Speaker 1: It all started with Alice's curiosity about a white rabbit
who hopped by as she and her sister sat by
the bank of a stream.
Speaker 2: Alice, Alice come back here.
Speaker 1: Before she knew it, Alice was falling down what seemed
to be a deep well, at the bottom of which,
among other curious creatures, she met a mouse. Oh, mine
is long, and said, oh, and a caterpillar and.
Speaker 3: Ah you.
Speaker 1: Outside a little house in the middle of the woods,
she encountered a frog dressed in the livery of a footman.
Speaker 3: I shall stay here on and off for days and days.
Speaker 1: And inside the house a sneezy baby, a cook, and
a very ugly duchess. Little nose speak roughly to your
little boy. Eh had beat him, but he sneezes. He
only does it to annoy because he knows it teases.
She had rescued the sneezing baby from the fury of
the cook, only to have the baby turn into a pig,
and a moment later, a cheshire cat had faded into
existence on a limb above her.
Speaker 2: People live around here.
Speaker 4: That direction over there lives a hatter, This direction over
here lives a march hare.
Speaker 1: Visit the booth are.
Speaker 2: Mad, But I don't want to go among mad people.
Speaker 1: And now you're as caught up as she is. She
has not gone much further before she came upon the
house of the march Hare.
Speaker 3: She's sure it is the right house because the chimneys
are shaped like ears, and their roof is thatched with fur.
Speaker 1: And there was a table set out under a tree
in the front of the house, and the march Hare
and the Hatter we're having tea at it.
Speaker 3: A dormouse is sitting between them, fast asleep. The march
Hare and the Hatter are using him as a cushion,
resting their elbows on him. They aren't all anxious to
have Ellis's company. No room, no room, no room, no room,
no room.
Speaker 2: There's plenty of room, and I'm going to sit down there,
have some I don't see any wine much hair?
Speaker 1: No, is it, Denny?
Speaker 2: Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't very civil of you to sit down
with her being invited.
Speaker 2: I didn't know it was your table. It's laid for
a great many more than three.
Speaker 1: Your hair wants cutting.
Speaker 2: Oh, you should learn not to make personal remarks, Hatter.
It's very rude.
Speaker 1: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Speaker 2: I'm glad you're going to ask riddles. That'd be fun.
But I believe I can guess that one.
Speaker 3: Do you mean that? You think you can find out
the answer exactly? So then you should say what you.
Speaker 2: Mean I do at least at least I mean what
I say. That's the same thing, you know, not.
Speaker 1: The same thing a bit why? You might just if
well said that I see what I eat. It's the
same is I eat what I see.
Speaker 3: You might just as well say that I like what
I get is the same as I get what I like.
Speaker 2: You might just as well say that I breathe when
I sleep. It is the same thing as I sleep
when I breathe.
Speaker 1: That is the same thing for you, dormhouse.
Speaker 2: Oh, I must as that riddle before they forget it.
Now let me see why is a raven like a
writing desk? A raven? Writing desk? Raven?
Speaker 1: What day of the month is it?
Speaker 2: The fourth?
Speaker 1: This watch is two days late. I told you, but
it wouldn't suit the works.
Speaker 3: But it was the very best butter.
Speaker 1: Yes, but some crumbs must have got into it as well.
You shouldn't have put it in with the bread knife.
Speaker 3: But it was the best butter. They dip it in
the tea it might wash the crumbs out.
Speaker 2: Oh what a funny watch. It tells the day of
the month and doesn't tell what o'clock it is.
Speaker 1: Why should it? Why should it? Does your watch tell
you what year it is?
Speaker 2: Of course not, but that's because it stays the same
year for such a long time together.
Speaker 1: Well, it's just the case with mine.
Speaker 2: I don't quite understand you.
Speaker 1: The dormouse is asleep again.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh, no, I heard everything you fellas have
to say.
Speaker 1: So have you guessed the riddle yet?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: I give up. What's the answer?
Speaker 1: I haven't the slightest idea nor I.
Speaker 2: I think you might do something better with the time
than wasting it and asking riddles that have no answers.
Speaker 1: If you knew time as well as I do, you
wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you.
Speaker 1: Of course you don't. I dare say you never ever
spoke to time?
