Speaker 1: Welcome to heck Can your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm
Speaker 1: Lorenzo and Lorenzo.
Speaker 2: On this episode, we're gonna be wrapping up and completing
Speaker 2: the discussion that we've had over the last several weeks
Speaker 2: on the article from the Forbes Coaches Council on advice
Speaker 2: that coaches would give to their younger selves if they
Speaker 2: could go back in time and kind.
Speaker 1: Of start over.
Speaker 2: I think there's been a lot of really great insights
Speaker 2: in this list. I think a lot of great advice,
Speaker 2: some of which I've been pretty good at taking over
Speaker 2: the years, and some of which I need to kind
Speaker 2: of tell myself over and over again to get better
Speaker 2: at taking. But it's all good stuff. And I hope
Speaker 2: you know from a listener perspective that you found some
Speaker 2: something in here over the last few weeks that has
Speaker 2: led you to go, you know what, I got to
Speaker 2: get better at that, and that it's kind of helped
Speaker 2: you and you're in your own leadership and coaching journey.
Speaker 2: On this last episode of this series, we're gonna be
Speaker 2: talking about the final piece of advice in this article.
Speaker 2: It says it doesn't matter if you are liked or right,
Speaker 2: and that's I think it's a little bit of a
Speaker 2: sensationalized or clickbaity title here. It says, regardless of who
Speaker 2: you are coaching or mentoring, or the situation, the guidance
Speaker 2: the older me would give to the younger me is
Speaker 2: that it doesn't matter if you are liked or right.
Speaker 2: My job as a coach is to help others create
Speaker 2: their own insights. My brain used to trick me into
Speaker 2: thinking it was important to be liked by those I
Speaker 2: coached and to be right. I found out later in
Speaker 2: life that neither of those things mattered. Insights do. Let's
Speaker 2: start by saying that, first of all, it doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that you can be a jerk to everybody. And as
Speaker 2: long as they get better at what you're coaching them on,
Speaker 2: that's okay. I think that this is a you know,
Speaker 2: you just can't. You can't place them on a hierarchy
Speaker 2: above each other. You can't sacrifice effective coaching because your
Speaker 2: desire in the moment is to be liked by the
Speaker 2: person you're coaching. That they they do, they should like you,
Speaker 2: and if you're an effective coach, they will likely like
Speaker 2: you more as time goes on. Anyway, but at some
Speaker 2: point in time as a coach, you will have to
Speaker 2: make the decision to do something that may not cause
Speaker 2: them to think the highest of you in the moment,
Speaker 2: because what you're doing is you're you're placing the importance
Speaker 2: on them creating their own insights and getting better at
Speaker 2: the thing that you were entrusted to get them better
Speaker 2: at doing through that coaching process. So I think if
Speaker 2: you look at it from that, from that standpoint, I
Speaker 2: think it's it's pretty pretty good advice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, as you were talking through that, I was immediately
Speaker 3: you know, flashed back to high school basketball.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and drills that.
Speaker 3: We would do, and you know, we would do full
Speaker 3: court drills passing the ball without the ball ever touching
Speaker 3: the ground, and it was the whole idea was like
Speaker 3: move fast, move quick, move with intention, like throw the
Speaker 3: past the ball where the person's going to be. And
Speaker 3: every time that the person didn't catch the ball or
Speaker 3: that the ball you know, kind of stumbled to the ground,
Speaker 3: it was get on the line, go run.
Speaker 1: Sprints and drop the ball.
Speaker 3: Everybody everybody, right, And you know what, we didn't like
Speaker 3: the coach that much at that point, right, we did
Speaker 3: not like the coach, but it was it was it
Speaker 3: was the tension of like, if you, you know, if
Speaker 3: you make these mistakes, if you don't pay attention, if
Speaker 3: you're not fully focused on what's ahead of you, you know,
Speaker 3: then then there's gonna be some repercussions for that. And
Speaker 3: so like it's kind of a those moments of a coach,
Speaker 3: especially in sports, is like, I'm going to continue to
Speaker 3: be here until you get this right. And and you know,
Speaker 3: it's it's not a matter of like, oh, you tried,
Speaker 3: you guys tried your best.
Speaker 1: You know, here we are again.
Speaker 3: We did another two hour practice and and you almost
Speaker 3: were able to pass the ball to.
Speaker 1: Each other effectively.
