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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Becoming You Show, where limits get torched

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<v Speaker 1>and possibility takes the mic. I'm Leah, rowing human in

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<v Speaker 1>permanent Beta, neurostrategist, mom to three amazing humans, married to

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<v Speaker 1>one legendary soul, and your no Fluff Permission slate to

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<v Speaker 1>stop waiting. Every week, we rewire brain patterns, smash hand

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<v Speaker 1>me down mindsets, and dive into the daring identity shifting

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<v Speaker 1>conversations most people gosh, ready to turn potential into proof.

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<v Speaker 1>Grab your pen. Your next chapter starts now. Hello, my

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful friends, how are you today? It's good to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited about this conversation, so welcome. We've been on

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<v Speaker 1>a journey right this month talking about courage, and we've

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<v Speaker 1>got two more episodes to go, and I want to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of walk you through it, not that you'd have

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<v Speaker 1>to listen to those to make sense of this, but

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<v Speaker 1>just to kind of give you a recap. So the

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<v Speaker 1>first episode in the series was around worth acquisition. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>we named the thing right. There's a payoff, there's a

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<v Speaker 1>payoff to staying unworthy, right, and most of us are

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<v Speaker 1>paying for proof that we never needed. And the invitation

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<v Speaker 1>the work then isn't in becoming worthy, right, it's in

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<v Speaker 1>the stopping of practicing our unworthiness. Right. And then in two,

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<v Speaker 1>episode two of the series, we talked about the tell right.

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<v Speaker 1>We honored the fact that your body right has been

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<v Speaker 1>trying to tell you who you are for a really

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<v Speaker 1>long time. It's been it's been trying to get your

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<v Speaker 1>attention for a really long time. And the work it's

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<v Speaker 1>not to master the signals, right, but to simply to

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<v Speaker 1>simply patiently trust them. Right. If you've never read the

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<v Speaker 1>book The Body Keeps the Score talks a lot about it. Obviously,

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<v Speaker 1>it talks in way more detail, length and depth than

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<v Speaker 1>that episode. And then last week we talked about the

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<v Speaker 1>unwitnessed self. Right. We went we went into the quietest

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<v Speaker 1>room in the house, right, the room that most of

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<v Speaker 1>us have been avoiding going into, and we named the

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<v Speaker 1>self that was waiting there for you to come home. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>And today we're going to talk about the only question

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<v Speaker 1>that matters now, which is what do we actually do

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<v Speaker 1>with all of this? And what do we do with

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<v Speaker 1>all of this? Okay, because here's what I've learned after

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<v Speaker 1>what twenty plus years of walking with people through moments

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<v Speaker 1>like the ones that we've been having this this month.

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<v Speaker 1>The awakening, right, that level of awareness, that's the easy part, right,

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<v Speaker 1>And I know that sounds outrageous, because the awakening feels huge,

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<v Speaker 1>huge when you're in it, right, it feels like the

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<v Speaker 1>most important thing that has ever happened. And in a

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<v Speaker 1>way it is. But the awakening, right, that moment of

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<v Speaker 1>like crystal clear clarity, right of insight, of remembering, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not the work. That's not the work, that's the door, right.

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<v Speaker 1>The work is what happens after you walk through. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>The work is the Tuesday, the Wednesday, the Thursday. The

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<v Speaker 1>work is the meeting where you are attempted to go

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<v Speaker 1>back to the old version of yourself because well, just frankly,

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<v Speaker 1>it feels easier, although it's really not. It's just way

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<v Speaker 1>more familiar and accessible. Hey, the work in the relationship

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<v Speaker 1>where maybe saying the true thing would change everything, and

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<v Speaker 1>the small part of you that whispers not today, not today. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>It's also the work right in the mirror where you

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<v Speaker 1>are about to critique and catalog yourself again out of

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<v Speaker 1>decades of having it and the practice right of one breath,

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<v Speaker 1>one pause, one moment of not collapsing into the old performance, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the work. The work is a practice, the practice

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<v Speaker 1>right of pausing, of taking a beat, of interrupting the familiar,

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<v Speaker 1>the familiar way that you meet moments and not collapsing

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<v Speaker 1>into old patterns, old performance you from yesterday. Right. And