Speaker 2: Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time
when I learned music.
Speaker 1: Hah, that accounts for it. He won't stand beating I know.
He and I quarreled last month just before he the
march Ara went mad. You know. It was at the
great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I
had to sing Twinkle Twinkle, little beat. How I wonder
where you're at? You know the song?
Speaker 2: Perhaps I've heard something like it.
Speaker 1: It goes on and you know in this way, eh ha,
pobove the world. You fly like a tea tray in
the sky. Twin twinkle, little bit, Twinkle twinkle twinkle.
Speaker 2: Be quiet, dormouse, ouch, stop pinching me.
Speaker 1: Well, i'd hardly finish the first verse when the queen
bawled out. He's murdering the time off with his head.
How dreadfully Savage had ever since that he won't do
a thing? I ask. It's always six o'clock, now.
Speaker 2: Is that feason? So many tea things are put out here?
Speaker 1: Yes, that's it. It's always tea time. You see, we've
no time to waste the things between the wiles.
Speaker 2: Then you keep moving round, I suppose, from one seat
to the.
Speaker 1: Next, exactly so as the things get used up.
Speaker 2: But what happens when you come to the beginning again?
Speaker 3: Oh, take some more tea?
Speaker 2: I've had nothing, so I can't take more.
Speaker 1: You mean you can't take less, and it's very easy
to take more than nothing.
Speaker 2: Nobody asked your opinion.
Speaker 1: Now who is making personal remarks?
Speaker 2: Now, oh, you you you?
Speaker 1: I want a clean cup. Let's move up one place.
Speaker 2: But then you're the only one who gets a clean place.
And I have to sit where the march hair sat,
and he's upset the milk jug into his plate.
Speaker 1: We move only one seat over, and if you don't
like that, you.
Speaker 2: Don't have to drink the tea you haven't yet had.
Speaker 1: This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear.
She got up in great disgust and walked off. The
dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took
the least notice of her going.
Speaker 3: For now they're trying to shove the dormouse into the teapot.
Speaker 1: As Alice wandered on through the woods, she came suddenly
upon a tree with a little door leading right into it.
She was not in the least surprise, for she had
come to expect anything here in Wonderland, so she quickly
opened the door and entered to find herself at last
among the bright flower beds and the cool fountains of
a beautiful garden.
Speaker 3: The one she had first seen through the little door
in the hall.
Speaker 1: She had scarcely time to look about her when she
heard the sound of a procession approaching. It was the
royal entourage of the King and Queen of Hearts, accompanied
by their guests, the King and Queens of diamonds, spades
and clubs, with their soldiers and courtiers behind them. When
the procession came opposite to Alice, it stopped and everyone
looked at her, as the Queen of Hearts spoke, who
is this? How did she get in here? Speak?
Speaker 3: Child?
Speaker 1: What is your name?
Speaker 2: My name is Alice? So pleased, your majesty, Alice? Why
the only a pack of cards? After all, I needn't
be afraid of them.
Speaker 3: She has no business being Alice.
Speaker 2: Off with her head, off with her nonsense.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, okay, consider this, my dear, She's only a child.
Speaker 3: My dear, she has a head king.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, but but my dear, is dear
mind your own Oh oh yeah, yeah, my dear, On.
Speaker 3: With the procession for the present. Child, you may keep
your head.
Speaker 2: That's dreadfully kind of you.
Speaker 1: The procession continued to the fountains in the center of
the garden. All the while Alice looked about her vainly
for some way to escape, but the Queen kept constantly
by her side.
Speaker 3: Have you seen the mock turtle yet?
Speaker 2: No, I don't even know what a mock turtle is.
Speaker 3: It's the thing mock turtle soup is made of.
Speaker 2: I never saw one or heard of one.
Speaker 3: Come on then, and he shall tell you his story.
Speaker 1: After a little walk, the Queen and Alice came upon
a griffin lying fast asleep in the sun.
Speaker 3: If you don't know what a griffin is, there's very
little use in telling you, for you wouldn't believe it anyway.
He's sort of a half lion, half eagle, half see,
I knew you wouldn't believe it. A lazy thing. And
take this young lady to see the mock turtle and
to hear his story.
