Speaker 1: Hi everyone, and welcome back to their podcast episode. My
Speaker 1: name is Lisha Gogin, the host of The Globe Secret podcast,
Speaker 1: where I help you expand your mind and become more
Speaker 1: self aware that you can glow up into the best
Speaker 1: version of yourself. Hello, and Happy Sunday. That intro kind
Speaker 1: of winded me a little bit. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I've been saying that intro for about two hundred and
Speaker 1: six episodes. It's actually crazy and I say it every
Speaker 1: single time. Anyways, how are we doing. I hope we
Speaker 1: are well. I'm so happy that we are here once
Speaker 1: again on a Sunday. Well, some of you guys are
Speaker 1: not listening to us Sunday, but some of you guys
Speaker 1: are religious in my episodes, and I love that. I
Speaker 1: love you guys. I love to see your comments. I
Speaker 1: love that we are here working on ourselves and we're
Speaker 1: doing it together. Now we need to talk about not
Speaker 1: being so hard on ourselves.
Speaker 2: This is birth from something I experienced this week. So
Speaker 2: I'm going to.
Speaker 1: Tie in a lot of my personal life experience like
Speaker 1: I usually do in this episode, and what to really
Speaker 1: do and the mindset shifts that I like to have
Speaker 1: when I find I am getting really hard on myself
Speaker 1: to the point where I feel like my self improvement
Speaker 1: is kind of becoming a little bit toxic, to the
Speaker 1: point where I'm catching myself feeling like I always need
Speaker 1: to be working on something and.
Speaker 2: Things aren't changing.
Speaker 1: And I would like to say that this is a
Speaker 1: pretty good segue from last week's episodes, where I talked
Speaker 1: about what to do when life feels unfinished and messy
Speaker 1: and you feel like you're really not getting.
Speaker 2: Where you need to be.
Speaker 1: So the other day, there was this influencer event that
Speaker 1: I really wanted to go to. I had had it
Speaker 1: in my calendar for a while and I wanted to
Speaker 1: go to it. Now as an influencer, I don't need
Speaker 1: to go to these events. I've actually really stopped going
Speaker 1: to many events being somebody who's done this full time.
Speaker 1: For going on to my third third year, I think
Speaker 1: I believe worth almost year in this space, because for one,
Speaker 1: I'm not like the biggest lifestyle influencer, right, so, like
Speaker 1: I'm not always super interested in going to events where
Speaker 1: it's all about the products, the hair, skin, everything, Like
Speaker 1: it's kind of cool to go here and there, And
Speaker 1: I did that the first year that I moved down
Speaker 1: to the city and I was this influencer and this that.
Speaker 1: I also have a YouTube channel, second channel by the way,
Speaker 1: if anyone is new and watching on the podcast channel
Speaker 1: on YouTube, So like, I talk a lot about health,
Speaker 1: wellness things like that, and on my Instagram as well.
Speaker 1: But anyways, I get invited to a lot of those events.
Speaker 1: A lot of them I don't go do because I'm
Speaker 1: honestly just busy with other things. Like I feel like
Speaker 1: what I am working on, but also just what I
Speaker 1: do for my work is just bigger than going to
Speaker 1: events sometimes and products and being a lifestyle influencer. Like
Speaker 1: I love that kind of stuff, and I like the wellness,
Speaker 1: I like the light stuff, but I am a very
Speaker 1: deep person and the work that I am doing is
Speaker 1: going to be far beyond you know, just being like
Speaker 1: a get Ready with Me influencer. No shade to get
Speaker 1: Ready with Me influencers. Okay, we love you girls.
Speaker 2: I digress. Anyways, I wanted to go to this event.
Speaker 1: I haven't gone in a while, and leading up to
Speaker 1: that day, I was super down. And then the day
Speaker 1: came and it was a really gloomy day and.
Speaker 2: The weather was not good. It was like really cool.
Speaker 1: It was like one of the colder days after having
Speaker 1: really really hot days in the city. And the weather
Speaker 1: does absolutely affect my mood and I try not to
Speaker 1: let it. Especially in the summertime, I feel like it's
Speaker 1: different than in the winter time.
Speaker 2: I try not to let it.
Speaker 1: But it definitely was and I was in the midst
Speaker 1: of my luteal phase, like genuinely like not good weather
Speaker 1: and being in your luteal phase and just really having
Speaker 1: that low energy, maybe not having the best sleep, and
Speaker 1: you know, juggling a lot of things that are probably
Speaker 1: also more important than let's say, for this instance, the
Speaker 1: Influencer event, it was a kind of like a recipe
Speaker 1: for disaster. And I just felt like I am somebody
Speaker 1: who very much so goes with the flow of my body,
Speaker 1: the flow of nature and life and this that, and
Speaker 1: I have to adapt and whatever and really try to
Speaker 1: deconstruct this way of moving through life where it's like
Speaker 1: a lot of force energy, like forcing things that I
Speaker 1: don't feel like doing that aren't aligned. And on one hand,
Speaker 1: that's great and it's beautiful and it's really healthy and
Speaker 1: it's helped me healed a lot. The other hand is
Speaker 1: we still need to do the things that might, you know,
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable. But with this particular circumstance, I really did
Speaker 1: not need to go, and I did not need to
Speaker 1: also feel bad about myself for like not going. And
Speaker 1: there were actually pretty valid reasons as to why it
Speaker 1: wasn't the vibe of going, and it was like at
Speaker 1: this like outdoor like beach club vibe anyway, and it
Speaker 1: just wasn't really the day.
Speaker 2: It just wasn't not the day.