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<v Speaker 1>here's the thing, you, guys. The work is not glamorous.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not There's almost nothing to post about. You cannot

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<v Speaker 1>really take a picture of it, you cannot really tell

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<v Speaker 1>anyone about it without its sounding smaller than it was,

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<v Speaker 1>smaller than it is. And that is exactly why it matters,

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<v Speaker 1>because that is where the life that you actually want

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<v Speaker 1>is built, not in the breakthrough, right, not in the aha,

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<v Speaker 1>not in the yes right that you get after you

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<v Speaker 1>leave a conference, but in the hundred small, uncollapsed choices

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<v Speaker 1>that you make in the weeks that follow. Right. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not in the big awakening that the life that you

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<v Speaker 1>want is built. It's in the small, uncollapsed choices that

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<v Speaker 1>you make in the weeks that follow. So the awakening

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<v Speaker 1>is the door, for sure, But what you do on

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<v Speaker 1>Tuesday is the room is the work is your life.

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<v Speaker 1>So I want to try to describe as honestly as

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<v Speaker 1>I can what it looks like to live uncollapsed right

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<v Speaker 1>where we don't collapse back into fear, where we don't

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<v Speaker 1>collapse back into doubt, where we don't collapse back into temper,

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<v Speaker 1>where we don't collapse back into people pleasing, where we

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<v Speaker 1>don't collapse back into perfectionism. Okay, because I think this

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<v Speaker 1>idea of living uncollapsed, I think is what I called

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<v Speaker 1>this episode. It's it can sound poetic, and the reality

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<v Speaker 1>of it is much smaller and much stranger than that

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<v Speaker 1>phrase probably suggests. Living uncollapsed, okay, does not mean that

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<v Speaker 1>you have some dramatic, fully realized version of yourself striding

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<v Speaker 1>through the world. It does not mean that you've stopped performing.

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<v Speaker 1>It does not mean that you became this perfect, integrated, aligned,

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<v Speaker 1>whole human who never second guesses, who never people pleases,

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<v Speaker 1>who never shrinks. Okay, you will still do I want

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<v Speaker 1>you to hear me. You will still do all of

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<v Speaker 1>those things. You just will because you're human. You will

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<v Speaker 1>still catch yourself scanning the room for approval. You will

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<v Speaker 1>still say yes when you mean no. You will still

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<v Speaker 1>some warnings feel smaller than you know yourself to be.

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<v Speaker 1>You will still talk to yourself in ways that you

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<v Speaker 1>would never talk to anyone else, you still will do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Living uncollapsed is not the absence of the old pattern.

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<v Speaker 1>It is a new relationship to them. So here's what

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<v Speaker 1>it actually looks like. Okay, Living uncollapsed is the half

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<v Speaker 1>second pause before you answer right. It's the half second

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<v Speaker 1>in which you notice that the old version of you

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<v Speaker 1>is about to speak, and you let that half second

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<v Speaker 1>be enough to choose differently, right, to choose more consciously,

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<v Speaker 1>to choose more compassionately, to choose more courageously. Sometimes you

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<v Speaker 1>will choose differently, sometimes you don't. But the pause is new.

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<v Speaker 1>The pause is the work. Living uncollapsed is the moment

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<v Speaker 1>you are in a conversation and you feel yourself starting

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<v Speaker 1>to perform right, starting starting to package, starting to curate,

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<v Speaker 1>starting to starting to think about what you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>say next so that you can sound smart or intriguing

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<v Speaker 1>or interesting. And then you pause, and you quietly, privately

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<v Speaker 1>take yourself off the stage. Right. This is nothing we announce, right,

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<v Speaker 1>We don't make it a big thing. We just stop

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<v Speaker 1>inside ourselves and return to the person that we actually

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<v Speaker 1>are with full presence and engagement in that conversation. The

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<v Speaker 1>shift is an invisible right. The shift is invisible to

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<v Speaker 1>everyone in that room, but the shift is everything to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Living uncollapsed is the email that you do not send

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<v Speaker 1>because you realize in the second before you hit send

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<v Speaker 1>that it was written by a version of you who

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<v Speaker 1>was trying to be chosen, trying to be validated, trying

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<v Speaker 1>to be right right, and instead d you write a

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<v Speaker 1>shorter one, a truer one, one that you would not

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<v Speaker 1>have been able to write a year ago. Living uncollapsed

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<v Speaker 1>is the boundary that doesn't require a speech, right, the

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<v Speaker 1>no that does not require seven paragraphs of justification. It's

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<v Speaker 1>just no complete sentence period. It's not loud, you guys,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not dramatic. It is mostly invisible to the world.