Speaker 1: I must go.
Speaker 3: Back and see after some executions I have ordered.
Speaker 1: Oh what fun?
Speaker 2: What is fun?
Speaker 1: Why she's it's all her fancy that they never execute nobody,
you know, Come with me. They had not gone far
before they saw the mock turtle in the distance, sitting
sadly and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and
as they came nearer. Alice could hear him sighing, as
if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply at
that moment.
Speaker 2: What is his sorrow?
Speaker 1: Ooh, it's all his fancy that he hasn't got no sorrow.
You know a turtle this year, young lady. She she
once fought to know your history.
Speaker 3: She do, I'll tell her. Sit down, both of you,
and don't speak a word till I've finished.
Speaker 2: I don't see how he can ever finish if he
doesn't begin.
Speaker 3: Once, I was a real turtle when we were little.
We went to school in the sea. The master was
an old turtle. We used to call him tortoise.
Speaker 2: Why did you call him tortoise?
Speaker 3: If he was a turtle, we called him tortoise because
he us. Really, you're very dull.
Speaker 1: You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such
a simple question. Drive on, old fellow. Don't be all
day about it.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, we went to school in the sea, though
you mayn't believe it.
Speaker 2: I never said I didn't, but you did.
Speaker 1: Hold your tongue, little girl.
Speaker 3: Yes, we had the best of educations. In fact, we
went to school every day.
Speaker 2: I've been today school too. What did you.
Speaker 3: Study breeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and
then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, dish action, aglification
and derision.
Speaker 2: And what else had you to learn?
Speaker 3: Well, there was mystery, mystery ancient and modern, with seography,
then drawling. The drawling master was an old conger eel
that used to come once a week. He taught a strawling,
stretching and fainting in coils.
Speaker 2: What was that like?
Speaker 3: I can't show it to you myself. I'm too stiff.
And the griffin when he never learned it.
Speaker 1: Hadn't the time I went to the classical master, though
he was an old crab.
Speaker 3: He was, I never went to him. He taught life,
have been and grief. They used to say.
Speaker 1: So he did, so he did?
Speaker 2: And how many hours a day did you do? Lessons?
Speaker 3: Ten hours the first day, nine on the next, and
so on and so forth.
Speaker 2: What a curious plan.
Speaker 1: That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lessen from
day to day. Don't you know anything?
Speaker 2: Then the eleventh day must have done a.
Speaker 3: Holiday, of course it was.
Speaker 2: And how did you manage on the twelve?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, that's enough about lessons. Tell her something about
the games.
Speaker 3: Now huh Oh must I really?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, you must.
Speaker 3: All right. You may not have lived much under the sea,
Oh I haven't. And perhaps you were never even introduced
to a lobster.
Speaker 2: I once tasted a whish, No.
Speaker 3: Never, never, So you can have no idea what a
delightful thing lobster quadrille is.
Speaker 2: No, indeed, what sort of a dance is it?
Speaker 1: Why you first form a line along the seashore.
Speaker 3: Two lines seals turtles, salmon, and so on. Then when
they've cleared all the jellyfish out of the way.
Speaker 1: That generally does take some.
Speaker 3: Time, you advanced twice.
Speaker 1: Each with a lobster as a partner.
Speaker 3: Of course, advance twice, set to partners.
Speaker 1: Change lobsters, and retire in same order. Then you know,
you throw the lobsters.
Speaker 5: As far out to sea as you can, swim after them,
turn a somersault in the sea, change lobsters again, back
to land again, and that's all there is to the
first figure.
Speaker 2: It must be a very pretty dance.
Speaker 3: Yes, would you like to see a little of it?
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, very much.
Speaker 3: Indeed, Oh, come, let's try the first figure, Griffin. We
can do it without the lobster, as you know which
shall sing.
Speaker 1: You sing? I've forgotten the words. So they began solemnly
dancing around and round Alice every now and then treading
on her to when they passed you close, and waving
their forepaws to mark the time, while the mock turtle sang.
Speaker 3: Will you walk a little faster? Said widing to us snaw.
There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on
my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles
all lad van they are waiting on the sheep. Will
you come and join the dance?
Speaker 1: Will you?
