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<v Speaker 1>Underground, Part two from Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

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<v Speaker 1>This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by Bobnefeld. Seven.

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<v Speaker 1>But these are all golden dreams. Oh tell me, who

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<v Speaker 1>was it first announced? Who was it first proclaimed? That

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<v Speaker 1>man only does nasty things because he does not know

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<v Speaker 1>his own interests, And that if he were enlightened, if

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<v Speaker 1>his eyes were opened to his real normal interests, man

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<v Speaker 1>would at once cease to do nasty things, would at

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<v Speaker 1>once become good and noble, because being enlightened and understanding

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<v Speaker 1>his real advantage, he would see his own advantage in

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<v Speaker 1>the good and nothing else. And we all know that

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<v Speaker 1>not one man can consciously act against his own interests. Consequently,

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<v Speaker 1>so to say, through necessity he would in doing good, Ah,

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<v Speaker 1>the babe or the pure innocent child. Why in the

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<v Speaker 1>first place, when in all these thousands of years has

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<v Speaker 1>there been a time when man has acted only from

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<v Speaker 1>his own interest? What is to be done with the

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<v Speaker 1>millions of facts that bear witness that men, consciously, that is,

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<v Speaker 1>fully understanding their real interests, have left them in the

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<v Speaker 1>background and have rushed headlong on another path to meet

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<v Speaker 1>peril in danger compelled to this course by nobody and

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<v Speaker 1>by nothing, but as it were, simply disliking the beaten track,

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<v Speaker 1>and have obstinately wilfully struck out another difficult, absurd way,

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<v Speaker 1>seeking it almost in the darkness. So I suppose this

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<v Speaker 1>obstinacy and perversity were pleasanter to them than any advantage advantage?

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<v Speaker 1>What is advantage? And will you take it upon yourself

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<v Speaker 1>to define with perfect accuracy in what the advantage of

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<v Speaker 1>man consists? And what if it so happens that a

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<v Speaker 1>man's advantage sometimes not only may, but even must consist

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<v Speaker 1>in his desiring in certain cases, what is harmful to

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<v Speaker 1>himself and not advantageous? And if so, if there can

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<v Speaker 1>be such a case, the whole principle falls into dust.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think are there such cases? You laugh,

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<v Speaker 1>laugh away, gentlemen, but only answer me. Have man's advantages

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<v Speaker 1>been reckoned up with perfect certainty? Are there not some

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<v Speaker 1>which not only have not been included, but cannot possibly

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<v Speaker 1>be included under any classification? You see, you, gentlemen, have,

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<v Speaker 1>to the best of my knowledge, taken your whole register

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<v Speaker 1>of human advantages from the averages of statistical figures and

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<v Speaker 1>politico economical formulas. Your advantages are our prosperity, wealth, freedom, peace,

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<v Speaker 1>so on and so on. So that the man who should,

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<v Speaker 1>for instance, go openly and knowingly in opposition to all

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<v Speaker 1>that list, would, to your thinking, and indeed mine too,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, be an obscurantist or an absolute madman, would

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<v Speaker 1>not he? But you know this is what is surprising.

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<v Speaker 1>Why does it so happen that all these statisticians, sages

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<v Speaker 1>and lovers of humanity, when they reckon up human advantages,

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<v Speaker 1>invariably leave out one. They don't even take it into

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<v Speaker 1>their reckoning in the form in which it should be taken,

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<v Speaker 1>and the whole reckoning depends upon that. It would be

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<v Speaker 1>no greater matter. They would simply have to take it,

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<v Speaker 1>this advantage, and add it to the list. But the

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<v Speaker 1>trouble is that this strange advantage does not fall under

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<v Speaker 1>any classification, and is not in place in any list.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a friend, for instance, gentleman, But of course

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<v Speaker 1>he is your friend too, and indeed there is no one,

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<v Speaker 1>no one to whom he is not a friend. What

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<v Speaker 1>he prepares for any undertaking this gentleman immediately explains to

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<v Speaker 1>you elegantly and clearly exactly how he must act in

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<v Speaker 1>accordance with the laws of reason and truth. What is more,

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<v Speaker 1>he will talk to you with excitement and passion of

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<v Speaker 1>the true normal interests of man. With irony, he will

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<v Speaker 1>upbraid the short sighted fools who do not understand their

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<v Speaker 1>own interests nor the true significance of virtue. And within

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<v Speaker 1>a quarter of an hour, without any sudden outside provocation,

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<v Speaker 1>but simply through something inside him which is stronger than

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<v Speaker 1>all his interests, he will go off on quite a

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<v Speaker 1>different tack. That is, act in direct opposition to what

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<v Speaker 1>he has just been saying about himself, in opposition to

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<v Speaker 1>the laws of reason, in opposition to his own advantage,

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<v Speaker 1>in fact, in opposition to everything. I warn you that

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<v Speaker 1>my friend is a compound personality, and therefore it is

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<v Speaker 1>difficult to blame him as an individual. The fact is, gentlemen,

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<v Speaker 1>it seems there must really exist something that is dearer

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<v Speaker 1>to almost every man than his greatest advantages, Or not

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<v Speaker 1>to be illogical, there is a most dangerous advantage, the

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<v Speaker 1>very one omitted of which we spoke just now, which

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<v Speaker 1>is more important and more advantageous than all other advantages,

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<v Speaker 1>for the sake of which a man, if necessary, is

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<v Speaker 1>ready to act in opposition to all laws, that is,

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<v Speaker 1>in opposition to reason, honor, peace, prosperity, in fact, in

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<v Speaker 1>opposition to all those excellent and useful things, if only

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<v Speaker 1>he can attain that fundamental, most advantageous advantage which is

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<v Speaker 1>dearer to him than all. Yes, but it's advantage all

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<v Speaker 1>the same, you will retort. But excuse me. I'll make

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<v Speaker 1>the point clear. And it is not a case of

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<v Speaker 1>playing upon words. What matters is that this advantage is

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<v Speaker 1>remarkable from the very fact that it breaks down all

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<v Speaker 1>other classifications and continually shatters every system constructed by lovers

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<v Speaker 1>of mankind for the benefit of mankind. In fact, it

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<v Speaker 1>upsets everything. But before I mention this advantage to you,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to compromise myself personally, and therefore I boldly

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<v Speaker 1>declare that all these fine systems, all these theories for

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<v Speaker 1>explaining to mankind their real normal interests, in order that inevitably,

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<v Speaker 1>striving to pursue these interests, they may at once become

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<v Speaker 1>good and noble, are, in my opinion, so far mere

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<v Speaker 1>logical exercises. Yes, logical exercises. Why to maintain this theory

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<v Speaker 1>of the regeneration of mankind by means of the pursuit

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<v Speaker 1>of his own end advantage is to my mind, almost

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<v Speaker 1>the same thing as to affirm, for instance, following Buckle,

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<v Speaker 1>that through civilization, mankind becomes softer and consequently less bloodthirsty

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<v Speaker 1>and less fitted for warfare. Logically, it does seem to

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<v Speaker 1>follow from his arguments, But man has such a predilection

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<v Speaker 1>for systems and abstract deductions that he is ready to

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<v Speaker 1>distort the truth intentionally. He is ready to deny the

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<v Speaker 1>evidence of his senses only to justify his logic. I

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<v Speaker 1>take this example because it is the most glaring instance

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<v Speaker 1>of it. Only look about you. Blood is being spilt

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<v Speaker 1>in streams and in the merriest way, as though it

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<v Speaker 1>were Champagne. Take the whole of the nineteenth century in

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<v Speaker 1>which Buckle lived. Take Napoleon the Great, and also the

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<v Speaker 1>present one. Take North America, the Eternal Union, Take the

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<v Speaker 1>farce of Schleswig Holstein. And what is it that civilization

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<v Speaker 1>softens in us? The only gain of civilization for mankind

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<v Speaker 1>is the greater capacity for variety of sensations, and absolutely

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<v Speaker 1>nothing more. And through the development of this many sidedness,

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<v Speaker 1>man may come to finding enjoyment in bloodshed. In fact,

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<v Speaker 1>this has already happened to him. Have you noticed that

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<v Speaker 1>it is the most civilized gentlemen who have been the

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<v Speaker 1>subtlest slaughterers to whom the attilas and stank of razines

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<v Speaker 1>could not hold a candle? And if they are not

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<v Speaker 1>so conspicuous as the attilas and the stank of razines,

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<v Speaker 1>it is simply because they are so often met with,

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<v Speaker 1>are so ordinary, and have become so familiar to us.

