WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:03.160 This episode is intended for mature audiences only and contain 2 00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:05.960 scenes of violence. Specific content warnings can be found in 3 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:06.639 the show notes. 4 00:00:22.359 --> 00:00:30.879 You are now listening to Observable Radio. 5 00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:44.640 By there, This is Cameron Siuey, the creator of Observable Radio. 6 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:47.799 In this our second episode of the interim season, we're 7 00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:51.000 bringing you three early tales that I wrote pseudononymously under 8 00:00:51.000 --> 00:00:53.719 the name Joseph Kay on the Internet some fifteen to 9 00:00:53.719 --> 00:00:56.159 twenty years ago. I've resisted the urge to edit them 10 00:00:56.159 --> 00:00:57.960 in any way, shape or form other than to have 11 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:01.320 them be read by our ensemble and with some audio treatment. 12 00:01:01.439 --> 00:01:03.320 We're hard at work on season two and we'll be 13 00:01:03.320 --> 00:01:05.560 bringing you more news soon. But for the next few months, 14 00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:07.599 we'll be continuing to bring you short stories and other 15 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:11.120 ephemera once a month on this feed. Finally, I'd like 16 00:01:11.159 --> 00:01:13.560 to dedicate this episode to the memory of David Burmister, 17 00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:15.879 who taught me just about everything I know about short 18 00:01:15.879 --> 00:01:18.719 fiction and who influenced decades of students as a teacher 19 00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:23.560 and a director. Thank you, Dave. And now three early tales. 20 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:34.400 Special I awake as always to the click and were 21 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:38.040 of a thousand hidden cameras and the rising glow of 22 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:41.719 ambient lights. Over the next ten minutes, the curtains that 23 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:45.560 line my bedroom will part, gliding on mechanized tracks, and 24 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:48.280 the honey to sunlight of dawn will stream into the wide, 25 00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:53.040 circular room. I entertain, for the briefest moment, the thought 26 00:01:53.120 --> 00:01:56.480 of hurling myself at the windows and plunging a half 27 00:01:56.519 --> 00:01:59.359 mile to the ground. I hold on to the little 28 00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:03.079 fantasy of wind and sky and falling for as long 29 00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:07.280 as it will remain, dreaming of those magnificent moments of 30 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:11.400 freedom and choice, even if I were not a coward. 31 00:02:11.960 --> 00:02:16.439 There are a thousand unseen barriers and safeguards. I cannot 32 00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:20.599 see them, but several parents are doubtlessly just outside the door, 33 00:02:21.159 --> 00:02:24.080 and would be between me and the window before I 34 00:02:24.120 --> 00:02:28.719 could leave the bed. Like each morning before, I let 35 00:02:28.759 --> 00:02:35.000 the dream of freedom evaporate until the next. A woman 36 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:40.039 beside me I cannot recall her name, shifts and rolls 37 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:43.199 to embrace me. I wrap my arms around her and 38 00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:46.639 return the affection, but there is no love in it. 39 00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:51.520 She is young and soft, skin still stretched taut over 40 00:02:51.560 --> 00:02:54.879 her athletic frame. I know that in my youth I 41 00:02:54.919 --> 00:02:59.759 would have buzzed with anticipation and lust simply upon seeing her, 42 00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:05.080 But now I only take solace with the momentary ghost 43 00:03:05.159 --> 00:03:08.400 of emotion. Her skin is warm, and her fine and 44 00:03:08.439 --> 00:03:11.719 downy body hair is smoother than the silk of the sheets. 45 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:16.840 I find an abstract pleasure from this closeness, something akin 46 00:03:16.960 --> 00:03:21.280 to happiness. When our bellies synchronize, breathing pressed close as 47 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:25.280 they rise and fall in an alternating rhythm. Her breath 48 00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:29.360 is hot and damp on my chin and neck. It 49 00:03:29.479 --> 00:03:32.120 only takes me a few moments to tire over, and 50 00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:34.120 I push her away to swing my legs to the 51 00:03:34.199 --> 00:03:36.919 edge of the bed. The black marble of the walls 52 00:03:36.919 --> 00:03:40.000 and floor of my bedroom are heated to my exact preference, 53 00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:44.360 so I walk naked into the large bathroom. Behind me, 54 00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:48.360 two parents enter to silently take the protesting woman away. 55 00:03:50.039 --> 00:03:53.159 Every morning, I try not to focus on the buzzing 56 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:56.719 of small servos and motors as the cameras pivot to 57 00:03:56.800 --> 00:03:59.360 keep me in view it all time. They must be 58 00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:03.000 completely autonomous, but it amuses me to think of a 59 00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:08.719 thousand uniformed parents tediously tracking my every move sixteen hours 60 00:04:08.759 --> 00:04:11.840 a day. They would be madder than I by now, 61 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:17.639 the routine begins, not identical every morning, but a tiny 62 00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:21.120 repertoire of ordered tasks combined in a different order than 63 00:04:21.160 --> 00:04:30.480 the day before. Shave, shower, preen, pose, smile, evacuate, masturbate. 