Speaker 1: The Hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler. Walking close
Speaker 1: along the wall to avoid the creaking floorboards, Philo Gubb,
Speaker 1: paper hanger and student of the Rising Sun Detective Agencies
Speaker 1: Correspondence School of Detecting, tiptoed to the door of the
Speaker 1: bedroom he shared with the mysterious mister Kritz. In appearance,
Speaker 1: mister Gubb was tall and gaunt, reminding one of a
Speaker 1: modern Don Quixote or a human flamingo. By nature, mister
Speaker 1: Gubb was the gentlest and most simple minded of men. Now,
Speaker 1: bending his long, angular body almost double, he placed his
Speaker 1: eye to a crack in the door panel and stared
Speaker 1: into the room within just out of the limited area
Speaker 1: of mister Gubb's vision, Roscoe Critz paused in his work
Speaker 1: and listened carefully. He heard the sharp whistle of mister
Speaker 1: Gubb's breath as it cut against the sharp edge of
Speaker 1: the crack in the panel, and he knew he was
Speaker 1: being spied upon. He placed his chubby hands on his
Speaker 1: knees and smiled at the door while a red flush
Speaker 1: of triumph spread over his face. Through the crack in
Speaker 1: the door, mister Gubb could see the top of the
Speaker 1: washstand beside which mister Critz was sitting, But he could
Speaker 1: not see mister Critz. As he stared. However, he saw
Speaker 1: a plump hand appear and pick up one by one
Speaker 1: the articles lying on the washstand. They were first seven
Speaker 1: or eight half shells of English walnuts, second a rubber
Speaker 1: shoe heel out of which a peace had been cut,
Speaker 1: Third a small rubber ball no larger than a pea,
Speaker 1: fourth a paper bound book, and lastly a large and
Speaker 1: glittering brick of yellow gold. As the hand withdrew the
Speaker 1: golden brick, mister Gubb pressed his face closer against the
Speaker 1: door in his effort to see more, And suddenly the
Speaker 1: door flew open, and mister Gubb sprawled on his hands
Speaker 1: and knees on the worn carpet of the bedroom. Said
Speaker 1: mister Krits, there now serves you right. Hope you hurt yourself.
Speaker 1: Mister Gubb arose slowly like a giraffe and brushed his knees. Why,
Speaker 1: he asked, snoopin and sneakin' like that, said mister Kritz,
Speaker 1: crossly scarin meata fits almost? How'd I know who it? Twas?
Speaker 1: If you want to come in, why don't you come right?
Speaker 1: Instead of snoopin and sneakin an fallin In that way,
Speaker 1: as he talked, mister Chrits replaced the shells and the
Speaker 1: rubber heel, and the rubber pea and the gold brick
Speaker 1: on the washstand. He was a plump little man with
Speaker 1: a shiny bald head and a white goatee. As he talked,
Speaker 1: he bent his head down so that he might look
Speaker 1: above the glasses of his spectacles, and in spite of
Speaker 1: his pretended anger, he looked like nothing so much as
Speaker 1: a kindly, benevolent old gentleman, the sort of old gentleman
Speaker 1: that keeps a small store in a small village and
Speaker 1: sells writing paper that smells of soap and candy sticks
Speaker 1: out of a glass jawn with a glass cover. How'd
Speaker 1: I know but what you was? A detective, he asked
Speaker 1: in a gentler tone. I am, said mister Gubb, soberly,
Speaker 1: seating himself on one of the two beds. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: near a detecative, as you might say, digging it all,
Speaker 1: said mister Kritz. Now I got to go hunt another room.