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<v Speaker 1>In any case, civilization has made mankind, if not more bloodthirsty,

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<v Speaker 1>at least more vilely, more loathsomely bloodthirsty. In old days,

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<v Speaker 1>he saw justice in bloodshed, and with his conscience at peace,

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<v Speaker 1>exterminated those he thought proper. Now we do think bloodshed abominable,

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<v Speaker 1>and yet we engage in this abomination, and with more

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<v Speaker 1>energy than ever. Which is worse? Decide that for yourselves.

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<v Speaker 1>They say that Cleopatra, excuse an instance from Roman history,

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<v Speaker 1>was fond of sticking gold pins into her slave girl's

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<v Speaker 1>breasts and derived gratification from their screams and writhings. You

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<v Speaker 1>will say that that was in the comparatively barbarous times.

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<v Speaker 1>That these are barbarous times too, because also comparatively speaking,

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<v Speaker 1>pins are stuck in even now that though a man

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<v Speaker 1>has now learned to see more clearly than in barbarous ages,

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<v Speaker 1>he is still far from having learned to act as

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<v Speaker 1>reason and science would dictate. But yet you are fully

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<v Speaker 1>convinced that he will be sure to learn when he

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<v Speaker 1>gets rid of certain old bad habits, and when common

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<v Speaker 1>sense and science have completely re educated human nature and

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<v Speaker 1>turned it in the normal direction. You are confident that

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<v Speaker 1>then man will cease from intentional error, and will, so

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<v Speaker 1>to say, be compelled not to want to set his

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<v Speaker 1>will against his normal interests. That is not all, then,

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<v Speaker 1>you say, science itself will teach man, though to my

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<v Speaker 1>mind it's a superfluous luxury that he never has really

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<v Speaker 1>had any caprice or will of his own, and that

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<v Speaker 1>he himself is something of the nature of a piano

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<v Speaker 1>key or the stop of an organ, and that there

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<v Speaker 1>are besides things called the laws of nature, so that

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<v Speaker 1>everything he does is not done by his willing it,

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<v Speaker 1>but is done of itself by the laws of nature. Consequently,

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<v Speaker 1>we have only to discover these laws of nature, and

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<v Speaker 1>man will no longer have to answer for his actions,

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<v Speaker 1>and life will become exceedingly easy for him. All human

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<v Speaker 1>actions will then of course be tabulated according to these laws,

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<v Speaker 1>mathematically like tables of logarithms up to one hundred and

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<v Speaker 1>eight thousand, and entered in an index. Or better still,

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<v Speaker 1>there would be published certain edifying works of the nature

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<v Speaker 1>of encyclopedic lexicons, in which everything will be so clearly

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<v Speaker 1>calculated and explained that there will be no more incidents

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<v Speaker 1>or adventures in the world. Then this is all what

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<v Speaker 1>you say. New economic relations will be established, already made

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<v Speaker 1>and worked out with mathematical exactitude, so that every possible

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<v Speaker 1>question will vanish in the twinkling of an eye, simply

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<v Speaker 1>because every possible answer to it will be provided. Then

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<v Speaker 1>the palace of crystal will be built. Then, in fact

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<v Speaker 1>those will be halcyon days. Of course, there is no guaranteeing.

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<v Speaker 1>This is my comment that it will not be, for instance,

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<v Speaker 1>frightfully dulled. Then, for what will one have to do

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<v Speaker 1>when everything will be calculated and tabulated. But on the

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<v Speaker 1>other hand, everything will be extraordinarily rational. Of course, boredom

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<v Speaker 1>may lead you to anything. It is boredom sets one

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<v Speaker 1>sticking golden pins into people, but all that would not matter.

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<v Speaker 1>What is bad. This is my comment again, is that

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<v Speaker 1>I dare say people will be thankful for the gold pins.

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<v Speaker 1>Then man is stupid, you know, phenomenally stupid. Or rather,

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<v Speaker 1>he is not at all stupid, but he is so

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<v Speaker 1>ungrateful that you could not find another like him in

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<v Speaker 1>all creation. I, for instance, would not be in the

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<v Speaker 1>least surprised if, all of a sudden apropos of nothing,

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<v Speaker 1>in the midst of general prosperity, a gentleman with an

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<v Speaker 1>ignoble or rather with a reactionary and ironical countenance, were

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<v Speaker 1>to arise, and, putting his arms to kimbo, say to

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<v Speaker 1>us all, I say, gentlemen, hadn't we better care over

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<v Speaker 1>the whole show and scattered rationalism to the winds, simply

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<v Speaker 1>to send these logarithms to the devil and to enable

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<v Speaker 1>us to live once more at our own sweet foolish will,

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<v Speaker 1>That again would not matter. But what is annoying is

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<v Speaker 1>that he would be sure to find followers. Such is

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<v Speaker 1>the nature of man, and all that for the most

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<v Speaker 1>foolish reason, which one would think was hardly worth mentioning.

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<v Speaker 1>That is that man, everywhere and at all times, whoever

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<v Speaker 1>he may be, has preferred to act as he chose,

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<v Speaker 1>and not in the least as his reason and advantage dictated,

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<v Speaker 1>and one may choose what is contrary to one's own interests,

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<v Speaker 1>And sometimes one positively ought, that is my idea, one's

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<v Speaker 1>own free, unfettered choice, one's own caprice, however wild it

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<v Speaker 1>may be, one's own fancy worked up at times to frenzy.

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<v Speaker 1>Is that very most advantageous advantage which we have overlooked,

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<v Speaker 1>which comes under no classification, and against which all systems

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<v Speaker 1>and theories are continually being shattered to atoms? And how

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<v Speaker 1>do these wiseacres know that man wants a normal, a

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<v Speaker 1>virtuous choice? What has made them conceive that man must

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<v Speaker 1>want a rationally advantageous choice? What man wants is simply

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<v Speaker 1>independent choice, whatever that independence may cost and wherever it

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<v Speaker 1>may lead. And choice, of course, the devil only knows

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<v Speaker 1>what choice eight ha ha ha, But you know there

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<v Speaker 1>is no such thing as choice in reality. Say what

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<v Speaker 1>you like, you will interpose with a chuckle. Science has

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<v Speaker 1>succeeded in so far analyzing man that we know already

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<v Speaker 1>that choice and what is called freedom of will is

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<v Speaker 1>nothing else than stay at. I meant to begin with

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<v Speaker 1>that myself. I confess I was rather frightened. I was

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<v Speaker 1>just going to say that the devil only knows what

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<v Speaker 1>choice depends on, and that perhaps that was a very

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<v Speaker 1>good thing. But I remembered the teaching of science and

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<v Speaker 1>pulled myself up, And here you have begun upon it. Indeed,

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<v Speaker 1>if there really is, some day discovered a formula for

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<v Speaker 1>all our desires and caprices, that is an explanation of

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<v Speaker 1>what they depend on, by what laws they arise, how

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<v Speaker 1>they develop, what they are aiming at in one case

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<v Speaker 1>and in another, and so on, that is a real

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<v Speaker 1>mathematical formula, then most likely man will at once cease

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<v Speaker 1>to feel desire. Indeed, he will be certain to, for

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<v Speaker 1>who would want to choose by rule? Besides, he will

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<v Speaker 1>at once be transformed from a human being into an

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<v Speaker 1>organ stop or something of the sort. For what is

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<v Speaker 1>a man without disaire, desires, without free will, and without choice?

