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<v Speaker 1>Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.

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<v Speaker 1>We are so glad you're here with us. Today we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to continue our series called The Keys to a

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<v Speaker 1>Blessed Life, and in these messages, Rick walks through Jesus'

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<v Speaker 1>Sermon on the Mount and shows us how to live

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<v Speaker 1>a truly hopeful and purpose filled life. And now the

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<v Speaker 1>final part of how to Reconcile a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Yesterday, I was abducted by a group of young men

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<v Speaker 2>in our church who took me to San Diego to

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<v Speaker 2>Comic Con, and it was a blast. I wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>go as Batman, but Kay wouldn't let me. And everybody

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<v Speaker 2>there were one hundred thousand people at Comic Con, and

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<v Speaker 2>I mean everybody's there. I mean all of the superheroes

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<v Speaker 2>are there, and all the great TV shows and all

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<v Speaker 2>the science fiction and all the Lord of the Rings

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<v Speaker 2>trilogy and Star Wars and Star Trek, and one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>thousand people are at this place, and about ten percent

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<v Speaker 2>of them are dressed up.

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<v Speaker 3>And it was just a lot of fun.

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<v Speaker 2>But as one hundred thousand people are going into the

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<v Speaker 2>convention center in San Diego, there are two guys obviously

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<v Speaker 2>Christians standing there with giant yellow signs with frowns on

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<v Speaker 2>their faces, clearly not enjoying it, not saying a word

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<v Speaker 2>to anybody, just standing there looking angry. And they were

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<v Speaker 2>what I call turn or burn, you'll die and fry

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<v Speaker 2>while we go to the sky signs.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>One of them said, repent is something like repent or

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<v Speaker 2>go to hell, you know, something like that, and the

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<v Speaker 2>other one said, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and

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<v Speaker 2>you'll be saved.

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<v Speaker 3>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>The fact is both of those are true, but they

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<v Speaker 2>were not speaking the truth and love. It's true I

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<v Speaker 2>do need to repent, and it is true I do

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<v Speaker 2>need to accept what Jesus Christ did for me on

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<v Speaker 2>the cross. I guarantee you nobody got saved yesterday from

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<v Speaker 2>those signs, not one single person. Why because they were

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<v Speaker 2>speaking the truth, but they were not speaking the truth

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<v Speaker 2>in love.

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<v Speaker 3>Does this make sense?

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<v Speaker 2>It's not just what you say, it's how you say it.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes you watch these preachers on TV, and you know

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<v Speaker 2>they got an anger management issue, and they're they're out

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<v Speaker 2>of whack with their wife at home, and then they're

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<v Speaker 2>angry at their wife, and then they're coming to church

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<v Speaker 2>every weekend and spiritually.

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<v Speaker 3>Vomiting on everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>Else bh, and they feel really good, but everybody else

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<v Speaker 2>goes home feel a little sticky, you know, just gotta ugh.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, you take the truth of God's word, but

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<v Speaker 2>you wrap it in love. For instance, the Bible, as

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<v Speaker 2>in Romans three twenty three, all of sinned and falling

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<v Speaker 2>short of the glory of God. Now, I could teach

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<v Speaker 2>that truth to you two different ways, all of us.

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<v Speaker 2>I could shout it to you in anger. I could

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<v Speaker 2>say it like this, all of sin and all have

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<v Speaker 2>come short of the glory of God, and you'd go home.

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<v Speaker 2>Go Rick yelled at me, I don't like that, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that the way Jesus would quote Romans three twenty three,

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<v Speaker 2>shouting like you was happy.

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<v Speaker 3>Like we're all going to hell in a handbag? It's true?

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<v Speaker 3>Or I don't think so.

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<v Speaker 2>I think Jesus would say it like this kind of

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<v Speaker 2>matter of factly. I think he'd said with a broken heart.

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<v Speaker 2>I think he would look out at the world and go,

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<v Speaker 2>all of sind You know, everybody's blown it, everybody's messed up,

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<v Speaker 2>nobody backs a thousand, We've all sinned, everybody comes short

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<v Speaker 2>of the glory of God. I don't measure up to

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<v Speaker 2>my own standard as much as God's. I think that's

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<v Speaker 2>the way to say it. You see the difference. See

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<v Speaker 2>the difference in that it's the same truth. It's the

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<v Speaker 2>way it is shared. And if you say it offensively,

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<v Speaker 2>it will be received defensively. Now, the Bible says in

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<v Speaker 2>Ephesians four twenty nine, do not use harmful words, but

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<v Speaker 2>only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide

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<v Speaker 2>what is needed. That's one of the greatest verses on

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<v Speaker 2>parenting you can ever learn, or in marriage or in friendship.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't use harmful words. Fact, in your marriage to your sinner,

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<v Speaker 2>your spouse is a center. Two imperfect people cannot make

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<v Speaker 2>a perfect relationship. So you're gonna have conflict. You are

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<v Speaker 2>gonna fight, you're gonna argue, You're gonna have conflict the

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<v Speaker 2>rest of your marriage. Now the question is are you

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<v Speaker 2>gonna fight fair or not?

