WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.320 --> 00:00:05.639 It's Night Side with Dan ray On Dougie Bzy Boston's 2 00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:06.200 news video. 3 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:09.320 Hey Nicole, thank you very much boy. What a day 4 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:10.919 or a day or to day. We got a great 5 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:13.320 show lined up for with we are going to be 6 00:00:13.359 --> 00:00:16.399 talking about the price of electricity and how we can 7 00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:18.920 save some money because it is brutal. That's coming up 8 00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:22.000 in the nine o'clock hour when de Morian Linton will 9 00:00:22.079 --> 00:00:26.440 join us. Also, the polarization of politics. Why can't we 10 00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:29.000 just be a country of reason and just go down 11 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:31.760 the middle and have some common sense. But it seems 12 00:00:31.760 --> 00:00:34.159 we just swing way to the left. Then we don't 13 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:36.280 like it and we swing way to the right. That's 14 00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:39.320 at ten o'clock. Super Bowl commercials. Who doesn't like to 15 00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:42.520 talk about Super Bowl commercials? That comes up at eleven o'clock. Now, 16 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:45.320 if you're watching news, you may say to yourself, good grief. 17 00:00:45.719 --> 00:00:48.240 And I will discuss this later on. With what's going 18 00:00:48.280 --> 00:00:51.240 on with the Trump administration, I don't know how he's 19 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:53.439 going to take over the guys of stripping. He doesn't 20 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:55.840 own it. It's not for sale. We will discuss that 21 00:00:55.920 --> 00:01:01.079 going later in the program. But if you're watching, you 22 00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:04.200 do say good grief, which made me think of our 23 00:01:04.239 --> 00:01:09.599 first topic is grief. Good in joining us right now 24 00:01:09.680 --> 00:01:13.680 is Angela Crocker, the executive director of the Parmiteer Foundation. Angela, 25 00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:15.120 thanks for coming on Night's side. 26 00:01:16.760 --> 00:01:18.879 Thanks for having me Gary. It's great to be with you. 27 00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:23.239 Yeah, this tough fact to follow when you start off 28 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:26.280 with what's going on with Trump. But I want to 29 00:01:26.439 --> 00:01:28.560 I want to get away from that just a little bit. 30 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:30.560 I've had a chance to meet you. 31 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:32.680 It was actually I was going to say, I was 32 00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:35.200 actually hoping to come on for the Super Bowl commercial part. 33 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:37.640 Yeah, yeah, I know. But I've had a chance to 34 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:40.400 learn about your organization through mutual friends and so forth, 35 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:43.599 and in what you're doing and and and learn how 36 00:01:43.640 --> 00:01:50.400 this topic of grief has really become timely. First of all, 37 00:01:50.439 --> 00:01:52.640 before we get into that, why don't you explain what 38 00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:54.239 the Parmanteer Foundation does. 39 00:01:55.799 --> 00:02:00.200 Sure, at its core, the Parmenter Foundation helps people people 40 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:03.959 who are grieving or facing end of life challenges, supporting 41 00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:09.400 family members, friends, co workers who are bereaved. And we 42 00:02:09.639 --> 00:02:12.599 are here to kind of support all loved ones of 43 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:15.560 all ages who are struggling with end of life or 44 00:02:15.719 --> 00:02:18.360 bereavement grief support needs. Well. 45 00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:21.360 I don't want to say that grief is well, this 46 00:02:21.400 --> 00:02:24.479 is going to sound kind of weird. Grief is in, 47 00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:30.439 or at least talking about grief is in, and Hollywood 48 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:32.680 is in on it, which is not a bad thing. 49 00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:35.719 Let's listen to Andrew Garfield rob Let's he's talking with 50 00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:42.000 Cooper Anderson. Cooper, Yeah, roller, rob has. 51 00:02:41.879 --> 00:02:44.599 That grief stayed with you? Yeah, it's see it now, 52 00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:48.800 you feel it now? Yeah, And it's the only route 53 00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:54.599 to feeling how close again. That's the crazy thing. It's 54 00:02:54.639 --> 00:02:56.879 the it's the longing, it's the it's the it's the 55 00:02:56.919 --> 00:03:00.840 admission of the pain. It's the crying out, Hey, I 56 00:03:00.919 --> 00:03:03.439 need you, what are you? I miss you so much? 57 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:09.719 And only in that absence, only in really inhabiting that 58 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:14.520 absence and being that little boy at the bottom of 59 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:20.800 that empty cave in vast darkness and just kind of 60 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:27.319 crying out, that's the only moment that that she comes. 