our families and
Speaker 1: decided to get married. We took vacations together. We made
Speaker 1: love at any moment we got the chance. We were
Speaker 1: ravenous for each other. The only time TAX was at
Speaker 1: the table was during that time of the month. But
Speaker 1: we'd make love for hours, beautiful moments of passion, and
Speaker 1: I threw it all away for something tawdry, cheap, and worthless.
Speaker 1: We were planning to have children. We knew their names.
Speaker 1: We were both virgins. He was my first everything and
Speaker 1: I was his first everything. Part of me wishes I
Speaker 1: could say I had a drunken one night stand. Tried
Speaker 1: to keep that from my husband, but he found out. No.
Speaker 1: I got emotionally and physically involved with a man who
Speaker 1: was inferior to my husband in every way, shape and formed.
Speaker 1: I didn't even consider the possibility that a friendship with
Speaker 1: another man could lead to an attachment for me. My
Speaker 1: husband and I had a strong marriage. As foolish as
Speaker 1: that sounds to say now, we really did. My husband
Speaker 1: was the epitome of strength. I was the one who
Speaker 1: was weak. Though before this I considered myself a strong woman.
Speaker 1: It's just that no one ever told me that while
Speaker 1: our relationship was so very strong, no relationship is bulletproof.
Speaker 1: There is not a day that goes by that I
Speaker 1: don't wish someone had walked up and shot me the
Speaker 1: minute before anything I did became secretive. It is an
Speaker 1: indisputable fact. The world would be far a far better
Speaker 1: place with my husband here and alive instead of me.
Speaker 1: There is no rationalizing away truth like that. I had
Speaker 1: so many chances to stop it before anything happened, and
Speaker 1: I had absolutely no reason to allow anything to happen.
Speaker 1: After a brief and heated conversation, he walked out and
Speaker 1: I never spoke to him again. I tried to contact
Speaker 1: him in any and every way I could think of.
Speaker 1: My God, I tried to reach out so many times,
Speaker 1: just to let him know that I am truly sorry,
Speaker 1: just to know I hate what I did. My texts
Speaker 1: to him never showed anything but an unread status to me,
Speaker 1: so I doubt he read any emails or heard any
Speaker 1: voicemails either. But everyone said I needed to give him
Speaker 1: space and time to think. Two nights after William confronted
Speaker 1: me at three seventeen am, there was a loud knock
Speaker 1: at the front door. I turned on the lights. I
Speaker 1: thought at first it might be someone in a drunken
Speaker 1: stupor wanting to curse me out, or worse. Then there
Speaker 1: was another loud knock, and I threw on a hoodie
Speaker 1: before heading to the door. When I opened the door
Speaker 1: to see two policeman, I knew they could have been
Speaker 1: there for many things, but I knew in an instant
Speaker 1: why they were there. Their words telling me that my
Speaker 1: husband's body had been found due to an apparent suicide
Speaker 1: destroyed me. I dropped to my knees and wailed a
Speaker 1: shriek of agony. I tore at my skin and hair
Speaker 1: as the police tried to calm me down. By the
Speaker 1: time the EMTs got there, I was sitting on the steps,
Speaker 1: rocking back and forth, repeating that I was so so sorry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was no way I was making it to the funeral,
Speaker 1: even if William's family had allowed any of my family
Speaker 1: to attend. I was kept sedated for days. The first
Speaker 1: thing I wanted to do when I got out was
Speaker 1: visit William's grave, but nobody knew where his parents had
Speaker 1: him buried. They had every right, but that cut deeply,
Speaker 1: and I tried to cut deeply that night when I
Speaker 1: tried to take my life for the first time. I've
Speaker 1: now been hospitalized now twice for attempted suicide. Not asking
Speaker 1: for pity. In fact, I don't want it. Nothing can
Speaker 1: take this heartache away, and nothing can even numb it.
Speaker 1: Part of me wishes I had somehow forced him to
Speaker 1: see me, just for a mere moment, to tell him
Speaker 1: how sorry I am, and that I knew our marriage
Speaker 1: was over. But I didn't get that. No, I didn't
Speaker 1: deserve it, and I have to face the fact that
Speaker 1: what I did was in fact so while that making
Speaker 1: my husband see me might have forced him to take
Speaker 1: his life even sooner. Many people have said to me
Speaker 1: my actions were what led him to take his life.
