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Speaker 1: Round about our coal fire, or Christmas entertainments of mirth

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and jollity, Christmas gambols, eating, drinking, kissing, and other diversions

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of the Holy days. First acknowledging the sacredness of the

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holy time of Christmas, I proceed to set forth the

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rejoicings which are generally made at that great festival. You

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must understand, good people, that the manner of celebrating this

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great course of Holy Days is vastly different now to

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what it was in former days. There was once upon

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a time hospitality in the land. An English gentleman, at

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the opening of the Great Day, had all his tenants

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and neighbors entered his hall. By daybreak, the strong beer

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was broached, and the black jacks went plentifully about with toast, sugar, nutmeg,

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and good chesha cheese. The rooms were embowered with holly,

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ivy site, Presby's laurel and mistletoe, and a bouncing Christmas

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log in the chimney, glowing like the cheeks of a

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country milk maid. Them was the pewter as bright as Clorinda,

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and every bit of brass as polished as the most

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refined gentleman. The servants were running here and there with

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merry hearts and jolly countenances. Everyone was busy in welcoming

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of guests, and looked as smug as new licked puppies.

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The Lusses were blithe and buxom as the maids in

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good Queen Bess's days. When they eat surloins of roast

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beef for breakfast, Peg would scuttle about to make a

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toast for John, while Tom run harum scareum to draw

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a jug of ale for Marjorie. Gaffer Spriggins was bid

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thrice welcome by the Squire, and goody Goose did not

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fail of a smacking bust from his worship in memory

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of past favors, while his son and heir was mouseling

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and tousling the blooming beauties of the tenant's daughters. In

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a word, the spirit of generosity ran through the whole house.

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In these times, all the spits were sparkling. The hacking

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must be boiled by daybreak, or else. Two young men

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took the maiden by the arms and run around the

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market place till she was ashamed of her laziness. And

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what was worse than this, she must not play with

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the young fellows that day, but stand neuter like a

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girl in a winding sheet at a church door for

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a bastard child. But now let us inquire a little

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father to arrive at the sense of the thing. This

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great festival was in former times kept with so much

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freedom an openness of heart, that every one in the

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country where a gentleman resided possessed at least a day

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of pleasure. In the Christmas Holy Days, the table were

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all spread, from the first to the last. The surloins

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of beef, the mince pies, the plum porridge, the capean's turkeys,

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geese and plum puddings were all brought upon the board,

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and those who had sharp stomachs and sharp knives ate

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heartily and were welcome, which gave rise to the proverb

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merry in the hall when beards wag all. There were

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then turnspits employed, who, by the time dinner was over,

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would look as black and as greasy as a Welsh

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porridge pot. But the jacks have since turned them all

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out of doors. The geese, which used to be fattened

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for the honest neighbors, have been of late sent to London,

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and the quills made into pens to convey away the

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landlord's estate. The sheep are drove away to raise money

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to answer the loss at a game at dice or cards,

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and their skins made into parchments for deeds and indentures. Nay,

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even the poor innocent bee, who was used to pay

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its tribute to the lord once a year at least

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in good Messeglin for the entertainment of the guests, and

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its wax converted into beneficial plasters for sick neighbors, is

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now used for the sealing of deeds to his disadvantage.

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But give me the man who has a good heart

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in his belly and has spirit enough to keep up

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the old way of hospitality, feeds his people till they

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are plump as partridges and as fat as porpoises. That

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every servant may appear as jolly as the late Bishop

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of Winchester's porter at Chelsea, and not keep a parcel

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of sneaking looking wretches about them, whose ribs are as

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apparent as those of a gridiron. What an honor it

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is to a master to hear the fulks about him

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praising his generosity, and such a character is a help

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to him. Sometimes at an election, for servants who are

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kept under a good natured direction, must love their master

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and make the country folks admire him more from their

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praise of him. For there is always one or other

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of them setting forth his goodness. It makes the greater

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impression on those who never saw him, or ever have

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been at his house. When I speak this, I recollect

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the fable of the mouse who help the lion out

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of the toil he was caught in, And likewise the

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common opinion that a mouse may destroy an elephant, besides

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another observation that a mouse may creep where an elephant

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cannot go, and do good when some people least expected.

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Then let all your folks live briskly, and at such

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a time of rejoicing, enjoy the benefit of good beef

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and pudding. Let the strong beer be unlocked, and let

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the piper play all the hills and far away, and

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also strike up drowsy gut scrapers. Gallants be ready, each

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with his lady, et cetera. For there must be a

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dance now and then, by way of exercise and wit

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or else. I am sure Herlow's thrombo was in the

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wrong box, as well as the old ballad woman who

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gave you a song and a dance, and all for

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the price for hate meey, I have now buy me

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two squires and a sir, who say I am mad

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to write in this manner, for they are jealous. I

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hint at them. One says to me, when did you

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ever find me stingy? I believe you have a mind

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to reflect on my character? A second says, when did

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I make away my estate by my goose quills, the

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parchment from my sheep's back, and the wax of my bees?

