WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:06.120 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in 2 00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:09.839 the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:16.359 visit LibriVox dot org. Miss Civilization by Richard Harding Davis, 4 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:19.600 recorded by Betsy. 5 00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:21.559 Bush, Julian Jamison, and. 6 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:26.760 Kristin Hughes on May fifth, two thousand seven, in Chicago, Illinois. 7 00:00:27.879 --> 00:00:32.359 Miss Civilization a comedy in one act. People in the 8 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:36.840 play Alice Gardiner, daughter of James K. Gardiner, president of 9 00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:42.640 the L I and W Railroad. Uncle Joseph Hatch alias Gentleman, 10 00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:49.640 Joe Brick Meakin alias Ready the Kid, Harry Hayes alias 11 00:00:49.799 --> 00:00:56.320 Grand Stan Harry, Captain Lucas, Chief of Police, Policeman Brakeman, engineers. 12 00:00:58.119 --> 00:01:00.600 Scene the dining room in the Cuntry tree house of 13 00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:04.480 James K. Gardener on Long Island. In the back wall 14 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:07.879 is a double doorway opening into a hall. A curtain 15 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:11.640 divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. On the wall. 16 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:14.719 On either side of the doorway are two electric lights, 17 00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:18.200 and to the left is a telephone. Further to the 18 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:23.000 left is a side board. On it are set silver salvers, candlesticks, 19 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:26.280 and Christmas presents of silver. They still are in the 20 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:29.640 red flannel bags in which they arrived. In the left 21 00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:33.480 wall is a recessed window hung with curtains. Against the 22 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:36.120 right wall is a buffet, on which is set a 23 00:01:36.159 --> 00:01:40.640 tea caddy, toast rack and tea kettle. Below the buffet, 24 00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:44.359 a door opens into the butler's pantry. A dinner table 25 00:01:44.519 --> 00:01:47.239 stands well down the stage, with a chair at each 26 00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:50.680 end and on each side. Two chairs are set against 27 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:53.280 the back wall to the right of the door. The 28 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:56.680 walls and windows are decorated with holly and mistletoe and 29 00:01:56.799 --> 00:02:00.879 Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet ribbon. When the 30 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:03.480 window is opened, there is a view of falling snow. 31 00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:07.879 At first, the room is in complete darkness. The time 32 00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:12.680 is the day after Christmas. Near midnight, after the curtain rises, 33 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.639 one hears the noise of a file scraping on iron. 34 00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:19.439 It comes apparently from outside the house, at a point 35 00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:23.599 distant from the dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, 36 00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:26.719 with a weight between each stroke, as though the person 37 00:02:26.879 --> 00:02:31.599 using the file has paused to listen. Alice Gardener enters 38 00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:34.919 at center, carrying a lighted candle in a silver candlestick. 39 00:02:35.639 --> 00:02:39.080 She wears a dressing gown with swans down around the 40 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:42.199 throat and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet 41 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:45.960 are in bedroom slippers topped with fur. Her hair hangs 42 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:49.599 down in a braid. After listening intently to the sound 43 00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:52.919 of the file, she places candle on sideboard and goes 44 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:55.719 to telephone. She speaks in a whisper. 45 00:02:56.680 --> 00:03:02.520 Hello, Central, Hello, Central, Wake up? Is that you Central? 46 00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:06.280 Give me the station agent at Bedford Junction? Quick? What 47 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:11.159 I can't speak louder Well, you must hear me. Give 48 00:03:11.159 --> 00:03:15.039 me the station agent at Bedford Junction. No, there's always 49 00:03:15.039 --> 00:03:17.719 a man there all night. Hurry, please, hurry. 50 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:21.199 There is a pause during which the sound of the 51 00:03:21.240 --> 00:03:24.599 file grows louder Alice listens apprehensively. 