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<v Speaker 1>If not a stop in an organ? What do you think?

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<v Speaker 1>Let us reckon the chances can such a thing happen?

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<v Speaker 1>Or not? Hm you decide? Our choice is usually mistaken

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<v Speaker 1>from a false view of our advantage. We sometimes choose

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<v Speaker 1>absolute nonsense, because in our foolishness we see in that

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<v Speaker 1>nonsense the easiest means for attaining a supposed advantage. But

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<v Speaker 1>when all that is explained and worked out on paper,

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<v Speaker 1>which is perfectly possible, for it is contemptible and senseless

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<v Speaker 1>to suppose that some laws of nature man will never understand,

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<v Speaker 1>then certainly so called desires will no longer exist. For

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<v Speaker 1>if a desire should come into conflict with reason, we

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<v Speaker 1>shall then reason and not desire, because it will be

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<v Speaker 1>impossible retaining our reason to be senseless in our desires,

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<v Speaker 1>and in that way knowingly act against reason and desire

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<v Speaker 1>to injure ourselves. And as all choice and reasoning can

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<v Speaker 1>be really calculated, because there will some day be discovered

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<v Speaker 1>the laws of our so called free will, so joking apart,

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<v Speaker 1>there may one day be something like a table constructed

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<v Speaker 1>of them, so that we really shall choose in accordance

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<v Speaker 1>with it. If, for instance, someday they calculate and prove

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<v Speaker 1>to me that I made a long nose at someone

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<v Speaker 1>because I could not help making a long nose at him,

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<v Speaker 1>and that I had to do it in that particular way,

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<v Speaker 1>what freedom is left to me, Especially if I am

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<v Speaker 1>a learned man and have taken my degree somewhere, then

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<v Speaker 1>I should be able to calculate my whole life for

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<v Speaker 1>thirty years beforehand. In short, if this could be arranged,

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<v Speaker 1>there would be nothing left for us to do anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>We should have to understand that, and in fact we

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<v Speaker 1>ought unwearyingly to repeat to ours ourselves that at such

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<v Speaker 1>and such a time, and in such and such circumstances,

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<v Speaker 1>nature does not ask our leave. That we have got

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<v Speaker 1>to take her as she is and not fashion her

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<v Speaker 1>to suit our fancy. And if we really aspire to

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<v Speaker 1>formulas and tables of rules, and well even to the

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<v Speaker 1>chemical retort, there's no help for it. We must accept

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<v Speaker 1>the retort too, or else it will be accepted without

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<v Speaker 1>our consent. Yes, but here I come to a stop. Gentlemen.

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<v Speaker 1>You must excuse me for being over philosophical. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>result of forty years underground. Allow me to indulge my fancy.

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<v Speaker 1>You see, gentlemen, reason is an excellent thing, There's no

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<v Speaker 1>disputing that. But reason is nothing but reason and satisfies

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<v Speaker 1>only the rational side of man's nature. While will is

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<v Speaker 1>a manifestation of the whole life, that is, of the

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<v Speaker 1>whole human life, including reason and all the impulses. And

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<v Speaker 1>although our life in this manifestation of it is often worthless,

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<v Speaker 1>yet it is life, and not simply extracting square roots. Here, I,

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<v Speaker 1>for instance, quite naturally want to live in order to

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<v Speaker 1>satisfy all my capacities for life, and not simply my

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<v Speaker 1>capacity for reasoning. That is not simply one twentieth of

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<v Speaker 1>my capacity for life. What does reason know? Reason only

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<v Speaker 1>knows what it has succeeded in learning some things. Perhaps

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<v Speaker 1>it will never learn. That is a poor comfort, But

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<v Speaker 1>why not say so frankly? And human nature acts as

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<v Speaker 1>a whole with everything that is in it, consciously or unconsciously,

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<v Speaker 1>and even if it goes wrong, it lives. I suspect, gentlemen,

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<v Speaker 1>that you are looking at me with compassion. You tell

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<v Speaker 1>me again that an enlightened and developed man, such in

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<v Speaker 1>short as the future man will be, cannot consciously desire

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<v Speaker 1>anything disadvantage to himself. That that can be proved mathematically.

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<v Speaker 1>I thoroughly agree it can by mathematics. But I repeat

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<v Speaker 1>for the hundredth time. There is one case, one only,

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<v Speaker 1>when man may consciously purposely desire what is injurious to himself,

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<v Speaker 1>what is stupid, very stupid, simply in order to have

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<v Speaker 1>the right to desire for himself even what is very stupid,

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<v Speaker 1>and not to be bound by an obligation to desire

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<v Speaker 1>only what is sensible. Of course, this very stupid thing,

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<v Speaker 1>this caprice of ours, may be, in reality, gentlemen, more

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<v Speaker 1>advantageous for us than anything else on earth, especially in

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<v Speaker 1>certain cases, and in particular, it may be more advantageous

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<v Speaker 1>than any advantage, even when it does us obvious harm

303
00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:00.880
<v Speaker 1>and contradicts the soundest conclusions of our reason concerning our advantage.

304
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<v Speaker 1>For in any circumstances, it preserves for us what is

305
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<v Speaker 1>most precious and most important, that is our personality, our individuality.

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<v Speaker 1>Some you see, maintain that this really is the most

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<v Speaker 1>precious thing for mankind. Choice can, of course, if it chooses,

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<v Speaker 1>be in agreement with reason, and especially if this be

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00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:28.920
<v Speaker 1>not absurd, but kept within bounds, it is profitable and

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes even praiseworthy. But very often, and even most often,

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<v Speaker 1>choice is utterly and stubbornly opposed to reason. And do

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00:21:39.880 --> 00:21:46.119
<v Speaker 1>you know that that too is profitable, sometimes even praiseworthy. Gentlemen,

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<v Speaker 1>Let us suppose that man is not stupid. Indeed, one

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<v Speaker 1>cannot refuse to suppose that if only from the one

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<v Speaker 1>consideration that if man is stupid, then who is wise?

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<v Speaker 1>But if he is not stupid. He is monstrously ungrateful,

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<v Speaker 1>phenomenally ungrateful. In fact, I believe that the best definition

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<v Speaker 1>of man is the ungrateful biped That is not all,

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<v Speaker 1>That is not his worst defect. His worst defect is

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<v Speaker 1>his perpetual moral obliquity, perpetual from the days of the

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<v Speaker 1>flood to the Schleswig Holstein period. Moral obliquity, and consequently

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<v Speaker 1>lack of good sense. For it has long been accepted

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<v Speaker 1>that lack of good sense is due to no other

324
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<v Speaker 1>cause than moral obliquity. But put it to the test

325
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<v Speaker 1>and cast your eyes upon the history of mankind. What

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<v Speaker 1>will you see? Is it a grand spectacle? Grand if

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<v Speaker 1>you like? Take the Colossus of Rhodes, for instance, that's

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<v Speaker 1>worth something with good reason. Mister Annevsky testifies of it

329
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<v Speaker 1>that some say that it is the work of man's hands,

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<v Speaker 1>while others maintain that it has been created by nature herself.

