WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.439 --> 00:00:06.879 There are certain birthdays that just feel different. The first birthday, 2 00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:13.599 the fifth birthday, the thirteenth birthday, the sixteenth birthday, the 3 00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:19.679 eighteenth birthday, and then there is ten double digits, that 4 00:00:19.800 --> 00:00:22.879 moment when your child looks at you and realizes that 5 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:28.440 they are officially ten years old, and somehow, as their mom, 6 00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:33.359 you're standing there wondering exactly how that happened, because I swear, 7 00:00:34.039 --> 00:00:37.920 wasn't Torren just little? Wasn't I just carrying her around? 8 00:00:38.920 --> 00:00:42.320 Wasn't she just learning how to talk? And now suddenly 9 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:45.039 we're planning a birthday party for a ten year old 10 00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:49.679 who knows exactly what she wants. And Torn definitely knew 11 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:54.079 what she wanted. She wanted her friends, she wanted games, 12 00:00:54.479 --> 00:00:58.880 she wanted chocolate cake, and for her birthday dinner, chicken 13 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:06.760 broccoli and right bake, not pizza, not hamburgers, not tacos, chicken, 14 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:11.239 broccoli and rice bake. And you know what that's Torn, 15 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:14.719 She knows what she likes. So we gave our newly 16 00:01:14.840 --> 00:01:18.200 minted ten year old exactly the kind of birthdays she wanted. 17 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:22.840 There were three friends, there were games, there were presents, 18 00:01:23.599 --> 00:01:27.319 there was an electric scooter, there was money, There was 19 00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:31.359 a doll and doll stuff. There was chocolate cake, and 20 00:01:31.400 --> 00:01:35.760 when all the excitement finally started winding down, we ended 21 00:01:35.799 --> 00:01:40.879 the night together with a movie. Nothing extravagant, nothing complicated, 22 00:01:41.640 --> 00:01:45.519 just family, friends, food, laughter, and another memory added to 23 00:01:45.560 --> 00:01:49.599 the story of our family. And sometimes those are the 24 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:54.079 birthdays you remember forever. I'm Maya. This is We Are 25 00:01:54.079 --> 00:02:00.400 the Hansens, and today we're celebrating Torn turning ten. Everybody, 26 00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:03.599 welcome back to another episode of We Are the Hansens. 27 00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:07.159 If you're new here, welcome to our family. We are 28 00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:12.400 a big, loud, busy family with thirteen kids, and around 29 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:16.520 here there is pretty much always something happening. Sometimes it's 30 00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:21.639 a big family adventure. Sometimes we're cooking, sometimes we're celebrating. 31 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:26.439 Sometimes we're laughing so hard that nobody can breathe. Sometimes 32 00:02:26.479 --> 00:02:30.120 somebody can't find their shoes five minutes before we're supposed 33 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:34.759 to leave. And sometimes we're simply trying to survive another 34 00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:38.479 normal day in a very big family. But that's exactly 35 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:42.199 why we started sharing these stories, because we've learned over 36 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:45.719 the years that the ordinary moments are usually the ones 37 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:49.159 that end up meaning the most, and today's episode is 38 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:54.280 definitely one of those our torn turned ten ten years old, 39 00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:58.560 double digits, and I don't know why, but seeing that 40 00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:02.159 out loud makes it feel even more real. When you're 41 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:05.960 raising kids, everybody tells you how fast it goes. When 42 00:03:05.960 --> 00:03:10.039 they're babies and you're exhausted, people tell you, enjoy it. 43 00:03:10.039 --> 00:03:14.719 It goes fast. When they're toddlers, enjoy it. It goes fast. 44 00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:20.280 First day of school, it goes fast. And sometimes you think, okay, okay, 45 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:23.520 I get it. But then one day you're putting candles 46 00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:26.759 on a chocolate cake for your child's tenth birthday and 47 00:03:26.840 --> 00:03:30.680 you realize they were right. It really does go by fast. 48 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:34.960 Ten feels like such an interesting aid. They're still your 49 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.319 little kid, but they're also becoming their own person in 50 00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:43.360 such a noticeable way. They have opinions, they have favorite things, 51 00:03:44.039 --> 00:03:46.960 