WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>So if he's got some good hairs and feel, this

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<v Speaker 1>is too good.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not just the fact that he's one, it's the

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<v Speaker 2>way he's played the match.

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<v Speaker 1>That he has a candy bar and an RC coke.

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<v Speaker 1>You are kidding me, come on, and this is unbelievable.

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<v Speaker 3>He might supports some unbelievble energy to the court with

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<v Speaker 3>the fans and then with his play as well and

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<v Speaker 3>with his personality. So it was very, very refreshing to

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<v Speaker 3>play against an appoint like this, you know, who draws

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<v Speaker 3>in the crowds and come with some great shop making.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure he's flowing grass. That's that's good.

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<v Speaker 4>So he starts as we mean to go on, right,

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<v Speaker 4>nothing can go wrong. Now, regular podcasting is a why

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<v Speaker 4>how are you mate?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm doing very well mate, how are you?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm all right, I'm all right. So we we

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<v Speaker 4>obviously did that load. We did a daily windwood and

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<v Speaker 4>pod and then then I've I've to have some barbecues.

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<v Speaker 4>Coaching tennis. Not been up too much, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, not really too much.

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<v Speaker 2>Just been playing playing tennis in various locations and play

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<v Speaker 2>the Grand Slam as you do.

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<v Speaker 1>Well.

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<v Speaker 4>You played the Grand Slam.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I played the Grand Slam US Open. Ah, it

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't part of the script, but there we go.

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<v Speaker 4>That beats my I've had some barbecues anecdote.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, well, I'll just the barbie, doesn't it.

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<v Speaker 4>That's true. Just let you know. I didn't know you

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<v Speaker 4>were playing the US Open until you went out.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good, that's good. I kept it. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>It was so quick it was. It happened so fast.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't really have time to do too much apart

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<v Speaker 2>from post on Instagram story or whatever until.

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<v Speaker 1>It was all done.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Because you know, I found a partner around my

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<v Speaker 2>ranking and we said let well go.

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<v Speaker 1>We booked flights because it started later.

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<v Speaker 2>We bot flights Wednesday and I had the return but

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<v Speaker 2>for Sunday because in case we didn't get in. I

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<v Speaker 2>was at Coldplay Tuesday night at Wembley and then got

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<v Speaker 2>up very early to fly Wednesday.

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<v Speaker 1>So the plan was to sign in see.

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<v Speaker 2>How many we were out, because they did it differently

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<v Speaker 2>this year, and the fact they left eight pairs to

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<v Speaker 2>signing on site in two different locations, so.

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<v Speaker 1>We just didn't know.

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<v Speaker 2>It was kind of the off chance. I've never played

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<v Speaker 2>with this guy. And then we didn't get in. The

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<v Speaker 2>original list and I thought, well that's it because it's

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<v Speaker 2>starting tomorrow, and that twenty four hours later loads of

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<v Speaker 2>pairs are pulled out.

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<v Speaker 1>So we were comfortably in.

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<v Speaker 2>So I got called into the referee office and saying

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<v Speaker 2>you said, how would you like to play US Open?

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, yeah, go on there.

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<v Speaker 4>Just a bit, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Then we saw the draw was Thompson Ebden who you know,

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<v Speaker 2>Thompson have won the previous year, so.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, that's brilliant, but oh no.

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<v Speaker 4>And Ebden has been playing four years. Great serve a

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<v Speaker 4>great volley, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I was just a very crafty, good player, being number

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<v Speaker 2>one in the world one slams and Thompson, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>he's taking my pants down a few times.

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<v Speaker 1>So although we were I was buzzing to be in.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like, right now, I've got a I just

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to go out there and perform what you know.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't want to go out and lose two and

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<v Speaker 2>two or you know, just turn up because I guess

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<v Speaker 2>these moments are what you train for, what you play

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<v Speaker 2>all the other tournaments for, is to turn up and

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<v Speaker 2>give a good account yourself. So that was my that

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<v Speaker 2>was my fear as it were was to go out

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<v Speaker 2>there and you know, not not compete well and not

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<v Speaker 2>not play well, which is I guess always a fear,

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<v Speaker 2>but even more so, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Know, with a bit of jet lag and and not

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<v Speaker 1>the best.

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<v Speaker 2>Preparation because we couldn't we weren't allowed to practice on

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<v Speaker 2>match courts. We were you know, stuck at the indoor center.

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<v Speaker 2>So I hit indoors a couple of times. We got

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<v Speaker 2>a buggy to offsite practice courts to hit there. So

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<v Speaker 2>so yeah, it wasn't It wasn't the best prep and

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<v Speaker 2>that concerned me a bit.

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<v Speaker 4>And so you haven't who was your partner.

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<v Speaker 2>Carol Drizzki, polish guy, absolute monster, doesn't look like he

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<v Speaker 2>should be playing tennis.

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<v Speaker 4>And have you did you know him before? Like how

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<v Speaker 4>did that relationship come about?

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<v Speaker 2>We went for dinner together in San Marino, me and

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<v Speaker 2>the partner I was playing within him.

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<v Speaker 1>Got on really well with him.

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<v Speaker 2>He's, you know, got a good light sense of humor,

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<v Speaker 2>quite a funny guy. And I guess we just kept

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<v Speaker 2>in touch because everyone's trying to look for partners with

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<v Speaker 2>slams and you know, he was speaking to a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of guys. I was speaking to a couple of guys,

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<v Speaker 2>and in the end he said, let's just let's just

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<v Speaker 2>sign see what happens.

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<v Speaker 1>And we were joking with Jo about it, going, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>you'll turn up and win the thing.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, people won't know what's hit them.

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<v Speaker 1>But in the end we did all right.

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<v Speaker 4>So, I mean he's played every Slam this year, hasn't.

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<v Speaker 1>He as an alternate?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and he's lost in the first round every of

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<v Speaker 4>every slam.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that was his record this year, which I think

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<v Speaker 2>he's had a couple of tough ones and.

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<v Speaker 4>And he's around eighty in the world.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yeah, I think he's got a bit to defend

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<v Speaker 2>now from last year. But yeah, good player, just just

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<v Speaker 2>huge bit of a loose cannon that goes after returns.

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<v Speaker 1>Hard talented, talented boy, just a little bit mental.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, you've got so much in common. I don't have

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<v Speaker 4>the power he has, but but you got all the other.

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<v Speaker 1>Bitt We've got the mental bit. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, So you basically made it sound easier to into

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<v Speaker 4>a Grand Slam than it is to join in like

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<v Speaker 4>my club singles tournament, where there's several emails back and

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<v Speaker 4>forth with organizers and stuff like that. So you roll up,

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<v Speaker 4>you've got the golf cart and then first round.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, first round schedule came out the night before, so

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<v Speaker 2>obviously you arrange your practice court, your arrange match kit, racket,

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<v Speaker 2>stuff like that, and then yeah, we got out there

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<v Speaker 2>and and one and we won seven sixty six two.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I believe And.

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<v Speaker 4>Are you genuinely like when you win? Are you is it? Like?

