WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.170 --> 00:00:03.490 If you want God's blessing on your marriage, which you do, 2 00:00:04.150 --> 00:00:07.309 and you want God's protection on your marriage, which you do, 3 00:00:07.889 --> 00:00:11.269 and you want success in your marriage, which you do, 4 00:00:11.609 --> 00:00:14.119 then you better listen to what God has to say 5 00:00:14.210 --> 00:00:18.679 about the kind of person you should marry. In your life, 6 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:22.179 two of the most important choices you're gonna make are, one, 7 00:00:22.620 --> 00:00:26.859 will I ever get married? That's a choice. And the 8 00:00:26.899 --> 00:00:29.359 second one is if I do, who's it gonna be? 9 00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:32.409 And the Bible has a lot to say about this. 10 00:00:33.149 --> 00:00:36.189 And if you'll take out your message notes inside your program, 11 00:00:36.890 --> 00:00:40.710 finding the love of your life, the Bible says in 12 00:00:40.750 --> 00:00:47.399 Proverbs 12, verse 26, the righteous chooses his friends carefully. Now, 13 00:00:47.460 --> 00:00:50.159 if you're supposed to choose your friends carefully, you should 14 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:53.039 be even more careful about who's gonna be your life partner. 15 00:00:53.859 --> 00:00:56.759 Notice it is a choice. God doesn't do this for you. 16 00:00:57.100 --> 00:01:00.460 God says you make the choice. The righteous chooses his 17 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.960 friends carefully. The problem is nobody teaches us how to 18 00:01:04.019 --> 00:01:06.939 do that. You didn't get a class in school. Your 19 00:01:06.980 --> 00:01:09.620 parents didn't teach you how to choose the right person 20 00:01:09.659 --> 00:01:13.209 to marry. And as a result, many people end up 21 00:01:13.790 --> 00:01:16.489 in the wrong marriage for the wrong reason. And as 22 00:01:16.510 --> 00:01:18.370 your pastor who loves you, I don't want you to 23 00:01:18.409 --> 00:01:20.489 do that. I don't want you to end up that way. 24 00:01:21.849 --> 00:01:24.219 So we're going to look tonight at what the Bible 25 00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:30.120 says is God's checklist for choosing the right person. But 26 00:01:30.140 --> 00:01:32.420 before we do that, I need to dispel a couple myths. 27 00:01:32.459 --> 00:01:33.900 And I want you to write these down there on 28 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:37.180 your outline. There's a couple of myths about marriage that 29 00:01:37.219 --> 00:01:38.920 are out there, and we just need to get them 30 00:01:38.969 --> 00:01:40.950 out of the way. The first one is this. God 31 00:01:41.030 --> 00:01:46.000 doesn't choose my mate for me. God doesn't choose my 32 00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:49.480 mate for me. It's your decision, it's your choice. God 33 00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.099 isn't gonna choose your mate for you. God places the 34 00:01:53.140 --> 00:01:58.280 responsibility 100% on your shoulder. God is not gonna put 35 00:01:58.340 --> 00:02:03.890 a sign in the sky that says, Mary Harry. Okay, 36 00:02:04.530 --> 00:02:06.790 it isn't gonna happen. You can look all you want, 37 00:02:06.969 --> 00:02:10.430 but it isn't gonna happen. Now, some people say, well, 38 00:02:10.729 --> 00:02:15.539 I'm not gonna date, I'm just gonna wait. There's a 39 00:02:15.580 --> 00:02:20.969 word for that, bachelor or bachelorette, okay? Or never marry, okay? 40 00:02:20.990 --> 00:02:24.349 I mean, that's nonsense to say, I'm not gonna date, 41 00:02:24.490 --> 00:02:27.060 I'm gonna wait. That's what you get when you cross 42 00:02:27.099 --> 00:02:29.520 a crock of the hill with an abalone, it's a crock-a-baloney. 43 00:02:31.979 --> 00:02:34.599 I mean, I remember about 10 years ago, a guy 44 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:37.409 wrote a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I think 45 00:02:37.449 --> 00:02:43.509 he's a monk today. You know, when God wants to 46 00:02:43.590 --> 00:02:47.310 steer you, it's easier to move a car that's moving 47 00:02:47.349 --> 00:02:51.650 than one that's parked. God can't move a parked car. 48 00:02:52.750 --> 00:02:55.509 He can't steer it. It's gotta be moving, and then 49 00:02:55.560 --> 00:02:57.580 he can go this way or that way, whatever. So 50 00:02:57.659 --> 00:03:00.159 you can go home and sit in your basement and say, 51 00:03:00.379 --> 00:03:05.319 I'm just gonna wait and not date. And nothing's gonna happen. 52 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:08.590 Nothing's gonna happen. So you just need to clear that 53 00:03:08.659 --> 00:03:11.770 one up. God says it's your choice. God leads us, 54 00:03:12.090 --> 00:03:14.449 God guides us, and God gives us guidelines. We're gonna 55 00:03:14.469 --> 00:03:18.750 look at them tonight. But ultimately, it's your choice. The 56 00:03:18.810 --> 00:03:24.870 second myth is this. There isn't only one right person 57 00:03:25.830 --> 00:03:30.599 for me. That's very romantic. There's only one person in 58 00:03:30.639 --> 00:03:34.550 the entire universe for me. Well, it's just not true. 59 00:03:34.810 --> 00:03:40.349 It's not only romantic, but it's not biblical. And it's 60 00:03:40.370 --> 00:03:44.159 not only not biblical, it's not even logical. It is 61 00:03:44.219 --> 00:03:47.979 a total myth. It's romantic, but it's a myth. In 62 00:03:48.379 --> 00:03:51.780 your life, there are multiple people God would say, that's 63 00:03:51.860 --> 00:03:54.979 okay for you to marry. Multiple people. There would be 64 00:03:55.099 --> 00:03:58.669 millions he would say, no way, Jose. Okay. But there 65 00:03:58.750 --> 00:04:03.199 are multiple opportunities that God would say, okay, it's all right. 66 00:04:03.719 --> 00:04:08.360 Your choice, your preference. So God doesn't have a bullseye 67 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:11.460 when it comes to marriage. So forget that there's some Ms. 68 00:04:11.580 --> 00:04:14.099 Right or Mr. Right out there. They just aren't there. 69 00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:19.649 It isn't gonna happen. And the Bible doesn't say that. 70 00:04:19.930 --> 00:04:21.569 By the way, let me give you one more myth. 71 00:04:21.629 --> 00:04:23.310 It's not there on your outline, but write this down. 72 00:04:23.410 --> 00:04:29.839 One other myth is love alone is not enough reason 73 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:31.980 to marry. Would you write that down? Just write it down. 74 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.029 Love alone is not enough reason to marry. I talk 75 00:04:36.050 --> 00:04:37.430 to people all the time who are getting married, and 76 00:04:37.949 --> 00:04:39.790 I look at them and go, there's no way. The 77 00:04:39.850 --> 00:04:43.050 family background isn't right. The spiritual background isn't right. The 78 00:04:43.069 --> 00:04:47.060 personality background isn't right. Educational background, they don't have the 79 00:04:47.100 --> 00:04:48.939 same amount of energy. They don't have the same amount 80 00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:51.740 of ambition. They don't even have the same values, goals. 81 00:04:52.180 --> 00:04:57.800 None of these things are, but we love each other. Friend, 82 00:04:58.509 --> 00:05:01.490 Given the right situation, I could get you to fall 83 00:05:01.529 --> 00:05:06.379 in love with anybody. Love is a choice. And I 84 00:05:06.439 --> 00:05:09.379 could put you in certain circumstances that would make you 85 00:05:09.459 --> 00:05:13.980 romantically inclined. Just because you love someone does not mean 86 00:05:14.019 --> 00:05:15.860 you should marry them. I would like for us to 87 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:21.110 repeat this together. Just because you love someone doesn't mean 88 00:05:21.139 --> 00:05:25.889 you should I fell in love with multiple women before 89 00:05:25.949 --> 00:05:28.750 I married Kay. Any of them, if I had married, 90 00:05:28.850 --> 00:05:33.500 would have been a disaster. You can fall in love 91 00:05:33.540 --> 00:05:36.040 with all kinds of people. It doesn't mean you should 92 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:40.139 marry them. Love is not enough. It takes a lot 93 00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:43.579 of other things, and that's what we're gonna look at tonight. Now, 94 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:47.589 God doesn't tell you who to marry, but he does 95 00:05:47.629 --> 00:05:51.300 give you a description of of the kind of person 96 00:05:51.639 --> 00:05:55.060 that he desires for you to marry. And if you 97 00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:58.839 want God's blessing on your marriage, which you do, and 98 00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:01.899 you want God's protection on your marriage, which you do, 99 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:05.860 and you want success in your marriage, which you do, 100 00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:08.720 then you better listen to what God has to say 101 00:06:08.819 --> 00:06:14.199 about the kind of person you should marry. Because the 102 00:06:14.279 --> 00:06:18.199 evidence of not following what God says to do is 103 00:06:18.500 --> 00:06:22.379 out there all around us. Given the right situation, as 104 00:06:22.439 --> 00:06:24.189 I said, you can fall in love with anybody, doesn't 105 00:06:24.199 --> 00:06:26.889 mean you should marry them, but God gives us a list, 106 00:06:26.949 --> 00:06:30.069 and I call these a list of must-haves. Now, I'm 107 00:06:30.089 --> 00:06:32.550 gonna give you a list tonight from the Bible of 108 00:06:32.610 --> 00:06:35.350 things that must have, you must have in your life 109 00:06:36.069 --> 00:06:40.870 and in your mate's life, boyfriend, girlfriend's life, in order 110 00:06:40.990 --> 00:06:43.490 to marry them. Until these are right, you're not ready 111 00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:46.449 to marry them, and they're not ready to marry you, 112 00:06:47.069 --> 00:06:49.529 and they may not even ever be the right person 113 00:06:49.750 --> 00:06:52.560 for you to marry. Now you can add to this 114 00:06:52.629 --> 00:06:56.339 list your own experiences. What I'm gonna give you tonight 115 00:06:56.639 --> 00:07:00.959 is the bare minimum. These are the minimum requirements for 116 00:07:00.980 --> 00:07:05.399 the marriage God blesses. If they don't meet these qualifications, 117 00:07:05.740 --> 00:07:08.949 deal breaker. I don't care how much I love them. 118 00:07:09.430 --> 00:07:11.649 I don't care how much money they've got, how cute 119 00:07:11.670 --> 00:07:13.649 they are, how much they make me laugh. Doesn't matter 120 00:07:13.689 --> 00:07:17.069 how sweet we get along together, how much we have fun, 121 00:07:17.110 --> 00:07:19.310 how much we have in common. Doesn't matter, all those things. 