61 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:28.840 It's so weird. 62 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:33.639 It's like the longing and the grief for the inhabiting 63 00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:35.520 it and feeling it is the only way I can 64 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:37.199 is the only way I can really feel close to 65 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:40.840 her again. The wound is the only roots to the gift. 66 00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:43.240 The grief and the loss is the only roots to 67 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:44.639 the vitality of being alive. 68 00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:49.280 Yeah, so that he's talking about his mother. So now, 69 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:55.719 why has it become okay to talk about this? Because 70 00:03:55.719 --> 00:03:58.080 when I grew up it's weird. I remember going to 71 00:03:58.120 --> 00:04:01.479 my first week, you know, my aunt Lydia, and I 72 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:05.360 still have this image of going into the funeral home 73 00:04:05.479 --> 00:04:07.159 and you go to the casket and you see you 74 00:04:07.240 --> 00:04:10.680 there and you're like, what's going on? And you know, 75 00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:14.240 in a small mill time like Rumford, you know, there's 76 00:04:14.919 --> 00:04:17.720 sometimes there's not a big difference between something happening in 77 00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:20.120 at a bar and a wake. You know, it's it's 78 00:04:20.199 --> 00:04:26.240 it's a social situation, you know, but yet it's it's 79 00:04:26.319 --> 00:04:28.959 not really talked about the way it is now. It's 80 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:31.439 like you have the wake, you have the funeral, you 81 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:36.040 move on. That's it. Why has it become so fashionable 82 00:04:36.600 --> 00:04:39.480 for people to hang on to their grief and discuss it. 83 00:04:41.680 --> 00:04:44.680 Well, you know, it's very interesting because it's actually a 84 00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:49.800 very new kind of phenomenon for people, particularly famous people, 85 00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:52.040 to come out and really talk about grief and how 86 00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:55.519 it affects them and how they're how they've found ways 87 00:04:55.560 --> 00:05:00.959 to grief. When I started at Partment Foundation in twenty 88 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:04.079 fifteen and for me on a personal note, in the 89 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:08.319 fall of twenty seventeen, I was attending my daughter's first 90 00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:11.240 high school soccer game in our small town, and I 91 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.199 was cheering for the team, and it was such an 92 00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:15.639 exciting day. It was her first game, and I looked 93 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:18.360 to my right and I saw another player's mom who 94 00:05:18.399 --> 00:05:21.160 I didn't know well, but I immediately recognized her as 95 00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:23.759 the mother whose child had passed away just a month 96 00:05:23.839 --> 00:05:27.959 or two prior to the game in a tragic accident, 97 00:05:28.319 --> 00:05:32.319 and I was immediately viscerally affected. My stomach clenched. I 98 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:36.199 started non stop thought processing about what to say. I 99 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:40.160 stopped cheering. I couldn't figure out what to do, what 100 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:42.800 to say, I couldn't move, and I was scared to 101 00:05:42.839 --> 00:05:45.480 say anything. I didn't want to say something that would 102 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:47.639 remind her of the loss of her son, and now, 103 00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:49.879 of course, I know you can't remind someone of something 104 00:05:49.920 --> 00:05:53.240 they never forget. I didn't want to ignore her loss 105 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:55.680 and say hello casually. So I stood there and said 106 00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:59.680 nothing and had I had such big regret afterwards that 107 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:02.279 I came back to work and said, you know, if 108 00:06:02.279 --> 00:06:05.279 we're in the space of providing at the time, or 109 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:09.600 providing some pospice care and children's preement work. I thought, 110 00:06:10.040 --> 00:06:12.879 we need to be changing our culture so that we 111 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:15.079 can that we know how to support one another, so 112 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:16.959 that we can talk to one another. And I think 113 00:06:17.000 --> 00:06:21.560 that during COVID we really started focusing in this area. 114 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:23.920 And I think it's a time where people started really 115 00:06:23.959 --> 00:06:26.839 talking about grief. And I think that was the turning 116 00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:30.959 point culturally for us in the United States when we 117 00:06:31.000 --> 00:06:33.279 started to be much more open about this topic. 