WEBVTT 1 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:26.600 Scarlet Hampton my guest for the evening. You know exactly 2 00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:30.160 where you can find her at. Scarlet Hampton links to 3 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:32.960 all of our social media the of everything in the 4 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:36.600 episode description below. Please make sure you support the creators 5 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:39.000 that come on our show, otherwise they stop coming on 6 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:41.320 our show. So Scarlet, thank you so much for coming 7 00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:41.960 on with me tonight. 8 00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:43.320 I appreciate it. 9 00:00:43.759 --> 00:00:47.280 This is the first time a guy's gotten really sweaty 10 00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:50.359 with you and hasn't really enjoyed it. Unfortunately. I think 11 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:53.520 I've enjoyed talking to you. I hate being fucking sweaty 12 00:00:53.640 --> 00:00:55.960 right now. And I think most of the guys on 13 00:00:56.119 --> 00:00:58.600 set who are getting sweaty with you are enjoying it 14 00:00:58.640 --> 00:00:59.359 more than I am. 15 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:03.320 And I doubt they're enjoying it because I go hard, 16 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:09.879 like I recently was laughing. I mean, I'm not a feminist, 17 00:01:10.799 --> 00:01:13.239 and that's why I think I've been able to get 18 00:01:13.239 --> 00:01:13.959 along with some. 19 00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:16.879 Boys that. 20 00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:21.799 I just kind of learned more through, learn life lessons through. 21 00:01:21.959 --> 00:01:26.959 But I feel I'll always respect. But I also feel 22 00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:28.640 like in the end they tell me that. 23 00:01:31.480 --> 00:01:35.719 It's my problem, not yours, you know, And that's basically 24 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:38.200 what I heard this week. And I don't even get personal. 25 00:01:38.280 --> 00:01:42.200 But I you know, that's why I think it's good 26 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:43.159 that por styleists. 27 00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:48.480 You know, we shouldn't we shouldn't fall in love. 28 00:01:49.239 --> 00:01:51.480 But you know, that was the first time, and I 29 00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:54.680 feel like I never had a relationship. And I got 30 00:01:54.680 --> 00:02:00.000 into the adult industry a few months after I lost my. 31 00:02:00.040 --> 00:02:08.039 I uh, you know, the forty minas twenty year old 32 00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:13.039 movie with Steve Carell. But oh, I have the college 33 00:02:13.080 --> 00:02:14.759 girl and I'm just Wisconsin. 34 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:19.840 Let me let me say this, Scarlett. Before we started recording, Scarlett, 35 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:23.960 you said, you know, I keep it PG protecting. You're 36 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.319 more than welcome to say literally any and everything you want. Okay, 37 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:30.479 curse you, fuck, we can fuck. But I don't you know, 38 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:32.639 I don't mean that. You do whatever you need to do, 39 00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:34.319 so you I really respect it. 40 00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:39.000 Let me on the whatever podcast I said there was. 41 00:02:39.400 --> 00:02:42.280 They had to actually cut it twice during the time 42 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:45.879 I was there, and I didn't know that it was 43 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:49.360 a debate podcast. So the first time they cut it, 44 00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:53.800 I'm sitting in the corner and I'm just being I'm 45 00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:57.520 just feeling dejected because I don't I'm not a bully, 46 00:02:57.560 --> 00:02:59.719 and I didn't go on to a podcast and drive 47 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:03.840 and a half hours and be excited to be there 48 00:03:03.960 --> 00:03:09.840 to support the adult industry. And then right away they're 49 00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:15.159 asking the girls around me about their relationships and what 50 00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:19.120 fake boob job they got, and and then I'm just 51 00:03:19.159 --> 00:03:22.840 sitting here like this, like I'm like a guy, almost 52 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:26.520 like like I'm like this. And then I guess I 53 00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:29.479 got a nickname during that show. They called me Methany, 54 00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:33.080 and I thought that was hilarious because I rowed seven 55 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:36.319 and a half hours and didn't eat, and that, you know, 56 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:40.000 I was a bit cranky, you know, and women get 57 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:44.520 cranky and angry, and my hangariness must have made me 58 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:47.360 the talk of that little. 