WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:02.879 Yeah, I am so happy to be here. I'm very 2 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:04.719 excited for you to be here as well. It's one 3 00:00:04.759 --> 00:00:06.559 of those things that you know, we've known each other, 4 00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:08.359 we've met each other, but we didn't really have like 5 00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:10.880 a good conversation because we're always so busy doing your 6 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:13.880 own things, and now you're doing comedy and it's like 7 00:00:13.919 --> 00:00:16.039 a whole other lane. So I think that's so exciting, 8 00:00:16.039 --> 00:00:18.039 and I'm excited that you're in town. Yeah, I get 9 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:19.920 to come to your show tomorrow. So let's talk about 10 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.199 how you've even got into comedy. 11 00:00:21.359 --> 00:00:23.519 Yeah, first of all, I'm so excited that you're coming, 12 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:25.760 and I know everyone else is, so let's have a 13 00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:26.160 good time. 14 00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:28.719 But how did I get into comedy? 15 00:00:28.839 --> 00:00:33.039 So I got to be a celebrity guest for Day 16 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:36.359 of Attel, who is a comedian who's like doing Netflix specials. 17 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:38.200 He's like on a big tour right now. 18 00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:41.439 I love Davie Okay, yes, it all started basically with 19 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:46.280 Davittel and I got fired. I kept getting fired from 20 00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:51.240 teen Mom okay the show, and yeah, I started getting 21 00:00:51.240 --> 00:00:54.799 sag checks when I was fired, and I. 22 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:56.960 Was like, you know, what where is this from? 23 00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:02.479 I'm like, I need to like actually like, go learn 24 00:01:02.520 --> 00:01:06.000 about comedy, because then every time I get fired and 25 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:08.400 rehired on Team Mom, it just was so hard for 26 00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:10.560 me to do it until like I really got fired 27 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:12.879 the last time and these trucks came in and then 28 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:14.840 I was sag and I was like, I need to 29 00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:17.319 learn about this. And so I came back out to 30 00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:22.200 LA and my friends were like sponsoring some big comedians 31 00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:25.359 like Joe Rogan and a bunch of other people, and 32 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.959 he was always like, come to the comedy store. I 33 00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:31.400 was like watching Kill Tony when it was fresh back 34 00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:33.239 in the day, but I was actually like. 35 00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:34.920 Falling asleep to these men. 36 00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.799 Okay, I wasn't enjoying myself. 37 00:01:38.040 --> 00:01:39.400 It wasn't your type of comedy. 38 00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:42.680 Yeah, And I think, like that's what has taken me 39 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:43.599 a very long time. 40 00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:48.480 I also watched there was like a couple of seasons. 41 00:01:48.120 --> 00:01:52.400 Of Marvelous Missus maisl that was like on Amazon, and 42 00:01:52.439 --> 00:01:56.879 it was like a woman's journey to like being a 43 00:01:56.879 --> 00:01:59.879 stay at home mom but then getting a divorce, then 44 00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:03.959 like a working woman on her own. And I think 45 00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:09.120 that helped me take my life and then put it 46 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:12.639 out there like facts can be funny, life journey stories 47 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:14.639 can be funny. I don't have to be. 48 00:02:14.759 --> 00:02:17.759 Like I was on a Having Been del podcast and he. 49 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:21.400 Was like, okay, fair show me a joke. Two men 50 00:02:21.520 --> 00:02:24.560 walk into the bar, go and I'm just like, not 51 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:30.039 a cheesy, funny person. I even love dry, dark humor. 