Speaker 1: And the whole day, I'm sitting there and I don't
Speaker 1: want to go, and I'm resisting it, and I'm going
Speaker 1: back and forth and I'm feeling shit, and I'm also
Speaker 1: just like mentally ruining my entire day because I'm not
Speaker 1: like making decision because I feel bad for not going,
Speaker 1: but then should I go in this that? And by
Speaker 1: the way, like nobody's like standing there like waiting for
Speaker 1: Alicia Googan to walk into the building. Okay, like I
Speaker 1: am not like this important influencer that needs to go
Speaker 1: to this thing. Like it's totally fine. Many people cancel,
Speaker 1: but that was kind of what was happening.
Speaker 2: In my head.
Speaker 1: And then I just realized I was getting so hard
Speaker 1: on myself because I knew I was probably gonna not go,
Speaker 1: but regardless, I was being so hard on myself for
Speaker 1: not showing up and like just being super ready to
Speaker 1: go do this event and do this thing. And I
Speaker 1: think there's room for kind of getting mad at yourself
Speaker 1: a little bit for being like girl, like you said
Speaker 1: you're gonna do this, you do it, you know, like
Speaker 1: holding yourself accountable. But it was this really not nice
Speaker 1: energy that I was holding to myself for not really
Speaker 1: any reason. And I had to come to Jesus moment
Speaker 1: again this week or that week, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, like, for one, we're not going, okay,
Speaker 1: so like I decided I wasn't going, but also you're
Speaker 1: being like way too hard on yourself and it's not necessary.
Speaker 2: And three, I guess you have.
Speaker 1: Actually done so much this week that you are forgetting
Speaker 1: like you actually are moving through life right now, Alicia,
Speaker 1: Like you are somebody who does absolutely nothing with their
Speaker 1: lives and is just an absolute bum and doesn't do shit.
Speaker 1: And I had to sit there and really remind myself
Speaker 1: of the things that I accomplished that week, and I
Speaker 1: was like, whoa, Like if I'm not careful and if
Speaker 1: I don't check myself, my toxic self improvement side of me,
Speaker 1: that part of me that always wants to keep going,
Speaker 1: can really just aligned me and really take me into
Speaker 1: this dark energy that I do not even need to
Speaker 1: be in. I didn't even need to be in there.
Speaker 1: And the constant back and forth that I was spending
Speaker 1: time stressing about in my head that day made me
Speaker 1: so far away from the realization of the things that
Speaker 1: I did accomplish that week. And I'm just gonna list
Speaker 1: some things that I actually did. One was I got
Speaker 1: myself out of like a little mini feeling like a
Speaker 1: little bit of a rut on that Monday. And this
Speaker 1: is kind of more like the ludial phase dish of
Speaker 1: my life. Sometimes I can get like this pull myself out.
Speaker 1: I was so happy with how that.
Speaker 2: Day ended up being.
Speaker 1: And then the next I ended up from last week's episode,
Speaker 1: if you remember, I was having to do this thing
Speaker 1: that was uncomfortable for me. It was like filming in
Speaker 1: public for this brand deal thing that I was doing,
Speaker 1: and I was like changing my mindset about that. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I ended up doing that and it.
Speaker 2: Was such a great day, guys. It was so good.
Speaker 2: I felt so.
Speaker 1: Happy that I like pushed myself and I changed my
Speaker 1: mindset about things, and by the way, I made a
Speaker 1: really good connection with somebody who was on that team,
Speaker 1: and that led to other things. So that's like, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe like a side note of just how your energy
Speaker 1: and your mindset can change things and create more abundance
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: But that day went so well.
Speaker 1: I also recorded like extra stuff that day because I
Speaker 1: was feeling so aligned and so good. And then the
Speaker 1: next day after that, I was really really productive and
Speaker 1: on top of that, like I've been working on certain
Speaker 1: habits when it comes to health and wellness, Like I'm
Speaker 1: waking up around like six am, taking my dog for
Speaker 1: a walk, I'm training my dog, I'm doing all these things.
Speaker 1: I have my relationship, I'm seeing my friends, I'm doing
Speaker 1: all these things, mind you, like healing from all the
Speaker 1: shit that I went through in the winter time. Like
Speaker 1: I am doing literally so much and so many good things.
Speaker 1: But in that moment, I was so focused on I'm
Speaker 1: just not doing this thing, which really didn't even really matter,
Speaker 1: and I was forgetting all the great things that I
Speaker 1: was doing, and it was making me feel like absolute shit.
Speaker 1: And so for anyone who might be feeling right now
Speaker 1: that they are not doing enough, or you always feel
Speaker 1: like you're falling short, or you're hard on yourself a lot,
Speaker 1: Like you're really hard on yourself even though you've probably
Speaker 1: done a million things, you just start forgetting all of
Speaker 1: those things you're doing. Whatever it is, You need to
Speaker 1: understand that we as humans seriously underestimate how long it
Speaker 1: even takes to change a habit or do something successful,
Speaker 1: such as let's say, get your comfort zone of something
Speaker 1: that you've been saying that you want to do for
Speaker 1: so long, or even when it comes to that episode
Speaker 1: I was talking about when it comes to gardening aka
Speaker 1: like smoking marijuans, how much time that actually can take
Speaker 1: for you to really pull away from that habit and
Speaker 1: pull away from you being reliant on that thing.
Speaker 2: And you know, the.
Speaker 1: Moment that we have a quote unquote slip up in
Speaker 1: our brains, you know, when we don't feel like we're
Speaker 1: doing enough or we didn't do it.
Speaker 2: Perfectly, Like we get so hard on ourselves, as if it.
Speaker 1: Doesn't take so long to change these habits, Like it
Speaker 1: takes a while, and sometimes there's gonna be the messiness
Speaker 1: of life and things aren't gonna go perfectly. But also
Speaker 1: like you should be so proud of yourself for how
Speaker 1: far you've even come, because things take time, and we
Speaker 1: really just underestimate that time and we just undervalue it,
Speaker 1: and we do not give ourselves props. We do not
Speaker 1: give ourselves this congratulations of these small little steps that
Speaker 1: we make because we are so focused on the wrong things.