59 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:52.599 Show then, And to me, I got, I came, I left, and. 60 00:03:55.879 --> 00:04:00.240 I undressed, and I redressed and I came back in 61 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:04.960 the room and anyways, I jumped a hat a bit. 62 00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:09.159 But what happened was first time they cut that podcast, 63 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:12.759 I was sitting like this, and when my legs crossed 64 00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:18.240 in the corner, and then none of the comments, nothing 65 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:21.319 was happening. No one knows me. I wasn't talking, but 66 00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:28.519 I treat everyone respect and and you know, and I 67 00:04:28.519 --> 00:04:32.199 feel like they respect me too. And then at a 68 00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:35.279 certain point they say that they want to be good 69 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:42.000 and they're trying to be good and they they can't. 70 00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:46.879 They can't be around someone like me. 71 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:50.800 I think you're great to be around so far. I 72 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:52.079 haven't been around you very long. 73 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:57.040 Actually, I think it's just like maybe I'm like Frank 74 00:04:57.079 --> 00:05:00.800 Booth and Blue Velvet when it's like names by Roy 75 00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:02.120 Orbison's playing. 76 00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:02.480 And. 77 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:07.360 I was listening to the Blue Angel today. I was 78 00:05:07.399 --> 00:05:11.759 listening to Crying I'm Hurting All by Roy Orbison and 79 00:05:11.879 --> 00:05:15.720 it also a band of Stranger Shangerlas or something, and 80 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:20.199 all that music just makes me cry the Rolly Stones, 81 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.720 you know now using crying. Yeah, anyways, blah blah blah. 82 00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:26.560 I'm a huge music persontcha. 83 00:05:27.160 --> 00:05:29.399 I don't know anything about music. I'm not a very 84 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:29.720 good with. 85 00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:31.959 Yeah. 86 00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:36.360 I hope I'm not a maniac because I know I'm 87 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:40.959 not a sociopath or psychopath because I feel too strongly 88 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:44.920 at certain points. But you know, when I went to 89 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:48.120 college for a few years before I got in the industry, 90 00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:52.000 and that was right during COVID, so it was a 91 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.360 good reason to leave college. 92 00:05:55.160 --> 00:05:59.079 And you know, because I. 93 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.160 Didn't feel like I never had advisors in college, I 94 00:06:02.199 --> 00:06:05.199 never felt like I had a direction, I had no 95 00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:07.319 reason to believe in myself, and I had no. 96 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:10.319 Supportive figures. 97 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:15.000 I worked three jobs in like service, and my friends 98 00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:19.040 were people that I just worked with that would either 99 00:06:19.079 --> 00:06:20.360 boss me around or. 100 00:06:22.920 --> 00:06:24.879 Or tell me I was too much of a flirt. 101 00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:27.160 And I think it's funny because I was a virgin 102 00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:29.959 all time and I never had a boyfriend, and I 103 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:33.120 guess I was a flirt from the beginning, So you know, 104 00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:34.959 why not become a foreign stone. 105 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:39.920 I'm a Midwest polite girl, and I would just joke 106 00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:42.920 around with the Badger hockey team when they come into 107 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:46.120 Jimmie John's at two am drunk and they would call 108 00:06:46.160 --> 00:06:48.680 me the Jimmie Johns girl. So I became the Jimmy 109 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:51.920 Gunks girl because I still have my Jimmy John's vest 110 00:06:52.399 --> 00:06:54.319 and I put subs in the back of it. Get 111 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:58.480 on my bicycle, and you know, I can't say bike 112 00:06:58.639 --> 00:07:02.480 because these motorcycles boys, they like to say. 113 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:03.759 That wasn't a bike. I said a paddle bike. 114 00:07:04.120 --> 00:07:08.480 But I still like forty four miles a shift, so 115 00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:10.560 our INTL gas gas. 116 00:07:12.279 --> 00:07:16.040 Anyways, that's totally off topic. You're good A bunch of different. 