Speaker 1: It is impossible to be happy while your relationships are unhappy.
Speaker 1: Iver I agree with that. I mean, you can meet
Speaker 1: all kinds of people. They've got all kinds of money,
Speaker 1: they've got all kinds of fame, they've got every kind
Speaker 1: of pleasure you can imagine. But if they're in the
Speaker 1: middle of a divorce, they're not happy. If your relationships
Speaker 1: are unhappy, your life is going to be unhappy. So Paul,
Speaker 1: when he starts talking about and modeling the Habits of Happiness,
Speaker 1: he begins right off the bat the first eleven verses
Speaker 1: of Philippians chapter one, talking about how do you have
Speaker 1: happy relationships? How do you have healthy relationships? So we've
Speaker 1: got to start here before we can go anywhere else
Speaker 1: in the Habits of Happiness. Now, in the first eleven verses,
Speaker 1: Paul makes his description of his relationship. He describes his
Speaker 1: relationship to the people of Philippi, and he gives us
Speaker 1: four statements. And we're going to come back and look
Speaker 1: at these as habits you can develop to have healthier,
Speaker 1: happier relationships. Let me read it to you, Philippians, chapter one.
Speaker 1: This letter is from Paul and Timothy, slaves of Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: It's written to all of God's people and Philippi who
Speaker 1: believe in Jesus Christ, and the elders and the deacons
Speaker 1: of the church. May God, our Father and Lord Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ give you grace and peace. That's his introduction. Now
Speaker 1: he gets into his first subject. He says, every time
Speaker 1: I think of you, I give thanks to my God.
Speaker 1: I always pray for you, and I make my request
Speaker 1: with a heart full of joy because you've been my
Speaker 1: partners and spreading the good news about Christ from the
Speaker 1: time you first heard it until now. And I am
Speaker 1: confident that God, who began this good work within you,
Speaker 1: will continue his work until it's finally finished on the
Speaker 1: day when Jesus Christ comes back again. Now it's right
Speaker 1: that I should feel as I do about all of you,
Speaker 1: for you have a very special place in my heart.
Speaker 1: We've shared together the blessings of God, both when I
Speaker 1: was in prison, when I was out defending the truth
Speaker 1: and telling others the good news. God knows how much
Speaker 1: I love you and how I long for you. Can't
Speaker 1: you see the personal nature of this book how much
Speaker 1: I love you and long for you With the tender
Speaker 1: compassion of Christ, Jesus and I pray that your love
Speaker 1: for each other will overflow more and more, and I
Speaker 1: pray that you will keep on growing in your knowledge
Speaker 1: and understanding, for I want you to understand what really matters,
Speaker 1: so that you may live pure and blameless lives until
Speaker 1: Christ's returns. And may you always be filled with the
Speaker 1: fruit of your salvation, those good things that are produced
Speaker 1: in your life by Jesus Christ, for this will bring
Speaker 1: much glory and praise to God. Now in the first
Speaker 1: eleven verses of Philippians, Paul models four relational habits that
Speaker 1: if you will just practice these things, your relationships will
Speaker 1: be more enjoyable and your happiness will be greater. They
Speaker 1: are easy to explain, they are simple to understand, but
Speaker 1: they are incredibly hard to do because when I tell
Speaker 1: you these, you go, oh, yeah, I know this, I
Speaker 1: know this, but you don't do it. And so although
Speaker 1: it's easy for me to teach them, it's very hard
Speaker 1: for all of us to practice them. But if you
Speaker 1: will do these four relational habits and you'll build them
Speaker 1: in your life, your relationships will be transformed and you'll
Speaker 1: be happy. All right, let's look at it first Number one,
Speaker 1: to be happy. The first thing Paul says, is this,
Speaker 1: I must be grateful with the people in my life.
Speaker 1: I must be grateful for the people in my life.
