Speaker 1: If you want God's blessing on your marriage, which you do,
Speaker 1: and you want God's protection on your marriage, which you do,
Speaker 1: and you want success in your marriage, which you do,
Speaker 1: then you better listen to what God has to say
Speaker 1: about the kind of person you should marry. In your life,
Speaker 1: two of the most important choices you're gonna make are, one,
Speaker 1: will I ever get married? That's a choice. And the
Speaker 1: second one is if I do, who's it gonna be?
Speaker 1: And the Bible has a lot to say about this.
Speaker 1: And if you'll take out your message notes inside your program,
Speaker 1: finding the love of your life, the Bible says in
Speaker 1: Proverbs 12, verse 26, the righteous chooses his friends carefully. Now,
Speaker 1: if you're supposed to choose your friends carefully, you should
Speaker 1: be even more careful about who's gonna be your life partner.
Speaker 1: Notice it is a choice. God doesn't do this for you.
Speaker 1: God says you make the choice. The righteous chooses his
Speaker 1: friends carefully. The problem is nobody teaches us how to
Speaker 1: do that. You didn't get a class in school. Your
Speaker 1: parents didn't teach you how to choose the right person
Speaker 1: to marry. And as a result, many people end up
Speaker 1: in the wrong marriage for the wrong reason. And as
Speaker 1: your pastor who loves you, I don't want you to
Speaker 1: do that. I don't want you to end up that way.
Speaker 1: So we're going to look tonight at what the Bible
Speaker 1: says is God's checklist for choosing the right person. But
Speaker 1: before we do that, I need to dispel a couple myths.
Speaker 1: And I want you to write these down there on
Speaker 1: your outline. There's a couple of myths about marriage that
Speaker 1: are out there, and we just need to get them
Speaker 1: out of the way. The first one is this. God
Speaker 1: doesn't choose my mate for me. God doesn't choose my
Speaker 1: mate for me. It's your decision, it's your choice. God
Speaker 1: isn't gonna choose your mate for you. God places the
Speaker 1: responsibility 100% on your shoulder. God is not gonna put
Speaker 1: a sign in the sky that says, Mary Harry. Okay,
Speaker 1: it isn't gonna happen. You can look all you want,
Speaker 1: but it isn't gonna happen. Now, some people say, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna date, I'm just gonna wait. There's a
Speaker 1: word for that, bachelor or bachelorette, okay? Or never marry, okay?
Speaker 1: I mean, that's nonsense to say, I'm not gonna date,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wait. That's what you get when you cross
Speaker 1: a crock of the hill with an abalone, it's a crock-a-baloney.
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember about 10 years ago, a guy
Speaker 1: wrote a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I think
Speaker 1: he's a monk today. You know, when God wants to
Speaker 1: steer you, it's easier to move a car that's moving
Speaker 1: than one that's parked. God can't move a parked car.
Speaker 1: He can't steer it. It's gotta be moving, and then
Speaker 1: he can go this way or that way, whatever. So
Speaker 1: you can go home and sit in your basement and say,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna wait and not date. And nothing's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Nothing's gonna happen. So you just need to clear that
Speaker 1: one up. God says it's your choice. God leads us,
Speaker 1: God guides us, and God gives us guidelines. We're gonna
Speaker 1: look at them tonight. But ultimately, it's your choice. The
Speaker 1: second myth is this. There isn't only one right person
Speaker 1: for me. That's very romantic. There's only one person in
Speaker 1: the entire universe for me. Well, it's just not true.
Speaker 1: It's not only romantic, but it's not biblical. And it's
Speaker 1: not only not biblical, it's not even logical. It is
Speaker 1: a total myth. It's romantic, but it's a myth. In
Speaker 1: your life, there are multiple people God would say, that's
Speaker 1: okay for you to marry. Multiple people. There would be
Speaker 1: millions he would say, no way, Jose. Okay. But there
Speaker 1: are multiple opportunities that God would say, okay, it's all right.
Speaker 1: Your choice, your preference. So God doesn't have a bullseye
Speaker 1: when it comes to marriage. So forget that there's some Ms.
Speaker 1: Right or Mr. Right out there. They just aren't there.
Speaker 1: It isn't gonna happen. And the Bible doesn't say that.
Speaker 1: By the way, let me give you one more myth.
Speaker 1: It's not there on your outline, but write this down.
Speaker 1: One other myth is love alone is not enough reason
Speaker 1: to marry. Would you write that down? Just write it down.
Speaker 1: Love alone is not enough reason to marry. I talk
Speaker 1: to people all the time who are getting married, and
Speaker 1: I look at them and go, there's no way. The
Speaker 1: family background isn't right. The spiritual background isn't right. The
Speaker 1: personality background isn't right. Educational background, they don't have the
Speaker 1: same amount of energy. They don't have the same amount
Speaker 1: of ambition. They don't even have the same values, goals.
Speaker 1: None of these things are, but we love each other. Friend,
Speaker 1: Given the right situation, I could get you to fall
Speaker 1: in love with anybody. Love is a choice. And I
Speaker 1: could put you in certain circumstances that would make you
Speaker 1: romantically inclined. Just because you love someone does not mean
Speaker 1: you should marry them. I would like for us to
Speaker 1: repeat this together. Just because you love someone doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you should I fell in love with multiple women before
Speaker 1: I married Kay. Any of them, if I had married,
Speaker 1: would have been a disaster. You can fall in love
Speaker 1: with all kinds of people. It doesn't mean you should
Speaker 1: marry them. Love is not enough. It takes a lot
Speaker 1: of other things, and that's what we're gonna look at tonight. Now,
Speaker 1: God doesn't tell you who to marry, but he does
Speaker 1: give you a description of of the kind of person
Speaker 1: that he desires for you to marry. And if you
Speaker 1: want God's blessing on your marriage, which you do, and
Speaker 1: you want God's protection on your marriage, which you do,
Speaker 1: and you want success in your marriage, which you do,
Speaker 1: then you better listen to what God has to say
Speaker 1: about the kind of person you should marry. Because the
Speaker 1: evidence of not following what God says to do is
Speaker 1: out there all around us. Given the right situation, as
Speaker 1: I said, you can fall in love with anybody, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you should marry them, but God gives us a list,
Speaker 1: and I call these a list of must-haves. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you a list tonight from the Bible of
Speaker 1: things that must have, you must have in your life
Speaker 1: and in your mate's life, boyfriend, girlfriend's life, in order
Speaker 1: to marry them. Until these are right, you're not ready
Speaker 1: to marry them, and they're not ready to marry you,
Speaker 1: and they may not even ever be the right person
Speaker 1: for you to marry. Now you can add to this
Speaker 1: list your own experiences. What I'm gonna give you tonight
Speaker 1: is the bare minimum. These are the minimum requirements for
Speaker 1: the marriage God blesses. If they don't meet these qualifications,
Speaker 1: deal breaker. I don't care how much I love them.