118 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:39.120 How do you recommend you just talked about what you 119 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:42.480 went through as far as approaching someone you didn't know 120 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:48.600 about their situation, how do you recommend people handle speaking 121 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:51.199 to someone who has lost a loved one a month ago, 122 00:06:51.319 --> 00:06:54.399 six months ago, a year ago? How do you recommend? 123 00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:56.199 What do you recommend? How do you approach it? 124 00:06:57.680 --> 00:07:02.199 Yeah? So, yeah, that we've kind of really embraced this 125 00:07:02.279 --> 00:07:05.240 focus area. We've found a lot of gaps and resources, 126 00:07:05.240 --> 00:07:08.199 and we've actually created a lot of video and written 127 00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:13.839 resources on our website at Wwwparmenterfoundation dot org. And in fact, 128 00:07:13.959 --> 00:07:16.600 as a result of this moment that I talked to 129 00:07:16.600 --> 00:07:19.040 you about, we worked with experts at the Children's Room 130 00:07:19.160 --> 00:07:22.240 and creative video series. It helps parents support their children 131 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:25.560 or teens who have lost a peer, or to support 132 00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:28.399 their peer who has lost the loved one, and so 133 00:07:28.600 --> 00:07:31.439 all of the experts are right there talking in the videos. 134 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:35.639 We also created a video series called What to Say 135 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:37.959 and What Not to Say, which is one of our 136 00:07:38.519 --> 00:07:43.160 most watched videos and that it is a best selling author, 137 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:46.560 Rebecca Sofer of Modern Loss, and she came up to 138 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:50.480 speak to our community and did a video series for 139 00:07:50.600 --> 00:07:53.600 us just giving people kind of the lay of the land, 140 00:07:53.639 --> 00:07:57.680 because the isolation of not saying anything is really the 141 00:07:57.720 --> 00:08:01.000 worst thing that we can do our community. So we 142 00:08:01.160 --> 00:08:04.079 really need to have the words what do. 143 00:08:03.959 --> 00:08:06.360 You say then? And what don't you say? Let's start 144 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:08.720 with the let's start with what should you say? Can 145 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:10.240 you give us some examples? 146 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:16.079 Sure, I'm thinking about you. I you know, I don't 147 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:18.680 know exactly. It's okay to say you don't know what 148 00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:21.639 to say, but just let them know that you're you're 149 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.480 thinking of them and that it's okay for them to 150 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:29.879 grieve with you. What you should never say are things 151 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:35.720 like comparison statements. For instance, well at least he didn't suffer, 152 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.879 Oh god, at least you've had many years with him 153 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.879 or you know, those for me are the trigger of 154 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:47.200 the worst. There are a lot more suggestions in those videos, 155 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:49.960 but for me, those two things stand out the most. 156 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:52.360 You can say, you don't know what to say, but 157 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:54.639 you want to be there for them, and then just 158 00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:58.399 don't ever say, at least don't ever start your sentence 159 00:08:58.440 --> 00:08:58.720 with that. 160 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:01.080 Well, I've done that to myself, and maybe that's the 161 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:03.639 way of coping with my parents' death. My mom was 162 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:06.799 eighty four, my dad was ninety. He was eighty nine, 163 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.159 but you know, I rounded up to ninety just to 164 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:13.639 makes I don't know, like he like he achieved something, right, 165 00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:16.559 you know, way to go, dad, He almost made it 166 00:09:16.600 --> 00:09:20.080 to ninety. And I look at my father in law, 167 00:09:20.279 --> 00:09:23.240 who tragically passed away at sixty one suddenly of a 168 00:09:23.240 --> 00:09:26.480 heart attack, and my dad died of natural causes at ninety, 169 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:28.120 and I go, well, at least he you know, here, 170 00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:30.799 here's one. How about this, Well, at least he had 171 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:34.080 a good run. I mean, my god, I said that 172 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:37.000 about my own father. What an idiot, you know. And 173 00:09:37.080 --> 00:09:39.480 I don't know why, but I guess it makes me 174 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:43.080 feel better because I don't know if I bring humor 175 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:45.159 to it. I don't know if I try to lessen it, 176 00:09:46.759 --> 00:09:48.559 you know, because at ninety, I mean, he couldn't see 177 00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:50.799 and he just wasn't the guy that he had wanted 178 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:53.320 to be. So maybe I don't know, we justify that 179 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:56.559 to ourselves. Like I remember people in my hometown saying, 180 00:09:56.559 --> 00:10:01.639 well I had a good run. I mean, is that's crazy? 