52 00:02:30.199 --> 00:02:33.840 I like just like, yeah, keep it like element of surprise, 53 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:38.400 keep it fun, keep a chilly yeah. So I don't know. 54 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:42.159 Some people have tons of marketing behind their comedy, and 55 00:02:42.199 --> 00:02:45.719 maybe that's why they're like a big name comic, but 56 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:47.960 when you go to see them, you're not really intrigued 57 00:02:48.039 --> 00:02:51.240 or you're not really like involved in their story. I 58 00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:54.599 would say from beating around the bush in New York 59 00:02:54.680 --> 00:02:58.120 City and seeing so many fans and so many people 60 00:02:58.879 --> 00:03:02.080 that they are all in. When I see moms and 61 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:04.759 I see even like young teens and they're seeing me, 62 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:08.240 they're like, oh my god, how's your like life, Like 63 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:10.719 what's been going on? And they just want to like 64 00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:13.000 laugh with me, have fun with my life. They know 65 00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:17.080 I've struggled, been a hot mess, legal issues, all the things, 66 00:03:17.759 --> 00:03:20.800 and now I'm just like I took time, I've fixed 67 00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:22.840 it all, and I'm ready to laugh and I'm truly 68 00:03:22.879 --> 00:03:23.919 not bothered by anything. 69 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:25.080 Thanks to ketamine. 70 00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:26.960 Okay, good for you. 71 00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:28.520 I feel like, you know, it's good sometimes and you 72 00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:30.639 just have to like you have to see you're growing 73 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:32.919 up and you grew up you know, you know, on TV, 74 00:03:33.240 --> 00:03:35.719 and you had to go through struggles and like everybody 75 00:03:35.719 --> 00:03:37.680 but yours was more glorified at certain times, and it's 76 00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:39.639 like sometimes they're more shin in a certain things and 77 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:42.400 you know, and most people don't recover from that. So 78 00:03:42.520 --> 00:03:44.759 taking it in and making something that is a creative 79 00:03:44.840 --> 00:03:46.919 aspect for you, I think is really great, like lane 80 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:48.960 for you to like be in right now and kind 81 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:50.680 of just you know, kick it off to hear in 82 00:03:50.680 --> 00:03:52.360 New York and kind of see where that goes. And 83 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:54.639 I'm sure today's you know, obviously been a big day 84 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:56.759 for you doing press for all of that and kind 85 00:03:56.800 --> 00:03:58.960 of seeing like the feedback from your fans and where 86 00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:00.639 that kind of is, cause you never you never know, 87 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:02.680 I never do. You know, just have to like take 88 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:04.080 a gamble and what that is. 89 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:06.560 But you're doing You're doing a great job. Yes, So with. 90 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:09.199 Being on team Mom, Like how did that shape your 91 00:04:09.240 --> 00:04:11.520 life and your career? Like going like moving after that 92 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:13.000 because it was such a you know, it was a 93 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:15.280 big part of your life and how you you know, 94 00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:18.399 have a platform today kind of and where did that 95 00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:21.040 after being fired because of only fans and how did 96 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:22.279 that kind of shape everything? 97 00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:25.439 Oh my god? And then now all my cast members 98 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:27.720 who are on have an only fan. So like all 99 00:04:27.759 --> 00:04:31.319 the all the interviews on the press for today, they 100 00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:35.600 were like, so all your cast members have ofs and 101 00:04:35.720 --> 00:04:39.199 like what's going on? Like why aren't you on the show? 102 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:42.519 And I do think like it when it boils down 103 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:45.639 to like we hear all these people getting fired today, 104 00:04:45.639 --> 00:04:50.319 I was like asked about a police officer who was 105 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:52.839 like in a strip uniform for a music video or 106 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:54.920 something or I don't know, maybe she has a of 107 00:04:54.920 --> 00:04:59.360 who cares, but like she got reprimanded and like taken 108 00:04:59.399 --> 00:05:03.439 off her like police department job, and like she may 109 00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:06.199 have to like go get another job. I'm just like 110 00:05:06.439 --> 00:05:09.399 there has to be something else behind this. But that 111 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:13.879 is truly illegal, and that is why I got a 112 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:16.720 settlement when I got wrongly fired, like I wasn't playing 113 00:05:16.839 --> 00:05:19.120 after they kept firing me bringing me back, firing me 114 00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:21.959 bringing me back. I'm like the use and the abuse 115 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:25.240 it's like and the predatorialness, it's just like too much 116 00:05:25.319 --> 00:05:28.079 for me, And when I got out of that and 