WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.520 --> 00:00:03.759 For members only. Golf Smarter number three hundred and seventy two, 2 00:00:03.839 --> 00:00:07.040 published on February twenty six, twenty thirteen. 3 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:12.240 Welcome to golf Smarter Mulligans, your second chance to gain 4 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:15.880 insight and advice from the best instructors featured on the 5 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:21.920 Golf Smarter podcast. Great Golf Instruction Never Gets Old. Our 6 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:26.800 interview library features hundreds of hours of game improvement conversations 7 00:00:26.920 --> 00:00:30.480 like this that are no longer available in any podcast app. 8 00:00:30.679 --> 00:00:34.399 Before you get to hit the ball, compose yourself and say, Okay, 9 00:00:34.920 --> 00:00:38.200 the trainer inside is trying to get me to play 10 00:00:38.200 --> 00:00:42.119 at my ultimate best. So I'm not gonna believe it anymore. 11 00:00:42.200 --> 00:00:44.799 I'm going to turn my doubt inside out. If you 12 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:48.079 take the word doubt and re scramble it, you get 13 00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:53.399 two words too, bud to bud, to grow, to blossom. 14 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:56.840 So the doubt has never been here to take us 15 00:00:56.880 --> 00:00:58.119 down as it appears to be. 16 00:00:58.200 --> 00:00:59.439 It's here to rise us up. 17 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:02.560 Before you hit the ball, stop if you've bitten into 18 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:03.479 it already. 19 00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:05.359 You got to neutralize. This is perfection. 20 00:01:05.799 --> 00:01:07.640 Once you've getten used to this, this is going to 21 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:10.280 be done in seconds and now instead of I'm going 22 00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:10.959 to screw up. 23 00:01:11.159 --> 00:01:13.400 Oh, this is a golden opportunity. 24 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.000 This is ready to begin a new life for me 25 00:01:16.079 --> 00:01:17.760 here at this hole, and I'm going to hit it 26 00:01:17.799 --> 00:01:18.680 exactly where I. 27 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:20.760 Want it, regardless where the ball goes. 28 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:23.599 How does that feel to put that thought in of 29 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:25.879 what you've experienced all along. 30 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:37.879 Before turn your doubt into an asset With author Kerrie Valentine. 31 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:39.079 This is Golf Smarter. 32 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:42.159 Welcome to Golf Smarter for members only. 33 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:44.519 Carrie, how's it going Gray, Great to be here. 34 00:01:44.680 --> 00:01:47.400 Yeah, thanks for coming into the studio today and sitting 35 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:51.599 down and having a conversation. You wrote a book that 36 00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:54.040 really has nothing to do with golf. You wrote a 37 00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:58.239 book called In Love Forever. That's right, Well, actually that 38 00:01:58.400 --> 00:02:02.920 is completely about golf. I mean, if you've talked to golfers, 39 00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:08.759 you know that it's just this passion that I want 40 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:11.240 to apologize the audience for saying this, but golf is 41 00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:16.680 a mistress. Yeah, you know, you think about it way 42 00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:20.719 too much. You're in a room by yourself looking in 43 00:02:20.759 --> 00:02:23.919 the mirror and you're thinking about golf. It's kind of sick. 44 00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:29.639 So yeah, I guess In Life Forever is totally about golf. 45 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:35.280 It's perfect. But but in looking through your book. There's 46 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:38.199 this chapter that you come across here and it's like 47 00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:42.680 this is screaming out golf and it's it's talking about doubt. 48 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:48.240 Tell me where you go, you know what your premise 49 00:02:48.360 --> 00:02:50.439 is on this and why you think this does relate 50 00:02:50.439 --> 00:02:54.639 to golf, and we'll get to your conversations with professional golfer. 