181 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:04.480 They were, like it was the playoffs. 182 00:10:05.559 --> 00:10:09.919 Yeah. Well, the other thing I will say is to 183 00:10:10.200 --> 00:10:13.399 have a great compassion for others and for yourself, and 184 00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:16.320 that there really is no right way to grieve. So 185 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:20.159 if you want to comfort yourself by telling yourself that 186 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:22.080 your dad had a great run and that you had 187 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:25.039 all those years with him and that you were really lucky, 188 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:29.919 that that's fine. It's it's sort of like criticizing your 189 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.879 family members but not allowing anyone else to do the same, 190 00:10:33.159 --> 00:10:35.600 so you you can grieve however you need to. 191 00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:38.480 All Right, we have more to discuss. Big event coming up, 192 00:10:38.919 --> 00:10:42.039 big event coming up with a Partmenteer Foundation, and we're 193 00:10:42.039 --> 00:10:45.120 going to get Angela to talk about that, involving with 194 00:10:45.200 --> 00:10:49.159 a involving a descendant of Superman, and we'll discuss that 195 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:51.919 coming up next on WBC's Nightside. 196 00:10:51.639 --> 00:10:54.559 Now back to Dan Ray Mine from the Window. World 197 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:57.399 Nightside Studios on WBZ. 198 00:10:57.200 --> 00:11:00.919 News Radio carry Tanguay for day tonight. Angela Cross our guests, 199 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:05.000 the executive director of the Pomiteer Foundation, helping people tackle 200 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:08.120 grief of all ages. Now. I was just talking to 201 00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:11.440 Rob Brooks, our producer here during during the break Angela, 202 00:11:11.559 --> 00:11:14.879 and he talked about dealing with the death of his 203 00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:20.080 father and that happened during COVID. So how did COVID 204 00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:25.960 impact on what you're doing now and did it lend 205 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:29.519 itself to creating more discussion about it. 206 00:11:31.639 --> 00:11:34.399 I think it definitely created a lot of discussion because 207 00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:37.960 all of those rituals that we were used to kind 208 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:40.919 of using to help us with our grief and process 209 00:11:41.000 --> 00:11:44.759 with our family and friends were unavailable to us, and 210 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:48.200 so we started to really dig into grief in a 211 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:53.200 different way and learn new ways to greet, but also 212 00:11:53.720 --> 00:11:56.600 needed outlets to talk about it. It was a very isolating 213 00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:00.159 experience COVID in general, and then to have a loss 214 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:03.200 of a loved one during that time was incredibly painful 215 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:06.559 and difficult, and I think that accelerated the conversation about 216 00:12:07.320 --> 00:12:08.960 grieving the loss of a loved one. 217 00:12:09.639 --> 00:12:14.080 Listen I married into a Jewish family. So cynic HIV 218 00:12:14.200 --> 00:12:16.039 I think is one of the greatest things ever because 219 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:20.559 it lasts for days and because it takes time, and 220 00:12:20.600 --> 00:12:22.720 there's also a ton of food, which is never a 221 00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:27.200 bad thing. And you know, coming from a Catholic family 222 00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:29.799 in Maine, you know, you did the wake, you did 223 00:12:29.799 --> 00:12:34.879 the funeral. Generally, there was a lot of consuming of alcohol, 224 00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:38.039 a lot of that going on. There are a lot 225 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:40.600 of toasts going around, you know, for Uncle Johnny or 226 00:12:40.679 --> 00:12:44.200 Uncle Jimmy, you know, or whatever. And then I found 227 00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:49.559 myself on a zoom for my wife's grandmother during COVID 228 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:53.600 for a service that was strange. I mean, there's no 229 00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:58.159 nothing anybody could do. But I felt bad for I 230 00:12:58.200 --> 00:13:01.600 felt bad for the family. I mean, a funeral service 231 00:13:01.639 --> 00:13:03.480 on zoom is just it's awful. 