WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>Nine News nuggets you need to know? How would you

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<v Speaker 1>describe the nine news nuggets you need to know?

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<v Speaker 2>I would describe them as you know, we eat the

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<v Speaker 2>meat and potatoes that are things like Ukraine and the

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<v Speaker 2>Pope vomiting, and then we get the sprinkles on the cupcake,

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<v Speaker 2>and the nine News nuggets are the sprinkles and the

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<v Speaker 2>frosting on the cupcake. It is the dessert of the week,

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<v Speaker 2>and sometimes it comes in the shape of an inflatable doll.

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<v Speaker 3>Here's your honorable mention, honorable mention, not suppose to mention,

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<v Speaker 3>honor serving with you a great and honorable motive.

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<v Speaker 1>So today we're holding auditions to become the newest member

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<v Speaker 1>of honorable Mention.

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<v Speaker 3>You got to try to hide the evidence in some way.

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<v Speaker 1>I suppose a Chinese student at hey Fei University of

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<v Speaker 1>Technology in Central China earlier this month sparked a fire

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<v Speaker 1>in his dormitory. His roommate a right home unexpectedly, and

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<v Speaker 1>I guess the guy forgot to put the sock on

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<v Speaker 1>the door or whatever because he was with his inflatable

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<v Speaker 1>girlfriend at the time.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you have to put a sock on the door

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<v Speaker 2>for the inflatable girlfriend? Usually isn't it just a save

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<v Speaker 2>face of the half naked girl in your dorm room.

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<v Speaker 2>If it's just a doll, no feelings are hurt. No

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<v Speaker 2>trauma is caused by someone walking in and seeing your doll.

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<v Speaker 1>Naked, right, I don't know. I don't know how the

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<v Speaker 1>doll feels about being exposed like that.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think the doll has feelings. That's the whole purpose.

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<v Speaker 2>Imagine a woman without feelings. How great would that be?

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<v Speaker 3>Now you're talking about fairytale land in other news?

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<v Speaker 2>How much money would we make if we solely went

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<v Speaker 2>to technical colleges and sold blow up dolls, like in

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<v Speaker 2>a surreptitious way, you know, like getting the way into

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<v Speaker 2>the dorms kind of like just spread by word of mouth, like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>we've got some real cheap off the truck kind of

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<v Speaker 2>blow up dolls.

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<v Speaker 3>That sounds like mechanical tech schools. Don't you think we'd

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<v Speaker 3>make some money?

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<v Speaker 1>I see what you're saying, but I'm going to leave

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<v Speaker 1>that up to you. Here's number nine, number nine.

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<v Speaker 2>I did nine place if a CoP's dirty nine times

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<v Speaker 2>out of tennis, partner's dirty.

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<v Speaker 3>Two and I speak nine languages yea till nine. Basically

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<v Speaker 3>everybody at table nine, I'd feel ready to go another

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<v Speaker 3>nine and niner? Did I catch a niner in there

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<v Speaker 3>where you're calling from Milwaukee talking? I love this thing

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<v Speaker 3>soventy too.

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<v Speaker 1>Haverville Road and Cambridgeshire village of Castle Camps, close to

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<v Speaker 1>the Suffolk border. There's been a pothole in the ground

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<v Speaker 1>for months and it says if there were oncoming vehicles,

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<v Speaker 1>you either have to stop or you hit the pothole

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<v Speaker 1>and it's not safe. So a carpenter said the pothole

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<v Speaker 1>had been there for a long time, so his family

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<v Speaker 1>decided to have a bit of fun with it. What

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<v Speaker 1>they did was they faked upside down legs, so it

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<v Speaker 1>looks like someone is doing a handstand inside the pothole

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<v Speaker 1>and just the bottom half of their body is showing,

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<v Speaker 1>so it just looks like legs sticking out of this water.

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<v Speaker 2>It looks like Anti m Antim's house right with the

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<v Speaker 2>Wicked Witch, with our feet sticking straight up.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's very clever.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, and they're going to prevent people from running into

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<v Speaker 1>this thing, which could be dangerous.

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<v Speaker 3>Here's number eight. O Clive is bold every eight second

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<v Speaker 3>listening to eight different bosses drawn on about mission statements.

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<v Speaker 2>I love Billy's Pirates matchup for a number of reasons,

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<v Speaker 2>right sure. One of those is that when you would

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<v Speaker 2>be able to check out the score on your TV

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<v Speaker 2>screen with the team emblems and the beginning of the

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<v Speaker 2>game always starting at zero zero, this would spell out

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<v Speaker 2>poop right there in your top left hand corner of

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<v Speaker 2>your television. It was fun, really for the whole family.

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<v Speaker 1>Now they say that the new score bug that they're

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<v Speaker 1>going to use for NBC Sports Philly will not have

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<v Speaker 1>the Poop series. They're going to change the locations of

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<v Speaker 1>the logos for the Phillies and the Pirates and so

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<v Speaker 1>that it doesn't spell out the word poop.

