Speaker 1: Hey, what's going on everybody? It's your pal Izzy here.
This was a show I did last week on the Patreon,
and I figured I would give it to you guys
so you can hear what happens on the Patreon for
the Patreon only shows. And this is an episode where
I talk about how I nearly died and some old
stories from back when I was younger, and then I
of course talk about why Peter Chriss as the greatest
seventy eight solo record of A four and also compare
the Elder and Kiss Unmasked to Taco Bell. So if
you guys like this, you guys enjoy this. I usually
do three four shows a week just for the Patreon folks,
sometimes less, depending how busy I am, but I try
to get to him as often as I can. And
by the time you're hearing this, there's going to be
another show up on the Patreon just for the patreon folks,
so check it out. It's patreon dot com slash real
Izzy Presley. It's only five dollars a month. That's all
five bucks a month. It's less than a cup of
coffee at Starbucks. Your fancy mulcacino bullshit whatever, So here
you go. It's how I Nearly died. It is another
fing podcast.
Speaker 2: Baby.
Speaker 1: Saturday, May tenth, Saint Cloud's home of rock and roll
will rise once again at the Red Carpet with the
Press Bar Reunion.
Speaker 3: Featuring Slow Children, a tribute Days Freely.
Speaker 1: You know Tommy from the Press Cash It.
Speaker 3: Reunits for the first time in thirty years, and a
jam honoring the Mighty Slave Raider. Tickets are early ten bucks,
So ron do not walk to the Red Carpet for
the Press Bar Reunion as we honor Saint Cloud's home
of rock and roll.
Speaker 1: Hi, this is Bobby Brown and welcome to another fucking podcast.
Speaker 4: Troy a sight. Don't be at all, oh man, the
once great champ now study and mopishness no longer the
factory hungry style in wait right, so many times people
a pathetic wash up? Ahe ex champion?
Speaker 5: All right, let's go.
Speaker 1: I think you know the guy. I think you know
his name? He Press?
Speaker 6: Is he Presley?
Speaker 4: Presley? What's my name? Say my name, bitch? My good friend?
Speaker 1: Is he Presley? Is he Presley?
Speaker 6: Presley?
Speaker 2: Ouch?
Speaker 6: Is he Presley?
Speaker 5: WHOA that sounds a little weird?
Speaker 1: Is he Presley?
Speaker 7: Is he Presley, the heaviest, gurthiest rocky around.
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jeff Lebarr. You listen to is he Presley?
Those aren't pillows, No, Jeff, those are not pillows. Those
are my ass cheeks. Hello Las Vegas, Hello world, and
hello my loyal minions. It is good to see you,
and it's always good to be seen. I'm Mizzy Presley.
I'm the host of the programs called another REFM podcast.
But you guys know that because this is just for you, guys,
This is just for the real loyal minions. This is
just for the Patreon folks. Ah, not going to go
through the whole spiel because you guys know it. Not
gonna go through the whole spiel because you guys could
say it along with me. And it's just for you.
So this isn't general malaise, This isn't the general public.
This is just you guys, the guys that listen and
gals every single week and listen to these exclusive which
have been very not as many as should be happening.
But that's my fault. Sometimes I just feel like I've
lost my mojo. Sometimes I just feel like they don't
want to know what I have to say, even though
you guys pay five dollars a month to hear what
I have to say. So tell your friends, you two girls,
you on the motorcycle, tell everybody join the Patreon. It's
only five dollars a month. And you guys know that.
What are we going to talk about today? Well, I
almost died today. We're going to get into that. We
are going to get into that. But before we do that,
going for the work. And man, it's been a brutal
two weeks. It's been a brutal two days. So I
figured I would drink a little Oh look a shot
of Maker's Mark. Cheers, motherfuckers. I hope you're drinking along
with me. Wild Game starts to six thirty. It is
four o'clock and I'm only three beers and two shots in,
including these. You know, sometimes you just gotta do it.
Sometimes you just have to do it. So there's something
that happened today, and this leads into why I Almost died.
