Speaker 1: Welcome to the Parenting Roundabout podcast. I'm Terry Morrow.
Speaker 2: And I'm Catherine Hileco.
Speaker 1: Every Thursday, we're bringing you a library find, a pick
Speaker 1: from our archives, and a parenting or pop culture tidbit
Speaker 1: or two. Let's start with Catherine's library find of the week.
Speaker 3: So I haven't brought up a children's book for my
Speaker 3: library find in a while, but this one is just
Speaker 3: another really cute, illustrated one where I encourage you to
Speaker 3: go take a look at the cover. The book is
Speaker 3: called Cranky, and it is cranky. It's the name of
Speaker 3: a crane.
Speaker 2: So get it. He cranks up his arm thing.
Speaker 3: But also he's just cranky, as in, he's in a
Speaker 3: bad mood. And the right in the beginning of the
Speaker 3: book and he says, you know, he's addressing reader, and
Speaker 3: he says, I don't want to talk about it. He
Speaker 3: does not want to explain what it is that's making
Speaker 3: him cranky.
Speaker 2: And he goes to work and.
Speaker 3: His friends, you know, the dump truck and the forklift
Speaker 3: and whatever, and they're like, cranky, what's the matter, And
Speaker 3: he's like, I don't want to talk about it. And
Speaker 3: so it's it's really, you know, it's I think it's
Speaker 3: it's a nice you know, it's a sentiment. It's like
Speaker 3: you're allowed to have feelings, and you don't always have
Speaker 3: to explain them, like and sometimes you can't, Like.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of.
Speaker 3: The quarry and you just can't. You don't know why,
Speaker 3: and when people keep asking, it really doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2: And that's that's kind of what this book is about.
Speaker 1: Looking at the cover here and the cranky expression on
Speaker 1: this Yes, this crane's face is really quite I have
Speaker 1: had that very feeling. Right, I'm just going to put
Speaker 1: that up on the outside of my door exactly.
Speaker 2: Today is a cranky day. Do not disturb.
Speaker 3: Uh. The The illustrator is the same one as I
Speaker 3: May I talked about a long time ago, the series
Speaker 3: where it's like the good Egg and the bad Seed
Speaker 3: and the big Cheese and the sour Grape and there's
Speaker 3: a whole bunch.
Speaker 2: It's the same illustrator from that. I'm so nice, Yes,
Speaker 2: to be nicely.
Speaker 3: Charming little And you know, of course it's a as
Speaker 3: I say, every time it's a children's book, you can
Speaker 3: guess the ending.
Speaker 2: But I wasn't necessarily expecting it to go.
Speaker 1: This we're shrinking, right, you would be heading for the
Speaker 1: end of the closed the last.
Speaker 3: Minutes there, and yes, but it did. It did take
Speaker 3: a few little little turns that I thought were nice.
Speaker 2: So that is Cranky.
Speaker 1: Good to help kids understand their moods. Yeah, and possibly
Speaker 1: to understand their mother's moods.
Speaker 2: Right, And just like it was about friendship, and you know,
Speaker 2: he really like Cranky right now.
Speaker 3: He felt he eventually, you know, felt cared for by
Speaker 3: his friends asking him how even though he didn't like
Speaker 3: it at.
Speaker 2: First when they.
Speaker 3: He felt like they were nagging him, but eventually he
Speaker 3: saw it as.
Speaker 2: Them being good friends. So yeah, I'm very sweet. Got
Speaker 2: to lean on people exactly.
Speaker 1: And speaking of shrinking, yes, it's kind of on my
Speaker 1: mind right now. My family is starting to give me
Speaker 1: looks like when I was Hamilton Hamilton, And because I'm
Speaker 1: just shrinking all the time, I'm all about shrinking. I
Speaker 1: like that show. Nobody in my house has any interest
Speaker 1: in watching it. It's not their kind of thing. I'm
Speaker 1: very lonely. But one thing that about the show that
Speaker 1: my daughter does like is the music from it, which
Speaker 1: I have shared with her in a couple of playlists
Speaker 1: that Apple Music put together because it's an Apple TV
Speaker 1: Plus show, I'm sure, but it's all, you know, not
Speaker 1: music composed for the show, but music that is used
Speaker 1: in the background by all sorts of artists I would
Speaker 1: never have listened to before. Some I recognize the name
Speaker 1: sum some I don't. It's not music I'm necessarily familiar with.
