WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.439 --> 00:00:03.960 Hi, I'm John Jay Murphy and I welcome you to 2 00:00:04.040 --> 00:00:08.320 the Change Mastery Show with my co host, doctor Pat Together, 3 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:11.400 we invite you to think differently about change, not as 4 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:14.919 something to fear or resist, but has a powerful opportunity 5 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:20.199 for growth, empowerment, joy and life masters my vision to 6 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:24.359 help millions of people shift from victimhood to leadership, from 7 00:00:24.399 --> 00:00:29.199 ego to spirit, and from hesitation and resistance to flow. 8 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:32.399 This is an opportunity for you to get out of 9 00:00:32.439 --> 00:00:37.079 your own way and experience life, life with more courage, confidence, 10 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:44.759 and hi, hire purpose. Get ready to Change Mastery Shows. 11 00:00:46.960 --> 00:00:50.679 Wow, everybody, this is a great show. Okay, die Hard, 12 00:00:50.920 --> 00:00:54.399 We know that from Oh What Bruce Willis? But today's 13 00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:58.679 show is from one of John's twenty books and it 14 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:02.520 is about habits, die Hard. So today we're going to 15 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:05.159 take a look at what the ten steps are how 16 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:09.599 to build successful habits. You know, we are creatures of habit. 17 00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:12.680 You know, if somebody like me, who is now pushing 18 00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:15.760 thirty seven years of sobriety, I know a lot about habits. 19 00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:20.519 I learned early on about Okay, I don't care what 20 00:01:20.599 --> 00:01:22.840 they say. Me sitting in a bar is probably not 21 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:25.879 a great idea. But today we're going to break this 22 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:28.799 down further. You know, how do you make good habits? 23 00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:32.680 What are good habits? Will they make you? Today? John's 24 00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:35.560 going to walk us through what the subconscious mind does. 25 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:40.400 And yes, we have all got that. Is it powerful? 26 00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:44.000 How powerful is it? How do you even know what's 27 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:48.239 going on? So today, how do you exchange bad habits 28 00:01:48.280 --> 00:01:51.400 for good habits? Believe it or not? Yes, John's going 29 00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:53.640 to show us how to do that. What are the 30 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:58.760 ten steps? Where do I begin? And are we screaming? 31 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.879 Are we there yet? Okay? Just like my first day 32 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:04.519 of therapy, I'm like, okay, are we done today? Are 33 00:02:04.519 --> 00:02:09.479 we done? For my life? But maintaining the game once 34 00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:12.759 you're able to do it? How is it some of 35 00:02:12.840 --> 00:02:18.000 us have what it takes not to fall back, not 36 00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:22.639 to think that. Just give me one of those martinis? 37 00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:26.319 Just okay? Well, to be honest with you, never been 38 00:02:26.400 --> 00:02:29.960 my calling. John, Thank you for today, thank you, thank 39 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:33.800 you for this show. Because I think we have habits 40 00:02:33.800 --> 00:02:36.680 and we're developing them more and more and we don't 41 00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:39.439 know it. I will tell you this. I live in 42 00:02:39.439 --> 00:02:41.479 a beautiful place and when I look out and see 43 00:02:41.479 --> 00:02:43.800 people walk, they're doing one or two things, one of 44 00:02:43.879 --> 00:02:47.800 three things. They're either walking with their cell phone, walking 45 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:50.039 with their dog, or walking with their dog and their 46 00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:50.560 cell phone. 47 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:53.560 Yeah yeah, and here in South Florida the dog is 48 00:02:53.639 --> 00:03:01.680 usually in a stroller. You see that all the time. 49 00:03:01.960 --> 00:03:04.520 You know what habits are creatures of habits. You've brought 50 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:08.280 that up. And habits can be friends or foes. So 51 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:12.319 the real key is to say, what is my subconscious 52 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:15.280 mind telling me, and it's telling you whatever it is 53 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:18.560 you're behaving like, So if you're behaving, if you have 54 00:03:18.599 --> 00:03:22.080 a tendency to get impatient, you know in traffic, you 55 00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:25.240 have a tendency to get angry in certain situations. You 56 00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:28.560 have a tendency to feel guilty or ashamed. You have 57 00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:32.360 a tendency to stress out and worry a lot. Those 58 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:35.039 are foes. Those are not healthy habits. You know, if 59 00:03:35.080 --> 00:03:37.759 you have a tendency to wake