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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back in your leadership. I'm Chris, I'm Lorenzo, and Lorenzo.

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<v Speaker 1>On this episode, we're continuing our discussion on the Forbes

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<v Speaker 1>article written by their coach's counsel on the pieces of

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<v Speaker 1>advice they would give to their younger sells or you know,

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<v Speaker 1>people to themselves earlier in their career. We've been doing

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<v Speaker 1>this for a few weeks now, and the advice is

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<v Speaker 1>really good advice, Like there's there's a lot of things

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<v Speaker 1>on there that can help you become not just a

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<v Speaker 1>better coach, but a better leader and even ah you know,

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<v Speaker 1>better in relationships in general as you go through your career.

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<v Speaker 1>On the last episode, we talked about following your passions

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<v Speaker 1>and knowing your worth. On this episode, the first one

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<v Speaker 1>I want to go over is the idea of resilience

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<v Speaker 1>over success. And I've heard this a lot, kind of

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<v Speaker 1>more recently in the last couple of years. This idea

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<v Speaker 1>of that the you know, kind of like the if

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<v Speaker 1>you're if you're a leader of people and you're looking

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<v Speaker 1>for where your talent lies, you should be looking for

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<v Speaker 1>areas of resilience more so than success, and so the

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<v Speaker 1>ability to bounce back, the ability to pick yourself off,

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<v Speaker 1>pick yourself up, and dust off the knees and get

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<v Speaker 1>back at it after something didn't go the right way.

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<v Speaker 1>And the reason why that is being kind of more

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<v Speaker 1>valued now than it has been in the past is

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<v Speaker 1>because it's possible to be successful at something accidentally almost

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<v Speaker 1>you know, it's possible to have like the beginner's luck

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<v Speaker 1>or you know, maybe a streak of beginner's good luck.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you don't know how somebody is going to

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<v Speaker 1>react or respond when that luck inevitably runs out at

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<v Speaker 1>some point, because it will, then you don't know, really

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<v Speaker 1>you know how solid a person or well rounded a

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<v Speaker 1>person you have. But a person who can get through

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<v Speaker 1>the failures of life and the issues and the problems,

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<v Speaker 1>those are people who you know, once they find success,

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<v Speaker 1>that's great, and then when they're not finding it, you

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<v Speaker 1>don't really have to worry much about kind of picking

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<v Speaker 1>them up because they can pick themselves up.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we talk a lot about things like perseverance and grit,

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<v Speaker 2>and I've shared i think probably on the show a

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<v Speaker 2>few times and also what leaders that I talked to.

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<v Speaker 2>But what we don't talk about is like what it

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<v Speaker 2>feels like to have to persevere and when you have

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<v Speaker 2>to use crit and those are not fun places like that,

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<v Speaker 2>those are those you know but by definition, right, you're

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<v Speaker 2>having to work through something that you really don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to have to work through, or that you don't have

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<v Speaker 2>a choice but to work through. But they are such

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<v Speaker 2>critical elements of who we are as people, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>a great measurement in understanding or assessment of how you know,

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<v Speaker 2>people will show up for themselves and for others when

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<v Speaker 2>they can explain and walk you through some of the

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<v Speaker 2>resilience they've had in their life or you know, times

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<v Speaker 2>when they've had to be resilient. So like it's it's

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<v Speaker 2>one of those situations where I think it's wrong when

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<v Speaker 2>leaders want to say, like, well, I'm going to create

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<v Speaker 2>an environment like to make you more resilient. That's like

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<v Speaker 2>you it just means you're gonna be a jerk. You

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<v Speaker 2>know what I'm saying, Like you're gonna be a jerk.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you're basically telling people that just to deal

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<v Speaker 2>with me. Yeah, execut I've testing them right, Yes, you're

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to be a jerk. And you're telling your

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<v Speaker 2>people that like you're gotta they gonna deal with you

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<v Speaker 2>being a jerk. That's not it, right, No, not not

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<v Speaker 2>as something that is a takeaway, that is something that's

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<v Speaker 2>going to be impactful, that's going to help them in

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<v Speaker 2>the future understand when they have to be resilient and

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<v Speaker 2>and you know why it's such an important thing. I

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<v Speaker 2>think as well, especially in the space of leadership, that

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<v Speaker 2>there is a there's an alignment of resilience with tenure,

