Speaker 1: When you ask somebody like what you're grateful for, like
Speaker 1: I don't know, your brain instantly goes to, like, well,
Speaker 1: what would be the correct answer here?
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: With my kids, one of the things that I talked
Speaker 1: to them a lot about is like, you can't say
Speaker 1: I don't know. You can say anything else, but you
Speaker 1: can't say I don't know. Because here's the thing. If
Speaker 1: you don't know, nobody knows. You're the only one that
Speaker 1: knows you. You're the only one that gets to discover you.
Speaker 1: Take the I don't know, like out of the equation,
Speaker 1: and what is the first thing that pops? I mean,
Speaker 1: it could be like, I'm grateful that you know I
Speaker 1: have this water here in front of me. Okay, grin
Speaker 1: it's those baby steps, like that's the start. Yeah it is,
Speaker 1: And think, wow, what an amazing thing, Marcy, that you're
Speaker 1: teaching him this.
Speaker 2: This is Wake Up with Marcy, a space for honest
Speaker 2: conversations about healing, recovery, and women's wellness. I'm Marcy Hopkins.
Speaker 2: Take a breath, You're safe here. Let's begin. Hello all,
Speaker 2: and welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy. And if
Speaker 2: you are new here, welcome. I'm so grateful that you
Speaker 2: are here, whether you're watching or listening. I'm your host,
Speaker 2: Marcy Hopkins. I'm myself am an author, TV host, motivational speaker,
Speaker 2: mental health advocate, and a woman in long term recovery.
Speaker 2: And on wake Up, we have honest conversations, real conversations
Speaker 2: about healing, recovery, self discovery, and what it takes to
Speaker 2: rebuild your life. And if today's conversation resonates with you,
Speaker 2: please make sure to like, comments, subscribe, and share this
Speaker 2: episode with someone who may need to hear it. Today's
Speaker 2: episode is for anyone who's ever felt stuck. Maybe you've
Speaker 2: been waiting for more confidence, or waiting to not be afraid,
Speaker 2: or maybe you've been waiting for that perfect opportunity. Or
Speaker 2: maybe you've convinced yourself that someday you'll finally become the
Speaker 2: person you know you're meant to be. But what if
Speaker 2: someday starts today? My guest today is Becky Vaness. Becky
Speaker 2: is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and creator of the one
Speaker 2: hundred day workbook What Future Are You Willing To Wake
Speaker 2: Up To? And it's companion book, Begin Before You Feel Ready.
Speaker 2: Through her work, Becky helps people stop waiting for that
Speaker 2: perfect moment and begin creating their future through awareness, choice,
Speaker 2: daily practice, and intentional action. Her message is simple, but
Speaker 2: it's completely life changing. You don't have to feel ready
Speaker 2: to begin, you just have to be willing. And today
Speaker 2: we're going to learn how to get comfortable with beginning. Now,
Speaker 2: let's meet Becky. Becky, welcome to Wake Up with Marcy.
Speaker 1: Hey, Marcy, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2: It's great to have you. I can't wait to have
Speaker 2: this conversation with you. And I always love to kind
Speaker 2: of rewind and find out what brought you to this place.
Speaker 2: And I know there's usually like a moment that we
Speaker 2: have right and for you, there was that moment that
Speaker 2: you described to me early on about that you were
Speaker 2: sitting in a car, in your car in tarp and
Speaker 2: springs and you were feeling scared and uncertain about your
Speaker 2: family's business and finances and things were changing for you.
Speaker 2: Can you take us back to that day?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I can. Thank you well. And you know
Speaker 1: what's very interesting because when you have those big moments,
Speaker 1: you kind of remember, like I live in Florida. I
Speaker 1: remember driving and it was sunny, beautiful out, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: how was the world so perfect when my world is
Speaker 1: falling apart right now. No, yeah, I remember actually really vividly,
Speaker 1: like I'm driving my hands around the steering wheel. We
Speaker 1: had an amazing real estate business. We basically did like
Speaker 1: airbnbs before that was even a thing, and we went
Speaker 1: from you know, making nothing to making millions and it
Speaker 1: was very exciting actually, and then it wasn't right like
Speaker 1: then it just wasn't. And I have actually known of
Speaker 1: my husband for over thirty years now at that time,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe it was twenty years or something, and
Speaker 1: he was just done and it was really hard for
Speaker 1: me to see him like that. He you know, he's
Speaker 1: such a strong, dominant man, and at that time he
Speaker 1: just was broken. And I remember driving thinking I need
Speaker 1: to do something here. And you know, from this time,
Speaker 1: I have three children and I was like the lunch
Speaker 1: room mom. I took care of the kids. And you know,
Speaker 1: when I was younger, I started college but I never finished.
Speaker 1: So for me, I was like, what am I going
Speaker 1: to do? Like how can I you know, how can
Speaker 1: I help here? And really kind of feeling really down
Speaker 1: about myself right Like I didn't have a college degree.
Speaker 1: I was a bartender at one time and you know,
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with bartending, but you know, at this point,
Speaker 1: like I quit drinking, you know, I no longer drink,
Speaker 1: and when am I going to go back to being
Speaker 1: a bartender with three little kids? And so, you know,
Speaker 1: you have those moments in your life where you're like,
Speaker 1: I know nothing, what can I possibly do to contribute?
Speaker 1: But I knew I needed to do something something at
Speaker 1: that point, and so I started asking a bunch of questions.
Speaker 1: And you know, because I knew what I was doing
Speaker 1: is really I'm beating myself up. You how, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not enough, I know nothing. I'm a stay at
Speaker 1: home mom. Now I always actually have to do say
Speaker 1: I was always like the rocket fuel behind my husband though,
Speaker 1: you know, like with our businesses. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say I wasn't a part of it, but I was
Speaker 1: more of a behind the scenes, uh, part of everything
Speaker 1: that was, you know, happening.
Speaker 2: So before you continue, because I want to ask you
Speaker 2: because you've said some stuff about some mindset, right like
Speaker 2: you you had the realization that you were beating yourself up, right,
Speaker 2: you were asking yourself in depth questions and a lot
Speaker 2: of times that happens. You said you stopped drinking. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Now did you stop drinking because you needed to stop
Speaker 2: drinking and then you did the work so you were
Speaker 2: able to now approach this situation in a different way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. I come from, you know, was
Speaker 1: maybe a similar background for many people. My father was,
Speaker 1: you know, raging alcoholic. And I started getting older, I
Speaker 1: noticed some of the same patterns that I was doing
Speaker 1: for my environment. And once I had children, I was like,
Speaker 1: I actually want them to have something different. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: want them to have something different in life. Now I
Speaker 1: want to say, like, am I in recovery? Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I also like to say, like I'm in discovery. That's
Speaker 1: kind of what happened for me, Like discovering new patterns,
Speaker 1: discovering something different from my family. So I became curious
Speaker 1: to a different life and made some drastic changes. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And let me ask you. You said your husband it
Speaker 2: was tired. Was he just burnt out? He couldn't do
Speaker 2: it anymore more? I mean, like you say, you're you're
Speaker 2: making millions, right, the company is doing really well. Somebody
Speaker 2: might say, well, poor you, what's what's the hell?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we were doing really well and then until
Speaker 1: we just weren't, you.