Speaker 1: Study after study after study after study after study link
Speaker 1: gratitude to happiness. It's been proven over and over by psychologists, sociologists,
Speaker 1: and others that the more grateful you are, the more
Speaker 1: happy you are. The more ungrateful you are, the more
Speaker 1: unhappy you are. And if you want to have good relationships,
Speaker 1: you start with the attitude of gratitude, you will be
Speaker 1: far happier. You will enjoy your relationships more if you
Speaker 1: will develop the habit of being grateful for the people
Speaker 1: in your life. The habit of being grateful for the
Speaker 1: people in your life. Phlippius, Chapter one, verse three. Paul
Speaker 1: starts off with this this very first thing. Every time
Speaker 1: I think of you, I remember he's in Rome. They're
Speaker 1: in a city called Philippi. Every time I think of you,
Speaker 1: I give thanks. I give thanks to my God. Paul says.
Speaker 1: You know what, I remember the good things about you,
Speaker 1: and I focus on the good times we've had friends.
Speaker 1: That simple truth right there is the source of good relationships.
Speaker 1: And when marriages stop doing this, they crumble. When you
Speaker 1: stop remembering why you got married in the first place,
Speaker 1: what attracted you to that person. When you stop remembering
Speaker 1: the good times, when you stop being grateful for your mate,
Speaker 1: your marriage is already on a long slide into oblivion.
Speaker 1: Paul says, every time I think of you, I give
Speaker 1: thanks to God for you. Let me ask you, just
Speaker 1: be real, honest. When you think of the people in
Speaker 1: your life, do you automatically is your first thought gratitude? No,
Speaker 1: it's not. No, it's what do they need to do
Speaker 1: for me? Are they late? Are they in a hurry?
Speaker 1: What's not right? What have we had a problem with?
Speaker 1: What have we got to get done? Your first thought
Speaker 1: is not gratitude. Paul says, when I think of you,
Speaker 1: the first thing I do is I think your gratitud
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for who you are. I'm grateful for what
Speaker 1: you've done. Now here's the problem with us. The problem
Speaker 1: with this is the longer you know someone number one
Speaker 1: you take them, the more you take them for granted.
Speaker 1: Isn't that true? The longer you know someone, the more
Speaker 1: you take them for granted, the more you focus on
Speaker 1: their faults, and the easier it is to remember bad times.
Speaker 1: I don't know why it is. But it's easier to
Speaker 1: remember baptimes than it is happy times. Paul says, every
Speaker 1: time I think of you, I give thanks. If you
Speaker 1: would just develop this habit that whenever you think of
Speaker 1: the people in your life, your friends, your neighbors, your husband,
Speaker 1: your wife, your kids, your relatives, whatever, that the first
Speaker 1: thought is gratitude. It's going to change your relationship. Now,
Speaker 1: that's a habit you have to develop. It does not
Speaker 1: come natural. We are not by nature grateful people. We
Speaker 1: are by nature discontented people. We are, by nature always
Speaker 1: wanting things to be different. Philippians, Chapter one, verse five.
Speaker 1: Paul says it again, I thank God. I thank God
Speaker 1: for the help that you gave me. Now, if you
Speaker 1: know the story of this church that he started, there
Speaker 1: there was a woman named Lydia who was a businesswoman
Speaker 1: who opened up her home. And he says, from the
Speaker 1: very first day, you welcomed us, and you helped us
Speaker 1: from the very first day. And then, as I said
Speaker 1: several times in Paul's travels, the Philippian Church was funding
Speaker 1: Paul's missionaries journeys, and in this particular instance, they had son,
Speaker 1: a man named of Paphroditis all the way to Rome
Speaker 1: to bring him a financial gift, because Paul was in
Speaker 1: Rome by himself in prison, and if Paphorditas had nearly
Speaker 1: died on the way, we'll get to that later in
Speaker 1: the book. And now Paul is sending him back with
Speaker 1: this thank you note to the people in Philippi, and
Speaker 1: he says, I thank God for the help you gave me.