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<v Speaker 4>How do you feel about that?

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<v Speaker 2>I was a bit in shock, really because you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't expecting to win, and you know, a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of days before we were weren't even in the tournament,

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<v Speaker 2>and it just happened very very fast. So I was

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<v Speaker 2>a bit shocked. I was a bit emotional, didn't really

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<v Speaker 2>know what was going on. And you know, an hour before,

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<v Speaker 2>you're on surf but holding holding on in.

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<v Speaker 1>There that they're very good, and then.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, you realize Ebden's elbow or shoulder was gone

143
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<v Speaker 2>to a serf, completely slowed down.

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<v Speaker 1>He was struggling on that.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you realize, oh, wait, we've got a chance here,

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<v Speaker 2>and that that shift of mentality from I'm hanging on

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<v Speaker 2>for dear life to let's get this done is very strange.

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<v Speaker 1>And then you know when you've won and you're in

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<v Speaker 1>the second round of a slam.

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<v Speaker 2>All of a sudden, you know you've got to change

151
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<v Speaker 2>your flights, and it's like, wow, this is amazing.

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<v Speaker 4>At what point do you think about the actual bureaucracy,

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<v Speaker 4>the admin around around that. Is it like because that

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<v Speaker 4>that that second set against Eden and Thompson, you're six

155
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<v Speaker 4>to two, right, so when you get to five two,

156
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<v Speaker 4>are you thinking Christ.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm thinking let's get let's get through this game.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's let's finish this off, because you don't have many chances. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and these matches against good players can swear. Although the

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<v Speaker 2>you know, their heads were down a bit, it takes

161
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<v Speaker 2>you know, one break and then you're serving at five

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<v Speaker 2>four and tight and they're confident and you know you

163
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<v Speaker 2>can easily be in a third set with no time

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<v Speaker 2>or breakdown. So in my head, it was just get

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<v Speaker 2>through this and and then enjoy it. And then yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>by the time I'm back at the locker rooms or

167
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<v Speaker 2>you know, stretching or whatever, then we're looking at Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>let's change the flight, let's book practice for tomorrow, let's yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>let's let's crack on.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>In the second in the second round, you've got peers

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<v Speaker 4>and with row.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>Now Peers has won three slams, world number two, yep,

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<v Speaker 4>something like that, Jackson withrow, double specialist, top twenty, maybe

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<v Speaker 4>top ten, right, but one title.

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<v Speaker 2>Ten and defending the Semis from the year before the Europa.

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<v Speaker 4>So there's no chance that you've beaten them. So what

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<v Speaker 4>did you do.

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<v Speaker 2>My partner's shoulders was packed in as well, so he

181
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<v Speaker 2>was struggling with that, just in pain, so taking a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of painkillers. So the pressure was off in that sense.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like, let's get out there, and we knew

184
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<v Speaker 2>we could hold against them. They're not the best returners,

185
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<v Speaker 2>you know, they're very very good tennis players, but you know,

186
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<v Speaker 2>if you serve well and then and you move well,

187
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<v Speaker 2>you can get holds on the board. And that's ultimately

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<v Speaker 2>how we won in the end. I suppose I played

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<v Speaker 2>a loose game in the first to get broken. We

190
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<v Speaker 2>hardly won a point on their serve. I think we

191
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<v Speaker 2>won one point on their serve and it was a

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<v Speaker 2>double fault. And then we got we broke Peers and

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<v Speaker 2>three to two in the second or two to one

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<v Speaker 2>in the second, and then I don't think we lost server.

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<v Speaker 2>After that, we had a we had a love forty

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<v Speaker 2>game that we got through in the third, we just

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<v Speaker 2>we just hung in there, and you know that they

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<v Speaker 2>missed their opportunity. They choked a little bit, I'd say

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<v Speaker 2>for them, You know, peers, mister Volley probably wouldn't miss

200
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<v Speaker 2>too often.

201
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<v Speaker 1>At nine to seven, partner hit a very hard mind.

202
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<v Speaker 2>But and then once you're in that ten point tiebreak,

203
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<v Speaker 2>it's it's anything can happen, as you know, as you know,

204
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<v Speaker 2>anything can happen, and it was. We were down most

205
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<v Speaker 2>of it, so it's a case of hanging in there

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<v Speaker 2>and keeping the score close. And then you know, on

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<v Speaker 2>the bigger points we made our shots and they didn't,

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<v Speaker 2>I suppose.

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<v Speaker 1>Towards the end.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, after that, I was completely surprised because I mean, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>we weren't expecting to win. Piers missed quite an easy

212
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<v Speaker 2>overhead for us to win it at twelve eleven, so

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<v Speaker 2>that that was a shock in.

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<v Speaker 1>Itself as well.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, then you're in the third round of a

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<v Speaker 2>Slam and it's like, what's going on here?

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<v Speaker 1>What is going on here?

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<v Speaker 4>Wow? And unfortunately that's where the journey finished. You would

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<v Speaker 4>have set up a little British clash with sorcery and Skopski, right, Yeah,

220
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<v Speaker 4>we were three steps when the distance.

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<v Speaker 2>But my partner, he said if we had won that

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<v Speaker 2>he would have had to pull out. He was in

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<v Speaker 2>an awful lot of pain. I actually hurt my wrist

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<v Speaker 2>in the second set of the second round, yeah, because

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<v Speaker 2>with Row hit a serve and I caught the return

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<v Speaker 2>and it took my wrist back, so I couldn't hit

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<v Speaker 2>over a back end, so I was chipping and blocking

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<v Speaker 2>back had his serve completely went for his standards. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>even in the first that he was struggling, but we

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<v Speaker 2>were getting through holds, so it's just really difficult. I

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<v Speaker 2>lost myself once in the third, but other than that

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<v Speaker 2>it was quite quite comfortable. We got quite unlucky in

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<v Speaker 2>that game, but so I was holding my serves quite comfortably,

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<v Speaker 2>and we were losing his towards the second or third

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<v Speaker 2>nearly every time he couldn't he couldn't serve, and then

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<v Speaker 2>my hats started getting confident and the other guy's very

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<v Speaker 2>good as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, it kind of got away from us.

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<v Speaker 2>But towards the end it felt pretty impossible to win

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<v Speaker 2>with with me not being abut to it my strongest return,

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<v Speaker 2>him not being able to hit his strongest, you know, weapon,

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<v Speaker 2>which is his serve. It felt frustrating in a way,

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<v Speaker 2>but then I had to tell myself, Look, if you

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<v Speaker 2>would have told yourself this a week ago, you know,

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00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:19.159
<v Speaker 2>singing sky full of Stars a few days before, I

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<v Speaker 2>think I'd have been all right with it.

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00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:20.480
<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 4>See you partner Carol again. I like that, Carol. It

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00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:27.840
<v Speaker 4>makes him sound like he's a fifty five year old woman.

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00:12:28.279 --> 00:12:31.039
<v Speaker 4>But would you do you partner Carol again now? About?

