WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:14.720 Us studious. Welcome to the Stillness Journal. I'm Maya, and 2 00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:19.640 to day for our final session together, I want to 3 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:25.039 talk about something that might be the most difficult and 4 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:34.039 most important practice of all. Meeting yourself with compassion. Not 5 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:39.320 the kind of compassion you easily give to others, the 6 00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:44.039 kind you give to yourself. Take a moment to settle in, 7 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:52.840 let your body find rest, let your hands be soft, 8 00:00:54.520 --> 00:01:00.439 close your eyes, or let your gaze be gentle. And 9 00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:05.120 as we begin, I want you to do something brave. 10 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:11.959 I want you to look at yourself, not in a mirror, 11 00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:19.079 but in the mirror of your mind. See yourself as 12 00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:24.439 you are right now, not as you wish you were, 13 00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:31.040 not as you think you should be, just as you are. 14 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:36.680 Can you meet that person with kindness? Most of us 15 00:01:36.760 --> 00:01:42.120 are our own harshest critics. We say things to ourselves 16 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:45.400 that we would never say to some one we love. 17 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:53.000 We replay our mistakes on an endless loop. We judge 18 00:01:53.000 --> 00:02:00.760 ourselves for every flaw, every failure, every imperfection, and we 19 00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:05.439 do it so automatically that we don't even realize we're 20 00:02:05.439 --> 00:02:10.240 doing it. The inner critic has been talking for so 21 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:15.560 long that its voice has become indistinguishable from our own. 22 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:19.719 It whispers to us in the morning, before we've even 23 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:27.360 opened our eyes. It follows us into our dreams in 24 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:34.599 comments on everything we do, not with curiosity, but with judgment, 25 00:02:36.439 --> 00:02:41.400 not with love, but with comparison. I remember the first 26 00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:48.599 time I noticed my own inner critic. I had just 27 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:54.120 finished a project. I was proud of something I'd worked 28 00:02:54.159 --> 00:03:00.240 on for months, and as I looked at the result, 29 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:07.759 I didn't feel pride. I felt a familiar sinking feeling, 30 00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:14.960 and I heard a voice say it's not good enough. 31 00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:21.919 Someone else would have done it better. You should have 32 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:29.759 tried harder. And I stopped and thought, wait, whose voice 33 00:03:29.800 --> 00:03:34.439 is that, because it's certainly not the voice I would 34 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:39.520 use with a friend. If a friend showed me their work, 35 00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:45.439 I would say, this is wonderful. You worked so hard. 36 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:53.800 Be proud of yourself. But with myself, the standards were different, 37 00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:01.560 the voice was different, and I realized that I had 38 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:05.560 been living with this critic for so long that I 39 00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:09.360 had mistaken it for truth. And I wonder if you've 40 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:14.680 had that experience too, that moment when you catch yourself 41 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:22.120 saying something to yourself that's so harsh, so unforgiving, that 42 00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:25.600 if someone else said it to you, you'd walk away, 43 00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:32.000 you'd never speak to that person again. And yet you 44 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:37.240 say it to yourself every day, as if it's normal, 45 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:43.600 as if it's deserved, as if that's just what people 46 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:50.439 do with themselves. But it's not. It's what we've learned 47 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:57.040 to do, and what we've learned we can unlearn. But 48 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:02.839 here's what I want to consider. That critical voice isn't you. 49 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:10.639 It's a habit, a pattern, a voice that was installed 50 00:05:10.759 --> 00:05:18.399 by experiences, by expectations, by people who didn't know how 51 00:05:18.439 --> 00:05:22.480 to love you the way you needed to be loved. 