Speaker 1: And I want to talk about some of those things
Speaker 1: and you know, really get ourselves back to the core
Speaker 1: of who we are, which is whole and lovable, and
Speaker 1: and we don't need to be acting out of fear
Speaker 1: and stress to begin with. And how society and many
Speaker 1: things have been taught to us and put on us
Speaker 1: has made us forget and we operate out of fear
Speaker 1: and scarcity, and we don't need to be doing that.
Speaker 1: And that first thing is to really remember that you
Speaker 1: are not failing, you are actually healing. And when I
Speaker 1: mean healing could simply be like the day that I
Speaker 1: was stressing about the event and me not going and
Speaker 1: this that, and I was overwhelmed in this that, like
Speaker 1: I'm in the process of working on other things, right
Speaker 1: my habits and pushing myself out of comfort zone that
Speaker 1: week per se, all of those things were me healing, me,
Speaker 1: growing me, changing and evolving. I'm on this process of
Speaker 1: healing right now, so I should be very gentle. I
Speaker 1: should be more loving and a little bit more understanding.
Speaker 1: And when I don't have that one hundred percent capacity
Speaker 1: to show up, I don't need to think that I'm
Speaker 1: failing or I'm doing things wrong.
Speaker 2: It's just life.
Speaker 1: It's just who I am. It's just what happens. There
Speaker 1: are times you're gonna quote unquote fall short, but that
Speaker 1: is okay.
Speaker 2: We have to create room for that now.
Speaker 1: Last night I was scrolling on Pinterest, and I love
Speaker 1: my Pinterest quotes. You guys know, if you've been rock
Speaker 1: with me for a while, I just find the best ones,
Speaker 1: probably because my feed is curated based off of the
Speaker 1: things that I really know to be true deep down,
Speaker 1: and you know that gets reflected out into your life
Speaker 1: and even on social media. But I always find some
Speaker 1: good quotes. Okay, and I read this quote. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read it, but I don't know exactly the context in
Speaker 1: which this was made for, but I actually want to
Speaker 1: go through it because I think that it can help
Speaker 1: me explain where this us being hard on ourselves can
Speaker 1: be coming from and there's many ways, you guys know,
Speaker 1: I always talk about childhood and you know, parents or
Speaker 1: caregivers or you know, societal systems or put in place
Speaker 1: for us to constantly just keep stressing and feel we
Speaker 1: need to do more. Yes, but I want to kind
Speaker 1: of like break them down. So this quote says the
Speaker 1: seven veils of illusion, and it says separation, scarcity, control, unworthiness, time, fear,
Speaker 1: and death. So I want to run through some of
Speaker 1: these and give you kind of like my commentary on it.
Speaker 2: And so the first one says separation.
Speaker 1: And I think that when we are being hard on
Speaker 1: ourselves and we're going back into that toxic self improvement
Speaker 1: and we're feeling like we're just not good enough, I
Speaker 1: really believe that this is coming from a place of
Speaker 1: us being separated from our innate worthiness and wholeness that
Speaker 1: we have come to this earth with as a baby.
Speaker 1: But then unfortunately, when we grow up, people's limiting beliefs, parents,
Speaker 1: trauma systems, everything gets placed on us, and now we
Speaker 1: feel like we need to do be more, act have more.
Speaker 2: We don't have enough.
Speaker 1: I need to change this that and third, but we
Speaker 1: are also separated from just the relationship that we can
Speaker 1: have with ourselves, and I think that's so important. When
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not doing enough, you're being hard
Speaker 1: on yourself. And I even say this in the sense
Speaker 1: of even just like having a morning journal practice, because
Speaker 1: I feel like when you do, and for me, when
Speaker 1: I have this relationship with myself where I'm checking in
Speaker 1: with myself, I'm having a journal practice, I'm working on
Speaker 1: my mental health, I'm slowing things down. It's actually pretty
Speaker 1: easy for me to come to the realization that all
Speaker 1: of these thoughts that I'm having are based out of
Speaker 1: fear and lack and they're not serving me, and I
Speaker 1: don't need to listen to them, and my higher self
Speaker 1: knows that this is bullshit and I need to slow
Speaker 1: down and I need to remind myself of what I
Speaker 1: have accomplished and how good I am and all those things.
Speaker 1: And that's what I did when I realized it was
Speaker 1: like going into the spiral of anxiety that day, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to just I need to come
Speaker 1: back to myself right now because I am letting and
Speaker 1: I don't know. Everyone has their ways of thinking of
Speaker 1: what this energy could be, like dark energy, evil energy,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, devilish energy, it's like it has me
Speaker 1: wrapped up in all of their limiting beliefs, in that negativity.
Speaker 2: And it's not true.
Speaker 1: That's true, that's not me. I didn't come here not worthy,
Speaker 1: And so I think it's so important that you do
Speaker 1: cultivate a relationship with yourself. But I will talk about
Speaker 1: something that you can journal on at the end of
Speaker 1: this episode. Actually, one last thing I will say about separation.
Speaker 1: This also could be looked at in the sense of
Speaker 1: being separated from others. I feel like when you're really
Speaker 1: isolated and you do everything for yourself and by yourself,
Speaker 1: maybe because you had to, but you know when you're
Speaker 1: in that state. And I know that because I've been
Speaker 1: like that all my life, and it's been really challenging
Speaker 1: for me to have healthy relationship. Not anymore, I've really
Speaker 1: worked on it, but in my past trust people, Trust
Speaker 1: that they're going to show up.
Speaker 2: All of that stuff.
Speaker 1: You can really become a stressed out individual and always
Speaker 1: feel like you're not doing enough because you actually don't
Speaker 1: even have healthy people around you to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you are doing enough, or hey I can help you.
Speaker 2: Like you.