51 00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:55.639 Sure, thanks, Frey. 52 00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:57.360 Well, let me start off to just say, you know, 53 00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:00.759 it's talking about you know, I'm so fast about the 54 00:03:00.800 --> 00:03:02.919 inner game, the inner game of life, but in this 55 00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:05.759 case the inner game of golf, because from the inner 56 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:08.439 game and working it, you can improve your game, lower 57 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:11.840 your scores, enjoy yourself more on the course and in 58 00:03:11.879 --> 00:03:16.120 your life as well. So the doubts, you know, some 59 00:03:16.199 --> 00:03:19.039 call it the inner demons, you know things like this. Uh, 60 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:21.319 we deal with it on the golf course and in 61 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:25.879 our life. And I dealt with it so much in 62 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:30.280 my life that I really took some time in my 63 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:32.360 life to turn it all around. And I call it 64 00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:35.479 your turn your doubts inside out and realize in my 65 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:40.520 life that I grew up playing music and as performing 66 00:03:40.560 --> 00:03:44.199 around the world, and yet still constant negativity in my head. 67 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:46.719 Or you stink you're worthless, you're no good And yet 68 00:03:46.719 --> 00:03:50.719 it was having awards or winning you know, great opportunities, 69 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:56.080 but inside was really you know, haunting me. Why well 70 00:03:56.680 --> 00:04:00.520 I thought, I didn't really know why. At first, I 71 00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:03.280 just thought there was this you know, negative stuff in 72 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:05.240 my head. All I wanted to do was be happy, 73 00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:08.719 and all I was was unhappy until a moment that 74 00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:10.080 really changed my life. 75 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:10.719 While I was. 76 00:04:12.439 --> 00:04:15.360 Really taking time out to focus on what was going 77 00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:18.879 on and really interrogate my thoughts, and in that process 78 00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:23.160 s fread I heard, did you ever think that all 79 00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:26.800 those negative thoughts carry are your best friends, your coach, 80 00:04:26.920 --> 00:04:29.759 your trainer, kind of like Mickey and Rocky, you know, 81 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:32.199 trying to like, come on, you bum you could have 82 00:04:32.279 --> 00:04:35.439 been something, you know, and Mickey was always trying to 83 00:04:35.720 --> 00:04:39.920 you know, get Rocky to be his best and you know, 84 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:43.759 eventually got there. So I realized when that happened to 85 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:47.319 turn my doubts inside out, that they're actually there to 86 00:04:47.639 --> 00:04:51.199 uplift me and befriend me. That I had to start 87 00:04:51.240 --> 00:04:55.839 believing in myself rather than believing that I that I stunk, 88 00:04:56.360 --> 00:04:57.720 and that changed everything around. 89 00:04:57.720 --> 00:04:59.439 That was the beginning, and how did you get there? 90 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:03.279 The beginning of the change. 91 00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:06.399 Made you start to understand that it was. 92 00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:11.720 Pain is a life is a great messenger, a pain, 93 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:16.040 pain pain. I was on the brink. I was on 94 00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:20.199 the brink of divorce with my wife, and over time, 95 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:24.600 just these negative thoughts just built up to where I 96 00:05:24.839 --> 00:05:27.920 just I was so encapsulated by them. I just didn't 97 00:05:27.959 --> 00:05:30.360 know how to deal with it anymore. And I kinda, 98 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:33.120 you know, screamed out to the universe, you know, like 99 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:36.680 you know, what the hell's going on here? And then 100 00:05:37.160 --> 00:05:40.439 I had this moment that it's hard to explain. It 101 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:43.279 may sound strange, but I did hear inside my. 102 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.800 Head just those thoughts. Carrie. Did you ever think that 103 00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:51.120 all that negativity was actually a coach, a trainer, that 104 00:05:51.240 --> 00:05:54.560 these thoughts were trying to get you to love yourself more? 105 00:05:54.959 --> 00:05:56.439 And that began the shift. 106 00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:00.000 And because I have a meditation background, I was really 107 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:03.519 able then to start slowing down the thoughts and catching 108 00:06:03.560 --> 00:06:07.439 them and go, oh, that's I started seeing repeated patterns 109 00:06:07.519 --> 00:06:11.360 of the same kind of words where I didn't realize 110 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:13.879 they happened so quick that I would just bite into 111 00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:16.720 it and believe it was true, like you stink, you 112 00:06:16.759 --> 00:06:23.959 can't or in a golf sense, and what it was 113 00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:28.439 really doing. I learned to slow it down, and not 114 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:31.040 only slow it down, but rewind it, interrogate and go, 115 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:33.680 what did I just hear you say? And then I'd hear, oh, 116 