52 00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:30.439 It's not your truth, it's your conditioning. And conditioning can 53 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:37.160 be changed not by fighting the critic, but by developing 54 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:46.199 a different voice. A voice of compassion, voice that speaks softly, 55 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:52.879 a voice that notices when you're struggling and leans in 56 00:05:52.879 --> 00:06:00.000 instead of pulling away. A voice that says, I see you, 57 00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:06.319 your doing your best, and that is enough. I want 58 00:06:06.360 --> 00:06:12.120 to share something personal. When I was younger, I used 59 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:16.680 to believe that if I was kind to myself, I 60 00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:22.959 would become complacent, that self criticism was the engine of 61 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:28.439 my growth, that if I let go of the harsh voice, 62 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:33.920 I would fall apart, and for a long time that 63 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:38.040 belief kept me stuck in a cycle of shame and striving. 64 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:46.839 I would push myself to exhaustion, collapse, shame myself for collapsing, 65 00:06:47.800 --> 00:06:52.879 and then push again. It wasn't until I started practicing 66 00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:59.360 self compassion, really practicing it, not just understanding it intellectually, 67 00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:05.720 that I realized the opposite was true. Kindness didn't make 68 00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:10.519 me lazy. It made me brave. It gave me the 69 00:07:10.600 --> 00:07:14.519 courage to try things I might have failed at because 70 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:19.680 I knew that failure wouldn't destroy me. It freyed me 71 00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:24.759 from the prison of perfectionism, and it allowed me to 72 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:30.079 feel my feelings without running from them. That was the 73 00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:39.439 real gift, Not productivity, but presence, not achievement, but a liveness. 74 00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:45.079 And I wonder if you've had that experience too, that 75 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:50.600 moment when you catch yourself saying something to yourself that's 76 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:56.839 so harsh, so unforgiving, that if some one else said 77 00:07:56.879 --> 00:08:02.639 it to you, you'd walk away, you'd never speak to 78 00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:08.279 that person again. And yet you say it to yourself 79 00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:15.439 every day as if it's normal, as if it's deserved, 80 00:08:17.240 --> 00:08:22.680 as if that's just what people do with themselves. But 81 00:08:22.759 --> 00:08:29.319 it's not. It's what we've learned to do, and what 82 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:37.200 we've learned we can unlearn. Compassion, in its simplest form, 83 00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:46.879 is suffering with not fixing, not advising, not judging, just 84 00:08:46.919 --> 00:08:52.039 sitting with someone in their pain and saying, I see you, 85 00:08:53.639 --> 00:08:59.320 this is hard and you're not alone. Can you say 86 00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:03.960 that to yourself? Can you look at your own struggle 87 00:09:04.279 --> 00:09:10.840 and your own imperfection and say, this is hard and 88 00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:14.120 I'm here for myself. I want you to think about 89 00:09:14.120 --> 00:09:19.960 a moment recently when you were struggling. Maybe it was 90 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:25.120 a hard conversation, Maybe it was a mistake at work, 91 00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:31.759 Maybe it was a moment of loneliness or self doubt. 92 00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:37.840 What did you say to yourself in that moment? Did 93 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:41.919 you offer yourself the same tenderness you would offer a friend, 94 00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:50.240 or did you pile on more judgment, more blame, more criticism. 95 00:09:50.279 --> 00:09:53.879 Did you add to this pain instead of easing it. 96 00:09:56.159 --> 00:10:00.000 Most of us, if we're honest, would have to say 97 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:05.440 say we added to it. We made the pain worse 98 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:11.360 because we thought that was how we would learn. We 99 00:10:11.480 --> 00:10:17.480 thought the criticism was necessary. We thought if we were 100 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:24.960 kind to ourselves we'd become lazy or complacent. But the 101 00:10:25.039 --> 00:10:33.519 opposite is true kindness opens the door to growth, criticism 102 00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:41.000 closes it. Self compassion isn't self indulgence. It's not letting 103 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:48.759 yourself off the hook or ignoring your responsibilities. The psychologist 104 00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:56.679 Kristin Neff defines self compassion as three things. Self kindness 105 00:10:57.080 --> 00:11:05.480 instead of self judgment, common humanity instead of isolation, and 106 00:11:05.639 --> 00:11:13.720 mindfulness instead of over identification. In other words, be gentle 107 00:11:13.799 --> 00:11:20.159 with yourself, remember that every one struggles, and hold your 108 00:11:20.200 --> 00:11:27.320 pain without being consumed by it. When you practice self compassion, 109 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:35.120 you're not saying your problems don't matter. You're saying you better, 110 00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:41.279 and that makes all the difference. Think about the last 111 00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:46.759 time you made a mistake. Maybe it was something small, 112 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:55.480 a careless comment, a forgotten task. Maybe it was something bigger, 113 00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:03.000 a wrong