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<v Speaker 1>Is it many colored? Maybe it is many colored too.

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<v Speaker 1>If one takes the dress uniforms military and civilian of

333
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<v Speaker 1>all peoples in all ages, that alone is worth something.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you take the undressed uniforms, you will never

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<v Speaker 1>get to the end of it. No historian would be

336
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<v Speaker 1>equal to the job. Is it monotonous? Maybe it's monotonous too.

337
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<v Speaker 1>It's fighting and fighting. They are fighting now. They fought

338
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<v Speaker 1>first and they fought last. You will admit that it

339
00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:39.720
<v Speaker 1>is almost too monotonous. In short, one may say anything

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<v Speaker 1>about the history of the world, anything that might enter

341
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<v Speaker 1>the most disordered imagination. The only thing one can't say

342
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<v Speaker 1>is that it's rational. The very word sticks in one's throat.

343
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<v Speaker 1>And indeed, this is the odd thing that is continually happening.

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<v Speaker 1>There are continually turning up in life moral and rational persons,

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<v Speaker 1>sages and lovers of humanity, who make it their object

346
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<v Speaker 1>to live all their lives as morally and rationally as

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<v Speaker 1>possible to be. So to speak, alights to their neighbors,

348
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<v Speaker 1>simply in order to show them that it is possible

349
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<v Speaker 1>to live morally and rationally in this world. And yet

350
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<v Speaker 1>we all know that those very people, sooner or later

351
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<v Speaker 1>have been false to themselves, playing some queer trick, often

352
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<v Speaker 1>a most unseemly one. Now I ask you what can

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<v Speaker 1>be expected of man, since he is a being endowed

354
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<v Speaker 1>with strange qualities, shower upon him every earthly blessing, drown

355
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<v Speaker 1>him in a sea of happiness, so that nothing but

356
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<v Speaker 1>bubbles of bliss can be seen on the surface, give

357
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<v Speaker 1>him economic prosperity, such that he should have nothing else

358
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<v Speaker 1>to do but sleep, eat cakes, and busy himself with

359
00:24:56.440 --> 00:25:00.519
<v Speaker 1>the continuation of his species. And even then, out of

360
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:06.920
<v Speaker 1>sheer ingratitude, sheer spite, man would play you some nasty trick.

361
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<v Speaker 1>He would even risk his cakes, and would deliberately desire

362
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<v Speaker 1>the most fatal rubbish, the most uneconomical absurdity, simply to

363
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<v Speaker 1>introduce into all this positive good sense, his fatal, fantastic element.

364
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<v Speaker 1>It is just his fantastic dreams, his vulgar folly, that

365
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<v Speaker 1>he will desire to retain, simply in order to prove

366
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<v Speaker 1>to himself, as though that were so necessary, that men

367
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<v Speaker 1>still are men, and not the keys of a piano,

368
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<v Speaker 1>which the laws of nature threaten to control so completely

369
00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:45.359
<v Speaker 1>that soon one will be able to desire nothing but

370
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<v Speaker 1>by the calendar. And that is not all. Even if

371
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<v Speaker 1>man really were nothing but a piano key, even if

372
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<v Speaker 1>this were proved to him by natural science and mathematics,

373
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<v Speaker 1>even then he would not become reasonable, but would purposely

374
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<v Speaker 1>do something perverse out of simple ingratitude, simply to gain

375
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<v Speaker 1>his point. And if he does not find means, he

376
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:14.519
<v Speaker 1>will contrive destruction and chaos, will contrive sufferings of all sorts.

377
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<v Speaker 1>Only to gain his point. He will launch a curse

378
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<v Speaker 1>upon the world, and as only man can curse, it

379
00:26:22.119 --> 00:26:25.519
<v Speaker 1>is his privilege. The primary distinction between him and other

380
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<v Speaker 1>animals may be. By his curse alone. He will attain

381
00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:33.279
<v Speaker 1>his object, that is, convince himself that he is a

382
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:37.160
<v Speaker 1>man and not a piano key. If you say that

383
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<v Speaker 1>all this too can be calculated and tabulated, chaos and

384
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<v Speaker 1>darkness and curses, so that the mere possibility of calculating

385
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<v Speaker 1>it all beforehand would stop it all, and reason would

386
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<v Speaker 1>reassert itself, then man would purposely go mad in order

387
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<v Speaker 1>to be rid of reason and gain his point. I

388
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<v Speaker 1>believe in it, I answer for it, for the whole

389
00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:03.160
<v Speaker 1>work of man really seems to consist in nothing but

390
00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:07.039
<v Speaker 1>proving to himself every minute that he is a man

391
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<v Speaker 1>and not a piano key. It may be at the

392
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:14.079
<v Speaker 1>cost of his skin, it may be by cannibalism. And

393
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<v Speaker 1>this being so, can one help being tempted to rejoice

394
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<v Speaker 1>that it has not yet come off, and that desire

395
00:27:21.359 --> 00:27:26.839
<v Speaker 1>still depends on something we don't know. You can scream

396
00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:29.680
<v Speaker 1>at me. That is, if you condescend to do so

397
00:27:30.119 --> 00:27:33.400
<v Speaker 1>that no one is touching my free will, that all

398
00:27:33.480 --> 00:27:36.599
<v Speaker 1>they are concerned with is that my free will should

399
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:40.480
<v Speaker 1>of itself, of its own free will coincide with my

400
00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:44.400
<v Speaker 1>own normal interests, with the laws of nature and arithmetic.

401
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<v Speaker 1>Good heavens, gentlemen, what sort of free will is left

402
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:52.400
<v Speaker 1>when we come to tabulation and arithmetic, when it will

403
00:27:52.440 --> 00:27:55.920
<v Speaker 1>all be a case of twice to make four twice

404
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:59.839
<v Speaker 1>two makes four without my will? As if free will

405
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:07.839
<v Speaker 1>meant that nine gentlemen, I am joking, and I know

406
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:11.480
<v Speaker 1>myself that my jokes are not brilliant. But you know

407
00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:15.799
<v Speaker 1>one can take everything as a joke. I am perhaps

408
00:28:16.039 --> 00:28:21.359
<v Speaker 1>jesting against the grain. Gentlemen, I am tormented by questions

409
00:28:21.799 --> 00:28:25.839
<v Speaker 1>answered them for me. You, for instance, want to cure

410
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.680
<v Speaker 1>men of their old habits and reform their will in

411
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:32.480
<v Speaker 1>accordance with science and good sense. But how do you

412
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:35.880
<v Speaker 1>know not only that it is possible, but also that

413
00:28:35.960 --> 00:28:39.680
<v Speaker 1>it is desirable to reform man in that way? And

414
00:28:39.799 --> 00:28:44.200
<v Speaker 1>what leads you to the conclusion that man's inclinations need reforming?

415
00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:47.759
<v Speaker 1>In short, how do you know that such a reformation

416
00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:51.039
<v Speaker 1>will be a benefit to man? And to go to

417
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:54.440
<v Speaker 1>the root of the matter. Why are you so positively

418
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:58.440
<v Speaker 1>convinced that not to act against his real normal interests,

419
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:02.680
<v Speaker 1>guaranteed by the conclusion of reason and arithmetic, is certainly

420
00:29:02.839 --> 00:29:06.279
<v Speaker 1>always advantageous from man, and must always be a law

421
00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:11.160
<v Speaker 1>for mankind. So far you know, this is only your supposition.