Speaker 1: I can't room with no detective. Well, now, mister Kritz,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb, I don't want you should feel that
Speaker 1: way know when you're a detective makes me all nervous,
Speaker 1: complained mister Kritz. And a man in my business has
Speaker 1: to have a steady hand, don't he. You ain't told
Speaker 1: me what your business is, said mister Gubb. You needn't
Speaker 1: pretend you don't know, said mister Kritz. Any detective that
Speaker 1: saw that stuff on the washstand would know. Well, of course,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. I ain't a full detecative yet. You
Speaker 1: can't look for me to guess things as quick as
Speaker 1: a full detecative would. Of course, that brick sort of
Speaker 1: looks like a gold brick. It is a gold brick,
Speaker 1: said mister Kritz. Yes, said mister Gubb. But I don't
Speaker 1: mean no offense, mister Kritz. From the way you look,
Speaker 1: I sort of thought, well that it was a gold
Speaker 1: brick you'd bought. Mister Kritz turned very red. Well, what
Speaker 1: if I did buy it? He said? That ain't any
Speaker 1: reason I can't sell it. Is it just because a
Speaker 1: man buys eggs once or twice? Ain't any reason he
Speaker 1: shouldn't go into the business of egg selling. Is it
Speaker 1: just because I've bought one or two gold bricks in
Speaker 1: my day. Ain't any reason I shouldn't go to selling them,
Speaker 1: is it. Mister Gubb stared at mister Kritz with unconcealed surprise.
Speaker 1: You ain't. You ain't a con man, are you, mister Kritz?
Speaker 1: He asked. If I ain't yet, that's no sign I
Speaker 1: ain't gonna be, said mister Kritz firmly. One man has
Speaker 1: as good a right to try his hand at it
Speaker 1: as another, especially when a man has had my experience
Speaker 1: in it. Mister Gubb, there ain't hardly a con game.
Speaker 1: I ain't been conned with. I've been confidenced long enough.
Speaker 1: From now on, I'm going to confidence other folks. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm going to do. And I won't be bothered
Speaker 1: by no detective living in the same room with me.
Speaker 1: Detectives and con men don't mix nowadays, no, sir, Well sir,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. I can see the sense in that,
Speaker 1: but you don't need to move right away. I don't
Speaker 1: aim to start detectin in earnest for a couple of
Speaker 1: months yet. I got a couple of jobs of paper
Speaker 1: hanging and decoratin' to finish up, and I can't start
Speaker 1: in sleuthing until I get my star anyway. And I
Speaker 1: don't get my star until I get one more lesson
Speaker 1: and learn it and send in the examination paper and
Speaker 1: five dollars extra for the diploma. Then I'm going at
Speaker 1: it as a regular business. It's a good business. Every
Speaker 1: day there's more crooks. Excuse me. I didn't mean to
Speaker 1: say that, That's all right, said mister Chritz. Kindly call
Speaker 1: a spade a spade. If I ain't a crook yet,
Speaker 1: I hope to be soon. I didn't know how you'd
Speaker 1: feel about it, explained mister Gubb. Tactfulness is strongly advised
Speaker 1: into the lessons of the Rising Sun Detecative Agency Correspondence
Speaker 1: School of Detecating. Slocum Ohio asked mister Critz quickly. You
Speaker 1: didn't see the ad in the Hearthstone and Farmside, did you, Yes,
Speaker 1: slocum Ohio, said mister Gubb. And that is the paper
Speaker 1: I saw the ad into a big money in detecating.
Speaker 1: Be a sleuth. We can make you the equal of
Speaker 1: Sherlock Holmes in twelve lessons. Why well, sir, said mister Critz.
Speaker 1: That's that's funny. That ad was right atop of the
Speaker 1: one I saw, and I studied quite considerable before I
Speaker 1: could make up my mind whether twould be best for
Speaker 1: me to be a detective and go out and get
Speaker 1: square with the fellers that sold me gold bricks and
Speaker 1: things by putting them in jail, or to even things
Speaker 1: up by sending for this book that was advertised right
Speaker 1: under the Rising Sun correspond school. How come I settled
Speaker 1: to do as I done was that I had a
Speaker 1: sort of stock to start with, with a first class
Speaker 1: gold brick and some green goods i'd bought. And this
Speaker 1: book only cost a quarter of a dollar, and she's
Speaker 1: a hummer for a quarter of a dollar a hummer.
Speaker 1: He pulled the paper covered book from his pocket and
Speaker 1: handed it to mister Gubb. The title of the book
Speaker 1: was The Complete con Man by the King of the Grafters,
Speaker 1: price twenty five cents. That there book, said mister Kritz, proudly,
Speaker 1: as if he himself had written. It tells everything a
Speaker 1: man needs to know to work every con game there is.