Speaker 1: I don't care how much money they've got, how cute
Speaker 1: they are, how much they make me laugh. Doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how sweet we get along together, how much we have fun,
Speaker 1: how much we have in common. Doesn't matter, all those things.
Speaker 1: If we don't match on these things, deal breaker. Now,
Speaker 1: this week, I celebrated my 37th anniversary. Okay? And... I
Speaker 1: have counseled thousands of married couples in trouble and counseled
Speaker 1: thousands of single adults who are considering marriage. So I
Speaker 1: do know a little about what the Bible is talking about.
Speaker 1: I just want to save you some pain. These are
Speaker 1: not my opinion. This is what God says are the
Speaker 1: requirements of the kind of person you should choose to marry. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into it. Number one, the first thing We
Speaker 1: have to have, my wife and I, or my husband
Speaker 1: and I, we have to, number one, we must have
Speaker 1: spiritual unity. It's first qualification. We must have spiritual unity.
Speaker 1: That means we believe the same thing about God. We
Speaker 1: have a relationship to God together. If you aren't spiritually
Speaker 1: unified with your spouse, You are never going to enjoy
Speaker 1: the depth of physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, or emotional intimacy
Speaker 1: that God desires for your marriage. You just can't do it.
Speaker 1: You cannot have the ultimate physical, emotional, and sexual unity
Speaker 1: that God wants you to have if you're not unified
Speaker 1: in the number one area of your life, which is
Speaker 1: your relationship to God. Now your relationship to God should
Speaker 1: be the biggest most important part of your life. And
Speaker 1: if I can't share the biggest, most important part of
Speaker 1: my life with my wife, we're living on different wavelengths.
Speaker 1: We got different world views. We may have all kinds
Speaker 1: of other things in common, but our marriage will be
Speaker 1: shallow our entire lives. It will be shallow and there
Speaker 1: will be problems. And your marriage will never be as
Speaker 1: deep as it could be and you will never experience
Speaker 1: the emotional intimacy or the sexual intimacy that God wants
Speaker 1: you to have unless you're united in spirit. There's a
Speaker 1: spiritual unity that you're headed in the same direction. If
Speaker 1: you want God's protection on your marriage, you want God's
Speaker 1: blessing on your marriage, then God's gotta be at the center.
Speaker 1: He's gotta be the glue. Most people have no idea
Speaker 1: how important God is to marriage. It takes more than
Speaker 1: a man and woman to make a solid marriage. Remember,
Speaker 1: marriage was God's idea. God thought it up. God thought
Speaker 1: up sex. God thought up intimacy. God thought up family
Speaker 1: and children and the whole big idea. So he designed it.
Speaker 1: And God designed it that marriage is a three-legged stool. God,
Speaker 1: a husband, and a wife. Now you take out any
Speaker 1: one of the legs and the stool is gonna fall over.
Speaker 1: A one-legged stool will fall over. A two-legged stool will
Speaker 1: fall over. You gotta have the third leg. You've gotta
Speaker 1: have God in the relationship or it's gonna be unstable.
Speaker 1: It's gonna get knocked over in enormous ways, all kinds
Speaker 1: of different ways. Now, God is absolutely clear about this
Speaker 1: first one. Let's look at some verses. 2 Corinthians chapter six,
Speaker 1: verses 14 and 15. Stop. forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers?
Speaker 1: Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything
Speaker 1: in common with darkness? Can a believer share life with
Speaker 1: an unbeliever? In other words, if you don't have spiritual unity,
Speaker 1: how in the world can you be unified in any
Speaker 1: other area? Now let me just be honest with you.
Speaker 1: Let me have true confession right now. As a pastor,
Speaker 1: I don't like to disappoint people. As a pastor, I
Speaker 1: don't like to hurt people's feelings. I want them to
Speaker 1: like me. I want them to be happy. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many times people have come
Speaker 1: to me and introduced me to their fiance. And they
Speaker 1: want me to be happy about their fiance. And they say,
Speaker 1: and they start telling me all their fine qualities of
Speaker 1: their fiance. And their fiance does have a lot of
Speaker 1: fine qualities. Great. Fine qualities. And they tell me how
Speaker 1: much they love them. And they tell me how much
Speaker 1: they have in common. And they tell me how much
Speaker 1: they've got similar plans. And they tell me how much
Speaker 1: they think alike in so many different areas. And then
Speaker 1: one of them will take me and say, there's only
Speaker 1: one problem. He's not a believer. She's not a believer.
Speaker 1: It's the only problem. Every bone in my body wants
Speaker 1: to say, it's no big deal. Go right ahead. Be happy.
Speaker 1: But after watching over a thousand divorces, I'm blunt and
Speaker 1: I say, you're making the biggest mistake of your life.
Speaker 1: I love you enough to tell you the truth. You
Speaker 1: are making the biggest mistake of your life. If you
Speaker 1: don't have spiritual unity, you're never gonna have sexual unity
Speaker 1: the way God intended. You're never gonna have emotional unity
Speaker 1: the way God intended. You're never gonna have unity in
Speaker 1: communication because the biggest area of your life, your partner rejects.
Speaker 1: I don't care how much else you've got in common,
Speaker 1: they reject that. How can I say, if you have
Speaker 1: committed your life to Christ, then there's no way you
Speaker 1: can give your life away to somebody who rejects your savior.
Speaker 1: There's just no way you can do that. Now you
Speaker 1: can do it and say, well, God, I don't want
Speaker 1: your blessing on my marriage. I don't want your success
Speaker 1: on my marriage. And I don't want your protection on
Speaker 1: my marriage. And I'm gonna willfully ignore what the Bible says.
Speaker 1: I used to be really kind of casual about this. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I know you can win him to the
Speaker 1: Lord later. You can win her to missionary dating is
Speaker 1: what we call it. You know? You know? And people
Speaker 1: tell me this, I'll win him to Christ, or he'll
Speaker 1: change after we're married. Would you like to give me five,
Speaker 1: let me give you 5,000 people who tell you that
Speaker 1: doesn't happen? The change, if it doesn't happen before the marriage,
Speaker 1: that's when the leverage is on. You see, a lot
Speaker 1: of girls in particular, when they plan their wedding, there's
Speaker 1: a standard. I've done so many thousands of weddings. There's
Speaker 1: a standard, you know. You walk down the aisle, you
Speaker 1: stand at the altar, and then they do the hymn.