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<v Speaker 3>When you look at it. That's no fun. It is

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<v Speaker 3>no fun. I don't like it.

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<v Speaker 1>When listen, the bugs themselves have gotten to the point

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<v Speaker 1>where they're unobtrusive. A few years ago they were super

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<v Speaker 1>annoying and they got in the way. The one at

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<v Speaker 1>Super Bowl was super annoying simply because it was different

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<v Speaker 1>than what we had seen in the past. And now

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<v Speaker 1>just just let it exist. It's okay if it says

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<v Speaker 1>poop every once in a while.

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<v Speaker 2>The more I think about that, that crawl there at

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<v Speaker 2>Super Bowl.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, that was the most interesting thing about that game.

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<v Speaker 3>It was the one that generated the most conversation. That's exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>Here's number seven, the seventh son of the seventh son.

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<v Speaker 3>We're on with seven day the government seven seven A

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<v Speaker 3>seven years of college done to drain seven.

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<v Speaker 2>This is like that old Seinfeld episode about the soup Nazi.

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<v Speaker 2>We've got a Ramen Nazi. It seems like a Ramen

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<v Speaker 2>soup place has put a bounty on the heads of

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<v Speaker 2>two customers who left them.

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<v Speaker 3>A bad review.

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<v Speaker 2>Toyo Euro is a highly rated euro style Ramen restaurant

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<v Speaker 2>in Kyoto, Japan, and they took to Instagram to declare

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<v Speaker 2>war threatening the two guys who left this awful one

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<v Speaker 2>star review. They're offering cash to people. I can identify

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<v Speaker 2>these guys, by the way.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he said, you should probably avoid eating out. Someday

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<v Speaker 1>someone like you will get screwed. I don't care. Just

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<v Speaker 1>come directly and I'll deal with you.

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<v Speaker 2>This is what I do when people leave us reviews

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<v Speaker 2>on Yelp. That's exactly how I respond.

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<v Speaker 1>Who leaves reviews for people doing a radio show on yelp?

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<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm, do it on Facebook like normal people? Right,

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<v Speaker 3>that's not true. Here's number six. I got six, you

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<v Speaker 3>got six six.

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<v Speaker 1>There's six more weeks of later picture of me or

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<v Speaker 1>rabbi and six drunk and longshomny.

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<v Speaker 3>We just dig it into nursing home. Pleasure to ask.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't have to take down drink another six pack.

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<v Speaker 1>Perfect.

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<v Speaker 3>This is the opportunity here for somebody who makes some money.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh continue, Well, uh, there is a funeral home in

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<v Speaker 1>the southwestern province of China that has been serving just

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<v Speaker 1>the bomb noodles. Apparently word spread about the noodles, and

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of people have been lining up outside this

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<v Speaker 1>funeral home specifically to go to the canteen, the cafeteria,

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<v Speaker 1>because they said the food is that good.

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<v Speaker 2>So what do you mean in terms of making money

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<v Speaker 2>just opening it up for people that are not interested

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<v Speaker 2>in funeral business.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, just make it sound like you're opening up another

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<v Speaker 1>funeral home, but only make it the cafeteria. That way,

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<v Speaker 1>you still get to brand it as a funeral home.

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<v Speaker 1>It sort of takes on sort of that sort I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, pop culture sort of a just talk about

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<v Speaker 1>think about the buzz of eating at a place called

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<v Speaker 1>the funeral home.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, this is exactly like the oddjextaposition of excellent food

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<v Speaker 2>in the strip clubs. That's how we discovered Magic City.

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<v Speaker 2>It was because of the wings, not the breasts. And

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<v Speaker 2>now here we have excellent Chinese noodles at the funeral home.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I love it when you're surprised by great

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<v Speaker 2>food in an odd place.

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<v Speaker 1>And would you pose as somebody mourning the loss of

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<v Speaker 1>a loved one just to get those noodles?

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<v Speaker 3>I've done far worse. Yes, Peers number five rules, we

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<v Speaker 3>begin bombing in five minutes. Five little geese. This is

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<v Speaker 3>the year five point five five. Give me a favorite.

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<v Speaker 3>Loose five pounds immediately.

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<v Speaker 1>Stephen Caspar is about to become a hero. This guy

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<v Speaker 1>in Lenexa, Kansas has been feeding and training wild raccoons

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<v Speaker 1>that wander into his property, and he said during a

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<v Speaker 1>legislative hearing in Topeka, it is the highlight of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>These are the things that you do when you become

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<v Speaker 1>an empty nester. You start playing with raccoons in the backyard.

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<v Speaker 1>And he wants to change Kansas law so that raccoons

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<v Speaker 1>can be kept as pets.

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<v Speaker 2>You're an empty nester, now, yes, have you started playing

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<v Speaker 2>with the raccoons.

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<v Speaker 3>In the yard.

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<v Speaker 1>If I saw a raccoon in my yard, I would

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<v Speaker 1>be terrified. That would be a sign of the Second Coming.