117 00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:31.439 everything kind of was like the last firing, even though 118 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:34.439 they kept like bringing me back for specials and stuff 119 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:37.680 and it wasn't like I could say no. It almost 120 00:05:37.720 --> 00:05:40.720 felt like they're not taking no and I had. 121 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:42.399 Did you feel like because you felt like you owed 122 00:05:42.439 --> 00:05:43.120 something to them? 123 00:05:43.240 --> 00:05:45.759 Or is it never owed? I definitely don't. They didn't. 124 00:05:45.759 --> 00:05:47.120 They didn't give you like an out. 125 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:49.399 But at those times, it's like sometimes before you know, 126 00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:51.279 you don't know, not that it says no better, but 127 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:54.040 it's like it's kind of what you know, so it's 128 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:55.639 like that's right, and I mean so you go back 129 00:05:55.639 --> 00:05:57.319 to kind of what you know. So it's like you 130 00:05:57.319 --> 00:06:00.240 almost feel a kind of I don't know, service to 131 00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:00.759 something of that. 132 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:03.319 There's a pull in a tug sure during those times, 133 00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:07.120 I think I had an advocate. The last time I 134 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:10.639 went back to work with them, I like, I don't 135 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:13.920 know they thought I was like dying and having hyperbody tension, 136 00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:16.399 but like that's the last time I ever used birth control. 137 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:20.040 It was like basically killing me and I had to 138 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:22.279 give my like. 139 00:06:22.360 --> 00:06:27.000 Doctors documents because I'm like I can literally have a 140 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.319 heart attack or like something's wrong with me. I'm like 141 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:34.600 on cancer machines right now. They don't really know what's up. 142 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:37.839 And I'm like, so if I come back to work, like, 143 00:06:38.279 --> 00:06:41.240 no one can attack me, no one can sneak up 144 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:44.800 on me. Like I have PTSD, I'm on like four 145 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:47.560 different medications. My doctors are trying to figure out what's 146 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:50.199 going on. And so you're like, okay, if you're not 147 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:52.759 taking note, I'm giving all the legal precautions. 148 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:54.079 So I can't go back to work. 149 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:56.560 I've said who not to have around me because of 150 00:06:56.560 --> 00:07:01.920 criminal behavior and my advocate. It's like a weird dynamic, 151 00:07:01.959 --> 00:07:05.399 but I can if I just could be open. I 152 00:07:05.480 --> 00:07:09.720 was like severely, like sexually assaulted, and I was having 153 00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:14.279 a director of the Right Victim Center oversee my work, 154 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:18.360 oversee my medical stuff. I mean like they really have 155 00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:23.040 like a whole team to get victims back together. Okay, 156 00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:25.519 And I was really fortunate because I guess there's like 157 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:27.759 a huge list and I was very fortunate to have 158 00:07:27.800 --> 00:07:32.040 that help. But if I never had an advocate who 159 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:35.199 is looking at my work, looking how work people treated me, 160 00:07:35.879 --> 00:07:37.199 and she knew everything. 161 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:39.000 She even wrote up the email for me to. 162 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:41.519 Go back to work because she's like, I know, it 163 00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:43.319 means a lot to you to just go back and 164 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:46.160 act normal and go to work, and like, if we 165 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:49.800 just wrote this out and made sure they like consentually 166 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:52.759 did all this stuff, it's safe. It's okay for you. 167 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:56.519 So I go to work. She thinks everything's good. I 168 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:00.279 think everything's good, and then I realized they allow the 169 00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:04.600 criminal behavior to show up and surprise me and then 170 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:07.160 start having like four people attack me. 171 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:09.720 They had to pull the cameras off. 172 00:08:10.279 --> 00:08:15.360 And it was just like so obscene that people who 173 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:19.079 