they have friendships that are important to them. They have 52 00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:50.000 their own sense of humor. They know what foods they like, 53 00:03:50.639 --> 00:03:53.000 they know what clothes they like, they know what they 54 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:56.680 want to do, and they definitely know what they don't 55 00:03:56.719 --> 00:03:59.719 want to do. And that's something I've always loved about 56 00:03:59.719 --> 00:04:03.800 watching our kids grow. When you have thirteen children, you 57 00:04:03.960 --> 00:04:07.360 learn pretty quickly that there isn't one formula for raising 58 00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:11.840 a child, they're all different, every single one. They can 59 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:14.400 grow up in the same house, eat at the same 60 00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:18.279 dinner table, go on the same family trips, hear the 61 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:22.879 same family rules, and they still become completely different people, 62 00:04:23.639 --> 00:04:30.519 different personalities, different interests, different strengths, different dreams. And I 63 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:34.360 think that's beautiful. As parents, Jeremy and I aren't trying 64 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:38.319 to create thirteen copies of the same person. We're raising 65 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:43.759 thirteen individuals, and Torren is torn. That's what makes celebrating 66 00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:47.720 her birthday so special. This wasn't about creating some picture 67 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:52.399 perfect party. It was about celebrating her. And when we 68 00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:55.680 started figuring out what she wanted for her birthday, Torren 69 00:04:55.720 --> 00:05:01.560 had ideas the first important decision food. Now, if you 70 00:05:01.720 --> 00:05:05.399 listen to this show regularly, you know that food is 71 00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:10.360 basically a character in our family stories. Something is always cooking, 72 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:14.480 there's always somebody asking what's for dinner. There's always a 73 00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:17.639 gathering where we're trying to figure out how much food 74 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:20.360 we're going to need. And when you have a family 75 00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:24.279 our size, you don't make a tiny little casserole. You 76 00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:28.560 make enough food to feed an army. Sometimes literally it 77 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:31.480 feels like an army. So I asked hoorm what she 78 00:05:31.560 --> 00:05:36.000 wanted for her birthday dinner, and this girl chose chicken, 79 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:41.000 broccoli and rice bake, and I thought, okay, that's actually 80 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:47.240 a really good birthday dinner. Warm, cheesy, comforting, easy to 81 00:05:47.279 --> 00:05:52.120 feed a group, and something she loves. Perfect. Then came 82 00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:57.360 the cake, chocolate. There was no complicated debate there toorn 83 00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:03.000 wanted chocolate cake, and honestly I respect that decision. Chocolate 84 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:06.639 cake is hard to beat. So the birthday menu was set. 85 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:11.279 Chicken broccoli and rice baked, chocolate cake and a house 86 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:14.800 full of people ready to celebrate. If you've ever hosted 87 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.680 a birthday party at your house, you know there's always 88 00:06:17.720 --> 00:06:21.680 that period beforehand where you look around and suddenly notice 89 00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:24.759 every single thing that needs to be done. Why is 90 00:06:24.879 --> 00:06:28.839 that your house can look completely normal all week? Then 91 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:31.639 you realize people are coming over and suddenly you're like, 92 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:36.319 what is that sitting there? Who left this here? Why 93 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:41.000 are their shoes everywhere? Whose cup is this? Why is 94 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:43.879 there a blanket in the middle of the floor. And 95 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:48.279 in a family with thirteen kids, there's always evidence that 96 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:53.439 people actually live here because they do. This isn't a showroom, 97 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.680 it's our home. But we still want things picked up. 98 00:06:57.519 --> 00:07:01.639 We want the food ready, we want the looking nice, 99 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:05.639 we want everything prepared so when people arrive, we're not 100 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:10.839 running around like crazy, well not too crazy anyway. So 101 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:14.439 we're getting everything ready. We're making