Speaker 1: I don't think there is any doubt. Until that horrible day,
Speaker 1: he'd been and so unbelievably happy we both had been.
Speaker 1: He left no suicide note to verify I was his
Speaker 1: cause of death, but we had been so happy, we loved,
Speaker 1: spending nearly every moment together. To go from that kind
Speaker 1: of bliss to that kind of grief in such a
Speaker 1: short span of time ended him. I ended him. My words,
Speaker 1: actions and thoughts betrayed us both. Regret doesn't kill you.
Speaker 1: If it did, I would have died before my husband
Speaker 1: ever confronted me. When COVID hit, William and I quarantined together.
Speaker 1: I was fortunate enough to teach for an exclusive private school.
Speaker 1: The benefactors assured us our salary was paid as long
Speaker 1: as the need for isolation persisted. William worked from home
Speaker 1: and made a lot of progress on a project he
Speaker 1: was placed in charge of. The entire world was worried
Speaker 1: and afraid, but we had each other, and we so
Speaker 1: enjoyed making the most of it, watching movies in bed,
Speaker 1: feeding each other food, playing like two little kids. I
Speaker 1: am utterly, truly, completely sorry to those that lost a
Speaker 1: loved one due to that horrible disease. What the world
Speaker 1: went through was a literal plague upon humanity that caused
Speaker 1: so much needless death. But my husband and I got
Speaker 1: closer in those weeks than we ever had before, and
Speaker 1: our bond had been strong. We joked about how so
Speaker 1: many people were hating having to spend time with family
Speaker 1: or god forbid their wife or husband. We simply couldn't
Speaker 1: get enough of each other. After the first month, we
Speaker 1: had to agree to limit text to once a day
Speaker 1: for about a week. Our only argument the entire quarantine
Speaker 1: was about having to do laundry just to put clean
Speaker 1: sheets on the bed yet again. And I cheated on
Speaker 1: that man, which drove him to exit this life due
Speaker 1: to my evil actions. A man I had such a
Speaker 1: close bond with I was an idiot in so many ways,
Speaker 1: But for me to think because of that bond, no
Speaker 1: temptation was enough to get me to stray with idiocy.
Speaker 1: I hate myself in so many ways for so many reasons,
Speaker 1: but knowing I had at all is the most difficult
Speaker 1: pill to swallow. My affair was atypical of most in
Speaker 1: many ways. Some aspects of the relationship and betrayal were
Speaker 1: slightly less vile. Some were colder and even more evil.
Speaker 1: The man I had an affair with I will call Paul.
Speaker 1: I first encountered him in group zoom meetings during the pandemic.
Speaker 1: I found him brash and smug, with no valid reason
Speaker 1: to act that way. He was the school's lacrosse coach,
Speaker 1: and I remember in those Zoom meetings being glad that
Speaker 1: as an English teacher, I would have too interact with him.
Speaker 1: Very little. The first time we met face to face,
Speaker 1: we shook hands and had some small talk. There was
Speaker 1: zero attraction, at least for me toward him, but I
Speaker 1: didn't sense any lustful attention emulating from him toward me.
Speaker 1: During that introduction, I learned he was engaged, and I
Speaker 1: told him I was happily married to a man I adored.
Speaker 1: No actual attention, nothing even hinting that would ever be
Speaker 1: a possibility. The school began allowing half the staff in
Speaker 1: all areas and half the students to attend school for
Speaker 1: a week while the other half used zoom. The next week,
Speaker 1: the other half would attend on side and vice versa.
Speaker 1: That was supposed to assist with social distancing and the
Speaker 1: student's feelings of isolation. While eating lunch one day before
Speaker 1: my next class began, I got an email from Paul.
Speaker 1: He had written out some toasts and jokes for his
Speaker 1: upcoming wedding and wanted me to edit what he'd written.