117 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:19.560 My life is like in all different weird aspects of 118 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:22.639 weird directions, but a lot of things can inspire me 119 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:25.879 and move me forward. And you know, the adult industry 120 00:07:25.959 --> 00:07:31.439 is always not it's not. I've been able to distinguish 121 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:35.759 who I am and what I've done in the industry 122 00:07:36.199 --> 00:07:40.879 because I started doing just photography and it was all 123 00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:46.279 very natural, happy photos clothed just in Madison here on campus, 124 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:49.519 just taking photos. And then one day my shirt blew 125 00:07:49.519 --> 00:07:52.360 open in the wind. And then there's these like events, 126 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:54.720 you know, like you know in the seven year Inch 127 00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:57.079 at Me momoroe I was in trying. I was just 128 00:07:57.120 --> 00:07:59.920 wearing a Likenavy skirt and event was blown up and 129 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:04.439 then the photographer's like, whoa, keep doing that? You should 130 00:08:04.439 --> 00:08:08.199 get in you know, the of So that's kind of 131 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:11.000 how that started for me. I think twenty twenty, twenty 132 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:12.800 twenty one, you know, around then. 133 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:15.560 So so you it seems like you were kind of 134 00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:17.920 all right. But at that point, are you still a 135 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.240 virgin or no, like you said, you said you were 136 00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:22.680 being a flirt at the time, or were you like 137 00:08:22.839 --> 00:08:24.439 trying to feel yourself out? 138 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:29.439 And yeah, twenty one and things had change. I'm not 139 00:08:29.720 --> 00:08:33.320 no forty year old virgins. So what I did was. 140 00:08:34.600 --> 00:08:36.039 I was with this girl. 141 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:36.440 My friend. 142 00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:39.639 You know, I'm just gonna say, Jay and news a 143 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:43.279 girl and we went to the bar that I worked 144 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.000 at because I was a shock girl. And that's how 145 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:49.519 I had my first shot of anything. I never had 146 00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:54.480 any drugs but prozac. When I was a teenager, I 147 00:08:54.519 --> 00:08:58.000 was given blik and I depressed him because I grew 148 00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:02.240 up and grew will Wisconsin, and I was a perfectionist 149 00:09:02.600 --> 00:09:06.600 in sports, Like I was so hardcore an athlete. 150 00:09:06.639 --> 00:09:07.759 I was doing like. 151 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:10.799 Three hundred crunches in the sauna and I waited till 152 00:09:10.840 --> 00:09:14.519 the sauna was like one hundred and thirty degrees until 153 00:09:14.559 --> 00:09:17.320 I was done, and then I would be on the 154 00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:21.399 elliptical for like thirty five minutes, hardcore, listening to music 155 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:24.120 the entire time, and I wouldn't stop until there's a 156 00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:27.360 puddle sweat under me. But then I you know, the 157 00:09:27.399 --> 00:09:30.279 whole time, I was just like going hard and not 158 00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:33.960 thinking about any but like not friendships. I didn't prioritize 159 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:37.480 people relationships. That's why I don't think I had boyfriends. 160 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:39.639 And my mom said, maybe I just scared the boys 161 00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:41.639 a bit too much, because then I would go home. 162 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:44.480 I would play guitar and I would sing like I 163 00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:45.320 call it scream. 164 00:09:45.399 --> 00:09:45.799 Oh, but. 165 00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:50.519 Some guys and bands say that it's more that I 166 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:53.120 know that. They say it's more like a grunge like 167 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:56.960 I was inspired by Courtney Love and L seven and 168 00:09:57.559 --> 00:10:00.320 of course like bands like that as a teenage, so 169 00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:04.360 I started learning to teach myself how to sing like 170 00:10:04.519 --> 00:10:07.639 a vocal fry type voice. So then I started poisting 171 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:10.879 that and then I still have the same Instagram I 172 00:10:10.919 --> 00:10:13.799 had when I was like fourteen, so it was taken 173 00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:21.000 away when I had a photo not related to the 174 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:26.679 adult industry, but it was related to the photography when 175 00:10:27.960 --> 00:10:31.200 I had like leaves, like I had these fall leaves. 