422
00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:14.279
<v Speaker 1>It may be the law of logic, but not the

423
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:19.240
<v Speaker 1>law of humanity. You think, gentlemen, perhaps that I am mad.

424
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.279
<v Speaker 1>Allow me to defend myself. I agree that man is

425
00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:28.400
<v Speaker 1>pre eminently a creative animal, predestined to strive consciously for

426
00:29:28.519 --> 00:29:32.599
<v Speaker 1>an object, and to engage in engineering, that is, incessantly

427
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:36.519
<v Speaker 1>and eternally, to make new roads wherever they may lead.

428
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:40.359
<v Speaker 1>But the reason why he wants sometimes to go off

429
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:43.640
<v Speaker 1>at a tangent may just be that he is predestined

430
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:47.519
<v Speaker 1>to make the road, and perhaps too, that, however stupid

431
00:29:47.559 --> 00:29:51.359
<v Speaker 1>the direct practical man might be, the thought sometimes will

432
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:55.519
<v Speaker 1>occur to him that the road almost always does lead somewhere,

433
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:59.119
<v Speaker 1>and that the destination it leads to is less important

434
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:01.759
<v Speaker 1>than the process of making it, and that the chief

435
00:30:01.880 --> 00:30:06.400
<v Speaker 1>thing is to save the well conducted child from despising engineering,

436
00:30:06.680 --> 00:30:10.000
<v Speaker 1>and so giving way to the fatal idleness which, as

437
00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:12.920
<v Speaker 1>we all know, is the mother of all the vices.

438
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:17.720
<v Speaker 1>Man likes to make roads and to create. That is

439
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:21.240
<v Speaker 1>a fact beyond dispute. But why has he such a

440
00:30:21.319 --> 00:30:25.640
<v Speaker 1>passionate love for destruction and chaos? Also tell me that.

441
00:30:26.559 --> 00:30:28.960
<v Speaker 1>But on that point, I want to say a couple

442
00:30:29.000 --> 00:30:32.680
<v Speaker 1>of words myself. May it not be that he loves

443
00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:36.119
<v Speaker 1>chaos and destruction? There can be no disputing that he

444
00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:40.200
<v Speaker 1>does sometimes love it because he is instinctively afraid of

445
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:43.960
<v Speaker 1>attaining his object and completing the edifice he is constructing.

446
00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:47.839
<v Speaker 1>Who knows. Perhaps he only loves that edifice from a

447
00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:50.799
<v Speaker 1>distance and is by no means in love with it

448
00:30:50.839 --> 00:30:54.359
<v Speaker 1>at close quarters. Perhaps he only loves building it and

449
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:57.000
<v Speaker 1>does not want to live in it, but believe it

450
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:01.480
<v Speaker 1>when completed for the use of laisanimodo mystique, such as

451
00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:06.119
<v Speaker 1>the ants, the sheep, and so on. Now, the ants

452
00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:09.440
<v Speaker 1>have quite a different taste. They have a marvelous edifice

453
00:31:09.480 --> 00:31:14.359
<v Speaker 1>of that pattern which endures forever the ant heap. With

454
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:17.839
<v Speaker 1>the ant heap, the respectable race of ants began, and

455
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:20.880
<v Speaker 1>with the ant heap they will probably end, which does

456
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:24.920
<v Speaker 1>the greatest credit to their perseverance and good sense. But

457
00:31:25.079 --> 00:31:29.039
<v Speaker 1>man is a frivolous and incongruous creature, and perhaps, like

458
00:31:29.079 --> 00:31:32.519
<v Speaker 1>a chess player, loves the process of the game, not

459
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.880
<v Speaker 1>the end of it. And who knows, there is no

460
00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:39.720
<v Speaker 1>saying with certainty. Perhaps the only goal on earth to

461
00:31:39.759 --> 00:31:44.680
<v Speaker 1>which mankind is striving lies in this incessant process of attaining,

462
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:48.440
<v Speaker 1>in other words, in life itself, and not in the

463
00:31:48.519 --> 00:31:52.160
<v Speaker 1>thing to be attained, which must always be expressed as

464
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:56.200
<v Speaker 1>a formula as positive as twice two makes four. And

465
00:31:56.279 --> 00:32:00.559
<v Speaker 1>such positiveness is not life, gentlemen, but is the beginning

466
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:04.960
<v Speaker 1>of death. Anyway, man has always been afraid of this

467
00:32:05.160 --> 00:32:09.160
<v Speaker 1>mathematical certainty, and I am afraid of it now. Granted

468
00:32:09.279 --> 00:32:12.759
<v Speaker 1>that man does nothing but seek that mathematical certainty. He

469
00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:17.680
<v Speaker 1>traverses oceans, sacrifices his life in the quest. But to succeed,

470
00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:23.839
<v Speaker 1>really to find it dreads, I assure you, he feels

471
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:26.200
<v Speaker 1>that when he has found it there will be nothing

472
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:29.039
<v Speaker 1>for him to look for. When workmen have finished their

473
00:32:29.079 --> 00:32:32.279
<v Speaker 1>work day, they do at least receive their pay. They

474
00:32:32.359 --> 00:32:34.920
<v Speaker 1>go to the tavern. Then they are taken to the

475
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:38.799
<v Speaker 1>police station, and there is occupation for a week. But

476
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:43.400
<v Speaker 1>where can man go? Anyway? One can observe a certain

477
00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:47.240
<v Speaker 1>awkwardness about him when he has attained such objects. He

478
00:32:47.319 --> 00:32:50.960
<v Speaker 1>loves the process of attaining, but does not quite like

479
00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:55.400
<v Speaker 1>to have attained, And that, of course is very absurd.

480
00:32:55.880 --> 00:32:59.680
<v Speaker 1>In fact, man is a comical creature. There seems to

481
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:02.839
<v Speaker 1>be a kind of jest in it all. But yet

482
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:09.480
<v Speaker 1>mathematical certainty is, after all something insufferable. Twice two makes

483
00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:12.920
<v Speaker 1>four seems to me simply a piece of insolence. Twice

484
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:16.240
<v Speaker 1>two makes four is a pert coxcomb who stands with

485
00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:21.359
<v Speaker 1>arms akimbo, barring your path and spitting. I admit that

486
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:24.640
<v Speaker 1>twice two makes four is an excellent thing, But if

487
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:27.880
<v Speaker 1>we are to give everything it's due, twice two makes

488
00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:32.599
<v Speaker 1>five is sometimes a very charming thing too. And why

489
00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:36.720
<v Speaker 1>are you so firmly, so triumphantly convinced that only the

490
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:40.039
<v Speaker 1>normal and the positive, In other words, only what is

491
00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:44.279
<v Speaker 1>conducive to welfare is for the advantage of man is

492
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:48.160
<v Speaker 1>not reason in error as regards advantage. Does not man

493
00:33:48.279 --> 00:33:52.400
<v Speaker 1>perhaps love something besides well being? Perhaps he is just

494
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:56.160
<v Speaker 1>as fond of suffering. Perhaps suffering is just a greater

495
00:33:56.279 --> 00:34:00.000
<v Speaker 1>benefit to him as well being. Man is sometimes extreme,

496
00:34:00.119 --> 00:34:05.559
<v Speaker 1>ordinarily passionately in love with suffering, And that is a fact.