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:37.480 you stink. And then I realized, hearing that is like 117 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:39.399 a knock on the door, you know, it was like 118 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:43.519 a memo you stink, but we respond And I responded 119 00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:46.720 so quickly that I actually like would bite into that thought, 120 00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:49.279 like believe it was true. And then I would feel 121 00:06:49.319 --> 00:06:52.279 like this dark, heavy cloud come over me and more 122 00:06:52.360 --> 00:06:54.800 insecure and all of that. You know, we can relate 123 00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:57.639 to that too, maybe as a as a golfer. So 124 00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:00.720 then I again I slowed it down and realized those 125 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:05.399 were two separate experiences. First was the thought that you stink, 126 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:09.439 and then was the bite into it. And so I 127 00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:12.439 learned to stop biting and then also catch the thought. 128 00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:15.480 When the thought was you stink, I stopped and I 129 00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:17.639 heard it and I accepted it. I go, that's right, 130 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:21.480 I do stink. But as Uncle Albert Einstein said, there's 131 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:23.399 a for everything in the universe has its. 132 00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:24.240 Equal in opposite. 133 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:27.240 So then I started putting in, Oh my gosh, if 134 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:29.639 I hear you stink, that's really telling me I'm good, 135 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:33.759 not like an egotistical way, but to start believing in 136 00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:36.279 myself that I was good because I never really put 137 00:07:36.319 --> 00:07:38.120 that in. It was almost like I had two arms 138 00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.879 and one arm never worked. And then then I started 139 00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:43.519 putting it in. Oh, I accept it, I stink, I 140 00:07:43.639 --> 00:07:47.279 laugh at it. I release that, and then I put 141 00:07:47.319 --> 00:07:49.600 in I'm good in that regard, and. 142 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:52.560 You say so, you embrace it, and then you put 143 00:07:52.600 --> 00:07:56.639 in your good where I mean, how do you what 144 00:07:56.839 --> 00:07:57.720 is it insert here? 145 00:07:57.959 --> 00:07:58.360 Sure? 146 00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:00.879 So if I did, okay, So if I hear I 147 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:04.240 stink and I didn't bite, meaning like I didn't feel 148 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.800 like I didn't believe it and didn't go down the 149 00:08:06.839 --> 00:08:09.920 well of despair like with negative feelings and get all 150 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:13.160 tense or nervous. If I did, I will do you know, 151 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:17.000 I would use a phrase that is called this is perfection, 152 00:08:17.519 --> 00:08:20.120 and I would use that as a mantra, this is perfection, 153 00:08:20.279 --> 00:08:23.839 this is perfection. That would help me kind of slow 154 00:08:23.959 --> 00:08:26.800 down that negative train and then at least I'd find 155 00:08:26.839 --> 00:08:30.360 myself back in my center. And then once I was 156 00:08:30.519 --> 00:08:32.080 kind of back in my center, it might not have 157 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:35.039 been perfect, but I knew I wasn't still traveling down 158 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:39.120 that downward spiral. Then I would put in the opposite 159 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:40.879 of what I heard. So if I heard you stink, 160 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:43.919 then I put in you're good, and it would, and 161 00:08:43.960 --> 00:08:46.279 I start putting it you're good, you're good, you're good, 162 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:49.360 and it would. At first, it was mechanical, it was like, 163 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:51.759 you're full of it, carry you know, what are you. 164 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:52.559 Doing saying this? 165 00:08:52.679 --> 00:08:56.000 But eventually, because I kept doing it, I would feel 166 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:58.919 a flow go through my body that it wasn't for me, 167 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:02.080 it was something that was happening. And then I would 168 00:09:02.200 --> 00:09:06.840 just be like, really, really, some amazing thing would happen. 