basically raised me as a woman from sixteen to whatever 174 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:23.360 I was thirty, then that that would keep continuing to 175 00:08:23.439 --> 00:08:27.519 happen purposely. And when you go report back, yeah, you 176 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:31.759 go report back to your advocate advocates from the show. 177 00:08:31.959 --> 00:08:34.240 Oh no, advocate from the rape vics of I was like, 178 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:37.399 let's see if you can go back to work, and 179 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:41.600 that's when I learned, like, what why do I keep 180 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:45.320 going back to something that is literally never safe? Lies 181 00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:49.279 to your face, And then they also like pulled me 182 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:54.879 off of the job like after the fight, because then 183 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:58.200 I was like so aware of my surroundings obviously because 184 00:08:58.200 --> 00:09:01.600 I was like traumatized at the time. So they couldn't 185 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:04.960 really like lie through other producers and I would like 186 00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:07.639 know what voice it was because I've known them for 187 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:08.200 so long. 188 00:09:08.480 --> 00:09:11.200 Yeah, so yeah they got really. 189 00:09:12.039 --> 00:09:14.360 Do you feel like after those things happened that they 190 00:09:14.360 --> 00:09:16.279 still made you look kind of like paint you to 191 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.360 be the like the bad guy? 192 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:21.159 Oh yeah for sure. I mean like the one liners 193 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:24.360 that were on the commercials. It was crazy. Yeah, at 194 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:24.720 that time. 195 00:09:24.759 --> 00:09:26.039 It's it's unfortunate. 196 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:28.360 It sucks because it's like at those times you realize 197 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:31.399 when people invest your time and your livelihood and all 198 00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:33.480 these things, like you feel like you're a family. You 199 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:35.919 talk about family and loyalty and all these things where 200 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:38.279 it's like, well, what happens and who's there when I 201 00:09:38.360 --> 00:09:40.399 actually need you and I'm telling you what I want 202 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:42.399 and what I need and what these things to happen 203 00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:45.320 to make your show continue to go on with these 204 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:47.399 clickbait things or whatever, And so it sucks because it's 205 00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:48.559 just like you're putting like. 206 00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:49.759 Fed to the wolves almost. 207 00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:51.519 Yeah, you know, So it sucks that you had to 208 00:09:51.600 --> 00:09:54.759 go through that when you're expressing what you want and 209 00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:55.480 you know things and. 210 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:59.919 People watching, yeah, like therapists, doctors, and then you're like 211 00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:02.480 so is that your final straw at that you know, Yeah, 212 00:10:02.679 --> 00:10:06.480 that has really been the final straw. And I kind 213 00:10:06.519 --> 00:10:09.159 of stopped years ago when they would be like, oh, 214 00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:11.039 we're family, this family. 215 00:10:12.080 --> 00:10:14.039 And I think because I had such a. 216 00:10:15.559 --> 00:10:19.919 Toxic there's like books that I have for everyone out 217 00:10:19.919 --> 00:10:23.039 there with mommy issues. I healed myself, but but. 218 00:10:23.240 --> 00:10:25.559 There's I think that's you know, it's a that's a 219 00:10:25.639 --> 00:10:27.039 good thing I think for sharing, you know, I mean, 220 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:29.240 like a lot of people don't and yeah, people can't 221 00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:30.720 talk about it. You know, you can make jokes a 222 00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:32.120 way whatever, but some people do and they don't ever 223 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:33.919 get healed themselves. I think it's a good space to 224 00:10:33.960 --> 00:10:34.639 you know, let it out. 225 00:10:34.919 --> 00:10:39.679 So I had this book called Daughters Healing from Narcissistic Mothers, 226 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:44.759 and I kept wondering, like even so like the whole 227 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:47.559 family dynamic thing of like my mom saying she loves 228 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:49.639 me and all these weird things growing up that were 229 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:53.720 so out of alignment, so not where love comes from. 230 00:10:54.519 --> 00:10:57.960 And you know, God bless everyone with like, you know, disorders. 