sure Torren has what 102 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:18.519 she wants, We're preparing the food. And while I'm doing 103 00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:21.240 all of this, I keep thinking about the fact that 104 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:25.160 she's ten, because birthdays do that to me. They make 105 00:07:25.240 --> 00:07:29.879 me feel sentimental. Every year represents another chapter, and when 106 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:32.759 you're in the middle of parenting, sometimes you don't notice 107 00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:38.720 the chapter's changing. There's no announcement, nobody says, attention, your 108 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:41.920 child has officially moved into the next stage of childhood. 109 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:47.399 It just happens. Their shoes get bigger, their clothes change, 110 00:07:48.319 --> 00:07:51.480 the toys they used to play with disappear, the shows 111 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:55.959 they used to watch aren't interesting anymore. Their conversations change, 112 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:00.759 they start understanding jokes they didn't understand before, they become 113 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:03.480 more independent, and then one day you look at them 114 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:09.839 and realize how much they've changed. Ten years a whole decade. 115 00:08:10.319 --> 00:08:12.759 Horn has been part of our lives for a decade. 116 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:17.240 That's incredible. One of the things Torn wanted most was 117 00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:20.079 to have some friends over She had three friends come 118 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:22.959 over to celebrate with her, and if you've ever had 119 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:26.639 a group of ten year olds together, you already know 120 00:08:26.759 --> 00:08:30.839 the energy level immediately goes up. One kid walks through 121 00:08:30.839 --> 00:08:36.279 the door excitement, another arrives, more excitement. By the time 122 00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:40.279 all three friends are there, the party has officially started. 123 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:44.559 There's something so fun about watching your kids with their friends. 124 00:08:45.120 --> 00:08:49.279 As parents, we know one version of our children, but 125 00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:52.559 then you watch them with their friends and you see 126 00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:57.320 another little piece of their personality. The jokes, the giggling, 127 00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:02.879 the games, they invent, things they think are absolutely hilarious 128 00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:07.840 that make absolutely no sense to adults. And honestly, that's 129 00:09:07.960 --> 00:09:12.200 exactly how it should be. They're kids. They should be laughing, 130 00:09:12.840 --> 00:09:17.080 they should be playing, they should be making memories. And 131 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:19.919 that's what they did. They played a bunch of games. 132 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:24.519 One game would start, then another, then somebody would have 133 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:28.399 another idea, and off they would go. That's one thing 134 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:32.480 I love about this eight They can still entertain themselves. 135 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:36.559 Give kids a little freedom, some friends and a safe 136 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.360 place to play, and suddenly they've created their own little world. 137 00:09:40.960 --> 00:09:45.360 There was laughter coming from one room, then footsteps, then 138 00:09:45.399 --> 00:09:49.639 somebody yelling something, then more laughter and you just knew 139 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:52.960 they're having fun. As a mom, that's one of the 140 00:09:52.960 --> 00:09:58.080 best sounds kids laughing in your house, because someday the 141 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:02.240 house gets quieter. That's another thing nobody really prepares you for. 142 00:10:02.840 --> 00:10:06.240 When your kids are little, sometimes you dream about quiet. 143 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:10.720 You're thinking, can I please have five minutes where nobody 144 00:10:10.759 --> 00:10:14.120 needs me? Can I go to the bathroom alone? Can 145 00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:20.639 everyone stop yelling my name? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? And 146 00:10:20.679 --> 00:10:25.960 then they grow, the house changes, schedules change. Some kids 147 00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:29.840 are working, some kids are doing their own thing, some 148 00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:34.759 have relationships, some are building lives, And suddenly those loud 149 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:38.879 moments become something you appreciate differently. So when I hear 150 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:42.200 Torn and her friends laughing and running around and playing games, 151 00:10:42.639 --> 00:10:47.039 I'm not thinking about the noise. I'm thinking, remember this, 152 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:51.919 because this is childhood happening right in front of us. Eventually, 153 00:10:52.519 --> 00:10:56.360 all that playing makes everybody hungry, and it was time 154 00:10:56.440 --> 00:11:02.399 for Torren's birthday dinner. Chicken, broccoli, rice, all baked together 155 00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:07.399 in that warm, comforting casserole. There's something about castrole food 156 00:11:07.519 --> 00:11:10.840 that just feels like home, especially when you're feeding a 157 00:11:10.840 --> 00:11:13.919 bunch of people. You put that big dish down and 158 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:18.279 everybody starts scooping out their portion. People are talking across 159 00:11:18.279 --> 00:11:22.399 the table. Somebody needs a fork, somebody needs a drink, 160 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:27.000 someone wants more, someone is already asking when we're having cake. 161 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:30.919 That's family life, and there in the middle of it 162 00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:35.120 is our birthday girl ten years old. I think food 163 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:39.919 has this incredible ability to anchor memories. Think about your 164 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:45.240 own childhood. You probably remember certain foods connected to certain people. 165 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:49.519 Maybe Grandma made a certain pie, maybe your dad grilled 166 00:11:49.559 --> 00:11:53.440 something every summer. Maybe your mom had a casserole she 167 00:11:53.559 --> 00:11:57.080 always made. Maybe there was a restaurant you went to 168 00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:01.759 for birthdays. Those foods become more than food, They become 169 00:12:01.799 --> 00:12:06.159 memories years from now. Or might make chicken, broccoli and 170 00:12:06.279 --> 00:12:09.919 rice bake and remember her tenth birthday. She might smell 171 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:13.799 chocolate cake and remember sitting around with her friends. That's 172 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:17.000 why I love including recipes and food on this podcast. 173 00:12:17.559 --> 00:12:21.320 Food is part of our family's story. Not fancy food, 174 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:26.360 not perfect food, family food. Food that fills people up, 175 00:12:26.919 --> 00:12:30.440 food that brings people to the table, food that says, 176 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.120 come sit down, stay awhile, tell me what's going on. 177 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:39.519 And birthday dinner was exactly that. Then came one of 178 00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:44.200 the most important parts of any birthday cake, chocolate cake. 179 00:12:44.919 --> 00:12:49.919 The candles go in, everybody gathers around, someone turns the 180 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:56.080 lights down, and there she is torn. Ten candles, ten years. 181 00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:00.840 Everyone starts singing Happy birthday to you, and for those 182 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:03.919 few seconds, the whole room is focused on one person. 183 00:13:04.840 --> 00:13:09.120 That's something I love about birthdays. For one moment, we 184 00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:13.440 get to tell someone today, we're celebrating you. We're glad 185 00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:17.080 you're here, We're glad you're part of this family. You matter. 186 00:13:17.960 --> 00:13:20.159 I watched Horn sitting there with that cake and thought 187 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:24.159 about ten years of memories, ten years of hugs, ten 188 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:29.120 years of laughter, ten years of growing, ten years of learning, 189 00:13:30.039 --> 00:13:33.360 ten years of being her mom. There are difficult days 190 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:36.919 in parenting, of course, there are. There are days when 191 00:13:36.919 --> 00:13:41.840 you're tired, days when you're frustrated, days when everyone seems 192 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:46.519 to need something at the exact same time. But birthdays 193 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:49.840 remind you of the bigger picture. What a privilege it 194 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:53.039 is to watch a human being grow. We get to 195 00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:56.120 know them from the beginning, we get to watch them 196 00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:59.759 become themselves, and I think that's one of the greatest 197 00:14:00.279 --> 00:14:04.720 in life. Then Torren blew out her candles and everybody 198 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:10.559 knows what comes next. Chocolate cake. Now everybody is happy. 199 00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:14.279 Then it was time for presents, and Torren got some 200 00:14:14.360 --> 00:14:20.000 pretty exciting things. First, an electric scooter at ten years old. 201 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:24.360 That's a big gift. You could see the excitement. An 202 00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:28.600 electric scooter means freedom, it means adventure, it means going 203 00:14:28.600 --> 00:14:32.360 outside and riding around. And it also means mom is 204 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:37.799 probably going to say be careful approximately four hundred times, 205 00:14:38.279 --> 00:14:41.879 because that's what moms do. You can be forty years 206 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:44.519 old and your mother will still tell you to be careful. 