169 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:10.320 So every time now that I hear the doubt, like 170 00:09:10.679 --> 00:09:13.759 you know, don't call that person, or you know, you 171 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:15.360 know you're going to hit the ball, you know, and 172 00:09:15.799 --> 00:09:18.679 you know way off course, I go, ah, great, thank 173 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:21.480 you for saying that, because you want me to stop 174 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:24.919 and slow down and know that when I'm going to 175 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:26.559 be ready to hit that ball, I'm going to hit 176 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:28.039 it exactly where I want it. 177 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:30.519 And that's what the whole point of the doubt is. 178 00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:31.440 Let me. 179 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:33.440 Yeah, so you were a drummer. 180 00:09:33.559 --> 00:09:35.879 Yes, I have a great story about this. 181 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:46.399 On your downtime is when you would I would assume 182 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:50.519 is when you would beat yourself up. How often while 183 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.399 you were performing did you say to yourself, I sock, 184 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:57.919 I stink, I'm no good at first? 185 00:09:58.039 --> 00:09:59.840 A lot of times. The comparisons. 186 00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:03.440 Uh. I went to school at Berkeley College of Music. 187 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:04.840 Uh so in Boston. 188 00:10:04.919 --> 00:10:12.360 Yeah, in Boston, Well you don't stink, dude, well, but 189 00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:15.080 but still internally at that point I had a really 190 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:16.159 low esteem. 191 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:18.399 Yeah, okay, you're coming out of high school. This is 192 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:18.960 college for you. 193 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:22.240 Yes, yeah, low self esteem, low confidence. And I'm up 194 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:25.279 against six hundred other drummers. Sure everyone is better than 195 00:10:25.320 --> 00:10:28.960 the next. So even though I went from being the 196 00:10:29.080 --> 00:10:31.240 big fish in the small pond, I went to Berkeley 197 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:33.679 being the really small fish in the big pond. And 198 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:36.840 I did work my way back to that place, but 199 00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:43.000 it took a lot and a lot of negativity, you know, comparisons, 200 00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:46.559 and while I was playing, or or see another drummer 201 00:10:46.720 --> 00:10:48.879 in the in the audience, and you know that I 202 00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:50.399 knew it was better than me, and then you know 203 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:53.559 I kind of like flinch a little or things like 204 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:54.759 that would happen. 205 00:10:55.320 --> 00:10:58.000 Really, so you're not getting lost in in where you 206 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:00.000 are musically, what measure you're. 207 00:10:59.879 --> 00:11:02.279 On on, what's going on, Oh yes, I was too. 208 00:11:02.759 --> 00:11:04.200 You were getting lost in that, but then all of 209 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:07.799 a sudden you're distracted and and all of a sudden 210 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:09.000 you start beating yourself up. 211 00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:12.120 Yeah, that's a great point too, Fred, because a part 212 00:11:12.159 --> 00:11:16.240 of my experience is doing classical percussion, classical orchestral playing, 213 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:18.200 and a lot of times as a drummer, you're you're 214 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:21.440 you're counting like fifty measures and silence, and then you 215 00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:25.120 have one little hit. Well in the middle of twenty two, three, four, 216 00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:28.759 twenty three, the thought is what's for dinner tonight? You 217 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:29.480 canna have pizza? 218 00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:33.240 Yeah, and I'm lost. I was like, oh no, and that. 219 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:37.080 My focus as a younger person was way off. And 220 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:39.639 then I just working this. I would say like, okay, 221 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:43.440 tighten down the focus, Nott, and just really sharpened from 222 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:47.559 that place and really working it. My total playing changed. 223 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:50.440 I became like in the zone in the game all 224 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:53.960 the time. I brought myself there, but with being kind 225 00:11:53.960 --> 00:11:56.559 of almost lack of days ago, I was like ready 226 00:11:56.600 --> 00:11:59.879 to be attacked, but the attack was never to harm me, 227 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:01.879 was just just get me to be at the best 228 00:12:01.919 --> 00:12:05.080 of my game, which brings me to this amazing story. 