Speaker 1: I was used to being sent writing to edit, so
Speaker 1: that was nothing I felt important enough to tell William,
Speaker 1: Coupled with the fact it all pertained to Paul's wedding,
Speaker 1: and I saw no reason to give my husband a
Speaker 1: boring detail about that day. The email contained a toast
Speaker 1: to his parents as well as to the parents of
Speaker 1: the bride. He took what he'd said and added a
Speaker 1: few phrases to pull at the heart strings of all
Speaker 1: who attended. The jokes directed at his brother the best man,
Speaker 1: were absolutely hilarious, but a little vulgar for my liking
Speaker 1: at a wedding. I said as much when I sent
Speaker 1: back his edited speeches. He laughed and said, I just
Speaker 1: don't know his family, and that ball busting was a
Speaker 1: family tradition. That email exchange began several months of corresponding
Speaker 1: back and forth, but as difficult as it may believe,
Speaker 1: not until the very end did anything become inappropriate. Not
Speaker 1: once did anything become flirtatious or as true. Well, we
Speaker 1: did talk about tax but from a purely scientific and
Speaker 1: psychological point of view, our tax talks at that point
Speaker 1: would have made the biggest an infomania in history drier
Speaker 1: than the Sahara. There was nothing emotional or physically stimulating
Speaker 1: to those conversations, and I enjoyed our corresponding due to
Speaker 1: the fact I was certain there was no temptation on
Speaker 1: either end. We discussed race, politics, religion, science, sports, all
Speaker 1: the things people are hesitant to discuss due to differing opinions.
Speaker 1: Some of the discussions even got heated. I was called
Speaker 1: to Proude more than once due to my opinions about tex. Yes,
Speaker 1: I proved him wrong, but I wish to god he'd
Speaker 1: been right for the longest time. All of this took
Speaker 1: place during work hours. My husband and I had a
Speaker 1: landline for emergencies, but as soon as we entered the
Speaker 1: door at home, our smartphones were turned off. Paul didn't
Speaker 1: even have my number to text until I emailed him
Speaker 1: with a zinger at the end late in the day,
Speaker 1: he demanded my number to refute what I'd said. Dozens
Speaker 1: of other coworkers had my email, and I thought nothing
Speaker 1: of that. I seriously don't think Paul had any interest
Speaker 1: in pursuing me either, as at the time he was
Speaker 1: smitten with his fiance. But about a month before their
Speaker 1: big day, Paul found out his girlfriend had been carrying
Speaker 1: on an affair with her high school boyfriend for over
Speaker 1: a year. He was in shock and deeply hurt by
Speaker 1: the whole situation. I ownwittingly became his person event too.
Speaker 1: I don't know where in our string of conversations that
Speaker 1: things crossed a line, but I began to feel truly
Speaker 1: sorry for Paul. I truly despised his fiance for what
Speaker 1: she'd done, and I saw nothing wrong with that. But
Speaker 1: after a particularly rough night for him, he came to
Speaker 1: school looking frazzled and I could tell he'd been crying.
Speaker 1: I gave him a hug and talked to him a bit.
Speaker 1: He asked if I could day after school to talk,
Speaker 1: since I had a couple hours after work each day
Speaker 1: before William got home. I agreed. In hindsight, I realized
Speaker 1: now what drew me into my conversations with Paul was
Speaker 1: a different opinion. William and I had discussed most any
Speaker 1: topic two people could discuss. I knew before his reply
Speaker 1: what William would say when I asked him a question.
Speaker 1: The vast majority of the time, I guess I wanted
Speaker 1: a surprise when I talked, or verbal conflict. It was stupid, pathetic,
Speaker 1: and weak, but that is what led to the affair.
Speaker 1: Things with William were ideal and we spent every available
Speaker 1: moment together. I had mentioned a coworker named Paul in
Speaker 1: passing to William, but as there was truly nothing going on,
Speaker 1: I didn't expound upon anything, and he saw no reason
Speaker 1: to pry. When Paul started seeing a new woman, I
Speaker 1: felt no jealousy and honestly only happiness for him. But
Speaker 1: William had to go out of town to a construction
Speaker 1: site in Tulsa for three weeks. While he was away,
Speaker 1: we facetimed every day and I missed him morning, noon,
Speaker 1: and night. But with sudden spare time, I found myself
Speaker 1: also texting with Paul just to pass the time. Instead
Speaker 1: of an occasional hour or two after school, Paul and
Speaker 1: I often had time to grab a bite to eat
Speaker 1: and a drink or two before heading to our separate homes.