Speaker 1: Being connected with healthy people, of course, can really help
Speaker 1: you slow down and believe that you're doing enough. Like
Speaker 1: I even think of about my boyfriend, he is always
Speaker 1: just constantly like celebrating the small things that I kind
Speaker 1: of just like push away, and I'm just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: onto the next thing or whatever. Like even my friends too,
Speaker 1: Like people will come to me and like you have
Speaker 1: done so much for people, and your work is incredibly impactful,
Speaker 1: or your book or everything that you've done and all
Speaker 1: of these things. But I'm just so numb to it
Speaker 1: sometimes and I'm just so like used to just not
Speaker 1: really like Okay, onto the next thing, that I don't
Speaker 1: even see it. But when I have people, when I'm
Speaker 1: not separated from others, when I'm not separated from love,
Speaker 1: then I can actually see I am whole, I am
Speaker 1: good enough. I actually don't need to be doing so much.
Speaker 1: I am enough. That's what I'll say about separation. Next
Speaker 1: thing says is scarcity. Of course, when you are feeling
Speaker 1: like I'm not doing enough, I need to do more,
Speaker 1: that you're operating out of scarcity. You're operating out of
Speaker 1: a belief system that thinks I need to do more to.
Speaker 2: Be loved, to be valued, to.
Speaker 1: Even have more money. And on one hand, yeah, you
Speaker 1: need to do certain things to get money right, you
Speaker 1: need to do certain things to be valued in life.
Speaker 2: That's kind of how it is.
Speaker 1: And also you need to do things for others, so
Speaker 1: other people will also do things for you, but not
Speaker 1: in a toxic way. It's just a that's just kind
Speaker 1: of how things are, and that's totally fine. But I
Speaker 1: do think sometimes we are constantly being bombarded by things
Speaker 1: online and even in real life where it's just like
Speaker 1: you to work hard, you need to do more and
Speaker 1: it's still not going to be enough, and that belief
Speaker 1: system really can get in your head and push you
Speaker 1: to continuously keep doing more. But the truth really is
Speaker 1: is there actually is an abundance of love to be
Speaker 1: had and to be given, money to be had to
Speaker 1: be given, and resources and a lot of things.
Speaker 2: But we only see what.
Speaker 1: We are operating out of. So if you have that
Speaker 1: belief system of lack, I am in danger and there's
Speaker 1: not enough. You will only see see evidence to prove
Speaker 1: to yourself right about your belief system, and you will
Speaker 1: be in this perpetual negative feedback loop. And I've been there,
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying the world is all butterflies and roses.
Speaker 1: Definitely not right now and in today's world, and people
Speaker 1: need to wake up. People need to wake up, but
Speaker 1: you also need to wake up to the fact that
Speaker 1: there is a lot of good and when you do
Speaker 1: have that mindset, you can create more resources, more abundant,
Speaker 1: more healing in this world that can also help others
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: So that's all I'll say on the scarcity.
Speaker 1: But it definitely can be coming from the scarcity mindset
Speaker 1: when you're constantly feeling like you gotta do more and
Speaker 1: self improvement and not good enough.
Speaker 2: And YadA, YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1: Next is control. The thing is with control is this,
Speaker 1: we have a lot more control over the way we
Speaker 1: perceive things and our mindsets and are positive or negative
Speaker 1: mindsets about things and whether we're gonna continue forward, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have good beliefs and this that, But we don't
Speaker 1: necessarily always have control over the things that are happening,
Speaker 1: just how we are going to interact with these things.
Speaker 2: And I think.
Speaker 1: The illusion that really hits us sometimes from that dark energy.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you want to believe in that, is that
Speaker 1: we can control every outcome, and when we do that,
Speaker 1: we actually stress ourselves out even more.
Speaker 2: And I'm going to bring it back to that event.
Speaker 1: I couldn't control really how that day went. Okay, you
Speaker 1: know what, the weather was the weather, My hormones were
Speaker 1: my hormones, and there were other like small things that
Speaker 1: just were playing a role in that, and I could
Speaker 1: really go against that. But if I continue to fight
Speaker 1: against that, I would just be fighting myself and stressing
Speaker 1: myself out more. And the moment that I released some
Speaker 1: of that perfectionism, because that's really what that control feeds into.
Speaker 1: Once I released that, things opened up so beautifully for me.
Speaker 1: I felt so much lighter. And when I am not stressed,
Speaker 1: when I'm not feeling like I need to control things,
Speaker 1: things work out so much much better. I'm clear minded,
Speaker 1: so I think differently, I move differently, I act differently.
Speaker 1: During that day, not only did I go into that
Speaker 1: mindset of like, oh my gosh, look at all the
Speaker 1: things that I did do, that also spiraled me into
Speaker 1: doing other things in that day. It wasn't like I
Speaker 1: sat around did nothing. I actually was really productive in
Speaker 1: other beautiful ways and I got so many things done
Speaker 1: from this place of alignment that like me going to
Speaker 1: that event, when I looked at it the next day,
Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, like that was actually ridiculous, but it
Speaker 1: was a lesson. But anyways, control is definitely an illusion
Speaker 1: and we need to remind ourselves of that. The next
Speaker 1: thing on that list was unworthiness, which I kind of
Speaker 1: already talked about. But you know, this can really keep
Speaker 1: us stuck and sick and depressed and just not living
Speaker 1: a good quality life. And I think that this is
Speaker 1: another thing that infiltrates our minds through social media, through
Speaker 1: people above us, people in systems everywhere. If we're not
Speaker 1: careful and we don't wake up that you know, we
Speaker 1: are just inherently not good and we need to change,
Speaker 1: and we need to do more, and we need to
Speaker 1: be better and just do more.
Speaker 2: And it's just a rat race.
Speaker 1: It's a never ending thing when you are operating out
Speaker 1: of this feeling of unworthiness. And it's not to say
Speaker 1: that we don't do more and be better as humans
Speaker 1: or even want to make more money or hit goals,
Speaker 1: but you want to do it from the place of
Speaker 1: this is a line to me, I want to do
Speaker 1: these things. I am good enough where I am, but
Speaker 1: I want to improve, not thinking that you have to
Speaker 1: or it's life or death, have to or I will
Speaker 1: never get love.