231 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:00.799 I have a disorder, but I have to also accountability 232 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:05.480 and I can't like be blindsided of who I am 233 00:11:05.559 --> 00:11:07.440 and what I am and how I can show up 234 00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:09.559 as the best person, so I can work too, you know, 235 00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:11.679 And I want to have good relationships and I want 236 00:11:11.720 --> 00:11:15.679 to work with people. And I think that's what's hindered 237 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:19.919 my family, my parents or grandparents. They don't believe in 238 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:24.159 mental health. They never wanted to educate me. And then yeah, 239 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:27.720 I think there's a TV show more toxic people. Yeah, 240 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:30.720 and let's let it go awry and crazy, and then 241 00:11:30.759 --> 00:11:33.440 you it's not a wonder of like what I ran 242 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:35.799 into in my journey and like the ups and downs, 243 00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:38.399 and I think people just need to be like, wow, 244 00:11:38.720 --> 00:11:42.799 I probably went through similar things, just not on camera maybe, 245 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:45.399 but if you mix this and this and this together, 246 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:48.000 we will be getting this and it's just so bad 247 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:48.480 for sure. 248 00:11:48.519 --> 00:11:50.279 And I think it's you know, everybody's journey is different, 249 00:11:50.279 --> 00:11:52.360 and that's why everybody's pictures isn't always the same. And 250 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:55.480 I think that again, the ones that kind of are 251 00:11:55.720 --> 00:11:58.559 the loudest about things or being the most vocal about 252 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:00.559 things that people at the time also so weren't talking 253 00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:01.600 about mental health and. 254 00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:04.039 Like what that meant, or like even just feelings. 255 00:12:04.120 --> 00:12:06.559 People don't like your feelings and you're just like, well no, 256 00:12:06.720 --> 00:12:09.399 because you know, especially in that generation, like you know, 257 00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:12.240 people weren't taught what to do with feelings, and those 258 00:12:12.279 --> 00:12:14.559 were things where like considered bad things. And I think 259 00:12:14.600 --> 00:12:17.480 that that's why it takes the people homostly, like you 260 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:19.039 kind of take it all on the chin for everybody 261 00:12:19.080 --> 00:12:21.639 else to kind of like go forward is because there 262 00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:23.320 has to be an advocate to kind of like break 263 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:26.440 through is because everyone is a little crazy, but that 264 00:12:26.519 --> 00:12:28.279 doesn't mean that you're crazy, you know, at the end 265 00:12:28.279 --> 00:12:29.759 of the day, where it's like people should you know, 266 00:12:29.879 --> 00:12:32.919 advocate for yourself and you should be allowed to say 267 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:35.240 no when your no is no and not to have 268 00:12:35.360 --> 00:12:38.000 someone you know make you feel in pushing a corner 269 00:12:38.120 --> 00:12:40.120 or do things like that for their own benefits. So 270 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:43.399 it's kind of it's unfortunate those things happen. And I 271 00:12:43.480 --> 00:12:45.480 think that you know, people kind of think when people 272 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:47.480 it doesn't happen to the masses, then it doesn't happen 273 00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:50.840 at all, unfortunately sometimes within the cracks. But I think 274 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.360 maybe the severity is why of like to what that 275 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:56.480 it means now. I think nowadays people are more speaking 276 00:12:56.559 --> 00:12:59.519 on those things, but I think that that's why because 277 00:12:59.559 --> 00:13:01.240 people don't I think it happened to the majority, it 278 00:13:01.240 --> 00:13:01.919 doesn't happen. 279 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:04.480 At all, or they nouralize it in our society for sure. 280 00:13:04.679 --> 00:13:07.200 When I was like sequestered at up, Oh sorry, I 281 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:09.639 don't know if I'm like I'm having my own meeting. 282 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:13.600 When I was sequestered twenty eight days in a trauma 283 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:17.960 recovery center, I could not work, I couldn't do anything. 284 00:13:17.960 --> 00:13:18.960 I couldn't have talked to my daughter. 