WEBVTT 1 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:11.759 Firefly gardened. I moved to the little blue House on 2 00:00:11.880 --> 00:00:16.160 Willow Lane in late May. The back yard was large 3 00:00:16.320 --> 00:00:20.760 and overgrown, full of tall grass and wild flowers that 4 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:24.519 had gone to seed. I liked it that way. It 5 00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:29.199 felt untamed and honest, like it had its own ideas 6 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:33.520 about what beauty should look like. The first few evenings, 7 00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:36.320 I sat on the back porch with a cup of 8 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:40.560 camomeal tea and watched the sun sink behind the fence. 9 00:00:41.280 --> 00:00:45.240 The sky turned orange, then pink, then a deep and 10 00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:49.399 dusky purple, and then, just as the last light began 11 00:00:49.479 --> 00:00:53.799 to fade, the fireflies came. At first, there were only 12 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:59.560 a few tiny green gold sparks drifting lazily through the grass. 13 00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:04.079 I remembered fireflies from childhood, how my mother used to 14 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:08.280 say they were fairies carrying lanterns through the garden. I 15 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:12.599 watched them float and blink and disappear, and I thought 16 00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:15.359 it was lovely, but I did not think much more 17 00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:18.560 of it than that. The next evening there were more 18 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:22.599 dozens of them, now rising from the grass in soft 19 00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:26.799 clouds of light. They blinked in a slow and gentle rhythm, 20 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:31.480 and I noticed something strange. The blinking did not seem random. 21 00:01:31.799 --> 00:01:34.959 It felt patterned, like a language I could almost understand. 22 00:01:35.519 --> 00:01:38.040 I leaned forward in my chair, setting my tea on 23 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:41.879 the railing. The fireflies drifted closer to the porch, and 24 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:46.480 their light pulsed again, steady and deliberate. I counted the blinks, 25 00:01:46.840 --> 00:01:51.359 three flashes, a pause, four flashes, a pause, three more, 26 00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:56.519 over and over R. I thought the pattern looked like 27 00:01:56.519 --> 00:02:01.239 a letter R. Then another pattern E, than another S, 28 00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:06.480 then T R E S T. I blinked. I looked 29 00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:08.479 around the yard, as if some one might be watching, 30 00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:12.080 some neighbor playing a trick with a flashlight, but there 31 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:15.159 was no one, just me and the fireflies and the 32 00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:19.520 warm summer air. I whispered the word to myself rest. 33 00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:23.800 The fireflies drifted higher, their lights still pulsing in that 34 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:28.039 same slow rhythm, and I sat very still, feeling something 35 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:31.520 I could not quite name. It was not fear. It 36 00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:34.639 was not wonder, though wonder was part of it. It 37 00:02:34.680 --> 00:02:38.000 was more like being greeted, like being spoken to by 38 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:41.639 something ancient and kind. I went inside that night and 39 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:44.719 lay in bed with the window open. The crickets sang 40 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:49.080 their usual chorus, and somewhere a dog barked softly. But 41 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:52.000 through it all I could see the faint green glow 42 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.639 of the fireflies drifting past the window, and I felt 43 00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:58.159 a calm settle over me that I had not felt 44 00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:01.759 in a very long time. Every evening after that, I 45 00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:04.639 went to the back porch at dusk. I brought my 46 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:07.960 tea or sometimes a glass of cool water, and I 47 00:03:08.120 --> 00:03:12.319 sat and waited. The fireflies always came. They rose from 48 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:15.879 the grass like tiny wishes, and they gathered near the porch, 49 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:19.439 and they spelled words with their light. The second night 50 00:03:19.719 --> 00:03:23.599 they spelled p E ace E. The third night h 51 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:27.000 O M E. I did not know how to explain it. 52 00:03:27.319 --> 00:03:31.000 I did not try. Some things I decided are better 53 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:35.520 left unexplained. They are better received than understood. I began 54 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.719 to look forward to the evenings. I would finish my work, 55 00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:42.120 tidy the kitchen, make my tea, and then step out 56 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:45.120 onto the porch as the sky turned from blue to 57 00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:49.319 gold to purple. The fireflies were always waiting. They seemed 58 00:03:49.319 --> 00:03:52.520 to know my schedule. They seemed to understand that I 59 00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:55.840 needed this, that their quiet messages were a kind of 60 00:03:55.919 --> 00:03:59.960 medicine for a tired heart. Some nights the words were simple, 61 00:04:00.439 --> 00:04:04.479 l O V E, j O y h O p E. 62 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:08.280 Other nights, they were longer, more careful, as if the 63 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:12.439 fireflies were composing something special just for me. On one 64 00:04:12.560 --> 00:04:16.560 warm Thursday in July, they spelled f R I E 65 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:19.480 n D. I laughed out loud at that one, and 66 00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:22.959 the fireflies blinked faster for a moment, as if they 67 00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:26.360 were laughing too. I did not tell anyone about what 68 00:04:26.439 --> 00:04:31.480 the fireflies were doing, not my sister, not my neighbor, 69 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:35.000 not the woman at the bakery where I bought my 70 00:04:35.079 --> 00:04:38.680 bread on Saturday mornings. I kept it as my own 71 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:43.600 quiet secret, a private conversation between me and the evening air. 72 00:04:44.360 --> 00:04:46.680 I had the feeling that if I tried to explain it, 73 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:50.519 the words would sound foolish, and the magic of it 74 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:54.240 would thin and fade. So I held it close, the 75 00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:57.639 way you hold a dream upon waking, turning it gently 76 00:04:57.720 --> 00:05:02.120 in your mind before the daylight claims it. The weeks passed, 77 00:05:02.759 --> 00:05:07.279 summer deepened and mellowed, The nights grew longer, and the 78 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:11.879 fireflies grew brighter, as if they too were preparing for something. 