122 00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:25.240 If we don't match on these things, deal breaker. Now, 123 00:07:25.860 --> 00:07:34.949 this week, I celebrated my 37th anniversary. Okay? And... I 124 00:07:34.990 --> 00:07:40.589 have counseled thousands of married couples in trouble and counseled 125 00:07:40.649 --> 00:07:44.329 thousands of single adults who are considering marriage. So I 126 00:07:44.350 --> 00:07:46.689 do know a little about what the Bible is talking about. 127 00:07:46.769 --> 00:07:49.649 I just want to save you some pain. These are 128 00:07:49.689 --> 00:07:53.300 not my opinion. This is what God says are the 129 00:07:53.339 --> 00:07:57.899 requirements of the kind of person you should choose to marry. Okay, 130 00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:01.199 let's get into it. Number one, the first thing We 131 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:03.839 have to have, my wife and I, or my husband 132 00:08:03.860 --> 00:08:06.819 and I, we have to, number one, we must have 133 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:14.110 spiritual unity. It's first qualification. We must have spiritual unity. 134 00:08:14.129 --> 00:08:20.439 That means we believe the same thing about God. We 135 00:08:20.500 --> 00:08:24.100 have a relationship to God together. If you aren't spiritually 136 00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:28.839 unified with your spouse, You are never going to enjoy 137 00:08:29.220 --> 00:08:36.950 the depth of physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, or emotional intimacy 138 00:08:37.250 --> 00:08:40.659 that God desires for your marriage. You just can't do it. 139 00:08:41.529 --> 00:08:46.620 You cannot have the ultimate physical, emotional, and sexual unity 140 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:49.419 that God wants you to have if you're not unified 141 00:08:49.500 --> 00:08:52.480 in the number one area of your life, which is 142 00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:55.879 your relationship to God. Now your relationship to God should 143 00:08:55.919 --> 00:09:00.889 be the biggest most important part of your life. And 144 00:09:00.929 --> 00:09:04.429 if I can't share the biggest, most important part of 145 00:09:04.490 --> 00:09:08.529 my life with my wife, we're living on different wavelengths. 146 00:09:09.210 --> 00:09:11.940 We got different world views. We may have all kinds 147 00:09:11.980 --> 00:09:14.279 of other things in common, but our marriage will be 148 00:09:14.419 --> 00:09:18.779 shallow our entire lives. It will be shallow and there 149 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:22.080 will be problems. And your marriage will never be as 150 00:09:22.139 --> 00:09:24.529 deep as it could be and you will never experience 151 00:09:24.570 --> 00:09:28.710 the emotional intimacy or the sexual intimacy that God wants 152 00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:32.529 you to have unless you're united in spirit. There's a 153 00:09:32.590 --> 00:09:36.720 spiritual unity that you're headed in the same direction. If 154 00:09:36.779 --> 00:09:40.080 you want God's protection on your marriage, you want God's 155 00:09:40.220 --> 00:09:43.100 blessing on your marriage, then God's gotta be at the center. 156 00:09:43.659 --> 00:09:47.809 He's gotta be the glue. Most people have no idea 157 00:09:48.690 --> 00:09:52.480 how important God is to marriage. It takes more than 158 00:09:52.519 --> 00:09:55.649 a man and woman to make a solid marriage. Remember, 159 00:09:55.710 --> 00:09:58.470 marriage was God's idea. God thought it up. God thought 160 00:09:58.529 --> 00:10:01.320 up sex. God thought up intimacy. God thought up family 161 00:10:01.379 --> 00:10:04.730 and children and the whole big idea. So he designed it. 162 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:10.080 And God designed it that marriage is a three-legged stool. God, 163 00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:13.450 a husband, and a wife. Now you take out any 164 00:10:13.549 --> 00:10:16.009 one of the legs and the stool is gonna fall over. 165 00:10:16.289 --> 00:10:19.480 A one-legged stool will fall over. A two-legged stool will 166 00:10:19.500 --> 00:10:22.580 fall over. You gotta have the third leg. You've gotta 167 00:10:22.620 --> 00:10:26.159 have God in the relationship or it's gonna be unstable. 168 00:10:26.220 --> 00:10:30.879 It's gonna get knocked over in enormous ways, all kinds 169 00:10:31.179 --> 00:10:35.509 of different ways. Now, God is absolutely clear about this 170 00:10:35.549 --> 00:10:38.769 first one. Let's look at some verses. 2 Corinthians chapter six, 171 00:10:39.350 --> 00:10:47.139 verses 14 and 15. Stop. forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers? 172 00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:53.220 Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything 173 00:10:53.259 --> 00:10:57.929 in common with darkness? Can a believer share life with 174 00:10:57.970 --> 00:11:01.149 an unbeliever? In other words, if you don't have spiritual unity, 175 00:11:01.409 --> 00:11:04.470 how in the world can you be unified in any 176 00:11:04.529 --> 00:11:06.669 other area? Now let me just be honest with you. 177 00:11:07.090 --> 00:11:10.120 Let me have true confession right now. As a pastor, 178 00:11:11.429 --> 00:11:15.210 I don't like to disappoint people. As a pastor, I 179 00:11:15.250 --> 00:11:18.370 don't like to hurt people's feelings. I want them to 180 00:11:18.450 --> 00:11:23.340 like me. I want them to be happy. And honestly, 181 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:25.820 I can't tell you how many times people have come 182 00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:30.039 to me and introduced me to their fiance. And they 183 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.500 want me to be happy about their fiance. And they say, 184 00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:36.929 and they start telling me all their fine qualities of 185 00:11:36.950 --> 00:11:39.269 their fiance. And their fiance does have a lot of 186 00:11:39.309 --> 00:11:43.409 fine qualities. Great. Fine qualities. And they tell me how 187 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:46.250 much they love them. And they tell me how much 188 00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:49.080 they have in common. And they tell me how much 189 00:11:49.460 --> 00:11:52.940 they've got similar plans. And they tell me how much 190 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:56.600 they think alike in so many different areas. And then 191 00:11:56.940 --> 00:11:58.320 one of them will take me and say, there's only 192 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:02.879 one problem. He's not a believer. She's not a believer. 193 00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:07.080 It's the only problem. Every bone in my body wants 194 00:12:07.100 --> 00:12:09.720 to say, it's no big deal. Go right ahead. Be happy. 195 00:12:10.990 --> 00:12:18.340 But after watching over a thousand divorces, I'm blunt and 196 00:12:18.379 --> 00:12:21.279 I say, you're making the biggest mistake of your life. 197 00:12:23.179 --> 00:12:25.539 I love you enough to tell you the truth. You 198 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:29.850 are making the biggest mistake of your life. If you 199 00:12:29.889 --> 00:12:34.149 don't have spiritual unity, you're never gonna have sexual unity 200 00:12:34.309 --> 00:12:37.690 the way God intended. You're never gonna have emotional unity 201 00:12:37.850 --> 00:12:41.009 the way God intended. You're never gonna have unity in 202 00:12:41.049 --> 00:12:45.539 communication because the biggest area of your life, your partner rejects. 203 00:12:47.220 --> 00:12:49.080 I don't care how much else you've got in common, 204 00:12:49.340 --> 00:12:52.279 they reject that. How can I say, if you have 205 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:58.100 committed your life to Christ, then there's no way you 206 00:12:58.139 --> 00:13:01.259 can give your life away to somebody who rejects your savior. 