229 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:10.600 Thank you that after years already of working this I left. 230 00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:14.440 This was an Idaho you know, this kind of four 231 00:12:14.519 --> 00:12:18.480 year stint living in the desert and really uh working 232 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:20.639 as a scientist and living like a monk. And then 233 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:26.360 I left Idaho went to Vermont to re engage back 234 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:31.200 in life. And quickly thereafter a friend of mine that 235 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:34.159 I met in Brazil who is now living in Germany 236 00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:36.679 because I lived in Brazil for a year performing and touring. 237 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:40.080 His name's Tony Osannah. He called me up and said, 238 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:43.279 I'm coming, you know, let's let's do some shows. And 239 00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:45.080 it was like in a matter of two weeks, put 240 00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:48.720 this huge concert together. And he shows up the day 241 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:52.000 before our this concert. We did a show at you know, 242 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:55.360 some schools to do some promotion, and then we didn't 243 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:59.519 really practice much, but in our experience we kind of 244 00:12:59.559 --> 00:13:03.159 worked together intuitively anyway. But still here I am walking 245 00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:06.200 on stage and I hear in my head, you are 246 00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:09.080 gonna so suck tonight. You didn't rehearse, you don't even 247 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:12.080 know the songles you're gonna do. You are gonna embarrass 248 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:15.720 yourself so big time in this new community. And I 249 00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:18.639 caught it because by that time I had practiced so 250 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:20.360 much with this, and I was. 251 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:24.240 Like, oh, I know what you're here for. You've showed up. 252 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:27.399 Because if if I dare, if I dare to hold 253 00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:31.279 myself kind of like a Jedi, here, something amazing is 254 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:34.639 about to happen. And what I did Fred is like, Okay, suckers, 255 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:37.279 I'm gonna ride Tony's butt like Zoro tonight. 256 00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:38.200 I'm gonna just. 257 00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:42.600 Emotionally be so connected to him and internally just support 258 00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:46.759 him musically that it's just gonna be awesome. And amazingly, 259 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.000 the concert was exceptional. It was just like on fire, 260 00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:54.759 and people at intermission was like, what's going on here? 261 00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:58.559 I haven't heard this kind of music in Electricity in years. Wow. 262 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:04.159 And the magic kept on going because we we you know, 263 00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:06.519 I just kind of sound at sound check said to 264 00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:09.399 the sound engineer can we record this? And he's like, yeah, 265 00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:11.879 we could, but I don't have the equipment. I said, 266 00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:13.919 I have it at home. I'll bring it back. I 267 00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:16.320 brought it back, he hooked it up, he recorded it, 268 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:18.039 and he said, you know, at the end of the concert, 269 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:21.000 he's like, Carrie, I didn't have the ability to mix 270 00:14:21.480 --> 00:14:24.080 the sound. So whatever we got is what we got. 271 00:14:24.440 --> 00:14:27.039 And we heard the recording and it was magic. It 272 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.559 was perfect. We just made some edits and now we 273 00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:31.120 have this CD that people can hear. 274 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:34.240 Oh great, that's a long witted plug. 275 00:14:36.519 --> 00:14:37.320 It wasn't intended. 276 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:39.639 It was just more about the you know what magic 277 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:41.080 can happen when we step up? 278 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:41.799 Yeah? Right? 279 00:14:42.159 --> 00:14:45.600 And and it's so interesting because you're talking about performance 280 00:14:45.639 --> 00:14:50.120 anxiety and whether you're performing for an audience or whether 281 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:54.159 they're in golf, you're performing for yourself. I mean you 282 00:14:54.519 --> 00:14:58.879 there's you can be walking down the fairway going I 283 00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:01.519 really don't want to take this sh I'm really nervous 284 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:04.279 about this shot. I hate this shot. I wish I 285 00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:07.960 would you right, So you're you're beating yourself up in 286 00:15:08.039 --> 00:15:08.480 that way. 287 00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:13.279 Now go ahead, So here we go. 288 00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:16.039 So you hear that or you heard I've always screwed 289 00:15:16.120 --> 00:15:17.600 up this shot every time at this course. 