Speaker 1: And it's, I'll alter him. And people think that's how
Speaker 1: it's gonna be. I'll alter him. But it doesn't work
Speaker 1: that way. 2 Corinthians 6, 14, next verse. Do not
Speaker 1: unite yourself with an unbeliever. They're not fit mates for you.
Speaker 1: If you want God's best, I'm just telling you right
Speaker 1: up front, don't even consider somebody who's not committed to
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Now let me give you the hard, cold
Speaker 1: facts of life, not preference, facts of life. National Survey
Speaker 1: reported in Marriage Magazine, one out of every two and
Speaker 1: a half marriages in America now ends in divorce. That's
Speaker 1: not very good odds. One out of every two and
Speaker 1: a half marriages in America ends in divorce. But when
Speaker 1: a couple is spiritually unified, that's what I'm just talking about,
Speaker 1: they're both believers and they practice three habits together. Attend
Speaker 1: church weekly together, pray together, read the Bible together, the
Speaker 1: divorce rate drops from one out of every two and
Speaker 1: a half marriages to one out of every 1,105 marriages.
Speaker 1: Are you willing to gamble? Are you willing to gamble? Please,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you as your pastor, don't gamble the second
Speaker 1: most important decision in your life. Because if you marry
Speaker 1: without spiritual unity, the odds are in 10 years, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be divorced. You're not gonna beat the odds as
Speaker 1: a general rule. Or you'll stay together and your deepest
Speaker 1: intimacy will never be there, you'll live at a shallow level,
Speaker 1: Because you're not sharing the most important thing in your life.
Speaker 1: Or there's gonna be conflict with your kids and all
Speaker 1: kinds of other problems. So this is the starting one.
Speaker 1: Number one, I must have spiritual unity. You know, the
Speaker 1: Bible says this, Romans 1, 12. I want us to
Speaker 1: help each other with the faith we have. Your faith
Speaker 1: will help me And my faith will help you. And
Speaker 1: that's what God wants to do in marriage. He wants
Speaker 1: the faith of the husband to help the wife and
Speaker 1: the faith of the wife to help the husband. But
Speaker 1: how can your faith help each other if one of
Speaker 1: you has no faith? If I were to stand up
Speaker 1: here on the edge and you were to come over here,
Speaker 1: is it easier for me to pull you up or
Speaker 1: for you to pull me down? It's always easier to
Speaker 1: be pulled down in a relationship than to pull somebody up.
Speaker 1: It is always easier. So I'm not shy about this anymore.
Speaker 1: If that offends you, I'm sorry. I'm doing what is
Speaker 1: best for your happiness. You must have spiritual unity in
Speaker 1: your marriage, all right? Number two, second must have. Not
Speaker 1: only do we have spiritual unity, that's still not enough.
Speaker 1: Number two, oh, by the way, somebody says, what if
Speaker 1: I'm already married to an unbeliever? You love them and
Speaker 1: you pray that they find Christ. That's what you do. Now,
Speaker 1: the second non-negotiable in choosing a life partner, we must
Speaker 1: have not only spiritual unity, number two, we must have
Speaker 1: life purpose compatibility. Life purpose compatibility. In other words, we
Speaker 1: have to be headed in the same direction for the
Speaker 1: same reason, for the same purpose in life. Now, the
Speaker 1: Bible says this in Amos 3, verse 3. Can two
Speaker 1: people walk together together? without agreeing on the direction? Well,
Speaker 1: the obvious answer is no. You can't wanna walk that
Speaker 1: way and I wanna walk this way and we walk together. Now,
Speaker 1: if two people can't walk together without a same purpose,
Speaker 1: how in the world do we think we're gonna live
Speaker 1: together in intimacy? It ain't gonna happen. The marriage is
Speaker 1: gonna fall apart. The marriage will not last. If you
Speaker 1: have a purpose for your life that's that way and
Speaker 1: I have a purpose for my life and it's that way,
Speaker 1: it's not gonna last. It's gonna end in disaster. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have a life of conflict. Now, by the way,
Speaker 1: the implication of this is you're not ready to marry
Speaker 1: until you know the purpose for your life. Pastor Brad
Speaker 1: teaches on this all the time. I wrote a book
Speaker 1: about it a number of years ago. But you need
Speaker 1: to identify, what is my mission? What is my purpose?
Speaker 1: What is my calling? What is my vocation? Why did
Speaker 1: God put me on this earth? Until you know that question,
Speaker 1: don't even think of getting married. Because if you don't
Speaker 1: know what your purpose is, and then you get married
Speaker 1: and you discover it later, and then all of a sudden, well,
Speaker 1: tough luck. You're married to somebody whose purpose is totally different. Now,
Speaker 1: God put you here for a purpose, and he did
Speaker 1: three things. He shaped you, he gifted you, and he
Speaker 1: called you. Let's look at these three verses. First, he
Speaker 1: shaped you, Ephesians 2.10. For we are God's workmanship, created
Speaker 1: in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared
Speaker 1: in advance for us to do. Circle that phrase, prepared
Speaker 1: in advance. Did you know that before you were born,
Speaker 1: God already decided your life purpose? He prepared in advance
Speaker 1: the things he wanted you to do with your life.
Speaker 1: One day, you're gonna stand before God And he's gonna
Speaker 1: ask you two questions. The nice thing about God is
Speaker 1: he tells us what's on the final exam. And there
Speaker 1: are only two questions on the final exam. And since
Speaker 1: God wants you to succeed at it, he tells you
Speaker 1: the questions in advance. One day you're gonna die. One
Speaker 1: day your heart's gonna stop. That's gonna be the end
Speaker 1: of your body, but it's not gonna be the end
Speaker 1: of you because you were made to last. forever. You're
Speaker 1: gonna live forever, one of two places. We were made
Speaker 1: for long-term relationship with God. God wants you in heaven.
Speaker 1: That's why he sent Jesus to die for you, so
Speaker 1: it'd be possible. One day, you'll stand before God, and
Speaker 1: he's gonna ask you first, what did you do with
Speaker 1: my son Jesus? I hope you know the answer to that.
Speaker 1: He's not gonna ask, were you Catholic or Baptist or
Speaker 1: Pentecostal or Calvary Chapel? He's not gonna ask your denomination.
Speaker 1: He's gonna say, what did you do with my son Jesus?
Speaker 1: And then he's gonna say, second question, what did you
Speaker 1: do with what I gave you? You have been given
Speaker 1: certain gifts, certain abilities, certain purposes, certain shape that God
Speaker 1: wired you, spiritual gift, heart, ability, personality, experiences that he
Speaker 1: wants you to use to fulfill your purpose. When you
Speaker 1: stand before God one day, God's not gonna say, by
Speaker 1: the way, who'd you marry? He's gonna say, did you
Speaker 1: fulfill your purpose? Did you fulfill your purpose? No, sorry, Lord,
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to do that because I found a
Speaker 1: really cute guy. Ah, wrong answer. That's not the one
Speaker 1: he wants to hear. God called you, he said, I
Speaker 1: designed in advance what I made you to do. He
Speaker 1: not only shaped you, he gifted you. Look at the
Speaker 1: next verse, 1 Peter 4. Each of you has received
Speaker 1: a gift from God for serving others. Now you must
Speaker 1: be faithful to develop and use that gracious gift from God.