Speaker 1: Sometimes there's a they use a really widely known here,
Speaker 1: but a lot of times it's sort of this particular
Speaker 1: genre I guess, of which I am not familiar. But
Speaker 1: Krista Miller, who does the music supervision, I believe, certainly
Speaker 1: seems to be You remember how Liz said people like
Speaker 1: her playlists. I like her playlists anyway. There's one for
Speaker 1: season one, and there's one for season two, and we
Speaker 1: will link to them and you it gives you that
Speaker 1: that ability to your listening to some music as you're driving.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: I remember that scene was.
Speaker 2: In very evocative in.
Speaker 1: The in the flashbacks where Lewis was leaving the restaurant
Speaker 1: with his girlfriend and there's lyrics come on to something
Speaker 1: like for a minute you were my whole world and
Speaker 1: I and it's on that song is on here. Whenever
Speaker 1: I hear it, I and the music that was on
Speaker 1: at the very end of this past episode that we
Speaker 1: just discussed that where Jimmy and Lewis are sitting on
Speaker 1: a bench by the train there. When I hear that music,
Speaker 1: I remember that scene, and so it's kind of a
Speaker 1: nice way to sort of relive the show because it's
Speaker 1: just very evocative. I find. Yeah, you don't realize how
Speaker 1: much music is in the show until you really concentrate
Speaker 1: on it. There's almost always some song playing in the background.
Speaker 1: And also maybe a way to reach out if you
Speaker 1: are a big fan of the show living with people
Speaker 1: who are not, maybe they like the music. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: they'll dig the music. I play it in the in
Speaker 1: the car now when I drive. My daughter drives me places,
Speaker 1: and she professes to enjoy it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, all right, it's a win for Terry.
Speaker 1: A win for me, and very nice that that exists
Speaker 1: because you don't necessarily always think I'm going to listen
Speaker 1: to the songs from that TV show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little.
Speaker 3: It's a show that a little apple synergy, a.
Speaker 1: Little apple synergy, and I approve. So if you're missing
Speaker 1: the show, if you're wondering when it's coming back, if
Speaker 1: you just sort of want to lie back in the
Speaker 1: warm bath of shrinking without having to sit and watch
Speaker 1: another watch an episode again, get these playlists to play
Speaker 1: them all the time, you know, either in trance or
Speaker 1: annoy your family.
Speaker 2: Both are good.
Speaker 1: That's my recommendation for the week and.
Speaker 3: Maybe every week, you know, for the time being until
Speaker 3: the third season playlist comes out.
Speaker 1: As I believe I have mentioned earlier, it also does
Speaker 1: have the extended version of cheater bits right, so it
Speaker 1: is even more unsafe for work REGI.
Speaker 2: Which is a little hard to believe, but.
Speaker 1: Quite eyepop it, I will say, do not play it
Speaker 1: in the car with your Yeah, So what do we
Speaker 1: have from the archive this week?
Speaker 3: We are going to flashback to twenty twenty two. We
Speaker 3: were talking about praise and the delicate nature of.
Speaker 2: Whether kids are motivated by praise.
Speaker 3: This it started with an article about uncertain uncertain incentives
Speaker 3: and the way that you know, sort of intermittent rewards
Speaker 3: are more motivating than con instant raining down of treats
Speaker 3: and words. So, but you know, just the challenge of like,
Speaker 3: you know, you want to, you want to praise your kids,
Speaker 3: but maybe that doesn't always work really well in terms
Speaker 3: of motivation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so hard to do it in a way
Speaker 1: that sounds genuine, right, the genuine possibly impossible.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's the genuineness that can trip you up.
