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Speaker 1: Hey, what's going on everybody? It's your pal Izzy here.

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This was a show I did last week on the Patreon,

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and I figured I would give it to you guys

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so you can hear what happens on the Patreon for

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the Patreon only shows. And this is an episode where

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I talk about how I nearly died and some old

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stories from back when I was younger, and then I

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of course talk about why Peter Chriss as the greatest

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seventy eight solo record of A four and also compare

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the Elder and Kiss Unmasked to Taco Bell. So if

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you guys like this, you guys enjoy this. I usually

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do three four shows a week just for the Patreon folks,

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sometimes less, depending how busy I am, but I try

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to get to him as often as I can. And

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by the time you're hearing this, there's going to be

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another show up on the Patreon just for the patreon folks,

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so check it out. It's patreon dot com slash real

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Izzy Presley. It's only five dollars a month. That's all

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five bucks a month. It's less than a cup of

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coffee at Starbucks. Your fancy mulcacino bullshit whatever, So here

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you go. It's how I Nearly died. It is another

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fing podcast.

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Speaker 2: Baby.

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Speaker 1: Saturday, May tenth, Saint Cloud's home of rock and roll

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will rise once again at the Red Carpet with the

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Press Bar Reunion.

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Speaker 3: Featuring Slow Children, a tribute Days Freely.

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Speaker 1: You know Tommy from the Press Cash It.

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Speaker 3: Reunits for the first time in thirty years, and a

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jam honoring the Mighty Slave Raider. Tickets are early ten bucks,

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So ron do not walk to the Red Carpet for

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the Press Bar Reunion as we honor Saint Cloud's home

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of rock and roll.

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Speaker 1: Hi, this is Bobby Brown and welcome to another fucking podcast.

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Speaker 4: Troy a sight. Don't be at all, oh man, the

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once great champ now study and mopishness no longer the

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factory hungry style in wait right, so many times people

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a pathetic wash up? Ahe ex champion?

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Speaker 5: All right, let's go.

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Speaker 1: I think you know the guy. I think you know

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his name? He Press?

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Speaker 6: Is he Presley?

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Speaker 4: Presley? What's my name? Say my name, bitch? My good friend?

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Speaker 1: Is he Presley? Is he Presley?

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Speaker 6: Presley?

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Speaker 2: Ouch?

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Speaker 6: Is he Presley?

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Speaker 5: WHOA that sounds a little weird?

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Speaker 1: Is he Presley?

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Speaker 7: Is he Presley, the heaviest, gurthiest rocky around.

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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jeff Lebarr. You listen to is he Presley?

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Those aren't pillows, No, Jeff, those are not pillows. Those

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are my ass cheeks. Hello Las Vegas, Hello world, and

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hello my loyal minions. It is good to see you,

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and it's always good to be seen. I'm Mizzy Presley.

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I'm the host of the programs called another REFM podcast.

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But you guys know that because this is just for you, guys,

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This is just for the real loyal minions. This is

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just for the Patreon folks. Ah, not going to go

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through the whole spiel because you guys know it. Not

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gonna go through the whole spiel because you guys could

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say it along with me. And it's just for you.

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So this isn't general malaise, This isn't the general public.

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This is just you guys, the guys that listen and

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gals every single week and listen to these exclusive which

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have been very not as many as should be happening.

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But that's my fault. Sometimes I just feel like I've

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lost my mojo. Sometimes I just feel like they don't

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want to know what I have to say, even though

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you guys pay five dollars a month to hear what

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I have to say. So tell your friends, you two girls,

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you on the motorcycle, tell everybody join the Patreon. It's

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only five dollars a month. And you guys know that.

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What are we going to talk about today? Well, I

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almost died today. We're going to get into that. We

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are going to get into that. But before we do that,

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going for the work. And man, it's been a brutal

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two weeks. It's been a brutal two days. So I

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figured I would drink a little Oh look a shot

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of Maker's Mark. Cheers, motherfuckers. I hope you're drinking along

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with me. Wild Game starts to six thirty. It is

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four o'clock and I'm only three beers and two shots in,

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including these. You know, sometimes you just gotta do it.

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Sometimes you just have to do it. So there's something

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that happened today, and this leads into why I Almost died.

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Doesn't have anything to do with Taco Bell, except for

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the fact for the story starts at Taco Bell. I've

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seen the commercials for their brand new chicken nuggets, and

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Taco Bell is like kiss the Elder, is he What

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do you mean? Sometimes you have delusions of grandeur and think,

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you know what I Maybe maybe if I listen to

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the Elder, Maybe, if I listened to Kiss on Masked,

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maybe I'll like it now, because that's what happened to

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the Peter Criss solo record. It took me too long enough, well,

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it took me until I matured and was listening to

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Casey Casem. It was September seventy eight, was the year

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and the month of this broadcast not live on the

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R Heart app And it hit me that every song

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in the top twenty, and about ninety percent of the

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songs in the top forty in that top forty countdown

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reminded me of something that could be on the Peter

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Cris seventy eight solo record. And then I listened to

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it again and it hit me, this is not a

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Kiss record. You've heard me talk about this, well, most

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of you have, and it hit me that, oh my god,

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if I ignore that Kiss logo, if I nor Peter's

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makeup and listen to this as a album that came

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out in September of nineteen seventy eight, this is a

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great pop rock record and That's when I came to

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the conclusion that this album, the Peter Criss record, is

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the best album of the four seventy eighth solo records,

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is not the best kiss record of the four seventy

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eighth solo records. That is Aces, as we all know,

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and then Paul's and then Jean and then Peter, because

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Jeans is not a kiss record either. And I love

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Jean's record. I love Jean's seventy eight solo record because

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it is different, because it's not Okay, I'm just gonna

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put out a Gene Simmons kiss record. That's what I

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love about it. There's some shit on there so out

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of left field, and we all know, you know when

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you wish upon a star. Why he did that song,

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if you don't know, is because he remembered it, remembers

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it as a kid coming to this country and having

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those dreams, the American dream to make something of yourself

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in this world, in this country, and Jane did that,

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and that is why that song is on there. And

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if you ever listened to me when I was doing

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mornings on Monsters of Rock Radio and what was called

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the DASH Radio Network which has now changed names, don't

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know what it is because I'm not on the station

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in anymore. I did mornings, and I did a real

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morning show. I didn't. I wasn't a liner jock of

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everything that gets sent into that station and that network.

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The people that work there, they just you know, fill

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it in, throw in the throwing the voice tracks, or

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they're supposed to be where they're supposed to be. I

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was told that I was the only person that they

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actually listened to, and I got blowback. I got blowback

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because I told the truth. I told the truth about radio.

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And a lot of those guys that work at that

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DASH Radio network they're radio guys, so they know. I

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was told not to talk about that stuff, not to

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tell the truth about radio, and I did. I went

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on rants, not every day, just every once in a while,

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telling people that radio is fake. Your radio you are

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listening to rock radio is not live morning shows. Yeah,

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usually in major markets. But the guy you're listening to

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at Sheboygan on an iHeart station on a Cumulus station,

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he's not in Sheboygan. He probably is in Atlanta or

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Los Angeles or New York. And those voice tracks that

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you are hearing are not live. He's not in studio.

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That is why radio sucks. There are live stations, don't

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get me wrong, but for the most part, radio is

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not live. Serious damn is not live. That's all voice

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track Eddie Trunk is live. The talk stations are live.

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Those guys on hair Nation, they're not in the fucking studio.

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So I talked about this stuff. I talked about the

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truth about radio. I talked about stuff like that, and

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I was told you probably shouldn't talk about that stuff.

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But I did anyways. Why because I didn't fucking care.

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Because I was trying to make good radio, which nobody

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does anymore. Because you remember, when we were young, we

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would tune into the radio station to hear your favorite jock,

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to hear what they had to say. It's not like

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that anymore. It's fucking liner jocks. Hey, that was bon

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Jovi with Living on a Prayer. All right, here we go.

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Speaker 5: Keep it rolling, guns n' Roses, sweet Child of Mine

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right here on the rock station, Rocking one oh one.

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It's a bullshit nobody wants to Nobody needs to hear that.

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Speaker 1: When I was on Rocking one oh one, I tried

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to push the envelope doing afternoons when I was on

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Monsters of Rock Radio. I was trying to push the

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envelope doing mornings, and I had a lot more leeway

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obviously on the Monsters of Rock Radio. Thank you Harlan

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for letting me do that. Thank you Harlan for letting

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me do a radio show. And I miss doing radio.

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I miss doing radio. I don't miss being a liner jock.

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I miss doing radio. What does this have to do

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with everything else? Absolutely nothing? And I just realized that

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went on a tangent that had nothing to do with anything.

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So I go to Taco Bell. I'm not proud of it,

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but I was hungry. I wanted to try Oh yes,

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the whole Taco Bell kiss music from the Elder Kiss unmasked.

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You think it's ah, maybe I'll go back and try

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it again. And it's not as junk as garbage. So

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I go to Taco Bell and I want to try

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these chicken nuggets that you know they're marinated in buttermilk

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jilipenio buttermilk, ah, and then breaded and there in their

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in their nacho chips and then deep fried. We don't

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all we all know that isn't true deep fried. Nah,

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they're fucking they're coated, they're flashed, and they're frozen, and

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they're sent to the store and they put it in

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a fucking Microway. We know that, we know how that works.

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I still want to try it. And I walk in

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there and there's no cashier. In front of the cashier

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where the cashier should be desk is three computer screens.

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We've all seen them, and they have the McDonald's have

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them everywhere you can. You can just stand there and

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punch in your order. And I look at the person

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that's not behind the counter. He's one of the cooks.

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It's like, hey, man, you're picking something up. I'm like, no,

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I want to order. Okay, do I have to use

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these fucking things? He goes, yeah, I got now, and

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I left. I know you're thinking, oh God, old man

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Presley doing old man things. I ain't gonna be forced

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to use that shit, just like I'm not gonna be

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forced to use self checkout. I will use self checkout

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when I want to use self checkout. I will use

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those things if I feel like I want to use

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those things. But if I'm going to a fucking fast food,

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fucking restaurant, I want to stand there and I want

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to order from somebody, and I want to hand them cash.

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Now with those things, that's no cash. You're not only

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being forced to use that, you're being forced to pay

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with the card. Which is weird that I feel that way,

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because I will go to a cash only place any

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fucking day of the week, well usually because the food's

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phenomenal at a cash only place. But if you're forcing

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me to use a card, and if you're forcing me

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to use a computer to order for myself instead of

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somebody standing there and taking my order, I'm not going.

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Izzy could have just gotten your car and got in

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the fucking drive through. That defeats the point of me

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making a stand to nobody and walking out of the

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Taco Bell without my chicken nuggets. I was very excited

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to try, and it, being as dead as it was

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today and yesterday in the last couple of weeks, I'm like,

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all right, I'll spend two dollars on a hot dog

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at the Smiths. Izzy, what does this have to do

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about you almost dying? Well, I'm getting there. So I

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go to the Smiths that I usually shop out of,

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and that's where a grocery store Gal came from. I

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go to the smiths and the hot dogs were out,

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so I grabbed a fucking hot dog. They're nice and

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big and thick and delicious Nathan's. Grabbed a bag of

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fifty cent Dorito's regular flavor because that's the only flavor

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they have in the fifty cent variety. Grab some ketchup,

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grabbed a pop. Spent two dollars dollars and eighty eight

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cents I think was my total. Two dollars and sixty

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eight cents. Whatever attacks whatever, sitting in my car, so

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excited for this hot dog because I'm so hungry, I

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could eat a sandwich from a gas station. Sitting in

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my car, eat some chips, crack the pop, take a

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little sip it's a.

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Speaker 7: Can of coke, and then I take a nice, big

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honkin bite of that fucking hot dog.

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Speaker 1: Apparently I didn't chew it enough and it went down

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the wrong pipe. Now, if you have never choked, like yeah,

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we've all choked on something, but choked to where there

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was no breathing and no coughing, you haven't choked. We've

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all eaten something where it's it gets stuck in the

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esophagus and then you have to take a drink of

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pop or water or whatever. A beer, go damn beer

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and you wash it down. And I thought that's what

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that was. No, this was a lump in my throat

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hot dog ketchup, only like an adult. It wasn't half

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the hot dog. It was one bite, but it was

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a pretty fucking big bite. Because I was starving. This

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thing gets stuck. It went down the wrong pipe. Well

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at the top of the wrong pipe. It didn't go

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down far enough where I died.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, word, okay, So I proceed to start

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chugging the coca cola because I think that's just gonna

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wash it down.

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Speaker 1: Oh was I wrong. I'm sitting in my car listening

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to Kfan Dan Barrero, and I'm choking to death. I

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have a lump of hot dog and bond and ketchup

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in my throat. I chuged this Coca cola like it's

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gonna wash it down, not realizing it's in the wrong pipe.

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That's what she said. But thankfully, by the act of God,

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the coca cola started pouring out of my mouth and

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a shot of what looked like vomit came out all

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over my beautiful jorts, my beautiful two short jorts as

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my door is opened, and of course it went elsewhere

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in the car as well. I lean out of the

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car and more comes out. A couple chunks hit the ground,

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and I was sad about that, because that's wasted hot dog.

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Then finally it dislodged. I was ready to go, stumbling

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into the store pointing at my throat, hoping somebody would

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give me the Heimlich maneuver and save my life.

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Speaker 6: Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, Coca Cola saved the day, and.

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Speaker 1: It was dislodged back into my mouth. And when you're poor,

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you cannot waste food. Those chunks of hot dog that

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were laying on the ground. Maybe me cry a little bit,

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but you know I chewed it, I swallowed it, and

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it was all good to go. I still feel weird,

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my throat still feels weird. But that is the closest, well,

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the second closest I've ever come to death. What are

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you talking about? It popped right back out. I could

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have died. This isn't being overly dramatic. I could have died.

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I could have been out of your lives forever. Many

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of you would be happy about that. No more, some

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bitch posts. No more grocery store galposts, no more almighty

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Board of Wisdom posts, no more conspiracy about the fucking

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Golden Knights being rigged to win posts. All that could

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have been gone. I could have been dead, because who knows,

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maybe if that had not dislodged, I could have been

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stumbling towards the store and just passed out, and nobody

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knows that I was choking. It's like that episode of

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Beavis and butthead when they're eating nachos and then butt

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Head starts choking on a piece of chicken, and Beavis

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had no idea what the hell was going on, and

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butt had almost died. Then that piece of chicken unlodged

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and hit the floor, and Beavis grabbed it and he

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started choking on it too, and then the episode ended.

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Speaker 6: That's what it was like.

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Speaker 1: I almost died without touching boobies. That's horseshit. That's complete

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in on her horseshit. I didn't see boobies. I didn't

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get to touch boobies. I just had a lump of

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fucking hot dogs stuck in my throat. Yes, I realized

311
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how gay that sounds. I didn't get to touch boobies.

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But I had a hot dog stuck in my throat.

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Horseshit is he How did you almost die the first time? Well,

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this is a good one. I was seventeen. It was

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the summer between junior and senior year, and we used

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to go out to like because I had I was

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friends with motorheads, not more had the band, but like,

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you know, motorheads, guys that love cars. I love cars too,

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and I just wasn't couldn't wrench like my friends could,

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because is he Tommy, what do you know about cars?

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Three fifty one winsor so we decided to go out

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to this junk yard out on a Highway twenty three,

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right past the Honda house out of outside of Saint Cloud, Minnesota.

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Can't remember the name of the junk yard, but I'd

325
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been there multiple times, sometimes to get parts and sometimes

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just walk around the junk yard, because sometimes you just

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go walking around a junk yard. I mean, why not.

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It's a junk yard. And at the time, Highway twenty

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three was a two lane blacktop. If you've never seen

330
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smoking in the bandit and understand what a two lane

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blacktop is is one lane going one way, one lane

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go on the other way traffic. It was moderate. It

333
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wasn't heavy. It was moderate. Pardon me, will I take

334
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a sip of beer?

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Speaker 6: Ah?

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Speaker 1: God, I love beer. It was moderate, and I thought,

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I'm my buddy Skippy in the car with me. It

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was a seventy seven Cougar Mercury Cougar XR seven two

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door vinyl top moonroof eight track player stock also had

340
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a CB antenna, so we were rocking a CB. I thought, well,

341
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we're not that far away, but you know, this car

342
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in front of us should be going faster. So I

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guess I'm just gonna have to pass this car. So

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I get into the other lane and I shit, can

345
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it it add a four hundred? Uh oh yeah, four hundred.

346
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And as soon as I pull out and hit that gas,

347
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there is a fucking semi coming right at us. Do

348
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,160
do do do? Do? Do do do do do to big truck,

349
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there's a semi coming right at us. And in my

350
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head all I could think was that line from The

351
00:28:36,279 --> 00:28:39,680
Blues Brothers when they're getting chased by the cops on

352
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that county road and they shoot out the back window

353
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and Elwood goes, oh, holy mother of what the fuck

354
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does he say?

355
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Speaker 7: Oh?

356
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Speaker 1: Mother? Of holy acceleration, don't fail us. Now, obviously we

357
00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:06,839
did not get hit head on by said semitruck. But

358
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it was close enough where he laid on his horn.

359
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:18,880
It was close enough where the knuckles were white. It

360
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:26,960
was close enough where we nearly shit our pants. It

361
00:29:27,119 --> 00:29:35,680
was close enough where we both lit up exactly at

362
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the same time right after it happened. It was close

363
00:29:45,200 --> 00:30:02,200
enough where we almost died. I would say, thinking back, now,

364
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:07,440
this was a long time ago, so seventeen years old.

365
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:16,200
I'm fifty two, so that's thirty okay, So if I

366
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,559
was forty seven, that would be thirty years plus five

367
00:30:21,039 --> 00:30:28,319
thirty five Jesus Christ, thirty five years ago. Could it

368
00:30:28,559 --> 00:30:33,079
have been not as close as I'm talking about. Possibly,

369
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:38,000
but I'm pretty damn sure. We had about ten feet

370
00:30:41,319 --> 00:30:54,119
ten feet. There could have never been an Izzy Presley.

371
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,079
I could have never seen my senior year in high school.

372
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,559
I could have never touched a boot. Actually no, I

373
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:09,200
had touched into booby by them. I could have never

374
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,640
put my cock in a vagina, though I could have

375
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:21,720
died a virgin. There could have been no Izzy Presley.

376
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:26,480
That's how close it was. Because we all know when

377
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:29,759
you're doing seventy miles an hour and you hit a

378
00:31:29,799 --> 00:31:41,240
semi head on going sixty You are not going to survive. Now,

379
00:31:41,319 --> 00:31:52,359
you tell me where was I closer to death? Was

380
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:57,680
it choking on a hot dog where I literally could

381
00:31:57,759 --> 00:32:05,400
not breathe or doing sixty sixty five seventy miles an

382
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,960
hour on a two lane black top, passing a car

383
00:32:08,359 --> 00:32:11,680
and missing a semi by ten feet going at least

384
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:17,039
sixty miles an hour. You tell me which was closer.

385
00:32:18,279 --> 00:32:26,000
I don't know. One made me change my pants and

386
00:32:26,039 --> 00:32:30,039
the other one. I'm surprised I didn't have to change

387
00:32:30,039 --> 00:32:37,279
my pants. Every time I talk to Skippy now we

388
00:32:37,319 --> 00:32:43,079
talk about that. It's not very often. Maybe he'll be

389
00:32:43,119 --> 00:32:45,039
at the show on the tenth of May at the

390
00:32:45,119 --> 00:32:53,559
carpet and we can relive that afternoon again. I don't know. Anyways,

391
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,119
there you go. See this? But why can't I do

392
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,279
this every day? Why can't I give you something like

393
00:33:00,359 --> 00:33:07,000
this every single day? It's a half an hour. Just

394
00:33:07,079 --> 00:33:09,200
sometimes I just don't think I have something to say.

395
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,440
You guys want to hear. I don't know. No Ultro

396
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:17,440
music working on a guest this week. We already got

397
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,240
one show. When actual show this week. Hopefully we can

398
00:33:22,279 --> 00:33:24,680
do this again tomorrow. Maybe something will set me off

399
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:33,839
like this and go wild. Game starts in a half

400
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:40,519
an hour. Fuck the Golden Knights, no nights, no, and

401
00:33:40,759 --> 00:33:47,880
we'll talk to us tomorrow, I hope. All right. I

402
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:55,640
said good day, now, I'm really saying goodbye bye now. Hell,

403
00:33:58,279 --> 00:33:59,920
what's that from? See you guys,