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<v Speaker 3>Really, I see raccoons in my yard all the time. No,

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<v Speaker 3>I don't get very many in mine. They like to

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<v Speaker 3>play on the roof. They like to poop on the roof.

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<v Speaker 1>How would a raccoon deal with snakes? I see more

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<v Speaker 1>snakes in the yard than you thinkcoons.

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<v Speaker 2>Raccoons are very angry. I don't know if they eat snakes,

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<v Speaker 2>but they're very mean animals. I wouldn't be surprised he

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<v Speaker 2>was able to make such good friends with them. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>number four or minute.

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<v Speaker 1>It's probably on his fourth tranquilizer by.

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<v Speaker 3>Now comandment number four. This isn't the same world as

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<v Speaker 3>you left four years ago. Oh my god, Jay, what

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<v Speaker 3>is it? It's a baby whale.

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<v Speaker 1>A Russian fisherman photographs sea monsters that he has accidentally

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<v Speaker 1>grabbed while fishing. And they said that this latest post

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<v Speaker 1>it looks like the head of an n alien.

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<v Speaker 3>It's awful. It is the most awful thing I've ever

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<v Speaker 3>looked at. He did.

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<v Speaker 1>He identified the blob as a smooth lumpsucker. A series

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<v Speaker 1>of marine ray finned fish that grows to over a

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<v Speaker 1>foot long and resides in the bottoms of the oceans.

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<v Speaker 2>How about some news we can use how to smuggle

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<v Speaker 2>cocaine under a wig?

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<v Speaker 3>Number three. Three shall be the number that count, and

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<v Speaker 3>the number of the counting shall be three fighters dead

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<v Speaker 3>within three hours. Three security clearance level three, all three

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<v Speaker 3>of them three. I got all three of you guys,

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<v Speaker 3>for the rest of your nas born live. After that

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<v Speaker 3>three days, they both start to stink.

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<v Speaker 2>Three.

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<v Speaker 1>What are those little cheese cheeses that come in the

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<v Speaker 1>plastic and you can rip it off and it's like

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<v Speaker 1>a little snack sized cheese.

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<v Speaker 3>Baby bells zoa baby bells. My mother loves those. I've

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<v Speaker 3>had like nineteen this week.

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<v Speaker 1>So picture uh, speaking of nineteen, picture nineteen baby bell

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<v Speaker 1>packets under a wig but on top of your head.

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<v Speaker 1>Guy from Columbia was discovered trying to board a plane

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<v Speaker 1>to Amsterdam when he had this twenty or nineteen capsules

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<v Speaker 1>of cocaine about the size of baby bell packs underneath

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<v Speaker 1>his wig that they then cut off of his head.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what may be telling It may be something

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<v Speaker 2>that shows either maturity or age or both that I'd

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<v Speaker 2>rather have the cheese than the cocaine.

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<v Speaker 3>I remember, for your cardiac health, it's probably a better idea.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know about that. Number two, what's going on YouTube?

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<v Speaker 3>Pick out two two.

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<v Speaker 2>People. There's two sons and no women who ringing ginging?

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<v Speaker 3>Do you ever.

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<v Speaker 1>You ever used a gold toilet or gold plated toilet

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<v Speaker 1>or gold colored toilet?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think so. I feel like i'd remember that,

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<v Speaker 2>but I also don't think it would. It would be

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<v Speaker 2>something that.

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<v Speaker 3>I would remember. You's not really that much into toilets.

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<v Speaker 3>You would remember that though. Get in and get out.

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<v Speaker 1>There was an eighteen carrot gold fully functional toilet, part

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<v Speaker 1>of an exhibition by an Italian artist, that was stolen

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<v Speaker 1>from a home in Oxford Shure in the Great Britain

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<v Speaker 1>in the early hours of September twenty nineteen, two days

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<v Speaker 1>after it went on display. Was an art installation, but

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<v Speaker 1>a fully functioning toilet. The artwork was named.

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<v Speaker 3>America Golden Toilet, No America. Here's the number one, number one?

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<v Speaker 1>Number one? Were number one?

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<v Speaker 2>Ben?

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<v Speaker 3>I decided to look out for number one?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you the number one? Row?

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<v Speaker 3>Number one? Number one?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't like to end the week with a broken testicle,

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<v Speaker 2>so I'll let you handle it.

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<v Speaker 3>Thanks.

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<v Speaker 1>The German soccer match had to be canceled just before

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<v Speaker 1>kickoff when a referee suffered an unexpected injury. One of

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<v Speaker 1>the players had a kid that was watching the game

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<v Speaker 1>and they were doing ID checks on the players make

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<v Speaker 1>sure everybody's on the right team. When a kid starts

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<v Speaker 1>running around on the field, well, the referee in this case,

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<v Speaker 1>a guy named Stefan Khller, went to go shuttle the

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<v Speaker 1>kid off the pitch and the kid chomped down on

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<v Speaker 1>his left test all