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we're in touch. He's still injured though, his shoulder

253
00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:38.279
<v Speaker 2>still bad. He played Davis Cup for Poland and beat

254
00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:42.159
<v Speaker 2>Cashing Glasspall the next week, a couple of weeks after whatever,

255
00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:46.799
<v Speaker 2>but his shoulder still hasn't got better. So we're in

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00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:48.919
<v Speaker 2>touch quite a lot, and we message each other quite

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<v Speaker 2>a lot as friends. So yeah, I'd love to play

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00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:54.919
<v Speaker 2>with him because it's fun. It's fun out there. You know,

259
00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:57.639
<v Speaker 2>he's not one of these serious people who's you know,

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00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:01.279
<v Speaker 2>drilling intensity every point. He's having a laugh sometimes as well,

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<v Speaker 2>which is how I play better tennis. And it's fun, right,

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<v Speaker 2>It's very rare where tennis is fun and it's just nice.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll play a huge event and be relaxed.

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<v Speaker 4>You're eighty one in the world at the moment. He's

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00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:18.799
<v Speaker 4>around there about eighty three. Do you does that? What

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<v Speaker 4>does that mean for like the Aussie Open, I mean.

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00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:25.399
<v Speaker 2>The cut last year was one sixty. I'm losing my

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00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:28.840
<v Speaker 2>Taiwan points. From next week, I'm going to be around

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00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:30.919
<v Speaker 2>eighty eight eighty nine. I've got three weeks to go.

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<v Speaker 2>He's I don't know if he's playing, But these conversations

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00:13:35.879 --> 00:13:39.159
<v Speaker 2>are going to happen in two three weeks time. When

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00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:41.639
<v Speaker 2>I mean the entries, I think Christmas Eve or something

273
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:44.000
<v Speaker 2>like that. But there's gonna be a lot of people

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00:13:44.039 --> 00:13:49.559
<v Speaker 2>trying to get within one forty one fifty. You know,

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00:13:49.639 --> 00:13:51.639
<v Speaker 2>I've only been back two weeks because I had to

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00:13:52.440 --> 00:13:53.759
<v Speaker 2>I had to go and get a scan on my wrist,

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00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:57.399
<v Speaker 2>have an injection and take four weeks out. So I've

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00:13:57.440 --> 00:14:00.360
<v Speaker 2>not hit the ground running too well yet. So I've

279
00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:03.879
<v Speaker 2>got three weeks to try and change that and then

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00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:07.480
<v Speaker 2>these conversations will happen. But to tell you, there'll be

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00:14:08.039 --> 00:14:11.039
<v Speaker 2>ten messages in my inbox and there'll probably be ten

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00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:13.600
<v Speaker 2>flying out of my inbox for people trying to get

283
00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:19.679
<v Speaker 2>into Australia in three weeks is probably a generous amount.

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00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:25.679
<v Speaker 2>It gets quite quite heavy. It's quite heavy on the

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00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:29.919
<v Speaker 2>phone of people trying to pair up. Yeah, really so,

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00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:31.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I'd love to play with him, but

287
00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:33.000
<v Speaker 2>it depends on his ranking.

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00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:36.639
<v Speaker 4>And definitely in your plans, right, Yeah, if I.

289
00:14:36.600 --> 00:14:39.039
<v Speaker 2>Can get near to it, if I if I'm two

290
00:14:39.159 --> 00:14:41.720
<v Speaker 2>or three outs by the time the deadline's gone, I'll

291
00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:44.639
<v Speaker 2>travel yet, but I'm not gonna I'm not going to

292
00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:47.519
<v Speaker 2>enter with a singles guy basically because they can just

293
00:14:47.559 --> 00:14:49.039
<v Speaker 2>pull out like what happened last year.

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00:14:49.080 --> 00:14:49.240
<v Speaker 1>You know.

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00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:52.039
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I'm not.

296
00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:53.519
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to I'm not going to you know,

297
00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:54.639
<v Speaker 1>fly across the world for that.

298
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:58.360
<v Speaker 2>I can just you know, worst case scenario, which is

299
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:00.559
<v Speaker 2>really good considering my start of the year was rubbish

300
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:05.159
<v Speaker 2>West Coast scenario. I don't get in Australia. I I

301
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.200
<v Speaker 2>need four or five hundred points to make Roland Garros

302
00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:09.879
<v Speaker 2>in five six months.

303
00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:14.679
<v Speaker 4>We wouldn't it be a great target in twenty twenty

304
00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:17.960
<v Speaker 4>six to just be you know, to play in all

305
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:18.759
<v Speaker 4>of the slams.

306
00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:21.399
<v Speaker 2>That is my goal was to play all the slams.

307
00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:24.879
<v Speaker 2>I'd like to wear matches and all the slams. As well,

308
00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:30.720
<v Speaker 2>so you know, being fussy over here. Yeah, but yeah,

309
00:15:30.759 --> 00:15:35.519
<v Speaker 2>from from what I've from what I've experienced so far,

310
00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:38.279
<v Speaker 2>even more so, we know how how tightly knit the

311
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.759
<v Speaker 2>doubles is. It's the level differences aren't huge from what

312
00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:45.320
<v Speaker 2>I've seen so far. Obviously, you take the top top

313
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:48.759
<v Speaker 2>your turin pairs out and you maybe top twenty pairs,

314
00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:52.080
<v Speaker 2>but in slams it's it's there's not a huge difference

315
00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:55.679
<v Speaker 2>in level between you know, the guys I've certainly played

316
00:15:55.720 --> 00:15:59.000
<v Speaker 2>with and against, and then you play a challenger one

317
00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:01.720
<v Speaker 2>week and are playing really really well there as well.

318
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:04.960
<v Speaker 1>Just slightly different in terms of the way they set up.

319
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:08.600
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I've got belief that if I'm around that

320
00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:11.200
<v Speaker 2>environment enough, I can win win more matches.

321
00:16:11.960 --> 00:16:14.440
<v Speaker 4>You've celebrated a birthday this month, right, so you've just

322
00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.480
<v Speaker 4>turned thirty five. But again, in doubles a bit like

323
00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:20.559
<v Speaker 4>a goalkeeper in football, isn't it like you look through

324
00:16:20.600 --> 00:16:23.960
<v Speaker 4>that top fifty places in the atp plenty of players

325
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:24.960
<v Speaker 4>around your age.

326
00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:30.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean this guy's in their forties competing, Yeah,

327
00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:31.039
<v Speaker 2>which is crazy.

328
00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:32.120
<v Speaker 1>You have to look after your body.

329
00:16:32.120 --> 00:16:34.360
<v Speaker 2>Well that my body's you know, I'm having more and

330
00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:37.320
<v Speaker 2>more problems, but it's manageable. You can go on to

331
00:16:37.399 --> 00:16:39.320
<v Speaker 2>a double score and play if you're not quite one

332
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:42.799
<v Speaker 2>hundred percent there, if you've got a slight you know,

333
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:44.840
<v Speaker 2>nigger and you know I've had chin splints. I've kind

334
00:16:44.840 --> 00:16:48.000
<v Speaker 2>of played through a little bit. In singles, you don't

335
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:51.600
<v Speaker 2>have a chance to do that. You know, we played

336
00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:54.000
<v Speaker 2>against you, Ebden Thompson. I think he's taken some time

337
00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:56.080
<v Speaker 2>out now, but he turned up and played. I mean,

338
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.480
<v Speaker 2>there's no way you do that in singles. You can

339
00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:03.320
<v Speaker 2>play not one hundred percent fit in doubles, and that's

340
00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:05.799
<v Speaker 2>what people are doing. You know that there's you know,

341
00:17:05.880 --> 00:17:09.000
<v Speaker 2>top payers that have had injuries this year and they've

342
00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:11.759
<v Speaker 2>just cracked on or you know, being careful with it

343
00:17:11.799 --> 00:17:14.119
<v Speaker 2>and played certain tournaments.

344
00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:18.720
<v Speaker 4>Well, just the adventure continues, mate, does it?

345
00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:20.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I guess so.

346
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.039
<v Speaker 4>On a bit of a handbrake turn.

347
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:25.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we like those.

348
00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:30.319
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. I had an interview with you the other day

349
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:35.640
<v Speaker 4>about mental health and it's something that we've we've like obviously,

350
00:17:35.640 --> 00:17:38.559
<v Speaker 4>we know each other very well and it's something that

351
00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:42.160
<v Speaker 4>we've spoken about for years and we had a conversation

352
00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:47.079
<v Speaker 4>that on the podcast. We talk about crisps or stupid stuff,

353
00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:50.480
<v Speaker 4>but is there a space to think about something with

354
00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:53.279
<v Speaker 4>a little bit more depth and gravitas And it was

355
00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:56.000
<v Speaker 4>something that you wanted to kind of bring up today, right.

356
00:17:57.000 --> 00:18:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's something that if people are listening you we're

357
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:03.200
<v Speaker 2>all going through stuff like that.

358
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:05.640
<v Speaker 1>That's what I understand. Everyone's got stuff going on.

359
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:09.880
<v Speaker 2>That if there's listeners listening in that are struggling with something,

360
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:12.319
<v Speaker 2>we can we can touch on stuff or share experiences

361
00:18:12.440 --> 00:18:15.480
<v Speaker 2>or you know, I think the worst thing is is,

362
00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:17.839
<v Speaker 2>you know, from my point of view, when I'm thinking

363
00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:20.319
<v Speaker 2>things or when I'm going through something, you feel like

364
00:18:20.359 --> 00:18:21.799
<v Speaker 2>you're the only person in the world going through it,

365
00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:24.920
<v Speaker 2>or you're a freak or you know, which I am.

366
00:18:25.079 --> 00:18:29.759
<v Speaker 2>But it's just I think it's nice to kind of

367
00:18:29.799 --> 00:18:33.039
<v Speaker 2>be a bit more together on that and yeah, share

368
00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:35.640
<v Speaker 2>experiences and maybe get people on at some point. You know,

369
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:39.000
<v Speaker 2>I've got friends who work in that sector and you know,

370
00:18:39.079 --> 00:18:41.880
<v Speaker 2>help people out and then go back to talking about crisps.

371
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:43.240
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, of course.

372
00:18:43.640 --> 00:18:49.039
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a crisp based podcast really, but no, I

373
00:18:49.079 --> 00:18:51.279
<v Speaker 2>thought it would be nice. You know, my experiences have

374
00:18:51.319 --> 00:18:54.759
<v Speaker 2>been being strange this year. Obviously after Australia, I was

375
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:57.440
<v Speaker 2>really down for a while, and what.

376
00:18:57.359 --> 00:18:58.559
<v Speaker 4>Does that look like for you, mate?

377
00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:03.359
<v Speaker 1>What does it look like in terms of mental when.

378
00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:06.279
<v Speaker 4>You say you were really down down?

379
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:08.279
<v Speaker 1>Oh mate? Differently?

380
00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:10.440
<v Speaker 2>So after Australia, I was I was desperate to get

381
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:15.559
<v Speaker 2>back and play and compete and really eager to crack

382
00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:17.599
<v Speaker 2>on hit next year. But I was kind of desperate,

383
00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:20.720
<v Speaker 2>you know. I was anxious on court. I wanted to

384
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:23.039
<v Speaker 2>win every single shot. I wanted to win every single point.

385
00:19:23.079 --> 00:19:26.720
<v Speaker 2>I was overthinking everything. I was double faulting on big points.

386
00:19:26.839 --> 00:19:30.359
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know where to stand. I froze at times

387
00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:32.519
<v Speaker 2>and it was flipping horrendous and I didn't know. I

388
00:19:32.599 --> 00:19:36.400
<v Speaker 2>didn't know why. But that was a stage in my

389
00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:40.799
<v Speaker 2>career where you know, I get home and everything's normal

390
00:19:40.839 --> 00:19:44.240
<v Speaker 2>with kids and it's lovely, but you still think about it, right,

391
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:47.359
<v Speaker 2>you fly home and you've put in a poor performance

392
00:19:47.400 --> 00:19:54.759
<v Speaker 2>and you're working harder than ever. It was difficult, and

393
00:19:54.839 --> 00:19:57.200
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't until I got to Mexico in April where

394
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.119
<v Speaker 2>I kind of said to myself, right, well, just go

395
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:02.200
<v Speaker 2>play tennis and enjoy it, and it doesn't matter if

396
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:02.599
<v Speaker 2>you lose.

397
00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:04.039
<v Speaker 1>Just go and play.

398
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.480
<v Speaker 2>And you know, I didn't win every the fourth tournament

399
00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:09.200
<v Speaker 2>we won, but you know, we lost the first round

400
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:11.759
<v Speaker 2>out there court a semis and then won the last one.

401
00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:14.240
<v Speaker 2>But I was so much happier, and then I could

402
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:17.279
<v Speaker 2>see like, Okay, I can I can keep playing like

403
00:20:17.319 --> 00:20:19.319
<v Speaker 2>this because if that, you know, if that carried on

404
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:24.039
<v Speaker 2>for longer, you know, you think about is this worth it?

405
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:28.519
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm traveling around the world, losing, losing money, unhappy, anxious.

406
00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:33.640
<v Speaker 2>How long can you really do that for? And that, Yeah,

407
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:36.960
<v Speaker 2>that was a really really tricky point in my life.

408
00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:39.480
<v Speaker 2>I guess I just had to keep working through it.

409
00:20:39.519 --> 00:20:41.400
<v Speaker 2>And because I put all the reps in, by the

410
00:20:41.400 --> 00:20:43.400
<v Speaker 2>time I was ready to relax and enjoy it, I was,

411
00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:49.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, good enough to play well. Yeah, and then

412
00:20:49.480 --> 00:20:52.720
<v Speaker 2>the grass season. Grass season's intense. Always it's amazing. But

413
00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:55.599
<v Speaker 2>then you know you're desperate to go and play well

414
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:57.640
<v Speaker 2>and compete because you know all the people that have

415
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:01.440
<v Speaker 2>supported you, or your family or your friends are watching

416
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:02.839
<v Speaker 2>and cheering you on, and you don't want to let

417
00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:07.920
<v Speaker 2>them down. But ultimately I've said to myself, just do

418
00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:11.599
<v Speaker 2>what you can do, try your best. I try and

419
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:17.279
<v Speaker 2>to take that away now and go, well, yeah, go compete. Obviously,

420
00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:21.240
<v Speaker 2>some nerves are normal you know, there's a lot going

421
00:21:21.279 --> 00:21:23.920
<v Speaker 2>on that, you know, the in British grass cat season.

422
00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:26.279
<v Speaker 2>I had my dad who was an intensive care just

423
00:21:26.440 --> 00:21:32.079
<v Speaker 2>for Queen's How is he now? He's back up and going. Man,

424
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:36.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah he's cruising my sounds of it. Yeah he's doing well.

425
00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:41.000
<v Speaker 2>But that was, yeah, really tricky. I'm grateful, I mean,

426
00:21:41.279 --> 00:21:45.559
<v Speaker 2>and the but the thing we kind of all said

427
00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:47.079
<v Speaker 2>after it's sad in a way, but it was so

428
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.759
<v Speaker 2>nice to have all the family together and just just

429
00:21:50.839 --> 00:21:52.960
<v Speaker 2>back to basics, you know, just looking after each other.

430
00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:53.599
<v Speaker 1>You know.

431
00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:56.160
<v Speaker 2>I was getting the train from where I live every

432
00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:58.680
<v Speaker 2>day again to the hospital seeing my mum's sister brother

433
00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:00.960
<v Speaker 2>and we were we were so close and it was

434
00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:03.440
<v Speaker 2>just really nice to go for lunch with them. And

435
00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:07.240
<v Speaker 2>I think, I don't know, sometimes for me, this life

436
00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:09.599
<v Speaker 2>life gets in the way when everyone's healthy or you

437
00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:12.440
<v Speaker 2>think they're healthy, and you crack on your guh you know.

438
00:22:12.359 --> 00:22:13.839
<v Speaker 1>I'll see I'll see you when I can see you.

439
00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:17.359
<v Speaker 2>And and that was an eye opener for me is

440
00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:20.000
<v Speaker 2>to is to you know, catch up with family more often.

441
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.240
<v Speaker 1>It's difficult with my job and you know for kids

442
00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:24.680
<v Speaker 1>and Jenny working and stuff like that.

443
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:28.200
<v Speaker 2>But you know, it was some some real big life

444
00:22:28.279 --> 00:22:31.440
<v Speaker 2>lessons for me, and there actually that, Yeah, my my

445
00:22:31.559 --> 00:22:35.119
<v Speaker 2>career is important, but there's not drop in the open

446
00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:38.400
<v Speaker 2>ocean and anything else, I suppose, But.

447
00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:41.599
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but stressful and sad and worrying.

448
00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:43.960
<v Speaker 2>You know, didn't sleep very well for a few days,

449
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:47.240
<v Speaker 2>and then you're worrying about your mum and then everyone else,

450
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:49.559
<v Speaker 2>and then you've got your kids, and then you've you're

451
00:22:49.559 --> 00:22:51.839
<v Speaker 2>trying to hold it all together. And then a few

452
00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:55.119
<v Speaker 2>weeks later, you're playing at Queens and you know, you

453
00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:57.400
<v Speaker 2>came out of ice, you and a massive weight was

454
00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:59.960
<v Speaker 2>dropped and I went and played really well and everything was.

455
00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:04.279
<v Speaker 1>And we're we're closer than another now, which is which

456
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:04.759
<v Speaker 1>is awesome?

457
00:23:05.279 --> 00:23:09.279
<v Speaker 4>And do you feel now that you know, just on

458
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:12.839
<v Speaker 4>a day to day basis, you feel less anxious, happier,

459
00:23:13.160 --> 00:23:16.559
<v Speaker 4>You've you've kind of taken enough time for yourself to

460
00:23:17.000 --> 00:23:17.799
<v Speaker 4>consider things.

461
00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:23.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, on a day to day basis, it's a time out.

462
00:23:23.599 --> 00:23:24.559
<v Speaker 1>It's different stresses.

463
00:23:24.599 --> 00:23:27.400
<v Speaker 2>But you know, after us have my wrist injury and

464
00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:30.960
<v Speaker 2>it's I get very comfortable being at home and nipping

465
00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:33.480
<v Speaker 2>to the gym and going to my favorite coffee shop,

466
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:39.559
<v Speaker 2>and you know, I love that life it's actually getting

467
00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:42.039
<v Speaker 2>going again, which is, you know, the last week I've

468
00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:44.960
<v Speaker 2>been you know, very good. I've been training again and

469
00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:48.759
<v Speaker 2>back at tournaments and and stuff like that. So so

470
00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:52.759
<v Speaker 2>for me, the different challenge now is is getting myself

471
00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:56.000
<v Speaker 2>going and making it matter again, because after all that,

472
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:59.640
<v Speaker 2>I was like, well, you know, it's it's it's tennis.

473
00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:01.599
<v Speaker 2>You know, you your family, got your health, and there's

474
00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:03.920
<v Speaker 2>more more important.

475
00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:04.160
<v Speaker 1>Things going on.

476
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.279
<v Speaker 2>But now it's actually getting back in that work mindset

477
00:24:08.319 --> 00:24:11.039
<v Speaker 2>of no, I've got to treat this like it's everything again.

478
00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:16.240
<v Speaker 1>And the motivation has been difficult.

479
00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:19.599
<v Speaker 2>But the difference between me now and me at nineteen

480
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.039
<v Speaker 2>is I still go up and do it. If I

481
00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:25.319
<v Speaker 2>feel like crap, I still hit the gym session. But

482
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:28.119
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm very lucky. I've got a fitness trainer

483
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:31.400
<v Speaker 2>who sets me specific things to do, so I go

484
00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:31.960
<v Speaker 2>to the gym.

485
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:35.519
<v Speaker 1>Without that, i'd struggle. I can get quite in my

486
00:24:35.559 --> 00:24:36.000
<v Speaker 1>own head.

487
00:24:36.039 --> 00:24:38.279
<v Speaker 2>And then you know, when I don't have a plan,

488
00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:42.440
<v Speaker 2>it's not like if I look at the the end

489
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:43.839
<v Speaker 2>of the day to what I've done that day and

490
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:47.319
<v Speaker 2>I don't have a plan, it's not that much, mate,

491
00:24:48.359 --> 00:24:49.079
<v Speaker 2>It's not that much.

492
00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:51.039
<v Speaker 1>And then I feel guilty about that. Come on, you

493
00:24:51.079 --> 00:24:53.079
<v Speaker 1>need to need to crack on, you need to get better.

494
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:57.519
<v Speaker 2>But actually, but actually sometimes you do just need to

495
00:24:57.519 --> 00:25:00.640
<v Speaker 2>put the brakes on and chill and stick Netflix on

496
00:25:00.759 --> 00:25:04.079
<v Speaker 2>and pick your kids up from school and cook them dinner.

497
00:25:04.119 --> 00:25:07.640
<v Speaker 1>And it's yeah, I felt guilty about that for some time.

498
00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:10.519
<v Speaker 2>But now I'm like, as long as you get your

499
00:25:10.599 --> 00:25:12.960
<v Speaker 2>job done and do it to the best of your ability,

500
00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:13.880
<v Speaker 2>then you can.

501
00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:17.559
<v Speaker 1>Kind of do what you want. There's different challenges all

502
00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:21.640
<v Speaker 1>the time. On me. I find Yeah, and I used to.

503
00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:23.640
<v Speaker 2>Eat my problems away, and then I drank my problems away,

504
00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:27.039
<v Speaker 2>and then you left with I don't want to do

505
00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:28.759
<v Speaker 2>that either, and then you're kind of left in this

506
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:34.480
<v Speaker 2>like empty, empty hole of almost of almost nothing. It

507
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:37.240
<v Speaker 2>sounds really deep, but you know that's how I feel sometimes.

508
00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:39.799
<v Speaker 4>I suppose, Yeah, but you and I have had enough

509
00:25:39.799 --> 00:25:44.240
<v Speaker 4>conversations that both of us have been in those places. Yeah,

510
00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:47.880
<v Speaker 4>you know, you overdo something to get rid of your problems,

511
00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:49.440
<v Speaker 4>whatever that is, it's.

512
00:25:49.319 --> 00:25:52.839
<v Speaker 1>Just for me. It's escapism. It was escapism. You know.

513
00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:55.680
<v Speaker 2>I trained hard when I was earlier, but I was

514
00:25:56.519 --> 00:25:58.440
<v Speaker 2>when I was younger, but I was massively out of shape.

515
00:25:58.480 --> 00:25:59.960
<v Speaker 1>It was a problem that I didn't realize.

516
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:03.079
<v Speaker 2>And I always kind of laughed at off, and you know,

517
00:26:03.079 --> 00:26:06.799
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to make other people laugh, so you know

518
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:09.160
<v Speaker 2>it would it would detract, I guess from the truth.

519
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:10.279
<v Speaker 2>But I didn't know that at the time.

520
00:26:13.359 --> 00:26:15.799
<v Speaker 4>Have you have you seen like professionals, have you sat

521
00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:16.599
<v Speaker 4>with people.

522
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:17.880
<v Speaker 1>Focus to people?

523
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:21.359
<v Speaker 2>And I've now I've got good friends who have been

524
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:26.200
<v Speaker 2>through a similar thing. And you know, when you when

525
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:29.119
<v Speaker 2>you're younger, it's difficult, but now it's it's about for me.

526
00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:33.599
<v Speaker 1>It's about being honest with myself. And I never really was.

527
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:35.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't think, you know, I was out of shape,

528
00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:37.799
<v Speaker 2>but i'd make excuses. I'd go, oh, yeah, but I've

529
00:26:37.799 --> 00:26:40.160
<v Speaker 2>had it tough, or you know, I'm a big lad,

530
00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:41.680
<v Speaker 2>or i'd.

531
00:26:41.559 --> 00:26:42.480
<v Speaker 1>Laugh off completely.

532
00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:45.720
<v Speaker 2>But but then I'm you know, in my head it

533
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:49.039
<v Speaker 2>was it was really hard, mate, because I would be

534
00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:50.960
<v Speaker 2>on the treadmill the next day. During the thirty thirties,

535
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:53.240
<v Speaker 2>I'd do more treadmill sessions than anyone else. I'd have

536
00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:56.359
<v Speaker 2>more fresh starts than anyone else the whole time, and

537
00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:58.440
<v Speaker 2>then by Wednesday it's all gone to shit again, and

538
00:26:58.720 --> 00:27:02.759
<v Speaker 2>you're like, excuse my language, but You're like you know,

539
00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:07.039
<v Speaker 2>my intention was so good, but when you've got something underlying,

540
00:27:07.079 --> 00:27:08.400
<v Speaker 2>that's that's.

541
00:27:09.400 --> 00:27:10.599
<v Speaker 1>You know, screwing you.

542
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:15.240
<v Speaker 2>I suppose I found it impossible personally without you know,

543
00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:17.480
<v Speaker 2>understanding why I was the way I was.

544
00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:22.279
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, it's an onward journey.

545
00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:24.240
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, if I'm honest with myself and how I

546
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:28.759
<v Speaker 2>feel and actually hold myself accountable to you know, being

547
00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:29.599
<v Speaker 2>honest with myself.

548
00:27:29.640 --> 00:27:33.079
<v Speaker 1>And because I think everyone's got it to some.

549
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:36.000
<v Speaker 2>Some degree, right we like some people kid themselves and go,

550
00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:38.519
<v Speaker 2>it's fine if we just have this another biscuit and

551
00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:41.240
<v Speaker 2>blah blah blah. But I just I feel like I've

552
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:42.720
<v Speaker 2>got to be really on it with that stuff because

553
00:27:42.759 --> 00:27:45.160
<v Speaker 2>if I'm not, it can get out of hand. You know,

554
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:49.599
<v Speaker 2>I've fluctuated and wait all my life, you know, experimented

555
00:27:49.640 --> 00:27:52.839
<v Speaker 2>with drink and stuff, and it's it's it's not really

556
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:55.000
<v Speaker 2>worked for me. It's made things a whole lot worse.

557
00:27:55.079 --> 00:27:58.359
<v Speaker 2>So although it's you know, a lot busier in my head,

558
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:00.519
<v Speaker 2>I'm in a lot better place with it. I kind

559
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:02.200
<v Speaker 2>of know who I am a lot better now than

560
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:03.200
<v Speaker 2>I did when I was younger.

561
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.279
<v Speaker 4>I think that's the key, isn't it. Discovery? Like self discovery,

562
00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:11.680
<v Speaker 4>and that can sound like just waffle. I think if

563
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:13.920
<v Speaker 4>you're not in that mindset, you think, well, I know

564
00:28:13.960 --> 00:28:16.160
<v Speaker 4>who I am, I've got ID I know where I live.

565
00:28:16.559 --> 00:28:20.079
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, exactly. People used to say I found myself,

566
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:21.640
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, what are you talking about?

567
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:23.359
<v Speaker 4>I used to say that all the time, Like, what

568
00:28:23.400 --> 00:28:23.799
<v Speaker 4>do you mean?

569
00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:26.319
<v Speaker 1>What are you talking about? I found you first?

570
00:28:26.920 --> 00:28:29.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I know where you are right here. So, like,

571
00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:33.039
<v Speaker 4>the the thing with like, I just feel in my

572
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:38.079
<v Speaker 4>set that I've got huge personality flaws. And that's kind

573
00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:41.200
<v Speaker 4>of taken from that crucial growing up period of going

574
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:44.880
<v Speaker 4>to school, doing sport that, not being great at this

575
00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:47.359
<v Speaker 4>and that, and and all of those kind of formative

576
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:51.400
<v Speaker 4>years of growing mean that there's this like insecurity or

577
00:28:51.400 --> 00:28:56.039
<v Speaker 4>a need to satisfying ego, or there's something that's not

578
00:28:56.279 --> 00:28:59.680
<v Speaker 4>right now. You can work on yourself, obviously, and you

579
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:03.079
<v Speaker 4>can try and change that, but these are quite deep

580
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:09.240
<v Speaker 4>innate reactions to situations. Yes, if I don't feel valued

581
00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:12.920
<v Speaker 4>or respected or something like that, my go to is

582
00:29:13.000 --> 00:29:17.559
<v Speaker 4>to be pretty horrible as a person, Right, I'll go

583
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:23.720
<v Speaker 4>straight into like deathcom red and start lashing out. Yeah, yeah,

584
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:25.680
<v Speaker 4>and then that will make me feel worse. But then

585
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:27.720
<v Speaker 4>you can, you know, you can have a twist and

586
00:29:27.720 --> 00:29:29.240
<v Speaker 4>a pint and things.

587
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:31.559
<v Speaker 1>And exactly and that makes it all better.

588
00:29:31.559 --> 00:29:34.200
<v Speaker 4>For sure, that for that five minutes. But then there's

589
00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:37.240
<v Speaker 4>like this cycle and after a while you start seeing

590
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:40.799
<v Speaker 4>the same cycle, and you know, I spoke to someone

591
00:29:40.839 --> 00:29:43.720
<v Speaker 4>and got some help because that, you know. One of

592
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:46.799
<v Speaker 4>the reasons why this podcast has been really inconsistent is

593
00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:51.319
<v Speaker 4>over what two years ago, my mom died and the

594
00:29:51.400 --> 00:29:54.119
<v Speaker 4>year before that, my dad died, you know, a year

595
00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:56.839
<v Speaker 4>and two days apart. Now, my dad is very old,

596
00:29:56.839 --> 00:29:59.559
<v Speaker 4>he was nearly a hundred, but my mum was fully fit,

597
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:03.559
<v Speaker 4>seven two year old and uh, you know, died of

598
00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:06.799
<v Speaker 4>lung cancer within three months of diagnosis, and no one

599
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:09.240
<v Speaker 4>was ready. She was at a spin class and twelve

600
00:30:09.279 --> 00:30:13.960
<v Speaker 4>weeks later gone, And I wasn't ready for it. And

601
00:30:14.119 --> 00:30:18.240
<v Speaker 4>I've actually found my personality flaws where she would bail

602
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:23.680
<v Speaker 4>me out of having like as you know, as insecurities

603
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:26.079
<v Speaker 4>or a small ego or whatever. I could ring her

604
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:28.319
<v Speaker 4>and she would back me up. She was always in the.

605
00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:31.960
<v Speaker 2>Car justific not justify it, but that'd make you feel better, right,

606
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:33.079
<v Speaker 2>because that's what parents do.

607
00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:37.279
<v Speaker 4>Right, And I feel that's made that. Basically, I've had

608
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:41.880
<v Speaker 4>two and a half years of the first eighteen months

609
00:30:41.880 --> 00:30:45.480
<v Speaker 4>of that just loopy. I'm just loopy. I was doing

610
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:50.559
<v Speaker 4>everything just like rattling around. And it's so hard in

611
00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:54.480
<v Speaker 4>that situation to hold down a job, hold down routine,

612
00:30:54.759 --> 00:30:57.960
<v Speaker 4>still be a dad, still be someone's friend, a nephew

613
00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:02.480
<v Speaker 4>or whatever. And I kind of got to the point

614
00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:09.000
<v Speaker 4>of I've got a little red, orange and green system. Now, okay, okay,

615
00:31:09.079 --> 00:31:15.839
<v Speaker 4>so this is this is my system. If I'm in green,

616
00:31:16.680 --> 00:31:18.880
<v Speaker 4>as in I feel like I'm pretty on top of

617
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:21.559
<v Speaker 4>things routine wise, diet, all of that, and I feel

618
00:31:21.559 --> 00:31:26.680
<v Speaker 4>like I'm okay, then I do everything I can right,

619
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:29.240
<v Speaker 4>So I can I can go to work, I take

620
00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:31.240
<v Speaker 4>time off, I can speak to people, I can go

621
00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:35.039
<v Speaker 4>out of whatever. Right. If I'm in orange, then I

622
00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:37.720
<v Speaker 4>need to pull up the drawbridge on the things that

623
00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:42.119
<v Speaker 4>ultimately don't matter to me. So an example of that

624
00:31:42.519 --> 00:31:51.759
<v Speaker 4>would be overworking or overtraining, or being too worried about

625
00:31:51.759 --> 00:31:54.680
<v Speaker 4>what I'm eating, right, the art of not giving a shit.

626
00:31:54.839 --> 00:31:58.279
<v Speaker 4>Really yeah, And there are certain things you do where

627
00:31:58.599 --> 00:32:00.160
<v Speaker 4>you know someone will say, oh, can you do this

628
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:02.000
<v Speaker 4>for me, and you go, yeah, no problem. And if

629
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:04.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm in an orange position. It's because I'm starting to

630
00:32:04.920 --> 00:32:09.359
<v Speaker 4>feel like a little bit like things could be overwhelming

631
00:32:09.400 --> 00:32:12.519
<v Speaker 4>me a bit, and it's actually easier for me to say,

632
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:15.960
<v Speaker 4>I can't do that right now, I'll do it, I'll

633
00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:18.880
<v Speaker 4>do it when I'm ready or whatever. It's actually easier

634
00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:21.960
<v Speaker 4>to do that rather than what I have done before

635
00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:24.880
<v Speaker 4>is force myself to do things, force myself to go

636
00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:30.200
<v Speaker 4>into social situations, create anxieties or whatever, and if I'm

637
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:33.680
<v Speaker 4>in red, nothing at all. Because one thing I learned

638
00:32:34.279 --> 00:32:37.200
<v Speaker 4>after my mom died was I had three weeks off

639
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:39.400
<v Speaker 4>and I came back to work. And at the time,

640
00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:43.400
<v Speaker 4>I was running a tennis coaching company over three clubs.

641
00:32:44.039 --> 00:32:47.960
<v Speaker 4>I had multiple colleagues, people working alongside me, people working

642
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:50.920
<v Speaker 4>with me. I was working alongside a committee. My wife

643
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:53.519
<v Speaker 4>gave up work because we didn't have like a child

644
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:56.160
<v Speaker 4>support network in the same way without my mum being around.

645
00:32:56.400 --> 00:32:58.839
<v Speaker 4>So I was a sold breadwinner and I was really

646
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:01.559
<v Speaker 4>panicked on that. Right, So I went and did all

647
00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:04.960
<v Speaker 4>of this stuff, but I really needed to stop. Yeah,

648
00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:09.799
<v Speaker 4>only looking back now, I realized that I was no

649
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:14.599
<v Speaker 4>good to anyone. I fell out with people. The tennis

650
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:19.480
<v Speaker 4>coaching company kind of suffered massively. Like the size of

651
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:24.279
<v Speaker 4>it is, you know, like I made enemies, I said

652
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:26.960
<v Speaker 4>things to people I regret. I was just horrible. And

653
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:29.720
<v Speaker 4>what I should have actually done is said, I'm going

654
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:32.519
<v Speaker 4>on a mortgage break. I'm not working until I feel ready.

