Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.
Speaker 1: We are so glad you're here with us. Today we're
Speaker 1: going to continue our series called The Keys to a
Speaker 1: Blessed Life, and in these messages, Rick walks through Jesus'
Speaker 1: Sermon on the Mount and shows us how to live
Speaker 1: a truly hopeful and purpose filled life. And now the
Speaker 1: final part of how to Reconcile a relationship.
Speaker 2: Yesterday, I was abducted by a group of young men
Speaker 2: in our church who took me to San Diego to
Speaker 2: Comic Con, and it was a blast. I wanted to
Speaker 2: go as Batman, but Kay wouldn't let me. And everybody
Speaker 2: there were one hundred thousand people at Comic Con, and
Speaker 2: I mean everybody's there. I mean all of the superheroes
Speaker 2: are there, and all the great TV shows and all
Speaker 2: the science fiction and all the Lord of the Rings
Speaker 2: trilogy and Star Wars and Star Trek, and one hundred
Speaker 2: thousand people are at this place, and about ten percent
Speaker 2: of them are dressed up.
Speaker 3: And it was just a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: But as one hundred thousand people are going into the
Speaker 2: convention center in San Diego, there are two guys obviously
Speaker 2: Christians standing there with giant yellow signs with frowns on
Speaker 2: their faces, clearly not enjoying it, not saying a word
Speaker 2: to anybody, just standing there looking angry. And they were
Speaker 2: what I call turn or burn, you'll die and fry
Speaker 2: while we go to the sky signs.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: One of them said, repent is something like repent or
Speaker 2: go to hell, you know, something like that, and the
Speaker 2: other one said, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and
Speaker 2: you'll be saved.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: The fact is both of those are true, but they
Speaker 2: were not speaking the truth and love. It's true I
Speaker 2: do need to repent, and it is true I do
Speaker 2: need to accept what Jesus Christ did for me on
Speaker 2: the cross. I guarantee you nobody got saved yesterday from
Speaker 2: those signs, not one single person. Why because they were
Speaker 2: speaking the truth, but they were not speaking the truth
Speaker 2: in love.
Speaker 3: Does this make sense?
Speaker 2: It's not just what you say, it's how you say it.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you watch these preachers on TV, and you know
Speaker 2: they got an anger management issue, and they're they're out
Speaker 2: of whack with their wife at home, and then they're
Speaker 2: angry at their wife, and then they're coming to church
Speaker 2: every weekend and spiritually.
Speaker 3: Vomiting on everybody.
Speaker 2: Else bh, and they feel really good, but everybody else
Speaker 2: goes home feel a little sticky, you know, just gotta ugh.
Speaker 2: I mean, you take the truth of God's word, but
Speaker 2: you wrap it in love. For instance, the Bible, as
Speaker 2: in Romans three twenty three, all of sinned and falling
Speaker 2: short of the glory of God. Now, I could teach
Speaker 2: that truth to you two different ways, all of us.
Speaker 2: I could shout it to you in anger. I could
Speaker 2: say it like this, all of sin and all have
Speaker 2: come short of the glory of God, and you'd go home.
Speaker 2: Go Rick yelled at me, I don't like that, okay.
Speaker 2: Is that the way Jesus would quote Romans three twenty three,
Speaker 2: shouting like you was happy.
Speaker 3: Like we're all going to hell in a handbag? It's true?
Speaker 3: Or I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I think Jesus would say it like this kind of
Speaker 2: matter of factly. I think he'd said with a broken heart.
Speaker 2: I think he would look out at the world and go,
Speaker 2: all of sind You know, everybody's blown it, everybody's messed up,
Speaker 2: nobody backs a thousand, We've all sinned, everybody comes short
Speaker 2: of the glory of God. I don't measure up to
Speaker 2: my own standard as much as God's. I think that's
Speaker 2: the way to say it. You see the difference. See
Speaker 2: the difference in that it's the same truth. It's the
Speaker 2: way it is shared. And if you say it offensively,
Speaker 2: it will be received defensively. Now, the Bible says in
Speaker 2: Ephesians four twenty nine, do not use harmful words, but
Speaker 2: only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide
Speaker 2: what is needed. That's one of the greatest verses on
Speaker 2: parenting you can ever learn, or in marriage or in friendship.
Speaker 2: Don't use harmful words. Fact, in your marriage to your sinner,
Speaker 2: your spouse is a center. Two imperfect people cannot make
Speaker 2: a perfect relationship. So you're gonna have conflict. You are
Speaker 2: gonna fight, you're gonna argue, You're gonna have conflict the
Speaker 2: rest of your marriage. Now the question is are you
Speaker 2: gonna fight fair or not?
Speaker 3: And what you.
Speaker 2: Need to do is you need to establish some ground
Speaker 2: rules so you don't destroy yourselves in the inevitable conflict
Speaker 2: of life. And you need to take some words that
Speaker 2: are inflammatory and say, sorry, these are off limits. We're
Speaker 2: just not going to use these words. There are certain
Speaker 2: words that you can use that trigger your.
Speaker 3: Spouse and enrage them.
Speaker 2: And there's certain words your spouse uses on you that
Speaker 2: can trigger you into rage or depression.
Speaker 3: They need to not use.
Speaker 2: You need to take them off and say, fighting fair.
Speaker 3: We're not gonna use these words in our marriage.
Speaker 2: One of them is the threat of divorce. You're not
Speaker 2: gonna say, well, then we'll get a divorce. You need
Speaker 2: to take that one off the table.
Speaker 3: You need to.
Speaker 2: Close the escape patch of your marriage. You need to
Speaker 2: lock it with the key and throw the keyed away
Speaker 2: and say we're gonna make this marriage work. If it
Speaker 2: kills us, okay, it may, but it will keep.
Speaker 3: You going further. During the Cold War between.
Speaker 2: The communist East and the capitalist West, between the Soviet
Speaker 2: Union and its allies and the United States and its allies.
Speaker 2: Even in the height of the Cold War from the
Speaker 2: nineteen fifties on about when the Berlin Wall fell, and
Speaker 2: I think it was eighty nine, even in the worst
Speaker 2: moments of the Cold War, both sides agreed that some
Speaker 2: weapons were off limits. We called them WMD's weapons of
Speaker 2: mass destruction, and we said we may fight, we may argue,
Speaker 2: we may have conflict, but we're not gonna use the
Speaker 2: big one. Neither side is gonna drop the atomic bomb
Speaker 2: because of what was called mad m AD mutually assured destruction,
Speaker 2: and both the.
Speaker 3: Soviet Union and America and our.
Speaker 2: Allies all knew that if one atomic bomb was dropped,
Speaker 2: it was over for the world.
Speaker 3: This was going to destroy the whole place.
Speaker 2: You need to ban the weapons of mass destruction from
Speaker 2: your marriage. There are certain words you just need to
Speaker 2: those are off limits. We're not going to use them,
Speaker 2: and you need to make a list of them. And
Speaker 2: you need to agree and say, we may be so
Speaker 2: mad and so upset, but we're just not going to
Speaker 2: use these words. Do not use harmful words. You need
Speaker 2: to learn to fight fair. Now that leads me to
Speaker 2: the sixth step. Write this down.
Speaker 3: Fix the problem, not the blame.
Speaker 2: This is the sixth key to resolving conflict and restoring
Speaker 2: a relationship. And like I said, this is worth thousands.
Speaker 3: Of dollars of counseling. I'm giving you.
Speaker 2: Fix the problem, not the blame. You need to learn
Speaker 2: to attack the issue, not each other. You need to
Speaker 2: realize that you're both on the same team. Anytime you're
Speaker 2: busy fixing the blame, you are wasting energy not fixing
Speaker 2: the problem. If you want to exhibit a of this,
Speaker 2: look at Washington, DC. The President blames the Congress for
Speaker 2: everything that's going wrong, and the Congress blames the White
Speaker 2: House for everything that's going wrong, and nothing is getting done.
Speaker 2: Why Because, as I've said many times, you spell blame,
Speaker 2: be lame, and right now everybody in DC is being lame.
Speaker 2: They're blaming each other. And as long as you're busy
Speaker 2: fixing the blame, you are not fixing the problem. As
Speaker 2: long as you're attacking each other, you're not attacking the issues. Now,
Speaker 2: God is very very specific out the kind of words
Speaker 2: that are out of bounce. And you don't say, but
Speaker 2: you did this, but you did that, but you did this,
Speaker 2: but you did that, but you did this, but you
Speaker 2: did that. That blame game is a waste of time.
Speaker 2: Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem. You
Speaker 2: got a problem with sex in your marriage, you got
Speaker 2: a problem with finances in your marriage, you got a
Speaker 2: problem with in laws in your marriage, you got a
Speaker 2: problem with children in your marriage, you got a problem
Speaker 2: with work schedule.
Speaker 3: In your marriage.
Speaker 2: Stop fixing the blame and start fixing the problem. Now,
Speaker 2: God is very specific about the kind of words that
Speaker 2: are out of bounce. Colossians three eight is just one example.
Speaker 2: I could give you dozens. I don't have time to
Speaker 2: do this. Let me just give you one. You must
Speaker 2: rid yourself of these WMDs, these weapons of mass destruction,
Speaker 2: of all such things as these angry rage, malice, slander,
Speaker 2: and filthy language from your lips. Okay, he says, in
Speaker 2: your marriage and in your relationships, no angry rage. In
Speaker 2: other words, you should never try to intimidate anybody with anger.
Speaker 2: You never make threats. That doesn't work. You don't intimidate
Speaker 2: with anger and threats. Malice means you say things that
Speaker 2: are intentionally designed to hurt, like you're just like your mother,
Speaker 2: or you're just like or labeling or belittling or psychologizing.
Speaker 3: Well, now I know why you did that. No, you don't.
Speaker 2: You can't even figure out your own motivation. How in
Speaker 2: the world would you figure out the motivation of anybody else.
Speaker 2: There's no way you can know anybody else's motivations because
Speaker 2: you don't even know your own half the time. And
Speaker 2: then no slander that means no insults, no insults, no belittling,
Speaker 2: no labeling.
Speaker 3: Fix the problem. Not the blame.
Speaker 2: Finally, number seven, the seventh step is folk on reconciliation,
Speaker 2: not resolution. Focus on reconciliation not resolution. There's a big difference.
Speaker 2: Reconciliation means re establishing the relationship. That's what it means,
Speaker 2: re establishing the relationship.
Speaker 3: We bury the hatchet.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean we remarry if you're with an ex, it
Speaker 2: just means we're at peace with each other. I'm not
Speaker 2: holding on to any hurt. You're not holding an hurt.
Speaker 2: It's we bury the hatchet. Reconciliation, re establish relationship. Resolution
Speaker 2: means we resolve every disagreement, and that ain't gonna happen
Speaker 2: because the truth is, there's some things in your marriage
Speaker 2: and some things in your friendship and with other people
Speaker 2: you're just never going to agree on because we're all difference.
Speaker 2: But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That's called maturity,
Speaker 2: that's called with the that's called Christ's likeness. Being like Christ.
Speaker 2: To disagree without being disagreeable. We can have unity without uniformity.
Speaker 2: We can walk hand in hand together without seeing eye
Speaker 2: to eye. Can and I don't see ey eye on
Speaker 2: a lot of different things, but we walk hand in
Speaker 2: hand and we're now coming up this next year will
Speaker 2: be our fortieth year of marriage. All right, you can
Speaker 2: have reconciliation without resolution. And here's what I've learned from
Speaker 2: counseling marriages. If you focus on restoring the relationship, oftentimes
Speaker 2: the issue becomes insignificant. How many of your biggest arguments
Speaker 2: were over the smallest things and they weren't really about that.
Speaker 2: And you need to get back to focusing on the relationship.
Speaker 2: Now let me wrap it up. Here's my challenge to you,
Speaker 2: as your pastor who loves you. Our world is filled
Speaker 2: with conflict. I mean it's just pick up the newspaper.
Speaker 2: It's everywhere. And in a world where there is constant conflict, wars, division, argumentation,
Speaker 2: stress between people, where there are prejudices and racism and clashes,
Speaker 2: where we have everything from violence and tribalism and terrorism
Speaker 2: and people getting in each other's face and partisanism and
Speaker 2: people attacking each other constantly, and as a result, we
Speaker 2: have broken relationships. We have a broken economy, we have
Speaker 2: a broken government, we have broken marriages, and we have
Speaker 2: broken lives and broken hearts. My challenge to you as
Speaker 2: your pastor is that you you you will commit to
Speaker 2: becoming an agent of reconciliation in a world filled with conflict,
Speaker 2: That you will become a bridge builder, not a wall builder.
Speaker 2: That you will look for ways to bring people together
Speaker 2: rather than tear them up.
Speaker 3: It is not by.
Speaker 2: Accident that the first letter of Saddleback's Peace Plan P
Speaker 2: stands for promote reconciliation and plant churches.
Speaker 3: Because this is your ministry, let me show you what
Speaker 3: the Bible says.
Speaker 2: Last verse on the screen two Corinthians five eighteen to
Speaker 2: twenty says this God has restored our relationship with him.
Speaker 2: In other words, God made us his friends.
Speaker 3: We were estranged, we were.
Speaker 2: Unreconciled, and God has reconciled us to.
Speaker 3: Him self through Christ.
Speaker 2: Jesus died for our sins, and he says, and now
Speaker 2: He has given us this ministry.
Speaker 3: Of restoring relationships.
Speaker 2: Your ministry, if you are a Christian, if you're a
Speaker 2: follower of Christ, if you claim to be a man
Speaker 2: of God, a woman of God, your ministry is the
Speaker 2: ministry of restoring relationships. Your ministry is the ministry of reconciliation.
Speaker 2: Your ministry is doing everything I just taught you how
Speaker 2: to do. God was in Christ restoring his relationship with humanity.
Speaker 2: He was reconciling us to himself.
Speaker 3: He did not hold.
Speaker 2: People's faults against them, and you shouldn't either, and He
Speaker 2: has given us this message.
Speaker 3: What is the message?
Speaker 2: The message of restored relationships. To tell others, you know
Speaker 2: what those guys a comic con should have had. They
Speaker 2: should have had a sign that said God has forgiven
Speaker 2: you and wants you to be his friend. Jesus Christ
Speaker 2: loves you so much he'd rather die than live without you.
Speaker 2: He has broken down the barrier and the wall, and
Speaker 2: he wants you to be reconciled to him. God wants
Speaker 2: a relationship with you, and then he wants to.
Speaker 3: Give you that relationship.
Speaker 2: To others, the message of restored relationships, to tell others,
Speaker 2: we are Christ representatives. We beg you on behalf of
Speaker 2: Christ to become reunited with God. That's what it means
Speaker 2: to be a witness. It means to go od in
Speaker 2: society and say, Amen, God's done everything to put you
Speaker 2: back in fellowship with him. He's already paid for all
Speaker 2: your sins. You don't have to be his enemy. He's
Speaker 2: not mad at you. He's mad about you. Be reconciled
Speaker 2: to God and be at peace with God. And then
Speaker 2: spread that peace with everybody else. And if you do that,
Speaker 2: the Bible says this, God blesses those. God blesses those
Speaker 2: who are peacemakers. They will be called the children of God.
Speaker 2: It's power heads. Do you need to plan a peace
Speaker 2: conference this week? Do you need to pick up the
Speaker 2: phone and a relationship that's been starved or strangled, or
Speaker 2: strained or even deeply broken and take these steps? It
Speaker 2: takes courage. Tell God, I want to be a peacemaker
Speaker 2: this week. I want my prayers answered, I want happiness.
Speaker 2: I want to be in fellowship with You. So I
Speaker 2: want to restore the relationships that have been broken.
Speaker 3: And God, I'm scared to death. Just tell them that
Speaker 3: help me.
Speaker 2: Do you need to make a peace plan for your
Speaker 2: home and make a list of the WMDs you go
Speaker 2: These are awful for us. We just let's agree that
Speaker 2: we're never going to use these words again in our marriage.
Speaker 2: Maybe you've never made peace with God. And if you're
Speaker 2: at war with God and you've never received Jesus Christ
Speaker 2: as your savior, you need the peace of God.
Speaker 3: So you can have the peace of God.
Speaker 2: Say in your heart, Jesus Christ, I admit that I've
Speaker 2: made many mistakes and I need your forgiveness. And the
Speaker 2: biggest mistake is I've tried to run my life without you.
Speaker 2: I've tried to pretend like I was God. And I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: and I humbly ask you, Jesus, to save me, and
Speaker 2: I ask you to come into my life fill me
Speaker 2: with your peace and your love so I can share
Speaker 2: your peace and.
Speaker 3: Love with others.
Speaker 2: Father, as pastor, I pray for these people, these dear people,
Speaker 2: that we would become agents of reconciliation in a world
Speaker 2: of conflict and where there is strife, that we might
Speaker 2: bring peace. And I pray this, giving you the glory
Speaker 2: and asking for you to give us the courage and love.
Speaker 2: I pray this blessing in the name of the Father
Speaker 2: and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3: Amen.
Speaker 2: You know, if you just prayed that prayer for the
Speaker 2: very first time, or you just recommitted your life to
Speaker 2: Jesus again today, would you let me know about it.
Speaker 2: There's something real about sharing your commitment. So write me
Speaker 2: Rick at pastor Rick dot com and say, Rick, I
Speaker 2: prayed that prayer of commitment. I gave my life to Christ.
Speaker 2: And I'll send you some material that will help you
Speaker 2: on your journey with Jesus, and I'll also pray for you.
Speaker 2: God bless you.
Speaker 4: Hey, thanks for listening to Pastor Daily Hope. Right now,
Speaker 4: here's Pastor Rick with a special message.
Speaker 2: Hi everybody, this is Pastor Rick. I would like to
Speaker 2: thank you. Thank you for being a part of our
Speaker 2: Daily Hope family. I don't get to say that often enough,
Speaker 2: but your generosity is helping us share the hope of
Speaker 2: Jesus with people here at home and literally all around
Speaker 2: the world, even in places where it's difficult and even
Speaker 2: dangerous to get the good news.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I recently heard from a woman named Eunice in Cameroon.
Speaker 2: Cameroon is a country in Central Africa, and she wrote
Speaker 2: to me. She said, Pastor Rick, I lost both of
Speaker 2: my son, both my son and my daughter in the war,
Speaker 2: and now I'm raising four grandchildren on my own. I
Speaker 2: was overwhelmed with grief. But then she says, but through
Speaker 2: the Daily Hope devotionals, I have found strength and comfort
Speaker 2: and peace in God's word. So thank you for helping
Speaker 2: me hold on to hope.
Speaker 3: Wow. That's powerful.
Speaker 2: That's powerful, and that happened because your giving is helping
Speaker 2: unus find the strength to carry on to raise her grandchildren,
Speaker 2: and to keep trusting God even through the deep loss
Speaker 2: of her kids. Now, right now, I wanted to tell
Speaker 2: you about this because we have a special opportunity. There's
Speaker 2: some generous friends who have offered a matching grant. What
Speaker 2: that means is whatever you give will be doubled. Okay,
Speaker 2: they'll match it. That means whatever you give today will
Speaker 2: go twice as far to reach even more people with
Speaker 2: God's word. So can I ask you favor. I want
Speaker 2: to encourage you and give your best gift you can today.
Speaker 2: But together, let's keep bringing the hope of Jesus Christ
Speaker 2: to people like unus and to the billions of other
Speaker 2: people who still need to hear. There are still people
Speaker 2: who've never heard the name of Jesus. We want to
Speaker 2: keep expanding to get the message to the whole world.
Speaker 2: So help us out. Let me just close by saying
Speaker 2: I love you, I do, I love you, I thank
Speaker 2: God for you, and I am so grateful that we
Speaker 2: are in this mission together.
Speaker 3: God bless you.
Speaker 4: Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rick's daily Hope,
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Speaker 4: or you can text the word hope to seven oh
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Speaker 4: three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts,
Speaker 4: we thank you so much for your support. Your gift
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Speaker 4: with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next
Speaker 4: time when we look into God's Word for our daily hope.
Speaker 4: This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and
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