Speaker 1: I just wonder what is it that you have forgotten
Speaker 1: that other people have done for you. And the longer
Speaker 1: you know someone, the more you take them for granted,
Speaker 1: the more you look for their faults, and the more
Speaker 1: it's easy to remember the bad things than the good things. See,
Speaker 1: the truth is about Paul and Philippi. He didn't have
Speaker 1: a good time in Philippi. In fact, it was one
Speaker 1: of his roughest churches getting started. But you don't get
Speaker 1: any of that in this letter. The fact is when
Speaker 1: Paul went to the city to start a church, he
Speaker 1: was beaten, he was whipped, he was humiliated, he was
Speaker 1: falsely arrested, he was thrown in a prison, he went
Speaker 1: through an earthquake, and then he was politely asked by
Speaker 1: the city leaders to leave town. When I thank God
Speaker 1: for you, I think of you, I thank God for you.
Speaker 1: What is he doing? He is choosing selective memory. This
Speaker 1: was not a happy place all the time. It wasn't
Speaker 1: all sunshine and lollipops and roses and rain my little pony.
Speaker 1: It was a lot of bad stuff it happened. But
Speaker 1: Paul chose not to dwell on painful memories. Are you
Speaker 1: still living some painful memories with some people in your life?
Speaker 1: You've never let them off the hook, and you can't
Speaker 1: enjoy a relationship because you're still holding on to the past.
Speaker 1: Memories are a choice now. If you want to hold
Speaker 1: onto your painful memories, go right ahead, but you're not
Speaker 1: gonna be happy. Paul had a lot of reasons that
Speaker 1: painful memories in Philippi. It was not a happy time
Speaker 1: for everything that happened there, as they said, beaten, maligned
Speaker 1: and all these things. But he says, every time I
Speaker 1: think of you, I thank God for you. He's choosing
Speaker 1: to be grateful for the people in his life. The
Speaker 1: attitude of gratitude will transfer a relationship. If you're not grateful,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have all kinds of complaining, worrying, all kinds
Speaker 1: of other things. I've got to be grateful for the
Speaker 1: people in my life. Number two, the second habit of
Speaker 1: happiness and relational happiness is this, I need to not
Speaker 1: only be grateful for the people in my life. I
Speaker 1: need to pray with joy for the people in my life.
Speaker 1: I need to pray joyfully. I need to pray with
Speaker 1: joy for the people in my life. Now Paul is praying,
Speaker 1: as we just read this passage, praying for these people.
Speaker 1: How would you like to have the apostle Paul praying
Speaker 1: for you. You think that would help the guy who
Speaker 1: wrote much of the New Testament, wouldn't you like? Don't
Speaker 1: you know? Those Philippians thought, Hey, this is pretty cool.
Speaker 1: Paul is praying for us. Doesn't it encourage you to
Speaker 1: know when somebody is praying for you? Yes, yes, it does.
Speaker 1: It encourages you. In fact, the thing that keeps me
Speaker 1: going is your prayers. And when people say I'm praying
Speaker 1: for you, pastor Rick, I take that serious because it's
Speaker 1: what I move on. It is that power that I
Speaker 1: move on, Paul says. In verse four, he says this,
Speaker 1: I always pray for you. Now, that's part of it.
Speaker 1: But notice the rest of the verse. And I make
Speaker 1: my request when he's praying for you, he says, with
Speaker 1: a heart full of joy. Now I want you to
Speaker 1: just minute think of somebody who irritates you. Don't look
Speaker 1: at him, just think of him. Okay, maybe somebody you've
Speaker 1: got a strained relationship with, or they just kind of
Speaker 1: rub you the wrong way. I have two questions for you.
Speaker 1: Number one, do you pray for them? Okay? Do you
Speaker 1: pray for it? Or do you just complain and grumble,
Speaker 1: a nag, a nitpick. If you prayed more, you'd have
Speaker 1: a lot less to grumble, complain, nag, and nitpit about.