64 00:04:31.959 --> 00:04:35.800 By altering my routines with random reorganization, it gives the 65 00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:39.360 impression of variants where there is none. The parents tell 66 00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:41.839 me that this is just one of the reasons my 67 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:47.199 channel is still so popular, despite being functionally identical to 68 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:51.279 my father's and his father's before us. I have a 69 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:56.680 flare for fakery, for showmanship. It makes them beam with pride, 70 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:00.800 and I favor them with an empty hull. Oh smile. 71 00:05:01.800 --> 00:05:03.519 I can choose what I want to do for the 72 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:08.839 rest of the day from an approved list. Another beautiful 73 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:14.639 facade of freedom. I can hold courts over one hundred 74 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:18.160 gladiators and command them to tear each other apart. I 75 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:21.439 can paint on a canvas one hundred feet dollar. I 76 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:26.399 can inhale hallucinogens and stumble through the thousand acre wildlife 77 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:29.480 preserve on the outer decks of the tower. I can 78 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:33.519 copulate with my choice of limitless young men or women. 79 00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:36.759 I can beat a child until his skull caves in. 80 00:05:37.480 --> 00:05:41.759 It is, of course, a limited form of choice. I 81 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:45.160 cannot go back to bed and weep. I can never 82 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:50.120 say stop, I cannot leave the tower. I'm at my 83 00:05:50.199 --> 00:05:53.519 most honest. I believe in the eight hours of broadcast 84 00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:56.120 solitude each night, locked in the blacked out bedroom of 85 00:05:56.160 --> 00:06:00.079 silk and marble, with whatever warm body has caught my fancy. 86 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:03.000 These are the times that I can admit to myself 87 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:07.639 that I would never be able to exist outside the tower. 88 00:06:08.519 --> 00:06:12.680 I know nothing about the outside, and the parents and 89 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:15.639 my concubines can only tell me of the millions of 90 00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:20.720 people that love me. I don't know how a real 91 00:06:20.839 --> 00:06:27.360 person lives. I only know my world. I spend the 92 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:33.079 morning in the museum, aimlessly wandering through ancient paintings and statues. 93 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:36.879 For the afternoon, I practice horseback riding on one of 94 00:06:36.920 --> 00:06:40.720 the open air decks. I do this partially because I 95 00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:42.800 told the parents I would be in the Harim all day, 96 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:45.800 and it amuses me to think of them struggling to 97 00:06:45.879 --> 00:06:50.879 adapt the programming and the wasted resources. When I'm done 98 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:53.600 for the day, I retire to the balcony with a drink. 99 00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:58.120 The jagged spires on the horizon look like teeth as 100 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:02.279 they swallow the sun, and I can feel that cold, 101 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:05.759 familiar not in my guts, that unease and dread at 102 00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:10.120 the crawling passage of time. When the sun goes down, 103 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:14.920 I start to think about the world below me, spinning 104 00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:19.839 awake just as mind settles down to sleep. I've been 105 00:07:20.519 --> 00:07:23.639 careful not to conceive, but that can never last. I 106 00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:28.560 have no illusions about this. Sooner or later I will 107 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:32.439 have a child. Doubtless. The parents are already weeding me 108 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:36.879 off the contraceptives in my meals. Oh, I grow ill 109 00:07:36.920 --> 00:07:42.000 at the thought. So I stand to complete my nightly ritual, 110 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:48.240 to gaze into the looking glass. The elevator descends through 111 00:07:48.279 --> 00:07:51.240 the vast interior space of the tower towards the lower 112 00:07:51.319 --> 00:07:54.839 levels below the surface. I keep quiet on the ride, 113 00:07:55.639 --> 00:08:00.360 no music to interrupt the silence. The parents love of 114 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:04.040 this portion of my night, such a wonderful flair for 115 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:08.480 the dramatic. They say, I do it because it is 116 00:08:08.519 --> 00:08:13.480 the last thing that keeps me sane. The guards on 117 00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:17.120 the other side are like the parents, only their uniforms 118 00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:21.600 are different, distorted reflection in the mirror. They smile at 119 00:08:21.639 --> 00:08:25.480 me with genuine love and affection, and allow me to 120 00:08:25.560 --> 00:08:30.160 pass into the viewing chamber to look upon my future. 