Speaker 1: You are now listening to soft core History?
Speaker 2: What is up? Welcome back to soft Core History. I
am your host for the week, Rob Fox, joined as
always by Dan Regester.
Speaker 1: If you're hearing this right now, we could be dead.
We don't know, We have no idea. We're recording this
early storm of the century coming in. I'm gonna schedule
it for its normal release time and who knows. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now, if you're a new listener, you might be thinking
to yourself, Oh, do they live in Chicago or something
like that where the storm's really bad.
Speaker 1: No, well, the storm's actually not hitt in Chicago. But
th it's cold, is I guess?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: The cold doesn't matter there.
Speaker 2: It's getting bad. It's getting tree exploding cold.
Speaker 1: We're getting less than an inch of ice, so the
entire state we'll shut down of Texas. The power will
go out. Yep, it'll break into chaos, anarchy, and everyone
will have to fend for themselves.
Speaker 2: With thunderdome is coming over. The temperature briefly dropping below freezing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not made for this.
Speaker 2: Here that no one, no one here is made for this.
It's the most It's like a yearly display of how
pathetic Texas can get Listen.
Speaker 1: This is the once in a lifetime storm that happens
every year. There's no way we could prepare.
Speaker 2: For No, how could we see this coming. It's so
hot in July, though, Why would it be cold in
the winter. It's so hot in the summer.
Speaker 1: Gets hot in August. Now, it's true, the seasons are
shifting a bit here.
Speaker 2: Soon it will be one hundred degrees here. It probably
will be one hundred.
Speaker 1: Degrees in like three weeks, doesn't I'm fine with that.
I know you are. I want to go back to
Florida with Jake.
Speaker 2: I just want to wear tank tops and flip flops.
Speaker 1: You know what it is today in our land though,
eighty five. Yeah, Jake's not feeling perfect. Jake's not feeling
the pain, absolutely not. No, he's just on the beach.
But it is wiping at least a good portion of
the nation, the whole middle part. No, it's going all
the way to these coasts like DC's getting crushed, Philly's
gonna get crushed, all right, Yeah, no, this is effecting
the entire I guess you haven't been paying attention to
the the models.
Speaker 2: No, no, I don't care. I don't care what happens
to the rest of the country. I can barely keep
control what happens inside my own house.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was gonna say, you don't really care what
even happens on the side of the street.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, like it's like three children running around like
what Okay, great, let me know when it's over.
Speaker 1: Oh God, you're into Boris with parent in talk.
Speaker 2: No, no, okay, I'm gonna entertain you with.
Speaker 1: It's what people want, weather and child.
Speaker 2: Ye, I'm gonna entertain you with history talk today, as
we are wont to do on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I actually know the subject today because you asked
if we did.
Speaker 2: It or not, would you look them up?
Speaker 1: No? Okay, but I know the name now, okay. And
I know because you asked, because we've been knowing the
show for six years now whether or not we cover them,
and I'm the encyclopedia of the podcast. Yeah, well I'm
the only guy that knows because your ADHD friddle brain
is just too weak.
Speaker 2: I googled it, but Google was not much help, so
I had to double check.
Speaker 1: It was not very good at all. Now, no, those
AI tools are not useful A.
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, software history did seven episodes on
Porter Rockwell.
Speaker 1: Just go through the episodes, Yeah, a lot through the list.
There's so goddamniti it's one a week on the main
feed for five years too. On Patreon. Yeah, the Patreon
what really gets you? Yeah, because that's where there's a lot.
On patreon dot com slash softcore, there's so much content
for you, a shit ton of gon that just a
giant back catalog. Check it out if you haven't.
Speaker 2: Already, it's evergreen.
Speaker 1: Support our families because obviously we're gonna be dead at
this point, yeah, we when this episode comes out, So
support our families by going to that Patreon.
Speaker 2: My children will be refusing to eat me, not because
they wouldn't eat me, but because they'll just won't like
the way my wife prepared me.
Speaker 1: Oh no, she's a terrible cook.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's you know, I mean she could be a
great cook. They stillouldn't need it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Just not listening to your wife. Yeah, it's just like, no,
I want this. They're with her all day. You kind
of build up a tolerance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true for bs. Anyway, let's get into this
week's episode.
Speaker 1: Let's do it.
Speaker 2: Porter Rockwell is our subject, Porter Rockwell. I guess the
best way to describe him.
Speaker 1: It's a strong name. It also sounds like he would
have been a titan of industry, which is not the case.
Speaker 2: What did you look him up or not?
Speaker 1: No? Okay, but just by the name Porter Rockwell, yeah,
it sounds like he should have buildings named after him.
Speaker 2: Uh. He does have stuff named after him, Okay, because
he is a very big figure in the Mormon Church.
Speaker 1: Oh see, I only saw like American Frontiersman and then
I just checked out. Yeah, because that's kind of my
lane and you you're encroaching. You're encroaching on my therapy.
Speaker 2: Frontiersman did cultures run? I did the Frontiersman that got
attacked by the yetti.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Rockwell is really the best way to put it. Joseph
Smith and Brigham Young's enforcer bodyguard. Yeah, in force, he
was their bodyguard, but honestly, enforcer is a better way
to put it. He is there fucking archangel Michael, their
goddamn angel of war, and he stabbed bodies for the
Mormon Church.
Speaker 1: He's essentially a bodyguard for influencers nowadays. Yeah. Yeah, that
start shit and then back away and be like, oh, No,
he's got this. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ye, he'll kill someone for Logan Paul or Jake Paul
or not.
Speaker 1: The pause Paul's. They fight their own battles. They do. Now,
I'm talking about like the little shits, the little pranksters.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a streamer with.
Speaker 1: The body the one Jack kid. He's not Jacked, he's
uh opposite, but his name is Jack something And yeah,
he like hits people's hats off and then has his
bodyguard step in when they try to fight him.
Speaker 2: What a fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 1: Your kids are probably gonna find them to be role
models one day.
Speaker 2: Hm.
Speaker 1: They will.
Speaker 2: They will, And I will not let them watch any
of it. I will literally like, if I catch them
watching it, I will turn it off. I will be like,
just fucking stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you cannot throw the Palls under the bus
right now. They're probably gonna be future leaders of the country. Yeah,
they're gonna do the senators, maybe you know, secretary State.
Speaker 2: Probably a Supreme Court justice in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta think one imagines actually the kard Kim
Kardashian will be on Scotas So if anyway influencers.
Speaker 2: She has a law degree, Yeah, yeah, she does. She'll
be on Scotis.
Speaker 1: Do you think she went at night? When did she
have the time to do that?