207 00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:49.840 It's basically built into us. She also got money, and 208 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:52.720 money is always exciting at that age because now you 209 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:56.840 get to decide what you want. Do you spend it immediately? 210 00:14:57.879 --> 00:15:00.879 Do you save it? Do you start calculating what you 211 00:15:00.919 --> 00:15:04.960 can buy? It's fun watching kids learn that. She also 212 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:08.679 got a doll and doll stuff. And I love that 213 00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:12.919 because ten is that wonderful age where you're getting bigger, 214 00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:17.279 but you're still kids. There's plenty of time to grow up. 215 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:22.399 There's plenty of time for adult responsibilities. There's plenty of 216 00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:25.360 time for bills and work and schedules and all the 217 00:15:25.399 --> 00:15:30.440 things that come later. Right now, play with the doll, 218 00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:35.720 ride the scooter, Laugh, with your friends, eat chocolate cake, 219 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:40.519 be ten. I wish we could protect that feeling forever. 220 00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:44.279 I think as parents we sometimes put way too much 221 00:15:44.360 --> 00:15:48.799 pressure on ourselves when it comes to birthdays. Especially now 222 00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:55.279 you open social media and see these unbelievable parties, huge decorations, 223 00:15:55.480 --> 00:16:01.279 balloon arches, perfect desserts, custom everything, and those parties are 224 00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:04.679 wonderful if that's what somebody wants to do. But you 225 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:07.480 don't need any of that to make your child feel loved. 226 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:11.440 Your child isn't going to measure their childhood by whether 227 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:15.240 every birthday look like something out of a magazine. They're 228 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:18.879 going to remember how it felt. Did people show up, 229 00:16:19.639 --> 00:16:23.960 did people laugh? Did mom make my favorite dinner? Did 230 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:27.600 I get to invite my friends? Did everyone sing to me? 231 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:33.320 Did we play? Did we sit together? Did I feel important? 232 00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:38.879 That's the stuff, and that's what Torren's birthday was. It 233 00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:43.960 was simple, it was comfortable, It was us. Her friends came, 234 00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:49.159 her family celebrated her, She got gifts she loved, She 235 00:16:49.360 --> 00:16:53.200 ate the food she requested, she had her chocolate cake, 236 00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:56.840 and she spent the day surrounded by people who love her. 237 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:01.320 What else do you really need in a big family? 238 00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:05.640 Are special with thirteen kids, there are a lot of birthdays. 239 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:09.720 There are a lot of celebrations, a lot of cakes, 240 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:14.279 a lot of candles, a lot of presents, a lot 241 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:18.519 of happy birthday songs. And every birthday reminds us how 242 00:17:18.599 --> 00:17:22.079 much our family has changed over the years. There was 243 00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:24.680 a time when Jeremy and I were younger parents trying 244 00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:29.160 to figure everything out. Then more kids came, Then more 245 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:34.759 and more our family grew. Our table got bigger, our 246 00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:40.359 grocery bill definitely got bigger, our calendar got crazier, our 247 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:44.559 hearts got fuller, and over the years we've created traditions 248 00:17:44.599 --> 00:17:49.839 without even realizing they were traditions. Cooking together, gathering around 249 00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:57.400 the table, birthday dinners, cake games, movies, just being together. 