232 00:13:05.080 --> 00:13:08.519 It just really it just really compounded our loss and 233 00:13:08.799 --> 00:13:12.799 it made our grief more complicated. And we're and we're 234 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:16.360 slowly coming out of that. But I do think a 235 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:19.759 positive byproduct of that is that there is much more 236 00:13:19.960 --> 00:13:25.240 conversation and much more support out there organizations. Although I 237 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:28.480 think we are a very unique organization, We're out there 238 00:13:28.679 --> 00:13:33.279 trying to make sure that that complex web of support 239 00:13:33.320 --> 00:13:36.759 is there for our community and to make sure that 240 00:13:37.399 --> 00:13:41.720 any gaps and service. We recently found a real gap 241 00:13:41.759 --> 00:13:46.039 for college age students who are navigating grief away from 242 00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:49.639 their home and in a new community, and we've created 243 00:13:49.679 --> 00:13:54.279 some training measurements and some protocols to put into place 244 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:59.240 for available at no cost for colleges in universities higher 245 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:04.360 education pros to help educate the professors on a compassionate 246 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:07.320 campus and how to speak with students who've had a loss, 247 00:14:07.399 --> 00:14:10.200 because it's unbelievable to me what some of the feedback 248 00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:13.120 is that the children have received, or the college students, 249 00:14:13.159 --> 00:14:15.840 I should say, it's hard for me to remember that 250 00:14:15.879 --> 00:14:19.600 their adults, and considering I have one and she just 251 00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:24.320 feels like she's still my little child. But then also 252 00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:28.080 for the students to be able to speak to one another. 253 00:14:28.279 --> 00:14:31.039 And so this training is unique because it is for 254 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:34.080 all students and all professors. It doesn't have to be 255 00:14:34.200 --> 00:14:36.480 somebody who's experienced a loss, and we're really taking a 256 00:14:36.480 --> 00:14:39.320 lot of that isolation out of the process. So we're 257 00:14:39.360 --> 00:14:40.960 really excited about that project. 258 00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:43.600 Can you get into the details about that, because generally 259 00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:46.120 you think other college kids, what do they have to 260 00:14:46.120 --> 00:14:47.720 worry about. They let her roll off their back, They 261 00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:49.440 go to a fraternity party, they go with some friends, 262 00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:51.399 they have pizza, they go on with their lives. And 263 00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:54.879 we think of mourning as someone who's in their sixties 264 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:57.200 and they've lost their father or they've lost a brother 265 00:14:57.320 --> 00:15:00.080 or sister. But you're right, it's an untapped well the 266 00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:03.679 lack of a better term, market or demographic. Demographic is 267 00:15:03.720 --> 00:15:06.919 a better word. So can you give me some details, 268 00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:08.320 some meat and potatoes about that. 269 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:14.080 Sure? So you know, nearly one in three higher education 270 00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:17.799 students will find themselves bereaved, either just before or during 271 00:15:17.799 --> 00:15:21.080 their college career. And we have spoken with a lot 272 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:24.919 of kids and heard their stories, including stories of We 273 00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:28.519 know a young woman who lost her parent just before 274 00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:32.200 she went to college and got the syllabus from her 275 00:15:32.279 --> 00:15:35.440 school from her classroom and learned that on the anniversary 276 00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:41.120 of her parents' first passing that she and her family 277 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:42.679 were supposed to get together. And so she went to 278 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:44.519 the professor early in the semesters that I see you 279 00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:48.080 have an exam scheduled in October. Can I take that early? 280 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.480 I need to be with my family. And the professor 281 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:52.399 told her, you can take the exam or you can 282 00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:55.360 get a zero. Those are your choices, and so just 283 00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:58.519 a lack of kind of compassion there. We have another 284 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.519 story from a gentleman who went to a professor and 285 00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:04.679 after having missed a week and a half of school 286 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:06.399 and said, I'm so sorry I had to go home. 287 00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:08.919 My mother has My mother had passed away and she 288 00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:12.320 was unfortunately she had been sort of at end of 289 00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:16.799 life with a long term illness, and he was afraid 290 00:16:16.840 --> 00:16:19.600 to go home because he didn't want to miss out 291 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:21.759 on college. That's a big thing for kids is to 292 00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:24.279 miss a day of classes, they feel like they can't 293 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:27.120 possibly catch up. And he went home and was home 294 00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:29.200 for a week and came back and the professor said, well, 295 00:16:29.639 --> 00:16:32.399 we'll talk about this, but not until I see an obituary. 