decision, a broken relation, a failed attempt at 114 00:12:03.039 --> 00:12:08.480 something that mattered. When you thought about it, what was 115 00:12:08.519 --> 00:12:15.000 your first reaction? Was it compassion or was it something 116 00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:20.799 more like? How could I be so stupid? What's wrong 117 00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:28.080 with me? I should have known better? That reaction, that harsh, 118 00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:35.600 immediate judgment, is the opposite of compassion, and it doesn't 119 00:12:35.639 --> 00:12:40.919 help you do better next time. Research shows that self compassion, 120 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:50.720 not self criticism leads to better performance, more resilience, and 121 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:56.480 greater willingness to try again after failure. When you're kind 122 00:12:56.519 --> 00:13:02.240 to yourself about a mistake, you learn faster because you're 123 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:07.159 not wasting energy on shame. You're free to look at 124 00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:12.519 what happened clearly and make a different choice next time. 125 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:19.480 And you're also free to forgive yourself, which is something 126 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:24.399 many of us find incredibly difficult. I think about all 127 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:29.080 the things we carry, the regrets that visit us at 128 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:35.960 three am, the mistakes we replay over and over as 129 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:42.080 if punishing ourselves could somehow undo them. The guilt we 130 00:13:42.200 --> 00:13:47.639 hold on too, like a stone in our chest. And 131 00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:52.279 I want to ask you, is that guilt serving you? 132 00:13:54.799 --> 00:14:00.279 Is the self punishment helping or is it just adding 133 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:07.919 more weight to an already heavy load. You deserve to 134 00:14:08.039 --> 00:14:12.799 put some of that down, not to forget what happened, 135 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:20.320 but to stop hurting yourself for it, to say I 136 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:23.159 did the best I could with what I knew at 137 00:14:23.159 --> 00:14:29.600 the time, and I'm going to be different now. But 138 00:14:29.720 --> 00:14:32.960 I don't have to keep leading for the past. Let's 139 00:14:33.080 --> 00:14:38.080 try a practice. I want you to place your hand 140 00:14:38.399 --> 00:14:44.039 on your chest, feel the warmth of your palm against 141 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:52.799 your body, feel your heart beat underneath. This is your hand, 142 00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:59.679 this is your heart, This is your life. Now say 143 00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:04.720 to you yourself silently. May I be kind to myself. 144 00:15:06.039 --> 00:15:10.279 May I accept myself as I am. May I have 145 00:15:10.360 --> 00:15:15.559 the courage to grow. May I find peace in this moment. 146 00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:20.679 Let those words settle, and if you like to repeat them, 147 00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:28.759 feel free. May I be kind to myself. May I 148 00:15:28.840 --> 00:15:34.679 accept myself as I am. May I have the courage 149 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:43.879 to grow. May I find peace in this moment? Think, Think, think, 150 00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:49.919 May the let those words sink in. Not as wishes 151 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:57.440 or prayers, as permissions. You are giving yourself permission to 152 00:15:57.559 --> 00:16:06.039 be human, to be imperfect, to be in process, to 153 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:11.960 be growing and stumbling and trying again. That is what 154 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:17.879 being alive looks like. And you are doing it beautifully, 155 00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:28.080 not perfectly, not without pain, but beautifully because every time 156 00:16:28.279 --> 00:16:35.120 you choose kindness over criticism, you are building something inside yourself, 157 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:41.639 a foundation of self love that no failure can shake, 158 00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:49.519 and that foundation will hold you through every season of 159 00:16:49.559 --> 00:16:54.600 your life. Think about a child learning to walk. They fall, 160 00:16:55.919 --> 00:17:01.279 they get up, they fall again, they get up again, 161 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:07.160 and no one, No one looks at that child and 162 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:12.559 says Why can't you walk yet? What's wrong with you? 163 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:19.839 Every one else can walk? You must be lazy or stupid. 