up in the morning 60 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:40.479 with a sense of gratitude, and maybe your routine is 61 00:03:40.520 --> 00:03:43.199 to spend twenty or thirty minutes meditating every morning, which 62 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:45.800 is what I do, not listening to my phone or 63 00:03:45.879 --> 00:03:49.759 list tuning into my emails, which is where you're delegating 64 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:54.840 your agenda to something external. Take control and start with 65 00:03:56.599 --> 00:04:00.800 something as simple as quiet time. Just get centered. And 66 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:03.360 we've talked a lot about that on this show. I 67 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:07.159 like something that doctor Joe Despendses says. He says, what 68 00:04:07.319 --> 00:04:11.639 fires together, wires together. Doctor Joe is a he's essentially 69 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:15.039 a brain expert, and he's talking about neurons in the brain. 70 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:17.720 And so when we think, Earl Nightingale said this, we 71 00:04:17.839 --> 00:04:21.000 become what we think. So if whatever is the story, 72 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.600 we're telling ourselves whatever we think and focus on and 73 00:04:24.680 --> 00:04:29.480 dwell on in time, wires together, what fires together, wires together. 74 00:04:29.560 --> 00:04:34.120 There's an ancient Chinese proverb which says habits are cobwebs 75 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:38.680 at first, cables at last. It's pretty much the same thing, 76 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:43.600 you know, Doctor Joe is saying that at first, it's 77 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:46.040 just a bunch of thoughts, and we think these thoughts 78 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:50.199 long enough they become beliefs, and then beliefs get downloaded 79 00:04:50.199 --> 00:04:53.279 into the subconscious and we go through life over ninety percent, 80 00:04:53.959 --> 00:04:58.560 ninety five percent of the time replaying whatever the programs are. 81 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:01.639 We have that inner story. So that's really the very 82 00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:05.040 first step, you know, of the ten steps, is to 83 00:05:05.240 --> 00:05:10.120 identify and define the habit we want to change or 84 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:13.079 we want to develop, and if we want to develop 85 00:05:13.160 --> 00:05:19.000 a new habit that successful people have we have, we 86 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:22.199 want to exchange whatever it is we're doing now for 87 00:05:22.360 --> 00:05:24.319 that new habit. We want to adopt it. But we 88 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:27.920 have to be really clear on what it is we're 89 00:05:27.959 --> 00:05:31.319 doing now that we want to change, which leads to 90 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:34.120 the second step, which is measure it. So let's just 91 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:39.439 say I have a tendency to stress out a lot. Well, 92 00:05:40.519 --> 00:05:44.920 how often are you stressing out most of the day? 93 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:48.480 Is it hourly? Is it once or twice a month? 94 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:52.680 Let's be real clear and specific, and then we get 95 00:05:52.680 --> 00:05:56.319 into another step, which is analyze it. Why are you 96 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:58.920 stressing out? And we've talked a lot on this show 97 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:03.519 about root cause analysis. Let's drill down to why are 98 00:06:03.560 --> 00:06:07.120 you stressing out? And what we uncover is it's that 99 00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:12.319 subconscious programming. Doctor Wayne Dyer talked talked he called the 100 00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:18.399 subconscious mind, the habitual mind, the autopilot. So we want 101 00:06:18.399 --> 00:06:22.839 to start by right up front examining what autopilot are 102 00:06:22.839 --> 00:06:26.879 we on and is it friend or foe? Because what 103 00:06:26.920 --> 00:06:29.680 we want to do we are creatures a habit. So 104 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:32.040 like it or not? You want to have habit? Yeah, 105 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:35.759 habits are good for us if they're friends, because they 106 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:43.480 make life easier. That if your autopilot is programmed to 107 00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:48.120 bring you more joy and peace and laughter and progress 108 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:51.959 and open mindedness, and your habit is to learn something 109 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:55.079 new every day, if your habit is to simply smile 110 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:57.759 a lot and be kind to people, if your habit 111 00:06:58.079 --> 00:07:01.319 is to open up your mind in lego of criticism 112 00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:05.399 and judgment and negativity. So the reverse of that is 113 00:07:05.399 --> 00:07:08.720 somebody who has got a tendency, a habit of always 114 00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:12.720 seeing what's wrong with the world. Focusing on, you know, 115 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:17.639 the environment's falling apart, the government's corrupt, focusing on it's 116 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:21.680 raining outside, I wish it was sunny. Focusing on anything 117 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:26.439 that's different than the now is creating inner conflict. When 118 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:30.439 we disagree with what's going on right now, we are 119 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:35.439 creating internal stress, which is not healthy. That kind of 120 00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:37.680 stress is not healthy. Now, if we go to the 121 00:07:37.720 --> 00:07:40.480 gym and we exercise, and that's a good habit as 122 00:07:40.519 --> 00:07:43.040 long as we do it correctly. You go to gym 123 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:47.319 and we exercise, Okay, that kind of stress is healthy. 