Speaker 2: It feels like it feels like a night school situation.
Speaker 1: And seven an honorary degree.
Speaker 2: Several people helped their get it type of the situation.
Speaker 1: There's so many honorary doctorates. They just hand those out,
Like Candy, I don't think you can an honorary JD.
But I don't know honorary passed the bar. Yeah, she
did pass the bar. So.
Speaker 2: Rockwell was born in what is known as dark the
quote unquote dark Corner section of Belchertown, New Hampshire. But
in eighteen seventeen, when he was four, his family moved
to New York and they became neighbors of the Smith family.
Speaker 1: Rockwell they started up shop in New York. People forget
that they did.
Speaker 2: It was Mormonism. Is is it a New York religion?
Speaker 1: Was not a Missouri thing? Try to distance yourself. Well,
we legally distanced ourselves from Well, yeah, that you could
legally hunt a Mormon until like nineteen seventy in the
state of Missouri.
Speaker 2: We forgot to overturn it.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of laws like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a shit time and that law comes into play
in this episode. Smith and Rockwell were said to be
related through just like past ancestral lines, although that might
have just been made up to make Rockwell seem more.
Speaker 1: It's a family tree that goes directly to Jesus.
Speaker 2: Yes, it starts at Jesus, it spreads out, and Rockwell
and Smith were kind of right next.
Speaker 1: To each other on it allegedly.
Speaker 2: Yeah so, Rockwell was eight years younger than Smith, and
while Smith was publishing the Book of Mormon, Rockwell would
pick berries at night and haulwood into town.
Speaker 1: Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon. You say, publish.
It's a great play.
Speaker 2: Published the Book of Mormon.
Speaker 1: I can't believe he was such an oteur.
Speaker 2: He people forget he's a great musical genius.
Speaker 1: Yeh, like problems to him. We don't give him enough credit. No,
I mean his artistry.
Speaker 2: They basically, Joseph Smith wrote Book of Mormon. The way
he he got the real Book of Mormon is Trey
Parker looked in a hat and as Joseph Smith fed
him everything.
Speaker 1: The lines, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. You should really have
to hold it to your ear like a seashell so
you can hear the ocean, you hear Jesus talk to
you through the hat into the ear.
Speaker 2: It would be more profound to hear.
Speaker 1: Him then see him. Yeah, yeah, I think so and
see words. But also yeah, I mean you as a kid,
you hold up a tin can with a string, tame principles. Yeah,
you should have to do that with the hat to
hear God.
Speaker 2: That's the biggest hole in the Mormon story. I would say, yeah,
like make it cooler.
Speaker 1: You're just seeing words.
Speaker 2: You heard you could have heard Jesus' voice God.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I actually ascribed to the Dogma version of like
the movie Dogma version of God, where if you hear
God's voice your.
Speaker 1: Head will explode. It's a female God.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's anything.
Speaker 1: It's a female God.
Speaker 2: It's alanis morset.
Speaker 1: God is a woman.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So yeah.
Speaker 2: Rockwell just worked night jobs to help Smith publish the
book in eighteen thirty at sixteen years old.
Speaker 1: So he was like foot in the bill. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Basically he was making money and taking all of it
to pay to give to Joseph Smith so you.
Speaker 1: Can cover rent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, pretty much. At sixteen, Rockwell was baptized and
he in the Mormon Church. And he was the youngest
member of the first group to be baptized into the church,
and soon after he became Joseph Smith's personal bodyguard and
Mormon enforcer.
Speaker 1: Is it a situation where you see him and you're like,
that'll do or does he have to like prove his
skill set? No, he's pretty.
Speaker 2: He's pretty terrifying dude, just a bigger guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: In eighteen seventy a guy wrote about him about porta.
Speaker 1: Rockwell, this is a quote.
Speaker 2: He was that most terrible instrument that can be handled
by fanaticism. A powerful physical nature welded to a mind
of very narrow perceptions. So he was strong and stupid.
Speaker 1: Put that on my tombstone. Then as long as you
say I'm strong, Yeah, that's all. Yeah, he was real strong.
All I hear is big.
Speaker 2: They also said, very narrow perceptions, intense convictions, and changeless
tenacity in his build. He was a gladiator in his humor,
a Yankee lumberman in his memory, a bourbon in his vengeance,
an Indian, a strange mixture only to be found on
the American continent.
Speaker 1: Sounds like he would have been awesome on the defensive line.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's an edge for sure.
Speaker 1: No, clog him up the middle, give him the detackle position.
Speaker 2: This dude, No, this dude's rolling around the edge.
Speaker 1: You just you throw them anywhere in the defensive lines,
just rot in them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. On the evening of May sixth, eighteen forty two,
a man by the name of Lilburn Bogs was shot
by an unknown party who fired at him through a
window at his home as he read the newspaper in
his study. Lilburn Bogs was the ex governor Lilburn litl Burn,
l I l Burn, Little lil Burn.
Speaker 1: Lil Wayne little Burn.
Speaker 2: Lil Burn's a good yeah, but that's his real name,
lil Burn, that's his government name. That's his Chris, his
Christian name.
Speaker 1: Okay, well not really Christian, right.
Speaker 2: No, this guy is not Mormon, Okay. This guy's a
probably a Baptist or something, little Burn, little Burn. So
he's sitting there in his study reading the newspaper and
somebody just sticks a gun through the window and lights
them up. Bogs was the governor of Missouri who'd signed
Executive Order.
Speaker 1: Forty four, yeah, which Lucas probably stole straight up, straight
up without was it Order sixty six? Order sixty six.
Speaker 2: Yeah, other than Nazis might have had some orders like
that too. For all I know, the Empire was heavily
lifted from the Nazis. You don't say yeah, could never
get yeah right. They also did look like tight as hell.
Speaker 1: They looked up.
Speaker 2: They even used uh they even modeled the a lot
of the UH Empire weapons in the original Star Wars
off of German weapons in World War Two, specifically like
the MG forty two.
Speaker 1: I mean they're called storm troopers, right, come on.
Speaker 2: So Boggs gets lit up. He was the one that
wrote the extermination order evicting more from Missouri and making
it legal to hunt.
Speaker 1: Them, which again was on the books until nineteen seventy something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, until the seventies. The legislator had more get yourself
a scalp.
Speaker 1: You could have done it.
Speaker 2: I got someone. I know it's wrong, like you shouldn't
just go kill people, but someone really should have tested
le galley of it. Like, why couldn't some like a
serial killers, a serial killer in Missouri could have just
gone bananas?
