WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.360 --> 00:00:06.719 It is impossible to be happy while your relationships are unhappy. 2 00:00:06.759 --> 00:00:09.839 Iver I agree with that. I mean, you can meet 3 00:00:09.880 --> 00:00:11.560 all kinds of people. They've got all kinds of money, 4 00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:13.240 they've got all kinds of fame, they've got every kind 5 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:15.679 of pleasure you can imagine. But if they're in the 6 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:19.839 middle of a divorce, they're not happy. If your relationships 7 00:00:19.879 --> 00:00:24.320 are unhappy, your life is going to be unhappy. So Paul, 8 00:00:24.399 --> 00:00:28.280 when he starts talking about and modeling the Habits of Happiness, 9 00:00:28.359 --> 00:00:30.879 he begins right off the bat the first eleven verses 10 00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:33.920 of Philippians chapter one, talking about how do you have 11 00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:37.640 happy relationships? How do you have healthy relationships? So we've 12 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:39.920 got to start here before we can go anywhere else 13 00:00:40.359 --> 00:00:43.759 in the Habits of Happiness. Now, in the first eleven verses, 14 00:00:43.759 --> 00:00:48.039 Paul makes his description of his relationship. He describes his 15 00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:51.320 relationship to the people of Philippi, and he gives us 16 00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:54.799 four statements. And we're going to come back and look 17 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:59.880 at these as habits you can develop to have healthier, 18 00:01:00.200 --> 00:01:04.840 happier relationships. Let me read it to you, Philippians, chapter one. 19 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.000 This letter is from Paul and Timothy, slaves of Jesus Christ. 20 00:01:09.239 --> 00:01:11.640 It's written to all of God's people and Philippi who 21 00:01:11.719 --> 00:01:15.599 believe in Jesus Christ, and the elders and the deacons 22 00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:19.920 of the church. May God, our Father and Lord Jesus 23 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:24.599 Christ give you grace and peace. That's his introduction. Now 24 00:01:24.599 --> 00:01:27.359 he gets into his first subject. He says, every time 25 00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:32.560 I think of you, I give thanks to my God. 26 00:01:33.640 --> 00:01:36.799 I always pray for you, and I make my request 27 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:39.359 with a heart full of joy because you've been my 28 00:01:39.400 --> 00:01:41.959 partners and spreading the good news about Christ from the 29 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:45.599 time you first heard it until now. And I am 30 00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:49.760 confident that God, who began this good work within you, 31 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:52.920 will continue his work until it's finally finished on the 32 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:57.319 day when Jesus Christ comes back again. Now it's right 33 00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:00.319 that I should feel as I do about all of you, 34 00:02:01.159 --> 00:02:04.760 for you have a very special place in my heart. 35 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:09.039 We've shared together the blessings of God, both when I 36 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:11.039 was in prison, when I was out defending the truth 37 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:14.639 and telling others the good news. God knows how much 38 00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:17.520 I love you and how I long for you. Can't 39 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:19.719 you see the personal nature of this book how much 40 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:21.639 I love you and long for you With the tender 41 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:26.879 compassion of Christ, Jesus and I pray that your love 42 00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:31.479 for each other will overflow more and more, and I 43 00:02:31.479 --> 00:02:33.520 pray that you will keep on growing in your knowledge 44 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:37.560 and understanding, for I want you to understand what really matters, 45 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:41.719 so that you may live pure and blameless lives until 46 00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:46.800 Christ's returns. And may you always be filled with the 47 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:50.280 fruit of your salvation, those good things that are produced 48 00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:55.479 in your life by Jesus Christ, for this will bring 49 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:59.800 much glory and praise to God. Now in the first 50 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:07.400 eleven verses of Philippians, Paul models four relational habits that 51 00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:12.840 if you will just practice these things, your relationships will 52 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:17.319 be more enjoyable and your happiness will be greater. They 53 00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:21.240 are easy to explain, they are simple to understand, but 54 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:26.879 they are incredibly hard to do because when I tell 55 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:28.240 you these, you go, oh, yeah, I know this, I 56 00:03:28.280 --> 00:03:33.000 know this, but you don't do it. And so although 57 00:03:33.039 --> 00:03:36.080 it's easy for me to teach them, it's very hard 58 