207 00:13:02.600 --> 00:13:05.519 There's just no way you can do that. Now you 208 00:13:05.539 --> 00:13:07.419 can do it and say, well, God, I don't want 209 00:13:07.500 --> 00:13:10.070 your blessing on my marriage. I don't want your success 210 00:13:10.110 --> 00:13:11.950 on my marriage. And I don't want your protection on 211 00:13:11.970 --> 00:13:15.029 my marriage. And I'm gonna willfully ignore what the Bible says. 212 00:13:15.049 --> 00:13:20.970 I used to be really kind of casual about this. Well, 213 00:13:21.029 --> 00:13:22.330 you know, I know you can win him to the 214 00:13:22.389 --> 00:13:25.090 Lord later. You can win her to missionary dating is 215 00:13:25.129 --> 00:13:30.210 what we call it. You know? You know? And people 216 00:13:30.250 --> 00:13:32.669 tell me this, I'll win him to Christ, or he'll 217 00:13:32.769 --> 00:13:36.730 change after we're married. Would you like to give me five, 218 00:13:37.029 --> 00:13:38.960 let me give you 5,000 people who tell you that 219 00:13:38.980 --> 00:13:43.899 doesn't happen? The change, if it doesn't happen before the marriage, 220 00:13:44.799 --> 00:13:50.059 that's when the leverage is on. You see, a lot 221 00:13:50.100 --> 00:13:53.980 of girls in particular, when they plan their wedding, there's 222 00:13:54.019 --> 00:13:56.259 a standard. I've done so many thousands of weddings. There's 223 00:13:56.299 --> 00:14:00.039 a standard, you know. You walk down the aisle, you 224 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:02.750 stand at the altar, and then they do the hymn. 225 00:14:03.370 --> 00:14:05.549 And it's, I'll alter him. And people think that's how 226 00:14:05.570 --> 00:14:12.929 it's gonna be. I'll alter him. But it doesn't work 227 00:14:12.970 --> 00:14:20.779 that way. 2 Corinthians 6, 14, next verse. Do not 228 00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:24.940 unite yourself with an unbeliever. They're not fit mates for you. 229 00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:28.279 If you want God's best, I'm just telling you right 230 00:14:28.299 --> 00:14:31.879 up front, don't even consider somebody who's not committed to 231 00:14:31.940 --> 00:14:36.379 Jesus Christ. Now let me give you the hard, cold 232 00:14:36.659 --> 00:14:41.610 facts of life, not preference, facts of life. National Survey 233 00:14:42.649 --> 00:14:47.049 reported in Marriage Magazine, one out of every two and 234 00:14:47.070 --> 00:14:51.870 a half marriages in America now ends in divorce. That's 235 00:14:51.889 --> 00:14:54.269 not very good odds. One out of every two and 236 00:14:54.289 --> 00:14:57.690 a half marriages in America ends in divorce. But when 237 00:14:57.750 --> 00:15:01.250 a couple is spiritually unified, that's what I'm just talking about, 238 00:15:01.570 --> 00:15:06.360 they're both believers and they practice three habits together. Attend 239 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:10.179 church weekly together, pray together, read the Bible together, the 240 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.519 divorce rate drops from one out of every two and 241 00:15:12.539 --> 00:15:14.899 a half marriages to one out of every 1,105 marriages. 242 00:15:14.919 --> 00:15:26.289 Are you willing to gamble? Are you willing to gamble? Please, 243 00:15:26.570 --> 00:15:30.230 I'm telling you as your pastor, don't gamble the second 244 00:15:30.250 --> 00:15:34.250 most important decision in your life. Because if you marry 245 00:15:34.620 --> 00:15:38.899 without spiritual unity, the odds are in 10 years, you're 246 00:15:38.919 --> 00:15:43.440 gonna be divorced. You're not gonna beat the odds as 247 00:15:43.500 --> 00:15:47.399 a general rule. Or you'll stay together and your deepest 248 00:15:47.500 --> 00:15:49.830 intimacy will never be there, you'll live at a shallow level, 249 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:52.299 Because you're not sharing the most important thing in your life. 250 00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:55.519 Or there's gonna be conflict with your kids and all 251 00:15:55.559 --> 00:15:58.799 kinds of other problems. So this is the starting one. 252 00:15:59.080 --> 00:16:03.759 Number one, I must have spiritual unity. You know, the 253 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:07.460 Bible says this, Romans 1, 12. I want us to 254 00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:10.860 help each other with the faith we have. Your faith 255 00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:14.169 will help me And my faith will help you. And 256 00:16:14.210 --> 00:16:15.870 that's what God wants to do in marriage. He wants 257 00:16:16.169 --> 00:16:17.850 the faith of the husband to help the wife and 258 00:16:17.870 --> 00:16:20.149 the faith of the wife to help the husband. But 259 00:16:20.200 --> 00:16:21.899 how can your faith help each other if one of 260 00:16:21.929 --> 00:16:25.779 you has no faith? If I were to stand up 261 00:16:25.820 --> 00:16:28.580 here on the edge and you were to come over here, 262 00:16:28.940 --> 00:16:30.919 is it easier for me to pull you up or 263 00:16:30.940 --> 00:16:35.620 for you to pull me down? It's always easier to 264 00:16:35.639 --> 00:16:38.240 be pulled down in a relationship than to pull somebody up. 265 00:16:38.539 --> 00:16:44.120 It is always easier. So I'm not shy about this anymore. 266 00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:48.600 If that offends you, I'm sorry. I'm doing what is 267 00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:54.360 best for your happiness. You must have spiritual unity in 268 00:16:54.399 --> 00:16:58.870 your marriage, all right? Number two, second must have. Not 269 00:16:58.929 --> 00:17:01.350 only do we have spiritual unity, that's still not enough. 270 00:17:01.850 --> 00:17:05.029 Number two, oh, by the way, somebody says, what if 271 00:17:05.069 --> 00:17:07.990 I'm already married to an unbeliever? You love them and 272 00:17:08.029 --> 00:17:11.880 you pray that they find Christ. That's what you do. Now, 273 00:17:12.180 --> 00:17:15.900 the second non-negotiable in choosing a life partner, we must 274 00:17:15.940 --> 00:17:18.970 have not only spiritual unity, number two, we must have 275 00:17:19.390 --> 00:17:27.430 life purpose compatibility. Life purpose compatibility. In other words, we 276 00:17:27.470 --> 00:17:30.529 have to be headed in the same direction for the 277 00:17:30.589 --> 00:17:36.289 same reason, for the same purpose in life. Now, the 278 00:17:36.329 --> 00:17:39.930 Bible says this in Amos 3, verse 3. Can two 279 00:17:40.019 --> 00:17:44.910 people walk together together? without agreeing on the direction? Well, 280 00:17:44.930 --> 00:17:47.990 the obvious answer is no. You can't wanna walk that 281 00:17:48.029 --> 00:17:50.859 way and I wanna walk this way and we walk together. Now, 282 00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:54.400 if two people can't walk together without a same purpose, 283 00:17:54.660 --> 00:17:56.180 how in the world do we think we're gonna live 284 00:17:56.220 --> 00:18:01.519 together in intimacy? It ain't gonna happen. The marriage is 285 00:18:01.539 --> 00:18:06.079 gonna fall apart. The marriage will not last. If you 286 00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:07.880 have a purpose for your life that's that way and 287 00:18:07.900 --> 00:18:09.539 I have a purpose for my life and it's that way, 288 00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:15.400 it's not gonna last. It's gonna end in disaster. You're 289 00:18:15.420 --> 00:18:17.940 gonna have a life of conflict. Now, by the way, 290 00:18:17.980 --> 00:18:21.220 the implication of this is you're not ready to marry 291 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:27.119 until you know the purpose for your life. Pastor Brad 292 00:18:27.180 --> 00:18:29.339 teaches on this all the time. I wrote a book 293 00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:32.269 about it a number of years ago. But you need 294 00:18:32.289 --> 00:18:34.769 to identify, what is my mission? What is my purpose? 295 00:18:34.829 --> 00:18:37.730 What is my calling? What is my vocation? Why did 296 00:18:37.769 --> 00:18:40.710 God put me on this earth? Until you know that question, 297 00:18:40.950 --> 00:18:45.210 don't even think of getting married. Because if you don't 298 00:18:45.230 --> 00:18:47.769 know what your purpose is, and then you get married 299 00:18:47.809 --> 00:18:49.789 and you discover it later, and then all of a sudden, well, 300 00:18:49.829 --> 00:18:54.789 tough luck. You're married to somebody whose purpose is totally different. Now, 301 00:18:54.849 --> 00:18:56.730 God put you here for a purpose, and he did 302 00:18:56.769 --> 00:18:59.210 three things. He shaped you, he gifted you, and he 303 00:18:59.269 --> 00:19:02.339 called you. Let's look at these three verses. First, he 304 00:19:02.380 --> 00:19:07.039 shaped you, Ephesians 2.10. For we are God's workmanship, created 305 00:19:07.079 --> 00:19:11.220 in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared 306 00:19:11.500 --> 00:19:15.339 in advance for us to do. Circle that phrase, prepared 307 00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:18.160 in advance. Did you know that before you were born, 308 00:19:18.220 --> 00:19:22.750 God already decided your life purpose? He prepared in advance 309 00:19:22.829 --> 00:19:25.970 the things he wanted you to do with your life. 310 00:19:26.930 --> 00:19:31.029 One day, you're gonna stand before God And he's gonna 311 00:19:31.099 --> 00:19:33.640 ask you two questions. The nice thing about God is 312 00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:36.339 he tells us what's on the final exam. And there 313 00:19:36.359 --> 00:19:38.440 are only two questions on the final exam. And since 314 00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:41.700 God wants you to succeed at it, he tells you 315 00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:44.650 the questions in advance. One day you're gonna die. One 316 00:19:44.670 --> 00:19:46.470 day your heart's gonna stop. That's gonna be the end 317 00:19:46.509 --> 00:19:48.009 of your body, but it's not gonna be the end 318 00:19:48.029 --> 00:19:51.279 of you because you were made to last. forever. You're 319 00:19:51.299 --> 00:19:55.519 gonna live forever, one of two places. We were made 320 00:19:55.619 --> 00:20:00.039 for long-term relationship with God. God wants you in heaven. 321 00:20:00.380 --> 00:20:02.269 That's why he sent Jesus to die for you, so 322 00:20:02.309 --> 00:20:05.170 it'd be possible. One day, you'll stand before God, and 323 00:20:05.210 --> 00:20:07.130 he's gonna ask you first, what did you do with 324 00:20:07.190 --> 00:20:09.990 my son Jesus? I hope you know the answer to that. 325 00:20:10.180 --> 00:20:12.579 He's not gonna ask, were you Catholic or Baptist or 326 00:20:12.619 --> 00:20:16.539 Pentecostal or Calvary Chapel? He's not gonna ask your denomination. 327 00:20:16.559 --> 00:20:19.079 He's gonna say, what did you do with my son Jesus? 