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<v Speaker 2>meaning that the longer that you do a job, the

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<v Speaker 2>more likely you are to run across things that are

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<v Speaker 2>going to cause you to have to be resilient. And

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna you're gonna feel that effect of having success

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<v Speaker 2>and then having to have more success on top of

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<v Speaker 2>the success. So it's like it's kind of with the

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<v Speaker 2>whole Like you did great this year, Well, then what

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<v Speaker 2>happens next year? Right now, you have to do better

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<v Speaker 2>than what you did this year. So like there's this

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<v Speaker 2>kind of built in element that is requiring you to

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<v Speaker 2>kind of get better year over year over year, and

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes that's just not going to happen. That's not going

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<v Speaker 2>to be the case. There are going to be things

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<v Speaker 2>that are going to impact your business, your team. Maybe

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<v Speaker 2>you developed a bunch of people and they've all gotten promoted,

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<v Speaker 2>they've moved along. Like, now you have a team that

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<v Speaker 2>you know where the outcomes of the team months ago

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<v Speaker 2>or a year ago were phenomenal, but now the team's

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<v Speaker 2>different and now you have to you know, help to

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<v Speaker 2>teach and to mold again. These are all elements I

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<v Speaker 2>think around resilience that as a leader, when you work

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<v Speaker 2>through all of that, it helps you to understand in

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<v Speaker 2>the long term that you're going to come across these

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<v Speaker 2>pockets and these hurdles, but you're built to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to work through them.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you're spot on with that. I think it's you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we talk about oftentimes when someone is is blessed with failure,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I for that term used before you earlier

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<v Speaker 1>on in their career or in life or in general.

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<v Speaker 1>And so like here's my my hecking leadership BINGO parenting

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<v Speaker 1>reference here. You know, when when my four year old

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't get what she wants for dinner, it's the worst

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<v Speaker 1>thing in the world. Right, When I don't get what

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<v Speaker 1>I want for dinner, I just eat what the thing

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<v Speaker 1>is that's in front of me instead, right, and I

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<v Speaker 1>just move on. So this is a lot of this

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<v Speaker 1>truly is about life experience. So the more experiences you

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<v Speaker 1>have in life, the more you can keep things in

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<v Speaker 1>perspective whatever that is. So when something is truly truly terrible,

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<v Speaker 1>or if something is not that bad, the only difference

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<v Speaker 1>between what your perspective on that is is the other

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<v Speaker 1>things that you've experienced in your life. You can't compare

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<v Speaker 1>it to other people. You can't compare your life to

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<v Speaker 1>others or to you know, to judge. It's like it's

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<v Speaker 1>like the whole you know, how can you complain about

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<v Speaker 1>your stub toe when someone is dying of cancer. It's like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>because you never had cancer, right, like you have subtoe.

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<v Speaker 1>So yes, of course you can complain about your stub toe.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all perspective, and everybody's life and experience and perspective

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<v Speaker 1>is different. But once you have both of those things,

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<v Speaker 1>you worry about the stubs toe less, right, And it's

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<v Speaker 1>all the exact same thing. So the first time you

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<v Speaker 1>don't get a promotion might be the worst thing in

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<v Speaker 1>the world. But but if you've been laid off before

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<v Speaker 1>and then use your network to find a new job

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<v Speaker 1>and to move on, the next time you don't get

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<v Speaker 1>a promotion, it doesn't feel as bad because you've been

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<v Speaker 1>through it before you have the Sometimes the resilience comes

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<v Speaker 1>from the experience of getting through something so that you

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<v Speaker 1>can look back at that and go, oh, you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>I've gotten through this before, I can get through it again.

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<v Speaker 1>But the first time you have to go through it,

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<v Speaker 1>it's a lot harder to get through because you don't

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<v Speaker 1>have that perspective of that experience, you know, to try

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<v Speaker 1>to get through it. I think oftentimes the way that

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<v Speaker 1>we get through things like that and how how good

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<v Speaker 1>we are at being resilient, most of the time it

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<v Speaker 1>comes from how strong our network is, how strong the

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<v Speaker 1>people are around us that we can lean on, that

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<v Speaker 1>we can ask questions to the people who can kind

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<v Speaker 1>of read us and look at us and think, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, christ needs some help right now, Lorenzo needs