Speaker 1: Once I get it by hard, I won't be afraid
Speaker 1: to try any of them. Of Course, I got to
Speaker 1: start small. I can't hope to pull off a wire
Speaker 1: tapping game right at the start, because that has to
Speaker 1: have a gang. You don't know anybody you could recommend
Speaker 1: for a gang, do you not? Right off hand, said
Speaker 1: mister Gubb thoughtfully. If you wasn't going into the detective business,
Speaker 1: said mister Kritz, you'd be just a feller for me.
Speaker 1: You look sort of honest and not as if you
Speaker 1: was too bright, and that counts a lot even in
Speaker 1: this here, simple little shell game. I got to have
Speaker 1: a partner. I got to have a partner I can trust,
Speaker 1: so I can let him look like he was winning
Speaker 1: money off of me. You see, he explained, moving to
Speaker 1: the washstand. This shell game is easy enough when you
Speaker 1: know how. I put three shells down like this on
Speaker 1: a stand, and I put the little rubber pea on
Speaker 1: the stand, and then I take up the three shells
Speaker 1: like this, two in one hand and one in the other,
Speaker 1: and I wave him around over the p and maybe
Speaker 1: push the pe around a little, and I say, come on,
Speaker 1: come on, the hand is quicker than the eye. And
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I put the shells down. And
Speaker 1: you think the P is under one of them like that.
Speaker 1: I don't think the P is under one of them,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. I've seen it roll onto the floor.
Speaker 1: It did roll onto the floor at that time, said
Speaker 1: mister Critz upontologetically. It most generally does for me. Yet
Speaker 1: I ain't got it down to perfection yet. This is
Speaker 1: the way it ought to work. Oh pshaw. There she
Speaker 1: goes on to the floor again, went under the bed
Speaker 1: that time. Here she is now the way she ought
Speaker 1: to work is there she goes again. You got to
Speaker 1: practice that game a lot before you try it on
Speaker 1: folks in public, mister Kritz, said mister Gubb. Seriously, don't
Speaker 1: I know that, said mister Kritz, rather impatiently, Same as
Speaker 1: you've got to practice snoop And mister Gubb, maybe you
Speaker 1: thought I didn't know you was snoopin after me wherever
Speaker 1: I went last night? Did you? Asked mister Gubb, with
Speaker 1: surprise plainly written on his face. I've seen you every
Speaker 1: moment from nine p m. Till eleven, said mister Kritz.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it neither. I I didn't think to
Speaker 1: annoy you, apologized mister Gubb. I was practicin lesson four.
Speaker 1: You wasn't supposed to know I was there at all. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't like it, said mister Kritz. Twas all right
Speaker 1: last night for I didn't have nothing importint on hand.
Speaker 1: But if i'd been workin up a con game, the
Speaker 1: feller I was after would have thought it mighty strange
Speaker 1: to see a man followin me everywhere like that. If
Speaker 1: you went about it quiet and obtrusive, I wouldn't mind.
Speaker 1: But if I'd had a customer on hand and he'd
Speaker 1: seen you, it would make him nervous. He'd think there
Speaker 1: was a a crazy man followin us. I I was
Speaker 1: just practicin, apologized mister Gubb. It won't be so bad
Speaker 1: when I get the hang of it. We all got
Speaker 1: to be beginners sometime, I guess, so, said mister Critz,
Speaker 1: rearranging the shells and the little rubber pea. Well, I
Speaker 1: put the pea down like this, and I dare you
Speaker 1: to bet which shell she's going to be under. And
Speaker 1: you don't bet, see, So I put the shells down
Speaker 1: and you're willing to bet you see me put the
Speaker 1: first shell over the pea like this, so you keep
Speaker 1: your eye on that shell, and I move the shells
Speaker 1: around like this. She's under the same shell, said mister Gubb. Well,
Speaker 1: yes she is, said mister Critz placidly. But she hadn't
Speaker 1: ought to be by rights, she ought to sort of
Speaker 1: ooze out from under whilst I'm moving the shells around,
Speaker 1: and i'd ought to catch her in between my fingers
Speaker 1: and hold her there so you don't see her. Then
Speaker 1: when you say which shell she's under, she ain't under
Speaker 1: any shell. She's between my fingers. So when you put
Speaker 1: down your money, i'd tell you to pick up that shell,
Speaker 1: and there ain't anything under it. And before you can
Speaker 1: pick up the other shells, I pick one up and
Speaker 1: let the pee fall on the stand like it had
Speaker 1: been under that shell all the time. That's the game,
Speaker 1: only up to now I ain't got the hang of it.