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<v Speaker 3>And what you.

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<v Speaker 2>Need to do is you need to establish some ground

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<v Speaker 2>rules so you don't destroy yourselves in the inevitable conflict

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<v Speaker 2>of life. And you need to take some words that

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<v Speaker 2>are inflammatory and say, sorry, these are off limits. We're

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<v Speaker 2>just not going to use these words. There are certain

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<v Speaker 2>words that you can use that trigger your.

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<v Speaker 3>Spouse and enrage them.

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<v Speaker 2>And there's certain words your spouse uses on you that

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<v Speaker 2>can trigger you into rage or depression.

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<v Speaker 3>They need to not use.

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<v Speaker 2>You need to take them off and say, fighting fair.

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<v Speaker 3>We're not gonna use these words in our marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>One of them is the threat of divorce. You're not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna say, well, then we'll get a divorce. You need

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<v Speaker 2>to take that one off the table.

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<v Speaker 3>You need to.

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<v Speaker 2>Close the escape patch of your marriage. You need to

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<v Speaker 2>lock it with the key and throw the keyed away

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<v Speaker 2>and say we're gonna make this marriage work. If it

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<v Speaker 2>kills us, okay, it may, but it will keep.

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<v Speaker 3>You going further. During the Cold War between.

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<v Speaker 2>The communist East and the capitalist West, between the Soviet

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<v Speaker 2>Union and its allies and the United States and its allies.

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<v Speaker 2>Even in the height of the Cold War from the

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<v Speaker 2>nineteen fifties on about when the Berlin Wall fell, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think it was eighty nine, even in the worst

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<v Speaker 2>moments of the Cold War, both sides agreed that some

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<v Speaker 2>weapons were off limits. We called them WMD's weapons of

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<v Speaker 2>mass destruction, and we said we may fight, we may argue,

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<v Speaker 2>we may have conflict, but we're not gonna use the

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<v Speaker 2>big one. Neither side is gonna drop the atomic bomb

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<v Speaker 2>because of what was called mad m AD mutually assured destruction,

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<v Speaker 2>and both the.

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<v Speaker 3>Soviet Union and America and our.

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<v Speaker 2>Allies all knew that if one atomic bomb was dropped,

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<v Speaker 2>it was over for the world.

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<v Speaker 3>This was going to destroy the whole place.

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<v Speaker 2>You need to ban the weapons of mass destruction from

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<v Speaker 2>your marriage. There are certain words you just need to

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<v Speaker 2>those are off limits. We're not going to use them,

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<v Speaker 2>and you need to make a list of them. And

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<v Speaker 2>you need to agree and say, we may be so

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<v Speaker 2>mad and so upset, but we're just not going to

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<v Speaker 2>use these words. Do not use harmful words. You need

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<v Speaker 2>to learn to fight fair. Now that leads me to

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<v Speaker 2>the sixth step. Write this down.

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<v Speaker 3>Fix the problem, not the blame.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the sixth key to resolving conflict and restoring

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship. And like I said, this is worth thousands.

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<v Speaker 3>Of dollars of counseling. I'm giving you.

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<v Speaker 2>Fix the problem, not the blame. You need to learn

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<v Speaker 2>to attack the issue, not each other. You need to

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<v Speaker 2>realize that you're both on the same team. Anytime you're

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<v Speaker 2>busy fixing the blame, you are wasting energy not fixing

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<v Speaker 2>the problem. If you want to exhibit a of this,

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<v Speaker 2>look at Washington, DC. The President blames the Congress for

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<v Speaker 2>everything that's going wrong, and the Congress blames the White

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<v Speaker 2>House for everything that's going wrong, and nothing is getting done.

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<v Speaker 2>Why Because, as I've said many times, you spell blame,

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<v Speaker 2>be lame, and right now everybody in DC is being lame.