328 00:20:19.799 --> 00:20:22.779 And then he's gonna say, second question, what did you 329 00:20:22.859 --> 00:20:27.400 do with what I gave you? You have been given 330 00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:32.640 certain gifts, certain abilities, certain purposes, certain shape that God 331 00:20:32.769 --> 00:20:36.509 wired you, spiritual gift, heart, ability, personality, experiences that he 332 00:20:36.589 --> 00:20:39.450 wants you to use to fulfill your purpose. When you 333 00:20:39.470 --> 00:20:42.450 stand before God one day, God's not gonna say, by 334 00:20:42.470 --> 00:20:45.859 the way, who'd you marry? He's gonna say, did you 335 00:20:45.890 --> 00:20:50.779 fulfill your purpose? Did you fulfill your purpose? No, sorry, Lord, 336 00:20:50.839 --> 00:20:53.039 I wasn't able to do that because I found a 337 00:20:53.059 --> 00:20:59.799 really cute guy. Ah, wrong answer. That's not the one 338 00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:03.009 he wants to hear. God called you, he said, I 339 00:21:03.049 --> 00:21:07.670 designed in advance what I made you to do. He 340 00:21:07.710 --> 00:21:09.529 not only shaped you, he gifted you. Look at the 341 00:21:09.569 --> 00:21:13.440 next verse, 1 Peter 4. Each of you has received 342 00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:17.660 a gift from God for serving others. Now you must 343 00:21:17.740 --> 00:21:22.880 be faithful to develop and use that gracious gift from God. 344 00:21:24.130 --> 00:21:26.470 You gotta be faithful to do it. Well, if you 345 00:21:26.509 --> 00:21:29.089 got a life partner who doesn't care two bits about 346 00:21:29.130 --> 00:21:31.170 that or they're going a different direction, how are you 347 00:21:31.210 --> 00:21:35.170 gonna fulfill your purpose? Third, God not only shaped you 348 00:21:35.210 --> 00:21:37.430 and gifted you, he's called you. Did you know that 349 00:21:37.450 --> 00:21:41.740 you're called? Every Christian is called by God. The Bible 350 00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:45.779 says marriage is a partnership to fulfill your calling. Hebrews 3.1, 351 00:21:45.779 --> 00:21:50.759 brothers and sisters, you are holy partners in a heavenly calling. 352 00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:53.779 And let me just tell you this. If you've got 353 00:21:53.799 --> 00:21:58.059 a girlfriend and you're not gonna be more effective fulfilling 354 00:21:58.079 --> 00:22:03.789 your purpose married, you better stay unmarried. The purpose of 355 00:22:03.869 --> 00:22:08.369 marriage is to make you more effective in fulfilling your purpose. 356 00:22:09.289 --> 00:22:12.970 If marriage keeps you from your purpose, then you missed 357 00:22:12.990 --> 00:22:17.920 the point of the marriage, to be partners in God's calling. 358 00:22:18.579 --> 00:22:20.420 So here's what you need to do. You need to 359 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.819 picture in your mind your life purpose as a circle. 360 00:22:24.700 --> 00:22:27.549 And you picture in your mind the life purpose of 361 00:22:27.589 --> 00:22:31.210 the person you're considering marrying over here. And then you ask, 362 00:22:32.119 --> 00:22:36.190 How much do they overlap? Do they overlap at all? 363 00:22:37.250 --> 00:22:42.490 More important, could they become one? Because when you have 364 00:22:42.529 --> 00:22:48.359 that oneness, it's incredible. I married a woman like that 365 00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:53.319 who had the same purpose I did. And unbelievable, it 366 00:22:53.400 --> 00:22:56.640 made us a powerful team that took us places around 367 00:22:56.680 --> 00:22:59.769 the world I never would have imagined. that gave us 368 00:22:59.910 --> 00:23:04.299 opportunities I never would have imagined. When I fell in 369 00:23:04.339 --> 00:23:06.720 love with Kay, I had no idea what God was 370 00:23:06.740 --> 00:23:09.519 gonna do in my life. I just knew what his 371 00:23:09.619 --> 00:23:12.759 purpose was. But I didn't know all of the things 372 00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:14.680 he was gonna do in my life and all the 373 00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:16.750 things he was gonna do in her life. And we 374 00:23:16.809 --> 00:23:19.630 had gifts that had not even been discovered yet. But 375 00:23:19.690 --> 00:23:22.630 what we did know is we had the same purpose 376 00:23:22.950 --> 00:23:27.700 and our purposes matched perfectly. And as a result, that 377 00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:31.119 gave impact. When you have two different purposes, you have 378 00:23:31.220 --> 00:23:34.359 no impact. And not only that, you have less joy. 379 00:23:34.619 --> 00:23:38.059 And not only that, you have more conflict. So you 380 00:23:38.099 --> 00:23:40.559 not only have to have spiritual unity, you have to 381 00:23:40.619 --> 00:23:45.140 have the same life purpose in life. God gifted you, 382 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:50.589 shaped you, and called you. So listen, you may both 383 00:23:50.690 --> 00:23:53.470 be fine people and you may both love the Lord 384 00:23:54.430 --> 00:23:57.200 and you may love each other but that doesn't mean 385 00:23:57.220 --> 00:24:00.329 you should get married. It does not mean, you gotta ask, 386 00:24:00.609 --> 00:24:04.650 do we have the same purpose? The Bible tells us 387 00:24:04.670 --> 00:24:07.390 that one of the advantages of being single is you 388 00:24:07.430 --> 00:24:11.079 can have a solitary purpose. You have undivided attention. I 389 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:13.920 don't know if anybody's ever told you this or not, 390 00:24:14.140 --> 00:24:17.920 but I think you've already figured it out. A bad 391 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:20.940 marriage is a thousand times worse than staying single the 392 00:24:20.980 --> 00:24:24.420 rest of your life. Let me say it again. A 393 00:24:24.599 --> 00:24:30.599 bad marriage is a thousand times worse, thousand times worse 394 00:24:31.420 --> 00:24:34.059 than all the downsides of staying single the rest of 395 00:24:34.099 --> 00:24:39.380 your life. So do not settle for just second best. 396 00:24:42.099 --> 00:24:45.380 I can't tell you how many people I've talked with 397 00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:48.019 who've been married 10 years or 15 years or 20 398 00:24:48.019 --> 00:24:50.960 years and in the privacy of one-on-one conversation, they say, 399 00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:53.289 Pastor Rick, I feel guilty. Say, what do you mean? 400 00:24:54.150 --> 00:24:56.349 I know what God called me to do, but I 401 00:24:56.390 --> 00:25:01.039 can't do it now. Because I married a guy. I 402 00:25:01.079 --> 00:25:06.319 married a girl who didn't share that same value. And 403 00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:08.329 there's no way it's gonna get done. And I know 404 00:25:08.349 --> 00:25:11.329 I am missing my purpose in life. Do you know 405 00:25:11.349 --> 00:25:15.289 what torture that is? To know your purpose in life 406 00:25:15.470 --> 00:25:21.680 and know you're missing it? Don't make that mistake. Don't 407 00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:23.940 make that mistake. On the other hand, as I said, 408 00:25:25.250 --> 00:25:29.410 when your purpose is aligned, it is enormous power, it 409 00:25:29.490 --> 00:25:34.509 is enormous energy, and it is enormous fulfillment to be 410 00:25:34.609 --> 00:25:37.849 doing the same thing, the same purpose with your husband 411 00:25:38.049 --> 00:25:40.680 or your wife and knowing the blessing of God is 412 00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:43.240 on your life. And I have felt that. And friend, 413 00:25:43.420 --> 00:25:46.680 there's nothing in the world like that feeling. To know 414 00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:50.779 that there's somebody by my side who's the exact opposite 415 00:25:50.819 --> 00:25:55.509 of me in every DNA cell of her body. She's 416 00:25:55.569 --> 00:25:58.369 female and I'm male, and we don't understand each other 417 00:25:58.410 --> 00:26:00.369 a lot of the time, but we do know this, 418 00:26:00.670 --> 00:26:03.390 God's called us to this, and we're on line together, 419 00:26:03.589 --> 00:26:07.450 and there's enormous power when a husband and wife have 420 00:26:07.490 --> 00:26:14.890 the same life purpose. Number three, third, non-negotiable. We must 421 00:26:14.950 --> 00:26:19.500 have spiritual unity, we must have life's purpose compatibility, number three, 422 00:26:20.599 --> 00:26:27.809 We must both be emotionally healthy. Yeah, I heard that one. 423 00:26:29.690 --> 00:26:32.369 I don't know if that was laughter of guilt, fear, 424 00:26:33.150 --> 00:26:39.319 or what, but let's all just laugh right now, okay? Now, 425 00:26:39.700 --> 00:26:45.859 I did not say emotionally perfect. If you wait for 426 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:49.480 the perfect wife or the perfect husband, it isn't gonna happen. 427 00:26:50.250 --> 00:26:53.650 Because let me tell you what, we're all broken. Okay, 428 00:26:53.829 --> 00:26:55.349 I want you to look at the person next to 429 00:26:55.369 --> 00:26:58.069 you right now and say, I'm broken and so are you. 430 00:26:58.170 --> 00:27:02.329 Go ahead. I'm broken and so are you. Okay, go ahead, 431 00:27:02.430 --> 00:27:07.069 I dare you. I'm broken and so are you. All right. Now, 432 00:27:07.470 --> 00:27:10.490 turn to the person and say, but that's okay because 433 00:27:10.539 --> 00:27:13.920 God still loves you. But that's okay because God still 434 00:27:13.960 --> 00:27:19.299 loves you. All right. Yeah. We just had 18 proposals 435 00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:23.630 for marriage just then. I'll be doing a cut rate 436 00:27:23.750 --> 00:27:29.849 wedding service after this service. Let me just tell you, 437 00:27:29.930 --> 00:27:35.539 read my lips. Anybody you marry will be broken. Now, 438 00:27:36.859 --> 00:27:40.640 you're going to marry a sinner. And she's going to 439 00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:48.779 marry a bigger one. Two imperfect people cannot make a 440 00:27:48.859 --> 00:27:51.819 perfect relationship. So put that one out of your mind. 441 00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:54.309 You're never gonna have a perfect relationship. I married a sinner. 