WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.919 Taylor's an attractive guy, but he's no male model, neither 2 00:00:02.960 --> 00:00:05.360 of I. That's for sure. I could be a hand model, 3 00:00:06.040 --> 00:00:15.839 it could not be a real model. Welcome back to 4 00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.000 you how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host 5 00:00:18.120 --> 00:00:21.559 dating coach, Connell Barrett. Think of me as your podcast 6 00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:24.239 dating coach. I'm here to help you know what to say, 7 00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:28.920 help you flirt, help you meet women, especially in real life, 8 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:30.879 so you can get a great girlfriend, and do it 9 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:35.759 all by being authentic. No creepy pickup tricks needed. Although 10 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:42.719 today's episode is about pickup moves. Five pickup lines for 11 00:00:42.840 --> 00:00:48.000 guys who hate pickup lines. I hate cheesy, fake, weird 12 00:00:48.039 --> 00:00:54.799 pickup lines like you know, did you fall from the sky? 13 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:59.439 That bullshit. What I love is to meet a woman 14 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:04.200 out in the real world and connect with her and 15 00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:07.680 end up getting a date with her. We can call 16 00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:09.599 that a pickup line if you want, but I love 17 00:01:09.680 --> 00:01:11.959 doing that in a way that's authentic and genuine, really 18 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:13.599 present and spontaneous. 19 00:01:14.120 --> 00:01:15.239 So I'm gonna give you. 20 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:17.920 By the end of this episode, I'll have gone over 21 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:22.239 at least five pickup lines that don't feel like pickup lines, 22 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:27.920 that don't feel like you're doing some scripted weird thing. 23 00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:33.480 Here's a quick story from way over a decade ago. 24 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:39.000 I dated a wonderful woman named Lane, and I remember, 25 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:41.799 this is oh man, this is gosh, this is fifteen 26 00:01:41.879 --> 00:01:45.159 years ago. Over fifteen years ago. I met Barnes and 27 00:01:45.159 --> 00:01:50.079 Noble and I see a very pretty blonde, slender blonde 28 00:01:50.120 --> 00:01:53.480 woman standing next to some greeting cards. You know, they 29 00:01:53.480 --> 00:01:57.319 have those fancy greeting cards at Barnes and Nobles. And 30 00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.280 at the time, I was learning all about approaching women 31 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:05.040 from my coaches, and one of my coaches said, early on, 32 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:07.159 he just said, Connell, if you're not sure what to say, 33 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:11.000 just say what you're thinking. Say something genuine and real, 34 00:02:11.319 --> 00:02:14.879 and as long as it's not, like, you know, vulgar, 35 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:18.719 that's a great thing to do. Go with what you're 36 00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:19.479 thinking and feeling. 37 00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:20.520 I love that. 38 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:23.800 So I see this woman, don't know her name yet, 39 00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:26.520 and I walk over and I'm just thinking, Okay, what 40 00:02:26.599 --> 00:02:29.840 am I honestly thinking about this person? She's really cute 41 00:02:30.360 --> 00:02:31.319 and I want to meet her. 42 00:02:31.759 --> 00:02:32.400 That's simple. 43 00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:34.759 So I walk over and I say, hey, excuse me, 44 00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:36.159 you're really cute. 45 00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:37.360 I had to meet you. 46 00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:40.199 And she looks at me and she smiles and tilts 47 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:43.319 her head and says, wow, thanks, you're really cute too, 48 00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:48.520 And we had a really nice, fun, five maybe five 49 00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:54.800 six seven minute conversation names Lane and got her number. 50 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:59.280 But the most memorable thing about her, other than the 51 00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:04.879 approach and that smile, that receptivity, is what she texted 52 00:03:04.879 --> 00:03:08.919 me later that day. It was a Saturday, and I 53 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:11.120 remember I texted her, Hey, Lane, it was great running 54 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:11.680 into you. 55 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:13.319 You know, good luck. 56 00:03:14.759 --> 00:03:17.800 Shopping shopping for cards or greeting cards or getting your 57 00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:20.159 grandmother card, whatever she was shopping for, I wrote her 58 00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:22.639 or something like that, and she wrote back, it was 59 00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:27.639 great meeting you too, Thanks for