Speaker 1: She won't ooze out from under, and she won't stick
Speaker 1: between my fingers, and when she does stick, she won't
Speaker 1: drop at the right time. Except for that, you've got
Speaker 1: her all right, have you, asked mister Gubb. Except for that,
Speaker 1: said mister Kriz. And i'd have that only my fingers
Speaker 1: are stubby. What was it you've thought of having me
Speaker 1: do if I wasn't a detecative, asked mister Gubb. The
Speaker 1: work you'd have to do would be capping work, said
Speaker 1: mister Kritz Capper. That's the professional name for it, you'd
Speaker 1: guess which shell the ball was under. That would be
Speaker 1: easy the way you do it now, said mister Gubb.
Speaker 1: I told you I got to learn it better, didn't
Speaker 1: I asked mister Critz, impatiently. You'd be capper and you'd
Speaker 1: guess which shell the pea was under. No matter which
Speaker 1: you guessed, I'd leave it under that one, so you'd win,
Speaker 1: and you'd win ten dollars every time you bet, but
Speaker 1: not for keeps. That's why I've got to have an
Speaker 1: honest capper. I can see that, said mister Gubb. But
Speaker 1: what's the use in letting me win it? If I've
Speaker 1: got to bring it back? That starts the boob's betting,
Speaker 1: said mister Kritz. The boobs see how you look to
Speaker 1: be winnin, and they want to win too, but they
Speaker 1: don't when they bet I win. That ain't as square game,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. Seriously, is it? A crook ain't expected
Speaker 1: to be square, said mister Kritz. It stands to reason
Speaker 1: if a crook wants to be a crook, he's got
Speaker 1: to be crooked, ain't he. Yes, of course, said mister Gubb.
Speaker 1: I hadn't looked at it that way. As far as
Speaker 1: I can see, said mister Kritz. The more I know
Speaker 1: how a detective acts, the better off I'll be when
Speaker 1: I start in doing real business, Ain't that so? I
Speaker 1: guess till I get the hang of things better, I'll
Speaker 1: stay right here. I'm glad to hear you say so,
Speaker 1: mister Kritz, said mister Gubb with relief. I like you,
Speaker 1: and I like your looks, and there's no telling who
Speaker 1: I might get for a roommate next time. I might
Speaker 1: get someone that wasn't honest. So it was agreed, and
Speaker 1: mister Kritz stood over the washstand and manipulated the little
Speaker 1: rubber p in the three shells, while mister Gubb sat
Speaker 1: on the edge of the bed and studied less than
Speaker 1: eleven of the Rising Sun Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting.
Speaker 1: When presently mister Kritz learned to work the little pea neatly,
Speaker 1: he urged mister Gubb to take the part of the capper,
Speaker 1: and each time mister Gubb won, he gave him a
Speaker 1: five dollar bill. Then mister Gubb posed as a boob
Speaker 1: and mister Critz won all the money back, again, beaming
Speaker 1: over his spectacle rims and chuckling again and again, until
Speaker 1: he burst into a fit of coughing that made him
Speaker 1: red in the face, and did not cease until he
Speaker 1: had taken a big drink of water out of the
Speaker 1: wash pitcher. Never had he seemed more like a kindly
Speaker 1: old gentleman from behind the candy counter of a small village.