Speaker 2: Know, started falling apart. The real estate business change that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it drastically changed. Which you know, these moments in
Speaker 1: life are such a gift and I can see that
Speaker 1: as a gift now. At the time it wasn't a gift.
Speaker 1: We really never were entrepreneurs before. My parents weren't and
Speaker 1: I was never. I don't know about you, but taught
Speaker 1: about finances. So what we got we spent mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: So you know when people say, wow, we made millions,
Speaker 1: you should have millions. Well, I'd love to say you're
Speaker 1: not a millionaire unless you actually have that in your bank.
Speaker 1: If you spend what you make, you just make more.
Speaker 1: You have more zeros behind your name. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And the other thing I just want to say it
Speaker 2: is like you're going through this really difficult time and
Speaker 2: it's like, now, how do I step up and support
Speaker 2: which you already were, I mean your full time mother.
Speaker 2: I mean you're doing the hard work, you have the
Speaker 2: hardest job there is, recognizing that. I mean, your husband
Speaker 2: is supporting you. And then you say you're the person
Speaker 2: behind the scenes. Yeah, we're the ones that do the supporting.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you support it in business, and you also
Speaker 2: were there to help him to support all of you.
Speaker 2: So and I just you know, one of the things
Speaker 2: that I love to talk about is we think we're
Speaker 2: giving up something, and you say that it's about discovery, right,
Speaker 2: and it is because what we're doing when we stop
Speaker 2: drinking is we're really getting our life back, right. And
Speaker 2: that was the first time I ever got curious. Also,
Speaker 2: so you know, just for those out there, like if
Speaker 2: you're thinking about drinking, like you're, I thought I was
Speaker 2: giving up something also, I was. I was giving up
Speaker 2: the way that I'd always coped in my life. Right,
Speaker 2: But you're really getting yourself back, and you look at
Speaker 2: life in a different way, and you do become curious,
Speaker 2: and you also become aware of your part in things.
Speaker 2: So now you're at this place you're asking yourself these questions.
Speaker 2: What came from that?
Speaker 1: Well, something actually phenomenal came from it. What I also
Speaker 1: like to say is it's these little increments that become
Speaker 1: this amazing thing. Right, there are these little moments, they're
Speaker 1: the daily questions then that actually create these big things.
Speaker 1: And I had no idea. I had no idea at
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: Now was overnight, right, No.
Speaker 1: I think with the society today, you see all these
Speaker 1: wonderful things on social media and you're like, wow, why
Speaker 1: do they get that? And I don't, and so you know,
Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you that it's these little increment things,
Speaker 1: and it was those questions instead. I had two options.
Speaker 1: Well I'm sure many options, but I had a couple options.
Speaker 1: I could have went to I know nothing, yeah and
Speaker 1: dismiss like what you just said, dismiss being the mom
Speaker 1: and the what I said earlier, like the rocket fuel
Speaker 1: behind my husband, because you know, like i'd like to say,
Speaker 1: he probably wouldn't have been able to do what he
Speaker 1: was doing without me going you got this. Of course,
Speaker 1: when these things come up, I'm like, okay, well what's next?
Speaker 1: Have this and and supportive, you know, and allowing him
Speaker 1: to discover him. And so by asking these questions what
Speaker 1: ended up showing up. And it was pretty quick, I
Speaker 1: have to say on this one, it was pretty quick.
Speaker 1: It was within a week a twelve dollars an hour
Speaker 1: marketing job, which I had to say a twelve dollars
Speaker 1: an hour because even at the time, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's not going to cover it, Like that is not good.
Speaker 1: That's not going to think these these big bills and
Speaker 1: you know, these things that we've created, it's not going
Speaker 1: to fix it. But it had like this little nugget.
Speaker 1: It had like the spark to it that I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about marketing. I actually at this point,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I know about anything. And
Speaker 1: so that twelve dollar an hour job I went and
Speaker 1: I was like, I like to have fun no matter
Speaker 1: what I do. And I was there and I had
Speaker 1: a blast, and just by chance, the lady from corporate
Speaker 1: office came in to watch me. You know, they like
Speaker 1: to see, you know, and in corporate they want to
Speaker 1: see who's talking to their customers. And this was a
Speaker 1: market research job. So I'm engaging with their customers, asking
Speaker 1: them questions, and they want to see, you know, who's there.
Speaker 1: And I've seen her and I did my thing. You know,
Speaker 1: I was just present with who I was talking to.
Speaker 1: It was a wonderful job. I didn't have to have
Speaker 1: a point of view about whether they liked something or
Speaker 1: what they didn't. I just had to help them discover,
Speaker 1: like what they liked about something, and sometimes people have
Speaker 1: a really hard time expressing that. And so she was
Speaker 1: like when we were done, she pulled me aside, and
Speaker 1: she's like, you are the most amazing person I've ever
Speaker 1: seen at this Yeah, well thank you. Yeah, and she
Speaker 1: said I want to hire you. Oh I said okay.
Speaker 1: She's like, do you have you know an LLC? And
Speaker 1: I was like in my mind, I was like no,
Speaker 1: but you know, we've done business. And I knew even
Speaker 1: though I didn't know, I was like, yeah, yeah, I do, Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I knew it. I just you know. And so she
Speaker 1: gave your card and she said call me on Monday.
Speaker 1: And I went home and I said that I needed
Speaker 1: what's my name going to be? And and and at
Speaker 1: the time we didn't have the money for that either.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, just say yes, right, Like, even if
Speaker 2: you're not ready or you're not prepared, or you're you're afraid, say.
Speaker 1: You're afraid, you have no idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's the craziest thing that I found in life is
Speaker 1: that things show up, these little nuggets. Somebody has the
Speaker 1: information for me or you know, well, now you have
Speaker 1: the Internet and check GBT, you can figure anything out.