52 00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:29.639 Hello, are you the station agent? Good? Listen? I am 53 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:34.439 miss Gardener, James K. Gardner's daughter. Yes, James K. Gardner, 54 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:38.280 the president of the road. This is his house. My 55 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:41.360 mother and I are here alone. There are three men 56 00:03:41.400 --> 00:03:45.199 trying to break in, Yes, burglars. Of course, my mother 57 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:48.199 is very ill. If they frighten her, the shock might 58 00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:52.280 might be very serious. Wake up the crew and send 59 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:55.680 the wrecking train here at once. Send the crew of 60 00:03:55.800 --> 00:04:01.080 the wrecking train here quick. What then fire up an 61 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:03.120 engine and get it here as fast as you can. 62 00:04:04.199 --> 00:04:09.360 Calling from second story, Alice. 63 00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:11.360 Yes, you have the up Track's clear until fifty two 64 00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:18.720 comes along. That's not until Alice, Mother, Hello, hold the wire, don't. 65 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:22.720 Go away, runs to curtains, parts them and looks up 66 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:25.360 as though speaking to someone at the top of stairs. 67 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:28.199 Mother, why aren't you in bed? 68 00:04:28.800 --> 00:04:31.240 Is anything wrong, Alice? 69 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:34.759 No, dear, No, I just came down to get a 70 00:04:34.759 --> 00:04:37.240 book I forgot. Please go back, dearest. 71 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.720 I heard you moving about. I thought you might be ill. 72 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:45.680 No, dearest, but you'll be very ill if you don't 73 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:48.120 keep in bed. Please mother, at once. 74 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:53.639 It's all right, It's all right, yes, dear, good night, 75 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:58.560 good night. Mother returns quickly to telephone. 76 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:04.480 Hello, Hello, stop the engine. At the foot of our lawn. Yes, yes, 77 00:05:04.519 --> 00:05:06.680 at the foot of our lawn. And when you have 78 00:05:06.759 --> 00:05:09.480 the house surrounded, when the men are all around the house, 79 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:13.879 blow three whistles so I'll know you're here. What. Oh, 80 00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:17.000 that's all right. The burglars will be here. I'll see 81 00:05:17.000 --> 00:05:19.319 to that. All you have to do is to get here. 82 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:23.040 If you don't, you'll lose your job. I say, if 83 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.600 you don't, you'll lose your job, or I'm not the 84 00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:28.560 daughter of the president of this road. Now you jump 85 00:05:29.160 --> 00:05:32.240 and wait, Hello, he's jumped. 86 00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:36.800 The file is now drawn harshly across the bolt of 87 00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:39.319 the window of the dining room, and a piece of 88 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:43.399 wood snaps. With an exclamation. Alice blows out the candle 89 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:47.279 and exits. The shutters of the windows are opened, admitting 90 00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:50.639 the faint glow of moonlight. The window is raised, and 91 00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:53.199 the ray of a dark lantern is swept about the room. 92 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:57.319 Hatch appears at window and puts one leg inside. He 93 00:05:57.399 --> 00:05:59.879 has an elderly man wearing a mask which hides the 94 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:03.199 upper half of his face, a heavy overcoat and a 95 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:06.519 derby hat. But for the mask, he might be mistaken 96 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:09.959 for a respectable man of business. A pane of glass 97 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.120 falls from the windows and breaks on the sill. 98 00:06:13.519 --> 00:06:15.319 Hush, be careful, can't you. 99 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:20.079 He enters. He is followed by grand stand Harry, a 100 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:23.800 younger man of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, 101 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:26.639 and the brim of his gray alpine hat is pulled 102 00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:30.079 over his eyes around his throat. He wears a heavy 103 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:30.839 silk muffler. 104 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:36.399 It's all right, come on, hurry up and close those shutters. 105 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:38.079 Gimme the bag ready. 106 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:42.639 Reddy appears at window. He is dressed like a bowery tough. 