Speaker 2: No, we don't want.
Speaker 1: To operate from that place because when we do, we
Speaker 1: do some crazy shit. We change ourselves in really unhealthy ways.
Speaker 1: We overwork ourselves in really unhealthy ways, and that leads
Speaker 1: to us just self destructing essentially.
Speaker 2: The next thing is time.
Speaker 1: Always believing that we don't have enough time can really
Speaker 1: bring us into that burn energy essentially. And I always
Speaker 1: remind myself when I feel like I'm rushing through life
Speaker 1: where I'm feeling like I have to get things done
Speaker 1: and that which again, like life is life. We're not
Speaker 1: always gonna get all these things done. I said it
Speaker 1: in last week's episode. Life will always be lifing and
Speaker 1: things will be unfinishing. We need to be more comfortable
Speaker 1: with that. We need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But really, when we're rushing, all we're doing is we're
Speaker 1: rushing to the finish line, which is death. So I'm
Speaker 1: always trying to remind myself, like, do you really are
Speaker 1: you trying to really like speed up the process with that?
Speaker 1: Because I'm not. I don't I'm not actually trying to
Speaker 1: do that. And it's so crazy because we have a
Speaker 1: part of ourselves that's convinced that if we keep going faster, quicker,
Speaker 1: do more, do more, do more, We're gonna stay safe
Speaker 1: because that's what it believes that we know. All of
Speaker 1: these things will keep us safe. You know, if we
Speaker 1: do more for better, if we're valued more, if we're
Speaker 1: loved and more, if we have more money, all these
Speaker 1: things keep us safe. And yeah, that's partly true, but
Speaker 1: we do that too much. Where is that gonna bring
Speaker 1: us to unsafety aka being depressed, sad, not fulfilled in
Speaker 1: life because we've maybe taken the wrong route coping because
Speaker 1: we are so stressed, And where does that lead us?
Speaker 1: That leads us to death, that leads us to an
Speaker 1: unfulfilled life. The next thing that it says is fear,
Speaker 1: which again, like this kind of all correlates, right when
Speaker 1: you are in this energy of being hard on yourself
Speaker 1: and I'm not doing enough, you're really operating from fear
Speaker 1: not love. And I talked about this in a few
Speaker 1: episodes in the like End of Tail, End of Winter
Speaker 1: into Spring, where if you really just think about it,
Speaker 1: we as humans operate from two places, fear or love.
Speaker 1: When you're operating from a place of fear, you're doing
Speaker 1: things like overworking yourself or getting into the wrong relationships
Speaker 1: because you're afraid that if not, then you won't be loved.
Speaker 1: Like you're doing a lot of things that might not
Speaker 1: actually serve you or serve others. You know, even people
Speaker 1: who are harming other people. Deep down, yes they're mentally
Speaker 1: not okay, But there's fear within those emotions as well.
Speaker 1: YadA YadA. So there's fear or there's love. And when
Speaker 1: you operate out of a place of love, you typically
Speaker 1: do things for the betterment of society. You do things
Speaker 1: for yourself in a way that's nurturing and loving and
Speaker 1: understanding and more compassionate. And it's always asking yourself when
Speaker 1: you're doing certain habits, am I doing this out of
Speaker 1: a place of fear or love? When you're self sabotaging,
Speaker 1: when you're overeating, when you're not taking care of yourself,
Speaker 1: where's this coming from? And when it comes to overworking
Speaker 1: and feeling like you're not doing enough, that's really your survival.
Speaker 2: Mode getting activated.
Speaker 1: Right, So there's this sense of feeling like I'm afraid,
Speaker 1: I need to protect myself, I need to go, go go.
Speaker 1: Where's that coming from? A lot of the times, it's
Speaker 1: the way we were brought up it's trauma, it's the
Speaker 1: belief systems that we hold. But understanding that the way
Speaker 1: you are actually going to be safe is not going
Speaker 1: to be from operating out of survival mode the way
Speaker 1: you have been. It's not to say that you don't
Speaker 1: want to have those instincts and you don't want to
Speaker 1: protect yourself. Absolutely every emotion, every system that we have
Speaker 1: serves a purpose. But when you're constantly overworked, when you're
Speaker 1: going chronic in one area, that is not going to
Speaker 1: help you at all, and for the most part, that
Speaker 1: doesn't serve us anymore.
Speaker 2: So when you are.
Speaker 1: Telling yourself, I'm not doing good enough, I am a
Speaker 1: bad person because I'm not hitting these goals or I
Speaker 1: should be doing more, it's feeding into that unhealthy mindset
Speaker 1: of we must stay in fight or flights. And again
Speaker 1: the journal problems that I'm going to give you at
Speaker 1: the end of this episode will help with that as well.
Speaker 1: And then the last one is death. And I won't
Speaker 1: go too much into this. Who knows, maybe one day
Speaker 1: I we'll have more of not necessarily an opinion, but
Speaker 1: more content when it revolves like death and grieving and stuff.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm obviously still in the grieving process when
Speaker 1: it comes to my mom. But I've been learning a
Speaker 1: lot about death and grieving, and I think it's actually
Speaker 1: quite instinctual, and it was easy for me to understand
Speaker 1: because of my life experience, probably even when it came
Speaker 1: to losing my mom. But I think that a lot
Speaker 1: of us do not understand death and we are absolutely
Speaker 1: terrified of it. And I understand, and I start to
Speaker 1: say that I'm not afraid of death in a way,
Speaker 1: actually I'm not really, but obviously I want to live
Speaker 1: like I.
Speaker 2: Obviously like want to live this.