Speaker 1: I didn't have that. You know, wow that back then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's incredible. It's been at an incredible supporter. But
Speaker 2: what I what I also hear you saying is like
Speaker 2: take a chance, right like you you took a job
Speaker 2: that maybe some people might say, well it was it's
Speaker 2: only twelve dollars, that's not going to help me, or
Speaker 2: that's beneath me and dismiss it exactly. But then it
Speaker 2: turned into this incredible opportunity for you. So you keep
Speaker 2: saying about asking questions and better questions. Why do questions
Speaker 2: matter so much when we are facing that uncertainty? And
Speaker 2: how can we get to a place where we even
Speaker 2: know what to ask ourselves so we can move forward?
Speaker 1: Well, if you noticed I mentioned earlier a lot of
Speaker 1: times to do in the market research, I find out
Speaker 1: people don't even really know how to express themselves and
Speaker 1: so these and you're like, how can a question help me?
Speaker 1: Well I noticed now after you know, asking those questions,
Speaker 1: instead of going into you know, I can't do this,
Speaker 1: it was like what can I do? That was my
Speaker 1: steering mole moment. What can I do? Who can I
Speaker 1: talk to? Where do I need to go? Show me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they showed me, and you know, and that's what
Speaker 1: was the beginning of it. And when I look at now,
Speaker 1: what I realize one of my favorite questions to ask
Speaker 1: is what am I amazing at that I have not
Speaker 1: yet even discovered. M that's a bit different than I
Speaker 1: don't know, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Yeah, yeah, we we all have. We all have
Speaker 2: amazing gifts. We truly do.
Speaker 1: Just like you said in You're a Mom, that is
Speaker 1: a gift. That is an amazing gift. How many things
Speaker 1: do we you know, dismiss that.
Speaker 2: School mm hmm yeah, I even right now, I've had
Speaker 2: some opportunities present. Yes, and I'm afraid. Yes, it's big,
Speaker 2: they ask, Yeah, But I keep telling myself like you,
Speaker 2: then you, then you just have to switch it. We
Speaker 2: have our little pity parts and we feel sorry or
Speaker 2: we feel down on ourselves. But then it's like, first
Speaker 2: of all, I do not believe this opportunity would have
Speaker 2: come to me if I couldn't do it. And and
Speaker 2: then you just in the way you talk to yourself,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I can do it, or I can
Speaker 2: be excited about this, or I can feel scared about
Speaker 2: it and feel overwhelmed by it. Like each little step
Speaker 2: like you're saying, you know, like that that moves you
Speaker 2: towards the thing you want. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And Marcy, I've also found that fear and excitement
Speaker 1: are very similar energies.
Speaker 2: Yes, turn the fear into excitement, right, isn't that what
Speaker 2: they say?
Speaker 1: And you know, we talked a little bit about our
Speaker 1: childhood and for me, you know, any type of like
Speaker 1: spike or anything instantly was fear for me, Like you know,
Speaker 1: it's my nervous system. My dad would walk into the
Speaker 1: room and I had to figure out already how to
Speaker 1: adjust or anything unpredictable was bad and I had to
Speaker 1: really look at that. So by looking that, you know,
Speaker 1: at I blumped everything into one thing, anything unpredictable, which
Speaker 1: you know, taking a court for a job, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: and doing things it's very unpredictable. Getting a new opportunity
Speaker 1: is very unpredictable. And so what I like to look
Speaker 1: at and ask myself, Wow, is this fear or excitement?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm yeah. And would you say though, like with
Speaker 2: the unknown, I feel a lot of people worry or
Speaker 2: they they feel out of control because they feel like
Speaker 2: they always want to control something. Yeah, right, Like what
Speaker 2: do you say to someone like that?
Speaker 1: Well, all I can say is from my own experience
Speaker 1: is that you know, take one step, It's just one
Speaker 1: step towards it and then you can always change your mind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: take the phone call, take the opportunity, and then you know,
Speaker 1: and then look at it, and once again, it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be these big, you know, majestic, miraculous moments.
Speaker 1: It's those little steps. I trick myself. Yeah, I would
Speaker 1: trick myself into Okay, Gott, you.
Speaker 2: Knew about it.
Speaker 1: You know, just get on the phone call and see
Speaker 1: what happens, see what shows up. And you know, that's
Speaker 1: one thing. Like when I got hired, I had to
Speaker 1: go to the corporate office and at that moment, we
Speaker 1: had no money. Now they pay for everything. And I
Speaker 1: also knew the future I wanted to create, so I
Speaker 1: had to show up as that future mm hm. And
Speaker 1: how did I do that? Well? Without having money. I
Speaker 1: went to the mall and I bought a beautiful jacket.
Speaker 1: I still remember it was hot pink. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: cut the tags on uh huh, showed up with it.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a certain energy and present myself
Speaker 1: as a certain person, and I did it.
Speaker 2: That's awesome, And then I.
Speaker 1: Took it back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I love that because you know what I
Speaker 2: feel like, how you show up is the energy you bring,
Speaker 2: be the energy when you walk in the room that
Speaker 2: you create a shift, right, But that but that does
Speaker 2: have to do a lot. And this is what I've
Speaker 2: gotten is more like that self love which comes confidence
Speaker 2: and you just believe in yourself in a different way.
Speaker 1: And how do you believe in yourself?
Speaker 2: Well, today I believe in myself because before I always
Speaker 2: looked out side of myself to get validation. And today
Speaker 2: because I learned to go within and connect with myself,
Speaker 2: connect with my higher power, get curious about myself, and
Speaker 2: that allowed me to start believing in myself more. And
Speaker 2: the more and more that I did that and took action,
Speaker 2: the more and more that I built confidence and I
Speaker 2: believed in myself and found that love for myself that
Speaker 2: I never had. So I want to I want to
Speaker 2: jump into your book begin before you feel ready, which
Speaker 2: is what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: I love it well, you know, and I do want
Speaker 1: to just say I love what you just said because
Speaker 1: what you're saying to me is that confidence you know,
Speaker 1: and how you do it actually doesn't come before you begin.
Speaker 1: It grows because you began.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't watching this and like, well it's
Speaker 1: easy for you guys hard that's so hard when it's
Speaker 1: getting used to the hard. And like I said, I
Speaker 1: love you know, tricking myself and taking that one.
Speaker 2: Step in that one choice, Like you have to be uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: It's going to be uncomfortable. Create change is uncomfortable. But
Speaker 2: like you're saying, I mean, I say, stay in the moment,
Speaker 2: stay in the day, take one one step forward each
Speaker 2: day which creates the change. Yeah mm hm, So you
Speaker 2: got to you got to take the action for anything
Speaker 2: to change. And then like it's so hard, Uh, it's
Speaker 2: hard to start, but that's where you have to do.
Speaker 1: You have to start, yeah, and take those little steps
Speaker 1: whatever that little step is for you. And you know
Speaker 1: you asked me, you know, like why did you know?