250 00:17:58.319 --> 00:18:01.680 That's our family culture, and it's something Jeremy and I 251 00:18:01.720 --> 00:18:04.920 have always wanted. We want our kids to grow up 252 00:18:05.000 --> 00:18:07.680 knowing that family is a place you can come back to. 253 00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:12.160 You can go build your life, you can chase your dreams, 254 00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:17.400 you can grow, you can become independent. But this table, 255 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:22.960 there's still a seat for you, this house. You're still welcome, 256 00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:27.920 this family, You're still part of it. And I think 257 00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:31.799 birthdays reinforce that no matter how old you get we 258 00:18:31.880 --> 00:18:36.559 celebrate you. Something else I appreciated about Torren's birthday was 259 00:18:36.599 --> 00:18:43.039 watching her friendships. Three friends, not fifty people, not some 260 00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:48.759 enormous event, three kids she wanted there. Sometimes smaller gatherings 261 00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:52.119 are the best. They actually get to spend time together. 262 00:18:52.599 --> 00:18:58.039 They play, they talk, they laugh. Everybody gets lost in 263 00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:03.079 a crowd gets lost in a crowd. And these kids 264 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:07.480 had fun. They played game after game, and there were 265 00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:10.279 those moments where you could hear them laughing and think, 266 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:14.440 what in the world are they doing? But you don't 267 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:19.400 even need to know. They're having fun. That's enough. Those 268 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.160 little friendships matter so much when you're ten, friends are 269 00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:26.400 becoming part of your world in a different way. You're 270 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:29.559 discovering who you connect with. You're learning how to be 271 00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:38.279 a friend. You're learning about disagreements, compromise, sharing, kindness, boundaries, 272 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:43.200 and belonging. Those relationships are teaching new things you don't 273 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:47.039 even realize you're learning. As a parent, you hope your 274 00:19:47.079 --> 00:19:50.440 children find people who are kind to them, people who 275 00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:54.880 let them be themselves, people they can laugh with, and 276 00:19:54.920 --> 00:19:56.960 you hope they learn to be that kind of a 277 00:19:57.000 --> 00:20:01.160 friend in return. Okay, we have to talk a little 278 00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:04.839 bit more about the electric scooter, because this was definitely 279 00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:08.960 one of the exciting presents when you're ten. An electric 280 00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:14.079 scooter isn't just transportation, it's basically a vehicle. In your mind, 281 00:20:14.119 --> 00:20:20.039 you're thinking, I have arrived, you're cruising. You've got places 282 00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:24.240 to go, important ten year old business to conduct, and 283 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:30.000 meanwhile mom is watching like helmet, slow down, watch where 284 00:20:30.039 --> 00:20:36.759 you're going, don't do anything crazy, stay away from the road. Careful, careful. 285 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:43.400 That's parenting. Your child sees adventure. You see seventeen possible ways. 286 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:46.319 This adventure could end with a trip somewhere you don't 287 00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:48.880 want to go. But you also know you have to 288 00:20:49.000 --> 00:20:53.759 let them grow. That's the balance. You protect them while 289 00:20:53.799 --> 00:20:57.640 giving them space. You teach them safety while letting them 290 00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:04.240 experience things them roots. Then slowly you start giving them 291 00:21:04.279 --> 00:21:10.519 wins or in Torran's case, wheels. Birthdays also make me 292 00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:14.640 think about motherhood. Every child teaches you something different about 293 00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:18.839 being a mom. You think you understand parenting, and then 294 00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:24.240 another child comes along and says, actually, we're doing things 295 00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:28.640 differently over here, and you adapt. That's one of the 296 00:21:28.680 --> 00:21:33.000 biggest lessons I've learned raising thirteen children. Parent the child 297 00:21:33.079 --> 00:21:36.119 you have, not the child the book says you should 298 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:39.680 have not the child. Social media says you should have 299 00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:43.519 not the child. Someone else thinks you should have the 300 00:21:43.559 --> 00:21:47.039 actual human being standing in front of you. Some kids 301 00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:52.519 need encouragement, some need structure, some need extra patience. Some 302 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:59.440 are naturally independent, somewhat reassurance, some talk constantly. Some need 303 00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:03.519 time before