Speaker 3: We'll try again next week, right, Like, no, there's an
Speaker 3: expectation and there's a intensity and that type of thing
Speaker 3: when it comes to sports coaching. And I think in
Speaker 3: this context kind of what you were sharing and talking
Speaker 3: about is exactly that is, like there are going to
Speaker 3: be times and conversations and dialogue and you know when
Speaker 3: you're going to have to, you know, tell somebody something
Speaker 3: that that could could could maybe hurt their feelings, could
Speaker 3: could could maybe take us strike at their ego, could
Speaker 3: make them feel like, you know, that didn't feel that
Speaker 3: great or I thought that you were telling me I
Speaker 3: was doing good or I thought that yet. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 3: that doesn't make these things not true. But in this moment,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to share this with you, and and
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to hear it. And it might be
Speaker 3: the first time they've heard it. It might be, you know,
Speaker 3: the second or third or fourth time they've heard it
Speaker 3: from somebody different. But I think that there's a part
Speaker 3: of that where it's like, if you're truly invested in
Speaker 3: helping them make that person better, then that's the priority.
Speaker 3: The priority is that, and that means that you're gonna
Speaker 3: have to do both like the recognition, great job, good attempts.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm glad that you're figuring out to the Hey,
Speaker 3: we've talked about this three or four times now, and
Speaker 3: it's just it's not getting better. And it's not just
Speaker 3: about whatever that outcome thing is, but it's like the behaviors,
Speaker 3: your approach, what we've talked about. You're not implementing these things,
Speaker 3: you're not actually attempting to get better. That's that's a
Speaker 3: part of the dialogue. And to be the most effective,
Speaker 3: I think you've got to be that way. And I
Speaker 3: think of like people and leaders that I've worked with,
Speaker 3: you know, the leaders that I've worked for, those that
Speaker 3: I've worked with me, those that you know have reported
Speaker 3: directly to me. Some of the best I would not
Speaker 3: even say some all of the best relationships with those
Speaker 3: leaders are ones that I know that they will tell
Speaker 3: me something or say something to me that that I
Speaker 3: need to hear or that that is true. And and
Speaker 3: again I don't I don't take those, as you know,
Speaker 3: strike at my character or eliminating my entire body of
Speaker 3: work in my career. But I appreciate those conversations because
Speaker 3: I know that I have somebody who cares about my
Speaker 3: success and knows me as a person and knows my
Speaker 3: intentions for the most part, and like is looking to try.
Speaker 1: To help me to get better at something. No, you're
Speaker 1: You're not wrong about that at all.
Speaker 2: I do think that you earn that in the relationship, though,
Speaker 2: meaning if you start out as the person who says,
Speaker 2: you know, I don't care whether this person likes me
Speaker 2: or not, I'm just gonna be there coach, regardless of
Speaker 2: what that looks like. You aren't necessarily helping them to
Speaker 2: get better at what they're doing. If they haven't accepted
Speaker 2: you as a as a as having the authority not
Speaker 2: just the the the authority from a from a training
Speaker 2: or a knowledge standpoint, but almost the moral authority to
Speaker 2: tell them that they're doing something wrong.
Speaker 1: And I know plenty of people who.
Speaker 2: Who if I if the think the things that I
Speaker 2: would say to them today in a coaching relationship, because
Speaker 2: I know that we have trust and and I know
Speaker 2: that they know that my goal is to get them
Speaker 2: better at the thing that they're doing. Those things that
Speaker 2: I can say to them they might sting a little
Speaker 2: bit in the moment, but they are helping them become
Speaker 2: better at what they're doing. If I started out the
Speaker 2: relationship saying those things, it never would have taken off
Speaker 2: to begin with. And so it's a it's a little
Speaker 2: bit of a dance. I don't think you can you
Speaker 2: can approach a coaching situation from day one with the
Speaker 2: same kind of the same mo that you would do
Speaker 2: it on day thirty or day sixty. People need to
Speaker 2: see that you are effective before they will trust that
Speaker 2: the good outweighs the bad. Meaning, if an effective coach
Speaker 2: is giving me advice and it stings and it hurts
Speaker 2: my ego, but I can look back and go, yeah,
Speaker 2: but you know, with the last eight things they said,
Speaker 2: we're all spot on.
Speaker 1: Then I'm likely to go check my ego. This is
Speaker 1: probably right.