Speaker 1: You gotta be faithful to do it. Well, if you
Speaker 1: got a life partner who doesn't care two bits about
Speaker 1: that or they're going a different direction, how are you
Speaker 1: gonna fulfill your purpose? Third, God not only shaped you
Speaker 1: and gifted you, he's called you. Did you know that
Speaker 1: you're called? Every Christian is called by God. The Bible
Speaker 1: says marriage is a partnership to fulfill your calling. Hebrews 3.1,
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters, you are holy partners in a heavenly calling.
Speaker 1: And let me just tell you this. If you've got
Speaker 1: a girlfriend and you're not gonna be more effective fulfilling
Speaker 1: your purpose married, you better stay unmarried. The purpose of
Speaker 1: marriage is to make you more effective in fulfilling your purpose.
Speaker 1: If marriage keeps you from your purpose, then you missed
Speaker 1: the point of the marriage, to be partners in God's calling.
Speaker 1: So here's what you need to do. You need to
Speaker 1: picture in your mind your life purpose as a circle.
Speaker 1: And you picture in your mind the life purpose of
Speaker 1: the person you're considering marrying over here. And then you ask,
Speaker 1: How much do they overlap? Do they overlap at all?
Speaker 1: More important, could they become one? Because when you have
Speaker 1: that oneness, it's incredible. I married a woman like that
Speaker 1: who had the same purpose I did. And unbelievable, it
Speaker 1: made us a powerful team that took us places around
Speaker 1: the world I never would have imagined. that gave us
Speaker 1: opportunities I never would have imagined. When I fell in
Speaker 1: love with Kay, I had no idea what God was
Speaker 1: gonna do in my life. I just knew what his
Speaker 1: purpose was. But I didn't know all of the things
Speaker 1: he was gonna do in my life and all the
Speaker 1: things he was gonna do in her life. And we
Speaker 1: had gifts that had not even been discovered yet. But
Speaker 1: what we did know is we had the same purpose
Speaker 1: and our purposes matched perfectly. And as a result, that
Speaker 1: gave impact. When you have two different purposes, you have
Speaker 1: no impact. And not only that, you have less joy.
Speaker 1: And not only that, you have more conflict. So you
Speaker 1: not only have to have spiritual unity, you have to
Speaker 1: have the same life purpose in life. God gifted you,
Speaker 1: shaped you, and called you. So listen, you may both
Speaker 1: be fine people and you may both love the Lord
Speaker 1: and you may love each other but that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you should get married. It does not mean, you gotta ask,
Speaker 1: do we have the same purpose? The Bible tells us
Speaker 1: that one of the advantages of being single is you
Speaker 1: can have a solitary purpose. You have undivided attention. I
Speaker 1: don't know if anybody's ever told you this or not,
Speaker 1: but I think you've already figured it out. A bad
Speaker 1: marriage is a thousand times worse than staying single the
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Let me say it again. A
Speaker 1: bad marriage is a thousand times worse, thousand times worse
Speaker 1: than all the downsides of staying single the rest of
Speaker 1: your life. So do not settle for just second best.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people I've talked with
Speaker 1: who've been married 10 years or 15 years or 20
Speaker 1: years and in the privacy of one-on-one conversation, they say,
Speaker 1: Pastor Rick, I feel guilty. Say, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: I know what God called me to do, but I
Speaker 1: can't do it now. Because I married a guy. I
Speaker 1: married a girl who didn't share that same value. And
Speaker 1: there's no way it's gonna get done. And I know
Speaker 1: I am missing my purpose in life. Do you know
Speaker 1: what torture that is? To know your purpose in life
Speaker 1: and know you're missing it? Don't make that mistake. Don't
Speaker 1: make that mistake. On the other hand, as I said,
Speaker 1: when your purpose is aligned, it is enormous power, it
Speaker 1: is enormous energy, and it is enormous fulfillment to be
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, the same purpose with your husband
Speaker 1: or your wife and knowing the blessing of God is
Speaker 1: on your life. And I have felt that. And friend,
Speaker 1: there's nothing in the world like that feeling. To know
Speaker 1: that there's somebody by my side who's the exact opposite
Speaker 1: of me in every DNA cell of her body. She's
Speaker 1: female and I'm male, and we don't understand each other
Speaker 1: a lot of the time, but we do know this,
Speaker 1: God's called us to this, and we're on line together,
Speaker 1: and there's enormous power when a husband and wife have
Speaker 1: the same life purpose. Number three, third, non-negotiable. We must
Speaker 1: have spiritual unity, we must have life's purpose compatibility, number three,
Speaker 1: We must both be emotionally healthy. Yeah, I heard that one.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was laughter of guilt, fear,
Speaker 1: or what, but let's all just laugh right now, okay? Now,
Speaker 1: I did not say emotionally perfect. If you wait for
Speaker 1: the perfect wife or the perfect husband, it isn't gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Because let me tell you what, we're all broken. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you to look at the person next to
Speaker 1: you right now and say, I'm broken and so are you.
Speaker 1: Go ahead. I'm broken and so are you. Okay, go ahead,
Speaker 1: I dare you. I'm broken and so are you. All right. Now,
Speaker 1: turn to the person and say, but that's okay because
Speaker 1: God still loves you. But that's okay because God still
Speaker 1: loves you. All right. Yeah. We just had 18 proposals
Speaker 1: for marriage just then. I'll be doing a cut rate
Speaker 1: wedding service after this service. Let me just tell you,
Speaker 1: read my lips. Anybody you marry will be broken. Now,
Speaker 1: you're going to marry a sinner. And she's going to
Speaker 1: marry a bigger one. Two imperfect people cannot make a
Speaker 1: perfect relationship. So put that one out of your mind.
Speaker 1: You're never gonna have a perfect relationship. I married a sinner.
Speaker 1: Kay married a sinner. You're gonna marry a sinner. The
Speaker 1: Bible says all of sin. Nobody's perfect. In fact, if
Speaker 1: you think you're perfect, then you better be running from
Speaker 1: that person if they think they're perfect. Okay, because they're
Speaker 1: out of touch with reality. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo,
Speaker 1: you know. Okay, so. Everybody's broken, but some people are
Speaker 1: a lot more broken than others. And you need to
Speaker 1: avoid them no matter how good looking or how much
Speaker 1: money or how well they treat you. You need to
Speaker 1: avoid them. I heard about a lady at divorce court.
