WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.879 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf 2 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:05.400 I AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on 3 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:09.560 demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. You 4 00:00:09.560 --> 00:00:12.080 have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Dr 5 00:00:12.119 --> 00:00:16.199 Wendy Wall Show. Now, I'd like to welcome my Instagram followers. 6 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:18.559 How wonderful that you're here on a Sunday night with me. 7 00:00:18.920 --> 00:00:21.199 I'm seeing and I'm asking you guys to put in 8 00:00:21.399 --> 00:00:24.719 a little post of where you're watching from. Hello, Sally 9 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:27.839 and Escondido. Good to see you, some locals and then 10 00:00:27.879 --> 00:00:31.039 people from literally around the world, which is so cool 11 00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:32.880 about social media. It's one of the things I like. 12 00:00:33.240 --> 00:00:34.840 So if you'd like to give me a call, this 13 00:00:34.880 --> 00:00:38.119 is the time where I will be answering your relationship questions. 14 00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:40.920 The number is one eight hundred five two zero one 15 00:00:41.079 --> 00:00:44.200 five three four Okay, Producer Kayla, who do we have? First? 16 00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:45.600 We have Ian with a question. 17 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:49.280 Ian. Hello, Ian, It's doctor Wendy. 18 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:52.359 Hi, Doctor Wendy, thanks for taking my call. 19 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:55.679 I'm an accountant here and I just moved to southern 20 00:00:55.719 --> 00:00:58.880 California and then oh shoot, I got a client here. 21 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:01.560 Let me call you back, I have this question. 22 00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:02.359 After wall Yeah. 23 00:01:02.679 --> 00:01:05.319 Wait, I just for those who didn't hear that on Instagram, 24 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:07.439 he said, I'm an accountant here. I just moved to 25 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:09.319 southern California. Oh no, I have a client on the 26 00:01:09.319 --> 00:01:10.799 other line. I gotta go, I go. 27 00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:13.519 Okay, So he was saying he's twenty three years old, 28 00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:15.640 he's not to California, and he says all of his 29 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:18.719 friends are single and they have no desire to get married, 30 00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:20.840 and he wants to know if that's a Southern California thing. 31 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:23.079 Oh why all of his friends that he's meeting out 32 00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:25.400 here are just not interested in relationships or marriage. 33 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.120 I can tell you what the research says. So this 34 00:01:27.159 --> 00:01:28.799 is a twenty three year old who just moved to 35 00:01:28.920 --> 00:01:31.280 LA and finds that none of his friends are interested 36 00:01:31.400 --> 00:01:35.120 at all in getting married. So what we know is 37 00:01:35.159 --> 00:01:39.439 that in rural areas people are much more likely culturally 38 00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:44.599 to marry earlier or have children earlier. But when you're 39 00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:48.000 in an urban center or the higher your education, the 40 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:51.319 more people delay marriage. Now, what I'm concerned about is 41 00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:54.159 the way that Ian is probably concerned about too. The 42 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:59.480 way you train for monogamy isn't through becoming a player right. 43 00:01:59.799 --> 00:02:04.159 Don't train through being really promiscuous. You train by being monogamous. Right. 44 00:02:04.200 --> 00:02:06.280 So that's the thing is that you've got to start 45 00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:10.439 off at least having a solid relationship and have a 46 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:14.280 practice marriage if you will in that sense. Well, I 47 00:02:14.280 --> 00:02:17.319 see there's even a viewer here from Meta Yane, Columbia. Wow, 48 00:02:17.400 --> 00:02:18.800 so far away. Let me know where you guys are 49 00:02:18.800 --> 00:02:22.719 watching from. That's really cool to see. So, Ian, don't 50 00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:25.960 listen to your friends. Even though relationship habits are highly 51 00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:29.879 contagious among social groups, don't listen to your friends. If 52 00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:32.879 you want a girlfriend, you will find plenty of women 53 00:02:33.080 --> 00:02:37.639 who want exclusivity and a good, healthy relationship. So thank 54 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:39.120 you for calling. I hope you listen to that. 55 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:39.479 Ian. 56 00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.159 All right, who do we have next, Producer Kleb, We 57 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:44.639 have Paul with the question, Paul, we got the guys 58 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:46.879 calling today. Hi, Paul, it's doctor Wendy. 