Speaker 1: I probably did. We should look into that. Maybe there
was a serial killer that just got a bunch of
Mormon heads and then got.
Speaker 2: Off they swept. They swept it under the rug. They're like, fuck,
we can't prosecute him. But no one can know about this.
Speaker 1: Or they found a legal loophole. They're like, no, it's
on the books. He's fine, he's good to go. Yeah,
he actually gets a reward.
Speaker 2: You gotta pay him cover oh, some money for killing
like twenty Mormons.
Speaker 1: And that got passed him on the eighteen.
Speaker 2: Thirty eighteen thirty eight. Yeah, Bennett, a man named John C. Bennett,
who was a recently excommunicated Mormon, immediately immediately implicated Rockwell
in the assassination attempt, and he actually published an op
ed in a local paper explaining that it was definitely
port of Rockwell who did this. He's a goon, yeah,
he he knew he was in the morning church. He
knew Rockwell is a fucking goon. And but he was
also at a Mormon congregation when he was still in
the church, and he wrote in the paper. In eighteen
forty one, Joe Smith predicted or prophesied in a public
congregation that Lowburn W. Boggs, ex governor of Missouri, should
die by violent hands within one year. So Smith gets
up at church and is like I have a profiser
the little Lowburn bogs where we die violently.
Speaker 1: H that was an open hit. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he keeps writing from one or two months
prior to the attempted assassination of Governor Boggs.
Speaker 1: Except you don't have to pay him. You just give
them God's graces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you pay him in god bucks. Yeah, your planet
gets a whole lot nicer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your future after death, you're going to be able
to roll over those god bucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're just loading up the god bucks first.
Speaker 1: When you get to heaven, you get to you gotta
spend something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think heaven doesn't have an economy.
I mean they got to just keep track of things.
Speaker 1: Right, Even in heaven, you still have to work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1: Grinder's dream unless you have the savings, right, you have
that retirement built in for death.
Speaker 2: It's gotta save up the god bucks, which probably feels
like a thing that would be real in the Mormon church.
Speaker 1: Uh, he keeps traffoic church too, buddy, Nah, pass the
basket around? Ah Ah, what if God actually gave out
a collection's basket While you're up.
Speaker 2: There, you're just hanging out playing beach volleyball in heaven.
Speaker 1: The collection basket comes through, its passed around. It's like, man,
we really gotta tying up the corners over here. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Space time is kind of fracturing on the end of
heaven and we need to get past that. Yeah, so
come on, this dimension is crumbling a little bit. It
takes it takes money and work to upkeep a dimension.
Speaker 1: I'll be so disappointed. I'd be like, God, damn it,
but not surprised. Yeah, non surprised.
Speaker 2: I guess this is better than oblivion, but God damn it.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: He kept writing from one or two months prior to
the attempted assassination of Governor Boggs. Mister O. P. Rockwell
left Nuavo, Missouri, for parts unknown to the citizens Atlas.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, parts unknown. Yeah, he's like the undertaker.
Speaker 2: I was then on terms of close intimacy with Joe
Smith and asked him where Rockwell had gone gone. He said,
gone to fulfill the prophecy. Rockwell then returned Nuovo the
day before the report of this assassination reached there. Okay,
so Joseph Joseph Smith sat Rockwell to jose Smith made
a prophecy.
Speaker 1: Allegedly when I don't get sued.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't want to get sued by the family
of Smith, Joseph Smith.
Speaker 1: There's a large Smith contingent probably, well everyone's named Smith. Yeah,
I just assume he's all related to them.
Speaker 2: It wouldn't he's He might be on a Genghis Khan
level to be honest leader of a polygamist church, and
a big one at that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the leader, the guy well, actually that was the
whole fraction with the Mormon Church was bring him young
and his boys wanted multiple wives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the one who went to Michigan didn't.
Speaker 1: I think so Beaver Island, Yeah, by the up James Strang, Yeah,
for strange Strang. I think it's strang.
Speaker 2: Why would you cut the best part of your religion?
Speaker 1: Go go out in the desert, have yourself. It was
Burning Man before Burning Man really really was. Mormon Church
started as Burning Man.
Speaker 2: Mormon's invented Burning Man, like full stop everything that Burning
Man wishes it was is what the Mormon Church is.
Speaker 1: You just go out to the middle of nowhere in
the desert and get a bunch of bang maids.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, yeah, and uh talk about how you found
your spirituality?
Speaker 1: Yeah, actually Bernanman is super Mormon coded.
Speaker 2: It really is, so Smith. This is like classic Joseph Smith, Right,
he makes a prophecy and then sends a guy to
go fulfill that prophecy that he made so that then
he can come back to the church and be like,
my prophecy has come true.
Speaker 1: Welly are you doing like a Martin Luther King voice?
I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just imagine Joseph Smith to be.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I bet he had like a high pitched
voice like Lincoln.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that actually is how he kind of sounds on
Like he does sound like what I was doing on
I think in Book of Mormon, Like he's like.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm Joseph Smith. I've actually never seen this, so
oh it's good. Okay.
Speaker 2: But the thing, I had a friend who saw it
a Broadway in like twenty eleven, and I was like,
I was it, I was it, I was I was it,
and she was like it was really funny. But I
think the reason it's blowing people's brains out is because
a lot of the Broadway people don't watch South Park,
and this is their first exposure to that their sense
of humor, and because we're both big south Park and
she was like it was really funny, but like I was.
Speaker 1: I was used to it. Yeah, it's like, oh that's
Butter's or that's Cartman.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, like it was like you like it
was like, yeah, oh yeah, you clearly Trey Parker wrote this,
but all the Broadway people not south Park people, so
they what they get. They basically got south Park for.
Speaker 1: The first There's also so many ways you can make
your voice sound. It's like Seth McFarlane, Oh, it's that's Brian. Yeah,
if he does anything, it's usually a Brian voice or
a Peter voice or Ted.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Ted is just Peter.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's literally the safe thing, just like a little less stupid. Essentially,
Dad's pretty dumb. Yeah, it's a Teddy Bear.
Speaker 1: It's true. That show is really funny. By the way
you watch it the movies, no the show, and then
watch the show. Show's good.
Speaker 2: So yeah, Joseph Smith basically just does his own bullshit
prophecy and has Rockwell go fu phill it. Now, Bog survived,
he did not die, so Smith's prophecy doesn't even come
true anyway. But Rockwell is arrested in Saint Louis in
eighteenth March six, eighteen forty three Am.
Speaker 1: He's like young dof how the fuck you miss a
whole hundred shots? Yeah, I know, or I guess you
mean Dolph eventually gets caught at a cookie shop in Memphis.