Speaker 1: Beautiful life and I everything like that, and of course
Speaker 1: I would love to have my parents be here and
Speaker 1: anyone who I've lost. The perspective that I have is
Speaker 1: that life definitely goes on and there will always be
Speaker 1: a transition, and there's reasons for why we come here
Speaker 1: and do the things that we do in terms of
Speaker 1: the legacies and the change that we make, and you know,
Speaker 1: believing that there is like.
Speaker 2: A higher power or God and he has a plan
Speaker 2: for all those things.
Speaker 1: So anyways, not going to get into it, but I
Speaker 1: think that when you are not so afraid of that
Speaker 1: afraid of death, and also you're able to handle grief
Speaker 1: because that is literally a natural thing that we will
Speaker 1: all have to go through, whether it's people, places, or
Speaker 1: things will have to grieve. It can allow us to
Speaker 1: be really resilient and actually create an even more beautiful
Speaker 1: life and even more meaningful life. We can see the lessons,
Speaker 1: we can see the wisdom, and we stop operating out
Speaker 1: of fear because at the end of the day, that's
Speaker 1: really what we are doing, right. It all comes down
Speaker 1: to this instinctual want and need to stay alive. But
Speaker 1: when you fear death a little less, it's almost like
Speaker 1: you can actually live more, which is again an interesting
Speaker 1: thing to think about. So anyways, that was kind of deep.
Speaker 1: But I just read that quote and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this all everything is connected, really and truly everything is
Speaker 1: connected now for one Before we go on to the
Speaker 1: next part, I do want to ask you, guys, what
Speaker 1: are you currently fearing in your life? I would love
Speaker 1: to hear, whether it's in the comments you can send
Speaker 1: me DMS or even leave it on the Spotify page
Speaker 1: where you can leave comments in any area of these
Speaker 1: things that I talked about, even from like the quotes,
Speaker 1: I just kind of want to know, like, what are
Speaker 1: the big fears. It could be other things that I
Speaker 1: didn't talk about. I feel like a lot of women
Speaker 1: are afraid of aging and also like children and marriage,
Speaker 1: relationships like that kind of stuff, which I would really
Speaker 1: like to have those conversations as well in the podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm going into my thirtieth year and I have a
Speaker 1: pretty I think that I've come around kind of a
Speaker 1: little bit on the other side when it comes to
Speaker 1: this rushing energy and feeling afraid of life. So I
Speaker 1: definitely would love to share that with you guys. But
Speaker 1: I'm also just interested in what you guys maybe are
Speaker 1: struggling with.
Speaker 2: So what do we do about.
Speaker 1: This not feeling good enough, fearful mindset that we have.
Speaker 2: Well, what we really need when.
Speaker 1: We are afraid is we need to feel safe. And
Speaker 1: I talk on my podcast all the time about all
Speaker 1: the ways in which that we really need to look
Speaker 1: and deconstruct our lives to create more safety within them. Right,
Speaker 1: It's everything from yes, the systems that we live in
Speaker 1: and the environment that we are in, and the financials
Speaker 1: and the parents and the relationships, the friendships where we
Speaker 1: spend our time, what we are listening to, all of it,
Speaker 1: you know, and by the way, let's slow down here
Speaker 1: and understand that that will be a lifelong process and
Speaker 1: that is okay, and you can still feel safe and
Speaker 1: you can still have a better quality of life even
Speaker 1: if all these things are not in place. Coming from
Speaker 1: me and my story, that's how I've always kind of
Speaker 1: moved up and evolved. Is not everything is perfect, but
Speaker 1: I'm creating safety. I'm looking for safety. I'm doing the
Speaker 1: best that I can, and every single year is just
Speaker 1: better and better. But for this example and what I
Speaker 1: did when I was stressing about that event, We're going
Speaker 1: to talk about really focusing on your small wins because
Speaker 1: doing this can really give you a sense of control
Speaker 1: actually in a way, and also to create a little
Speaker 1: bit more space and calmness in your life so that
Speaker 1: you're not onto the next thing as well, because when
Speaker 1: you're onto the next thing and the next thing, I
Speaker 1: need to do this, I need self improve this. I'm
Speaker 1: good here and I just did this, but I could
Speaker 1: just teak it a little bit more, and I could
Speaker 1: just do a little bit more. No, that is creating
Speaker 1: more stress that you don't need. You're going back into
Speaker 1: that survival mechanism that you have, and you don't need
Speaker 1: to be there. So what you can do as a practice,
Speaker 1: and I'll write this little journal prompt in the description,
Speaker 1: but you can sit down and honestly, like if you're
Speaker 1: really really stressed, you can do this every morning or
Speaker 1: every night, or when you are just like really really stressed.
Speaker 1: But I do want to say that the more times
Speaker 1: that you make having a relationship with yourself a practice,
Speaker 1: you will feel better in your life and yourself and
Speaker 1: God or the universe or whatever you want to believe in.
Speaker 2: And I will talk about that as well.
Speaker 1: But the practice that you can do is naming what
Speaker 1: is enough right now.
Speaker 2: And if you.
Speaker 1: Struggle with even being able to discern whether something is
Speaker 1: enough or not, you can just simply write out all
Speaker 1: of the things that you've actually done or accomplished, whether
Speaker 1: it was that day, or.
Speaker 2: During the week or even the month.
Speaker 1: I sometimes like to do that if I feel really
Speaker 1: unaccomplished at the end of the day, but I do
Speaker 1: know that I didn't just sit around and do nothing.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I'll just feel like that, like my brain
Speaker 1: just doesn't want to acknowledge anything.
Speaker 2: So I will write out or sometimes I'll even say
Speaker 2: it out loud.
Speaker 1: But it is good to write all of the things
Speaker 1: that are enough and all the things that you have done.
Speaker 1: So for instance, for the event thing, I actually sat
Speaker 1: there and I was like, Okay, well what have I
Speaker 1: actually done this week? Because I did do a lot
Speaker 1: of things, and you know Monday that slump, I had
Speaker 1: two really productive days and that was not planned, which
Speaker 1: is good. I always feel so accomplished when I do that,
Speaker 1: when I move with my energy. I also did the
Speaker 1: brand deal thing and that led to another opportunity, which
Speaker 1: was beautiful.