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<v Speaker 2>They're blaming each other. And as long as you're busy

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<v Speaker 2>fixing the blame, you are not fixing the problem. As

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<v Speaker 2>long as you're attacking each other, you're not attacking the issues. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>God is very very specific out the kind of words

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<v Speaker 2>that are out of bounce. And you don't say, but

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<v Speaker 2>you did this, but you did that, but you did this,

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<v Speaker 2>but you did that, but you did this, but you

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<v Speaker 2>did that. That blame game is a waste of time.

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<v Speaker 2>Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem. You

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<v Speaker 2>got a problem with sex in your marriage, you got

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<v Speaker 2>a problem with finances in your marriage, you got a

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<v Speaker 2>problem with in laws in your marriage, you got a

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<v Speaker 2>problem with children in your marriage, you got a problem

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<v Speaker 2>with work schedule.

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<v Speaker 3>In your marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>God is very specific about the kind of words that

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<v Speaker 2>are out of bounce. Colossians three eight is just one example.

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<v Speaker 2>I could give you dozens. I don't have time to

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<v Speaker 2>do this. Let me just give you one. You must

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<v Speaker 2>rid yourself of these WMDs, these weapons of mass destruction,

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<v Speaker 2>of all such things as these angry rage, malice, slander,

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<v Speaker 2>and filthy language from your lips. Okay, he says, in

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<v Speaker 2>your marriage and in your relationships, no angry rage. In

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<v Speaker 2>other words, you should never try to intimidate anybody with anger.

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<v Speaker 2>You never make threats. That doesn't work. You don't intimidate

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<v Speaker 2>with anger and threats. Malice means you say things that

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<v Speaker 2>are intentionally designed to hurt, like you're just like your mother,

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<v Speaker 2>or you're just like or labeling or belittling or psychologizing.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, now I know why you did that. No, you don't.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't even figure out your own motivation. How in

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<v Speaker 2>the world would you figure out the motivation of anybody else.

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<v Speaker 2>There's no way you can know anybody else's motivations because

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<v Speaker 2>you don't even know your own half the time. And

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<v Speaker 2>then no slander that means no insults, no insults, no belittling,

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<v Speaker 2>no labeling.

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<v Speaker 3>Fix the problem. Not the blame.

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<v Speaker 2>Finally, number seven, the seventh step is folk on reconciliation,

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<v Speaker 2>not resolution. Focus on reconciliation not resolution. There's a big difference.

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<v Speaker 2>Reconciliation means re establishing the relationship. That's what it means,

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<v Speaker 2>re establishing the relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>We bury the hatchet.

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<v Speaker 2>Doesn't mean we remarry if you're with an ex, it

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<v Speaker 2>just means we're at peace with each other. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>holding on to any hurt. You're not holding an hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>It's we bury the hatchet. Reconciliation, re establish relationship. Resolution

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<v Speaker 2>means we resolve every disagreement, and that ain't gonna happen

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<v Speaker 2>because the truth is, there's some things in your marriage

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<v Speaker 2>and some things in your friendship and with other people

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<v Speaker 2>you're just never going to agree on because we're all difference.

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<v Speaker 2>But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That's called maturity,

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<v Speaker 2>that's called with the that's called Christ's likeness. Being like Christ.

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<v Speaker 2>To disagree without being disagreeable. We can have unity without uniformity.

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<v Speaker 2>We can walk hand in hand together without seeing eye

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<v Speaker 2>to eye. Can and I don't see ey eye on

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of different things, but we walk hand in

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<v Speaker 2>hand and we're now coming up this next year will

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<v Speaker 2>be our fortieth year of marriage. All right, you can

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<v Speaker 2>have reconciliation without resolution. And here's what I've learned from

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<v Speaker 2>counseling marriages. If you focus on restoring the relationship, oftentimes

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<v Speaker 2>the issue becomes insignificant. How many of your biggest arguments

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<v Speaker 2>were over the smallest things and they weren't really about that.

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<v Speaker 2>And you need to get back to focusing on the relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Now let me wrap it up. Here's my challenge to you,

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<v Speaker 2>as your pastor who loves you. Our world is filled

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<v Speaker 2>with conflict. I mean it's just pick up the newspaper.