Speaker 1: Oddly enough, the thing that led us to become physical
Speaker 1: was me being a klutz and a school nurse not
Speaker 1: working that week. I sprained my ankle one day walking
Speaker 1: up some steps to go get lunch. Since the nurse
Speaker 1: was not on site, I went to Paul, assuming he's
Speaker 1: a coach, had numbing spray or an ace bandage. He
Speaker 1: was working on my ankle when I happened to notice
Speaker 1: he had an apparent direction. I was a bit taken
Speaker 1: aback he was getting aroused in some way, until I
Speaker 1: realized from his position he could see slightly up my skirt.
Speaker 1: I have to admit, for a moment, I found the
Speaker 1: fact I was turning him on was stimulating in some way.
Speaker 1: I adjusted myself to see if a slightly better view
Speaker 1: would get him more worked out. He called me out
Speaker 1: on it. I laughed and told him he could work
Speaker 1: out his frustrations with his new girlfriend. Suddenly, he kissed me,
Speaker 1: and I pushed him away. He kissed me again, and
Speaker 1: I didn't. We made out for a few minutes before
Speaker 1: I realized what I was doing. I hurriedly got out
Speaker 1: of his classroom and made it down the halls to
Speaker 1: my classroom. I sat in disbelief of what had just occurred.
Speaker 1: I didn't plan for it to happen, and I was
Speaker 1: certain Paul didn't either. I didn't know if I should
Speaker 1: call William and tell him that moment will wait until
Speaker 1: he got home that night. But when I talked to
Speaker 1: Paul after classes, he apologized, urged me not to bring
Speaker 1: any conflict into my marriage and remain just friends. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to give William more distress about as he
Speaker 1: was out of town and focused on his job assignment.
Speaker 1: After talking with William that night about how things were
Speaker 1: going in Tulsa. I decided to wait and tell him
Speaker 1: when he got home. His company was having some issues
Speaker 1: with the client having the manpower to keep the project
Speaker 1: running smoothly. There were things William could not get done
Speaker 1: due to the delays, which many had to spend two
Speaker 1: extra weeks in Tulsa. Paul was there for me to
Speaker 1: discuss what had happened between us. I couldn't tell any
Speaker 1: of my women friends. I couldn't rely on any family members,
Speaker 1: as they all rightfully loved William to pieces. I guess
Speaker 1: random strangers on a site like this would have been
Speaker 1: the best option had I known about it, But the
Speaker 1: person I was venting to was the very last person
Speaker 1: I should have been discussing it with. One Friday, after work,
Speaker 1: Paul and I went to a new restaurant near the
Speaker 1: school for dinner. We sat at the bar and had
Speaker 1: a few drinks as I explained how unsettled I felt
Speaker 1: knowing I had to tell my husband what had happened.
Speaker 1: He asked me how I thought William would take the news,
Speaker 1: and I told Paul he might want to call in sick.
Speaker 1: The day after I told William, just in case, He
Speaker 1: asked if I seriously thought William would beat his ass
Speaker 1: and I told him no, but I knew it would
Speaker 1: mean the end of Paul and I conversing and messaging,
Speaker 1: and rightfully so. Paul confessed he didn't think he would
Speaker 1: have made it through his breakup if it hadn't been
Speaker 1: for me. I assured him I was glad to be
Speaker 1: of assistance and didn't regret helping him. When the realization
Speaker 1: our friendship would end sunk in. I think we were
Speaker 1: both a little depressed. I drank too much, he drank
Speaker 1: too much, and I ended up back at Paul's apartment
Speaker 1: doing a lot more than kissing. As soon as it
Speaker 1: was over, my conscience kicked in. Yes it should have
Speaker 1: kicked in long before, but I knew, beyond all shadow
Speaker 1: of any doubt my marriage was over and done with.
Speaker 1: William and I both had said society has allowed far
Speaker 1: too many second chances for people that didn't deserve them. Yes,
Speaker 1: humans do make mistakes. While we both believed anyone who
Speaker 1: cheated did deserve a second chance, it could never be
Speaker 1: with the one they betrayed. Life might give them the
Speaker 1: opportunity to love someone else again, but any opportunities with
Speaker 1: the cheated spouse was totally undeserved and detrimental to both parties.