442 00:27:55.970 --> 00:27:58.730 Kay married a sinner. You're gonna marry a sinner. The 443 00:27:58.769 --> 00:28:01.630 Bible says all of sin. Nobody's perfect. In fact, if 444 00:28:01.650 --> 00:28:04.049 you think you're perfect, then you better be running from 445 00:28:04.089 --> 00:28:08.089 that person if they think they're perfect. Okay, because they're 446 00:28:08.130 --> 00:28:10.329 out of touch with reality. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, 447 00:28:10.349 --> 00:28:18.069 you know. Okay, so. Everybody's broken, but some people are 448 00:28:18.109 --> 00:28:22.799 a lot more broken than others. And you need to 449 00:28:22.890 --> 00:28:26.099 avoid them no matter how good looking or how much 450 00:28:26.220 --> 00:28:30.160 money or how well they treat you. You need to 451 00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:33.539 avoid them. I heard about a lady at divorce court. 452 00:28:33.579 --> 00:28:36.869 She was asking for a divorce and the judge said, 453 00:28:36.890 --> 00:28:39.509 but you promised to take him for better or worse. 454 00:28:40.349 --> 00:28:41.789 She said, yeah, but he was a lot worse than 455 00:28:41.829 --> 00:28:47.630 I took him for. So you gotta figure out the 456 00:28:47.690 --> 00:28:50.819 emotional health of that guy before you go too far 457 00:28:51.170 --> 00:28:55.819 in a relationship. Why am I saying this? Study after 458 00:28:55.859 --> 00:28:59.640 study after study has shown 80% of all separations and 459 00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:03.400 divorce come because one or both of the partners are 460 00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:10.599 emotionally unhealthy. 80% of all divorces come because one or 461 00:29:10.700 --> 00:29:15.000 both of the people in the marriage were emotionally deficient. 462 00:29:16.049 --> 00:29:23.670 They were emotionally immature. They were emotionally unhealthy. Now, I'm 463 00:29:23.690 --> 00:29:27.849 gonna give you a partial checklist of emotional health factors. 464 00:29:28.910 --> 00:29:31.710 These aren't my opinion. This is what God says you 465 00:29:31.750 --> 00:29:35.009 need to avoid. And you just need to avoid them. 466 00:29:35.210 --> 00:29:37.710 And you need to get out of a relationship. If 467 00:29:37.730 --> 00:29:40.380 you spot any of these, the Bible says, you are 468 00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:45.779 asking for trouble. You don't want trouble. So if you 469 00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:48.440 hear me teach this to you, and then you go 470 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.720 marry a person that has some of these in their life, 471 00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:56.700 and things turn sour, you cannot blame God. You walked 472 00:29:56.779 --> 00:29:59.819 into it full on head knowing I'm gonna get married 473 00:29:59.880 --> 00:30:03.349 in spite of these factors, okay? Let me give you 474 00:30:03.369 --> 00:30:04.990 a list of factors. This is not all of them, 475 00:30:05.029 --> 00:30:07.630 but it's a partial checklist of emotional health factors. Number one, 476 00:30:08.089 --> 00:30:15.829 whoever I marry must, number one, have no uncontrolled anger. Whoa. 477 00:30:17.789 --> 00:30:29.529 No uncontrolled anger. But I like the bad boys. then 478 00:30:29.549 --> 00:30:35.059 there's a word for you, girl, fool. Fool, you're just 479 00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:42.400 a flat-out fool. Proverbs 22, 24. Do not circle that. 480 00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:46.180 Do not make friends. I think that would mean going 481 00:30:46.240 --> 00:30:49.160 out on a date. Do not make friends with a 482 00:30:49.180 --> 00:30:55.660 hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered. Do 483 00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:59.910 you know why? Because uncontrolled anger reveals deep insecurity and 484 00:30:59.950 --> 00:31:04.450 low self-worth. If I don't like me, I don't like 485 00:31:04.539 --> 00:31:10.019 anybody else. And when you've got a cup, let's say 486 00:31:10.059 --> 00:31:13.339 I'm carrying a cup of water, and if it's full 487 00:31:13.400 --> 00:31:16.579 to the brim, any little thing will shake that cup 488 00:31:16.700 --> 00:31:20.789 and it'll spill out. If there's not any water in it, 489 00:31:20.900 --> 00:31:24.549 nothing can come out. You got a guy who's filled 490 00:31:24.650 --> 00:31:28.420 with anger, or a woman who's filled with anger, and 491 00:31:28.460 --> 00:31:30.559 it's right there at the blimp, anytime you bump them, 492 00:31:30.900 --> 00:31:35.059 it's gonna come out. The best time to end wife 493 00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:42.390 abuse and domestic violence is don't marry them. If you 494 00:31:42.490 --> 00:31:47.970 see somebody who has uncontrolled anger, friend, the Bible says, run. 495 00:31:49.509 --> 00:31:54.259 Do not associate, do not associate with one easily angered. 496 00:31:55.430 --> 00:31:58.349 Because if they don't like themselves, I guarantee you, at 497 00:31:58.450 --> 00:32:02.509 some point, they're gonna turn that anger on you. And 498 00:32:02.589 --> 00:32:04.309 you are gonna be the brunt of it because you're 499 00:32:04.329 --> 00:32:10.880 gonna be closest. No uncontrolled anger. That's a non-negotiable. Number two, 500 00:32:12.059 --> 00:32:18.640 whoever I marry must have no addictions. No addictions. These 501 00:32:18.700 --> 00:32:26.170 are non-negotiables. Proverbs 23, verse 20. Don't associate, there's that 502 00:32:26.210 --> 00:32:30.230 word again, don't associate with people who drink too much 503 00:32:31.269 --> 00:32:37.299 or stuff themselves with food. Let's pause here for a 504 00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:52.980 little confession. Your pastor is in. Now only two things 505 00:32:53.059 --> 00:32:56.359 are mentioned here, food and alcohol, but you know there's 506 00:32:56.380 --> 00:32:59.859 a thousand ways to get addicted. You can get addicted 507 00:32:59.900 --> 00:33:06.539 to drugs. You can get addicted to pornography. You can 508 00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:13.559 get addicted to video games. You can get addicted to 509 00:33:13.619 --> 00:33:28.119 spending money. I just love to shop. Run! Do I 510 00:33:28.150 --> 00:33:31.279 need to cover this point anymore? No, okay, let's go on. 511 00:33:32.339 --> 00:33:36.299 Number three, whoever I marry must have no uncontrolled anger, 512 00:33:36.359 --> 00:33:42.869 must have no addictions, don't associate. Number three, no bitterness. Wow. 513 00:33:45.670 --> 00:33:47.990 They gotta deal with it before they deal with you. 514 00:33:50.410 --> 00:33:54.460 If your boyfriend or your girlfriend is carrying resentment from 515 00:33:54.500 --> 00:33:56.720 his past, Now let me tell you this, as a 516 00:33:56.759 --> 00:34:01.160 pastor who loves you, I love you, I'm trying to 517 00:34:01.220 --> 00:34:04.309 save you some pain. I have sat in the counseling 518 00:34:04.369 --> 00:34:07.950 room with marriage after marriage after marriage after marriage and 519 00:34:08.030 --> 00:34:11.590 watched bitterness tear it all down. Doesn't matter if you 520 00:34:11.610 --> 00:34:14.670 both have great jobs, you're both good looking, you got 521 00:34:14.710 --> 00:34:18.190 great kids, you got a good car, great family, everything, 522 00:34:18.369 --> 00:34:21.829 but if there's bitterness there, it tears it out. Bitterness 523 00:34:21.889 --> 00:34:27.769 is like a poison that eats you alive. Whatever you resent, 524 00:34:27.969 --> 00:34:35.389 you begin to resemble. I'm never gonna be like my mother. Oh, really? Yeah. 525 00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:40.219 I'm never gonna be, no, really. Whatever you resist, persist. 526 00:34:40.599 --> 00:34:43.659 You start pushing a nail into wood, it starts resisting. 527 00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:46.519 It just goes deeper and deeper into the wood. You 528 00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:50.920 hammer it down. And whatever you need to resent, stop resenting, 529 00:34:50.940 --> 00:34:56.010 you gotta release it. Now, the Bible says this. Hebrews 12, 530 00:34:56.010 --> 00:35:01.110 verse 15. Make sure you all have experienced the grace 531 00:35:01.150 --> 00:35:03.010 of God. Now that would mean both the husband and 532 00:35:03.030 --> 00:35:05.869 the wife, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, everybody. Make sure you've 533 00:35:05.929 --> 00:35:09.050 all experienced the grace of God so that bitterness doesn't 534 00:35:09.110 --> 00:35:15.650 take root and grow because that causes much trouble and 535 00:35:15.710 --> 00:35:21.349 will corrupt. You see, if you start dating a girl 536 00:35:21.570 --> 00:35:24.030 or a guy who has bitterness from something in their 537 00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:26.289 past and they're holding on to it and they're not 538 00:35:26.329 --> 00:35:28.570 letting it go and they're holding on, I want to 539 00:35:28.670 --> 00:35:33.920 guarantee you 110% that after you get married, that resentment 540 00:35:33.960 --> 00:35:40.059 is gonna turn to you. And a girl who's had 541 00:35:40.119 --> 00:35:41.980 issues with her dad is gonna take it out on 542 00:35:42.019 --> 00:35:47.449 her husband. And ladies, you wanna know how your husband's 543 00:35:47.489 --> 00:35:49.289 gonna treat you? Look at how he treats his parents. 