Speaker 3: Won't you?
Speaker 1: Will you?
Speaker 2: Won't you?
Speaker 3: Will you join the dances? Will you won't you?
Speaker 1: Will you?
Speaker 3: Won't you?
Speaker 1: Will you join the DearS?
Speaker 2: Thank you? It's a very interesting dance to watch. And
I do so like that curious song about the writing.
But if I when he I'd have said to the porpoise,
gip back, please, we don't want you with us.
Speaker 3: They were obliged to have him with them. No wise
fish would go anywhere without.
Speaker 2: A porpoise, wouldn't it really.
Speaker 3: Of course not? Why if a fish came to me
and told me he was going on a journey, I
should say with what porpoise?
Speaker 2: Oh, don't you mean purpose?
Speaker 3: I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.
Speaker 1: Shall we try another figure of the lobster quadrille? Or
would you like the mock turtle to sing you another song? Oh?
Speaker 2: A song please, if the mock turtle would be so kind, no.
Speaker 1: Counting for tastes turtle sing her turtle soup? Will you,
old fellow?
Speaker 3: Beautiful soup, so rich and green?
Speaker 1: Waity in.
Speaker 3: Who for sure?
Speaker 1: Day? Come on, it's time to go to the trial.
Speaker 2: Trial, what trial?
Speaker 1: Come on? Come on, come with me. And the griffin
grabbed Alice by the hand and hurried her off without
waiting for the end of the mock turtle song. By
the time when Alice and the Griffin had arrived at
the courtroom, a great crowd had assembled there, all sorts
of little birds and beasts, as well as a whole
pack of cards. The nave of Hearts stood before the
courtroom in chains. The white rabbit, dressed in the livery
of a herald, was near the throne where the King
and Queen of Hearts were sitting.
Speaker 3: The king is also the judge, by the way, and
as he's wearing his crown over his wig. He doesn't
look at all comfortable, and it certainly isn't becoming.
Speaker 1: In the very middle of the court on table was
a large dish of tarts. It made Alice hungry to
look at them.
Speaker 2: I wish he'd get the child done and hand round
the refreshments.
Speaker 1: No chance of that. Them tarts is what the trial's
all about. You know what?
Speaker 2: Had the jo is writing on their slates for they
can't have anything to put down yet before the trial. Beags.
Speaker 1: They're writing down their names for fear that they shall
forget them before the end of the trial.
Speaker 2: Stupid things. Why they're all writing stupid things on their slates.
And look, several of them can't spell it correctly.
Speaker 1: Silence in the courtroom. Harold read the accusation. The Queen
of Heart, she made some tarts all on a summer's day.
The Knave of Heart, he stole those tarts and took
them all away. Yeah that's nice, right there, very nice,
consider you. No, no, no, not yet, not yet, Your
majesty did a great deal to come before that. Oh
all right, all right, then call the first witness, the
worst witness, the hatter, sometimes called mad. I beg your
pardon majesty for bringing my tea and bread and butter
with me. But I hadn't quite finished it when I
was sent for. Well, you' ought to have finished by now.
When did you begin the fourteenth of March?
Speaker 2: I think it was left bent sixteenth?
Speaker 1: Write that down.
Speaker 3: The jury is writing down all three dates on their slates.
Now they add them up. Now they're reducing the answers
to shillings and pence. Only all the answers are different.
Speaker 1: Just at this moment, Alice felt a very curious sensation,
which she recognized at once she was beginning to grow again.
She decided, however, to remain in the courtroom as long
as there was room for her. However, the dormouse, who
was seated next to her objected at once.
Speaker 2: I wish you wouldn't squeeze so I can hardly breathe.
I can't help it. I'm growing. You've got no right
to grow here. Don't talk none sense you're growing too, Yes,
but I grow at a reasonable rate, not in that
ridiculous fashion.
Speaker 3: The hatter is so nervous under the gaze of the
Queen that he shakes himself out of both of his
shoes and in his confusion, he bites a large piece
out of his tea cup and instead of his bread
and butter.