176 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:33.759 It was just a pretty artsy photo and the fall 177 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:36.639 leaves were just covering my body like this, and I 178 00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:39.679 had them this and nothing was showing. And then it 179 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:44.519 says this was flagged for underage and inappropriate content. And 180 00:10:44.919 --> 00:10:47.840 I always find it interesting, and I mean, I'm proud 181 00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:51.159 to be on barely Legal. But I was already, you know, 182 00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:57.720 it was already. I was not eighteen, and I mean 183 00:10:58.159 --> 00:11:03.240 I wasn't I was twenty twenty one, but still I'd 184 00:11:03.240 --> 00:11:05.159 been through a couple of years of college, been through 185 00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:10.799 like service jobs, learned how to work hard, we learn 186 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:14.840 to work ethic. And both of my parents were self employed. 187 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:17.720 So I grew up working on my dad's tree farm 188 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:21.320 out in like ten degree weather and loaded trees on cars. 189 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:24.519 But I learned that I became a good salesperson, you 190 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:27.960 know what I mean, And I could talk someone into 191 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:30.960 buying a Christmas tree. These are fresh cut, This one's 192 00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:33.399 little bushy. This the balls and further pretty were you know, 193 00:11:34.039 --> 00:11:37.799 and then the Fraser firs and then you know, and 194 00:11:37.879 --> 00:11:40.919 these ones. Don't get this one it's poky. But if 195 00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:42.879 you want a white pine in your house, go for it. 196 00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:46.399 They're nice looking trees. So I knew how to sell 197 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:53.759 Christmas trees, you know. So like that's kind of things 198 00:11:53.799 --> 00:11:56.879 started that I have to you know, other jobs whatever. 199 00:11:56.960 --> 00:11:57.600 Off topic. 200 00:11:57.799 --> 00:12:00.519 But a lot of people like get it wrong about 201 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:05.200 people in the adult industry that and I wouldn't disagree 202 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:10.720 with them, because nowadays, I feel like the adult industry 203 00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:14.519 is changing. It's not what it has been because of 204 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:19.200 the way of and these content creators and these TikTokers, 205 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:23.759 and the mainstream vibe of being in the adult industry 206 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:28.600 is now becoming so glamorized to a point where there's 207 00:12:28.679 --> 00:12:31.879 no time for anyone to pause and actually understand what 208 00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:35.840 they're doing. Where I spent a lot of time thinking 209 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:37.600 about it because when I was in high school, I 210 00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:42.399 was reached out. There used to be one of these 211 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:47.120 campsites that would just go find cute pictures of girls 212 00:12:47.320 --> 00:12:51.120 and they would message them. And right when I turned eighteen, 213 00:12:52.279 --> 00:12:55.120 I thought about getting on a campsite, not like what 214 00:12:55.159 --> 00:12:57.039 I didn't consider it porn, but it was just like 215 00:12:57.120 --> 00:12:59.960 talking to people on a camera. But I found that 216 00:13:00.039 --> 00:13:03.480 had to be more humiliating because the first time I 217 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:06.279 did it, I was I was in my dorm room 218 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:11.799 and I ended up I still have the table too. 219 00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:15.480 I ended up just using the lego of the table 220 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:20.000 over there and just putting on a show with it. 221 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:25.120 And I mean I was a v rig and h 222 00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:27.240 I mean I. 223 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:31.279 Made more money than I made. 224 00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:36.320 Probably working at I worked at a Quick Trip here in 225 00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:36.879 the Midwest. 226 00:13:36.919 --> 00:13:37.519 It's a big thing. 227 00:13:37.559 --> 00:13:40.639 And I love that job because but I gained weight 228 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:44.480 because I drank too many capsules. I love the cab, 229 00:13:44.840 --> 00:13:47.360 I love coffee, but now I barely drinking. 230 00:13:47.480 --> 00:13:48.399 I drink soda. 231 00:13:50.159 --> 00:13:53.279 And right now I got an Atkins Protein shake because 232 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:57.679 I do keto like I. That's one thing too, is 233 00:13:57.799 --> 00:14:00.279 a lot of people get us wrong, is that we're 234 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:01.519 like unhealthy people. 