Speaker 1: So you can decide. Does nagging work no? Does prayer
Speaker 1: work yes? So why do you do more of the
Speaker 1: thing that doesn't work than does? Paul says, I pray
Speaker 1: for you, and you need to pray for the people
Speaker 1: in your life. But then he says, I pray for you,
Speaker 1: making request with a heartful of joy. When you do pray,
Speaker 1: do you pray with joy? And let me give you
Speaker 1: a little secret here. There are things within people's lives
Speaker 1: around you you'd like to change. You don't want to
Speaker 1: change yourself, you want them to change. If she would
Speaker 1: just do this, if she would just do that, if
Speaker 1: he would just do this, And we always want to
Speaker 1: change other people. You can't. You can't change anybody. You
Speaker 1: cannot change anybody. They can only change themselves and you
Speaker 1: can only change yourself. So all of that trying to
Speaker 1: change your change program doesn't work. But you can pray,
Speaker 1: and God can change people. Positive praying is more effective
Speaker 1: than positive thinking. You know, people read all these books
Speaker 1: about positive thinking. Well, okay, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'd rather have you thinking positively than negatively.
Speaker 1: But all the positive thinking in the world, is it
Speaker 1: going to change your husband or your wife, or your child,
Speaker 1: or your friend or your situation. Positive thinking is not enough.
Speaker 1: Positive thinking can change you, but it can't change somebody else.
Speaker 1: But positive prayer can. Start praying for them. Start praying
Speaker 1: for It'll change you, and it can change them. Start
Speaker 1: praying for them. He say, well, what do I pray? Well,
Speaker 1: I would encourage you to pray what Paul prayed, and
Speaker 1: in verses nine to eleven, we have what Paul prayed.
Speaker 1: Here's what he says, and this is my prayer that
Speaker 1: your love may abound more and more in knowledge and
Speaker 1: depth of insight, so that you may be able to
Speaker 1: discern what is best that you may be pure and
Speaker 1: blameless until the day of Christ, and that you may
Speaker 1: be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. What
Speaker 1: does he say? Four things you can pray? Pray and
Speaker 1: I would say, pray these for your kids. Pray these
Speaker 1: for your friends. Pray these for your boyfriend, your girlfriend,
Speaker 1: Pray these for your boss, Pray these for me, anybody
Speaker 1: you care about. Pray with joy for the people in
Speaker 1: your life, and you pray these four things. First, pray
Speaker 1: they will grow in love. Pray that they will grow
Speaker 1: in love. Paul says that your love will grow more
Speaker 1: and more. Number two, he says, pray that they will
Speaker 1: make wise choices. Pray that the people in your life
Speaker 1: and your family, and your friends and your neighbor. Pray
Speaker 1: that they will make wise choices. Verse nine and ten
Speaker 1: says that you will know and fully know and understand
Speaker 1: how to make the right choices. Third thing to pray
Speaker 1: for the people in your life. Pray they will live
Speaker 1: with integrity. Pray that they will live with integrity. Paul says,
Speaker 1: I pray that you may live pure and blameless lives.
Speaker 1: Until Christ returns. The fourth thing to pray is pray
Speaker 1: that they will become like Jesus. Parents, there's your prayer
Speaker 1: agenda right there. Husbands, wives, friends, there's your prayer agenda
Speaker 1: right there. Pray that they will become like Christ. Verse eleven.
Speaker 1: That you will be filled with the fruit of the
Speaker 1: righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and
Speaker 1: praise of God. What the fruits he talk about there, well,
Speaker 1: we call it the fruit of the spirit. The fruit
Speaker 1: of the spirit is the character of Jesus. In Galatians
Speaker 1: five twenty two and twenty three says this. The fruit
Speaker 1: of the spirit is love and joy, and peace, and
Speaker 1: patience and kindness. The fruit of the spirit is goodness
Speaker 1: and faithfulness. Fruit of the spirit is gentleness and self control.