497
00:34:05.920 --> 00:34:09.000
<v Speaker 1>There is no need to appeal to universal history to

498
00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:12.599
<v Speaker 1>prove that. Only ask yourself if you are a man

499
00:34:12.679 --> 00:34:16.119
<v Speaker 1>and have lived at all. As far as my personal

500
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:19.840
<v Speaker 1>opinion is concerned, to care only for well being seems

501
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:23.840
<v Speaker 1>to me positively ill bred whether it's good or bad.

502
00:34:23.960 --> 00:34:28.320
<v Speaker 1>It is sometimes very pleasant too to smash things. I

503
00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:31.920
<v Speaker 1>hold no brief for suffering nor for well being either.

504
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:37.440
<v Speaker 1>I am standing for my caprice and for its being

505
00:34:37.519 --> 00:34:41.719
<v Speaker 1>guaranteed to me when necessary. Suffering should be out of

506
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:45.719
<v Speaker 1>place in Vaudeville's for instance, I know that in the

507
00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:51.000
<v Speaker 1>Palace of Crystal it is unthinkable. Suffering means doubts, negation,

508
00:34:51.320 --> 00:34:53.400
<v Speaker 1>And what would be the good of a palace of

509
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:56.840
<v Speaker 1>crystal if there could be any doubt about it? And

510
00:34:56.920 --> 00:35:00.639
<v Speaker 1>yet I think man will never renounce real son, that

511
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:05.440
<v Speaker 1>is destruction and chaos. Why suffering is the sole origin

512
00:35:05.559 --> 00:35:08.760
<v Speaker 1>of consciousness? Though I did lay it down at the

513
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:13.079
<v Speaker 1>beginning that consciousness is the greatest misfortune for man, Yet

514
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I know man prizes it and will not give it

515
00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:21.360
<v Speaker 1>up for any satisfaction. Consciousness, for instance, is infinitely superior

516
00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:25.840
<v Speaker 1>to twice two makes four. Once you have mathematical certainty,

517
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:29.800
<v Speaker 1>there is nothing left to do or to understand, There

518
00:35:29.800 --> 00:35:32.440
<v Speaker 1>will be nothing left but to bottle up your five

519
00:35:32.519 --> 00:35:38.199
<v Speaker 1>senses and plunge into contemplation. While if you stick to consciousness,

520
00:35:38.280 --> 00:35:41.119
<v Speaker 1>even though the same result is attained, you can at

521
00:35:41.199 --> 00:35:44.480
<v Speaker 1>least flog yourself at times, and that will at any

522
00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:49.559
<v Speaker 1>rate liven you up. Reactionary as it is, corporal punishment

523
00:35:49.800 --> 00:35:56.760
<v Speaker 1>is better than nothing. Ten you believe in a palace

524
00:35:56.800 --> 00:36:00.159
<v Speaker 1>of crystal that can never be destroyed, a palace at

525
00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:02.440
<v Speaker 1>which one will not be able to put out one's

526
00:36:02.519 --> 00:36:05.440
<v Speaker 1>tongue or make a long nose on the sly. And

527
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:09.079
<v Speaker 1>perhaps that is just why I am afraid of this edifice,

528
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:12.239
<v Speaker 1>that it is of crystal and can never be destroyed,

529
00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:15.239
<v Speaker 1>and that one cannot put one's tongue out at it,

530
00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:18.559
<v Speaker 1>even on the sly. You see, if it were not

531
00:36:18.679 --> 00:36:21.800
<v Speaker 1>a palace but a hen house, I might creep into

532
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:24.880
<v Speaker 1>it to avoid getting wet. And yet I would not

533
00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:27.599
<v Speaker 1>call the hen house a palace out of gratitude to

534
00:36:27.639 --> 00:36:31.519
<v Speaker 1>it for keeping me dry. You laugh and say that

535
00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:34.320
<v Speaker 1>in such circumstances a hen house is as good as

536
00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:38.119
<v Speaker 1>a mansion. Yes, I answer, if one had to live

537
00:36:38.199 --> 00:36:41.320
<v Speaker 1>simply to keep out of the rain, But what is

538
00:36:41.400 --> 00:36:43.519
<v Speaker 1>to be done if I have taken it into my

539
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:46.559
<v Speaker 1>head that that is not the only object in life,

540
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:49.360
<v Speaker 1>and that if one must live, one had better live

541
00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:54.400
<v Speaker 1>in a mansion. That is my choice, my desire. You

542
00:36:54.440 --> 00:36:59.079
<v Speaker 1>will only eradicate it when you have changed my preference. Well,

543
00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:03.480
<v Speaker 1>do change allure me with something else, give me another ideal.

544
00:37:04.119 --> 00:37:07.159
<v Speaker 1>But meanwhile, I will not take a hen house for

545
00:37:07.239 --> 00:37:11.239
<v Speaker 1>a mansion. The palace of Crystal may be an idle dream.

546
00:37:11.559 --> 00:37:14.400
<v Speaker 1>It may be that it is inconsistent with the laws

547
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:17.320
<v Speaker 1>of nature, and that I have invented it only through

548
00:37:17.320 --> 00:37:21.239
<v Speaker 1>my own stupidity, through the old fashioned, irrational habits of

549
00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:24.559
<v Speaker 1>my generation. But what does it matter to me that

550
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:28.519
<v Speaker 1>it is inconsistent. That makes no difference, since it exists

551
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:31.440
<v Speaker 1>in my desires, or rather exists as long as my

552
00:37:31.559 --> 00:37:38.239
<v Speaker 1>desires exist. Perhaps you are laughing again, laugh away. I

553
00:37:38.440 --> 00:37:41.599
<v Speaker 1>will put up with any mockery rather than pretend that

554
00:37:41.639 --> 00:37:45.280
<v Speaker 1>I am satisfied when I am hungry. I know anyway

555
00:37:45.320 --> 00:37:47.400
<v Speaker 1>that I will not be put off with a compromise

556
00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:50.920
<v Speaker 1>with a recurring zero simply because it is consistent with

557
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:54.519
<v Speaker 1>the laws of nature and actually exists. I will not

558
00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:57.760
<v Speaker 1>accept as the crown of my desires. A block of

559
00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:00.719
<v Speaker 1>buildings with tenements for the poor, a lease of a

560
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:03.760
<v Speaker 1>thousand years, and perhaps with a sign board of a

561
00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:09.840
<v Speaker 1>dentist hanging out. Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideals. Show

562
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:14.119
<v Speaker 1>me something better, and I will follow you. You will say,

563
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:17.519
<v Speaker 1>perhaps that it is not worth your trouble, But in

564
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:20.519
<v Speaker 1>that case I can give you the same answer. We

565
00:38:20.639 --> 00:38:24.559
<v Speaker 1>are discussing things seriously, but if you won't deign to

566
00:38:24.559 --> 00:38:27.719
<v Speaker 1>give me your attention, I will drop your acquaintance. I

567
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:32.679
<v Speaker 1>can retreats into my underground hole. But while I am

568
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:36.400
<v Speaker 1>alive and have desires, I would rather my hand were

569
00:38:36.519 --> 00:38:40.239
<v Speaker 1>withered off than bring one brick to such a building.