they'll tell you what's wrong. Parenting isn't one 304 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:07.759 size fits all. And Torn has taught me things. He's 305 00:22:07.799 --> 00:22:13.279 made me laugh, she's tested me, she surprised me, she's 306 00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.920 made me proud. And for ten years I've had the 307 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:22.039 privilege of being her mom. That's worth celebrating too. Eventually, 308 00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:26.079 the energy started coming down. The games had been played, 309 00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:30.599 dinner had been eaten, chocolate cake had been eaten, presents 310 00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:33.680 had been opened, the excitement of the day had filled 311 00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:38.079 the house, and we ended the night with a movie. Honestly, 312 00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:42.799 it was the perfect ending. There is something cozy about 313 00:22:42.839 --> 00:22:47.559 everybody settling down after a busy day. Lights lower, people 314 00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:53.680 find their spots, blankets come out, everybody relaxes. The house 315 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:57.559 that was full of running and laughing becomes quiet, and 316 00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:01.640 we watched a movie together. Sound like the least exciting 317 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:05.920 part of the birthday, but I loved it because sometimes 318 00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:09.880 the best part of celebration is the moment after everything 319 00:23:09.960 --> 00:23:14.279 slows down. You're sitting there thinking about the day. Everyone 320 00:23:14.359 --> 00:23:19.400 is tired, everyone is content, and you realize that was 321 00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:23.240 a really good day. Nothing needed to be bigger, nothing 322 00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:28.759 needed to be different. Towarren was happy. Her friends had fun, 323 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:33.119 we had good food, we had cake, we had laughter, 324 00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:40.240 we had family. That's enough, more than enough, Tarren. Someday 325 00:23:40.279 --> 00:23:43.039 you might listen to this episode when you're much older. 326 00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:48.960 Maybe you'll be fifteen, maybe twenty, maybe thirty. Maybe you'll 327 00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:51.880 have kids of your own someday and suddenly understand why 328 00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:55.599 your mom got emotional about you turning ten. So there 329 00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:57.960 are a few things I want you to know. You 330 00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:01.400 don't have to rush. Being old will come soon enough. 331 00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:09.279 Enjoy being ten. Play, laugh, ride your scooter, play with 332 00:24:09.359 --> 00:24:14.839 your dolls, hang out with your friends, watch movies, be silly, 333 00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:22.799 ask questions, learn things, make mistakes, try again. You don't 334 00:24:22.839 --> 00:24:26.279 have to have everything figured out. You don't have to 335 00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:29.759 know exactly who you're going to become. You're still becoming 336 00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:34.440 her and whoever you become. I hope you're kind, I 337 00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:37.599 hope you're brave. I hope you stand up for yourself. 338 00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:40.880 I hope you stand up for people who need someone 339 00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:45.000 beside them. I hope you work hard. I hope you 340 00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:48.440 understand the value of family. I hope you know that 341 00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:52.400 success isn't measured by how much stuff you own. It's 342 00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:55.680 measured by the life you build, the people you love, 343 00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:59.839 the people who love you, the way you treat others, 344 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:04.599 the memories you create, and the person you are when 345 00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:09.319 nobody is watching. Most importantly, I hope you always know 346 00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:13.160 how loved you are, not because of what you accomplish, 347 00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.839 not because of grades, not because of trophies, not because 348 00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:21.240 of anything you can give us your love because you're 349 00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:27.640 torrn are torn, and nothing changes that. Happy tenth birthday, sweetheart. 