290 00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:19.320 I hit it. 291 00:15:22.120 --> 00:15:26.679 Right. So catch yourself. Catch yourself as you hear that, 292 00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:30.840 and before you get to hit the ball, you know, 293 00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:34.679 just compose yourself and say, okay, this is happening because 294 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:39.799 all along the trainer inside is trying to get me 295 00:15:40.039 --> 00:15:43.720 to play at my ultimate best. So I'm not going 296 00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:47.000 to bite into that thought. I'm not gonna believe it anymore. 297 00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:50.200 I'm gonna turn my doubt inside out. Here's a funny 298 00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:52.720 thing to fred that if you take the word doubt 299 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:56.279 and re scramble it, you get two words t O 300 00:15:56.759 --> 00:15:58.559 b U d two bud to. 301 00:15:58.679 --> 00:16:00.320 Grow to blossom. 302 00:16:01.080 --> 00:16:04.039 So the doubt has never been here to take us 303 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.200 down as it appears to be. It's here to rise 304 00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:08.720 us up. So before you hit the ball, stop hear 305 00:16:08.759 --> 00:16:12.320 yourself and start putting. If you've bitten into it already, 306 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:16.960 you got to neutralize. Remember, this is perfection. This is perfection, 307 00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:20.080 and this can happen once you've getten used to this. 308 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:23.960 This can be done in seconds. So then you're ready 309 00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:26.000 to hit the ball. And now instead of I'm going 310 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.440 to screw up. Oh, this is a golden opportunity. This 311 00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:31.960 is ready to begin a new life for me here 312 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:33.919 at this hole, and I'm going to hit it exactly 313 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:37.200 where I want it. How does that feel to put 314 00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:40.000 that in, regardless where the ball goes. How does that 315 00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:43.960 feel to put that thought in of what you've experienced 316 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:46.960 all along before? Isn't that a total shift? 317 00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:47.840 Yeah? In your thinking? 318 00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:48.039 Yeah? 319 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:52.080 Absolutely, And from there now the opportunity can happen where 320 00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:55.720 you can relax, get in the zone and totally transform 321 00:16:55.799 --> 00:16:56.799 your game at that hole. 322 00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.480 Amazing. I'm struggling with the perfect part. 323 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:01.879 Okay, what it is? 324 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:06.759 I well, I don't I don't think perfect perfection exists. Yeah, okay, 325 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:10.920 especially well there is no perfection in golf. Yeah, right, 326 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:14.440 so so let's educate me on that. 327 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:15.880 What are we saying, great question? 328 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:21.559 This is perfection is reference to when we have bitten 329 00:17:21.599 --> 00:17:24.400 into that doubt, like I'm going to screw up, and 330 00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:27.319 then we start it's not just words anymore. We feel it. 331 00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:30.400 We feel like, right, you feel like a little darkness 332 00:17:30.440 --> 00:17:34.200 around us or heaviness. Right, So so we're in that 333 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:38.000 what I call a downward spiral. And so this is 334 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:43.240 perfection is it's not about that things are perfect. It's 335 00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:45.039 not whether you like it or not. It's just a 336 00:17:45.079 --> 00:17:49.000 phrase that creates neutrality. And then it just kind of 337 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:52.519 slows that train down and brings yourself back up to 338 00:17:52.599 --> 00:17:56.079 a neutrality base so that you're you can then put 339 00:17:56.119 --> 00:17:58.640 in in a few moments to a few minutes time 340 00:17:58.680 --> 00:18:01.000 before you hit that ball, I'm going to hit this 341 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:04.119 really well, and you can start believing it. So this 342 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:08.519 is perfection, it's it's not about you know how things are. 343 00:18:08.839 --> 00:18:12.680 It's just a neutral phrase to kind of put the 344 00:18:12.680 --> 00:18:16.319 brake on the train, on the negative train, Yes, on 345 00:18:16.359 --> 00:18:17.160 the negative trend. 