Speaker 1: I wrote a couple of books like why did I
Speaker 1: even you know, like why did you why did you
Speaker 1: do that? Well, because I became fascinated Marcy, like with
Speaker 1: one question, and that question was what actually creates like
Speaker 1: lasting change?
Speaker 2: M hm. And what did you get from that? Well?
Speaker 1: Your answer, I'd love to say, like I really try
Speaker 1: not to have an answer because once I decide something,
Speaker 1: then that's all it can ever be. I'm always like,
Speaker 1: if you notice I said a few times like my
Speaker 1: new thing is like I would love to discover this.
Speaker 1: I'd love to discover me. I'd love like I'm still
Speaker 1: discovering my books. Yeah, yeah, like you know, and I
Speaker 1: know that maybe sounds silly, but I actually, you know,
Speaker 1: those books came from like my experiences, and you know,
Speaker 1: you are like, why did you write your book?
Speaker 2: Same thing experience, my lived experience, And I just want
Speaker 2: to I want to help others to do to do
Speaker 2: the same, Like let me share what I have learned
Speaker 2: over these past almost eleven years with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like what worked for you? And then you
Speaker 1: become an inspiration because then you're like, wow, Marcy, did that?
Speaker 1: You know that's like like I can do that or
Speaker 1: like maybe if I tweet that a little bit more,
Speaker 1: or you know, do this or do that. Now that
Speaker 1: you have the inspiration, you do what works for you.
Speaker 1: And what I was really interested in is you know,
Speaker 1: not really motivation, not really inspiration. I want real change. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I knew it was possible, yeah, like you know, Marcie,
Speaker 1: like I knew it was from the beginning.
Speaker 2: You know it was possible.
Speaker 1: Well I know what now you know? And so it's
Speaker 1: like you have to begin then to get that inspiration.
Speaker 1: You know, like if some people are like, well when
Speaker 1: did this, I'll start well, I could say it started
Speaker 1: with my steering whill you know, inspiration that started one
Speaker 1: piece of it. But what really started was when I
Speaker 1: was twenty, I started having anxiety attacks, real panic attacks.
Speaker 1: And so what actually motivated me now that I go
Speaker 1: back and look at it, and what a gift it was.
Speaker 1: And now I never thought i'd be able to say
Speaker 1: what a gift having a panic attack was, but I
Speaker 1: realized from those panic attacks. Luckily I got help. I
Speaker 1: seen a wonderful psychologist, and I'd learned that I actually
Speaker 1: was doing it to myself. Yeah, and you know, I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, his first tool was let's start writing
Speaker 1: down what you're thinking. And I was like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? What am I thinking? I'm twenty years old? Yeah,
Speaker 1: nobody ever told me you think. Now, I know that
Speaker 1: sounds silly. I wasn't aware of what I was telling myself.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, I don't. I don't think that's that's because.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and.
Speaker 1: What you're thinking when you realize that, I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: so this is I was telling myself horrendous things, you know,
Speaker 1: like like what you talk about in your book, like
Speaker 1: we kind of are a product of our environment.
Speaker 2: We're one hundred percent are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was pretty much chaos when I was young,
Speaker 1: and so I didn't realize it, but that was just
Speaker 1: what I did, and that kind of flowed over so
Speaker 1: here I am at twenty years old and I had
Speaker 1: a few things coming up twenty ish. You know, I
Speaker 1: was getting married, I was moving out of the house.
Speaker 1: A lot of big things then triggered. I was having
Speaker 1: some weird panic attacks meditating, Like I got to the
Speaker 1: point where at twenty I was like, wow, I can't
Speaker 1: see why people don't want to leave the house. And
Speaker 1: the gift in those panic attacks now that I realized,
Speaker 1: is that I never would have went on the journey
Speaker 1: of like the discovery of what I'm telling myself, what
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, and how that plays a part mm hmm
Speaker 1: in my daily life.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that so much. It's pretty incredible when
Speaker 2: you can look at something that was so difficult in
Speaker 2: your life and look at it as a gift. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I knew at that point that I didn't want to
Speaker 1: kill myself, but I knew I didn't want to live
Speaker 1: like that any longer. There's a little bit of a difference,
Speaker 1: but I understood. I really understood why people dig themselves
Speaker 1: into a hole and they're like I'm done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was, so what's so interesting, like you
Speaker 2: and you brought it up the nervous system, right, is
Speaker 2: through all of this learning that it all goes back
Speaker 2: to our nervous system, right, and we're in that fight
Speaker 2: flight or freeze constantly, and if there's any any sort
Speaker 2: of addiction in the home or anger, that type of thing,
Speaker 2: like you're constantly on edge, like and I had that
Speaker 2: too with my grandfather had a horrible temper. There was alcoholism,
Speaker 2: my mother, there was sexual abuse. Like I was like,
Speaker 2: constantly not feeling safe right, But then you don't feel
Speaker 2: safe right, and then you get used to feeling that
Speaker 2: way all the time. Like so then as you get older,
Speaker 2: you keep putting yourself in those situations even though you
Speaker 2: say that's not what you want. But you had that
Speaker 2: wake up moment.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm still having those wake up moments and I'm
Speaker 1: still working on myself. I realized it was such a
Speaker 1: great Like these last couple of weeks, woo have been
Speaker 1: like who am I? And I had a really big one.
Speaker 1: I have a horse and he's a big horse and
Speaker 1: fifty you know, I'm learning to ride a horse and jump.
Speaker 1: My horse is an ex race horse even, you know,
Speaker 1: because when I go, I go big.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I realized every time I was going getting ready
Speaker 1: to ride, i'd have this something and I didn't have
Speaker 1: words for it, and I didn't I didn't quite understand it.
Speaker 1: And then one day I realized it was the unpredictability
Speaker 1: that would set off my nervous system. And fred Is
Speaker 1: my horse was a gift showed me that even recently,
Speaker 1: like last week or a week and a half ago,
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, anytime something is unpredictable, I decided
Speaker 1: I'm unsafe. When you're unsafe, like, I didn't really have
Speaker 1: the tools to trust myself, so anytime like I didn't
Speaker 1: trust anybody, myself or anybody in the situation to know
Speaker 1: that I'll know what to do when I need to
Speaker 1: know what to do. Those were things that I never
Speaker 1: was taught. And I'm you know, I'm learning because my
Speaker 1: dad was very unpredictable. My dad was like amazing when
Speaker 1: you walked in the door, or like we're getting beats,
Speaker 1: you didn't know. Yeah, And so when you're when you
Speaker 1: don't you know, feel safe and you have an unpredictability.