00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:39.319 for all of us to practice them. But if you 59 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:43.280 will do these four relational habits and you'll build them 60 00:03:43.319 --> 00:03:49.680 in your life, your relationships will be transformed and you'll 61 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:53.439 be happy. All right, let's look at it first Number one, 62 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:56.000 to be happy. The first thing Paul says, is this, 63 00:03:56.599 --> 00:04:01.520 I must be grateful with the people in my life. 64 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:04.960 I must be grateful for the people in my life. 65 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:08.159 Study after study after study after study after study link 66 00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:13.280 gratitude to happiness. It's been proven over and over by psychologists, sociologists, 67 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:16.199 and others that the more grateful you are, the more 68 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:19.319 happy you are. The more ungrateful you are, the more 69 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:22.439 unhappy you are. And if you want to have good relationships, 70 00:04:22.439 --> 00:04:25.399 you start with the attitude of gratitude, you will be 71 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:28.439 far happier. You will enjoy your relationships more if you 72 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:33.120 will develop the habit of being grateful for the people 73 00:04:33.160 --> 00:04:35.639 in your life. The habit of being grateful for the 74 00:04:35.639 --> 00:04:38.600 people in your life. Phlippius, Chapter one, verse three. Paul 75 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:41.720 starts off with this this very first thing. Every time 76 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:45.560 I think of you, I remember he's in Rome. They're 77 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:48.439 in a city called Philippi. Every time I think of you, 78 00:04:49.480 --> 00:04:54.199 I give thanks. I give thanks to my God. Paul says. 79 00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:57.079 You know what, I remember the good things about you, 80 00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:00.639 and I focus on the good times we've had friends. 81 00:05:01.079 --> 00:05:06.639 That simple truth right there is the source of good relationships. 82 00:05:07.639 --> 00:05:12.800 And when marriages stop doing this, they crumble. When you 83 00:05:12.879 --> 00:05:15.720 stop remembering why you got married in the first place, 84 00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:20.920 what attracted you to that person. When you stop remembering 85 00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:24.839 the good times, when you stop being grateful for your mate, 86 00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:28.600 your marriage is already on a long slide into oblivion. 87 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:32.399 Paul says, every time I think of you, I give 88 00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:34.480 thanks to God for you. Let me ask you, just 89 00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:38.120 be real, honest. When you think of the people in 90 00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:42.480 your life, do you automatically is your first thought gratitude? No, 91 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:47.800 it's not. No, it's what do they need to do 92 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:50.639 for me? Are they late? Are they in a hurry? 93 00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:54.079 What's not right? What have we had a problem with? 94 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:56.560 What have we got to get done? Your first thought 95 00:05:56.639 --> 00:05:58.519 is not gratitude. Paul says, when I think of you, 96 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:00.000 the first thing I do is I think your gratitud 97 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:02.639 I'm grateful for who you are. I'm grateful for what 98 00:06:02.680 --> 00:06:07.360 you've done. Now here's the problem with us. The problem 99 00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:11.560 with this is the longer you know someone number one 100 00:06:11.639 --> 00:06:13.279 you take them, the more you take them for granted. 101 00:06:13.480 --> 00:06:16.600 Isn't that true? The longer you know someone, the more 102 00:06:16.600 --> 00:06:19.279 you take them for granted, the more you focus on 103 00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:23.240 their faults, and the easier it is to remember bad times. 104 00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:24.879 I don't know why it is. But it's easier to 105 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:29.600 remember baptimes than it is happy times. Paul says, every 106 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.160 time I think of you, I give thanks. If you 107 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:34.759 would just develop this habit that whenever you think of 108 00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:38.560 the people in your life, your friends, your neighbors, your husband, 109 00:06:38.600 --> 00:06:42.120 your wife, your kids, your relatives, whatever, that the first 110 00:06:42.199 --> 00:06:47.879 thought is gratitude. It's going to change your relationship. Now, 111 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:50.720 that's a habit you have to develop. It does not 112 00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:55.279 come natural. We are not by nature grateful people. We 113 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:59.800 are by nature discontented people. We are, by nature always 114 00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:04.360 wanting things to be different. Philippians, Chapter one, verse