picking me up. She 60 00:03:27.800 --> 00:03:30.080 literally said thank you for picking me up, as in 61 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:33.240 picking up a girl. So there is nothing wrong with 62 00:03:33.319 --> 00:03:37.639 picking up a girl. And my pickup line is almost 63 00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:41.039 like an anti pickup line. It was just what's genuine, 64 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:43.159 what's real? Hey, you're cute. I wanted to say hi 65 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:44.960 to you. That's literally what I said to her. And 66 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:49.039 that was more than enough for Lane. And then two 67 00:03:49.199 --> 00:03:52.800 nights later, wait, Saturday, Sunday, Monday too. Three nights later, 68 00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:54.879 I believe it was a Tuesday night, we had our 69 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:58.759 first date at a bar in the West village, a dark, 70 00:03:58.919 --> 00:04:06.919 cool little wine bar, beer and wine and candlelight, moody 71 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:11.759 and dark and cool but romantic by the way. Lane. 72 00:04:12.520 --> 00:04:14.759 Her hair was in a ponytail. She was very pretty. 73 00:04:14.759 --> 00:04:18.079 Don't get me wrong, but I don't usually use the 74 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:19.920 number scale, but if I was going to go one 75 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:24.079 to ten, the Lane that I met in Barnes and 76 00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:27.480 Noble was like a solid seven point five. And then 77 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:31.480 on Tuesday night for our first date in Walks, a 78 00:04:31.879 --> 00:04:37.519 nine point nine, nine nine, hair down, wearing a cute 79 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:47.120 little dress, semi low cut top, just stunning, just almost model, beautiful, effervescent. Huh, 80 00:04:47.160 --> 00:04:52.519 And I thought, wow, this is she looks absolutely dynamite. 81 00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:58.639 And something I realized that moment was if again, I'm 82 00:04:58.680 --> 00:05:01.000 sorry for sounding like a one ten guy. That just 83 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:05.399 sounds so shallow, but it's just an understandable metric. A 84 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:09.560 seven whose number you get at a bookstore or a 85 00:05:09.560 --> 00:05:11.439 coffee shop. She's going to be a nine and a 86 00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:15.160 half on the date because she'll be all dolled up, 87 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:20.879 hair done, just looking cute, super super cute. So I 88 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:23.040 met a seven and had a day with a ten, 89 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:27.680 And it all started by having the right quote unquote 90 00:05:27.720 --> 00:05:30.240 pickup line which is really more of an anti pickup line, 91 00:05:30.759 --> 00:05:33.199 just basically speaking my thoughts. So today I want to 92 00:05:33.199 --> 00:05:36.000 talk to you about pickup lines and the art of 93 00:05:36.000 --> 00:05:38.319 what to say to a woman in those very first words. 94 00:05:39.240 --> 00:05:41.720 And the reason this has been on my mind today 95 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:45.720 is that I just I'm recording this on Monday, and 96 00:05:45.759 --> 00:05:48.720 I just spent this last weekend with two amazing clients. 97 00:05:49.720 --> 00:05:52.720 Taylor flew in from Kansas City, thirty three year old 98 00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:55.439 gentleman who's a used car sorry, not used car, a 99 00:05:55.600 --> 00:06:00.000 car dealership manager, so really new cars. He's selling people 100 00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:04.360 in Kansas City. And a client named Kevin who's a veterinarian, 101 00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:08.160 and Kevin lives in Pennsylvania. So these two guys came 102 00:06:08.199 --> 00:06:09.800 in to work with me this weekend. I do this 103 00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:12.480 thing called the Wingman Weekend, where it's like, let's go 104 00:06:12.519 --> 00:06:16.120 out with Coach Connell approach women. Connell's your wingman, and 105 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:19.720 I help them approach women. So I want to tell 106 00:06:19.720 --> 00:06:23.000 you a quick story about what to say for those 107 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:27.519 first words and what an incredible, incredibly powerful. 108 00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:28.519 Thing it is for a woman when you do this 109 00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:29.160 the right way. 110 00:06:29.879 --> 00:06:36.519 So Taylor, Taylor and I were talking on Friday night. 111 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:40.120 We sit down at the Standard Hotel at the bar, 112 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:42.720 just doing a little pre brief conversation that I do 113 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:46.720 with clients before we start approaching women. And I said, 114 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:48.639 how many women have you been approaching in the last 115 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:54.079 couple months? And Taylor said basically zero? And I said 116 00:06:54.360 --> 00:06:57.839 why why? I mean, I know he wants to approach women. 