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<v Speaker 2>It's everywhere. And in a world where there is constant conflict, wars, division, argumentation,

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<v Speaker 2>stress between people, where there are prejudices and racism and clashes,

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<v Speaker 2>where we have everything from violence and tribalism and terrorism

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<v Speaker 2>and people getting in each other's face and partisanism and

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<v Speaker 2>people attacking each other constantly, and as a result, we

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<v Speaker 2>have broken relationships. We have a broken economy, we have

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<v Speaker 2>a broken government, we have broken marriages, and we have

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<v Speaker 2>broken lives and broken hearts. My challenge to you as

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<v Speaker 2>your pastor is that you you you will commit to

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<v Speaker 2>becoming an agent of reconciliation in a world filled with conflict,

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<v Speaker 2>That you will become a bridge builder, not a wall builder.

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<v Speaker 2>That you will look for ways to bring people together

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<v Speaker 2>rather than tear them up.

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<v Speaker 3>It is not by.

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<v Speaker 2>Accident that the first letter of Saddleback's Peace Plan P

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<v Speaker 2>stands for promote reconciliation and plant churches.

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<v Speaker 3>Because this is your ministry, let me show you what

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<v Speaker 3>the Bible says.

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<v Speaker 2>Last verse on the screen two Corinthians five eighteen to

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<v Speaker 2>twenty says this God has restored our relationship with him.

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<v Speaker 2>In other words, God made us his friends.

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<v Speaker 3>We were estranged, we were.

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<v Speaker 2>Unreconciled, and God has reconciled us to.

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<v Speaker 3>Him self through Christ.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus died for our sins, and he says, and now

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<v Speaker 2>He has given us this ministry.

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<v Speaker 3>Of restoring relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>Your ministry, if you are a Christian, if you're a

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<v Speaker 2>follower of Christ, if you claim to be a man

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<v Speaker 2>of God, a woman of God, your ministry is the

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<v Speaker 2>ministry of restoring relationships. Your ministry is the ministry of reconciliation.

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<v Speaker 2>Your ministry is doing everything I just taught you how

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<v Speaker 2>to do. God was in Christ restoring his relationship with humanity.

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<v Speaker 2>He was reconciling us to himself.

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<v Speaker 3>He did not hold.

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<v Speaker 2>People's faults against them, and you shouldn't either, and He

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<v Speaker 2>has given us this message.

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<v Speaker 3>What is the message?

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<v Speaker 2>The message of restored relationships. To tell others, you know

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<v Speaker 2>what those guys a comic con should have had. They

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<v Speaker 2>should have had a sign that said God has forgiven

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<v Speaker 2>you and wants you to be his friend. Jesus Christ

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<v Speaker 2>loves you so much he'd rather die than live without you.

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<v Speaker 2>He has broken down the barrier and the wall, and

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<v Speaker 2>he wants you to be reconciled to him. God wants

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship with you, and then he wants to.

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<v Speaker 3>Give you that relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>To others, the message of restored relationships, to tell others,

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<v Speaker 2>we are Christ representatives. We beg you on behalf of

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<v Speaker 2>Christ to become reunited with God. That's what it means

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<v Speaker 2>to be a witness. It means to go od in

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<v Speaker 2>society and say, Amen, God's done everything to put you

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<v Speaker 2>back in fellowship with him. He's already paid for all

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<v Speaker 2>your sins. You don't have to be his enemy. He's

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<v Speaker 2>not mad at you. He's mad about you. Be reconciled

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<v Speaker 2>to God and be at peace with God. And then

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<v Speaker 2>spread that peace with everybody else. And if you do that,

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<v Speaker 2>the Bible says this, God blesses those. God blesses those

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<v Speaker 2>who are peacemakers. They will be called the children of God.

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<v Speaker 2>It's power heads. Do you need to plan a peace

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<v Speaker 2>conference this week? Do you need to pick up the

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<v Speaker 2>phone and a relationship that's been starved or strangled, or

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<v Speaker 2>strained or even deeply broken and take these steps? It

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<v Speaker 2>takes courage. Tell God, I want to be a peacemaker

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<v Speaker 2>this week. I want my prayers answered, I want happiness.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to be in fellowship with You. So I

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<v Speaker 2>want to restore the relationships that have been broken.

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<v Speaker 3>And God, I'm scared to death. Just tell them that

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<v Speaker 3>help me.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you need to make a peace plan for your

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<v Speaker 2>home and make a list of the WMDs you go

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<v Speaker 2>These are awful for us. We just let's agree that

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<v Speaker 2>we're never going to use these words again in our marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe you've never made peace with God. And if you're

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<v Speaker 2>at war with God and you've never received Jesus Christ

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<v Speaker 2>as your savior, you need the peace of God.

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<v Speaker 3>So you can have the peace of God.