285 00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:23.039 What age was this? So this was thirty? Hold on 286 00:13:24.039 --> 00:13:26.399 twenty twenty one? I'm guessing it was. Yeah, it was 287 00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:29.759 twenty twenty one, we're hold on? Did it maybe? So 288 00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:32.480 four years ago? Oh my god, time was flying guys. 289 00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:36.519 My life is so great. It's flying by now. So 290 00:13:36.840 --> 00:13:39.519 I ended up getting attacked for like another time because 291 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:42.120 of the commercials from teen Mom. Okay, it was like 292 00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:44.480 severe and when. 293 00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:46.480 You say attacked by your castmates or by people like 294 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:48.000 the like outside, so. 295 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:49.879 Like right down the street from my house, I went 296 00:13:49.960 --> 00:13:53.639 up to dinner with two people and they like picked 297 00:13:53.720 --> 00:13:57.159 me out of the two people, and like it ended 298 00:13:57.240 --> 00:14:01.519 up I ended up being handcuffed by security off property. 299 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:03.679 I like left, I was trying to leave if they 300 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:06.759 were like mocking, like I don't know what yeah, I 301 00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:09.159 don't know what was going on, but that's definitely not 302 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:10.720 what to do when you show up to work and 303 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:14.159 be security for something. And so I waited for my 304 00:14:14.279 --> 00:14:16.679 friend off property because she was like trying to call 305 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:19.759 the cops and and I was just like, we need 306 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:21.600 to go, and then like the guy who was with 307 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:24.240 us also like just ran away. All this is caught 308 00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:29.840 on camera and court happened. So yeah, the security came 309 00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:34.480 off location and then came over and like put me 310 00:14:34.679 --> 00:14:37.840 on the ground, couldn't get up, cuffed me to them 311 00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:38.759 while I'm. 312 00:14:38.679 --> 00:14:42.399 On the ground, and it was like insanity. 313 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:47.240 Then they're telling everyone that I hit them, I did 314 00:14:47.279 --> 00:14:49.159 all this while I'm on the ground, and they've cuffed 315 00:14:49.159 --> 00:14:52.919 themselves like broad daylight kidnap me. They're saying all these 316 00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:56.879 lives and gaslighting. And I think when I went to 317 00:14:56.919 --> 00:14:59.039 this trauma center for this, like that was like the 318 00:14:59.120 --> 00:15:01.440 last draw I couldn't And so this is like the 319 00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:04.360 weird thing I couldn't keep from all these assaults and 320 00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:06.879 all these things that kept happening and stacking up and 321 00:15:07.399 --> 00:15:11.240 my relationships just like I just turned into a hermit. Honestly, 322 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:11.879 I didn't even. 323 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:14.080 Like people, and I was like scared. 324 00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:20.720 That was just like the catalyst of seeing like when 325 00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:23.799 I had to do like all this journaling in the 326 00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:26.559 center when I was there, When I think back to 327 00:15:26.679 --> 00:15:29.679 all these things, it was just like, why was I 328 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:34.240 around the gas lighting that we normalized in society that 329 00:15:34.440 --> 00:15:36.879 was always like so sensitive? After my assault, I just 330 00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:38.360 like couldn't find the words like. 331 00:15:38.360 --> 00:15:39.639 Why am I so sensitive to this? 332 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:42.759 But then I like went to the trauma center learned 333 00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:46.080 all these words like for what I was dealing with. 334 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:49.279 I was so uneducated about what we need to know, 335 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:52.879 and then I knew, like, Okay, this is the game 336 00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:56.159 of life that all of us are living in. I 337 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:59.879 never needed all that on me, And now I see 338 00:16:00.039 --> 00:16:03.799 we normalize everyday gaslighting and that's like why some people, 339 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:07.200 like for press are like, oh, fake news, but it's 340 00:16:07.320 --> 00:16:13.039 actually gaslighting news, not correct probably the reverse situation, and 341 00:16:13.159 --> 00:16:16.840 that does shape our brains differently. Then you get comfortable 342 00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:19.159 with those things, and then you keep just stirring the 343 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:21.279 pots during the pot and you have so much drama, 344 00:16:21.480 --> 00:16:24.480 so much trauma and all this stuff, right, and that's 345 00:16:24.519 --> 00:16:25.200 why I turned. 