Speaker 1: What is that? It's the perfect picture of Jesus. Now,
Speaker 1: these four things you can pray for me any day
Speaker 1: of the week. Pray that I will grow in love.
Speaker 1: Pray that I will make wise choices. Pray that I
Speaker 1: will live with integrity. Pray that I will become more
Speaker 1: and more like Jesus. You can pray these for yourself.
Speaker 1: You can pray these for your spouse. And you know
Speaker 1: what you can know they will be answered. Why, because
Speaker 1: they're in the Bible. This is not a prayer if
Speaker 1: it's your will, God, this is God's will. It's in
Speaker 1: the Bible, so you know God wants to answer that prayer.
Speaker 1: So the first thing I do have to be grateful
Speaker 1: for the people in my life. And second, I have
Speaker 1: to pray and actually pray joyfully, not with complaining, not
Speaker 1: with criticism like, oh God, why can't you get this
Speaker 1: man in mind in shape. That's not praying joyfully. That's
Speaker 1: praying whinily, crankily. Now pray joyfully, and here's what you pray.
Speaker 1: Number three, here's the third habit, Paul says, and it's
Speaker 1: in the next verse. I must expect the best from
Speaker 1: people in my life. I must expect the best. Now,
Speaker 1: these things are so simple for me to teach you,
Speaker 1: but they are so hard to turn into habits. We
Speaker 1: don't normally expect the best from the people around us.
Speaker 1: We expect the worst. We expect them to let us
Speaker 1: down because we have a track record. Now, he's saying,
Speaker 1: you want to make a habit of believing in people
Speaker 1: rather than criticizing them. Expect the best. Philippians want and
Speaker 1: in the verse six is the next verse, he says this,
Speaker 1: I am confident of this that God, who began a
Speaker 1: good work in you, will carry it to completion until
Speaker 1: the day of Christ Jesus. I'm expecting the best from
Speaker 1: the people in my life. Now. Paul is a pro
Speaker 1: at bringing out the best in people, and I want
Speaker 1: to teach you how to do it right now. There
Speaker 1: are three things that you do to bring out the
Speaker 1: best in people, and Paul does all three of them.
Speaker 1: In this verse, he says, here's how I bring out
Speaker 1: the best people. Number one, he believed in people. He
Speaker 1: believed in people. He says, I am confident, and he
Speaker 1: gave them confidence. Do you give the people in your
Speaker 1: life confidence or do you tear them down? Do you
Speaker 1: build them up or do you tear them down? Do
Speaker 1: you give the people in your life confidence? You know,
Speaker 1: if a child is running a race and you're at
Speaker 1: the track watching him run a race at school, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they really mess up and they
Speaker 1: stumble and they fall flat on their face and they
Speaker 1: embarrass themselves, and you're in the stand as a parent,
Speaker 1: what do you do. You don't get up and say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed. I'm leaving you know how pathetic you are.
Speaker 1: A bad parent would do that, But what does a
Speaker 1: good parent do. A good parent stands up and yells
Speaker 1: even more. You can do this. Get up. I believe
Speaker 1: in you. I know you can do it. Come on,
Speaker 1: come on, get up. I know this is just a
Speaker 1: minor thing. No, don't worry about it, don'torry about anybody else.
Speaker 1: Just keep on running. That's what God does with you
Speaker 1: when you stumble. That's what God wants you to do
Speaker 1: with people in your life when they stumble. That's what
Speaker 1: it means to be like Jesus. Paul says, I believe
Speaker 1: in people. I give them confidence. I helped them grow.
Speaker 1: I am confident that what God has started in your life,
Speaker 1: he's going to continue to do. You see, we all
Speaker 1: need people to believe in us because it's how we change.