121 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:36.080 My father, a man I have never met, lies on 122 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:42.519 a soiled mattress in a sterile metal chamber. They only 123 00:08:42.600 --> 00:08:47.600 love you for so long. He stirs slightly, but I 124 00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:51.480 know he cannot see me. His eyes are now lidless, 125 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:56.399 each orb a milky ball of scar tissue. His mouth 126 00:08:56.600 --> 00:09:01.200 is lipless and dry. His bleeding ums hold only a 127 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:06.080 few shattered teeth. His ears are gone, the skin pulled 128 00:09:06.159 --> 00:09:09.559 tight around the holes and sewn shut with black cord. 129 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:12.960 His limbs terminated in raw stumps at the wrists and 130 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:15.559 ankles when I first was allowed to see him. Now 131 00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:21.600 they are gone completely. I've watched them break, bend, and 132 00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:24.960 vanish and slow bites over the years, and there are 133 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:28.360 only scarred pits around his gunt torso now there are 134 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:33.240 deep fresh gouges in his gut. Every time I think 135 00:09:33.559 --> 00:09:39.240 he simply cannot endure more, he astounds me by continuing 136 00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:43.919 to live. When my time on the channel ends, each night, 137 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:47.840 hiss begins. The tower goes deep underground, and that is 138 00:09:47.879 --> 00:09:51.639 my father's world, the nightmare reflection of my own. For 139 00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:54.600 the last few months, they have begun to open him up, 140 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.799 to take ragged slivers from his organs. Since they took 141 00:09:58.799 --> 00:10:03.240 his tongue and lips. He has no shame about gibbering, 142 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:08.480 wailing wordlessly. I have no love for this man, no 143 00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:14.240 pity for this thing. I can barely feel pretty for myself. 144 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:20.720 But he is my mirror, portrait of my future. The 145 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:23.600 people that love me now will grow weary and will 146 00:10:23.639 --> 00:10:27.600 fall in love with my inevitable son. And when I 147 00:10:27.639 --> 00:10:30.600 am of no more use to them, I will pass 148 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:35.320 through the dark surface of the glass and become the 149 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:40.120 figure in the mirror. Same people will delight in watching 150 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:46.759 my slow and surgical dismantlement for eight hours every night. 151 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:51.639 The mechanical arm on the ceiling descends, looping a hook 152 00:10:51.720 --> 00:10:54.960 through the harness around my father's broken body, and carries 153 00:10:55.039 --> 00:10:57.559 him into the next room to prep him for the show. 154 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:04.200 He begins to shriek, utilating cry of helpless terror. Thrashes 155 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:08.799 in the machines embrace, but it cradles them almost gently 156 00:11:09.799 --> 00:11:13.039 as it takes him from my view and into someone else's. 157 00:11:13.720 --> 00:11:18.639 I look away, return to my room, my emotionless and 158 00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:22.399 hollow in the dark. The channel changes. 159 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:31.120 Long story short. 160 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:33.960 I hate the whole lever and he. 161 00:11:34.000 --> 00:11:34.919 Couldn't stop me. 162 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:36.360 Man, what's the thing? 163 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:40.200 What thing, that thing man right there on your shirt. Jesus, 164 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:42.440 what the fuck could calm calmed down? Do not don't 165 00:11:42.440 --> 00:11:43.519 tell me to calm down. 166 00:11:43.639 --> 00:11:45.840 Just stop, okay, stop freaking out. 167 00:11:45.879 --> 00:11:47.039 What the fuck is it doing there? 168 00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:47.360 Man? 169 00:11:47.399 --> 00:11:49.120 It's You're gonna wake it up? 170 00:11:49.559 --> 00:11:49.799 Is it? 171 00:11:49.879 --> 00:11:50.159 Great? 172 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:56.080 Observable Radio enamel pins They're unexpected finally wrought and hard 173 00:11:56.200 --> 00:11:58.519 enamels and shades of c RT green on a gun 174 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:02.519 metal backing. Get yours at the Observable Radio Company story. 