117 00:06:57.959 --> 00:06:59.800 I know that because he's been working with me, but 118 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:02.560 he hasn't been doing it. And I said why. He said, well, 119 00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:09.720 I overthink. I'm an overthinker, and I just think I'm 120 00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:12.519 that overthinking type guy and who just can't do this. 121 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:16.920 And I said, okay, what are you thinking about? He said, well, 122 00:07:17.079 --> 00:07:19.519 I want to say the right thing. I want to 123 00:07:19.560 --> 00:07:21.720 say the right thing that makes what makes it go well. 124 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:24.439 Otherwise I don't want to get shot down and rejected. 125 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.120 And I said, if you get shot down and rejected, 126 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:29.199 how would that feel in the moment do you think? 127 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:33.439 And he said, I would feel humiliated. That's what I 128 00:07:33.480 --> 00:07:36.600 don't want. I don't want to feel humiliated. It's a 129 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:39.879 strong word, that's a strong emotion to want to avoid. 130 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.360 And I said, Taylor, I have news for you. Your 131 00:07:43.439 --> 00:07:49.720 issue is not overthinking. Your issue is that you are 132 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:57.920 afraid of humiliation and the fear of humiliation makes you overthink. 133 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:03.680 So you're not an overthinker. He was tying his very 134 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:08.720 identity to approaching women. I'm just not that guy who 135 00:08:08.759 --> 00:08:10.920 can do it. I don't know what to say. I'm 136 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:15.000 an overthinker, I'm introverted. Blah blah blah blah blah. And 137 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:17.480 I said, has nothing to do with your identity. This 138 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:22.000 is just you telling yourself some bullshit story that an 139 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:27.319 approach equals humiliation. He starts nodding his head saying, yeah, 140 00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:29.319 I get what you mean about that. And then I said, 141 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:31.560 by the way, if you did approach a woman at 142 00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:35.120 the bar and she quote rejected you, what would you lose? 143 00:08:36.200 --> 00:08:39.759 What would you actually lose? And he started laughing and 144 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:44.039 he said nothing. I have nothing to lose. He started 145 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:49.440 realizing the absurdity of what his brain was talking him into, 146 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.200 this idea that you can be humiliated. Can you be 147 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:55.519 humiliated by saying hello to a woman at a bar 148 00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:00.000 and having her say, actually, I'm with somebody, no, thank you. 149 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:05.000 Where's the humiliation there, the humiliation or lack thereof, it's 150 00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:09.240 between your ears. That's the only place where humiliation lives. 151 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:14.840 But guess what between the ears is also where feelings 152 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:20.279 and stories like confidence live and charisma lives there too. 153 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:25.480 And being the man who goes for it and steps 154 00:09:25.559 --> 00:09:28.759 up and meets women that's between the ears as well. 155 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:31.120 In other words, he has so much more to gain 156 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:34.879 by approaching that woman at the bar than by not 157 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:38.320 doing it. Bottom line, he said to me, as we're 158 00:09:38.360 --> 00:09:40.799 sitting there in this little pre brief conversation, he said, 159 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:44.879 I rehearse over and over again, and then I said, okay, 160 00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:48.600 here's your rule for tonight. Taylor, and Kevin is sitting 161 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:51.399 there with us, and Kevin is chiming in helping out. 162 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:55.080 When I do these approaching weekends, it's like three men 163 00:09:55.120 --> 00:09:59.240 out in the town to conquer demons, charm beautiful women 164 00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:06.000 and just have these It's so fun. And I said, 165 00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:10.240 here's your mantra for tonight. No more rehearsing. Say the 166 00:10:10.279 --> 00:10:12.879 first thing that enters your mind, if you see it, 167 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:17.919 say it, if you see it, say it whatever you see. Basically, 168 00:10:17.960 --> 00:10:20.279 approach and just say the first thing that comes into 169 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.759 your mind, just like I did with Lane in the 170 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:25.759 Barnes and Noble. He said, yeah, I'm in so fast 171 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:29.480 forward About forty five minutes later, We're at the beer garden. 172 00:10:29.799 --> 00:10:32.159 There's a place called the beer Garden at the Standard Hotel. 173 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:34.559 So we're at the beer garden this last weekend, and 174 00:10:34.600 --> 00:10:37.600 there's you know, fifty beautiful women in the place at least, 175 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.879 And there are six women sitting at a six top 176 00:10:41.240 --> 00:10:42.120 at the beer garden. 177 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:43.480 They're all pretty. 178 00:10:43.799 --> 00:10:46.919 Every one of them is pretty and stylish and just 179 00:10:47.480 --> 00:10:54.399 Friday night in New York City. And I point him 180 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.960 over to approach those women, and he said, I can't. 181 00:10:57.159 --> 00:10:59.519 I can't approach those six women. I don't know what 182 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:04.440 to say. I think I'm gonna puke. I didn't, not 183 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:07.759 laughing at him, but I remember that feeling. And I said, 184 00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:12.200 remember our deal, Remember our deal. You're only feeling this 185 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:15.240 way right now because you're afraid of humiliation, right. He's 186 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:18.919 like yeah. And I said, Okay, I know exactly what 187 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:21.879 you should say. I know exactly what you should say. 188 00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:24.799 I told him. And he's like, Okay, what should I say? 189 00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:27.759 And I said, and I had a little secret plan 190 00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:28.399 for Taylor. 191 00:11:29.559 --> 00:11:30.200 I gave him. 192 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:33.240 I was going to give him the first half of 193 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.480 an opener, an approach opener, but I didn't want him 194 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:38.399 to know it was the first half because I wanted 195 00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:40.240 him to go out and start walking on the high 196 00:11:40.279 --> 00:11:42.120 wire without the net. 197 00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:44.320 So we're literally five feet away. 198 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.320 From this six top of beautiful women at the beer 199 00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:48.039 garden and I say, oh, I got the perfect thing 200 00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:48.399 to say. 201 00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:49.679 Here you go, here's what you say? 202 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:54.600 What I said, walk over and say, hey, ladies, I 203 00:11:54.600 --> 00:11:58.399 have something really important to tell you. And then I said, 204 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:00.600 and I started to push him towards and I say, 205 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:04.320 go say that, and he pushed back and he said, no, wait, 206 00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:06.600 but what is it? What's the important thing I have 207 00:12:06.679 --> 00:12:08.960 to tell them? And I said, I don't know. Your 208 00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:11.919 brain will figure it out. And I shoved him gently 209 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:16.600 but firmly. I shoved him to the table and he 210 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:20.440 turns toward women and he says, oh, hey, ladies, I 211 00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:23.440 have something really important to tell you. And they're like what. 212 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:27.759 And he said, I'm thinking of becoming a male model. 213 00:12:28.519 --> 00:12:32.639 Do you think I should. I don't know where that 214 00:12:32.720 --> 00:12:35.840 came from. It came from the ether, it came from 215 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:39.519 something in the wind. I think we were talking about 216 00:12:39.639 --> 00:12:43.240 mom a model or something modeling. And he just says 217 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:47.480 that and half the women laugh. They're like, no way, really, 218 00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:49.279 you're going to be a model, And the other half 219 00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:51.559 are like, you're kidding with us. Really, By the way, 220 00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:54.440 Taylor's an attractive guy, but he's no male model. 221 00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:55.279 Neither am I. 222 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:58.159 That's for sure. I could be a hand model, it 223 00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:01.720 could not be a real model. Bottom line is I 224 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.399 wanted him to start the approach but not know what 225 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:07.519 the finish line of the sentence was going to be. 226 00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:11.639 And they loved him. Not only did they love him, 227 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:14.080 they said, hey, come sit with us. Before you know it, 228 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:17.240 he's joined their table. They're now a seven top Taylor 229 00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:20.360 with six beautiful women, and one of the women he 230 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:23.679 starts really clicking with. Her name is Cassie. And Cassie 231 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:28.240 and Taylor start hitting it off, and all of a sudden, 232 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:30.559 my job becomes much easier because I was going to 233 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:35.000 spend the whole night having Taylor approach twenty five women. 234 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:36.080 He didn't need to. 235 00:13:36.200 --> 00:13:40.080 He approached like four or five before this happened, and 236 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:43.720 he spent the entire next three hours with Cassie and 237 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:47.720 her friends. And then eventually Cassie and Taylor ended up 238 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:51.799 going off into the night on an instant date, and 239 00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:54.720 he gave Taylor as he was saying good night to 240 00:13:54.799 --> 00:13:57.919 me and Cassie was saying good night to her friends. 241 00:13:57.919 --> 00:14:00.879 He came over and said, Conall, this was amazing, and 242 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:05.080 he gave me a hug, and I said, don't rehearse it, 243 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:08.360 just speak your true thoughts. Cassie already likes you. Women 244 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:12.279 already like you. Do you get that now? He's like, yeah, so. 245 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:15.960 And that's the main lesson here is that women, what 246 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:20.639 makes an approach work is not some perfect line. The 247 00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:25.720 thing to say is something perfectly imperfect. What I said 248 00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:29.039 to Lane that day was perfectly imperfect. Hey, you're cute. 249 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:33.519 I wanted to meet you. All Taylor said to those women. 250 00:14:33.559 --> 00:14:34.960 Was should I be a model? 251 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:37.600 And that was just what he came up with in 252 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:40.480 the moment because of something we had been talking and 253 00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:42.000 joking about earlier. 254 00:14:43.159 --> 00:14:44.440 And that was plenty. 255 00:14:45.480 --> 00:14:48.320 Women don't really care all that much about what you 256 00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:50.039 say when you approach. 257 00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:52.639 So the best pickup line. 258 00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:58.159 Is anything that you believe and feel or think in 259 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:02.240 the moment, spontaneously, and you commit to it. He committed 260 00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:06.240 to that approach. It wasn't what he said, it was 261 00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:09.799 how he said it. He leaned over onto the table. 262 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:13.000 I shouldn't say he leaned over, but he took a 263 00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:16.679 commanding stance. He said, Hey, ladies, I got an important 264 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:19.480 question to ask you, and they leaned forward. If he 265 00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:22.840 had said, excuse me, guys, I don't want to bother you, 266 00:15:22.919 --> 00:15:26.120 but can I ask you a question please? Or am 267 00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:29.039 I creeping you out? They would have rejected him immediately. 268 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:35.120 So it's that ownership. It's that ownership of committing to 269 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:38.679 the approach that really makes it work. That's really what 270 00:15:38.759 --> 00:15:42.600 makes it work. And I'm just so proud of him. 271 00:15:43.080 --> 00:15:47.720 I'm just so proud of him. And you might be 272 00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:49.720 thinking the same thing about yourself, like, oh, I need 273 00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:51.200 to know what to say. I have to say the 274 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:54.399 right thing or the perfect thing. You don't you do 275 00:15:54.440 --> 00:15:56.360 want to say something that makes sense to a woman 276 00:15:56.399 --> 00:15:59.360 when you approach. One of my favorite techniques for approaching 277 00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:03.919 is I call it the what to say framework. Here's 278 00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:06.120 what to say. If you want to know what to say, 279 00:16:06.679 --> 00:16:09.240 then look at a group of women or one woman, 280 00:16:09.279 --> 00:16:12.080 whatever the situation is, especially at a bar, and just 281 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:16.840 say either a compliment, a question, or an observation compliment 282 00:16:16.919 --> 00:16:20.080 question observation, Hey I really like your tattoo. That's a 283 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:24.639 great design boom compliment. A question might be hey, what 284 00:16:24.679 --> 00:16:27.600 are you ladies? Drinking tonight that those look really good 285 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:34.840 or an observation, what do you observe about those women were? 286 00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:38.639 There was a four top of women at the beer 287 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:43.039 garden on this Friday night a couple nights ago, and 288 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:47.919 they were all like huddled closely together, like they were 289 00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:52.440 almost like they were sharing a secret. And my other client, Kevin, 290 00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:57.120 observed that and we use that as his opener his 291 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:01.799 quote pickup line. His opener was, well, you ladies seem 292 00:17:01.919 --> 00:17:08.279 like you're talking about a super secret topic. And they 293 00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:12.920 responded and then it went pretty well. So I want 294 00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:16.000 you to think of pickup lines not as lines intended 295 00:17:16.039 --> 00:17:18.240 to pick her up and make her attracted to you. 296 00:17:18.599 --> 00:17:21.319 That's not going to happen most of the time. An 297 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.319 opening line, or a pickup line, if you will, is 298 00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:28.839 just a line designed to start a conversation. And the 299 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:32.240 best way to start a conversation is being present, being authentic, 300 00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:37.759 and spontaneous. Spontaneity is so important. I was spontaneous with 301 00:17:37.880 --> 00:17:40.279 Lane when I said, Hey, you're cute and I wanted 302 00:17:40.279 --> 00:17:43.319 to meet you now. That was flirtatious because I was 303 00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.480 being clear that I found her attractive, but it was 304 00:17:45.480 --> 00:17:50.400 also spontaneous and real Taylor was totally spontaneous in the 305 00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:53.440 should I be a model opener. 306 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:55.400 He never would have thought of that. 307 00:17:55.880 --> 00:18:00.240 Had he been rehearsing, overthinking, trying to find the perfect line, 308 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:02.799 he never would have stumbled on that. He actually would 309 00:18:02.839 --> 00:18:08.440 have come up with something overly orchestrated and robotic. Those 310 00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:12.880 typically don't go that well typically. Now let's talk about Kevin. 311 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:18.480 Kevin had a really great second night out on We 312 00:18:18.519 --> 00:18:22.240 do two nights out when I do these wingman weekends. Oh, 313 00:18:22.279 --> 00:18:24.000 by the way, I should do a quick little promo 314 00:18:24.519 --> 00:18:26.720 if you want to work with me or find out 315 00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:29.720 how my approaching weekends work or my approaching coaching works. 316 00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:32.279 Good At dating transformation dot com you can book a 317 00:18:32.279 --> 00:18:34.960 free call with me and you can learn all about 318 00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:36.680 how I do this with guys in New York City. 319 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:39.480 I also do it in other cities, but mainly New 320 00:18:39.559 --> 00:18:41.559 York where I live. So go to my website if 321 00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:45.079 you want to Dating transformation dot Com. So night two 322 00:18:45.319 --> 00:18:48.680 with Kevin, we're doing oh here, this is a great 323 00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:49.720 moment for Kevin. 324 00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:51.480 Funny. 325 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.359 So night two We're at a place in New York City, 326 00:18:56.400 --> 00:19:00.079 a really cool fun lounge in the Lower East Side, 327 00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:03.359 and we're about to start approaching. But before we approach women, 328 00:19:03.400 --> 00:19:05.559 I like to do a little warm up exercise to 329 00:19:05.720 --> 00:19:11.440 get my clients in a fun, playful mood. Fun and playful. 330 00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:15.480 That's what women want in bars and clubs, fun and playful. 331 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:20.920 They don't want long, elaborate, logical, analytical conversations. They don't 332 00:19:20.920 --> 00:19:24.160 want a ted talk. They want a fun talk. So 333 00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:29.240 we're doing an exercise that I call so my. It's 334 00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:30.839 the three of us right, we're standing in the corner 335 00:19:30.920 --> 00:19:33.119 about to go approach women. We're two minutes away from 336 00:19:33.160 --> 00:19:35.559 approaching women. But first I want to do this exercise 337 00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:38.759 with them. And I call this the playful Roast, the 338 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:41.920 playful roast. Here's how it works, a really good thing 339 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:43.319 to do. When you meet a woman in a bar, 340 00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:46.880 you're just making that bar small talk. Is you say, hey, 341 00:19:46.920 --> 00:19:49.160 where are you from? Where'd you grow up? And whatever 342 00:19:49.319 --> 00:19:53.559 state or city she mentions, or the state you make 343 00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:56.680 an association with that place, You think, what's the stereotype, 344 00:19:57.160 --> 00:20:00.680 and then you ask her a playful, playfe fully teasing 345 00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:03.920 question based on the stereotype. So imagine you approach a 346 00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:05.799 woman and you say, hey, where are you from? And 347 00:20:05.839 --> 00:20:09.680 she said, oh, I'm from Indiana. You might associate I 348 00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:14.000 don't know, corn or cows or farms with Indiana, and 349 00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:15.400 you could say, oh, you're from Indiana. 350 00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:16.839 Interesting, So did you. 351 00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:20.599 Like ride a cow to school every day? Or did 352 00:20:20.680 --> 00:20:23.400 you eat corn on the cob for breakfast? A very 353 00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:28.359 light tease, a light roast, And that's a good way 354 00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:34.960 to get practiced and somewhat versatile at flirting spontaneously. You 355 00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.880 associate a funny stereotype with wherever she's from. And anyway, 356 00:20:39.960 --> 00:20:42.440 So I'm doing this exercise with them called the Playful Roast. 357 00:20:42.599 --> 00:20:46.319 I'm pretending to be I'm role playing the part of 358 00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:49.559 a woman. And they're approaching me at the bar and 359 00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:54.160 we're doing like thirty second roleplay conversations. So Taylor comes 360 00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:55.799 up to me and says, hey, what's up. I wanted 361 00:20:55.799 --> 00:20:57.480 to meet you, and I'm like, oh, hi, nice to 362 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:00.160 meet you. And then he says to me, pretend to 363 00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:02.839 be a woman. Taylor says, so where are you from? 364 00:21:02.839 --> 00:21:05.000 Where'd you grow up? And I say, oh, I grew 365 00:21:05.079 --> 00:21:08.960 up in Texas. He said, oh Texas. Wow, okay, So 366 00:21:09.079 --> 00:21:09.880 did you have like. 367 00:21:10.519 --> 00:21:12.920 Barbecue ribs in your cereal? 368 00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:16.119 Did you like ride a bull to school every day 369 00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:19.599 and that that's really good. That's pretty good, that's actually 370 00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:23.480 pretty funny. Taylor was doing great, no no surprise. The 371 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:26.279 night before he had an instant date with a beautiful 372 00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:32.119 woman named Cassie. So Taylor's feeling the confidence and anyway, 373 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:35.759 a plus, a plus job, I say to Taylor, and 374 00:21:35.799 --> 00:21:38.880 then Keith comes up to me. I'm sorry, Kevin, Keith 375 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:41.960 was a different client. Kevin comes up to me. And 376 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.920 by the way, Kevin is a doctor, very logical, very analytical. 377 00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:49.880 Playful flirting doesn't come naturally to him, and that's partially 378 00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:53.480 why he hired me. So Kevin comes up to me 379 00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:55.799 and says, hey, where are you from? And I said, oh, hi, 380 00:21:56.759 --> 00:22:00.599 Oh where am i from? I'm from Nevada. And Kevin said, 381 00:22:00.599 --> 00:22:03.039 oh you're from from Nevada? Okay, interesting? 382 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:05.480 Are you a whore? 383 00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:14.160 And there's this like stunned silence from Taylor, who's listening, 384 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:17.920 and me and I do time out. I make a 385 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:22.039 timeout motion. I'm like, time out, time out. What where 386 00:22:22.039 --> 00:22:22.720 did you get? 387 00:22:22.759 --> 00:22:23.880 Are you a whore from? 388 00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:27.880 As your tease, that's not a playful roast. That is 389 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:32.799 a harsh, terrible word to use with any woman ever, 390 00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:36.720 pretty much unless you're unless you know each other really 391 00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:39.559 well and you're both joking about it, and I say, 392 00:22:39.640 --> 00:22:42.160 where did you get that? And in a weird way 393 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:45.920 it makes sense, he said, well, Nevada. Nevada has those 394 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:49.880 legal brothels, and there's like escorts and stuff in Vegas. 395 00:22:49.880 --> 00:22:53.319 So I just went to whoror. So he actually did 396 00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:57.200 the game right, He just went from zero to nine 397 00:22:57.880 --> 00:23:02.799 nine ninety. So I said, okay, let's dial that down right. 398 00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:09.720 Connection he associated something with Nevada. But here's the flirting 399 00:23:09.799 --> 00:23:13.319 rule that he broke, which is that the secret to 400 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:17.799 playful teasing is to only tease a woman about something 401 00:23:17.880 --> 00:23:24.279