346 00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:22.319 You you have a book here that you brought to 347 00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:25.160 show me that you kind of like base thing your 348 00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:28.880 your your golf concept on the path path to Golf 349 00:18:28.920 --> 00:18:36.960 Mastery Quantum Golf Yes, by you said Jella and Hunger, Yeah, 350 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.000 from nineteen ninety one. 351 00:18:38.119 --> 00:18:38.279 Yes. 352 00:18:38.839 --> 00:18:41.559 So what is it about this book that you know 353 00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:46.279 with with quotes from Deepak Chopra and Joan Carner, and 354 00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.680 what is it about this book that caught your eye 355 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:53.039 that made you think that the stuff that you're writing 356 00:18:53.079 --> 00:18:55.759 about really does apply to golf in golfers? 357 00:18:56.119 --> 00:18:57.119 Great? Great question. 358 00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:03.160 In the book the there's a golfer who is a 359 00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:07.319 is a New York City business person, has had lessons, 360 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:12.000 plays well, but is uptight, and the trainer, the golf 361 00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:17.839 pro is in another zone. And at first the guy 362 00:19:17.880 --> 00:19:20.440 from New York is kind of like perplexed, like he's 363 00:19:20.599 --> 00:19:22.519 because he goes to Iowa in the first place, and 364 00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:24.319 he's like, what am I going to learn in Iowa? 365 00:19:24.839 --> 00:19:27.400 But that just is the beginning to open him up 366 00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:31.759 and to relax and to get into his authentic swing. 367 00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:35.880 So the trainer is telling him, like he can't tell 368 00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:39.400 him at first because the cup is over over full, 369 00:19:39.720 --> 00:19:43.519 but he's really wanting to clear out the doubts, you know, 370 00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:47.519 his tension that the trainer says, you know, in our mind, 371 00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:50.160 the doubts are going to be there, so we're got 372 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:52.960 to trick our mind. And so when you start swinging, 373 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.960 say the words super fluid, super fluid, and in that 374 00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:04.359 it does change change the golfer's ability to start hitting 375 00:20:04.440 --> 00:20:08.039 the ball more in a relaxed rhythm, and it begins 376 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:12.279 the change. And the difference that I take on from 377 00:20:12.359 --> 00:20:16.200 the book is that he's saying the doubts are always 378 00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:18.799 going to be there. And what happened to me that 379 00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:22.480 not only I totally changed it around where there's no 380 00:20:22.599 --> 00:20:24.720 more like I don't have to trick the doubts. I 381 00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:27.039 befriend them. I put my arm around them. 382 00:20:27.079 --> 00:20:30.559 The buddies are going to be there, yeah, yeah, and 383 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:32.319 how you deal with them, they are. 384 00:20:32.359 --> 00:20:35.599 But here's the cool thing, Fred that I've noticed in 385 00:20:35.799 --> 00:20:39.960 myself and other working with others in this that eventually 386 00:20:40.359 --> 00:20:43.960 the doubts no longer need to show up because you've 387 00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:47.279 accepted them, and you've already started to put in yourself. 388 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.160 I am going to hit the ball whale, I am 389 00:20:49.160 --> 00:20:50.799 going to hit the ball straight. I am going to 390 00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:54.000 play well and enjoy myself on this course this day. 391 00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.200 So when you are doing that and in putting that 392 00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:00.319 into yourself, the doubt is again is a memo. It's 393 00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:03.240 only there to say, put in this stuff that you're 394 00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:05.480 not putting in. So when you're putting in the positive, 395 00:21:05.799 --> 00:21:09.599 it doesn't need to show up anymore, and it won't. However, 396 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:13.079 your game's gonna raise, You're going to get better, you're 397 00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:15.279 gonna get clearer, your scores are going to get lower. 398 00:21:15.799 --> 00:21:19.119 The doubt is kind of like the trainer that's always 399 00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:22.680 there to get you better, always, you know, bettering you. 400 00:21:22.920 --> 00:21:27.079 So the storms may lessen, but their blows may be stronger. 401 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:34.640