Speaker 1: Things got very complicated when William arrived home from Tulsa.
Speaker 1: I happened to be having my period, so I knew
Speaker 1: there would be no intimacy between us. Thankfully, not in
Speaker 1: a million years would I have subjected my husband to
Speaker 1: any diseases. Regardless of how much I wanted to make
Speaker 1: love to William one last time, I couldn't allow that
Speaker 1: to happen. I wrote out a long letter to William
Speaker 1: confessing what I'd done and planned to give it to
Speaker 1: him after a face to face confession. To this day,
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened for William to discover what
Speaker 1: was going on. For all I know, he had been
Speaker 1: monitoring my online conversation with Paul from day one. I
Speaker 1: never got to ask him how he discovered my betrayal,
Speaker 1: and the realization he'd learned what I'd done before I
Speaker 1: had the chance to tell him caused me to fall
Speaker 1: to my knees and swear I planned to tell him.
Speaker 1: William didn't believe that, and I wouldn't have either. He
Speaker 1: had a stack of the text between Paul and I
Speaker 1: printed out, though I didn't deny any of what he
Speaker 1: accused me of. That honesty came far too late. He
Speaker 1: packed a few things in a suitcase and left me
Speaker 1: on a Monday evening. Wednesday night, he drove to a
Speaker 1: shopping center, parked his car, and took his own life.
Speaker 1: To know I had destroyed our life relationship was torture
Speaker 1: to my soul like I'd never known to know. I'd
Speaker 1: even robbed him of a chance to find someone else
Speaker 1: to be happy with ruin me. The realization I didn't
Speaker 1: just end my relationship with William, but every relationship he'd
Speaker 1: had or would have caused more guilt than I could
Speaker 1: ever express. I could go into all the things that
Speaker 1: have happened since William passed away, but a lot of
Speaker 1: it would be details far too many wouldn't truly care about.
Speaker 1: Suffice it to say his family hates me and my family.
Speaker 1: My family was disgusted by my actions and continues to
Speaker 1: be to this day. Their love for me didn't die,
Speaker 1: but their disappointment and shame toward me will never end,
Speaker 1: and that's how it should be. No, the results were
Speaker 1: not anything I intended, But when choices are made that
Speaker 1: cause pain and suffering, we are still guilty for causing
Speaker 1: that grief. I see a therapist twice a week to
Speaker 1: try and work through things. I was introduced to someone
Speaker 1: through my therapist that is genuinely helping me sort through
Speaker 1: my feelings. Years ago, she intentionally set a small fire
Speaker 1: to set off alarms to scare her ex boyfriend and
Speaker 1: the girl he just started. Seeing the fire spread quickly
Speaker 1: in what had been intended as a joke, caused multiple
Speaker 1: people to lose their lives. She and I have discussed
Speaker 1: so many things about her story. In mind, things can
Speaker 1: never be the way they once where, nor should they be.
Speaker 1: But if I am to keep living, I need a
Speaker 1: plan to make what is left of my life as
Speaker 1: meaningful as possible. So that is basically my story. Anyone
Speaker 1: who wants to post messages of hate for me and
Speaker 1: tell me what a wretched person I am, go right ahead.
Speaker 1: I won't be replying to it, but if it helps
Speaker 1: you get rid of any rage you have, make me
Speaker 1: your verbal punching bag. Those with specific questions, I will
Speaker 1: answer as best I can, no matter how much some
Speaker 1: things may hurt to discuss or admit. For those that
Speaker 1: read this who have been cheated on, yes many If
Speaker 1: you may have been intentionally betrayed, but those who had
Speaker 1: a significant other who was just as perplexed why they
Speaker 1: cheated as you were. Listen to my story. It doesn't
Speaker 1: make one damn thing I did right, just the opposite.
Speaker 1: But if it helps you to understand that you did
Speaker 1: little to nothing to cause the infidelity, so be it.
Speaker 1: Those unrepentant cheaters, I hope you do read my cautionary
Speaker 1: tale and know that you have the ability to destroy.