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<v Speaker 1>To the world, it's living this way, living, living uncollapsed,

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<v Speaker 1>living living in conscious choice is not a personality trait.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not a it's not a characteristic it's it's a

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<v Speaker 1>series of small and private returns to yourself, over and

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<v Speaker 1>over and over and over across the rest of your life,

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<v Speaker 1>many many interruptions, many practices. So I want, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to be honest with you about this, right because nobody,

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<v Speaker 1>nobody talked to me about this when I started, and

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<v Speaker 1>I really wish someone had, right, because here's the thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's the thing. There are costs to living uncollapsed. There

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<v Speaker 1>are costs to living with a level of intentionality around

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<v Speaker 1>conscious choice, choosing on purpose, acting from choice, not reaction. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>real ones, real costs, And if you walk out of

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<v Speaker 1>this series without knowing what they are, you are going

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<v Speaker 1>to be blindsided by them, and you are going to

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<v Speaker 1>wonder if you are doing it wrong, and you are not.

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<v Speaker 1>Hear me say this, you are not doing it wrong. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>These costs, right, come with the territory. They come with

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<v Speaker 1>the the the dismissal of not practicing unworthiness. Right, They

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<v Speaker 1>just come with the cost of not abandoning yourself. They

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<v Speaker 1>come with the cost of you being the most us

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<v Speaker 1>you ever, there's a cost to that, no wonder, That's

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<v Speaker 1>what we talked about, you know that in the first episode.

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<v Speaker 1>It's no wonder that we just want to stay unworthy

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<v Speaker 1>because as long as we're unworthy, we don't have these costs.

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<v Speaker 1>Because remember there was a payoff. There's a payoff to

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<v Speaker 1>staying unworthy. So cost number one, some of your relationships

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<v Speaker 1>are going to change, period. They just are. Not all

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<v Speaker 1>of them, not most of them, but some because some

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<v Speaker 1>of your relationships were built on a version of you right,

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<v Speaker 1>that was performing, that was pleasing, was that made their

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<v Speaker 1>life more comfortable. You traded your comfort for theirs. You

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<v Speaker 1>traded your peace for theirs. Okay, And when you stop

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<v Speaker 1>doing that, that contract changes, and not everyone signed up

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<v Speaker 1>for the new contract. Right. Some people will grow with you,

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<v Speaker 1>for sure. Those relationships will deepen in ways that you

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<v Speaker 1>did not think were possible. You will find yourself in

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<v Speaker 1>friendships that feel like coming home. You will be fine

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<v Speaker 1>with the people that just walk on by because you

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<v Speaker 1>no longer have to abandon yourself to keep them here.

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<v Speaker 1>You no longer have to continue to lie and pretend

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<v Speaker 1>and placate in order to have them like you. Let

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<v Speaker 1>them walk, Let them walk right. Some people will quietly exit,

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<v Speaker 1>some not so quietly. Some will become just more just some,

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<v Speaker 1>some will become more reactive. Some will tell you directly

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<v Speaker 1>or indirectly that they that they like the old the

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<v Speaker 1>old you better, and you don't have to be upset

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<v Speaker 1>about that. Of course they did. That old version of

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<v Speaker 1>you allowed for their peace, allowed for their comfort, allowed

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<v Speaker 1>them to be whoever they wanted to be without any

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<v Speaker 1>sort of consequence. Don't be blindsided by that. It's just information.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not a problem to fix. It's not something that

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<v Speaker 1>you even apologize for. It's just something that happens when

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<v Speaker 1>you stop collapsing into who someone needed you to be. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>we got to know that. That's a true and real cost.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm telling you, your biggest life deserves it. It's

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<v Speaker 1>worth it. It's worth it. Okay, cost too. Okay. You

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<v Speaker 1>are going to feel a kind of loneliness that you've

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<v Speaker 1>not felt before. And this and this is important because

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<v Speaker 1>it's going to feel like you're doing something wrong and

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<v Speaker 1>you're not. Okay, the loneliness is not the absence of people.