five. 115 00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:08.399 Paul says it again, I thank God. I thank God 116 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:12.399 for the help that you gave me. Now, if you 117 00:07:12.439 --> 00:07:14.680 know the story of this church that he started, there 118 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:17.079 there was a woman named Lydia who was a businesswoman 119 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:18.839 who opened up her home. And he says, from the 120 00:07:18.920 --> 00:07:21.920 very first day, you welcomed us, and you helped us 121 00:07:21.959 --> 00:07:23.480 from the very first day. And then, as I said 122 00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:28.319 several times in Paul's travels, the Philippian Church was funding 123 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:32.279 Paul's missionaries journeys, and in this particular instance, they had son, 124 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.800 a man named of Paphroditis all the way to Rome 125 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:37.160 to bring him a financial gift, because Paul was in 126 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:40.560 Rome by himself in prison, and if Paphorditas had nearly 127 00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:42.560 died on the way, we'll get to that later in 128 00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:45.759 the book. And now Paul is sending him back with 129 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:49.480 this thank you note to the people in Philippi, and 130 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:52.120 he says, I thank God for the help you gave me. 131 00:07:53.639 --> 00:07:56.160 I just wonder what is it that you have forgotten 132 00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:00.839 that other people have done for you. And the longer 133 00:08:00.879 --> 00:08:03.120 you know someone, the more you take them for granted, 134 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:06.519 the more you look for their faults, and the more 135 00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:10.160 it's easy to remember the bad things than the good things. See, 136 00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:12.639 the truth is about Paul and Philippi. He didn't have 137 00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:16.240 a good time in Philippi. In fact, it was one 138 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:20.439 of his roughest churches getting started. But you don't get 139 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:23.639 any of that in this letter. The fact is when 140 00:08:23.639 --> 00:08:26.040 Paul went to the city to start a church, he 141 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:33.399 was beaten, he was whipped, he was humiliated, he was 142 00:08:33.559 --> 00:08:38.399 falsely arrested, he was thrown in a prison, he went 143 00:08:38.440 --> 00:08:41.200 through an earthquake, and then he was politely asked by 144 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:45.960 the city leaders to leave town. When I thank God 145 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:48.200 for you, I think of you, I thank God for you. 146 00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:54.240 What is he doing? He is choosing selective memory. This 147 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:57.000 was not a happy place all the time. It wasn't 148 00:08:57.039 --> 00:09:01.240 all sunshine and lollipops and roses and rain my little pony. 149 00:09:01.480 --> 00:09:04.000 It was a lot of bad stuff it happened. But 150 00:09:04.080 --> 00:09:09.320 Paul chose not to dwell on painful memories. Are you 151 00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:11.759 still living some painful memories with some people in your life? 152 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:16.000 You've never let them off the hook, and you can't 153 00:09:16.120 --> 00:09:18.919 enjoy a relationship because you're still holding on to the past. 154 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:25.000 Memories are a choice now. If you want to hold 155 00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:27.559 onto your painful memories, go right ahead, but you're not 156 00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:31.559 gonna be happy. Paul had a lot of reasons that 157 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.000 painful memories in Philippi. It was not a happy time 158 00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:38.080 for everything that happened there, as they said, beaten, maligned 159 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:41.360 and all these things. But he says, every time I 160 00:09:41.399 --> 00:09:43.879 think of you, I thank God for you. He's choosing 161 00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:47.279 to be grateful for the people in his life. The 162 00:09:47.399 --> 00:09:51.240 attitude of gratitude will transfer a relationship. If you're not grateful, 163 00:09:51.399 --> 00:09:53.919 you're gonna have all kinds of complaining, worrying, all kinds 164 00:09:53.960 --> 00:09:56.240 of other things. I've got to be grateful for the 165 00:09:56.279 --> 00:10:00.200 people in my life. Number two, the second habit of 166 00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:03.799 happiness and relational happiness is this, I need to not 167 00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:05.720 only be grateful for the people in my life. I 168 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:10.840 need to pray with joy for the people in my life. 169 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:13.440 I need to pray joyfully. I need to pray with 170 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:19.159 joy for the people in my life. Now Paul is praying, 171 00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:22.279 as we just read this passage, praying for these people. 