Speaker 1: You can't change unless somebody believes in you and you
Speaker 1: believe in yourself. Acceptance always precedes transformation. That's why I
Speaker 1: always say, you know, don't tell it like it is,
Speaker 1: Tell it like it could be. Sometimes you know, I
Speaker 1: trained pastors in preaching, and sometimes pastors say, well, I
Speaker 1: just tell it like it is. I said, well, okay,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't change anybody. Tell it like it could
Speaker 1: be is preaching for faith. I could get up here
Speaker 1: and say, you know, you're all not doing a good job,
Speaker 1: and I could tell you all the errors you're not
Speaker 1: doing a good job in. What would it do? Just
Speaker 1: make you defensive? It wouldn't change you one bit, and
Speaker 1: next week you go, oh, let's go back and have requipus.
Speaker 1: The more some people actually a spiritual massacres o pastor.
Speaker 1: That's such a great sermon. It made me feel so bad.
Speaker 1: I don't go what, no, No, that's not it. Nobody
Speaker 1: changes by nagging. Doesn't happen in the pulpit or anywhere else.
Speaker 1: So don't tell it like it is. Tell it like
Speaker 1: it could be. If I helped draw a picture, say
Speaker 1: this is what you could become, this is what you
Speaker 1: could be with God's power in your life, then you
Speaker 1: get excited. Paul says, I'm confident I believe in you.
Speaker 1: The second thing he did is he gave people vision,
Speaker 1: and the vision was you're going to keep growing. God's
Speaker 1: not gonna what God starts, he finishes. He's not gonna
Speaker 1: leave you halfway out there. He gave people vision. He
Speaker 1: painted a picture of the future. Now, why is that important?
Speaker 1: Because study after study after study shows that we tend
Speaker 1: to live up to the expectations of other people. When
Speaker 1: people expect the best of you, you tend to do better.
Speaker 1: When teachers expect to the best of their students, they
Speaker 1: always perform better than teachers who don't expect the best
Speaker 1: from their students. That has been proven over and over
Speaker 1: again in studies that we tend to become what we
Speaker 1: believe the most important people in our lives think about us.
Speaker 1: So Paul says, I expect the best from people. I
Speaker 1: believe in people. I give people vision. And the third thing,
Speaker 1: this is really important. He was patient with people's progress.
Speaker 1: I am confident to what Gods began in you. He's
Speaker 1: going to keep on and he's going to carry it
Speaker 1: to completion until the Jesus Day of Jesus Christ. He
Speaker 1: was patient with people's progress. Now, why is that I'm
Speaker 1: so important to your happiness? I'll tell you why. If
Speaker 1: you insist on perfection in people, you're going to be
Speaker 1: miserable the rest of your life because there's nobody perfect,
Speaker 1: especially you. And if you're always expecting perfection in people
Speaker 1: before you can enjoy them, then you're never going to
Speaker 1: be happy because nobody's perfect. Paul says, I am patient
Speaker 1: with people's progress. If you want to really be happy
Speaker 1: in your relationships, if you want to have happier relationships,
Speaker 1: healthier relationships, celebrate how far people have come rather than
Speaker 1: judging them for how much they still have to go.
Speaker 1: You got to be patient with people's progress. God doesn't
Speaker 1: wait until you're mature for him to start loving you,
Speaker 1: so you shouldn't do that with others either. You got
Speaker 1: to love them morts and all. You've got to be
Speaker 1: patient with their progress. Now, what is the key to patience?
Speaker 1: How do I celebrate how far people have come rather
Speaker 1: than judging how far they left go. The key to
Speaker 1: patience is love, and Paul says in the next verse,
Speaker 1: verse seven, it is right for me to feel this way.
Speaker 1: In other words, I expect the best from you. It's
Speaker 1: right for me to feel this way about you since
Speaker 1: I have you in my heart. This is a real
Speaker 1: key to happiness and it's real key to healthy relationships.