Speaker 1: Anything that can come up can slightly trigger that for you,
Speaker 1: you know, like a new opportunity. It's very unpredictable, so
Speaker 1: you know your nervous system. And then so well, okay,
Speaker 1: this is great that we're talking about it, but what
Speaker 1: do you do? Well? What I did is I start
Speaker 1: asking questions and remember, like I went back to like, wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't know I was thinking. So that's you know,
Speaker 1: first thing you gotta you're thinking, and you're thinking things
Speaker 1: that then lead to you know, the emotions and then
Speaker 1: those triggers and then the different things. And so I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, what is actually happening here?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well, like Fred is, you know, unpredictable, but like I
Speaker 1: trust me to know that now I know what to
Speaker 1: do right.
Speaker 2: Right, and and he is a teacher for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And so with all of this that you have learned, yeah,
Speaker 2: our what are you now doing to help others to
Speaker 2: do the same? Oh?
Speaker 1: I wrote some books in the one little thing that
Speaker 1: what ended up happening was what future are you willing
Speaker 1: to wake up to? Is? Was the first thing I wrote.
Speaker 1: And it's a work book. Yeah, and the workbook. I
Speaker 1: was actually doing it myself, but differently. So like I
Speaker 1: had all these questions like you said, and I had
Speaker 1: these like rewiring moments I would ask myself and I
Speaker 1: would keep it in my iPhone notes and every day
Speaker 1: I would look at it and you know, go through
Speaker 1: and start asking. And I got these notes, and I
Speaker 1: got these ideas from classes, from people like you, Marcy
Speaker 1: that say inspirational things, and I would save them. And
Speaker 1: so what I ended up doing was I was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't really working very well. You know. I would
Speaker 1: go to a class or and listen to a podcast
Speaker 1: or have these tools that I would save, and I'm
Speaker 1: put them in my phone and then trying to find them,
Speaker 1: you know, later on, and then I'm not actually applying
Speaker 1: them to my life. Yeah, and so I'd really like
Speaker 1: to apply them to my life. And so what I
Speaker 1: did is I was like, I'm going to write this
Speaker 1: for myself. I first went on Amazon and looked and
Speaker 1: see if anybody else had anything similar. I was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: does anybody else have like a workbook type? Like it's
Speaker 1: actually like a workbook, a little bit of journaling some questions,
Speaker 1: And I was like, does anybody else have this because
Speaker 1: they don't want to buy it, and they didn't. So
Speaker 1: one of my clients is a publishing company, so I
Speaker 1: know how to publish. So I was like, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to publish this for myself and it's going to
Speaker 1: make my life easier. I would like to daily create
Speaker 1: my life. And so I published it and my friend
Speaker 1: was like, you know, and before then he was like, well,
Speaker 1: I want one too, and I was like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: maybe the other people would like this, but the one
Speaker 1: thing I would actually like to say is that I
Speaker 1: would I again. Riding Fred taught me something about this
Speaker 1: daily creation. When you ride a horse, you have to
Speaker 1: ride ahead a few steps and I never really had
Speaker 1: this analogy in my regular life until it hit me
Speaker 1: hard riding my horse. So you know, when you're riding
Speaker 1: and you're going to a jump or doing different things,
Speaker 1: you actually have to be a few steps ahead. You
Speaker 1: got to know what direction you're going, You got to
Speaker 1: tell them where you're going before you know. And there's
Speaker 1: times where I wasn't doing that and it was a
Speaker 1: terrible ride. And so I'm talking to my trainer, why
Speaker 1: is this ride good? And then you know, what what
Speaker 1: am I doing? Can you help me, you know with us. Well,
Speaker 1: one of them is like, if you are not riding ahead,
Speaker 1: your horse will choose for you, because they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: where are we going? I need to know? And so
Speaker 1: I was like, so if I don't ride ahead, my
Speaker 1: horse is going to choose. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: where else am I doing this? So if I'm not
Speaker 1: actively creating my life, my life is.
Speaker 2: Creating me well one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And and and there might not You might have a
Speaker 1: great life, there might not be anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1: But what I noticed is that I could actually choose
Speaker 1: and tweak and create and play and discover my day.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. Yeah. It is making choices to
Speaker 2: the day, right, is that what you're is that what
Speaker 2: you're saying, like, you create the day by the choices
Speaker 2: you make.
Speaker 1: And then those little choices what we said in the beginning,
Speaker 1: actually create the bigger the bigger things that you know,
Speaker 1: those like frackless wow moments that show up. It's those
Speaker 1: little increments, those little baby steps. And that's what I did.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm doing this. I'm grating my life every day.
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that and I love that it. Listen,
Speaker 2: we may dream about things. We may say we want things,
Speaker 2: you know, and I am a go with the flow person,
Speaker 2: like I I believe that you need to go with
Speaker 2: the flow. Yes, but and the manifestation I buy into
Speaker 2: all that are you too, But you do need to
Speaker 2: do the work and work with what is the flow
Speaker 2: where it's taking you. Yes, you have to still always
Speaker 2: show up and take action and be accountable and do
Speaker 2: something that is going to create that outcome that you want.
Speaker 2: And listen, I'm not always a big goal person. I
Speaker 2: mean I have ideas of what I want to believe me,
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, paid speaker. Now, I'm a paid speaker.
Speaker 2: You know. Oh thank you, My gosh, here's the crap
Speaker 2: out of me. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: But I'm getting ready today and I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to show up, you know, I'm rushing my hair.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just going to show up and see
Speaker 1: what happens. That's not nothing that it's the willingness to
Speaker 1: show up.
Speaker 2: Yes, because let me tell you, I mean when I
Speaker 2: used to be in corporate I couldn't even speak in
Speaker 2: a meeting, like I was so terrified. So this is
Speaker 2: one of the other gifts that come with you know,
Speaker 2: growing and evolving and trusting yourself and you still are scared,
Speaker 2: but you just still do but you do it now.
Speaker 1: You do it in the first step rarely rarely looks
Speaker 1: like the future you're asking for.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, one hundred percent. And also, Becky, invest in yourself.
Speaker 2: Take You've got to keep learning, right, yes, yeah. Well.
Speaker 1: One of the big things that's really been working for
Speaker 1: me right now that I'm discovering is that what if
Speaker 1: every day I asked, instead of I think, you know,
Speaker 1: like I said, we're going Mexican like in kindergarten, we
Speaker 1: should have this little manual. You know, you have thoughts
Speaker 1: and you know the different things and you know, but
Speaker 1: we didn't get that manual. So here I am fifty
Speaker 1: just trying to figure out but you know, instead of
Speaker 1: preparing for the worst every day. I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but you know, sometimes I wake up and I'm actually
Speaker 1: trying to like fix yesterday or rearrange something, you know,
Speaker 1: from yesterday, instead of like today the today that I have.