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<v Speaker 1>some help right now. Let's see what I can what

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<v Speaker 1>I can do to reach out and help out That

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<v Speaker 1>those are the people that tend to get through things

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<v Speaker 1>faster and to learn from them in order to you know,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of make them happen again.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think that it's you know,

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<v Speaker 2>there's so much there to unpack, Like I really appreciate

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<v Speaker 2>that this is included in this list here, But I

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<v Speaker 2>think we cannot understate the importance of resilience, and because

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<v Speaker 2>I think that it it's a place where challenges when

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<v Speaker 2>done correctly, and like when you work through it, challenges

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<v Speaker 2>then become confidence.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's kind of how I see the resilience piece of this,

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<v Speaker 2>where it's like the more that you run up against

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<v Speaker 2>some of these things and work through them, the more

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<v Speaker 2>confidence you have in you know, in running up against

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<v Speaker 2>things similar to this in the future. Like you kind

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<v Speaker 2>of stated this as well, but it's like there's there's

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<v Speaker 2>a piece of this where it really is a necessary

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<v Speaker 2>thing so that when you when you have these hurdles

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<v Speaker 2>or these obstacles, you know, in your career, as you

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<v Speaker 2>continue to elevate your career, they become a lot less like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, just overbearing you. Just like, Okay, I've been

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<v Speaker 2>through something similar before, or I've felt this way before.

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<v Speaker 2>I felt like, man, I'm up again, something tough here,

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<v Speaker 2>But I can now recall from how I work through it,

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<v Speaker 2>how I made it through, and how I was more

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<v Speaker 2>successful because of that, and that allows you to kind

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<v Speaker 2>of have the energy to push through these things.

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<v Speaker 1>Right right. I like what you said there because it's

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<v Speaker 1>less about I've done this before, because that's a very

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<v Speaker 1>easy tie in. If you've done it before, you can

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<v Speaker 1>do it again. But I've felt this way before, is

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<v Speaker 1>what you said. And I like that a lot, because

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<v Speaker 1>you might not often go through the same thing again

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<v Speaker 1>and again and again. You might be going through different things.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you can channel that into yourself and think, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>where have I felt this way before? Not just what

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<v Speaker 1>have I done before? Or have I done this before?

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<v Speaker 1>Because oftentimes the things that we can do to make

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<v Speaker 1>us more resilient are often in the feelings that we

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<v Speaker 1>are feeling at the time and the other things that

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<v Speaker 1>we've done in the past that made us feel the

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<v Speaker 1>same way. And so because the having to be resilient

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<v Speaker 1>implies that there's there's something bad happened, something that you

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<v Speaker 1>really wish hadn't happened happened, and however that thing is

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<v Speaker 1>making you feel, even if it's the first time it's

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<v Speaker 1>ever happened, you've probably felt that way before, even if

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<v Speaker 1>it was caused by something else. And so being able

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<v Speaker 1>to tie those together and think about how you got

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<v Speaker 1>through the last time you felt this way, the things

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<v Speaker 1>that you did to get through it or the things

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<v Speaker 1>that you didn't do and then it lasted longer and

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<v Speaker 1>you are saying yourself, I'm never gonna let that happen again.

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<v Speaker 1>They're both equally important. You know, you need to be

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<v Speaker 1>able to channel that into yourself because again, the experiences

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<v Speaker 1>you have in life are not going to repeat themselves

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<v Speaker 1>over and over and over again, but the feelings that

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<v Speaker 1>you're getting and that you're having when you go through

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<v Speaker 1>them will often repeat themselves. And finding those patterns and

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<v Speaker 1>how you got through them is going to be key

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<v Speaker 1>to having that level of resilience. Then the next one

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<v Speaker 1>I want to go over in this episode is it

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<v Speaker 1>talks about the power of asking questions. And I like

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<v Speaker 1>this because this can go either way. This could be

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<v Speaker 1>a very powerful thing and you can use it well,

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<v Speaker 1>or you could alienate people and kill relationships by doing

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<v Speaker 1>it the wrong way. And so that's what I what

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<v Speaker 1>I like is it's like it's not just something that's

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<v Speaker 1>very straightforward and just do what it says. There's a

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<v Speaker 1>right way and a wrong way to asking questions and

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<v Speaker 1>asking the right questions, uh, in order to you know,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of be more successful and to have you know,