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<v Speaker 1>It is the presence of a self who has finally

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<v Speaker 1>shown up and a world that has not adjusted to

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<v Speaker 1>meet this new self where they actually live. There is

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<v Speaker 1>a gap, but the gap is temporary. The gap is real,

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<v Speaker 1>and in that gap, right you may feel more alone

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<v Speaker 1>than you have felt in years, even while you're becoming

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<v Speaker 1>more of yourself then you have been in years. Sit

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<v Speaker 1>in it. Do not try to fill it with old patterns. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>that gap, that gap is where your new life forms,

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<v Speaker 1>where your new life forms. Don't miss it. Don't try

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<v Speaker 1>to fill it. Don't distract yourself buffer in it. Just

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<v Speaker 1>allow it. Allow the loneliness to be there, to meet

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<v Speaker 1>yourself in it. At least for me, in that gap

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<v Speaker 1>was when I became my best friend in the loneliness.

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<v Speaker 1>Right in that loneliness, I had me to turn too.

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<v Speaker 1>I hadn't had me to turn to. I was available

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<v Speaker 1>for everyone else, just not me. That relationship with myself

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<v Speaker 1>is the most important thing for me. It's the most

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<v Speaker 1>important thing. I would have missed it. I would have

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<v Speaker 1>missed it if I had tried to fill the gap.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know this, that I was blindsided by the gap.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want you to be blindsided when you come

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<v Speaker 1>home to yourself. Okay, Cost number three. You will miss

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<v Speaker 1>the old you, right will. You will miss the performance,

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<v Speaker 1>You will miss the pleasing. Okay. And this one surprises people.

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<v Speaker 1>But I've seen it again and again and again, and

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<v Speaker 1>I have lived it myself. Okay. The performing self was

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<v Speaker 1>not only a cost. It was also a relief. It

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<v Speaker 1>gave you a scre it gave you a rule. It

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<v Speaker 1>told you exactly what to do in every room. You

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<v Speaker 1>knew exactly how to chameleon yourself so that you could

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<v Speaker 1>meet all of the moments with massive confidence, massive confidence

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<v Speaker 1>because you had practice. Right. The uncollapsed life does not

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<v Speaker 1>give you a script right. It does not tell you

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<v Speaker 1>what to do. It does not inform you of what

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<v Speaker 1>version of chameleon you should be in any given moment,

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<v Speaker 1>with any given person, in any given day, in any

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<v Speaker 1>given time. The uncollapsed version of you keeps asking you

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<v Speaker 1>to show up. It's It keeps asking you to listen.

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<v Speaker 1>It keeps asking you to make real choices in real time,

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<v Speaker 1>without the safety of old patterns and old performance in

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<v Speaker 1>your past to fall back on. And some days you

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<v Speaker 1>will miss it. You will you will miss the easiness

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<v Speaker 1>of it, or the perceived easiness of it. You will

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<v Speaker 1>miss the familiar, the familiarity of it. You will miss

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<v Speaker 1>the certainty of it. You will miss knowing what to do.

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<v Speaker 1>And that is not a sign that you're regressing. That

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<v Speaker 1>is a sign that you are human. Let yourself grieve

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<v Speaker 1>kind of that old self, kindly right. And then, as

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<v Speaker 1>we talked about at the very beginning, choose different.

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<v Speaker 2>Choose again to stay home, Choose again to say no,

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<v Speaker 2>Choose again to hold your boundaries, Choose again to honor you,

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<v Speaker 2>Choose again to get.

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<v Speaker 1>To know you in a world that would way better

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<v Speaker 1>prefer you to know them. Okay, these costs, I'm sure

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<v Speaker 1>there are more of them, but these costs they're not

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<v Speaker 1>They do not mean that you've made the wrong choice.

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<v Speaker 1>I think, at least for me, they meant that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>that I made the real one. Okay, So I want,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to name something because the costs are real,

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<v Speaker 1>for sure, but the graces are so much more real. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>this is the grace that nobody promises. Nobody sells these

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<v Speaker 1>because they are almost impossible to describe, but they are

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<v Speaker 1>the reason the whole thing is worth it. Okay. You

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<v Speaker 1>start to enjoy your own company, right, not perform your

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<v Speaker 1>own company, not tolerate your own company. You enjoy it.