It's maybe more like fifty Yeah, fifty get shot nine times, survives,
build an empire.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Rockwell didn't get the job done this time.
Speaker 1: Fifty cent as the ages only gets better with all
the investments he made his music Actually, if you go
back and listen to it holds up and he never
got caught up with all the weird gay Diddy stuff.
In fact, he made a documentary about his enemies and
did he if you told me and she trashed.
Speaker 2: Him if you told me in two thousand and three.
Fifty cents going to be a really lovable, great guy
that is like the best person in rap, like the
maybe the best like human being morally in rap.
Speaker 1: And he's like always on the right side of history. Yeah,
when it comes to like Floyd Mayweather Diddy, anybody he
started a clothing brand, remember Gie Unit Clothes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, someone would, I guarantee you someone would chime in
too and be like, what about Kanye, I mean.
Speaker 1: Got in on vitamin water early. Oh he cashed in.
Speaker 2: The amount of money. So much he made on vitamin
Water's got to be obscene.
Speaker 1: Now, Vitamin Water did get sued, but I think he
got app before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he ejected, he's good to go. But yeah, if
you had told me twenty and the fifty cent was
going to be the most morally upstanding person from that
generation of rap, not taking that bet.
Speaker 1: Here we are though, yeah, here we are.
Speaker 2: Rockwell was never indicted for the attempted to sayassination, but
he had escaped jail after being arrested, so he was
tried and found guilty of escaping jail.
Speaker 1: He was on the lamb.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was on the lamb.
Speaker 1: For a little bit.
Speaker 2: So he spent nine months in prison after his arrest
for the jail break. But he was never and no
one was ever charged for the attempted assassination of Bogs.
No one ever figured out who it was. It was Rockwell,
but no one ever figured out who it was.
Speaker 1: But it was Rockwell. At least he's not sloppy with
his assassination attempts.
Speaker 2: No, I mean obvious maybe, but not sloppy.
Speaker 1: It's not what you know, it's what you can prove exactly.
Speaker 2: They couldn't prove. I don't even understand you prove anything
back then, like unless literally someone like saw you, was
like standing next to you.
Speaker 1: You know, you leave the gun around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, with your initials carved into it.
Speaker 1: That's the only way.
Speaker 2: So he continued to serve as Joseph Smith's person no bodyguard,
and he was also part of a group called the Danites.
Speaker 1: No, I don't know if you know nights are of
the night the day?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Danites, probably Danites, the Danites.
Speaker 1: I think it's the Danites.
Speaker 2: Yeah, where a do you know this group?
Speaker 1: No, but my name's in it.
Speaker 2: Okay, the Danites, you'll like it. Then we're essentially the
Mormon Special Forces. They were a secret Mormon vigilante group.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, they wore the hoods, did they?
Speaker 2: I don't even the bags.
Speaker 1: Over there they kind of had. They were KKK coded.
Speaker 2: Really, I think the KKK was just doing what a
lot of people did back then. And yeah, they but
they just like kept doing it after people stopped doing it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think this is the group in American primeval then, yeah,
does all the dirty work.
Speaker 2: I mean, these guys fucking fuck people up. It started
in Missouri, but obviously they went.
Speaker 1: Out to Utah. Uh.
Speaker 2: On September sixteenth, eighteen forty five, Lieutenant Frank Warrel of
the Carthage Missouri Militia came across Rockwell, and Rockwell after
refusing in order to stop by a different sheriff shot
and killed Warrel just was like, I'm not going to
follow your order, not going to comply, and they fucking
shot and killed Lieutenant Frank Warrel. Warrel, this was probably
on purpose, like you probably came across him on purpose,
because Warrel was the sergeant of the guard at the
prison where Joseph Smith was killed.
Speaker 1: Lynch mob got him, yeah, because they were gone and
probably let him go, right, I think so. Yeah, And
the town was not having.
Speaker 2: The town was like this is hold on. First off,
it's legal to kill him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, strung him up, yeah, him and his brother. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so, because a couple of people died
in it. And it says that Smiths were assassinated.
Speaker 1: But again not in Missouri, right across the state line.
Speaker 2: I believe that was in Illinois.
Speaker 1: Illinois, I believe that happened. Yeah, So he was in
the jail cell waiting to be transported and then and
I think he was eventually just going to get off
and the town was just like na, nah nah hang him. Yeah.
So actually, if it was in Illinois, wasn't legal there
you go damn. Yeah.
Speaker 2: You think Rockwell would have let it go if it
was in Missouri.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, the law is a law, probably, yeah,
the law well, I mean Rockwell, No, Rockwell, yeah, seek vengeance,
but anybody else, yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyone else but well, my hands are tied. It's
kind of the fucking law. So Rockwell gets his vengeance
on the man who essentially let Smith die.
Speaker 1: Can you really fight against an entire mob by yourself?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I know right. There was a dude I
saw a crazy this is about a lynch mob. Actually,
I think it was Henry Fonda, the actor. It was
an old video. He's like on a news program in
the nineties and he was talking about like how he
grew up in Omaha. Yeah, and you know in the
early nineteen hundreds, and the reporters like, now, when you
were a boy, you've recounted before you saw lynch mob,
didn't you, And Fonda's like, yeah, there was a black
guy in jail for some crime. And my dad worked
downtown and a mob. There was a mob out there
all day. They're got real worked up. So my dad
comes home for dinner and we eat dinner and he
takes me back to the office so we can look
out at the mob. Like he wanted to show me
what a lynch mob was because he was against it
street justice. He was like, son, you got to learn
that this is wrong. And he just made like young
Henry Fonda watch as they like they went into the jail,
they like overpowered the sheriff and then pulled the strung
them up black heet out and strung him up, and
Henry Fond was just like sitting there watching.
Speaker 1: It as a child, right, so he's a child, and
the reporter was kind of like blaming him for doing that.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, he was just like, interesting piece of
history you saw. And Henry Fond is like, yeah, it
was an interesting piece of history. There's just like a
black dead, black kid. It's like, yeah, that's what I
learned that lynch mobs were bad. It's like, oh, do
you need to see it?
Speaker 1: It's an interesting time to laugh. Yeah, do you need
to see it? By you what you were laughing as
you said that what black kids strung up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's a ridiculous thing for him to just
be like, yo, yeah, I saw it, just showing your
true character, just so it's okay, it's a ridiculous. Like
the way they were talking about it.
Speaker 1: Didn't realize I was doing a show with such a
piece of shit.
Speaker 2: The way they were talking about it was so absurd,
Like it was just like, yeah, I saw that piece
of history, Like there's a human being just fucking hanging
and he's like, yeah, oh, it's history. I saw it.
And that's the day.
Speaker 1: I imagine going to a public hanging for a dude
that took a horse. I know, all right, at least
he's guilty. We don't know that. Again, how did you
prove this stuff?
Speaker 2: Just the last man with the horse, Yeah, he probably
bought it from the guy that stole the horse, and
that is he's the one that ends up with the
news around his neck. That is a famous tombstone in
the west of the guy who was hung for being
a horse. If he just bought the stolen didn't know
it was stolen.
Speaker 1: How could you the papers? Right? I guess they might have,
but you had to hold on to that at all times.
It's like if you had to like carry around your
birth certificate all the time.
Speaker 2: Right, or like the papers for your car even or
your social Security title. Yeah, you give your car title
at all times. If you don't have it, it's stolen.
Speaker 1: You don't want to do that. You don't want to
keep your car title in your car because your car
will be stolen and now it's their vehicle.
Speaker 2: It's a bearer bond.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how it works. Man. If the person that
steals your car has your title, it's their car.
Speaker 2: They're like, all right, well the name on the title.
Speaker 1: Is just crossed out and sharpie.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I don't know its title says that. The
title says.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 2: Following Smith's death, Rockwell pledges his loyalty to bring him
young and he follows the church to Utah and now
he's Bringham Young's enforcer.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: In eighteen forty nine, Rockwell is appointed Deputy Marshal of
Salt Lake City and he remained a cop until his death.
Speaker 1: And that's the story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, believe it or not, he did not.
He did not do the badge much honor.
Speaker 1: You don't say no no. But also he's a cop
on behalf of the Mormon Church, which is not really
fully recognized by the US government. Yeah, so like his
jersey is not, you know, unchallenged. It's true. He's really
like not really a cop.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean he's just like self appointed. Like it's
like in Deadwood when they make Bullock Marshall, but they're
not a part of Yeah, you take over.
Speaker 1: A wild West town and you could just become the sheriff,
even if you're an outlaw yourself. Yeah, that's actually the
best way to hide your sheriff. Now you want to
be the cop. That's common trope. A bounty hunter comes
into town looking for an outlaw. Turns out he runs
the town of sheriff, hiding red out in the open,
and he's like, you can dry to take me. Yeah, certainly,
not alive.
Speaker 2: You got twenty deputies with me, and.
Speaker 1: They're all up in the top of them buildings ready
to fire.
Speaker 2: On April twenty first, eighteen fifty one, a group of
I don't know how to say, is goshoot Indians, go
shoot Indians. They stole some horses that had are they
I guess they confiscated some horses that had gone into
their territory and h General Daniel Wells sent a posse
led by Rockwell to pursue the Indians and get the
horses back. They lost the trail of these Indians that
had taken the horses, but lucky them, they found twenty
or thirty other people Indians belonging to the Ute tribe,
and uh, they just took them prisoner.
Speaker 1: Shouting my boys rocking with the Utes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were just like, eh, all right, we'll take
you prisoner because since we can't find the Indians who
stole the horses at the.
Speaker 1: End of the day, that's the result they wanted.
Speaker 2: Right, right, get some get some Indians. Well they took
them prisoner, but they didn't disarm them, and I guess
they were taking them back to their territory. And uh,
eventually some of them try to escape and the posse
just started opening fire.
Speaker 1: Well, honestly, every criminal should be able to have access
to their weapons because it should be a trial by combat.
Speaker 2: Is this America or not? You know, I don't think
anyone's gun should ever be taken, even when they go
to prison.
Speaker 1: But you're in the court of law, right you think
things are going bad for you, you don't have the
proper funds to hire a decent lawyer. Just call trial
by combat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, go full Tyerian just like halfway through, just be
like this sucks. Trial by combat.
Speaker 1: I think that holds up in the US court of law.
Speaker 2: Have to check the constitution if you ask for it.
It's like it's sort of like when you how you
can in some states you can ask you can request
your method of execution.
Speaker 1: Ooh speakin the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, all the
proper documents of this. You know, young country. They got
us going. Yeah, unaware of this, but when the White
House was being burnt down in the War of eighteen twelve,
there was a dude that went back and like saved
all our proper documents. Who was it? I got to
look into it. Somebody sent me just kind of intel
for a future episode I don't have to do it on.
Speaker 2: And meanwhile, Dolly Madison gets all the shine for saving
a painting.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, uh, this dude saved everything you hold near
and dearer to your heart. Wow, for our country. I
got to look into it. But perhaps stay tuned future
episode of for Solive.
Speaker 2: The man who saved the but Dolly Madison just gets painting.
It was like, oh wow, Dolly Madison. Yeah, he saved
a painting.
Speaker 1: Who gives a fuck about the pain, which is a
fucking painting. We got the constitution.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so essentially, like not even a Mexican standoff breaks out,
just like everyone shooting, everyone breaks out. All but four
or five of the prisoners escape in the chaos, but
those who didn't escape were immediately.
Speaker 1: Executed by Rockwell point blank.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just fucking bullet in the head. Rockwell was also
kind of an interesting Mormon because he ran a brewery
in Salt Lake Valley.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know if like early Mormon church was
down with not drinking, you would think they would.
Speaker 2: Be like the teetollers, you know what I mean, like
the most like of all.
Speaker 1: Again, it kind of like breaks off in all these
different sects. Yeah, so I am not super familiar with
Brigham Young's portion of this. He was about the multiple wives.
Maybe he was about drinking too, having a good time.
Speaker 2: I see, I don't there. From what I read, they
were kind of they were. They were definitely like not
like into drinking, but Rockwell for we drank.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: He was at this point a famous mountain man by
like eighteen sixty famous like frontiersman.
Speaker 1: And uh, it would actually be scarier if he was sober, right,
it makes sense, you know, giant bearded enforce her. He's
a little loose on the liquor. Yeah, he's like if
he's sober brand. If he's sober, he's like.
Speaker 2: Determinator basically, like just a mindless coming for you. Doesn't
think about anything. Nothing can distract him.
Speaker 1: But they might also have to drink back then, because
it's cleaner than water.
Speaker 2: I don't think the whiskey hydrates you very well, but
the beer m And also they don't even have water.
They just they're the only civilization on Earth that set
up shop next to a salt lake.
Speaker 1: Listen, they didn't realize it was salt lake. Who would
have thought it was a salt lake?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, what do you?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Were miles from an ocean?
Speaker 1: How the fuck is there salt in there? God damn it.