172 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:25.360 How would you like to have the apostle Paul praying 173 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:29.759 for you. You think that would help the guy who 174 00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:32.360 wrote much of the New Testament, wouldn't you like? Don't 175 00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:35.120 you know? Those Philippians thought, Hey, this is pretty cool. 176 00:10:35.159 --> 00:10:39.440 Paul is praying for us. Doesn't it encourage you to 177 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:42.799 know when somebody is praying for you? Yes, yes, it does. 178 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.519 It encourages you. In fact, the thing that keeps me 179 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:51.559 going is your prayers. And when people say I'm praying 180 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:55.159 for you, pastor Rick, I take that serious because it's 181 00:10:55.159 --> 00:10:57.879 what I move on. It is that power that I 182 00:10:58.000 --> 00:11:00.720 move on, Paul says. In verse four, he says this, 183 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:04.320 I always pray for you. Now, that's part of it. 184 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:06.919 But notice the rest of the verse. And I make 185 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:09.399 my request when he's praying for you, he says, with 186 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:14.120 a heart full of joy. Now I want you to 187 00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:17.159 just minute think of somebody who irritates you. Don't look 188 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:22.639 at him, just think of him. Okay, maybe somebody you've 189 00:11:22.679 --> 00:11:25.799 got a strained relationship with, or they just kind of 190 00:11:25.879 --> 00:11:29.600 rub you the wrong way. I have two questions for you. 191 00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:33.720 Number one, do you pray for them? Okay? Do you 192 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:36.799 pray for it? Or do you just complain and grumble, 193 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:42.399 a nag, a nitpick. If you prayed more, you'd have 194 00:11:42.440 --> 00:11:45.200 a lot less to grumble, complain, nag, and nitpit about. 195 00:11:46.600 --> 00:11:50.320 So you can decide. Does nagging work no? Does prayer 196 00:11:50.360 --> 00:11:52.279 work yes? So why do you do more of the 197 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:57.600 thing that doesn't work than does? Paul says, I pray 198 00:11:57.759 --> 00:12:00.159 for you, and you need to pray for the people 199 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:02.360 in your life. But then he says, I pray for you, 200 00:12:02.519 --> 00:12:05.200 making request with a heartful of joy. When you do pray, 201 00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:09.559 do you pray with joy? And let me give you 202 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.879 a little secret here. There are things within people's lives 203 00:12:13.960 --> 00:12:17.120 around you you'd like to change. You don't want to 204 00:12:17.159 --> 00:12:21.519 change yourself, you want them to change. If she would 205 00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:24.159 just do this, if she would just do that, if 206 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:26.559 he would just do this, And we always want to 207 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:32.320 change other people. You can't. You can't change anybody. You 208 00:12:32.360 --> 00:12:35.480 cannot change anybody. They can only change themselves and you 209 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:38.639 can only change yourself. So all of that trying to 210 00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:43.639 change your change program doesn't work. But you can pray, 211 00:12:44.519 --> 00:12:49.240 and God can change people. Positive praying is more effective 212 00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:56.279 than positive thinking. You know, people read all these books 213 00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:59.639 about positive thinking. Well, okay, there's nothing wrong with that. 214 00:12:59.679 --> 00:13:02.879 I'm sure I'd rather have you thinking positively than negatively. 215 00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.519 But all the positive thinking in the world, is it 216 00:13:07.639 --> 00:13:11.879 going to change your husband or your wife, or your child, 217 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:16.639 or your friend or your situation. Positive thinking is not enough. 218 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:20.279 Positive thinking can change you, but it can't change somebody else. 219 00:13:21.639 --> 00:13:27.480 But positive prayer can. Start praying for them. Start praying 220 00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:31.120 for It'll change you, and it can change them. Start 221 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:33.519 praying for them. He say, well, what do I pray? Well, 222 00:13:33.519 --> 00:13:37.240 I would encourage you to pray what Paul prayed, and 223 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:39.679 in verses nine to eleven, we have what Paul prayed. 224 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:43.360 Here's what he says, and this is my prayer that 225 00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:45.480 your love may abound more and more in knowledge and 226 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.720 depth of insight, so that you may be able to 227 00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:52.080 discern what is best that you may be pure and 228 00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:54.399 blameless until the day of Christ, and that you may 229 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:57.240 be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through 230 00:13:57.320 --> 00:13:59.519 Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. What 231 00:13:59.559 --> 00:14:02.080 does he say? Four things you can pray? Pray and 232 00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:05.279 I would say, pray these for your kids. Pray these 233 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:08.480 for your friends. Pray these for your boyfriend, your girlfriend, 234 00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:12.480 Pray these for your boss, Pray these for me, anybody 235 00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:14.879 you care about. Pray with joy for the people in 236 00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:17.399 your life, and you pray these four things. First, pray 237 00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:22.759 they will grow in love. Pray that they will grow 238 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:27.000 in love. Paul says that your love will grow more 239 00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:31.720 and more. Number two, he says, pray that they will 240 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:38.559 make wise choices. Pray that the people in your life 241 00:14:39.399 --> 00:14:41.519 and your family, and your friends and your neighbor. Pray 242 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:45.000 that they will make wise choices. Verse nine and ten 243 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:48.720 says that you will know and fully know and understand 244 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:53.080 how to make the right choices. Third thing to pray 245 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:55.919 for the people in your life. Pray they will live 246 00:14:56.840 --> 00:15:05.360 with integrity. Pray that they will live with integrity. Paul says, 247 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:10.200 I pray that you may live pure and blameless lives. 248 00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:15.039 Until Christ returns. The fourth thing to pray is pray 249 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:20.960 that they will become like Jesus. Parents, there's your prayer 250 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:26.480 agenda right there. Husbands, wives, friends, there's your prayer agenda 251 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:29.440 right there. Pray that they will become like Christ. Verse eleven. 252 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:31.519 That you will be filled with the fruit of the 253 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:35.679 righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and 254 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:39.240 praise of God. What the fruits he talk about there, well, 255 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:42.440 we call it the fruit of the spirit. The fruit 256 00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:45.279 of the spirit is the character of Jesus. In Galatians 257 00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:48.120 five twenty two and twenty three says this. The fruit 258 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:52.759 of the spirit is love and joy, and peace, and 259 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:56.840 patience and kindness. The fruit of the spirit is goodness 260 00:15:56.840 --> 00:15:59.960 and faithfulness. Fruit of the spirit is gentleness and self control. 261 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:03.480 What is that? It's the perfect picture of Jesus. Now, 262 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:08.120 these four things you can pray for me any day 263 00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:10.000 of the week. Pray that I will grow in love. 264 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:12.240 Pray that I will make wise choices. Pray that I 265 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.480 will live with integrity. Pray that I will become more 266 00:16:14.519 --> 00:16:17.399 and more like Jesus. You can pray these for yourself. 267 00:16:17.399 --> 00:16:19.039 You can pray these for your spouse. And you know 268 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.720 what you can know they will be answered. Why, because 269 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:25.879 they're in the Bible. This is not a prayer if 270 00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:28.960 it's your will, God, this is God's will. It's in 271 00:16:29.000 --> 00:16:31.919 the Bible, so you know God wants to answer that prayer. 272 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:34.679 So the first thing I do have to be grateful 273 00:16:34.679 --> 00:16:36.879 for the people in my life. And second, I have 274 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:42.720 to pray and actually pray joyfully, not with complaining, not 275 00:16:42.759 --> 00:16:44.919 with criticism like, oh God, why can't you get this 276 00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:50.320 man in mind in shape. That's not praying joyfully. That's 277 00:16:50.360 --> 00:16:57.679 praying whinily, crankily. Now pray joyfully, and here's what you pray. 278 00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:01.519 Number three, here's the third habit, Paul says, and it's 279 00:17:01.559 --> 00:17:06.160 in the next verse. I must expect the best from 280 00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:09.960 people in my life. I must expect the best. Now, 281 00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:12.039 these things are so simple for me to teach you, 282 00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:15.880 but they are so hard to turn into habits. We 283 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:18.759 don't normally expect the best from the people around us. 284 00:17:18.839 --> 00:17:21.400 We expect the worst. We expect them to let us 285 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:26.160 down because we have a track record. Now, he's saying, 286 00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:30.119 you want to make a habit of believing in people 287 00:17:31.160 --> 00:17:35.000 rather than criticizing them. Expect the best. Philippians want and 288 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.519 in the verse six is the next verse, he says this, 289 00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:46.400 I am confident of this that God, who began a 290 00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:52.759 good work in you, will carry it to completion until 291 00:17:52.839 --> 00:17:58.599 the day of Christ Jesus. I'm expecting the best from 292 00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:01.640 the people in my life. Now. Paul is a pro 293 00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:05.440 at bringing out the best in people, and I want 294 00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:07.799 to teach you how to do it right now. There 295 00:18:07.799 --> 00:18:09.880 are three things that you do to bring out the 296 00:18:09.880 --> 00:18:12.559 best in people, and Paul does all three of them. 297 00:18:12.759 --> 00:18:16.359 In this verse, he says, here's how I bring out 298 00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:20.519 the best people. Number one, he believed in people. He 299 00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:24.720 believed in people. He says, I am confident, and he 300 00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:27.759 gave them confidence. Do you give the people in your 301 00:18:27.799 --> 00:18:32.000 life confidence or do you tear them down? Do you 302 00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:33.680 build them up or do you tear them down? Do 303 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:37.559 you give the people in your life confidence? You know, 304 00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:40.720 if a child is running a race and you're at 305 00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:43.319 the track watching him run a race at school, and 306 00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:45.559 all of a sudden, they really mess up and they 307 00:18:45.640 --> 00:18:48.039 stumble and they fall flat on their face and they 308 00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:50.599 embarrass themselves, and you're in the stand as a parent, 309 00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:53.240 what do you do. You don't get up and say, oh, 310 00:18:53.319 --> 00:18:57.960 I'm so embarrassed. I'm leaving you know how pathetic you are. 311 00:18:58.839 --> 00:19:02.279 A bad parent would do that, But what does a 312 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:05.400 good parent do. A good parent stands up and yells 313 00:19:05.480 --> 00:19:09.640 even more. You can do this. Get up. I believe 314 00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:11.440 in you. I know you can do it. Come on, 315 00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:14.160 come on, get up. I know this is just a 316 00:19:14.200 --> 00:19:16.839 minor thing. No, don't worry about it, don'torry about anybody else. 317 00:19:16.920 --> 00:19:20.839 Just keep on running. That's what God does with you 318 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:24.920 when you stumble. That's what God wants you to do 319 00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:28.720 with people in your life when they stumble. That's what 320 00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:31.720 it means to be like Jesus. Paul says, I believe 321 00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:34.920 in people. I give them confidence. I helped them grow. 322 00:19:35.240 --> 00:19:37.799 I am confident that what God has started in your life, 323 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:39.880 he's going to continue to do. You see, we all 324 00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:44.160 need people to believe in us because it's how we change. 325 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:50.039 You can't change unless somebody believes in you and you 326 00:19:50.119 --> 00:19:57.640 believe in yourself. Acceptance always precedes transformation. That's why I 327 00:19:57.680 --> 00:19:59.839 always say, you know, don't tell it like it is, 328 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.880 Tell it like it could be. Sometimes you know, I 329 00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:06.039 trained pastors in preaching, and sometimes pastors say, well, I 330 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.079 just tell it like it is. I said, well, okay, 331 00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:12.359 but that doesn't change anybody. Tell it like it could 332 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:16.359 be is preaching for faith. I could get up here 333 00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:19.240 and say, you know, you're all not doing a good job, 334 00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:20.640 and I could tell you all the errors you're not 335 00:20:20.680 --> 00:20:23.839 doing a good job in. What would it do? Just 336 00:20:23.880 --> 00:20:28.200 make you defensive? It wouldn't change you one bit, and 337 00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:30.480 next week you go, oh, let's go back and have requipus. 338 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:36.160 The more some people actually a spiritual massacres o pastor. 