Speaker 1: And so waking up today and discovering who I am,
Speaker 1: discovering what's possible and a few tools that I'm working
Speaker 1: with right now, is that I wake up and I
Speaker 1: have three things that I write every day that I'm
Speaker 1: grateful for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that tool.
Speaker 1: Three things, you know, and they can sometimes people really focus.
Speaker 1: It's really not it's not hard and there's no right answer.
Speaker 1: It's you know, like I'm really greatful people, you know,
Speaker 1: for you, Marcy, you know, I'm grateful to be here
Speaker 1: talking to you. And so it's really as simple as that.
Speaker 1: And then three things to acknowledge today. That's showing up
Speaker 1: three things you know. That acknowledgment is also like the
Speaker 1: rocket fuel to gratitude and once you're grateful m hmm everything, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and so to acknowledge mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Another thing that I love that I said that, you know,
Speaker 1: like we don't wake up preparing for greatness. We usually
Speaker 1: kind of have that like oh gosh, you know, like
Speaker 1: worst case scenario thing or like how can I survive today?
Speaker 1: And so I love to ask, you know, like what
Speaker 1: success can I have today? And how can I prepare
Speaker 1: for that?
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: And success doesn't have to be sometimes that can feel
Speaker 2: like a really big word, yeah, like success, but that
Speaker 2: what I gained from that, And because daily you don't
Speaker 2: have huge success every day you have all wins every day, right,
Speaker 2: So it's acknowledging that and gratitude is life changing. I
Speaker 2: still do it, and it also allowed me to connect spiritually.
Speaker 1: Yes, and.
Speaker 2: Hard things happen in life. Life happens is going to
Speaker 2: it's just learning a new way to maneuver those difficult times.
Speaker 2: And when you are grateful, you do see this silver
Speaker 2: lining or maybe what you could learn from it, or
Speaker 2: you realize that, yes, I'm sad today, but I will
Speaker 2: move on from this, right, So you are able to
Speaker 2: look at it differently. And I'm trying to help my
Speaker 2: son because you say about the gratitude of small things,
Speaker 2: and it's like I ask him, so, what are you
Speaker 2: grateful for today? Right? And it's like, I don't know
Speaker 2: because we always think also like to be grateful, it's
Speaker 2: got to be these big, grandiose things and it's not.
Speaker 1: There's so amazing.
Speaker 2: We have a computer, we have lighting, we have clothes,
Speaker 2: we have on like, there's so many things to be grateful.
Speaker 1: And you know what they're like, who teach you those?
Speaker 1: Like the thing like we feel like we have to
Speaker 1: have the right answer. Yes, So when you ask somebody
Speaker 1: like what you're grateful for? Like I don't know. Your
Speaker 1: brain instantly goes to, like, well, what would be the
Speaker 1: correct answer here? Yes, you know? And so you know,
Speaker 1: like with my kids, one of the things that I
Speaker 1: talked to them a lot about is like, you can't
Speaker 1: say I don't know. You can say anything else, but
Speaker 1: you can't say I don't know. Because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: If you don't know, nobody knows. You're the only one
Speaker 1: that knows you. You're the only one that gets to
Speaker 1: discover you. So take the I don't know, like out
Speaker 1: of the out of the equation, and what is the
Speaker 1: first thing that pops? I mean, it could be like
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that you know, I have this water here
Speaker 1: in front of me. Okay, grit, it's those baby steps,
Speaker 1: like that's the start. Yeah, and think, wow, what an
Speaker 1: amazing thing, Marcy, that you're teaching him this.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 1: Nobody taught me, you know.
Speaker 2: No, and you see someone going through a difficult time,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh my god, that was life changing. So right,
Speaker 2: I want to give that to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to help you. And you know, really
Speaker 1: helping somebody though, is allowing, you know, being present from
Speaker 1: them and then maybe asking them some questions and allowing
Speaker 1: them to discover what is theirs.
Speaker 2: Mm hm, I love that so much. We're going to
Speaker 2: take a quick break. I want to share about my
Speaker 2: new book, wake Up You're Not Broken, which is a
Speaker 2: gentle companion for anyone who's ready to stop drinking, take
Speaker 2: their life back, and move from chaos to peace one
Speaker 2: day at a time. So we'll be right back. Are
Speaker 2: you in the first thirty days of sobriety or wondering
Speaker 2: if now is your time to start? Hi? I'm Marcy
Speaker 2: Hopkins and I wrote wake Up You're Not Broken just
Speaker 2: for you. It's a real raw guide to those first
Speaker 2: thirty days, what no one tells you, what you will feel,
Speaker 2: and how to keep going. This isn't about perfection, it's
Speaker 2: about progress. Or to your copy now on Amazon. Remember,
Speaker 2: you're not alone, You're not broken, You're waking up. Welcome back.
Speaker 2: So excited to have you Becky again. I mean, I'm
Speaker 2: loving this conversation and we just we just we're talking
Speaker 2: about gratitude and how amazing that is and what a
Speaker 2: beautiful lesson and practice each day.
Speaker 1: Right yeah, well earlier even like I said, how grateful
Speaker 1: I am for having panic attacks at twenty, you know,
Speaker 1: like you know, but when you can look at something
Speaker 1: and actually look you know what it created in my
Speaker 1: life to be able to realize what I'm thinking when
Speaker 1: I'm telling myself. And you know, that was really when
Speaker 1: I look at it, kind of the beginning of my
Speaker 1: journey of some discovery of like, wow, if I can
Speaker 1: do this horrendous thing, Yeah, you can do something miraculous.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, how do I do that?
Speaker 1: And then when on that journey and you know, so
Speaker 1: finding something that you can you know, look at and
Speaker 1: be grateful for helps you then discover because I really
Speaker 1: don't think the universe is out here to get us.
Speaker 2: No, you know, we're supposed to be working with the universe.
Speaker 2: So let's talk about self discovery a little bit because
Speaker 2: I love to talk about self discovery and uh, and
Speaker 2: you've shared that it's not about fixing yourself, it's about
Speaker 2: coming back to yourself. Which love those those words. I
Speaker 2: use those words too. Can you can you explain to
Speaker 2: us about that, like you know that it's not about
Speaker 2: fixing ourselves, it's it is about coming back to ourselves.
Speaker 2: And what what's the difference there?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, what I would love to say is
Speaker 1: that I don't think we're broken.
Speaker 2: No, we're not.
Speaker 1: I don't think we're broken. I don't think we're wrong.
Speaker 1: I think that we just don't always have all the information.