164 00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:27.519 We cheer them on, We celebrate every wobbly step. We 165 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:34.200 hold out our hands and say you can do it. Here. 166 00:17:36.200 --> 00:17:41.599 Can you give yourself that same encouragement? Can you be 167 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:45.200 the parent to your own soul that you need it 168 00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:53.960 when you are small? There's a Japanese art form called 169 00:17:54.119 --> 00:18:00.440 kinsuki repairing broken pottery with gold. When a piece of 170 00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:05.640 pottery breaks, instead of throwing it away or hiding the cracks, 171 00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:11.359 they fill them with gold. The cracks become part of 172 00:18:11.400 --> 00:18:17.599 the beauty. The break becomes part of the history. The 173 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:22.720 peace becomes more beautiful because it was broken, not in 174 00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:26.880 spite of it. And I want you to see yourself 175 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:34.200 the same way. Cracks, your breaks, your failures. They're not 176 00:18:34.359 --> 00:18:41.400 evidence of your inadequacy. They're evidence of your life. And 177 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:46.440 when you meet them with compassion instead of shame, they 178 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:53.119 become gold. You're journaling prompt today, write a letter to yourself, 179 00:18:54.720 --> 00:19:02.400 not from your critical voice, from your compassionate voice. What 180 00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:06.240 would the most loving part of you say to the 181 00:19:06.359 --> 00:19:12.359 part that's struggling. What would it say about your mistakes, 182 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:20.240 your fears, your imperfections. What would it want you to know? 183 00:19:22.759 --> 00:19:26.839 If writing a letter feels like too much, try this. 184 00:19:28.599 --> 00:19:33.319 Speak out loud, as if you're talking to a beloved friend. 185 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:38.680 Tell yourself what you need to hear. Say the words 186 00:19:38.720 --> 00:19:43.319 you've been waiting for someone else to say, and let 187 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:50.359 yourself receive them. Let them in. You don't have to 188 00:19:50.440 --> 00:20:00.839 earn them. They're yours simply because you're here. Think as 189 00:20:00.920 --> 00:20:08.440 you want. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 190 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:16.359 Whatever you wrote, whatever you've felt, hold it gently. You 191 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:20.599 don't have to believe it right away. You don't have 192 00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:25.519 to transform overnight. You just have to be willing to 193 00:20:25.640 --> 00:20:31.440 try to catch the critical voice and say, not now, 194 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:38.680 I'm practicing something different, and to replace it, even briefly, 195 00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:47.079 with kindness. That's all. Compassion is a practice, a moment 196 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:54.799 of softness in a world that often demands hardness, a 197 00:20:54.799 --> 00:20:59.720 booman of warmth in a life that sometimes feels cold. 198 00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:07.799 And those moments add up. They change you slowly in 199 00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:12.759 ways you might not notice at first, But one day 200 00:21:13.799 --> 00:21:20.279 you'll catch yourself being kind to yourself and you'll think, oh, 201 00:21:21.640 --> 00:21:28.920 I'm doing it, I'm actually doing it, and that will 202 00:21:29.000 --> 00:21:33.079 be enough. As we close our time together. I want 203 00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:40.039 to acknowledge something showing up for yourself sitting here, doing 204 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:47.440 this practice, exploring your inner world. That takes courage. It 205 00:21:47.480 --> 00:21:51.599 would be easier to stay busy, It would be easier 206 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:55.960 to numb. It would be easier to keep moving and 207 00:21:56.079 --> 00:22:00.920 never stop long enough to feel what you're feeling. But 208 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:06.279 you chose to be here, and that choice matters more 209 00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:11.119 than you know. It matters because every time you choose 210 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:18.480 presence over distraction, you choosing yourself, and you deserve to 211 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:26.960 be chosen by yourself, especially by yourself. I hope the 212 00:22:27.079 --> 00:22:33.279 series has been a gentle companion for you. I hope 213 00:22:33.319 --> 00:22:38.000 the stillness you found here follows you into your days. 214 00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:45.640 And I hope you remember always that you are worthy 215 00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:53.240 of your own compassion, not because you've earned it, because 216 00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:59.839 you exist, and that in itself is a remarkable thing. 217 00:23:02.119 --> 00:23:06.880 You are a miracle of biology and time and chance. 218 00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:16.920 You are here, alive, conscious, feeling, and that is extraordinary. 219 00:23:18.759 --> 00:23:26.200 Don't let the critic tell you otherwise. Listen instead to 220 00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:31.920 the quieter voice, the one that has been there all along, 221 00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:41.759 beneath the noise, the one that says, simply, gently, beautifully, 222 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:50.200 you are enough. You have always been enough. Thank you 223 00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:54.880 for being here with me. Thank you for your honesty, 224 00:23:55.599 --> 00:24:00.920 your openness, and your willingness to sit in the stillness. 225 00:24:02.839 --> 00:24:09.359 I'll see you again soon. Until then, be gentle with yourself. 226 00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:15.680 You're doing better than you think. This episode was crafted 227 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:22.880 with a I assistance, guided by real human intention, to 228 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:26.400 help you cultivate compassion toward yourself.