544 00:35:51.010 --> 00:35:53.860 You gotta click. See what kind of respect the guy 545 00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:57.780 gives his mom. Just look at that. I have seen 546 00:35:57.820 --> 00:36:01.679 this over and over and over. Bible says, make sure 547 00:36:01.960 --> 00:36:04.599 you all experience the grace of God. So you get 548 00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:07.920 rid of that bitterness because bitterness causes much trouble. Notice 549 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:11.239 how many of these verses use the word trouble. It's 550 00:36:11.260 --> 00:36:14.219 a very important question is to ask, how do they 551 00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:18.420 treat their parents? Yeah, well, they're not pairing their parents. 552 00:36:18.639 --> 00:36:20.820 They're not marrying their parents. They're marrying me. You're right. 553 00:36:21.210 --> 00:36:25.829 but they're bringing their parents into the relationship. And they're bringing, 554 00:36:26.150 --> 00:36:30.929 you don't marry a person, you marry a family. You 555 00:36:30.949 --> 00:36:35.900 may not like that, but you marry a family. Proverbs 20, 20, 556 00:36:35.900 --> 00:36:38.619 if you curse your father or mother, the lamp of 557 00:36:38.659 --> 00:36:42.119 your life will be snuffed out. What in the world 558 00:36:42.159 --> 00:36:48.449 does that mean? That sounds pretty, you know, strong. The 559 00:36:48.510 --> 00:36:50.159 lamp of your life will be snuffed out. What does 560 00:36:50.179 --> 00:36:53.500 it mean? You'll miss the life God intended. You know, 561 00:36:53.960 --> 00:36:56.940 in the 10 commandments, like don't murder and don't commit 562 00:36:56.980 --> 00:37:00.260 adultery and don't steal and don't lie. Number five, the 563 00:37:00.300 --> 00:37:06.849 fifth one is honor your father and mother. Did you 564 00:37:06.869 --> 00:37:10.070 know that's the only command of the big 10 that 565 00:37:10.110 --> 00:37:12.170 has a promise with it? It's the only one with 566 00:37:12.190 --> 00:37:14.469 a promise said, if you honor your father and mother, 567 00:37:14.630 --> 00:37:19.639 you will be given a long life. It's the only 568 00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:21.980 promise with a blessing in the Ten Commandments. He said, 569 00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:25.659 but my parents don't deserve to be honored. Your parents 570 00:37:25.719 --> 00:37:29.030 may be, maybe you never even knew them. Maybe they 571 00:37:29.070 --> 00:37:31.449 were alcoholics. Maybe they beat you. Maybe you were abused. 572 00:37:31.590 --> 00:37:36.590 I'm sorry. But you know what? People say, why did 573 00:37:36.610 --> 00:37:39.489 God choose the parents I've got? I mean, my parents, 574 00:37:40.150 --> 00:37:43.619 they didn't do diddly squat in my life. In fact, 575 00:37:43.699 --> 00:37:47.090 they hurt me. But you know what? They're your parents. Yes. 576 00:37:48.030 --> 00:37:51.000 And why did God choose those people to be your parents? 577 00:37:52.059 --> 00:37:55.000 Regardless of whether they were good, bad, or terrible parent, 578 00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:58.960 God chose them, why? Because they had just the DNA 579 00:37:59.239 --> 00:38:03.000 to create you. And God was more interested in creating 580 00:38:03.059 --> 00:38:08.800 you than in their parenting skills. They may have been 581 00:38:08.820 --> 00:38:12.000 a terrible parent, but you wouldn't be existing if it 582 00:38:12.039 --> 00:38:15.090 weren't for the DNA of your mom and your dad. 583 00:38:16.579 --> 00:38:20.099 So I'm not saying honor their sin. The Bible doesn't 584 00:38:20.139 --> 00:38:22.699 say that. The Bible doesn't say honor their abuse. The 585 00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:26.380 Bible doesn't say honor their neglect. You have to honor 586 00:38:26.420 --> 00:38:29.159 the fact that God chose them because without them, you 587 00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:33.199 wouldn't exist. They had just the right sperm and egg 588 00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:37.139 to create you. And God was more interested in making 589 00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:42.980 you than he was how well apparent they were. So 590 00:38:43.699 --> 00:38:48.010 no uncontrolled anger, no addictions, no bitterness. The only commandment 591 00:38:48.030 --> 00:38:53.389 of the promise. Number five, whoever I marry must not 592 00:38:53.550 --> 00:39:00.719 be selfish. Not selfish, why? Proverbs 28, 25 says this, 593 00:39:01.019 --> 00:39:06.840 selfish people cause trouble. Would you circle that, star it, 594 00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:10.659 underline it, put an arrow toward it, a Reno sign, 595 00:39:10.699 --> 00:39:16.679 you know, it's pointing, you know. Selfish people cause trouble. 596 00:39:16.980 --> 00:39:19.420 So you just look in your day, does he ever 597 00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:24.449 open the door for you? Do they only talk about 598 00:39:24.510 --> 00:39:28.389 themselves when you're together? You know, when somebody talks about 599 00:39:28.429 --> 00:39:32.340 themselves a day, sometimes that's fascinating, it's kinda cute, it's 600 00:39:32.380 --> 00:39:35.579 kinda interesting. After you get married, it wears off real quick. 601 00:39:37.929 --> 00:39:43.289 Can you talk about something else besides your hair? Or 602 00:39:43.329 --> 00:39:46.690 your car, or your dream, or, you know, can you 603 00:39:46.710 --> 00:39:51.559 talk about anything else? The Bible says selfish people cause trouble. 604 00:39:52.900 --> 00:39:56.969 The number one cause of conflict in marriage, when you 605 00:39:56.989 --> 00:39:59.530 boil it all down, people say, how do you keep 606 00:39:59.590 --> 00:40:05.010 conflict out of marriage? Simple, get rid of selfishness. Conflict 607 00:40:05.050 --> 00:40:07.469 comes because I want what I want, you want what 608 00:40:07.489 --> 00:40:09.889 you want, we're both selfish and neither one of us 609 00:40:09.929 --> 00:40:15.099 are willing to budge. It's immaturity, it's selfish. And the 610 00:40:15.139 --> 00:40:20.829 more unselfish I am, then the more we're gonna get along, 611 00:40:20.869 --> 00:40:23.150 the more unselfish you're gonna be, because it responds back 612 00:40:23.190 --> 00:40:29.090 to each other. Don't go with a selfish man. Proverbs 18, 613 00:40:29.090 --> 00:40:33.269 verse one. People who do not get along with others 614 00:40:34.449 --> 00:40:39.380 are only interested in themselves. They will disagree with what 615 00:40:39.460 --> 00:40:44.079 everyone else knows is right. Don't point at them right now, please. 616 00:40:46.030 --> 00:40:48.119 People who don't get along with others are only interested 617 00:40:48.139 --> 00:40:51.639 in themselves. They'll disagree with everybody. They make their living 618 00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:57.420 by being opposite. Don't selfish. Now, the next one. This 619 00:40:57.519 --> 00:41:02.349 one may surprise you, but it's a non-negotiable. The person 620 00:41:02.429 --> 00:41:06.949 I marry cannot be greedy. That's what the Bible says. 621 00:41:07.329 --> 00:41:11.469 I'm only teaching you what the Bible says. And if 622 00:41:11.510 --> 00:41:15.030 you want a peaceful marriage, you want a successful marriage, 623 00:41:15.349 --> 00:41:18.260 don't marry a greedy man, don't marry a greedy woman. 624 00:41:19.780 --> 00:41:24.719 Proverbs 15, 27, a greedy man does what? Brings trouble 625 00:41:24.820 --> 00:41:28.760 to his family. I would encourage you maybe to do 626 00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:32.769 a study on this. The damage that greed does to love, 627 00:41:33.389 --> 00:41:36.210 the damage that greed does to marriage, the damage that 628 00:41:36.250 --> 00:41:38.909 greed does to children, it does to families. If you 629 00:41:38.969 --> 00:41:42.389 marry a greedy spouse, you will be in debt your 630 00:41:42.429 --> 00:41:47.599 entire life. You will always be in debt because they 631 00:41:47.639 --> 00:41:50.619 will always spend things, money they don't have, to buy 632 00:41:50.679 --> 00:41:53.119 things they don't need to impress people they don't even like. 633 00:41:55.960 --> 00:41:59.239 You will always be in debt. In your marriage, if 634 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:01.860 you marry a greedy person, because they don't know how 635 00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:03.860 to live within a budget. They don't know how to 636 00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:05.880 live on less. I gotta have it and I gotta 637 00:42:05.900 --> 00:42:07.840 have it now. I'm gonna live within my means even 638 00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:14.349 if I have to charge it. Proverbs 23 verse six 639 00:42:14.670 --> 00:42:17.750 takes it even more blatant. Don't eat at the table 640 00:42:17.809 --> 00:42:21.639 of a stingy person. I guess that means not going 641 00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:25.500 out to dinner. Don't eat at the table of a 642 00:42:25.519 --> 00:42:30.619 stingy person. Don't hang out with those kind of people. Now, 643 00:42:31.559 --> 00:42:35.000 one of the clearest signs of emotional health, this is 644 00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:37.880 now we're getting on the opposite side, is the opposite 645 00:42:37.900 --> 00:42:41.789 of the last two, selfish and greedy. Bible says run 646 00:42:41.849 --> 00:42:45.269 from that. If you see selfishness, she's always talking about her. 647 00:42:46.170 --> 00:42:49.190 She's only interested in her. He's only interested in him. 648 00:42:49.489 --> 00:42:54.199 Or they're greedy. They're very materialistic. They're very materialistic. The 649 00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:58.090 Bible says run. The opposite of that, two of the 650 00:42:58.250 --> 00:43:04.989 ultimate signs of emotional health are generosity and kindness. Generosity 651 00:43:05.289 --> 00:43:08.730 and kindness. And so that's the next one. Clearest sign 652 00:43:08.750 --> 00:43:12.789 of emotional health is they must be generous and kind. 653 00:43:15.260 --> 00:43:19.320 Are they generous and are they kind? Now why do 654 00:43:19.380 --> 00:43:22.420 I wanna marry somebody who's generous? Why is that important? 