124 00:07:47.480 --> 00:07:50.560 You're stressing your muscles, You're stressing your body a little bit, 125 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.120 so that when that relaxes and recovers, it grows stronger. 126 00:07:55.560 --> 00:07:59.079 So the idea of habits. I remember somebody very close 127 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:03.560 to me, actually an addict, an alcoholic and drug addict, 128 00:08:04.839 --> 00:08:10.040 said to me, you know, John, it's I have addictions. 129 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:13.959 I mean, I'm an addict. And I said, yeah, so 130 00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:18.199 am I. She was like, what what do you mean, boy, 131 00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:22.000 do you have a drinking problem. No, I'm addicted to 132 00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:27.040 other things. I'm addicted to lifelong learning. I'm addicted to success. 133 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:29.879 I'm addicted to feeling really good and going to the 134 00:08:29.959 --> 00:08:33.679 gym and meditating and doing positive things. I'm addicted to 135 00:08:34.039 --> 00:08:38.559 loving relationships. I'm addicted to positivity. I don't see all 136 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:41.120 the negative in the world because you become what you 137 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:44.000 think about or a lighting gilt. I don't want to 138 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:46.480 look at it. I don't watch the news. I know 139 00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:49.840 people who are addicted to the news. Really, you know, 140 00:08:50.159 --> 00:08:52.840 all you're doing is tuning into negative things. You know, 141 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:55.639 if it's negative, it sells. It's what the journalists all say. 142 00:08:55.720 --> 00:08:57.960 You know, people really don't want to hear a lot 143 00:08:57.960 --> 00:09:00.919 of positive stuff. They want to see drama. So that's 144 00:09:00.960 --> 00:09:04.720 addicted to ego. If I'm addicted to ego, the false self. 145 00:09:05.159 --> 00:09:07.440 I don't see the beauty in the world. I only 146 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:10.200 see what's wrong. So we have to be real careful 147 00:09:10.279 --> 00:09:14.039 up front to really do an assessment, you know. And 148 00:09:14.080 --> 00:09:16.279 I'm a business consultant, and I go in and I 149 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:21.600 lead culture change, which think about that, that's habit change organizationally. 150 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:27.759 Now we're changing fifty five thousand people's habits collectively, Okay, 151 00:09:27.799 --> 00:09:30.960 I'm working with companies with fifty five sixty sixty five 152 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:34.440 thousand people, one hundred thousand people. How do you shift 153 00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:38.759 that kind of behavior? Okay? And the way you do 154 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:41.320 it is what I'm describing here in these ten ten steps. 155 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:44.080 They apply to us individually as well. We start by 156 00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:49.240 defining the current state. What's the current state? How oft? 157 00:09:49.320 --> 00:09:53.639 And then we measure how often are you behaving this way? Okay? 158 00:09:53.639 --> 00:09:56.519 And then what is the impact of that? Is it healthy? 159 00:09:57.159 --> 00:10:01.840 If it's not healthy, what we call undesirable effect, why 160 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:05.600 are we doing it? And we'd drilled down through root 161 00:10:05.639 --> 00:10:10.440 cause analysis. The third step the analysis to figure out like, okay, 162 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:14.360 a change at this level, what I call a leverage point, 163 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:20.840 changes everything. It's like a reprogramming. If I find the 164 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:26.279 negative programming in my mind and I delete it and 165 00:10:26.360 --> 00:10:30.879 I feed my mind with something more healthy. Remember what 166 00:10:30.919 --> 00:10:33.720 we feed, we grow. If I feed it with something 167 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:37.919 more positive, then the outputs are going to be the same. 168 00:10:37.919 --> 00:10:40.519 You've heard me talk in the past, doctor Pantam. The 169 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:43.759 transfer function why is a function of X. Essentially we 170 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:47.360 reap what we sew. And the IPO diagram the input 171 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:51.519 process output diagram. So if you think about making an 172 00:10:51.519 --> 00:10:55.000 apple pie, the key inputs will be things like apples 173 00:10:55.320 --> 00:11:00.919 and ingredients, very specific of in temperature I'm in the oven. 174 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:04.200 These variables, these are X factors, and if we hold 175 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:08.440 those all consistent, we get very predictable outputs. We get 176 00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:13.960 a nice, tasty, you know, timely apple pie. So if 177 00:11:13.960 --> 00:11:17.039 you just now replace that with a recipe for life, 178 00:11:17.679 --> 00:11:23.039 what input variables do I have going on that propagate 179 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:26.440 to the results I'm getting in life and my behavior? 