235 00:14:01.639 --> 00:14:07.919 But I've always been a runner. And yeah, I mean like. 236 00:14:09.799 --> 00:14:12.840 Yeah, let me ask, let me ask. So you played music, right? 237 00:14:13.559 --> 00:14:16.679 Have you always had like a performance aspect to you? 238 00:14:17.279 --> 00:14:18.039 Like, yeah, I did. 239 00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:22.039 Maybe maybe not porn, but maybe if when you were younger, 240 00:14:22.039 --> 00:14:24.039 if I met you, I would think like, oh, this 241 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:26.720 girl is going to do something in front of people someday, 242 00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:29.960 whether it's theater or blah blah blah. Oh you always 243 00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:30.720 had that about you. 244 00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:35.679 And I don't want to say I did, but I 245 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:40.759 was a kid that I would just not want to 246 00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:45.120 be around people, but I would be orchestrating the games 247 00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:49.399 on the playground, okay, Like in I was the smart kid, 248 00:14:49.879 --> 00:14:55.080 Like I was a valedictorian, you know, I was the professionist. 249 00:14:55.159 --> 00:14:57.799 But I also was the one that was inspired by 250 00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.159 for months like it and music, and it touched me 251 00:15:03.879 --> 00:15:06.559 and it made me not feel so alone when you know, 252 00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:09.519 I grew up in a town with sixty people and 253 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:12.840 we had a post office, and we had a church, 254 00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:16.440 and we didn't go to church. And it's not that 255 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:20.039 we weren't religious. It's just that, like I found myself 256 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:24.279 in the Wisconsin wintertime, I was I took the bus 257 00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:27.039 home from school, and I was always alone, and I 258 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:33.399 didn't fit into a click, so I found myself alone 259 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:37.840 a lot. So I got headphones and I just would 260 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:40.000 spend that whole hour bus ride every night. 261 00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:40.639 Listening to music. 262 00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:43.799 And when I get home, I'm alone and it's dark, 263 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:47.120 because in the winter time in the Midwest or anywhere, 264 00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:49.639 it gets dark. It for so if you get out 265 00:15:49.639 --> 00:15:51.879 of school at three seventeen and you're the last one 266 00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:56.039 off a bus ride that takes people all out here, 267 00:15:56.519 --> 00:16:01.039 and it's a tiresome and I found self getting depressed 268 00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:05.279 at that point. And I feel like the biggest issue 269 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:09.399 with people and mental health is that if you're the 270 00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:15.360 one that has this need to express yourself, however it 271 00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:22.919 might be, it's the way to heal yourself, and you 272 00:16:23.000 --> 00:16:25.879 have to do it on your own. And I think 273 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:28.679 a lot of people and parents love their children, and 274 00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:31.759 you know, most parents do it and like they want 275 00:16:31.799 --> 00:16:34.399 to help their kids by putting them in therapy or 276 00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:36.519 thinking that that's going to be the right thing to do, 277 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:41.000 but lock them away and abandon them and put them 278 00:16:41.080 --> 00:16:46.720 somewhere where they're going to get right in the head. 279 00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:52.639 But in reality, dealing with that pain and dealing with 280 00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:57.120 the loneliness and finding a way through it, it allows 281 00:16:57.159 --> 00:17:00.399 you to find out who you are because you're alone 282 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:03.960 with who you are, and you can either self destruct 283 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:13.319 or you can start yet finding or realizing something, discovering 284 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:20.519 something that makes you want to just you don't feel 285 00:17:20.559 --> 00:17:23.359 alone because you found something and it's not It doesn't 286 00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:25.400 have to be a person. You don't have to fit 287 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:28.480 into a click or ever be like anyone else. So 288 00:17:28.599 --> 00:17:32.240 I feel like I was more of an outcast. I 289 00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:35.440 wore a Jason mass to prom, and I never had 290 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:37.920 a boyfriend in high school. And I never saw myself 291 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:42.160 as pretty or attractive or my looks is anything that 292 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:48.240 made me any more or less or anything than anybody, 293 00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:49.039 you know what I mean. 294 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:51.559 The reason why is because, like you know. 295 00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:55.519 I was told from the time I was a kid, oh, 296 00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.000 you're so pretty, you're so pretty, or is pretty? 