79 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:16.360 I noticed they were gathering in larger numbers, now filling 80 00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:20.480 the entire back yard with their soft green glow. The 81 00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:23.160 garden looked like a sky that had fallen to earth, 82 00:05:23.759 --> 00:05:27.439 scattered its own small stars. I would sit in my 83 00:05:27.639 --> 00:05:30.879 chair and feel the warmth of the evening on my skin, 84 00:05:31.399 --> 00:05:35.920 and watch the fireflies drift and blink, and sometimes I 85 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:38.800 would forget to drink my tea because I was so 86 00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:43.160 absorbed in the quiet spectacle before me. One night in 87 00:05:43.240 --> 00:05:49.319 early August, the air felt different. It was softer, somehow, 88 00:05:49.800 --> 00:05:53.879 thicker with warmth, and the crickets were singing a slower 89 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:57.839 song than usual. I settled into my chair with my 90 00:05:57.959 --> 00:06:03.000 tea and waited. The fireflies came, as they always did, 91 00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:07.199 rising from the tall grass in a gentle cloud, But 92 00:06:07.319 --> 00:06:10.319 tonight there were more of them than I had ever seen. 93 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:14.920 They filled the yard from fence to fence, a shimmering 94 00:06:14.959 --> 00:06:19.800 curtain of light. They drifted closer to the porch, closer 95 00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:24.839 than they had ever come before, and their glow was brighter, warmer, 96 00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:29.720 like a hundred tiny candles burning in the dusk. I 97 00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:35.319 held my breath. The fireflies began to blink, slowly, carefully, 98 00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:41.439 one letter at a time. S A pause, L A pause, E, 99 00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:47.879 A pause E, A pause E A pause P S 100 00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:52.040 L E E p The word hung in the air 101 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:55.879 like a promise. The fireflies held their glow for a 102 00:06:55.920 --> 00:07:00.639 long moment, steady and warm, and then they began to 103 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:05.519 drift downward, settling into the grass one by one, their 104 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:10.680 light fading gently like a lullaby winding down. The back 105 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:15.360 yard grew darker, but it was a soft darkness, a 106 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:19.720 gentle darkness, the kind that wraps around you like a blanket. 107 00:07:20.839 --> 00:07:25.759 I yawned. It came from somewhere deeped inside me, a 108 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:29.360 yawn so big and so slow that it made my 109 00:07:29.480 --> 00:07:33.120 eyes water. I set my empty tea cup on the 110 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:37.160 railing and leaned back in my chair. The night air 111 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:41.079 was warm on my face. The crickets had gone quiet. 112 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:46.600 The fireflies were gone, settled into the grass, their work 113 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:50.600 for the evening complete. I closed my eyes. I could 114 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:54.480 still see the letters glowing behind my eyelids, soft green 115 00:07:54.519 --> 00:08:00.199 and gold against the darkness. S l e e he. 116 00:08:02.360 --> 00:08:06.120 I thought about what it meant, this word the fireflies 117 00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:11.160 had chosen for me. Not rest, not peace, not hope, sleep. 118 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:14.519 They were telling me it was time time to let 119 00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:17.600 go of the day, time to stop thinking, time to 120 00:08:17.639 --> 00:08:20.720 simply be still and let the night hold me. I 121 00:08:20.759 --> 00:08:23.879 did not go inside. I stayed in my chair on 122 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:27.079 the porch, wrapped in a light cotton shawl, and I 123 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:31.000 let myself drift. The warmth of the evening cradled me. 124 00:08:31.480 --> 00:08:35.240 The silence was gentle and complete, and somewhere in the 125 00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:38.799 soft darkness of the back yard, beneath the tall grass 126 00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:43.720 and the wild flowers, the fireflies rested too, their tiny 127 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:47.320 bodies curled among the roots and the earth, their light 128 00:08:47.559 --> 00:08:51.399 dimmed to almost nothing, dreaming whatever it is that fireflies 129 00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:57.000 dream about. I slept. I slept deeply and peacefully, and 130 00:08:57.080 --> 00:08:59.759 when I woke in the morning, the sun was warm 131 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:02.240 on my face, and a bird was singing in the 132 00:09:02.320 --> 00:09:06.320 oak tree above the porch. The back yard was quiet 133 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:10.399 and green, and the fireflies were gone, hidden somewhere in 134 00:09:10.480 --> 00:09:14.600 the shade, waiting for the next dusk to return. I 135 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:17.600 picked up my teacup and carried it inside, and I 136 00:09:17.720 --> 00:09:21.639 smiled because I knew they would be back tonight and 137 00:09:21.720 --> 00:09:25.320 I would be waiting, and whatever word they chose to spell, 138 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:27.039 I would be ready to receive it.