655 00:43:22.710 --> 00:43:24.369 Why do I want to marry somebody who's kind? Well, 656 00:43:24.389 --> 00:43:28.510 look at what the Bible says. A generous man will prosper. 657 00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:31.530 Do you want to marry a guy who prospers? Then 658 00:43:31.550 --> 00:43:35.199 you better marry a generous man. A generous man will prosper. 659 00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:39.599 He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. They're also 660 00:43:39.639 --> 00:43:45.480 far easier to get along with. But also kindness. Proverbs 11, 17. 661 00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:51.139 A kind-hearted woman gains respect and a kind man benefits himself. 662 00:43:51.989 --> 00:43:55.309 But cruel people bring trouble. There's that word again, trouble 663 00:43:55.670 --> 00:43:59.420 on themselves. Notice, greed brings trouble. Selfishness brings trouble. Bitterness 664 00:43:59.460 --> 00:44:03.880 brings trouble. Addictions bring trouble. But generosity and kindness, that 665 00:44:03.940 --> 00:44:10.079 brings benefit. It brings prosperity. It brings respect. Now I 666 00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:13.940 only got time for one more. An emotionally healthy person 667 00:44:15.070 --> 00:44:22.820 tells the truth. Tells the truth. An emotionally healthy person 668 00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:26.840 tells the truth. Proverbs 20, verse seven. Why do I 669 00:44:26.909 --> 00:44:30.250 wanna marry a person who tells the truth? Because the 670 00:44:30.289 --> 00:44:33.510 Bible says this. A righteous person lives on the basis 671 00:44:33.550 --> 00:44:37.010 of his integrity and his children will be blessed even 672 00:44:37.250 --> 00:44:39.699 after he is gone. You want your children to be blessed? 673 00:44:39.889 --> 00:44:45.079 Then you marry somebody who tells the truth. Now, why 674 00:44:45.159 --> 00:44:51.909 is this so important? Everybody look up here. Love is 675 00:44:51.969 --> 00:44:56.909 based on trust and trust is based on truth. If 676 00:44:56.949 --> 00:44:59.710 you don't tell me the truth, I can't trust you. 677 00:45:00.510 --> 00:45:05.860 And if I can't trust you, how can I love you? Guys, 678 00:45:06.739 --> 00:45:09.400 if you lie to a girl that you're dating, you're 679 00:45:09.420 --> 00:45:16.019 gonna lie to your wife later on. Girls, if a 680 00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:19.079 guy's lying to you, about what he's doing right now, 681 00:45:19.539 --> 00:45:21.820 he's gonna lie to you even more when he's married. 682 00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:30.400 I'm doing this because I wanna protect you. Don't marry 683 00:45:30.739 --> 00:45:34.599 somebody who doesn't have integrity. But when you find somebody 684 00:45:34.619 --> 00:45:37.460 who's got integrity, the Bible says that's gonna bring blessing 685 00:45:37.500 --> 00:45:39.840 not only on you and your marriage, but on your 686 00:45:39.929 --> 00:45:46.449 kids too, even after they die. Did you notice in 687 00:45:46.489 --> 00:45:50.570 this entire list there was not one word about appearance? 688 00:45:53.960 --> 00:45:57.539 Did you notice that? Not one word about how they look, 689 00:45:58.619 --> 00:46:08.119 how sexy. Is she Susie Swivelhips? I mean, a hunk, 690 00:46:08.159 --> 00:46:13.949 a hunk of burning love, all right? Now, Our culture 691 00:46:14.030 --> 00:46:17.409 teaches the exact opposite what the Bible teaches. Our culture 692 00:46:17.469 --> 00:46:20.570 teaches you that the number one thing you need in 693 00:46:20.610 --> 00:46:24.460 marriage is you need to be sexy. You need to 694 00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:29.599 be good looking. Our entire society is built on the 695 00:46:29.699 --> 00:46:35.110 idea that you marry somebody beautiful. And that if you 696 00:46:35.150 --> 00:46:39.780 marry somebody who is attractive, then your marriage is gonna 697 00:46:39.800 --> 00:46:43.099 be great, and you're gonna be happy, and they're gonna 698 00:46:43.119 --> 00:46:45.610 meet every need in your life. Now friends, if that 699 00:46:45.650 --> 00:46:48.849 were true, the marriages that would last the longest would 700 00:46:48.889 --> 00:46:53.500 be Hollywood marriages. Because they're all better looking than all 701 00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:59.949 of us. Is that true? Do Hollywood marriages, do the 702 00:47:00.280 --> 00:47:03.900 best looking people have the longest lasting marriages? Tell me, 703 00:47:03.960 --> 00:47:07.880 is that true? Not a chance. Not a chance. It 704 00:47:07.980 --> 00:47:11.710 has zero to do with the success of your marriage. 705 00:47:11.809 --> 00:47:13.289 Because I hate to tell you this, you're not going 706 00:47:13.309 --> 00:47:21.340 to stay sexy forever. Unless you're me. All right, now. 707 00:47:28.420 --> 00:47:31.460 The Hollywood myth is that all you need to get 708 00:47:31.519 --> 00:47:39.360 married is romantic feelings, sexual attraction, want to get rid 709 00:47:39.409 --> 00:47:44.670 of your loneliness, and then that'll be it. Everything will 710 00:47:44.690 --> 00:47:48.849 be great. No, it won't. Those are not the reasons 711 00:47:48.909 --> 00:47:53.409 to marry. You may be tired of being noticed or 712 00:47:53.449 --> 00:47:56.710 not noticed. and you wanna be noticed, somebody pays you 713 00:47:56.730 --> 00:47:58.800 a little attention, you think, I should marry this person, 714 00:47:58.949 --> 00:48:04.480 they're paying me attention. No. Do you have spiritual unity? 715 00:48:04.500 --> 00:48:08.000 Do you have life purpose compatibility? Are they emotionally healthy? 716 00:48:10.320 --> 00:48:13.440 These aren't reasons enough to marry. She's good looking and 717 00:48:13.480 --> 00:48:18.309 paying me attention. I could probably get a baboon to 718 00:48:18.369 --> 00:48:25.570 do that too. You say, Well, come on, Rick. I'm 719 00:48:25.610 --> 00:48:29.130 not sure if I'll ever find anybody who fits this. Oh, really? 720 00:48:31.260 --> 00:48:36.639 I did. And you can too. When Kay and I 721 00:48:36.679 --> 00:48:39.320 got married, Leonard Ravenhill, who was a great preacher of 722 00:48:39.340 --> 00:48:42.760 the previous generation, sent us a wedding card. I've never forgotten. 723 00:48:42.800 --> 00:48:46.469 He said this. God always gives his best to those 724 00:48:46.530 --> 00:48:52.289 who leave the choice to him. I wanted God's best 725 00:48:52.349 --> 00:48:55.860 in my life and I got it. And I wasn't 726 00:48:55.880 --> 00:49:00.699 gonna settle for somebody who was... When I was in school, 727 00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:03.780 I was pretty popular. I was class president every year 728 00:49:03.880 --> 00:49:07.719 and student body president. From eighth grade, seventh grade, through 729 00:49:07.739 --> 00:49:10.340 my freshman year of college, I was president every single year. 730 00:49:11.900 --> 00:49:18.559 I was a party animal. And I dated a lot 731 00:49:18.599 --> 00:49:22.099 of really cute girls. Any of them would have been disastrous. 732 00:49:23.320 --> 00:49:26.780 Would have been disastrous for me. Because we didn't have 733 00:49:26.860 --> 00:49:32.659 these issues. And to build it simply on sexual attraction, 734 00:49:33.519 --> 00:49:38.099 the feeling of being noticed, the fear of loneliness, wanting 735 00:49:38.119 --> 00:49:41.110 to be loved, We share a lot in common, we're 736 00:49:41.150 --> 00:49:44.010 having fun. Those are all great things, but they're not 737 00:49:44.070 --> 00:49:47.320 enough to build a marriage on. And that's why every 738 00:49:47.719 --> 00:49:49.400 one out of every two and a half marriages ends 739 00:49:49.460 --> 00:49:53.719 in divorce. I wanna remind you again, a bad marriage 740 00:49:54.159 --> 00:49:59.099 is a thousand times worse than staying single. Now, as 741 00:49:59.159 --> 00:50:04.670 we've gone through this list, some of you may have 742 00:50:04.710 --> 00:50:07.650 realized you're currently dating somebody who would be disaster to marry. 743 00:50:09.050 --> 00:50:17.619 What do you do? Run, that's right, run. The fact is, 744 00:50:17.699 --> 00:50:20.940 the longer you date somebody, the more painful it's gonna 745 00:50:20.980 --> 00:50:26.639 be to break up. I would encourage you to try 746 00:50:26.679 --> 00:50:30.329 to figure out in the first two dates, do they 747 00:50:30.369 --> 00:50:33.170 fit this situation here? Any of these here? Look for 748 00:50:33.210 --> 00:50:36.190 these things. So I would suggest that maybe on some 749 00:50:36.210 --> 00:50:39.320 of your early dates, you spend more time talking than 750 00:50:39.340 --> 00:50:44.280 you do watching a movie. Because if you get into 751 00:50:44.320 --> 00:50:47.400 a relationship over a long period of time, the longer 752 00:50:47.429 --> 00:50:49.929 you're in it, the more painful it's gonna be to 753 00:50:49.989 --> 00:50:53.429 get out of it. Anybody wanna agree with that one? Yeah. 754 00:50:54.070 --> 00:50:56.550 The longer you're in it, the more painful it is 755 00:50:56.610 --> 00:50:59.849 to get out of it. So you wanna find out quickly, 756 00:51:00.369 --> 00:51:04.449 do we have spiritual unity? Eh. We got purpose unity? Eh. 757 00:51:05.869 --> 00:51:15.809 Emotionally healthy? I mean, he's got biceps, but forget it, man. 758 00:51:15.829 --> 00:51:22.150 That's about all he's got, okay? All right, he dresses nice. Yeah, well. 759 00:51:24.429 --> 00:51:26.619 Let me give you some ending advice. Proverbs 6, look 760 00:51:26.639 --> 00:51:29.400 here on the screen. This is a passage actually talking 761 00:51:29.440 --> 00:51:34.619 about financial commitment, but it applies here too. If you 762 00:51:34.659 --> 00:51:39.969 have trapped yourself in an agreement called dating, and you're 763 00:51:40.010 --> 00:51:44.449 caught by whatever you said, quick, Get out of it immediately. 