Speaker 1: You got to have people in your heart. You know
Speaker 1: what I've discovered. If people aren't on my heart, they're
Speaker 1: on my nerves. And if I want to get them
Speaker 1: off my nerves. Nerves, I gotta get them on my heart.
Speaker 1: If I'm praying for somebody, they just don't bug me
Speaker 1: as much. They just don't bother me as much. If
Speaker 1: they're on my heart, they're not on my nerves. But
Speaker 1: if I'm not praying for them, I get perturbed by
Speaker 1: them pretty easily. He says, I have you in my heart.
Speaker 1: You see, so many of the relationship problems that you have,
Speaker 1: that you have over and over and over, is because
Speaker 1: we all tend to react with our head, not with
Speaker 1: our heart. And that's the wrong place to go in relationships.
Speaker 1: That's you know, somebody comes you, let's say men, let
Speaker 1: me talk to them in for a minute. Your wife
Speaker 1: comes to you and says, honey, this really frightens me,
Speaker 1: This really worries me. This thing really concerns me. And
Speaker 1: you react not with your heart. You react with your
Speaker 1: head and go, well, that's illogical, that's dumb. You shouldn't
Speaker 1: feel that way. Oh that was helpful. Now that did
Speaker 1: that really build a bridge? No, no, it didn't at all,
Speaker 1: because you're reacting with your head rather than with your heart.
Speaker 1: When people say and you've had people say this, to
Speaker 1: you before. You just don't understand. You just don't understand.
Speaker 1: You just don't understand. They're not really talking about understanding.
Speaker 1: What they're really saying is you don't feel my pain.
Speaker 1: You don't feel what I'm feeling. Has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with understanding. It has everything to do with empathy. You're
Speaker 1: not sympathetic, you're not empathetic, you don't care, you're not
Speaker 1: feeling my feelings. And I say you don't understand. We
Speaker 1: try to logic it out and say, well, let me
Speaker 1: understand it. No, it's not logic. It's feelings. Feelings are
Speaker 1: just feelings. They're not right or wrong, they're just they're
Speaker 1: just feelings. The last five months, I've been getting a
Speaker 1: PhD in learning empathy and all of the things we've
Speaker 1: been going through in our family. That's what they're saying
Speaker 1: is you don't feel it. So when Paul says I
Speaker 1: have you on my heart, loving from the heart begins
Speaker 1: with understanding, and it means you know why they tick,
Speaker 1: you know how they tick, and you don't judge them
Speaker 1: for ticking that way. You just listen and you accept,
Speaker 1: and you listen and you understand moods and you respond accordingly.
Speaker 1: And that leads us to the fourth big habit, and
Speaker 1: this one is the granddaddy of Maul and Paul says,
Speaker 1: this is the fourth secret. I must love people in
Speaker 1: my life like Jesus does. I must love people in
Speaker 1: my life like Jesus does. I must be grateful for
Speaker 1: the people in life. I must pray for the people
Speaker 1: in my life with joy. I must expect the best
Speaker 1: from the people of my life. And I must love
Speaker 1: people in my life like Jesus does. Now again, I
Speaker 1: told you it's easy for me to teach it. It's
Speaker 1: incredibly hard for you to do this because you're not Jesus.
Speaker 1: And we tend to be self centered. We tend to
Speaker 1: look at our own needs and all of the things
Speaker 1: that have happened in our life. But I've got to
Speaker 1: love people like Jesus does. Verse eight. Here's the fourth
Speaker 1: thing Paul says about relational habits. God is my witness
Speaker 1: that I tell the truth when I say that my
Speaker 1: deep love for you, my deep love for you, all
Speaker 1: comes from the heart of Christ, Jesus himself. I love
Speaker 1: this verse so much because I identify with it. You see,
Speaker 1: Paul started the Philippian Church. He was the first member.
Speaker 1: He was the first pastor, and so I identify with
Speaker 1: how he felt about this church as I do about you.