655
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:35.720
<v Speaker 4>I cannot do anything. I'm in a complete red zone.

656
00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:39.160
<v Speaker 4>I can just about get to the shops. I can

657
00:33:39.160 --> 00:33:41.599
<v Speaker 4>hang out with my kids, I can watch Indiana Jones.

658
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:44.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah that's it, and I'm out.

659
00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:47.079
<v Speaker 2>But you don't want to do that at the time

660
00:33:47.079 --> 00:33:48.279
<v Speaker 2>because you feel like you failed.

661
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:51.960
<v Speaker 4>Had I done that, though, I would have been back quicker. Yeah,

662
00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:55.960
<v Speaker 4>I would have given myself more chance and less anxieties

663
00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:00.880
<v Speaker 4>around being a twap to people basically. And I have

664
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:03.599
<v Speaker 4>reached out back to some people and said, look, that

665
00:34:03.759 --> 00:34:06.160
<v Speaker 4>wasn't me. Sorry, And then I know there's other people

666
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:09.760
<v Speaker 4>where I can't reach out to them, and that's that right.

667
00:34:10.079 --> 00:34:11.719
<v Speaker 4>And all I can do is think about people who

668
00:34:11.719 --> 00:34:13.239
<v Speaker 4>are going to meet me in the future and them

669
00:34:13.280 --> 00:34:17.840
<v Speaker 4>not thinking but actually, right now, like you said to

670
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:20.239
<v Speaker 4>me before we started recording, are we good to go

671
00:34:20.280 --> 00:34:25.599
<v Speaker 4>on the podcast? Absolutely? I'm green. I'm in a green zone.

672
00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:28.519
<v Speaker 4>If it does go to orange and the weather and

673
00:34:28.599 --> 00:34:30.559
<v Speaker 4>working outside and all of that, that's going to turn

674
00:34:30.599 --> 00:34:33.599
<v Speaker 4>it a little bit. But actually, right now I feel

675
00:34:33.599 --> 00:34:36.159
<v Speaker 4>like more in control and in a better place than

676
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:40.239
<v Speaker 4>I have done for I don't know, maybe ever good.

677
00:34:40.679 --> 00:34:44.159
<v Speaker 2>That's awesome to hear man, it's a horrible thing. There's

678
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:47.519
<v Speaker 2>no right answer for unfortunate.

679
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.039
<v Speaker 4>I think you're right to bring it up and for

680
00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:52.840
<v Speaker 4>us not to dwell on it or to make multiple

681
00:34:52.920 --> 00:34:56.039
<v Speaker 4>podcasts about it, or to try and become like mental

682
00:34:56.039 --> 00:35:00.599
<v Speaker 4>health gurus. But no, you're right. If I her two

683
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:04.519
<v Speaker 4>normal people talking about it, not talking about me doing

684
00:35:04.599 --> 00:35:08.800
<v Speaker 4>like breathing exercises in a zumba class, Yeah, to normal

685
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:13.599
<v Speaker 4>people talking about this, at some point i'd have thought, look,

686
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:19.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm normal as well. It's all right. Yeah and yeah,

687
00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:21.920
<v Speaker 4>So I think you're right to bring it up. And

688
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:24.719
<v Speaker 4>look if we get reaction and feedback that people want

689
00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:26.880
<v Speaker 4>us to talk about it more than we will, people

690
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:28.079
<v Speaker 4>want to share stories them.

691
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:32.800
<v Speaker 2>Sure right, yeah, yeah, no, I think it'd be really

692
00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:35.920
<v Speaker 2>nice thing to touch on and do sometimes as much

693
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:39.639
<v Speaker 2>as you know, as much as people want, we will

694
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:42.280
<v Speaker 2>go back to string engines and grips at some point.

695
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:48.679
<v Speaker 4>I think that red Yeah as.

696
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:50.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, We're not We're not doing any Red Zone podcasts

697
00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:51.719
<v Speaker 1>here no.

698
00:35:52.039 --> 00:35:54.880
<v Speaker 4>I mean, look, we just just a quick one to

699
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:58.239
<v Speaker 4>finish on and thinking about things of great debt. Cheese

700
00:35:58.280 --> 00:35:59.960
<v Speaker 4>an onion or salt of vinegar. What do you reckon?

701
00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:03.880
<v Speaker 1>Cheese and onion? Cheese and onion always?

702
00:36:04.199 --> 00:36:06.119
<v Speaker 4>Do you know what I think if you take one

703
00:36:06.159 --> 00:36:08.840
<v Speaker 4>thing from this podcast is cheese and onion.

704
00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:12.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, cheese and onion, salt and vinegar. I mean it depends.

705
00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:16.000
<v Speaker 2>If you're abroad, you just go ready salted late in

706
00:36:16.119 --> 00:36:18.519
<v Speaker 2>Spain or Italy you just go playing and it works.

707
00:36:18.519 --> 00:36:20.400
<v Speaker 1>But if you if you buy them in the UK,

708
00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:21.840
<v Speaker 1>then you need to check in with someone.

709
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:24.159
<v Speaker 4>The only time I've a ready sorted is if you're

710
00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:26.639
<v Speaker 4>in a bar and they bring you an egg cup

711
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:28.159
<v Speaker 4>full of nine crisps.

712
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:32.320
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes that's the only My French League team do that.

713
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Before dinner. You'll meet up.

714
00:36:34.519 --> 00:36:36.559
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why, because you just stand around and

715
00:36:36.599 --> 00:36:40.519
<v Speaker 2>then they bring out the tiniest thing with curry popcorn

716
00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:42.880
<v Speaker 2>last year, but it's like five bits in there and

717
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:45.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm sat there obviously like the person. I am just

718
00:36:46.119 --> 00:36:48.280
<v Speaker 2>munching them and going okay, when are they going to

719
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:48.880
<v Speaker 2>get topped up?

720
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:50.239
<v Speaker 1>Where's the real bowl here.

721
00:36:50.840 --> 00:36:54.760
<v Speaker 4>Yes, I need the sauce, I need the dealer. Get

722
00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:58.039
<v Speaker 4>me here, just get.

723
00:36:57.840 --> 00:36:59.559
<v Speaker 1>Me the bag, just get me the whole bag.

724
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:03.280
<v Speaker 2>But yes, it's a strange run that whereas I don't

725
00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:05.800
<v Speaker 2>I think in England we're just just greedy, aren't we really?

726
00:37:06.400 --> 00:37:10.440
<v Speaker 4>Mm hmmm quite possibly? All right, maybe let's let's podcast

727
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:13.639
<v Speaker 4>again very soon. Okay, maybe something towards the end of

728
00:37:13.679 --> 00:37:13.960
<v Speaker 4>the week.

729
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:16.800
<v Speaker 1>Perfect, See you all again soon