Speaker 2: If I have none of that history and it's just
Speaker 2: the very first thing they've ever said to me, there's
Speaker 2: that part of me inside that wants to go, who
Speaker 2: are you to tell me this? Right? And I think
Speaker 2: that if you were an effective coach, you have to
Speaker 2: look at all of it in the bigger picture, and
Speaker 2: sometimes it means in a coaching relationship you start out
Speaker 2: slow from a standpoint of we have to build trust.
Speaker 2: We have to build a relationship so that I can
Speaker 2: say to you the things that need to be said
Speaker 2: without you know you deciding you know what, I don't
Speaker 2: want you as a coach anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get somebody else, because.
Speaker 2: I think it's human nature to do that unless you
Speaker 2: are just really unless you have really no ego at all,
Speaker 2: like if you if you doesn't matter, and maybe that's
Speaker 2: the case if you're just starting out. If you're just
Speaker 2: starting out and you're not expected to know anything, then
Speaker 2: then that's fine. But if you're further along in your
Speaker 2: career and you have experience and you feel like I
Speaker 2: know some stuff. I've been around, I know some stuff.
Speaker 2: Then someone coming in and coaching. The relationship has to
Speaker 2: be built first. But once that relationship is built, I
Speaker 2: think this advice is spot on that the that helping
Speaker 2: a person create their own insights and get better is
Speaker 2: what's more important than you know, having them like you
Speaker 2: every moment or in the moment. And I think that
Speaker 2: that coaches who you know, kind of sacrifice those insights
Speaker 2: from the standpoint if I want to be liked, you know,
Speaker 2: that's I mean, it's like you see it.
Speaker 1: You see it in politics.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's no shortage of politicians out there who
Speaker 2: you know, they they depending on what group they're talking to,
Speaker 2: they say different things or they you know that you
Speaker 2: can't really tell if they actually have any beliefs because
Speaker 2: they just, you know, tend to want to regurgitate what
Speaker 2: they think the people want to hear in the moment.
Speaker 2: That's the exact same thing they're they're trying to be.
Speaker 2: They're trying to be liked as opposed to you know,
Speaker 2: kind of standing on something and saying I think I'm
Speaker 2: right here, and so yeah, I think if you're helping
Speaker 2: a person get better. Then it doesn't mean you can
Speaker 2: be a jerk as long as you help them get better.
Speaker 2: But it does mean that that at some point in
Speaker 2: time you're going to have to decide that helping them
Speaker 2: get better or or what's better for the long term
Speaker 2: has to outweigh just their feelings about you in the moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, I think it's a great call. And it can
Speaker 3: be really easy again to want to feel like every
Speaker 3: conversation that you have with someone that you are coaching,
Speaker 3: right in this context of like how to be a
Speaker 3: better coach, it's that that ability to know that sometimes
Speaker 3: they're not going to feel great about you as a
Speaker 3: person maybe or in the moments the direction or the
Speaker 3: feedback or whatever you have given them. But it's such
Speaker 3: an important thing, you know. And I know this is
Speaker 3: the last of all of the seventeen that we went over,
Speaker 3: so I wanted to ask you kind of as we
Speaker 3: wrap this up, are there any that really really stuck
Speaker 3: out to you as like the big major ones. You know,
Speaker 3: we talked about all of them. There are definitely some
Speaker 3: for me, you know, I will share with you. I
Speaker 3: think the first one we talked about was listening as
Speaker 3: a superpower. That's such an important, important, important piece of
Speaker 3: like really listening to to hear and to comprehend and
Speaker 3: to consider before listening to respond. I think as something
Speaker 3: that is a major piece of being a great coach.
Speaker 3: I think, you know, failure is an attempt in learning,
Speaker 3: you know, understanding that you're not going to always get
Speaker 3: it right, that that that you're going to take some risks,
Speaker 3: you know, try some different things, and so long as
Speaker 3: you're moving forward and learning from them, and that's a great,
Speaker 3: you know thing, and like it might not feel good
Speaker 3: in the moment, but it's absolutely necessary for your own
Speaker 3: kind of progress and growth. I think asking questions is powerful. Again,
Speaker 3: that listening and asking questions, asking the right questions and
Speaker 3: asking them in a way that's genuine curiosity. But helping
Speaker 3: others to kind of connect the dots for themselves I
Speaker 3: think is big. And then finally build and nurture in
Speaker 3: your network. That one for me as well, I think
Speaker 3: that's such an important piece of you know, creating opportunities
Speaker 3: and spaces for you to learn as a person, for
Speaker 3: you to learn as a coach, and again not just
Speaker 3: having a network, but actually like nurturing your network and
Speaker 3: real dialogue, real conversation, allowing there to be convers allowing
Speaker 3: there to be questions and conversations about what are the
Speaker 3: things that are going well for you, what are the
Speaker 3: things that you're struggling with, and how can those of
Speaker 3: your network help you out? So, like, those are kind
Speaker 3: of my top hits of the seventeen How about you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I have three, and one of them is
Speaker 2: build nurture network. I think of my top three, that's
Speaker 2: that's one of them. I can't stress how important that is,
Speaker 2: Like I, network is everything, your people, your circle of people,
Speaker 2: the people who you can rely on and who can
Speaker 2: rely on you when times are tough and when times
Speaker 2: are easy and you just need some advice. That cannot
Speaker 2: be overstated enough. The other two that I really like
Speaker 2: a lot are number eight and number ten. Number eight
Speaker 2: is follow your passions. I think it's really difficult to
Speaker 2: be great at something that you don't care about. I
Speaker 2: think you can be good at something you don't care about.