Speaker 2: And then I.
Speaker 1: Again taking care of the relationship, getting things done around
Speaker 1: my house, actually my balcony, all of these things.
Speaker 2: And it's not to say that you doing this.
Speaker 1: Practice is going to change absolutely everything, but it will
Speaker 1: start to calm yourself down because you will see in
Speaker 1: front of you.
Speaker 2: You will be able to actually see.
Speaker 1: The real evidence of you moving forward and you being
Speaker 1: safe and you doing these things. And I just think
Speaker 1: that we don't see that evidence enough. We are so
Speaker 1: on autopilot, and that autopilot thinking and that evidence is
Speaker 1: based on focusing on the things that we haven't done
Speaker 1: and making it so big or just seeing all the
Speaker 1: things that are stressing us out are going wrong, and
Speaker 1: we're constantly focusing on that which goals sen to the
Speaker 1: last week's episode if you really struggle with that as well.
Speaker 1: So doing this type of practice not only will help
Speaker 1: you in that moment and make you feel a little
Speaker 1: bit better, but also when you continuously do this and
Speaker 1: you have a practice of coming back to yourself, reminding yourself,
Speaker 1: I am worthy, I am good enough, I have accomplished enough,
Speaker 1: and you can list out the things that you've been
Speaker 1: doing or the things that you're working on, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: All of that kind of stuff will eventually rewire your brain,
Speaker 1: so you start to automatically start thinking about the fact
Speaker 1: that actually I am already doing enough naturally, and that's
Speaker 1: where I'm at as well. Like not all the time,
Speaker 1: am I in that energy of like the event thing.
Speaker 1: For most things, I can just like let it go
Speaker 1: and be like, it's not. At this point, I've done
Speaker 1: enough work. We're not going to stress about the fact
Speaker 1: that I didn't get that thing done. My perfectionism is
Speaker 1: so much less than it used to be because I've
Speaker 1: just done these practices and I'm constantly pouring into myself
Speaker 1: anytime that I'm stressing, and usually every morning, not every
Speaker 1: single morning, am I perfect? When it comes to journaling
Speaker 1: and stuff. But I can see an absolute complete difference
Speaker 1: in my mental health when I am sitting down and
Speaker 1: I'm writing out either the things that I am doing
Speaker 1: or enough or again just pouring into myself when it
Speaker 1: comes to affirmation or another thing you can do. And
Speaker 1: I think that this is a really beautiful method practice
Speaker 1: that I use all the time, that you can implement
Speaker 1: in your daily life.
Speaker 2: But this does not to be every day, but I
Speaker 2: think it could be helpful.
Speaker 1: Is writing a letter to your inner child, aka the
Speaker 1: part of you that is in this fear based response
Speaker 1: from a higher version of yourself. And you can think
Speaker 1: about this person being anyone like it just whatever's going
Speaker 1: to work for you. But you can think about a
Speaker 1: mother who is so unconditionally loving to their child, who
Speaker 1: accepts them, who can meet all of their needs, who
Speaker 1: shows up, who has the resources. You could also even
Speaker 1: think about it as like maybe your parents, whether they
Speaker 1: maybe were falling short about things like thinking about how
Speaker 1: they actually would be if they had the resources and
Speaker 1: they didn't come from their own traumas and their own
Speaker 1: you know, upbringings and things like that.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I will think about it.
Speaker 1: Like that, but regardless that parent role model person, what
Speaker 1: would they say to you when you are in this
Speaker 1: mindset of wanting to be controlling, or you're afraid, or
Speaker 1: you're scared, or you're anxious and writing to yourself, writing
Speaker 1: to that part of yourself or from your higher self
Speaker 1: even and you know what, some people will connect with
Speaker 1: God in this way. So obviously it's not like you're
Speaker 1: playing God, but it's just like you going into prayer
Speaker 1: or you having this, in my personal opinion, truth that
Speaker 1: we all can tap into if we slow down and
Speaker 1: we take a moment and connect to it of the
Speaker 1: fact that we are inherently already worthy, We are a whole,
Speaker 1: we are loved, and we need to remind ourselves of
Speaker 1: these things so that we stop operating from such places
Speaker 1: and bringing it back to finding those cues of safety,
Speaker 1: reminding yourself of the things that you have accomplished, but
Speaker 1: also going into gratitud going into the things that are
Speaker 1: working well in your life. And I think we need
Speaker 1: to do more of this. And this is something that's
Speaker 1: really helped me and it's gotten my mindset to a
Speaker 1: place of feeling more stable. And yes, there's other things
Speaker 1: that you can do when it comes to regularly in
Speaker 1: your nervous system and feeling safe. You know, somatic work,
Speaker 1: you know, breath work, meditation, things like that. But I'm
Speaker 1: talking about things where we get in our heads a lot,
Speaker 1: and we do need to remind ourselves of these things
Speaker 1: when it comes to writing or speaking to ourselves. Affirmations
Speaker 1: and some of the things that my higher self or even.
Speaker 2: My mother like.
Speaker 1: Genuinely, this is how my mom was, so I have
Speaker 1: this voice ingrained in me as well, and that higher
Speaker 1: consciousness would say things like trust the timing of your life.