Speaker 1: John three sixteen says this, This is how we know
Speaker 1: what real love is. Christ gave his life for us,
Speaker 1: so then we ought to give our lives for who
Speaker 1: for others? Now? What is that reference? Again? Look at it?
Speaker 1: What is it? It's first John three sixteen. Does that
Speaker 1: remind you of any other verse? John three sixteen? Same
Speaker 1: guy wrote, both, you know what the problem with relationships
Speaker 1: is today? People who know John three point sixteen ignore
Speaker 1: first John three sixteen. We all know John three sixteen.
Speaker 1: Most of you could quote it. God so loved the
Speaker 1: world that he gave his only son that whoever believes
Speaker 1: in him should not perish but have everlasting life. That's
Speaker 1: the way to salvation. It's a way to have past,
Speaker 1: forgiven purpose, for living home in heaven. God says, I
Speaker 1: sent my son. That's how much I love you. And
Speaker 1: we're all grateful for God's love for us John three sixteen.
Speaker 1: But we want to ignore first John three sixteen. It says,
Speaker 1: and this is real love. God gave his life for us,
Speaker 1: He gave his son for us, and we must do
Speaker 1: the same. Thing. If we would do that, we would
Speaker 1: not have any relational problems because we wouldn't be thinking
Speaker 1: about ourselves. We'd be thinking about other people. It's about
Speaker 1: our heads. And as we close, I just want to
Speaker 1: ask you to do a little personal evaluation. Which of
Speaker 1: these four habits do you need to work on? Who
Speaker 1: do you need to be more grateful for? Who in
Speaker 1: your life have you taken for granted? Who have you
Speaker 1: failed to appreciate? Who have you because of their faults
Speaker 1: or flaws you have not been grateful for them. That's
Speaker 1: the first habit of happiness. Be grateful for the people
Speaker 1: in my life. Number two, are you praying for the
Speaker 1: people in your life? And are you praying with joy?
Speaker 1: Are you praying with complaining? God fix that person? Are
Speaker 1: you praying with joy? I'm going to encourage you to
Speaker 1: make a prayer list and write down some names and
Speaker 1: pray the four things that Paul prayed. That people will
Speaker 1: grow in love, that they will make wise choices, that
Speaker 1: they'll live with integrity, that will become like Jesus. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this. Are you patient with the progress
Speaker 1: of the people in your life or do you demand perfection?
Speaker 1: It's never good enough? So I said, if people have
Speaker 1: to be perfect for you to enjoy them, you're never
Speaker 1: going to enjoy them. And number four, who do you
Speaker 1: need to start loving from the heart rather than from
Speaker 1: the head. If you've never invited Christ in your life,
Speaker 1: say Jesus Christ, thank you for loving me, Thank you
Speaker 1: for dying for me. I don't understand it all that.
Speaker 1: I want to get to know you and I want
Speaker 1: to learn to love you back. And then, Dear God,
Speaker 1: I ask you to give me the power to be
Speaker 1: grateful for the people in my life. Help me to
Speaker 1: remember the best and forget the rest and on those
Speaker 1: bad relationships. Help me to start praying for them and
Speaker 1: pray with joy. I pray that they grow in love
Speaker 1: and that they live with integrity to become like Jesus.
Speaker 1: Dear God, I want you to help me develop the
Speaker 1: habit of expecting the best from the people in my
Speaker 1: life rather than criticizing the worst. Help me to believe
Speaker 1: in people. Help me to be confident and build confidence.
Speaker 1: Help me to be patient with people's progress. Help me
Speaker 1: to recognize how far people have come, not how far
Speaker 1: they still have to go. Dear God, help me to
Speaker 1: have love in my heart and to love people, not
Speaker 1: from the head. Men who you guys who are married, say, God,
Speaker 1: help me to love my wife from my heart, not
Speaker 1: from my head. And help me to love people in
Speaker 1: my life like Jesus does. And I would be willing
Speaker 1: to lay down my life in sacrifice or in service.
Speaker 1: I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen,