WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.439 Episode with two stories. First part, I hope you enjoy 2 00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:08.039 this story. My significant other brought me to an upscale 3 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:10.919 dining establishment and knelt before me with a box containing 4 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:15.359 a ring. However, upon accepting his proposal and opening the box, 5 00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:19.120 all that was inside was a small pebble note saying 6 00:00:19.160 --> 00:00:22.800 you have been pranked. Me twenty four f and my 7 00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:27.160 boyfriend Andrew twenty six M have been together for five years. 8 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:29.960 We met at this house party my roommate dragged me 9 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:33.359 to during my sophomore year of college. I didn't even 10 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:35.600 want to go, but she insisted that I needed to 11 00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:39.039 get out more and stop being such a hermit. Anyway, 12 00:00:39.320 --> 00:00:41.560 Andrew was there with some of his friends, and he 13 00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:44.799 was the one making everyone laugh with his stories and jokes. 14 00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:47.640 We started talking when I went to get another drink, 15 00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:51.280 and we just clicked right away. Andrew has always been 16 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:54.000 the funny guy in our friend group, always making jokes 17 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:57.560 and pulling pranks on people. When we first started dating, 18 00:00:57.799 --> 00:01:01.320 his pranks were small and actually kind of key. He'd 19 00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:03.920 send me on little scavenger hunts around campus that would 20 00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:06.439 lead to a small gift or a picnic he'd set up, 21 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:09.920 or he'd pretend to forget my birthday, only to surprise 22 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.480 me with something special later. I never really minded it, 23 00:01:13.519 --> 00:01:16.239 because most of the time his jokes were harmless and 24 00:01:16.280 --> 00:01:20.920 sometimes genuinely funny. I'm not super serious myself, and I'd 25 00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:24.719 prank him back occasionally too. We moved in together after 26 00:01:24.760 --> 00:01:28.239 we'd been dating for about three years. It was a small, 27 00:01:28.280 --> 00:01:32.280 two bedroom apartment in a decent neighborhood. The second bedroom 28 00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:34.439 was supposed to be in office, but ended up becoming 29 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:37.840 a storage room for all our extra stuff. We've been 30 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:39.920 saving to buy a house for the past year or so, 31 00:01:40.359 --> 00:01:43.840 and we even found one we both liked. Recently, things 32 00:01:43.840 --> 00:01:46.879 were generally good between us. We had the usual arguments 33 00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:50.439 couples have, mostly about him leaving his clothes on the 34 00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:53.359 floor or me using too much hot water during my showers, 35 00:01:53.560 --> 00:01:57.840 but nothing major, at least that's what I thought. As 36 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:00.359 time went on, Andrew's prank started to be come a 37 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:03.079 bit more annoying, like he'd hide my car keys when 38 00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:05.439 I was already running late for work, or he'd tell 39 00:02:05.480 --> 00:02:07.480 me my mom had called with an emergency when she 40 00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:11.080 hadn't called at all. One time, he convinced me that 41 00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:13.280 our landlord was selling the building and we had to 42 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:16.759 move out in two weeks. I spent days stressing and 43 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:18.759 looking for a new place before he told me it 44 00:02:18.840 --> 00:02:21.759 was just a joke. I got pretty mad at him 45 00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:24.479 for that one, but he apologized and promised he wouldn't 46 00:02:24.520 --> 00:02:27.840 do something like that again. But he didn't really stop. 47 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:32.680 He'd just found new ways to joke around. Sometimes he'd 48 00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:34.919 hide behind doors to scare me when I walked in, 49 00:02:35.280 --> 00:02:37.479 or he'd put salt in my coffee instead of sugar. 50 00:02:38.479 --> 00:02:40.719 One time he told me my car had been towed 51 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:42.439 when it was just parked on the other side of 52 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:46.360 the parking lot. I'd get annoyed sometimes, but I'd laugh 53 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:48.680 it off because that's just who he is, you know. 54 00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:52.280 Plus he'd always act all heard if I got too 55 00:02:52.360 --> 00:02:54.879 upset about his pranks, saying things like I was just 56 00:02:54.919 --> 00:02:56.560 trying to make you laugh, or you used to have 57 00:02:56.599 --> 00:02:59.840 a sense of humor. So eventually I just got used 58 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:03.159 to it, I guess. But what happened a few days 59 00:03:03.159 --> 00:03:06.080 ago crossed every possible line, and I'm still trying to 60 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:10.000 process at all. It started off as a totally normal day. 61 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:13.520 I was asleep and Andrew woke me up at around 62 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:16.400 seven a m. Which was weird because he usually sleeps 63 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:19.719 in on weekends. He was all excited and told me 64 00:03:19.719 --> 00:03:22.000 to get up because he was taking me to the spa. 65 00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:25.280 I was pretty confused because it wasn't my birthday or 66 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:28.120 our anniversary or anything special. But I wasn't going to 67 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:31.319 turn down a spa day. So I got ready and 68 00:03:31.400 --> 00:03:34.039 we went to this really nice spa downtown, the one 69 00:03:34.039 --> 00:03:36.439 I've always wanted to go to but we could never afford. 70 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:40.680 He paid for everything. I kept asking him what the 71 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:43.240 occasion was, and he just kept saying, can I just 72 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:47.080 treat my girl friend? Sometimes? I was suspicious, but I 73 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:49.400 figured maybe he got a bonus at work or something 74 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:51.759 that he hadn't told me about yet. After the spa, 75 00:03:52.120 --> 00:03:54.520 he told me he had made reservations at this fancy 76 00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:57.319 restaurant on the waterfront, the one with the glass ceiling 77 00:03:57.319 --> 00:04:00.360 that I've always wanted to try. At this point, I 78 00:04:00.439 --> 00:04:04.400 was like, Okay, something is definitely up, but he kept 79 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:07.879 insisting it was just a nice day out. The restaurant 80 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:11.039 was amazing, like, way fancier than anywhere we'd been before. 81 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.080 The waiter brought a champagne that Andrew had apparently pre ordered. 82 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.439 It was all so perfect. And I started getting this 83 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:21.879 fluttery feeling in my stomach because, well, it seemed like 84 00:04:21.959 --> 00:04:25.439 maybe this was leading to something big. Over dinner, we 85 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:29.600 talked about normal stuff at first, Then Andrew started talking 86 00:04:29.639 --> 00:04:33.120 about the house we had been looking at, nothing serious, 87 00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.519 just fantasizing about what furniture we'd get and how we decorated. 88 00:04:37.519 --> 00:04:39.839 He mentioned something about turning one of the rooms into 89 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:42.639 a nursery some day, which made me blush because we'd 90 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:47.199 never really talked about having kids before. Everything felt so perfect, 91 00:04:47.399 --> 00:04:49.560 and for the first time in a while, I felt 92 00:04:49.560 --> 00:04:52.079 like maybe we were actually taking steps toward building a 93 00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:56.680 future together. After we finished the main course before dessert came, 94 00:04:56.879 --> 00:05:00.480 Andrew got this serious look on his face. He reached 95 00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:03.240 across the table and took my hand, looking straight into 96 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:07.480 my eyes. Then he stood up, and my heart literally stopped. 97 00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:10.600 I think I knew what was about to happen, even 98 00:05:10.600 --> 00:05:14.480 though we'd never seriously talked about marriage before. He got 99 00:05:14.519 --> 00:05:16.240 down on one knee right there in the middle of 100 00:05:16.279 --> 00:05:20.639 the restaurant. People at other tables started noticing and getting quiet. 101 00:05:21.639 --> 00:05:25.160 Some even pulled out their phones to record. He pulled 102 00:05:25.160 --> 00:05:27.800 out a small black velvet box from his jacket, pocket 103 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:29.800 and started giving the speech about how I was the 104 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:32.319 most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and how he couldn't 105 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:35.959 imagine his life without me. He talked about our first date, 106 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:38.079 about how he knew from the moment he met me 107 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:40.240 that I was special, and how he wanted to spend 108 00:05:40.279 --> 00:05:43.040 the rest of his life with me. I was crying 109 00:05:43.079 --> 00:05:47.000 at this point. I couldn't believe this was happening. He asked, 110 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:50.759 will you marry me, my princess? And I said yes 111 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:55.120 without even thinking about it. The whole restaurant erupted in applause. 112 00:05:56.120 --> 00:05:58.680 An older couple at the next table over were smiling 113 00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:02.759 and wiping away tears. The waiter brought over more champagne 114 00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:07.360 on the house, and then everything came crashing down. He 115 00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:09.920 opened the box and instead of a ring, there was 116 00:06:09.959 --> 00:06:13.199 a little folded piece of paper. He was grinning in 117 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:15.800 this weird way that I didn't recognize, and I knew 118 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:19.319 something was wrong. I unfolded the paper and written on 119 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:22.480 it in his handwriting was You'd been pranked. The look 120 00:06:22.519 --> 00:06:25.160 on his face as he started laughing will haunt me forever. 121 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:29.000 He was hysterical, like this was the funniest thing he'd 122 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:32.839 ever done. Baby this was just a prank, he said, 123 00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:36.560 still laughing. I'm not ready at all to marry you yet. 124 00:06:37.480 --> 00:06:40.879 You should see your face right now. The restaurant went 125 00:06:40.920 --> 00:06:45.879 completely silent. I could feel everyone staring at us. The 126 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:49.199 waiters didn't know what to do. The older couple, who 127 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:52.839 had been smiling a minute ago, now looked horrified, and 128 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:56.759 I just sat there, humiliated, with tears streaming down my face. 129 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.319 But now they weren't happy tears any more. He tried 130 00:07:01.319 --> 00:07:03.600 to lean in and hug me, like this was all 131 00:07:03.720 --> 00:07:06.600 just a big joke. We were both in on. That's 132 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:10.759 when I slapped him hard. I've never hit any one 133 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:14.639 in my life, but I couldn't control myself. My hand 134 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:18.399 just moved on its own. I grabbed my purse, stood 135 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:22.600 up and told him we're over, you fucking scumbag. Then 136 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:25.759 I walked out. I had to call an uber because 137 00:07:25.800 --> 00:07:28.759 he had driven us there. The whole ride home, I 138 00:07:28.839 --> 00:07:31.240 was sobbing so hard. The driver asked if I needed 139 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:34.240 to go to the hospital instead. I told him I 140 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:38.000 was fine, just heartbroken. He was nice enough to wait 141 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.720 until I got inside my building before driving away. When 142 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:45.279 I got home, I packed a small bag with essentials. 143 00:07:45.560 --> 00:07:47.600 Then I called my friend Lisa and asked if I 144 00:07:47.639 --> 00:07:50.759 could stay with her for a few days. She didn't 145 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:53.360 even hesitate, just told me to come over right away. 146 00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:56.680 I didn't leave a note for Andrew. I didn't think 147 00:07:56.680 --> 00:08:00.360 he deserved one. He's been calling and texting non stop 148 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:04.240 ever since. At first, the messages were like, babe, it 149 00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:07.439 was just a joke, don't overreact, and come on. You 150 00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:10.040 know I love you. I just wasn't ready to propose 151 00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:13.160 for a real yet. But then they got more desperate. 152 00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:16.800 Please come home. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd take 153 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:19.160 it so seriously, and I can't sleep without you here. 154 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:23.439 Please just talk to me. I haven't responded to any 155 00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:26.879 of his messages. I just keep replaying that moment in 156 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:30.000 my head over and over. I really thought we had 157 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:34.519 a future together. We've been saving for a house, We've 158 00:08:34.519 --> 00:08:37.600 talked about getting a dog. We were supposed to go 159 00:08:37.639 --> 00:08:41.159 on vacation next month to visit his family. Now I 160 00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:43.840 don't know what to do. Part of me wants to 161 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:46.440 never see him again. But we have an apartment together, 162 00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:49.480 shared bank accounts, and we were planning to buy a house. 163 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:54.960 Our lives are so intertwined. After five years, Lisa says 164 00:08:55.000 --> 00:08:57.320 I should block his number and move on with my life. 165 00:08:57.639 --> 00:09:00.840 But it's not that simple. I still have to figure 166 00:09:00.840 --> 00:09:03.480 out what to do about our apartment, our shared stuff, 167 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:06.399 all of it, and a tiny part of me still 168 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:10.279 loves him despite everything. Ida for breaking up with him 169 00:09:10.279 --> 00:09:13.639 over what he calls just a prank. Update. A lot 170 00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:17.639 of you were asking for an update, so here it is. First, 171 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:21.240 I want to clear up some confusion from the comments. No, 172 00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:25.039 I didn't know about the prank beforehand. Some of you 173 00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:26.759 seemed to think I might have been in on it, 174 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:30.360 which is ridiculous. Why would I make up something like this? 175 00:09:31.559 --> 00:09:34.840 And yes, the spa and dinner were real. He actually 176 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:38.240 paid for everything. Some of you suggested he might have 177 00:09:38.279 --> 00:09:40.559 been planning a real proposal but chickened out at the 178 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:42.720 last minute and tried to play it off as a joke. 179 00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:46.519 I thought about that too, but after what happened next, 180 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:50.080 I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case. After I made 181 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:53.440 that post, I stayed at Leases for a couple of days. 182 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:56.360 She was great, letting me cry on her shoulder and 183 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:59.759 binge watch trashy reality shows to take my mind off things. 184 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:02.120 I turned my phone off for most of that time 185 00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:05.840 because I couldn't deal with Andrew's constant messages. When I 186 00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:08.600 finally turned it back on, I had forty seven missed 187 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.000 calls and over one hundred text messages, not just from Andrew, 188 00:10:12.039 --> 00:10:14.759 but also from some of our mutual friends asking what happened. 189 00:10:15.679 --> 00:10:18.799 Apparently Andrew had been telling people that I overreacted to 190 00:10:18.840 --> 00:10:22.080 a harmless joke and walked out for no reason. That 191 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:24.440 made me so angry that I decided I needed to 192 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:26.919 talk to him face to face and set the record straight. 193 00:10:27.879 --> 00:10:30.919 So I went back to our apartment. I didn't tell 194 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:34.480 him I was coming. I just showed up. He was there, 195 00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:37.559 still in his pajamas, even though it was afternoon, looking 196 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:40.879 like he hadn't slept or showered in days. For a 197 00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:43.360 split second, I felt sorry for him, but then I 198 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.720 remembered what he did, and any sympathy I had just evaporated. 199 00:10:47.639 --> 00:10:50.360 I told him straight up that we were done. I 200 00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:53.440 said I couldn't be with someone who, after five years together, 201 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:56.120 still wasn't ready for marriage and thought it was funny 202 00:10:56.120 --> 00:10:57.519 to make a joke about it in front of a 203 00:10:57.559 --> 00:11:02.519 restaurant full of people. That's when things got ugly. At first, 204 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:06.120 he cried and begged me to reconsider. He said he 205 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:09.039 loved me more than anything and couldn't imagine life without me. 206 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:13.679 He promised he'd never prank me again. Then when he 207 00:11:13.720 --> 00:11:17.919 realized I wasn't budging, he got angry. I'd never seen 208 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:21.320 him like that before. He started yelling about how I 209 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:23.639 was a fucking asshole for leaving him like this after 210 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:26.480 everything he has done for me. He went on this 211 00:11:26.600 --> 00:11:29.240 long rant about how he'd supported me when my dad died, 212 00:11:29.559 --> 00:11:31.840 how he'd always been there for me, how he'd spent 213 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:34.120 all this money on the spa day and dinner like 214 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:37.639 that somehow made up for the humiliation. He was cussing 215 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:40.200 me out so much that I honestly stopped listening at 216 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:43.200 some point. The thing that stuck with me most was 217 00:11:43.240 --> 00:11:45.840 when he said, don't be so fucking petty and drop it. 218 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:49.080 You know we're happy together and you know you still 219 00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:52.200 want me. That's when I lost it. I called him 220 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.279 every name I could think of and told him exactly 221 00:11:54.279 --> 00:11:56.480 what I thought of his pranks and his childish behavior. 222 00:11:57.440 --> 00:11:59.799 We were both yelling so loud that our neighbor knocked 223 00:11:59.799 --> 00:12:02.840 on the wall. That kind of snapped us out of it, 224 00:12:03.039 --> 00:12:06.799 and we managed to calm down. Enough to discuss practical matters. 225 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:09.759 We agreed that we'd not renew our apartment lease, and 226 00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:13.159 in the meantime he'd sleep in the guest room. I 227 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:15.480 spent the rest of the day clearing out some space 228 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:17.720 in the guest room so Andrew could move his stuff 229 00:12:17.720 --> 00:12:20.840 in there. Then I went online and started looking at 230 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:22.960 apartments I might be able to afford on my own. 231 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.799 Our lease isn't up for another four months, so ideally 232 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:29.120 we'd find someone to take it over, but that might 233 00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:32.679 be difficult given the current rental market. Andrew is still 234 00:12:32.720 --> 00:12:36.279 not accepting the break up. Throughout the day, he kept 235 00:12:36.279 --> 00:12:39.000 trying to talk to me, saying things like, can't we 236 00:12:39.080 --> 00:12:42.519 be together again? And this was just a small mistake 237 00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:46.519 I made. At dinner, we ordered take out and ate separately, 238 00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:48.519 me in the bedroom and him in the living room. 239 00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:51.320 He came and knocked on the door to ask if 240 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:54.480 we could talk about this like adults. I told him 241 00:12:54.519 --> 00:12:58.360 we'd already talked and there was nothing more to say. Oh, 242 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:01.720 and get this. He apparently told his family about what happened, 243 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:04.039 but I'm guessing he gave them a very different version 244 00:13:04.039 --> 00:13:07.480 of events. His mom called me that evening and went 245 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:09.720 off on me for being selfish and not being able 246 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:13.080 to handle a simple joke. She said Andrew had been 247 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:15.240 planning the SPA a day for weeks as a special 248 00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:18.159 treat for me, which might be true but doesn't excuse 249 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:21.320 what came after. The call ended with her calling me 250 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:23.799 a slut before hanging up, which I thought was rich 251 00:13:23.879 --> 00:13:26.519 coming from a woman who cheated on her husband Andrew's 252 00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:30.440 dad and thought nobody knew about it. After that, I 253 00:13:30.519 --> 00:13:33.879 started getting messages from his siblings, his dad, and even 254 00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:36.919 his aunt, all basically saying the same things that I 255 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:40.320 was overreacting that Andrew was devastated that I should give 256 00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:43.279 him another chance. His younger sister, whom I used to 257 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:46.360 be close with, sent me this long, gilt trippy message 258 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:49.000 about how Andrew had been crying NonStop and couldn't eat 259 00:13:49.080 --> 00:13:52.799 or sleep. His older brother, who I never really liked, 260 00:13:53.080 --> 00:13:55.639 was more direct, calling me a heartless bitch who was 261 00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:59.279 throwing away a good man over nothing. I tried blocking 262 00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:02.240 their numbers, but they keep finding new ways to contact me. 263 00:14:03.320 --> 00:14:07.200 His mom even emailed my work address. How she got that. 264 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:11.000 I have no idea. It's exhausting having to constantly defend 265 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.080 my decision to people who weren't even there and don't 266 00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:16.120 know the full story. I don't think much else will 267 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:19.679 happen in the next few days. I'm focusing on selling 268 00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:22.200 stuff I don't need any more, finding a new place 269 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:26.279 to live, and sorting out the apartment situation. Andrew and 270 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:28.600 I are trying to be civil when we have to interact, 271 00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:32.240 but it's tense. He keeps looking at me with these sad, 272 00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:34.480 puppy eyes that used to work on me but now 273 00:14:34.600 --> 00:14:37.960 just make me angry. I'm also dealing with the practical 274 00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:43.360 stuff of disentangling our lives. We didn't share all our finances, thankfully, 275 00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:45.679 but we do have a joint savings account that we 276 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:48.679 were using for the house down payment. I'm going to 277 00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:50.759 talk to the bank tomorrow about how to split that. 278 00:14:51.799 --> 00:14:55.000 And then there's all the stuff we bought together. It's 279 00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:57.039 going to be a nightmare figuring out who gets what. 280 00:14:58.120 --> 00:15:01.360 Thanks again for all the support. It really means a 281 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:03.360 lot knowing there are people out there who don't think 282 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:09.320 I'm overreacting. I'll update again if anything significant happens. Update too. 283 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:12.320 So much has happened since I last posted. I don't 284 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:15.240 even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with 285 00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:18.639 the living arrangement, which didn't work out at all. The 286 00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:21.279 idea of Andrew's sleeping in the guest room lasted about 287 00:15:21.320 --> 00:15:24.879 a few days before it became unbearable. We kept having 288 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:29.320 these massive fights every evening. He'd start by trying to apologize, 289 00:15:29.559 --> 00:15:32.399 then get frustrated when I wouldn't accept it, and eventually 290 00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:35.919 start blaming me for ruining everything over a joke. The 291 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:38.720 first night was actually okay. We stayed out of each 292 00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:40.960 other's way, and I thought maybe we could make it 293 00:15:41.000 --> 00:15:44.919 work until we figured out the apartment situation. The second night, 294 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:48.360 he knocked on my bedroom door around midnight, clearly drunk, 295 00:15:48.519 --> 00:15:50.200 and tried to get me to just talk to him. 296 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:54.039 I refused to open the door and he eventually went away. 297 00:15:55.080 --> 00:15:58.399 The third night was the worst. He came home from 298 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:01.759 work in a mood, slamming door and muttering under his breath. 299 00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:05.360 When I asked him what his problem was, he exploded, 300 00:16:05.639 --> 00:16:08.399 saying I was his problem, that I was being unreasonable, 301 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:11.279 that I was throwing away five years over one little mistake. 302 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.559 We had a huge argument that ended with him throwing 303 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:17.240 a glass against the wall, not at me, but still 304 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:20.679 terrifying and belocking myself in the bedroom and calling Lisa 305 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:24.360 in tears. After that, I knew I couldn't stay there 306 00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:28.360 any more. It wasn't safe and it definitely wasn't healthy. 307 00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:31.399 Lisa offered to let me stay with her until I 308 00:16:31.399 --> 00:16:33.600 could find my own place, and I took her up 309 00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:36.960 on it. The next day, while Andrew was at work, 310 00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:39.000 I packed as much of my stuff as I could 311 00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:43.159 fit into my car, clothes, personal items, some kitchen stuff 312 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:46.519 that was definitely mine, and left. I left him a 313 00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:48.519 note explaining where I was going and that i'd be 314 00:16:48.519 --> 00:16:51.559 in touch about the apartment. When he got home and 315 00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:55.600 found me gone, he went ballistic. He called me NonStop 316 00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:59.720 for hours. When I finally answered, he was alternating between 317 00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:03.120 crying and yelling, accusing me of abandoning him and stealing 318 00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:06.319 things from our apartment. I tried to explain that I 319 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:09.799 only took what was mine, but he wasn't listening. He 320 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.519 threatened to report my car as stolen, even though it's 321 00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:14.599 in my name only, and to throw the rest of 322 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:16.359 my stuff out on the street if I didn't come 323 00:17:16.359 --> 00:17:20.160 back immediately. I ended up calling his brother, the only 324 00:17:20.200 --> 00:17:23.000 somewhat reasonable member of his family, and asking him to 325 00:17:23.039 --> 00:17:25.200 go check on Andrew because I was worried he might 326 00:17:25.240 --> 00:17:29.960 do something stupid. His brother agreed, thankfully, and later texted 327 00:17:29.960 --> 00:17:32.960 me to say that Andrew was okay, just upset, and 328 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:35.160 that he'd stay with him for a while. The whole 329 00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:39.000 apartment situation is still a mess. The worst thing that's 330 00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:41.720 happened since my last update was running into Andrew's mom 331 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:44.920 at the mall. I was just minding my own business, 332 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:47.720 shopping for some clothes since I left a lot of 333 00:17:47.720 --> 00:17:51.400 mine behind, when I heard someone shouting my name. I 334 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:54.119 turned around and there she was, storming toward me with 335 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:57.880 this look of absolute fury on her face. She started 336 00:17:57.920 --> 00:17:59.960 screaming at me, right there in the middle of the mall. 337 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:04.039 People were staring, and I have never felt so humiliated 338 00:18:04.039 --> 00:18:07.519 in my life. She was yelling things like how could 339 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:10.359 you do this to my son? And you're a terrible 340 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:13.079 human being. She said I had ruined Andrew's life and 341 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:16.079 that I would regret throwing away a good man. I 342 00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:19.599 didn't even try to defend myself. I just turned and 343 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:22.079 walked away, but I could still hear her yelling as 344 00:18:22.119 --> 00:18:25.599 I left. A security guard actually came up and asked 345 00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:28.400 if I needed help, which was both nice and mortifying. 346 00:18:29.319 --> 00:18:33.079 The messages from Andrew, his friends and his family haven't stopped. 347 00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:38.079 They're getting nastier too. I've received texts saying things like, 348 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:40.279 no one would give a flying fuck if you died, 349 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:42.440 you are a waste of space, and you are such 350 00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:45.519 a self centered slut leaving your boyfriend over a small joke. 351 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:49.039 I've even gotten a few threatening messages from numbers I 352 00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:51.759 don't recognize, saying things like they know where I work 353 00:18:51.799 --> 00:18:55.079 and they're watching me. I reported those to the police, 354 00:18:55.319 --> 00:18:58.200 but they didn't seem too concerned, saying there wasn't much 355 00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:01.599 they could do unless something actually happened. I try to 356 00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:04.599 ignore all the messages, but sometimes they really get to 357 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:08.400 me and I break down crying. Lisa has been great, 358 00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:10.799 holding me while I cry and reminding me that I 359 00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:13.960 did the right thing. She even took my phone away 360 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.759 for a whole weekend so I could have a break 361 00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:19.720 from all the toxicity. This whole situation has also shown 362 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:22.920 me who my real friends are. Some people I thought 363 00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:26.240 were my friends have taken Andrew's side, saying I'm overreacting 364 00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:28.480 or that I should have given him another chance. I've 365 00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:31.039 been looking for my own apartment, but it's tough finding 366 00:19:31.079 --> 00:19:34.359 something I can afford on just my salary. I might 367 00:19:34.359 --> 00:19:36.720 have to get a room mate, which isn't ideal, but 368 00:19:36.759 --> 00:19:40.119 it's better than staying with Lisa indefinitely, or God forbid, 369 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:43.839 going back to Andrew. The whole thing still feels so 370 00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:46.799 surreal to me. If you had told me a month 371 00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:49.359 ago that i'd be single, living with a friend and 372 00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:51.839 dealing with this kind of harassment, I would never have 373 00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:55.119 believed you. Andrew and I had been together for so 374 00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:58.599 long that I just assumed we'd always be together. I 375 00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:01.519 had built my whole future that assumption, and now I 376 00:20:01.559 --> 00:20:04.039 have to start from scratch. That's the end of the 377 00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:07.759 first story. Let's begin the second one. I hope you 378 00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:12.640 enjoy this story. Spouse declined to assist me through my 379 00:20:12.680 --> 00:20:16.519 low spirits and expressed no more affection towards me. We 380 00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:19.359 parted ways, and I encountered his colleague who had affection 381 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:24.119 for me. However, now my former partner is acting strange. 382 00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:28.839 I F thirty six AM married AM thirty seven for 383 00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:33.039 over a decade. Some months ago, I got diagnosed with 384 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:39.039 GAD generalized anxiety disorder and depression post pandemic issues. I 385 00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:42.400 have a therapist every week, take medication, and I see 386 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.720 my psychiatrist once a month, but I feel like my 387 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:47.880 problems with my husband is more than I can take 388 00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:51.680 right now. Whenever I have a meltdown, my husband doesn't 389 00:20:51.720 --> 00:20:54.799 want to cuddle or spend time with me. He says 390 00:20:54.839 --> 00:20:57.079 I have to deal with it all by myself, talk 391 00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:00.519 to a friend or my therapist. He says he cannot 392 00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:04.480 give me what I need cuddling and support. So when 393 00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:07.359 I isolate myself due to anxiety, we end up in 394 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:10.880 an argument. He accuses me of ignoring our children and 395 00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:15.319 being rude. I get very irritated, but not violent to him. 396 00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:18.680 If I decide to hang out with friends, socialization is 397 00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:21.359 what I truly need, he gets jealous and accuses me 398 00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:24.880 of looking for another man. In any of those situations, 399 00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:27.599 he keeps arguing with me until I reach my breaking point. 400 00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:31.000 I end up in an anxiety attack and need to 401 00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:34.119