180 00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:29.519 And if I'm not getting good results, I have to 181 00:11:29.559 --> 00:11:33.360 think about what are the inputs? Okay, if I'm think 182 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:35.840 about a simple one of physical health, you know, if 183 00:11:35.879 --> 00:11:39.639 I'm overweight, or I've got a high blood sugar or 184 00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:43.159 high blood pressure, things like that, what are the inputs 185 00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:47.120 contributing to the outputs? So I can get on a 186 00:11:47.159 --> 00:11:51.000 treadmill all day long. But if my mind's thinking, you're 187 00:11:51.039 --> 00:11:55.559 I'm fat, out of shape, Okay, what I think I become? 188 00:11:55.639 --> 00:11:59.840 So if I think I'm something, there's something wrong with me. 189 00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:03.759 I could be on the treadmill forever and not. How 190 00:12:03.799 --> 00:12:05.799 many people do you know who are trying to lose 191 00:12:05.879 --> 00:12:08.799 weight who don't where they lose a little bit and 192 00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:11.960 it comes back, it's because they haven't changed their mindset. 193 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:15.320 So an alternative to that is, if you get on 194 00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:20.759 that treadmill, you tell yourself I am losing weight, I 195 00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:24.159 am getting fit, I'm on my way to a target weight, 196 00:12:24.919 --> 00:12:30.840 a specific target weight, And now you are actually mind body, 197 00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:36.720 you are doing something healthy. Otherwise you're creating conflict internally. 198 00:12:36.919 --> 00:12:40.279 And that conflict it shows up as stress, shows up 199 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:43.600 as fear, it shows up a shame. I'm ashamed of myself. 200 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:47.360 You beat yourself up, things like that. So, I mean 201 00:12:47.399 --> 00:12:49.360 that's the heart of what we're going to be talking 202 00:12:49.399 --> 00:12:52.879 about this hour, and I'll just I'll stop talking now 203 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:54.120 and give you a chance. 204 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:56.879 To tell well, I'll tell you here to your point. 205 00:12:57.279 --> 00:13:01.480 I remember being what's the word that I want to use. 206 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:04.240 I'm trying to be not so I remember really being 207 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:07.200 called out the first time that I walked into an 208 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:10.360 AA meeting and didn't say Hi, I'm Patty. I'm an 209 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.799 addict alcoholic, right. I remember the first time. I didn't 210 00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:16.320 do that because there was a light bulb that went 211 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:20.279 on in my recovery and I got so tired of 212 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:25.480 everybody telling me how hard everything was. I really did 213 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:30.240 and I thought back on when I quit smoking. Now, 214 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:33.720 I don't care what people think, but when you put 215 00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.679 that nicotine in your body, there's something that goes on there, right, 216 00:13:37.039 --> 00:13:40.240 and we know that. We know that. But I quit 217 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:45.840 that thing faster than I stopped eating cheesecake. But what's 218 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:50.519 my point. I never saw it as hard when I 219 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:53.840 put down that cigarette, John and I was three packs 220 00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:56.679 a day girl, not kidding. I could have made all 221 00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:00.840 the cigarette commercials, but I made my mind up. But 222 00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:02.879 I didn't make my mind up it would be hard. 223 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:07.240 I didn't do that. And when I decided to put 224 00:14:07.320 --> 00:14:10.320 drugs and alcohol behind me, I didn't see it as 225 00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:16.440 hard either. But I was sitting around people that told 226 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:19.799 me how hard it was going to be, and I 227 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:23.879 had to do something about that. I've had a hard life, 228 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:26.240 if you want to say that. But I've had a 229 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:30.320 life full of experiences. I wouldn't replace anything in my life. 230 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.480 Sure, but how am I going to hold it? 231 00:14:33.559 --> 00:14:37.639 And I think that let's talk about this because to 232 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:41.919 your point, I believe we are all addicted to something. 