Speaker 3: So and you mean it, you are genuine, but it's
Speaker 3: the way it's received.
Speaker 1: Yeah, especially if you've like read a book and made
Speaker 1: a plan that I'm going to be by praise, going
Speaker 1: to use praise. And then they're like, well then we
Speaker 1: don't want this, yes, could you yell some right? Try
Speaker 1: this something I'd like to time out please, like Sawyer
Speaker 1: in the Pit Austin. Yeah, it's just yeah, it's still
Speaker 1: now I think. I mean, even my kids are adults.
Speaker 1: Hold on, you know, I think door to door people
Speaker 1: either work when it's very cold, lot to make you
Speaker 1: feel guilty about leaving them out on the steps. Somebody
Speaker 1: wanted to remodel my house and he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: talking about a dream model, and I said, you know,
Speaker 1: we just had some stuff done in the house and
Speaker 1: we can't afford it now, so oh what did you
Speaker 1: have done? I'm like, look, it's very cold out. It's
Speaker 1: too cold for you, it's cold for me. With the
Speaker 1: door open, I'm just gonna say goodbye. So yikes. These
Speaker 1: young people, young enthusiastic people are just trying to make
Speaker 1: a book with this.
Speaker 2: You want to praise them for their.
Speaker 3: But just praise stand on the the inside of the
Speaker 3: door and say you're doing such a good job, but
Speaker 3: just don't do it here, Yes.
Speaker 1: I do usually you're very good.
Speaker 2: Here's the nicest way that I can say. Stop him.
Speaker 3: Yes, but yeah, with your own kids, the struggle is like,
Speaker 3: is how it's genuine? You don't My son in particular,
Speaker 3: is extremely sensitive to any effusiveness.
Speaker 2: Like my husband has learned, like or.
Speaker 3: He he knows he hasn't always been able to actually
Speaker 3: do it, but like you know, the more he says
Speaker 3: almost anything, it just backfires on him so badly, and
Speaker 3: it's so hard for him. You know, he really wants
Speaker 3: to be able to say this stuff, but it is
Speaker 3: not received.
Speaker 1: Yes, so yeah, I mean, I mean using praise as
Speaker 1: an incentive is a sound.
Speaker 2: Right, It does not always work.
Speaker 1: Dang.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: My daughter, now if I praise her about something, she goes, oh.
Speaker 2: Like, oh you tried.
Speaker 1: It's like dank, you throw me down a little bone.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 3: Oh well, yeah, I mean my my son last semester
Speaker 3: in the fall got really good grades, like for the
Speaker 3: first time ever, and oh this is this is true? Yes,
Speaker 3: because I'm just like I don't As I've said, the
Speaker 3: effusiveness is never well received, and I certainly don't want
Speaker 3: to be like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: I didn't think you could do it, and look at
Speaker 2: that you did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but how And also I'm very nervous about the
Speaker 3: you know what's coming up, just it's all different classes
Speaker 3: and I feel like it could very well go a
Speaker 3: different way.
Speaker 1: And but then of course if you don't say anything,
Speaker 1: it's like.
Speaker 2: I do not know it is.
Speaker 1: Oh man, that'd be one for our parenting game showy
Speaker 1: situations for a parent to navigate and everything you do
Speaker 1: will be.
Speaker 3: Wrong and nope, taken away some points.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the last parent to go into negative points wins.
Speaker 3: I watched this webinar the other day, so for for
Speaker 3: the library, because we're closed. We have all these webinars
Speaker 3: and podcasts stuff that we can watch or listen to
Speaker 3: during our work at home time. And it was a
Speaker 3: presentation given by somebody who had been on Jeopardy, someone
Speaker 3: local who had been on Jeopardy and did pretty well,
Speaker 3: and he was talking about you know, libraries and Jeopardy
Speaker 3: and how both you know, were meaningful to him and
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, and he gave a little jeopardy quiz
Speaker 3: like he gave.
Speaker 2: He put out some questions. He did not give the answer.