Doesn't have anything to do with Taco Bell, except for
the fact for the story starts at Taco Bell. I've
seen the commercials for their brand new chicken nuggets, and
Taco Bell is like kiss the Elder, is he What
do you mean? Sometimes you have delusions of grandeur and think,
you know what I Maybe maybe if I listen to
the Elder, Maybe, if I listened to Kiss on Masked,
maybe I'll like it now, because that's what happened to
the Peter Criss solo record. It took me too long enough, well,
it took me until I matured and was listening to
Casey Casem. It was September seventy eight, was the year
and the month of this broadcast not live on the
R Heart app And it hit me that every song
in the top twenty, and about ninety percent of the
songs in the top forty in that top forty countdown
reminded me of something that could be on the Peter
Cris seventy eight solo record. And then I listened to
it again and it hit me, this is not a
Kiss record. You've heard me talk about this, well, most
of you have, and it hit me that, oh my god,
if I ignore that Kiss logo, if I nor Peter's
makeup and listen to this as a album that came
out in September of nineteen seventy eight, this is a
great pop rock record and That's when I came to
the conclusion that this album, the Peter Criss record, is
the best album of the four seventy eighth solo records,
is not the best kiss record of the four seventy
eighth solo records. That is Aces, as we all know,
and then Paul's and then Jean and then Peter, because
Jeans is not a kiss record either. And I love
Jean's record. I love Jean's seventy eight solo record because
it is different, because it's not Okay, I'm just gonna
put out a Gene Simmons kiss record. That's what I
love about it. There's some shit on there so out
of left field, and we all know, you know when
you wish upon a star. Why he did that song,
if you don't know, is because he remembered it, remembers
it as a kid coming to this country and having
those dreams, the American dream to make something of yourself
in this world, in this country, and Jane did that,
and that is why that song is on there. And
if you ever listened to me when I was doing
mornings on Monsters of Rock Radio and what was called
the DASH Radio Network which has now changed names, don't
know what it is because I'm not on the station
in anymore. I did mornings, and I did a real
morning show. I didn't. I wasn't a liner jock of
everything that gets sent into that station and that network.
The people that work there, they just you know, fill
it in, throw in the throwing the voice tracks, or
they're supposed to be where they're supposed to be. I
was told that I was the only person that they
actually listened to, and I got blowback. I got blowback
because I told the truth. I told the truth about radio.
And a lot of those guys that work at that
DASH Radio network they're radio guys, so they know. I
was told not to talk about that stuff, not to
tell the truth about radio, and I did. I went
on rants, not every day, just every once in a while,
telling people that radio is fake. Your radio you are
listening to rock radio is not live morning shows. Yeah,
usually in major markets. But the guy you're listening to
at Sheboygan on an iHeart station on a Cumulus station,
he's not in Sheboygan. He probably is in Atlanta or
Los Angeles or New York. And those voice tracks that
you are hearing are not live. He's not in studio.
That is why radio sucks. There are live stations, don't
get me wrong, but for the most part, radio is
not live. Serious damn is not live. That's all voice
track Eddie Trunk is live. The talk stations are live.
Those guys on hair Nation, they're not in the fucking studio.
So I talked about this stuff. I talked about the
truth about radio. I talked about stuff like that, and
I was told you probably shouldn't talk about that stuff.
But I did anyways. Why because I didn't fucking care.
Because I was trying to make good radio, which nobody
does anymore. Because you remember, when we were young, we
would tune into the radio station to hear your favorite jock,
to hear what they had to say. It's not like
that anymore. It's fucking liner jocks. Hey, that was bon
Jovi with Living on a Prayer. All right, here we go.
Speaker 5: Keep it rolling, guns n' Roses, sweet Child of Mine
right here on the rock station, Rocking one oh one.
It's a bullshit nobody wants to Nobody needs to hear that.
Speaker 1: When I was on Rocking one oh one, I tried
to push the envelope doing afternoons when I was on
Monsters of Rock Radio. I was trying to push the
envelope doing mornings, and I had a lot more leeway
obviously on the Monsters of Rock Radio. Thank you Harlan
for letting me do that. Thank you Harlan for letting
me do a radio show. And I miss doing radio.
I miss doing radio. I don't miss being a liner jock.
I miss doing radio. What does this have to do
with everything else? Absolutely nothing? And I just realized that
went on a tangent that had nothing to do with anything.
So I go to Taco Bell. I'm not proud of it,
but I was hungry. I wanted to try Oh yes,
the whole Taco Bell kiss music from the Elder Kiss unmasked.
You think it's ah, maybe I'll go back and try
it again. And it's not as junk as garbage. So
I go to Taco Bell and I want to try
these chicken nuggets that you know they're marinated in buttermilk
jilipenio buttermilk, ah, and then breaded and there in their
in their nacho chips and then deep fried. We don't
all we all know that isn't true deep fried. Nah,
they're fucking they're coated, they're flashed, and they're frozen, and
they're sent to the store and they put it in
a fucking Microway. We know that, we know how that works.
I still want to try it. And I walk in
there and there's no cashier. In front of the cashier
where the cashier should be desk is three computer screens.
We've all seen them, and they have the McDonald's have
them everywhere you can. You can just stand there and
punch in your order. And I look at the person
that's not behind the counter. He's one of the cooks.