175 00:12:03.480 --> 00:12:12.720 You are now lying from Observable Radio. 176 00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:20.519 Thall, something is wrong. Consciousness drifts back to me lazily, 177 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:25.159 like an incoming tide, as my mind and body awake 178 00:12:25.240 --> 00:12:30.200 in stages. At first, it is dark and I have 179 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:35.279 no form, just a terrified animal spark suspended and a 180 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:40.600 featureless abyss. My primal four brain sense useless impulses to 181 00:12:40.679 --> 00:12:45.159 my unanswering body, demanding that I run and hide. But 182 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:49.600 I'm still. How long I drift there I do not know, 183 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:55.360 and the darkness of hours time. Gradually I become aware 184 00:12:55.399 --> 00:13:00.679 of muted sensory impressions, the faint hiss of venting gas, 185 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:06.279 the dry taste of recycled air. It is utterly black, however, 186 00:13:07.080 --> 00:13:10.639 darker than I would have believed possible, and I slowly 187 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:15.639 realized that my eyelids refuse to open. I am aware 188 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:19.519 of them now, thin sheets of flesh that tug across 189 00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:25.279 my face but remain closed despite my best efforts. Even 190 00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:28.879 without them, I can still sense the glass and metal 191 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:33.720 frame around me. With a dawning wave. I realize how 192 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:38.039 cold I am, so cold that, for a hideous and 193 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:42.919 protracted moment, I believe I may be on fire. I 194 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:47.240 begin to panic, still trapped inside my nearly lifeless body, 195 00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:51.120 wanting to slither and crawl away from the pain. My 196 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:54.799 lips part with a tear of flesh, and I can 197 00:13:54.960 --> 00:14:00.639 feel blood trickling into my mouth, growing instantly cool as 198 00:14:00.679 --> 00:14:05.159 it runs between my clenched teeth. My jaw remains locked 199 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:09.879 in place, the muscle straining weakly beneath my cheeks. I 200 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:14.080 want to cry, to sob like a child bathed in 201 00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:18.679 quiet despair and helplessness, and my cocoon of self pity. 202 00:14:19.679 --> 00:14:24.360 Higher functions of my mind begin to slowly emerge, grinding 203 00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:28.320 like rusty gears into use, and I try to calm myself. 204 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:36.279 I am alive, I tell myself, this is all perfectly normal. 205 00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:39.759 And at any moment one of the ship's medics will 206 00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:44.000 carefully open the capsule, place the tip of a plastic 207 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:49.840 ball between my torn lips, and squeeze warm, sweet electrolytes 208 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:54.360 down my parched throat. This maternal image of comfort steals 209 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:58.279 my quivering body, and I begin to breathe regularly, and 210 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:02.559 my reason begins to return. If I am awake, then 211 00:15:02.600 --> 00:15:06.679 we have arrived. A long, silent passage through the endless 212 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:11.120 night of interstellar space has ended. If I am alive, 213 00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:17.159 then we are in orbit around Etta Cassiopie. I breathe 214 00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:20.679 evenly and smooth, and catch a tinge of something in 215 00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:25.080 the air, a faint whiff of chemical corruption from the 216 00:15:25.159 --> 00:15:29.759 dry sterility of the ventilation. The blackness beyond my closed 217 00:15:29.799 --> 00:15:34.440 eyes pulses briefly with light, registering a soft red glow 218 00:15:35.039 --> 00:15:38.440 as it diffuses through the vessels and capillaries of my 219 00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:44.000 closed lips. My cracked lips amid little white sparks of pain. 220 00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:47.720 As I can toort my face, tugging my eyelids open 221 00:15:47.799 --> 00:15:52.120 with a quick and agonizing jerk of the head. Fluid 222 00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:57.080 weeps from the corners as I blink convulsively. At first, 223 00:15:57.519 --> 00:16:01.480 I am terrified that I am blind, and then slowly 224 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:05.759 ledges of my tiny capsule resolve in the faint red 225 00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:09.879 light of a blinking led The glass is just a 226 00:16:09.919 --> 00:16:12.879 few inches from my face, and I can see my 227 00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:17.639 breath against it, a wet fog that briefly flowers into 228 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:23.200 ice and quickly evaporates into the dry air. Beyond the 229 00:16:23.320 --> 00:16:31.240 glass is