764 00:51:45.349 --> 00:51:49.010 Swallow your pride. Go and get your name released. Don't 765 00:51:49.050 --> 00:51:54.309 put it off. Do it now. Don't rest until you do. Shoot, 766 00:51:54.389 --> 00:51:58.880 blame me. Pastor Rick told me to do it. I 767 00:51:58.909 --> 00:52:04.780 don't mind being the heavy. Proverbs 28, 23 on the screen. 768 00:52:05.179 --> 00:52:11.119 In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery. So 769 00:52:11.139 --> 00:52:15.630 what I suggest you do is you don't keep prolonging 770 00:52:15.750 --> 00:52:19.119 a relationship that you know is going nowhere. If you 771 00:52:19.219 --> 00:52:23.800 know it's going nowhere, don't continue it. Well, I won't 772 00:52:23.840 --> 00:52:26.820 have anybody to take me out on Friday night. A 773 00:52:26.940 --> 00:52:30.039 bad marriage is a million times worse than not going 774 00:52:30.119 --> 00:52:34.559 out on Friday night. And the longer you're in a relationship, 775 00:52:34.820 --> 00:52:37.409 the more difficult it's gonna be to get out of it. 776 00:52:37.440 --> 00:52:42.789 Does that make sense? So kind of size them up quickly. 777 00:52:44.590 --> 00:52:46.429 Write these down, put them on a little card, pull 778 00:52:46.449 --> 00:52:48.219 them out the first date. Let me ask you this, Christ. 779 00:52:50.300 --> 00:53:01.510 Do you have uncontrolled anger? No, I don't. Are you selfish? 780 00:53:02.030 --> 00:53:07.409 Can we talk about me? Are you greedy? Would you 781 00:53:07.449 --> 00:53:12.230 pick up the tab? No. You can figure this one 782 00:53:12.289 --> 00:53:14.230 out pretty quick. You don't have to be that blunt, 783 00:53:14.369 --> 00:53:20.530 but if you want to get married, God bless you. 784 00:53:20.610 --> 00:53:22.590 The Bible says, he who finds a wife findeth a 785 00:53:22.630 --> 00:53:25.550 good thing. It's a good blessing. It is a blessing. 786 00:53:25.610 --> 00:53:28.449 It is a blessing of God. You need to begin 787 00:53:28.489 --> 00:53:33.510 a personal relationship with Jesus Christ yourself. If you haven't 788 00:53:33.550 --> 00:53:35.210 done that, you need to start there. You need to 789 00:53:35.250 --> 00:53:38.150 get spiritually connected to God. Get that third leg of 790 00:53:38.170 --> 00:53:41.670 the stool already in your life. And then I want 791 00:53:41.690 --> 00:53:45.570 to challenge all of you tonight to commit yourselves to 792 00:53:45.630 --> 00:53:50.690 God's standard. I will not let oceans of emotion sway 793 00:53:50.710 --> 00:53:56.699 me into making a stupid decision. I mean, given the 794 00:53:56.719 --> 00:53:59.159 right situation, as I said, you can get a quiver 795 00:53:59.199 --> 00:54:07.760 in your liver. That thrills me. And you fall in 796 00:54:07.820 --> 00:54:10.530 love with the idea of being in love. But don't 797 00:54:10.550 --> 00:54:15.650 make a stupid decision. Don't date until your own emotional 798 00:54:15.690 --> 00:54:19.349 hurts are healed, or at least in the healing process, 799 00:54:19.389 --> 00:54:22.179 and we can help you do that. Pastor Brad and 800 00:54:22.960 --> 00:54:25.210 Pastor Tommy and all of our other pastors can help you. 801 00:54:25.219 --> 00:54:27.260 We've got all kinds of groups to help you. Deal 802 00:54:27.300 --> 00:54:29.679 with those things. Get them done. Get them settled. Close 803 00:54:29.699 --> 00:54:32.179 the door. Get rid of the bitterness. Get rid of that. 804 00:54:33.119 --> 00:54:35.119 You got an anger problem? Fine. You can get rid 805 00:54:35.139 --> 00:54:37.710 of an anger problem. I've helped thousands of people get 806 00:54:37.750 --> 00:54:42.550 rid of an anger problem. But don't carry that with you. 807 00:54:43.909 --> 00:54:46.710 I remember marrying a couple many, many years ago here 808 00:54:46.730 --> 00:54:50.210 at Saddleback. About five years later, we had them over 809 00:54:50.250 --> 00:54:53.550 for dinner. And the woman told me, she said, you know, Rick, 810 00:54:54.590 --> 00:54:56.929 when I walked down that aisle in that white dress, 811 00:54:57.719 --> 00:55:00.260 she said, I had no idea that I was carrying 812 00:55:00.300 --> 00:55:04.159 an entire bag of emotional garbage on my back. And 813 00:55:04.219 --> 00:55:09.130 I took all that garbage into a marriage. Friends, Marriage 814 00:55:09.210 --> 00:55:13.719 does not create problems, it reveals them. You need to 815 00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:18.260 write that one down. Marriage doesn't create problems, it reveals them. 816 00:55:19.300 --> 00:55:23.440 The problem was already there in you or in your 817 00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:26.440 boyfriend or girlfriend. It was already there. And the more 818 00:55:26.500 --> 00:55:29.219 you can deal with it before you get married, the 819 00:55:29.300 --> 00:55:32.980 happier marriage is gonna be, the more God-honoring it's gonna be, 820 00:55:33.320 --> 00:55:35.980 the more fulfilling it's gonna be. And you will have 821 00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:42.000 that deep soul intimacy that is personal, it is relational, 822 00:55:42.639 --> 00:55:46.889 it is sexual, it is spiritual. It is the oneness 823 00:55:46.909 --> 00:55:50.849 that comes from being unified in our relationship to God, 824 00:55:51.190 --> 00:55:54.849 our relationship to our purpose, our relationship to our calling, 825 00:55:55.489 --> 00:56:02.219 our relationship to each other. Discover and clarify your mission first. 826 00:56:03.559 --> 00:56:05.829 Get involved. in a church. If you're not a part 827 00:56:05.869 --> 00:56:08.329 of Saddleback Church, welcome. We welcome you to be a 828 00:56:08.349 --> 00:56:11.670 part of Saddleback now. You're not gonna go find what 829 00:56:11.710 --> 00:56:13.829 you want sitting at home and you're not gonna go 830 00:56:13.869 --> 00:56:19.360 find it in a singles bar either. Go slow. Find 831 00:56:19.429 --> 00:56:25.019 out all you can about their family background. And then 832 00:56:25.139 --> 00:56:30.000 once you've decided to get married, get premarital counseling. There's 833 00:56:30.039 --> 00:56:31.900 so much more I could say, but our time's up. 834 00:56:32.099 --> 00:56:37.429 Let's bow our heads. Father, we've got all kinds of 835 00:56:37.469 --> 00:56:41.900 needs represented here in this place. We've got some marriage 836 00:56:41.960 --> 00:56:46.699 couples who are struggling with their relationships. There are single 837 00:56:46.739 --> 00:56:51.059 adults who've been hurt in a previous marriage. There are 838 00:56:51.099 --> 00:56:54.130 those who would love to be married, but the opportunity 839 00:56:54.170 --> 00:56:59.250 hasn't arisen. Regardless of our situation, help us to realize 840 00:56:59.269 --> 00:57:01.429 that what we need most is to turn to you, Jesus, 841 00:57:02.809 --> 00:57:07.670 and follow your instructions. Help us to realize we always 842 00:57:07.750 --> 00:57:10.610 create unnecessary problems when we ignore what you tell us 843 00:57:10.679 --> 00:57:13.760 to do. And it's very clear what you've told us 844 00:57:13.780 --> 00:57:19.079 to do. Who to avoid in life. And there are 845 00:57:19.099 --> 00:57:21.579 marriages that are represented here tonight that are hurting because 846 00:57:21.599 --> 00:57:26.619 there's no spiritual oneness. But there are also a lot 847 00:57:26.659 --> 00:57:29.719 of single adults here who have the ache of loneliness 848 00:57:29.760 --> 00:57:34.969 in their heart. I love them, Lord. This church loves them. 849 00:57:35.010 --> 00:57:37.210 We love them. And I thank you for bringing them 850 00:57:37.230 --> 00:57:41.929 to our church family. And as a pastor of this flock, 851 00:57:42.030 --> 00:57:45.789 I ask you to bring healing to my flock. Bring 852 00:57:45.849 --> 00:57:48.780 healing to those of my family here who are hurting 853 00:57:50.300 --> 00:57:52.519 and bring hope to those who feel hopeless right now 854 00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:57.599 of ever getting married. You are a miracle working God. 855 00:57:59.639 --> 00:58:01.980 And I ask you to make some miraculous changes in 856 00:58:02.019 --> 00:58:06.630 people's lives and in their relationships today. What are those 857 00:58:06.670 --> 00:58:11.110 who need the courage to end a relationship that's going nowhere? 858 00:58:12.980 --> 00:58:15.980 Help them to speak the truth in love. That in 859 00:58:16.019 --> 00:58:23.380 the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery. Now you pray. Say, Father, 860 00:58:23.980 --> 00:58:28.820 I need your help in my relationships. First, I need 861 00:58:28.840 --> 00:58:32.199 you to work on me. So we've gone through this list. 862 00:58:32.219 --> 00:58:35.349 There's some stuff I need to work on. You know 863 00:58:35.389 --> 00:58:39.170 where I'm insecure. You know where I ache. You know 864 00:58:39.210 --> 00:58:43.650 where I hurt. You know where I need to heal 865 00:58:44.489 --> 00:58:48.440 and change. And you know the needs that only you 866 00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:50.440 can meet in my life and I wanna trust you 867 00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:56.840 to be my savior, not some man and not some girl. 868 00:58:58.659 --> 00:59:01.460 I wanna trust you to be my savior, not anybody else. 869 00:59:03.510 --> 00:59:07.219 Help me to clarify my life purpose, the reason you 870 00:59:07.260 --> 00:59:09.650 put me on this earth. Help me to build spiritual 871 00:59:09.710 --> 00:59:15.940 partnership to connect with other believers thank you for bringing 872 00:59:15.980 --> 00:59:22.090 me to this great church family if you're married here 873 00:59:22.130 --> 00:59:24.250 tonight I ask you to just pray Lord help me 874 00:59:24.289 --> 00:59:30.829 to build spiritual oneness with my spouse And for those 875 00:59:30.849 --> 00:59:33.980 of you who are single, say, Lord, today I commit 876 00:59:34.260 --> 00:59:39.539 to your standards for choosing a mate. If I ever 877 00:59:39.599 --> 00:59:42.500 decide to marry, I want to do it your way 878 00:59:43.699 --> 00:59:49.469 and on your terms. And I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.