Speaker 2: I know plenty of people who are good at a
Speaker 2: lot of things that they don't care about, and they
Speaker 2: and they and they almost wish they weren't because it
Speaker 2: gets them painted into a corner. Sometimes where they're doing
Speaker 2: things they don't want to do because they're good at them,
Speaker 2: but they're not going to be great at them. And
Speaker 2: I think this idea of following your passion and you know,
Speaker 2: trying to fill your life with the things that you
Speaker 2: care the most about, I think that can drive a
Speaker 2: lot of success in a lot of areas because you
Speaker 2: I mean, I just look at it from a standpoint
Speaker 2: of like my two my two older kids, they they're
Speaker 2: very different people in terms of what matters to them
Speaker 2: and when it comes to school, and so for for
Speaker 2: one of them, you know, one subject might be just
Speaker 2: like it's really interesting to them, and so they do
Speaker 2: really well in it, and for the other person that
Speaker 2: same subject, they don't care about it all and so
Speaker 2: they have to really study hard. They have to really
Speaker 2: struggle and study hard in order to do well on
Speaker 2: that subject. And it's and and the reverse is true
Speaker 2: for another subject. And so you know, just the idea
Speaker 2: that you that you like something, that that you're passionate
Speaker 2: about it, that it kind of ticks off that box.
Speaker 2: I think it means that the the reading that you
Speaker 2: do and the the the curiosity that you have about
Speaker 2: it is naturally there. If you like something, you're passionate
Speaker 2: about it, and I think that that can that can
Speaker 2: really drive success in that in that area. Uh. And
Speaker 2: then number ten is cherishing resilience over success. I think
Speaker 2: I think this is great advice, not just for coaches
Speaker 2: but for people in general. This this idea of success
Speaker 2: being what you're looking for sure on the long term.
Speaker 2: But the people who are not resilient, they might have
Speaker 2: a lot of talent and they might get a lot
Speaker 2: of success over and over and over.
Speaker 1: Again from the very beginning.
Speaker 2: But if they if they're not resilient people, they will
Speaker 2: be derailed by their first failure. And and if you
Speaker 2: if you bring up people and you coach people to
Speaker 2: be resilient, they can overcome an unmeasurable amount of failures
Speaker 2: on their way to success. Because if you're trying to
Speaker 2: get good at something and you're starting out at the bottom,
Speaker 2: there's going to be a lot of failures. There's going
Speaker 2: to be a lot of you know, big and small
Speaker 2: failures on the way to success, and you have to
Speaker 2: have that resilience in order to get you there. I
Speaker 2: think it's something that everybody can struggle with on some level,
Speaker 2: some people more than others. But you know, it's it's
Speaker 2: what I what I try to instill my own kids
Speaker 2: is resilience, and it's when I'm when I'm coaching or
Speaker 2: mentoring somebody, I try I try to instill that in
Speaker 2: them as well. Is having that resilience. And don't don't
Speaker 2: worry about the success at first. Worry about making sure
Speaker 2: that you pick yourself back up when it doesn't go
Speaker 2: the right way, and then eventually you will get to
Speaker 2: success because you have the stamina to get there.
Speaker 1: So I think those are those are my three favorites.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And with that it brings us to this episodes
Speaker 3: one Minute Hack. But first a few words from our sponsors.
Speaker 2: All right, for this episode one minute Hackers, I want
Speaker 2: you to do. We've been posting the link to this
Speaker 2: article in every episode of this series that we've done.