233 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:44.879 Now that is a global statement, and I'm going to 234 00:14:44.919 --> 00:14:48.679 say it's my opinion, so I don't have that written down. 235 00:14:49.399 --> 00:14:52.360 But there are things that we define as habits in life. 236 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:55.759 Some of them are good, and some of them may 237 00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:59.879 do us harm. But there's something about me the way 238 00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.120 we live, right, there's something that draws us. And now 239 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:06.399 with social media, I'm telling you, John, people cannot put 240 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:10.360 down their phone. But let's go through the steps, because 241 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:13.320 I do believe we have a choice. You know what. 242 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:17.000 The greatest decision I made in my recovery. And by 243 00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:20.000 the way, I still walk into meetings and I announce 244 00:15:20.039 --> 00:15:23.159 who I am and I say I'm recovered. That's what 245 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:26.639 I say, I'm recovered, because that's where I see myself 246 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:30.159 or I don't see anything, or I say my name. 247 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:35.200 But here's the line in the book that grabbed me 248 00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:37.639 and I never looked back. And it's in one of 249 00:15:37.639 --> 00:15:41.519 the early chapters called we Agnostics, which mentions God in 250 00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:44.440 spirit one hundred and twelve times, so there's nothing agnostic 251 00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:47.600 about that channel. What a great trick, Thank you, Bill Wilson. 252 00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:53.000 God is God either is or God isn't. And they 253 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:55.840 let you have the God of your understanding whatever you want, 254 00:15:55.960 --> 00:15:57.519 you say. I got kwan yin in the back, I 255 00:15:57.559 --> 00:15:59.360 got boot in the bag, I got the tree of 256 00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:01.480 life in a bag. So people have to figure out 257 00:16:01.480 --> 00:16:04.600 what I actually believe in. But God eitherre isn't God. 258 00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:08.039 God either is or God isn't. God is either everything 259 00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:10.960 or God is nothing. What will I choose? And I 260 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:17.559 chose to believe everything everything on my doorstick. I'm an optimist. 261 00:16:18.759 --> 00:16:20.919 When they asked me, is the glass half empty and 262 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:24.960 half full? I said, this is the stupidest damn question 263 00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:28.080 you ever asked. My glass is always full. So I 264 00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:31.200 don't understand why people fill any glass half way or anything. 265 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:35.480 Well, it's a perspective, and the glass is either half 266 00:16:35.480 --> 00:16:38.279 full or half empty. That's that's pretty factual. There's two 267 00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:41.399 sides to the same coin. You have coins the glass, 268 00:16:41.559 --> 00:16:44.679 all right, and if people are negative, okay, they see 269 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:49.200 it as basically half half deb half empty. And you 270 00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:53.399 know you said something earlier about cigarette smoking and drinking. 271 00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:57.320 If you think it's bad for you, your body will 272 00:16:57.360 --> 00:17:02.799 prove you right. If you think it's it's okay, it's okay. 273 00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:07.839 If you do something that you think is wrong, it's 274 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:11.319 bad for you, if you're neutral or you think it's 275 00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:13.599 good for you. George Burns was on Johnny Carson. I 276 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:16.279 never forget this. Johnny Carson said, how many of those? 277 00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:18.319 And he's sitting there smoking the cigars, because how many 278 00:17:18.319 --> 00:17:21.920 of those cigars just smoke a day? And George Burns 279 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.599 said four or five? And Johnny's just like, what does 280 00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:28.200 your doctor think of that? George Burns looks right at 281 00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:34.839 me and he goes, my doctor's dead. That's classic George Burns. Okay. Now, 282 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:36.759 I know people have smoked their whole lives and they 283 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:39.440 live to be, you know, ninety. And I know people 284 00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:42.839 have never touched one but lung cancer. Okay. I know 285 00:17:43.000 --> 00:17:46.960 people who are the most healthy diets and exercise and 286 00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:51.200 they die in marathons. Okay, So we have to be 287 00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:54.599 careful to be extreme here. In a lot of the 288 00:17:54.640 --> 00:18:00.640 Dow teachings, the spiritual teachings teach balance, okay, and moderation. 