339 00:20:36.359 --> 00:20:38.279 That's such a great sermon. It made me feel so bad. 340 00:20:38.279 --> 00:20:43.440 I don't go what, no, No, that's not it. Nobody 341 00:20:43.640 --> 00:20:48.200 changes by nagging. Doesn't happen in the pulpit or anywhere else. 342 00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.079 So don't tell it like it is. Tell it like 343 00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:52.240 it could be. If I helped draw a picture, say 344 00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.960 this is what you could become, this is what you 345 00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:58.240 could be with God's power in your life, then you 346 00:20:58.279 --> 00:21:01.440 get excited. Paul says, I'm confident I believe in you. 347 00:21:01.519 --> 00:21:03.880 The second thing he did is he gave people vision, 348 00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:07.960 and the vision was you're going to keep growing. God's 349 00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:10.799 not gonna what God starts, he finishes. He's not gonna 350 00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:13.839 leave you halfway out there. He gave people vision. He 351 00:21:13.960 --> 00:21:17.599 painted a picture of the future. Now, why is that important? 352 00:21:17.720 --> 00:21:20.119 Because study after study after study shows that we tend 353 00:21:20.119 --> 00:21:24.920 to live up to the expectations of other people. When 354 00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:27.200 people expect the best of you, you tend to do better. 355 00:21:27.559 --> 00:21:30.119 When teachers expect to the best of their students, they 356 00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:33.920 always perform better than teachers who don't expect the best 357 00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.079 from their students. That has been proven over and over 358 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:40.440 again in studies that we tend to become what we 359 00:21:40.519 --> 00:21:42.960 believe the most important people in our lives think about us. 360 00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:47.279 So Paul says, I expect the best from people. I 361 00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:51.519 believe in people. I give people vision. And the third thing, 362 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:55.799 this is really important. He was patient with people's progress. 363 00:21:57.359 --> 00:22:00.839 I am confident to what Gods began in you. He's 364 00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:03.559 going to keep on and he's going to carry it 365 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:06.279 to completion until the Jesus Day of Jesus Christ. He 366 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:11.599 was patient with people's progress. Now, why is that I'm 367 00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:18.039 so important to your happiness? I'll tell you why. If 368 00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:20.839 you insist on perfection in people, you're going to be 369 00:22:20.920 --> 00:22:25.559 miserable the rest of your life because there's nobody perfect, 370 00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:31.839 especially you. And if you're always expecting perfection in people 371 00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:35.880 before you can enjoy them, then you're never going to 372 00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:41.440 be happy because nobody's perfect. Paul says, I am patient 373 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:46.039 with people's progress. If you want to really be happy 374 00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:49.440 in your relationships, if you want to have happier relationships, 375 00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:54.440 healthier relationships, celebrate how far people have come rather than 376 00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:57.000 judging them for how much they still have to go. 377 00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:04.079 You got to be patient with people's progress. God doesn't 378 00:23:04.119 --> 00:23:06.480 wait until you're mature for him to start loving you, 379 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:11.160 so you shouldn't do that with others either. You got 380 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:13.119 to love them morts and all. You've got to be 381 00:23:13.160 --> 00:23:17.480 patient with their progress. Now, what is the key to patience? 382 00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:21.839 How do I celebrate how far people have come rather 383 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:24.400 than judging how far they left go. The key to 384 00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:28.359 patience is love, and Paul says in the next verse, 385 00:23:28.440 --> 00:23:31.599 verse seven, it is right for me to feel this way. 386 00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:34.680 In other words, I expect the best from you. It's 387 00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:37.319 right for me to feel this way about you since 388 00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:42.319 I have you in my heart. This is a real 389 00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:47.000 key to happiness and it's real key to healthy relationships. 390 00:23:47.079 --> 00:23:48.960 You got to have people in your heart. You know 391 00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:53.759 what I've discovered. If people aren't on my heart, they're 392 00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:59.519 on my nerves. And if I want to get them 393 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:02.079 off my nerves. Nerves, I gotta get them on my heart. 394 00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:05.799 If I'm praying for somebody, they just don't bug me 395 00:24:05.839 --> 00:24:10.079 as much. They just don't bother me as much. If 396 00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:14.000 they're on my heart, they're not on my nerves. But 397 00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:16.519 if I'm not praying for them, I get perturbed by 398 00:24:16.519 --> 00:24:21.119 them pretty easily. He says, I have you in my heart. 399 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:25.319 You see, so many of the relationship problems that you have, 400 00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:30.200 that you have over and over and over, is because 401 00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:33.400