It's like, hey, man, you're picking something up. I'm like, no,
I want to order. Okay, do I have to use
these fucking things? He goes, yeah, I got now, and
I left. I know you're thinking, oh God, old man
Presley doing old man things. I ain't gonna be forced
to use that shit, just like I'm not gonna be
forced to use self checkout. I will use self checkout
when I want to use self checkout. I will use
those things if I feel like I want to use
those things. But if I'm going to a fucking fast food,
fucking restaurant, I want to stand there and I want
to order from somebody, and I want to hand them cash.
Now with those things, that's no cash. You're not only
being forced to use that, you're being forced to pay
with the card. Which is weird that I feel that way,
because I will go to a cash only place any
fucking day of the week, well usually because the food's
phenomenal at a cash only place. But if you're forcing
me to use a card, and if you're forcing me
to use a computer to order for myself instead of
somebody standing there and taking my order, I'm not going.
Izzy could have just gotten your car and got in
the fucking drive through. That defeats the point of me
making a stand to nobody and walking out of the
Taco Bell without my chicken nuggets. I was very excited
to try, and it, being as dead as it was
today and yesterday in the last couple of weeks, I'm like,
all right, I'll spend two dollars on a hot dog
at the Smiths. Izzy, what does this have to do
about you almost dying? Well, I'm getting there. So I
go to the Smiths that I usually shop out of,
and that's where a grocery store Gal came from. I
go to the smiths and the hot dogs were out,
so I grabbed a fucking hot dog. They're nice and
big and thick and delicious Nathan's. Grabbed a bag of
fifty cent Dorito's regular flavor because that's the only flavor
they have in the fifty cent variety. Grab some ketchup,
grabbed a pop. Spent two dollars dollars and eighty eight
cents I think was my total. Two dollars and sixty
eight cents. Whatever attacks whatever, sitting in my car, so
excited for this hot dog because I'm so hungry, I
could eat a sandwich from a gas station. Sitting in
my car, eat some chips, crack the pop, take a
little sip it's a.
Speaker 7: Can of coke, and then I take a nice, big
honkin bite of that fucking hot dog.
Speaker 1: Apparently I didn't chew it enough and it went down
the wrong pipe. Now, if you have never choked, like yeah,
we've all choked on something, but choked to where there
was no breathing and no coughing, you haven't choked. We've
all eaten something where it's it gets stuck in the
esophagus and then you have to take a drink of
pop or water or whatever. A beer, go damn beer
and you wash it down. And I thought that's what
that was. No, this was a lump in my throat
hot dog ketchup, only like an adult. It wasn't half
the hot dog. It was one bite, but it was
a pretty fucking big bite. Because I was starving. This
thing gets stuck. It went down the wrong pipe. Well
at the top of the wrong pipe. It didn't go
down far enough where I died.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, word, okay, So I proceed to start
chugging the coca cola because I think that's just gonna
wash it down.
Speaker 1: Oh was I wrong. I'm sitting in my car listening
to Kfan Dan Barrero, and I'm choking to death. I
have a lump of hot dog and bond and ketchup
in my throat. I chuged this Coca cola like it's
gonna wash it down, not realizing it's in the wrong pipe.
That's what she said. But thankfully, by the act of God,
the coca cola started pouring out of my mouth and
a shot of what looked like vomit came out all
over my beautiful jorts, my beautiful two short jorts as
my door is opened, and of course it went elsewhere
in the car as well. I lean out of the
car and more comes out. A couple chunks hit the ground,
and I was sad about that, because that's wasted hot dog.
Then finally it dislodged. I was ready to go, stumbling
into the store pointing at my throat, hoping somebody would
give me the Heimlich maneuver and save my life.
Speaker 6: Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, Coca Cola saved the day, and.
Speaker 1: It was dislodged back into my mouth. And when you're poor,
you cannot waste food. Those chunks of hot dog that
were laying on the ground. Maybe me cry a little bit,
but you know I chewed it, I swallowed it, and
it was all good to go. I still feel weird,
my throat still feels weird. But that is the closest, well,
the second closest I've ever come to death. What are
you talking about? It popped right back out. I could
have died. This isn't being overly dramatic. I could have died.
I could have been out of your lives forever. Many
of you would be happy about that. No more, some
bitch posts. No more grocery store galposts, no more almighty
Board of Wisdom posts, no more conspiracy about the fucking
Golden Knights being rigged to win posts. All that could
have been gone. I could have been dead, because who knows,
maybe if that had not dislodged, I could have been
stumbling towards the store and just passed out, and nobody
knows that I was choking. It's like that episode of
Beavis and butthead when they're eating nachos and then butt
Head starts choking on a piece of chicken, and Beavis
had no idea what the hell was going on, and
butt had almost died. Then that piece of chicken unlodged
and hit the floor, and Beavis grabbed it and he
started choking on it too, and then the episode ended.