nothing, a silent and yawning darkness. My heart 230 00:16:31.279 --> 00:16:34.720 is thudding in my chest now, and my limbs seem 231 00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:37.759 to twitch and tug on the safety restraints around my 232 00:16:37.879 --> 00:16:41.600 ankles and wrists. The tight glass coffin and the empty 233 00:16:41.639 --> 00:16:45.919 abyss beyond seemed to crush me between them, twining threads 234 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:50.320 of claustrophobia and agoraphobia around my chest, and I struggle 235 00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:54.320 to breathe evenly. The light should beyond. Someone should be 236 00:16:54.440 --> 00:17:00.840 here by now. Something is very wrong. Movement at the 237 00:17:00.840 --> 00:17:03.519 periphery of my eyes causes me to turn my head 238 00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:07.799 in a sharp and stinctual move. The weary, atrophied muscles 239 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:11.319 of my neck scream in agony, and my eyes grind 240 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:16.480 through sandpaper filled sockets. I gasp, and my eyes filled 241 00:17:16.519 --> 00:17:21.200 with warm, welcome tears that without gravity simply cloud my 242 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:25.160 eyes like a lens through the watery haze. I see 243 00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:29.480 a passing wave of dull red light, illuminating briefly the 244 00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:32.799 dimensions of the space in the dark, and then drifting 245 00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:37.160 out of sight. I shake my head, grating my teeth 246 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:40.599 against the dry, tearing pain of movement, and fling the 247 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:44.240 tears from my eyes. They drift away in little silver 248 00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:48.519 spheres and freeze. Moments later, I blink my eyes and 249 00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:52.480 try to focus again on the darkness. I barely realize 250 00:17:52.519 --> 00:17:56.640 that I have stopped breathing. When the light returns. It 251 00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:00.720 has a red emergency light, spinning silently, but is far 252 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:06.119 too dim and far too slow. It crosses the room 253 00:18:06.279 --> 00:18:10.359 like a broom, briefly revealing the faintest glimpse of the 254 00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:15.720 space beyond. I see rows of dark containers, dozens of them, 255 00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:20.160 each containing the vague shadow of a figure. My eyes 256 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:24.240 dart around the scene, unable to absorb any details, only 257 00:18:24.279 --> 00:18:27.839 the vague sense of scale and shape inside the room. 258 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:31.319 I strain my eyes to focus each time the light passes, 259 00:18:31.720 --> 00:18:34.240 but I can't make out anything in the dimming light. 260 00:18:34.920 --> 00:18:37.319 There is nothing in the darkness that can tell me 261 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:41.680 what has gone wrong. I didn't see the window at first, 262 00:18:42.519 --> 00:18:46.000 but I gradually became aware of it. As faint pinpricks 263 00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:49.720 of starlight catch my eye, I lock my eyes and 264 00:18:49.799 --> 00:18:53.480 focus on the drifting stars, as my heart threatens to 265 00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:58.440 burst from my chest and my lungs suck in frigid 266 00:18:58.519 --> 00:19:05.759 air and gasps. Calm, I repeat over and over, like 267 00:19:05.799 --> 00:19:09.480 a mantra to myself. Calm. If I can just get 268 00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:13.880 control of my breathing and be patient, someone will come 269 00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:19.279 to help. Well, I can answer. There is an explosion 270 00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:23.799 of light from beyond the window. I squint, feeling my 271 00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:30.079 iris's spasm, and struggle to contract. Outside the porthole, there 272 00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:35.559 is a blue and cloudy world, looming and massive. My 273 00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:39.079 eyes adjust and I can do nothing but drink in 274 00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:41.400 the sight of the oceans. 275 00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:43.799 And the land the planet. 276 00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:47.960 Light seeps into the cabin and illuminates the rows of 277 00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:52.119 glass and steel tubes, and I can finally make out 278 00:19:52.119 --> 00:19:57.799 the occupants. Most of them are frozen and dead, pale 279 00:19:57.880 --> 00:20:02.079 blue and white wraiths with lips and eyelids pulled wide 280 00:20:02.119 --> 00:20:06.559 and open by contracting muscles. A few of the containers 281 00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:10.359 are smeared red and opaque. Each has the same flower 282 00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:14.200 of frozen blood and cracks where it's occupies us to 283 00:20:14.480 --> 00:20:18.880 beat his skull against the glass. I tug again on 284 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:23.400 my restraints as panic overwhelms me, my limbs thrashing against 285 00:20:23.400 --> 00:20:27.359 the restraints. I realize I am silently asking for God, 286 00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:32.839 begging escape from this frozen mausoleum. My eyes lock onto 287 00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:36.400 the planet, now wide and filling the window, and my 288 00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:40.480 heart stops. In the blue ocean, I see the distinct 289 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:43.559 silhouette of the European coast. 