Speaker 1: She was asking for a divorce and the judge said,
Speaker 1: but you promised to take him for better or worse.
Speaker 1: She said, yeah, but he was a lot worse than
Speaker 1: I took him for. So you gotta figure out the
Speaker 1: emotional health of that guy before you go too far
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Why am I saying this? Study after
Speaker 1: study after study has shown 80% of all separations and
Speaker 1: divorce come because one or both of the partners are
Speaker 1: emotionally unhealthy. 80% of all divorces come because one or
Speaker 1: both of the people in the marriage were emotionally deficient.
Speaker 1: They were emotionally immature. They were emotionally unhealthy. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you a partial checklist of emotional health factors.
Speaker 1: These aren't my opinion. This is what God says you
Speaker 1: need to avoid. And you just need to avoid them.
Speaker 1: And you need to get out of a relationship. If
Speaker 1: you spot any of these, the Bible says, you are
Speaker 1: asking for trouble. You don't want trouble. So if you
Speaker 1: hear me teach this to you, and then you go
Speaker 1: marry a person that has some of these in their life,
Speaker 1: and things turn sour, you cannot blame God. You walked
Speaker 1: into it full on head knowing I'm gonna get married
Speaker 1: in spite of these factors, okay? Let me give you
Speaker 1: a list of factors. This is not all of them,
Speaker 1: but it's a partial checklist of emotional health factors. Number one,
Speaker 1: whoever I marry must, number one, have no uncontrolled anger. Whoa.
Speaker 1: No uncontrolled anger. But I like the bad boys. then
Speaker 1: there's a word for you, girl, fool. Fool, you're just
Speaker 1: a flat-out fool. Proverbs 22, 24. Do not circle that.
Speaker 1: Do not make friends. I think that would mean going
Speaker 1: out on a date. Do not make friends with a
Speaker 1: hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered. Do
Speaker 1: you know why? Because uncontrolled anger reveals deep insecurity and
Speaker 1: low self-worth. If I don't like me, I don't like
Speaker 1: anybody else. And when you've got a cup, let's say
Speaker 1: I'm carrying a cup of water, and if it's full
Speaker 1: to the brim, any little thing will shake that cup
Speaker 1: and it'll spill out. If there's not any water in it,
Speaker 1: nothing can come out. You got a guy who's filled
Speaker 1: with anger, or a woman who's filled with anger, and
Speaker 1: it's right there at the blimp, anytime you bump them,
Speaker 1: it's gonna come out. The best time to end wife
Speaker 1: abuse and domestic violence is don't marry them. If you
Speaker 1: see somebody who has uncontrolled anger, friend, the Bible says, run.
Speaker 1: Do not associate, do not associate with one easily angered.
Speaker 1: Because if they don't like themselves, I guarantee you, at
Speaker 1: some point, they're gonna turn that anger on you. And
Speaker 1: you are gonna be the brunt of it because you're
Speaker 1: gonna be closest. No uncontrolled anger. That's a non-negotiable. Number two,
Speaker 1: whoever I marry must have no addictions. No addictions. These
Speaker 1: are non-negotiables. Proverbs 23, verse 20. Don't associate, there's that
Speaker 1: word again, don't associate with people who drink too much
Speaker 1: or stuff themselves with food. Let's pause here for a
Speaker 1: little confession. Your pastor is in. Now only two things
Speaker 1: are mentioned here, food and alcohol, but you know there's
Speaker 1: a thousand ways to get addicted. You can get addicted
Speaker 1: to drugs. You can get addicted to pornography. You can
Speaker 1: get addicted to video games. You can get addicted to
Speaker 1: spending money. I just love to shop. Run! Do I
Speaker 1: need to cover this point anymore? No, okay, let's go on.
Speaker 1: Number three, whoever I marry must have no uncontrolled anger,
Speaker 1: must have no addictions, don't associate. Number three, no bitterness. Wow.
Speaker 1: They gotta deal with it before they deal with you.
Speaker 1: If your boyfriend or your girlfriend is carrying resentment from
Speaker 1: his past, Now let me tell you this, as a
Speaker 1: pastor who loves you, I love you, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: save you some pain. I have sat in the counseling
Speaker 1: room with marriage after marriage after marriage after marriage and
Speaker 1: watched bitterness tear it all down. Doesn't matter if you
Speaker 1: both have great jobs, you're both good looking, you got
Speaker 1: great kids, you got a good car, great family, everything,
Speaker 1: but if there's bitterness there, it tears it out. Bitterness
Speaker 1: is like a poison that eats you alive. Whatever you resent,
Speaker 1: you begin to resemble. I'm never gonna be like my mother. Oh, really? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna be, no, really. Whatever you resist, persist.
Speaker 1: You start pushing a nail into wood, it starts resisting.
Speaker 1: It just goes deeper and deeper into the wood. You
Speaker 1: hammer it down. And whatever you need to resent, stop resenting,
Speaker 1: you gotta release it. Now, the Bible says this. Hebrews 12,
Speaker 1: verse 15. Make sure you all have experienced the grace
Speaker 1: of God. Now that would mean both the husband and
Speaker 1: the wife, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, everybody. Make sure you've
Speaker 1: all experienced the grace of God so that bitterness doesn't
Speaker 1: take root and grow because that causes much trouble and
Speaker 1: will corrupt. You see, if you start dating a girl
Speaker 1: or a guy who has bitterness from something in their
Speaker 1: past and they're holding on to it and they're not
Speaker 1: letting it go and they're holding on, I want to
Speaker 1: guarantee you 110% that after you get married, that resentment
Speaker 1: is gonna turn to you. And a girl who's had
Speaker 1: issues with her dad is gonna take it out on
Speaker 1: her husband. And ladies, you wanna know how your husband's
Speaker 1: gonna treat you? Look at how he treats his parents.
Speaker 1: You gotta click. See what kind of respect the guy
Speaker 1: gives his mom. Just look at that. I have seen
Speaker 1: this over and over and over. Bible says, make sure
Speaker 1: you all experience the grace of God. So you get
Speaker 1: rid of that bitterness because bitterness causes much trouble. Notice
Speaker 1: how many of these verses use the word trouble. It's
Speaker 1: a very important question is to ask, how do they
Speaker 1: treat their parents? Yeah, well, they're not pairing their parents.
Speaker 1: They're not marrying their parents. They're marrying me. You're right.