Speaker 1: He hung over the washstand, manipulating the little rubber pea
Speaker 1: as if fascinated. Ain't it curious how a feller catches
Speaker 1: on to a thing like that all to once? He
Speaker 1: said after a while. If it hadn't been that I
Speaker 1: was so anxious, I might have fooled with that for
Speaker 1: weeks and weeks and not got anywhere with it. I
Speaker 1: do wish you could be my capper a while anyway,
Speaker 1: until I could get one. I need all my time
Speaker 1: to study, said mister Gubb. It ain't easy to learn
Speaker 1: de ticketing by mail. Pshah, now, said mister Kritz. I'm
Speaker 1: real sorry. Maybe if I was to pay you for
Speaker 1: your time in trouble, five dollars a night, I'll say.
Speaker 1: Mister Gubb consentered. Well, I dunno, he said slowly. I
Speaker 1: sort of hate to take money for doin a favor
Speaker 1: like that. Now, There ain't no need to feel that way,
Speaker 1: said mister Kritz. Your time's worth somethin to me. It's
Speaker 1: worth a lot to me to get the hang of
Speaker 1: this gold brick game. Once I get the hang of it,
Speaker 1: it won't be no trouble for me to sell gold
Speaker 1: bricks like this one for all the way from a
Speaker 1: thousand dollars up. I paid fifteen hundred for this one
Speaker 1: myself and got it cheap. That's a good profit for
Speaker 1: this brick ain't worth a cent over one hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: And I know for I took it to the bank
Speaker 1: after I bought it, and that's what they was willing
Speaker 1: to pay me for it. So it's easy with a
Speaker 1: few dollars for me to have help whilst I'm learning.
Speaker 1: I can easily afford to pay you a few dollars
Speaker 1: and to pay a friend of yours the same. Well, now,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. I don't know, but what I might
Speaker 1: as well make a little that way as any other
Speaker 1: I got a friend. He stopped short. You don't aim
Speaker 1: to sell the gold brick to him, do you. Mister
Speaker 1: Kritz's eyes opened wide behind their spectacles. Land's sake, No,
Speaker 1: he said. Well, I got a friend may be willing
Speaker 1: to help out, said mister Gubb. What do you have
Speaker 1: to do? You were him, said mister Kritz, would be
Speaker 1: the come on and pretend to buy the brick, and
Speaker 1: you were him, would pretend to help me to sell it.
Speaker 1: Maybe you better have the brick because you can look stupid,
Speaker 1: and the feller that's got the brick has got to
Speaker 1: look that. I can look anyway, almost, said mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: with pride. Do tell, said mister Kritz, And so it
Speaker 1: was arranged that the first rehearse of the gold brick
Speaker 1: game should take place the next evening. But as mister
Speaker 1: Gubb turned away, mister Kritz deftly slipped something into the
Speaker 1: student detective's coat pocket. It was toward noon the next
Speaker 1: day that mister Kritz, peering over his spectacles and avoiding
Speaker 1: as best he could the pails of paste, entered the
Speaker 1: parlor of the vacant house where mister Gubb was at work.
Speaker 1: I just come around, said mister Critz, rather reluctantly, to say,
Speaker 1: you better not say nothing to your friend. I guess
Speaker 1: that deals off pshaw. Now, said mister Gubb. You don't
Speaker 1: mean so I don't mean nothing in the way of
Speaker 1: aspersions you mind, said mister Kritz with reluctance. But I
Speaker 1: guess we'd better call it off. Of course, so far
Speaker 1: as I know you're all right, I don't know what
Speaker 1: you're getting at, said mister Gubb. Why why don't you
Speaker 1: say it? Well, I've been buncoed so often, said mister Kritz.
Speaker 1: Seems like anyone can get money from me anytime, in
Speaker 1: any way. And I got to thinking it over. I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about you, do I. And here I
Speaker 1: am going to give you a gold brick that cost
Speaker 1: me fifteen hundred dollars and let you go out and
Speaker 1: wait until I come for it with your friend. And well,
Speaker 1: what's to stop you from just going away with that
Speaker 1: brick and never coming back. Mister Gubb looked at mister
Speaker 1: Critz blankly. I've went and told my friend. He said,
Speaker 1: he's all ready to start in. I hate it to
Speaker 1: have to say it, said mister Kritz. But when I
Speaker 1: come to count over them bills I lent you to
Speaker 1: cap the shell game with. There was a five dollar
Speaker 1: one short, I know, said Gubb, turning red. And if
Speaker 1: you go over there to my coat you'll find it
Speaker 1: in my pocket all ready to hand back to you.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I come to keep it in
Speaker 1: my pocket. Must have missed it when I handed you
Speaker 1: back the rest. Well, I had a notion it was
Speaker 1: that way, said mister Critz. Kindly, you look like you
Speaker 1: was honest, mister Gubb, But a thousand dollar gold brick
Speaker 1: at any bank we'll pay one hundred dollars for. I
Speaker 1: got to get out of this way of trust in everybody.
Speaker 1: Mister Kritz was evidently distressed. If twas anybody else but you,
Speaker 1: he said, with an effort, I'd make him put up
Speaker 1: one hundred dollars to cover the cost of a brick
Speaker 1: like that whilst he had it there. I've said it,
Speaker 1: and I guess you're mad. I ain't mad, protested mister Gubb.
Speaker 1: Long as you're gonna pay me in pete and it's business,
Speaker 1: I ain't so set against putting up what the brick
Speaker 1: is worth. Mister Kritz heaved a deep sigh of relief.
Speaker 1: You don't know how good that makes me feel, he said.
Speaker 1: I was almost losing what faith in mankind I had left.
Speaker 1: Mister Gubb bade his frugal evening meals at the Pie
Speaker 1: Wagon on Willow Street, just off Maine, where by day
Speaker 1: pie Wagon Pete dispensed light viands, and Pie Wagon Pete
Speaker 1: was the friend he had invited to share mister Kritz's generosity.
Speaker 1: The seal of secrecy had been put on Pie Wagon
Speaker 1: Pete's lips before mister Gubb offered him the opportunity to
Speaker 1: accept or decline, And when mister Gubb stopped for his
Speaker 1: evening meal, pie Wagon Pete, now off duty, was waiting
Speaker 1: for him. The story of mister Critz and his amateur
Speaker 1: con business had amused Pie Wagon Pete. He could hardly
Speaker 1: believe such utter innocence existed. Perhaps he did not believe
Speaker 1: it existed, for he had come from the city, and
Speaker 1: he had had shady companions before he landed in Riverbank.
Speaker 1: He was a sharp eyed, red headed fellow with a
Speaker 1: hard fist and a scar across his face. And when
Speaker 1: mister Gubb had told him of mister Critz and his affairs,
Speaker 1: he had seen an opportunity to shear a country lamb.
Speaker 1: How goes it for to night Philo, he asked mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: taking the stool next to mister Gubb while the night
Speaker 1: man drew a cup of coffee. Quite well, said mister Gubb.
Speaker 1: Everything is arranged satisfactory. I'm to be on the old
Speaker 1: houseboat by the warf House on the levee at nine
Speaker 1: with it. He glanced at the nightman's back and lowered
Speaker 1: his voice. And mister Kritz will bring you there nine, eh,
Speaker 1: said pie Wagon. I meet him at your room, do I?
Speaker 1: You meet him at the Riverbank Hotel at eight forty five,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb, like it was the real thing. I'm
Speaker 1: going over to my room now and give him the money.
Speaker 1: What money, asked pie Wagon. Pete quickly. Well, you see,
Speaker 1: said mister Gubb. He sort of hated to trust the
Speaker 1: trust it out of his hands without a deposit. It's
Speaker 1: the only one he has, so I thought i'd put
Speaker 1: up one hundred dollars. He's all right, Oh sure, said
Speaker 1: pie Wagon. A hundred dollars eh. He looked at mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: who was eating a piece of apple pie hand to
Speaker 1: mouth fashion, and studied him in a new light. One
Speaker 1: hundred dollars, eh, he repeated thoughtfully. You give him a
Speaker 1: hundred dollar deposit now, and he eats you at nine
Speaker 1: and me at eight forty five. And the train leaves
Speaker 1: for Chicago at eight forty three, half way between the
Speaker 1: houseboat and the hotel, Say Gubby, what does this old
Speaker 1: guy look like? Mister Gubb, albeit with a tongue unused
Speaker 1: to description, delineated mister Kritz as best he could, and
Speaker 1: as he proceeded, pie Wagon Pete became interested, pinkish, and
Speaker 1: bawled top of his head like a hard boiled egg.
Speaker 1: He ain't got a scar across his face, the dickens
Speaker 1: he has short and plump and a regular old nice
Speaker 1: grandpa blue eyes, say did he have a coffin spell
Speaker 1: and choke red in the face. Well, sir, for a
Speaker 1: brand new detective, you've done well. Listen, Jim, Gubby's got
Speaker 1: the hard boiled egg. The nightman almost dropped his cup
Speaker 1: of coffee. Go away, he said, old heart boiled himself,
Speaker 1: that's right, and caught him with the goods. Say listen, Gubby.
Speaker 1: For five minutes, pie Wagon Pete talked while mister Gubb
Speaker 1: sat with his mouth wide open, see said Pye Wagon Pete.
Speaker 1: At last, And don't you mention me at all. Don't
Speaker 1: mention no one, just say to the chief, And havn't
Speaker 1: trailed him? This far mister Whittaker, and arranged to have
Speaker 1: him took with the goods. It's up to you, see,
Speaker 1: and as soon as you say that, have him send
Speaker 1: a couple of bulls with you. And if they can
Speaker 1: do it, they'll nab old hard boiled, just as he
Speaker 1: takes your cash, and old Sleuth and Sherlock Holmes won't
Speaker 1: be in it with you when tomorrow mornin's papers come out.
Speaker 1: Get it, mister Gubb got it. When he entered his bedroom,
Speaker 1: mister Kritz was waiting for him. It was slightly after
Speaker 1: eight o'clock, perhaps eight fifteen. Mister Kritz had what appeared
Speaker 1: to be the gold brick neatly wrapped in newspaper, and
Speaker 1: he looked up with his kindly blue eyes. He had
Speaker 1: been reading the Complete con Man and had pushed his
Speaker 1: spectacles up on his forehead as mister Gubb entered. I'd
Speaker 1: done that brick up for you, he said, indicating it
Speaker 1: with his hand, so's it wouldn't glitter whilst you was
Speaker 1: goin through the street. If word got passed round there
Speaker 1: was a gold brick in town, folks might sort of
Speaker 1: get suspicious, like nice night for goin out, ain't it?
Speaker 1: Got a letter from my wife this afternoon, he chuckled.
Speaker 1: She says, she hopes I'm doin well. Sally'd have a
Speaker 1: fit if she knew what business I was goin into. Well.
Speaker 1: Time's getting along. I brung the money, said mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: drawing it from his pocket. Don't seem hardly necessary, does it,
Speaker 1: said mister Chritz mildly. But I suppose it's just as well, thank'e,
Speaker 1: mister Gubb. I'll just pile it into my coat. Mister
Speaker 1: Gubb had picked up the gold brick, and now he
Speaker 1: let it fall once more. The door flew open, but
Speaker 1: this time it opened for three stalwart policemen, whose revolvers
Speaker 1: pointed unwaveringly at missus. Mister Kritz, the plump little man,
Speaker 1: gave one glance and put up his hands. All right, boys,
Speaker 1: you've got me, he said, in quite another voice, and
Speaker 1: allowed them to seize his arms. He paid no attention
Speaker 1: to the police, but at mister Gubb, who was tearing
Speaker 1: the wrapper from what proved to be but a common
Speaker 1: vitrified paving brick. He looked long and hard, say, said
Speaker 1: mister Critz to mister Gubb, I'm the goat you've stung me.
Speaker 1: All right, you worked me to a finish. I thought
Speaker 1: I knew all of you from Burns down, but you're
Speaker 1: a new one to me. Who are you anyway? Mister
Speaker 1: Gubb looked up me, he said with pride. Why Why
Speaker 1: I'm Gubb. The foremost detecative of Riverbank, Iowa, and of
Speaker 1: the hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler