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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Parenting Roundabout podcast. I'm Terry Morrow.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm Catherine Hileco.

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<v Speaker 1>Every Thursday, we're bringing you a library find, a pick

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<v Speaker 1>from our archives, and a parenting or pop culture tidbit

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<v Speaker 1>or two. Let's start with Catherine's library find of the week.

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<v Speaker 3>So I haven't brought up a children's book for my

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<v Speaker 3>library find in a while, but this one is just

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<v Speaker 3>another really cute, illustrated one where I encourage you to

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<v Speaker 3>go take a look at the cover. The book is

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<v Speaker 3>called Cranky, and it is cranky. It's the name of

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<v Speaker 3>a crane.

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<v Speaker 2>So get it. He cranks up his arm thing.

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<v Speaker 3>But also he's just cranky, as in, he's in a

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<v Speaker 3>bad mood. And the right in the beginning of the

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<v Speaker 3>book and he says, you know, he's addressing reader, and

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<v Speaker 3>he says, I don't want to talk about it. He

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<v Speaker 3>does not want to explain what it is that's making

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<v Speaker 3>him cranky.

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<v Speaker 2>And he goes to work and.

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<v Speaker 3>His friends, you know, the dump truck and the forklift

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<v Speaker 3>and whatever, and they're like, cranky, what's the matter, And

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<v Speaker 3>he's like, I don't want to talk about it. And

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<v Speaker 3>so it's it's really, you know, it's I think it's

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<v Speaker 3>it's a nice you know, it's a sentiment. It's like

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<v Speaker 3>you're allowed to have feelings, and you don't always have

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<v Speaker 3>to explain them, like and sometimes you can't, Like.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of.

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<v Speaker 3>The quarry and you just can't. You don't know why,

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<v Speaker 3>and when people keep asking, it really doesn't feel good.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's that's kind of what this book is about.

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<v Speaker 1>Looking at the cover here and the cranky expression on

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<v Speaker 1>this Yes, this crane's face is really quite I have

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<v Speaker 1>had that very feeling. Right, I'm just going to put

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<v Speaker 1>that up on the outside of my door exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Today is a cranky day. Do not disturb.

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<v Speaker 3>Uh. The The illustrator is the same one as I

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<v Speaker 3>May I talked about a long time ago, the series

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<v Speaker 3>where it's like the good Egg and the bad Seed

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<v Speaker 3>and the big Cheese and the sour Grape and there's

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<v Speaker 3>a whole bunch.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the same illustrator from that. I'm so nice, Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>to be nicely.

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<v Speaker 3>Charming little And you know, of course it's a as

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<v Speaker 3>I say, every time it's a children's book, you can

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<v Speaker 3>guess the ending.

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<v Speaker 2>But I wasn't necessarily expecting it to go.

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<v Speaker 1>This we're shrinking, right, you would be heading for the

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<v Speaker 1>end of the closed the last.

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<v Speaker 3>Minutes there, and yes, but it did. It did take

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<v Speaker 3>a few little little turns that I thought were nice.

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<v Speaker 2>So that is Cranky.

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<v Speaker 1>Good to help kids understand their moods. Yeah, and possibly

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<v Speaker 1>to understand their mother's moods.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, And just like it was about friendship, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>he really like Cranky right now.

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<v Speaker 3>He felt he eventually, you know, felt cared for by

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<v Speaker 3>his friends asking him how even though he didn't like

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<v Speaker 3>it at.

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<v Speaker 2>First when they.

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<v Speaker 3>He felt like they were nagging him, but eventually he

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<v Speaker 3>saw it as.

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<v Speaker 2>Them being good friends. So yeah, I'm very sweet. Got

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<v Speaker 2>to lean on people exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>And speaking of shrinking, yes, it's kind of on my

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<v Speaker 1>mind right now. My family is starting to give me

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<v Speaker 1>looks like when I was Hamilton Hamilton, And because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just shrinking all the time, I'm all about shrinking. I

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<v Speaker 1>like that show. Nobody in my house has any interest

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<v Speaker 1>in watching it. It's not their kind of thing. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>very lonely. But one thing that about the show that

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<v Speaker 1>my daughter does like is the music from it, which

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<v Speaker 1>I have shared with her in a couple of playlists

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<v Speaker 1>that Apple Music put together because it's an Apple TV

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<v Speaker 1>Plus show, I'm sure, but it's all, you know, not

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<v Speaker 1>music composed for the show, but music that is used

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<v Speaker 1>in the background by all sorts of artists I would

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<v Speaker 1>never have listened to before. Some I recognize the name

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<v Speaker 1>sum some I don't. It's not music I'm necessarily familiar with.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes there's a they use a really widely known here,

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<v Speaker 1>but a lot of times it's sort of this particular

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<v Speaker 1>genre I guess, of which I am not familiar. But

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<v Speaker 1>Krista Miller, who does the music supervision, I believe, certainly

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<v Speaker 1>seems to be You remember how Liz said people like

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<v Speaker 1>her playlists. I like her playlists anyway. There's one for

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<v Speaker 1>season one, and there's one for season two, and we

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<v Speaker 1>will link to them and you it gives you that

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<v Speaker 1>that ability to your listening to some music as you're driving.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember that scene was.

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<v Speaker 2>In very evocative in.

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<v Speaker 1>The in the flashbacks where Lewis was leaving the restaurant

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<v Speaker 1>with his girlfriend and there's lyrics come on to something

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<v Speaker 1>like for a minute you were my whole world and

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<v Speaker 1>I and it's on that song is on here. Whenever

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<v Speaker 1>I hear it, I and the music that was on

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<v Speaker 1>at the very end of this past episode that we

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<v Speaker 1>just discussed that where Jimmy and Lewis are sitting on

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<v Speaker 1>a bench by the train there. When I hear that music,

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<v Speaker 1>I remember that scene, and so it's kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>nice way to sort of relive the show because it's

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<v Speaker 1>just very evocative. I find. Yeah, you don't realize how

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<v Speaker 1>much music is in the show until you really concentrate

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<v Speaker 1>on it. There's almost always some song playing in the background.

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<v Speaker 1>And also maybe a way to reach out if you

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<v Speaker 1>are a big fan of the show living with people

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<v Speaker 1>who are not, maybe they like the music. Yeah, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>they'll dig the music. I play it in the in

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<v Speaker 1>the car now when I drive. My daughter drives me places,

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<v Speaker 1>and she professes to enjoy it.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, all right, it's a win for Terry.

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<v Speaker 1>A win for me, and very nice that that exists

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<v Speaker 1>because you don't necessarily always think I'm going to listen

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<v Speaker 1>to the songs from that TV show.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, a little.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a show that a little apple synergy, a.

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<v Speaker 1>Little apple synergy, and I approve. So if you're missing

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<v Speaker 1>the show, if you're wondering when it's coming back, if

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<v Speaker 1>you just sort of want to lie back in the

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<v Speaker 1>warm bath of shrinking without having to sit and watch

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<v Speaker 1>another watch an episode again, get these playlists to play

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<v Speaker 1>them all the time, you know, either in trance or

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<v Speaker 1>annoy your family.

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<v Speaker 2>Both are good.

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<v Speaker 1>That's my recommendation for the week and.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe every week, you know, for the time being until

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<v Speaker 3>the third season playlist comes out.

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<v Speaker 1>As I believe I have mentioned earlier, it also does

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<v Speaker 1>have the extended version of cheater bits right, so it

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<v Speaker 1>is even more unsafe for work REGI.

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<v Speaker 2>Which is a little hard to believe, but.

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<v Speaker 1>Quite eyepop it, I will say, do not play it

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<v Speaker 1>in the car with your Yeah, So what do we

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<v Speaker 1>have from the archive this week?

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<v Speaker 3>We are going to flashback to twenty twenty two. We

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<v Speaker 3>were talking about praise and the delicate nature of.

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<v Speaker 2>Whether kids are motivated by praise.

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<v Speaker 3>This it started with an article about uncertain uncertain incentives

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<v Speaker 3>and the way that you know, sort of intermittent rewards

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<v Speaker 3>are more motivating than con instant raining down of treats

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<v Speaker 3>and words. So, but you know, just the challenge of like,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, you want to, you want to praise your kids,

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<v Speaker 3>but maybe that doesn't always work really well in terms

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<v Speaker 3>of motivation.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's so hard to do it in a way

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<v Speaker 1>that sounds genuine, right, the genuine possibly impossible.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's the genuineness that can trip you up.

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<v Speaker 3>So and you mean it, you are genuine, but it's

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<v Speaker 3>the way it's received.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, especially if you've like read a book and made

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<v Speaker 1>a plan that I'm going to be by praise, going

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<v Speaker 1>to use praise. And then they're like, well then we

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<v Speaker 1>don't want this, yes, could you yell some right? Try

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<v Speaker 1>this something I'd like to time out please, like Sawyer

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<v Speaker 1>in the Pit Austin. Yeah, it's just yeah, it's still

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<v Speaker 1>now I think. I mean, even my kids are adults.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold on, you know, I think door to door people

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<v Speaker 1>either work when it's very cold, lot to make you

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<v Speaker 1>feel guilty about leaving them out on the steps. Somebody

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to remodel my house and he's like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>talking about a dream model, and I said, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we just had some stuff done in the house and

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<v Speaker 1>we can't afford it now, so oh what did you

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<v Speaker 1>have done? I'm like, look, it's very cold out. It's

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<v Speaker 1>too cold for you, it's cold for me. With the

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<v Speaker 1>door open, I'm just gonna say goodbye. So yikes. These

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<v Speaker 1>young people, young enthusiastic people are just trying to make

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<v Speaker 1>a book with this.

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<v Speaker 2>You want to praise them for their.

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<v Speaker 3>But just praise stand on the the inside of the

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<v Speaker 3>door and say you're doing such a good job, but

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<v Speaker 3>just don't do it here, Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>I do usually you're very good.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's the nicest way that I can say. Stop him.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, but yeah, with your own kids, the struggle is like,

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<v Speaker 3>is how it's genuine? You don't My son in particular,

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<v Speaker 3>is extremely sensitive to any effusiveness.

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<v Speaker 2>Like my husband has learned, like or.

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<v Speaker 3>He he knows he hasn't always been able to actually

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<v Speaker 3>do it, but like you know, the more he says

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<v Speaker 3>almost anything, it just backfires on him so badly, and

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<v Speaker 3>it's so hard for him. You know, he really wants

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<v Speaker 3>to be able to say this stuff, but it is

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<v Speaker 3>not received.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, so yeah, I mean, I mean using praise as

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<v Speaker 1>an incentive is a sound.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, It does not always work.

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<v Speaker 1>Dang.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>My daughter, now if I praise her about something, she goes, oh.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, oh you tried.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like dank, you throw me down a little bone.

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<v Speaker 2>That's funny.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh well, yeah, I mean my my son last semester

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<v Speaker 3>in the fall got really good grades, like for the

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<v Speaker 3>first time ever, and oh this is this is true? Yes,

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<v Speaker 3>because I'm just like I don't As I've said, the

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<v Speaker 3>effusiveness is never well received, and I certainly don't want

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<v Speaker 3>to be like, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't think you could do it, and look at

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<v Speaker 2>that you did.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but how And also I'm very nervous about the

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<v Speaker 3>you know what's coming up, just it's all different classes

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<v Speaker 3>and I feel like it could very well go a

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<v Speaker 3>different way.

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<v Speaker 1>And but then of course if you don't say anything,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like.

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<v Speaker 2>I do not know it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, that'd be one for our parenting game showy

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<v Speaker 1>situations for a parent to navigate and everything you do

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<v Speaker 1>will be.

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<v Speaker 3>Wrong and nope, taken away some points.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the last parent to go into negative points wins.

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<v Speaker 3>I watched this webinar the other day, so for for

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<v Speaker 3>the library, because we're closed. We have all these webinars

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<v Speaker 3>and podcasts stuff that we can watch or listen to

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<v Speaker 3>during our work at home time. And it was a

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<v Speaker 3>presentation given by somebody who had been on Jeopardy, someone

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<v Speaker 3>local who had been on Jeopardy and did pretty well,

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<v Speaker 3>and he was talking about you know, libraries and Jeopardy

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<v Speaker 3>and how both you know, were meaningful to him and

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<v Speaker 3>blah blah blah, and he gave a little jeopardy quiz

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<v Speaker 3>like he gave.

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<v Speaker 2>He put out some questions. He did not give the answer.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, what are you doing?

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<v Speaker 3>I think that if you were watching this, because I

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<v Speaker 3>was watching the recording obviously of this thing, if you

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<v Speaker 3>were watching it in real time, you could like enter

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<v Speaker 3>your answers on this Google doc and it must have

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<v Speaker 3>it must have told you on the Google doc if

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<v Speaker 3>you what the answers were. But I was like, wone,

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<v Speaker 3>someone think of us, we're watching it. After that, I

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<v Speaker 3>looked at all the not and you know, material nothing

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<v Speaker 3>like I'm gonna have.

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<v Speaker 2>To look this on my slsion if I want to

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<v Speaker 2>know what happened.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're not praising the way that was, I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>praising him.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah that was rough.

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<v Speaker 3>So yeah, because you know, we we adults, we parents

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<v Speaker 3>need some praise sometimes.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, except my praise that I get and my

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<v Speaker 1>kids do praise me, and my husband does praise me,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's usually after I've been going, Oh, I'm so die.

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<v Speaker 1>I do everything wrong. I can't get anything right. Oh

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<v Speaker 1>I messed that up. Oh I'm so sorry, I did that. No, Mom,

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<v Speaker 1>you're doing great.

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<v Speaker 2>You're doing good.

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<v Speaker 1>Mom, you're doing You're fine, You're fine, honey.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like liars.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm just as bad. Yeah, any praise.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel bad about the way things went when my

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<v Speaker 1>kids were younger, and I think of things that I

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<v Speaker 1>did that I did wrong, and they're.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, oh, no, you right.

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<v Speaker 1>Everything I loved my childhood, everything was perfect, And then

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<v Speaker 1>you feel condescended to and then you're mad.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't remember anything. I remember everything.

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<v Speaker 2>It was bad. How dare you accuse me of not remembered.

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<v Speaker 2>It's rough, no matter what.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yes, it's you know, it's such a it's such

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<v Speaker 1>a I feel like, at this time in parenting, such

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<v Speaker 1>an accepted and required thing to praise, that that praise

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<v Speaker 1>is the way to do it. This is what works,

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<v Speaker 1>This is what always works. You pick up books, they'll

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<v Speaker 1>tell you it's gonna work great. Teachers will tell you that.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody will tell you that. But it's like, really, it

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<v Speaker 1>really doesn't. Well, it does small and sincere increments exactly,

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<v Speaker 1>but you have to have the kind of kid who

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<v Speaker 1>will pace themselves that way. We'll struggle a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>and then get it, and then you can praise them

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<v Speaker 1>and everybody feels good about themselves. It's a religibly small

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<v Speaker 1>segment of the child population. I think. Yeah, either you

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<v Speaker 1>have the kid who is struggling constantly, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>have to make up reasons too. Oh that probably took

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<v Speaker 1>you half an hour. It took you for five minutes

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<v Speaker 1>last week. Could And then they're like just shut up, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>or they're super smart and super great, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>have to keep thinking of new things to praise them about.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, Oh you sang so well? What you thought

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't sing well the last time?

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<v Speaker 3>No?

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<v Speaker 1>No, but yeah. So it's just I don't know who

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<v Speaker 1>it works for. And it's certainly better than negativity, but

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<v Speaker 1>it ain't a cau all. Have we mentioned that every

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<v Speaker 1>family is different, situation is different. Some of them have

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<v Speaker 1>no answer whatsoever. Some of them you're just jeopardy without

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<v Speaker 1>the responses.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's parenting for you, right, You just throw the

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<v Speaker 3>answer out into the ether and you never know. Maybe

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<v Speaker 3>you'll find out by accident five years from now.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh that's what that meant?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, Yeah, yeah, thank you for listening. You can find

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<v Speaker 1>all our episodes on Spreaker. Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or

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<v Speaker 1>wherever you get your podcasts. You can find recaps, links

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<v Speaker 1>and an opportunity to comment on our website at parentingroundabout

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<v Speaker 1>dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>You can also talk to us on our Facebook page,

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<v Speaker 2>on Instagram or on Twitter, where you'll find us at

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<v Speaker 2>roundabout Chat. And please visit our Amazon shop at Amazon

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<v Speaker 2>dot com, slash Shop slash Mamitude, but you can find

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<v Speaker 2>links to a lot of the things we've talked about

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<v Speaker 2>over the years.