296 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:35.559 So there's just a lot going on for our students 297 00:16:35.559 --> 00:16:39.000 who are suffering a great loss and still trying to 298 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:45.559 navigate college and friendships and social and emotional health and 299 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:48.600 all the things that they have going on by themselves, 300 00:16:48.679 --> 00:16:52.039 and it often can become very isolating. And our goal 301 00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:55.840 is to help to have all students kind of recognize 302 00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:57.559 what can be going on and know how to support 303 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:01.679 one another so that it reduces that and reduces the 304 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:04.920 as you say, to go off to a fraternity party 305 00:17:04.920 --> 00:17:08.359 and drink and help your you know, those unhealthy ways 306 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:11.839 of making themselves feel better or trying to limit to 307 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:13.200 for their help the wealthy. 308 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:15.400 Well, whoa you're talking to the social chairman of Delta 309 00:17:15.480 --> 00:17:17.079 Upsilon fraternity. What do you mean on health? 310 00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:23.240 No, I know, I understand what you're saying and the 311 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:26.079 response to grief. It's not the safest thing. But as 312 00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:28.759 a college, you know, they do what they do. 313 00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:32.039 Yes, well, and we did what we did. But what 314 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:37.759 I have found in my life is when you know, 315 00:17:37.799 --> 00:17:39.680 I lost a friend, I mean in Sudbury. I've talked 316 00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:41.640 about him. My good friend Alan Greenberg all of a 317 00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:44.720 sudden had a heart attack driving his car. As heart 318 00:17:44.759 --> 00:17:47.880 stopped and we covered the Patriots together and just and 319 00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:50.519 I had to go see a therapist. I mean, I was, 320 00:17:50.680 --> 00:17:52.880 I had panic attacks and a number of people in 321 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.000 the media that I talked to and I won't mention names, 322 00:17:55.599 --> 00:17:58.960 but you know that people sports fans know, we were 323 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:01.279 all like this happened and we were blown out of 324 00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:04.559 the water. Fifty five years old, fifty six, fifty five 325 00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:09.319 years old. He was healthy, except he ate some junk food, 326 00:18:09.319 --> 00:18:11.440 but he wasn't He didn't drink, he didn't smoke, He 327 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:13.920 worked out all the time and then boomed like that. 328 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:22.000 And there's I think for men, uh, there's that angle 329 00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:25.720 too where you know you're not supposed to grieve or 330 00:18:25.759 --> 00:18:31.359 you're not supposed to discuss it. And I remember driving 331 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:34.640 thinking about him like just I you know, I couldn't breathe. 332 00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:38.880 You know that when when somebody dies in your age group, 333 00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:41.519 that's when it hit you like a ton of bricks. 334 00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:47.680 Yes, that's a that is a really tough loss in 335 00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:50.720 it It oftentimes gives you pause to kind of look 336 00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:52.839 at your life and the what ifs, and that can 337 00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:53.759 be very scary. 338 00:18:54.440 --> 00:18:58.559 But you know what, we do that for like a minute, 339 00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:00.400 and then we go back to doing this same old 340 00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:04.279 stupid crap. You know, that's the thing we do. That's 341 00:19:04.680 --> 00:19:06.880 you know, I've kind of kicked back in life a 342 00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:09.240 little bit after many use of covering sports, and my 343 00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:11.079 wife still says to me, you know, are you gonna, 344 00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:14.079 like do get busy? Oh, I don't know. I'm kind 345 00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:17.119 of digging this right now. But we don't, you know, 346 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:19.759 we'll always say stop and smell the roses. Or and 347 00:19:19.799 --> 00:19:22.359 then you know, five minutes later we get pissed off 348 00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:25.039 because the butter's bad in the fridge. You know, I 349 00:19:25.039 --> 00:19:28.680 mean it never, It never gets in our head. We never. 