Speaker 1: I am a poor man, your majesty, Well, you are
certainly a very poor speaker, so I may just as
we'll have you execute it on the spot. Sorry, I'd
rather finish my tea first. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
your tea. Well, then you may go huh yeah, he
thank you, your majesty, Yes, your majesty, I'm going off outside, right, dear, Yeah,
don't forget his head. Next witness, please, rabbit Relice? What me? Yes?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 1: What do you know about his business? A, miss Alice?
Speaker 2: Nothing? Nothing was soever, nothing whatsoever.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's very important, very very important and important, your
majesty means, of course, of course that's what I meant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, some of the jury rites important and some unimportant.
Some even write recession. But it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1: Quiet, I'll read from the rule book rule forty two.
All persons more than a mile high will leave the courtroom.
Speaker 2: I'm not a mile high.
Speaker 1: Well I think you.
Speaker 3: Are nearly two miles high.
Speaker 1: See.
Speaker 2: Well, I shan't go at any rate. Besides, that's not
a regular rule. You invented it.
Speaker 1: Just now, Why it is the oldest rule in the.
Speaker 2: Book, then it ought to be number one.
Speaker 1: Jury consider No, No, there is more evidence to come yet,
please your majesty. Oh right, this paper has just been
picked up. Well what's in it? Well I haven't opened
it yet, but it seems to be a letter written
by the prisoner to to somebody. Must have been that then,
unless it was written to nobody, which isn't at all usual,
you know who's it directed towards? Where? It isn't directed
at all? In fact, nothing's written on the outside. But
there isn't some letter. It is a set of verses.
Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? No? They are not. Well,
then clearly he must be imitating somebody else's hand.
Speaker 3: That proves the skilp go off his head.
Speaker 2: Yes, we know it doesn't prove anything of the sort.
Why you don't even know what the verses are about?
Speaker 1: Oh right, Harold? Read on? Where shall I begin, please,
your majesty? Begin anywhere? And a stuff were when you'd like?
They told me you had been to her and mentioned
me to him. She gave me a good character, but
said I could not swim. He sent them word I
had not gone. We know it to be true. But
if she should push the matter on, what would become
of you? I gave her one, they gave him two,
They gave us three or more. They all returned from
him to you, though they were mine before. If I
or she should chance to be involved in this affair,
he trusts to you to set them free exactly as
we were. My notion was that you had been before.
She had had this fit, an obstacle that came between
him and ourselves. And it don't let him know that
she liked them best, for this must ever be a
secret kept from all the rest between yourself and me.
Where I think that's about enough of these ways, your majesty, Oh,
the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet. Oh
uh so, now let the jury consider.
Speaker 2: Don't believe this is an atom of meaning in it.
Speaker 1: If there's no meaning in an aalics, that saves a
world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to
find any. And yet I don't know. I seem to
find some meaning here, Yeah said I could not swim,
nave can you swim?
Speaker 3: Do I look it? He certainly doesn't, being made entirely
a cardboard.
Speaker 2: But it goes on they all returned from him to you.
Speaker 1: Well, well, well there they.
Speaker 3: Are, and so they are. The turts are on the table.
Speaker 1: Now then again before she had this fit, honey, you
never had fits, did you, my dear consort off.
Speaker 3: With somebody, anybody's dead.
Speaker 1: Then the words don't fit you at all. Thank you,
thank you, thank you. Well, let the jer consider their verdict.
Speaker 3: Finally, No, no sentence first verdict.
Speaker 2: After stuff and nonsense, the idea of having the sentence first.
Speaker 1: Hold your tongue.
Speaker 3: I won't off with the head. But nobody moves for Alice,
who is now her full size and much too large
for them to try and do anything about it, stands up,
dumping the jerry box and its occupants under the courtroom floor.
Speaker 2: Who cares for you? You're nothing but a pack of cards.
Speaker 1: At this the whole pack rose up into the air
and came flying down upon her. She gave little screams,
half a frightened half of anger, and tried to beat
them off. Then she found herself lying on the bank
with her head in the lap of her sister, who
was gently brushing away some dead leaves that fluttered down
from the trees above her face.
Speaker 2: Wake up, Alice, dear, Why what a long sleep you've had.
Oh oh, oh, sister, I've had such a curious dream,
all about a white rabbit and a mock turtle, and
a mad hatter and the Queen of Hearts, a whole
pack of cards,