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<v Speaker 1>stronger and healthier relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I agree with that, man. I think I've been

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<v Speaker 2>talking a lot about not just active listening, but active

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<v Speaker 2>questioning recently and the importance of that. Yeah, like like

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<v Speaker 2>what questions are you asking and why are you asking

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<v Speaker 2>those questions? And then how are you leveling up the

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<v Speaker 2>questions that you ask in a way that that that

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<v Speaker 2>allow someone to provide you with their kind of non

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<v Speaker 2>directive answer, right, and so like it's one of those

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<v Speaker 2>things that I think a lot of times, and I

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<v Speaker 2>guess it's just human nature, but specifically in leadership, like

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<v Speaker 2>I'll ask you a question in a way way that

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<v Speaker 2>you know what answer I want to hear, right, And.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes that's okay, But but if that's your go to,

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<v Speaker 1>that but.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's a lot of people's go to because a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of them even end with like this positive affirmation

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<v Speaker 2>that they're correct. So they'll say things like Chris, like

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<v Speaker 2>that was absolutely the right strategy, right, Yes, of course

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<v Speaker 2>it was there, you go see, right, versus something like Chris,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to talk about that last strategy.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's leading, it's leading the witness in courtant correct, yes, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>but this happens so so often.

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<v Speaker 2>It's such a part of our way of moving things faster,

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<v Speaker 2>or looking for quick agreement, or not wanting to have

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<v Speaker 2>the dot like I think some people do it so

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<v Speaker 2>often they don't realize how much they do it and

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<v Speaker 2>how it just shuts down anybody's want to have to

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<v Speaker 2>then create conflict to say actually not right, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't agree with that, like you're you're stating in

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<v Speaker 2>such a way that it becomes an even more conflicting

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<v Speaker 2>response because of how you asked the question versus asking

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<v Speaker 2>questions in a much more open way, in a way

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<v Speaker 2>that creates a dialogue. Hey, Chris, of the strategy that

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<v Speaker 2>we just implemented, what to you stuck out as like

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<v Speaker 2>a big win and then what was definitely the thing

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<v Speaker 2>that need to be addressed. Now, I'm giving you permission

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<v Speaker 2>to tell you mean, what's wrong?

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<v Speaker 1>Right? And not only that, but you've removed any any

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<v Speaker 1>hint of bias that you might have a preference or

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<v Speaker 1>an answer that you were searching for. Because even if

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<v Speaker 1>as a leader, you aren't unconfident in your leadership ability,

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<v Speaker 1>even if you are completely okay with someone challenging you,

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<v Speaker 1>if the person you're talking to is not okay with

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<v Speaker 1>challenging you, then saying the wrong thing can stifle that

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<v Speaker 1>in somebody, even if you weren't intending to. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>very this has to be done very intentionally. It can't

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<v Speaker 1>just be that, oh, I'm not going to be a jerk.

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<v Speaker 1>You could be not intending to be a jerk. And

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<v Speaker 1>do these make these mistakes with when the with the

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<v Speaker 1>questions you're asking with with no you know, bad intents

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<v Speaker 1>at all. It's it's you're just going about your business.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you're talking to the wrong person or a

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<v Speaker 1>person who's just you know, less willing to challenge you

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<v Speaker 1>or push back, you're not going to get the answers

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<v Speaker 1>that you need. And they might have some great insights

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<v Speaker 1>that you're gonna you know, not pick up on because

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't ask the questions in the right way.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, and with that it brings us to this episodes

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<v Speaker 2>one minute hack. But first, if you're worse from our sponsors.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, for this episode is one minute hack. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>or I want you to do. I want you to

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<v Speaker 1>look at your calendar, at the list of kind of

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<v Speaker 1>one on ones that you have set up with your

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<v Speaker 1>people or that you have scheduled or coming up on

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<v Speaker 1>the schedule, and look at each other people on there,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want you to write down a list of

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<v Speaker 1>questions that you plan on asking them during this one

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<v Speaker 1>on one meeting that you have, And then I want

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<v Speaker 1>you to practice asking those questions, either to yourself or

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<v Speaker 1>to someone that you trust, someone that the have a

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<v Speaker 1>working relationship with, to see if there's that if the

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<v Speaker 1>questions come out with any type of bias or leading

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<v Speaker 1>in them to where you may not get the most

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<v Speaker 1>honest answer in return, but rather an answer that the

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<v Speaker 1>person you're talking to believes you want to hear. Anytime

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<v Speaker 1>you can, you know, edit those questions or use the

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<v Speaker 1>right verbiage where you're you're essentially asking the same thing,

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<v Speaker 1>but you're asking in a way that takes into account

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<v Speaker 1>human emotion and the desire to please and the desire

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<v Speaker 1>to to you know, be looked upon uh positively in

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<v Speaker 1>a good light by your leader. All those things can

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<v Speaker 1>can edit the way a person chooses how to answer

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<v Speaker 1>a question, even if you don't mean to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>And so go through those questions and make sure make

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<v Speaker 1>sure you ask them in a way that that makes

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<v Speaker 1>people feel like any answer they have is right as

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<v Speaker 1>long as it's honest. Any answer they give you that

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<v Speaker 1>is truly rooted in what happened and what they're looking

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<v Speaker 1>for and what they want and what they truly think.

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<v Speaker 1>As long as it's rooted in those things and without

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<v Speaker 1>regard to what you you want to hear or that

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<v Speaker 1>what you want them to say, those are good questions. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's a great woman to hack and it's

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<v Speaker 2>such an important piece I believe of leadership. When you're

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<v Speaker 2>looking to build a culture of great dialogue and healthy debates,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I think it becomes it becomes conflict if

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<v Speaker 2>you don't ask questions in such a way that people

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<v Speaker 2>feel the ability to be able to share what they're thinking.

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<v Speaker 2>And then you have those you know, people walk away

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<v Speaker 2>from a meeting and be like, I should have said

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<v Speaker 2>something like I don't agree with that, but I just

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<v Speaker 2>shook my head like that happens quite a bit. When

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<v Speaker 2>you ask proper questions, and you ask them in such

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<v Speaker 2>a way that allows people to really share what they're thinking,

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<v Speaker 2>you have a lot less of that. They know that

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<v Speaker 2>they have a space, they know that they can, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>ask questions, they know they can provide their feedback or

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<v Speaker 2>inside or pushback, and it's done in a very healthy way.

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<v Speaker 2>Over time, that just becomes something that really helps to

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<v Speaker 2>create amazingly healthy culture.

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<v Speaker 1>Right right, There's something to be said about about, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of self temperance when it comes to asking questions

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<v Speaker 1>or raising your hand in a meeting or whatnot. This

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<v Speaker 1>this the old adage of does this need to be

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<v Speaker 1>said by me now? And and and you shouldn't. All

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<v Speaker 1>three of those answers should be yes in order for

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<v Speaker 1>you to you know, kind of interject something. But if

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<v Speaker 1>you find yourself leaving interactions with people or meetings often

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<v Speaker 1>thinking to yourself, I really should have said something like

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<v Speaker 1>you know, sometimes it's hard to recognize that you should

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<v Speaker 1>have until the opportunity is pasted and you're kind of

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<v Speaker 1>looking at it in hindsight. But if you do that often,

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<v Speaker 1>then that that that will lead to a complete lack

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<v Speaker 1>of engagement. You know, no, no one needs to No

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<v Speaker 1>one should feel like they can't do that. And so

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<v Speaker 1>if the reason you're not saying something is because you

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<v Speaker 1>think you shouldn't, and then later on you think, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what, maybe I really should have, you know, kind

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<v Speaker 1>of channel that into yourself and think about, Okay, these

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<v Speaker 1>were the things I was thinking last time when I

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<v Speaker 1>thought I shouldn't have said something, and I'm think feeling

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<v Speaker 1>the same way now, so maybe I should say something.

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<v Speaker 1>And and you know, the worst that could happen is

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<v Speaker 1>you you feel a little sheepish, and you move on.

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<v Speaker 1>But but sometimes the most profound and important moments in

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<v Speaker 1>a person's career happened when they chose to raise their

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<v Speaker 1>hand and say something that needed to be said in

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<v Speaker 1>the moment, as opposed to just keeping it inside. Those

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<v Speaker 1>are the things that can.

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<v Speaker 2>Change company culture absolutely with that. This is the end

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<v Speaker 2>of this episode. This is hacking leadership. I'm Lorenzo and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all next time.