Speaker 2: Uh. So Rockwell's fame attracted the explorer Richard Francis Burton.
He was going across America in eighteen sixty and he
wanted to stop and meet the famous port of Rockwell.
So Dayton invites rock another guy who invites Rockwell to
dinner with Burton, and Rockwell sends for a bottle of
whiskey and he and Burton drink shot for shot throughout
the night.
Speaker 1: What do you think that conversation's like.
Speaker 2: So, what we know about Rockwell according to that one
op ed or quote or whatever is he's dumb, he's strong,
he's a fanatic. Yeah, and he's not very huge. He
doesn't have a good sense of humor, all.
Speaker 1: The combination for a sweet ten. Yeah. So he's just
getting ripped.
Speaker 2: Gotta think he's a great drunk, probably.
Speaker 1: Trying to fight everyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at least he's big, Like hopefully he didn't get
too drunk.
Speaker 1: He probably tries to fight you. You're having a nice,
you think time with him out and about on town,
drinking right at the saloon, you say the wrong thing,
and all of a sudden, he's just throwing haymakers at
just you.
Speaker 2: Think he's like a Honestly, it's like probably like a
Johnny Manziel situation, just gets bored, wants to start punching shit.
Speaker 1: It's only a matter of time. It's not whether or
not he will fight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just when. If you the only way you
have to just keep him entertained, It's like a baby
you can't put down or it'll start crying you if
you are not constantly entertaining him.
Speaker 1: But the ultimate consequence, he will kill you. Yeah. Yeah,
he will murder a giant baby that just has the
touch of death with his hands.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you just have to constantly keep him happy.
In eighteen fifty seven, Rockwell participated in perhaps his most
famous act as a as a lawman, the ach And Massacre,
in which several Californian travelers were slaughtered by Mormons on
the orders of Brigham Young.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So that's I believe what they cover in American
Prime Eval. I looked at the cast. Rockwell not in
the show really. Yeah. The guy who I thought it
would have been was James Wardley.
Speaker 2: I saw his name in this. Yeah, he doesn't really
play role see Rockwell though, Damn dude, what at least.
Speaker 1: As like a you know, first twenty characters to show up?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, maybe he's just like too high up.
Speaker 1: For the maybe yeah, or maybe if they did an
American Prime Eval season two, will show up.
Speaker 2: I mean he is. His fingerprints are all over every
fucking thing the Mormons did, the victims and the Ache
and massacre.
Speaker 1: Also maybe a different masker. There could have been multiple maskers.
Speaker 2: Definitely multiple maskers. They the Mormons got to their land
and really lock it down, like they were just like
they wanted to make a bubble.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean they moved to the end of the
earth what they thought was the end for right, Like,
no one's gonna if you come out here, you get
an answer for your crime of coming out here, coming
out here, encroaching on our territory.
Speaker 2: So these guys were just traveling through and they were
arrested on you know, trumped up charges of spying for.
Speaker 1: The US government. Yeah, and then they were.
Speaker 2: Imprisoned and executed. Two of them escaped though, but Rockwell
tracked him down and killed him two days later.
Speaker 1: All right, so he has quite a bit of skill
as a tracker.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean this guy, he's good at his job,
I guess, just bad hang, Yeah, bad, real bad hang.
Speaker 1: But definitely the man for the job.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to be arrested by this dude.
A couple fun facts about Rockwell. So he was Joseph
Smith's enforcer, right, Joseph Smith is. Joseph Smith allegedly gave
Rockwell a prophetic blessing in the early eighteen forties. As
long as he never cut his hair like Samson, no
bullet or blade would harm him and he would never
be taken by enemies.
Speaker 1: Now was that the case?
Speaker 2: He never cut his hair and the man died peacefully
in his sleep, but never got shot, never got stabbed.
He definitely took some damage, but not a lot, like
nothing serious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I might just be the mentality to going into
a fight, going into battle thinking you're invincible. There might
be like a psychological advantage to that. Yeah. I mean, look,
you you could also go horribly wrong, like a Homeboy
from the Pacific, which was the guy that went back
after doing like a US battle, Yeah and just got domed.
Speaker 2: Well, that'll happen on the beaches of e with gema.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he thought he was untouchable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't go in with too much confidence. But yeah,
if you go in a certain amount of confidence is
absolutely gonna make you move better.
Speaker 1: You're not doubting yourself, yeah, yeah, no second guesses you're playing,
You're not reacting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Smith, Actually the prophet he's written down. I think
I prophesies in the name of the Lord you or
in port Rockwell, so long as ye shall remain loyal
and true to thy faith, need fear. No enemy cut
not thy hair, and no bullet or blade can harm thee.
And yeah, he kept it long his entire life and
was never seriously wounded. Now this is an interesting one.
Speaker 1: Can you give me that type of promise if I
don't cut my.
Speaker 2: Beard, I can't. I can't make you anything. Unfortunately, the show.
Speaker 1: Dan will not be to a podcasting and having a beard.
Speaker 2: I can pretty much guarantee you will never be harmed
while podcasting.
Speaker 1: I can't guarantee that for you. I know, you say
the wrong thing, I might act like rock Well.
Speaker 2: Gonna pop off. I know, dude, I'll pop off all
over you, pop off all over your face. It's it's
something I resign myself to every time I walk in here.
Speaker 1: You know the risk. Yeah, say the wrong thing. There
will be consequences.
Speaker 2: It's it's like the other HBO World War two show
Band of Brothers when Spears tells, uh, I forget the
guy's name, but he tells me, He's like, here's the key.
You gotta accept that you're already dead.
Speaker 1: That's how I feel every time I walk through the door,
and I feel that energy. Yeah, you you are dead man,
walk in of like I know I'm dead, just like,
please give us a little energy, Bud. I'm all on you.
Resuscitate you.
Speaker 2: I'm full of energy today, baby. Yeah, I gotta kool
eight hours last night.
Speaker 1: You won't tomorrow. No, No, was gonna be shit, showed Rockwell.
Speaker 2: Also in a fight, a bit of a lunatic, like
in your nose off like I don't kind of allegedly
supposedly like when he was riding into a fight, you know,
like charging in.
Speaker 1: You know what his battlecry was? Was he playing a
little credence?
Speaker 2: No, it was he would just yell wheat, wheat, wheat.
Speaker 1: He would what the grain you grow?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he would just scream the word wheat, not sweet, nope.
Speaker 1: Wheat wat Okay he's fueled by carbs. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Or he would also potentially yell, do you wheat?
Speaker 1: Does it mean anything? I don't know.
Speaker 2: He's not a smart guy.