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<v Speaker 1>You start to look forward to the drives alone. You

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<v Speaker 1>start to look forward to the time that you have

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<v Speaker 1>with yourself alone, the morning by yourself, the walk without

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<v Speaker 1>a podcast in your ear, because the first time and

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<v Speaker 1>maybe decades, the person who is there when you are

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<v Speaker 1>alone is someone that you actually like being with. As

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<v Speaker 1>I mentioned, becoming my own best friend. Mmmm, it was

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<v Speaker 1>one of the most beautiful gifts that I've ever gotten,

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<v Speaker 1>and I gave it to myself Okay, it's not a

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<v Speaker 1>small thing. It's one of the deepest graces a human

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<v Speaker 1>being can know. Number two. Grace number two, Okay, that

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<v Speaker 1>is one of the deepest graces a human right can know.

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<v Speaker 1>It's that you're yes and your nod come from the

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<v Speaker 1>same place. Right before, when you were performing, your yes

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<v Speaker 1>and your no were coming from different selves. Right your

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<v Speaker 1>yes was coming from the part of you that wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to be like your no was coming from the part

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<v Speaker 1>of you that was too exhausted to say yes one

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<v Speaker 1>more time. Uncollapsed. They come from the same place, the

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<v Speaker 1>same quiet, steady, knowing place, And because they come from

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<v Speaker 1>that same place, they start to feel different to you,

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<v Speaker 1>right And they start to feel different to the people

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<v Speaker 1>around you because you aren't lying anymore. People can feel

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<v Speaker 1>the difference between a yes that costs you nothing and

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<v Speaker 1>a yes that is offered because someone else needs Does

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<v Speaker 1>that make sense? And when you're yes and your noah integrated,

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<v Speaker 1>people finally get to meet you, the real you, and

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<v Speaker 1>then they start relating to the real you, and that

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<v Speaker 1>changes everything. And I think the last grace is that

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<v Speaker 1>you stop looking for the thing, You stop reaching for

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<v Speaker 1>the fix, right, You stop looking for the answer for

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<v Speaker 1>the soul, you stop outsourcing your worth. And I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>see this one coming, and I spent years looking for

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<v Speaker 1>the thing, the thing, the next book, the next course,

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<v Speaker 1>the next teacher, the next breakthrough that would finally complete

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<v Speaker 1>me right. And then one day I just I realized

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<v Speaker 1>that I was not looking anymore, that no one was

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<v Speaker 1>coming to save me, because I didn't need saved right.

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<v Speaker 1>And again, I wasn't looking anymore because not because I'd

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<v Speaker 1>found it, because I had stopped believing that it existed

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<v Speaker 1>outside of me. The thing was never a thing. The

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<v Speaker 1>thing was a relationship, and the relationship was the one

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<v Speaker 1>that I had been avoiding my entire life, and that

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<v Speaker 1>relationship was the one with me right, the one that

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<v Speaker 1>was always waiting for me to come home. And when

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<v Speaker 1>you stop looking for the thing, your whole life opens up.

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<v Speaker 1>You still grow, you still learn, You still read the books,

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<v Speaker 1>but you read them differently. You read them from an

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<v Speaker 1>already arrived self, not the still searching self. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>read the book in hopes that by the time you

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<v Speaker 1>flip to the last page, you're going to be fixed

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<v Speaker 1>and you're going to be finally worthy enough to go

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<v Speaker 1>into the world and do big things, And when you

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<v Speaker 1>don't read it from a context. From that context, the

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<v Speaker 1>way you read it changes. Right, you were never actually

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<v Speaker 1>looking for answers. What if? What if that was true?

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<v Speaker 1>What if you are just looking for permission to stop looking? Right? So,

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<v Speaker 1>in episode two, I gave you a question, what would

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<v Speaker 1>you do if you knew you were worthy? Right? That

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<v Speaker 1>question is still the question, and I want you to

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<v Speaker 1>keep asking it. But for the uncollapsed life, the integrated life,

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<v Speaker 1>the life after the awakening, that Tuesday, that Wednesday, that Thursday. Right, that,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a there's a micro practice, there's a micro pause. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>there's another question that starts to kind of rise underneath it,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to offer it to you today, And

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<v Speaker 1>that is what does the already worthy self do next? Okay?