Speaker 1: Looking at that way, it would be the first thing
Speaker 1: I'd love to say. I remember being in a class
Speaker 1: one time and listening to everyone's questions and thinking like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I don't think I actually have a problem. Wow, that's interesting,
Speaker 1: and then just being willing to start discovering you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I don't have a problem. Maybe I'm not broken,
Speaker 1: Maybe everything isn't outside of me, or that I'm searching for,
Speaker 1: or you know, like or someday, you know, like a
Speaker 1: lot of us, well someday I'll be happy. Well maybe
Speaker 1: I've actually already everything that I've ever wanted, needed or
Speaker 1: asked for.
Speaker 2: More about the journey, it's not about like we may
Speaker 2: get to the finish line of something that we think
Speaker 2: will make us happy, but then we are just seeking
Speaker 2: the next thing. So it's about the nice thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And and what I've really been focusing on a
Speaker 1: lot lately is you're like, wow, what if you you know,
Speaker 1: you look at like the small things, Well, I'm what
Speaker 1: is my target life like to belly laugh.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 1: Like there's times where I wake up like one of
Speaker 1: my creating today belly laughter. I'm laughing.
Speaker 2: That's in the world, isn't it. Like And when you
Speaker 2: have a belly laugh and you don't have any like
Speaker 2: substance in you, like you really feel it and the
Speaker 2: chemicals that are released in your body.
Speaker 1: This molecular dance party happening, and you're like, what what
Speaker 1: is this?
Speaker 2: This is?
Speaker 1: I don't know what this is? You know all and
Speaker 1: then you're like, wow, you remember, like remember when you're
Speaker 1: young and we we first come here and you have
Speaker 1: like this just everything is amazing and like this discovery
Speaker 1: because you know nothing. And then you belly laugh and
Speaker 1: you watch kids belly laugh, and I'm like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's gone m hm. So what is
Speaker 1: my target? Like is it miraculous? Is it to save
Speaker 1: the world? Is it like these big things? Unfortunately? No,
Speaker 1: like to belly laugh and to have fun right now,
Speaker 1: right now? My change is my target? Like can you
Speaker 1: imagine just to like have laughter an amazing day like
Speaker 1: that gives you this sense of peace, homeless, like trust
Speaker 1: in you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that. So let's talk about vulnerability.
Speaker 1: Now, oh you're.
Speaker 2: Only stop pretending like we have it all together right
Speaker 2: and get vulnerable and look at our own lives. What
Speaker 2: was that? What was that for you? What does that
Speaker 2: look like for you?
Speaker 1: Vulnerability? Mercy, That's a big question, Like what is even
Speaker 1: being vulnerable? Well, I think being vulnerable is willing to
Speaker 1: show up?
Speaker 2: Is you?
Speaker 1: Maybe the hot mess? Maybe like the stories were, you know,
Speaker 1: like I just came on here and I said, and
Speaker 1: you know, do I have a college degree? No? You know,
Speaker 1: do I have like all the credentials? Well I have some,
Speaker 1: but no, you know, I am here. Showing up as
Speaker 1: is just who I am today. And one of the
Speaker 1: things that I've learned is that being yourself and showing
Speaker 1: up as you, which is being vulnerable. However however that
Speaker 1: is for you, is You're like, showing up with you
Speaker 1: is actually the most irresistible thing that you can do
Speaker 1: for people and being because they're like, wow, who is she?
Speaker 1: What is she doing? What's happening? M h. I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect. I have mistakes, We've made millions, we've
Speaker 1: been broke. Yeah, yeah, I don't have it all figured out.
Speaker 2: And that's it. When I get vulnerable because I used
Speaker 2: to be very afraid to be vulnerable because I thought
Speaker 2: it was being weak. And so when I now get vulnerable,
Speaker 2: what I recognize is that there's a softness with somebody else, right,
Speaker 2: and they open up with you. And that's what I love.
Speaker 2: And that's what I recognize now, Like I don't have
Speaker 2: to act like I have it all together, and I
Speaker 2: can get vulnerable and I can ask for help and
Speaker 2: I can be real and maybe I overshare sometimes with people,
Speaker 2: and sometimes I'll walk away and I'm like, oh god, I.
Speaker 1: Don't share that.
Speaker 2: But but it's real, you know, And that's who I am,
Speaker 2: and I feel I feel best when I am vulnerable.
Speaker 2: It takes so much energy to try to be perfect
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well when you just said that, I even like
Speaker 1: felt my whole body relax, took a breath. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know when you're talking. And one of the things that
Speaker 1: I discovered about you is that watching your podcasts and
Speaker 1: it is like somebody having coffee together.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's real, it's vulnerable, and maybe that's why you do
Speaker 1: so well. People love that people are ready for the realness,
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to have it all figured out.
Speaker 1: You don't even you know, you just have to take
Speaker 1: that one step, and then I think a lot of things.
Speaker 1: People you know, like I began and were like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what to do. I have nothing,
Speaker 1: but taking the one step, these things show up. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I was good at marketing. Yeah, and that
Speaker 1: twelve dollar an hour job led to a million dollar
Speaker 1: business that while my husband then was behind the scenes
Speaker 1: supporting me. Yeah, but I created, yes, And you know
Speaker 1: that's like the rest of that story. Even though you know,
Speaker 1: I showed up to the corporate office in a jacket
Speaker 1: that I couldn't take off because I had the tags
Speaker 1: on it. Still I love that, you know, but they
Speaker 1: loved me, and they continue to ask me to step up.
Speaker 1: I end up doing and doing the job that my
Speaker 1: mom's friend hired me for. I ended up running all
Speaker 1: over the country these studies and you know, doing market research.
Speaker 1: And think about that. What I really learned is that
Speaker 1: I became fascinated with people like I love you know,
Speaker 1: I'm actually interested And I think, what part of vulnerability
Speaker 1: that you brought up is actually being present. I mentioned
Speaker 1: how my bodies went and breath and I.
Speaker 3: Listened to you, you know, and and and when you
Speaker 3: have someone in front of you, you know, interested in you,
Speaker 3: it allows this relaxation and this deep sense of maybe joy.
Speaker 1: That they haven't experience. I'm not even really sure. I
Speaker 1: don't want to exactly you know, children words to that,
Speaker 1: but there's something about you know, a lot of people
Speaker 1: like to talk to you.
Speaker 2: Oh you I you know. I think there's a real
Speaker 2: art to it. And I used to be someone that
Speaker 2: didn't know how to really have conversation. I didn't know
Speaker 2: how to listen, and I didn't know how to get
Speaker 2: curious with somebody else, and and and being honest, I
Speaker 2: didn't really care because I had moved around so much.