350 00:19:28.839 --> 00:19:30.480 I'm not you don't have to comment. I'm just saying 351 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:34.200 we never. You know, think about that. Maybe through the 352 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:36.799 process you said you're talking about what people are discussing 353 00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.000 and that you should keep it in front of your mind. 354 00:19:40.119 --> 00:19:43.839 Maybe this will help us, I don't know, be more appreciative, 355 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:46.240 I don't know. 356 00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:50.279 Yeah, and focus on the people that you can help, 357 00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:54.480 which I'm sure that if Alan had family and friends 358 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:58.559 that you would know how to support them. That's that's 359 00:19:58.599 --> 00:19:59.279 a big piece. 360 00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:02.119 Well, I think the key is to never forget though 361 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:05.000 too like we still I remember we used to tell, 362 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:07.319 oh my god Greenberg, but if he was here now, 363 00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:09.920 he would be like he used to drive Belichick nuts 364 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:11.799 and press conferences and would say, like, what we need 365 00:20:11.839 --> 00:20:14.319 is an Alan Greenberg press. We need an Alan Greenberg 366 00:20:14.440 --> 00:20:17.519 question right now to send Bill through the roof. Okay, 367 00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:21.359 big day coming up, It's coming up Wednesday, April second. 368 00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:24.839 We are going to talk about that. Well, Reeves is 369 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:28.160 going to be joining you and your organization. We will 370 00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:30.319 discuss that coming up next right here on WBZ. 371 00:20:31.680 --> 00:20:35.000 You're on Night Side with Dan Ray on w b Z, 372 00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:37.920 Boston's news Radio. 373 00:20:38.039 --> 00:20:40.200 All right, Gary tangling in for Dan Ray. Back here 374 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:42.559 on WBC's nights Side, Angela Crocker joining us to the 375 00:20:42.599 --> 00:20:48.119 executive director of the Parmitaire Foundation, discussing how we tackle grief. 376 00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:52.160 So let's talk about the big night coming up on Wednesday, 377 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:56.240 April second. Tell us all about it and your big 378 00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:58.799 and this is a big deal. This is a really 379 00:20:58.839 --> 00:21:02.359 big deal. And I think we have to congratulate Jen 380 00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:03.440 for pulling this off. 381 00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:07.240 So I'm just going to say that I'm just going 382 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:09.000 to tell you that this is a pie in the 383 00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:14.279 sky idea from Jen Siegel, or communication and program manager. 384 00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:19.799 She had listened to Anderson Cooper's podcast All There Is 385 00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:23.720 and Will Reeve was speaking on It was a guest 386 00:21:23.799 --> 00:21:26.240 on the podcast, and she said, boy, I want to 387 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:28.279 be fabulous if we could have him come to our 388 00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:31.920 community and talk to him how he has navigated his 389 00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:34.880 life from high school to college for a successful career 390 00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:38.720 in broadcast journalism while still carrying the grief of the 391 00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:42.720 loss of both of his parents with him. And she 392 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:46.559 reached out to him, and he responded and said he 393 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:49.079 would love to come talk to our community. And so 394 00:21:49.559 --> 00:21:53.880 April second is the day. At seven pm. We're going 395 00:21:53.920 --> 00:21:56.319 to be at a really intimate space at the Regis 396 00:21:56.359 --> 00:22:01.400 College Theater in Weston, mass It's a it's not a 397 00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:04.519 big venue, so it'll be a very intimate experience, and 398 00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:08.759 also the tickets are selling fast for that, but really 399 00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:12.359 selling fast for the opportunity to meet Will. There's a 400 00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:16.480 limited space for a meet and greet after his his show, 401 00:22:16.519 --> 00:22:20.920