Speaker 2: I was like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3: I think that if you were watching this, because I
Speaker 3: was watching the recording obviously of this thing, if you
Speaker 3: were watching it in real time, you could like enter
Speaker 3: your answers on this Google doc and it must have
Speaker 3: it must have told you on the Google doc if
Speaker 3: you what the answers were. But I was like, wone,
Speaker 3: someone think of us, we're watching it. After that, I
Speaker 3: looked at all the not and you know, material nothing
Speaker 3: like I'm gonna have.
Speaker 2: To look this on my slsion if I want to
Speaker 2: know what happened.
Speaker 1: So you're not praising the way that was, I'm not
Speaker 1: praising him.
Speaker 2: Yeah that was rough.
Speaker 3: So yeah, because you know, we we adults, we parents
Speaker 3: need some praise sometimes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, except my praise that I get and my
Speaker 1: kids do praise me, and my husband does praise me,
Speaker 1: but it's usually after I've been going, Oh, I'm so die.
Speaker 1: I do everything wrong. I can't get anything right. Oh
Speaker 1: I messed that up. Oh I'm so sorry, I did that. No, Mom,
Speaker 1: you're doing great.
Speaker 2: You're doing good.
Speaker 1: Mom, you're doing You're fine, You're fine, honey.
Speaker 2: It's like liars.
Speaker 1: So I'm just as bad. Yeah, any praise.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I feel bad about the way things went when my
Speaker 1: kids were younger, and I think of things that I
Speaker 1: did that I did wrong, and they're.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, no, you right.
Speaker 1: Everything I loved my childhood, everything was perfect, And then
Speaker 1: you feel condescended to and then you're mad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: You don't remember anything. I remember everything.
Speaker 2: It was bad. How dare you accuse me of not remembered.
Speaker 2: It's rough, no matter what.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, it's you know, it's such a it's such
Speaker 1: a I feel like, at this time in parenting, such
Speaker 1: an accepted and required thing to praise, that that praise
Speaker 1: is the way to do it. This is what works,
Speaker 1: This is what always works. You pick up books, they'll
Speaker 1: tell you it's gonna work great. Teachers will tell you that.
Speaker 1: Everybody will tell you that. But it's like, really, it
Speaker 1: really doesn't. Well, it does small and sincere increments exactly,
Speaker 1: but you have to have the kind of kid who
Speaker 1: will pace themselves that way. We'll struggle a little bit
Speaker 1: and then get it, and then you can praise them
Speaker 1: and everybody feels good about themselves. It's a religibly small
Speaker 1: segment of the child population. I think. Yeah, either you
Speaker 1: have the kid who is struggling constantly, and then you
Speaker 1: have to make up reasons too. Oh that probably took
Speaker 1: you half an hour. It took you for five minutes
Speaker 1: last week. Could And then they're like just shut up, yeah,
Speaker 1: or they're super smart and super great, and then you
Speaker 1: have to keep thinking of new things to praise them about.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh you sang so well? What you thought
Speaker 1: I didn't sing well the last time?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No, but yeah. So it's just I don't know who
Speaker 1: it works for. And it's certainly better than negativity, but
Speaker 1: it ain't a cau all. Have we mentioned that every
Speaker 1: family is different, situation is different. Some of them have
Speaker 1: no answer whatsoever. Some of them you're just jeopardy without
Speaker 1: the responses.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's parenting for you, right, You just throw the
Speaker 3: answer out into the ether and you never know. Maybe
Speaker 3: you'll find out by accident five years from now.
Speaker 2: Oh that's what that meant?
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, yeah, thank you for listening. You can find
Speaker 1: all our episodes on Spreaker. Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts. You can find recaps, links
Speaker 1: and an opportunity to comment on our website at parentingroundabout
Speaker 1: dot com.
Speaker 2: You can also talk to us on our Facebook page,
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Speaker 2: roundabout Chat. And please visit our Amazon shop at Amazon
Speaker 2: dot com, slash Shop slash Mamitude, but you can find
Speaker 2: links to a lot of the things we've talked about
Speaker 2: over the years.