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And says the third, and pray, sir, how can you

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censure me on any account? Have I not treated you

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with many bottles of claret? And did I not laugh

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as loud as any one when we were at Herlow's

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thrombow together? And then I drop my subject, as many

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noted preachers do, and summed up the matter in a

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few words, viz. Gentleman, if I have told you of

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your sins, mend if you come for the future. Let

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the stingy be generous, Let the generous be wise, and

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let him who is between one and another keep his claret

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to himself if he will, and laugh less when there

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is nothing to be laughed at. But then it is

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said laugh and be fat, which words may be understood. Thus,

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if a man has but a mean substance, he can

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never have any great occasion to laugh, and much less

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to be fat. But if he has plenty of provender,

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then the proverb is right. He may laugh that winds

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and be fat. Into the bargain. The newspapers inform us

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that the spirit of hospitality has not quite forsaken us,

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for three or four of them tell us that several

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of the gentry are gone down to their respective seats

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in the country in order to keep their Christmas in

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the old way and entertain their tenants and trade folks

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as their ancestors used to do. And I wish them

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a merry Christmas accordingly. But I must also take notice

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to the stingy tribe that if they don't at least

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make their tenants or tradesmen drink when they come to

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see them in the Christmas holy days, they have liberty

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of pissing behind the door, which is a law or

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very ancient date. A merry gentleman of my acquaintance desires

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I will insert that the old folks in days of

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yore kept open house at Christmas out of interest, for

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then says he, they receive the greatest part of their

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renting kind, such as wheat, barley or malt ox, and

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carve sheeps, fine turkeys, capon's geese, and such like, And

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they not having room enough to preserve their grain or

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fodder enough to sustain their cattle or poultry, nor markets

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to sell off the overplus, they were obliged to use

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them in their own houses, and by treating of the

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people of the country, gained credit amongst them, and riveted

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the minds and goodwill of their neighbors so firmly in

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them that no one durst venture to oppose them. The

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squire's will was done whatever came on it. For if

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he happened to ask a neighbor what it was a clock,

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they returned with a low scrape, it is what your

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worship pleases. The dancing and singing of the benchures in

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the great inns of Court in Christmas is in some

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sort foundered upon interest, For they hauled, as I am informed,

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some privilege for dancing about the fire in the middle

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of their hall, and singing the song rand about our

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coal fire, et cetera. This time of year being cold

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and frosty, generally speaking, or when Jack Frost commonly takes

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us by the nose. The diversions are within doors, either

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in exercise or by the fireside. Country dancing is one

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of the chief exercises. Molpeakley and the Black Toque are

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never forgot. These dances stir the blood and give the

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males and females a fellow feeling of each other's activity,

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ability and agility. Cupid always sits in the corner of

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the room where these diversions are transacting and shoots quivers

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full of arrows at the dancers and makes his own

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game of them. Then comes mumming or masquerading, when the

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squire's wardrobe is ransacked for dresses of all kinds, and

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the coal holes searched around, or corks burnt to black

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the faces of the fair or make deputy mustoches, and

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everyone in the family except the squire himself must be

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transformed from what they were. Then begins the freedom between

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one and another to be sprinkled about the hall, and

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everyone shows their wit according to their capacity. And then

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a dance again, and a good hearty pull or two

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at the silver tankored of strong beer made woody good

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with sugar and nutmeg. Then Jenny gives you a jig,

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which is proportionably good, as it gives her a band

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in sweat. Doll in her way gives you a double kuron,

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and turns round fifty times in a minute, till most

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of them are drunk enough and real home. All lie

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down in the barn or else there is a match

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at blind man's buff. And then it is lawful to

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set anything in the way for folks to tumble over.

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Whether it beat a break, arms, legs or heads, tis

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no matter for neck or nothing. The devil loves no cripples.

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This play, i am told, was first set on foot

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by the country bone, who, like some surgeons, when they

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first set up business in the country, provide two or

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three pickled hauls of figure to pox the parish, both

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very necessary steps towards gaining good business. As for pussing

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the corner, that is a very harmless sport, and one

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may ramp at it as much as one will, For

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at this game, when a man catches his woman, he

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may kiss her till her ears crack, or she will

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be disappointed if she is a woman of any spirit.

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But if it is one who offers at a struggle

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and blushes then be assured she is a prude, for

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though she won't stand a bus in public, she'll receive

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it with open arms behind the door, and you may

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kiss her till she makes your heart ache. The next

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game to this is questions and commands, when the commander

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may oblige his subject to answer any lawful question and

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make the same obey him in instantly under the penalty

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of being smutted or paying such forfeit as may be

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laid on the aggressor, but the forfeits generally fixed at

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some certain price, such as a shilling, half a crown,

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et cetera. To everyone knowing what to do if they

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should be too stubborn to submit, make themselves easy at discretion.

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At one of these entertainments, I remember a gentleman was

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commanded to take a certain lady into the next room

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and make her squeak. He took the lady according to order,

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and was free enough in a modest way. But madam

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says he, why don't you squeak? Sir answered the lady,

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you are to make me squeak, But returned the gentleman,

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if you don't squeak, I'm as forfeit. Why don't you

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make me, says the lady, And though there was a

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couch in the room, and he was put to the

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last push, she would not squeak an. The poor gentlemen

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was forced to pay the forfeit after he had taken

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so much pains with her. Some would have made him

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lay down double the money. I eat one part as

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a forfeit and the other for socket money. As for

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the game of hoop and hide, the parties have the

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liberty of hiding where they will, in any part of

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the house, and if it should prove to be a bed,

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and if they even then happen to be caught, the

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dispute ends in kissing, et cetera. Most of the other

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diversions are cards and dice, but they are seldom set

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on foot unless a lawyer is on hand to breed

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some dispute for him to decide, or at least have

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some party in. Now I come to another entertainment frequently used,

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which is of the story telling order, viz. Of hobgoblins, witches, conjurers, ghosts, fairies,

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and suchlike. Common disturbers