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<v Speaker 2>Say in your heart, Jesus Christ, I admit that I've

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<v Speaker 2>made many mistakes and I need your forgiveness. And the

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<v Speaker 2>biggest mistake is I've tried to run my life without you.

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<v Speaker 2>I've tried to pretend like I was God. And I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>and I humbly ask you, Jesus, to save me, and

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<v Speaker 2>I ask you to come into my life fill me

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<v Speaker 2>with your peace and your love so I can share

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<v Speaker 2>your peace and.

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<v Speaker 3>Love with others.

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<v Speaker 2>Father, as pastor, I pray for these people, these dear people,

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<v Speaker 2>that we would become agents of reconciliation in a world

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<v Speaker 2>of conflict and where there is strife, that we might

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<v Speaker 2>bring peace. And I pray this, giving you the glory

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<v Speaker 2>and asking for you to give us the courage and love.

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<v Speaker 2>I pray this blessing in the name of the Father

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<v Speaker 2>and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

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<v Speaker 3>Amen.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, if you just prayed that prayer for the

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<v Speaker 2>very first time, or you just recommitted your life to

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus again today, would you let me know about it.

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<v Speaker 2>There's something real about sharing your commitment. So write me

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<v Speaker 2>Rick at pastor Rick dot com and say, Rick, I

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<v Speaker 2>prayed that prayer of commitment. I gave my life to Christ.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'll send you some material that will help you

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<v Speaker 2>on your journey with Jesus, and I'll also pray for you.

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<v Speaker 2>God bless you.

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, thanks for listening to Pastor Daily Hope. Right now,

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<v Speaker 4>here's Pastor Rick with a special message.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi everybody, this is Pastor Rick. I would like to

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<v Speaker 2>thank you. Thank you for being a part of our

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<v Speaker 2>Daily Hope family. I don't get to say that often enough,

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<v Speaker 2>but your generosity is helping us share the hope of

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus with people here at home and literally all around

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<v Speaker 2>the world, even in places where it's difficult and even

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<v Speaker 2>dangerous to get the good news.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>I recently heard from a woman named Eunice in Cameroon.

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<v Speaker 2>Cameroon is a country in Central Africa, and she wrote

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<v Speaker 2>to me. She said, Pastor Rick, I lost both of

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<v Speaker 2>my son, both my son and my daughter in the war,

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<v Speaker 2>and now I'm raising four grandchildren on my own. I

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<v Speaker 2>was overwhelmed with grief. But then she says, but through

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<v Speaker 2>the Daily Hope devotionals, I have found strength and comfort

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<v Speaker 2>and peace in God's word. So thank you for helping

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<v Speaker 2>me hold on to hope.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow. That's powerful.

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<v Speaker 2>That's powerful, and that happened because your giving is helping

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<v Speaker 2>unus find the strength to carry on to raise her grandchildren,

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<v Speaker 2>and to keep trusting God even through the deep loss

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<v Speaker 2>of her kids. Now, right now, I wanted to tell

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<v Speaker 2>you about this because we have a special opportunity. There's

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<v Speaker 2>some generous friends who have offered a matching grant. What

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<v Speaker 2>that means is whatever you give will be doubled. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>they'll match it. That means whatever you give today will

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<v Speaker 2>go twice as far to reach even more people with

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<v Speaker 2>God's word. So can I ask you favor. I want

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<v Speaker 2>to encourage you and give your best gift you can today.

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<v Speaker 2>But together, let's keep bringing the hope of Jesus Christ

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<v Speaker 2>to people like unus and to the billions of other

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<v Speaker 2>people who still need to hear. There are still people

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<v Speaker 2>who've never heard the name of Jesus. We want to

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<v Speaker 2>keep expanding to get the message to the whole world.

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<v Speaker 2>So help us out. Let me just close by saying

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<v Speaker 2>I love you, I do, I love you, I thank

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<v Speaker 2>God for you, and I am so grateful that we

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<v Speaker 2>are in this mission together.

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<v Speaker 3>God bless you.

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rick's daily Hope,

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<v Speaker 4>just go to Pastorick dot com. That's pastor Rick dot com,

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<v Speaker 4>or you can text the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 4>three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 4>three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts,

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<v Speaker 4>we thank you so much for your support. Your gift

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<v Speaker 4>to Daily Hope helps us share the hope of Christ

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<v Speaker 4>with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next

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<v Speaker 4>time when we look into God's Word for our daily hope.

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<v Speaker 4>This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and

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<v Speaker 4>your generous financial support.