Speaker 1: but they're bringing their parents into the relationship. And they're bringing,
Speaker 1: you don't marry a person, you marry a family. You
Speaker 1: may not like that, but you marry a family. Proverbs 20, 20,
Speaker 1: if you curse your father or mother, the lamp of
Speaker 1: your life will be snuffed out. What in the world
Speaker 1: does that mean? That sounds pretty, you know, strong. The
Speaker 1: lamp of your life will be snuffed out. What does
Speaker 1: it mean? You'll miss the life God intended. You know,
Speaker 1: in the 10 commandments, like don't murder and don't commit
Speaker 1: adultery and don't steal and don't lie. Number five, the
Speaker 1: fifth one is honor your father and mother. Did you
Speaker 1: know that's the only command of the big 10 that
Speaker 1: has a promise with it? It's the only one with
Speaker 1: a promise said, if you honor your father and mother,
Speaker 1: you will be given a long life. It's the only
Speaker 1: promise with a blessing in the Ten Commandments. He said,
Speaker 1: but my parents don't deserve to be honored. Your parents
Speaker 1: may be, maybe you never even knew them. Maybe they
Speaker 1: were alcoholics. Maybe they beat you. Maybe you were abused.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. But you know what? People say, why did
Speaker 1: God choose the parents I've got? I mean, my parents,
Speaker 1: they didn't do diddly squat in my life. In fact,
Speaker 1: they hurt me. But you know what? They're your parents. Yes.
Speaker 1: And why did God choose those people to be your parents?
Speaker 1: Regardless of whether they were good, bad, or terrible parent,
Speaker 1: God chose them, why? Because they had just the DNA
Speaker 1: to create you. And God was more interested in creating
Speaker 1: you than in their parenting skills. They may have been
Speaker 1: a terrible parent, but you wouldn't be existing if it
Speaker 1: weren't for the DNA of your mom and your dad.
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying honor their sin. The Bible doesn't
Speaker 1: say that. The Bible doesn't say honor their abuse. The
Speaker 1: Bible doesn't say honor their neglect. You have to honor
Speaker 1: the fact that God chose them because without them, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't exist. They had just the right sperm and egg
Speaker 1: to create you. And God was more interested in making
Speaker 1: you than he was how well apparent they were. So
Speaker 1: no uncontrolled anger, no addictions, no bitterness. The only commandment
Speaker 1: of the promise. Number five, whoever I marry must not
Speaker 1: be selfish. Not selfish, why? Proverbs 28, 25 says this,
Speaker 1: selfish people cause trouble. Would you circle that, star it,
Speaker 1: underline it, put an arrow toward it, a Reno sign,
Speaker 1: you know, it's pointing, you know. Selfish people cause trouble.
Speaker 1: So you just look in your day, does he ever
Speaker 1: open the door for you? Do they only talk about
Speaker 1: themselves when you're together? You know, when somebody talks about
Speaker 1: themselves a day, sometimes that's fascinating, it's kinda cute, it's
Speaker 1: kinda interesting. After you get married, it wears off real quick.
Speaker 1: Can you talk about something else besides your hair? Or
Speaker 1: your car, or your dream, or, you know, can you
Speaker 1: talk about anything else? The Bible says selfish people cause trouble.
Speaker 1: The number one cause of conflict in marriage, when you
Speaker 1: boil it all down, people say, how do you keep
Speaker 1: conflict out of marriage? Simple, get rid of selfishness. Conflict
Speaker 1: comes because I want what I want, you want what
Speaker 1: you want, we're both selfish and neither one of us
Speaker 1: are willing to budge. It's immaturity, it's selfish. And the
Speaker 1: more unselfish I am, then the more we're gonna get along,
Speaker 1: the more unselfish you're gonna be, because it responds back
Speaker 1: to each other. Don't go with a selfish man. Proverbs 18,
Speaker 1: verse one. People who do not get along with others
Speaker 1: are only interested in themselves. They will disagree with what
Speaker 1: everyone else knows is right. Don't point at them right now, please.
Speaker 1: People who don't get along with others are only interested
Speaker 1: in themselves. They'll disagree with everybody. They make their living
Speaker 1: by being opposite. Don't selfish. Now, the next one. This
Speaker 1: one may surprise you, but it's a non-negotiable. The person
Speaker 1: I marry cannot be greedy. That's what the Bible says.
Speaker 1: I'm only teaching you what the Bible says. And if
Speaker 1: you want a peaceful marriage, you want a successful marriage,
Speaker 1: don't marry a greedy man, don't marry a greedy woman.
Speaker 1: Proverbs 15, 27, a greedy man does what? Brings trouble
Speaker 1: to his family. I would encourage you maybe to do
Speaker 1: a study on this. The damage that greed does to love,
Speaker 1: the damage that greed does to marriage, the damage that
Speaker 1: greed does to children, it does to families. If you
Speaker 1: marry a greedy spouse, you will be in debt your
Speaker 1: entire life. You will always be in debt because they
Speaker 1: will always spend things, money they don't have, to buy
Speaker 1: things they don't need to impress people they don't even like.
Speaker 1: You will always be in debt. In your marriage, if
Speaker 1: you marry a greedy person, because they don't know how
Speaker 1: to live within a budget. They don't know how to
Speaker 1: live on less. I gotta have it and I gotta
Speaker 1: have it now. I'm gonna live within my means even
Speaker 1: if I have to charge it. Proverbs 23 verse six
Speaker 1: takes it even more blatant. Don't eat at the table
Speaker 1: of a stingy person. I guess that means not going
Speaker 1: out to dinner. Don't eat at the table of a
Speaker 1: stingy person. Don't hang out with those kind of people. Now,
Speaker 1: one of the clearest signs of emotional health, this is
Speaker 1: now we're getting on the opposite side, is the opposite
Speaker 1: of the last two, selfish and greedy. Bible says run
Speaker 1: from that. If you see selfishness, she's always talking about her.
Speaker 1: She's only interested in her. He's only interested in him.
Speaker 1: Or they're greedy. They're very materialistic. They're very materialistic. The
Speaker 1: Bible says run. The opposite of that, two of the
Speaker 1: ultimate signs of emotional health are generosity and kindness. Generosity
Speaker 1: and kindness. And so that's the next one. Clearest sign
Speaker 1: of emotional health is they must be generous and kind.
Speaker 1: Are they generous and are they kind? Now why do
Speaker 1: I wanna marry somebody who's generous? Why is that important?
Speaker 1: Why do I want to marry somebody who's kind? Well,
Speaker 1: look at what the Bible says. A generous man will prosper.
Speaker 1: Do you want to marry a guy who prospers? Then
Speaker 1: you better marry a generous man. A generous man will prosper.
Speaker 1: He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. They're also
Speaker 1: far easier to get along with. But also kindness. Proverbs 11, 17.
Speaker 1: A kind-hearted woman gains respect and a kind man benefits himself.
Speaker 1: But cruel people bring trouble. There's that word again, trouble
Speaker 1: on themselves. Notice, greed brings trouble. Selfishness brings trouble. Bitterness
Speaker 1: brings trouble. Addictions bring trouble. But generosity and kindness, that
Speaker 1: brings benefit. It brings prosperity. It brings respect. Now I
Speaker 1: only got time for one more. An emotionally healthy person
Speaker 1: tells the truth. Tells the truth. An emotionally healthy person
Speaker 1: tells the truth. Proverbs 20, verse seven. Why do I
Speaker 1: wanna marry a person who tells the truth? Because the
Speaker 1: Bible says this. A righteous person lives on the basis
Speaker 1: of his integrity and his children will be blessed even
Speaker 1: after he is gone. You want your children to be blessed?
Speaker 1: Then you marry somebody who tells the truth. Now, why
Speaker 1: is this so important? Everybody look up here. Love is
Speaker 1: based on trust and trust is based on truth. If
Speaker 1: you don't tell me the truth, I can't trust you.
Speaker 1: And if I can't trust you, how can I love you? Guys,
Speaker 1: if you lie to a girl that you're dating, you're
Speaker 1: gonna lie to your wife later on. Girls, if a
Speaker 1: guy's lying to you, about what he's doing right now,
Speaker 1: he's gonna lie to you even more when he's married.
Speaker 1: I'm doing this because I wanna protect you. Don't marry
Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't have integrity. But when you find somebody
Speaker 1: who's got integrity, the Bible says that's gonna bring blessing
Speaker 1: not only on you and your marriage, but on your
Speaker 1: kids too, even after they die. Did you notice in
Speaker 1: this entire list there was not one word about appearance?
Speaker 1: Did you notice that? Not one word about how they look,
Speaker 1: how sexy. Is she Susie Swivelhips? I mean, a hunk,
Speaker 1: a hunk of burning love, all right? Now, Our culture
Speaker 1: teaches the exact opposite what the Bible teaches. Our culture
Speaker 1: teaches you that the number one thing you need in
Speaker 1: marriage is you need to be sexy. You need to
Speaker 1: be good looking. Our entire society is built on the
Speaker 1: idea that you marry somebody beautiful. And that if you
Speaker 1: marry somebody who is attractive, then your marriage is gonna
Speaker 1: be great, and you're gonna be happy, and they're gonna
Speaker 1: meet every need in your life. Now friends, if that
Speaker 1: were true, the marriages that would last the longest would
Speaker 1: be Hollywood marriages. Because they're all better looking than all
Speaker 1: of us. Is that true? Do Hollywood marriages, do the
Speaker 1: best looking people have the longest lasting marriages? Tell me,
Speaker 1: is that true? Not a chance. Not a chance. It
Speaker 1: has zero to do with the success of your marriage.
Speaker 1: Because I hate to tell you this, you're not going
Speaker 1: to stay sexy forever. Unless you're me. All right, now.
Speaker 1: The Hollywood myth is that all you need to get
Speaker 1: married is romantic feelings, sexual attraction, want to get rid
Speaker 1: of your loneliness, and then that'll be it. Everything will
Speaker 1: be great. No, it won't. Those are not the reasons
Speaker 1: to marry. You may be tired of being noticed or
Speaker 1: not noticed. and you wanna be noticed, somebody pays you
Speaker 1: a little attention, you think, I should marry this person,
Speaker 1: they're paying me attention. No. Do you have spiritual unity?
Speaker 1: Do you have life purpose compatibility? Are they emotionally healthy?
Speaker 1: These aren't reasons enough to marry. She's good looking and
Speaker 1: paying me attention. I could probably get a baboon to
Speaker 1: do that too. You say, Well, come on, Rick. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if I'll ever find anybody who fits this. Oh, really?
Speaker 1: I did. And you can too. When Kay and I
Speaker 1: got married, Leonard Ravenhill, who was a great preacher of
Speaker 1: the previous generation, sent us a wedding card. I've never forgotten.
Speaker 1: He said this. God always gives his best to those
Speaker 1: who leave the choice to him. I wanted God's best
Speaker 1: in my life and I got it. And I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna settle for somebody who was... When I was in school,
Speaker 1: I was pretty popular. I was class president every year
Speaker 1: and student body president. From eighth grade, seventh grade, through
Speaker 1: my freshman year of college, I was president every single year.
Speaker 1: I was a party animal. And I dated a lot
Speaker 1: of really cute girls. Any of them would have been disastrous.
Speaker 1: Would have been disastrous for me. Because we didn't have
Speaker 1: these issues. And to build it simply on sexual attraction,
Speaker 1: the feeling of being noticed, the fear of loneliness, wanting
Speaker 1: to be loved, We share a lot in common, we're
Speaker 1: having fun. Those are all great things, but they're not
Speaker 1: enough to build a marriage on. And that's why every
Speaker 1: one out of every two and a half marriages ends
Speaker 1: in divorce. I wanna remind you again, a bad marriage
Speaker 1: is a thousand times worse than staying single. Now, as
Speaker 1: we've gone through this list, some of you may have
Speaker 1: realized you're currently dating somebody who would be disaster to marry.
Speaker 1: What do you do? Run, that's right, run. The fact is,
Speaker 1: the longer you date somebody, the more painful it's gonna
Speaker 1: be to break up. I would encourage you to try
Speaker 1: to figure out in the first two dates, do they
Speaker 1: fit this situation here? Any of these here? Look for
Speaker 1: these things. So I would suggest that maybe on some
Speaker 1: of your early dates, you spend more time talking than
Speaker 1: you do watching a movie. Because if you get into
Speaker 1: a relationship over a long period of time, the longer
Speaker 1: you're in it, the more painful it's gonna be to
Speaker 1: get out of it. Anybody wanna agree with that one? Yeah.
Speaker 1: The longer you're in it, the more painful it is
Speaker 1: to get out of it. So you wanna find out quickly,
Speaker 1: do we have spiritual unity? Eh. We got purpose unity? Eh.
Speaker 1: Emotionally healthy? I mean, he's got biceps, but forget it, man.
Speaker 1: That's about all he's got, okay? All right, he dresses nice. Yeah, well.
Speaker 1: Let me give you some ending advice. Proverbs 6, look
Speaker 1: here on the screen. This is a passage actually talking
Speaker 1: about financial commitment, but it applies here too. If you
Speaker 1: have trapped yourself in an agreement called dating, and you're
Speaker 1: caught by whatever you said, quick, Get out of it immediately.
Speaker 1: Swallow your pride. Go and get your name released. Don't
Speaker 1: put it off. Do it now. Don't rest until you do. Shoot,
Speaker 1: blame me. Pastor Rick told me to do it. I
Speaker 1: don't mind being the heavy. Proverbs 28, 23 on the screen.
Speaker 1: In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery. So
Speaker 1: what I suggest you do is you don't keep prolonging
Speaker 1: a relationship that you know is going nowhere. If you
Speaker 1: know it's going nowhere, don't continue it. Well, I won't
Speaker 1: have anybody to take me out on Friday night. A
Speaker 1: bad marriage is a million times worse than not going
Speaker 1: out on Friday night. And the longer you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: the more difficult it's gonna be to get out of it.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? So kind of size them up quickly.
Speaker 1: Write these down, put them on a little card, pull
Speaker 1: them out the first date. Let me ask you this, Christ.
Speaker 1: Do you have uncontrolled anger? No, I don't. Are you selfish?
Speaker 1: Can we talk about me? Are you greedy? Would you
Speaker 1: pick up the tab? No. You can figure this one
Speaker 1: out pretty quick. You don't have to be that blunt,
Speaker 1: but if you want to get married, God bless you.
Speaker 1: The Bible says, he who finds a wife findeth a
Speaker 1: good thing. It's a good blessing. It is a blessing.
Speaker 1: It is a blessing of God. You need to begin
Speaker 1: a personal relationship with Jesus Christ yourself. If you haven't
Speaker 1: done that, you need to start there. You need to
Speaker 1: get spiritually connected to God. Get that third leg of
Speaker 1: the stool already in your life. And then I want
Speaker 1: to challenge all of you tonight to commit yourselves to
Speaker 1: God's standard. I will not let oceans of emotion sway
Speaker 1: me into making a stupid decision. I mean, given the
Speaker 1: right situation, as I said, you can get a quiver
Speaker 1: in your liver. That thrills me. And you fall in
Speaker 1: love with the idea of being in love. But don't
Speaker 1: make a stupid decision. Don't date until your own emotional
Speaker 1: hurts are healed, or at least in the healing process,
Speaker 1: and we can help you do that. Pastor Brad and
Speaker 1: Pastor Tommy and all of our other pastors can help you.
Speaker 1: We've got all kinds of groups to help you. Deal
Speaker 1: with those things. Get them done. Get them settled. Close
Speaker 1: the door. Get rid of the bitterness. Get rid of that.
Speaker 1: You got an anger problem? Fine. You can get rid
Speaker 1: of an anger problem. I've helped thousands of people get
Speaker 1: rid of an anger problem. But don't carry that with you.
Speaker 1: I remember marrying a couple many, many years ago here
Speaker 1: at Saddleback. About five years later, we had them over
Speaker 1: for dinner. And the woman told me, she said, you know, Rick,
Speaker 1: when I walked down that aisle in that white dress,
Speaker 1: she said, I had no idea that I was carrying
Speaker 1: an entire bag of emotional garbage on my back. And
Speaker 1: I took all that garbage into a marriage. Friends, Marriage
Speaker 1: does not create problems, it reveals them. You need to
Speaker 1: write that one down. Marriage doesn't create problems, it reveals them.
Speaker 1: The problem was already there in you or in your
Speaker 1: boyfriend or girlfriend. It was already there. And the more
Speaker 1: you can deal with it before you get married, the
Speaker 1: happier marriage is gonna be, the more God-honoring it's gonna be,
Speaker 1: the more fulfilling it's gonna be. And you will have
Speaker 1: that deep soul intimacy that is personal, it is relational,
Speaker 1: it is sexual, it is spiritual. It is the oneness
Speaker 1: that comes from being unified in our relationship to God,
Speaker 1: our relationship to our purpose, our relationship to our calling,
Speaker 1: our relationship to each other. Discover and clarify your mission first.
Speaker 1: Get involved. in a church. If you're not a part
Speaker 1: of Saddleback Church, welcome. We welcome you to be a
Speaker 1: part of Saddleback now. You're not gonna go find what
Speaker 1: you want sitting at home and you're not gonna go
Speaker 1: find it in a singles bar either. Go slow. Find
Speaker 1: out all you can about their family background. And then
Speaker 1: once you've decided to get married, get premarital counseling. There's
Speaker 1: so much more I could say, but our time's up.
Speaker 1: Let's bow our heads. Father, we've got all kinds of
Speaker 1: needs represented here in this place. We've got some marriage
Speaker 1: couples who are struggling with their relationships. There are single
Speaker 1: adults who've been hurt in a previous marriage. There are
Speaker 1: those who would love to be married, but the opportunity
Speaker 1: hasn't arisen. Regardless of our situation, help us to realize
Speaker 1: that what we need most is to turn to you, Jesus,
Speaker 1: and follow your instructions. Help us to realize we always
Speaker 1: create unnecessary problems when we ignore what you tell us
Speaker 1: to do. And it's very clear what you've told us
Speaker 1: to do. Who to avoid in life. And there are
Speaker 1: marriages that are represented here tonight that are hurting because
Speaker 1: there's no spiritual oneness. But there are also a lot
Speaker 1: of single adults here who have the ache of loneliness
Speaker 1: in their heart. I love them, Lord. This church loves them.
Speaker 1: We love them. And I thank you for bringing them
Speaker 1: to our church family. And as a pastor of this flock,
Speaker 1: I ask you to bring healing to my flock. Bring
Speaker 1: healing to those of my family here who are hurting
Speaker 1: and bring hope to those who feel hopeless right now
Speaker 1: of ever getting married. You are a miracle working God.
Speaker 1: And I ask you to make some miraculous changes in
Speaker 1: people's lives and in their relationships today. What are those
Speaker 1: who need the courage to end a relationship that's going nowhere?
Speaker 1: Help them to speak the truth in love. That in
Speaker 1: the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery. Now you pray. Say, Father,
Speaker 1: I need your help in my relationships. First, I need
Speaker 1: you to work on me. So we've gone through this list.
Speaker 1: There's some stuff I need to work on. You know
Speaker 1: where I'm insecure. You know where I ache. You know
Speaker 1: where I hurt. You know where I need to heal
Speaker 1: and change. And you know the needs that only you
Speaker 1: can meet in my life and I wanna trust you
Speaker 1: to be my savior, not some man and not some girl.
Speaker 1: I wanna trust you to be my savior, not anybody else.
Speaker 1: Help me to clarify my life purpose, the reason you
Speaker 1: put me on this earth. Help me to build spiritual
Speaker 1: partnership to connect with other believers thank you for bringing
Speaker 1: me to this great church family if you're married here
Speaker 1: tonight I ask you to just pray Lord help me
Speaker 1: to build spiritual oneness with my spouse And for those
Speaker 1: of you who are single, say, Lord, today I commit
Speaker 1: to your standards for choosing a mate. If I ever
Speaker 1: decide to marry, I want to do it your way
Speaker 1: and on your terms. And I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.