107 00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:46.199 His face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is 108 00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:49.959 of a brilliant red. He wears an engineer's silk cap 109 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:53.639 with visor to Harry. He passes a half filled canvas 110 00:06:53.680 --> 00:06:58.279 bag on his shoulder. He carries another on entering, he 111 00:06:58.360 --> 00:06:59.759 slips and falls forward on. 112 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:05.920 The confound you hush, you fool. Has he broken anything 113 00:07:07.160 --> 00:07:07.759 on floor? 114 00:07:07.839 --> 00:07:10.319 Rubbing his head. I've broke my. 115 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:14.800 Head, that's no loss. Has he smashed that silver? 116 00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:16.480 It feels all right. 117 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:21.839 Hatch cautiously parts curtains at center and exits into hall. 118 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:26.879 Lifts bag. We got enough stuff in this bag already 119 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:29.040 without wasting time on another house. 120 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:33.560 Wasting time, time's money in this house. Look at the silver. 121 00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:37.160 That's the beauty of working the night after Christmas. Everybody's 122 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.759 presence is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired celebrating 123 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:41.639 to keep awake. 124 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:44.199 Lifts silver loving cup. 125 00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:46.439 Look at that cup. 126 00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:51.759 I'd rather look at a cup of coffee. Ah, you well, 127 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:54.319 I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, 128 00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:58.240 can I I've been through three refrigerators. Tonight, and nothing 129 00:07:58.279 --> 00:08:01.160 in any of em but bottles of milk. Milk. 130 00:08:02.079 --> 00:08:03.519 Get up, get up, get to work. 131 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.879 The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever saw. 132 00:08:07.839 --> 00:08:10.439 I won't visit em again, no matter how often they 133 00:08:10.519 --> 00:08:14.759 ask me. Rising and crossing to buffet, I wonder if 134 00:08:14.759 --> 00:08:18.360 these folks as vegetarians too, hatch enters. 135 00:08:19.319 --> 00:08:22.240 It seems all right. There's no light and everybody's quiet. 136 00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:25.600 You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. 137 00:08:25.879 --> 00:08:29.600 Don't be rough now, I know my business. Gimme the light. 138 00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.440 Takes lantern and exits center. 139 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:37.000 Hissed, ready, ready, leave that alone. That's not safe. 140 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:41.960 Removes silver from sideboard to bag. I know it ain't guv'nor. 141 00:08:42.639 --> 00:08:45.519 I'm lookin for something to eat. He kneels in front 142 00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:46.960 of buffet and opens door. 143 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:50.440 No you're not. You're not here to eat. Come and 144 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:51.679 give me a hand with this stuff. 145 00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:56.440 Gee, I've found a bottle of whiskey. Takes bottle from 146 00:08:56.480 --> 00:08:58.519 buffet and begins to pull at the cork. 147 00:08:59.519 --> 00:09:01.320 Well, you it right back where you found it. 148 00:09:02.039 --> 00:09:04.200 I know a better place than that to put it. 149 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:06.840 How many times have I told you I'll not let 150 00:09:06.840 --> 00:09:08.159 you drink in business hours? 151 00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:09.519 Oh? 152 00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:15.000 Just once, Governor, it's a cruel cold night. I need 153 00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:19.759 it for medicine. No, I tell you just one dose. 154 00:09:20.519 --> 00:09:26.279 Here's to you drinks. Oh lord, he sputters and coughs violently. 155 00:09:29.039 --> 00:09:30.840 Hush stop that, you fool. 156 00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:35.519 Oh I'm poisoned. That's benzene. Governor. What do you think 157 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:38.440 of that benzene? It's burned me throat out. 158 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:41.559 I wish it had burned your tongue out. Can't you 159 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:42.159 keep still? 160 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:47.000 Oh lord? Oh lord, think of a man putting benzene 161 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:51.000 in a whiskey bottle. That's dishonest. That is using a 162 00:09:51.080 --> 00:09:54.679 revenue stamp twice as defraud in the government. I could 163 00:09:54.679 --> 00:09:59.200 have him arrested for that if I wanted to, But 164 00:09:59.279 --> 00:09:59.840 I don't want. 165 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:04.519 Oh quit that and come here. Get out the window 166 00:10:04.519 --> 00:10:06.759 and I'll hand the bag to you. Put it under 167 00:10:06.759 --> 00:10:08.799 the seat of the wagon and cover it up with 168 00:10:08.879 --> 00:10:09.720 the lap rope. 169 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:14.279 Reddy steps to center door and parting the curtains, leans 170 00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:19.279 into the hall beyond listening. Go slow. I ain't to 171 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.759 leave here till Harry is safe on the ground floor again. 