350 00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:31.519 Before we finish today's episode, you know I have to 351 00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:34.799 leave you with something good to eat, and since this 352 00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:39.880 episode is all about birthdays, family gatherings, and easy comfort food, 353 00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:43.200 I wanted to give you something incredibly simple that kids 354 00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:47.640 can help make. We're making easy chocolate cake batter dip. 355 00:25:48.440 --> 00:25:52.799 This is great for birthday parties, movie nights, family gatherings, 356 00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:56.799 or those evenings when everybody wants something sweet but you 357 00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:01.279 don't want to spend forever in the kitchen. Need one 358 00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:06.359 box chocolate cake mix, one eight ounce block of cream 359 00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:12.920 cheese softened, one container whipped topping, about a third cup milk, 360 00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:21.319 mini chocolate chips, cram crackers, vanilla wafers, strawberries or pretzels 361 00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:26.680 for dipping. How to make it first, because raw flour 362 00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:29.920 and cake mix shouldn't be eaten on treat it. Spread 363 00:26:29.960 --> 00:26:32.920 your dry cake mix on a baking sheet and heat 364 00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:36.240 treat it in the oven at three hundred and fifty 365 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:40.319 degrees fahrenheit until the mix reaches one hundred and sixty 366 00:26:40.359 --> 00:26:45.319 five degrees fahrenheit. Let it cool completely. Then take your 367 00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:48.880 softened cream cheese and beat it until it's nice and smooth. 368 00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:53.839 Slowly mix in the cool chocolate cake mix. Add your 369 00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:57.000 milk a little at a thyme until you've got a thick, 370 00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:03.680 creamy dip. Then fold in your whipped topping. Once everything 371 00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:08.960 is combined, sprinkle many chocolate chips over the top. Put 372 00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:12.920 it in the refrigerator for about thirty minutes, then serve 373 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:20.559 it with whatever your family likes, gram crackers, vanilla wafers, pretzels, strawberries. 374 00:27:21.480 --> 00:27:24.759 You can even put several different options around the bowl 375 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:30.400 and make a little dessert board. It's easy, it's inexpensive, 376 00:27:31.160 --> 00:27:36.279 the kids can help, and most importantly, it's chocolate. So 377 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:40.400 there's that. As I sat here thinking about Torren's birthday 378 00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:43.680 after everyone had settled down, I kept coming back to 379 00:27:43.799 --> 00:27:47.599 one thought, these are the days we're going to mess 380 00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:51.680 not because life won't continue to be wonderful. It will. 381 00:27:52.279 --> 00:28:01.720 There are so many good chapters ahead. There will be graduations, jobs, relationships, grandchildren, 382 00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:07.480 new adventures, new traditions. Our family story will keep growing. 383 00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:12.400 But this exact version of our family, it only exists 384 00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:16.880 right now. Turm will only turn ten once, her friends 385 00:28:16.920 --> 00:28:20.480 will only be this age once. That chocolate cake will 386 00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:24.440 only have those ten candles once. That's why I'm trying 387 00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:30.000 harder to appreciate these moments while they're happening, not just afterward, 388 00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:33.119 because life doesn't always announce which moments are going to 389 00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:38.839 become precious memories. Sometimes it's obvious a wedding, a birth, 390 00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:44.759 a graduation, and sometimes it's four ten year olds playing games. 391 00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:48.559 It's chicken, broccoli and rice bakes sitting on the table. 392 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:53.359 It's chocolate cake crumbs on plates, it's wrapping paper on 393 00:28:53.400 --> 00:28:56.720 the floor, it's a brand new electric scooter. Waiting to 394 00:28:56.759 --> 00:29:00.160 be ridden. It's a doll sitting beside a little girl 395 00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.480 who is growing faster than her mom would like. It's 396 00:29:03.559 --> 00:29:06.559 everyone settling down to watch a movie after a long day, 397 00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:11.880 and you don't realize until later that was the good stuff. Actually, 398 00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:16.720 that was the great stuff. If you're listening today and 399 00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:20.079 you're raising kids, I want to remind you of something 400 00:29:20.119 --> 00:29:24.119 I've had to remind myself many times. You don't have 401 00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.839