Speaker 2: To me, people were replaceable. I didn't know how to
Speaker 2: have roots. I didn't know how to. I had never
Speaker 2: really learned how to have real bonds with people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, connect because you connect now so well. So there
Speaker 1: you go. That's one thing you'd be surprised like if
Speaker 1: you would have said that, I'd been like, no, Like the.
Speaker 2: Connection that you have it shows it was hard. It
Speaker 2: was hard. And then when I stopped drinking and I
Speaker 2: started getting curious about myself, I started getting really curious
Speaker 2: about other people, Like we all have a story we
Speaker 2: all came from.
Speaker 1: Fascinating people are really fascinating.
Speaker 2: Really are really are. And I noticed now and I
Speaker 2: think it's I really don't fault people because so many
Speaker 2: people are like this, and I think it has to
Speaker 2: do with their own growth. When you ask people questions
Speaker 2: and you're curious with them, they don't reciprocate, and I
Speaker 2: don't think they know how to be.
Speaker 1: Well, we're not taught that. Yeah, we've talked about this
Speaker 1: a lot. Maybe that's our next book, What you should
Speaker 1: have been given when you were born? You know, the
Speaker 1: book because literally there's so many things although that it
Speaker 1: would be probably a never ending book, like as we
Speaker 1: discover more and more, like there's not these small little things.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I do want to say, like
Speaker 1: I'm not here to your like you know, like just
Speaker 1: credit my mom or my dad or anything like that,
Speaker 1: like from my childhood, because I truly believe I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be who I am today. I would not be sitting
Speaker 1: here talking to you, mercy if it wasn't for my
Speaker 1: parents being willing to be all that they could be
Speaker 1: at that time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I A lot of people say, how do you
Speaker 2: forgive your mother? And I said, I forgave her because
Speaker 2: I separated my mom from the titles that I gave
Speaker 2: her and what I expected from her, and I looked
Speaker 2: at her as a person, and you know where she
Speaker 2: came from and her own beliefs about herself, right, And
Speaker 2: I know that my mom did not purposely hurt me.
Speaker 2: She did the best that she could. And I have
Speaker 2: to forgive that because if I live in that story,
Speaker 2: it will continue to destroy me.
Speaker 1: Well, and you were brave enough to change history, you
Speaker 1: change the whole trajectory of your family. That takes courage,
Speaker 1: and it also takes like having some information and willing
Speaker 1: to be just to discover it. Of like you know,
Speaker 1: you were like, I am not going to continue this.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not. I don't want to assume that
Speaker 1: that happened in your family generational. But at times in
Speaker 1: generations it's like, oh gosh, I would have pictures of
Speaker 1: me on a table at three years old with a
Speaker 1: beer in my mouth. Family functions like they thought that
Speaker 1: was hilarious.
Speaker 2: My mother would give me alcohol like oh, you have
Speaker 2: a stomach ache here eight years old? Here it drinks
Speaker 2: on my margarita, you know, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you know, being brave enough, you know,
Speaker 1: to change that right to your family and future. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's really and how does that happen? Just from
Speaker 1: one question? Sometimes like Wow, what am I doing here?
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I said when I woke up October
Speaker 2: fourteen fifty What hell are you doing? Marcy?
Speaker 1: What am I doing?
Speaker 2: Oh? God?
Speaker 1: And the most beautiful thing like when I when I
Speaker 1: had enough, I had enough and I woke up, and
Speaker 1: what I was aware of even at this time, I
Speaker 1: already had the information because I was like in my
Speaker 1: thirties ish. I already had the information of that. I
Speaker 1: knew I had thoughts and I could change them because
Speaker 1: I had the information. But I still didn't have like
Speaker 1: the understanding yet of like, wow, I'm drinking and I'm
Speaker 1: drinking a lot, right and like and not and not
Speaker 1: only that, Well, I have to say, Marci, I'm an
Speaker 1: all in person. Yeah, I'm in, that's all. And so
Speaker 1: I was all in. But what I noticed that I
Speaker 1: had enough of is the horrendous things that I was
Speaker 1: telling myself daily. M m. Yeah, you're you're you're fat,
Speaker 1: You're you're drunk, you drink too much, You're a horrible person.
Speaker 1: Like it was almost like that devil on my shoulder
Speaker 1: when I was drinking like horrible and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I already had a little bit of
Speaker 1: the knowledge and the information and like they doing to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we have to have that like wake up moment, right,
Speaker 2: And that's and that's hard for people. Let's talk about
Speaker 2: those that are watching or listening right now. They woke
Speaker 2: up tomorrow and they believe they couldn't create a different future.
Speaker 2: What would you want them to remember?
Speaker 1: What do you want to remember? Firs still all like,
Speaker 1: you're not wrong, You're not horrible, there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's like that point where we just want
Speaker 1: to give ourselves like a hug and some nurturing that
Speaker 1: maybe we're missing. Yeah, you know, and you are not
Speaker 1: your past and you're you know, you're not your future.
Speaker 1: You're not none of those things. Like you can be
Speaker 1: anything that you want to be every day. M wonderful,
Speaker 1: sounds wonderful, But how do I become that? Well? One
Speaker 1: step at a time. Yeah, what am I telling myself?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What future? What I like to create? And what choice
Speaker 1: can I make today that takes me in that direction?
Speaker 2: Good advice, good advice and Becky, I have loved our
Speaker 2: conversation and amer can everybody find you?
Speaker 1: Well, you can come to my website ww dot Becky
Speaker 1: dashthness dot com. I do have books, but what I
Speaker 1: loved was like I wanted you know, I want to
Speaker 1: know that you know. It's the place to find, discover
Speaker 1: and leave come back free tools. Mm hmm. It's a
Speaker 1: place to ask questions and feel safe and discovering yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So for everyone out there, thank you so much
Speaker 2: for being here today. And if today's conversation resonated with you,
Speaker 2: please make sure to like, comment, share this episode for
Speaker 2: somebody out there that needs to hear it right, Like
Speaker 2: I love to always say, we create the ripple effect
Speaker 2: and let's help somebody else and it just remember that
Speaker 2: life begins with one choice, one courageous step, and one
Speaker 2: decision to stop waiting. Becky, thank you so much for
Speaker 2: coming on the show. Thank you really all right, everyone, yes,
Speaker 2: thank you so much. Remember this that you don't have
Speaker 2: everything figured out to take the first step. You don't
Speaker 2: have to be fearless, you just have to be willing.
Speaker 2: And I look forward to seeing you next Thursday with
Speaker 2: a brand new episode, and I hope you have an
Speaker 2: amazing week. Bye bye everyone, testant
Speaker 1: Past, protest, testical, test,