346 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:26.159 Into what I was turned into. 347 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:29.879 And then when I just like reclaimed my life and 348 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:32.960 so I do think, you know now looking back, and 349 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:35.720 nothing's done, nothing's done in court right now. But I 350 00:16:35.879 --> 00:16:39.039 do think all the narcissists, I do think all the 351 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:41.279 gas lighters. I do think all the abuse that I 352 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:44.360 went through, because if I never had enough of it, 353 00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:47.799 we all have our own low in life. Once you've 354 00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:51.639 had enough, you will go get the help, you will 355 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:53.519 go conquer your. 356 00:16:53.879 --> 00:16:56.879 Own identity and have the biggest self love. 357 00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:59.960 And like you're like, ah, you know, it's just like. 358 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:02.639 This moment of you and you and it's just like, oh, 359 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:03.480 it's a rebirth. 360 00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:05.279 Yeah, it's a great feeling. 361 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:06.200 It's all those things. 362 00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:07.640 And again it's like not a lot of people are 363 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:11.359 willing to go inward because it's ugly and it's scary. 364 00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:13.279 It's all those things, and that's why it's like some 365 00:17:13.640 --> 00:17:15.440 people have to hit the rock bottom, and everybody's rock 366 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:16.480 bottom is a little bit different. 367 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:18.920 But it's so much more self rewarding. 368 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:20.920 Doing the work and kind of seeing like why these 369 00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:24.079 things are happening, because it's like, you know, it's unfortunate 370 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:25.200 and we can be like you know, you said you 371 00:17:25.240 --> 00:17:27.200 have to take accountability for certain things and what we 372 00:17:27.319 --> 00:17:30.079 go through. But it's also like awareness, you didn't know 373 00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:34.160 any better schools, you weren't given to these things where 374 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:37.240 it's like if you weren't putting certain situations, outcomes could 375 00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:39.000 have been different and you just don't know. So it's 376 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.799 like at the end of the day, it's like you 377 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:43.319 were a kid and you know, being like that, sometimes 378 00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.200 we get stuck in that trauma where it's like, yeah, 379 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:47.680 when I see people now after doing work myself, it's 380 00:17:47.720 --> 00:17:49.640 like I see the people where they're stuck at. So 381 00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:51.279 it's like I just see like that age where it's 382 00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:52.559 like you know, you just you want help, but you 383 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:54.240 don't know how to or like you know, when people 384 00:17:54.279 --> 00:17:56.920 are like where they their education level comes from, or 385 00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:59.640 their emotional estate comes from, or how you fight or 386 00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:01.400 how you do those things, it kind of lashes out 387 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:03.440 in those ways. So it's like and then you know, 388 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:06.599 you can't teach that. You have to give them the water, 389 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:07.799 let them drink it themselves. 390 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:11.960 Yeah, it is. It is like a sad situation and luckily, 391 00:18:12.119 --> 00:18:14.880 like my daughter doesn't need to go to that low, 392 00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:15.559 low extent. 393 00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:18.160 But that's also part of like gossip, being you know, 394 00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:20.200 a great mom and like having those things where like 395 00:18:20.279 --> 00:18:22.640 breaking the generational curses and really doing the work. And 396 00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:25.519 like you said from your you know, parents and how 397 00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:27.880 you were shown love wasn't what you needed and how 398 00:18:27.920 --> 00:18:30.400 you needed it. Yeah, and it was chaotic in a situation. 399 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.480 So you were really adamant about changing that and you know, 400 00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:35.559 making that a big thing. And I think that that's 401 00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:37.680