Speaker 1: He's a simpleton. He's a simple bad He might just
be like a ho do or type giant. He really
might be. And you really can't even blame him for
his violence because he's just there's nothing going on upstairs.
Speaker 2: No, it really doesn't sound like there is.
Speaker 1: I think maybe he thinks his name is Wheat.
Speaker 2: He might just yeah, he might not know hold on,
hold on wheat, wheat, wheat, wheat just loves bread, loves it, dude,
who doesn't. I mean he started a brewery.
Speaker 1: He's into grains, clearly homemade sourdough. Yeah, nothing better.
Speaker 2: Just the last thing you hear before you die is
a giant simple man screaming.
Speaker 1: Wheat as he smashes your face. And yeah, with a
rock I can think of better ways to go out. Yeah,
I agree with that. Like if I met my end
because of that man, I have some questions for God.
I get upstairs first with just being what fuck was that?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: What the fuck was that?
Speaker 2: Rockwell did not die violently, as I said. He died
of natural causes in his sleep on June ninth, eighteen
seventy eight. He was buried in Salt Lake City Cemetery,
and at the time of his death, he was the
longest living Mormon in terms of like he had been
in the church, the longest of anyone who was alive,
and in true Mormon fashion, Rockwell had three wives and
twenty one children by them.
Speaker 1: Just pumping them out. Yep, you can get a good
kind of pace. Go and you do one a year
with each wife. Oh my god, yeah, three kids a year.
It's only seven years.
Speaker 2: You want to space it out though. You don't want
them all to be born same time. That's a nightmare.
Speaker 1: You want to like a there's got to be an
advantage to it, though.
Speaker 2: You want you got like a spring, summer, fall.
Speaker 1: You get it all out of the way, though, right,
I mean, I guess you'd want to have kind of
a wife that's not pregnant, so you can kind of
it's on pap for all that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't have three pregnant at the same time.
What's the point, Like you got then you got you
got three pregnant wives, you got no wives?
Speaker 1: You do a rotation? Yeah, yeah, one pregnant a year
maybe then you have two that aren't. Yeah, so you
can just kind of do whatever you want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you want to only have one pregnant because
you want to still have a rotation, yeah, because otherwise
what's the point of having three wives? Right?
Speaker 1: It's like today I'm feeling vanilla. Today I'm feeling strawberry. Yeah,
today I'm feeling chocolate. Yep.
Speaker 2: And I think he probably had a system in place. Yeah,
you knew what he knew what he was doing.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's like that Ronnie Dangerfield movie where
he just pulls a Deli ticket probably like every wife
who gets me to tonight pull the tickets. Yeah, we'll see,
we'll see. It's a draw.
Speaker 2: That was my favorite part of Big Love, as he
would like bang the different wives, you know, on different
nights whatever, and he needed viagra for the two like
super Mormon wives, but like the hot young wife he
didn't need viagra for and the other wives found out
and were like what the fuck. He was like, yeah,
like I don't have VD. I just don't find you
very hot.
Speaker 1: That'll happen. Yeah, I know. I can't tell him that though. No, no, no.
Speaker 2: According to legend, Rockwell told a crowd listening to the
US Vice President Skyler Colfax in eighteen sixty nine on
the topic of his vigilanteism his lawman career, I never
killed anyone who didn't need killing, which is obviously untrue.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just don't know if you can totally
with confidence say that was the case.
Speaker 2: It seems like it extremely was not the case.
Speaker 1: Seems like it's open to interpretation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's subjective, right, who didn't
need killing? He thought they needed killing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if it crosses his mind they need killing, he's
gonna kill him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, once you get that those wheat flashes.
Speaker 1: But he didn't really get the star body he needed.
He didn't get the governor.
Speaker 2: He didn't get low Burn Bogs. He'll regret that. He
and I assume he regretted that for the rest.
Speaker 1: Of his life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, couldn't take him down because.
Speaker 1: Let's take a second shot at him.
Speaker 2: He also failed Joseph Smith. Yeah, not a good body.
Speaker 1: Made him a liar.
Speaker 2: He died, He died one but two he made one
under his protection. Prophecy didn't come true. He got revenge
for Joseph Smith sort of.
Speaker 1: But the cop that was watching over on watch Yeah cool,
totally on him, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely his fault,
not the mob of hundreds of people.
Speaker 2: I mean, look, maybe he let him in. I don't know.
I don't know the whole story port of rockwell though,
just started seeing week on a certain point.
Speaker 1: There's nothing you can do, No, there's absolutely just accept
the fate. You're like, all right, my hands are clean,
punch his pilot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's up.
Speaker 1: To the Jews, the Romans, Jews.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh, but that is the story of port of Rockwell,
the Mormon enforcer. Would you learn today?
Speaker 1: I guess the life of crime pays like. He doesn't
really answer for any crime, never answered for a single crime.
Speaker 2: And he's got like he's a Mormon hero. Still he's
got like shit named after him in Salt Lake City.
Speaker 1: And yeah, but again it sounds more like a renaissance
man of the late eighteen eighties. Yeah, eighteen nineties might
be more because it's guy like the Rockefeller he does.
Yeah he well, Porter a is I think is like
a Vanderbilt. Yeah, Porter is a great fancy name. And
Rockwell makes you think of the Rockefellers, stuff like that.
But he was the exact opposite. He was a filthy,
murderous frontiersman, more of a drifter than anything else.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean he always had a community, Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: At least had the aesthetic of a drift.
Speaker 2: Oh he dude. Hit the pictures of him because he
doesn't cut his hair, he looks like he just.
Speaker 1: Crawled out of a cave. I think your wife said
that about me. When I was growing out my hair
last year probably and my beard as well. I want
to do it again. I regret cutting my hair because
right now my could have hair down to like here
at this point.
Speaker 2: Will you don't want that? Why do you want that?
It's sweet, dude, So I want flow at some point.
It's not flow.
Speaker 1: It's flow, and you're gonna be jealous. I could promise
you won't want to stunt all over you.
Speaker 2: Okay, I could promise you jealousies now it's gonna now,
it's not what I'm gonna feel.
Speaker 1: I want to be big, strong and long hair. I
want to be Samson okay? Or Porter? Yeah, Porter kind
of sucks. Just yell wheat every time you lift weights.
What if it works, you just should barbell through the ceiling. Yeah, dude,
I've never lifted ways like this.
Speaker 2: It's on fucking real.
Speaker 1: Dude, forget creatine. Just scream wheat. That's all you gotta do.
Trick your brain. You know, the carbs are essential for
a good workout anyway, So if you have carbs on
the brain, yeah, maybe it has this effect.