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<v Speaker 1>Not how do I become worthy? Not how do I

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<v Speaker 1>prove it? Not how do I finally meet it and

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<v Speaker 1>feel it and read about it? And no, Right, what

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<v Speaker 1>does the already worthy self do next? Okay? What does

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<v Speaker 1>that self do? And when you ask it that way

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<v Speaker 1>you start to notice something pretty cool? Right, The already

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<v Speaker 1>worthy self does not have the same to do list

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<v Speaker 1>as the trying to prove itself? Does? They want different things.

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<v Speaker 1>They move at different speeds, They say yes and no

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<v Speaker 1>to different things. The already worthy self is slower, more discerning,

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<v Speaker 1>less desperate, more generous, more patient, less urgent, more rested.

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<v Speaker 1>They do not need to win the eating. They do

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<v Speaker 1>not need to be the smartest person in the room.

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<v Speaker 1>They do not need to convert every moment into proof

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<v Speaker 1>of their value. They don't need to outsource themselves. They

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<v Speaker 1>don't need to hide, they don't need to dim themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>They do not need to wait to be chosen, because

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<v Speaker 1>they stop asking the question of whether or not they're

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<v Speaker 1>worthy of being chosen a long time ago. They just

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<v Speaker 1>do what's next, cleanly, simply, from a very settled place.

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<v Speaker 1>And when you ask, what does the already worthy self

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<v Speaker 1>do next? Over and over right at the meeting, in

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation, in the mirror, in the planning of your life,

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<v Speaker 1>you start to build a whole life out of uncollapsed choices.

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<v Speaker 1>That is the integration, that is the becoming, That is

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<v Speaker 1>what we have been working toward all month, all month.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you are interested one in taking this work,

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<v Speaker 1>taking taking these questions and really exploring them right, not

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<v Speaker 1>just philosophically, as you listen on your walk or folding

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<v Speaker 1>your folding your laundry, or wherever you are meeting this

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<v Speaker 1>conversation at But practically I want to join you. If

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<v Speaker 1>you're I want to invite you if you're not already

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<v Speaker 1>to join the lab, join join our community. There's a

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<v Speaker 1>link below in the podcast. But it's important. Work. Your

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<v Speaker 1>life is important. It is the most important thing. A

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people think that time and money are our

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<v Speaker 1>biggest assets. Some people might even argue that our mind,

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<v Speaker 1>our brain, is the biggest asset, but it isn't. Your

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<v Speaker 1>biggest asset is your life. Your life and how you

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<v Speaker 1>live it. And if you are not living it intentionally

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<v Speaker 1>and consciously and courageously, you are living it in default.

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<v Speaker 1>And I want more for you, and I think probably

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<v Speaker 1>if you ask, deep down, you want more for you.

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<v Speaker 1>We explore that more right, not as a theory, but

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<v Speaker 1>as a practice in the Lab, and so we hope

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<v Speaker 1>that you will join us in there. It's a beautiful,

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<v Speaker 1>amazing community of people. And if you're listening to me

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<v Speaker 1>and you're in it, you know it. So until now time,

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<v Speaker 1>my beautiful friends, have a most amazing, beautiful day. Go

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<v Speaker 1>be courageous, keep asking yourself the question, what would I

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<v Speaker 1>do next if I was already worthy? It's worth asking

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<v Speaker 1>and asking and asking and asking. Okay, till next time,

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<v Speaker 1>my friends, have a beautiful one. Take care bye. If

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<v Speaker 1>this episode cracked something open good, let it and then

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<v Speaker 1>head to lea rollincoaching dot com and grab the tools

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<v Speaker 1>to rewire the story and reclaim your future. It is yours,

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<v Speaker 1>And then share this with someone who's still waiting to

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<v Speaker 1>be chosen, still waiting for permission, and remind them they

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<v Speaker 1>don't need a breakthrough, that they are the breakthrough. Until

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<v Speaker 1>next time, my beautiful friends, invest in you and keep

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<v Speaker 1>becoming th best take to the best Take