570
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:43.880
<v Speaker 1>Don't remind me that I have just rejected the Palace

571
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:46.880
<v Speaker 1>of Crystal for the sole reason that one cannot put

572
00:38:46.920 --> 00:38:49.960
<v Speaker 1>out one's tongue at it. I did not say because

573
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:53.039
<v Speaker 1>I am so fond of putting my tongue out. Perhaps

574
00:38:53.079 --> 00:38:56.559
<v Speaker 1>the thing I resented was that, of all your edifices,

575
00:38:56.639 --> 00:38:58.960
<v Speaker 1>there has not been one at which one could not

576
00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:02.840
<v Speaker 1>put out once. On the contrary, I will let my

577
00:39:03.039 --> 00:39:06.039
<v Speaker 1>tongue be cut off out of gratitude. If things could

578
00:39:06.079 --> 00:39:09.119
<v Speaker 1>be so arranged that I should lose all desire to

579
00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:12.159
<v Speaker 1>put it out. It is not my fault that things

580
00:39:12.159 --> 00:39:15.320
<v Speaker 1>cannot be so arranged, and that one must be satisfied

581
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:19.719
<v Speaker 1>with model flats. Then why am I made with such desires?

582
00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:23.320
<v Speaker 1>Can I have been constructed simply in order to come

583
00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:26.679
<v Speaker 1>to the conclusion that all my construction is a cheat?

584
00:39:27.239 --> 00:39:32.039
<v Speaker 1>Can this be my whole purpose? I do not believe it.

585
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:37.079
<v Speaker 1>But do you know what? I am convinced that we

586
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:40.719
<v Speaker 1>underground folk are to be kept on a curb. Though

587
00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:44.880
<v Speaker 1>we may sit forty years underground without speaking, when we

588
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:47.840
<v Speaker 1>do come out into the light of day and break out,

589
00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:57.119
<v Speaker 1>we talk and talk and talk eleven. The long and

590
00:39:57.199 --> 00:39:59.920
<v Speaker 1>short of it is, gentlemen, that it is better to

591
00:40:00.159 --> 00:40:06.079
<v Speaker 1>do nothing better conscious inertia, and so hurrah or underground.

592
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:09.239
<v Speaker 1>Though I have said that I envy the normal man

593
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:12.039
<v Speaker 1>to the last drop of my bile, yet I shall

594
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:14.360
<v Speaker 1>not care to be in his place such as he

595
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:20.599
<v Speaker 1>is now, though I shall not cease envying him. No, No, anyway,

596
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:24.599
<v Speaker 1>the underground life is more advantageous there at any rate

597
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:28.719
<v Speaker 1>one can oh. But even now I am lying. I

598
00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:31.400
<v Speaker 1>am lying because I know myself that it is not

599
00:40:31.639 --> 00:40:35.519
<v Speaker 1>underground that is better, but something different, quite different. For

600
00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:41.079
<v Speaker 1>which I am thirsting, but which I cannot find damn underground.

601
00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:45.239
<v Speaker 1>I will tell you another thing that would be better,

602
00:40:45.480 --> 00:40:48.320
<v Speaker 1>and that is if I myself believed in anything of

603
00:40:48.360 --> 00:40:51.119
<v Speaker 1>what I have just written. I swear to you, gentlemen,

604
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:54.159
<v Speaker 1>there is not one thing, not one word of what

605
00:40:54.280 --> 00:40:57.639
<v Speaker 1>I have written that I really believe. That is, I

606
00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:00.800
<v Speaker 1>believe it perhaps, But at the same same time I

607
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:04.000
<v Speaker 1>feel and suspect that I am lying like a cobbler.

608
00:41:04.639 --> 00:41:07.440
<v Speaker 1>Then why have you written all this? You will say

609
00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:11.360
<v Speaker 1>to me, I ought to put you underground for forty

610
00:41:11.480 --> 00:41:14.079
<v Speaker 1>years without anything to do, and then come to you

611
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:17.559
<v Speaker 1>in your cellar to find out what stage you have reached.

612
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:20.679
<v Speaker 1>How can a man be left with nothing to do

613
00:41:20.840 --> 00:41:25.960
<v Speaker 1>for forty years? Isn't that shameful? Isn't that humiliating? You

614
00:41:26.000 --> 00:41:30.719
<v Speaker 1>will say, perhaps, wagging your heads contemptuously, you thirst for

615
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:33.400
<v Speaker 1>life and try to settle the problems of life by

616
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:37.920
<v Speaker 1>a logical tangle. And how persistent, how insolent are your sallies,

617
00:41:38.039 --> 00:41:40.719
<v Speaker 1>And at the same time, what a scare you are in.

618
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:44.440
<v Speaker 1>You talk nonsense and are pleased with it. You say

619
00:41:44.519 --> 00:41:48.639
<v Speaker 1>impudent things and are in continual alarm and apologizing for them.

620
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:51.960
<v Speaker 1>You declare that you are afraid of nothing, and at

621
00:41:51.960 --> 00:41:55.679
<v Speaker 1>the same time try to ingratiate yourself in our good opinion.

622
00:41:56.360 --> 00:41:59.559
<v Speaker 1>You declare that you are gnashing your teeth, and at

623
00:41:59.559 --> 00:42:02.239
<v Speaker 1>the same time you try to be witty so as

624
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:06.360
<v Speaker 1>to amuse us. You know that your witticisms are not witty,

625
00:42:06.519 --> 00:42:10.159
<v Speaker 1>but you are evidently well satisfied with your literary value.

626
00:42:10.719 --> 00:42:13.719
<v Speaker 1>You may perhaps have really suffered, but you have no

627
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:17.800
<v Speaker 1>respect for your own suffering. You may have sincerity, but

628
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:21.440
<v Speaker 1>you have no modesty. Out of your pettiest vanity, you

629
00:42:21.559 --> 00:42:26.960
<v Speaker 1>expose your sincerity to publicity and ignominy. You doubtlessly mean

630
00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:30.360
<v Speaker 1>to say something, but hide your last word through fear,

631
00:42:30.599 --> 00:42:33.239
<v Speaker 1>because you have not the resolution to utter it, and

632
00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:37.920
<v Speaker 1>only have a cowardly impudence. You boast of consciousness, but

633
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:40.920
<v Speaker 1>you are not sure of your ground. For though your

634
00:42:41.079 --> 00:42:44.800
<v Speaker 1>mind works, yet your heart is darkened and corrupt. And

635
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:49.320
<v Speaker 1>you cannot have a full, genuine consciousness without a pure heart.

636
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:56.800
<v Speaker 1>And how intrusive you are, how you insist and grimace, lies, lies, lies.

637
00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:01.239
<v Speaker 1>Of course, I have my self made up all the

638
00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:05.039
<v Speaker 1>things you say. That too, is from underground. I have

639
00:43:05.159 --> 00:43:08.000
<v Speaker 1>been for forty years listening to you through a crack

640
00:43:08.119 --> 00:43:12.159
<v Speaker 1>under the floor. I have invented them myself. There was

641
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:15.519
<v Speaker 1>nothing else I could invent. It is no wonder that

642
00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:17.840
<v Speaker 1>I have learnt it by heart, and it has taken

643
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:22.199
<v Speaker 1>a literary form. But can you really be so credulous

644
00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:24.519
<v Speaker 1>as to think that I will print all this and

645
00:43:24.559 --> 00:43:28.159
<v Speaker 1>give it to you to read to? And another problem,

646
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:31.559
<v Speaker 1>why do I call you gentlemen? Why do I address

647
00:43:31.639 --> 00:43:35.480
<v Speaker 1>you as though you really were my readers? Such confessions

648
00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:38.679
<v Speaker 1>as I intend to make are never printed nor given

649
00:43:38.719 --> 00:43:42.559
<v Speaker 1>to other people to read. Anyway, I am not strong

650
00:43:42.639 --> 00:43:44.920
<v Speaker 1>minded enough for that, and I don't see why I

651
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:48.639
<v Speaker 1>should be. But you see, a fancy has occurred to me,

652
00:43:48.920 --> 00:43:52.360
<v Speaker 1>and I want to realize it at all costs. Let

653
00:43:52.400 --> 00:43:56.920
<v Speaker 1>me explain. Every man has reminiscences which he would not

654
00:43:57.079 --> 00:44:00.039
<v Speaker 1>tell to every one, but only to his friends. He

655
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:02.519
<v Speaker 1>has other matters in his mind which he would not

656
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:05.679
<v Speaker 1>reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and

657
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:09.599
<v Speaker 1>that in secret. But there are other things which a

658
00:44:09.639 --> 00:44:12.480
<v Speaker 1>man is afraid to tell even to himself. And every

659
00:44:12.599 --> 00:44:15.760
<v Speaker 1>decent man has a number of such things stored away

660
00:44:15.800 --> 00:44:19.840
<v Speaker 1>in his mind. The more decent he is, the greater

661
00:44:19.960 --> 00:44:24.360
<v Speaker 1>the number of such things. In his mind anyway. I

662
00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:28.119
<v Speaker 1>have only lately determined to remember some of my early adventures.

663
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:31.000
<v Speaker 1>Till now, I have always avoided them, even with a

664
00:44:31.039 --> 00:44:35.280
<v Speaker 1>certain uneasiness. Now, when I am not only recalling them,

665
00:44:35.480 --> 00:44:38.239
<v Speaker 1>but have actually decided to write an account of them,

666
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:42.159
<v Speaker 1>I want to try the experiment whether one can, even

667
00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:45.920
<v Speaker 1>with oneself, be perfectly open and not take fright at

668
00:44:45.960 --> 00:44:51.039
<v Speaker 1>the whole truth. I will observe in parentheses that Heine

669
00:44:51.079 --> 00:44:55.440
<v Speaker 1>says that a true autobiography is almost an impossibility, and

670
00:44:55.519 --> 00:44:59.639
<v Speaker 1>that man is bound to lie about himself. He considers

671
00:44:59.679 --> 00:45:03.519
<v Speaker 1>that who so certainly told lies about himself and his confessions,

672
00:45:03.599 --> 00:45:08.519
<v Speaker 1>and even intentionally lied out of vanity. I am convinced

673
00:45:08.599 --> 00:45:13.239
<v Speaker 1>that Heine is right. I quite understand how sometimes one may,

674
00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:17.599
<v Speaker 1>out of sheer vanity, attribute regular crimes to oneself, and

675
00:45:17.760 --> 00:45:20.960
<v Speaker 1>indeed I can very well conceive that kind of vanity.

676
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:24.679
<v Speaker 1>But Heine judged the people who made their confessions to

677
00:45:24.719 --> 00:45:28.400
<v Speaker 1>the public. I write only for myself, and I wish

678
00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:31.639
<v Speaker 1>to declare once and for all that if I write

679
00:45:31.679 --> 00:45:35.039
<v Speaker 1>as though I were addressing readers, that is simply because

680
00:45:35.039 --> 00:45:37.599
<v Speaker 1>it is easier for me to write in that form.

681
00:45:38.199 --> 00:45:41.920
<v Speaker 1>It is a form an empty form. I shall never

682
00:45:42.199 --> 00:45:47.239
<v Speaker 1>have readers. I have made this plane already. I don't

683
00:45:47.239 --> 00:45:50.320
<v Speaker 1>wish to be hampered by any restrictions in the compilation

684
00:45:50.440 --> 00:45:53.960
<v Speaker 1>of my notes. I shall not attempt any system or method.

685
00:45:54.239 --> 00:45:58.199
<v Speaker 1>I will jot things down as I remember them. But here,

686
00:45:58.519 --> 00:46:01.440
<v Speaker 1>perhaps someone will catch at the word and ask me,

687
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:04.119
<v Speaker 1>if you really don't reckon on readers, why do you

688
00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:07.360
<v Speaker 1>make such compacts with yourself and on paper too? That

689
00:46:07.559 --> 00:46:10.320
<v Speaker 1>is that you won't attempt any system or method, that

690
00:46:10.360 --> 00:46:12.840
<v Speaker 1>you jot things down as you remember them, and so

691
00:46:13.079 --> 00:46:17.239
<v Speaker 1>on and so on. Why are you explaining? Why do

692
00:46:17.320 --> 00:46:23.320
<v Speaker 1>you apologize? Well, there it is, I answer. There is

693
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:27.519
<v Speaker 1>a whole psychology in this. Though perhaps it is simply

694
00:46:27.559 --> 00:46:30.559
<v Speaker 1>that I am a coward, and perhaps that I purposely

695
00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:33.920
<v Speaker 1>imagine an audience before me in order that I may

696
00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:38.800
<v Speaker 1>be more dignified while I write. There are perhaps thousands

697
00:46:38.840 --> 00:46:43.159
<v Speaker 1>of reasons. Again, what is the object precisely in writing?

698
00:46:43.519 --> 00:46:45.320
<v Speaker 1>If it is not to be for the benefit of

699
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:48.599
<v Speaker 1>the public, Why should I not simply recall these incidents

700
00:46:48.599 --> 00:46:52.639
<v Speaker 1>in my own mind without putting them on paper. Quite so,

701
00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:57.199
<v Speaker 1>But yet it is more imposing on paper. There is

702
00:46:57.360 --> 00:47:00.519
<v Speaker 1>something more impressive in it. I shall be better able

703
00:47:00.559 --> 00:47:04.840
<v Speaker 1>to criticize myself and improve my style. Besides, I shall

704
00:47:04.840 --> 00:47:09.800
<v Speaker 1>perhaps obtain actual relief from writing today. For instance, I

705
00:47:09.840 --> 00:47:13.480
<v Speaker 1>am particularly oppressed by one memory of a distant past,

706
00:47:14.119 --> 00:47:17.079
<v Speaker 1>and came back vividly to my mind a few days ago,

707
00:47:17.280 --> 00:47:20.679
<v Speaker 1>and has remained haunting me, like an annoying tune that

708
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:24.400
<v Speaker 1>one cannot get rid of. And yet I must get

709
00:47:24.519 --> 00:47:29.400
<v Speaker 1>rid of it. Somehow. I have hundreds of such reminiscences,

710
00:47:29.559 --> 00:47:33.000
<v Speaker 1>but at times some one stands out from the hundred

711
00:47:33.039 --> 00:47:36.639
<v Speaker 1>and oppresses me. For some reason, I believe that if

712
00:47:36.679 --> 00:47:38.760
<v Speaker 1>I write it down, I should get rid of it.

713
00:47:39.400 --> 00:47:44.119
<v Speaker 1>Why not try? Besides I am bored, and I never

714
00:47:44.280 --> 00:47:48.159
<v Speaker 1>have anything to do. Writing will be a sort of work.

715
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:53.639
<v Speaker 1>They say, work makes man kind hearted and honest. Well

716
00:47:53.920 --> 00:47:59.559
<v Speaker 1>here's a chance for me anyway. Snow is falling to day,

717
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:03.360
<v Speaker 1>yellow and dingy. It fell yesterday too, and a few

718
00:48:03.440 --> 00:48:07.000
<v Speaker 1>days ago. I fancy it is the wet snow that

719
00:48:07.079 --> 00:48:10.079
<v Speaker 1>has reminded me of that incident which I cannot shake

720
00:48:10.159 --> 00:48:15.480
<v Speaker 1>off now, And so let it be a story. Apropos

721
00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:21.119
<v Speaker 1>of the falling snow and of Underground Part two