297 00:17:58.359 --> 00:18:00.839 You can't you shouldn't look in the mirror, don't look 298 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:03.319 in the mirror. And then it was almost like. 299 00:18:05.160 --> 00:18:08.880 I almost felt like I rejected my appearance in a 300 00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:13.880 way because if you're told you're vain, or if you're 301 00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:20.559 told you're a narcissist by people that you thought loved you, 302 00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:25.759 and they make these harsh decisions upon you without actually 303 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:30.920 knowing who you are inside. And I think that's why 304 00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.799 I escaped and I would go out to the shed 305 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:36.079 and I would just listen to the extreme on music 306 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:38.480 and I would go run like eight mile runs and 307 00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:44.599 just disappear. And it wasn't because I didn't let my 308 00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:47.839 families just they didn't. I felt like more like they 309 00:18:47.880 --> 00:18:52.319 always treated me like I was the one that was different. 310 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:56.200 I was always the different kid that no one knew 311 00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:02.920 they were either intimidated by or they they you know, 312 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:08.240 I just I don't care about making friends like that. 313 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:09.599 Let me say something real quick. 314 00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:12.440 Yeah sorry, no no no, no, no. 315 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:13.400 No, and please no no no. 316 00:19:13.480 --> 00:19:15.640 It's just kind of a development of how why I've 317 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.160 probably maybe got in the industry. 318 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:19.559 No, no, no. I think it's great, and I think 319 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:22.599 I think there's so many young kids who are in 320 00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:26.680 that situation where maybe they feel like they don't fit 321 00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:29.559 into their own families, you know. And what we have 322 00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:32.000 to understand as adults now and we look at it 323 00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:35.799 is it's not that maybe we were weird, it's that 324 00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:38.240 we were and and I think there's been too much 325 00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:40.680 of this with a lot of the younger generations being 326 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:44.720 told this. But when you really don't fit in, I 327 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:47.400 think you're special. You know, you just have to find 328 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:48.920 what your path is to. 329 00:19:49.079 --> 00:19:49.240 Now. 330 00:19:49.240 --> 00:19:51.759 There are some just straight weirdos out there, right, like 331 00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:53.000 the weird kid in the family. 332 00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:57.400 Yeah, yeah, of course there's a weird ones like Road Hill, 333 00:19:57.480 --> 00:19:59.799 Off the Road here and stuff like that. 334 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:01.960 But I was more of the kid that. 335 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:08.559 I heard like grunge music, and I well, I heard 336 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:13.000 like when Kurticle Paint, Kurt Cole Pain and Nirvana and 337 00:20:13.079 --> 00:20:16.160 the MTV Unplugged and when he's saying like where'd you 338 00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:18.680 sleep last night? And the last verse when you just 339 00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:22.599 scream and until his voice just fries out. Like that 340 00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:25.279 kind of stuff touched my soul in a way where 341 00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:31.599 I saw truth. And I went to these like rock 342 00:20:31.680 --> 00:20:34.680 camps or summer camps where every kid wanted to be 343 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:38.039 the best guitar player and shred and do all this stuff. 