59 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:48.080 So. 60 00:02:48.439 --> 00:02:48.639 Hi. 61 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:50.840 I was just just got off of work and I 62 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:53.159 was sitting in my car listening to you and you 63 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:57.360 said there are some things that make people undtable, uh huh, 64 00:02:57.400 --> 00:02:59.680 which are really struck, really struck a chord with me, 65 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:03.199 and I'm like, I've never heard that before. Oh, I'm 66 00:03:03.479 --> 00:03:07.080 curious of what you think that is because I'm single. 67 00:03:07.719 --> 00:03:10.520 Oh well, I can only tell you what my opinion 68 00:03:10.599 --> 00:03:13.120 of the things that made me undateable were when I 69 00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:16.319 had my first date with Julio, and they were that 70 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:18.840 both my parents were dead at my age, so he 71 00:03:18.919 --> 00:03:20.719 might not have much time with me. That was the 72 00:03:20.759 --> 00:03:23.599 first thing. And the second that I still had a 73 00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:25.280 kid in the nest and she was going to be 74 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:26.840 in the nest a while, and that is sort of 75 00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:31.080 for some men don't want to take on a single 76 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:33.879 mother who still got a kid in the house. His 77 00:03:34.120 --> 00:03:37.719 if you ever watched our proposal on live radio, was 78 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:40.560 that he experienced incarceration at a point of his life 79 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:43.000 and so it was a very shameful thing and it 80 00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:45.039 was hard for him to tell the story. But Paul, 81 00:03:45.159 --> 00:03:48.800 everybody's got their thing that they feel shame about, and 82 00:03:48.840 --> 00:03:51.360 they think, does someone want to take this on? Because 83 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:54.719 you see, we all have a kind of mate status, right, 84 00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:57.639 and it has to do with age and income and 85 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:02.240 looks and education and all kinds of things. And there 86 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:06.960 is somebody for everybody. But it's important that we understand 87 00:04:07.199 --> 00:04:10.120 where we land on the scale. And when I was 88 00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:12.319 on the dating apps and I would these guys were 89 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.120 not answering the text quick enough, I'd be like, Okay, 90 00:04:15.159 --> 00:04:16.879 that's out of my league. Moving on, I want to 91 00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:19.560 get somebody who's a good match for me. So it's 92 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:22.639 not like there's one thing that makes somebody undtable. It's 93 00:04:22.759 --> 00:04:28.759 what our culture perceives as shameful. And if people are 94 00:04:28.759 --> 00:04:30.920 shooting out of their league, does that help at all? 95 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:32.000 I do? If that makes sense? 96 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:33.000 I tried. 97 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:35.600 All right, producer, Kayla, who do we have next? 98 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:37.079 We have Jeremy with the question. 99 00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:39.399 Jeremy, Hi, Jeremy, it's doctor Wendy. 100 00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:42.240 Hello, doctor Wendy. How are you good? 101 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:42.959 What's your question? 102 00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:47.199 So? My question is I've had a long stint of 103 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:48.920 kind of a I'll just say it. I've had a 104 00:04:48.920 --> 00:04:52.360 bit of a crazy life in my twenties. I dropped 105 00:04:52.399 --> 00:04:55.800 out of college twice, and for about two years I 106 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.240 lived on the streets, and then and then I moved 107 00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:00.959 back in with my parents. And now I'm sorry to 108 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.079 actually get into the process of leaving and living on 109 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:08.560 my own for the first time. So at iratulation nine, 110 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:13.600 how yeah, I know, at age twenty nine, how do 111 00:05:13.639 --> 00:05:17.120 I explain having such a crazy backstory to a potential 112 00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:19.839 first date, like, how do I, how do I? How 113 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:23.399 do I mix that in and without sounding like a 114 00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:24.360 complete trade wreck. 115 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:27.839 Well, first of all, I don't think anybody's a train wreck, 116 00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:31.680 especially when they're growing and moving on and have accomplished 117 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:33.839 the things that you seem to have accomplished in life. 118 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:36.839 But here's the important thing is at the very beginning 119 00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:39.439 of dating, like on the first date, it's all fantasy, right, 120 00:05:39.480 --> 00:05:41.720 So this is not the time to trauma dump, is 121 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:44.040 not the time to open up and bleed in front 122 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:47.240 of somebody. It's going to be done as you're gaining 123 00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:50.120 their trust in the first few or four or five 124 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:54.040 or six dates. Now, Julio and I were completely an 125 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:57.240 anomaly because I asked that question on the first date. 126 00:05:57.319 --> 00:06:00.519 Tell me why you're undtable, right? But for other people, 127 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:04.000 you know, there's shame involved. They're worried about judgment. And 128 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:08.199 you know, I'm he found me to be quite open 129 00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:10.959 and compassionate, but for others it might take some time. 130 00:06:11.319 --> 00:06:15.160 So just bit by bit by bit, and also focus 131 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:20.079 on the positive. Instead of saying I had this horrible 132 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:23.639 time it was really hard, you might say something like 133 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:27.120 I was forced to learn some really valuable lessons and 134 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.480 I learned them experientially till I could get to the 135 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:33.759 place that I'm at now. Thank you for calling Jeremy. 136 00:06:34.519 --> 00:06:36.480 All right, producer Kayla. Who else do we have there? 137 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:38.279 Another fellow? We have Eduardo? 138 00:06:38.519 --> 00:06:44.399 This is the night for men. Hello, Eduardo, it's doctor Wendy. 139 00:06:44.600 --> 00:06:48.800 Yeah, doctor Wendy. Well, I'm about to get some money 140 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:53.120 from my twenty year job at Blue Cross. I relocated 141 00:06:53.160 --> 00:06:57.160 from Chicago in twenty twenty three over here in Tampa, 142 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:00.519 and I took Kyla. So I'm not somebody who's into 143 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:04.000 social media. I actually been checking out e Harmony, but 144 00:07:04.040 --> 00:07:08.480 I think that's been invaded by AI. So I think, oh, 145 00:07:08.519 --> 00:07:09.120 I think all. 146 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:11.120 The dating apps do use a little bit of AI 147 00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:13.439 and how they're especially with their algorithm. 148 00:07:13.480 --> 00:07:17.000 There no exception. Okay, what are your recommendations as far 149 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:19.319 as meeting I'm in my early picties, by the way, 150 00:07:19.800 --> 00:07:22.920 meeting people outside the social media you. 151 00:07:22.879 --> 00:07:28.160 Mean outside of dating apps? Okay, so definitely you want 152 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:31.040 to join groups, right, So there's not like it's not 153 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:33.480 like you're going to be, you know, kind of creepy 154 00:07:33.480 --> 00:07:35.399 and walking up to people in the vegetable aisle and 155 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:37.720 say how about those cucumbers? Right? Edward, Are you going 156 00:07:37.800 --> 00:07:42.199 to join whatever group interests you, whether whether it's volunteering 157 00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:46.439 in your community, whether it's getting involved politically, whether it's 158 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:49.240 learning a new hobby or new skill. And try to 159 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:52.120 pick a group that women might be attracted to, whether 160 00:07:52.199 --> 00:07:56.959 it's book groups, gardening groups, wine tasting groups, cooking classes, 161 00:07:57.160 --> 00:07:59.399 et cetera. I think you know because I was always 162 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:02.160 saying to women, like women, if you're trying to meet men, 163 00:08:02.839 --> 00:08:05.560 what are you doing. Go into all those yoga classes. 164 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:09.439 Go to a hockey game. They are all there, every 165 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:12.879 one of them, right. Go take lessons at a driving range. 166 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:16.439 They're standing there at the golf course. So ask yourself, 167 00:08:16.680 --> 00:08:19.879 where are the women? I have a fun one for you, Eduardo. 168 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:23.000 I have gone on a number of breast cancer walks, 169 00:08:23.439 --> 00:08:26.639 and there are some smarty pants guys who go on those. 170 00:08:27.000 --> 00:08:31.920 Literally they're walking for two hours, talking to hundreds of women, 171 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:34.720 all for a good cause, and all the women see 172 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:38.240 is a wonderful, compassionate guy who's fit and walking. So 173 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:42.759 I highly recommend, excuse me, that gentlemen go on breast 174 00:08:42.759 --> 00:08:46.600 cancer walks. Thanks for calling, Eduardo, All right, do we 175 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:49.600 have somebody else or should I go to social media. Okay, 176 00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:52.440 let me go to the DMS if you would like 177 00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:55.120 to call the numbers one eight hundred five two zero 178 00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:57.559 one five three four. I do want to say to 179 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:00.519 my Instagram viewers that you can't hear both sides of 180 00:09:00.519 --> 00:09:02.879 the conversation. I try to repeat the question if I can. 181 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:06.879 But if you download the iHeartRadio app, search doctor Wendy 182 00:09:06.919 --> 00:09:11.080 Walsh or KFI, you will find it. Okay, Dear doctor Wendy, 183 00:09:11.399 --> 00:09:14.799 I have two questions. First is how do you deal 184 00:09:14.840 --> 00:09:18.879 with extremely toxic co workers that unfortunately will work the 185 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:22.519 exact same shift and the managers do nothing. Oh, I'm 186 00:09:22.519 --> 00:09:26.639 sorry about that. That's question one. Question two. My hobby 187 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:28.759 and I've been married for seventeen years. We built a 188 00:09:28.759 --> 00:09:32.279 life together, kid's house. We've been on and off in therapy, 189 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:34.320 but I feel like we just don't get along and 190 00:09:34.360 --> 00:09:36.720 the only reason we stay together is because either of 191 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:39.960 us cannot afford to go separate ways. It seems that 192 00:09:40.039 --> 00:09:42.440 the only time we communicate is to argue or disagree 193 00:09:42.440 --> 00:09:45.480 with each other. Okay, well, those are two big problems. Okay, 194 00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:50.679 it feels like these questions. By these two questions, do 195 00:09:50.759 --> 00:09:52.639 you have a lot of negative energy in your life, 196 00:09:53.440 --> 00:09:55.440 and I do want to say this gently and with love. 197 00:09:56.200 --> 00:10:01.159 Sometimes when we notice a lot of negative energy at home, 198 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:06.320 et cetera, it sometimes could be projection is that we 199 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:09.360 haven't done the work to feel happy inside ourselves and 200 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:12.120 so therefore we're like, oh, those coworkers are toxic, My 201 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:16.840 husband is awful, right, because we're projecting our awful feelings. 202 00:10:17.320 --> 00:10:21.960 I want to remind everybody out there that relationships don't 203 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:25.440 make you happy, and the job of a relationship is 204 00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:30.399 not to make you happy. You know what relationships do? 205 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:36.480 They make you whole, but happy people have happy relationships. 206 00:10:37.159 --> 00:10:40.320 Relationships are a gymnasium for your mind. You can't go 207 00:10:40.360 --> 00:10:42.320 to a gym and look at the equipment and hope 208 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:44.240 you're going to get in shape. You got to get 209 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:48.320 in there now. A friend who's a marriage and family 210 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:50.600 therapist told me when am I asked her, so, what's 211 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:54.440 the most common problem that couples present in therapy? You 212 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:56.399 know what she said to me? She said, doesn't matter 213 00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:59.320 what it is, it never goes away. They only learn 214 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:02.279 how to manage it. So my question to you is 215 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:06.159 are you learning how to manage stuff? Have you learned 216 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:10.960 how to have better communication skills? Because divorce doesn't teach 217 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.799 you how to be a better mate. Divorce doesn't teach 218 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:18.559 you how to find a better mate. Divorce teaches you 219 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:22.720 that you can survive divorce and that your next marriage 220 00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:27.159 has a much higher chance of leading to divorce. Don't 221 00:11:27.159 --> 00:11:30.200 shoot the messenger. This is just what the statistics say. 222 00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:33.120 All right. When we come back, I'm going to continue 223 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:35.159 to go to social media as well as take your calls. 224 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:38.039 The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five 225 00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:40.960 three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one 226 00:11:41.080 --> 00:11:43.799 five three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy 227 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:47.679 Walls Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on 228 00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:49.480 the iHeartRadio app. 229 00:11:50.679 --> 00:11:54.879 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 230 00:11:55.080 --> 00:11:56.320 AM six forty. 231 00:11:57.240 --> 00:12:01.159 AFI Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 232 00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:05.159 I am taking your calls. Hey, producer, Kayla, who do 233 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:06.960 we have on the line? 234 00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:07.320 Oh? 235 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:10.960 Is she there? I see the line? 236 00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:13.480 Sorry, we have Mark with a question. 237 00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:19.399 Okay, Hi, market's doctor Wendy. Yeah, Hi, Hi, what's your question? Love? 238 00:12:20.759 --> 00:12:25.080 Well? I I just stopped dating for a while because 239 00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:27.879 I just got tired of all the all the drama 240 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:31.480 and everything. But I don't know. It seems like when 241 00:12:31.480 --> 00:12:33.879 I dated before, I made a mistake of dating at 242 00:12:33.879 --> 00:12:37.759 work and then uh yeah I got over that. I 243 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:40.039 figured out, Yeah, I better not do that anymore. 244 00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:43.159 Right, the dating at work is not the problem. It's 245 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:44.279 the breaking up at work. 246 00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:47.919 Then you're still going to work with the person that 247 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:51.559 and then other people can't mind their business because I 248 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:54.759 always had other people interfering. It seemed like yeah, and 249 00:12:54.919 --> 00:12:57.519 trying trying to get in between you know, yeah, and 250 00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:01.440 you know and give advice, and most of them were 251 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:05.200 didn't know what they were doing, so that was unwanted. 252 00:13:05.240 --> 00:13:08.440 And then but then in my I'm going back to 253 00:13:08.440 --> 00:13:10.440 a small town. I'm in California, but I'm moving back 254 00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:12.759 to the Midwest. And then in the city, it's like 255 00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:14.679 if you don't go out to the bars, you can't 256 00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:16.840 meet people. So and I don't want to just meet 257 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:21.440 some alcoholic And then I went I went online a 258 00:13:21.480 --> 00:13:23.320 little bit, but there's not a lot of people online 259 00:13:23.399 --> 00:13:26.080 unless you go to a bigger area. But then I 260 00:13:26.159 --> 00:13:31.000 had trouble where I met these these attractive women and 261 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:33.679 because I used to do some modeling, and then I 262 00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.360 met some girls I like girls that say in shape 263 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:39.440 and then but most of them are real narcissists and 264 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:41.440 they just care about like showing off And. 265 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:43.279 What's your question? What's your question? 266 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:47.600 How to meet like some decent women like church church 267 00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:48.840 still a good idea, or. 268 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:52.200 If you're a believer, don't go and pretend to be 269 00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:56.840 a believer. I just think that you will meet quality 270 00:13:56.919 --> 00:14:02.519 people when you become a great mate and a quality person. 271 00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:07.279 You see, what happens is when we don't feel good 272 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:10.600 about ourselves, we have lack of self confidence or whatever, 273 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:14.519 we will go out unconsciously and we will find people 274 00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:18.120 who will reject us, or people who are narcissists or etc. 275 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:23.000 And so it is often an inside job. Remember mark 276 00:14:23.480 --> 00:14:28.840 relationships don't make you happy, but happy people have happy relationships. 277 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:31.240 I wish you luck. I think it's a great idea 278 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:34.360 that you're taking a break because it's important to like 279 00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:37.440 practice him self care for a few months and then 280 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:39.200 go back to it. And don't give up on those 281 00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:41.720 dating apps. They could really be helpful. All right, let 282 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:43.639 me go to the dms on social media. By the way, 283 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:45.919 if you'd like to send me a DM, My social 284 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:49.279 everywhere is at d R Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy 285 00:14:49.279 --> 00:14:53.080 Walsh h Dear docgher Wendy, I'm going on my third 286 00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:56.159 date with a guy who congratulations, he told me I 287 00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:59.039 could pick the place. Does this mean I have to 288 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:01.919 pay as well? I'm not sure what the etiquette is, 289 00:15:02.799 --> 00:15:05.960 So here's my opinion on this. On a very first date, 290 00:15:06.039 --> 00:15:10.240 and I'm quantifying this to only heterosexual relationships. On a 291 00:15:10.360 --> 00:15:13.399 very first date. In a heterosexual relationship, if a man 292 00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:17.919 doesn't asking, a man should pay. After that, I think 293 00:15:17.919 --> 00:15:21.080 it's polite for women to offer to contribute. If men 294 00:15:21.159 --> 00:15:23.200 want to keep up the whole rust of I'm a 295 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:25.799 big provider and I can take care of you, pretty, 296 00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:29.360 young lady, then let him say thank you for the offer, 297 00:15:29.399 --> 00:15:32.360 but no right by the third date. It's kind of 298 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:37.080 interesting because he's saying, you pick the place, So I 299 00:15:37.159 --> 00:15:40.399 would actually just not pick a place that's over the 300 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:43.480 top expensive and let him pay right because he wants 301 00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:47.159 to take you up and or maybe offer it's a contribute. 302 00:15:47.320 --> 00:15:49.120 That's what I usually say. So I used to say, 303 00:15:49.279 --> 00:15:52.279 may I contribute to this? And they say no, no, 304 00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:56.200 little lady, it's on me. You know the name I 305 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:58.799 was trying to think of the comedian earlier, Ali Wong. Oh, 306 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:02.759 I love that had a block And then Julio was 307 00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:04.639 listening to the show and he texted me it's Ali 308 00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:06.759 Wong with a bunch of exclamation. 309 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:07.919 Marks that didn't come up on Google. So I'm happy 310 00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:10.000 I didn't give my answer I found because that was wrong. 311 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:14.360 All right, Moving along, Dear doctor Wendy. I met a 312 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:16.519 man and we really hit it off, but later I 313 00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:21.440 got the dick in the night. Should I not go 314 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:25.000 on a first date with him? Okay, I'm really confused here. 315 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:27.759 You met him, so it sounds like you've met him 316 00:16:27.799 --> 00:16:31.039 somewhere in the real world, hit it off, then later 317 00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:33.480 in the night, not with him, like on your own, 318 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:38.840 you just stomach went. You know what, Listen to your stomach, girly. 319 00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:42.480 I'm a big believer that the gut is the second brain. 320 00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:46.039 And once you started to relax and you're falling asleep 321 00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:48.759 and you're like, it doesn't feel right. Yeah, don't go 322 00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:50.720 out with him. I'm just throwing that out there, all right, 323 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:57.440 Dear doctor Wendy. I am a words of affirmation person. 324 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:03.360 I expressed love fearlessly. My girlfriend expresses herself through action. 325 00:17:04.119 --> 00:17:08.400 Her actions say she loves me, but she never verbalizes it. 326 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:12.640 I want words. I understand it isn't natural to her. 327 00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:17.680 Do I cope or do I talk to her? Okay, 328 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:25.039 listen to me. You know why you love fearlessly? Do 329 00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:28.240 you know why you use all those words? I don't 330 00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:31.079 know exactly, but I will tell you this. There's a 331 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:35.400 chance you have a little bit of an anxious attachment style. 332 00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:38.640 You think if I love them so much and I 333 00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:40.279 tell them and you know why, I can tell you 334 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:43.079 this because I used to be that I would meet 335 00:17:43.079 --> 00:17:45.240 these guys, would fall in love, and I'd be like, 336 00:17:45.319 --> 00:17:46.720 I had the first one to go, I love you, 337 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:48.519 I'm so lovey. I'm like, why doesn't he say he 338 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:51.240 loves me? Because I was in love with longing? And 339 00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:54.599 you know how you create a loss, a feeling of 340 00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:56.920 loss so that you can be love with longing. You 341 00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:59.920 give too much too soon, and you gush and they're like, oh, 342 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:02.200 that's old, too much, and they're kind of pushing away, 343 00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:05.640 and so then you get your model for love, which 344 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.519 is I'm doing the chasing and they're not. You admit 345 00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:12.079 she loves with her actions. Then if okay, and I 346 00:18:12.119 --> 00:18:13.920 do want to say the whole love language is thing. 347 00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:16.599 It has been studied and try to be replicated and 348 00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:21.079 all that. It's not true. But more important than what 349 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:26.759 love language do you speak? What love language do you hear? 350 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:32.599 What do you understand? You clearly understand that she's expressing 351 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:37.559 herself through her actions, and so that should be good 352 00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:41.839 enough for you. I think you're in love with Longing. 353 00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:44.039 I'm just gonna say that only because I was that 354 00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:47.680 way once. All right, are we near the end already? 355 00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:48.119 Wow? 356 00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:51.279 Time flies when we're having fun. A producer Kayla, this 357 00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:53.640 went by in like five minutes tonight. I don't know why. 358 00:18:53.680 --> 00:18:55.880 When we come back, I want to talk about anxiety, 359 00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:58.279 and I'm a special therapist with us who's written a 360 00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:01.640 number of books about anxietnxiety, and she is going to 361 00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:04.599 help us all heal. You're listening to the Dror Wendy 362 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:08.200 Wall Show on KFI AM six forty are live everywhere 363 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:09.519 on the iHeartRadio app. 364 00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:14.319 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 365 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:15.359 AM six forty. 366 00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:18.400 Welcome back to the Dr Wendy Wall Show on KFI 367 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:23.079 AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. I 368 00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:26.799 promised you a special guest who's going to cure all 369 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:33.519 our worries, all our anxiety. She is local Los Angeles based, 370 00:19:33.640 --> 00:19:38.480 board certified clinical psychologist, doctor Jenny Yip. Thank you for 371 00:19:38.519 --> 00:19:39.839 being with us, Jenny. 372 00:19:39.559 --> 00:19:41.920 Thank you so much for having me here. Now. I 373 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:46.480 don't know if I can cure anxiety. I can certainly 374 00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:48.359 give some helpful tips. 375 00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:51.799 But you have spent your life thinking about anxiety, writing 376 00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:55.039 many books about anxiety. Let's talk about what's going on 377 00:19:55.079 --> 00:19:57.440 in the world right now. I feel like we're in 378 00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:01.559 the age of anxiety. What's going on? Why is there 379 00:20:01.640 --> 00:20:05.079 so much anxiousness when actually, if you think about it, 380 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:09.240 the world is actually safer, We have more affluence, but 381 00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:11.400 there's this worry. What is it coming from? 382 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:15.680 I mean, if you think about it, we are so 383 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:20.480 disconnected today than ever before. And you know, a lot 384 00:20:20.519 --> 00:20:24.960 of people we feel like we're connected through social media 385 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:28.319 and so forth, except we really don't know how to 386 00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:32.200 speak with each other anymore. We don't really have meaningful connections. 387 00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:36.119 We really don't have a way to reach out, and 388 00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:39.079 especially the young folks because they grew up in this 389 00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:44.119 technology generation where their whole lives has been based on 390 00:20:44.240 --> 00:20:50.000 social media and YouTube and all of that disconnection is 391 00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:55.279 actually what's creating a lot of anxiety that we're experiencing today. 392 00:20:55.319 --> 00:20:59.200 Do I hear you singing my song that relationships are 393 00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:00.960 paramount to our mental health? 394 00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:03.160 Absolutely? I mean, if we look at all of the 395 00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:08.000 research that exists, your support system is the number one 396 00:21:08.119 --> 00:21:13.920 buffer to so many mental health needs. So, whether it's 397 00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:20.799 anxiety depression that builds your support for your overall health 398 00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:25.359 even physical health as well, we floss that because we're 399 00:21:25.400 --> 00:21:27.839 so disconnected today more than ever. 400 00:21:27.640 --> 00:21:32.240 Before, we need each other, We need closeness, we need intimacy. 401 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.799