Speaker 6: That's what it was like.
Speaker 1: I almost died without touching boobies. That's horseshit. That's complete
in on her horseshit. I didn't see boobies. I didn't
get to touch boobies. I just had a lump of
fucking hot dogs stuck in my throat. Yes, I realized
how gay that sounds. I didn't get to touch boobies.
But I had a hot dog stuck in my throat.
Horseshit is he How did you almost die the first time? Well,
this is a good one. I was seventeen. It was
the summer between junior and senior year, and we used
to go out to like because I had I was
friends with motorheads, not more had the band, but like,
you know, motorheads, guys that love cars. I love cars too,
and I just wasn't couldn't wrench like my friends could,
because is he Tommy, what do you know about cars?
Three fifty one winsor so we decided to go out
to this junk yard out on a Highway twenty three,
right past the Honda house out of outside of Saint Cloud, Minnesota.
Can't remember the name of the junk yard, but I'd
been there multiple times, sometimes to get parts and sometimes
just walk around the junk yard, because sometimes you just
go walking around a junk yard. I mean, why not.
It's a junk yard. And at the time, Highway twenty
three was a two lane blacktop. If you've never seen
smoking in the bandit and understand what a two lane
blacktop is is one lane going one way, one lane
go on the other way traffic. It was moderate. It
wasn't heavy. It was moderate. Pardon me, will I take
a sip of beer?
Speaker 6: Ah?
Speaker 1: God, I love beer. It was moderate, and I thought,
I'm my buddy Skippy in the car with me. It
was a seventy seven Cougar Mercury Cougar XR seven two
door vinyl top moonroof eight track player stock also had
a CB antenna, so we were rocking a CB. I thought, well,
we're not that far away, but you know, this car
in front of us should be going faster. So I
guess I'm just gonna have to pass this car. So
I get into the other lane and I shit, can
it it add a four hundred? Uh oh yeah, four hundred.
And as soon as I pull out and hit that gas,
there is a fucking semi coming right at us. Do
do do do? Do? Do do do do do to big truck,
there's a semi coming right at us. And in my
head all I could think was that line from The
Blues Brothers when they're getting chased by the cops on
that county road and they shoot out the back window
and Elwood goes, oh, holy mother of what the fuck
does he say?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 1: Mother? Of holy acceleration, don't fail us. Now, obviously we
did not get hit head on by said semitruck. But
it was close enough where he laid on his horn.
It was close enough where the knuckles were white. It
was close enough where we nearly shit our pants. It
was close enough where we both lit up exactly at
the same time right after it happened. It was close
enough where we almost died. I would say, thinking back, now,
this was a long time ago, so seventeen years old.
I'm fifty two, so that's thirty okay, So if I
was forty seven, that would be thirty years plus five
thirty five Jesus Christ, thirty five years ago. Could it
have been not as close as I'm talking about. Possibly,
but I'm pretty damn sure. We had about ten feet
ten feet. There could have never been an Izzy Presley.
I could have never seen my senior year in high school.
I could have never touched a boot. Actually no, I
had touched into booby by them. I could have never
put my cock in a vagina, though I could have
died a virgin. There could have been no Izzy Presley.
That's how close it was. Because we all know when
you're doing seventy miles an hour and you hit a
semi head on going sixty You are not going to survive. Now,
you tell me where was I closer to death? Was
it choking on a hot dog where I literally could
not breathe or doing sixty sixty five seventy miles an
hour on a two lane black top, passing a car
and missing a semi by ten feet going at least
sixty miles an hour. You tell me which was closer.
I don't know. One made me change my pants and
the other one. I'm surprised I didn't have to change
my pants. Every time I talk to Skippy now we
talk about that. It's not very often. Maybe he'll be
at the show on the tenth of May at the
carpet and we can relive that afternoon again. I don't know. Anyways,
there you go. See this? But why can't I do
this every day? Why can't I give you something like
this every single day? It's a half an hour. Just
sometimes I just don't think I have something to say.
You guys want to hear. I don't know. No Ultro
music working on a guest this week. We already got
one show. When actual show this week. Hopefully we can
do this again tomorrow. Maybe something will set me off
like this and go wild. Game starts in a half
an hour. Fuck the Golden Knights, no nights, no, and
we'll talk to us tomorrow, I hope. All right. I
said good day, now, I'm really saying goodbye bye now. Hell,
what's that from? See you guys,