Speaker 1: You won't just be destroying someone else, You will be
Speaker 1: destroying your relationship with many people and a huge part
Speaker 1: of yourself. I realize I have no room to preach
Speaker 1: to or judge anyone except myself. I just don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to find their william ant lose them. I don't
Speaker 1: want anyone to sink to the depths I did, or
Speaker 1: cause the pain and sorrow I did. And most of all,
Speaker 1: I want all the people who have great relationships to
Speaker 1: cherish it and never take it for granted. As humans,
Speaker 1: we are not immune to being able to be swayed
Speaker 1: under the wrong conditions and series of events. One we
Speaker 1: love someone, we carry part of their soul around with us.
Speaker 1: Just one betrayal makes it impossible for that person to
Speaker 1: hold that peace of you again. I had my husband's
Speaker 1: heart in my hands, and I now deserve the fact
Speaker 1: I will never again hold his heart, nor will he
Speaker 1: ever again hold me. This life has far too much
Speaker 1: pain without harming the very ones we love, and love
Speaker 1: is far to precious to risk on anything. Tld are
Speaker 1: I cheated which caused my husband to commit suicide mere
Speaker 1: days after confronting me. This is intended as a final
Speaker 1: response update. First, someone shared a link to a post
Speaker 1: asking if William posted it. William didn't have read it
Speaker 1: that I know of, and considering he's been dead a year,
Speaker 1: I doubt it was in that was a sad story
Speaker 1: as well. I truly hope they op did not take
Speaker 1: his own life. For those trying to psycho analys me
Speaker 1: to make some sense out of the things I've done,
Speaker 1: I appreciate the effort, even if it was for your
Speaker 1: own self interests. None of the many professionals I have
Speaker 1: seen so far have a good theory as to why
Speaker 1: I let things happen. I feel like there should be
Speaker 1: some valid reason why I did what I did to
Speaker 1: I just can't come up with one, and it wouldn't
Speaker 1: be a valid reason to do what I did if
Speaker 1: I found one. For those that swear this is fate,
Speaker 1: I can't fathom a reason anyone would post this for
Speaker 1: a reason other than to warn and perhaps help. It
Speaker 1: certainly wasn't a karmograph. I've barely responded, so it wasn't
Speaker 1: for attention, and it certainly wasn't to lift my spirits
Speaker 1: because I've rightfully been slammed from my betrayal. Admitting to
Speaker 1: something horrible is not easy. Imagining it never happened doesn't
Speaker 1: help me, But you all do you. I do not
Speaker 1: keep in contact with Paul and have not heard from
Speaker 1: him since before William committed suicide. The only things I
Speaker 1: know about him are secondhand from people I worked with.
Speaker 1: I have no interest in being with Paul or having
Speaker 1: him in my life in any way. So those thinking
Speaker 1: I plan my vile actions to write off into the
Speaker 1: sunset with a first year lacrosse coach, no, bless you all.
Speaker 1: I won't be commenting anymore, but I'll leave the post
Speaker 1: up as resource in case someone needs it in the future.
Speaker 1: Bless you all. May you have stellar lives full of happiness,
Speaker 1: but most of all peace. Okay The kiss happened. Maybe
Speaker 1: you could call that a moment if weakness, But even then,
Speaker 1: you were asking for it and you're enjoyed it. You
Speaker 1: wanted it. But then, instead of staytf away from the
Speaker 1: guy who is threatening your marriage, you go out with him.
Speaker 1: Can you honestly say you didn't know what was going
Speaker 1: to happen, that you didn't want it to happen. You
Speaker 1: came back and spend time alone with Appen at a bar,
Speaker 1: no less you drink and confide in each other. Can
Speaker 1: you tell me honestly not only that you didn't know
Speaker 1: what would happen, but that you didn't also want it
Speaker 1: to happen. Affairs can begin as innocent friends, the perpetual
Speaker 1: sliding past boundaries until the infidelity occurs. Emotional infidelity occurs
Speaker 1: often before the physical aspect, string boundaries that shouldn't be
Speaker 1: crossed that are enforced swiftly and effectively. I hope that
Speaker 1: you've learned how easy it is to go down a
Speaker 1: path to infidelity, and that you can find happiness in
Speaker 1: the future while being faithful to someone.