290 00:20:43.960 --> 00:20:51.400 My mind reels and I catch my eyes against the disorientation. 291 00:20:53.640 --> 00:21:00.279 We never left. The fever of panic breaks, and I 292 00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:04.680 begin to feel a glimmer of hope. We never left. 293 00:21:05.799 --> 00:21:09.279 I'm not gonna die in orbit around an alien world. 294 00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:18.799 I'm home. I can still be saved. These thoughts start 295 00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:22.759 to warm me, and I stop dugging against the straps. 296 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:29.319 Measured breath returns, and I close my buffy, swollen eyes 297 00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:34.680 and allow my heart to settle. I open my eyes again, 298 00:21:35.480 --> 00:21:40.319 gazing down onto the Earth, and a sudden wave of 299 00:21:40.440 --> 00:21:46.319 nausea rises in me before I really understand what I've 300 00:21:46.440 --> 00:21:51.319 just seen, striking a sharp line across the face of 301 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:56.759 the globe, the terminus between night and day divides Europe 302 00:21:56.759 --> 00:21:57.440 and Africa. 303 00:21:58.839 --> 00:22:02.920 On the day side, I see the polar ice, a 304 00:22:03.079 --> 00:22:08.559 stretching white sheet that has all but absorbed the Scandinavian 305 00:22:08.599 --> 00:22:13.480 Peninsula and coils around the rest of the continent. On 306 00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:21.039 the night side, there is primal and elemental darkness. There 307 00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:30.920 are no cities, no lights. There is emptiness. As quick 308 00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:35.599 as it came, the Earth slides out of view, showing 309 00:22:35.640 --> 00:22:40.480 only her frigid and lightless night, and dropping the cabin 310 00:22:40.519 --> 00:22:47.240 into a final cold darkness. The red claxon light has 311 00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:58.160 stopped spinning. The lights inside my coffin have stopped blinking. 312 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:00.000 I am left. 313 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.680 Alone and the. 314 00:23:04.759 --> 00:23:07.400 Frozen dark. 315 00:23:09.480 --> 00:23:10.480 With the dead. 316 00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:22.240 Terror claws at me. My body is shuddering and useless, 317 00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:24.880 with blood. 318 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:26.759 My eyes. 319 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:40.599 I suck hand a deep lungful of the dying hair and. 320 00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:56.319 Scream Where the hell did you get these? 321 00:23:56.519 --> 00:24:00.480 Mom? You can't just barge in. This is my I 322 00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:02.640 found these in your backpack. 323 00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:03.599 What is this? 324 00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:04.640 Stickers? 325 00:24:04.680 --> 00:24:09.759 Okay, they're stickers. Look at this. Some of these are holographic. 326 00:24:10.119 --> 00:24:11.799 Have you used any of these? 327 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:13.119 It's not a big deal. 328 00:24:13.480 --> 00:24:15.799 Taught you how to do this stuff? You all right? 329 00:24:16.359 --> 00:24:17.960 I learned it from watching. 330 00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:21.160 You parents who have observable radio stickers. Have children who 331 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:25.240 have observable radio stickers? Are your children purchasing them at 332 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.519 the Observable Radio company store? Check their browser history today you. 333 00:24:30.519 --> 00:24:34.440 Are now by Observable Radio. 334 00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:44.119 Sick or the algorithm. Sometime during the third consecutive nights 335 00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:47.519 spent huddled over the toilet, insides heaving and shuddering as 336 00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.079 I vomit forth what seems to be everything I've ever eaten. 337 00:24:50.440 --> 00:24:53.559 I realize what's happening. He is trying to poison me. 338 00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:58.559 That's all so elegant, so perfect, and so clear that 339 00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:02.119 I start to laugh, but another barrage of wretching forces 340 00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:06.039 me into silence. The next morning, I throw the contents 341 00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.839 of my meager kitchen away, wrapping it three times in 342 00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:11.880 black plastic, and burying it deep in the apartment's communal 343 00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:15.039 dumpster to prevent some unfortunate transient from the cross fire 344 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:17.359 of his wrath. I am out the door of the 345 00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:19.720 complex and half way to the corner store when I 346 00:25:19.799 --> 00:25:25.799 realize he knows must know where I would shop, so 347 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:29.200 instead I pick a direction and walk, enjoying the chill 348 00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:32.359 winter airs. It soothes the ragged shreds of my insides. 349 00:25:33.039 --> 00:25:36.880 I turn at random intervals, following an improbable path out 350 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:39.480 of my neighborhood until I find a small grocery with 351 00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:43.200 an unfamiliar name. Once inside, I fill a small plastic 352 00:25:43.240 --> 00:25:46.400 shopping basket with foods and brands that once I would 353 00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:51.160 never have eaten, soy milk tofu, strange tins of ethnic 354 00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:54.400 foods whose ingredients I can't recognize. I can feel my 355 00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:58.519 stomach reborn in the anticipation of an untainted meal. I 356 00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:01.880 prepare the food in a fog of nervous anticipation, trying 357 00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:04.720 to focus on savoring the exotic aromas and the grease 358 00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:07.720 spitting sounds of the frying pan. When it is done 359 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:10.079 and the meal sits before me on the chipped and 360 00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:14.839 stained plate, I can only stare paralyzed by doubt. By 361 00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:17.160 the time I can raise a single spoonful to my 362 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:20.119 chapped and split lips, it has long ago grown cold. 363 00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:24.759 It tastes clean. But this brings me no joy, so 364 00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:28.240 is every meal before this. An hour later, I try 365 00:26:28.279 --> 00:26:31.000 to tell myself that the mounting pain is only fear 366 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:34.519 and anxiety. But before the stroke of midnight, I am 367 00:26:34.559 --> 00:26:38.240 again crouched in the dingy bathroom, surrendering the day's work 368 00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:41.839 into the porcelain mouth of the sewer. I pack up 369 00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:44.759 the remaining food and dispose of it with the same care. 370 00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:48.240 I eat out the next day, layering debt onto the 371 00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:50.920 last of my credit cards and restaurants on the opposite 372 00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:53.960 side of town. I feel the eyes of every patron 373 00:26:54.039 --> 00:26:56.960 upon me, and wonder if any of them are in 374 00:26:57.079 --> 00:27:00.599 his employ By dark, it is clear that he is 375 00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:03.799 more clever than I ever imagined. I am a wash 376 00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:07.440 in despair. As I spend another sleepless night, gagging and 377 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:12.160 sobbing on the tile floor, I imagine the algorithm, the 378 00:27:12.200 --> 00:27:16.519 perfect predictive models at his disposal, charting my every move 379 00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:18.880 across the city with unerring accuracy. 380 00:27:19.640 --> 00:27:20.480 Every time I. 381 00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:24.359 Think I've outwitted him, I walk willingly into his web. 382 00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:27.279 There is nothing left to do but wait for the 383 00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:30.799 jaws of his trap to close. So I wander the 384 00:27:30.839 --> 00:27:34.519 city a broken man in a fit of misplaced hope. 385 00:27:34.519 --> 00:27:36.680 I buy a candy bar from a vending machine in 386 00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:39.759 a theater lobby and hold it close like a talisman. 387 00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:43.759 When I get home, I fill the bath a few 388 00:27:43.799 --> 00:27:47.359 inches deep with rust colored water and hold the little 389 00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:51.960 plastic wrapped bundle beneath the water and squeeze. I know 390 00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:54.880 that I will see it, but it still breaks my heart. 391 00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:59.920 A thin, almost invisible stream of bubbles picks out the 392 00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:03.559 point where a foreign object has pierced the protective layer. 393 00:28:04.039 --> 00:28:07.319 Through the haze of gnawing hunger. I convince myself to 394 00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:11.279 try just one bite, and to take the chances. This 395 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:14.279 is a gamble that I do not win. In the 396 00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:17.000 small hours of the morning, I press my fists into 397 00:28:17.000 --> 00:28:20.160 my empty, protesting belly, and I imagine the legion of 398 00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:24.920 his followers sliding silently through the restaurants and producisles of 399 00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.599 my life, slipping hypodermic needles into carefully selected packages of food. 400 00:28:29.880 --> 00:28:34.200 They ruin and corrupt at his whim, surgical and efficient, 401 00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:37.839