Speaker 2: But open up the link in the podcast, read through
Speaker 2: the article. It's not a long read, maybe three or
Speaker 2: four minutes, and pick the two or three items that
Speaker 2: resonate with you the most and write them down, actually
Speaker 2: manually write them down. Don't type them, don't copy and
Speaker 2: paste them, write down the actual advice itself, and then
Speaker 2: write down the things that you think you need to
Speaker 2: do in order to get better at these particular things.
Speaker 2: The ones that resonate with you aren't necessarily the ones
Speaker 2: you're good at or the ones you're terrible at. They're
Speaker 2: the ones that when you when you read them, you
Speaker 2: think yourself, Yeah, that's important, that that thing right there,
Speaker 2: that's important. So for some reason it sticks with you,
Speaker 2: and and and you know how important it is. So
Speaker 2: start with those things because it's it's all good advice.
Speaker 2: But the ones that you are likely to follow and
Speaker 2: get better at are the ones where there's that kind
Speaker 2: of inherent starting off point of you can tell it's important,
Speaker 2: and you know it's important kind of in the in
Speaker 2: your soul, and so you you kind of you you'd haven't,
Speaker 2: you'd have less of a problem taking the steps necessary
Speaker 2: in order to follow this advice because you already inherently
Speaker 2: know it's it's a it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 2: So write those things down and kind of live with them,
Speaker 2: you know, bring them, bring them along with you, bring
Speaker 2: them to meetings that you have to to one on
Speaker 2: ones that you have when you're coaching somebody, and and
Speaker 2: try to follow that advice in the moment as you're
Speaker 2: coaching others or as you're being coached.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's a great woman hack. And again
Speaker 3: it's like these types of articles and uh, just gaining
Speaker 3: perspective from other leaders that have done this level of
Speaker 3: work I think is super helpful as we've had a
Speaker 3: lot of conversations about these topics, and I think that
Speaker 3: from a leadership standpoint, taking the time to really dig
Speaker 3: in self, reflect, write it down, consider you know, what
Speaker 3: are the things that you're going to take away from
Speaker 3: other people and other leaders who have some lived experience
Speaker 3: here and are saying, hey, here, here are the things
Speaker 3: that I would tell you that I would tell myself
Speaker 3: to like help me move faster, move more effectively, more
Speaker 3: efficiently in the work that I'm doing. And you know,
Speaker 3: we always love to pay it forward and highlight other
Speaker 3: leaders and other articles and other shows around content that
Speaker 3: can be helpful in helping you be the best leader
Speaker 3: that you can be. So yeah, I think it's a
Speaker 3: great hack, and we'll continue to look for opportunities to
Speaker 3: discuss things like this, and you know, look for different
Speaker 3: series that we can kind of dig deeper into to
Speaker 3: give you our perspective on some of these.
Speaker 2: Topics, right for sure, And again we said at the
Speaker 2: very beginning of the series, but being an effective coach
Speaker 2: is becoming so much larger a part of what it
Speaker 2: means to be an effective leader than it ever has before.
Speaker 2: A lot goes into being an effective leader, but coaching
Speaker 2: effectively getting people to make small.
Speaker 1: Changes in the way they do things that.
Speaker 2: Lead to broader and bigger outcomes in a way that
Speaker 2: puts your own ego aside and puts places a higher
Speaker 2: value on whatever those outcomes are from that person and
Speaker 2: how they get better. The people who can do that well,
Speaker 2: I think that it becomes it's a pretty big forgiver
Speaker 2: of other leadership shortcomings. If you are an effective coach,
Speaker 2: and I mean really effective in terms of getting people
Speaker 2: to get better at the things they need to get
Speaker 2: better at.
Speaker 1: You are well on your way to being.
Speaker 2: A very effective leader as a as a whole.
Speaker 1: So start with these things.
Speaker 2: If you are interested in pursuing a career in leadership,
Speaker 2: or if you already are a leader and you're trying
Speaker 2: to get better, start with these things because they will
Speaker 2: they will help you in other areas of leadership as well,
Speaker 2: and they will they will start setting the precedent from
Speaker 2: a lot of a lot of people that they will
Speaker 2: have the opinion of you as someone who is an
Speaker 2: effective leader, because oftentimes really effective coaching can can be
Speaker 2: interpreted as great leadership.
Speaker 1: In and of itself.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, and with that it brings us to the end
Speaker 3: of this episode. This is hacking your leadership. I'm Lorenzo
Speaker 3: and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all next time.