Speaker 2: It's a multiplier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it makes you strong.
Speaker 2: I think give it a shot.
Speaker 1: Who's today's hitler. I'm gonna say Rockwell is in consideration.
I'm trying to think of anyone else that we could
put the blame on. Joseph Smith. Get this guy involved
kind of sets him in motion, but he also eventually,
you know, suffers consequences for his actions. Bring them Young?
Does he die peacefully? I don't even know how Bringham
Young died.
Speaker 2: I think he does, and Rockwell does most of his
dirty work under Brigham Young.
Speaker 1: Bring him Young kinda seems like a scumbag. He yeah,
at least the way he's portrayed in media. I don't
know if that's propaganda, but he seems like a bad dude.
Speaker 2: He seems like a real piece of shit. Let's see
how he did peacefully? Right, he had color? He died
of appendix rupture.
Speaker 1: Peacefully? Yeah, peacefullysh Was he older he got to Yeah
he's in the seventies. Yeah he's fine. Yeah. They just
didn't have medicine out there that well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you're with one of your organs explodes.
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? Kind of cooked? Yeah, throw
him into the salt lake. He'll heal, He'll float to
the top. It's like the dead sea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Actually, I think Brigham Young died
right before Porter Rockwell did Well Rockwell's watch was over. Yeah, yeah,
he could die peacefully.
Speaker 1: He just yeah, he kind of evaporated into the the
Mormon ghost land.
Speaker 2: Yeah, into the ether. He had no one left to like,
no one else was giving.
Speaker 1: Him orders to murder people.
Speaker 2: He was pretty rudderless after that, just became Yoda.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just that solid episode.
Speaker 2: I think Brigham Young is today is probably today's sailor
to be hot.
Speaker 1: He was the one really filling out the order. Yeah.
And I also don't think the massacre that you mentioned
is actually the massacre that I keep thinking of. There
was just too many maskers, so many of them. It
was all driven by paranoia, really yeah, and understandably right.
You know you're in your group was hunted in the
state of Missouri, Yeah, Illinois, to anywhere in the Midwest,
so you go as far away as possible as you can.
And yeah, all these other people that kind of come
onto your land, you get a little sketched out, get
a little tessie.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like every interaction I've had with other people that
aren't Mormons has been negative, really bad. Who are you
sorry them trying to you know, self preservation. I need
to kill you guys, even if you're not a threat.
I can't take that chance. I just you could be
working for the government.
Speaker 2: Don't know. I don't even want you to tell people
that I'm here, to be honest, So I gotta bury
you in the desert.
Speaker 1: Because from what I recall to the US Goodman and
bring them young clashed quite a bit, even if it
was just by mail.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they didn't get along.
Speaker 1: Because I think that he was trying to be named
governor of Utah, and he might have been named governor
of Utah the Utah territory. They might have allowed that,
but I think they were constantly at odds.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because the guy, I assume the government was like,
we can't have a cult running.
Speaker 1: A whole territory. I'm really relying on my episode about
the Mormons in Utah that I did, like with Lopez
a year and a half ago. I'm just trying to.
Speaker 2: Like remember, go back to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fishing those ponds in my brain and it's all
up there, but it's all scattered. Yeah, fine, we're softcore history. Yeah,
but I want to be the Mormon expert the Mormon whisperer.
That's fair.
Speaker 2: I'll leave the rest of the Mormons to you.
Speaker 1: What if they're right? I hope. So it's again South
Park joke.
Speaker 2: The Mormons got it right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And to be fair, the Mormons have at least
in my life than anyone that I've encountered that is Mormon.
I've been like the nicest people I've ever met. Yeah, really,
you never met like a mean, terrible Mormon.
Speaker 2: You gotta go like a couple of layers deep to
get to the like real fucked up ones.
Speaker 1: I also think they might be like talking behind your
back and say you move to Utah now, they probably
are keeping an eye on you. Oh yeah, like what's
this outsider.
Speaker 2: Doing when you walk into the like den? Like the
thick of it all.
Speaker 1: They might be nice to your face, but they might
just totally hate you. Yeah, like he's on your back,
he won't convert. Keep an eye on him. M M.
Speaker 2: I don't like it doesn't drink soda or.
Speaker 1: He does drink soda with caffeine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he drinks caffe and soda.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. That's the thing. I know it's
a Christian. There's some certain sects of Christianity where caffeine
is not allowed.
Speaker 2: Right, No Mormons, one Mormon still, yeah, okay, they're not
They're not big on caffeine, so.
Speaker 1: They got to really hit up that caffeine free. Is
there a soda option caffeine free?
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a crisp and clean no caffeine.
Speaker 1: What that's that's like a tagline for soda one of
the sodas, So like a Seerra I missed.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Probably, Actually it's not even Sierra missed anymore. It's
called something else now, who cares, it doesn't matter storry Yeah, yea, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's what it is. I haven't drank a soda in
like twenty years, so I can't even remember.
Speaker 1: I've done little binges here and there of like dia sotus.
Speaker 2: I just like I can't get it, like a coke zero. Yeah.
The only soda I can remotely drink is a root beer.
Speaker 1: Or an ollipop. Get those pre biotics. Yeah, get those probiotics.
Speaker 2: Courtney likes those Corney drinks so a lot. Okay, Yeah,
I'm not in, not into it, but try to get
that healthy good bye. Yeah, that's like a thing with
my my mom's generation. She whenever she visits, she's like,
can you get go to the store and get me
a twelve pack coke? She always wants fucking coke.
Speaker 1: I was at Costco the other day. Didn't realize how
it was so expensive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't buy it, so I don't even fucking know.
Speaker 1: Thirty six pack of coke at Costco's about like nineteen bucks. Shit. Yeah,
I would have thought, especially you're buying bulk, it would
have been closer to like.
Speaker 2: Twelve Yeah, especially because soda sales I feel like they've
plummeted in the last thirty years.
Speaker 1: We're getting hit with the soda tacks right now. I
guess so fat tax ridiculous. Rfk's America pretty much.
Speaker 2: Uh well, that's all I got for today on Port
Rock Well the Mormon Enforcer.
Speaker 1: Check out our Patreon, Patreon, dot com, slash software history again,
support our families, support we needed our families. Two episodes
every week on the lower tier, higher tier, you get
a sports show. We do sports stuff. We had a
lot coming yes, big future, big things.
Speaker 2: A lot of college basketball talk coming up.
Speaker 1: Big combs, yeah, big debths.
Speaker 2: Well that's all I got for today for damn Register.
I'm Rob Fox.
Speaker 1: You just got saw served