344 00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:41.160 And I was sitting there in the lawn and I 345 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:46.160 could play guitar, but I wasn't showing off. I actually 346 00:20:46.440 --> 00:20:50.599 liked my classical guitar way better, and lately I really 347 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:56.799 loved like bands like Leonard Cohen. And you know, I 348 00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:01.000 listened to a lot of good music now, but you know, 349 00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:03.920 when in that age, like when I was maybe fourteen 350 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:07.960 fifteen sixteen, I listened, I found grunge. And when I 351 00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:10.680 found the nineties grunge, I think it really got me 352 00:21:11.480 --> 00:21:17.200 through my teenage years, just because teenage inks like teenage 353 00:21:17.200 --> 00:21:19.359 having inkst and if you can find a way to 354 00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:24.480 take it out in a way where you feel understood 355 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.640 by what you hear and you don't feel alone in it. 356 00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:32.119 And that's why I really respect art music and expression 357 00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:39.960 when they're being very vulnerable to either write or express 358 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:43.319 themselves in a way where it touches the souls of 359 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:49.200 people and it it I see value and meaning in 360 00:21:49.240 --> 00:21:57.319 that more than like, you know, just getting the job 361 00:21:58.039 --> 00:22:02.000 and doing it to make money so that I can 362 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:05.480 buy and have a picket fence and a house and whatever. 363 00:22:05.960 --> 00:22:08.400 And you know, like that's why recently I've really gotten 364 00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:11.839 to Childs Mkowski over this past summer and he actually 365 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:15.079 saved my life really with he has a palm the 366 00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:21.400 Blue Bird, and it's just basically about how every person, 367 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:25.440 and not everyone, but we all have our child, our 368 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.960 inner soul and who we are, and that is part 369 00:22:29.960 --> 00:22:33.839 of us. And that is like our little bluebird if 370 00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:36.880 we don't feed it, if we say no, you can't talk. 371 00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:39.480 You're not supposed to think that way. This is what 372 00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:43.000 everyone needs you to think. This is what society says 373 00:22:43.079 --> 00:22:46.000 is right and wrong. You can't have your own sense 374 00:22:46.039 --> 00:22:48.559 of right and wrong. You have to put you in 375 00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:51.400 a cage and you have to be quiet, and we're 376 00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:54.440 going to drown you. And now we're hurting too because 377 00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:56.039 we can't talk to you. So we're going to just 378 00:22:56.119 --> 00:23:00.559 keep hurting you. And then when I listen listen to that, 379 00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:03.480 I really felt touched because in a way I felt 380 00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:09.400 like it's like when I felt like since I started 381 00:23:09.400 --> 00:23:12.720 listening to that kind of stuff, I started to respect 382 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:17.599 myself more who I am on the inside and who 383 00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:23.200 I was and not what other people think and who 384 00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:23.559 I am. 385 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:28.079 First off, have you ever read excuse me, Heavier than Heaven, 386 00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:33.160 the Charles Cross book, the Cobaine documentary or biography. No 387 00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:35.720 I haven't. I got to write it down. Only book 388 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:38.880 I've ever read twice, Heavier than Heaven. It's very like 389 00:23:39.279 --> 00:23:42.200 in depth, they taught I'm a huge Nirvanica and Nirvana 390 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:42.759 is my band. 391 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:44.279 Oh I love Nirvana. 392 00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:47.200 Yeah yeah, so that one is great, you. 393 00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:51.400 Know, el save Babes and toiling. I mean, and I actually. 394 00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:54.559 Do like Courtney Love because I start out, like, you know, 395 00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:57.279 a lot of people hate her because she killed Kurt. 396 00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:00.799 And this about when I was fourteen fifteen, kind of 397 00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:04.480 between fourteen sixteen. She still had Instagram and she still 398 00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:07.359 had things, and I would post covers of her songs, 399 00:24:07.400 --> 00:24:10.799 and I postcovers in Nirvana songs. And one day I 400 00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:12.839 was out on a run, like in the middle of nowhere, 401 00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:14.759