Speaker 1: Everything will work out exactly the way that it is
Speaker 1: meant to. Trust God's timing, trust God's plan. And actually
Speaker 1: I saw this quote on I don't know if it
Speaker 1: was Instagram or Pinterest where it says something about slowness
Speaker 1: is divine timing or something, and I'm pretty sure I
Speaker 1: posted it on the YouTube community tab page as well,
Speaker 1: and it's really like, sometimes slowness in things, taking time
Speaker 1: is such a blessing, and we just forget that. We
Speaker 1: think everything should take two seconds and we should get
Speaker 1: it now, and if it's not changing and we don't
Speaker 1: see the evidence, then it's not working, and we stress
Speaker 1: out and we don't need to. We have to remind
Speaker 1: ourselves that things, actually some of the best things in
Speaker 1: life take time, and they need to take time. You
Speaker 1: need time to see what you like and what you
Speaker 1: don't like when it comes to relationships, which means sometimes
Speaker 1: you might have to go through the phases of like
Speaker 1: dating the wrong people, or you know, not living in
Speaker 1: the right state, or working shitty jobs, and then you
Speaker 1: figure out, actually, I want to do this thing and
Speaker 1: not that thing. Like there's many jobs that I didn't love,
Speaker 1: but I learned to find the lessons in those jobs,
Speaker 1: and then that allowed me to actually get closer to
Speaker 1: what I actually was meant to do in this world.
Speaker 1: And I continue to do that and to follow what
Speaker 1: feels good. But I can't do that when my mind
Speaker 1: is clouded with this negative self talk and this scarcity
Speaker 1: and that I need to do more and quicker and faster,
Speaker 1: and I'm not good enough the way that I am, Like,
Speaker 1: of course, I'm going to bring myself into hot water
Speaker 1: when I'm thinking those things. And actually, one thing I
Speaker 1: did say in one of those episodes, like from Spring
Speaker 1: End of Winter, like I was saying, was from this
Speaker 1: book called A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I
Speaker 1: love her, and she was saying in the book, how
Speaker 1: fear speaks loud and first. So when you are having
Speaker 1: thoughts in your head a lot of the time, especially
Speaker 1: if you've come from like limiting beliefs and things like that,
Speaker 1: what's going to come up first is the fearful thought,
Speaker 1: is the limiting belief, is the thing that doesn't serve you.
Speaker 1: It speaks loud and it speaks first.
Speaker 2: So we want to take a moment to.
Speaker 1: Really dissect these thoughts that we have and the things
Speaker 1: that we're telling ourselves, the stories that we're telling ourselves,
Speaker 1: by having journal practices, you know, by redirecting our minds,
Speaker 1: because it's very detrimental for us to be acting on
Speaker 1: these fear based thoughts. And when we go underneath that,
Speaker 1: we do find the truth of what is real about ourselves,
Speaker 1: which is that we actually are lovable. But maybe we
Speaker 1: just grew up in environments where we were taught we
Speaker 1: were opposite of that, Or we actually are doing a
Speaker 1: lot of things, but we are so focused on the
Speaker 1: things that aren't going right that we don't even see
Speaker 1: all the things that we are accomplishing and that we
Speaker 1: are doing or we're doing so much comparison or judgment
Speaker 1: when really we should be just focusing on our own water,
Speaker 1: our own lives, and pouring into ourselves. And when we
Speaker 1: do more of that, and when we operate more out
Speaker 1: of love.
Speaker 2: We actually are okay.
Speaker 1: We actually don't need to keep doing more and being more,
Speaker 1: and we heal, We heal physically, mentally and emotionally when
Speaker 1: we slow it down and we stopped acting, but also
Speaker 1: listening to the thoughts that come first, which a lot
Speaker 1: of the times those first thoughts will be those fear
Speaker 1: based thoughts.
Speaker 2: And those beliefs.
Speaker 1: And maybe I can make an episode on things that
Speaker 1: will keep you asleep and keep you stuck and keep
Speaker 1: you in this illusion. I can talk about some of
Speaker 1: the things that I've had to kind of get rid
Speaker 1: of in my life in order for me to stay
Speaker 1: centered with myself, stay connected to God, the universe, all
Speaker 1: of that higher power, things that are bigger than me
Speaker 1: and what is true about this life and this world
Speaker 1: and that keep me sane and keep me on a
Speaker 1: good path. So I can I can talk more about that,
Speaker 1: So let me know. But I hope this help in
Speaker 1: some way. My everything is basically going to die so
Speaker 1: I need to get off of the podcast soon. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I just think that, you know, we really need to
Speaker 1: put in the work to redirect our minds come back
Speaker 1: to the truth. Am I really not doing enough? Is
Speaker 1: this event that I didn't go to? Is this really
Speaker 1: the end of the world? And do I need to
Speaker 1: work myself up and ruin my whole day because I'm
Speaker 1: not going and I feel like shame and I'm the
Speaker 1: worst person in this that. No, it's not it's not
Speaker 1: what God wants from me. It's not even what's best
Speaker 1: for society. For me to constantly be operating out of
Speaker 1: fear and being sick and being depressed and being sad
Speaker 1: and being fearful and anxiety like all of those things,
Speaker 1: it's not serving not only myself but others. And so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what I need to do to get
Speaker 1: further away from operating out of those places like scarcity,
Speaker 1: like unworthiness, because it's not the truth. But it's gonna
Speaker 1: be up to you to continuously remind yourself of these
Speaker 1: things by doing practices in the morning, connecting to yourself,
Speaker 1: connecting to God, listening to podcasts, getting out of your
Speaker 1: own way, and reminding yourself of your worth because realistically,
Speaker 1: even the people around you who are good, who can
Speaker 1: remind you, sometimes those fear based thoughts and that programming
Speaker 1: is so ingrained in you that you can't even see
Speaker 1: it and you won't even believe it.
Speaker 2: So you need to convince yourself of that first. So anyways, Also,
Speaker 2: the last thing I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Do is show you THEO. He's so like asleep right
Speaker 1: now and like not interested. But guys, he's so big now,
Speaker 1: Like he's literally huge. Okay, anyways, if you want to
Speaker 1: see him, then you can just follow my Instagram. He's
Speaker 1: so tired, but he's growing so much. He's almost like
Speaker 1: seven months. Guys, Like, I can't even believe this. What
Speaker 1: a gem. He's an Italian Greyhound for anyone who is new. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I'll see you guys in the next one.
Speaker 2: Bye.