172 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:25.840 Don't you worry about Harry. He won't get into trouble. 173 00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:30.240 Sure he won't. It's me and you he'll get into trouble. 174 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:36.879 You hadn't ought to send him to do second story work. No, no, 175 00:10:37.519 --> 00:10:40.879 he's too tender hearted. A second story worker ought to 176 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:41.639 use his gun. 177 00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:45.720 Oh you, you'll fire your gun too often some day. 178 00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:49.960 No, I won't. I did once, but I didn't do 179 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:53.799 it again for six years. But Harry, Ah, he's too 180 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:57.279 tender hearted. If Harry was a chicken thief, before he'd 181 00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:00.720 wring a chicken's neck, he'd give it laughing gas. Why 182 00:11:00.799 --> 00:11:03.000 you remember the lady that woke up and begged him 183 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:05.519 to give her back a gold watch because it belonged 184 00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:08.799 to her little girl who was dead. Well, it turned 185 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.960 out the little girl wasn't dead. It turned out the 186 00:11:12.039 --> 00:11:15.799 little girl was a big boy alive and kicking a 187 00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:19.759 specially kicking. He kicked me into a rose bush. 188 00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:24.159 That'll do. Harry's learning his trade. He'll pick it up 189 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:24.600 in time. 190 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:29.320 About time he picked up something. Remember the Gainesville bank 191 00:11:29.639 --> 00:11:32.200 where he went away leavin ten thousand dollars in the 192 00:11:32.200 --> 00:11:34.799 back of the safe. Why didn't he. 193 00:11:34.759 --> 00:11:39.000 Pick that up because it wasn't there. Bank directors always 194 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:41.399 say that to make us feel bad. Hush. 195 00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:46.480 Harry enters carrying his silk muffler, which now is wrapped 196 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.480 about a collection of jewels and watches. 197 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:52.000 That's quick work. What did you get? 198 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:54.679 Some neck strings and rings and two watches? 199 00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:58.320 He spreads the muffler on the table. The three men 200 00:11:58.440 --> 00:11:59.600 examined the jewelry. 201 00:12:00.759 --> 00:12:02.679 That looks good. Who's up there? 202 00:12:03.720 --> 00:12:05.440 Only an old lady and a young girl in the 203 00:12:05.519 --> 00:12:09.759 room over this. And she's a beauty too, sleeping there, 204 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:11.639 just as sweet and peaceful. 205 00:12:12.519 --> 00:12:15.759 Ah, why don't you give her back her watch? Maybe 206 00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:17.200 she's another dead daughter. 207 00:12:18.279 --> 00:12:22.120 That's all right, Harry, that's good stuff. Pick up that bag. Ready, 208 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:22.879 we can go now. 209 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:27.559 Harry places muffler and jewels in an inside coat pocket. 210 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:32.120 Reddy takes up the dark lantern. Go not till I've 211 00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:33.240 got something to eat. 212 00:12:34.120 --> 00:12:36.279 No, you don't. You can wait till later for something 213 00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:36.639 to eat. 214 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:40.399 Yes, I can wait till later for something to eat. 215 00:12:40.679 --> 00:12:44.039 But I can wait better if I eat now. Exit 216 00:12:44.279 --> 00:12:45.039 into pantry. 217 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:49.080 Confound him. If I knew the roads around here as 218 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:51.039 well as he does, I'd drive off and leave him. 219 00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:53.879 That appetite of his will send us to jail some day. 220 00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:57.879 Well, to tell the truth, guv'nor, a little supper wouldn't 221 00:12:57.919 --> 00:12:59.240 hurt my feelings. 222 00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:00.720 Go to buffet. 223 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.519 I wonder where old man Gardner keeps his savannahs. I'd 224 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.159 like a Christmas present of a box of cigars? Are 225 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:08.000 there any over here? 226 00:13:08.919 --> 00:13:11.279 I didn't look. I gave up robbing tills when I 227 00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:12.000 was quite A boy. 228 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:17.440 Carries bag toward window and looks out, takes a box 229 00:13:17.480 --> 00:13:19.120 of cigars from buffet. 230 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:24.159 Ah. Here they are domestics. What do you think of 231 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:29.600 that made in Vermont? The Admiral Dewey cigar? Gee? What 232 00:13:29.799 --> 00:13:32.440 was the use of Dewey's taken Manila? If I've got 233 00:13:32.440 --> 00:13:33.960 a smoke? Vermont cigars? 234 00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:39.960 Ready enters carrying tray with food and a bottle, Say fellers, 235 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:44.279 look at this layout. These is real people in this house. 236 00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:47.600 I found cold birds and ham and all kinds of 237 00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:51.840 pie and real wine. Place this tray on right end 238 00:13:51.919 --> 00:13:55.639 of table, Sit down and make yourselves perfectly at home. 239 00:13:56.879 --> 00:13:58.480 Well, well, that does look good. 240 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:02.320 Place box of cigars at upper end of table and 241 00:14:02.360 --> 00:14:03.159 seats himself. 242 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:06.679 Better have a bite, Guvnor No, I tell you. 243 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:10.200 He sits angrily in chair at left end of table, 244 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:14.840 with his face turned toward the curtains. Oh, come on, 245 00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:18.600 it don't cost you Nelson. The light from the candle 246 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:20.360 is seen approaching the curtains. 247 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:22.480 Hush, look there. 248 00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:27.679 He rises, lifting his chair above his head and advances 249 00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:30.720 on tiptoe to right of curtains, where he stands with 250 00:14:30.759 --> 00:14:35.120 the chair raised as though to strike. Harry points revolver 251 00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:40.120 at curtains. Reddy shifts the lantern to his left hand, and, 252 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:44.320 standing close to Harry, also points a revolver. Alice appears 253 00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:47.639 between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in her 254 00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:50.960 left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her 255 00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:54.200 right hand is held warningly to her lips. For an 256 00:14:54.240 --> 00:14:57.039 instant she pauses in the ring of light from the lantern. 257 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:01.960 Hush, make a noise. Don't make a noise. 258 00:15:02.039 --> 00:15:05.000 Please, Well, I'll be hang. 259 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:07.679 Please, don't make a noise. 260 00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:10.039 Don't you make a noise. 261 00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:13.960 I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs, and 262 00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:16.840 she's very ill, and I don't want to wake her, 263 00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.919 and I don't want you to wake her either. 264 00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:21.679 Well, I'll be hanged. 265 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:24.240 Who else is in this house? 266 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:28.279 No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep. 267 00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:32.000 You woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. 268 00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:34.480 But when you started in making a night of it. 269 00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:36.919 I decided I'd better come down and ask you to 270 00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:39.840 be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at 271 00:15:39.879 --> 00:15:40.440 all well. 272 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:43.360 Takes a cigar box off table. 273 00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:47.919 Excuse me, you've got the wrong cigars. Those are the 274 00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:51.279 cigar's father keeps for his friends. Those he smokes. 275 00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:54.759 He hides over here, places his box on buffet, and 276 00:15:54.840 --> 00:15:58.360 takes out a larger box with partitions for cigars, matches, 277 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:02.039 and cigarettes. As he moves about, Reddy keeps her well 278 00:16:02.120 --> 00:16:03.240 in the light of the lantern. 279 00:16:04.440 --> 00:16:08.559 Try those. I'm afraid you've a very poor supper when 280 00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:12.120 father is away. We have such a small family. I 281 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:14.840 can't see what you've Would you mind taking that light 282 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:17.279 out of my eyes and pointing it at that tray? 283 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:20.639 Don't you do it? Keep the gun on her? 284 00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:24.120 Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, 285 00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:26.679 so long as he does not point that light at me. 286 00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:31.799 It's most embarrassing. Turn it down there. 287 00:16:31.639 --> 00:16:35.159 Please, Reddy, lets light fall on tray. 288 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:40.039 Why that's cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink that. 289 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:42.120 Let me get you some whisky. 290 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:46.799 Covering her with lantern, No you don't, that's not whisky. 291 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:47.879 It's benzene. 292 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:51.240 You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is 293 00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:54.080 there still? I told Jane to take it away. 294 00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:56.799 Well Jane didn't do it. 295 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:00.759 Now, isn't that just like Jane I told her it 296 00:17:00.840 --> 00:17:03.200 might set fire to the house and burn us alive. 297 00:17:03.960 --> 00:17:05.559 It nearly burned me alive. 298 00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:08.480 I'm so sorry. 299 00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:12.559 Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey, bottle, siphon, and 300 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:13.519 three glasses. 301 00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:18.240 Here this is what you want, but perhaps you don't 302 00:17:18.319 --> 00:17:18.960 like scotch. 303 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:20.720 Don't you touch that? 304 00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:25.160 Ready returns to chair at left of table. Why not? 305 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:28.559 Pours whiskey into a glass? 306 00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:32.839 Yes, why not? It's not poison. There's nothing wrong with 307 00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:35.559 this bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to you, 308 00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:38.839 just to show you there's not a trace of hard feelings. 309 00:17:39.559 --> 00:17:47.480 Drinks and coughs violently. She's got the benzene bottle too. 310 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:53.680 No, I'm not quite used to that. Excuse me, but 311 00:17:54.119 --> 00:17:57.720 aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? Don't you 312 00:17:57.799 --> 00:17:59.799 think you might put it down now and help me 313 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:00.799 serve this supper? 314 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:03.480 Harry does not move. 315 00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:08.240 No, well, then let the colored gentlemen help me. 316 00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:12.519 Harry and Ready wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver. 317 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:16.440 Colored man, Where colored man? It's a trap? 318 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:18.640 Seeing no one? They turn? 319 00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:23.839 Oh, pardon me? Aren't you a colored person? Me? 320 00:18:24.359 --> 00:18:27.599 Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that? 321 00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:31.519 Did you? Points lantern at his head. This isn't my 322 00:18:31.599 --> 00:18:35.559 real face, lady? Why out of office hours? I've a 323 00:18:35.640 --> 00:18:38.839 complexion like cream and roses? Colored man? 324 00:18:39.880 --> 00:18:42.960 I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. 325 00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:45.440 Don't you think it would be more cheerful if we 326 00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:46.480 had a little more light? 327 00:18:47.559 --> 00:18:51.519 No drop that. We've got to go, and before we go, 328 00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:52.599 I've got to fix you? 329 00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:56.319 Fix me? How fix me? 330 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:00.400 I'm sorry, miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't 331 00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:02.759 have tried to see us. Now that you have, before 332 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:04.559 we leave, i've got to tie you to a chair 333 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:05.640 and gag you. 334 00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:08.240 Oh really, all of that. 335 00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:11.920 I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get 336 00:19:11.960 --> 00:19:12.519 well away. 337 00:19:13.640 --> 00:19:18.720 I see, but gagged, I'll look so foolish. 338 00:19:20.039 --> 00:19:23.359 Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until 339 00:19:23.400 --> 00:19:24.519 I've had something to eat. 340 00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:28.400 Quite right. You can tie me in a chair later, 341 00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:32.559 mister er, But now you must remember that I am 342 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:35.480 your hostess. You'll find the plates in the pantry. 343 00:19:35.480 --> 00:19:38.960 Please, Oh, I don't use them things. 344 00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:42.960 You'll use them things when you eat with me. Go 345 00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:47.920 do as I tell you. Please, Ready exits and you 346 00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:50.240 put away that silly gun and help. 347 00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:51.759 Him stay where you are. 348 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.720 Oh, what's the rush, guv'nor? She can't hurt nobody and 349 00:19:55.799 --> 00:19:56.960 I'm near starved too. 350 00:19:58.079 --> 00:19:59.240 Exit into pantry. 351 00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:03.240 This is the last time I take you out. 352 00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.599 Arranging the food upon the table. 353 00:20:05.720 --> 00:20:09.480 Now, why are you so peevish to everybody? Why don't 354 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:10.960 you be sociable and take some. 355 00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:13.680 Supper glances at sideboard? 356 00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:17.839 You seem to have taken everything else. Oh that reminds me. 357 00:20:18.279 --> 00:20:22.000 Would you object to loaning me about four six about 358 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:24.559 six of our knives and forks just for the supper? 359 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:28.640 I suppose we can borrow from the neighbor's breakfast, unless 360 00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:30.319 you've been calling on the neighbors too. 361 00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:33.640 Oh, anything to oblige a lady. 362 00:20:34.039 --> 00:20:38.240 But no tricks now, Oh, I can't promise that because 363 00:20:38.279 --> 00:20:40.160 I mightn't be able to keep my promise. 364 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:44.039 Hatch brings silver knives and forks from the bag. 365 00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.319 I'll risk all the tricks. You know, nobody's got much 366 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:50.240 the better of me. In the last twenty years? 367 00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:55.440 Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have 368 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.240 begun very young. I can't see your face very well, 369 00:20:59.640 --> 00:21:02.960 but I I shouldn't say you were over forty. Do 370 00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:08.319 take that mask off. It looks so unsociable. Don't be 371 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:13.039 afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. Now. 372 00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:16.720 I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior you 373 00:21:16.759 --> 00:21:20.599 are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? 374 00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:24.519 Why do you wear it. 375 00:21:25.400 --> 00:21:26.559 To keep my face warm? 376 00:21:27.799 --> 00:21:30.079 Oh? Pardon me my mistake. 377 00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:35.119 A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. Alice listens 378 00:21:35.160 --> 00:21:38.720 eagerly as the whistle dies away and is not repeated. 379 00:21:38.839 --> 00:21:40.559 Her face shows her disappointment. 380 00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:44.240 What was that? There's no trains this time of night. 381 00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:48.799 It was a freight train going the other way, the. 382 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:50.920 Other way, the other way from where. 383 00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:55.599 From where it started? Do you know? I've always wanted 384 00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:59.079 to meet a burglar, but it's so difficult. They go 385 00:21:59.160 --> 00:22:01.720 out so seldom. 386 00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:02.920 Yes, and they arrive so late. 387 00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:07.880 Now that's much better. It's so nice of you to 388 00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:10.680 have a sense of humor while you're there. Just close 389 00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:13.519 those blinds, please, so that the neighbors can't see what 390 00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.920 scandalous hours we keep. And then you can make a light. 391 00:22:17.880 --> 00:22:19.960 This is much too gloomy for a supper party. 392 00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:21.640 Closing shutters. 393 00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:25.039 Yes, if those were shut it might be safer. 394 00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:29.240 He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. 395 00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:31.759 Ready and Harry enter, carrying plates. 396 00:22:32.839 --> 00:22:35.640 We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty 397 00:22:35.640 --> 00:22:36.519 good for amateurs. 398 00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:41.359 We haven't forgotten nothing, not even napkins. Have some napkins. 399 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:45.480 Places a pile of folded napkins in front of Alice, 400 00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:48.240 then sits at head of table, Harry to lower right 401 00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:51.519