289 00:18:01.640 --> 00:18:04.759 So I think it's the extremists that really get themselves 290 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:07.400 into the most trouble one way or the other. Because 291 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:11.440 the habit there is judgment, and if a person's overly 292 00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:17.079 judging and critical, okay, that's dangerous. That's a dangerous habit. 293 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:21.839 It's much healthier to be open minded and contemplative, which 294 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:25.200 is why meditation is so valuable because you're not sitting 295 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:28.799 there thinking about good and bad okay, you're thinking about 296 00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:33.119 harmony and balance. Everything's in perfect harmony. When you're in 297 00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:36.400 perfect harmony, the world's just reflecting back what you got 298 00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:39.240 going on internally. So if you see things that are 299 00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:44.480 upsetting or disturbing and you have a tendency to get agitated, okay, 300 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:48.680 your body is proving you right by what you think, 301 00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:52.440 so you think you're right. Where other people can look 302 00:18:52.440 --> 00:18:55.519 at the world, go, I think it's absolutely beautiful and 303 00:18:55.559 --> 00:18:59.200 it's yin and yang. It's perfect harmony and balance. So 304 00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:02.759 the secrets of these, you know, break exchanging one habit 305 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:06.880 for another, And there's number one to identify and define 306 00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:10.880 it and then feel it. What does this habit feel 307 00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:15.240 like when I behave this way? How do I feel? 308 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:19.839 Does it make me feel guilty or ashamed? Does it 309 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.480 make me feel angry or stressed, or does it make 310 00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:29.960 me feel doubtful? Okay, if it does, that's that's dead weight. 311 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:32.160 And if you think back to we had to show 312 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:34.839 on the map of consciousness, if it's if it's one 313 00:19:34.839 --> 00:19:38.279 of those lower frequency energy shame and guilt and grief 314 00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:42.599 and apathy and fear and lust and even in anger 315 00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:48.119 and even pride, those lower eight frequencies, that's that's not 316 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:51.200 healthy in the long run. That's weighing you down. So 317 00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.960 if you feel weighed down, the buddhas said this, if 318 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.160 you feel weighed down by anything a person, a job, 319 00:19:58.440 --> 00:20:02.839 a location, a relationship, anything that is weighing you down, 320 00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:07.720 you're the problem by what you're thinking. You need to 321 00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:10.720 make a change, all right, be the change. You need 322 00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:15.079 to just exchange whatever is weighing you down for a 323 00:20:15.160 --> 00:20:19.200 different thought process, because what's weighing you down is what 324 00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:22.119 you think. Okay, it's not the other person, it's not 325 00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:25.359 the situation, it's not the job or the boss. You 326 00:20:25.480 --> 00:20:29.440 just think that because that's ego. It's your thinking that 327 00:20:29.480 --> 00:20:32.559 weighs you down. Remember what Earl Nightingale said, You become 328 00:20:32.599 --> 00:20:36.359 what you think, So be careful what you think and 329 00:20:36.440 --> 00:20:39.880 that's where the habits form. Okay, they're cobwebs at first, 330 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:44.759 and then they're still changed, so to speak, wired together 331 00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:47.039 at the end. And then that's even of course harder 332 00:20:47.079 --> 00:20:50.880 to break. So the ten steps just to work through 333 00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:54.119 a first of the field. You we identify it and 334 00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:57.160 define it what exactly, And I invite the audience now 335 00:20:57.599 --> 00:21:01.960 to think about a habit they want to change. It 336 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:04.759 could be like you said, I'm on my cell phone 337 00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:07.559 too much, I don't have enough time. You know, I'm 338 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:12.839 stressed because I'm overwhelmed. Okay. Then that's what we're going 339 00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:15.279 to look at. Okay, and then we're going to get 340 00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:18.160 into what does it feel like to be overwhelmed? Oh god, 341 00:21:18.200 --> 00:21:22.160 I'm losing it, you know, and I'm tempted to go 342 00:21:22.200 --> 00:21:25.319 to the bar. I'm tempted to do something abusive to 343 00:21:25.400 --> 00:21:30.119 my body. I'm you know, I mean, it affects my 344 00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:33.839 relationships with people. It's just it's just I know it's 345 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:38.240 not healthy. Okay. So you've identified it, and you've defined it, 346 00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:41.319 and you've felt it. Here's the other thing I want 347 00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:43.559 to say that's very important, and it goes back to 348 00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:46.920 ole Zen teaching. What if it's if it's a feeling 349 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:52.039 that's weighing you down. Do not resist it. That's like, 350 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:55.440 wait a minute, what you're trying to resist that drink? 351 00:21:55.720 --> 00:22:00.720 You're trying to resist that anger or that guilt. Yeah, 352 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.200 that's exactly what I'm saying, because anything you resist you 353 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:06.960 make stronger. You're feeding it by giving your attention to it. 354 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:09.440 You're locking the front door. There's end teaching is let 355 00:22:09.480 --> 00:22:12.079 it in the front door and let it out the 356 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:17.039 back door, but don't invite it. For Tea, don't harbor it. 357 00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:20.519 Byron Katie used to say, thoughts are like birds landing, 358 00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:23.799 you know, in a tree. Don't let them nest there 359 00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.519 in your tree, your brain. If it's not healthy, they're 360 00:22:27.559 --> 00:22:29.519 going to come and go. And you have the power 361 00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:33.559 to dismiss anything that absolutely not working for you. Don't 362 00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:38.480 let them nest in your tree. So we identify it, 363 00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:42.519 we process it, so to speak, and we feel it. 364 00:22:42.599 --> 00:22:45.400 What does it feel like? What does it feel like 365 00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:49.319 before I do this? What does it feel like when 366 00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:52.400 I do this? What does it feel like after I 367 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:56.640 do it? And I've talked about your egs, your emotional 368 00:22:56.640 --> 00:22:59.359 guidance system, and we all have one, and our emotional 369 00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:03.680 guidance system them is teaching us something. And so if 370 00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:09.200 we feel angry, if we feel depressed, if we feel guilty, 371 00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:12.480 if we feel doubtful, whatever it is we're feeling, our 372 00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:16.880 emotional guidance system is telling us you're of course, you're 373 00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:20.960 of course because you should. You're born to feel joyful, 374 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:25.599 You're born in peace, You're born to be joyful. It's 375 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:28.839 the essence of the world. Trees don't try to grow tall, 376 00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:32.319 flowers don't try to bloom. They do because that's their essence. 377 00:23:32.359 --> 00:23:35.119 They're supposed to. We're the same way. But from an 378 00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:39.559 very early age we start getting downloaded with all kinds 379 00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:43.319 of things and labels. I'm of this or I'm a that. 380 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:48.119 And so when you say I'm an addict, okay, you've 381 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:52.279 just that's a program. Yeah, I'm an addict. But what 382 00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:55.200 my thinking is, I'm an addict of something bad that 383 00:23:55.319 --> 00:23:58.039 I'm trying to beat. Why don't you just say I'm 384 00:23:58.039 --> 00:24:03.920 an addict for something great? Exactly, it's in exchange. So, 385 00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:08.680 I mean, we are creatures of habit, and highly successful 386 00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:14.000 people have highly successful habits, whether it's physical. And so 387 00:24:14.039 --> 00:24:17.240 I invite the audience to think about this, think about 388 00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:21.400 different outputs in your life, different why factors? Why is 389 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:24.279 a function of X? So let's think about physical Is 390 00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:28.119 there a habit you want to change physically? How about mental? 391 00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:31.079 Is there a habit you want to change mentally? Highly 392 00:24:31.079 --> 00:24:36.640 effective people are totally into self help, lifelong learning, reading books, 393 00:24:36.680 --> 00:24:39.680 listening to podcasts like this. They're not listening to a 394 00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:44.680 bunch of junk. Okay, they're they're they're getting sharper over 395 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:50.440 the years, not declining if you will. So you know, mental, emotional, 396 00:24:51.079 --> 00:24:56.039 what's an emoment? You know one? Am I feeling emotionally stressed? Or? Okay? 397 00:24:56.279 --> 00:25:01.039 How about relationships? How do I feel in certain relationships? 398 00:25:01.079 --> 00:25:04.319 Are they draining me? So you start to look at 399 00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:07.519 the output factors. How am I doing financially? Do I 400 00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:10.319 have a tendency to blow money on stupid stuff? You know, 401 00:25:10.359 --> 00:25:12.720